Hi, I'm Mike Berbiglia. And I feel ambitious about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

As if we're not already friendly people.

I'm looking to take you to the next level. Oh. Oh.

Follies here, hilly out, back to school, ring the.

Bell.

Brand.

New shoes, walk in blues, climb the fence.

Books.

And pens, and.

I can.

Tell that we.

Are.

Going to be friends.

I.

Can tell that.

We are.

Going to.

Be friends.

Hey, there. Welcome to Conor O'Brien Needs a Friend, joined by my compadres, compatriates, Sona, of Cessian. There you go. Took a second. And then Matt, Gorley, how are you?

I'm pretty good.

How are you?

I'm doing all right. I think I'm doing fine. How are.

You, Sona?

I'm okay.

Just okay. Yeah, fine.

Is the mic on?

No, it's not. Your mic isn't on.

Did you do that on purpose?

I didn't do anything.

It's.

Okay. Wait.

Eduardo- Eduardo.

Messed up. Eduardo, what happened there? The one time I go drink water. I drink some water water.

I was like.

Oh.

I forgot her mic was not on.

We're recording. Her mic wasn't on. We are recording. We were recording. We are recording, actually. This is why you lost your job as an air traffic controller.

Because he kept turning their mics off.

I'm sorry, Sona.

No, you're supposed to be a professional organization and Eduardo here, who I admire who built this studio.

I know you gave me a gift because I don't think he has anything to harp on you about. Now he.

Didn't turn my mic on. I do have something good to talk about. The other night, some friends of my wife and I were having dinner at a fancy restaurant, and it was in Beverly Hills, which we never go into that part of town. I'm not a guy that goes to restaurants in Beverly Hills. You're not a BH guy. I'm not. We go there and we have this really nice meal with our friends. I'm like, Oh, this is great. This place is terrific. Then we're about to leave and this gentleman comes up to me who I think works with the restaurant and he says, Mr. Bryant, I'm here to walk you past the paparazzi. I said, What? Because I'm like, What are you talking about? Paparazzi. That's not... And he's like, No, I'm here to make sure that you get through the paparazzi. I'll walk you back to your car. I'm like, With my wife? That's weird. Okay, we walk outside. Nobody. I mean, not just no paparazzi, no people. It was like they were shooting Omega Man, a post-apocalyptic. Now that I have the added thing of this guy is with me, and he's acting like, Right this way.

Just keep moving. I'm like, What are you talking about? A, it's me. I'm not someone who's like, Why don't they leave me alone? But it was so funny. And this guy never acknowledged like- Never? Well, he never acknowledged that, Oh, I thought there was or I just assume because you're a known person that there would be. I was assuming that he knew that. Oh, no. But he never let on. He was just like, Keep right this way. Which one is your car?

He committed the whole way?

He committed the whole way. I thought it was so perfect. It was so me like, Mr. Bryant, I'm here to help you through the paparazzi. Huh? What? Well, if you say so, doors fly open.

Tumbleweed.

Tumbleweed went by with a long lens camera, but not aimed at me. It was really funny. For your.

Birthday, we should.

Get you paparazzi.

I think that'd be nice. That would be, yeah.

Real paparazzi? Yeah. No, no, no. Or just.

Fake people with a kid. No, because real paparazzi wouldn't come. You have to have all these people you pay with a.

Pressed thing in their hat.

I did do a thing that was really funny. There was a period in my life when sometimes there would be people around and I wanted to normalize that for my kids. So what I would do is when my kids were little, I taught them this bit, but we would walk out and it'd be at some restaurant where there aren't anybody. There's nobody. There's nobody there. There's no paparazzi. But we would walk out and my kids who were little, this is like my daughter was maybe seven and my son was five, they would both fan out and say, Back up. Believe them alone. There was nobody there. It was fun because it was A, making fun of me about no one gives a shit about our dad. But I just love to see little kids going, Please, he's a person. Give him room. But I don't know where this guy got in his head. Maybe he just assumed like, Well, we've had other famous people here and it's a mob scene out. We just had whatever, Travis.

I would feel embarrassed that there wasn't a crowd, but also embarrassing that you're making this guy work for nothing.

I didn't. Well, I tipped this gentleman because I felt like he got it. He just walked.

Me to my- That's why he's doing it.

I know, but I just felt bad. I didn't know what to think. I thought, This is... Please, I'm here to help you. It's a mob scene. We just Yeah. We just had Taylor Swift and Travis were here, and we know how it can be. So we're going to walk you to your car. What did it- Caw. Caw. I always, in those moments, when things are really quiet, I always want a bird to go by. Caw. Caw. Like a mocking bird. Would it have.

Been worse if there was just one person there?

Because I've.

Been with you when paparazzi, because there's nothing about your life that's exciting. Oh, I'm always doing- They're like, Hey, what do you think about someone buying a horse?

Yeah, they always have to try and think of something and they don't have a question ready to go for me. They're always, Stock market? Interest? What did you buy at the CBS? Oh, I got those caps that you put on a toothbrush that keep other things from brushing up against it. Then you just know T. M. C. Is like, Conan sucks. Bang. Right this way, Mr. O'brien, we got you back. Mew. Caw. Caw. Caw. A horse goes by.

Hey, it's.

Conan O'Brien. Used to be on the television.

Then the paparazzi goes, Wow, a talking horse. They start taking pictures of him. All right, let's get into it. My guest today is a hilarious comedian. He truly is. He's not just a comedian. He's a writer, he's a director, he's an actor. He's a great admirer of this gentleman. His latest one-man show, The Old Man and the Pool, is now available to stream on Netflix. You have to watch it. You really do. I'm excited he's with us today. Mike Bebiglia, welcome. Here's what.

Happened last time I'm going to bring the listeners up to speed. I challenged you on the idea of the concept of the show that you want to be friends. And I said, I don't have your contact information. You said it, and then you bleeped it. But then we were in touch. I just want to read a text chain that we had because in addition to being a second-time guest on the show, I'm an avid listener. I love the Stephen Wright episode.

