Hi, my name is Rakita Jones, and I feel fine about being Conan O'Brien.

Really? That's it. Fine, just fine. You know what I'm getting? I'm getting a lower case F.. It was like three lower case for.

Hey there and welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, the podcast where I force people to talk to me, which is it sounds like I'm kidding, but it's really not, especially during this pandemic.

I'm so starved to talk to people and this is a complete scam. I apologize to everyone out there, but we're having a blast. We're having a lot of fun, joined, as always, by my trusty assistants sort of obsession. It was your birthday yesterday. Happy birthday.

I don't think you. Happy birthday, girl. Hey, Matt. Hi, guys. Yeah. So did you do anything fun for your birthday? Yeah, I did. What'd you do? Well, I went on a hike with my mom that I went to Costco. Then I saw my nieces that I went to dinner. OK, I've heard of better birthdays.

I'll be honest with you. It was all I wanted. No, no. I'm just saying I went on a hike with my mom. That's a no go for me. Not with your mom. I mean, but your mom is. She's great. I love your mom. I love my mom, too. Yeah. I mean, I just said that I don't I don't know her that well, but she's lovely.

You know her pretty well. And yes, she is a lovely person, so. Yeah. But I was with her just a hike with my mom and Costco. And then where'd you go to the old Red Rooster. What's your favorite restaurant? We went to a place called Cafe Santorini in Pasadena, which is a lovely balcony. It's very nice that we ate a kebab dinner, which I know you're going to laugh. No, it's all I like to eat.

Really.

All you want in life is a kebab and some dried Fruit Roll-Up. And you're set for life, right? And you're you're very you're a cheap date. Oh, come on. No, it's good. I mean, what's wrong? Is that an insult? No. So when you go. Come on. I don't know, because I don't want to be a cheap date.

I want people to work it on well anyway. Yeah. Yeah. Why with your mom Costco in a kebab, who could ask for more girly. What's happening on your end.

Oh, nothing. You know, just not leaving my house.

Yeah, well you tell a fine story and I can't wait for the movie. Wait for the screenplay. Well, I'm not going to Costco. I can tell you that myself now.

Oh, you're worried about catching the you. No, I'm not worried about that. The Corvette is a snob.

It doesn't go to Costco. What it likes to hang out at higher end stores. Come on. It's true. I've actually talked to covid and covered is like think you ain't too much refreshed. Oh, see you at Lord and Taylor. It hangs out at your high end, mostly high end stores. I think Costco can be high end. Of course. Again, can I love Costco? I had a Costco card. I can't see you and I feel I love you overwhelmed.

What do you mean? Like because there's a lot going on and I feel like you just walk in and be like, no, I loved it. I loved it. I bought nine hundred pounds of anything. I just always said was I don't even care what it is, I just want nine hundred pounds of it.

It does seem like you get lost and then end up staying the night in there. Yeah. Oh you're saying I would not one even I specifically would. Yeah.

Like you'd get lost in there and couldn't find the door and then the lights would go off and you just sleep in it like economy size bag.

If you're going to get lost anywhere, get lost in a Costco, you're going to be trapped anywhere, get trapped in a Costco. When the zombie apocalypse comes, I will go to a Costco and I'll just hang out there. I mean, I'd eat eight hundred pounds of sugar pops. I would sleep on a great inflatable mattress. I build a fort out of giant massive, you know, cases of Brillo pads. And, you know, zombies wouldn't leave me.

They just leave me alone. I watch nine televisions at the same time. Yeah, that's right. I do. I love it. Oh, what a dream.

I would eat only those hot dogs, those like sixty. You know what? I'm going to say something and I may be going out on a limb here, but you always know the best meat is the cheapest meat.

Excuse me, the cheapest. Always pay as little as possible for any meat you're ingesting and guaranteed to be the best for you and the highest quality. Sometimes I go to IKEA just to eat their meatballs because you can have like twenty meatballs. Wait a minute, you go to a dollar fifty so you walk into an IKEA with a plate and you don't even buy anything. You just load up on meatballs.

Oh, I can do one better than that. Amanda and I have gone there just for dinner, not even to shop.

Got no true for me.

You went to Asia just to eat dinner. Yeah. Just have those meatballs in that whatever that lingonberry juice. Did you did you sit at a table that you built and then and then meatballs. I wouldn't touch that MDF particleboard. Oh yeah.

Well it's good enough for the rest of us.

I've got I will eat their meatballs and. Yeah. Well meal for three dollars for the best. Yeah. And it's worth it. And good company. Yeah. Nice atmosphere. I'll go with you next time Matt. I'll go take with you guys for dinner.

We'll take you for your birthday. Belated birthday. Double date to. OK, sounds good. I mean you can't come. No I can't go. I don't know. You just, you take a lot of the attention away and people will be like, oh, it's Konan. Excuse me. I don't think they go to Koenen. I think they go about who he's on. Oh, my God. And then they hear choral singing and light comes in through the windows, that's much brighter than sunlight, and I touch them and their wounds are healed anyway.

Yeah, I just love that. Oh, it's Kohnen. I don't think so. What does that my son. That's what my son says. It sounds like every morning because it's gone.

Oh you can come, you can come to IKEA for me. I'll be there. You're going to make fun of us the whole time. I'm not you know me. I like to go. Yes I do. I like I said that I enjoy the good things in life and I would go to IKEA for the meatballs. I would go to Costco for the hot dogs. I just hang out at gas stations sometimes to work the air pump because it's free.

I do go to gas stations and I'm like, is the air free? And they're like, yeah. And then I just spray it into the air, huh? Wasteful.

And they're like, Sir, you and I'm like, you said it was free, right? Yeah. But you're going to inflate anything. You said it's free and it's like, wait a minute.

You couldn't. Oh. Lights, choral music, angels. No, I heal the lepers. Oh, my God, are there any lepers out there? Oh, I'll kill them.

All right. Enough of our tomfoolery and skullduggery. Yes, please. We must continue.

We should continue. Yes. Yeah, we should be absolutely sure. We're not done. We're only getting. So, yes, we're just getting started and we must go on. I don't even know who I know. I started I was going to do a Kennedy impression and then I stopped halfway through and it was like John F. Kennedy with a mouthful of milkshake.

