It's funny you say this because somebody sent me a video the other day about this lady saying that people were better off not having kids, raising them by themselves. And I was just like, Where does this whole thing come from? It's like, there have been so many single moms that have raised successful children, but you don't see that in the media.

Hi, Financial Feminists. I'm so excited to see you. Welcome back to the show. We are coming back from our winter break. Thanks for staying with us. We love taking these breaks, both because we fucking need them. Our team is producing six episodes a month. It's really nice to take a week off. And also because you probably need it, too. You probably need a little bit of a break to just simmer, maybe go to the backlog. So welcome back from the break. I hope you had a amazing week. Today's guests were so excited to welcome on the show. When Kim Williams couldn't find the single mom community she was seeking, she took it upon herself to bridge a significant gap. Kim is the visionary behind a single Black motherhood, a purpose-driven community dedicated to empowering single mothers through education, resources, and practical tools to enhance their overall quality of life. Her belief in the importance of community support drives her to offer various opportunities for connection, both online and through in-person events, retreats, and meetups. Thanks to her dedicated service, Mothers From Corners of the Globe have found a platform to connect, inspiring lasting transformation in their lives.

Couple of things we talk about in today's episode, the stigma around single motherhood, especially for Black single mothers. We talk about being a single mom by choice. We also discuss finding work as a single mom that supports parents and how to advocate for yourself in the workplace as a mother, how non-parents, like myself, can best support the single mothers in their life, and how single mothers can find community with other single moms. We're so excited for today's episode. Regardless of whether you're a mom or not, this is a good one to listen to. So let's go ahead and get into it. But first, a word from our sponsors. I'm digging the wallpaper behind you. That is wallpaper, right? Yes.

Yeah.

It looks like Dalmatians, and I really like it.

Thank you.

We're so excited to have you. Thank you so much for being on the show. One of the things we like asking our guests that work in money and talk about money is to describe their first money memory, the first time that they remember thinking about money. And I would love if you could share yours.

Oh, that's hard. The first time I can remember thinking about money was probably when I asked my mom to buy me something and she said she had to wait until the first. I was like, The first? What does that even mean?

You're like, But I want it now. Right. What did that teach you about money, looking back on it, or what was the conclusion of that money memory?

I never really wanted to have to wait until a certain period of time to get what I wanted. I was really young. I don't remember how old I was, but if I think back to my first memory, that's definitely it. I think I started working really young because of that. I started working at the age of 14.

What was your first job?

My first was working in subway. I think the title back then was a Sandwich Artist.

I think it still is.

Yeah. As a kid, you could only work so many hours after school, and you had to get a parent to sign for you to be able to work. I think it was around the child labor laws or something like that.

Yeah. 14 is really, really young. That's an experience. How many hours a week were you working while going to school?

I don't think you could work over five, maybe 10 It wasn't a lot at all. Oh, a lot. Yeah. Because most of them would be on the weekends when I didn't have school. I think there was a set time you could work during the week versus what you could work on the weekend.

Yeah, I think after 15 and 16, the rules are a little bit more lax. But before then. Yeah. Before then. Yeah. We found in our research about you that you had your daughter when you were 21 and finishing college. What surprised you the most about becoming a mom? And on top of that, Becoming a Single Mom?

I think Becoming a mom. I just didn't know what to expect. Growing up, we never had conversations around what it actually took to be a mom, what it took to provide for a child. So I just had no clue. I think that would be the biggest thing for me. It's just like, what do I expect and how do I provide for this kid? I'm a kid. I'm barely taking care of myself. Right.

Specifically being a mom, right? Because I think it's difficult enough, of course, being a mother. But there's an added element if you're doing that by yourself. Like, that is, that's significant. Yeah.

Probably the biggest thing I didn't expect as a single mom would be that I had to learn how to rely on strangers, people that I didn't know to actually help me.

And building that trust. Yeah, for sure. Trusting people that you don't know anything about. That's really scary at times.

Yeah, for sure.

Do you feel like that feeling of not having a clue translated to your financial life? Do you feel like that translated to your money?