Oh, thank you. So good. Yeah, he was wonderful.

He was wonderful. I texted Conan and I said, Stephen Wright is the reason I got in the comedy. It was the best interview I've ever heard of Stephen Wright because he laughed. I'd never heard him laugh before. I've been a fan of his. I feel like I've seen every interview. So you killed him. And then I wrote this to you and you wrote, I'm actually in New York right now cranking out pods, taking meetings. I'm in Midtown. My daughter shows up today, but leaves Monday. If there's a chance to grab coffee, it'd be nice to catch up. So that was like a friendship move. We had.

Never had coffee. I tried to take it to the next level.

Did you really say.

Cranking out pods? I'm cranking out pods, but that didn't mean podcast. Did you guys know that I manufacture instant coffee pods? I make a decaff pod that's quite popular.

That's the best version of what I was imagining. You don't know what? You don't know what? Coa pods? Coa pods are huge. Coa pods are massive in Brazil.

And guess what? Starbucks is about to carry them.

No, actually, in Brazil, they drink coa pods that are manufactured here by Conan at his house.

Yes, a coffee that's grown naturally in Brookline, Massachusetts. I have a coffee plantation in Brookline, Mass.

Coa pods are 90 % dust.

Yeah, well, we're going to get that up to 94 % dust.

The profit margin on coa pods is extraordinary. You've never seen anything like it.

Yeah, because Brookline, Massachusetts, and I also have a plantation in Newton, Mass. These are not good places to grow coffee, so I get very few beans. So that's why we need to supplement with dust. Okay. Anyway, it's a long story.

Their slogan is, For every bean will give you a bag of dust.

Yes. Beat that slogan. I've challenged Madison Avenue to beat that slogan, and they can't do it. They get their best people on it.

Okay, there's more to the text. There's more of the Okay. By the way, I'm Team Sona today. Yeah, we have the mugs.

Team Sona.

I'm also Team Matt.

Oh, thanks. Those mugs, really, they went missing.

I think you're missing the point, though, that he's Team and Team Matt.

I don't see a Team Matt mug.

I've.

Never.

Seen one. Okay. So you go, I'm here podcasting. And then you wrote, text me when you're back and I'll ghost you. Yeah, yes. And then I wrote, I've been ghosted by much bigger celebrities than you. It bounces off of me. And you wrote, It'll sting. You'll see.

I'm killing myself here.

And then you said, I'll be back mid-June because I was trying to get you to come back on working it out, my podcast, which I'm still going to try to get you to come back on. And then when you were back, you ghosted me. And it did sting. So today, what I want to do is engage, try to get you back on my podcast, and also for pods. Okay. Coffee.

Coffee. Cots. Listen. So you were waiting for me to reach out to you when I came back in June?

No, I texted you then. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And what did you say? How did you know I was in town?

Because you had written mid-June around the 13th, I wrote, Okay, perfect. Can't wait. Yeah.

But when I hear can't wait- Don't put this back on him. No, no, no. Listen, when I hear can't wait, that just is too irresistible. When someone says, I can't wait, that makes me think, Oh, you're going to fucking wait. You know what I mean? Brebiglia? Cruel. Yes, cruel. This is the real me. You want the real me?

This is why Sona is so hard.

On you. Yes, that is.

Exactly why. Sona, you know me the minute I saw Can't Wait. There was part of me that was like- There are.

Certain things you just hate that really bug you.

One of the things you wrote is, Let's try to make that work. All I ask is that I feature prominently in your next one-man show.

Yes, that's good. Don't you think this is better than meeting up with me in person? Yeah, this is better. These are classic quips.

I wrote, Yes, you're the second man. Top billing, you'll have to audition.

You know what? I am going to be... Well, this is the problem. I'm going to be coming to... But I don't know when this airs. After we've gotten back. After we've gotten back. I will be in Brooklyn cranking out pods- Cranking out pods. -at the Brooklyn Academy of Music with my team here, team Sona and team Gordley. But that's a quick turnaround. That's two days and then gone. Do you ever get over to Brooklyn?

That's where I live.

I've told you. I knew that. I knew that. I was just trying to.

Grind it in. Our texts have made it so clear because I was going to take you for a nice dinner at Lucali, pizzeria in the neighborhood, Joe Garden. He's got.

Days free. He's got the days free.

Oh, he has the days free. We could do the days. Yeah, let's.

Do the days. Do you want to do the days?

Yeah, I.

Do want to do the days. By the time people... Listen, you know what's great? By the time people hear this, I will have been to Brooklyn and ghosted you again. Oh, no.

And it will have stung.

Oh, this will sting so much because you'll see me as I'm ghosting you. You'll see me in the glass, in the pizzeria, and you'll be outside. It'll be shivering cold because it's November.

I have a sona question. I know that I'm coming in with questions, and that's awkward. Oh, what? I'm holding up a little note card of questions.

I'm loving this so far.

This is delightful. My Sona question is, with Conan, you go so hard on him. What is too far? Have you ever said something that's too mean? And then it's like, What? We got to cut that out. It's too mean.

I don't think... I have to say, you guys could tell me, I don't think we've ever cut out anything that you guys... When you guys go after me, I don't think we've ever cut out anything.

We've never cut out anything when you don't act like you don't come after us.

There's no limit. My record is clear. It's all in the history books. Do you know what I mean? No. It's like World War II footage. We've all seen it. Yes, I go- It's like World War II footage. There's no limit.

It's not like World War.

Ii footage. It is.

You've completely misunderstood World War II.

Really? And footage. I thought World War II was a lot of passive-aggressive bickering between Stalin, Hitler, and Churchill. No. Oh, my God.

Conan. How did you miss this?

You read history. Wasn't it a feud between podcast? Now I have to go back and look at.

These again. Back then it was radio. It was passive aggression between radio hosts. Orthon Wells was involved.

