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Hi, my name is Rory Scovel, and I feel grateful about being Conan O'Brien's best friend.

Back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes walking on the. Hi, Conan O'Brien here. Welcome to another episode of Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. The podcast scam where I get people I really like from afar to talk to me and I force them to be my good friend here. And so you're on your phone. Why are you on your phone? Is everything OK? Everything's fine. I'm checking Instagram. Where were you? Seriously? We're going to get a podcast.

You are getting paid. Hey, don't you? I think so. I hope not. No, seriously. You do what? You're seriously checking Instagram? Yeah, I just. So that's how much you regard what we do here. No, no. Hold on. Hold on. Excuse me. Girls on his phone as well. Yeah. Excuse me. Seriously, why are you guys on your phone? Well, it takes me a while to get into it.

It's always like, hey, guys, come on in. And I like doing this. And this is that's the part that is as vital as any other part. I know, but I know how it goes. So I just I'm like, OK, I should just check my. No, no, no, no. Up front is sacred. That is like a prayer. It is. That is this that is as precious as a prayer.

It is us holding hands and saying a prayer together. It's us holding hands and me saying welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a friend. And you're checking Instagram. Yes. And Gawley over here is trying to buy Best Trumans up dental plate. I got it on on Etsy. I got it. You got it. Oh, good God. Seriously, I want there to be a new commitment to the podcast because I feel you guys are taking it for granted.

I never do. I'm hold on. I'm texting or texting. It's OK. I get it. OK, that's funny. We're doing the thing said. Let's get out of here. That's great. And everyone has a little fun time. You're just sad. You're not included. No, I'm not sad. I'm not included. I am deadly serious about this podcast. It's become I'm saying this is a man with two children and a wife. I think I care about this podcast more than anything else on Earth.

Oh, you do? Yeah. I think it nourishes me more. And I have more long lasting love for this podcast than for anyone I'm related to. So no. You want to come over here? Yeah. Can I leave now and go to Matt's house? You don't know where my next house is. Yes, I do. Yeah. Matt lives in that little village where Edward Scissorhands lives. Each house is painted a different bright primary color.

He pulls in at the same time. Everyone else pulls in. They'll wave to each other. They go inside. You are wary whenever Edward Scissorhands moved in, when you're when your wife brought him in. But eventually it became he started doing stuff in the the bushes and he became like a real part of your life. Oh, yeah. We really love him now. He's a fixture in the neighborhood. Well, you end up chasing him up to a castle.

Yeah. Anyway, gives good haircuts. Listen, we got off on the wrong foot today. I think you owe both of us an apology. I'm sorry that both of you were texting and looking at Instagram. Well, I was opening when many people consider the milestone podcast of the twenty first century. OK, is there a podcast? Magazine? I want to be on the cover. No, we should start one. What if we started a podcast magazine and just put me on the cover and did one issue?

It's like Oprah magazine. Yeah, Oprah magazine. It's called podcast magazine. And I'm on the front end and this thing's just says Conan. He's the podcast, which is one issue. And then we get that framed. I love it. He's the podcast. You of them all. You just take you to like Sears and you could do a photo shoot. I'd like it to be I'd like it to be a I want it to be a magazine that's distributed to at least 15 people.

You want to hire a staff? Yes. For one issue, yes. And then close the magazine. Yes. OK, then it's a trivia question. Name the only person to ever grace the cover of podcast magazine. I know. I know. Conan O'Brien. Anyway, that's something we could do. Well, we'll get our people on it. We don't have enough people. Well, we don't have any magazine. We have no people. This is it.

This is it. It's the three of us. I'll text Donna about it. It's like we're three people in the lifeboat. And I said, do we have any water? And you said, I'll check with the rest of the crew and it's just the three of us. And then you pan out and you see we're a tiny dot on the ocean. I'll check with the rest of the crew and then you pan way out and, you know, we're all going to die and so on is just pouring fresh water over the side.

So it's washing her hair is watching her thick, beautiful Armenian hair with the only fresh water we have. You have incredible hair. So I have great hair. You have great hair, and there's a lot of it. And I could see that if we were all in a lifeboat, let's say we were all the three of us, we're taking a cruise and the ship went down and everyone else perished. Yes. And we were in a lifeboat and there was, let's say, ten liters of fresh drinking water.

Yes, I think within the first hour grilling and I would take a nap and would wake up to a splashing sound and you'd be dreaming the last of the water over your hair washing it. Yes. Yes, that would happen. And I because it does take a really long time for me to wash it. It's important for me to wash it with clean water. Right. So, yeah. And then I would be so mad at you would be like would try to strike you and you.

Beat the shit out of both of us and eat us, and then you need us, and then a rescue ship would come instantly and the total time in the boat, eight minutes. So we died for no reason. We never needed the water. You said that we take a nap. For some reason, the image of you and I spooning in this little life raft came and that's what we would do. I would scream with you. Oh, thanks.

You know what I would do? I would drag your body slightly over mine to shield me from the sun. Oh, God, yeah. You are really the first time I met you, I thought that's the human sun shield. Every time I met you, I went there as a human sun victim. So that makes sense. Oh, OK. That's really funny to make fun of a terrible condition I've lived with all my life. I've called my Irish heritage.

I live in the eight minutes we're on the boat. You nap immediately. When we get on the boat, you look at the story now that the big boat sinks, I said everyone else perishes. Well, clearly, if if the whole time were in the water is eight minutes, we're not even trying to help anybody else. Well, we're just tired then. Yeah, we're just we just immediately I spoon with Gawley pulling his limp, smaller body over mine to still be from the sun.

