Ball is here, hear the l, back to school, ring the bell brand new shoes walking loose, climb the fence books and pens I can tell that we are gonna be friends I can tell that we are gonna be friends ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Conan O'Brien. Wow. Incredible. I had no idea. I didn't know you'd be here. This is amazing. Incredible. That's all I can say. Incredible. They told me this was a storage room, and it's like a surprise party. This is amazing. Thank you so much for being here. Are you guys from Miami? No. How many people just make noise if you're not from Miami? Okay, what the hell's going on? Because yesterday I came out and talked to the crowd and went, yeah, Miami. And they're like, I don't know. We're from Germany. Who traveled the furthest to be here? If you think you traveled the furthest, raise your hand. Yes. How far did you travel? Boca Raton. Oh, wait, so you're all from Florida? Oh, well, screw you, then. I did a show in Brooklyn, and people were from. Remember they were from the Netherlands. Oh, yeah. Somebody came from, like, Venezuela.

Yeah, exactly. And these people were like, Boca Raton. How long a drive is Boca Raton? Hour and a half. To see the greatest comedian who ever lived. Who can't say greatest, but says greatiest? No. Thank you very much for being here. We're going to have a lot of fun today. And, Blay, it's been pretty crazy since we've been here. I know you're not. Any one of you have been to Miami before now, but, no, we had a pretty good time last night. We hit a restaurant, and then I'm pretty proud of myself because I managed to avoid the paparazzi. And when I say avoid the paparazzi, I mean they don't give a shit about me. I'm the most boring celebrity. But we come out of the restaurant last night with you and the whole entourage. Yes. And there's a paparazzi guy there filming us. That's right. And I come out. Yeah, you tell the story. It's your show. You go ahead. You're wearing the hawaiian shirt. I'll just stand over here like an asshole. That's all right. I was just going to say, before we went out, this woman approached me and said, Mr. O'Brien, there's paparazzi outside.

Do you want to go out the back? Yeah. And I was like, no, I want to see what paparazzi looks like. I want to see what this paparazzi thing is all about. So we went out the front, and I brought you all out with me. And then the guy starts filming me. And then I walk up to talk to him, and he puts the camera down, and I guess it's online today. Like I bored him to death immediately. You talked to him for, like, ten minutes. And then he was like, I got to go. He's like, I got to go. And I'm like, don't you want a picture of me maybe kissing someone who's not my wife? I'm like, nah, I'm good. That's the effect I have on these seen. I've walked past guys before who have the long lenses in New York, and they start to lift the camera, and then they go, I'm like, it's digital. You're not waiting. Just get one just in there, like, it's good. We're fine. You're too boring. Hey, Ruthie, how are you? You shooting this on the socials? I don't know what that is. I'm 85 years old.

Hi, Instagram. How are you? Okay, well, anyway, that happened. David hopping. Is David hopping here? This is David's my assistant, who fills in for some. Don't play music for David. That's my music. Here, you stand over there. You're being punished for having your own music when you came out. I didn't say give him music. That's insane. No, we have so much to talk about. I talk about our big paparazzi experience. That was. Yeah, yeah. They couldn't wait to get away. Okay, shut up, David Conan started to walk and was like, do you want to see the buns? And the camera goes down so fast. Yes. Give the mic away. There you go. That's enough. David. No. You lost your mic privileges. David. No, he'll get it back. Don't worry. We're going to have such a good time. We're going to have a really good time here. Oh, one thing I have to mention. This show is going to drop in March, I believe. Is that correct? Correct. So please play along, okay? Don't be like, merry Christmas, because when it drops in March, you'll look like we're brain damaged. So don't do that. Just be chill.

It's march when this airs. Okay? So if I say, man, spring is sprung, play along like spring really just sprang. If I say, well, April, only a couple of weeks away, sort of nod and go, yeah, a couple of weeks away. Boy, these are boring things I'm talking about. If I actually say those things, it means we're in deep trouble. But anyway, that's the plan. When is it, David? Okay, it's March. It's March? Yeah. Too much. You overdid it. Some people came as far as Boca Raton. That's an hour and 20 minutes drive. Yeah. Probably running an errand here anyway. Yeah. And then just came in here and was like, I guess I'll watch him. Yeah. I've never seen the paparazzi photos of him, so I'll check him out in person. All right, well, I guess we should get started, shouldn't we? Yes. Let's get David up here. David, you want to sit with me for a second? What is this transition music doing? What's it accomplishing? It's a night. We're playing you over to the stage. I just stepped up onto this little riser thing, and there has to be a song. Share is too low.

I'm sorry, folks. I got to get it together. I stayed out really late at the clubs. It's not true. It's not true. We dropped you off at the hotel, and then Blay Ruthie and I went out. I know. I went right up to my room and. Yeah. Watched, like, just whatever. I forget what I watched. Agent Cody Banks. Agent Cody Banks, too. They go to London. It's a true story. Well, anyway, I'm a creep. No, it's what was on when I turned on the TV and I thought of you. Because I know you love 90s television.

I do.

You even have a podcast? I do. I'd like to. Once you say the name of your podcast called back to the best. Okay, you can all follow us on Instagram at BTDB podcast. We can pause so the audience can all follow right now. What are you doing? I just said you can. Thank you. There you go. All right, well, anyway, are you having a good time here in Miami? I am, yeah. It's cool.

Okay.