Absolutely. I have no financial knowledge at all, especially Going into motherhood, my mom would use credit cards for a lot of things. I don't know. There's this saying about you do what you see your parents do, not necessarily you being taught to do something. You just pick up these behaviors. When my daughter was born, I didn't really have a real job. So I was buying her all these designer things, just putting them on credit cards.

Because that's what you saw your parents do?

Because that's what I saw my mom do.

When you started your blog, you said you were looking for resources, but there weren't really any for Black mothers. What content were you finding, and what felt like was lacking from that discussion? What was being missed?

I felt like everything was lacking. But what I was finding was a bunch of statistics, data around how little we make, how much we rely on the government. There wasn't really any inspiration, especially when you talk about single Black mothers. I couldn't find anything. I'm like, I know there has to be somebody out there that is young, single, Black, trying to figure out how to escape this check-to-check cycle. They made it out of this. I know there has to be somebody out there, but I could not find it. I went looking for podcast, blogs, people's Instagram pages. I cannot find a thing.

Do you feel like the content was geared mostly to white women? Was it geared to women who didn't have children? What do you feel like the demographic was versus you said all these things were missing? I wanted somebody young. I wanted somebody Black. I wanted somebody who was a mother. Who was the content geared towards that you were finding?

The content that I found was geared towards, I felt like single white mothers that had been previously divorced. I had never been married, right? So some of the things I couldn't relate to because maybe they had alimony or they were getting child support. I wasn't getting child support. I didn't have any alimony. They had communities. They had families that were really big on supporting them. I didn't have any of that. And so some of the things I did take from some of the blogs that I found out there, but other things I just really couldn't relate to.

Yeah. It's interesting you say this lack of community because I'm not a mother. If I choose to be, that part of my life hasn't happened. Yeah. I think one of the things that I have discussed, though, with my friends who are parents, and especially mothers, is it's just like, I mean, we know the phrase, right? It takes a village. It's just like, it's so difficult to raise children, but it's just almost impossible to do it without that sense of community. So what was that feeling like for you? You said, having to rely on strangers. But how did you figure out how you were going to make this work for you if you didn't have that community, and you didn't have that support, and you didn't have alimony. How did you navigate that?

I think I've always grown up with this mindset of you have to do what you have to do, and you will figure it out. So I just developed that mentality. But As I got into listening a podcast back then, I learned about community and how these moms were meeting other moms. They weren't single moms, but they were married moms, or they were the white single moms. They were building communities, and they were having meetups, and I'm like, Maybe this is it. Maybe I could actually find people that want to do what I want to do or that have already done it, and we could help each other. That is where I got the idea to create this community. First, I started off with a podcast because I'm like, I have to tell my story. How else will people connect with me if I don't share what I'm going through? I started there, and then I started building this community, and people would reach out and say, Thank you. They were afraid to even share. There's a lot of shame, especially with all that you see in the media around single Black mothers. Some people are still, even to this day, afraid to say they're a single Black mother.

They hide behind that.

Well, let's talk about that stigma for a second, because in our research, too, there's just... I mean, I didn't even know how deep this shit goes. Stigma in terms of applying for jobs or not being able to get housing in the same way. So what are some of the areas of stigma that single moms face that you've either seen firsthand or in stories from your community?

Yeah, I think career is one thing. Most of the times, they they aren't in leadership because of what they have to do at home, or they're afraid. They're afraid to go after the higher paying jobs because they fear that they won't have the support that they need to continue climbing that ladder, so to speak. Income is also a big thing outside of the career, just in general of making the money. I think that just goes back to being able to climb the ladder or do the things that they need to do. I think relying on the government, that's a big stigma. Honestly, I haven't even met a lot of single moms that get access to government. I think one of the biggest misconceptions is that we are all relying on the government for financial assistance or housing. Most of us don't even qualify for it because we are right over that poverty line and we can't even get access to any benefits because of that. I know even for me, when I became a single mom, I would have loved to have got some type of funding, but it was like, you don't qualify because you have one kid.

And I think back then maybe the income was like 28,000, but because I made 30,000, I couldn't get any type of help. So I think that's another misconception. It's so crazy.

