Tesco Club Card gives you the power to lower prices this mother's day. Be her favorite child with a box of Ferrera Roche, 24 pieces was €12, now €8. Get her a box of Lindt Lindor milk Truffles, 337 grand was €13, now €8. And don't forget the flowers, in store now. She'll be singing your praises until mother's day next year. The power to lower prices, Tesco. Every little helps. Customer quote is a supply product subject to availability. Prices vary in express stores. I got to pay.

What's up, gigglers? Gary, fix the WiFi. Manifest that shit. We can't be managed.

I mean, the day just got away from me.

What's up, my guzzling gigglers? Why did that sound sexual?

I don't know. I went to a restaurant this weekend. That's why it's in my head because the name of it was Sip & Guzzle.

Sip and Guzzle?

Sip and Guzzle.

It's a restaurant?

It's a bar restaurant.

Did you guzzle?

I did guzzle. What'd you guzzle? And I sipped.

I feel like guzzling is more me-coated and sipping is you-coated.

Yes, and that's why it's the perfect place.

I have to bring up the elephant in the room. I showed up with a tie, and I think I went a little too business formal, like '80s businessman, like coffee's for closes. But I do have to say- See, I feel like you're giving news reporter, high school sports news reporter. It's like, Boom, goes to Donmite. It's like, Assistant, volunteer.

And three points.

Look, Brandon is killing it today. I wish I had a son, but no one loves me. I realized having a tie, I know how it feels like to be a man.

It's like assertiveness.

Well, it feels like I have a dick. I feel like I was putting on my coat and I'm like, Oh, I got to tuck my tie in. I don't want to be flinging around. I have to keep it.

Wait, that's so true because I wore a tie in November and I felt different. It was like when you get your nails done. I was like, I'm sorry, I have things to report to.

I know how it feels like to wear a dick because suddenly everything I say.

You're all of a sudden over explaining everything. You're like, Paige, I don't know if you know the word finance, but let me tell you about it.

I just feel like an alpha, man. I'm like, Are you really going to talk to me while I have my fucking tie on like that? Do you not see my fucking tie? Respect the tie. Then you just want to flip it around, hit people with it. You'd think, God, I don't have a dick. Oh, my God.

I'd be unhinged, I believe. I have a neighbor update. I'd like to give a neighbor update.

I love this arc because we hated her, then we loved her, then- I never hated her.

I just was like, Where's my sweat set? Where's my sweat set? We have come full circle. We have come full circle. It's Thursday night. I will preface this that I pride myself on living alone in terms of I never need a man to do anything. I can open my own jars. I have the longest arms in America. I can zip up anything in the back. I can't take a bracelet off. I can do it.

Messy bun, easy. Easy.

I'm putting this dress on and I couldn't clip it. The way the dress was designed, if I didn't clip it, my boobs were out and I couldn't leave my apartment. I'm like, What am I going to do? I'm thinking, Should I go down to my dorm man? Should I be like, Hey?

But if you do that with your dorm man, then you're dating.

I'm like, You know what? I'm going to knock on my neighbor's because I helped her. She's got to help me now.

Scratch my back.

I knock on the door. I can hear her inside her apartment being like... I can hear her look out to see, Okay, who is this? It's like, okay.

When you know someone's looking through the hole, do you make a face?

No, I looked down. I got nervous. She opens the door, only pokes her head out. I can't see her body at all. A classic girl, what's going on here? She's like, Hi. I'm like, Hi, I'm so sorry. Sorry, but will you please do me a huge favor and zip this dress up for me? She starts hysterically laughing. She then opens the door. She's trying on clothes. She's like, I'm literally doing that right now. Her best friend is sitting on the couch. They're dead. I was like, You look stunning. She zips my dress up, and I left.

So you're best friends? So you're trying to make me jealous.

I don't know what her name is. We've never exchanged names.

I love how you're both so scared of being murdered, but also really need each other's help.

You're in a war zone. No, it's literally We're all girlhood at our corner of the hallway, and we don't want anyone else.

Speaking of girlhood, it's officially a month out to me filming my special. I have questions, and it's so funny because I got married and I I can ask you any of these.

Not a single question.

When do I get the facial? When do I do face gem? So I'm snatched.

Do I need- Spray tan.

A spray tan? And when do you do this stuff? This is a low Loaded, loaded question. I'm nervous.

Give me a day of the week that you would potentially be filming this.

Okay, I'm filming it on a Saturday.

You're filming it on a Saturday.

But the Friday before that, I have a show in Maryland. I'm doing one final practice show the day before. I know.

That goes off our whole sketch.

I don't think they have spray tans in Maryland.

Are you coming back to New York at any point?

No, I'm going straight from Maryland to Philly.

But before that- That's okay. We can do this.

Yeah. I have the night The 18th, 19th, 20th, and 21st in the city.

Okay, so Thursday. Okay. Face gym in the morning.

What do you get at Face gym?

I'm going to send you a text of the one you're going to get. You're going to get the most expensive one because this is an important moment.

It's when they literally skin your face and put a different face on your face.

They do a full head transplant. Okay.

It's pricey, but so worth it.

No, it's literally so worth it. Thursday morning, you're going to do that. Thursday night is when you're going to get your spray tan. Okay. If If you want a deep, clean facial, I'm going to send you to my dermatologist. We're going to do that on Monday. Is that too close? No.

I won't have... Normally, I'm just really dehydrated and sad. Yeah.

You don't have break out. I'm not worried like, Oh, you're going to get this really intense facial. You're going to break out. That's not your skin. It's going to hydrate you. Then also, you need to be pumping the water this month because that's automatically going to make your skin better.

Okay. I'm also nervous because I'm on my period right now, so I think I'm going to be PMsing, like prime PMS, the day of my special.

This is a high-level one that I don't know if you're into this, but when there's something like this, I suggest not eating any salt for the three days leading up to it. That's a tough one, and that's a big one.

This is the thing. I could do this, however, I'm so fucking dumb. I don't know what things are. My friend was like, What if you tried just eating meat? I was like, Is it popcorn meat? Is it yogurt meat? Is it pasta meat?

One time, my friend did do a diet like that in high school.

I was like, Is it fish meat? They were laughing at me, and I'm like, I have questions. It's like when I tried not doing dairy. I was like, Is butter dairy? Is it milkshake dairy? Yeah. Is butter a carb? Is it? Is butter a carb? Okay, so that's good to know. You do face gym as soon as possible, and then you do the hydrating facial a week before, and then you cut down on the salt.

Cut down on the salt. I like to do my spray tan two days before my actual thing.

You have to pray it's a good spray tan. But we know good people in New York City. We'll put them in the newsletter.

I could also do it for you. I do my own now.

Okay. We have a lot of notes today. No.

We went note crazy. We did.

Oh, no. Did I actually delete them? No, I didn't. Okay, thank God. That would have been so bad.

Have you seen the TikToks where all of Gen Z is being like, How old do I look? And they're just getting slaughtered. In the comments?

Gen Zs or millennials are asking.

Gen Zs are asking.

So they're doing it to themselves.

No. Literally? Why are you coming for your own people?

But I did see someone on TikTok talk about how they think in 30 years, crow's feet and wrinkles are going to be considered stunning because so many people are not going to have it, that it's going to be considered cool to not have it.

The person that said that has crow's feet and deep wrinkles. I I don't know if that will ever happen, but I wonder what it is that Gen Z is looking older.

They're doing too much work on their face because at the end of the day, if a young person does Botox and an old person does Botox, they start just looking like a person with Botox.

But I feel like the girls that were doing it, I don't even feel like they had Botox. I just felt like- Lip filler? No, I just felt like they looked... Every girl that did it was literally 21, 22, and they looked 28, 29.