That's all the show we have. Thanks a lot for being here. I'm very excited. I think we should get our guest out here. Do it. I really do. I think we should do this thing. Do this thing. I never get to say do this thing, but I'm going to say it now. All right, let me get the correct card. Here we go. Are you folks ready for our guest? And what month is it? You bet it's march. It is. Yeah. Summer's coming on fast. That's almost here. Hey, David, what did you get for Christmas? What was your favorite gift? What about the Maserati I gave you? Hey, that was so nice. I loved. Yeah. Yeah. Too bad we had to take it back. All right. It was just a stunt. Hate it here. I gave him a Maserati and then took it away immediately. My guest today is a Grammy award winning rock and roll hall of Fame musician and frontman, one of the most successful rock bands of all time. He now has a new single entitled Legendary, as well as a new docuseries I just watched entitled thank you. Good night. The Bon Jovi story.

I'm thrilled he's here today. John Bon Jovi, welcome.

Hi, I'm John Bon Jovi, and I feel mildly amused about being Conan O'Brien.

I'll take it. I'll take it.

I need a phone book.

I know. What's it? We're both sinking into these seats. Both like Mr. Burns. I know that we are a similar vintage. I think we were probably born around the same time. And all I ever do is I walk in the room. This is like the best looking man I've ever seen at any age group. And every day I look at my face in the mirror, and it's a pumpkin rotting in the sun. I don't know what you're doing. You're drinking the blood of the living. But whatever you're doing, absolutely incredible.

Thank you very much. Older than dirt. I've earned this gray hair. At least you're still. This is a wig.

I just strap this on. It's just Velcro, and it goes on in the back.

Yeah, that's me.

No, thank you so much for doing this. You've been very nice to me over the years. You came on the late night show, I think seven times, which I don't.

Guys were incredibly supportive of the band. Thank you.

Yeah. And you were even crazy enough to invite triumph along. Yes. It's one of the fans favorite remotes. Is triumph giving you guys endless amounts of shit? And I remembered when Robert Smygle told me, yeah, they've invited triumph. And I said, why would anyone invite him in? He was on the podcast last week, and he spent 15 minutes absolutely ripping me apart. And when he was done, I was laughing as triumph. He had the puppet there ripping me apart. And then when he was done, I was really laughing hard. But when I went home, there was blood in my urine. He attacks. And you think you're having a really good time, and then you get home and realize, oh, my God, he absolutely destroyed me.

Triumph classic at Metlife Stadium. I mean, he didn't, like, come to a little club somewhere. We took him to the stadium.

Oh, I know. I remembered seeing it. You guys were very good sports and fools, I think, to have them, we loved them. But I was talking to you backstage that I got to see this documentary about you, the band, how it all got started. And the first thing that struck me, which I could relate to, is how much things change. You get a little older and how much harder you have to work just to stay at the same level. And that's something you talk about, like, your work ethic is absolutely insane and very admirable because people think being in a rock and roll band and being a massive star would just be fun.

Of course it is.

Of course it's fun. Yeah, I got that from the documentary. You didn't have to work at all. You totally foamed it in. But it's impressive, like, how much work you have to do.

Well, look, every kid thinks he's a singer because he's in the shower doing it, and then you can do it in a bar, and then you can even make a record. You make a record now you've set the bar, and now you have to beat that record every fucking time.

Watch the swearing a little bit. This is a podcast for children, really. It's a kid show. Five and six years old. Yeah, no, it starts out with you doing all these vocal exercises and you're just talking about, like, yes, 60. The band's been around 40 years, and you do all this work. And I don't even think fans, they're not supposed to know how much work you put into it.

Right? It's supposed to look easy, but the harder you work, the luckier you get. And on the other hand, I had an old adage, nobody loved the fat Elvis. I don't want to go out like that. If I'm going to die, it's going to be out there doing it the right way or don't do it right. If you're not going to do it, don't be the fat Elvis.

Yeah, I disagree. I plan to really fall apart and hang around. I'm just hanging around, and we're constantly doing research that shows no one wants me anymore. And I'm like, I don't care. I'm going to eat these pork chops and get out there. Just embarrass myself.

Yeah.

No, it is a real testament, and also it is a great story. I think people should watch this, because, like anything else, when you see everything that went into it, what I took away from it is you're this kid and you have music teachers in school telling you, yeah, you're not a singer. Everyone's telling you, you're not a singer. And you just are like, yeah, no, I am. You'll see. You just keep going. In the face of a lot of adversity.

Give a kid a dream, it's dangerous. So it was as simple as that. And at the time, growing up in New Jersey was very different than being in Los Angeles or Manhattan or somewhere that had a big spotlight on you. We were in the shadow of the greatest city in the world. With New York City, we were close enough to greatness, but we could develop our chops, we could learn our craft. We could play other people's music and emulate them until the time when we got to that place where you felt that, the hell with it, I'm going to jump off the diving board and see if I can swim. And so that was really important. The time, the late 70s was a melting pot of great music that was happening. It was at a time when a DJ could influence an audience. They had an endless playlist and a microphone, and they could talk to the audience and say, check this out. And a band could break out of a city. It didn't have to be a national thing with a big push behind it. So all of those things came together at a time for me.

But even by the time I was 18, I said, I can't play other people's music anymore.

And at 18, you were a cover band. You were in a cover band, and you're only playing other people's songs.

And then you decide, I'm 18.

