Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started.

Hi, Cammy. Hey, Cammie, it's Conan O'Brien needs a fan.

Hi, Conan. Hi, Conan.

Sorry about Sona. She's a little messed up, but we'll get her here. Hold on.

Conan threw a box of tissues at me right before we started.

Not true, Cammy. Yeah, lies. All lies.

Only there was someone here who could corroborate either way.

Nope.

If only. So, Cammie, I'm going with Sauna on this. Sorry, Conan. I already like her.

Sorry, I already like you know, cammie, I want to start this interview in a professional manner. It's very nice to meet you, Cammie. And you are coming to us from where? Where are you right now in the world?

Buenos Aires. In Argentina.

Beautiful.

Argentina. If I said it in Spanish?

Argentina. Buenos Aires, Argentina. Not bad, right?

Yeah, not bad.

Not bad. What's wrong with it?

I said not bad. It's. Superb, Conan.

There you go.

Superb.

Thank you.

Now you know pronunciation I have ever heard.

No Argentinian can pull it off. Tell us what you do, Cammie. What is your profession?

I'm a translator. You're a translator? And I edit.

You're a translator. This is perfect. This is perfect. So are you saying that how so? Well, I'm saying that let's say I'm a man that likes to travel. Let's say I was in Buenos Aires.

Where?

Buenos Aires. Not familiar. Buenos Aires, Argentina. Let's say that I was there. Would you be able to help translate for me?

I would, but we have an issue.

What's that?

I told one of your producers on the pre interview that I didn't want to meet you because I never meet your idol.

Wait a minute. Is this true? Wait, say that again. You don't want to meet me. Why?

Because I said don't meet your idol. Sorry, buddy.

Because you're saying you idolize me? Of course, Tammy. Oh, my Lord. No. There's like a Thanksgiving. There's the turkey Christmas and New Year's. Yam. And then there's a little bit of a patel nut or something. Listen, so, Cammy conan, I don't eat turkey. Okay? Wow. We are not getting along. Cammy, allow me to translate.

This is hard. I thought it was going to be amazing.

Cammy, let me try and get to the essence of the situation here. You live in Buenos Aires. You work as a translator. You're an actual fan of you listen to the podcast.

Of course.

Okay. And you say that you don't want to meet me because you don't want to meet one of your idols. I'm very honored that you would say that. I do think that if you met me in person, you'd be an even bigger fan.

I'm sure.

Why you shook your head.

We're never going to know.

Listen, I'm a translator of human behavior. And you shook your head no, as you said yes. And you shook your head no as you said so.

You're a man of many hats, I see.

Of many heads. Oh, I'm sorry. Thank you. Now you guys are translating English for me. Fantastic.

Well, maybe my English is no, no.

Your English is terrific. Kemmy, tell me about your life. Tell me a little bit about your life, and if there's any way that I can help you, because you say you're a fan and I'd like to help you.

Okay. My life, guys, is boring. It's very uninteresting, but I try to find the funny. In fact, your Conan and Sona's rant about pens at the end of the Neil's episode that gives me life having a bad day. I'll go listen to that.

The pens. You mean the fact that I need a pilot precision grip pen. Just like bold.

Bold, not fine.

Bold, not fine.

Not fine. Because fine pens are stingy with the ink.

These are the pens that I keep with me right now. These are the only pens I will use because they are generous with the ink. The attitude of the pen. Is there's more where that came from? You only live once. That's how these pens behave. They're not like ink, is a valuable.

Resource and must be saved.

My precious ink. That's the fine point. Pens. That's how they're behaving. Cammy, are you still a fan, or did I talk you out of it during this conversation?

No, I'm still a fan. Still very much a fan.

But honestly, how much more you got in you? I think Cammy's a fan.

No, I think I'm in it for the long run.

Okay, that's it. Cammy, you say your life's boring. Why is it boring? What would spice up your life? And how can I help?

Maybe the Spice Girls.

I know, I love a 25 year old reference. Those are fantastic.

Yeah, me, too. I'm 37.

That's very young, 37. You're young. You're very attractive. You got your whole life ahead of you. You should be quite well.

Very attractive.

You are, cammy, you are a very attractive woman living in Buenos Aires. You are very desirable. Tell me about your life. Do you have a partner? Do you have anybody in your life?

I do not have a partner. I'm single. I have friends. Okay, but not no benefits. Just friends.

Yes. I'm married with no smart woman. She's very smart. Yes, that's a funny idea. Married with no benefits. Come on, someone. Let's pitch that to the Fox network.

Okay, I'll do it. Conan. I'll pitch it.

Probably. You probably have a better relationship with American television executives than I do, Cammie. So are you dating? If I'm not being too personal?

