Can I short circuit this a little bit? Please. Everyone does this all the time. I really want to know what you have to say about this question. Doody, bobody, bum, dee.

Boody, boo. You mean how do I feel about you being my friend?

My.

Name is Conan. Oh, I see.

Doody, bobody, boody, boody, blum.

My name is Conan O'Brien and I- Bum.

Bum, bum.

I feel okay about being Lula Borg's friend.

This is wonderful news. Thank you very much, Conan.

Hey there. Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, joined as always by Sona Mufesian. How are you, Sona? I'm all right. Yeah, I'm all right. Okay, nice. I'm good. Okay, it's weird. Matt Gurley, how are you? I'm okay, but I'm worried about Sona. Yeah, what is that?

Because if I say a.

One-word answer, it's not enough.

I thought.

I'd juge it up a little. That's you juging it up? Yeah. That's with judge? How is it if every time.

The.

Podcast started, I was like.

Hey, Conan, how are you doing?

I'm doing really well. Thank you very much.

Okay.

Appreciate it. I really do appreciate it. Why do you- You're not going to be that cordial. You have a very powerful, sophisticated microphone inches from your mouth, and you're constantly yelling. Eduardo, is her volume an issue? No, I wouldn't say so. Be honest. He's married to an Armenian girl, so he knows what's up. So it's an Armenian thing? I have the filter on, yes. You guys speak very loudly to each other in your house. Yes, we do.

Now you've got me all...

Now you've got me all... You can't even do it. You can't even do it. You can't even whisper. You know it'd be so funny if you were in any job that required you to whisper and you couldn't do it. You guys, welcome to the library. Hey, welcome to the Neonatal Ward. Now we do try to use softer voices here. I'm telling people to be quiet and I can't do it. You can't do it. Okay. I'm also leaning into the mic. I don't need to do that. No, you don't. I get to. No, I'm surprised. Eduardo, I'm always looking over at Wardo and thinking that small fires are breaking out on his control board because that is a lot.

But you're pretty loud, too.

In fact, I've.

Got my headphones turned down.

Really low.

To the point where it's mostly like a mix of the outside sound and then both of you because you yell.

A lot, too. Okay. The term we like to use, Conan, you're very dynamic. I think I have a great performance energy that has been a hallmark of my career. I don't have a real performance energy. It's been a hallmark of my career. Yeah. That's pretty good. You got me pretty good. I know you did. You got me pretty good. I liked it. No, and you know what? To be fair, that was pretty good. Yeah. You really took me down a notch. I'm dynamic. I didn't see that coming. I didn't see that character coming. But I mean, when put your children to sleep, is it a problem? When you then lean in and go, Night, guys. Is it a problem? You're not asking for reels. No, I'm having fun. Yeah, I know.

You are. Yeah. No, I'm a loud person.

I come from a loud house. How do you say good night to them? Oh, come on. What? They've got to learn. They've got to learn. What do you mean? I wasn't able to get jobs in America. They're going to learn good night. Now they're going to be bilingual.

It's cool to be bilingual. When are you going to teach them? What's the one you say? Quichet, Patty. Okay, but when are they going to learn Good Night? They learn good night from shit they watch. The TV they watch.

You let them watch shit?

Yeah, they watch shit.

What are they watching? You know what I mean? They learn English. We mostly speak to them, our Romanian, and then they watch TV and stuff. Right. Yeah. What are they watching? Are they watching kids shows or do you have them watching... What are they watching? They watch their favorite movies. My neighbor toed and the Fantastic Mr. Fox and Ratatouille and Nemo are like, What's.

Up.

In our house? That's what's happening. That's pretty good. Yeah, I'm trying to get.

Them into.

The Iron.

Giant, but.

They're just scared of the robot. I'm like.

Come on.

Grow a pear. Who tells their little boys to grow a pair? First of all, they need to grow two pair. They don't each get one testicle. Hey, guys, grow a pair. What? We only get one? Don't speak English or you'll get a beaten. All right. Well, we just got to peek into your world. Did no one speak Gaelic in your house? Yes. All Irish people speak Gaelic. I don't know. I don't know. I don't even honestly know what Gaelic sounds like.

Isn't old Irish just called.

Irish.

Right?

Am I wrong? Is Gaelic Scottish? No, I think- No, Gaelic is- Oh, I think it is. Yeah. Oh, then I'll cut that. I look like a fool. No, you have to keep that in because you are Irish. No, I don't. I'm the editor and a fool. Yeah, but no, you got to keep that in because everyone knows. No, Gaelic is the old language of that island, of that particular island. Does your family speak Gaelic? Of course not. Are we? I'm sorry. The only Irish thing about us is that I grew up hearing a lot of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, and Jesus Christ, Jesus, Mary and Joseph. It was constantly the response to everything. I thought that that was a Catholic thing. Then I knew that when I first started working with Robert Smigel, he'd be like, Oh, Jesus Christ. What are we going to do? I'm like, Oh, okay. Jewish people say Jesus. Yeah, everyone. I think it's something that a lot of people say. Yeah, I didn't realize. I thought it was just Catholics that said that. It's all behind us, my guest today, friend of mine traveled to Germany with me for an episode of Cone Without Borders.

You know him from such movies and shows as pitch-perfect-too. Trolls, world tour, and curb your enthusiasm. I do love this man. I really do. I do, too. I love him. He's hilarious. He's wonderful. He's a really good fellow and delightfully funny. I'm excited to talk to him today. Flullaborg. Welcome. You're the fool of fools. Yeah, hello. The greatest fool of all time. Okay. You bring me Constant Joy and you're a tonic. I bring you, this is like, they must have this in Germany or in Austria, some hot- Vodka. Is it a vodka? No, it's like a hot bath you sit in or some a-.

Oh, you want to say a German word? Say it.

A sauna. A Schleisenshausen. Yeah, that's a delicious word. That you sit in and it's a tonic, right? Yeah.

You just soak it up, you ingest it, it enters into all of your pores, and then you just want to shake.

Yes. So that is what you are for me, because whenever you're around, I'm instantly happy. I came in, I was in a bad mood today. I saw it. Yes, I saw it. Yeah, I was thinking, Oh, I'm going to go, The world's in bad shape. Yeah. Oh, my God. Look at this body I've been cursed with.

Oh, stop it, Conan. It's on fire. It's delicious. So many nipples.

I know. I meant it's a curse to have this body.

I agree. Everyone's like, Why.

Not me? Men want to be me. Women want to be with me.

So I was depressed and feeling the burden of all that. And then I remember, Oh, flu is on today. He exists. And I was so happy because you make.

Me happy. Thank you as well, Conan. You make me also happy. And I'm saying to you also, you are welcome for not having to play the Jack White music as I provided it for you with my mouth. That's right.

I think from now on we would save a lot of money if we didn't play the Jack White song and we had you do it instead.

Lulibu, bum, beat, beat, do, schnancy, punch-and-pum, lempidou, ludibow, palmukidou, snychdiow, pan snudibou, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, bim, snutty, tudibou, shley. Sorry, Jack.

You just said- I think we're actually going.

To cost.

Us more money.

Because now there's an extra usage of the.

Music in the episode. Oh, right. Because we're you. Ascap. Because you're using the same tune. That's the problem you German fool.

I.