And soon it takes the only fresh drinking water washes her hair. We wake up, we where the two of us are angry that you did that. We rush you. You beat the crap out of us, rendering us unconscious and then eat our bodies. And then the rescue ship shows up in eight minutes, eight minutes total. You have a voracious appetite for human blood. Yeah, well, we're terrible people.

Yeah. And then the camera pans over to see. Go on. The seagull looks into camera. Wow, what a world. All right, everybody, let's get down to brass tacks. That's a phrase I've never understood. Gawley, do you understand what that means? Brass tacks? Yeah, it's a furniture upholstery term. Like, let's take off the upholstery and get down to the brass tacks.

Oh, I can't believe you knew that. Of course. That's unbelievable. That's great. Well, guess what? I'm glad that you knew that. That's cool. Let's get down to the the non upholstery layer of the.

Yeah. That flows. Oh my God. That was awful. I think there's an air bubble in my brain that was so bad. That was terrible. We got to get started. Those gentlemen's very funny. My guest today is absolutely hilarious. Comedian, he joined me on tour in twenty eighteen. He also wrote and starred in the Comedy Central series Rabie and now hosts a new podcast for Team Coco titled Dads the podcast, a very funny and also heartwarming show with new episodes every Wednesday.

Not to brag, but I was the very first guest and that's a huge deal to almost nobody. But anyway, you don't want to miss it. I really enjoy this guy. Very excited. He's here.

Rory Scovel, welcome. I got to know you very well, you've done some brilliant standup on my show and really inspired and silly avant garde standup on my show that I love. And I look at those tapes all the time. I just like to watch my old tapes and then occasionally read them anyway. But then I went on a standup tour with you and we traveled sections of the country where I'm allowed to go. Yes. Where there is no court preventing it.

And and you are an insanely funny man. Your and twenty four seven. I mean it doesn't stop. You are funny all the time. And so that's why I thought I got to talk to this ruri cat because if I can capture some of that lightning in a bottle that I saw out there, maybe people would start to believe me that Rory Scovel is very funny. I want them to believe that. I appreciate you saying that. I, I, I feel like you'll probably be able to relate to this.

Just the fact that we're comedians, that any time someone compliments me, I think it's a trap. Yes. You know what I am always waiting for? I don't I wouldn't say I think it's a trap, but I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Have you ever had someone ask you what they know you from, but you kind of think they do know, but they feel like if they kind of do that, what do I know you from? They feel like they take you down a peg despite the fact you don't care that they do or don't know you. A fun comeback is. Well, you go first. I don't know you either. What do you do? That's a good bit. I don't know.

You are my lawyer. Duane Reade, checkout person. I don't know you either. Well, I guess I'm a real estate agent. Oh, OK. I'm never mind. I do know you, Rory. I'd love to bond with you on this. I don't know you thing, but I can't. I can't I can't go anywhere in the world and not be known. I mean, literally, I've tried as a game to go to the deepest, darkest jungles in the most remote sections of the world.

And, you know, exotic frogs are like, oh, my God, yeah. You took over for Letterman. And then and then you used to work on The Simpsons. I mean, I'm sorry. That's the level I'm at work. These are frogs that many people thought had gone extinct. Do you I want to know is you must you obviously are very recognizable, very famous. Do you hate that? Do you hate being famous? No, no, no.

Why don't you chime in Minnesota? I'm in. Well, I'm in I'm you know, at the exact same exact same time. Well, sort of. What's your perspective? I think you I'm going to be honest and I'm actually going to say something nice. You love your fans and you love interacting with them outside. And I think you really enjoy it when people come up to you and know who you are. No, I shower you with compliments.

I, I'm not one of those people. It's so funny to me because there are people that got into this business and they've had success and they seem irritated that why are people coming up to me? And I always thought, well, what's wrong with that? I am a I'm a people person. I like phrase I just invented. I think if someone recognizes me and says hello and I like to try and make them laugh sometimes if I'm not getting enough, I don't think I give him the A material.

I work on it a little bit. I'll stay there and keep working and I can see them looking around like I got to go going in. I'd love to chat and believe me, it's bizarre. I ran into you, but I just remembered you can't even even improvise an excuse. I just I remembered something. I laugh and enchilada in a microwave in college and I should go get it. I will say you're so good at not stopping when you don't want to.

And they still feel like they got some of the magic in you. I watched you in the casino in Atlantic City. People just would yell that definitely wanted you to stop to take a picture. Not that they said they would just say condign. And you were just like, yep. And you just kept going. You see them smiling. Never did I see anyone be like, well, screw you if you don't talk to me. No, I give a very cheerful because there are some places where if you stop in a casino and you drinking out of a jar, what was that?

My wife, my wife bought all these jars to jar stuff that she doesn't make. I think she I think she had a dream and it just that dream became water like know like they all do. I know that you are you are a Southern gentleman. You are from South Carolina. That is correct. Greenville, if I remember correctly, he said, reading off a sheet in front of him. No, I know that you're from the South, but I really do feel like you're pushing it with your whole jar.

You just feel like I'm just going to take a little sip of my sweet tea. Oh, is that iced tea? No, sir. No suerte drink and grits straight out of my biscuit in jar grits having my lunch with you. You know, one of the things I've seen you because I toured with you, I saw you perform so many times and always just a joy to watch because you might be one of the bravest people I've seen do comedy.