I got y y oh well, the milkshake, JFK Kokoro Brian Prev. That's a Jimmy Stewart. Yeah, sure. With a milkshake. That's what I've just realized, is that when John F. Kennedy drinks a milkshake and doesn't swallow it because he's afraid of brain freeze, he turns Gemstar. That's well you can go over a contrast sweatshirt. What your country can do for you. You say enough of our skullduggery, tomfoolery. And Bill Bagheri, my guest today, is a talented actress, writer and director who starred as an Perkin's in the hilarious NBC series Parks and Recreation.

Or as I like to come at Parks and Rec. That's my own nickname I came up with.

Now you can see her alongside of Bill Murray in the new film On the Rocks available on Apple TV. Plus this Friday. What can I say? I adore her. I'm excited to talk to her.

Rashida Jones, welcome. You know, I'm going to I want to fill the listeners in on something which is and this has not happened before, but we were all set to talk to you when we had a complete engineering meltdown on our end, the likes of which I could not hear you. I could hear you. You could hear me. I started doing a bit that I thought was hilarious about how I really didn't want to talk to you. It was funny.

Like what? Yelp review. Would you give that bit? It would be like it would be like two and a half stars. But then in the review it would be like nicer than the stars.

So I'm doing that and then we lose you completely. And I was thinking, wait a minute, I was just doing that bit like, oh, good. I to talk to Rasheeda knowing that you could hear me and then thinking, what if I don't get to talk to you again because this whole thing blows up and you leave like fuck him. Right. And then I went into a shame spiral. So then we had a deep shame spiral. So then I'm yelling it at my mike, get a hold of Al.

She people were sending her something amazing today. She's like my favorite person. All true. And so I think we're sending you a pony right now. Yaquis not amazing what you mean. A pony is great. Wow. We that's I'm so sorry that you had I can't believe that you don't have enough faith in our actual friendship to think that or my or my my nuanced approach to comedy, to think that after all that I would be OK.

I thought maybe you've changed in the two weeks since I last saw you. I thought maybe you'd become a different person. It's possible it's cold at times. Anything's possible. You know, I think it's OK to talk about I'm not saying too much here, but I was on a beach and I was wearing a European Speedo and nothing else, and I ran into you. And you're extremely talented, man, Asira, and your lovely child. And then one thing led to another.

And we were all back sitting in front of sitting on a beach deck. Yeah. And I'm going to give a shout out to these people. You brought this drink that I had never heard of before. Yeah. Do you remember the drink? It was this white Cloake club.

Yes. White collar. White collar. You turned me on to it. Yeah. Yeah. White Claw. And you guys were like, you've got to have this. It's white collar. And I thought, what are they talking about? And I had some of it. It's like a seltzer that I think has some. It's like a hard seltzer. Yeah, I had about fifteen. Felt nothing. You're tall. Yeah, very tall. You're very kind to drive you to the hospital.

You and Esther were Esther was saying, I'm telling you this has become a thing, white cloth. And look, I'm going to be very happy. I'm not getting paid white. I would probably pay me, not to mention them. I'm sure I'm a death knell for any product. But the next day I saw all these cool young people walking on the beach holding white cloth, and I thought, you guys know what's happening. I don't I'm a little older and you're definitely more in touch with the youth.

And he had told me that it outsold white cloth outsole beer at Coachella, I think last year. It's really like making its mark. It has its look so beautiful because it looks healthy. Yes. It's a beautiful can. Yeah. And and it has enough alcohol but that it doesn't look like it has the alcohol. So like you don't feel like you're I don't know, maybe breaking the law. Is it. Can you break the law by having open alcohol in California.

I think that's a is that a little break. Yeah.

I think you're all breaking the law. But again, so the next day I saw everybody else carrying these things around. And I have to say, you drink it and you're like, there's no alcohol in that. And then you try more and then you try more. And I was pouring like turpentine into it to get a kick. But it was fantastic. One can just one. I know I'm trying to put it out there that I'm like, yes, that's true.

You get what you want people to think your tolerance is low. Why? What is the benefit of that? I don't know. It just might it's something to remember me by. It's something it's OK. It makes you seem sort of fragile.

Yes. Fragile. Yeah.

Vulnerable if we feel vulnerable. Oh, Conan, look out. He has I don't know, I'm playing around here. I just wanted to give a shout out to White Claw and how much I loved hanging out with you. That's what I'm sending you. I'm sending you a pony and like, that's white cloth. Yeah. Sounds like a delight. Well, I know what the ladies like. Trust me, I am I am delighted to talk to you because I've always been a big admirer of yours and we've gotten friendly over the years.

And I am so impressed with the way that you've handled your career and made it so multidimensional. And I was thinking, I have this theory and you tell me if you think I'm right. I always thought it helped as a child if you don't. Quite know what your niche is, you don't quite know there are some people that early on, they know they're a jock or they know they're this, they know they're that. And then there are some people that haven't they don't quite know how they fit in.

And I always felt part of your fuel might be that you maybe as a child didn't quite know. You know what I mean? Am I this OMYA that generally. I mean, am I. Are you trying to say that I don't excel at anything? Because that's how I feel. That's exactly what I was you're saying, right? You excel at nothing. No, you excel it. You you. But you know what I'm saying is that you.

Yes, I do. I do. I do. I do. I think I feel like if I had a skill the skill would be that I'm like pretty good at several things. Like I don't I, I definitely didn't put all my eggs in one basket because I just didn't I didn't have that natural gift. When somebody has like an incredible voice, they have no choice. They have to be a singer and then they have to try to be the best singer of all time, which will take their talent and then add some skill to it and push them to the next level.

But I definitely didn't have that thing that stood out. So I like kind of got good at a lot of things. And also I will just say to my my parents credit, but my dad always encouraged me to be good at two things. He was even though he obviously he believes in honing your skills and your talents like he he was the one who was like, diversify, diversify your skill portfolio. That's so amazing coming from your dad. I mean, major figure of the twenty, twenty first century kind of success and clear ability that he was like saying, yeah, you got to hedge your bet.

