Do you have feelings for Zack? Do you have feelings for Tara?

Have you ever thought about firing?

John, I think you're reading your shorts wrong, man. Oh, there's Spike.

What else should we ask her now that we got her on the hot seat?

Do you enjoy being on this podcast?

It was an accident. Move on.

You can keep telling yourself. Am I more than just an acquaintance to you?

Yeah.

Do you think that we're going to end up dating one day?

Oh, spicy.

Are you happy in life right now?

This has been really eye-open.

I don't like this anymore. Oh, yeah.

Hey, how you doing, man?

We're just going to let him do that on the 200th episode. What's up, guys?

Welcome to episode 200 of the Dropouts podcast.

Alyssa, hit the yellow button.

No one thought we'd be here. No We thought Jerrord would be arrested for a hate crime.

What the hell?

We thought Taro would be dead from chlamedia or any other SED.Chlamedia.

Is not deadly.We.

Thought Zack might have win.

One, the Nobel Peace Prize. He messed mine up. And we thought Alyssa would...

Be in jail for debt. More avoiding debt collectors. All right, we don't need to bring this back up again.

She'll be on the run.

It's hilarious.

We're not being here for other reasons.

I don't think I'd be here because I joined this 20 episodes ago. I feel a little guilty of-You haven't been here the whole time? What? Maybe in your dreams. Maybe you dreamt me.

That's cute. I wake up sweating every night from nightmares I scream about. Are you sure? Hey, this is Zack from Alternate Universe. I want to tell you this before I go back to my own universe. A seven-day free trial on the Patreon. If you don't sign up for free, you're missing out on potential prizes, Xboxes, Switches, devices, AirPods, things like that. You're also missing out on bonus content. This podcast is going to have 15 to 30 minutes of extra footage. Also, the drunk episodes that we film once a month, they're going to be missing out on that. Oh, and the beautiful community of people. Oh, and early live tickets, early merch. Let me think, anything else. Oh, you get the episodes early. So you're really missing out. If you don't go over there, I'm going to take your family away from you. Link in description, Patreon, Dropouts. Sign up. Episode 200, huh?

How does it feel, Zack?

Can I say something? To you both? Exactly the same.

It does feel exactly the same.

It does feel like right now I am baking a rotisserie chicken in this soup. But besides that, it feels eerily similar.

What about the balloons in the room?

Yeah, they scare the hell out of me. I don't know who invented Helium, but they're just like, I want to play God today. Oh, now we're going to make... We can make anything birds.

It's crazy that Helium is illegal.

What the fuck? What's the music?

No, I'm not in a way.

Oh, my God. This is incredible. Who are these guys?

Hi, my name is Zack.

I was born in Vegas. My mom made me get Emaar when he was coming from Georgia.

It's very nice to meet you guys.

What about...

I will start with the one, What is your name?

Is he?

You, sir, with the beautiful beard.

What is your name?

Trompega.

What's your name?

I'm Zack.

The two guitarists off camera with the angel voices. I'm Zack. It's great to meet you.

It's starting to feel a little different than any normal episode.

I don't know if I should say this, but I wasn't an advocate for building the wall.

Zachary, what?

I wasn't. How long do we go for it?

Not that I don't like it.

It's just... This is incredible. I'm a big culture, guys.

This is huge, huge for me.

This is honestly the best concert I've ever been to.

I don't know how to interact.

This is like Coachella.

Zack, you can do it. I'm curious. Good job, guys.

Oh my God, that was amazing.

That was amazing.

Thank you.Thank.

You.wow. Thank you.I'm Zack.Thank you.

You're going to hit that yellow button again. So it feels like the audience is cheering, too.

Now they're just hit it out?That was it.Hi, thank you.Hi. Have a great rest of your day. Thank you.

They're not going to do the podcast with us?

That just made my whole day.

I would love it more than anything if one of them would sit there the rest of the time and just chime in.

Well, Skyler-What just happened?

To be fair, I think they covered every Every camera angle, except for the wide stuff.

They covered every camera. I saw my camera.

We could use iPhone footage.

I was trying to film for it because of that.

I love it. It would make me mad if they didn't cover the camera.

What just happened?

I have no idea.

God, I feel like I'm tripping with you.

I introduced myself to them a couple of times. Nobody said anything.

You kept talking over it.

I took my headphones off because I wanted to properly hear. Then I just see Zack's mouth moving, and I was like, What the hell is this dude saying?

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. What the hell was that, Alyssa? I forgot my language.

Dude, I thought they just poured in here again. Dude, are they come in every five minutes, and it's a different one. That'd be so funny. And then we have to vote. Welcome to Mariachi idol.

That was so cool. I've never seen an actual mariachi band in person.

And now they were five feet from you.

That was so quick.

It was so quick.

That was amazing.

What do you mean? They're so well-rehearsed.

That was good.

You mean it was quick as far as they should have went longer? No. I was going to say, I don't know if- No, it just happened so fast.

I don't know. It happened so fast that I don't even know if it was real. They were in here, performed, had the best time, and then they're gone.

I think the one girl, Jared, was that one that you ghosted on Hinge.

Oh, my God.

You're stupid. She's probably eyeing you up.

Cynthia, that's why she stood right here.

She looked flustered when she walked in because I don't know if she expected it. Because you know how you have the award-winning smile, according to Tara, no one else? When she walked in, I think she clocked it.

It was the same smile from Hinge, and she felt fumes.

She felt internal coal that had been burned inside of her.

Was that a guitar? What was that?

The big guitar? Yeah.

I think it was like a bass.

It's like a big cultural... They call them Mexican guitars.

Okay.

I don't know. I'm just a cultured guy, so it's like a lot of people don't know that stuff.

Yeah, big cultured guy because they're just very white.

I don't know. Look it up.

What's the big guitar?