Apollo drive. No, what we need to do is change the lyrics and the tune. Klab and schlie, leiben glad. Kraben, schladen, schlieden, gaines van dunden schland. Ho ratzig, bro. That's cold enough, Brian. Wadda, wadda, wadda. Wadda, wadda. Wadda, wadda. Wadda, wadda. Wadda, wadda. Wadda, wadda. Wadda, wadda. Wadda, wadda, wadda. Wadda, wadda, wadNo. See that? There's no way in court anyone's going to say that we are going to be friends.

No, that's Conan O'Brien.. It's very good.

One of the great marching tunes of all time.

Everyone, all the Susas love that.

Papa Susa, Mama Susa.

Daddy Susa, of course. Yes. But not cousin Susas.

Oh, my God, you missed out.

What?

A couple of weeks ago sitting in the very chair you're sitting in now, Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Was here. Why did you not notify me via Telegram?

Well, I sent you a sausage gram. Oh, I never received those.

My neighbor Charles always eats those.

No, he was sitting in the very chair. And it's so funny because I would think he'd be one of your heroes.

Yeah. He's my carbohydrates fitness protein hero. Yes, Gordy. And Werner Herzog was here as well. At the same time, they were sitting piggyback.

No, no, no. Yes, Herzog sat on Schwarzenegger's lap and acted like his ventriloquist dummy. Oh, okay. So Arnold was saying things like, Well, you seem to be pretty happy today, Werner. And then the little... He worked his mouth as if he were a dummy, but he was real. And Werner was going, It is very good to be here. The bear has brought madness into society. And it was just a really fun routine.

How did they control each other's mandibles? Where were the hands inserted?

You don't want to know. I think Arnold had his hand right up.

Werner Herzog's ass. Oh, is it the anus? Yeah. Yeah, that's the most.

Natural- The ass is fine. You don't have to.

Go to anus. We can say… Okay.

My point is- What is it? -that we've had these gentlemen here who are beloved fixtures in your culture.

That's very true. Yes, both of those guys are legions. Yeah.

Now you complete the trifecta.

Oh, it's the three of us. Yeah. We can make it if.

We try. Well, I'm just saying there's Schwarzenegger, there's Hersog, and then there's Borg.

Yeah, the expendable Deutsche version.

Brought to you.

By.

Porsche. The greatest machine. Hello. You and I, I want to let our listeners know that you and I have been friends for a long time.

It's absolutely accurate.

You would come on my show and bring me absolute delight. You would make me laugh like a.

School child. I love the school children.

Giggle a lot. Yes, they giggle. You would reduce me to a little Bavarian schoolboy, chuckling, as I licked my marzapan.

I knew you would say marzapan.

I knew you. I was so happy when you were on the show. Then when you come on the podcast, you bring me absolute joy. I've just had a brisk walk in my leather shorts in the Alps.

Oh, that's like a Lipton-Iced tea poured over your eyebrows.

Well, okay, that's just stupid.

Yeah, it is. Welcome to.

Me, Colin. Welcome to you. How have you been? First of all, I did embrace you out in the hallway, and you are made of pure mahogany. You must work out constantly.

Lots of pledge being sprayed all over my shoulders.

No, I didn't mean you're being waxed down like mahogany. I mean, you are rock hard. Oh, No, I didn't mean anything dirty or sexual. I know that you're still impudent, but I'm saying your shoulders, your lats, your pecs. It was like hugging an armoir.

Like an awkward Lego. Yeah, of course. Yes. Conan, I am bored. Have you heard of boredom? Yes, I have. So when this occurs, I just take things that weigh more than me and I put them up and down and up and down.

Up and down and up and down.

Yeah, the gravity.

Yes. And so you do a lot of working out. I know you have a trainer. We've talked.

About this before. I have a trainer, Paulo. He's Italian. I don't understand him. He doesn't understand me. It's a very confusing United Nations.

Well, the important thing is you and your Italian trainer get along.

What we do?

And is he really responsible for you being in this shape?

Absolutely. I'm an idiot, Conan, as you have learned. I don't know what to ingest and what to outjust. I heard that you also like bicycles.

I like bicycles. Yes. I like to look at them. I've never gotten on one.

Is.

This a fact? No, it's a lie. I was making what we in America call a joke. I think you call it.

No, I like to ride a bicycle. I do.

Oh, great. Just like the Queen song.

Yes, I like to... Just like the Queen song, yes. I like to get on a bicycle and I like to ride it. A friend of mine, a shout out to my friend Brad, told me, Hi, Brad. No one's ever had a bad day on a bicycle. And it's right. I'm always happy when I'm riding a bicycle.

What about the people that have been inadvertently struck by trucks?

Oh, yes. He did say, I remember Brad saying this, With the exception of those who've been killed riding a bike, he did say that.

Yes, of course. It's a small exception. But other than this Brad Pitt, it was Brad Pitt, correct?

Yeah. I don't like to get it out there that I ride regularly with Brad.

Pitt, but.

I ride regularly with Brad Pitt.

Wow. Yes. Mr.

And Mrs. Smith. Just a couple of us. A couple of us, triple A-Listers. You've heard of A-listers. Yes, the restaurant. Brad Pitt, Leo DiCaprio, your Conan O'Brien, your Eve Plum. Oh, who? Well, she was on the original braided Bunch. Oh, wonderful. I just said original like there has been another one. Has there been a reboot? No, there was not a reboot. It's the only thing they haven't rebooted. No, they made a movie. They made a couple of movies. Anyway, what I'm saying is, someone like me who's in the highest, highest, highest echelons of celebrityhood-.

Single-digit IMDb. Yes.

When I start to ride my bicycle, other AAA celebrities show up.

Alongside me. It's like Forrest Gump, except you're riding a bicycle and the people following you are also celebrities. Yes. Thank you.

You're welcome. That's a very good image. That's exactly.

What it's like. Are you wearing a shirt that says, Have a nice day?

No, I'm not.

No, you took it too far. That was far enough.

Yeah. What is your diet like? Because you're one of the healthiest men I know. This morning, what did you have?

I had some chicken and then also some mushy potatoes and also.

Some- What do you call them?

Mashy potatoes? What do you.

Name those? We call them mushy, mushy, mush, mushes.

Well, see, I would say efficient. As a German, we just say, Mashy potatoes, as opposed to, Mashy, Mashy, mush, mush, potatoes.

Okay. Which is more- I was pulling your leg. Stop it. Wow.

Oh, no. Down, boys.

No, we just say mashed potatoes here.

Okay. Yeah. Have you heard of the song mashed potato by The Wiggles?

No, I haven't.

Mashed potato, mashed potato.

No, my children are grown, so I haven't listened to The Wiggles in a.

Very long time. Adults can also listen to The Wiggles.

There's actually a warning on the label that says no. Not for anyone over four. I don't follow that. You'll go into a blind rage.

Oh, I think. Just start hitting bicycles.

So you get up in the morning. I want to hear about your regimen.

Oh, I wake up, I ingest calories. I move very quickly, I ingest more calories. I think about Conan O'Brien, www. Cbd. What would Conan O'Brien do? And then I do those things.

Okay, so I know you've been a huge fan of mine for a long time.

A very large fan. I once wrote a song about you and Andy called Cone Andy. Oh, really? I did.

