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What's up, gigglers?

Gary, fix your WiFi.

Manifest that shit. We can't be managed.

I mean, the day just got away from me.

What's up, my growling gigglers? We're running out. Yeah, we're running out. Not really, though. Not really. No, that just wasn't a good one.

No, I actually enjoyed that one.

Thank you. You flew in from Charleston?

I did. Literally just now.

Because I was so excited to record Giggly Squad, and it happened on Craig's Insta stories, which I don't find myself on.

Yeah, you happened upon it.

I happened upon it. It was you and Charleston playing with turtles, and I was like, This bitch has Giggly Squad in two hours.

Charleston Page, I don't know her. Never met her.

You were wearing some ugly outfits, too.

Hideous outfits. I wear hideous outfits when I'm down there. I'm not myself. I'm very in touch with nature. So, Craig wrote in her element.

And I'm like, When was that her element? When is Paige feeding turtles her element? You're like, Who is that? And he goes, She loves turtles. I'm like, I've never known that about her.

I just recently started liking turtles. So it's nothing- So he brings you to- No, he's literally gaslighting you. He's like, You don't know that about her?

He goes, We're jealous of each other. He's like, Oh, you didn't know? That's all she talks to me about. I said you're going to start a turtle sanctuary called Page's Pals.

Here's the thing. There's nothing to do down there. There's literally nothing to do, so I have to come up with hobbies. I'm like, Oh, there's animals right there. I should at least bring them the salad I'm not going to eat.

That's so nice of you. You posted a TikTok, and I was really into it, what you're going to wear, and then it just stopped.

Stopped. I was like, okay.

I didn't manage my time. Then you posted it and then just continued the next. Yeah.

I was like, Whatever. This is my page, and it's my Saturday, and I'll do as I please.

Is Craig supporting your TikToks?

Craig's super supportive of my TikToks. He's just very like, Okay, well, what about... I'm also his social media manager. He's like, Okay, well, can you pick a TikTok that I can do? And I'm like, It's not about you. No, I actually can't pick a TikTok that you can do because I'm not on the payroll.

I feel like he's sitting waiting to get tapped to co-star in one of your TikToks.

Yeah, and then I'll be like, Oh, I have a TikTok for us. But then we won't make it because I get... That was 15 minutes ago. I'm a new person now.

It's not trending anymore.

I thought you had a TikTok. I'm like, No, it's over. I actually decided... You know what he hates when I say? What? I actually decided I'm going to do that one with Hannah She's like, Why? I thought that would have been a really good one for her. I'm like, Yeah, but it's just more me and Hannah. I just feel like Hannah would crush that role better. See, that's really mean.

Craig and I have absolutely zero sexual tension. We have more other kinds of tension. It's tension.

It's unspoken, though, where me and Des could not give a flying fuck. Could not. I literally the one day, I called you because I thought you weren't with your husband. Then when you were with him, I was like, I'm so sorry, I even reached out. That's so rude of me to call you while you're with your husband.

I left Paige 10 voice notes and she was like, Is Des in Ireland? I'm like, Yeah.

No, because I love when he goes to Ireland because you get so obsessed with me. It's literally like my ex coming back and being like, So what are you doing?

I'm like, we are broken up. You up? No, I feel like some people do love having tons of friends. I need one to two people that I tell everything to and not a therapist.

Do you want to know why? I I feel like we're like that, too. Why? Because we have such bad anxiety. If I know that too many people know the same story about me, I freak out.

But then I do have a side to me that if I'm not figuring something out, I will tell this stranger outside at the bus stop. I'll be like, If you ever were in this situation, what would you do? You're getting information from people who are like, I don't give a fuck. I've never experienced this before.

Let's also talk about your news segment.

I'm so happy you brought that up. I woke up this morning, I said, This is my creativity. I will not think of a new idea for years. Then when I think of something, I go, I have to do it immediately. I called Des, and he's like, How are you? I said, I know you're having a sales surgery. I don't care.

I know you're in a different country about to I'm going to put under, but I have an idea.

I have a TikTok idea, and I'm going to wear my tie because the tie is catching on. I did shows all weekend. Girls are showing up in ties, looking so hot, Avril Lavigne hot in the audience, and I'm Oh, no, what did I create? I'm like, I'm going to do a tie, and I'm going to do a new segment on where Kate Middleton will be. The first thing I thought of was, I think Kate Middleton is having an affair with one of the Montana boys. That made me laugh so hard. I called Grace. I told her about it, When Grace came over and I was like, We have to shoot this new segment. She's like, You have a lot of things to do today. I go, This is very important. What else did I say? The Montana boys thing is funny. The Mgk tattoo. Mgk tattoo. I called him Machine Kelly. I guess. Let me be able to think that's his new name. People were like, Oh, I didn't know he was Machine Kelly. I just forgot.

Where is Kate, though? After watching The Crown, I feel like I am an expert in all things royal. Knowing that they each, even though they're all in a family together, they each have their own team of PR for that individual person. So one PR team can be fighting with someone else in their family's PR team, and they're going back and forth putting articles out about each other. That was the whole Kate Middleton, Megan Markle thing. They just kept putting out articles that fought each other.

And then they just walked past each other in the castle like, hello.

No. How are you? Literally. Good. How are you? I feel like she's fighting with her husband, and she's like, You know what? I'm going to do the number one thing I'm not supposed to do, which is literally you're not going to be able to find me. I feel like she's not been out.

You think she's fighting with his husband? I think so. Her husband. He's finally lost enough hair that she's like, I can't deal with your shit There were always rumors that he was cheating on her with someone else, but I forget what her name was. Well, I think she's going on a cocaine bender with Andy Cohen. I wish. Wait, don't you love when that came out and people were like, What else is he doing? Obviously.

It's 2024 in New York City. If he wasn't, I'd be concerned. We go, What did you do about him becoming a social circle? He's not lame. Yeah, do you not have friends?

Sorry. She's recovering from Haley Bieber's sister throwing a used tampon at her. Wait, what was that story? Did you see that news story?

I saw that she got arrested, but...

She got arrested for being in a bar, getting in a fight with a bartender, and throwing a used tampon at them. She took it out? I've never heard this in my life, and I don't know why we haven't done it before. The second I heard that, I go, That is so fucking smart.

That is so in the mode.

Because one thing men are afraid of, men are afraid of two things, getting kicked in the balls and used tampons. Kicking the ball is obviously important if you're in trouble, or just take out your tampon and fling it around if you're getting kidnapped.

I'd love to know. I'm way more scared of the tampon. For sure. Yeah, you'd be freaking out.

I'd maybe rather lose my balls than get hit with a bloody tampon.

Was she wearing pants or a skirt? Was she unbuttoning, unzipping, pulling it out? Or was she like, You know what?

I can get to this in two seconds. That's a great question. However, when people are drunk, they do magical things. You're like, Where did that sandwich come from? When people are drunk, they can do literally anything. Also, drunk people fucking in the bathroom all the time, logistically, people be like, Oh, yeah, we fucked in that bathroom. I'm like, How? Yeah. How?