I'm still not over that. Can we talk about that for one second? That was amazing. Did you enjoy that? Yes. I could have listened to that the whole time. I was like, Don't leave.

Maybe that's the one thing that makes your brain turn off.

Maybe it's the one thing that shuts me up. Yeah. Did you know, actually, fun fact about me, anything live makes me emotional. The first time I went to a basketball game, I started crying. Anything live, anything like musicals, plays, basketball games, baseball games. Why, though? I don't know. Anything live makes me cry. There's a phenomenon. I don't know what it's called, but it's a thing where sometimes things that are live just make me cry. It's just so beautiful that everyone's just watching something. I don't know.

You enjoy the human experience on a fundamental level?

Maybe. One time I wrote an essay about the human experience.

We had a couple of essays in here recently.

Great at music. That was funny.

Is that what you're talking about? No. Okay. Do you want to recite your essay for us, or should we move on to- No, but I actually one time wrote an essay on the psychology of Disneyland.

I do this thing where sometimes when I go on dates, I talk about it. I don't know why, because I got an A on it. I think every guy I've ever talked to has probably heard me recite that essay, and if I haven't, then we're not close yet.

Well, I haven't heard it. So what's the psychology of Disneyland?

I don't know. Do you want to bring the essay out? I would love that. Do you have it? Yeah, I have it. It's on my Google Docs.

How long is it?

It's pages. I won't read it right now. But maybe one time we could dedicate an episode to it.

That would actually be maybe like an after-school special. We can dive into it.

I got an A. Professor Padilla, if you're really hot.

If you're really hot?

He's really hot.

Did you hook up with one of your teachers afterwards?

No. But you did give me an A on it.

Oh, maybe, yeah. You just did a good job.

I'm like, Oh, my God, I'm actually smart. I actually just did a good job on something.

Who would have thought?

Oh, Robbie.

Thank you so much, Robbie.

Bless your heart. Thank you. What is going on? Mariachi bands, people bringing us coffee.

I did once. A girl did break up with me, and I've talked about it on the podcast I was waiting for. Instead of taking the break up well, I drove five hours to her house. Are you joking? No, asked if I could experience a few more moments with her. I don't think she wanted to take me back, but I was going to try. She's like, Well, my family is going to church in the morning. You could stay the night upstairs and go with us in the morning. That's it. I was like, Okay, I will take that. Then during the night, I didn't sleep and wrote 16 pages back in front of why we should still be together.

It's like friends. It's like that episode of Friends.

Yeah, that's where we are now.

Yeah, no, it nailed it.

I don't know if someone wrote a 16-page letter on why they should... Did you cheat on her or something? No. You just broke up?

Yeah.

This tastes like pork. Huh? And I don't need meat.

Sorry, I was just bringing up a bit of trouble.

How do you know what it tastes like then?

I'm so sorry. No, go ahead. Pork, you say, huh? What did you get?

I'm just probably tripping balls. Sorry, go ahead.

Oh, about my life-long trauma? Yeah. Sorry.

About the worst heartbreak you've ever experienced. Was it really?

Why haven't I heard about this?

I like to keep things close to the chest. I have a long As the kids say now, lore about me. That's really fun to hear about. If you have any questions, honestly, I'm open book.

That was really cute. Do you still have it, or did you give it to her?

I don't know. She still has it.

She still has it? Can you ask her for it so we could read it the same day we do my Disney one?

I think she found it the other day. When I say the other day, probably three years ago. You got to understand, when I say the other day, it could have been three years ago.

If someone wrote a 16-page back and forth essay about me, and I don't know, that just must have been the most romantic thing for her.

Yeah, I want to know-What's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to you? Not that.

I was also 18, I think. Maybe 19, maybe 20, around there. I didn't understand emotional maturity. You had no concept at the time. We were long distance, and it wasn't really working out, and I didn't know how to break up with her. We just let the messages between each other get longer and longer distance. The communication was awful. I think it was a good reason that she said, Farewell to this good I was a young fellow, when I probably should have broken up with her sooner. Then I think once the branch snapped, I was like, Well, now she'll never be a part of my family tree. That scared me a bit.

So you drove five hours in your 16-page-up.

Yeah, I think I lashed out with love.

That's really romantic.

It is, but I should have done better. I should have done better earlier. I don't know.

If someone wrote me a 16... Guys, fellows, if you're out there, if you want to write me a 16-page essay.

This was pre-chat GPT. This was straight brain dump.

Thank you to SeatGeek for sponsoring this episode.

Summer What is the time for shows, concerts, live events, sports?

That's usually what I'm going to use it for.

To get the best price for those live events, you want to use what? Seatgeek. Imagine going to something.

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Go get yourself some tickets I hate cooking, I hate cleaning, but I like to fill my belly with the yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy.

Whatever shall I do? Maybe order Factor to my room. Eat it. Two minutes in the microwave. Yummy, yummy. Jared, tell them more.

I've been using Factor for the last month, and I've never been happier when it comes to mealtime.

Because it tastes good.

But, Zack, aren't you working out and need your protein?

Every single one that I order 30 grams of protein. Because it's got a protein package. You know what I mean? But they have several other packages of food that taste great. Like a chef made it right in front of you.

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If you guys want to head to Factor factormeals. Com/dropouts50 and use code dropouts50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next box. Jared?

Again, that is code dropouts50@factormeals. Com/dropouts50 to get 50% off your first box, plus another 20% off of your next box while your subscription is active. Yeah, I want to know what you filled in those 16. Was it just a bunch of memories? Was it all just how How did you felt?

Part of it was memories. A lot of it was future. I was like, I don't understand who I'd be without you.

I don't understand. Do you still think about her?

Not It's not that way.

But does she come up in your brain? I still think about my high school boyfriend sometimes.