That is not a compliment. I think it is a compliment. You drew up a lot with your risks.

You really have no business. You really have no business being there, but you keep going out there and being showered with acidic disapproval. Can I. But there you go. Can I can I tell you something that I have wanted to ask you this when we performed in Detroit, I don't know if you remember this. It was at the Fillmore in Detroit. And I could not help but say something about the Flint drinking water in a defensive way of saying it's insane that there's still not adequate drinking water.

Right. You were sticking up. Yeah. Yeah. Knowing knowing it would get some people booing, which is bizarre that anyone would not do. Who what human is not on the same page about people having access to water. But they then I said something about Kaepernick and other players kneeling during the national anthem knowing it was going to stir the pot a little bit. And I remember leaving the stage and I couldn't really tell how that show went. And I went outside with Marina Franklin, also very funny comedian on the tour with us.

Remember asking her, do you think Conan's going to be mad at me for the first year? We'll look at the show. It didn't go so like I think I did, OK, but I was like, oh, this isn't really my show. I should kind of keep the show funny, but because I brought I just couldn't help myself. Right. Once half the crowd doesn't agree with me with something that I think is very easy for everyone to agree with.

I didn't have to push it through. I have to push anyone further away who I think is not on board. I have to yes, I have to push them away. And I have to let all the people who know who agree with me that it's an invitation for them to get even closer. And because I did that at the Fillmore in front of more people than I've I've ever performed in front of a massive theater, I then I went outside.

And I think, however, the show was was finishing up. I was just like, should I sister to? I was like, should I not have done that? Should I have just done some jokes and gotten off the stage and out of the way? Well, I love a couple of things, but I love that you thought will Conan be mad at me? Because I, I never think of myself on that tour. I did not think of that.

I was the boss. I mean, I, I'm not be like you in my office. You're in big trouble with your reference from a place of knowing that it's not my tour. It's not my you know, when you're when your name is on the ticket, you feel you don't you don't get that way. But, you know, sometimes if I'm the emcee of a show or if I'm the feature of a show, I feel very, like timid about turning the audience, even though I really want to turn some of them.

Oh, my God. Well, I you were as I said, you were fearless throughout the tour. You used to do this bit sometimes, which is where we wouldn't know which way you would go every night. And it was really fun for all of us to be backstage and we'd wonder what Rori are we going to get tonight? Because sometimes should work clean, sometimes you'd work less clean. I wonder. So we were on for this. We were at the Beacon Theater in New York and it was a.

A big show, and I completely forgot about this, but my old writing partner had from years and years ago had his parents come to the show, they forgot. And these are older people, very healthy, handsome, energetic couple. But they're they're in their their their golden years. And they came they I think they brought a guest and I just completely forgot that. And this was a random night. And we were all on our best behavior because it's the Beacon Theater and it's New York.

And all these New York media people were in the audience. So all of us go out and do our stuff and then we're wondering what what Rori will we get tonight? And you went out and you started talking about just how you saw a documentary. And it's, you know, this folks or was it Orka? The what was the name of the whale Tilikum? Till you start talking about the Blackfish documentary and the whale Tilikum and then you start saying there's one part you feel bad for the whale, but then there's one part where there's someone whose job it is to masturbate the way through.

And then you start doing this long, crazy jazz like riff about what it's like for those people who who do that for a living. And how does the whale feel about it and how what do they do when they explain to somebody who's come to take care of the whale that their first job is going to be for them masturbating a giant killer whale? And then you get to the point where you act it out and there are you act it out like you're the the sleepy and doc and the from the from Snow White with so what, you whistle while you work and you start whistling while you work while you're carrying buckets filled with whale jesso.

That's right. That are slobbering all over the place. And you do this little Skippy dance and the with the buckets are sloshing and we're backstage crying. Brian crying. Brian Show's over. Yeah. And the beacon. I'm way up on the top floor and you got to climb those stairs. And I completely forgot when Seona says, Oh Koenen your guests are here and I'm thinking because you're in a different city each night, I'm like, guess what.

And I go and just then I see my old writing partners, parents who are this very distinguished looking older people with impeccable east side of New York taste. And they brought with them someone who looks like T.S. Eliot. He's like wearing a three piece suit and horn rimmed glasses. And I think he's probably a, you know, an esteemed paleontologist. And the three of them look like the three of them look like they just crawled out of the rubble of a building that blew up on top of them.

And they were just and I kept I started to say, oh, well, I hope the show wasn't. And they were very. No, no, no, no, no, no. Very nice show. Oh, what a nice show. Always lovely. Always lovely. We've got to get up. And I realize that you said you went on with that. Well, yeah, just routine. Yeah. Which is really become a staple of your act.

It's the whole it's it's my it's my Hotel California. You know, I've actually seen you at Drew Stadium shows where you come out and and you come out for the encore and you go, you know, there's this documentary called Blackfish and the crowd goes, here we go. And they start going to go. The crowd, the crowd is like, oh, my God, the bit. He opened the show with this also this for you. You're the only comic I know who does the bit twice and the beginning of the show.

And then after I finish it, I go any any requests and be like, do it. Just do do it again. Bucket some will come. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, take it easy. Sorry. Take it easy. I will say when a crowd is not enjoying that bit and I know all you listeners right now are like what are you talking about. It sounds like a golden gem but when there's a crowd that doesn't like it, I, I do it so much longer.