Yeah, 18 years old, that's enough. And you decide, I'm going to start writing my own stuff. I have a decent imagination and I've made my living off of what goes on in my brain. The one thing that is a complete mystery to me, and I've said this to a lot of my musical guests, is songwriting. It's completely magical, and you clearly have this great gift for it. But when you first start, how do you even know what you're doing?

You don't. But I've heard others say that, and it sort of mystifies me because I think, oh, it's really not that hard, but I could never write comedy or I could never write a script. I think how difficult that would be to write a script and all of that dialog with every intention of each of the characters. But writing a song, for me, it starts out very stupid and simple, and you're stealing from everybody, and then you're emulating your heroes, and then you're rhyming. Moon, June and spoon. And with time, I like that song, that was a hit for me, by the way.

1987, it went to the top of.

The chart until eventually you develop a voice, and then you're writing chapters in your own book. Yeah, but it's kind of what it.

Is when you're looking at those old tapes. 85, 86. And what is it that hits you right away? Is it what you're wearing? The look?

My baby pictures were public. Your audiences were not. So I have to live with that. The poster boy of the 80s. No. I can chuckle at all of that now and really enjoy the laugh as much as anyone else can. But I think that what I enjoyed the most is that we made the impossible possible by just saying, we can go, why not? It wasn't why, it was, why not? We can do this. If you work hard, we can do this. And the film really was great for me because I got to look back at this 40 years in a time capsule, and the four parts are, well, as you've seen, and I hope your audience has seen really telling, because it's all the warts. It's the ups, the downs. It's the hurting. It's the healing.

Any successful band, to be really good, they have to have an element where they're almost tearing each other apart. I don't know what that thing is, but clearly it just is part of the stew of any great band. And another great music documentary was about the Eagles, and it's just about them. They're all trying to kill each other at different mean. It's like you're watching Survivor, but that's the element that seems to be kind of important.

I think it absolutely is. It's a sexless marriage in most rock bands.

You mean it's a marriage.

Right? Anyway, you're with these guys 24/7.

I'm laughing and crying at the same time.

So you're together to the point of frustration, and then there's all the infighting, and success is intoxicating, and then it depends on what you do with it. How many comedians have we seen, or actors or singers that get a taste of that, and then they fuck up? Or you realize what you're doing and you go on. I remember telling a story about the Beatles, that they were the archetype, that you wish that John had lived, because could they. Would they have gotten back together or could they. Would they have had a healing because they had seen someone else somewhere get fixed? Because the Eagles were a great example, right? It's 15 years of not being together, and then they get back together and they're still touring. Every great band, if you think about it. Technically, the East street band was not working together. The Eagles weren't working together. Guns and roses weren't aerosmith, where they.

Came apart down a list.

But in a weird know, the gravitational pull gets everybody back together one more time. And if it can, it does.

One of the things that's very cool about your story that I'd heard about, but didn't really understand completely until I saw the documentary series, is that you're a kid. You know, this is what you want to do. And so you manage to get a job working at this recording studio, and you're running errands.

Sure.

You're getting coffee. You're probably getting other illegal things for people as well. You're around it, and this is at that level. And I've always told, young people are always saying to me, if they're interested in comedy, they say, well, how did you get into this? Or what do you think I should do? What's your advice? I say, go to where they're doing the thing that you love and be around it. Just get close to it. And if it means that you're getting paid next to nothing and you're getting coffee, do that.

You pay them.

Yeah. And so you were around in this studio and famous studio, the power station. The power station. And so you're around, and you're 1819.

Exactly.

There's Aerosmith, there's Stephen Tyler. These huge stars are around, and you're the kid, and you're close to it.

But I think far enough away, because they weren't inviting you in for nine out of ten times. I looked through the control room door, window. Freddie Mercury, David Bowie, singing under pressure.

That's incredible.

I jumped out of a cab one time, paying with nickels and quarters, no lie. With my little band. From a rehearsal studio, about to go up to the stairs of the recording studio to just walk through the door, paparazzi guy, as you're talking about, jumps out of a garbage can. He starts taking pictures of what was the Rolling Stones jumping out of their limo to go in the studio. The guy yells at Mick Jagger, Mick, Mick, Mick, give us a picture of the band. He grabs me and my friends, throws his arms around me, and he says, this is our new band, the Frogs. What I would give to find that picture.

It's out there somewhere.

You got to figure, I thought it was the guy, Ron Galella. Remember that guy? I thought it was him for the longest time. He says, no, it wasn't me, but somebody jumped out of that dumpster somebody took that picture of. And if I'm not mistaken, it was Bill Wyman who held the door for us. And Mick said, yeah, go upstairs and there with Rolling Stones in the lobby of this studio. Now, granted, we didn't get to hang out, we didn't get to talk, but I was lucky enough in that period of time to be there and having had several bands by that time, and I'd gotten out of high school, that second cousin of mine is a guy that I didn't know before, came to see my band play at my father's behest, and he said, the band stink, the kids sort of got something and stay in touch. And so for $50 a week, I called him in September after I graduated high school with no college on the horizon, he says, yeah, I'll give you $50 a week and come be a gopher. I was like, thank you, please, and I took the bus to New York every day and did that.

I remember the first comic relief, I think they still have them, but for the first comic relief to raise money for unhoused people, that they, they had got every famous comedian in the world. And I think at the time I was 21, complete unknown, just getting started in LA, but I volunteered and ended up getting coffee for people. But I just wanted to be around it. I didn't ask anybody for a favor, I didn't say, hey, I think I'm pretty funny. You don't do that, no, you just be of service. You make yourself kind of indispensable to people and then they start to say.