She's still not a great friend. She's still a good person. Not a great friend that's close to me. But she's still a friend. I know what I'm saying.

Was she your first love?

I I was my own first love. Of course. No, just based on narcissism. But then she was definitely close to. Okay.

Yeah, I would say that that's pretty normal.

But does she pop up in your mind sometimes? I literally think I still think about my high school boyfriend every day. What was his name?

What was your favorite memory with him? What memory is frequent? That doesn't mean you're still in love. It's just like, Oh, this is a nice time in my life.

At my sweet 16, we slow dance. That was the first time I ever slow dance with someone.Oh.

That's sweet.Yeah..

I'm sure someone will send him this clip.

In the song that I just put out, two of the lyrics, so it's about two different girls. Wait, hold on.

You mixed up one song with two different girls?

Well, so I wrote the song about-He mixes up Weekends with two different girls. No, I wrote the song about the two times that I had been in love at the point when I had written that song. So it's like the first one's at 16, the second one's at 19. Okay, got it. 16? Yeah, 16. First Love. And so my My favorite memory from that I put in the song where it's like, Because we could lay for hours, but you promised me forever. I remember how your eyes looked under all those colored lights that we tape to my ceiling.

Yeah, but he did it with AI.

I didn't do it with AI, I wrote that.

From my heart sac.

No, I've heard it. I like it. I gave you your flowers.

It's so weird to think about, I'm getting emotional, but people in your life that just aren't there anymore. I told I do this. I've told everyone this. I try not to burn my bridges. I try to keep everyone in my life that I've talked to and stuff. But my high school boyfriend, I don't talk to him. I wish him a happy birthday every year.

Well, guess who's here?

That would not be funny. Imagine that's the reason Skyler made me sit over here and left that seat empty.

Stop it. I would literally... There's no way he'd agree to it. I've asked him to film content with me, and he just doesn't respond.

My high school girlfriend, I liked her for so long, even since middle school. I always had an affinity for her for whatever It felt like if we were in a room, very strong magnets were pulling us together, and neither of us really knew why we were getting closer and closer, and we'd always end up in fantastic conversation, and the world would drowned around us. Okay. I want to cry. I know.

What the...

I was pursuing her, I was pursuing her, and she had a very tumultuous relationship before that really put some damage.

What's that vocab? You got to know.

She had a bad relationship before we She started dating, a year before. She's very scared to jump into something else, especially with someone who is such a good friend. Wait.

Sorry. What? Especially?

Yeah, especially.

You said, especially. There's no X in especially.

Oh, I'm pouring I have a hard out.

No, I thought about it, too.

I know. I was fucking itching. Hype.

Hype. Milk, pillow.

Just fucking-Expecially.

It's just funny that she corrected me after not knowing a pretty common word.

That's not a What the fuck? Tumultuous. Tumultuous? That's pretty common. No, I've never heard it once in my life, unless I have you. That could grow a lot.

Sorry.

Come on. Aren't you guys want to say neighborhood? Okay, anyway.

I didn't even make fun of you.

You're an easy target.

You're like a sweet, sweet dough.

I've told you that. Like a sweet dough. You don't have-Yeah, I'm not that much sweet. You're just easy to kill.

Aren't you, brother? Sorry, very well.

Okay, but anyway, so I was pursuing her for a long time. I remember sitting outside I was in a car after a tennis trip, and I was just like, I think we need to be together. The math is all there. And then she just let me down slowly and just like, This isn't right for me. I remember a single tear dropping onto her leg. I still remember to this day. Time went on, time went on. I could see her mood slightly changing towards me, but I never thought it would be something. And then one random day, I'm sitting at my house, and she texted me, and she's like, Go to your car. I was like, okay. So I go inside my car and there's this old-school GPS, and there was a pre-written destination in it, and it just said, Follow me.

Are you joking? Is this real?

I'm going to fucking cry. I'm tearing up. Are you joking? I swear. I've never heard this story.

Is this the most romantic that's happened to you?

Probably. I get in the car and I take it. As I'm taking the turns, I can see where it's going. It's heading to my favorite restaurant. I pull up to my favorite restaurant where I've done all my memories, my birthdays. I go there with any accomplishment, and I I get out of the car, and she comes out in a dress and just one rose, and she's like, I'm sorry it took so long, but will you be my boyfriend?

No.

Are you joking? No, I swear. Then we go in, date for a year and a half, and we ended up... When I went back to try to get her, we went back to the same restaurant and had the official break up there. So nice full circle moment.

Wow, you really said all your memories.

That's not real.

Oh my God.

Are you serious? Yeah, I swear.

That's a book.

I don't know.

Jared. Are you Yeah, I'm crying.

That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard. Yeah, that's something that you only hear about in movies.

That's why it's so hard to believe.

Liz is not believing it. I remember when I asked what's the most romantic thing that's happened to you. I was going to say mine, but You can't follow that.

You told me the guy offered to get the rag. You're like, Oh, my gosh. I usually have to go get it.

That's fucked. Close enough.

What is yours?

I can't put it in. Okay. I can't even You know what's sad is when I think about it, I think of a few things that I can think of. It's the most romantic thing anyone's ever done, but it's not even romantic. It's just a nice gesture.

There was also this other girl who I really, really liked, but she didn't like me back. This one didn't end up working out, but for whatever reason, she had an affinity for snapple. I don't know why. You know how he just has the snapple fax?

Yeah.

Her favorite place was the beach. My big plan was I was going to take her to the beach and sit down. We're going to watch the sunset, and then I'd hand her a snapple. Then she was going to take it off and there'd be a custom thing of, Will you be my girlfriend? Under it. That one didn't work out.

The thing with you is that you were so romantic.

I love it.

Yeah, I'm not a romantic person at all.

But do you like it being done to you?

I like a lot of things So no.