I do. Go on. Go. I get so bored, guys.

Okay, what's the problem? What is it? You're looking for someone who can make.

Fun of themselves and be funny.

Okay.

Like making fun of themselves?

Yeah. So you like someone who has a self deprecating sense of humor. What about physically? What are you looking for physically?

Well, this is kind of hypocritical because I'm five two, but I like someone taller than 6ft.

Oh, okay. So self deprecating.

Me being five two, it's kind of come on, Cammy, you don't need 6ft.

What are you talking about? I kind of do you need a guy or a woman? I can't assume a guy.

A guy.

A guy.

Okay. I date men.

Okay, you date men?

Only men. Only older, only single.

Wait, you date only men who are older than you and are well, of course, single. Yeah, that one makes sense, but goes without saying. But how much older than you do these men have to be?

As much as they can. And it's not creepy.

Okay, this is really interesting to me. What's creepy? There's that old formula. What is it? If you double half your age, your age.

And isn't there there's a formula at least popularity here, that if someone is two Batmans younger than you, two Batmans younger than you.

That makes sense. Wait a minute. Half of Cammie's age is 18? More or less. And then you add, like, seven or something.

Seven.

Can you look this up? Or if we're going dating age rule to determining a socially acceptable age difference in partners, goes something like this, half your age plus seven. Plus seven to define the minimum age of a partner and your age minus seven times two. Okay, I can't follow any of that.

Well, if she's 37, you multiply 37 by two, add no. Can we just go half?

Can we get NASA on the phone? So for her, it would be 18 and a half plus seven. Okay.

No, but she wants someone older.

No, she wants someone older than her.

So you have to do it the other way.

Let's just say, and I'm going to be let me just ask. Let's say that my wife was abducted by aliens.

Okay? She wasn't.

Let's say no. Cammy, please.

I think that's your answer.

Cammy, please. Now, she was abducted by a happier alternative. The aliens came to talk to my wife and she said, Please take me with you.

But listen, I'm not going to be the first one after that. No.

60 is the answer. No. What? I'm saying 60 is the answer for her. So you can't go above 60. You can't go above 60.

60.

Now, does 60 seem creepy to you?

A bit, yes.

Okay, you're exactly 60. I'm exactly 60. I just turned 60.

You're not creepy.

Come on. You just said if you saw me let's say you didn't know who I was and you saw me walking down the street, tall, self deprecating. You can tell because I'm sort of look at me, I'm not so great. And would you then look at me and go, oh, but it's creepy, he's too old. Be honest.

No, I think her voice, her pitch was so high.

Oh, my God.

She would be looking at you and being like, no. What is I wouldn't doing in Argentina? That would be something. Yes. I would try to give you a little some tips not to look so touristy.

Well, I love that you're doing that, but wait, what about my physical appearance? Is my physical appearance forget what I'm wearing. Is my physical appearance touristy?

Yeah, it's giving tourists.

Why?

Because and I'm picturing you with one of those bags from the magazine stores in the American airport. Like news, whatever. Duty free bag.

A duty free bag?

Not those. The ones that are from the magazine stands. The ones that said, like, newsstand or whatever in English. Okay.

Wow. Well, you idolize me, and yet at the same time, you think I'm a creepy old fool.

Do you think you cannot say that. I did not say you're a creepy old fool.

Look at us, bickering like old marrieds cammie, I would like to help you, because I think that, as I said, you seem like a very funny, smart I think you're very beautiful. I think you've got your youth. You've got so much going for you, and I think it's crazy that Cammie has not met the right person yet. Agreed. Do you think that I would be a good wingman if I was out with you? Do you think I would help you get dates?

I would like you three to come on dates with me.

Smart.

Or even go on a date without me, and just tell me this guy, he's a good candidate.

Wait a minute.

Yeah, I would love that.

You know what?

It could be like an America's Got.

Talent or like The Voice, where we're.

The three people in the panel.

I don't think we're going to have that many men.

Yes, we will. By the time we get done with this, we're going to have a lineup for you, Cammy. You need to do a major attitude adjustment, because you're holding a lot of great cards here, Cammy. And I think you should have a very is that a skeletal hand that you're wearing around your neck?

Are you wearing got a person I killed well, technically killed them. I mean, come on.

Okay, I think I just found the problem, Cammie. I think I identified the problem. She's beautiful, she's funny. She has just a great sense of life and Yolan. And she wears a skeleton hand around.

Her neck, and it's maybe a vampire.

Yeah, I got it gold plated after it was my first kill.

Those are real human bones, you're saying?

No, they're not. They have the shape. It was made by an Argentine sculptress and an Argentine journal.