You did.

Or you didn't? I did.

Okay. And how does that song go? Can I hear any of it? I need.

To clear it with what's it called? Cap Ass? Ass Cap? Yeah. And then I will send it to you.

But you wrote it. Yes.

But now.

We have to pay more money to.

Flula, I think. We have to pay money to you. I refuse money. I don't work for a dollar. Really? Okay. I get paid in biscuits.

Biscuits?

Little biscuits? Yeah. Have you had Boat's angles in North Carolina? A chain that sells very delicious Southern biscuits.

Okay, it's just biscuit. It's not biscuit. It's just biscuit.

There's a U inside this, Connor.

Yes, I know, but we call it a silent U. A you that has been bullied into silence.

I will never be silent.

Okay. So you get up in the morning, you eat, I think, chicken.

Yes, no biscuits.

No biscuits. You don't eat any carbs.

Who does that?

Well, I eat carbs.

All the time. I eat them sometimes. But when I have a photoshoot with a Paula Maschiti coming up, then I cannot eat those carbohydrates.

I see. Yes. I have to tell you, you put out a calendar every year, Fluolabork's calendar, and they're available, I believe, online. But you always send me one and you always find a way to be, I would say, shirtless for most months. Nipples are exposed. Even December, January, February.

Shirtless- Extra hot.

Yeah. No, I can. The nipples out of the calendar and I hang my shirts.

On them. You can also use them to squeeze lemon. Yes.

And adjust your.

Radio dial. If you have some radio, yes, serious.

My point is you're very proud of your body, are you not? No. Why? Is this self-loathing? Because some people that have a body like yours are very self-loathing.

Listen, you have a delicious voice, and so you use it to make dollars and to make many, many podcasts. I have a body that someone gave to me of zero credit, so I have zero credits, so I have to use, I have to utilize it, I have to prostitute myself.

Okay. How is your love life.

Going fully? It's non-existent. I once stated a whole note, a techno whole note.

A what?

A techno- A.

Whole note?

A whole notes of four beats of music.

You've dated four beats of music.

Yes. By the way, I will send you my flylander my next one.

If you want. Thank you very much. Of course. Yes, I treasure them. I treasure them.

That's great. I want to hear more about this whole note.

Yeah. Thank you, Mr. Gorley. That's exactly. You always get me off track. But Matt's here to say, Wait a minute.

Let's double down. Return to the… It's Goley? Goley. Oh, why did you say that? I know there's a U in there. Yeah, why is that?

Once again. It would.

Be Gawaly. Gawaly. Go for it. Matthew Gawaly. I'll take it. Okay, great. Matthias Gawaly. Matthias Gawaly. Yeah, Matthias. Yes, all the ones and twos.

You dated a whole note. Yes. Explain how that works.

We established a romantic connection, and then we lasted for four measures. And then I said- Oh, no. And then I moved on.

What note was it?

Oh, I see what you're saying. Yes, an E-Flat. Yeah. Third position on the trombone.

Trouble cleft. Yes. I could have warned you against an E-Flat. Basically, cleft. Excuse me. Okay, you are a monastic. You are a celibate.

You are not- I'm a Hellois, not Abilaud.

Correct. Yes. Okay, fair.

So.

What do you do for fun? After your workout, what do you do? What does full of.

Work do? I like to do Klimtüge, which are pushups, and then I also like to make jogging. Have you ever made jogging?

Listen, I just said after your workout, after your workout, you do pushups and jogging. That's not after your workout.

You have never followed David Gorgans on Instagram. Stay hard, Conan.

Okay, so you do even after your workout, you do.

More exercise. I do minor workouts, yes.

What do you do when you're not working out? That's, I guess, the.

Right question. I like to sleep. Also, I like to look at the sky and also at other items in the world.

Okay, so looking at sky. Have you noticed anything about the.

Sky recently? It contains clouds on occasion, and on times other occasions has no clouds.

Okay.

Yeah, cumulus nimbus clouds.

Writing us down and I will send this to scientific American. This is good.

To know. Neil de Grashtys and also stratocumulus cumulus nimbus. Also very nice cloud series. A little too wavy for my taste.

Okay, so you're a cloud critic, as they Sometimes, yes. Okay. And then you notice other objects. What objects have you been noticing lately?

I've noticed your delicious smile and wonderful haircut.

Conan O'Brien. Well, look, a lot of people are in love with my hair.

Yes. How do you style it? Do you wake up and it is like this? Or is there a man and/or woman that arranges it?

No one else does it. I figured this out myself a long time ago. I use various oils and resins, plus a little bit of mayonnaise. And then I work it in there and then I cook it in a little kiln that just bakes my hair. You have 40 minutes.

4-0? Yes. Helmans or Kraft?

Well, I don't like to name...

Helmans. Thank you. Yes, sponsor, shout out.

No, definitely, Helmans is better. It's obviously Helmans. You really want whole eggs in there. But then I get this delicious pastry on top of my head. It seems to give people delight. And so it's a small price for me to pay to give other people joy.

It sounds like a large price, depending on the amount of mayonnaise and croissants you purchase.

It's true. But I do it. I also think I may be do it to draw attention away from parts of my body that maybe I'm not thrilled with.

Speak to me.

Well, I'm just saying I have beady little rat eyes. That's incorrect. Look, it is true. Look at me looking around, beady little rat eyes. I've got this eye vein under my eye. And then I've got these thin lips What happened? What happened to that guy? Did he chew on a Grenade to save his regiment and his.

Lips blew off? Oh, yes. Episode two, Band of Brothers.

Yes. We hate to tell you, What happened to me? Your lips are gone. No. And so I think the hair is a way to draw people away from my features that I'm not as proud of.

Very confusing. You are a beautiful man. I love all of the items you have described in a fully platonic, non-sexual way.

Oh, well, maybe we can nudge that over to sexual.

Let's give it a try.

Once I was walking in the neighborhood where we make this podcast and I heard someone shout out a window, as fans sometimes do. And I looked around and I couldn't- Get off my property. Yeah, exactly. And get a real job. And so glad you're off television. I get that a lot. Someone will shout at me. And then I heard someone shout at me out a window and I looked around. I couldn't see who it was. And then I get a text and Flula said, That was me that just shouted out you at the window.

I said, Hello. Sorry for screaming. It's me, your friend, Flula Borg. Good to see you.

Yeah, but it all came out this, I don't know. It's that Doppler effect. The Doppler effect. You were going by so quickly.

Oh, yeah. Doppler plus Deutsche, unintellectual. Yes.

So it was nice of you to.

Yell out at me. Thank you. I thought you had a baggie of delicious calories. Is that accurate?

I'm probably not accurate. I don't think I walk around much with food. And if I did have some food, I'd probably make David Hop and hold it.

Oh, David is still alive.

Well, yes, despite my best efforts- He's been kept alive. He's been kept alive.

Oh, wonderful.

With these- He's on a saline drip that's keeping him.

Alive right now. Oh, excellent. Like in seven. May I say hello? Oh, perfect. Thanks. Bringing Brad Pitt back.

I like it. Well, my bicycle pal. Okay, so I'm getting this image of your life, but you're also very enterprising. You've been in movies, you've been in television. You're always on the go. Flula is slowly but surely taking over the world, yes?