Maybe that's why. She's like, If I'm just been over a sink, I'm fine.

I like it in theory. I don't know. If I really like someone, yeah, I would like something romantic.

Yeah, why not? What?

Why are you so unsure about that? I'm not going to start crying right now, I think.

Is it because this is live? What? What?

I can't tell if you're joking.

No, we're not doing it live. Okay.

I can't believe the romance that you guys have experienced in your lives.

I'm sure you've got something.

You have to have something.

There's a couple of things. My ex has done that is romantic, in my opinion. I think it was our first Valentine's Day, he made me a custom record of all of my favorite songs. It plays on the cover as a silhouette of us It's cute, but I can't think of a gesture. That was a really romantic gift I've gotten, and I really cherish it, but I can't think of a gesture. I can't think of a gesture, but I can't say it. You don't want to say it. I can say it, and you guys can cut it really quickly. It's not compared to that.

That's crazy. And listen, comparison is a thief of joy.

And not everyone's romantic, and that's okay. I have this one friend, this one friend. I have this one pair of friends. Their names are Nos and Sean, and I just went to their wedding, and they are just the most romantic couple. They've been together for eight years now, and they just make me believe in love. And they're just like, I don't know. There's certain people, I think, that are just romantic, and I just don't think maybe I am.

My favorite thing is on TikTok when they go up to an older couple, it's like, How did you meet? It's always like, I never thought I'd get an angel like her.

Stop. They're just still so in love.

He's like, I was hammering this blue collar railroad, and she came up to me with a picture of lemonade. What was that?

The fuck was that?

We just heard banging on the door. Oh, Skyler, you can't get in?

What was that? It sounded like a bulldozer trying to come through.

From what?

From who?

Are you serious?

Wait, what happened?

A noise complaint from the band. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Speaking of romantic, I feel like this is going to go somewhere else. What is happening? No, no, no, no, no, I can't. Oh, shit.

She can't.

Okay, go.

No, her. No, no, no. She's the birthday girl.

Oh, my God.

Was he also in the Mariachi band?

What is happening? Oh, my God.

It's midday on a Thursday.

Good job.

Is this allowed on the internet?

What's his name?

What's your name? Okay. How about Hi, Nice to meet you? Oh, shit.

Baby, grind on me.

Jury, you went through it? I'm terrified he's going to come. Oh, you like that?

Yeah, this is the most romantic thing in the world.

As we were just talking about romance.

Good to see you.Oh, my goodness.Wow. Good job.

Oh, my God. Fantastic. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, Daniel.Thank you.Thank you.I'm.

Zack.tara.jerod.alissa.nice.

To meet you guys.Thank you for exploring your body with us.Thank.

You so much for that.

Dude, Robbie scared the hell out of me with the noise complaint.

Thank you.

For our audio listeners, we just had a gentleman come in and...

Tara's drooling.

And gyrate on Tara's body.

You guys know I love male strippers.

Oh, so you were into it?

The woman was too stunned to speak.

The kitty's purring. Do you want to go? You want him back? You want Daniel back?

That was it?

Wait, I want to know how much that 30 seconds caused.

Wait, can you come in for a second? Is this one on? Yeah, hop on the mic.

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We're a little in the red for today. Just a tiny bit.

Wait, how much did the stripper cost?

The Mariachi van or the stripper?

Both. Total?

Yeah. We're pushing- Give it under.pushing about $800.

$800?

Well, the Mariachi van we had for a whole hour, but I didn't think we wanted a whole hour.

It was fantastic, but I just didn't- It does warm my heart, the mariachi band. Now they can go back to their family a little bit. Can we get the stripper back?

Well, he asked- It's hard as horn. He would have been. He could have been dick out.

What?

Oh my God.

You're joking.

No, he was a dick out guy.

To be fair, I said, Let's do it. But then I was- Why did we say no?

That's what I'm saying.

Honestly, here's what I thought. I figured, Okay, it's midday. This guy's going to come in here, throw his dick around, and then we all have to just sit here while he put his pants back on. How fucking uncomfortable that is.

That's so funny.

Then I also would have had to stare at that footage to like, blur it out frame by frame.

Also, I told him, I was like, dude, when you get out here, I was like, when you come in, go to the... There was several. Number one, I was really-Well, when he first walked in, he started gyrating on our producer off camera. I was really hoping he had an undershirt on to look like a cop.

I mean, like your tail immediately. Right when he walked in, I was like, all right, this guy's a stripper.

And then I was like, Yeah, dude, when you get here, you'll see three people talking. Get in the middle of them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then he just caught his eye.

He was like, Oh, don't even know me.

And then he walked over to me. We wanted him to grind on you. It was for me.

It was for you. We wanted him to be on you because we thought that would have been hilarious.

But are we done with surprises? Yeah.

Good job, Alyssa. You know the point of a surprise?

Yeah. We got a lot more.

No, I'll tell you this. There's one more. It's very nice. It's easy.

I love male strippers. Can we get him to come back?

How long did we have him for?

I have no idea. They just told me a number, and I said, Yeah, we got it.

That was awesome. That was in Magic Mike 2 when he was like, We got a noise complaint on the sorority. And then Channing Tatum walks in. And then later on in Magic Mic 3, the final-The final showdown. And then in Magic Mic 3, in the final dance. Years later, Channing Tatum is working a bar, and the girl goes, I know you. You're a cop, weren't you? With her little husband. And he's like, I was a cop. And they just...

What's your favorite Bible verse?

That was awesome. Whoever planned that was awesome. Thank you.

Good job, team. I love it.

I wish he did maybe do that.

I honestly thought it was going to be a bit more than 20 seconds.

That's my bad.I.

Wish he had some snap pants.

That would have been fun. What's his name? Daniel. Daniel. He was like, I'm Daniel. Then he left.