Yeah. And that lack of support. I mean, always on the show, we talk about the lack of individual support, but also at a societal level. It's very hard for anybody in a minority group to succeed It was just bootstraps mentality. We all know this. And then when the policies fail us, it's so difficult to navigate. When we're looking at motherhood, specifically single motherhood, what are some of the extra costs associated with being a single mom? To go even further, a mom of color, as someone who's not a mother, if anybody's listening, who maybe is a mother but has a partner or is child-free, what does that look like in terms of actual costs motherhood and to single motherhood.

Yeah, I think probably the biggest cost is childcare. Because we don't have anybody to drop our kids off in the morning before we go to work or pick them up after they get out of school. The school hours don't align with our work schedule. That's one of the biggest added costs. A lot of moms, again, can't even get help with childcare funding because of the whole income thing. That's one big thing. I think I think just, too, is just having to provide for the kids on our own, especially if you're a single mom, you don't get any child support. You're not co-parenting. You have to take care of all of the kids' needs. If you want to do extracurricular activities for your kids, whatever their expenses are, you're taking that on versus being able to share that load with somebody.

I think the child care thing we have to spend some more time talking about, because I live in Seattle The cost of child care is as much as rent typically double. How is that sustainable? It's so crazy. How is that sustainable? How did you manage that? How did that work for you?

Back then, my My daughter, I want to say when she first started going to school, obviously, her dad and I, we created this agreement to where he'd reimburse me for half of the expenses. So that is how I did it back then. But today, she actually goes to after-school that is done by the hospital that I work for. I believe it's subsidized for workers, so it's not as expensive as it was when she was growing up. I just do it that way. But I know a lot of moms don't have that same story. Honestly, I don't know how they're doing it because it's way more expensive now than it was back then. I think I was just putting stuff on credit cards, to be honest. I couldn't I can't even afford to live making like 30,000 with all the bills and debt that I had. So, yeah, I think thinking back, I was just living off of credit cards, to be honest with you.

Well, and this is, again, where policy has to come in, right? Universal child care, or at least subsidized child care. And continually policies fail to support moms.

Yeah, and you don't want to put your kid in any type of... Well, at least I... Right. You know, Any type of child care. So I was thinking- You want to make sure it's safe and healthy and developmental and all that. Yeah. And then if you're thinking, if you're forward thinking about their development, it's like, well, the basic daycare that's the cheapest is not teaching them anything, especially as babies, right? Right. So then the more you want your kid to learn, it seems like the more expensive it is. So, yeah, that's something to consider also.

Well, and to your point about extracurriculars, right? You want a well-rounded kid who is doing things that they love and who takes piano or goes to soccer practice. And all of those things cost money. All of those things cost money and time and the emotional labor of scheduling. And so, yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot to think about.

Yeah. And I see a lot of moms now, especially in my community, that they put extracurricular activities before their own financial needs, if that makes sense. And I have to remind them that you don't owe your kids these extracurricular activities. It's cool to just have them do one thing, but I sometimes feel like they're overcompensating because the other parent is not there or they didn't have this when they were growing up. It's a huge thing.

We talk about this a lot. If people are in a financial position to help pay for college, a lot of parents end up sacrificing their own retirements to take care of their kids and to try to get them to at least graduate with less debt or graduate debt-free. But the issue for that is, as much as student loans suck, you can take out a loan. You can't take out a loan for your own retirement, right? If you're trying to do this really great thing, which is set your kid up for financial success, but they're going to end up paying for you in retirement, that's actually not as good of a decision as you think it is. And so it sounds like a different version of that. Yeah, for sure.

And they do that, too, in our single mom community. It's oftentimes like, are you saving for retirement?

It's well-intentioned. Yeah.

And they're like, no, they're not saving for themselves for their future, but they're saving for their kids' future.

I think the, the psychological, if I had to interpret that, I think it's like we have taught women, and specifically mothers, to be so self-sacrificing, right? And in order to be a good mom, right, you have to give your kids the life that you didn't have and sacrifice your joy and happiness and stability for them. But that's really, if you look at it in the long term, that's really difficult. If you grow up as a kid and you realize, oh, my mom was never happy. My mom is not financially well off. And now either I have to pay for her or I have to deal with that in terms of the emotional impact that had. So it's just like it's, again, really well-intentioned, but I think it ends up having these negative consequences.