Well, as a German, that's illegal. And I would never admit to this.

I have- What I meant, I didn't mean to imply anything. I'm saying you are- Invading. Yeah, you are invading media with your….

I'm subtly gathering stamps on my passport fully legally and with everyone's consent.

You are blitz-creeging Hollywood with your talent.

I am just very subtly showing up with a cake and a smile.

A massive air show of talent. No, no, you are-.

Daintily prancing around.

Now, I had the pleasure of going to Berlin with you. Remember when we were in Berlin together?

I remember this, yes.

This was fascinating for me because I got to see you in your home environment. I noticed that a lot of the German people are very comfortable with nudity. Oh, very much, yes. You seemed very comfortable.

With nudity, too. I'm also German, so I am part of this Venn diagram you have just described.

Now, I, for example, not comfortable with my nudity.

At any time. You did not enjoy having your penis exposed on the beach?

No, I wear a full-on formal tuxedo when I take a shower. But you, on the other hand, I notice very comfortable with it. Have you tried that here in the States? And what's the reaction then?

Oh, exposing my genitalia.

In public? Yeah, I don't mean just genitalia, but I mean letting your body be free of all clothing. Have you been nude in America? And how has that gone over.

For you? It has gone in awkward ways. I try to… Have you seen the show Austin Powers and the Murder mystery man? Oh, I don't know the name. International Murder.

International Man of mystery.

Yeah. In the beginning, to the credits, he's always turning around, Oh, maybe we will see his peepie, but no, it's a broccoli. And then he turns around and he's like, What is that? Oh, it's an M1 Abrams tank or something. This is how I try to present to myself in America because I know everyone is terrified of nudity here.

Okay. I don't know if they're terrified of it, but it can be inappropriate quickly. I'm told you boarded an American Airlines flight completely nude. That's the thing that's.

Not cool. I was wearing flip flops. I'm not.

Wearing flip flops.

That's.

Inaccurate. Okay, well, the news accounts I read did not mention the flip flops.

Well, you didn't read deep enough or they are terrible reporters.

Okay, well, this was The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal. These are fine papers.

Nicholas.

Christophe. Okay, yeah. He apparently was sitting in the row opposite you.

Yeah, well, we are no longer on speaking terms.

You were friends until you.

Boarded this flight, Megan. Until I just heard this news of my flip flops being omitted.

In general, you're doing well.

Life is good? Oh, I am absolutely terrible, Conan. Why? Well, the world is on fire.

Oh, people always say that.

Really? Mathematically, no one that is now alive will be alive in 222 years. Oh, my God.

I didn't realize that.

Now just think.

About this. I made all these plans.

I know. So now you have to execute those plans immediately. Do it all tomorrow. Don't wait what they say. Wait tomorrow. And it's too late for today to make it, so you should do it now.

I can't believe that hasn't been.

A poster. I think Benjamin Franklin.

No? Yeah, Benjamin Franklin, as he was stroking out, said that, Don't put to tomorrow what today can be done the other day. If you go forward another day. It's too late.

And then please relight my stove and there's some lightning.

There's a storm coming. Someone tie a key.

To a kite. Tie a key and make me an omelet.

Let me ask you something. How familiar are you with American history? Do you consider yourself… I mean, you've come to this country. We welcome you with open arms as America does sometimes. But do you consider yourself an American citizen now? Do you think you're comfortable in these ways?

I am very confused every time about everything, but I'm also very excited. I love to learn. I'm like a sponge. You can just dump things into.

Me, Kauron. You don't dump things into a sponge. A sponge goes over the... It's an inaccurate metaphor. Yeah, and you added a U to the spunge.

I'm sorry about Gawley. Oh, see? Jesus. You took it. I took your U and added it to spouch. So I'm Gorley again. Okay, it's Gorley and Spouch.

A.

Wonderful tag team detective show.

They took the U from Gorley and added it to sponge. So it's gorely and spunge.

Better than Thelma and Louise.

Whenever I'm done speaking to you, I'm very stupid at the end. Also. So you don't get smarter.

Like speaking to myself? Never.

No, to me, when I'm done speaking to you, I'm very dumb always. I'm going to go home. I'll probably have to be driven home because I'm not safe to drive after speaking to you because I'm so stupid.

Yes, I get it. So, Conor, when other people speak to me, it's like people like, Oh, you should have your teapot open and ready to receive more tea. But I have to talk. The top is on.

What?

I.

Don't understand at all.

Imagine a submarine.

How do we get to.

A submarine? Imagine how many liquids and waters and airs enter a submarine. That is my brain when we speak.

Okay, very good. I'm going to change the topic to the topic I was trying to talk about, which is you and America. What about this country confuses you?

A lot of this much driving, not much. Do you have a burp? Is that a thought? I just burped. Oh, okay.

I just quietly burped. I'm drinking a lot of water, and I just burped into the.

Little microphone. But you also leaned up a bit.

So I didn't like you. I wanted you to see that I was burping.

So that was purely burp. That was not a toot burp.

I can't do the both at the same time. I'd be in the Almanac if I could do that.

It's a flirt. What's that?

A flirt and a blurp.

Okay, now I'm so stupid, my heart's not beating. You've just taken me down to baseline activities that are run by the cortex.

Are gone. Yes, you're in the seventh level of the Titanic. You're just shoveling that coal, but no cuisines are being cooked.

Do you like America?

It is very enjoyable to me. I feel very lucky. I have received a career. Thanks to you and also other Americans who have employed me. So and thank you, Conan. Christopher, is it correct?

O'brien. Conan Christopher O'Brien. Very good. That is my name. I've Googled you. Oh, you have.

Yes. You are a comedian and also a host. A host.

Do you.

Also say ghost? Yeah, ghost.

Ghost.

And host. Okay, a ghost.

Okay, a ghost.

A ghost is like your spirits. A ghost is an actual small… Guys.

Guys, guys, I feel like I'm the odd man out at the UN. What's going on here? We were saying can we talk so that you can understand? Oh, very nice. Well, that's some real hospitality there.

Sorry, Bangladesh.

Now, how much German do you speak?

.

I'm joining in.

I also am a treatment.

Oh, agree. Falky and Falko.

Oh, you tell Falko, yeah.

And those are the tribunes and they're big tot a Ridden, straight from the Schleck.

Oh, beautiful. Yeah, if you really want, we'll do that. Definitely. It's really nice.

It's really nice.

It's like a club.

A club. A club.

A club of the club. A club of the club. A club of the club. A club.

Of the club. A club of.

The club. A club.

And deep. So that's how it's done, Gorley. And the next time you feel like- As to my life? Oh, auto premage. Oh, na klar.

Yeah, best good about it.

And Friti. Oh, Colonel Kling.

Oh, Smashing. Smashing.

You know what? I don't think we can put ads on this episode because.

This- No one's listening anymore.

No, I think we have to contact all the advertisers and say, You don't want to waste your money on this episode because absolutely nothing is happening.

I'm very sorry, Conan. I know this is our… Not first, but this will be our last.

Time together. This is the last. This can't happen again. I'm being signaled right now by… Oh, Jesus. Jesus Christ. He's back. He's looking in through a window saying no more of these.

Oh, wonderful. He has spoken to you.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, regularly. Yes.

Great.