I mean, I was ugly when I was 21, 22. I was very bloated.

Really? I don't remember that.

We didn't know each other then. Oh, that's true. You were like, No, you weren't. I was still going to back you up. I just feel like I had a lot of baby fat in my face.

Yeah, but that would make you look young. You definitely didn't look 30.

No, I didn't look older, but I wasn't like...

They don't have any baby fat. I feel like that's what it is. They don't have...

Have they been gouwashing too much?

I don't think they've been... Maybe.

If you have a mature way of talking, people think you're older, too.

They said slay at the end of the video. I don't think that was it. Oh, my God. They didn't give me a status financial report.

I watched a documentary. Shit. Where was it?

Did you watch the Wendy Williams one?

I'm watching it after this, but I couldn't get myself to do it because you sent me a very terrifying text.

It's a very terrifying documentary. It's extremely sad. It's four parts. Yeah, the first two, I think, are the only parts out. Okay. I hate to say it, but I really think it's her ex-husband's fault. No one was bringing that up in the documentary. When she went through her divorce was really the start of her just decline.

You had texted me and said it really was all over after her mom passed away. I was like, We have no hope. Me and you? No. Me and you?

I actually got really upset because I was like, No, her mom died. Obviously, she can't form a sentence.

You're like, This is just girl mess. This is just survival.

I'm getting it.

I joke. Everyone's like, You work so hard. I don't know if people really say that. If you were like, Why are you working so hard? Why are you traveling? I'm like, I'm running for my own thoughts. They're always like, What thoughts? I'm like, Whenever I'm alone, I'm always like, All the people who I love are going to die one day. That's five seconds being alone.

No, at some point, everyone you know will be dead.

No.

No, it's not. My mom actually says that all the time. Why are you obsessed with death and me dying? I'm like, Because I can't have it.

So this one guy, he's a famous magician who died. I think it wasn't evil Knievil. It was one of them. But he said to his wife- Houdini? I think it might have been Houdini.

It might have been. It's literally the only magician I know. What other fucking magician do people know?

I think Houdini basically told his wife.

I don't think evil Knievil is a magician. That's what I'm laughing about. There's no way.

Yeah, he's like a BMX rider. He's like a frat President.

He made BMX cool. No, he would do like jump. He would do crazy jumps.

Yeah, he would do jumps on like- It's like, get a therapist.

What is extreme's Evo Knievel?

The thing he's able to do to not go to therapy, he just has a Razor scooter and he's jumping.

It's literally the version of men becoming DJs now. Razor Scooters broke my fucking shins.

Anyway, so Evel... No. Moudini is dying. Okay. I couldn't make him in this up.

So whatever. Currently dying? No, when he was dying.

When he died, He told his wife, I want to know if psychics are real. I'm going to give you a code word. So if you're talking to a psychic and they say the code word, you know it's me. I was like, pineapple.

A literal genius.

I was like, yeah. Then she's talked to multiple psychics and they never said the code word to her. I base my whole life on my psychic question. No, I know. Actually, it was Zack Seigneur from Le podcast with Gabby Bryant who told me this information. It was pretty depressing. Then I just pretended I didn't hear it.

But maybe she doesn't have the right psychic.

Or maybe the psychic knows that you're fucking with the psychic. The psychic is getting ahead of it. But anyway, before- Psychic and psychic crime. Wait, if we die, what's our code word? I guess we can't say it out loud.

Sorry, we're going to offline about that. We'd love to bring you in on it. Can you bleep it out?

They're like, We know what it is.

Because I was going to say, We can't do giggly because every second would be like, Oh, Hannah says, Hey.

Wait, I have something to say about the gigglers. Do you ever feel like the gigglers know us better than most people in our lives?

No. Sometimes I'll get comments from people that are clearly not gigglers, and the gigglers will see it and then make a joke to me about this person's comment. It's like, No, I know you and I get it, but this random fucking guy doesn't.

The gigglers are closer to us than some of our extended family.

A hundred %.

You know when you hear someone on a podcast and you're like, Oh, I wonder what their life like in real life. This is what we're like in real life. This is more us in real life than any other interview we ever did.

No, I'm more myself here than I am when I go home. I'm like, Don't talk to me. I have to sit in silence or I'll die.

Anyway, I watch this documentary about Hedy Lamar. Do you know who Hedy Lamar is? I don't. She basically was the most gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous Hollywood actress from Austria. Everyone thought that she was going to be the next big thing, and she really was. If you looked up to it, they say, Give me a year.

What time period is this?

This is the thing, I don't do time periods. It could be the 1600s. I have no fucking clue. I don't...

That's the thing about me. I don't do time.

It was black and white. It was black and white.

Is it documentary?

No, the curse. She apparently was so beautiful. She inspired weird catwoman. She's so beautiful. Everyone's obsessed with her. But she had the whole... They gave her uppers in the day, downers at night. She got a little loosey-goosy. But she also happened to be an inventor at night. She would be working all day for hours. They have her on uppers. She'd go home and she'd start inventing. But no one would take her seriously because she was so beautiful. I was like, Oh, my God, maybe this is how Paige feels.

Preach to the choir.

Because she's so beautiful. This girl's not just an inventor. She's like, Oh, these are oven mitts that dry out. I don't know. She created... You guys, I can't speak.

Sorry, I'm really tired. It's okay. I think the tie... The tie makes me summer. It's cutting off your throat. You can't speak.

No, I think I'm becoming a man.

I know, literally.

I could say nothing right now and you'd be like, That was so smart.

Wow, great podcast.

She created frequency hopping technology, which was the technology that they used in the military for submarines, and now they used it to create Wi-Fi and basically every technology we know today. But she never got credit for it. What the fuck? She never got credit for it because the patent, they She had to sue because they didn't claim it. They didn't say, Oh, we got it from this patent. They didn't say, We got it from this patent. Abby. They didn't say they got it from this patent. And then six years later, she was like, They're using it in the war. She had to sue, but she didn't sue. Anyway, gorgeous women can be really smart, too, but no one wanted to let her.

Is she dead now?

Yeah. She also did a nudy film when she was 16, so people really judged her from that. Oh, wow. Yeah.

No, it was harsh back then.

No, it was so harsh.

You know what's so crazy? Whenever I hear about famous actors from that time period, even though you don't know what the time period is, but I feel like I can get surmised, a lot of drugs going on.

Dude, they said it was like an elixir of vitamin B and nutrients, and they were giving her meth.

I'm like, I've been on set not one time has someone been like, Hey, why don't you take this? You'll do better.

They called the guy Dr. Feel Good, and he worked with everyone from the Kennedy's, Marilyn Monroe. Everyone was fucking jacked up on meth. Then if your brain takes it four times, your brain immediately is like, Okay, I need more to survive. I need more meth. It's not your fault.

No, I don't like it.

Then it was really sad. People were like, If she died young, she probably would have been remembered. But because she died at a normal age, people were like, Well, she's fine.

Oh, my gosh. Any movies or anything that she did that we would know?

Head Wendy Lamar. She was in... Oh, my God. She actually looks like Casey Musgraves, my girl. Samson and Delilah.

It's not ringing a bell.

Dishonored Lady. It's all in the '40s, '40s and '50s. Anyway, That was really interesting. Sorry, back to the Wendy Williams doc. Was it good?

It's good. Here's the crazy part. They started filming a documentary about her comeback to she was starting a podcast. She wanted to be back on TV. So there was a camera crew, and then they just started, get it, okay, there's actually a bigger story here, and it's the decline of her. With what she has, she has no filter, so she's very abrasive. She was looking at her publicist, and she was like, I wish you would get liposuction. And the publicist was like, Okay. But they didn't know what was really going on yet. And a lot of it was alcohol-induced. It's very sad.

