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Hey, Bree, meet Conan and Sona.

Hi, guys.

How are you?

How you doing, Bree?

I'm so good.

It's very nice to talk to you. Where are you right now, Bree?

I am in Providence, Utah.

You're in Utah? I love Utah. That's a beautiful state.

Yeah.

I don't know Providence that well. Where is Providence?

So it's pretty small. We are by Logan. Do you know Logan? We're like an hour and a half north of Salt Lake.

Okay. Salt Lake. I know, but it's a beautiful area. I've gone.

Yeah.

Spent a lot of time in Utah, done a bunch of skiing there and just walking around. I absolutely love it. The people are fantastic. And. Tell us a little bit about yourself, Bree.

Hey. I have been married for almost 19 years. We have six boys.

Good lord. You have. Bree, I have to tell you something.

No.

My mom had six kids, and that doesn't happen as much anymore. I have two children. After our second child, my wife told her I'm never to touch her again. And Sona, you have two. And that's it for me.

We're done. We're so. Boys. Six boys. No. Yeah.

And I have twins, too.

You have twins also?

I do.

You are a superhero. That is a lot. What is the age? Is there much of a gap between all the kids in years or do they just come fast and furious?

They're kind of fast and furious. My oldest is 19, so 1917, then a gap because we moved for school. So I was like, we need a minute. 13.

I need a minute.

I need a minute. Give me a break. And then our twins are eleven, and then our baby's eight.

Oh, my God. Well, goodness. And can I ask if you are? I think I can ask this and you're free to tell me. It's not my business, but are you mormon?

I was.

Oh, you were? Okay.

Yeah.

Did you left the Mormon church, the Mormon faith?

We did.

Okay.

About a year and a half ago.

That must be quite a transition, because when you're Mormon, there are, you know, there's a lot of rules, and as all religions have, trust me, I grew up Irish Catholic, and there were a million rules, many of them which I fled. But I'm curious. That must be quite an adjustment.

Yeah. Especially in the beginning. It was a lot for sure. Especially, like, with our kids and trying to now explain how things are going to be different and. Yeah.

What would you say in your daily life is the most different thing for you now that, because I know there are a lot of. There's restrictions about. Have you tried any alcohol or anything like that?

Yes, I have.

It's okay. You're talking to. You're among friends here.

Isn't it so fun?

Sona is drunk right now, and so you should feel very much at home talking to us. What was the first drink that you tried?

My husband and I made a rum and coke in our bathroom.

You did it in your. You know what? You're allowed to have a drink. You're not making.

We're hiding from our kids.

Okay.

It's just so, like, let's go have a little bit of rum and put it in some coke. If the police find out, we're in trouble. So I love that you also say we each, like. You made one drink and you tried it. Did you like it?

Yeah, it was okay.

Okay.

I mean, they're all not great, but that's true. It was good.

What's.

They're all not great liquor.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah. So some of them, you're just kind of like, what is this?

No, I have to be honest with you. There's a bunch that, you know, people rave about, and I try, and it just all tastes like gasoline to me. And I wonder, why does someone want to drink gasoline?

That said, after 36 years of not having any, right?

Exactly. That said, I'm still open if any major liquor brand wants me to have.

A. Adam's giving a thumbs up. Oh, my God.

Let me make a point. I don't care what the brand is, or I will. I will. I will drink it. I will have it in my home, and I will get the tattoo on my forehead if the money's made. So, Brie. All right. That's a. That's a big change. Have you had. I know that Mormons don't drink coffee. Have you tried coffee?

I did, yes. I don't like coffee.

You don't like it? It's an acquired taste. What did you. It's got to be really good, well made coffee. What was the first coffee you tried?

I went to Starbucks, which I hear is a mistake.

Well, I just want to say, I don't know if they advertise.

Oh, God. Not for you guys.

I think they do, and I don't think it's a mistake at all. And I think it's a mistake for you to say it's a mistake.

Oh, my God. Okay, my bad. This is so embarrassing.

People told me that's your. That's the.

Well, guess people say a lot of things. You know, people tell me, don't drink water. Cause you won't get hydrated. They're wrong. Starbucks. Try it. Make it your next stop.

They were right. You could try anywhere else.

But I had a pumpkin spice latte for my first.

Oh, you got a. Wait, your first. Your first taste of real coffee was a pumpkin spice latte? That's not coffee.

Maybe that was the mistake.