Congratulations. Well, I am the chosen.

I look forward to reading your book.

I want things for you. Me as well. I want you to enjoy your time here, and I want you someday maybe to have a family. Do you think that's possible?

I'll have a musical family, maybe a family of animals, of animals.

Would you ever-.

Do you trust me with children? Can you imagine me with babies?

I do. I think you'd be a great dad. You know what I did? As a matter of fact, I know we've mentioned this before, but I gave you once for fun, when we were on tour together, I gave you an American Girl doll. And I thought just for fun, I gave you one. Thank you. I thought that would be it. And this tour lasted a while, and you bought a baby holder.

Baby beyond. Baby beyond. No relation to Flula.

You bought a baby, Biohren, and you took care of this baby beautifully. Thank you. You brought the baby everywhere, and I thought he'd be a great dad.

Well, I'm very good with an animate object with legs and arms that cannot peep, poop, poop, or be fat.

Okay, all right.

But an actual live being, I would call would say, be very careful about it.

Would you be tempted if you had seven children to make them sing before they went to bed at night?

If I had seven children, I would be tempted to say, Hey, I'd be right back. I'm running some errands, everyone.

Oh, and then you take off. I think the minute they heard you say that, they'd know you're not.

Coming back. The key doesn't know how to run and does not understand the word errands. Codon, you have offsprings?

Yeah, I do.

Do you plan on more? Five to six more of these offsprings?

I think, no. You're very viral. Well, I know I am. I think that's understood when you just hear the podcast. The delicious voice. My sexual exploits are legendary. No, I have two children and they're beautiful and I love them. I think I'm very happy in my marriage. So no, I think that's it. I think that's it for me. I think there'll be no more Conan Children.

What finality? Okay.

I love these two kids.

That's enough for you? Yeah. So you're not like Constantine or Alexander? You don't.

Need to- Well, in some ways, I am. Yeah, a conqueror, a legendary figure whose name will resonate through history, reverberate, if you will. I will do it. But no, I'll be happy to. If you had a child, I would adopt it.

You would adoptate my child?

Yeah. If you have a child and you don't want to take care of it, I will.

Adopt your child. I will commence with the procreation process.

Man, you know how to get a lady into bed. Yes. We will now commence.

Yes, now it happens. Yeah, play the falco.

What are you hitting the clubs much recently?

I don't hit any of the clubs at all. I am doing a lot of nighttime playing of music by myself. And then I also play trombone in the mornings to awaken my neighbors and also the world.

And that goes over well with them? No. Okay.

Wouldn't think it would. No, I received many complaints, but a glissando. There's no better way to wake up Conan than with a glissando.

Very nice. Did you-.

That's a sliding of the trombone as you play a toot. Toot.

You play a toot. You are a musical maestro. Thank you. Give us a toot. Yeah. Have you ever been in an Umpapa band?

No, I have observed Umpapa bands. I have been in a shoe platler band before where I shoe platler and the Umpas-Umpas, and then we will join.

Shoe-plattler is when you slap yourself and you slap other people as well. There's a.

Lot of slapping. Yes, that was chimpansey as you're trying to say it, but there will be other items that you will slap like buttocks and also knees and also toes. It's like that song.

Yeah, it's a crazy… I got to do it with Andy Richer once. There's a remote you can see online where Andy Richer and I, a shoe platter, it's one of my favorite remotes we ever did because it's insane. You were there for that, actually.

I observed it.

You observed it. It was absolute madness.

It was the most German people observing you with absolute Germanity. It was very great. They refused to giggle or at.

Anything you said. No, and I loved it. It's one of my... Look it up. It's online. Go check.

That out. I saw you be excited at people not enjoying you.

Oh, that's my favorite thing. When people aren't enjoying me, there's a delight I feel. When some people describe going towards the light when they die and they feel this peace and this calm and they know they're going towards their loved ones. That's how I feel when I'm going too far in one direction and people around me don't like it, I'm in Nirvana. I'm as happy as I can be.

I feel this as well when I do things. Conan, why? I don't understand this, but it is a delicious time. It's like, Oh, everyone thinks this is terrible, but I'm still enjoying this snack. Yes.

I love sometimes that, Oh, we are born alone and we die alone. And this is this moment, this pure moment where I'm on stage in front of all these people. I'm so delighted with myself. No one's following me on this. I don't know how to describe it, but I feel effervescent.

Yeah, this is a metaphor for my entire life, and I'm very excited about this. Conan, do you find that this is more fun or less fun than people are giggling and laughing and clapping at you?

Which feeling is it? I always hear laughter and giggling in my head. Oh, it's your own. Yeah, right now I'm killing Right now this is- Yeah, you crush, crush, crush, crush. Yeah. When I order in a restaurant, I hear huge applause.

When you hit order on the Postmates.

You- Oh, I'm like, Whoa, standing ovation, seven minutes, Chicago Theater.

10 %, tip.

Eight % is as high as I will go.

That's the most. Single dig.

I keep it in the singles, I always say. Why this whole tip of the world? Why? What's this.

All about? What's the point of that? Exactly. Why do we do it?

You're such a good improv partner. Yes, why do we do it? Let's play a quick improv game.

Right now. Yes, and?

Okay, let's try it right now. Well, this is pretty hard work, isn't it, Joe?

Oh, that's right, Johnson. I am also hurting from my back and also hips.

Oh, man, I can't believe we have to dig so many holes.

Oh, this is so sad. Look at this hole. It's not deep enough.

Yeah. Well, time to fill it with Marshmello because this.

Is Marshmello University.

I thought that was a terrific improv.

Oh, is that it?

Well, okay, we'll keep going. Yes, I sure love it here at Marshmello University.

Me as well. Good thing we have enough chocolate, otherwise we would be making some lesses. Some what? S'mores, lessers.

Lesser? I didn't know what lesser was.

It's the opposite. Some lesses, a joke to compare with s'mores, which-.

You got that? Yeah. Adam, did you get that? Did you get that? No, I did not. Did you get that play? Okay, one, two, three, four.

Four, there are some war here.

Okay, stop it. Stop it. I had a.

Pinkyie piece. Yes, you see?

I won't have it. I will.

Not have it. I agree.

I thought that was terrible.

I agree with you, Kavon.

You just blew up the improv. And of course, Gowdy goes with you on it.

Yes, but my inside brain was also laughing.

I think you and I work very well together. We did some improv on stage. And then when I would do Q&A with the audience, you would run around with the microphone. And my favorite thing is you would trip or bump into someone and say shit in German, which is until you'd be running around the microphone and you'd be going, Schaise. Schaise. Schaise. I don't know why that just that made me laugh really hard.

It was accurate. I was receiving a lot of pinches. People were pinching, Lourge, pinch me if this is a real thing happening. I received lots.

Of pinches. A lot of, would you say people were coming on to you?

I don't really know how to read these things. Like, is someone attracted to me?

Usually, if someone's giving you a pinch, where? Where on your body?

It was usually buttock region and also between.

The buttocks. Well, that is someone actually molesting you. That's someone molesting you.

Tant. What? The tunt.

No, it's the taint. Tant, not tunt. Tunt is... That's just wrong. Tunt is... Don't ever say tunt again. Tunt is the weird… It just sounds so wrong. Because already the taint.

