Transcribe your podcast

I don't tell a girl to shut up because that's rude, I just go up about. That's interesting, yeah, because I feel like I started up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up. I feel like I started bump up, hit the table again. I will fight.


You have been doing everything here. Got a new table. I know. Where do the people know what's happening.


I have an L shaped table with rollers on the bottom that lock.


Yeah. So people can come in and out of stress out when people that are not anorexic like me come in and can't fit. Right. We can move it. Move the cameras. I went back up.


Up I did when I took too much Nyquil and went out and peed in the yard in a full blazer.


OK, full work blazer workplace after performing at the Comedy Store full Paula Poundstone blazer icks predator.


Pink Predator Paula Plushie. Yeah, she was a predator of. Pussy, I think she was she did, she took the pussy. Oh, really? 100 percent. Yeah, I don't I don't know enough about her. Poundstone That's an unfortunate last name. Yeah. I mean, Cumming's I think I wouldn't that one. You might. I might. I might. I love playing old songs we haven't heard.


Wasn't she accused of something. Paula Poundstone. Was she. I thought she was. Now the shoulder pads.


How would you manage to even like how do you rape someone with those shoulder pads. It's a hard I guess you could. She was right. You could. What was it Mark.


You would act with a girl under 14. Oh, my God, all of your friends, not a family member. All of your friends, these are I don't know, I have never met her. How old do you think I am? How old do you think I am? I mean, I'm older than you.


I'm thirty eight. I mean, let's be honest. I've been sixty six for 20 years. Yeah. Peptides to us. I like playing old songs, yeah, and seeing what it does to people, OK, and seeing what emotions come up. OK, this is like my shit. I love it.


I love it. But were you a 90s, your 90s New York.


I'm thirty seven when you were 18. What were you listening to.


Who knows more of the lyrics, Maria? Let's see. OK, OK, OK, let's see. We're going to be checking the bottom line. Let's see who's going to win this one.


But we're done. You got like Counting Crows. I hooked up with Adam Duritz, 18.


He had fake hair. That was his real hair. They were fake.


He asked me to come sit with him while he put in the plugs. Get out of here.


I was 18 when I was of legal age. I was an intern at E! Entertainment.


OK, I was a fucking huckster hustler before huckster hustler. Shit, right.


So you what do you mean by that? Like you were trying. I was an intern. Move your career forward by hooking up. Oh, wait.


I was I've talked about this on the podcast and the fact let's talk about it again. And if you guys kiss did you. Yeah.


Or was there. No, we never had sex. I never had sex. We never had sex.


The fact that this has something to do.


Were you on that dick like pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. No. Always a bottom. Eternally a bottom, really.


I don't I always feel like I'm going to break a guy's dick.


Really. Remember when you told me guys want you to start on top? Yeah.


Yes. All on the bottom. Always. Yeah. Just lay there and pretend you're crying. You've got top hair. Hmm. That's not bottom hair. No, this is top, that's top hair. But I'm a bottom. You're probably traditional and submissive in my ARRL, but you also will do some.


Some but I'm sure you're a butt stuff girl.


You're what I call everyone I called you. Yeah. You called me and I remember talking.


I went, so guys just go straight for the butt.


And you told me in the shower you did but stuff. Yeah. No lube sans lube. Yeah. Yeah. Dude in the shower. Yeah. For me the weirdest thing for me is when I'm dating someone and it's a guy's first time doing both doing bad stuff. Is that what they say. Twice now.


It's my first time too. I'm like this.


Am I taking everything like this makes me so monster. I feel like a pedophile.


You pull up, I'm like I'm like pretend I've never I've never done this before. I let a lot of guys are not into it. I'm not into it.


All interesting shit is there is a lot of shit that comes out of you. Seen the yellow girls. No video. Can you pull up YOLO girls.


Yeah, I don't we don't have a gun. Why would anybody like it. Do you like it. I like the mentally.


Do you like it. But not physically. Nobody physically likes that. That's not how we're designed physically. You don't like it. Nobody got the answer go at some point, though, I thought we were going to have a report. I'm so obsessed with you, OK, a rappoport. I have you had him on here? Yes, he's funny.


I he's annoying sometimes, but he's fine. I love him. No, he's funny. He's he's funny. He's an uncle. Yes, uncle. Yes. Yes. Our annoying fucking uncle. Yeah. And he if you only know him on Instagram he is annoying.