I'll watch it tonight. It is also interesting when someone is the voice of all gossip, when they have so much drama going on in their own lives. Where is she now?

I think she's in New York still.

Opposite of Wendy Williams, I found myself on Amish TikTok. I love Amish TikTok.

Have you seen Amish TikTok? It is one of my... First of all, how do you all get phones? Second of all, does anyone know that you guys are on TikTok? Third of all, great tips.

Amazing tips. This lady, they take current trends and they mix it.

Make it Amish.

Yeah. They'll be like, How did you get your phone? She does a transition to they keep it in their little bonnets. They hide phones in their bonnets. Then she's like, This sourdough bread I made slays. All she does is cook cookies and shit.

I love when people love who and what they are, and they're proud of it. I love the Amish loving being fucking Amish.

See, at first, my intuition is to be blink twice and we'll come save you. I'll find you. I'll save you. But she's loving her Amish shit.

Did you ever watch the show Breaking Amish? When they would get out and run away? Oh my God, yeah. And run away? Yeah. That's crazy. I love watching that shit.

That is wild stuff.

I feel like here's the thing, though. I could go either way. I feel like part of me, I feel like I'd be like, okay, I'll chill here.

I know. Honestly, being Amish with no phone for three days could be cool.

It could be really cool. I'm surprised Amish don't do more Amish retreats. Come see what it's like to be Amish for a couple of days. I feel like that'd be a huge money maker for them.

Well, I think with stuff like this, they don't like to collab. Oh, wait, imagine this is the next brand trip. It's giggly times Amish.

Grab your bonnets, ladies.

Tart and Amish.

It's just all the big influencers rolling out dough.

Taking photos of their dough, tagging the dough. Hey, what's the coupon code for this dough?

No, but I think they don't- Where did you get that churn?

I want to add to this, but I know nothing about the Amish. I know.

I'm trying to pull things out of my ass.

I want to know how the Amish fuck. Are they freaky? Do they do BDSM with their bonnets and ropes?

There's definitely some weird Amish kinks happening, I think. Yeah, because there's definitely a group of... This is what I really want. I want the group of Amish kids that are like, Yeah, we're going to chill and be Amish, but we're actually very rebellious, where they're drinking in someone's basement. That's the Amish story I need.

You know what we need? The real... Housewives. Housewives of Amish.

I'll go to Pennsylvania right now.

Where the fuck is it? Where the fuck is it?

There's something about seeing a Amish carriage that I get jazzed off. I'm like, Where are you guys going? What are you doing? Their workmanship, phenomenal. This could be an Amish table. We don't even know.

I want to know the gossip, too. Did you see her new What is it called?

Wheelbarrow.

Wheelbarrow.

You're like, Did you try Becky's butter? It was so bad. Becky can't churn butter to save her fucking life.

No, her churning technique is so embarrassing. It's so Chuggy.

She's been making those same cookies every year. They think of something else.

Also, she's been doing braids for so long at a new work.

Forever. We're done with the braids, Becky.

The confessionals just tear each other apart.

We should make a mock, a fake reality show, but it be Amish, like a scripted- Yeah, like they look at the camera when someone does something annoying. Yeah, and it's just all niche. But here's what would be so funny. If we wrote a show like that, which I think we could, we'd have to method act, and we'd have to go submerse ourselves so that we could figure out what their day to day is so we could figure out what's funny.

Because we don't want to stereotype the Amish.

We want to find out their true nuances.

Oh, they're They like singing hymns.

I love that for them.

They're like, Oh, my God. Did you hear which hymne Becky picked out today? That's so last year.

Becky says she believes in God.

She likes top 40 hymns.

She's so basic. She also tried eyeliner the other day, so I don't know.

No, literally. Sorry, I'm googling about the Amish right now. Oh, yeah, you have to milk cows, too. And you have to clean up animal pens.

No, they live in the 1800s.

They don't want brand trips because all What it takes is one conversation with us, and they'll be like, Why am I cleaning this right now?

Yeah, we're like, You could leave your dad. Leave him. Here's what I'm wondering. When someone in the Amish community breaks the law, who do they tell?

God. Amish people end formal education at the eighth grade. I love it.

I'm going.

So did you. Yeah.

Okay. You're not original for that Amish.

They don't hold political office, and they restrict involvement with outsiders, us. They use... Okay, if you're Amish and you're listening to Giggly Squad, send us a sign.

We'll come for you. Send us a message. Because also just to give us info.

Oh, some of them can drink alcohol.

It's situational.

Okay. A lot of carpentry.

A lot of carpentry.

And the girls get married between 20 and 22.

You know what? It's better than what I thought it was going to be.

But I think that's a recommendation. Yeah. Dating begins around 16. Okay.

We're getting too deep. We're getting too deep. We're veering off course.

Tesco Club Card gives you the power to lower prices this mother's day. Be her favorite child with a box of Ferrero Roche, 24 pieces was €12, now €8. Get her a box of Lynch Lindor milk truffles, 337 grand, was €13, now €8. And don't forget the flowers. In store now. She'll be singing your praises until Mother's Day next year. The power to lower prices. Tesco. Every little helps. Customer quotas apply products subject to availability. Prices vary in Express stores.

Also on TikTok, it came up, what's a scam that's become so normalized that we don't realize it's a scam anymore? And I love scams. I love scams being called out, like investigated journalism.

Where's all the Monet hair care girlies? Where'd they go? What's going on with them?

This is controversial.

Haven't heard a peep from them.

Where's FatFit Fun?

Where is FatFit Fun?

Because pre-pandemic- They were all up in our shit.

They were everywhere. Yeah. Haven't seen them since. What are some other ones? I feel like the comments were really good.

Okay, I took a lot of screenshots of the comments. Check in at 4:00 PM, check out at 11:00 AM. Wait.

I'm so glad you brought this up because I was thinking the other day, when's the last time you checked out of a hotel?

Oh, I don't do it. I'm figured out.

But I didn't know that you were supposed to check out.

I don't check out. Me neither. I'm not going to awkwardly just... And I also am not going to hand over my key.

Me neither. I'm going to leave it in the room.

I'm going to leave it in my bag and then mix that key up with other keys the next time I'm at a hotel.

I just like, You already have my card. I booked it.

Maybe it's important because then they know when to send housekeepers to your room. But I'm pretty sure after 11, they start knocking. They're like, You need to get out. But it is true for my life, it sucks because I'll have a show at 7:00. I'll fly in somewhere at two because I'm not going to fly in at five. Then they'll be like, Oh, there's not a room for two hours. I'm like, So did I have to pay for last night so I can sleep right now? Girl.

It's a Ponzi scheme.

But you do have I feel fine with hotels. You have to ask for things. Try to ask for a late checkout. Then I will try to ask for a better room once. They hung up on me. I'm not good at that stuff.

See, I am from the school of thought Of late checkout. Force me out of this room. I'm just checking out late. I don't care what your checkout time is. I'm checking out when I have to go.

I have to say, sometimes the housekeepers, they'll walk in. They'll just be like, Hi. And you're like, Hi. And they're like, You need to Get the fuck out. I'm like, I'm so tired. They're like, Same.

Get the fuck out.

Get the fuck out. Go home. Someone wrote, This is a little above our pay grade, but health insurance being separated from dental insurance.

And eyes. Is that not all my fucking head? Yeah. Is it not all interconnected? Yeah. No, that's a scam. Health insurance in general is a scam.

Being charged for taking your own money out of an ATM.

Wait. That's so true. Also, I feel like overdraft fees. Fuck you. I hate those.