Is the in-between of something, so the tunt feels like.

Even more in between. Don't even talk about it. You know what? You're not allowed to talk.

About it. Gowdy. The tunt is inside the taint, you're saying.

Okay, don't. I'm outlawing this word. I love it.

No more tunt. I'm good at this. Yes. Okay. Yeah, no more tunt. Okay. It's a tunt-free zone.

Okay.

Taint is only in this.

You know what my favorite musical is? Tell me more. Tunt misbehaving.

Listen. Yes. Do you know what my favorite baseball hit is? What's that? A tunt.

Oh, yes, of course. It's really the bun.

It's one they hit the ball very slowly.

Worst improv ever. This is terrible. They don't hit them… Whatever. Do you follow.

American sports? I love that you hated this. Yes, I follow it. I like your basketball, your hoops, and your swishes.

You love basketball. Yes. And I made your dream come true once.

You did. You let me meet a very nice man named Charles Barkley.

Yes, I was We were in a bar together. We were, yeah. And we were in Atlanta. And suddenly I hear a gentleman call my name, and it's none other than one of the great basketball players of.

All time.

The round-mount-Rebound. Yes, Charles Barkley. And I happen to know that you were a massive fan of the 1980s NBA because that's all you could see on.

Vhs tapes- Tape delay.

-when you were living in Germany.

Yeah, up to '93. So the last thing I saw was the Suns Bulls Finals featuring Charles Barkley, Dan Molly, Michael Jordan, and Scottie Pippen.

Right. And then you had no knowledge of anything that happened in the world after that.

Oh, it's like that Will Smith, Men in Black pen. It was just a shot of my face in 1994.

Yeah. So you knew nothing. I remember bringing you over and introducing you to Charles Barkley. And you were just filled with wondrous joy. Yes, I giggled. He didn't understand a word you said. Zero words.

He did not make eye contact with me. He could see the excitement was too high for just meeting of a man. Also, the fanny pack, I think, was-.

You were wearing a really bizarre European fanny pack. Sporkels. And you got nervous and you went into, I think, complete German.

I did. And I also misremembered he went to Auburn, but I said Alabama, and this is a big no-no.

Yeah, you pissed him off. But he was a gentleman. He was a real gentleman about it. And he gave me and security a signal, and then we.

Got you out of there. You carried me away. I felt like I had won a championship. That was nice. Yes, thank you again, Conan, for this. I have still yet to repay you for this.

Please. Maybe someday you'll introduce me to one of my heroes.

And please list those heroes for me now.

All you'll need is a mirror..

That'll cost us. We just lost how many subscribers?

It says right here we.

Just lost… That's a.

Fast-moving number. No, no, no. We just lost the Better Help people. We lost Casper Mattresses.

What about Zipp Recruiter?

We.

Gained Duolingo.

You gained Duolingo and Babble want in.

Babble and Rosetta Stone.

Rosetta Stone wants in. Listen- All of them want people to learn how to speak correct German.

So.

In a way, we're winning.

This is very exciting.

Do you have big plans for the.

Coming year? Yes, I plan to go on tour and learn how comedy functions, and then I would prepare a 60-minute presentation of it.

So you're going to go on tour to learn how comedy works.

You know how they say, if you want to land on the ground, jump out of a plane and then build your parachute. Okay.

Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to sign you up for a six-week course where they teach.

You.

Common aphorisms. Yes. Okay? And you can learn them. You can learn because you don't seem to know the simple things. You have to cherish those. The journey of a thousand miles starts with a-.

With shoes, hopefully, if it's that long.

When life gives you lemon.

Make- I'll throw those away and purchase limes as they are better.

More and more. Help me here. I got to come up with more.

Stitch in time is worth 42 cents.

When at first you don't succeed.

Oh, give it up immediately. The early bird gets probably eaten by the even earlier bird, who is usually larger.

Yeah, the larger birds usually get up earlier. The larger birds often. And they lie on the ground with their mouths open. Wait. Yeah, and then they wait for the early bird.

To land and then get chewed.

Yeah. You are like I say, you're like a vacuum. Do you feel that your intelligence is dropping?

In a way, I feel like my mind is expanding.

Oh, I love that. I agree. My mind is expanding, but my brain is shrinking.

That's what happens after a.

Sprain of think. My skull is getting bigger. Right. I'm losing book smarts, but I'm gaining cosmic awareness.

You know what I mean? Yeah, I'm like Neil de Lassie Tyson. Okay.

Do.

You get it? Yes. It's a reference to a canine who is less intelligent than a scientist.

But you- You know what you're going to have to do?

Several things. Defecate, probably sleep, eventually.

Yes. Also, before you take this comedy tour, you must learn, as a comedian, you're not supposed to say get it over and over. Every time you make a joke, you shouldn't.

Say get it. How do you not know? You need.

To- You just have to hope they get it. And if they don't, it's too bad. But you can't keep saying.

Get it. I would say like, Oh, look at those donuts. I hope you get it. But if you didn't get it.

That's too bad. No, don't even say that. Don't bring up the concept of getting it or not. Just be confident. That's all.

Okay. That's a very fun lesson to teach to me. Thank you, Codon.

Listen, some people call me an icon.

Space cow boy.

Space cow boy. A gangster of love. You've got some.

Of the aversions down.

You love American music.

Don't you? I love music and Americans make a lot of it.

Okay. A lot you make or the Americans just make a lot and you like some.

Of it? You're not under oath. Oh, sorry. It's just I've seen a lot of indictments these days. Yes, I love all the music. I love American music very much. Hall and Oates is very nice. They were terrific. Technotronic is also very fun. I got the snap exclamation point. I got the power.

That's an old one. You like some old music. I got the power.

Yeah.

But that's, what is that? Like 25 years old? It's the late '90s. So you're a creature, really, of the early '90s?

I think so because we just didn't receive many things after this. I just turned my brains off and just kept absorbing the same things.

I feel like you got all the pop culture you needed probably between 1986 and 1994. Yeah, that's right. And then you said, That's all I need. And you didn't-.

No, 1994, Dream Team Two, and then you move on. And then now I've watched Game of Thrones six times in a row, and this is the fullness of my experience.

So you think Friends is a show that was on for one season?

I assume Friends is a thing I would love to have some.

Okay, all right. Do you have questions for Flula? I'm opening the floor.

I guess I just.

Have maybe more advice.

To me? Yeah. Oh, I would love this. No, not to give you advice, but.

I would like to.

Get advice. Oh, okay. I just feel like you've.

Got it figured out in some cosmic way. Do you have any- Well, I would disagree only on his clothing choices. I don't always agree with. Fluor today is dressed. What are you wearing? You're wearing a fleece that has... Oh, and you have duct tape. Duct tape on your green pants. Yes.

And these are chromakie green.

You could do green screen on them. Yeah. It's like you took a weatherman's set.

And made pants. I'm like a reverse Ikebaut crane. Yeah.

And then you've got a fennipac that's very strange.

Is that- Well, Conan, you will not remember this, as you have gifted so many things to so many people, which is to include this. You gave us- Did I get that from you? During a comic con of 2018, I joined you and we ate donuts and you gave me several fanny packs.

That's very.

Nice of me. It was. Thank you very much, and I very much appreciate this.

I didn't even realize I gave.