What bathrooms are you going to?

I just feel like people fuck in bathrooms.

Like at restaurants?

Maybe people Are you joking with me like, Yeah, we fucked in the bathroom. But I've never fucked in the bathroom at a restaurant.

I've done it one time.

Was it logistically hard?

No.

What'd you do? Like the sink?

You sat in the sink?

You were drunk. Oh my God. You have no idea.

Yeah, I was drunk, actually. I went to...

You know where I was? Are we going to say the restaurant?

I can't remember the name of the restaurant.

It's supposed to be a page six article.

But it was right by the Comedy Cellar. There's a famous restaurant right down the street, an Italian restaurant. I went there, went into the bathroom, had dinner, went into the bathroom with my date.

After dinner, you had sex. Interesting. Okay.

No, I think I did it after Apptiser's. After App's.

That's when I would recommend. That's the sweet spot. Not if you have Caesar salad, though, because then it's garlicy.

But you don't have to kiss. Then we went to the Comedy Cellar and had the best time ever.

Wait, so were you like, I'm going to go to the bathroom first, then you go? Was there a strategy?

I can't remember, but I think it was him. Drunk people are magicians. I think he was like, I'm going to go to the bathroom. Then you come in.

Then did you have awkwardness leaving the bathroom? Because I would. Everything you're afraid will happen, will happen to me if I tried to have sex in the bathroom.

Honestly, no. I, for whatever reason, didn't think about anyone else around me.

If I had sex in the bathroom, I'd walk out and there'd be eight people waiting.

Do you want to know why? I don't think I thought anything of it because at the time, I feel like I was going to a lot of restaurants where people were getting up from dinner and going outside and smoking a cigarette. I feel like it was one of those restaurants that it didn't look weird that we weren't sitting there. But also, I don't know.

That's pretty badass. Chris, have you ever had sex in a restaurant bathroom? I have not, no.

Guys, what am I, a whore?

You're that friend that when we play Never Have I Ever, she's already out, and you're like, We just did three questions.

I'm like, All right, you're a loser. No, I was actually going to tell a dating tampon story. One time, I was dating a guy, and I went... We weren't exclusive or anything. Maybe we had gone on a couple of dates. I went into his bathroom in his apartment, and there was a used tampon in the garbage, which is like...

Was it rolled? No. At least rolled with toilet paper? Okay, that's just...

It was bizarre. I was like, Someone Cooked here. Cooked here. No, literally, someone wanted me to see this. So I go to the bathroom, I walk out. I'm not saying anything. He knows that I saw it. He knows something's up. I can see his wheels turning. And in my head, I'm like, I don't give a flying fuck. I'm not exclusive with you.

Because he doesn't know how you know, but he knows you know because men know when we know.

Yeah, I was like, I don't care. He knew you were going to know. I was going to never bring it up.

We know.

Sometimes.

What are you hiding, Chris? What are you hiding? What do you mean by that?

No, men are so stupid because here's the thing. I actually wasn't mad, and I was never going to bring it up, and I was never going to- Because you're not... Yeah, I'm like, Okay, yeah, do your thing. We're sitting at dinner. He comes up with the most elaborate story I've ever heard in my life to the point where then I'm into it. Now I'm like, Okay, what is it?

Don't gaslight me.

He said his cleaning lady's daughter sometimes comes to help her out, and she just turned 14, so it probably was I didn't think I was going to stop talking to him just because there was a used tampon. After that story, I was like, I can't ever see you again because that story was so fucking crazy. You could have gotten away with it by just never saying anything.

Not bringing it up because he didn't actually do anything wrong. I do think that everyone has a fear of getting drunk and accidentally having sex with your tampon in. Then it's either he's like, This girl has the smallest canal I've ever witnessed, or Or he pushes it up and then your tampon is stuck in there forever. No. But I don't think men's dicks are that powerful.

No, they're honestly not. They're not. It'll come out. It'll plug. They can't get it. They're not Houdini. I mean. Or Evo Knievel. Yeah, or Evo Ganevo, one of our favorites.

Also, I don't know. Everyone has different periods, but I'm at this point where my period's insane for two days, and then it just gives up.

I haven't had my period in a year, and I'm not laughing about that because it's really not funny. Something medical is definitely going on. But let me tell you, it's been so nice. No. No, a full year. It's not great. I actually have a doctor's appointment tomorrow because something's plugged up and we don't You have to go to the doctor.

Half the gigglers are doctors, so they'll just DM you. Okay. But it's not good.

No, it's not good, but I'm a year off my birth control.

When you were on birth control, were you having a period?

Yeah, but it's a fake one.

How many days of the week are you sexually active? Is that why I'm pretending I'm a doctor.

They don't ask how many days. They say, Are you sexually active? How many partners?

In total?

No, at that time. In total?

How many partners have you had? Are you asking my body count?

I feel like I'm not going to count him because I was 24.

Do you know what it's? Honestly, I have so many half stories where I'm like, That doesn't count. He It didn't work.

Anything before 25 for me, I'm like, That didn't count. I don't even know you. No, seriously. At 31, to still be dating, at 31, to not be engaged, not be married. I've been dating since I was 15. Anything before 25, that wasn't me. I'm in my 30s now. I didn't know her.

You actually get a new layer of skin like a snake.

I was a born again virgin when I turned 28. That was it. I was resetting my clock, and that's where I Do you think when you get out of a relationship, you're re-vurginized. 100%.

Yeah.

Yeah, because you don't know what the kids are doing out there. You're like, I've been away for so long.

I heard today because I hang out with a lot of Gen Zs, Humblebrag, and You only hang out with Grace. Grace, can you tell her I hang out with another Gen Z? Did I pay the girl? Yes. We were shooting a video. However, she told me, and she's very cool, she lives in She told me that Gen Zs are just... Some Gen Zs are just shaving their butt hole.

For the first time?

No, because they're just eating ass.

Pardon. Hold it.

Some girls- When you say they're only shaving.

Yeah.

Or they're comfortable with their pubes, but because eating ass is so, they'll shave their butt.

You know, this is crazy, but I just had this conversation with some of this. How is that possible?

I've been talking about this all week.

I saw it- I would like to consider myself very sexually- Who knows what you'll say because you've been all over the place.

No, literally. The last five years, you've been all over the place.

I would like to consider myself very, well, one, sexually active, but two, I'm down to try something or like, you know.

This is coming from the girl, her first season of Summerhouse. I showed her a dildo, and she pretended she didn't know what it was.

You bought me my first vibrator.

True. I was your sexual renaissance.

Now I'm a little connoisseur. I'm like, get it out of here. I hate that shape. But I will say that is one thing that I will never. I'm not reciprocating. Don't ask me. I'm a lady. That's when I become a nun. I'm like, You want me to what? You should go to church. That's disgusting.

He could literally spit on you, slap you, but God forbid, he delicately puts his tongue on your booty hole.

No, he can do it to me. I would never do it to a guy. Ever.

Honestly, that tracks for you.