Yeah. I mean, honestly, it's smart. But I did watch a thing on Netflix about credit cards and how it really is such a scam and you just always pay off your credit card. Just always. Put that shit on automatic and hope for the best.

You know what I was talking about today? I don't know. Do you know what your credit score is?

I actually do recently. But this is the thing. This is what's a scam. For you to actually check your credit score, it hurts your credit score.

I think that's why I've never looked.

So they'll be like, We can check it, but it's going to hurt your score. Why? Because I guess if you have too many credit checks, but I don't know why that's bad. Chris, do you know why it's bad if you're checking all the time? It depends on how you check it and stuff. There's free apps and stuff that you could use to get it, but there's also fake credit scores. It's a whole fucking thing. Okay, don't explain us. Buying water.

No, that's a great one.

Buying water. Sure. Credit scores.

Yeah, buying water. Water bottles.

Specifically at the airport.

I've been bringing my Stanley to the airport. But you pour it out. I pour it out, and then I go in the lounge and I fill it up with ice. The This one lady was looking at me weird because my Stanley is obviously big and it wasn't fitting- It's bigger than your entire body. But I need it. It wasn't fitting under the ice thing, so I had to tip it. So some ice was falling out. There was a lady behind me who was livid about it. I wanted to be like, Do you have to pick up the ice? No. Why are you so mad about it? Because it didn't... I was spilling everywhere, but I was like, What's off? I was like, I'm going on a six-hour flight and you're my freaking Stanley.

A woman behind me did slip on ice and tear her ACL, and that woman was Wait, was it the little crushed ice? That's premium.

Yeah, it was good ice. The Delta Lounge has good ice.

I do have to say, if you guys hear any loud breathing, it's not me. It's actually Abby. She's a dog we've been fostering for months because Dez's brother has been taking care of her, and we've been traveling too much. We can't keep her, and we need her to get adopted in the New York City, Long Island area. She's my favorite dog of all time. She's literally the best baby. She is very cute. If you want a little adorable, cuddly pocket pit.

Yeah, I was just going to say what dog is she?

She's a mix. A mix little pit. I think she's a little terrier.

I don't know. She's short.

She's snubby. She's tiny. I feel like people can't realize how tiny she is.

Bless you, babe. God bless.

She knew we were talking about her. The thing with dogs is they're slutty.

Yeah, they'll pop that thing to anyone.

She'll leave me in a second. That's why I'm like, someone take her because she doesn't... I think she's really attached to Des right now. I walked in and she got happy, and then she was like, Where's...

Yeah, waiting for someone else. Where's number one?

Yeah.

But you have butter.

I have butter. Oh, I'm not done with scams. Selling a bikini top separate from the bottom. Who's out here always mix and matching their tops? It's insane.

Well, it's because some girls have massive boobs, so they need to get a different size in the top, but then need a small size in the bottom.

Valid, but I feel like it still should be under one cost.

Right. Because you're not just wearing the bikini bottom somewhere.

Yeah, and I feel like they get to amp up the price because it's two individual things.

Buying bathing suits is a scam.

It stresses me out. I just do Amazon.

Yeah, I don't...

Do you remember when triangle bathing suits were the shit?

No, the Chokehold.

The Chokehold. Did you have one? Of cool hers. I think I bought one.

They weren't flattering either.

No, they didn't even look cool. No. It's just all these cool girls were wearing them.

I remember one time I begged my mom for this bikini that was knit, and then I got it, and then I realized you can't get it wet.

Why are you wearing a sweater at the beach?

No, I was like, Wait a minute. I can't even go in the pool in this.

But that's so page-coded.

I loved it.

Form, not function.

I wear it all the time. I was like, Sorry.

Someone said, Tipping. Tipping has gotten confusing. It has gotten confusing because when you go to the coffee shop- Are we tipping? Are we tipping? If If there's someone behind me, I'm tipping because I'm nervous.

But tipping on the thing. Like, Starbucks, if I go in and I have to fill out the screen, yes, you have to tap.

What do you press? The biggest, the middle, or the end?

It depends. Honestly, my mood that day.

It has nothing to do with you.

It has nothing to do with how productive or how quick this was. It's all about me.

No, you're so right. I'll be in a good mood one day and I'll be like, I'm leaving a huge fucking tip.

Here's my pen. Take whatever you want. But other days, I'm like, I shouldn't have even been spending money on this.

Some days, they will fuck up my order and be like, Oh, my God. Can I tip again? But that's my own psyche. That's fucked up. What's with men wearing the Van Cleef bracelet?

Are they? Who?

Is that how you say it? Van Cleef? Who's Van Cleef?

It's like a It's a really famous jewelry brand.

But the thing is, I thought it was a bit at first because I thought it looked like a Tori Birch knockoff. I thought it was ugly.

It's the opposite way around. Everyone has copied the Van Cleef jewelry.

That is so funny because I saw Arena Sebalanca, US Open champion, wearing the necklace, and I was like, Why is she wearing that cheap necklace? That's embarrassing. I think it's- Wait, I love that so much. The fashion industry is mad at me anyway. I think Van Cleef is ugly. I think it sounds like a quief, and I think it's ugly.

I think it's literally one of the oldest jewelry brands.

Okay, so there's history to it. I respect that. But then I saw guys are influence or guys are wearing it.

I don't like that.

I don't like it at all. I do like men spending their own money on things that they don't need.

But I don't want them wearing a bangle.

Okay. No, it's a literal bangle with a color, and then it's like a four-leaf clover.

No.

It's stupid expensive. It's stupid expensive. But I do. There is something about if we're going to take down the patriarchy, they need to spend on stupid stuff as well because we can't compete. The only stupid thing they're spending money on is Bitcoin.

You know what's so funny? My brother came to New York City the other day, and he was like, I can't really drink that much because I'm on skin pills. And he was like, okay. And then he saw my face mask, my Dr Dennis Gross light up Iron Man mask on the counter. And he was like, What the hell is this for? I was like, It's for my skin. He was like, But I thought you're on pills for your skin. I was like, Yeah, but I'm also... He couldn't... He was like, You're doing multiple things for your skin? He couldn't compute it in his brain. I was like, What are you saying?

He couldn't imagine- You're like, I have Comicon tomorrow.

That there were multiple things that I might do- Your skin looks really good. To myself.

You are wearing a full face of makeup.

I have a ton of makeup on right now.

But you look great. Thank you. What light do you get if you do buy one of those?

I've tried a lot of them, and I don't think a lot of them work. I really only like my Dr Dennis Gross one.

Who's this Dr Dennis Gross?

This is where you're going to go for your big facial.

Okay, but does he do it?

Does he do the facial? Yeah. No.

Where is he?

He's sometimes there. He'll do our Botox when we're ready.

But he'll do it. Is he like a Zaddy?

Yeah.

I haven't been watching Love is Blind.

You're really missing out.

I know. I just can't. I can't do it.

I have a lot of thoughts, though.

I have seen the Megan Fox drama. What are your thoughts? I feel like they need to leave this girl alone.

Wait, unpopular opinion, Hannah. I was just about to fucking say this. Unpopular opinion. Every TikTok I saw of people showing their boyfriend's reaction to it.

Wait, that's so mean.

You're why the Barbie movie was created. You're why the Barbie movie was fucking creative. First of all, this girl said- They're asking their boyfriends? That's mean. Yeah. First of all, the I asked her, which is against the fucking rules, has anyone ever said you look like a celebrity? She was the one to be like, I don't look like this person. I watched.

That's the only clip I saw where she preface it saying, I don't think I look like this person.