Here's the thing. I thought I was like... It was going to be like a real- Did you veto Wiener out? When I was out there, he was like, Should I top He goes, and I was like, We're all right. I was like, It's a little early in the day.

Yeah, it's literally midday on a Thursday. I didn't want to be looking. Okay, here's what's crazy.

You all are getting the good angle. We'd be getting just asshole.

Guys, I have an appointment to go to, like a doctor's appointment after this, and they're going to be like, Oh, how was your day? Because I told them, I have to go to work today, so I'm going to be a little late. How was work? I don't know. I just got grinded on by a male stripper at 1:00 PM on a Thursday.

And serenaded by a mariachi band.

I was outside trying to plant. I was like, There's a mariachi band warming up over here. This guy came up. When he first came up, not in police gear. And I was like, What the fuck is going on?

What was he in? Just naked.

He had him like a wife beater.

Or you weren't sure what... He was a part of the mariachi band, manager?

No, I knew who he was because he called me. But then he was supposed to be a whole thing. He was going to come in, do an arrest type thing, but then it just didn't-I wish I got arrested. It wasn't going to work.

Jared, what are the odds that you gyrate on... She wants. She's fever. Okay, so since-Yeah, can you do the same thing?

Yeah, she's fever is for Daniel, not Jared.

Since there is going to be one more surprise, we're going to have to do a little bit of a seat rotation here in a second.

Can we get... I need to hold your hand. Can we get a Milstripper at every show?

Why do you need I need to hold my hand for this?

I need moral support and oral support.

Skyler did.

Are you serious? Off camera, Skyler's on the front. He goes, stripper's asking about his car keys.

I love the juxtaposition. We were just talking about the most deeply romantic experience we've ever had.

We're back on track. I'm back in to our world. I'm ready. Ignore me just crying a second ago.

Next time, let's bring in 30 of them.

Let's just get all of the Chippendales in here.Oh, yeah.

It would be... I mean, Okay to have one woman? I know one.

I know a Chippendale.

Okay. Last thing that I thought was funny, I thought the mariachi van. I didn't know the numbers of people in a mariachi van when you book them. I figured it'd be three guys. There was eight people.

What is going on? Just an army shows up.

Most of them are off camera the entire time. There were so many people here.

This was the best day ever so far.

So that's how we spruce you up.

It's not hard to make me happy. Shopping, shoes, male strippers.

I'm a simple You're just a bachelorette at heart.

Are most of the- Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. 23. Are most of the male strippers gay? Like Chippendales?

Not most of them, but I know a lot of them are.

I know a lot of the Because I know a lot of if you do OnlyFans as a guy, it's mostly guys subscribing. Guys have a sex trap, don't they?

I think we just act more on it. The way girls talk sometimes, they're horned up just as much. I know.

Did you want to speak about what happened? So recently, if you guys have watched this podcast in the past, there's one thing that will put Jared in a bad mood, and that is me bringing up, We need to fix our banking issue. Which we did. No, that's what I'm saying. Do you want to talk about it?

Fix the... I forgot about this. Okay, so we finally go...

Alyssa, sit back down.

Okay, so we finally go to the bank to fix it, right? And Zack has to come with me. We're sitting there, very nice guy. His name's Steven, and he's doing all the basic information.

I didn't trust him.

That attitude right there the entire time at the bank. He starts by... He's like, I don't want to say this. I don't know what race or ethnicity Steven was, but Zack goes, I don't want to say this, but Jared's a little racist, so watch out for him. You start off like that because that's the vibe I got from you.

Because the guy who was Hispanic.

At the bank?

The guy was Hispanic, and I was really respectful towards him. And like, Jared was a little standoffish. And Jared, I don't know.

I wasn't.

You had a flare up. I didn't. You had a racial flare up. I had to bring it up to this counterpart.

I was very polite and respectful to him.

I really hope you're joking, and you guys didn't say that.

No, Zack, 100% said that.

I called and said, Jared was not me.

Yeah. And then at some point- How do you have the- At some point, like two minutes later, Zack goes, Oh, no, he asked what bank Zack was with. Zack is with USAA, right? He's like, Oh, did you serve family? Whatever. And Zack goes, No, my family served. And he goes, Quick question, whose side were you on in World War II?

Ally.

It was funny, though. He goes, I don't know if I can answer that. Zack and I both go at the same time. We're like, Brother, there's only one right answer. There's only one right answer to that question. So he was racist?

No, if he would have picked Axis, which he didn't pick, that is the Hitler camp. That's what Hitler has a little rule in Stalin and all them. But he chose the Allies. He did. That's what he said. Those are the people that wanted to free the Jews.

That is so funny because you ask that question to so many people, too.

Because if you find one, you don't want to be friends.

But do you do this at the bank? That's crazy. Just get it done.

He did do it at the bank.

That's like when That was my mentality. So you go out to eat and you just, literally, you just talk to the waiters a lot.

This guy is going to control my funds, my way of living. So you ask him-If he's a flaming racist, I'm going to bring it up.

I also think his manager was on the other side of the wall, so he was trying to be super-I didn't threaten the guy.

I hope not.

You're at a bank.

Well, okay, you can't say you didn't threaten him.Not verbally.Writtenly. Wait, what? At one point, we also have a financial advisor for our accounts, and I just needed to write down his email. I grabbed a piece of paper, wrote it on the back of the piece of paper. Zack, at one point, takes the pen, takes the piece of paper, and writes, Put the money in the bag on the piece of paper, and slides it over to him.

Do you think that's funny on a bank?

I thought it was hilarious.

And so I freak out. I started scrambling for the piece of paper, and I'm scratching it out. And Steven goes, what was that? I got, don't worry about it. And then Zack waits a minute or two. He takes the pen again and goes, that was a threat.

You have no off button.

Oh my gosh.