It's called? But I thought Argentine.

Argentine, okay. By an Argentine.

That's my favorite thing is to correct an Argentine. Correct a translator who's argentina. I just love that. And Cammy. It's called cami. Cami. Okay.

Cami.

Cami.

Am I saying it right?

You're getting it. You're slowly getting there. Cami, paint a picture for me. Let's say I came to Argentina, to Buenos Aires, and let's say I landed at El Aro Puerto. And let's say that I came by your casa. And let's say I took off my hat.

Why were you wearing a hat?

I don't know. I just love that. I love a guy who chokes on the easiest word and I put on my Ngato, who I took with me on the plane. And let's just say that then you and I went out to would we go to a club? I'm trying to think. Yes.

Let's go back to premise one. We are not meeting in real life.

Oh, come on. You're going to like me. Here's what I get a lot.

No, but don't meet your idols. I'm a rule follower, dude. Sorry.

Well, okay. I do think you will meet me someday and you'll realize it's not such a big deal. Yes. There'll be a moment where you're like, oh, my God, it's him. Oh, wow. God, he's tall. Oh, man, he's so good looking. Look at those cheekbones are like carved striking.

I'd be like, oh, he's striking.

Yeah. And then you'd go his age, and then you'd get over that.

Wait, can I first say can I first say such a sigh for SORAI? I always wanted to say oh, so.

That'S what you'd say if he showed.

Up at your doorstep. You'd say, such a sight for Sorais.

No, I'd say, don't meet your idols. I'm a rule follower. Sorry, Conan.

Go away.

Go away. Would you really Sierra La puerta on my face?

I wouldn't open it. I have a thingy to look, I'm.

Killing it over here. I don't understand what the problem is.

I'm not opening the door. I'm looking through the little thingy.

What if he's in disguise? What if I'm wearing Elle mustache?

Yeah, I think I could still tell.

You do? Okay, well, yeah, listen, I think someday we are going to meet, you are going to get over it. Those rules will crumble, and then we're going to go out, we're going to hit the clubs. I know Argentina.

I don't want to hit the clubs. I'm 37. What are you talking about? I'm 2017.

I'm much older than 37, and I'm desperate to hit the clubs for the first time. I've never been to the club.

Okay, get you someone to go there with you.

You don't like it when the music the music's pulsing.

What kind of a club is and I don't like crowds. What kind of a club is that?

Such a bad club. Well, actually, that's a club that they're still working on and they're using a hydraulic. Wasn't my club is not finished yet. My club they're still working on.

I haven't set Conan a club in.

What would you like to do if you had your way and Conan's there and you can't avoid it? You have to do something with him. What are you going to do. Yeah. Let's get past the whole don't meet your idols. Let that go. That's hurting our improv. That's gone.

Let's yes. And okay.

Yes. If you and I were to meet in Buenos Aires and I took you out for a night to help you find a man, where do you think we would go?

Oh, I would pre schedule a date, but you can come with me.

Oh, that's good.

I like that. Yeah. And so you'd be looking for a tall man who's older than you.

Older?

Yeah. Okay. Now, do you think I would be able to help you on this theoretical date?

Oh, I'm hoping at least it wouldn't be boring.

Well, I mean, first of all, I don't want to crush the guy's ego, and so do you know what I mean? It's intimidating enough to me to have.

You met middle aged white men?

Yes, I have. I spent 20 years with a middle aged white man. I was in his body. What are you talking about?

Do their ego seem, like, fragile?

I know, but you haven't been around white men. When they see Conan O'Brien up to the table, sometimes they get a little rattled. It happens. So I would want to build him up.

Yes. I don't want to hurt your feelings, but he might not even and this is going to be harder for me than it is for you. I know. He might not even know who you are. Conan, I've used that as a filter. Trust me, guys, I've used that as a filter.

You've used, whether you know Conan O'Brien or not as a filter? Oh, my God. Kenny, this is your problem. This is your problem right here. That and the fact that you're wearing a skeletal hand around your neck.

They don't know Conan O'Brien. They don't know the love of my life, Larry David. Oh, you like love of your life?

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Yes.

Would you be willing to meet Larry David?

No. This is my ideal scenario for a date relationship. He's unwed in this scenario. This is my dream scenario, so I.

Can do what I wait a minute, wait a minute. You identified yourself as idolizing me, and now within the course of, like, three minutes, it's Conanutos. You tossed me over for Larry David.

Conan, it's different to idolize someone than to want to have a long term relationship with them where you also never meet them. First of all, my dream scenario first.

Of all, I've hung out with Larry David. I've hung out with Larry David. He's 76. He's 76.

Yeah, but he's Larry David, dude.