Yeah. I think to go a step further is not only does it impact them financially, but also mentally. Totally. A lot of moms have struggled mentally because of the decisions they've made financially. That transfers over into the kids, and they don't really realize that a lot.

We found in the research this statistic that's just absolutely awful, which is that 70% of Americans believe that single women raising children on their own is bad for society. What? Do you have any... I know. Do you have any thoughts on why this belief is so persuasive, and if there's anything we can do to dismantle that thinking?

You know what? It's funny you say this because somebody sent me a video, I believe it's It was on Instagram the other day, similar to this about this lady saying that people were better off not having kids, raising them by themselves. And I was just like, Where does the whole thing come from? It's like, there have been so many single moms that have raised successful children, but you don't see that in the media. I think if we all work together to share those stories of those women that have come before us that have raised successful children as single women, I think it would help. But I think just growing up, you never really heard about single women raising successful children. It was always is the family unit. But I think now in today's time, there are so many single moms in the world. There's single moms by choice now. That's becoming a whole movement. We could talk about that later. But I think the biggest thing is just awareness. A lot of people are not shining a positive light on what's happening with those children that grow up to be successful that are raised by single moms.

Right. Well, and I think it's over 90% of single parents are single moms. So it's this feeling that it's not single fathers are bad. It's specifically single mothers are bad for society. Single mothers. Right. Yeah.

They have nothing to say about the single mothers.

Oh, no. No, nothing. If anything, it's applaud.

It's just like, they are perfect.

Can we talk about the single moms by choice? We can.

We can talk about it.

The first person to pop in my head is like, Mindy Kaling. That's who I think of. That was a story for me that I was really, really great and impactful, especially as her being a woman of color. It's like, Yeah, I want children, and I'm not going to wait for a man, or I'm not going to do this with somebody else. Do you feel like these stories are getting discussed more? What are your opinions on how we talk about single motherhood by choice?

Yeah. It is becoming more and more popular. I think when I first started my community, I didn't really see a lot of it. Then I came across this one mom. I don't know if she started following me first or how we connected, but she was sharing that she was almost 30 or maybe she was over 30. I can't remember. She had dated so many guys, and she really wanted to be a mom, but she knew her biological clock was ticking, and she had no prospects in sight, and she didn't want to put her dream of becoming a mom on hold. She went the donor insemination route. To To that, I say if you are financially capable, if you have the support system that you need, I'm not against anybody doing what they desire. But I think on the flip side of that, the average person is not really able to do that. I would not recommend somebody just going out there and having a kid. Single motherhood looks like, Okay, it could be easy or I can do this on my own. But nobody really talks about the emotional strain, the financial strain, what you go through mentally, especially if you have a limited support system.

I just don't think we talk about that enough. Again, my opinion is that if you have all the resources and tools available to you, be my guest. But then also I think about, too, how that impacts the kid. I don't think there's a lot of studies on how do you explain that to a kid when they're at the age where they want to know who their dad is. Do you explain that? Some dads sign up saying they don't want to be contacted, right? They donated their sperm to all of these banks. It just gets really I don't know, murky? So I mean, I'm not against it. Personally, I wouldn't do it because you asked for my opinion. And since I've lived through a single motherhood, but I think it's definitely becoming more popular now.

Well, and I mentioned Mindy Kayling, right? Who has a ton of financial privilege, right? She can afford childcare. So if you have that, you need everything. Yeah, it makes a lot more sense.

Yeah.

Do you feel like there is a stigma or maybe an exclusion because someone chooses to single parent, as opposed to... It's more if someone is making an active choice of like, No, I'm going to do this on my own. Does that hold its own stigma?

So I do. To be honest, I think Society does categorize single moms. Although I do not do that personally in my community, I know that it's being done. For example, if you co-parent, they say you're not a single mom because you have help. If you decided to do this on your own, you don't really know what it's like because you didn't have to struggle. There's just a lot of things that people say about it, and you maybe look differently because of the route you became I'm a single mom. But again, in my community, I don't try to categorize it. I'm like, We're all in this together. We're all trying to raise kids on our own. Whether you have a dad that helps out 50% of the time or 10% of the time or 0% of the time. It's just like, We're all here on this journey together, and we connect in more ways than than one, right? So it's okay. I don't try to make anybody feel less than or more than just because of how they got to the journey.