Yeah. I don't know. I don't know, to answer your question, well, Sona, Matt, you would know because you added this thing.

I don't think I have ever cut anything you said to him. I think I've cut one or two exchanges with you and me, and not because they were bad. It was more like they just, for whatever reason, took the air out or didn't land or.

Something like that. Right. That would be your fault. It would.

Have been.

If anything, there have been moments where I was like, I should have gone harder on you. There's more I.

Should have said. The one I was listening to the other day, I admire this. I do ads in my podcast. I have to say what's in the ad. I don't know what the.

Hell you guys are doing. I know.

You're doing an ad for Conan TV or something. And at the end of it, Zona had made fun of it so much I was like, Does this even exist?

We did an ad-.

Sounds like no one wants to watch that, Conan.

You know what we did? We did an ad. Oh, my God. We did an ad the other day. Mike, this is true. We did an ad the other day. Sometimes I'm reading these cold and we get this. They slide this piece of paper in front of me like, What's this one? And I just start going and I say, If you want to monitor your cat's health, this device uses lasers and ultralight sound to measure the quantity, quality, and size of your cat's poops, basically, and then gives you up to date analysis of what your cat's health could be in the future. Then I went on a long rant about the fall of Western civilization. Yeah, fair enough.

I don't know on this show where the ads begin or end.

No, and I've always thought.

What has been advertised?

Do you know what?

I don't know what.

The call to action is. Mike, my ads are a dare to advertise on Conra, by nature's friend. It's like, if you can handle this, advertise.

I think what's happening is rival companies are paying for the other company's ads so.

That you would do damage to their business. Yes, it's an enemy move. It's a smart move. It's like World War II in that way.

It is just like in World.

War II. He learned it from World War II tactics.

When Churchill paid for ads that were pushing what Hitler wanted. It is so funny, the idea of Toyota desperately plotting to have me do a Ford ad. Because they know, Oh, this will get them. This will really cripple Ford.

It's like what they wanted was 30 seconds of an advertisement, and what they get is five minutes of nothing. I have more questions.

Okay, more questions.

Keep going. Last night I ran into Conan to dinner. It was like a Kerberer enthusiasm. I mean, curb enthusiasm is all these scenarios where you run into celebrities in Hollywood. I witnessed it last night. It was with Jimmy Kimmel, Martin Short. We run into Conan with Phil Rosenthal, Scott Iain from Anthrax.

Scott Iain from Anthrax and his lovely wife. It was Patty and Oswalt and his wife, Meredith. And your wife? Yeah, and my wife, Liza. I'm getting on an airplane. I was in Chicago to interview the Nirvana fellows and Groel. Then I'm flying back and I'm getting on the plane and this gentleman with a fascinating beard gets on and sits opposite me and I'm like, Oh, I know who this is. He says to me, Hi, Conan. Yeah, Scott Yee and Anthrax. I played on your show. I went, Oh, cool. We chat the entire way about the metal, but also going back to punk, Ramones, his childhood, it would have been almost a great podcast, just chatting with him across the aisle. Then he said, Hey, I'm good friends with Pattyn. I'm like, Yeah, I know I'm texting with Pattyn all the time. I've known Pattyn Oswold forever. The next thing I know, there's one of those text chains where it's like a dinner is happening. I keep thinking, Is this ever going to happen? Then finally the day arrives, November first, we're going to go out to this dinner. We go out, we're there, we're having a really good time.

Then the next thing I know, these figures are looming over us at our table. It's you, Mr. Kimal, and Mr. Short, Marty Short. And then we all get up and then we're all standing in the middle of the restaurant, pretty much doing bits and stuff.

Well, Conan leaned into me and he goes, You're coming on the podcast tomorrow. Just remember, it's about me. No. I did.

Yeah, true story. Oh, no. And then he shows up with questions.

I know. I love that he's.

Done homework. This is preparing.

Oh, this is my big question. So when we do our podcast, we have the interview. And then the moment the person leaves after we're like, That was great. That was going to be wonderful. And then they leave and they go, What did you think? My question is, this time or last time, and I was on, What's going to be the thing you say when I leave? What's going to be the real dirt? And I want to know the real thing.

Okay. Well, first of all, we have to get to the end before we know that.

Can we circle back to it?

Yeah, of course.

I'm already on board because he has my mug. So I think this is a.

Great interview. Thanks, Sona. Also, I'm going to say something. I love it when a guest comes in. I'm a huge fan of yours. You know that. Thanks. And a big admirer of what you've accomplished and what you've been able to carve out for yourself. But I also love that you came in and you're so proactive that you're stirring it up, you're asking us questions. That, to me, makes for a better podcast. I love that. Ambitious. Already ambitious.

Ambitious. Came in with an agenda.

Is it because it makes it more about you, though? Is that what.

You mean? Yes. Yeah, I think so. I think that makes me happy.

Also, in advance, I followed Matt and Sona on Instagram also. Oh! And God bless. One of them may have followed me back.

I'm going to do it now.

I'm not sure.

They will be that true. Do you remember last time that you popped back on.

The Zoom? Yeah.

Is that why you bring this up?

No. Okay.

Yeah, because we recorded over Zoom last time and you popped back in the Zoom while we were doing our downloads. So I.

This. This is great. I wasn't gone and you kept talking.

No, we'll give you a full assessment afterwards. We'll be honest about it. Okay, great.

I.

Have to say, and it's one of the reasons I really love doing the podcast, over the years of doing a late-night show, and I'm just going to remind viewers that Mr. Prabiglia, when you were a young lad, started out as an intern on our show- In the '90s. -in the '90s. He was an intern on the program. Then all these years when at Rockfeller Center, the old show. Then it's cool to contrast. That was a show where I would talk to multiple people a night. It was a volume business. There in the postmortem, we really would sometimes get into it about, Oh, my God. Can you believe what that.

Guest did? Can you say any of them?

I don't like to hurt people. I really don't. I really don't like to hurt people's feelings.