So Conan O'Brien is a creep because he just turned 60, but Larry David is 76, and he's all that in a bag of chips.

Conan, I see you more like a very funny person. I look forward, I look up to and like, more of a fatherly figure, but not old enough. Wow.

Larry David as a sexy use contemporary you see me as a father figure and you see Larry David as a potential lover.

He's 16 years older than you.

16 years older than me, Cammie. Larry David could have legally driven me home from the hospital after I was born, and you're choosing him over point?

You have a point. You have point. You have a point made. You have point. But I haven't told you guys my dream scenario.

Okay, go ahead. I can't wait to hear it. Okay, let's hear the dream scenario.

Okay. He's unwed in this dream scenario, and we're going to have a date, but we keep canceling on each other for all eternity, and that's how we're happily ever after.

Wow, you're a very sick woman, Cammy. Very sick woman, you say? Yes. No, inferno. Listen, I'm cammie, first of all, what's.

A marriage with no benefits? Got to God on this.

Listen, I'm going to tell you something. I've spent time with Larry David, a lot of time. And he smells like cabbage. He just does.

He has sort of a cabbage. We're just canceling on each other over the phone, okay?

He has to be carried around. Did you know that they use AI for the TV show? He has a large man carrying him everywhere and he has to be seated at most functions that I've been at with Larry David. I'm telling you, I think you're out of your.

Mind. I'm going to take this to therapy on Wednesday.

You're going to what?

She's going to take it to I'm going to take this subject to therapy on Wednesday. You have a point.

Yeah. Please.

Once again, you have a point.

Talk about this. Well, listen, Cammy, man, there's a lot of stuff to unpack here. We may meet, we may not meet, but I am going to prove to you that I am the better potential mate than Larry David.

But, Conan, I don't want to go after Lisa.

It's Liza.

It's Liza. Okay?

And I shouldn't reveal this, but she walked out on me about four years ago. For Larry David. Yeah, she's living with Larry David. Apparently. They're all really happy. It's a throuple I've enjoyed.

No, but you need to have a woman in between life.

I've asked her.

Whatever.

I've always wanted a woman in between.

It he's back at the club.

Oh, no.

You were opening in 2026 about the Spice Girls, and this is you're doing Raise the room.

Who let the dogs out? Oh, God. Who let the dogs out? You and I have the same musical taste. Everything begins and ends in 1994. Cammy.

Yeah. Sir.

Cammy, it's been pretty much lovely talking to you. And don't be surprised talking to you if someday we do meet, we may meet. And you'll see that meeting your idols, it's not all it's cracked up to be. And you'll really learn that if you bump into Larry David.

You're really am. I going to meet Sona then, too.

Well, she can't leave the country because she's here illegally. But that's not true. Thank you, Tammy.

It's not true. You're right.

Every time he has to see your papers, you say, I got to go.

Who has to see papers? What a weird way to ask for it. Why was she at customs with you, Conan? When you were doing Conan Without Borders?

Why wasn't she with me? It's a good get. Are you starting to understand now? She may not be let back in, but anyway, listen, I sponsored her here, and we're waiting for a word from the consulate. Anyway, Cammie, it was very nice to meet you. You're quite the character. You have a sparkling personality. And I wish you all the best. I really do. And I see that you're falling in love with me as we speak. Oh, no. Or is that that's probably Gas going to Burp or something.

I don't know. I'm probably falling in love with the three of you guys.

You're into that?

I didn't think I was that modern. I didn't think I was that into weird couples of more than two people.

But you're such a conservative woman with a Skeletized hand around you, she wants a couple of extra skeleton hands on her necklace.

I don't think I would be defined as conservative, but in this regard yeah.

Well, as they say in Argentina.

Argentina. Argentina.

How do you say farewell? Do you just say adios? How do you like to say it?

We say ciao.

Ciao. Ciao.

Ciao. Or goodbye.

I'm having to goodbye. I don't know how to do that. All right, well, Cammy, very nice to talk to you, and we love to.

Do the we'll talk and then we'll never talk. We love that one. So we say, Avalamos November. We'll see.

Yeah, exactly like that. And then we never talk to each other again. All right, take care.

God bless you, too, guys. Please keep doing the podcast for all eternity. I'll listen to it with Larry.

Ciao.

Bye, guys.

Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien. Sonom of Session and Matt Goreley produced by me matt Gorely, executive produced by Adam Sachs nick Liao and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Wolf Theme song by the White Stripes incidental, music by Jimmy Vivino Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Additional Production support by Mars Melnick Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista and Britt Khan. You can rate and review this show on Apple podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too, could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. This has been a team cocoa production in association with Earwolf.