Right. One of the parts of your story I think is really fascinating is that you picked up and moved a lot. You moved from Mississippi to Houston and then Arizona. What precipitated that move or those moves for you? Can you share what this process looks like? Because moving is fucking expensive. And is there anything you did during this time to make that transition financially easier for yourself and for your family?

No. So this was back during the time where I was in My early 20s. I had my daughter at 21, and so shortly after I turned 22. Her dad and I, we were trying to work it out, but honestly, we were two kids with no tools and resources around relationships. In my mind, I grew up working at an early age, and so I was like, I'm not going to be with a man who is not going to work as hard as me. I was working two jobs. Her dad was working one. He was going on to finish his master's. We were both in college when I got pregnant, by the way. I decided that I would end the relationship, and only if he was to do things differently, would I get back with him. If that didn't happen, I would leave. I think maybe I gave it 3-6 months. Things did not get better. I had some family living in Houston, Texas, and they told me that they thought that I could do so much better, and they would help me out with my daughter. And so although I didn't know that family very well, it was just like, that looks a ticket out and a ticket to a better life.

I didn't act on that thought right away. It was probably almost a year before I decided, Okay, you know what? Things are not improving. I don't have anything to lose here. At that time, I was in a one-bedroom apartment. It was low-income housing. It sucked, but I was just like, I had a bed, a small little, probably, dining table. I didn't have a lot. I either sold what had or gave things away just to get some money. I rented a SUV. I put in what I had, and I drove to Houston. I didn't have a car in the time, but I left it behind because it was raggedy. I just started my life over, to be honest, I lived with that family about six or seven months. Then I got my own apartment, and I struggled for probably two or three years until I felt like I was on my feet, and then I started to build community and all of those things. The second move was because I graduated with my MBA, and I was like, I need a return on my investment. They say, you go to school, you get this degree, and then you automatically get paid more, but that's not happening because I'm doing all these interviews, and people are telling me I don't have leadership experience.

I'm just like, I just got this MBA. I said, You know what? I'm not going to limit myself here staying in Houston. I'm just going to apply wherever there's an opportunity and whoever allows me that opportunity, I'm just going to move. And that is what I did. Long story short, I got an offer here in Arizona, and I took it. I negotiated, and I was well on my way. I'm like, If I go back to Houston one day, that's fine. If I go somewhere else, that's fine, too. I'm not limited to one place. Again, there, I was just like, I don't have anything to lose. I didn't have really any family outside of that family that I had. Some things happened. We really didn't have a good relationship anymore. Again, besides the community that I built there, which I felt like I could always reach back out and connect to, should I need it? I didn't have anything to lose. I'm sorry. You asked me about financially, how did I prepare? The first move, I didn't prepare. Obviously, I told you I sold my stuff. I didn't have really any money in the bank, maybe $100 or $200.

But the second time I moved, the The company paid for the relocation. I was able to move fairly quickly.

Was that something you negotiated or was that just part of the benefits package?

I asked for it. I don't know if it was going to be initially included, but I was just like, Can you pay for relocation? And they gave me, I think, up to $4,000. I didn't even spend the whole $4,000 because I didn't have a lot of stuff. But they had me to use a moving company. They came and picked up my stuff from my apartment, and then I shipped my car. And that was pretty much it. And I took a flight, and they paid for that, too, me and my daughter. So, yeah.

That's great. Yeah. Obviously, in your work, you work with single Black mothers, giving them resources to make more money, get more money. What are some unique situations for single mothers that we probably don't think about? And in your opinion, what's the best job for a single mother?

That's an interesting question. So things that we don't think about that come up is especially the PTO. I think because when the kids get sick, we are the ones caring for them. What I found is that a lot of moms will not take time off for themselves because they're trying to save time for the kids. I think if you can find an employer that is flexible with time off or allows you to make up-time if you're not salaried and they can understand what it's like to be not just a single mom, but a working mom. Even in, I think, marriages and partnerships, the moms usually take on the load of taking care of the sick kids. I think that's a really big thing, especially for single moms. I'd say the best job for them would probably be something if they can work remote. I work remote before going back to the office or hybrid. I think that's good because you don't really have to take off time because you're at home. Then usually remote No, jobs are more flexible. I don't know their specific title that you want to talk about as far as the best type of role for them, but I think just remote work in general is better.