That to you. You did. That's a nice one. I just see that like a more elegant.

Fanny pack than that. That's a nice one. You know what? I was going to say that's because you have some bad fanny packs. I'm just going to be honest.

Very awful.

Like they have tigers on them and stuff. And that's actually quite.

Tasteful and nice. This is very nice. Yes, I very much agree with you. And I'm very grateful to you, Conan, once more.

Thank you. All right. You're being very formal about this. We didn't just sign a peace treaty. It's okay.

Sorry. Well, look.

Okay. All right. I have all the trives. Conan, I'm wanting to make 60 minutes of ha-ha, and I'm going to tour around the country. I would like one more piece of advice before you delete and format the hard drives of this podcast.

Well, that wouldn't be me. That would be Gowdy.

Gowdy. Okay.

This is one of my favorites. I think it's important for you to maybe get outside because you spend so much time working out that I don't think your... Comedy is all about observations. You look at Seinfeld, walks around, Oh, look at that guy. What's he doing? It's that thing. I didn't notice when you go... What you want to do is you want to notice things and say, Hey, you noticed when the other day I was over there buying an ice cream pop over at the ice cream store? And then I noticed this. Don't you hate it when they do blank and blank? And then the audience is like, Oh, my God, he's just like me. I don't think you can do that because you don't go outside. You're just inside working out listening to music from 1991. Yeah.

I'm just like, Don't you hate it when they play songs from 1997?

That's your opening bit?

Well, I'm attempting.

Yeah. You can't do observational humor if you haven't gone outside your apartment. If you're a strange German man and you're inside your apartment lifting weights and occasionally blowing into a horn- What?

Oh, you meant, sorry, I didn't.

Yeah, you're not going to be able to do good observational comedy. Okay.

You know what I'm saying? Yes. I will now go outside, wear plenty of the screens and just observe things, and then say what I have observed to people who are sitting in chairs.

Yeah, and try and make it like a joke. Don't just say, If you noticed when you go outside, there's the parking meter and actually you put the money in for two minutes, then you get- It's got to be a real observation.

Oh, I thought, okay, that was-.

That was just describing what a parking.

Meter does. And then you say you get it.

No, don't say you get it.

Don't say you get it. I'm very excited. Colin, I feel prepared. I see an intense outline of questions that you guys wanted to ask me.

What else is- I don't think we got to any of them. You know, it's so funny. Usually, I have notes here about things to talk about. But with you, I think that's a waste of time. I'm a slave client. So I threw the notes away.

I do as well, yes.

What is there? I mean, it's ridiculous. Why would I look at notes to talk to Fleu.

Le Bourg. What is the corpus?

Yeah. What is.

The corpus? What is the corpus?

I.

Agree. I don't know. We'll be right back after these massages.

No, we're not getting massage and we're not getting Do you ever get.

Massages, by the way? I receive no, it's not a pleasure to me.

It's not a pleasure to have your body rubbed?

No, I like a light tickle as if a feather has perhaps, again from Forrest Gumb and it lands on your leg. I like this.

How many times have you watched.

Forrest Gumb? 14 times, last year.

Oh.

Last year alone. The Forrest Gump soundtrack, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow. Okay. Bow, bow, bow. You know it. Yeah.

A couple hundred bucks.

Sorry about that, everyone. It's all right. Keep costing us money every time you sing a song. Do me a favor. Do not sing any Led Zeppelin. We can't.

Afford that. Oh, so no cash.

Okay, don't. Okay? Yeah, sorry. All right. What are you doing tonight? Would you and I ever go out.

Together, the two of us? Do you go outside? Do you go out and.

Enjoy things in the evening? That's an insulting question. Of course, I do. Oh, it is a curiosity. Don't I look like a man of the world? Yes, of course. Don't I look like I get.

Outside a lot? You are 6'5, 6'9 with the hair.

Yes, of course. Okay, so yes, I go outside. I like to go to a restaurant occasionally.

I would join you at restaurants. I would enjoy you outside in a place where clubbing is occurring or dancing or also staring.

Okay. Do you like sushi?

Yes.

Okay.

Yeah, I enjoy sushi. I enjoy other things also. Matt Gawley, do you enjoy sushi? I love sushi. Yeah, great. I'm trying to incorporate everyone into this. Oh, thank you.

I think we should go with everybody. Adam, do you like sushi? I don't know, I like sushi. Eduardo? Don't care for it. You don't like it? Then we can't happen. Wow. Sorry, that's how I roll. If Eduardo can't be there, I need to bring everybody here. Just hates it. I don't like it. I'm trying to be agonist. Really? You don't like sushi?

There's something about the texture of the- The texture is the best part. The texture is like butter. It's fantastic. That's why you ate it. Maybe I haven't had the right one. Is there one you recommend?

Yes, it's. Fuck-sushi? -see you there.

I love.

Fuck, sushi. It's with a pH. Okay, it's right around the corner from Tunt Center.

The Tunt Center for humanitarian causes. Yes, of course. It's just a wonderful, wonderful. And you know what? I'm going to make that my cause. Please donate money to the Tunt Center.

Tunt Center, yes. I can tell you- That's going to be mine. -wherever you want. I will be there.

You'll be there for the.

Tunt center? Yes, I'll cut all those ribbons.

Okay, just give me no ribbons at the tunt center. Why not? Just... Oh, yeah.

Okay.

That's my improv style. It's just when I don't have.

Something to go... Yeah, I like that. Yeah, I do it as well.

I hope you're not deported. I think you will be soon. Oh, it's a.

Matter of just a few days.

No, I honestly think when this hits, the government's going to be on you immediately. Why is this man here? I wrote.

A techno song when I was first deported, so I will just write a second one. That's how you do it.

Okay. And how do you keep getting back into the country? Because you've been deported several times. I know.

I may look as this, but I'm very flexible. I can-.

So you've just FedEx yourself into the country?

Well, yeah, I've FedEx. I'm mainly DHL, though, just to be on brand.

Flula, do you have any projects that are coming up that I can promote? Do you.

Have anything? Oh, sure. I inadvertently forgot to remove the lens caps from an entire sitcom and recorded an entire season of this. It's called Flula Makes Five. Now we've turned it into a podcast. I hired my cousin, Heinz, to run the cameras. He's an idiot. We have eight episodes of a full-length sitcom called Flula Makes Five. The premise is, I am living in the basement of a house and a family of four does not read the fine print and purchase the house. So Flula Makes Five is half meets Mr. Belvedere.

Oh, nice. Okay, that sounds... What's the word? Dreadful. It sounds dreadful.

Oh, Dreadfort. You love Game of Thrones. Ramsey Bolton. Yes. Oh, he tortured Rick.

I guess he sure did.

That's where he did it.

Yeah, that's where he did it. All right, why don't we say goodbye to Flula. Okay. Flula. Bye-bye, everyone. I can't say it's been a pleasure. I don't know what it's been, but I do honestly love it when you walk through the door.

Also you as well, thank you for the deep hugs. It's nice to meet everyone. And hello, Matt. Oh, yeah, I get it.

Very good. And maybe just a quick hello to America, too.

Hello, America. Thank you very much for not deportating me. I look forward to several days inside your borders.

Okay, very good. Full of work, everyone.

Bye-bye.