What have you.

Been doing.

To us.

For years now? Well, this is familiarity breeds contempt. So I know you guys. I see you every day, so I have no fear.

But- You know what's funny about interning on your show is that part of the reason that I became a stand-up comedian is because of interning on your show. For example, I would ask Mike Sweeney and Bryan Stack and all these writers for the show, How would one become a writer for Late Night with Conan O'Brien? Because that's what I want to do. That's my dream. Their answers were, I did stand-up. I did improv. I went back to college, just did stand-up and improv. And I did stand-up. I was like, All right, this has been going pretty well. That's what I meant.

That's true. Better than pretty well. I know. I think it went spectacularly well. It didn't.

Go well for a while, though. I mean, it went okay. Now it's good.

No, I was always surprised by the number of people that would come up to me and say, I'm really interested in doing what you're doing. And I would say, Oh, well, what are you doing? Are you writing comedy? Are you in an improv troupe? Are you doing stand-up? What are you doing? And they'd be like, Oh, no, I'm not doing any of that. I just want to do... Give it to me. Yeah, I would like that when you're done with it. But I would say the podcast, I'm hard pressed to think of a podcast where I haven't enjoyed talking to the people because we don't make nearly as many of them. And if there's someone I don't want to talk to, I just don't talk to them.

It feels like a really nice... I'm hard pressed to think of a time when someone's left here, and I've thought, boy, I really disliked talking to that person. I usually feel like I learned something.

And also, I feel like it lets you do goofball things without it feeling out of place because it's much longer than a five-minute interview. One of the hardest I've ever laughed at this podcast. I don't remember which episode? The Yay Boo episode?

Oh, Yay Boo.

Oh.

Yeah. Yay Boo. Yay Boo. It's lots of fun to do. If you like it, Holla yay. And if you don't, you're holla, boo.

Could you give context to people who didn't.

Hear that originally? Okay, Will. It was my grandfather had some old 45s in the attic, and we found one. And it was this singer in the 50s singing a song called Yaybu. Yaybu. And I remembered once, I can do it now on the podcast and it feels like it's in place. There was one night on the late night show when I'm out there, and I'm really just at this point, I've done like 35,000 hours of television, but I'm doing the monolog and the late night show for NBC. I said something and the audience mock went. Then I said, Of course, so-and-so is in the news. The audience went, boo. I went, Yay, boo. Yay, boo. It's lots of fun to do if you like it. Holla at you. If you don't, holla at boo. I remembered my producer, my writer, everyone was like, What the fuck was that?

But that goes back to what you're saying of people come up to you and they go like, I want to do what you do. And people say that to me as a standup all the time. I'm like, You got to do it so many hours. You're saying that you don't even notice you're doing it after a while.

Well, that happens that, yeah, you probably get this. You'll be talking to somebody and they'll think, Oh, that's weird. You're the same person that I saw do the show. Meaning they assume that you become a different person. You'll do bits for people endlessly at an airport or a taco bell, and people will be like, Why is he doing that? Why are you this serious, quiet man in your regular life?

Now I'm.

Imagining Scott Iain from Anthrax never wanting to speak.

To you about the entire- He was trying to get away from me.

Wait, so that was my whole thing with my mom. I guest hosted for Kimal when he had COVID. And so they were like- Or when.

He said.

He had COVID. Yeah, when he.

Said he had Kimal- And wanted a.

Little downtime. They were like, You should interview your mom on video chat. So I interviewed my mom. I'm like, Mom, what was I like as a kid? And she goes, You were not funny. You were so serious. And then she goes, You comedians are so serious. I was like, How many comedians do you know? You're texting Ronnie Chang?

Yeah. It turns out she knows a lot.

Are you on an email thread with Roy Wood Jr? What's going on here, Mom? What don't I know?

I do really want to talk about you. You have amassed this really cool body of work. You're a terrific storyteller and a terrific... You make these one-man shows that are beautifully constructed. Oh, thanks. I want to take a second here and acknowledge what you've done, which is you are not... I have so much respect for standup, but what you do, it feels like you've carved out really something quite unique for yourself. Oh, thanks. I think that's my highest compliment to musicians and comedians is when I say, Now, this person found something. They worked hard in the dark alone. They figured it out and they came out with something that's truly them. And I think you've done that. You have this huge following, which is people want to hear Mike Brabiglia tell stories that are very personal to him.

No, I appreciate it. I'm lucky. I'm doing a new tour called Police Off the Ride. It's like a whole new hour. And yeah, it seems like people still want to see the next show. It's weird. Every time I always talk about this with my friend Jack Antonov, who's from Bleachers, he's a great musician. And we've been friends for like 20 years. We're both touring acts. And when you put a tour on sale, you find out if anyone still cares. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yes. And so it's exciting that I've made these... Yeah, like you're saying, I made these things. And it's by accident that I made it specific. It's really just because I'm really interested in plays, and I'm really interested in movies and drama. And then also I'm really interested in standup. And along the way, I started working with a theater director, Seth Barish. And I started working with theater producers. And at a certain point, it just became a thing. It wasn't an overnight thing. At a certain point, probably my biggest break was in 2008, Nathan Lane agreed to present my show off Broadway, Sleepwalk With Me, which is the first one of these.

And that was helpful because it put memade people show up and think it's a piece of theater as opposed to just writing it off as stand-up. To have.

Nathan- To have Nathan- It's true, though. But to have Nathan Lane's imprint, he is- He's a gold standard. He's a gold standard. And so for Nathan Lane to say, You all need to pay attention to Mike Biglia. I mean, to give yourself credit, you've also had a very interesting life. You've had a lot of health issues, and you've been really honest about them, and they're quite dramatic. And these stories you tell are riveting. They're really like... The highest compliment I can pay to someone, this sounds terrible, but Los Angeles is a very specific place and theater in LA, to get to theater in L. A, you need to... It's not like New York where you say, I want to go check out that show. I'm going to walk 15 blocks this way and go see the show. I heard that you were doing your show and Greg Daniels and I were talking about it and we decided let's go down and see Mike Brabiglia do his show. So we drove to downtown Los Angeles to see your show. And I remember thinking as I'm driving into downtown L. A, this is commitment. Because it's like a 40-minute- It's far.