I want to take the batteries out of you. Why? Are you joking? You're at a bank and you're like, put the money in a bag?

Yeah. Okay. So it's a common thing for bank robbers to do.

I know.

It's so funny because knowing the two of you, I was like, I can picture that in my mind of Jared just freaking out and you just like, no big deal.

He was not happy. And they wouldn't tell me who J. P. Morgan was and when the hell he was going to get there. I was like, what time does J. P. Get here? They're really gatekeeper. They're very elusive about that. They kept on saying, he's dead. I said, yeah, right. I want to talk to him right now.

Do you think you're serious?

On top of-The word autism was thrown around.

Directed at me.

On top of him writing that stuff down, he then verbally goes, if we were to rob this bank, how easy would it be?

He told me, You go to the front, and they don't ask any questions.

Yeah, he said, You just slide on a piece of paper.

And they'll put money in the bank.

He's like, We don't have that much money here. It's all digital. But he's like, Yeah, they'll give you whatever we have.

So I'm thinking about.

So like, drop out's Binkrott? @cubbing. Com? Or how do we-Tem me out. You don't like money?

I like strippers.

It's that easy. Well, we got to rob banks to hire more strippers.

That is true.

This is an expensive episode. Daniel's expensive.

Wait, Jake just said, I'm looking right now for your wallet. Does he know that you got it?

No. Okay. Text him back.

I was at her ex-boyfriend's house, and I left my wallet.

I think deep down- Does he even know you went over there?

No. Tara found it. He was going to be like, When the hell was she here? No, he knows.

I was like, Did you just break it?

He was sleeping, but I just let him know in his sleep. Okay. I popped my head in.

But thank you.

I think deep down, I knew that that's the shit that would happen if we went to the bank. I think subconsciously, I was trying to avoid that.

I think you had a good How did he had a good time.

You can't make that up.

He did have a good time. In all fairness, he knew that we do this podcast. So he knew it's a comedy podcast.

Oh, really? Yeah. He knows that we weren't serious, but just the idea of being like, put the money in the bank. To be It's fair. Steven probably had a long day. It probably brightened his day. A little comedy. Hopefully.

It's like a...

I'm sure not the most fun job. Could you imagine if you got a serious person on the other end of that?

I would have shot him between the eyes.

If I had a gun, I didn't bring one. If he had given me the money, I would have ended his life. This episode is insane.

This week, I do genuinely want you to go to the doctor because you breathe worse than an English Bulldog that we own. I got a DM from somebody that says that they got the surgery that I was talking about.

What surgery? A septal A rhinoplasty? Because I- You want a nose job? I don't want to know. No, that's a rhinoplasty. And then they do a septoplasty while they're doing that. I thought there's only two of those left. I don't get it. White rhinos are getting extinct. It's sad. White rhinos are getting extinct. But a It's just they just fix it. Because you have a great nose, so don't touch it. Thank you.

But it is very hard to breathe out of.

But somebody DM me and said that they got it and it wasn't worth it.

They honestly breathe worse than they did before.

Do you think that could be an anecdotal argument?

100%, but it's enough for me.

See, that's not smart. If there's 100,000 people that are like, This is fantastic, and there's one person saying, No.

Because what if I'm one of...

What if you're not, though?

What if you breathe better than most people do?

If you got a DM, I trust them.

Thank you.

I was going through some blog footage. I was telling Jared about it from Coachella. At one point, he was like, I'm here with my best friend. I'm like, Oh, who's here? He's like, You.

I was like, Oh, I thought you were just my co-host. Then he was like, No, I love you. Is he drunk? Yeah.

But he looked at me, he was like, I love you.

I was like, That felt really real.

He's like, Yeah, that felt really real. I got to go. He left. I'm getting a little flustered right now. He looked at me, he's like, I love you. With all his heart and soul, he told me he loved me. I got to see this footage.

I have it.

Do you have it?

Yeah, I can find it.

Oh, I'm scared. Back off, man. Oh, back off. What are you, threatened by me? I'm not threatened, but I heard you reconvened with an old past flame. We're not going to talk about it. I'm just asking if you're cheating on someone right now. I'm not cheating on anybody. Okay. Did you propose to a woman? I did propose to somebody at Coachella. And then did you tell someone else that you love them?

Jared had the time of his life at Coachella.

And then what? You told someone else you love them. Yeah, I can't love my friend.

And then you kiss a different girl. Jared's a player. I had a hell of a weekend. What drink did What's the name for it for you? So much tequila and Red Bull. The Nefarious brand. Oh, yeah. Great name for tequila, right?

You're drinking Nefarious over there? Hold on.

Alyssa, write it down. Great ideas. Write it down. Trademark it. Copyright it. Greatideas. Com. What is it? Nefarious. Nefarious. Nefarious Nectar.

Too tongue twistery. Too long. I just like nefarious. Yeah.

You know it was funny?

When you were talking about the old people in love and how romantic and sweet it is, I saw a funny video from this girl.

I can't remember her name.

Or guy.

It's 2024, bud. Or guy. It was a girl. Continue, Jared.

Anyway, she did this video where she was pretending to be a grandma. She's like, Yeah, well, I met your grandpa.

He came to my daddy's store, and he wouldn't leave until I went on a date with him, and then he would follow me home and throw rocks at my windows and all this stuff. And she goes, Oh, my God, grandma, you little victim.

What the fuck? It's such a perfect video.

Yeah, you can't court women like you used to. Everybody in the comments were like, Our grandma's really married their stalkers. Yeah. Well, back in the '40s and '50s, the best way to find a woman is everyone would have a little bit of chloroform in their back pocket in a rag, and you see someone you like, you take them home, and then they grow to love you.

You grow to love each other. That's what love was. Yeah, you put in the work for it.

Now it's about-Stop home syndrome. Exactly.