I don't even want to be down there.

You're like, I'm a star. I'm the talent.

Mom, I'm so sorry. No, I just couldn't. I would never be able to. But also, I think I give that off because I've never been asked.

That is so funny because it's like I've never had a guy try to really choke me.

Interesting.

Because I don't give off that energy.

And you talk a lot. You would think they're like, I'm finally in here.

Shut the fuck up. The only time I shut up is when Butter falls asleep by my mouth. That's the only time. When a cat falls asleep on my chest. Wait, that's so funny. You think Des would be like, oh, finally.

Yeah, I got her exactly where I want her.

I think when I'm actually in a relationship with someone I really like and I feel calm with, I'm actually quiet.

You're very quiet. You're actually very reserved. You can sit on a couch not speak for hours if you're relaxed.

Yeah, which is pretty incredible. But throw one new person in the room and I'm like, and then we leave and I'm like...

No, but I love that about you because Craig is like that, too. Then I can stay silent for the whole time. I'm like, There's my friend. She's going to perform for you now. Don't talk to me. Please don't small talk this way, but she'll tell you a joke.

But the crazy thing about Ana is that for men, It's so important. When gay men have sex, I've asked around, they can orgasm just from the butt. They'll have a full orgasm just from a guy being in their butt. Got it. Because it's hitting their prostate. Why is Chris laughing?

You paid his reaction. Because I have so many questions. I have so many questions logistically. That man, okay, that man who is receiving, is he touching himself?

I don't think he has to.

I dream. The men have to do nothing. The men have to do nothing. We have to sit and focus.

But that's why if you do, apparently, because I haven't... I don't want to say I haven't tried, but I haven't figured it all out. Because I started getting my nails done. But you're supposed to put your finger. A finger will make their orgasm so much better. It is literally a button. I just told me a story about some guy It's actually in his special. A guy was like, I told a girl to put a finger in my butt, and her fake nail fell out in his butt.

No, that's my worst nightmare.

I think men, when they were just all the men are out at war.

Yeah, they were all fucking each other.

Let's think about it. Men are not as much about emotions. Why are you not going to get your dick sucked?

I mean, think about when they go to jail.

That's what they do. Isn't that jail?

No, that's.

They go, I give 25 years of anal, and you have to be a bottom.

Then- They go to jail to be themselves and get in shape.

But then I got confused because I have a lot of, I mean, aiglers who are friends, and a lot of them are bottoms, and it's not making sense to me if everyone's a bottom.

There's three New Yorkers who are top. Some people can switch. They switch. But a lot of people don't like to switch when they're their own. I get it. I love laying down also. One day, if Craig's just like, And now you're on top, I'd be like, No, I'm tired.

Also, I love how there's... But there's so many different kinds of bottoms. You could be a power bottom. We're going to get so many messages like, You guys tried so hard to get it right. We tried really hard. And you totally missed.

Anyway, how do we get here? I think we started talking about turtles. This is where we got. I love to see our progression.

We have to bring up the Noah-Cyrus drama.

I mean, what is going on in that family?

I don't know because Noah-Cyrus is mom Trish, which is such a mom name.

No, her name could only be Trish.

You came out as a mom named Trish.

If you have Miley and Noah, and this country family, you're Trish.

I've never met a child named Trish. It's only a mom.

I don't think I know.

Is Trish short for something? Trishelle?

Trisha.

But Trisha is like, you might as well just call her Trisha. Trish.

I don't know. Trish. But Trish is the name from that video that everyone says that it's me and you when it's Yes. Not Amy Poehler. Kristen Wig and the other comedian, they're on the plane and they go back and forth and they do a fake video. They do a fake scenario. It's literally us when we talk about men's names. I don't know. No, it was like a movie, not an Sada. Yes. But the girl's name was Trisha, and I always think of it. Okay, so Noah's dating this man.

Noah was dating this man. But people were trying to say at first they weren't dating. Okay.

They break up, they're over.

And he was a zaddy.

Then Trish is like, Hey, and starts dating him.

See, that's what I want to know. How did the Hey happen?

I mean, was he over one night for dinner? I don't...

So now they're getting married?

Are they getting married?

I think so. But they kept it on the low, this whole drama, until the wedding. Then people are saying that Noah's not going to the wedding because she's pissed. It's loaded.

It's disgusting also. It's loaded and disgusting. Could you imagine dating someone and then sweet, sweet Lenor being like- Leave Lenor out of this. I mean, it could have happened one time. It was Jazzy Jay, and it didn't happen.

Jazzy John loved my mom. Actually, every guy I date loves my mom.

Every guy I date- That's so funny because every guy I date hates my mom.

Because she doesn't warm up. She's like, don't. She's like, you don't deserve her.

They love my dad, hate my mom because my mom's real.

See, my dad's like, do you know any Nicks players? They're like, Then my mom, they're like, your mom is just like you except domesticated and on her shit and a caretaker. They're like, can you be more like your mom? I'm like, no, then go hang out with my mom then.

My mom's just like me, except she can see more clearly. I'm like, if she doesn't like you, there's a fucking reason. That's a personal problem that you have, not us. Wait.

I have that character where the fact that Kim likes me makes It makes my day. But she literally... It's just a look she'll give me, a little smile, and I'm just like...

She's very proud of you. No, my dad, honestly, I feel like gets jealous. You just love her so much. I'm like, Yeah, she's my friend. I love you too, dad.

She's not replacing you. I feel like the only family member that is not jealous is Gary because Gary knows that you love him so much, and he's actually confident.

Gary's such a true older brother in terms of he thinks we stole his whole idea. He thinks that we are anything because we are younger siblings. He's like, You guys wouldn't have even known anything or how to be funny if I wasn't involved. I'm like, Okay. I will say I do play dry. It's a lot of his jokes.

Well, he's ripping with you.

I'm like, I'll take that.

You do have a good eye for jokes. You can tell when something's funny. It's same like an outfit. You have an eye for when something works. Yes. My brother, I went to Gary and He doesn't live in Gary, but he lives right by there to see Lois.

Yes.

Apparently, Lois, when she misses me, they'll just play my videos on mute. She'll cry, and then she'll watch my video. I walked in, and she was like, lost her fucking mind. I lost my mind. We FaceTime you. She put on sunglasses for you. That was cute. She's so cute. No, it's like next level cute where I sat them down. I said, You guys are near Chicago. Do we want to sign her up with an agency? I was like, honestly, the gigglers love Lois. They chant her name all the time at shows. I go, Are we going to monetize this? She will be fucked up.

What are we doing here?

I go, We'll have to get a therapist.

You're like, It's been six months. I feel like we can... What's our ROI on this baby?

She's about to get past the Gerber baby phase. She could do a whole national campaign if you wanted. I said, I'm not going to force it if you wanted. If she needs a manager, I can probably hook that up. She's just a star.

But then- Didn't it solidify that if it's your baby or if it's in your family, family that you're like, You're the best thing that's ever happened to this whole world, and why aren't people doing something?