But people have said. Now, the man she got paired with looks like a thumb. The fact that he was so... She lied. I was like, Okay, but your hair matches your skin color. It's too much. You're very monochromatic. It's milky milky white. No, that is...

I can't believe... Then she had to say something because people were being so mean. She never said, Hey, I just want to let you know that I am the spitting image of Megan Fox. They made it sound like she said that. She didn't say that. Also, as someone who's experienced reality TV. They said so much shit in those pods, and that's why it's good because you're just throwing stuff around. She's probably been talking for seven hours at that point. They were like, Who does that say it look like?

Here's the other thing. She does look like her. They have the same eyes.

If you said you had to pick a celebrity, I could totally see how someone says, Yeah, she looks like a virgin.

Here's the other thing. I thought very poor taste of Megan Fox to not come out and say something. I feel like if I was Megan Fox, it's all over the internet. There's no way she didn't hear about it. I feel like if I was Megan Fox, I would at least send her a message and be like, You're beautiful. Oh my God. What a compliment to me.

I would have fucking went out there and been like, Hell, yeah, this is my twin. I love you.

I had a lot of thoughts about this, and they were none of the popular opinions on the internet.

But you know what the problem is? Megan Fox doesn't look like Megan Fox. Megan Fox looks like an AI version of Megan Fox.

I saw a TikTok, and it was this guy going around asking other guys, who's your celebrity crush? One of them said Megan Fox, but they did like, But circle transformers. I love when guys pinpoint an exact time and location. Yeah.

Well, every guy was like... It was like a thing. Her, Jessica Alba.

Yeah.

That was a time. A time period. A time period. But they both are beautiful with and without surgery. But yeah, that was fucking mean.

Yeah, I thought it was so mean.

Because imagine, this is the thing. You have to put yourself in that position.

And then people were like, She's so insecure. And I was like, Well, yeah, she's a fucking human and she's on a reality show about dating. Obviously, she's insecure. And you're not.

Do you know how when people say you look like celebrities, it's like, Obviously, you're not a spitting image of the celebrity.

For example- It's that you remind them.

Yeah, something about it. I'm trying to think if someone asked me and I said, people say I look like Hillary Swank, but I don't see it. Her saying I don't see it means that It's not going to look the same. So, yeah, everyone fucking stopped being an asshole. Oh, my God.

She should bring her on the pod.

Oh, I forgot. Speaking of assholes, I have to make an apology to the academy.

Fur. What?

Speaking of fur, Grace has been pulling some receipts from my past, trying to expose me. My enemies are working really fucking hard right now. Working overtime. She posted a clip from a year ago of me making fun of a guy wearing fur crocs.

We could have, should have kept that same energy.

And now fur crocs are my only personality type.

What got you into the fur crocs? Let's go back for a minute.

They sent it to me, and I put it on in my life change forever.

I'm going to email them.

I felt like I was being I was held by my mother when I was two years old.

One time I had to do an Amazon Live and Crocs was the sponsor, and I literally said, I can't do this.

That's crazy because I would have jumped at the opportunity. I would have thanked, I would have kissed the CEO on the mouth.

I said, I can't sell the girly's crocs. They said, Oh, you will. I was like, Guys, look. I was so honest. I was like, I couldn't do it.

But you said- I love my Crocs so much that I wore the non- fur ones in the rain today. My feet were wet and I was still happy because I don't want to put on a sock. Now, this is the thing.

So put on an ugg.

But then if uggs get wet, that's like a wet Teddy bear. I hate it. Also, uggs, I'll tear my ACL and Des and I will both be in the bed together.

Oh, my God. See, I love my fucking uggs.

I feel like I get overheated in my uggs. I can't breathe.

You were wearing fur crocs.

Fur crocs? They give a little ankle.

I put my foot in that fur croc the other day and it was wet.

Okay, well, that was after a long podcast. You know I'm a sweaty person. I have to say it is starting to smell a little, so I'm going to message them and ask if I can put in the washing machine. I'll just buy another pair.

But this is the thing. Crocs, if you're listening to this, get out of her life.

I admit that I said what I said back then. People change. Yes, they do. People change their perspectives. I'm a different person than I was a year ago, and I want to apologize for being hypocritical, for ever speaking bad to that man, because That man knew something I didn't know, and that was true love in the form of...

A crock. A crock. A crock of shit is what I think.

I knew you were going to say that. I knew you were going to say that. Okay, so I got that off my chest. Also, JLo is putting out an album, a movie, and a documentary all this month.

What is she running from? What's going on? I mean, what's going on? How?

But this is... We're not just... Look, if Olivia Rodrigo did it, I'd be like, Okay, chase that bag. Yeah. Jennifer Lopez is the richest person ever, has a full family.

She never chills.

I love hardworking people, but she self-financed it, $20 million for the movie.

I could think of so many more things I would self-finance.

Apparently, it was a 48-minute movie or something, and I'll get on board with that. Yeah, I'm into that. But I wouldn't pay $20 million.

It's about her love story with Ben?

It's a crazy movie about love, but it's in the future and there's all this weird shit happening. It's like sci-fi weird.

Is this the one that's on Amazon?

Yes. But I want to see the documentary. I saw her last documentary about the Super Bowl. But who thought this might be a good idea to be like, let's do a fake movie about your life. It's not done that well, and then a real one about your life, and then also music about your life. It's two separate things. A documentary and a movie are both coming out this month.

No, I don't know. I can't. I'm tired just thinking about it.

No, I'm so tired. Where's the book?

I really I just recently watched the full version of Ben's Duncan commercial.

I think he was on math.

No. I just, for whatever reason, I don't expect his voice to be like that every time he talks.

Like, it's higher? It's boyish.

Yeah. He's so much grunge-er and I don't know than I expect him to be. I want to be like, you're an Oscar Award-winning actor for the past 30 fucking years. I I don't know. He's just a silly boy. He's just a silly boy. Yeah, he's still feel like a 20-year-old kid. I don't know. It's just the way he comes off to me.

I wonder if he's going to be in a lot of the documentary because the last documentary- He wasn't. He wasn't? And Alex Rodriguez, I almost said Rodrigo. Alex Rodriguez wasn't in either. Has anyone checked on him?

No.

He was never heard from again. No. I think he's on ESPM. He looks like a Q-Tip.

That's what I think of every time. I see.

He actually looks like a really clean He looks like a baseball with veneers. Yeah.

He looks like a baseball player. I love when people look like what they are. I love when people... I'm like, Yeah, you're a fucking hair stylist. What does that mean? No, people have different names, and you're like, You're just not a Christina to me. I like when things really... I'm like, That's so you.

I do know you walk in to get your hair cut at the salon, you see the girl, and you're like, That's not a hair stylist. I don't feel safe.

I'll do a scan of the room and I'm like...

But sometimes the girls with the worst hair on their own are the best. If they're putting too much effort into their own hair, I'm like, Do you even care about mine?

Yeah, because it's- It's like stylists. If you think about it, too, when you go get your nails done, their nails are never done.

I do have to say some of the best stylists, you'll never see them throw on a slave fit. Is that weird when I said slave fit like that? Grace said that was weird. I like them in all-black, the same outfit all the time. Then I know they're fucking good. If they look better than me on the red carpet, I'm like, What's going on here?

Every time I see my stylist girlfriends, I'm like, You look like a stylist. I appreciate it.

Do I look like a podcaster?

I was just going to say, Do we look like stupid podcasters?

Yeah. I'm wearing a fucking tie right now. A literal tie. Oh, I also watched the Jenny Slate. Oh, how was that? Did you watch it?

No, I started it and then I... She did a show a couple of years ago that I loved, though.