That's like saying, I want to try this thing called food. I think I'll have some captain crunch. That's not.

I love captain.

That is good. I would do that. If I'm just saying food before.

You're right. That was a terrible example.

Kissing.

Crunch wanted to advertise their album. Yes.

No, you did it.

Now, are they General Mills? I think I'm in good with them. Anyway, all my conversations are driven.

This is the saddest thing I've ever heard you do.

It is General Mills, isn't it? Yeah, I know those guys. They're good. The general Mills?

You know those guys?

Yeah, the generals. Yeah, the general Mills guys and I, we hang out in a boat in the Caribbean. Anyway, yes. You should try real coffee sometime. Put a little cream in there. Don't take it straight. Black. But just try it again. But what am I telling you? This also, it has health benefits. Coffee. It does a lot of good for you, so, yeah, that'd be great. All right, well, I just want to be sort of giving you a lot of life advice. So, bree, I've learned a lot about you, and I find this whole area very fascinating, and you seem like a very impressive person. What do you do for a living? What's your occupation?

I own a bridal shop.

Oh. And can I say one thing? I shouldn't have assumed you don't like? What's your occupation? You have 75 children. It just occurred to me how stupid that is because you have six kids, you have an incredible job. But.

Thank you.

But you do. You do also work at a.

You said a bridal shop, so I was a stay at home mom for 18 years and supported my husband through his schooling and training and everything he was doing. And then just last October, actually, we opened a bridal shop. So I do that.

All right, so you're running a bridal shop, and then I want to know if the cliches are true, because you always hear that the brides can get insane or family members can get insane. You've been running a bridal shop now for. For a while. What can you tell us, is really the deal.

So brides don't tend to be too bad. It's typically the moms.

Moms, really? Sana, would you like to weigh in?

Well, I wanted a small wedding, and then I had 550 people there, and I didn't know a lot of them on that side.

All but one or two were armenian. I will say it was amazing. It was a full on armenian service. That was beautiful. And then it was an incredible party, but it was like we had all been transported to Armenia. It was incredible.

Anyone I've ever looked at in my life was invited. I didn't even really know a lot of the people. Yes, my parents took over my wedding specifically.

Maybe your mom. Nadia is a very. And I love Nadia. Nadia is strong, and I mean that in the kindest way.

She is a strong woman.

She's a strong woman. Go head to head with Nadia. It is the clash of the Titans. It's amazing. I sometimes sit on a far hill and watch these two go after each other like King Kong and Godzilla. It's incredible. Boulders are thrown. Lightning bolts are tossed.

Yeah.

But it was still a beautiful wedding. So you say. The moms. So tell us what you've seen. Bree. Describe some of the behavior of these moms, if you will.

So recently, we had a mom who wanted to have alterations done to the dress after they had already bought the dress. Daughter loves the dress.

Everything's good, everything's happy, everything's fine.

Yeah. And then she wanted certain alterations done, but said, but if we don't like the alterations, we want you to take the dress back.

Ooh.

And we're like, not really how it works. All sales are final. You signed a thing? You know, we explained. She got really upset, and it turned into a huge thing with us ending in filing a police report.

Oh, my God. Now, did she get physical?

Um, no.

Okay.

I did bring my oldest son with me cause I knew she was coming back. So he came in with me as, like, protection. Cause he's, you know, 6ft tall and bigger than me. So he came in just to help, just in case. But she was threatening and did tell me that her husband would be coming to see us. And so I was like, well, what is that supposed to mean? Like, to talk to what? And.

Yeah. Was she using any foul language?

Not too bad. No.

Okay.

What a weird question. Why are you asking about foul language?

Because Bree grew up in a certain way in the Norman church, and I would just hate the idea of anyone using foul language.

She's drinking rum and cokes in the bathroom.

You know, I also love foul language. Now.

Hey.

Hey, Bree. You're one of us.

Yeah, welcome. Fuck, yeah.

Well, Bree, I have to say, I've not known you long, but I hate you. You just seem like a lovely person. I hate the idea of being someone being mean to you. And I just wanted you to know I'm six'four, about 200 pounds. I know my way around punching bag. Not true, but I would love.

You'd be like, muscle.

Do you think I could be intimidating?

I think you could be intimidating, but I also think everybody knows who you are, so they're just gonna be like, why is Conan O'Brien just hanging out at this bridal shop?