Well, I was thinking about it genetically. She's basically my child. Because isn't Dana and I the same?

Yeah.

She's half yours. What's it called? She's half yours. The Punet Test?

The Punet Square. The Punet Square.

Isn't he... I mean, I guess me and Daniel have different... No, we have the same.

You have the same D&I? D&i.

D&i. Right? Yeah. Because he could do it 23 and me, and it's the same. We're figuring this out together. Hold my hair. So scared right now. Then he hooked up with Jeanie. His wife? His wife. He got married.

He didn't just fuck Jeanie.

Jeanie is a lovely lady who is his wife. I love saying I hooked up with does in our wedding night. I was like, We hooked up. They got together. Lois is genetically my child. She wasn't able to go to my show. Because she's a bad time. I was trying to get her into this casino. I was performing at the Hard Rock, and they were like, I don't- You're like, Ax over.

She's like, I can't talk.

I go, You look like a fucking drunk adult. You're just stumbling and you're getting me to keep food in your mouth. She's like, I learned to walk last week. She's like, Stop crying all the time. I was like, Look, I'm the talent. I can get her in. They're like, I think it's like, You legally can't bring a child into a casino. I'm like, I'll leave her in the casino. I'm like, I'll leave her in the green room.

They were like, I'll put her in my purse. Are you kidding?

She fits. She wasn't able to go. Then it was a huge room. It was 1,600 people.

Why am I picturing you in a trench coat on? With Lois inside of it, just being like, Shh. And you're sneaking her in somewhere she has no business paying. She's going, Mama. In a green room.

She calls me Hanny. Wow. Whenever she gets excited, she goes, Hanny.

Wait, that's so cute.

It's so cute. But then the second she has a poop problem, I'm like, I'm out. Yeah.

Did it make you want to make her a cousin? Give her a cousin?

I don't know. I still don't. Because leaving, were you Okay. I've been doing this crowd work in my shows where I ask people, Do you actually like your kids?

Do you think I should have a baby? Yeah.

I straight up and like, Let's just do a test.

If you were me, what would you do?

Let's do a control group right now. I'll do it based on whatever you guys in Gary, Indiana, think. Some people are like, My kid's an asshole. I didn't want to have kids. People call their kids assholes a lot.

Wait, that's crazy.

Or they'll be like, It just really depends. We're at this crazy place where I was talking about on Burner phone, where over 50 years ago, like my nana, she wanted to be an artist. She wanted to go into Hollywood. She had to get married at 18. My mom was the first generation to go to college, and then I'm the first generation that takes it for granted. But then it's like, obviously, we're going to have a different view of family that we don't have to do it immediately. Then you think, is it a cheat code where you actually never have to? But then that makes me feel It's so sad and everyone's going to get mad at me.

This is actually such a serious conversation.

So serious. We should not be having it. Let's be honest, me not having kids, it's not like voting where you're like, Oh, if I don't vote, it doesn't matter. Voting matters. But having a kid... I don't know why I brought that up. But having a kid is not going to matter.

If you do have a kid, I'm making you a pin that says, I had a kid today.

Because you know when people are like, if everyone was like, let's not have kids, then I guess as humanity would die, or I guess they wouldn't exist. They wouldn't have a chance to die because they weren't... But if you... You don't have to.

No, you definitely don't have to. I think the What I think of, which is probably a little bit selfish, but also not really. You love your family structure right now, but one day that's not going to be your family structure. So when you're at the age that your parents are now, what are you going to do to fill your time?

I saw this lady on Instagram who was addressing that, and she was like, When I was sick and stuff, it wasn't my kids who helped me. They moved to other places. They have families. It was my friends.

Okay, great point. Hannah, we hate everyone. We can't rely on each other in our 70s to help each other.

But what do we really need help with? Bring me to the hospital if I need help. I don't want people in my house helping me.

No, I don't either. But my friend Stephanie, we've talked about this, too, and she's brought up, But what if I just didn't have kids? I know I definitely want them. She asks me, Honestly, such bitchy questions sometimes. She's like, But tell me the reason why you want to have them. She was like, I was waiting for you to give me a really selfish reason of you want an accessory. I was like, Okay, I'm not a monster, and you've known me since I was 12, and this seems very pointed. But no, I I want them because I feel like I would be such a good mom. I would make a child's life really great and have a great experience. I know I want that.

I love how Stephanie was like, I never thought that was the reason. That was definitely not the reason.

Stephanie was like, Please don't procreate. Whatever you do.

But then sometimes people say it's selfish to not have kids, but then some people say it's selfish to have kids. Like, Oh, you need to continue your legacy?

Well, yeah, I'm stunning. I'm not letting this bone structure go to waste.

We've talked about this before. Sometimes two really good-looking people have the ugliest children. Because it's so good-looking, it becomes alien-like. You ever see the most gorgeous man? And his mom is so not cute, and she created the hottest fucking dude ever. That's why my son's going to be hot.

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You've heard about the time Australia went to war with a bunch of emus and lost? You've heard about the World Cup where the refs wore suits? What about the magical chess-playing machine that bamboozled Napoleon one time? These are all real things that actually happened, and I get across all of them on Half-Arse History. If you want to learn more about everything from the history of the toilet to the history of nuclear weapons, there are hundreds of episodes of my Tin Pot History podcast waiting for you. Have a listen to Half-Arse History today. Or don't. I can't tell you what to do. I'm not your dad. But if you fancy it, Half-Arse is out three times a week, and it's available wherever you get your podcasts. Acast is home to the world's best podcasts, including In the News from the Irish Times, Irish History podcast, and the one you're listening to right now. Anyway, Noah- I can't even look at myself in this.

I look like a ghost. Noah-cyris. We don't know enough of the drama. We don't know enough about the drama to have strong opinions. I mean, if he's- I feel like- It's just weird.

We know the headline, though. We know the headline. It's insane. It's insane. Here's the other thing. Noah is much younger than Miley.

Also Noah- Can you Google I don't know how old Noah's Cyrus is.

I feel like she's got to be maybe 23.

Also, I get it, maybe have the same sense of humor or the same perspective in life. I don't know. But Noah and Trish are two different fonts. They're giving very different energy. How are you attracted to both of that?

How is there not a reality show yet for that family? They have so much random drama. 24. 24. The dad's off being a shaman somewhere. Who knows? Is he a shaman? No, he just has long hair. I believe he. He just has banks. He has banks and wears a cowboy hat. He's a shaman in LA. It's like, you're a drug addict.

I do feel like Miley really tries to stay out of it, but I wonder how involved Miley is in it.

You know what annoys me? Remember when Addison Ray?

I was thinking about her.

Then all of a sudden, her parents were just in the fucking headlines for being thirsty and, quite frankly, stupid. This girl has just become, for whatever reason, for a couple of months, an A-list celebrity. Everyone knew her. She's on the Kardashian's doing all these things. Now you don't really hear from her. Her parents put her in the media in such a negative because they were out doing bullshit.