Here's my hang out with him in person. You're like oh I hear is funny.


You let him in the beginning. Yeah I was like headphones. He's like I can hear you. Yeah. I'd love it. That's why he was like I can hear you right there.


Yeah. Yeah. That's the whole thing. He goes it's like take your fucking headphones off. I can hear you speaking.


We're in an Uber and I don't know what he did. I think we're in Uber who are telling me about an Uber ride. I forget this is in like Montreal.


And again, I can Uber guy doesn't even take the passenger seat and put it up. They go, what is this?


Are we expecting somebody who's a good driver? Just the seat of six, which is such a beast.


He actually when he came on the podcast last year, he was like, oh, no. When he was on Charlamagne show, he was like, Lauryn Hill has not made a hit in twenty years. Yeah. Yeah, she doesn't win.


So Lauryn Hill at the club Nokia did with Rogen and Jim Jefferies for an Australia fire. Remember when we cared about Australia fires? Do you want me to be honest or not?


Please. I mean, don't what kind of bitch asked rhetorical question is that? I'm just saying, do you want me to be on do with if you don't know me.


But no, I'm just saying. Did you really care about the fires? Yes, I remember when you were trying to say that giraffe, you know, that I was you know, you were trying to say I was four years ago you were trying to save a dress. Yes. And that shit made me laugh for about a week.


There's a video and I hope it's still up. I would like go in there like the fires of the Animal Farm. It's and what is it called?


A farm petting zoo, a ranch, whatever it is. And you're like, oh, what's the name address? Mount Stanley. Stanley, Stanley.


Stanley was here. As you could see, the wood is burnt. The fires have ravaged this area. You're like bring up like pieces of the ground you like. Definitely fire a folder or do you want to see my folder?


I have a folder with you. I would you do if you would save Jeffrey. You don't know what you do. Where would you go with it? Do you know where to go? Right. By the way, still working on it, by the way.


It's been six months. He's dead. They switched them out. It's been two years. They switch. No, there's another one named Jackson Sylmar that they're trying to get dead to. Yes. There they are in a box in Sylmar. They're in a box under the ground up there dead.


I get those jobs on them. All that ones I have. Look, I have look at this folder. Yeah.


I'm tracking animal abusers.


That's my kink. Yeah. This is what I do. Yeah. I am like the Sherlock Holmes.


Would you do anything? This is going to be a little bit gross. Would you ever have a romantic relationship with an animal. I mean, that if you ever, like, know the animal so much, you just wanted them to know. No, because yes, I do. You have to go see it because what you're doing it is. You're saying it.


I do scratch my dog's labia dicks sticks. Yeah. Yeah.


And I'm not a lesbo. I know that both ball.


I haven't heard that word. It's like porno. I mean, you heard that word.


When you hear things like what's the worst word, lesbo? What's the worst word that exists?


Yeah. I mean, I think we all know I'm OK because. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it. Mean like there's one. Not only is there any word that's worse, that's worse than that. Yeah. My friend Dove used the word for Jewish people when he got cut off. Huh. You got cut off. Not circumcised. Yeah.


Are you circumcised when you have a kid. When you have a kid circumcised them. Oh. I don't know, there's a little boy or girl depends on the girl I definitely won't like there's that's good. Don't circumcise the whole thing. We'll circle back. Yeah, yeah. Well, well, not at all. Like, we're not going to say we're not going to do anything at all. Let the hymen be intact. The Hyman's intact. I don't think you circumcised.


You slap that table one more because they can hear it big.


I have to. Sonia Misophonia, watch me.


Oh you don't know something. Oh I know something. You don't know everything.


I don't know which is that I hear things because I grew up in an alcoholic home. You guys know this. I can. In women there's not one woman in this room. This is this is my favorite shit. Just a bunch of men staring at me, underestimating me. Let's fucking go. We're underestimating you.


We're in a fucking the state, OK, that none of us live in. Nobody's underestimating you right now. You're clearly renovating. You got signs of the occult all over this place.


Signs of the occult, because I did the craftswomen, but we didn't know that. So Mark is out there videotaping these like six six. Six is in a circle going let's go.


By the way, we started on the workers when my dog sliced his hand, open it open and there was blood everywhere and there was like pentagrams everywhere.


And the workers you're sacrificing, antipolice, you're sacrificing. I wouldn't that's why you want to drive. That's how you stay young forever.