I guess. I know. I know. I know. I know. I don't know. I think I hate myself. I don't know why I do that to myself. I'm like, you don't like it. Well guess what. Now it's the only thing. Well I have to say I understand exactly why you do it, because I know the. All someone has to do to me is say, I don't really love this riff you're doing or I don't really love or maybe we've heard enough of that, right?

Oh, fuck it then. I mean, it's in my house. Even if anyone goes, OK, I think we've had enough or Seona, right? My God, if you say I think I've had enough of that. Yeah, I'm that is to me a sign from God that has to go on forever. Challenge. Yeah. If I, I mean if my wife is like can you stop doing it. My goal is then well how, how long will it take me to get you to laugh at it.

Like how can I turn to you. Is there anything I can do to turn you to think that this thing is funny, even though I agree with her most of the time that it is wildly annoying? No, it's you're not doing great. We're having a tough time, you know. Trust me, I I'm very well aware that the papers have been filed. We are looking into it just just exploring what it costs to get divorcing our options moving forward.

You are I will compliment you again. You are funny in a way that's very unique to you. There's some there are people I meet sometimes in comedy who I think were naturally funny, but then they learned watching others how to be funny. And you, Roary, are someone who's just you are funny in a way that I think you were probably you were probably this guy, some version of this guy, maybe less confident. But when you were eight, like this was this was who you are.

This is who you are. Oh, they were watching you. I think you've learned nothing. You've learned nothing. Other people have learned how to be funny. You learn nothing and you know nothing of comedy. I was definitely a class clown the whole time, and I used to be when I would get labeled the class clown by my dad, who would be very upset, like, what do you like? My grades were always bad. So like, what do you mean there being the class clown, I used to be like, oh, I don't want to be a clown.

But now that I've turned it into a career that pays for houses and things, I now I'm like, well, you know, clowns pretty good. I think I turned it into something great. But yeah, at eight years old, my my whole life, people have told me they're like, I bet if you were just in a room with nothing but a pencil, you'd still talk to yourself and be just fine. And that's not entirely untrue.

Right? I would know if I would be all right. I mean, I'm the same way. I don't know what did I know that I could force myself to do something else in life, maybe something that's more beneficial to humankind. Yeah, I guess as I got older, I realized, like, oh, I don't have to just do it for attention. It's actually something that is there that I can't turn off anyways. It's not even something to turn on, you know what I mean?

Like, even when you're on stage for standup, I think that's what I like about standup. If people like my standup, if there are people sitting there going, man, this will come bit his is great. Like when people truly find that funny, it it feels so great because it's really something that I think is funny. It's not at all something I wrote because I knew that equation would work like, oh, I know that this setup and this will be a surprising punch line.

It's truly something that to me feels like the absurdity of an observation that I've made. And I think I kind of like the idea that this thing I think is funny is so absurd. The challenges, can I sell it? Can I actually make other people see why this thing is funny? And I when you say, like, taking risks and stuff, I think that comes from me just wondering what is the thing that is so bizarre that I think I can maybe sell.

I used to do it. It used to do a bit that I feel like I should bring back. You know, this pandemic's going to just make me start my career completely over. But I used to do a bit where I said this is an impression of an elderly woman looking for her dog and the dog's name is spicy. And I would just for extended periods of time, just go spicy. And I would walk on stage convinced that this is a bit other people be like, that's not a joke.

And I'd be like, this it is. Hello there.

I'm Ruri Scovel. I'm a comedian. I'm an actor. But most importantly, I'm a dad. And I'll tell you what, as a father, it is my sworn duty to tell you about my new show with Team Coco called Dads, the podcast.

On each episode, me and my co-host Ruthie Wyatt are joined by a hilarious guest to talk about the mysteries of fatherhood and parenting, people like David Cross Konan.

O'Brien, Sabrina Gelis and Roy Wood, Jr., even if you're not a dad or a parent, I think you're really going to like this show. So please check us out, find dads the podcast wherever you get your podcasts.

Don't miss it. Hey, everybody, Conan O'Brien here to let you know about Team Koko's virtual comedy show hosted by my good friend, the very funny comedian Moses Storm. Moses Storeman friend streams every other Thursday on Team Koko's YouTube twitch and Facebook pages. Past guests have been Chris Read, Joakim Booster, Rachel Bloom, bestselling Kal Penn, Run Frenches, Angela Johnson and so many more. It's really a fantastic comedy show, Jampacked, featuring some of my favorite people, and I'd like you to check it out.

If you get a chance. Follow Team Coco live on Instagram for the latest show dates and guest lineups. I saw you announce beforehand that you were going to do a complete our improvised stand up just with no ideas, and I was talking to you up until the second you went on stage and you had no concern at all. You just and it was a pretty good sized room in San Diego. This was last summer during Comic-Con. And you went up and it was so much fun to watch you get into trouble or back yourself into a corner and then get out.

And then at one point, you just it's a wireless mike. So you just walk through the club and then you see a door and you just said, huh, wonder where this goes. And you left the club and the wireless. I don't even know if you knew, but we could hear you walking down an alley and then you found a guy, a limo driver, you found a guy and you brought him back in and you weave back in through the club.

And we've heard you the whole time. You enticing the guy saying, can I talk to you? I'm doing a show. Would you come in? What's your name? Tony. Tony. Is it OK if you and you bring him in and then you bring him up into the you bring him up into the club and you start talking to him. It turns out that he is a limo driver. And then you say, well, what do you do?