-odyssey. And you feel like it's like Lord of the Rings. There's different tests along the way. And we lost the ring for a while, but we got it back and we crossed the river. Then finally, we ended up at this wonderful theater and we saw you and you were definitely worth the trip.

Thanks. It's weird how you end up where you are. Then also, we're talking about the Nathan Lane thing, it's a little bit like with Lauren, Michael's with you late night. Because I remember when that happened in the 90s when they were like, And the new host is a writer who you do not know.

Who's replacing? Also, to put it in context, I did this bit once on Charles Groden show, but he was like, Now, what was it like when you replaced Letterman? I was like, What was it like? I said, Imagine... I can't imagine. I said, Imagine that... Because Letterman 1993, and this is back when there are very few comedy gods. It's a very different landscape now, but he's the biggest icon in comedy and Carson's retired. And so it's like it's Letterman in my world. And then imagine them saying in baseball, Joe DiMargio is now retiring today, ladies and gentlemen. He is leaving the field forever. Goodbye, Joe DiMargio. The greatest legend in Yankee history. But don't worry, ladies and gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen, here comes his replacement, 19-year-old, Ship Whitley. And like a bat boy comes running, I was like, Hi, everybody. I'm going to disappoint you for.

A while, but don't worry, if.

You stick with me, with me, with me. After about four or five years, years, years, you'll grow to love me, love me, love me. And that's what it felt like. And that's exactly what it was. It was fucking crazy. Yeah. Yay, boo, yay, boo. It's not the fun of two if you like it, holla, yay, and if you don't. But it was absolute madness. But it's so funny that you remember that people that are into our stuff now are like the podcast, whatever. And people in their 20s, they have no idea. They just think, Oh, you're you're like Mickey Mouse. You were just always around. No, no, I'm no. There was a time when it was really rough.

Yeah. And I feel like the thing that's happened, this show is called The Old Man in the Pool. And by the time people... Yeah, I'll say it's on Netflix now. It's called The Old Man in the Pool.

Because it's out right now.

And I had a fear about it, which was I was like, the vision was I want to do a show that's 90 minutes of jokes and stories about death, because I feel like if we face the thing that we're most scared of, in my case, death, that there's a catharsis for that for everybody potentially. And I did have a fear of like, Oh, I'm going to go out with this. And then some people are going to be, if they're going through sorrow or dealing with deaths of people close to them, are going to have a bad... It's going to have a bad effect. And it was the opposite. Literally, the people who would come up to me... When I was doing it in L. A, I remember this woman came up to me after the show, and she was like, I recently lost some people in my life, and I lost my dad and a bunch of people. Tonight when I was in the audience, I felt like I was laughing with my dad. And genuinely, I feel like that's the thing about being in my 40s that I did not expect. First of all, I didn't expect to be doing comedy in my 40s.

Somehow in my 20s and 30s even, didn't anticipate that it would continue somehow. But I feel like the thing that I've started to realize is like, Oh, it really is about them. It's about the audience. It's about their experience. And if you can get people to that point. That's why I'm excited that it's on Netflix now because it's like, Oh, well, maybe it'll have that effect with hundreds of millions of people who are able to get to Netflix.

It's funny because, and this is a compliment again, hard to categorize you because you are very funny and you are a comedian and you are doing stand-up comedy, but it's also not stand-up comedy because you're telling stories. And we've talked about this somewhat, and you mentioned your mom. I know your mom was a major influence on you because, like my parents, she comes from this Irish storytelling tradition. I just knew that I grew up in a similar situation where telling stories and being able to make something that happened to you funny was just a way of life. It's how you grew up. It wasn't even thought of as a possible profession, right?

Yeah, it's definitely not. I mean, I grew up outside of Worcester. I didn't even grow up outside of Boston. People don't even understand when I explain where I live in Central Massachusetts. They're like, Why would anyone live there in the middle Yeah. In Shuesbury, Massachusetts, which I love. And I just went back there easily. I love it. But it's also like no one in the town thought show business wasn't a job that anyone even had. Right. It was an outrageous thought. But yeah, I feel like even when I go home now, it's like, and my mom's a great storyteller and my siblings, my two sisters, Gina and Patty, my brother, Joe, they're a riot. And the most fun is my wife always comments on this is that when I'm home, it's not the dinner, the Christmas dinner that's funny. It's like the 11:12 at night 1:00 a. M. Sitting around the kitchen aisle.

Kitchen. Yeah.

And just telling stories about kids you grew up with and what's going on with everybody and what's this person up to. I'm getting choked up, even saying it's like, weirdly, that's my favorite thing to do.

Yeah. Well, it's.

Also- Be with people you love and just tell.

Stories about things. Right. But I think you've done a really good job of replicating that there's an alchemy that happens specifically around the kitchen island. For us, I still see it when I go home and my parents are still with us. It's so funny. Mellaney, last time I was talking to him and I mentioned that my dad is 94 and he said, I think it's... I forget how he said it because his dictionary is so perfect, his word choice. But he just said, I think it's like something unseemly or silly that a man your age still has his father. And I was like, No, but I could see like, oh, come on, Conan. You're ancient. It's so funny. You're saying, I just saw my dad? That's ridiculous. But I knew what he was saying.

I think he said it's not dignified.

It's almost not dignified. Oh, stop that. Oh, stop that, Conan. That's ridiculous. But I go back and see my folks in the same house I grew up in in Brookline, and there's that roundtable that's still there. And I'm sitting at that same table and all that stuff comes back, which is, Oh, this is where I really cut my teeth. This is where I... Everything else has been a refinement of that. You're just refining and adjusting. But the basic concept of how it all works happens around your kitchen table. That's when it happens, or it happens around that island. And you're right, it happens at 11:00 at night when people are letting their guard down a little bit and telling stories, and you've been able to translate that. I don't want to give anything away from your show, and you can tell me if this is cool to talk about or not, but you start your show, this one with a very personal story about something that happened to you like six.