They'Re a little nicer to you, they're.

A little nicer to you, and when you have that proximity to it, it probably made you think, this is achievable, this can be done.

We believed that in Jersey at 1718. I believed that because the band weren't together yet, it made the impossible possible for me, because 25 miles south was the Asbury Jukes and the East street band. It wasn't led Zeppelin, that was just beyond the reach, that was too big. But those guys, and they were right down the street. And remember now, there was ten Asbury Jukes and 70 street band members, there was always going to be one of them bumming a beer from somebody somewhere, right? So you couldn't help but run into them, even though I was obviously the next generation. But the first time Bruce jumped on stage with me, I was 17 years old.

It's amazing. They actually have.

There's photos, yeah, there's photos of that.

You were singing, you're in a cover band, you're singing a Springsteen tune in New Jersey, when this guy jumps on stage to grab the mic and sing with you, and it turns out to be pretty unbelievable. It doesn't happen a lot. I wouldn't.

No. Well, then again, Bruce plays with a lot of people.

They've actually asked him to leave a couple of weddings. What do you mean? I have to go. Just get out of here. Just one more. Come on. Yeah, I have my horn section at late night. For all those years. Labamba, the guy for years saying in the year 2000, he was an original. They were the juice horn section.

You bet that. And Southside is still doing it. And he's doing it great, and he's in great spirits and he's working and doing and being. And of course, the East street band are still doing their. It's. Yeah, they're still doing it. It's great.

And it's funny because at that time, Asbury jukes come along, Springsteen comes along. They didn't proudly say, we're from New Jersey. It wasn't something. It wasn't sexy.

No, it was the punchline.

Yeah, you guys. Well, Bruce did, but I'm saying, as a group, all of you sort of made Jersey this magical place.

Well, he did. He did. And so for the next generation, which is us, we're the next generation. Not even a year or two or five or ten.

Right.

The next generation. Give all respect where it belongs. The East street band was everything but for the next generation. Yeah. Bon Jovi became a big worldwide band.

Yeah. Yes, I heard of you. Well, it's so cool because you put in all this work and all this. Really. It's the third album.

Yeah.

Isn't that the slippery when wet, that explodes? I remember this really clearly because it blew up just as my comedy career. I really get started in 86, right around the time. And so I'm hearing that on the radio. What really struck me about that whole part of your life is now I see how much work went in before that.

Sure.

At the time, it just looked like, well, these guys hit it big and this John Bon Jovi guy just lucked out, and now all the women in the world want to be with him. And now I see that it was this relentless struggle for what must have seemed to you, like, a long time before it finally hit that. But then you're ready for it at.

Every level of success. When you're playing a block dance, you think you're the king of the world. Anytime you stepped on the stage. I'm sure you were happy to be in front of 30 people going, I'm the king of the world. I'm going to O'Brien now. And then all the way up that ladder.

If it was just 30 people, no, and this was a problem for much of my career. I would scream at the crowd, why aren't there more? Why aren't there more? And then people would just leave, kind of bummed. That was a real roadblock for me. But no, but it felt like when that finally hit, and then you're playing stadiums, you're ready because you've done well.

You can do it over and over. If you've got some chops by then, sure. But every step along the way, I swear to you, if I played a block dance, I thought that we had made it. You played the fast lane, which was the place in Asbury where original bands played. And that was so my home club, which is no longer there, tore it down. But I thought we made it because we played there in every way. Getting a record deal, being opening act, opening for somebody at the Garden, you thought that was it, all the way up the ladder. And to this day, I don't think I've ever achieved the top of the ladder yet. Every day you want to do better. Not more, just, you want to do better.

It's funny because that kind of intensity can be tough on people around you. If you have that, it's not good enough, or, I think I could do better. I have a little bit of a negative voice in my head that's always saying, okay, that was all right. But other people are saying, that was really good. And I'm like, no, it wasn't. And people check me on it all the time, and I realize it's not always fun to be around, but that's part of what it is. Yeah.

I've learned to be more comfortable and stuff around everybody and open to being vulnerable. I certainly will express to any and everybody I'm hurting. I could use the help, guys. And everybody's very supportive that, but I won't accept mediocrity. I want it to be the best it can possibly be. I can't do anything else.

I think that the part that is mind boggling to me is that if you're playing an instrument, if you're the. Playing the keyboards, if you're the bass player and you keep your chops up, you can play that in a stadium, but you have to put the song across vocally. And that's something where you start to run into. You're fighting mother Nature at a certain point, which you show very honestly in the documentary how hard you have to work. At one point, you have lasers treating your throat to kind of take the inflammation down. And the amount of work, the amount of vocal training you have to do that you didn't have to do when you were 1825, 30, 40, or 50.

But it caught up. And again, it's something that I work at every day. So I enjoy it, too, though. I like doing it. It's just sort of what I do, I guess. At this point, it's just ingrained in me. I don't know what I would do if I didn't do it. Not on the stage, not in the spotlight, but just singing and playing and writing. It's not generated or motivated by the spotlight or the stage. It really isn't.

You have this new single and legendary. And I'm curious at this point, and I heard it today and loved it. But I was thinking to myself, how do you, at this point in your life, do you walk around and play it for people on a guitar and say, what do you think of this? Do you have people you go to that you bounce it off of who you think are going to be honest with you?