And he said, well, I I've drove these people to this club. And you find the people in the audience that he drove and you get him to talk about what they were talking about on the way there, you know, and the whole thing was this idea that was really magical. And to me, sort of the essence of what a show like that should be. I was again, you were taking foolish risks, risks that could have gotten us all killed.

Frankly, some people were killed that night. Six people were killed that night in unrelated crimes. But you were you were someone to blame this. There's something about you where there are moments where you don't have fear, when I think you should. Yeah. It's like you and Evel Knievel. You just managed to pick something that doesn't shatter your pelvis. Yeah, I will say, I, I feel a lot of times, but I, I think what would stand up mostly is, is that getting really good at that failing.

I think it's, I think to get really good at and there's kind of no way to avoid it. But I think when you get into comedy, the sooner you learn to not care if the audience likes you or not is going to lead to more fun. It's going to lead to a better career and more fun on stage. And I, I think I've failed so many times trying these absurd, stupid things that now I'm I'm not so afraid to fail.

You still feel sad when you don't give a crowd a good show just because it is. As we all know, there's a lot that goes into going and being in the audience of something, whatever it is. And so you want your time to have been well been well spent. And I, I think I've just I've just fucked up so many times that now when I'm backed into a corner, I'm like, I think my brain just goes, well, this wasn't as bad as that time in Maryland, keep going.

And so I'm like, you're right that what happened in Maryland for me, being a comedian, Justin Schlegel went out and did a show in the middle of nowhere at a seafood restaurant in Maryland. And it was packed. And then I think I think they paid us with, like snow crab or something. I don't think we actually made any money. And he and I were both supposed to do forty five minutes and ten. I went up first and ten minutes into my set.

They hated me. They truly hated me. But if there's one thing I can say, I will always do my time. So despite the fact they hated me, I did the whole forty five minutes I brought him up and as he's going up, he looks at me like, oh my God, I'm so scared. Like they hate the show. They immediately love him instantly. And so we're very relieved. I still go and set the car so that we can pull out of the parking lot very quickly in case they turn on him also.

But, yeah, that that was maybe one of the worst times I've ever bombed. If you don't show any sign that you think the show is bad, they think it's there. It's like in their head, they're like, well, why does he like it if we all hate it? Yeah, I used to one of my alts that I love. I have all these outside I've compiled over the years from my failing moments and shows. But one of them is if the show isn't going well, I, I tell the crowd I'll be like, you know what, let's take a break for a second.

You guys don't like the show. Here's the thing. You're not you're missing. I also don't like the show. So the thing is, we. On the same page, like the same stuff, because we all hate it right now, and then I'll be like, all right, look, you know, it's there's a fun element of them being like, all right, fine, I'll do my smarter stuff. Obviously, you guys are I'm a I'm a jerk.

I misread the room. You guys are way smarter than this. Here's some smart jokes. And then if they don't start laughing, then you've now switched it to where you're like. I guess I guess it's because you guys are dumb and, you know, there's enough people in the crowd that will enjoy the fact that you are now mocking the crowd for not liking your bad show. You know, I know it's their fault. I figured it out.

You guys just aren't smart enough. Yeah, I saw you every now and then someone will get up and leave the show. And quite possibly just because they want to use the bathroom or sometimes maybe because they really they can't see the show or you're rubbing them the wrong way. But you will say, excuse me, ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, what is it? What does it. Ma'am, ma'am, is it that you know and you've had I've seen that there's just electricity in the in the air because I don't know, is this woman going to turn around to this man going to turn around and say, no, I don't like the show or no, I'm just going to use the bathroom.

But then you engage them on what they need to do in the bathroom and you're like, oh, my God, yeah. This is yeah. Horrifying, delicious. Any time someone will let you know that they don't like the show, there are people that tell you that because they want it to they want it to bother you. They want it to hurt you and hurt your feelings. But I think sometimes they don't understand that as long as long as you're putting wood on the fire, the fire keeps going.

It doesn't matter what type of wood it is. If someone is like, actually, I hate the show and you're not funny, it's like, well, now you've given me five to ten more minutes just from that beautiful offer of knowing that you don't like it and you're leaving. So when they're leaving, it's like, well, once you're gone, I'm obviously going to talk about this for a long time. I there was one show I did a fight broke out in the audience and I mean a full on fight to where the show stopped.

People were screaming. The whole audience turned, watched for guys who looked like they played professional football. They were that big get into a fight that slowly, almost like The Simpsons, it's somehow just moved from the crowd like a rolling tumbleweed out into the lobby and disappeared. And everyone just sat back down. And I'll never forget this woman right. As I pick the microphone up she goes. Good luck following that. She said immediately I was like, What do you mean, good luck?

I was like, we all have the same questions and we're about to explore them together. Right? We all have so many questions. I was little those little gifts. I know what you're talking about. That show in New York, that woman, when she got up and left, I think you said you knew her to. Well, it turns out I know a lot of people. That's the secret everyone icon. Conan has a personal connection.

That was my father. You were like, what's with you, old timer? I've also really liked it when back in the days early, Letterman when if Steve Martin went on Letterman's late night show, he would have thought out this conceptual piece that he would do. Or if he went on Carson, he would have thought out a conceptual piece. And you've done things like that because I think so few people do that anymore. And I remember was I think you and John to remember when you guys you guys worked out this bit where and I was in on it.