Years ago. You mean the doctor's appointment? Yes. Yeah. So I went to for my annual checkup, and the doctor asked me to do the pulmonary test, which is you blow into the tube and there's a ball in it, simulate blowing out a candle, which is the joke, which is why I call it the birthday cake test. It tells you how many birthday cakes you have left. And so basically, I did it. And then the doctor is just looking at the screen attached. He goes, Go ahead and do it. I was like, I did it. And then basically, they were like, You have to do cardio five days a week. I was like, Nobody does cardio five days a week. They're like, A lot of people do. I don't think professional athletes do cardio five days a week. We're like, professional athletes definitely do cardio five days a week. We talked about this for about 45 minutes. We agree to disagree. But it really did. It led me down this rabbit hole of different doctor's appointments. And it's a little bit of Whac-A-Mole, where you fix one thing and then you're drinking too much juice and then your blood sugar goes up.

I got diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. It's a roller coaster thing. The show really deals with mortality and this idea of there's a certain point where you're like, Oh, I always that phrase growing up over the hill. That would always be the Spencer gifts, like giving people greeting cards. You were over the hill. I didn't even know what it meant until I got on the hill. And I'm like, Oh, there's natural causes. They're not close, but they're coming. How has your experience with that been like aging where you just go like, Oh, wow. Have you had that? It was a shocking view.

Yeah. I had my... We talked about it on the podcast a bunch, but I turned 60 in April. It's just funny because knockwood, I feel great. I think I take care of myself and everything. But you do start to... That's a number. And not in a bad way, but you start to think, Oh, there's a finite amount of this. And we spend so much of our lives. And you can probably relate to this, too, which is I had such a big part of my career where I just felt like I was the new guy. And then it turned so quickly into, You did a great job, old man. And people on the street are like, Well, you knowThey're super nice to me, but they act like I've been around as long as they've been alive doing foolishness. And so it felt like it flipped very quickly into, Good job, old man. And I'm thinking, Wait a minute. The part where I was the young guy trying to prove myself seemed to go on forever. And then it turns very quickly. And I know you've talked about a similar thing.

I had it with Taylor Thomas, who we just found out is going to be the next late night host after Colbert. Yeah. She's hilarious. And she came on my podcast. She goes, I used to watch you in middle school.

Isn't that funny?

Middle school, you say.

Isn't that hilarious? And where was that? Yeah.

When was this middle school? When does that take place?

But no, there are routinely people that work for me. I'm like, When were you born? And they're like, 1998. I'm like, What? How are you allowed to be out away from home? How can you be allowed to leave your house?

How are you allowed to leave.

Your.

House?

Do your parents know where you are? They're like, 1998, Conan?

Fucking wake up. Someone dial 911.

This child has wandered, are we employing you illegally? Let me get this straight. You were born while Clinton was President, and you're allowed to walk around in workplaces. But, I mean, it's so wrong, but yes. By the way, just shout out to Taylor Thomason, who I adore. She is hilarious and fearless. Oh, yeah. Fearless. I got to tour with her a bunch of years ago, and she was, I think she was very young when she was on this tour. I remember the first night she walked out and it's a big venue and everything. She just had absolutely... She had that thousand-yard stare of, Yep, I'm going to go do this now and kill. I was like, Good Lord. Remind me to buy stock in Taylor Thompson.

So you and I had similar Irish Catholic, Massachusetts upbringing. Did your parents say I love you? Because I talk in the special a lot about we weren't like, I love you. And we all love each other. There's no confusion, but we don't say I love you. We say take care.

I know.

And it's not the same.

Take care of oneself. It's not even yourself.

Take care of oneself.

Take care of one who. Some one. Wait, one who? Someone. Well, I'm going to say, I'm going to double down for our listeners, and we've probably mentioned this before, but you say you come from Worcester, Shreusebury. That's where my entire family comes from. Oh, yes. And then my parents, just before I was born, they migrate to the Boston area from central Massachusetts. But really, all my DNA and my whole history is Worcester, Massachusetts, and that's where all my relatives live. That's where I went when I was a kid. We went there on Christmas, Thanksgiving. So you and I are made up of exactly the same stuff.

You might have even gone to what I talk about in the special, which is the YMCA pool in Worcester. Because I said-.

I did not go there.

No. My doctor recommended I go to the YMCA pool, and I say when I was a kid, my mom took me to the YMCA pool, and I hated everything about it. It was wet, sweaty. I go, It smelled like you're a kid and someone breaks their cast and they let you smell under the cast. It's like if that smell became a building and then someone just sprayed it down with overchlorinated water. I love.

That you said you let someone smell under your cast.

What.

Do you mean? Line up now. No pushing, no shoving. That's right. Only $10 a pop.

Line them up, kids.

Hey, is letting a smell underneath.

This cast. What?

Jesus. Fuck. Get out of the way. No, I know exactly what you're talking about. We had a place in Brookline, which we all called The Tank, and it was a giant... It was a bunch of swimming pools. And man, there's a distinctive body odor mixed with a powerful chlorine that's probably no longer legal. That removes your skin after three swims. And I remember that quite well.

So I had that. And my daughter broke her foot this beginning of the summer. And I didn't realize when your daughter breaks your foot, it's like your whole family breaks their foot. Didn't do a lot of foot-based activities this summer. We were at this place called Urban Air, which is one of these places where there's 100 trampolines in a warehouse. And then you walk in and they make you sign a release form that's about 40 pages long. And it's just like, And your daughter will break her foot. And you're like, Mike Berbiglia. And there will be many injuries sustained. Mike Berbiglia. You may not make it out alive. Mike Berbiglia. And then we go in and then, sure enough, breaks her foot. And of course, now she broke. She did the thing that it seems obvious. Someone's going to get hurt. This is crazy. But now I can't sue. But I can talk about it comedically on podcast.