That's the kind of advice that if your dad had been like a CPA or like a pool cleaner, he'd say, don't put it all in one place. You know, that's but it is very intelligent advice. But I think he also I mean, he it's all within music, but he did excel at several things with the music so he could pivot. So if he was producing and there wasn't work happening from producing, he could go try to hustle scoring movies.

And then if that didn't work out, he could he could always do arrangements and get paid per arrangement. So he had some variety within his within his world. So that's kind of, I think what he meant. Like, he was like, it's fine if it's both they're both in entertainment, but just try to be good at two things, not one. I've heard you say in interviews that you're half black, half Jewish, you're blueish, which is a term I can't relate to, that I am not that I am one hundred percent.

I'm one hundred and ten years later. None of that, none of that I, I shouldn't even be talking about being Jewish because I so can't relate. But what I can relate to is as a kid I tried a bunch of things and for a while I thought, I'm not going to be in show business, I just have to be a good student. That's what I have to be because there's no way I'm ever going to be in show business.

And then I found out that your trajectory was kind of the same in some ways. Very much so. I mean, I think probably what I was doing that you were doing, I was rebelling against my family because I was like, oh, everybody's in show business. So I'm not going to do that because I'm going to do something dangerous, like be a lawyer.

I'll show them I'm going to I'm going to be a tax attorney. That'll show them it was it was my you everything's relative. That was my way of rebelling. Was like deciding I was going to be an academic and and a really good student. And it was just like a way to individuate. So, yeah, I had the same thing as you were. I was like, I'm not I'm not going to be in show business because I also at the time I thought, like, show business is flighty.

It's it's it doesn't require anything but like the need to be looked at and seen, you know. And I think once I got over that, like my the reason I did it was I don't think it was because I wanted to be maybe it was I don't know, I'm not going to psychoanalyze, but because I wanted to be like accepted or seen or said yes to. But once I realized there was something else to it and there was like a bit of a craft and and a science to it, I, I, I found it interesting.

But I think I had to do like make it my own first because I it was so I was so steeped in it growing up, you know, it almost feels like a comedy sketch where your mother and father are both very famous, accomplished people who are entertainers. And then you get accepted to law school and they act like you're in a cult and they're trying to get you out. What are we going to do? Yeah. Yeah. And they're coming by and they're saying, just come and get in the van.

Get in the van, get in the van. Come with us.

Listen, they didn't want to deprogram me because the truth is, both of my parents, because they're so curious and loved reading and wanted to just absorb the world, I think they were pretty. Sikes, that that was that was what I wanted to do, because there's some part of them obviously were related, but there's some part of them that wanted that for themselves, too. And for so many reasons, they didn't pursue that.

And you were would you say that you were a nerd then growing up, were you? Yes, I know. It's like it's so cliche. And I feel like every Hollywood acts like I was in there. But I was I was I had a computer in 1980. Was it eighty eight when it was not cool to have computers? Very few people remember that there was a time where only nerds had computers and not the entire world. You had a computer before Steve Jobs and then he saw yours and I started Apple.

He took it so no know. But he was like a hero to me. I mean, my Apple two C plus was my life, my floppy disks and my modem and my printer and my apple two C plus for my life. This is how old I am because my senior year in college in nineteen eighty five, I had to write a thesis like a one hundred page paper and I didn't have a computer but there was one in the Mather House.

There was in a closet and Mather House and it looks like a refrigerator and you'd put a floppy disk in it and then it was coin operated so you would feed coins into it and then you would get to use it for like twenty minutes and no. And so I went and I got all these coins and I had them in a red bucket and I was jamming coins in and then it would give me 20 minutes. And I'd say William Faulkner clearly was operating on a level of what's that word?

And are you sure it wasn't just like an arcade game?

You were just yelling at Galaga? You know what? I didn't do well on the thesis. I think it was an arcade game. I think you're right. My favorite thing, though, it really was a computer in that room and the computer coins ready for you. I just wrote a thesis on Faulkner and I blew up a planet at the same time. Good job. And it was a real everyone was laughing at me, but I did get the high score Galactica.

Right. My favorite thing was that it was the size of a refrigerator and it was chained to the wall as if someone was going to take this thing. You would need nine hundred people and a mule to take this thing. We'll never know now. They'll never understand how different it was, though they won't. I remember writing my thesis and I had I had a computer, but I had to order all the books, all of my research. I had to order like a year before because how else was I going to we didn't have the Internet, so was I going to research.

And I had to order a program because I wrote my thesis on Indian philosophy. So I had to order program to like transliterate into Sanskrit so I could get all of the characters that I needed to write. I mean, it was a whole I had to be so prepared, which is very hard to do when you're twenty, like you get out of bed. You know, I never thought I'd be at this point, but I got to this point so quickly that I I'm talking like an old man to my children.

And I realized at one point there's a generation gap between me and my younger brother, who when he was in college, everybody had a computer. They noodled around, they cut and paste some stuff on the Internet. They pressed return, they got a paper and I was using a typewriter and a refrigerator that was really an arcade game. And so and he's, you know, whatever. He's ten years younger than I am. So there's a huge gap between me and my youngest brother, Justin.

So but this brings me to my next point, which is that one of the things that I always relate to with you is there's a practicality that I feel like did come from must have come from your parents, where so many people would give their left arm to have the on screen with television or film. The work you've done, you've had a fantastic career. And you were saying to yourself the whole time, I need to be a writer and I need to find out more about how to produce, how to make things, how to direct, how to get behind, how to write, how to get behind the scenes.

And I remembered feeling no one ever wanted me really to be on camera. That was more accidental than anything else. And I'm serious. I'm not being false. I don't. And no one would certainly ever want me in a movie. But I feel like you could easily have thrived just being an actor. Yeah. I mean, I think that same thing you were talking about where I don't I didn't I didn't have this kind of preternatural gift. For one thing, I think the thing I probably like the most about myself is I will probably do OK in most places like I could if you took away all my all of these things.