A special. Yeah, it would go into her home and her life. That was so fucking good. That was so good. I think she always has moments of silly brilliance that I love. She's super entertaining. So, yeah, that was good.

Yeah. Okay, I'm going to watch it then.

There's moments where you're just like, you goopy little... She's adorable, and she can make her voice do all these funny sounds.

I have no shows right now. I finished Belgravia. I'm dying at home. I'm nothing. I do it too fast. Right when it comes out, I'm like, Okay, I'll just light work with these three episodes. It's not... You know what? My TV time is really like...

Having a show is like having a crush. Life is just better with it. Then when you lose it, you're like, I didn't need it, but it was more fun.

Yeah, I get upset. I'm like, We had something so good. It could have still kept going if you put the work in. If you just filmed more episodes, I'd be here.

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Okay, first I gave AG1 a try because honestly, everyone on Instagram was doing it and I just wanted to be included. But then I became obsessed with it, and I actually don't travel without my AG1 travel packs. I really feel it when I don't drink it. I've always wanted to be a morning routine girly, and it takes one minute to mix up and then drink, and I literally chug it in three seconds. I know that it's giving my body high-quality nutrition, and every batch of AG1 goes through a rigorous testing process, so you know it's safe. And AG1 ingredients are sourced for absorption, potency, and nutrient density. Ag1 is a supplement I trust to provide the support my body needs daily, and that's why I'm excited to welcome them as a new partner. If you want to take ownership of your health, it starts with AG1. Try AG1 and get a free one-year supply of vitamin D3K2 and five free AG1 travel packs with your first purchase exclusively at drinkag1. Com/giggly. That's drinkag1. Com/giggly. Check it out. So Hannah, obviously, the people at Mattress Firm know me. They get it. I went in. I tried it all out.

Wait, you went to Mattress Firm?

Honey, I'm starting my lease.

You won't come to my house for dinner, but you'll go to Mattress Firm.

I'm like, What are I have two leases running for the next year? Because I'd like to move in.

How many beds did you try?

First of all, it's so serene in there. Oh, I bet. I tried them all. The reason I'm even bringing it up is because I don't know if people are aware of this, but Our favorite week is coming up.

Sleep Awareness Week.

Which needs to be celebrated more. Yes. Nighttime routines. We have them, whether we recognize them or not. I can't get in the bed. Not that I have to make it every single day and get into a freshly made bed, but I have to trick myself into that I am getting in a freshly made bed.

I feel like I'm not good at making my bed. So even when I do it, I'm like, Well, that looks worse. It It's like food. It always looks better when someone else did it. Someone else does it. And then my mom, I'm not doing the throw pillows.

Beds and sandwiches, so similar.

Do you do throw pillows?

Of course, I have 75. You do? I like taking all my pillows off.

What are you overcompensating for with your throw pillows? But I do have to say this Pillow Talk is presented to you by Mattress Firm and ACAS Creative. It's a very special segment. We hold close to our hearts.

One of my favorite things to do in bed that I feel like not everyone does, but when I'm in therapy, I have to do it in my bed. I have to have my computer in my bed because I feel like it's my safest space no one can get to me.

When I tried to meditate for three days, I would do it in bed and I just fall asleep. That's healthy. I'd be like, I meditated for four hours.

This is a healthy habit.

I do eat in my bed. Well, I travel a lot. In a hotel room, I think it's weird if you get food delivered and then you sit at the awkward desk.

I've gotten ready for an entire night out in my bed. I've done my hair and my makeup in the bed.

I'm that roommate who has all the cups.

Something people don't know about you as a bedtime habit that you have. You prefer face on the mattress.

I'm a stomach sleeper, and I do have to say people come for stomachs. They're like, Whatever you do in this whole world, don't sleep on your stomach. That's the one thing I enjoy in life, to sleep on my stomach with a little head tilt, a little creak in the neck.

Keeps you humble. No.

They said that it could affect your skin, sagging, all this stuff. You know what? So can microwave. Right. So I'm going to choose my battles. You're going to sleep how you want. How do you sleep?

Like a literal mummy. So I try and do all the things. You know me, sometimes my mouth is taped. Sometimes I have random patches on my face. I need also four pillows, so we're opposite in that.

We're actually good at sleeping together because we're so opposite.

Because you don't move. No. No.

No.

No.

I run the house, so it's cold. So every time I go to bed, he goes, Are we in the Arctic? Are you freezing the chicken thigh? What's going on every time? The same joke. Yeah, he has to make a pun.

Little joke.

He's like, Great. I want to have influenza before I go to sleep.

If it's better for my skin, I don't care how it affects anyone.

I just can't fall asleep on my back because then I feel like the sleep paralysis demons can get you.

Your whole head is off the mattress. They're coming for your face first. They're coming for your face first.

Then my Nana said the way she falls asleep. My Nana still got it. She's gorgeous. She literally like, she's a mummy. Hand across.

I try and think of her when I'm falling asleep. I'm like, Don't turn your on the pillow or you'll be ugly in 10 years.

We also wrote our favorite things to do in bed. One, absolutely nothing. Also, our favorite thing, punching pillows, screaming into pillows.

We talked about screaming into pillows. It's really therapeutic.

Prank phone calling.

Any phone calling is really best from the bed.

Then we make content about how much we love our bed. But what's your opinion on cuddling in bed?

It totally depends for me. Once it's time to sleep, I need to act like I'm the only person alive on this Earth and what is the most serene for me.

I 100% agree. The second we've acknowledged we're cuddling, I'm out. I'm like, That was a cuddle.

I'm most selfish right before I'm falling asleep. I don't care about anything.

You don't have to kick him off you.

If my eyes are closing. The world could be on fire and I'm like, Let me get a quick 10.

See, I sleep with my cat. I'll be on desk, and I'm like, Thank you. Then I pull over and I put my hands in a position wherever butter is, she within 10 seconds jumps and pearls into my arm. Oh my God. And when I can't fall asleep, her just purring on my arm puts me to sleep.

I don't wonder if you ever get out of the bed.

I don't.

Yeah.

Thank you for listening to this special segment brought to you in partnership with Mattress Firm and ACAS Creative. With their wide selection of quality mattresses that we love at every price, we know Mattress Firm will be full of people, including our fellow bedrotters, making their own sleep expert friends and finding that perfect mattress for naps, pillow talk, and everything in between. Mental health moment. I realized that all our memories are fake.

I realized that nothing in this life is real.

Time is a construct. When you're really upset about something in the past, I think it's a hypnotism technique, but you actually are lying to yourself sometimes. Once I was remembering this old relationship and I really put it on a pedestal and then I saw a video of it and I was like, Oh, my God, I made I made that up. I literally made that up. I hated that man. I literally remember that moment now that I see that and I remember he was literally sucked. But somehow in between my psychoses, you can literally make up your past in a bad way. You can use that power to then recover from your past.

Okay.

If you're really upset about how you acted at a party, literally be like, No, everyone thought it was amazing. Because maybe they did.

Okay, this is a perfect example. The other night, I'm out with one of my girlfriends. She's sitting next to a guy she used to talk to. He said to her, What happened? Why did we stop talking? She said, Well, you just stopped talking to me. He said, Well, you texted me X, Y, and Z, and that threw me off. And she was like, What are you talking about? That's not even how I meant it. So it's like, Oh, my God, you guys had two completely different experiences and made up what the other person's experience was. Honestly, every boyfriend I've ever had, really. I made up all characteristics in my head that they don't have.