Yes, which is, in a way, the better revenge.

Like, for example, I don't know if Urban Air should be a business. That's a joke, of course. Of course, they should be a business. Urban Air is dangerous for all participants, which is a joke I'm working on. Of course, it should be safe for all participants. I'm sure it is.

Hey, we're doing an ad today for Urban Air.

This has been it for the last.

15 minutes. That was our ad for Urban Air.

Urban Air. Are you tired of a body that's free of injury?

Let's do mid-episode vibe check. How are we doing with the episode?

I'm having a great time. I'm loving it. The person we have to ask is the guru. He sits in the back like George Steinbrenner. He's just sitting back there. He owns us all. Adam Sachs.

He looks exactly like George Steinbrenner.

Yeah. If George Steinbrenner had a child with Michael Sarah, but it was-I know. -but it was all Michael Sarah and no George Steinbrenner- This is the second day in a row you've called me Michael Sarah. I don't know what I've done. It might be my haircut. You know what it is? I'm rewatching with my son. We rewatch and rewatch and rewatch Arrested Development because I always wanted my son to watch the very best comedic stuff. He started watching Arrested Development, and we always watch it over and over and over again. We've been doing it a lot lately. I've been looking at Michael Sarah in that show and thinking, Oh, my God, it's Adam Sachs.

I can't wait for the Daily Beast article that's like, And that's when he said, I look like Michael Sarah. Again, And that's when he said, I look like George Steinbrenner.

You don't look like George Steinbrenner. You have the... Sometimes in the back, I know that one frown from you and I know that I'm gone. So yeah, he's control.

Us all. Wait, Adam, how's it going? How's it going? Oh, it's.

Going great. This is exactly what the podcast should be. Not always is, but should be and could be. This is what the podcast should be and.

Often is, but not always is. Does anyone have any notes so far?

Well, you do. You came in with 50 notes.

My only note is that you said mid-episode check, and we are.

Actually at wrap time. But not.

That we.

Have to.

I'm just saying. No, we can just keep going. That's how much fun it is. This will be one of those long ones.

It's zipping along.

Yeah, we can just lose the ads because I don't think they're paying us anyway once they listen to them. So the Netflix special, it's out. How long does it take you to work on the next show? Yeah, so I'm about a year into the next show. First of all, you need some stuff to happen to you, right? Do you need me to shoot you in the shoulder? Which we get- Do you need me to shoot you in the shoulder? No, what I mean?

Can you imagine that? That's when Conan said to me, Do you need me to shoot you in the shoulder? And sure, Conan is funny sometimes, but this was a time where it didn't seem like he was making a joke.

I would use a 22. I would use a lower caliber.

You would kill him. You're a marksman, but you don't shoot.

You go.

Shooting.

You're going to kill him. Oh, 50-50 chance he gets killed. But you get a ton of material. And then I come on at the end of the show and we hug. That's a.

Big show. By the way, that's another handoff that I think that we could pull off in 2024s if you end up, because you were talking about going out and doing a whole bunch of live dates, maybe even stand up. If you do that, I want to pop into some of those shows. I would love to have you do that. I would love it.

Well, you're.

Saying that now. It would be my dream.

Would it?

Conan, all the jokes.

Aside, and I'm like, Oh, no.

You have to deal with this all the time. This is the vein of your existence. There's a generation of us, comedians, who view you as the Buddha of comedy.

Oh, wow. Okay. All right, well-.

You're old.

And apparently fat. I'm apparently fat and old.

I'm sorry I ruined it.

No, you're actually- I'm sorry I ruined it. -sona, that was.

Exactly what II'm just on my way in, give me a compliment because I've known Paula forever.

Since her late nights. Sure. Paula's been with me 30 years.

Yeah, and she gave me a compliment. And I basically said, if you stick around long enough and show business, eventually they let you just stay. And she goes, You and Conan are the best at batting away compliments. But you are.

Thank you very much.

Yeah, that would be- It.

Doesn't process. I don't take it for granted. Seeing you last night, and Jimmy and Jesus Christ, Marty Short, who is funny in a way that always makes me question, how can anybody be that funny in so many ways to run into you guys and just be joking around. And then on the ride home, realized that I get to be around all these very funny people who are really creative and it's nice. What a fucking joy.

This is how much I idolize Martin Short to work at dinner. And I don't eat onions or tomatoes. And you.

Went to an Italian restaurant.

Yeah, and I get mocked. I get mocked by my family, including my daughter and eight-year-old daughter because she eats more stuff than I do. But with Martin Short, I'm like, I'm just going full onions, tomatoes. You know what I mean? I can't be that person.

Well, also, there is a moment where you realize you've made a mistake around Martin Short because he is, if you're in a museum or something and you're in a room alone and you're really still and then you move slightly, a little red light goes up, those motion sensors. And the red light is just going to register movement and they can pick up the slightest movement. Marty Short is one of those for someone making a mistake.

There's a few people like that, Bill Haders like that, where you have to be aware that whatever you're saying or doing is being clocked with a deep sensitivity. He does an impression of me that's so cruel that my wife, Jenny, loves, which is the whole impression. He goes, But it was my car.

That's the whole impression. It's nothing that I say. It's nothing I've said in any joke, but it was my car. Bill is just beyond. He's on another planet of funny.

But also just knowing that you're around these people who have a superpower, that they'll notice something the slightest. I misspoke slightly, or I had this little tick, and they're like, Oh, delicious.

You're.

Like that. Yeah, you are like that.

Not at all. Anyway, moving on. Not at all. Not at all. I love you both.