I've been so lucky to have dropped me somewhere and told me, have to get like a corporate job or drop. Somewhere and I had to be a Brister drum, I would probably do OK. Like most things, like I you know, I'm pretty adaptable in that way. And I think I looked at the long game of acting and it wasn't as much about fulfillment as it was about like, oh, like this business is really sexist. So the opportunities for women, they start to just like drop off a cliff at a certain age if you don't generate material yourself.

And then also like also just in terms of material like you are, you are bound to what other people make always like your opportunity is fully tied up. It's like it's like playing stock markets. You're like, oh, god, huge crash. Like all of those stocks are up today or whatever. Like it's that all the time with acting like you can't it's like all of your money is in this bank that somebody else is controlling. And it just started to feel like I don't think this is a great place for me because I do have friends and I know people that I really respect who they love to disappear into parts they love to give themselves over to directors and movies and scripts in a way that's like beautiful, magical to watch.

But I don't think I have that skill set that makes me perfectly compatible with that as a lifetime career. Right.

When I ran into a couple of weeks ago, the first thing I said was because I had I think I had watched it a week before was the documentary that you couldn't see that you made about your dad. And I was really impressed with it because I thought it's so difficult, I would imagine, to make a documentary about your father, someone when you're that close to and that emotionally tied to. And yet I thought it was also a very emotionally complex piece of work.

It wasn't just Dad's the greatest, you know what I mean? You really showed so many different layers there. And I thought I was really impressed with it. It's a fantastic documentary. And that's you really I guess that took a long time to do. Yeah, it took about six years from when I first started filming to when it was on Netflix. I mean, thank you for saying that. I had a partner, Alex, who was my directing partner, was so essential because he is not my dad's daughter and he loves my dad and they knew each other, but he's like Australian and Melo and could see things from a distance in the way that I couldn't.

But but yeah, the whole idea was there was no way I can do this movie unless I tell the truth and I can't tell the truth unless I really have ownership over what the final product is. My dad was very cool, was like, don't show me anything until you're done, thank God, because I, I think that's the only way we could have done it. But there were lots of times when we were filming, especially there's an incident in the movie where my dad almost dies.

And yeah, we had stopped filming completely. And I we I was it was crisis mode for our family. But my brother and I both kind of filmed a little bit in the hospital, really, to show my dad after the fact what what it looked like to us because he was so out of it. And it was horrifying just to see how helpless he was. Yeah, but we made that decision to put it in there because we had to tell the whole story and tell the truth.

And also because thank God my dad recovered. And, you know, we wanted to do that as a means of intervention to get him to stop drinking. And he just kind of woke up and was like, I'm not drinking anymore, which is he's a beast. He's a whole different species of human being. Just stopped drinking in his 80s for the first time in his life. But he loves life. And so he kind of chose life in front of his in front of his drinking.

But but we had to put that in. And that was that really to me. Was it defined the movie in a sense? Because we got to be honest, and that's that's my job as a daughter really is to is to let him be seen by the world and all the ways that he should be seen.

Yeah, I think he's one of those artists where the more you see of him, it's almost it's akin to John Lennon where if you see if you see the highs, the lows, if you see the more you see of the struggle, the more you admire the person that that this idea that a documentary, if you want to serve someone well, should only show them as a heroic figure. And it should be propaganda. That's no, you don't end up being that attached to the person afterwards.

I don't like those kinds of movies because I feel like I'm being lied to anyway.

Well, I would like it if it was about me and it. Yeah, I know. I'm sure the whole point was your high alcohol tolerance. Yeah. Incredible. You can have so many white claws. He's, you know, he's a highly sexual, he's flawless like something like that. Shots, you know what I mean. I don't know. Just I would like to just listen to your kids get to that age, and I'm sure that they'll make a documentary about how perfect you are.

I don't know. It's my children. She knows what a hit job. That documentary is going to be.

If you're a man like me, shaving is a big deal, is it? Yeah, really, I grow a fast beard. A thick beard. Yeah, I really do. There's so much testosterone flowing through these veins that beard hairs just shoot out of me saying I can do a push up by lying flat on the ground with my face flat on the carpet and my beard will start growing that fast and that strong that it will push me six inches off the ground.

Never. That's called a beard up and I can do six hundred of them in one sitting.

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It's ridiculous. That's not what's crazy. How much beard I push out. That's stupid. It is true. That doesn't make sense. As we've been talking and this doing this ad, my beard has filled the room of the podcast so I can barely breathe. Breathe fine. There's no beard. That's because you have giant garden shears and you keep cutting out a little air hole for yourself. Oh, Harris, that's a great offer for listeners of my show.

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You know, in the old days, getting together with some pals, they could get a little complicated. Where are we going to go? What are we going to do? What are we going to eat? What are we going to drink? Yeah. Do I even have any pals? That was my problem. Well, that's sad. Yeah. True story, you know, but now getting together for a beer with your close chums, your amigos isn't so complicated these days.

It actually feels like it's a little easier than it used to be. Yeah. You can just be yourself with your friends. You know, you can do this all in this new world that we're living in. It's easier to interact with friends. Yeah. In a responsible way. Yeah. No makeup while I still wear makeup even on Zoome. Anyway, as the original light beer, Miller Lite has always believed in this. That's what Miller time is all about, man.

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I don't know. I like to have a beer. Like sometimes when I'm on a Zoome call with my pals and I like to crack one. Yeah, it's nice and refreshing. Yeah. And then I put it into a glass that's been chilled and then I have a Miller Lite. I know it's less calories and I know I'm taking care of no one. Yeah, that's me. That's Miller time. Yeah. It's my Miller time. No one can interfere with my Miller time.

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My kids are so very chill whenever a celebrity is around and they are so determined to be.

That's not important. We don't care about that. And I had a Christmas party and you were there and you stayed a little later and my kids were upstairs freaking out that you were. And yes, in this really cute so many times it's and it was funny because the first time you came over, my son has a way of not always tuning into what's happening around him. I think he sailed through the room, said hi to a bunch of people, said hi to you.

This is, you know, I don't know, two or three years ago, went out the other side of the door and then realized in retrospect that you were there. So he freaked out retroactively. They adore you. And we'll have nice we'll have heads of state. Well, there's a reason that I'm friendly with heads of state and then I have them to my house. I, I think I could probably be an effective leader of the world.