Now, I do know some moms that work in tech, and I think depending on the role, sometimes those can be more stressful because of the workload. But yeah, I just say when you're going through your interviews, really ask about the workload, see if there's anybody on the team you can talk to. Just really interview the companies like they're interviewing you. It's really important, I think, that we take the time to interview the companies we're going to be working for. I asked a lot of questions before I moved here. Even when I came to do my site visit, I met with some people in the C-suite, and I got to ask real questions, even down to race and diversity, equity, and inclusion. What does that all look like? It's not just about the PTO, but I think, too, if you're a single Black mom, that also So plays a role in that as well.

In terms of specifics, what are resources out there for single moms? And if someone is listening who's a single mother, where can she turn? What helped you? Where to go?

I always encourage people to go to Emma's. I think she goes by the wealthy single mommy I think that she houses a lot of great resources in one place. But what helped me was just really finding people that were doing what I was doing. There's no one specific thing. There's no one specific agency that I used. It's just being open to the tools and resources that are available to you. How you find them is just like Google. I think that's what I did a lot of. I wasn't like, Can you please tell me what resources I can use or go to? But I do know the Salvation Army is very helpful in providing resources and things like that. I actually worked for them at one point. Then what are some other? I know there's a working mom website that has a lot of resources for jobs. I can't think of these off the top of my head. I will have to get you a list. Would that be okay for the show notes?

Yeah, and we can link those down below.

Because I'm like, this is...

It happens to me, too.

I wish I would have put together a list for you.

No, it happens to me, too. When somebody asks, What financial books do you recommend? And I have a list of 30. And then, of course, whenever somebody asks me, I'm like, Mine? This other one and this other one. I'm like, That's what I got. And I'm like, I know there's more than that.

Now, if you did ask me for books, I could tell you the top two would be Emma. Emma is also an author, right?

Yeah, I know Emma. Kristen also just told me The Mom Project. Is that what it's called? That's it. There we go. Out of girl, Kristen. Thank you.

A lot of moms recommend that. I haven't personally used it, but I know I can attest to it from them. But Kamiko, I think is her name. She goes by the Budget Mom on Instagram. Her book is so simple for those moms who are out there and they are trying to get their money together. It's so good. She has a lot of free resources on her website for moms that are trying to get their money together. Those two books by Emma, I can't think of it. I think it's called the Kick-Ass Single Mom or something like that. I know she has two. I have them both, but those are good. I don't really know any other single mom authors like that. Honestly. And then Kamiko is no longer single. She got married. So if you want inspiration, too, there you go.

Yeah. What can we actually do, myself and people listening, to help single mothers or single mom friends? What can we do?

I think the biggest thing, if we can all figure out some way to help with childcare, I think that's the biggest issue. But on a smaller scale, if you have any single mom friends or you have any single moms in your community? Volunteer to keep the kids for a day or a few hours. Moms do not like asking for help, especially single moms. If you can do that for them to where they can just sit in silence for an hour or two, where they can go and do some things that they haven't had a chance to get to do, I think that just goes a long way. The help is the biggest thing. When I talk to my community about What are their struggles? I think the three biggest things are money, support, and time. They don't have a lot of time. They don't have a lot of support in community, or they're afraid to ask because of fear of being turned down. Then they don't have a lot of resources. Those are the biggest things. If we could figure out how to help them increase their income, I think that's huge. Then, like I said, just the being there, the support.

Even if you have any resources that you don't think they've had time to look up, share that with them. Even just the resources go a long way also.

I think the one thing that I am more and more conscious of as a child-free person is just asking my friends who are moms how they're doing. And I even know I can be better at it. But just offering them space of like, What do you need? Do you need me to do a school pickup? Do you need me to send you food? Do you need to just talk? Just check it in. And I feel this is my own personal thing that I guess I'll work out in therapy at some point. But there is a certain difference, and my friends who have had children, it's just such a different world than the world I'm in. And I often know how to interact in that world because it's so different than my life. And so I'm trying to actively fight the impulse and still reach out and still have conversations with them because I know how important that is.