I try to think, though, that if the person is meant to be, you guys will have similar reactions to things. You don't have to explain everything to him. But the best way to explain it is I'll see comics, do a really good job, get off stage and be like, It wasn't that good, and then see the tape and be like, Oh, my God, it was good. You're living your life thinking something happened in a way that it didn't. It's really easy to look at rose-colored glasses of your past and be like, Oh, I miss this school. Oh, it's so fun when I was in this school. Oh, I miss this job when you really fucking hated it. I think someone who deals with depression sometimes, depression is all thinking about your past. I realized recently, you're literally making up stories, and then your brain is believing them. Yeah.

You're gaslighting yourself.

You're gaslighting yourself. If something's fucking you up from the past, really be honest with yourself and be like, Try to remember what it was really like. At the end of the day, there were no good all days.

Nothing matters. Nothing matters. Our moms are going to die at some point. We can't keep going in this life. No. No. The other day, I got so upset because something happened, and I was like, Fuck I'm going to have to just call. And then I was like, wait a minute. I'm so past the point in my life where I'm like, whatever, I'll have my mom call. I feel like all through high school, if something happened to me, I'd be like, You better watch out because I'm going to have my mom call. That's the only comeback I would have. Okay, see you in court. My mom's calling. I feel really sad that that part of my life is over. Now I have to call? You know what? I don't like that.

No, I'll be like, Des, can you call? But then he's annoying and he'll be like, You need to grow up and you need to call. I'm like, This is me. I'm grown up already. This is me. I can't talk to people.

No, I sometimes dial the number and I press call, and then it'll be ringing, and I'll just put the phone in front of Craig and be like, Oh, it's going. You have to do it.

My dad loves customer service calls. He gets like, hyped up for them. I'll hear the background music because he's waiting and I'm like, I'll wait all day for these people. I'm going to get to the bottom of it. I feel even worse for Gen Zs because I never had a talk on the phone.

You know what else is annoying, and I feel so old saying it? You can't even call places anymore. I had to return a bag that I bought, and they didn't send me the return label, and I I didn't have a copy of the receipt. I was like, I don't even know if I can go into the store and return this. I need to email customer service to get a thing. I was like, I'll just call. I couldn't. No one answers. Yeah, it's just not a real person. So the amount of times I spend In my life, pressing zero, zero, talk to an operator, zero. That makes me infuriated.

Also, whenever I have to ask a question, I think that it's the dumbest question they've ever been asked.

I feel like that could be a TikTok series in itself, different customer service calls. I'm sure people say wild things.

But every now and then, you get someone on customer service that you're like, Are we vibing? You're like, Are we best friends?

Honestly, a lot of the Delta customer service, I'm like, You are chill, bitch.

No, this one woman, Suzanne, she was like, Tell me about her whole life. I was like, Girl, me too. Same. It's just another human trying to make it through the day. But then sometimes you could tell they hate you when you haven't even started. I'm a people who's there, so I'm like...

I'll win you over.

Now I have to stay on the call to win you over. But yeah, I also do speaker all the time.

Same.

I don't know why.

It makes it... Because I get nervous like, What if I can't hear? What if they can't hear me? So I'm like, Hi.

I feel like speaker makes it harder to hear people. It's better when you have it to your ear.

I'm a big speakerphone girl.

But then you piss everyone else off in the room.

Well, I'm not doing it. Oh, I live alone.

No, I know.

I was walking in the city the other day, and I realized there, as much as we hate men and we give all of our icks that are like, You guys aren't allowed to use umbrella, tie your shoes. It's like a whole thing. I realized there are certain things that guys do do that aren't sexual at all that I love, I'm very attracted to. One of them is walking by a barber shop. Not when they come out of it. When they come out, that's an ick. When they're in there and they're sitting in the chair and there's a guy doing their hair. It's just all men. There's something really hot about it to me. And I don't know what it is, but if I'm in an Uber and I'm passing a barbershop, I'm locked in. I'm like, What's going on in there? Who's in there?

It's like a woman's bathroom. Everyone's like, What the fuck are they doing?

Then we get to see into it. Yeah, I'm like, What do you guys talk about when you're in the chair?

I think they just play Joe Rogan.

What do you talk about when you get your hair cut? What do you talk about in the chair? How often are you getting your hair Now, not much.

Do you like when the guy touches your head?

Do you feel relaxed when you're getting- I feel relaxed. You do? How long does it take, usually? How long are you sitting in the chair? Like 20 minutes?

No longer.

Like 45?

Yeah, like 45. What do you ask for? What numbers? What numbers? I used to do bald skin fade before I started growing my hair up. Skin fade? Mm-hmm. Do you like how you look after a haircut? Oh, it's the best. Wow. I think I've dated some guys that when they get a haircut, I'm always like, Don't talk to me for four weeks.

Yeah, they don't feel like themselves. They look like a loul rat.

Because their hair doesn't look good short.

It's like when you get your dog graved. Your dog's like, I don't know what's going on. I'm cold. It's how I feel to my boyfriend. I'm like, I don't know what's happening.

I've never seen you like this. I do have extreme haircut anxiety.

You do? I don't know why because you cut off less than an inch every time.

If I cut an inch and a half, my life is over. I'm disgusting. I'm ugly. I have to start wearing it in a bun.

If someone suggests layers to you, you're like, I'm going to be Amish. Just breed it.

No, but I'm crazy because I'll see a photo from months ago where I know that my layers were a little shorter, and I'm like, I can't look at that photo of me. Really? I keep my hair very close to my self-esteem, I think. I don't particularly think I have very good hair. I mean, I never brush it.

But you have good hair.

I just can't change it. Got it. Or I feel like... Even a slickback bun, I'm like...

It gives you drama.

I don't feel like myself. I feel like a hard-willed egg.

I wonder why that is.

Because outfits I'll wear, anything ugly.

But I would assume growing up because you played tennis that your hair was probably always in a ponytail.

It was always in a ponytail, but it was never about looking pretty. That was just wartime.

But you look really good in a ponytail.

I don't know. Someone made fun of my ears when I was eight, and I just haven't recovered.

You have never stopped thinking about it. Yeah.

But I feel like you can pull off a lot of different hair dus, and it could also be a face-shaped thing. I also have a cowlick.

What else? How are you alive? Are you living? Yeah.

So if I put my hair to the side, it doesn't do the right thing because of my cowlick.

And you also have a widow's peak.

No one's ever told me that. Wait, I have a widow's peak. No. Then this just looks like a weird comb over.

Wait, in a fourth grade, when we learned how to do punnets squares, you didn't everyone look at each other and see who had widow's peaks?

What's a Pundit Square?

A Pundit Square. What's a Pundit Square? Recessive and dominant jeans.

Like blue eyes and brown eyes?

Yeah, like the big R, little R. That's called a Pundit Square. Did you get hit in the head just now and become Einstein?

Where's this coming from?

I have a lot of knowledge. I just don't pull it out at the right appropriate time.

I just don't want to show it off all the time.

I'm not trying to mansplain to everyone.

I get it, but you can wear your hair in many different ways. I feel like if I wear my hair in a bun, it's like I'm not... I'm like half of myself.

Okay, so for 2024, we're going to work on- No. Why?

Do you remember the Express shoot when they put my hair? Okay.

But Hannah, you looked gorgeous with your hair parted on that side. It's because you had volume. Here's the thing. You also do things. Now, listen to me because I know that- I'm about to get tongue lashing right now. Because you do things and you're like, See, it doesn't work. Because you pulled one piece of hair hair in the front. Yeah, of course, it's not going to work when you just did it. But when you had your hair done and it was blown out correctly and it was all to one side, you looked like Cindy Crawford.

I looked like that Emo Lama.

No, you literally look like you're going through something. You look like you're the lead singer of Green Day.

No, you guys have to watch the clips. We are going to put- It's like, Fall Out Boy is coming back.

Stay tuned.