Yeah. You are an active leader. Thank you.

No, but anyway, they they I also like it when they admire somebody who I know to be like that's the kind of person you should be admiring. This is someone who's really worked hard and is multitalented and a really decent human being. That's the shit about that. They do actually do things important to them. Yeah, they do care about that. They do. Because it's why they don't like Tom Hanks, who's a notorious rock dick. Whenever someone's thing is.

He's such a nice guy, you know what it's covering for, but we won't talk about it. It's actually ridiculous.

Like how how lovely he is. I just it always blows my mind. He and Rita are like the nicest people in the world.

They're very kind people. He's like the kind of guy that just comes by every now and then with with plasma. He'll just say, like, do you want some plasma? You know, you want that strain? And I say, yeah, I'll take it. You know, I was going to ask you about working with Sofia Coppola. I know you guys have you have a history. You guys have known each other for a really long time. Yeah, we have.

We we've been friendly for a long time. And I met her through my acting coach. I was doing a workshop in my twenties, and Sophia came to kind of get some directing acting knowledge and she was workshopping a movie. And I got to work with her for like a month. And I played that character and lost in translation that Scarlett Johansson ended up playing that. And that was like by far the coolest thing that ever happened to me as an actor.

I didn't get the job, but just being able to work with her and get into a character that deeply at the time, I was like just auditioning for, like Law and Order guest star spots and. Things like not that that's not me, but you know what I mean. What were you like? Were you a body on line or. I knew one of the biggest regrets of my life is that I never booked law and order like it's a rite of passage.

When you move to New York and you're an actor, like every single actor has done an episode of Law and Order. And I haven't. I wish I would had my body. Yes, well, I have it here. You have played a dead body more than 15 times. He's played dead bodies. And now I'm well into your. I'm kidding. You're going to people just would be funny if you were doing it. I would like to do it late in my career when I don't have to be doing it.

I would like to be a body and I'd always like to the cop standing over me to go, what a mess. I can't even recognize them. And then they start talking about features that aren't a result of my wound. They're just look at those thin lips, those beady eyes. So that's what a dead guy looks like. Oh, he's dead. Then I get up. Hey, guys, cut it out.

Well, actually, speaking of, I think that Bill Murray, my my dad played the dead mayor of Pawnee on Parks and Rec. Was that what it was? He was I know he was in a casket at a certain point.

I don't know that. I didn't know that he had he had a guest. He had a guest role on Parks. Yeah. You're going to have to fact check that somebody who's not drunk or sober up pretty quick.

I'm curious about you read for the part that Scarlett Johansson played in Lost in Translation, you know, as a as a favor to Sophie and to help her out. Then Scarlett Johansson gets the role. If I were you, I would have been every time I saw the movie, I'd shout out. I'd have done that differently. I'd have done that. I'd have even if I went and saw it in the theater, I'd have stood up and said, not the way I did it.

Mine was more subtle. One of my favorite stories is a friend of a friend who's, like an actor, was having a pretty rough time getting jobs and just spending a lot of time at home with his kids and his four year old. My friend was over. The four year old is watching Spiderman and Spiderman, Spiderman and said that. And Spiderman, Spiderman, Spiderman. He said, yeah, I almost got that role.

The four year old, because he heard his dad say it's so much while they were watching movies that could have you say it could have been me.

If I had a parrot that lived with me, it would always be saying he's not that funny.

All right, I think I know, but I do I think I think actors and parts are destined for each other. That obviously lost in translation like that was a moment and iconic moment. And it could have only ever been Scarlett Bill. But you know what's so great?

So now you're working with Bill Murray. And I can't even imagine I again, I do not have your skill set. I am not an actor, but I think if I was in a scene with Bill Murray, I'd keep stepping outside my body and saying, oh, that's so cool. I'm in a scene with Bill Murray. Like, this is is surreal and confusing as it as like a long time admirer of his. But the good news was we had worked together before, so it wasn't like if I was just stepping out, I probably would have been recast because it is a lot it's a lot to digest.

But we are friends and we've worked together before and not for this many days in a row ever. But I was in the Bill Murray Christmas special that Sofia directed and Bill did an episode of my show, Angie Tribeca. So we had a little bit of experience on camera. But yeah, no, it was completely and utterly nerve racking.

He's also I know him and I don't know if he changes into a different person. I've always known him in his comedy context. He's always been very nice to me and very Bill Murray who but I don't know if you're working with him in an acting situation, if he changes in any way or if he's still Bill Murray. I'm saying he's I do. I do. I mean, he is he's there's something about him. He's just mysterious. He's he is sort of an island of a person.

But as an actor, he's very available and present and and listens and also does so many beautiful things without doing anything like he just is has a very, very fine tuned instrument going on there, not just with comedy, but with all of it with emotion. But yeah, there is something that's always going to be like the minute we stop rolling, he's like Bill Murray and then we're on the street and everybody wants to hang out with him. Everybody wants to have an experience with him.

And I don't think that'll ever change. But I do feel like I probably know him pretty well. We spent a lot of time together and I know him pretty well. And I do. I really adore him as a human being. I was at a party years ago when my daughter it was the first time with my wife and I went to a party after our daughter was born and she was a couple of months old. But we just went to this party because we thought we can do it and we'll bring the baby and was like a New Year's party.

And Bill Murray was at this party and I was holding my daughter, who was just a couple of months old and rocking her. And he went, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's not how you do it. That's not how you do it. This is how you do it. I'll never forget I said he had a drink in his hand like a gin and tonic, and he put it in the breast pocket of his jacket.

He jammed a gin and tonic into the tumbler, glass into the vest, like the breast nipple pocket of his sports jacket. I'm sorry. I call it the nipple pocket because I cut a little hole in there so I can put my finger in and rub my nipple and people think I'm trying to get the lint out. So don't judge me. Receipted Jones, if I want to rub my nipple through a secret. Oh, I'm fine, fine, fine, fine.