But I, I basically say, well, this is a little awkward. We booked two comics. We made a mistake. They're supposed to be on different nights, but they both showed up tonight on the same night. And we think our booker made a mistake and they but basically that they've agreed to both do their stand up together. Yes. Right. And it was you guys doing stand doing different stand up at the same time. Yes. Standing next to each other.

You know, I had people you you sold that introduction so well and made it seem like it truly was an accident and the show felt so bad in your delivery of that. Oh, think it's real. So much. So much so that that people there are people who couldn't realize Conan's intro is the setup. The punch line is the absurdity of the thing that he then brings out onto the stage. People go, they were like, hey, that's kind of messed up.

I mean. That's like a professional show, double booking, you guys, and you're just like, what are you talking about? Because it was both of you, you weren't doing anything in tandem. You were both standing there with your microphones doing a completely different stand up act and not acknowledging the other person, which is insane. You couldn't make head or tail out of it. It was it reminds me of the time, Mr. Danny McBride, I think one of the first things he did, he did this movie that sort of brought him to fame called was it foot fist way, fist way.

Yeah. Yeah. And he is he from South Carolina or North Carolina? I think in North Carolina. Yeah, but he no one knew who he was. This is before he became a big deal and he to promote it, he was going to come on sort of as that character and and bring these kids out in sort of karate uniforms and then have some of the kids, real kids, and have them not do it that well and have him lose his temper.

And so he committed to it one hundred percent. And I said he's he's here and he's got a movie Foot Fist Way, and no one knew he was a people didn't know him yet. Right. And he came out and I've talked with him about it since, but he came out and he really committed to being Danny McBride or whatever the character's name is. And he's there and he's with these kids and they can't do it. He starts losing his patience and yelling at him and then he goes to do it and he can't do it.

He can't break the board. And and then the kids, he starts yelling at the kids and some of the kids cry and run away. And he in the whole thing falls apart. And I committed to looking really upset and walking out and saying, OK, well, that was we committed all the way. And when it was over, the band starts to play. These young people in the audience were like, fuck, what the fuck just happened?

Oh, fuck. It was so bad. And I didn't want to tell them the whole thing's a joke. So I just went, I know it's really bad. I don't know what to do. Then we had people saying, who saw the show that was all messed up. Who how could you let that guy on the air? And Danny said he heard from people like you. How dare you? Yeah, but of course, the kids are all actors.

They're all in Hollywood. As soon as he can't break the board, you're like, well, that should be the tension release. Like, Oh, OK. It's clearly a bit he break the board. I love the people are like, no, this is real. And these are bad people. These allow this to happen. He's back to he's also a bad person. Yeah, we did a bit. Who said famous famous gymnast and she was America's sweetheart.

Mary Lou Retton. Mary Lou Retton. We had Mary Lou Retton in the show and we have several posters. I can see them die hard. Mary Lou Reed, is that like patriotic or incredibly creepy? You be the judge. I vote creepy and patriotic. Well, we did a bit where I had to just called for me to completely lose it on her. And I committed to it and I just was totally screaming at her as part of this thing that she's in on it.

So then I think shortly afterwards I'm a guest on Howard Stern and people were calling in and they were like with you, the way you talk to Mary Lou for me, I just know she did for this country. Yeah, just people people were calling in and they wanted to kill me. She did the most somersaults of anyone in the eighties. And, you know, I wish I could have given an exact Olympic date, but I haven't done my research on this bit.

So didn't you do a bit where she was a bit where you are. You're someone's doing stand up and so and someone heckles you. Oh, you think you can do better than that was when John and I came back on the second time he did stand up and really sold it for like two and a half, three minutes until I, I played. You're in the audience. I played an usher and I was trying to receipt's someone. And he said, sorry, can we cut, like, what is going on over there?

And I was like, oh, she's just in the wrong seat. And he's like, well, can you do it later? And I'm like, it's kind of a tough job. I'm trying to do this. And then he's like, it's actually not that tough a job. And I was like, well, what you do isn't that tough of a job. So then we switch, you switch jobs, you go down to do the stand up, he goes up to be an usher.

And this is all like, I swear to God, it was played so real that people watch people in the audience think what is going on? Why would they allowed this? Why did they allow this switch? And then you start doing stand up. He starts being an usher and. Forget there's some twist where I get involved in you, you say something where you're like, you guys, can you guys stop? You can't just do this. We've booked John, you're an usher.

You can't. Yeah, switch. And we're like, oh, Conan, just sit at your desk. And that's when you're like, you think my job is easy. And then Andy goes to do standup. You become actor John because he did standup. I become an usher. The whole thing's flipped around. I just those are those are just really magical. I mean, it's silliness. I think one of the reasons I'm such a fan is you're a very sweet guy and you're a very intelligent man.

But you are I am not sure you're intelligent. I don't just do that at night so that I can sell that I can make when you put glasses on and hold a book a month at the right side. But I bow at the altar of silliness. That's just my beer. I want to spend eternity after I leave this earth. I want to go to a silly place. And even if it's some and that might be hell, I don't know.

But I would go there. I will go to this. I want to go to the silly place after I go right. I want to make sure I talk about your your podcast because you are a very funny guy. You're also a very perceptive gentleman. And you have a new podcast called Dads. That's right. And I want to make sure that we talk about this because you are you're just first of all, you got very soothing pipes. I like listening to you, but you really feel this is the voice I do for the podcast.