It's a little bit like Miley's working so hard. She's very successful, and this probably won't affect her at all. But you work so hard and paying tons of money to publishers and trying to create your career. She just won a fucking Grammy, and then it cheapens the brand.

She has a reputation.

They're having a full on Jerry Springer side show.

Yeah, and it's like you're... I'm a Grammy winner. No, literally, that's all I would say. I walk in my house now and I'm like, Paris Hilton doesn't vacuum, Mom, I'm not that.

Oh, my God. I watched this extremely sketchy documentary about becoming a... Is it called Becoming a Queen? It was about Tinsley Mortimer.

Was it on Hulu?

Yes. Oh, was it like... Did you watch it? No. Queenmaker. It's called Queenmaker.

About the New York City socialite girls? Yes. I didn't watch it.

That's the thing that I just like having on. I love... It was basically how Paris Hilton and them started the whole, you're famous and you're not hidden. They basically said, New York City royalty. Their whole thing was like, we are private. We own the roads, we own the railroads. What do people do? They're all the ask All the Esther plays, all those families were like, You can't have access to us. The Hilton sisters were the first really famous family that was like, Look at me because I'm rich and famous. Then there were all these rich... It's crazy because...

I love when people are rich and famous because they're rich and famous. I just think I love it. It's fascinating to me. It's fascinating.

Because it's basically like, because of your name, people respect you because of what your dad did because your mom wasn't allowed to work.

Whatever. But I will say Paris Hilton, of all of those girls that probably are on that documentary or all of those socialites that were famous then, she's the only one that built anything from it. I feel like took her advantages and made... She could have done nothing. She could have fucking chilled. She's a billionaire on her own.

She also had other people in the family doing a lot of random stuff, housewives and stuff, and she's created her own path. I do think- I'm forever a Paris Hilton fan. You have to be. She created us. No, literally. She birthed us.

From her rib. Her rib.

Then they bring up Tinsley, and I did not realize because I wasn't covering the scene at that time. They said Tinsley Mortimer basically was the it girl of the Galasean.

I remember hearing her name way before Housewives.

That's crazy. They basically said she came, but she's not like the other New York girls because She's from the South. She's Southern, yeah. But she played tennis for Columbia. Oh, wow. She basically got married to some New York City oil guy. She basically said, The first thing you have to do, apparently, is get a publicist, which is crazy because in my head, I'm like, Oh, yeah, you get a publicist when you're working on something or promoting something.

They were getting it just to be cool. Famous.

The first thing you do is get a publicist, which is thousands of dollars a month. The guy was like, What do you do for a living? She was working in PR, and he's like, I'm not making a publicist famous. You have to quit your job.

Oh, my God.

She didn't need the money, so she quits her job. Then they would go to five parties a night, and they had to change. Fashion week every day, change in the car because it was all about Patrick McDonald taking a photo of you at these parties. You'd show up to parties and you don't know why they become obsessed with certain girls. Then they talked about how Olivia Palermo showed up, and they were trying to pit Olivia Palermo against Tinsley. She's the new It Girl.

I loved Olivia Palermo. Because you look like her. When it was the Hills and everyone was like, Olivia Palermo is such a fucking bitch. She is the I was like, She is my Jesus. I fucking loved her. She talks like this.

She's just like, I don't really want to be her, and I don't like any of you. I'm a living for her, though.

Because here's the thing, when I watch reality TV or I watch celebrity or something. Unless I want to be you or be your best friend, I'm not interested in you. So true. You have to be in an outfit where I'm like, I need to buy that, or you have to say something where I'm like, That would be my friend.

I do see you in the future consulting future reality No.

Don't put that on me. He's always on me.

Well, you're basically doing it now, I feel like. But anyway, so Palermo comes in, and then they start their first ever crazy blogs. They were ranking the girls.

Yes. It was like an internet. Yeah. So like, Tinds was number one. It was like gossip.

Yes. It was Dumont, basically.

It was basically Dumont.

I've never watched Gossip Girl, and I think it's because I'm from New York City.

Is why you didn't watch it?

Is why I didn't watch it because it was like, why would I watch a show about like, Upper East Side Which is exactly why I watched it. Yeah. I think if I watched it, I would understand more the glamor of people moving to New York City. Because in my head, I was just like, okay, I'm on the Upper West Side. I guess they're on the Upper East Side. Those private schools had a whole different shtick.

No, I would have never survived that.

They were beyond glamorizing it. But yeah, the money was like- Insanity.

I mean, just the fact that kids would have private drivers to take them to school is insane. Yeah.

But then it gets so normalized because once you It's like anything in life, you see it enough and you're like, Oh, they have cars.

No, that's so true. It's also sad sometimes because things that used to really impress me, now I'm like...

You don't have a car?

Yeah, I'm like, Fucking get a car.

Oh, you don't have...

Well, Uber Black still impresses you. True, it does.

But anyway, so then that blog gets taken down.

Okay.

Because actually, Livri Palermo sued the fuck out of them because they I had a fake email going around of Olivia, whatever. So this is the beginning of almost just the blogs. So then a new one starts and it's a little more positive and it's very in crowd. You can tell it's written by someone who really knows these people and knows what it's like, and it's very detailed, and people are obsessed with it, and the writing's so good. Not to give it away, but they find out that it's...

You just Yeah, sorry. This is a long-ass fucking story. I'm trying to pay attention.

Sorry, I'm giving you a lead up. I'm adding tension. It's a guy, a guy who goes to school in Illinois, and he's this gay Indian immigrant.

Wait, and he was doing the internet thing?

Yeah, and they were like, How do you know all this stuff? And he goes, You just have to Google it. But he was a weird genius.

Oh, my God.

So everyone thought it was someone in the in-cred. It must be Tinsley's publicist or her cousin or her sister.

And they probably all blamed each other.

They all thought it was Tinsley because they wrote so much about Tinsley.

Justice for Tinsley.

Justice for Tinsley.

Where is this guy now, you think? I'd love for them to do a reunion with Andy. Just get them all.

When Andy comes back from his vendor.

People are insane. People are so insane. It's also like, here's the other crazy part about this industry is if someone annoys you in in your life, you just talk about them to your friend. You're like, I fucking hate them. People are calling people magazine and page... That's terrifying. Just to say shit about people to get them for everyone else to hate them.

Well, Well, I actually... Grace sent us some info about there's a lot going around about gossip. As long as gossip is true, it's healthy because it's you understanding social dynamics and you seeing other people's perspective of the world. Then they said something about...

Sorry for putting clues together all day.

They said that because it's a female thing, that people try... It's negative. It's negative. Then people were trying to get girls to stop gossiping because... Did you watch what it said? They were like, Oh, women are talking shit, and they're getting too smart. Oh, so men try to get women to stop gossiping back in the day because it was sharing information so they would know what's going on. Yeah. So gossiping is how we take down the patriarchy.

No, I'll stand by gossiping until the day that I die.

As long as it's honest and pure?

And truthful. She is a fucking bitch. That can be a fact. Also, yes, you're literally putting things together with other people that have also experienced the same thing and you're like, Wait a minute. Then you're just getting smarter, and then you have a better tactic.