Anyway, I digress. I digress. Jesus Christ. Anyway, he jammed that drink into the breast pocket of his jacket and then proceeded to instantly rock my child to sleep. And I thought I wouldn't let anyone else who was holding an alcoholic drink and put it into their pocket like that. But it's Bill Murray. And I know everything's going to be OK. Everything's going to be OK about him. He, Sophia and Bill both have a magic about them.

And it's infuriating because it's it's ineffable, indescribable. But if you're if you're near it or around it, like you get some of the kind of like, you know, the aftershocks of it or like you just kind of want to stand close to them so that you can get some of the charm or that. But they both have it where they just like they create like an atmospheric like an orb almost. Yeah. And when you're in it, it's it's like a really, really nice place to be.

Well, I think it's genius casting that he's your dad in this. You know, I think it's you can tell it's just it just feels like there's a lot of affection there and that there is a history there that's real between a father and a daughter. And then, of course, obviously, there's this. We would all have with our parents. Yeah, and that's I mean, that's real, too, like I love Bill and also he drives me crazy.

I think maybe that's made me suitable for this job because I wasn't just going to be fully enamored with him in a way where I couldn't break him down when I needed to. That's kind of an important part of his character, too. But yeah, hopefully it is relatable. I mean, there's obviously some stuff overlap with me and and my dad because my dad has a big glowing personality that everybody wants to be around. But I think in general, like, it's just relatable in the sense that daughters of fathers and fathers who love their daughters, it's hard to figure out who you are like through all that light and love of your dad.

Like, you have to also get past that and figure out what you want your life to be like and who you want to be outside of being a daughter.

Going through that, my daughter's about to be 17 and I spend a lot of time. Just one day you're a dad and then you can spend a lot of time thinking about I am I doing this the right way? Am I being the dad that she needs me to be? And there's and obviously you don't want to overthink it, but my agents and managers tell me that she's fine. That's all you can do is just outsource the parenting.

That's best. I'm told she's getting quite tall and I'm told she's happy you get a picture every month. Well, every month would be excessive once every six months. I get it. I get a drawing that a police artist has done every six months. But I cannot say this enough. I think there are many people born maybe into your situation. And yes, I do credit your parents, but I also really credit you. You've you're a very impressive person.

I don't like to be nice on my podcast like this, but I'm uncomfortable. I'm uncomfortable. I mean, it it's so nice. And, you know, it comes from like I'm so hard on myself. And I it's been it's been a lifetime of figuring out how to love myself in a real way where I can not I'm I'm so I actually call myself names and I have to stop doing that. But I'm very hard on myself. So it's nice to hear you say it because I'm not going to say it.

Are you getting better at it? Because and all joking aside, I when you said that you call yourself names I have spent and Seona, you will back you'll back me up on this. I am brutally hard on myself and mean to myself. I'll shout it myself out loud if I'm brushing my teeth if because I'll suddenly remember something that I think I could have done better. And I don't like that. I do not want my kids to be like that.

And I don't know how you got to it. I mean, to me it's a work in progress. But I don't know, I have to just work really hard like I have to when I hear myself. And I like I, I, I'm aware of the way that I'm thinking. I just have to wonder if I would treat anybody else like that. And if I wouldn't, then I have to stop doing it. I can't treat myself worse than I treat other people.

Doesn't feel right. I have to treat everybody poorly. No, I, I just I'm writing this down. It's a daily it is a practice. And I think having children does help a lot because then you start to think, wait a minute, if anyone talked to my son or my daughter, the way I just talked to myself, I would kill them. Yes, exactly. Find a killing stick and I'd kill them. But I think it's one of the reasons why, unfortunately, you're adept at both acting, but then also writing, because I think the writer's mind is hyper self-critical.

It's weird, too, because it's the kind of thing you don't want to get rid of altogether. Because it is. No, it is how you write and it is how you create. But like, can you control it? So you only are critical with yourself when you need to be and not control me.

I do want to say that I never questioned why it would be hard on myself, but knowing you and then hearing you say that your have have not always been nice to yourself and that you've been really hard on yourself, I think. But you're you do that. It's so weird. There's a disconnect, you know what I mean? You're just there's a disconnect. I don't see why you would ever do that in a million years. And I'm I'm I'm sure that everyone listening and you have so many fans feel the same way, but that's how it is.

And people should know that that's just how it is. I mean, I think I think loneliness is is the human condition, right? Baseline human condition. You come here alone, you leave alone. You have to figure out how to fill your time and and also try to find joy through that. But those are all optional things. The bottom line is it's hard to be alive. Obviously, I won the lottery in so many ways and I would never not acknowledge.

The privilege of that, but being and being stuck in your own head and your own emotions can sometimes be a chaotic place that nobody else would ever, ever understand. Right. And so that's why I try my best to also not judge when there's a great I think it's like an expression that's like don't compare your inside somebody else's outside. Right. Because it's just not a fair comparison. You just don't know how people feel in their own bodies ever.

So that to me is like just a tool to remain empathetic towards other people, including myself. And we do live in a culture of envy. And hey, she's in movies and on television and gets to write and produce. And so her life is amazing and they don't understand that it's complicated. My life is amazing, but sometimes I can't feel that like I think a lot of people feel that way. Right. I saw that movie. Did you watch that show Show Kids movie, that documentary about.

Oh, it's very good. It's made by Alex Winter that he's now a documentarian. It's really good. And he talks to a lot of kids who grew up famous, Wil Wheaton and Mila Jovovich. Mara, what's your name? Laura Wilson, who played Matilda. And they just talk about the experience of, you know, it's so pronounced when you're a kid like they're they're young and they're talented and they're famous and everybody loves them. And that's all you want when you're a kid.

But not one of them says, I like I wish I all of them wanted to change it.

Oh, I have long maintained that fame and attention and adulation is the most powerful drug in the world, is more powerful than any other drug any pharmaceutical company has come up with. And that ergo, no child should be famous. It should just it almost shouldn't be allowed. It should be like a law because you would not give a five year old a powerful opioid. You just would or heroin. You just would never do it. I think it's heartbreaking.