When I'm against, I go screechy because I don't want other podcasts to get that all the numbers. But I see. So when you go when you're a guest on a podcast, you're screechy like sort of like. Oh yeah. Yes, exactly. And then when I do mine, it's very. Hey folks, a jazz singer. Just come on. End of the Vegas club. I'm Sinatra over here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's and you're you talk about and it's not a it's not a podcast for dads necessarily because I think non dads can enjoy it.

That's right. I know it's non dad a term that you guys use non dad. We use non dads. We feel like we've narrowed everybody into two groups. You're either a dad or a non dad and good thinking. And that's, you know, so we have people on. And I we we talk about what it's like to be a parent, what it's like to everyone's different individual perspective of being a dad and how to be a dad or a parent in general if you're a non dad, but also the relationships that we've had with our dads and how that's shaped us in some way.

Because I think I think in everybody's mind, everyone's relationships are obviously very different. But I think some people think about the relationship relationships in general with a mother. And I think everyone kind of pictures sort of like the perfect scenario of a real relationship with a mother. And even though most people don't have that, they still picture that. However, I think when most people picture a relationship with dads, it's almost always tattered and slightly broken, even when it's working just and everyone will be like, oh, yeah, my dad.

Are you and your dad close? And people people's response is always like, Yeah, I think so. You don't even know you don't even know where you stand with your dad. Yeah, it's very complicated, right? It's very complicated. Yeah. You know, and it's it is interesting, like you think of all the great renaissance. Art was always its mother, Mary and baby Jesus, like mother and child is sort of you know, there's never like there's the father.

And the son always reminds me of Norm MacDonald's line. I think he had a line once years ago, which is. Yeah, I went home for Christmas. I got a little awkward because I accidentally made eye contact with my father. It's sort of like I just sort of like, yeah. If you ever really looked at your dad in the eye for, like, a creative time, I could do that with my mom. If I really locked eyes with my dad.

Yeah, I think my skeleton would run out of my flesh. Yeah, well, that's that's the painting of the father and son. It's like no tell. They won't look at each other then. That's so funny because it's so strangely relatable. And yet we wouldn't we never step back and are like, why is that? So, you know, why is that so universal? This this weird. And I think it's a lot of we talked about it when you were a guest on the show.

You know, it's there's a generational thing with how dads are with with kids and their children. And the thing that kicks in for at least for my wife, the motherly maternal thing, that naturally. Kicked in for her, from my perspective, was so beautiful to watch happen, I was like, oh my God, like I am seeing this natural just intelligence, my wife's brain lighting up with knowing how to keep a baby alive. And I'm over here truly gaining no knowledge of anything the entire time, almost to the point where I was, you know, I was like, do you guys even need me anymore?

Are you guys good now that you your best friends, should I get out of the way? It's been made quite clear in my equation that I am not needed, that it's by unanimous, my wife and my son and my daughter. And whenever I come in, I am the sit com fool. So I come in and they're just like, oh, look at all the idiots home. And then there's a canned laugh track and and you find your way through the kids.

Yes, exactly. And I say things like, well, and so anybody. Did you have your computer club computer dad, is that would you think it's called computer class and everyone laughs and then I go like, is there any more of this vegetable? And my wife is like, do you know what it's called? And everyone laughs. And she's like, is that's a fruit. And they really like you, but you don't even know the capital of Illinois.

And you're like, I don't you really don't. You know, now you say it like that. I think maybe your family's just abusive in a weird way. It's abusive. They are they are abusive, but the ratings are through the roof. So we're going to keep it going. Yeah. Don't don't fix it if it's not broke. Rory, I'm going to wrap this up. No, I would like this to go thirty, maybe forty five.

I'm in quarantine, so I however long we can go.

OK, well we could go another I think. Twenty four hours. So that's what we should do sometime. If you listen to Canaan's Neumayr Canaan's Rory Scovel marathon tune in tonight and Mory end up discussing whale come nine different times. They leave the subject and exhausted of all of its comedic fruits, but only to return two hours later. Yeah, and find more later on. You just listen to them watch the X Files. They're not talking. They don't talk.

There's no commentary. You just hear them watching the show. You're a good man. I sure that hilarious, hilarious man. And I, I get excited whenever you're around. I get happy because you make me laugh so much time soon when we are allowed to.

I would love to even at a distance I, I know people can't see. This is obviously a podcast, but I'm in a van outside your house and have been for several weeks. We didn't. Yeah. We've had questions about this. There's a very it's not a good van, it's not a good well I with just spray paint I wrote cable company on the side and that's not specific enough to really see APL and then company with a K. And so there are questions and there's apparently no working toilet.

You just cut a hole in the bottom of the van and human waste trickles out the bottom. Yes. Well, I mean, yes. I mean, it's been two weeks. If I'm still here, clearly enough people are falling for it. So the cable company is spelled. All right, Rory, go in peace. You do good works. Thank you for having me on this. I didn't want to go. I know. I know.

Well, I paid I paid to be here. And so it's good that the first guest that's paid twenty five thousand dollars to appear on the show, the money came in second before we went on. Are you sure? Not. I thought for twenty five k that was the 90 minute package. That's just. No that's I'm not, I didn't pay the extra five grand to argue I didn't pay the extra five grand to fight you so. OK Rory.

Well thank you.