Yeah, because I don't.

No one will say. People just tell me, I just want to get paid.

Tell you what they.

Yeah, it's just what gets me paid today. And I say, just tell me it's great. And they say, it's great. And then it sucks. And that's worked for me for years. But I would think at this point, even if.

As long as I care enough. Look, our last album was called 2020. And I put it into this black hole called COVID and came out right. I couldn't promote it in any way. I couldn't tour it. It was a very topical record. It wasn't an upbeat record. I'm writing songs about George Floyd and about COVID and about gun violence. And my audience was no hits. Why? And I go, well, depressing songs about the mood, things that are really happening. But here's the diary of my life at that time. And so you write these songs, and I'm very proud of the record. Now I'm in a better mood. We can go out. I don't have to sit home and drink. I can go out.

I prefer to drink at home. Yeah. Alone. And I'll tell you, people say, that's not good.

But no, it's really.

You should try it.

You don't have to share any.

You don't have to share. The whole bottle is yours. And you have all these great ideas and you start yelling. You write them down, and then in the morning, they just look like gibberish. No, but I get to talk to so many people whose work I admire and who've achieved these great things. And what you're saying resonates exactly with what Neil Young told me not too long ago on this podcast, which is, he told me that whatever's happening to me right now, it's not my business whether or not it's a big commercial thing or can. You can have hits. You not have hits, but what you're giving people is what is available to you and to them at that time.

That'S all that mattered. Otherwise, you're going to write the Macarena. If you're chasing hits, you're going to write the Macarena.

I forgot about the Macarina.

Great song.

This guy's doing it. There's a guy in the front row doing it, or he's having some kind of attack. I think he's off his meds. Yeah.

You know what I mean? You're going to chase hits.

Yuck.

Couldn't do it. Wouldn't be interested.

You know, you've made it because you can. Sometimes, probably everybody, no matter what they've achieved, can still question, did I really get there? You have a rest area named after you on the Garden State Parkway. Now, that, to me, that's fantastic. We arrested the suspect at the John Bon Jovi rest area.

I stand on the side of the road. I welcome people in to go, and I direct them to the men's room, the ladies room.

You should be there to give people shoulders.

I hand them towels when they're washing their hands. You. You didn't wash your hands. Come back here.

Yeah. I also didn't realize that you guys played 89. You played in the Soviet Union. We did, which is absolutely unbelievable to me. Before the wall came down, you guys were there.

We were with the torch at Lenin Stadium.

I mean, this is at a time when rock bands were not allowed to go into the Soviet Union, and I would bet that would be a very appreciative audience.

They were. Now, you got to remember the Soviet Union, if you even thought of having an album as we knew it, you would be imprisoned. There was kids that had lists on a piece of paper that were very small because if the KGB came up at that time, they would crumple and need it. So there was more security on the catering backstage than there was on any band's dressing room, because they were like, if they see the hard rock cafes, cheeseburgers and french fries, there will be a fucking. And meanwhile, we're playing at this festival with these other bands and nobody gave a shit about that because the security was truly crying when they saw the kinds of food. So we went to the Soviet Union. Yeah. And it was a part of a deal that my first manager, who was arrested for smuggling a lot of drugs and whatever, we've all done it to keep him out of jail. I had to go to the Soviet Union, but that's another story.

Wait a minute. Yeah, you can't just toss that off. So he was in a lot of trouble. And if you went to the Soviet Union, he would not be in crazy.

I don't know how he did this, but my first manager got into some trouble with the law, honest to God, for he was accused of smuggling, I don't know, some incredible amount of tons of marijuana into America.

If you're going to do something, go.

All out like I'm talking like hundreds of a lot of dope. And somehow his plea bargain was to take the young, cute kid and throw him to the wolves and the judge. And then he says, and I've got an idea, we'll go to the Soviet Union and promote peace and harmony and blah, blah, blah. And please, your honor, don't put me in prison. And so I had to go in the snow to the Soviet Union and say, we're coming. And he put a package together with some of his acts and some of his friends, and we went and played. It was crazy story. He never went to prison.

Right? It's a good, happy ending.

Yeah, good, happy.

He went on to move a lot more trucks.

Crazy story, but true story.

So it's been 40 years, 15 studio albums.

Is that right, at least, yeah.

And like I say, the thing that I related to the most is because I'm right there with you somewhere vintage, is I'm always trying to find something I'm passionate about. And if I can find that and I can find something that interests me, that's good enough, you know what I mean? And you have to really work at it. You have to keep trying. And I took a lot of inspiration from your documentary because I thought, this is a guy who has put in the work over and over and over again.

Thanks. I don't know about you, but I could have been very comfortable. And I mean, this, working at the auto body shop or. My father was a hairdresser. My mother had a little retail shop, I was very, very comfortable, confident in who I was and what my life could be. But I loved this thing, which was singing in a rock band. I'm the only one in my family that ever did.

It.

Wasn't like we had a musical household, but that was my love.

It wasn't.

I was drawn to it for celebrity. It was just. I just needed it in the morning, so otherwise I really could have been happy. It's not driven by anything other than the sheer love.