The same same could be said for social media. Yes. And that's a drug to why why why are kids allowed to just partake in this thing that's literally designed to get them addicted? Well, you did that amazing Black Mirror episode nose dive that you co-wrote with Mike Shaw. And I thought that if you haven't seen that episode of Black Mirror, check it out. Nose dive with Bryce Dallas Howard. It is fantastic. And I think it is one of the best.

Yes, you are. There's like a slight exaggeration, which is, I think one of the things black is so good at. But you guys took social media and you took it to not really that much further than where we are right now. You took it not maybe fifteen years into the future or maybe five, and you saw how completely obliterating it is to a human identity because it changes your behavior, because you're now interacting. I mean, this is sort of like a quote from Jaron Lanier, who's like a great he's just a great thinker on this subject.

He's he speaks a lot in that movie, The Social Dilemma. But but you're now taking this third party that's controlling and changing and manipulating and interfering with the behavior between two people. Right. Just like that. That episode is about that, which is like you will change your behavior based on the consequences of behavior, as is told to you by this algorithm. Well, I love that episode. And I had no idea. It did not know that you would co-written it and.

Yeah. Loved it before. Yes. And then when I heard you, there was a little jealousy and envy when I heard that you had been involved. And so anyway, we'll discuss that at another time. You're really hurt. I'm so sorry. Well, whatever. I don't like being outdone left and right, but that's what we've got going here. I guess you do it all. And I do one thing. She's just this took a turn.

Let's wrap up what we've learned from Rashida Jones, which is no child should be famous. We must love ourselves. Watch out for social media, everything in moderation. White cloth is the drink that you should be looking for kids.

And this feels like the strangest wrap up of my personality ever. But I'll take it for today.

This is just for today. Can we say this just for today's version? It's creepy if a man rubs a hole into his breast pocket so that he can rub his nipple on a subway and people think he's just they call it a nip. It's more creepy that he calls it a nipple pocket, to be real honest. Well, I just call it pocket and pocket in the pocket. Rashida Jones, I adore you and I really admire you. And I are very happy for you.

So thank you very much for doing this. Really. This was so fun.

I could have done this for hours, but. Well, then let's do four more hours. Well, I got to go and and I really just really fun. I really apologize. There's a pony and some chocolates and some wine headed your way. And I just really apologize for the. Don't worry. I will. It's the time we live in an engineering studio.

Sound studio. It should have worked. Oh, I'm going to go rip some people, some new assholes. No, I'm kidding. Well, no, seriously, I'm such a chill guy. I would never do that. People love working for me. Right, Sona? Well, did you see her chill down such a chill guy. I mean, chill. All right. Seems like. Oh, God, I hate when she breaks into fruit.

It's just so I bookending it with fruit. Yeah. She just seems like fruit. Oh that. You forgot to mention that I love fruit and you love fruit. You love it. Biting into it into a very sensitive microphone. Hey, Richard, I hope I see you soon. And Sam. Yeah, Sam, you're the best. I really am. But we're just going to put that on a loop. All right. Bye bye. I.

OK, there's a lot of foolishness, obviously, on this podcast, that's what it's all about, really, but I do take this seriously. Listen up. If you think you may be depressed or you're feeling overwhelmed or anxious, Better Help offers online licensed online counselors who are trained to listen and help so you can talk with your counselor in a private online environment at your convenience. I take this very seriously. Better help. Counselors have expertise in a broad range of areas.

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OK, this is no lie, but the product I'm talking about now is a product which is in my refrigerator every day, I think I, I have this bread every day. Open up the refrigerator. Dave's killer bread. Have you had this son of you had Dave's killer bread?

Oh, I have had Dave's. But I don't know why you said that in such a weird way. It came out that way. Yeah. I hate you.

Have you have. I know they sent you some. I have. They sent this lot and I, I meant to say it in a way where I was like, oh I love Dave's but gets much creepier. Yeah.

It sounds like you're in a cult or something. I love this bread. I really do. It's the bread that's in our refrigerator. I really like it. And it's got all these great seeds in it and it makes it's great on a sandwich or it makes actually really good toast to Dave's killer bread. Excellent toast. But then I found out something about the company that I didn't know. They're really into second chance employment, which I think is an amazing, an amazing mission.

One in four Americans has some kind of criminal record and sometimes they have a hard time getting a second chance. Fresh start. Dave's killer bread employs those people, gives them a chance, lets them rebuild their life, turn their life around. And that's kind of the purpose of every loaf that they make. And I'm telling you, sometimes someone has a great cause and the products, OK, this is really good bread.

I like this bread. I if I could, I would keep this bread in my pocket and use it as a wallet, you know, sort of put the money and the credit cards in between two slices of Dave Keiller bread and then but it would get soggy.

I would sweat.

Would you do that. Why. What did you just eat it?

I'm going to be honest with you. I started that sentence not knowing where I was going and making a wallet out of Dave's killer bread. Not a good idea, but I like what they're doing. I really like their bread. And I like this idea of giving people a fresh start, second chance employment. So learn more about what they're doing at Dave's killer bread dotcom slash second chances. That's Dave's killer bread dotcom slash. Second chances don't make a wallet out of it.

That was a stupid idea. All right, let's go to the voicemail bag and listen to some calls from the people. What do you guys say? Yes, let's do it a few episodes back.

You joked about how you weren't even given a name in your family because you had so many kids right away. Voicemail is pertaining to that. OK.

Hi, everybody. I just wanted to share a little point that I listen to you. We talk about how all this family stuff, naming their children. I married a man. He was the fourth child. And recently we were looking to a private school for he and our children and their parents and five years old be sitting there. I know it was little funny, but it's not a real thing. Thanks, guys.

OK, let me make something very clear. Yeah, I was joking, but I was also not joking. All jokes are based in reality. And yes, the family I grew up in, kids started coming fast and furious and things got a little chaotic. I mean, kids were every day you'd go into the bathroom and be a new person there and you'd say, who were you in the room? Who were you? And it was just that's how it is.

So I do think my dad stalled on naming me for a little bit. Oh, OK. He told me that they I was the number three and they ended up having six. And I think by that point they started to say, like, well, I don't know, we'll figure it out. Yes. The rush.