No, for sure. Yes, part of gossiping is understanding, Okay, this sounds like it's coming from buy a source. Or like, This person's trying to get me to say something.

You can really look inward when you're gossiping. You're like, Maybe There are multiple times where I've said something about someone and I've been like, maybe I don't like her for something else. I quickly realized, no, she's a fucking blonde. But at some moment, I might think inwardly. You're like, maybe it's me.

It's so true. People will be like, you're not supposed to talk about people. You're supposed to talk about events and ideas. I don't have that many events and ideas to talk about. What are you going to talk about World War II?

No. President's Day? No. Here's the other thing. Okay. Is It's not because of its information, but also some of it I did make up. I am going to say it to my friend. Some of it is catty, and I am going to pick certain things about it. No, you don't make some up from thin air. No, I'm just kidding. But yeah, some of it isn't just facts back and forth. Some of it is venting, and that is also really healthy.

Sometimes we're throwing stuff at the board, seeing what sticks.

If you don't have a person that you can call and be like, This fucking bitch, let me tell you the story what she did to me. Then you need new friends because that's just like, release it. That's good for your body.

They say that gossiping helps you connect with people. You know how certain people you only hang out with to talk about certain things?

All my friends. Literally anyone I've ever met.

I have a certain friend that is friends with one of my exes or was friends with one of my exes. When I sit down, we just know it's time to be like, How is he doing? What's going on? Be completely biased and be like, It's not going well for him.

I need boots on the ground in Albany. I need the gossip from my hometown. I need ex-boyfriend, former friends. I need all of their gossip. Yeah, because we're smart. We have our go-to people on what information we need. That's smart.

I'm not going to my friend from college and gossiping with her about my comedy drama. No. Absolutely not.

I love comedy drama.

Well, then there is the fresh gossip of being like, Look, I'm going to bring a non-biased source in just to tell her That's my favorite position to be in.

My favorite position is when someone says, Okay, I have to tell you the craziest story about people you don't know. I'm like, Hold on. Let me get a fucking drink.

That's when you know it's going to be good. And snacks. That's when you know it's going to be good.

Because then you really can be objective. You can literally give your friend advice because you're not involved and you're unbiased.

You know what? Good friends also know what gossip you want to hear or not. I think it's important if they're trying to get over someone, you're not like, Oh, I saw him making out with someone. No, you didn't. You never saw that. Or for me, I didn't want to hear some gossip about reality TV, for example. I needed some space. Then once I got comfortable again, I said, I'm right back in it.

It's also really good for our brain because we hear something we have to remember it. Then really, we're fighting dementia each day.

What could it be? When you live life, you're supposed to have something happen to you. Then the fun of it is-Telling your friends. Telling your friends and reflecting on it and be like, What just happened to me? Am I insane?

No, we're storytellers. Sorry for entertaining. I'll never stop gossiping.

Do you know where gossip began? Cave Men. The walls? That was gossip.

They were like- Yeah, they were writing shit down to tell other people. How about mind your business? No one said that to them. No one said...

Then he goes to the caveman and said, The real good people aren't writing on the walls.

Yeah, they didn't say, Oh, I figured out fire, but I'm not telling anyone. No, he'd be a dick if he did that. He gossiped. He told everyone. People that don't gossip also, you're lame. And you're lying.

No, but they're lying. And you have no friends. People don't gossip, yeah, they've known to tell gossip, too. It sounds like everyone's talking shit about you.

If you are not the one gossiping, I'm going to let you in on a secret. You're a fucking asshole. You're the one that gossiping about. And everyone's talking about you.

No, seriously. If you walk in a room with a bunch of friends and everyone gets quiet.

No, literally. If everyone thinks you're an asshole, most likely you are.

That's when you just get in on it. You go, What did I do? What What am I doing?

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Wait, look at you getting all worked up for women.

Because I hate men. You hate when men sing. No, I hate men singing. That's what it is. I hate men in the fucking arts.

I don't mean- You know what? Craig's going to think of a rift. The next thing you know, him and Austin are going to be tap dancing all around the stage. No.

I I just like, I don't... He doesn't need to... That's the song you picked from the whole Barbie movie. That's the song you picked to be performed? Why? Why didn't you have Billy Eilish come and sing the iconic Barbie song?

Is it because she sang it at other award shows? Who knows?

I stopped reading and listening, but I was just annoyed.

They should at least put Billy on stage with him. Have Billy sing it. No.

Also, that song was bad. I think that song was a bad song.

That song was a TikTok song.

It was It was- It's like, okay, we got it.

Repetitive. It was funny. It was repetitive.

I didn't like the dance number. Sorry. I don't need it.

I just feel like it's so weird when they show the Mickey Mouse... What was it called? The Mickey Mouse Club? Mickey Mouse Club. People don't talk about that enough. I think that's my-Brittany Asperius, Ryan Goslin, Justin Timberlake.

That's my Roman Empire.

And Christina Aguilera.

That they were on the Mickey Mouse Club.

What? Genius casting director. Because I've never heard about the Mickey Mouse Club in any other groups except that year. Right. Or those two years. Who was in the other years? Clearly no one. So that one year was just all-star weekend. No, literally. Mvp's fucking home run derby.

No, that's so true because it was around...

It was around, I mean, Jessica Simpson.

I feel like actually that was the last year.

Oh, maybe they're like, We're never going to beat this, so let's end it here. The fact that on stage are five of the most A-list celebrities that will ever be running around at 11 years old. Then they all dated each other, No, that's so crazy.

You didn't watch... Did you watch One Tree Hill and The OC and all those shows? Not really. You were playing sports. I was. Other kids, we were sitting at home and we were watching it. A girl did a TikTok how those shows from back then, first of all, in one season would have 27 episodes. But because there wasn't social media and these kids weren't famous, famous, they were in a town in North Carolina filming the season of the show. So they They only had each other, and they were 16, 17 to hook up with each other.

There was no DM sliding from other shows.

The show didn't come out yet, so no one knew they were famous.

They're all good-looking and spending hours together.

There will just never be that era anymore.

I also just have a theory. If you do a movie with the hot guy that you're supposed... You fall in love with that.

I did one commercial. I was like, I love this guy.

Sydney Sweeney is... They fucked.

They fucked. Stop. Everyone, stop.

Also, if you didn't, you wouldn't keep joking about it. You'd be like, Guys, this isn't funny. It's not true.

She's a fiance.

She's fully leaning in and like, This is funny, right? Because we didn't do it.

She did a whole SNL monolog about it.

We didn't do it, right? We didn't do it. I feel like they're at that point where they're like, If we joke enough, people will think we're joking, even though it's become... But it's also the thing, I don't give a fuck if her husband produced or fiance produce. Also, why aren't you married to him? Anyway, I don't care if he produced it. The way they look at each other, no. I could look a fifth... No. No. Absolutely... No.

I don't care the marketing of no. To be in front row during the SNL monolog. I want you to doing a joke to it.