Yeah. When I meet young people, and especially in this age of the cell phones and the Instagram and influencers, and I meet people and they tell me they're interested in doing something, I said, what is it? And when they tell me that their interest is being famous, when that's the first thing they mention, I think, I don't know what that is because that's a clear broth. There's no nutrients in that. That's people in a restaurant looking up, seeing you, and then looking back down at their food for a second. You have to love the thing that you're doing, and that has to drive it.

I'm sure they love that thing that they're doing, but what exactly is it? I'd like to think that what we're trying to do is leave something behind. All the people that you made smile over the years is leaving something behind. You impacted all those people for generations now, Conan, you made people laugh, and that's a gift that you gave back. Looking hot in an Instagram picture is pretty be.

I'd like to have both.

I would love to have both.

I'd like to look so hot in an Instagram photo. It just doesn't. Irish face is collapsing in on itself. You're this very generous guy. He plays a lot of benefits. I think I've been at maybe ten different benefits over the years where you've shown up and played, and when you're playing your music, just watching people jump up on their feet and sing along. And one of the coolest things I ever saw is I was standing near your wife, Dorothy, and I think.

You.

Started to play one of your many hits, and she jumped up and started singing along. And I thought, my wife doesn't do that. My life's like, whatever you think he's funny, all right. But I love that you guys have been together forever, that she seems like your biggest fan, which I thought was very cool.

Well, she's my most honest fan. She'll tell you when it sucks. It absolutely tells me when it's not good. So that's the best thing. Look, we've been together since high school, for God's sake.

Yeah, that's amazing.

It's a good thing, but she's no bullshit. She doesn't do the insta either, so she don't care about that. It's better to leave that all out there and on the stage. It's not what we bring home.

Now, I have to bring this up because I'm a very enthusiastic wine drinker. I know that you started a wine business and you've come out with this rose, and I'm bringing this up because apparently this thing is huge. This is huge. It's called Hampton water.

Hampton water is really big. It's really my son's company. I get to be Santa Claus. I come in for the photo op and the tastings. Everyone wants to sit on my lap and take a picture, and then HR comes in.

And by the way, thanks for letting me do that. Exactly. I hope you had security.

You weren't supposed to grind on my lap when you sat down with a picture.

It's when I started bouncing that you got upset. Yeah. It's funny because this is a true story. Like, sometimes different singers or actors are associated with a really cool liquor, right? And I remember a couple of years ago, my manager was like, you got to get in on this. And I said, no one's going to buy a tequila or a whiskey because it's associated with Conan O'Brien. And he was like, well, we got to think of something. We don't really have to think of something. I'm fine. He's like, you're not thinking straight, Clooney. And he starts yelling at about all the people who've made all this money. Probably shouted your name, too. I'm telling you, John Bodhobe's killing it. You got to do something. And then he called me up later and he was like, hair pomade.

Now? Wait a minute.

I was like, wait a minute. So you're the businessman here. Do you want to go in? Yeah.

Because you've got iconic.

You have iconic hair. Yeah, I have hair. That's. It's a punchline. But it's gotten me through, and so I think, let me know.

There's an opportunity.

I think people would get the Conan Pomade.

I agree.

Yeah, I agree.

I like the idea.

Yeah, you can see the wheels turning right now.

I'm there.

You're going to call me later tonight, aren't you? Yep. And tell me it's a really stupid idea. All right, well, I want to make sure I get the word out here, check out Bon Jovi's new single, legendary, as well as the four part docuseries. Thank you. Good night. The Bon Jovi story, which I recommend because. Thank you. It's really a terrific document. And also just kind of, to me, a how to of. Well, yes, you get the luck. You clearly were born with all these gifts. But then you made sure, you made absolutely sure that success had every opportunity to happen. Just through working your ass off now.

Thanks, brother. I appreciate it. And thank you for all the years of friendship. It's been great to see you and your audience today, but I don't know.

Who these people are they're waiting on. Really? Yeah. Some of them came as far as Boca Raton to be here. Oh, I heard that. That's the kind of fan base I have.

Yeah, but the guy said it took him an hour and a half to drive here. You should have said it took 8 hours to drive here because the freaking drive down this highway. You had to take the train.

Take the train?

Yeah, you got to take the train.

I can't leave my hotel because of the paparazzi. I mean, the paparazzi not being interested. Hey, man, thank you so much for doing.

It's a joy.

Thanks. Everybody looks so much better than me. Infuriating. I couldn't even think. I kept falling in love with him as I was speaking to him. You're very handsome, too. Right, guys? Come on. Come on. That was horrible. Sorry. I hated that. Trying to help you out. You're not bad looking. Right, everybody? There's $100 in it for each of you. You applaud his rotting skull. Quiet, you. Now we're going to take a few questions from the audience. Oh, sure. This is where I get to find out what's going on. Hello.

Hi.

What's your name?

I'm Kaya.

Hi, Kaya.

Hi.

How's it going?

Good. I just can't believe you're there. I'm sorry.

Look, I can get even closer.

So in the game.

Hold it. Did your phone just go off? What the hell? You're running my social media empire and your phone just went off? I'm so sorry. Do I have a microphone so I can stand? Is that okay? Is that all right? Here, take this one. Hello? Hello? There we go. This thing's on. Yes. I'll stand closer to you so you can really see. Is this too much for you? This is what women do. When I get close to them, they.

Go, no.

I see. Its face is invisible. How are you. What's going on?

I have a terrible question now. Okay, so in the game fuck Mary kill.

What?

You heard the game.