Hey, boss, do you want to.

Take a voicemail or two? Actually, this is awkward. Yeah, I noticed something. Flula hasn't left. Usually, when the interview is over, Flula. Yeah, people- Mingo.

-hang out.

No, they have things to do. They're big stars and they say, I've got to go. Oh, no. You did.

This last time, too. I don't.

Know if you remember.

I know. Do you remember this? I've done this podcast before.

You've done this podcast before and you didn't leave then either.

Oh, wonderful.

Socialize it. You must have something you've got to do.

Right now. Not in this moment. In about 2-3 hours, I will need to urinate and then also have a snack.

Do you schedule everything in.

Your life? Yes, it's all on my timers.

So you don't even go by bladder pressure?

No, I have a Pomodoro. Do you know the Pomodoro effect? No. You set a Timer every 28 minutes, and then when you do a new thing.

Oh, a new thing? What do you mean?

Well, in 28 minutes, will we be finished in that moment? Yes, definitely. Then I will return to my automobile, and then I will stare at the sky, A4 mentioned, a callback.

Okay. Listen, I'm just saying that what you're doing right now is probably not great for.

Your career. Did you get it, though?

Did you get it? No, I don't even listen to you anymore. I don't listen to you. I just look at your powerful mandibles and your fierce wolf-like eyes and listen to your voice. Thank you. Yeah. It sounds like a chocolate maker yelling at me. And what I'm trying to say is that it creates a good impression when I say, Okay, thanks a lot for being here, President Obama. And then he has to get up and go because everyone imagines him having big things to do. Thank you so much, Jane Fonda. She gets up and she runs out because she's Jane Fonda. She has a lot to do. You, by sticking around- Like.

A fungus.

You're creating this illusion, and maybe it's not an illusion, that you really.

Have nothing to do. No, it's an illusion of staying power, of consistency, of always there, can't stop, won't stop, 1960s Celtics, you know what I mean?

Wow. Okay. Yes. Well, we were all just thinking about the 1960 Celtics.

Definitely. Shout out to Drew Heinson.

You're making my brothers very happy right now. Oh, nice. Yeah. Hey, Red Hour back.

Oh, nice. Are they mass holes?

Okay.

Let's... Yes. I was recently taught.

This word. Okay, yes, they are. They are Massholes.

My brother. Oh, nice.

Great. Have you been to Boston?

Yes, I've been to Boston. I've been to where are.

You from? It's just Boston. It's not Bauston. Bauston. Yeah. Did you like it there?

I did like it very much. I enjoyed it. I like to... The fleet center was very enjoyable to see. And you are from Boston?

Right outside Brooklyn, Massachusetts.

Oh, I thought that's the tunt of Massachusetts. Is that correct?

It's not the tunt of Massachusetts. It's a lovely little town that's right on the Boston Line. You can walk into Boston in seconds, or if you get in trouble, you can quickly leave Boston and get into Brooklyn. Oh, you can tiptoe in and out. Tiptoe out. I used to do that a lot when I'd get in trouble. Oh, cute. Back in the day, I was quite a naughty boy.

I like it. What did.

You do? I'd stay late at the library. Sometimes I'd take out a book and turn it in a day late.

Overdue, baby.

Every now and then, I'd get a free sample of an ice cream that I didn't intend to buy in the first two days.

You, Snicky Sucker, small spoon.

I was a real wild man back in the day, but what is nice to have you here. Thank you. And awkward as well.

Yeah, it's because no guest has ever been in.

The third act.

Segment.

And you somehow have done it.

Twice both times you were on. I'm like that villain that was murdered in Act 2, but then maybe not murdered hard enough. Right. So then.

He's back. Slasher that gets.

Back up on the floor. Yes, sorry again.

It's funny that we're bringing this up and you're not even becoming self-conscious and leaving now. No. You're still sticking around. Why don't.

We try asking him to leave? Oh, if you just said this, I would leave.

Yes, of course. Lula, I think you should go.

Okay, great. Everyone, wait. Great to meet you. Bye-bye.

Oh, I didn't really think he'd go. It was that simple. No, I didn't either. Oh, wow. He really is leaving. Wow. Wait, why is he getting separate shirts?

Yeah, why does he- Oh, this is a sunshirt. Wait, you've asked a question?

Yes. Oh, he's back. He's back.

So shirts are important to cover your body because no matter how many creams you wipe on your face and arms and you can still receive sunburns.

Okay. But you already have a shirt.

Layers. Layers are for players, Matt.

Oh, okay. Oh, that's long sleeve?

Long sleeve, I see. And a hood.

Oh, okay. It's a hood. Yes. A hood is something else. No, a hood.

hood.

hood. Hood. Hood. Hood.

Let the.

Dogs out. Okay, don't. No, a hood did not let the dogs out. Oh, okay. Where are you going? Well, now you have to stay because we were going to do something, but we don't have time to do that now, so you might as well stick around until.

The end. Maybe we could take a voicemail from you. I would.

Love it. Okay, send in a voicemail. Hey, let's check. There's a voicemail now I'm told from a Flu La Borg. Is that right?

Yeah.

Yes, that's correct. And he has a question for us. Let's talk to- Adrado? Play it for us?

Hey, everyone. It's me, Fleula Borg. How are you doing today? Okay, that.

Doesn't seem like there's any other sound waves in the interview. That's a shitty voicemail. That is a terrible voicemail. Usually, they ask a question. Let's see if Flula Borg left another one.

Hey, everyone. It's my second message. Apologies for the first message, which was a question. I wanted to see how everyone is doing today and also tonight. And I will see- Oh, for God's sake.

He didn't learn from the first voicemail. There's a third. Hold on. Oh, there's a third. Let's check it out.

Hello, Conan. It's me, Flula. I just wanted to confirm our recording of the podcast tomorrow at 1,300 hours and to just confirm the payment, which is 13 biscuits. Do you have those?

Okay. Yes, we'll give.

Them biscuits. Hey, it's me. I'm still on the... For God's sake, I have one more question.

Oh, he's still on. I can't believe I spoke. There was a long gap in that voicemail. And guess what? There's a gap every time I talk, which.

Is weird. I just wanted to say everyone bye-bye to you and have a very nice day. Do you get it?

Is that the end of it? It is.

And then what's so weird is that.

He's still here. No, he's still here. I asked you to do a simple improv.

What was it?

Where you leave a voicemail that's just like, Oh, Conan, tell us what's your favorite pet, and it allows us to fill out the segment. But you couldn't even do that. Oh, sorry. No, it's too late. It's ridiculous.

Hello, Conan. It's me, Flula. I would like to know what is your favorite pet so you can fill out the segment.

I guess it would be my dog. I love my dog. I love that. You also.

Have cats. So you play favorites?

Yeah, I like dogs better. Flula, where do.

You come down on cats or dogs? On neither one, I pet them.

Thank.

You, Flula. Thank you, as well. -avoid to see you. -avoid to see you. Bye-bye. Conan O'Brien needs a friend. With Cona O'Brien, Sonom O'Sessian, and Matt Gordley. Produced by me, Matt Gordley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, nick Lleale, and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Year Wolf. Themed song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blaire, and our Associate Talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering by Eduardo Perez, additional production support by Mars Mellnik. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Bautista, and Rick Kohn.

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