Now it's, Oh, let's respect each other. Let's care about each other's values. Let's communicate.

How about you have the chicken ready at five? Huh, sweetheart? Sorry, I get a little worked up.

It's just love is not what it used to be.

You're so annoying. Thank you. Remember the last episode where you're asking if he wants a trad wife? And he's like, no, no, no, no. I was just thinking that. Immediately cut to this. How would you have the chicken ready? Stop staring at my feet.

I was actually staring at Jared's, funny enough.

Why? The glossy shoes. Oh, you guys are both wearing glossy shoes.

Do you think we're Twin Flames?

No. You and I are Twin Flames? Yeah. No. What are we?

I think you're just good friends.

I think we're good friends. Isn't there always a label for stuff?

Can you look up the definition of Twin Flames?

I think we have this conversation about once a week where you ask at me, What are we?

I say, I think we're just good Zack. So far.

Funny enough, speaking of-Good to see you.

What are you guys?

This next surprise I actually do know about.

That was a perfect segue. That was a perfect segue. Oh, my God.

Welcome in, The Lie Detector It's my favorite guy. Okay, I'm going to switch seats. It's my favorite person.

You're going to move over here. No, John's my favorite guy.

No, John loves me. Right, John?

That's true. He says it. He says, Tari, he's my favorite person. She has no bad thoughts. Well, you I just want to see my angle.

Fuck you. I love to.

You also can't trust him. He's not hooked up to the machine.

So we got the wonderful John, the best lie detector agent, I'd say in the entire world.

I think so, too.

True. And I wish someone I wish was my father, just because, as you know, John, I'm not even going to whisper from him recently.

How are you doing today, John?

I know you're made a few words.

All good? All good. Thank goodness. We are going to berate this small, young human.I'm getting hooked up?Of course.

Okay. We're going to see if you're a big fat liar on a couple of things.A couple of notes.Okay.Is.

That all right?Let's do it. I'm ready. If we don't mind hooking her up, we can go from there.

Okay.

I love it.

Okay, so Tara, we're able to ask you anything and see if you're lying, which is phenomenal. The dream scenario, really. How do we start off with base questions to make sure it works? Is your name Tara Yomi? Yes.

That's true. Technically, it's not her last name.

Technically, but-It is my name. But that's who she embodies. Do you have a dog named Sugar? Yes, I do. True.

Is your birthday July 31st?

Yes. True.

Wait, I want to see if it'll say if she's lying.

Do you have dark hair?

No. That's a lie. Okay. It's a good little system. How many questions do we need for base, or do you have it?

We're good. We're good?

Zack, do you want to take the reins first? Did you wake up in your own bed this this morning? Yes. Lie. Tara. I did.

I napped on the couch.

Okay, well, why didn't she say that?

I moved this I did this morning and napped on my couch. So you did technically wake up on the couch most recently?

Yes. Okay, so the system knows all. Okay.

I did wake up at my own house. Yeah, but you're on bed. Okay.

I think your brain knew that you didn't wake up there the most recently. That's phenomenal.

Jared, do you think if you and Zack were to date, you would make a good couple?

No. Inconclusive. Okay.

Do you think if you and Jared were to date, you'd make a good couple? Yeah. That's true.

I think if you and I were to...

I think me and Jared, I think he would just say out to whatever.

That's what you need?

Like a yes man,.

Yes man, hype man.

I feel like you're just easygoing, and I'm not. Oh, yeah. So good with the flow.

Jared. I thought you're not hooked up.

Would you want to hook up with Jared? No. Lie. I wouldn't. I don't want to ruin our friendship. That's bullshit. You want to go again?

Would you want to hook up with Jared?

This could be the truth. No. I don't want to ruin our friendship.

Okay. Crew. Okay.

Good job. Do you have feelings for Zack?

No. Lie.

It could be friendship feelings, I think. Do you have romantic feelings for Zack? No, I don't.

Do you have sexual feelings for Zack?

No, I don't.

Lie. It's in the data. Control your breathing. I'm like, better. I'm laughing.

Is this all about my sex life? No. If you were to hook...

What else should we ask her now that we got her in the hot seat? I don't know.

Have you ever lied to either of us? Yes. Crew.

About what? Were they big lies?

No. Crew. Okay. I can take a white lie.

That's fine.

Was it a compliment? No. I guess it's just more like I kept the truth from you guys.

Which was?

Well, she lied in the first place.

Yeah, I'm not going to- Listen, who side are you on? A good podcast side?

Or not? Because there's only two things on this thing. Do you enjoy being on this podcast? Yes. True.

Would you kill us, everybody in this room, to save your dog sugar? Yes.

Oh, my God, you sociopath.

He's got three legs. I don't care. I'm sorry. Would you kill Jake in order to save sugar?

I don't know.

In conclusion? I'd save Jake. I don't know. This boring little beast is...

Okay. Holy shit.

Do we have enough from her?

Yeah, I think we got enough. Let's hook you up real quick.

Then, Tara, you can put him in the hot seat. Okay.

I can beat this thing.

It's not about beating it. Yeah, you're supposed to just be honest. I am Marine Man. Did he beat this?

No, he beat the casinos. Okay, good. Should we ask base questions first? Yeah. Is your name Zack Justice? No. Why?

Okay, well, I guess that does work to an extent.

Is your birthday September fourth?

Technically, no. Why again? It is. It is. It is.

It is. It is Beyoncé.

God, this guy knows everything. Is your mom Gina Thornton? Currently, yes. Okay. True.

Tara, do you want to go first?

Zack, when you asked me to first come on the podcast, was I a replacement guest?

No. That's true. I thought, to this day, I'm like, there was someone-There's nobody else that was going to come. Okay, I thought someone canceled. It was just a very fast turnaround.

That's a different podcast. No, that's just how we operate.