In the game. Yes. I play this with my grandchildren all the time. Before you go to bed, little ones, you're going to play fuck Mary kill?

In the game, if you can only pick male comedians. Only male comedians.

Only male comedians. Yeah.

Yes. Who would you choose? And a bonus if you choose flula as one. But that's a wild man.

Flula Borg. I don't know if you guys are familiar, but he's a be. Maybe I would go with flula for sexual relations because he's chiseled, you know? Yeah. He's like a piece of bavarian furniture. I don't even know what that means. I apologize. Then do I do the other two as well? Yes. Okay, so who would I marry? Let's see. I would marry. I think I'm going to marry Bill Hader because he just does bits. He does such great impressions all the time that I would feel like I was constantly with a different partner. And we're never real with each other. Whenever he comes over to my house, he's like, yes, Mr. Bright. And I'm like, oh, my God, I'm with a new person. This is fantastic. And then who am I going to kill? Okay, let's see. Who am I going to murder? There's so many that I want to murder. Yeah, I would know. I'm going to murder Jack McBrair. I love him. I love him, but I just want him to hear that I said, I'm going to get him. And he's another person who I'm never real with. I'm always like, I'll point to an elevator when I'm with Jack and I'll say, does it scare you?

Because it's a moving room. Did they not have that back on the farm? And he's so funny. He'd be like, sir, I know what an elevator is. And we just do that back and forth like idiots for hours. But he needs to be murdered. I'm going to murder him. That's a good question. Hello. I'll get you. Yeah, it's this woman next. And then you and I'll take care of everybody. Hello. Hey. I love your hair.

Thank you.

You look fantastic.

Dark. Thank you.

Yeah. That's so cool. How did you do that?

Someone I paid too much money for did it for me because I don't trust.

Okay, okay. All right. Well, it's cool. You have a fringe of gold around your face. It's beautiful. Like a halo effect.

It's really nice. Thank you.

Yeah. I'd like to have the same thing done to my hair.

You can have it. We'll trade.

Okay. You don't want this. This is a curse.

We'll see what happens.

So what's your name?

Sammy.

Hey, Sammy.

Hi.

Hi.

Longtime listener, first time caller.

Thanks.

I have a twofold. So I really like the Muppets. Which Muppet do you sincerely relate to? And then would that Muppet play you in a biopic?

Oh, my God. Man, I wish I knew the Muppets well enough. I think it would be cookie monster, because I eat very quickly. I grew up, I was one of six, and they would put food out and, like, cookie monster, I just throw the food at my mouth and it all comes falling out. You can attest that I'm a very fast eater. I eat things very fast. And I always. When I see Cookie monster eat, anyone who knows me knows that that's Conan. There's like, a ham sandwich and I'm just throwing it at my mouth and there's just a big piece of felt that blocks it from going in. Cookie monster, he wastes so much food, those cookies go flying right out of his mouth. So. Yeah. And I would want him to play me in the biopic. Yeah. Or maybe he would. Yeah, no, maybe. I don't know. I don't know. He'd have to do, like, a SWAT because I look more like. Know. We'll hold an audition. What's that? We'll hold an audition. Okay. We'll figure it out. But that's my answer for now. Yes. You have a question?

My name is Delaney.

Hey, Delaney. Cool name. That's your first name?

Yeah.

That's so cool.

Thank you.

Because your first name's a last name? Is your last name a first name?

Unless Costello is a first name.

Laney Costello. That's a cool name.

Thank you. Also irish.

Sorry. It's a terrible thing.

Yeah, I don't.

No one's bragging. You're just identifying the disease and we're going to talk about it.

So we didn't plan this. I have a question about the Muppets, too.

Something about my fans. I don't have the most mature fans. Obsessed. Okay, all right.

So if you had to kiss a muppet, which one would you kiss and why?

Definitely snuffeluffagus.

Why? Yeah.

Because I went to Sesame street once to tape something years and years ago, and I saw snuffelophagus when he wasn't being operated, and he was hanging from the ceiling. They, like, hang him up there and he looked like one of Hannibal Lecter's victims. It was the most freakish thing. And I felt so terrible for snuffalophagus, that part of me wants to see him alive and then embrace him and kiss him, cover him with caresses, because what I saw just shocked me. It was horrifying. It was like someone was leaving. It was like a mob guy was leaving a threat. Like, we did this to snuffelophagus and we're going to do it to you next if you don't come across. So anyway, yeah, I'd like to see snuffelufagus alive because that sort of traumatized me. And then the idea that we would have a romantic liaison.

Sounds like you've thought about this a lot.

It's all I think about. I was just backstage thinking about it, and then when I was with John Bon Jovi, I was thinking about a threesome.

Is this why he didn't go out last?

Because he's so big? Know you'd lose John Bon. You wouldn't even know. John Bon Jovi's there for a while and then he'd sort of, whoa. I didn't know. And then he'd go back into something. What are we doing? Is this any way to behave? I don't think so. Delaney? That's even your real name? I don't think it is. Here we go. Hello. Hi. What's your name?

My name's Emily.

Hi, Emily.

I'm so nervous. I'm so happy to talk.

Oh, don't be nervous. Just me.

To make you feel better. Though, I did have to leave at 1130 this morning and didn't get here till 445, so what? You're welcome.

Wait, where were you coming from?

Central Florida.

So is it the traffic? Is that what the problem is?

Yes.