You know, I ran into someone the other day who really liked the episode where because they're Armenian and they really love the episode where you and I went to your home country, Armenia, we went to Yerevan. Yes, we did. And I swear to God, I meet more people. I meet more Armenian people that are like Gauna and I have and I know to go berserk. And then they go love them. That's all I know. That's good.

But did I end up hugging them? They're just so happy about that episode, which was really a joy that was fun. I bet that happens to you a lot because you've been to so many countries now. No, it doesn't know. Other people are very angry, you know, but I mean, I think that was they're not used to you know, they were just very happy. And there's a very there's a massive Armenian community here and in Los Angeles.

Right. And I cannot walk five feet without having them say, oh, we know you went to Armenia persona and all this kind of stuff. And I tell them that you you you're gone. Oh, that was a really nice trip. That was nice. Seona you should accompany him to Ireland. And yeah, I mean, you go back to where I'm from. You've been to where you're from. You've done a whole episode from Ireland. Well, we did an episode from Ireland once a bunch of years ago, but I didn't really go to where my people are from specifically.

My dad's side of the family is from this place called Dun Garvin, which is south southeast of Waterford, I think. And I went back there once because I wanted to go and see Dan Garvin, where my great, great, great, great great grandfather, I think, or something like that is from. And he was a bone setter that lived in Duncalf. Yeah, yeah. It was a bone setter. I think his job was to break your leg with a stone and then set it because there was no money and waiting for someone to break their leg.

So he would do that. But anyway, no, I did. Once I went back, I went back a bunch of years ago. I was not on television. This is just real life experience. But I went back and decided to go and find the town of Don Garvin where I'm from and everyone's like me. There were done garbage in garbage and then garbage. You know, this is a true story. I was once driving in. I was driving in Ireland with my girlfriend at the time.

So we stop and I get out of the car and someone I asked someone is was done. Garvin and they said, this is done. GARVIN So you're supposed to kiss the soil. So I got down and I kissed the soil. And then someone else was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is not done. Garvin's this is I kissed the wrong soil and I actually had soil in my mouth putting it out, you know what I mean?

It was. And then and then it was like I kissed my grandmother and it wasn't my grandmother. And then I had to drive for like another 40 minutes and I had the wrong soil in my mouth and I was like, fucking you could open mouth, kiss the soil. I did.

And I did, like, a little tongue. Oh, you frenched it. Yeah. Yeah. Also, here's another thing that happened to me in Ireland. I was rented a car on the western part of Ireland and my girlfriend and I were driving across Ireland and we went into this these magical places like you, you can be driving along and you can just find this magical little like you go through like a little forest. And there was a single there was a little tiny house, a very small house with one single gas pump in front of it.

And I pulled up to it because I needed gasoline in. This lovely old woman came out and she was like, oh, how are you? And how long were you? First of all, you're from Duncalf and all you've got to look. Oh, you got the map of Ireland on your face. Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. You know, I try to cream, but it won't go away. And he and then she's pumping away and fills the car and she says, well, I wish you well and you're going to say a prayer for you tonight.

And she said, you see the whole rosary and I wish you well. I said thank you. And I had tears in my eyes and we hugged. It was really nice. And the old lady went back in our house and I got in my car and I drove about maybe fifteen minutes. And the car just suddenly made a weird noise and just ground to a halt. And she had filled my car with sleep and it didn't take diesel. And I got out of the car and I wanted to run back and kill.

I was waiting like and I could just see her in the middle of her rosary, in her car going because of his father, who art in heaven knows best for the young man, got so many doors smashed open.

I'm like, oh, fucking I did. I just start throwing her around the room. I was waiting. The story was so sincere. And I'm like, we cannot stay this way. We're going to go wrong. You know, when you fill a rental car with the wrong gas, you got to first of all, I walked. This is Ireland to. Walk up to a stranger's house in America and see how that goes. I walked up to a random house, like in a field and walked up to the door and the woman was like, come on in, come on in.

And how can I help you? Would you like a cup of tea? And I'm like, No, no, my Khazars. I called my husband and he'll call Schamus inflammatory statements. And so they came and they took my car and they literally have to like, put it up. They have to drain the car completely. And it was a rental car. They had to drain it. I think they have to pick it up and shake it to get all the bad stuff out of it.

The trip costs double because of that woman who was so busy. Bitch. Well, I don't talk that way about women, that bitch. But, man, you on this one. Yeah, well, isn't he a nice boy? And she probably knew because that's the Irish to their. They like to you really. I probably went over then she say goodbye. Goodbye, goodbye. I'm going to say a fucking rose will teach you to cut to any random house I think every time you kiss the wrong.

So I guess there you go for gasoline you do get on the telly in a matter of your second day. I didn't have time to make a bomb to put in the car. I like to kill you. I don't even know you. I don't even have a I don't even own a rosary. I've never had worse than that. Fucking brainteasers. There is no God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm a Scientologist. Oh, my God.

I know that's what happened. That lady is awful. Well, you're. Oh, man. She was pretty old then and this is a long time ago, which means she's still alive because the Irish live forever.

Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Sunim Obsession and Conan O'Brien has himself produced by me, Matt Cawley, executive produced by Adam Sex, Joanna Solotaroff and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Chris Bannon at Airwolf. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental Music by Jimmy Luisito. Our supervising producer is Aaron Belayer and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. The show is engineered by Wilbekin. You can rate and review this show on Apple podcast and you might find your review featured on a future episode.

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