It's just you were coming. Zack, justice, allegedly, am I more than just an acquaintance I'm not close to you?

No. What? I hate this game.

Zack, when we first met at Sam and Kolby's 10 Million Party, were you trying to hit on me? No. Why?

I mean, I don't think I was, but the data is saying differently. There's nothing we could do about this data. You followed me on Instagram right after. Yeah. I wanted to hit.

Zack, you know you're a jerk.

Why are you crying? No reason.

Am I one of your best friends? Yeah. Why? Is Jared one of your best friends?

Yeah, of course. True. That's bullshit. I don't trust that.

I got it. Do you think John would be a better friend than me?

Clearly.

What the fuck? Have you met John?

He's got a spirit about him. Zack, do you have Do you have feelings for Tara?

Yes.

I'm like a friend. Do you have romantic feelings for Tara?

Is that different than sexual?

No. Yes. True?

Oh, my God, Zack. You're nasty.

Do you think the turning point in our friendship was when you were in Monaco? Yes. True. What happened then?

We were just FaceTime in.

Do you think that we're going to end up dating one day?

No. Why? Spicy. Come on, man.

Were you mad at me the night we ate cookies?

This is so specific.

I don't remember that happening. Really? You weren't mad at me.

Why would I be mad? What happened? I don't know.

I felt like I was in a bad mood. You were mad at me.

You think about that?

Yeah, it was four months ago. I don't even recollect that day happening.

Really? We sat in the kitchen and warmed up. Maybe it was more special to me. We You warmed up cookies.

Why did you leave?

Now I'm mad.I don't remember.Now.

I'm mad.

I remember. But I was in a bad mood. Do you think I don't go for the right guy?

Brother, I can answer that for him.

True. Really? But what...

Now I'm like, really?

But what you said... Of course. Wait, of course. True. This has been really eye-opening.

I don't like this anymore.

Okay. Do you think I'm a Bop?

I don't like the term. What does that mean?

Like I'm ran through.

Do you think I'm ran through? Be real. No. True.

Thank you.

Because I'm not. I could beat this thing. No, I'm not. And you know that.

Unfortunately. Do you think that Jared lost the love of his life when he broke up with know who.

Yeah, of course. Okay, you don't have to say the name. Yeah. I think that was your one true love.

True. John?

It's so ugly for you, Jared, right now.

Fuck.

So ugly for you. Down bad. Wait, I have one more question.

Do you think I'm actually high maintenance?

Yeah, the most. True. I'm really not that bad. You have to- Why is everyone laughing?

You didn't want to go and do live shows because no one could watch Sugar. Because I love my dog.

Clearly, you'd murder all of us.

I'm a good dog, mom.

Okay. I want to hook you or her up for a second.

You want to hook me up? Yeah.

Why? I have questions. Is your name Jared Bailey?

Yes. Cru. Do you have big beaver teeth?

I I don't think so, but I've been told.

Crew? Do you think so? No, I don't think so. Why? Okay, they're big. They're not beaver teeth. Have you ever had a sexual fantasy about Alyssa?

No.

Why?

That's not true. He wanted to tig the biddies. What about Tara? What?

Thought about it. Jared.

That's so messed up.We.

Employ you.Whatever. Okay.

If you want to have sex with Jared, it's okay.

No.

If Tara came on to you, just like, randomly. Yeah. Okay.

Really?

A hundred %. I don't believe that.

I feel like you'd be like, I got to call Zack.

This isn't what's going on.

I'd call Zack afterwards. Hello. No, you wouldn't.

You knock on my door.

I'm going to test that out just to prove you wrong. Are you a happy in life right now? I think so. Why? What's going on?

No, I'm good. Why?

Oh, yeah. There's a big spike.

Do you think it's because you let her go? Okay.

Why do we have to keep bringing her? Yes or no? No. Why? God, do you think you miss her?

I do miss her.

Yeah. True. Do you consider Alyssa one of your best friends?

Best friends? Yes. No, not best friends, but very close friends.

That doesn't-True? Very close.

Alyssa, I've known you for two years.

All right, hold on. Let's debunk this. Do you consider me one of your best friends?

Not best friend, close friend.

Oh, wow. Okay. True? Do you consider me one of your best friends? I don't know after your last- once the calculations worked out, I figured it out. Before I asked you that question, yes. True? What about now? Now, I'm not so sure. Why? He's still my best boy.

Have you ever thought about firing me?

There have been times where you've royally ticked me off.

Do you like that I lived with you? Yeah. Have you ever thought about sneaking into a room at night? No. Why? John, I think you're reading your shorts wrong, man.

No, there's Spike. Was the most mad you've ever been at Zack is the laundry situation?

No, not a chance. Was the most mad you've ever been the bank situation? That's one of them. Yeah. True?

Dude, I haven't been bad of you at all then.

No, I know. Did you actually hook up with your Dead best friend's ex-girlfriend?

Yeah.cru. Did you actually use a Snickers wrap as a condom?

Yeah. True. Yeah, that happens. All right, guys. Thank you for the 200th episode. That's how we're going to end it.

If you stay to the end, maybe tell us your favorite memory of the past 200 episodes.

That'd be great. Make it lengthy. And if you're like, I'm too cool, just do it. All right? That'd feel good.

And thank you, everyone. Yeah, dude.

My breathing is all over the place on this.

And thank you for welcoming me on to your podcast. Of course. And make sure if you want to see extra content, even after this one, jump over to the Patreon. And we have exclusive content. We do giveaways. If you want the merch early, if you want tickets to the live show early, meet and greet stuff early. We do drunk episodes on there.

We just filmed one.

Jump over to the Patreon.

Thank you, guys.Thank you.200. 200.

Thank you, Daniel, the male stripper.Thank you to the Bariachi band.And.

John.hit the intro.

All right. Thank you, John, for exposing me like that.