You know what I'm going to do the next time I do one of these is send all the fans that get tickets, sirens that you can put on the roof of your car.

It would have been helpful.

You all get here in, like, eight minutes. If any cop stops you, you'd be like, no, it's my Conan podcast. Siren.

Yes. So where I live is part of the largest retirement community in America, which is called the villages, which is a crazy place.

Why is everyone making noises?

Because everybody. No, they're crazy. Older generation gets it wrong.

Why are you waving? This man's got a story to tell. What did they do to you? They have the highest STD rate. I think in the. Everyone seems to know about, why am I having no fun?

Well, my question. They only use golf carts to travel.

They probably do it in the golf carts, too. My God, this is fantastic. And everyone seems to know about it.

They use a loofah system that they attach to their golf carts that lets the other people know what they're into, like swinging or anal or oral. So my question for you is, no.

We'Re not going to get to your. You're not asking a question now until we fully examine what's happening here. You're now the guest. I'm going to cancel. We're not even going to air John Bon Jovi. This is all going to be an expose on. What's this place called?

The villages.

The villages. They use a Lufa system. They do, but the Lufas aren't involved in the sexual act.

I mean, they could be.

Sure.

So they have different. Whatever color you can look online. They have a color.

I'm going to look online immediately.

And so they'll have that attached to their golf cart. So when they're driving around, somebody can be like, oh, they're into swinging. Let's go hook up with them.

Yes.

So my question is.

Yes. What is the minimum age when you can be accepted to this? What sounds like a wonderland?

You are old enough.

What's that?

You are old enough to be there.

I wish you had said, not old enough.

Sorry.

Okay. I wish you had said, oh, Conan, don't be silly. You have to be much older than you are. So really? I could get in at my age?

Yes, you could.

Okay, now what if I can I get a place there and kind of visit every now and then?

Yes.

So I don't have to save it.

Most of them are snowbirds in that they only come during the winter and then they go back up north during the summer.

Okay.

Yeah.

Why do you know so much about this?

I work for the county.

That I did. So you're blowing that. You're a whistleblower. We're here at, like, a historic Delaney. Write all this down. Why? Only my fans then pretend to write. She's blowing the roof off of criminal rings and you're doing bits where you spacewrite something in an improv class. We're going to go there, all of us, and stop this madness. Or participate.

Yes.

Oh, I think we're going to participate, definitely. This is a participation crowd. Oh, my God. Well, I don't want to be eight. Just I think whatever age you are. Good for you. You know what? I'm saying, but, oh, my God, you went into such detail about what they're up to swinging. And then you said all this other stuff and I blacked out for a minute. Okay, you did have a question. And then I'm going to have a follow up question for you. Just about application process. How long does it take? Is it anonymous? That kind of thing? Because I don't want it getting out that I'm seeing a woman who fought in the korean war. Man, Edna and I really got it on last night. So what's up? What's going on?

So my question is, if you were a member of the villages, what would be so great?

If your question wasn't about that at all. Do you like oatmeal cookies with raisins or without? Go ahead. Okay.

If I was a member, what would you want your loofah to tell the other villagers that you're into?

Well, I don't know what they mean. Do you really know what the different loofahs mean? White is novice and beginners. Purple is voyeur and people who like to watch. Pink, soft wrap. People who like to do it with others in the room. And then there's more blue. Lowest level of swap. Those who can play well with others. Well, that sounds like me. Here we go. Yellow, mid level swap. For those who want to have fun but are still nervous. I would be very nervous that someone's hip would fall off. Full swap. Those who say, what the hell, let it all go down. Teal, bisexual for those who want to increase their dating chances. Is that it? Okay, that's enough. That's a lot of loofahs. This is incredible. This is absolutely unbelievable. Yeah, triumph needs to go there. That's a really good idea. Let me unsolate the last time you had sex, you were with Nancy Lincoln. You suck. You take your teeth out before. Hey, that's enough, triumph. What's this? I don't know. I'd say black, full swap. Those who say, what the hell, let it all go down. That's what I would do. That's what I would do.

Not because it's hard, because it's easy.

Can I ask for like a handshake or something?

What's that?

Can I ask for a handshake or something?

It's going to end with a handshake.

Yes.

We discussed anal and ear sex and all kinds. Yeah. Come on over. We'll have a quick. Yeah, here we go. Thank you. Let's do a quick hug here. Seriously, I have a lot of more questions for you. We'll figure that out. You guys seem to all know about this place. It's incredible. I would love it if we all went together because I don't want to go alone. I want to have people from Boca Raton with me and then other people from an area near Boca Raton and then other people that were in traffic all day. God, that's incredible. We've got to go there. I've got to see what's going on. Incredible. History in the making. Okay? They really are the greatest generation, aren't they? They got us through the depression, they won World War II and they're still out there. Oh, don't make things with your finger. Cut it out. Grow up. You guys were really nice. You were also delightfully weird. What an OD group. Seriously, your questions were fantastic and legitimately. I always say this, but I really mean it. I have, like, the funniest fans in the world. They're super nice and smart, but they're also very funny.

And so lucky to have you guys come here and be hilarious improvisers. And I know that's not your name. I'll see you guys next time. All right, see you around. Bye bye, everybody. Goodbye.

Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien, sonum of session and Matt Gorely. Produced by me, Matt Gorely. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Liao and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer. Samples engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista and Britt Khan. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the team Cocoa hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien needs a friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.