If Dez had to shoot a movie where he was making out with some hot girl, make out with her, turn, puke. Puke immediately after the scene.

Okay, that's so interesting.

Make yourself I love puke if you saw me see you.

I'm trying to think how I would feel.

Because when you're acting... For example, I watched the Priscilla movie, Jacob Alorti. We're in love. I don't care who I dated. I'd have to stop. Is this real? Because I feel like we have a good idea. Think of the mindset. You have to pretend you're in love with someone, and then you're physically making out with them, and then all day you're spending time with them, and then you're also doing this project together.

You're in love. Yeah, and you're You're doing your craft, your thing that you guys- Do you think actors are just people that need to cheat, and it's the only career that they can socially acceptably cheat? They're just horny motherfuckers. No, I think it's the ego part of it. It's the Fame part of it, not so much the acting part.

I dated one guy who made out with a girl in a thing.

I've never dated an actor and gotten cheated on a thousand times. There's also no rhyme or reason.

No, he did it, and it was... No. I was like, no.

He was acting, and you didn't like it?

No, he was acting, but I didn't like...

You would not- He had to make out with someone, you didn't like it.

They did multiple takes.

Where were you?

She was a model. No, he told me about it. I was like, But at the time, I was young, so I was like, ?

Yeah.

Then my head was getting hot. You know when you could feel your head getting hot and you just kept talking about it? Because here's the other thing. He was poking you.

Yeah. There's also a way to say to your girlfriend, Hey, I have to film this scene.

She also was like, Model. I mean, I'm a model, too, but she was like...

She's a fake model. You're a model citizen. She probably has a coke problem.

You know when you bring up your gels or something, so you bring something up, but then he over defends it. When he's like, No, you're the hottest. You're the best. There's a way that he has to be like... Or if he's like, No, she's disgusting. I don't trust either of those reactions. You need him to be in between where he's just like, What are you talking about? What do you feel like I do? Yeah, no, I know. I can see you.

Oh, God.

Oh, Lord, Lord. Wait, Priscilla was sad. Sad. If you're in a place where you want to date someone famous, you're like, Oh, it'd be so fun if I went on Ryan, I met a famous guy. Watch Priscilla.

No, no, literally.

Watch Priscilla. Priscilla was such an amazing example of be careful what you wish for. But what a fucked up story. I know you talked about it briefly, but imagine you're a 14-year-old girl.

Yeah, that's the part that's actually annoying me about it. No movie is doing the deep dive into what was going on with her parents just being like, Yeah, you can go live with this fucking guy.

I know, but it's Elvis, and he had a whole team around him of a grandma. She was probably getting so much money.

But she was 14.

Well, that's- Well, that's- Yeah, someone That movie was trying to make him look like a groomer. I'm like, That was just a fact.

No, that's a gossiping fact. She was 14. He was in his 30s.

But this is my thing. Imagine you're a 14-year-old girl. I know crazy things happen in life, but like- I don't No, keep going. Yeah, and you're just sitting there and someone's like... They knew she was American and Elvis was missing America or something. That was what they were saying. They were like, Elvis wants you to come to the party. To go eat a grilled cheese. Then when they showed the party, I thought they would show her and him had some insane connection or there was this incredible chemistry. But she just sat there and he just talked at her. Then he was like, Can you come back tomorrow?

Here's the other thing. She was like, Okay. Sorry because Elvis is dead. Rip. But you're disgusting. No, that's crazy.

That's disgusting. But even in the... Then he wasn't hooking... He wasn't having sex with her because I think he knew... Or he probably did.

A hundred % they were.

They were trying to make it like he waited, but he was hooking up with other girls.

No way. There's no way.

Anyway, long story short, don't date famous men. But she got out of it. I'm proud of her.

Well, he died.

But she divorced him before he died. Did she? Yeah, she got out. She was like, I don't want to be with you anymore. But he also was pills and crazy.

How sad. Their daughter died. Oh, yeah.

I didn't do the read up after.

Okay, his granddaughter is Daisy Jones in the sixth, main girl.

Which people don't... They really try to hide that.

Because Because there was a lot of drama. She was fighting with Priscilla over the estate because she's the heir, and they gave it to her because she is. Priscilla? No, the granddaughter because it goes- Because it goes genetically. It went to her mom, and then her mom died, so it goes to her.

What's going on, Priscilla, right now? I don't know.

I think they fight.

Is it Riley Co? Is that her name? Co?

I think so. But she was so good in that show. I'm a big fan of hers.

It's funny. People don't talk about her enough in the I have a Nipo baby discussion. They don't. They don't.

She's a huge neppo baby.

Her publicist is really good at keeping on the DL.

I think it's so smart because she is a good actress. I liked her. You know what's crazy?

She looks like Elvis.

Yeah, she does. If you didn't know, you wouldn't think anything.

But when someone tells you, you're like... No, but then when you say it, you go, You are Elvis. In an attractive way. Also, let's be honest, if we were that girl, all of us would have done the same thing. 100%. I was like, Run. Go hang out with Elvis. But it's also like, then you literally got trapped in a marriage, a relationship. But a mansion. It is that power dynamic where everything is on his terms. This has happened to me in relationships before when I was younger, too, where the scenes where it's the boys are hanging out and you're just there and you can't be yourself and you have to play the token girl that they're projecting onto you because God forbid, you say something out of line like no one would. You just have to become a mouse. Yes. I've been in a relationship where I'm a mouse for a year and I'm just like, Oh, we're going to your friend's this.

Wait, this is so sad, but I feel like you've probably done it, too. Have you ever been in a situation?

Where you have no idea what they're talking about and you're just laughing. No.

We're like, You can't really talk because you've been scorned or whatever. You're just like, Okay, I'll just be quiet because everyone sucks here. They're having a conversation, and in your head, you would have had a great joke to go with that conversation, but these idiots wouldn't have even gotten it. So you just in your own head, you're like, I have a great fucking line to say right now, but you can't even use it.

What happens to me to this day is you say it, the guy next to you hears it, and he doesn't mean to repeat it, but he just says it and louder, and then everyone starts dying laughing. You're an idiot if you go, I said that, because they're like, We're not keeping track, but you're like, I just want credit where credit is due.

No, I feel like I've beaten Craig down so much that he wouldn't even think to do that to me.

No, this lit it up in two weeks ago with a group of guys. I was like, Are you fucking kidding me? No, Hannah. Oh, my God. The guy didn't mean it. It just, I said it and he laughed saying it, and then everyone roared. I'm like, Is my voice white noise? Or do you guys just have selective hearing?

There are so many times where I've been in situations like that, and then I'll call my brother and I'll be like, Let me set the scene for you. I'm like, And I would have said, Isn't that funny? He was like, That would have been funny.

See, the way me and you were different is I have to say it. There's a part, but it won't work. People will be like, Okay. Hannah's at it again. No, I once had a boyfriend. This was one of the hardest moments of my life. No, it wasn't, but it was difficult. We were hanging out with important, cool people, and I was trying to perform, be my best. Then we got back in the cab and he said, You were really confident back there in a mean way. I was like, Okay, I'll shut up for the rest of my life. Because you know what I was really acting like. I think I walked to the most important person made a joke. I was like, I belong here.