And I'm saying, to rip your husband's fucking head off if he comes in here and turn it into a corsage. How's that sound to you, shit for brains? I'm gonna put my foot so far up your ass, you're gonna taste shoe leather. You know, it's that kind of stuff. Do you know what I mean? I would just go monster on these people. And they would go back and they would say, conan O'Brien was there. And he's taller than I thought, and his hair makes him, like, six, eight. And he just seemed insane. And I think that would frighten them, and I don't think they would mess with you anymore. And then you and I would go to your bathroom, and your husband would join us, and we'd all share one rum and coke each, taking our turn with little discreet sips. And then off to Starbucks for a fucking spicluck day. Starbucks doing the best coffee since 1965. You're not getting paid yet.

Don't do slogans and stuff.

Starbucks, more than just coffee. Also, pumpkin. I'm just making up. I'm trying. I'm doing the best I can. So. That's interesting that you have. He owes that money. Now, listen, you could. What's really cool is I think now you're starting to see that there's all those years when your kids are young and they have to take care of them and make sure they don't get hurt, but then they get bigger and older, and then they suddenly become this. You've got six dudes that have got your back for life, and they love you. Cause I can tell you're a great mom. And. And I'm not even including your husband, who I'm hoping is a badass. But let's just say he's not. Let's just name. His name is Quigley, and he's a stamp collector. Okay, but any hoots?

Old quigs.

Old quigs?

I've got my stamps.

Honey, there's a guy here threatening me at the shop.

Mmm. Stamps.

So anyway. But you blow a whistle that you keep on your person, and six monster dudes, you know, come storming in, and they hear, mom's in trouble. God, I wouldn't mess with you. I'm not gonna ever mess with you.

Thank you. Yeah, thank you.

And I've thought about finding a bridal shop somewhere about an hour outside of Salt Lake City and causing some trouble, but now I'm not gonna do it.

Yeah, but what if they're sweet? Like, if your mom blew a whistle, like, the six of you wouldn't go and be like, wait, to my mom? Like, you wouldn't do that?

Oh, I'd be. Well, first of all, I'd say, like, well, I've got these interviews to do, and then I'm having a facial over at the spa. Luke and Justin would say, we're lawyers. We have legal matters to attend to. You know, my sister's got stuff to do. Neil's probably watching f troop, you know, so. No. Would we come? No, we would not.

Okay.

Sorry, mom. You're on your own. Good luck with those thugs. She's 92. She can handle herself. She's a policeman's daughter from Worcester, Massachusetts. She can give as good as she gets. I have no compassion, Bree. You can probably see that. I've tried many times to become a Mormon. They wouldn't have me. They said I was just too malicious. No. Yeah. Absolute straight. No. Very few religions I've applied to have wanted me to be part of their application. I've done many applications. Applied to be jewish? Absolutely not. They said, okay, brie, did you have a question for Conan? Hey, good one, David.

I did it. I finally remembered to ask.

He gets literally passed a note that has a giant question mark on it. Time comes, we could probably get a parrot and train it to do this, but that's what David's doing right now. David, here's your cracker.

Do you have a question?

Yeah, you have a question.

So my question is, if you were to pick a bridal dress for you, what would you want it to look like?

Okay, I'm going to tell you exactly what I would do.

Well, how you thought about this.

Oh, I think about dresses all the time. I would wear. First of all, I've talked about this a bit in my career, in my life, and it's just true. I have a slightly disproportionate body. Again, very in person. You'd be impressed. I'm a good looking guy. People always say this. They always say, you're much better looking in person. Right, Sona?

And you're taller in person.

Yeah, I know I'm taller in person.

Good looking one.

They do. They always say, you're a better looking person. And I'm thinking, like, I kind of feel like it's an insult. Like, how bad is it on tv? And then here I am, you know, on these. This little podcast studio that can't look good. Any hoots. My point is, I have very long legs and then maybe a relatively shorter torso. Not a short torso, but relative to the rest of my body. So what I would want to do is I would want a dress that would break up where my waist was and maybe lower, give the illusion of lowering the waist. Okay.

Okay.

I would like a padded ass, because I have no ass at all. Just a washboard sheardrop. Okay.

And we could do a booty tuck too.

What does that mean?

So, in alterations, you bring the fabric in under the bum and just kind of, like, make it a little bit tighter there. So if you don't have much of a butt, you just kind of create it.

You should do that with your regular clothes.