Yeah. And I think even going a step further, instead of saying, Well, how can I help you? Just ask, Can you send them food? Can you take the kids to school? Because, again, I go back to that thing of they don't really like asking for help. They think that they have to do it all when there's somebody like you that can't support them. Just offering that. I think someone offered one day to send me food, and I was like, Oh, my gosh, that was the sweetest thing that really made my day. But it was that little small thing because I knew I would be working all day, and I would have to take time away from doing the task that I needed to do just to go and get food for me and my daughter. And so that simple thing of them saying they wanted to send me food was so sweet to me. It just really made my day. And it was I'm literally going to send one of my friends food right now.

I love that. No, that's really... And I appreciate you saying that. No, but I appreciate you saying that because one of the things that drives me crazy is when men in my life will be like, Well, what do you need? Like, it's like, it's better than, I guess, not asking at all. But it is like, I need you to anticipate what I need because then I have to figure out, like in this moment, what does that support look like? And of course, I'm going to be like, no, you don't have to do anything. I'm fine. So, yeah, I appreciate you saying that.

Because you know what moms need, right? They need food to feed themselves and the kids. They need time alone. Like, there are just some things- They need a spa day. They need a spa day. Send a gift card or book the spa for them. Tell them you book them because if you're their friend, you pretty much would know their schedule, right? Or you can ask, Hey, what days you have available? Even though it might be none or they already have things planned. But at least it's really the thought. I think that counts. And you're going a step beyond the thought and saying, Let me do this for you.

Totally. So in addition to individual support of spa days and sending food. We talked about this before, but you said, I think that one of the biggest struggles was just this lack of community. So if you are a single mom out there, how do you get a community? How do you find a community? How do actually find support in this very difficult place to be in as someone who's just trying to figure it out by themselves?

Yeah. So I think back when I was building my community It was a bit harder. I feel like there are a lot more resources now. But I just started off, of course, with a podcast and building an Instagram community. But now what I recommend moms in my community even to do is to connect with moms if their kids are doing extracurricular activities, if they go to church, there's usually moms there. Online, Instagram, you'd be surprised if you do follow a single mom page, how much you have in common with another single mom that you could DM. I try to do these check-ins often where I tell moms to comment what city and state they live in. Then if there's another mom in their same city, they can DM them. But if you're on Facebook, there's a lot of single mom groups on Facebook, and a lot of them might not be the most productive, but you can find some decent people in those groups. Then to go a step further, there are local city mom groups in your area. They may not be single mom groups, but they're still mom groups. I think there was this one group, Black Moms of Houston, that I joined, and I met some moms in that group.

Even if they're not single moms, they are still moms, and they will still be to be a support system for you, and they will still help you. I like this quote by Patrisse Washington, and she says that there's always someone out there that has the power to bless you. Maybe that's not exactly how she quotes it, but I truly believe that there A lot of strangers out there that want to help you if you allow them to and if you open up yourself to meet people. Outside of social media, there's also meetup. Com. That is still a thing, and they do have meetup groups around your interest. You'd be surprised that you can meet moms also in those groups as well. So quite a few different ways to make mom friends or meet single moms or moms in general. But I definitely think that isolation is not good. I know our natural instinct is to isolate, especially as single moms. I feel like we have to do it all on our own, but we don't. We don't have to do that. And there's so many people out there that are going through what you're going through, and they also are looking for other people that can relate, or there's somebody that has gotten over that stage where you are, and they can show you and tell you how to get out of that.

So you just have to open your mind and be willing to put yourself out there. And I truly believe that you will not regret that.

I just, yeah, 100 % agree. And I will also say, slightly different situation. But I have realized I haven't had a lot of in-person community, especially post-pandemic. A lot of my friends have moved away away and live in different cities. Our whole business is virtual. And I see our team every day, but it's not the same. And so I realized I was lacking our in-person community. And literally, this person that I saw at bar classes that I was going to just looked really kind and fun. And we had a couple of social interactions, but nothing crazy. And I literally like, it's scary. It's like asking somebody on a date, but I reached out to her on Instagram, and I was just like, Hi, you just seem like a really good person and have really good energy. I've been trying to find more in-person community. Would you like to get coffee? And she was like, Oh my gosh! Yes, I would. I don't have a lot of community either. And now she's like, we've become immediate friends. Like, we're like, shout out to Julia. Julia and I are so close now, and we've really only known each other for two months.