You were living.

I was like, I belong here. Sorry for being alive. You know what? He wanted me to be intimidated by him and his important friends. I walked in there and I immediately started making someone.

Wait. I'm stealing that from whatever narcissistic psychopath said that, that's a great insult, like a low key insult.

No, that was the most... I couldn't recover after that.

No, that's diabolical. If someone said that to me, I'd think about that for the next fucking five days.

No, after two months, I broke up with him because I couldn't eat for the next two Those are my favorite insults where you're just five days later, you're like, what the fuck did they mean by that? There were so many layers. Like, what did he mean?

No. My brother's really good at that. He'll insult me. Then four days later, I'm like, What the fuck was the intent on that one?

My brother went to my show in Gary and Diana. I saw that. It was funny because you can't really see, but you can see. Sometimes I'll choose to... I don't want to know where people are in the crowd, so I'll just be like, Don't even try. But then 20 minutes in, I was like, I wonder if I can see my brother. Yeah, could you? I'm at the point where when you drive somewhere and then you just get there, you don't know how you got there. Because I'm doing the joke. Often, I will do that with my jokes where I will start thinking of other things and I'll be like, How do I get to the end of this joke? Did I even say it? Are we okay? I find him. Then it was during one of the dirtiest parts of my set. I was in my head and I kept... I was like, My brothers. I just saw... I literally go, I just saw my brother after a quief joke, and everyone started dying laughing. But he was so supportive and cute, and I'm just so proud of him that he was able to come see me.

We love our brothers. We're so happy that they- They get to be related to us. Yeah, that they made it in our family as a sibling of us.

You wrote, sick of shopping online.

I'm sick of it.

Paige.

I know.

Paige.

I'm so sick of shopping online, and I'm ready to go to a store. The other day, I needed something, and I was like, Oh, but I don't have time to order it. My mom was like, Why don't you just go find an outfit in a store?

Well, yeah, you were like, Oh, I'm going to Nordstrom or Sacks or something.

I literally went to Sacks all day, two Sundays.

And you had fun?

I don't think fun was the word. It's more Korean. But that's the other thing. They had no clothes. I had one option. I was like, Where are all the clothes? The one guy had Sacks, I actually think I insulted him because I was like, Oh, where's... You're not about to sound like such a fucking little bitch. I was like, Where's the Jack Moose section? He was like, It's this rack right here. I literally audibly gasped. I go, This is all you have.

You're like, That's a mannequin. I was like, Where's the rest of the clothes.

He was like, Ma'am, we're in between seasons and we haven't gotten our shipments in. I was like, Oh, well. Don't call me ma'am.

I was like, This is Sacks. We're in New York City. Don't call me ma'am.

Yeah, I was like, But we're in Sacks in New York City. I'm like, So I'm ready to go back into the stores.

I was never good at shopping online, but I just accepted it because I'm also in between sizes. That's my thing. Sometimes I'm a certain size in other brands, and then if it's not stretching material, the jeans won't work.

No, I'll fuck you in 10 pounds in a month. I don't get it.

That's where I fuck up. Then it looks weird on my long torso. Whatever. I just fuck it up, and then I get too lazy. If it's cheap, it's like, Am I going to go to Zara? I don't know.

Dude, I haven't bought something from Zara in...

Zara? Are you Kylie Jenner snapchatting Zara right now?

No, I love I think as I've grown, I've been spending more money on certain clothing items that I'm like, Okay, well, I'm just going to wear that for the rest of my life.

Yeah, investing in good stuff. Yeah.

I don't know. I've been just doing things in my own closet.

I'm just really into thrifting.

I'm just really into making my own clothes out of cardboard boxes.

I'm really into Amish dress wear right now.

No, I love the Amish. I was waiting for We're an Amish person to DM us.

You also said the right side is your good side.

I realized you guys love me. I was sitting somewhere and someone was like, Oh, what side is your good side? And I was like, Oh, my right side. And then I was like, It's actually not. My left side is my good side.

It's no one's good side.

But your good side is your left side. And then I was sitting there and I was like, Why did I think my good side was my right side? And then I was like, Hannah Berner fucking gaslit me because- What?

I didn't gaslate. I I said that you look great on both sides, and I only look good on the left side. I think that's how I got the left side.

Okay, so you sympathized Gasly. You made me feel bad for you.

I'm a monster on the right side, and you're a normal human being on the right side.

I was just sitting there and I was like, I don't know what my good side is. Because my friend told me that it was her right side, but I think she did it only because her left side is her good side.

You know what happened? I don't think I told you. I think somehow you just...

I just started standing on the right.

You just started standing on the right, and then you thought, Well, this is my good side. This is my good side. So it's not.

I don't think so.

I think that both sides are good with you.

But now I'm in it and I'm on the right side. You shoot a TV show, you would know if you have a monster side.

That's how I learned my side was bad. I was like, Oh, this whole scene. Yeah, who is she? Who is she? Then they would show the other side and go, She's perfect. She's gorgeous. She's gorgeous. Thank you for letting me have my side. I've had a couple of interviews, though, where if I'm not on the right side, it's because the other person asked and I was like, nice, and I went, Okay.

Oh, my God. Who would dare do that to you?

Certain people, but they didn't mean it. They didn't know. But I'll say, Do you have a side?

Oh, you're just being nice.

You don't offer your side. They go this side and I go, Fuck.

You do it to yourself.

You know what? I'll stand where I want to be, and then I can tell when they want to be on my side and I go, Oh, do you have a side?

You're an evil genius. But like- Do you have a side? I'll tell you what your side is.

I think there's a theory that everyone's left side is better because it's naturally the more feminine side.

Well, I like this eyebrow better.

I do, too. I like this eyebrow better, too.

My right side really is so fucking wonky.

But you know what? I also can do straight on. So sometimes I'll awkwardly be straight on and the other person's turned to me, but I'm like, I need a show. Do you know when you see on Fashion Week, videos of girls trying to take photos and you could tell when someone has a side because she just kinked to the right.

I'm literally on the left side, but with my head like this, it's like, what?

Their head spins fully around to be on the right side. Oh, my God. But then what's annoying is everyone be like, No, Hannah, your right side looks great. I'm like, Shut the fuck up.

Only you know you're good side.

Anyway.

That's all the time we have for today.

That's all the time we have for today. We love you guys so much. Subscribe to our newsletter. People go, Hannah, page. I thought it was a bit. It's not. Click the link in our bio.

But then there are other people that live and die by the newsletter. Honestly, sometimes I go in because I love to know what you put in the same section.

Oh, I always go in to see what you put. Sometimes it really works.

No, sometimes we're so cohesive. I don't know how we do that. We didn't even talk about your sweater, did I?

I purposely was avoiding it. And that's all our time. Thank you guys so much. Love you. We'll giggle with you later. Bye.