I also love that you said bum. I just love that. I don't know why. Just. I never think of my bum, but there it is. Yes. No, I want lots of padding back there. Okay. A lot of padding. I also. I would like padding in the chestal region as well. I want to have a full, ample bosom in this dress.

Are you turning into a woman in this dress?

If I'm gonna wear a dress, I want to be very voluptuous.

Okay.

I'd like to be very curvy.

I thought it was you just wearing a dress, but you're transforming.

I want to go all the way.

Okay.

I'd also take hormone treatments for about six years before I.

Okay, all right. That sounds good.

I'd like a high heel, because I think it's flattering on the leg. I have nice legs, nice long legs.

Wait till you wear a high heel.

I would like a high heel. So I'll be about six, nine. Okay.

Okay.

This towering, voluptuous woman.

Yeah, very voluptuous. Ample. I also would like no lace. I'm not really into lace. I don't want any lace around the neck. Okay, okay.

Plunging just around the neck or anywhere.

I don't really want lace.

Okay.

I'm not much of a lace person. But I want a very long train. Very long train. And I know this is. I don't know if this has ever been done before, but I want a very long train. And then I want to put like little characters and little figures on the train that travel with me as I'm walking down the aisle, you know what I mean? And it's sort of like a tribute to my career. Like different figures that, oh, there's Conan in the late eighties. Oh, he's on the Simpsons, you know what I mean? Whatever. Just stuff that tells my story that's on the train and it's kind of glued to the dress so it doesn't fall over. And that's another thing where all my bridesmaids are there to make sure that the little figurines don't. The little figure of Lorne Michaels doesn't fall over. The little figure of, you know, the masturbating bear. Sorry, you're formerly a Mormon. Anyway, there's triumphant insult comic dog, you know, like just stuff I'm kind of. That are associated with me over the years, you know?

Yeah, I love it.

I think it'd be kind of fun. What kind of dress and what material would you suggest?

I would maybe do. If you want more simple, there's like crepe fabrics, there's satin, there's just depends on what feels good to you, what you think you would look good in.

I like a highly flammable.

I feel like you're a taffeta guy.

Oh, taffeta. I might like taffeta.

Yeah. I feel like you're. You're on. You're in the taffeta world.

I'll go taffeta.

And did you. I'm sorry, did you say plunging neckline?

Yeah. Yes. Yeah, we're gonna create a bosom. You know, she got it. Show it. I've never said cuz I never had it, but you know what I mean.

Yeah.

You know, I want those. I want those bald men on the balcony to, you know, look over the railing.

Oh, man.

Someone just told me that I no longer have a podcast. I love this dress. I love the idea of this dress. I'm very impressed with you, Bree. Thank you. Jesus. You're raising six boys. I think you're doing an amazing job. And then you. Sounds like you ran a tight ship, and then you started this business, and now you're dealing with hooligans and thugs that come by and threaten you and I've got your back. Okay, thank you. I really do.

I really appreciate that.

And I love. I do love Utah. So I'd love to figure out a way to stop by and then just sort of wander around your shop and hope this abusive woman comes in.

Okay, I'll let her know.

And then if her husband shows up. Oh, man. You know, manslaughter.

Yeah. Can't wait. I would love that.

I'm gonna kill you.

You're gonna kill him?

I'm gonna kill him.

Okay.

That seems extreme. Like, it's just. It's like, dispute over address.

Now they're gonna file a police report.

I know.

I don't care. I've had a good career. And also, I think it's gonna really trend online. Conan O'Brien murders difficult man with his bare hands murders slightly difficult man. He's just there. What if he comes in, Bree? What if he comes in just to apologize for his wife's behavior? And I don't give him a second. I'm like, it's shit to. And then I just start ripping his lungs out. He was just there with a very nicely worded note.

He hasn't been a part of this. I haven't heard from him. He could be a very nice man.

I'm sure he is not. Bree, I really like talking to you, and as I said, I'm a fan, and I hope our paths cross someday. That'd be cool.

I would love that. That'd be amazing.

Take care, Bree.

Thanks, Brett. Nice to meet you.

Bye.

Bye.

Conan O'Brien needs a friend with Conan O'Brien, Sona Mosesian and Matt Gorley produced by me Matt Gorley executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Liao and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song by the White Stripes incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Erin Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer. Samples engineering by Eduardo Perez additional production support by Mars Melnick Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Bautista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave. Leave a message. It, too, could be featured on a future episode, and if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien needs a friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded. This has been a team Coco production in association with Earwolf.