And it's just like, if you are that person out there who's seeming like, I can't reach out to people. It's terrifying. I promise just a little bit of vulnerability. It's like asking somebody on a date. And I promise you, women are really generous and really kind. And so, yeah, if you are that person, single mom or not, who just needs more community, just like, yeah, that person that you admire, that person that you saw at that thing once. Get coffee, go and have dinner, invite them over. It's a scary thing to do, but it was so great to have that in my personal experience. I want all women to have that community, even if it seems scary to approach somebody to ask.

I'll tell you a funny story about me moving hair. So right now, I'm currently living in a mountain town, right? It's predominantly white. When I looked at the stats, I think there was 0.01 % African-American people here. Oh, wow. I went looking on Instagram because I was like, there has to be at least one Black mom there, right? So I went down this rabbit hole of Looking at all the local businesses and things using the hashtags for the city. That's another way. #citymoms. Whatever city you live in, moms, you might be able to find some moms that way. But I found this one Black Mom, she had ended up doing a photoshoot, personal brand and photoshoot with a local photographer. I DMed her on Instagram. I had no clue if she was going to respond or not. I told her, I was like, Hey, I'm thinking about accepting a job there and was really looking to connect and see if you'd be open to sharing more about the town, how you like it, so on and so forth. She responded back probably a few hours later, and we've been connected ever since. When I got here, she offered to watch my daughter, a stranger from the internet, because I had to do the site visit.

Because I wasn't sure how I was going to work that out because my daughter at that time was eight, so I I'm going to leave her in the car by herself. Again, I told you all earlier, learning how to depend on strangers for support, because how else would I have done that without this person that I met on Instagram? She just happened to She has two kids of her own. She had a husband at the time. Crazy because now she's about to go through her own process of not being married anymore. At that time, we didn't know that was going to happen, but now she's seeing me live my life as a single mom. It's just crazy how things come full circle. But just, again, being open, sending that DM, I think, can really be a game changer for anybody. Totally.

Where can people learn more about you and your work in your community?

You can find me on Instagram at singleblackmotherhood, and then you can check out the website, singleblackmotherhood. Com. Everything is there.

Amazing. Kim, thank you for your time. We so appreciate you coming on, and thank you for your work.

Thank you so much for having me. I appreciate it.

Thank you so much to Kim for joining us for this episode. You can go to singleblackmotherhood. Com to learn more about her work and to join the Single Mom Collective. As always, the best way to support our show is by subscribing, by sharing with friends, and by writing the Rating the review, rating the review, by rating the podcast five stars. You think I would have done this enough times by now to know what's going on. But just support the show if you like it. We appreciate it. This is free for you, but expensive for us. And so you supporting the show allows us to continue getting guests and producing great episodes. And we appreciate it. If you're wondering where to get started on your financial journey, you can go to herfirsthundredk. Com/quiz. Take our six step quiz. There's no pass or fail. It's just giving us a little bit more information about where you're at in your financial journey. And then we give you personalized resources to progress. So herfirsthundredk. Com/quiz if you're wondering where to get started. Thank you so much for being here, Financial Feminists. I'll see you next week. Talk to you soon.

Thank you for listening to Financial Feminists, a Her First 100K podcast. Financial Feminists is hosted by me, Tori Dunlap, produced by Kristen Field, Associate Producer, Tamisha Grant, research by Ariel Johnson, audio and video engineering by Alyssa Medcath, marketing and Operations by Karina Patel, Amanda Lefou, Elizabeth McCumber, Masha Bach-Makeeba, Taylor Chow, Kaylyn Sprinkle, Sasha Bohnar, Claire Cronin, Darryl Ann Ingman, and Janel Riesner. Promotional graphics by Mary Straton, photography by Sarah Wolf, and theme music by Jona Cohen Sound. A huge thanks to the entire Her First 100K team and community for supporting this show. For more information about financial feminists, Her First 100K, our guests, and episode show notes, visit financialfeministpodcast.

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