Am I more than you're working for you? I've been dying of China. Why did every singer sing like that. Wait. Swing, swing, swing from the crown of time. My heart from a former love. Wait, 2000s? Why did they have that accent? Can you help me?

Because they were going through something emotionally.

Chris, do you remember that time?

I think this is why I hate when men cry, and it's specifically this genre of music. I'm like, please, you're with your drama.

No, they wore eyeliner non-ironically.

I don't like that.

What would you do if I came in an island? Center.

I would ask if you were okay.

We would support.

Yeah, I would support, but I'd be like, What's going on at home? That's nice. Okay, should I call CPS?

You're perfect. You can try anything, but not if you started a band with it.

Right, that's too much. I will say Speaking of hair, I think that I'm single-handedly going to do Snooki Proud and bring back the poof because I realized the other day-You can't pull off the poof either. I was going to Pilates, and my banks were all out of whack, and I couldn't fit them in a ponytail, so I just pinned them back with a bobby pin, and I was like, This is me doing a poof.

Is this how you did the poop? Because this is how I did it. You pull in the front, you do a little twist, and then you push forward, and then you put a...

That's Cindy Louhu or whatever. No, that's how I used to do it, too.

That's how you do it.

Here This is where people would go wrong.

Wait, we actually did this. We did it for real in middle school.

Middle school? Honey, I just stopped poofing the other day. I poofed all through college, I think.

Should we just do poofs and not tell anyone and see copies us and not tell them it's a bit? Yeah. But then it won't become like a not bit. I don't like how I look at it. Oh, my God. No.

We're having a real crisis with your hair recently. Well, also for the special. Yeah, you're stressing yourself out because you've made this special more intense than your wedding day. I didn't hear a peep your wedding day. I have to look the best I've ever looked. You're like, Yeah, fuck it. I'll wear that dress. This year, I have to look, which I get. Look, if anyone I fucking get it. You're right. Are you going to get your hair cut and dye prior? I could. I think you should, and I think you should do it within the next week or two so that it still has time for you to have done it yourself multiple times so you feel like, Oh, yeah, this is my hair.

Okay, so this is me.

Because I think your red should be a little bit more vibrant, and I think your layer should be cut a little.

Do you think it should be a little lighter?

Did you hire hair and makeup yet? Yes. Okay. We'll offline about that.

I love how you're more stressed than me.

No, I'm very stressed.

You're very But no, this is good. I just want to let the Googlers know. We're thriving.

We're here. We're thriving.

I'm going to Saginaw this week. If anyone wants to see me in Saginaw and Gary, Indiana. Where the fuck is Saginaw? And Cincinnati, Michigan.

I will say that I did probably one of the coolest things I've ever done in New York City, which was go to the Asana after party. Oh, my God. We didn't even talk about it. Which I had never done before, and I can't believe I hadn't done it. It's so niche New York.

So niche New York.

I loved every second of it, even though it started at 145 in the morning.

I like that it's niche. It's niche New York because people don't even know about it.

Yeah, I don't think people know about it unless you literally live in New York City.

It's like ordering something off the menu party.

Yeah. It's just like, honestly, I have a very hard time being impressed by things, and I have a very hard time feeling cool. In that moment, I was like, This is cool. I think this is a really cool... I'll remember going to an SNL after party, I feel like.

But it's so funny because comics in their heart of hearts are not cool. They're the outliers. They're the awkward people making fun of the popular people.

See, I would argue that actors are not cool.

I would agree.

And that comedians and athletes were the cool people in high school who continued to be cool.

Sometimes the actors take themselves too seriously. Also, these award shows, they don't even give them a day in between. They had another one right after the- It's too much.

It's on Netflix? What's going on?

They cursed. I was like, This is crazy. Wait, so they had the SAG Awards, and the next day they had independent SAG Awards or something.

Then what was the BAFTA?

The BAFTA was right before. What is a BAFTA? I think we should just make up a fake award show and invite people and see who shows up. That's what award shows are. It's a fake thing. No, literally. Also, everyone's different who's voting, but you're telling me there's no overlap? Also, who's voting? I've never voted in anything. Who's voting? Also, I want to see the votes. I want to see the votes. I want to recount. I want to see the numbers. I want to know who's close, who's not close. I don't want to just have one winner.

I want to see the polls. People's Choice Award. It's like, Oh, that's the majority of the people. I feel like that would be more impressive to win an award at because you're like, Oh, these are the people I care about.

I've never voted for anyone in a People's Choice Award.

I've never even seen where you can vote.

I didn't know where you could vote. Also, if it's just someone doing swipe-ups on their Insta story, is that really...

It's a scam. Sounds like a scam. There's an award shows are a scam. Award shows are a scam. They have normalized.

Well, also with award shows, it's political where you have to be doing a ton of press. Jailo was talking about it, how you have to basically suck the industry's dick during that time.

Unless you're Dakota Johnson. When she did Madam Web Press, she was like, Yeah, I haven't seen it, and I'm not going to I'm going to say something that could get me canceled.

Has anyone even ever watched a Dune movie?

I personally I haven't.

This movie I've seen more press about.

You haven't watched a Dune movie? No.

Have you seen Dune? No one's. I have a conspiracy theory. No one's seen the Dune movie. It's not even a movie. They just keep wanting to dress up Zendaya. I want Larry David so badly to do a fake award show or do a fake movie with all this press.

It's like, Have you seen it? It's so amazing. It's like, no one's seen it.

What was your favorite part of the movie? Everyone's like, Oh, the ending was really full circle.

I like when they do that on Fashion Week when it's like, Are you going to? They say some crazy name. It's like, Yeah, I am.

No, I'm really over award shows, and I'm worried for these people. Do you know how hard it is? You have to come up with outfits, get judged, the makeup, the hair. It's stressful.

I didn't even know it was happening.

Then most people lose.

The majority of people.

I think in me, emotionally, I have one award show every three years in me.

I didn't go to the people's choice. They were like, Do you want a ticket? You can go and watch it. I was like, Well, no. What am I going to do in there?

But when you're up for an award, it's very nerve-wracking.

I would be very nervous.

Because basically everyone talks to you beforehand like, So you want to win, right?

Then how about they show the cam? They have a camera on you when you don't win, and they are being like, Oh, my God, what was her reaction?

I can't help myself. I'm going to, as a joke, just break my plate.

Yeah, that's Jennifer Lawrence made it funny.

Yeah, she was like, If I lose, I'm going home. Also, some people, they'll wear some outfits that If you lose in that outfit, like Ali Wong. What did she wear? She wore this outfit that was... You can't sit in it. It was like a tree. I was like, If she lost in that outfit, it's like...

Even more heartbreaking.

It's It was heartbreaking, but thank God she won. Shout out to Ali Wong, who I'm obsessed with.

I am done now.

Now, we're just done. Hopefully, the award shows are done, too.

No, we still have the Oscars, March 10th. Oh, yeah.

We're excited for the Oscars. We do love I just wish they would give some breaks for everyone, emotionally and physically. We're deteriorating from inside out.

I feel like the stylists must be running rampant in LA. They're freaking out.

No, for sure. It's too much. Well, thank you guys so much for giggling with us. Check out our newsletter. Also, I'm on Snapchat.

Wow. Wow, Hannah.

No, I talk so bad about it, and now I just dump.

I thought Kylie Jenner said it was over.

I think it is over because I'm on it now. The fact that I'm on it means it's over. But I just post not important things. You know, Instagram, you still feel pressure to if I'm posting a story, I want to be good.

If you start posting political things on Facebook, I'll check in.

You have to know about politics to do that. Actually, you don't. Thank you guys so much for giggling. We love you and we'll talk to you later. Bye.