But I value that, too. I feel so lucky. My first taste of that, in addition to my own family, like you're saying, was when I got to college. And I was like, Is there a sketch comedy group? Because I wanted to write comedy on late night. They said, There isn't, but there's an improv group. I don't know what that is. And I auditioned, I got in. And when I got in, I was like, Oh, these are 10 people who are like that, who are just like, We're going to make fun of everything. We're going to do impressions of everything. We're going to be very annoying, but also amazing. And those are some of my closest friends to.

This day. I've always thought, and this goes for everybody here, I always tell my kids that the journey is finding your people. You've set off into the world, and then it's just collecting people that inspire you, whatever, charge you in some way. And then at the end, it is like one of those movies, those travel log movies where the person heads out in the beginning, and at the end, they've got this group of people that have different powers, but they've befriended them along the way. I don't know.

It brings me to my final point, which is that Conan and I have finally found each other. And Co Pods is going to be a huge success. I love it.

I don't know. I don't know. No, these are just-.

What do you mean?

You'd be like just breaking out of- I just crank out.

These pods, man. One bean, one bag of dust. Yeah, I hear it.

Their cost to ratio, I mean, it's incredible.

Huge in Brazil. These are huge in Brazil.

Look, I'm fine with him taking a dive on that. I feel.

Like I don't want you to have to. That's a.

Joint venture. Yeah, joint venture, meaning you put up most.

Of the cash. I put up 90 % of the money. Oh, no.

And incur most of the risk. Yeah. No. Yeah.

No, I say no.

Don't.

All right. Well, Buda is not taking a risk over here.

Buddha is sitting on his.

Fat ass. I'm going to start using that. Wait, so- I'm Buddha. That's not something Buddha would say.

Wait. Okay, so if you were at the end now, so then what's the thing you'd say after I would exit? Because now we're friendly, we go, Oh, that was fun.

That was good. Okay, so we're going to pretend you're not here. Okay, pretend that Mike just left and we're going to leave him on, but we take these off.

I have to go to the bathroom.

So do I. You always.

Have to go to the bathroom. That's what we would first say.

Okay, but then let's say it's after that and we're just sitting here. Okay. Get a quick snack. Yes, you guys get snacks. I'm trying to get us past that part where we talk about Mike Brabiglia.

Okay.

Oh, wow! What did you guys think?

Well, I really liked him because he had a Team Stone a mug and he had questions for us. That's why I really liked it because of that. He had me at the beginning.

Well.

I already was a huge fan, but being in room with the person, he's so smiley and that makes you feel so good. I loved him.

You.

Loved him. I loved him. I don't say take care, I'm saying I loved him.

Oh.

That's nice. I'm a big fan and I really admire his body of work. And I think he's a true comedic artist. However, he read personal texts between me and him without my permission, and that felt like a violation. That felt like, and now I'm supposed to text him again and trust him when I'm in Brooklyn? No. How am I supposed to trust him now that he doesn't then go on Stern or some other.

Daily beast? Hey, guys.

What's going on? I'm back. You fucking killed it.

Oh, thank you so much. I thought it was fun.

Hey, I loved it. Loved it. And the text thing was fantastic. Did you like that?

Because I was going to maybe ask you before, but I thought it would be more spontaneous in the moment. No, you don't need to ask. All right, thanks you guys. All right, good.

So anyway, remove the text part because I come off cranking out the pause. It's just like a prick.

Sorry I left my notes. Hey, how are you? Would you say that you didn't like the text part?

No, I said I wish. I know how short it was. I wish there was more and I said double it, have it play twice in one podcast. Yeah. So no, killer.

All right, thanks so much, guys.

But you're going for sure now, right? Do you mind if I walk you out and then lock the door? Yeah, no, absolutely. I'm just going to shut the door. Here we go. And then and then I'm locking it and double-boating it.

Now I want to change my opinion.

He's a little pushy. He's pushy and he keeps coming back in. Wait a minute. Someone got a hydraulic drill? Hey, guys.

What did you say? I left my glasses. You weren't even wearing glasses. I know. I thought I.

Should start. That's a $35,000 door, asshole.

Now I know how you really feel, Buddha. You demanded I call you Buddha in the interview. That's the part I left out.

I told you if you could mention in that I'm a comedy Buddha and that you all feel that way, I'd really appreciate it, and you'd get $500 worth of coffee pots.

Well, they never showed up. Thanks for nothing, assholes.

Ladies and gentlemen, you just heard real improvisation. None of this was planned, and yet it happened. I'm not a fan.

Not a fan of you. Don't like you? Don't like Sona. I'm okay on Adam.

We're getting you a Team Adam mug. By the way- He's okay.

On you.

Let's get a mug. Let's get a mug. Let's get one mug made that says Matt Gordley and Mike Brabiglia are okay with Adam Sachs. What about that?

That's.

Going to sell. That's going to be our biggest seller. Yeah, filled up full of co-pods.

Cobra Bigs pods.

Seriously, I'm going to make this-Roll-out of your tongue. -i'm making this for real. -cobra Big Pods. Can you for real?

Do you or do you not want to purchase Cobra Big Pods?

Do not. Do not.

-but let me ask you again. -do not. Let me phrase it. Let me give you this. -okay, how did you get back in here? -one bean, one bag of dust.

Leave the room. -cobra Big security. There's no security here. Colber Big's fine. Colber Big's fine. There's no security. Get him out. Are you putting the door back on or are you taking it off? I came through the ceiling.

Oh, my God. What's happening? He came through the ceiling with ripped Taylor energy. I came through the ceiling. He's got confetti. Mike, for Biglia. Thank you for… Man, this was a gift. Thank you so much. Seriously, this was lovely.

This is lovely. I'll see you in Brooklyn.

Conan O'Brien needs a friend. With Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Cessian and Matt Gordley. Produced by me, Matt Gordley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, nick D'Leal and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Your Wolf. Themed song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

Our.

Supervising producer is Aaron Blaer, and our Associate Talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering by Eduardo Perez, additional production support by Mars Mellnik, talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Bautista, and Rick Kohn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco Hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It, too, could be featured on a future episode. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.