And so I think it's when he saw the movie Conan the Barbarian in nineteen eighty that he said, hey, that works. And I think at the time I was 13. Yeah. He didn't have a name that long. I didn't have a name. Oh I'm sorry. What did everyone call you. They called me Baby O'Brien. It was just baby O'Brien and they called me that up until I think I was thirty three. Oh oh no. I did get a name fairly quickly.

It took my dad a little while but he came up with a name. But I sympathize with this woman. Yeah. She found out what I already knew, which is the Irish. We go for quantity over quality. Right. Let's just have a lot of kids and one of them will do something. OK, that's that's the idea. And who cares what their name is. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, your family especially, it was you don't have that much of a difference between your siblings.

No, I'm wise. I'm born I think five months after my brother Luke. Oh. Which we've we've scientists came and talked to my parents and it was, it was in the paper, it was in the local paper where we're spaced about five months apart. No one understood it. Yeah. That's like kangaroos can have a baby being birth. But one like warming up in the oven. Yes. Like the assembly line.

No, it's true. It's how they make the burgers at any fast food restaurant, you you have to have one warming on the conveyor belt while another is finished cooking. So yeah, I think biological sense this is true. I am not even this is not a joke. Oh, it's not a joke. Scientists from around the world visited my parents and said, you're having these children five months apart. Luke was almost done when I was being formed.

Yeah. And he was telling me in the womb, don't touch my stuff. He was saying, like, that's, you know, that stuff over there is mine and that's my poster and, you know, don't touch it. And I couldn't wait for him to move out. Yeah. And then I got to have I got to have a couple of months on my own in there once he was gone. So I took down his posters because he was into Star Trek and I was into Star Wars, so I put up mine.

Anyway, this is very strange and disturbing riff. Yeah, it is. But it's true. It's really all true. I was six children and my family were born in a three year period.

Oh, my God, that's a true story. We were all born in a three year period and no one understands how it happened. If, like sharing an apartment. Yes, that's all I moved out. No one came in. It was the original friends. It was the original friends. There was six of us. And we were all in one apartment and people were wondering, you know, how could they afford that room in New York City?

Yeah, it's that stupid. I took it too far. You took it too far.

You know, the door is a funny name. Yeah, I know. We're talking about names. Yeah. I do think that your parents naming you Conan, it's almost as if they knew you were going to be famous and they're like, let's name this one something different or. Well, I was the only one that had like sort of bright copper, red hair. Oh, OK. So I think they just said, what was this? My mom said, I looked like a little orangutan when I was born.

That's not true. She did. She said she really you know what she said? She said, I looked like a little this is a true story. My mom said, you look like a little. Budha with a tough this is what she said, you look like you looked like a little fat Buddha with a tuft of orange hair. Oh no, that's what she said. Oh, and then they must have said, oh, my God, what happened?

You know, there's always one pancake that just looks weird. And they just were like, oh, my God. And then they my dad said, let's stall for time on what to name it. Yeah. But anyway, he he came up with Konan. So I think they did think this one seems strange. OK. Aren't you glad that your name is Conan? I am. I don't really I'm not a fan of my last name. I really don't like O'Brien.

It's just so common. I will say I don't like the apostrophe. No, the apostrophe is a mess. And when I go to any time they have to enter my name into a computer and if I go to a you know, you go to the airport or whatever, if you don't put the apostrophe in or you do put the apostrophe and basically I'm on a terrorist watch list because I have it in my name. Yes, I've been. You ever think of going by Conan O'Brien and just get rid of the apostrophe?

What a perfect suggestion. I am Conan O'Brien. It sounds so regal. You will see me now in my aisle seat that will accommodate my long legs. I am Conan O'Brien. No, that's what I. Yeah, I don't want to disparage people with apostrophes in their last name because there are a lot of you. But I was working for you. I don't know if you can put it in the computer. I don't know. Like there's certain things where I have to search for you.

It's like there's a space or there's no space. It just it no, it's in my life also. I just don't I this sounds like I'm tooting my own horn, but I'm a fan of the New York Times crossword puzzle. Yes, I was doing the crossword puzzle yesterday. And one of the questions I'm doing the crossword puzzle and it's said O'Brien of late night TV, the fact that I couldn't get it. Oh, no, was probably a sign of dementia.

But no, I was in there. So I think you just did a humble brag in a way that you were like, oh, my God, I was in the New York Times crossword puzzle yesterday and I could barely. Did you do that? Four, five letters across he who humble brag.

Listen, it would be a humble brag, but I've been in there quite a bit. OK, there it is. I'm sorry. I love doing the crossword. And, you know, I, I feel like I'm cheating when they put me in there. I'm sorry. Just so like yesterday I was in the crossword puzzle. I'm sorry. I was sorry. I don't know how to tell the story without telling you I was in the crossword puzzle, but the clue was O'Brien of late night TV.

And I just saw my last name and I went, come on, like your first name is. So I don't want to say weird, but it's like if you were Conan or O'Herlihy, it'd be too much.

Well, Conan O'Brien is just as bad. Conan O'Brien. I mean, a leprechaun would be embarrassed by that name. It's ridiculous. It's so Irish. I mean, the quoted O'Brien, it's trying so hard to tell you that I'm completely Irish. Yeah. And I could see how you would think it's a humble brag. My point wasn't that I'm in the crossword puzzle. My point is I saw my last name and wasn't thrilled. I just was looking at it and thinking, yeah, it's just such a common and I don't know why, but I, I do want people to take away that.

I'm in The New York Times crossword puzzle and I think that's if that comes out of this story, there's nothing I can do to stop you from hearing that information. Yep. We got we got it the Times crossword multiple times. Many times. Hard to find a day. I'm not in it. In fact, I think I'm in it every day. I think it hurts the puzzle. I'm in it so much. Yeah. I think I've been in it six hundred days in a row.

That's New York Times crossword puzzle. Set a record. We got it. Historic. OK, that's enough. They should stop doing it because everyone knows the answer by now. OK, that's good. We got the picture too easy. Got the picture. Historic Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Sunim obsession, and Conan O'Brien has himself produced by me, Matt Cawley, executive produced by Adam Sachs, Joanna Solotaroff and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Chris Bannon at Airwolf.

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