If you could sacrifice a giraffe, if you stay green, a chrome all day, bets all day, why do we get along so well? I don't know.


You're just fun. It's weird. Yeah. Why is it weird?


Why you you hate acting in. You're such a good actor.


I hate it. Doug doesn't think I'm a good actor. You're wrong. Can I tell you. But you're the best director. I've said this to you before. I know you're the best director.


And it's almost to the point like. If anybody asked me to do the movie, if I if it was a really short and I really liked it, maybe if it was a full movie and you were directing it, I would do it. But most other people know, I mean, that sincerely.


I'm not blonde. I just don't care enough. It's boring.


I agree with you. It literally feels like. Here's the line that I think is really funny. Do me a favor, say that line. If you think of something else that's funny. Try it. We should have got Blake here. Yes.


Because that was the scene. But like you were just let me do other things. We. Figure it out in the edit. Yeah. It was just great. Yeah.


Like, I don't want comedians. We are all about what's the best, which has to be the best. Yeah. We don't there's no egos. There's no we don't stick to shit where we heckle ourselves.


You I'm saying we just want the best thing all the time.


Yeah but you're the best, you're the best director. I'm not just saying that because you know, I criticize you a lot. Well, you know that the next thing I want to do with that, my plan is I want to be Walt Disney.


Yeah, you could do it. You could do it. I want to create experiences, you could do it, you created a fucking Jeffrey Epstein's mansion. So I believe it. You know, numerous times the snacks were delicious.


Did you ever get asked to be involved in anything?


I had never heard of him until Tim Dillon Timmy shouted to him.


I know there was like an Andre byelaws connection. I knew Andre a lot. He's a hotel in New York City. Oh, New York. Really? New York. I don't know the hotel standard. I live there. I'm sorry. I don't understand or I live that. Whatever.


What's your ancestry ancestry like? What do you mean by that? Like, where are you from? I'm from Scotland. Really? Yeah. My mom was born and raised in Scotland.


Have you OK. Scotch Irish. No. Scottish.




Yeah, just the Scottish. Have you not done your ancestry. No, I don't want to do that.


You should know because what if what if I find out my mom was just like oh who are you know and my dad's just because you're what I'll find out.


My dad's not my real dad. My dad is my hero. I don't want to know. Your dad's my hero. He's a pretty good guy.


The fact that he was a news. Yeah. Anchor. Yeah, that's a plot twist. Yeah. And like the cool stories did the first ever story about hip hop music. Wow. Yeah. For NBC produced it.


And then so you inherited. Here's the thing. You inherited all these good amazing things. Curiosity from him for sure.


Curiosity pacing my um hip hop. All of it. Right. Right. Yeah. Investigative journalism.


Yeah. He's super cute but you also inherited negative shit. Yeah. What's that. Um, your grandparents. Grandparents.


Nothing negative about Scottish, Scottish actualized human being. Why didn't you let me know.


Tons of tons. And I think they're like yeah I think the curiosity comes from my dad and then just the drive comes from my mom. My mom's like insane. Her drive is unbelievable, relentless. She will destroy anything in her path. Yeah. I mean one hundred is never like right now if she was what's her name.


Sandra. Sandra. You can't fuck with Sandra. No Sandy D.


Wow, that's not really her name and where she's from, she's from Scotland. Scotland, yes.


People from Scotland Highlanders. Yeah, these motherfuckers had to ward off Bears with their energy.


There's no bears in Scotland at all. It's more of was trying to think of what the predator was.


The English. What what were the English. The Predator. Have you seen Braveheart.


The English I've seen Brave with Col Gibson. Come on the pod. I have some questions about your voicemail's.


Have you heard those voicemails recently? Dude, he's a wild boy. I relisten. He's a wild devils in movies, in production. He can come back. He's back. That's great. Know what greatness. He's back. He's greatness.


He played Will Ferrell's dad in the movie.


He's Mark Wahlberg. He's in a Santa movie. He's Santa. Yeah. He played Santa. Yeah. Yeah. This motherfucker voicemail's.


I hate the Jews more than since I gave up like Texas.


The that anger. The rage in his heart. Yeah.


Dove, do you forgive him? Does Jewish. Let's forgive people. Really. Let's do it. OK, who do you forgive.


Who don't forgive. But also I want to plan your wedding and fight me about why you didn't take my advice on your engagement because you had I would have done it better.


You had an. Incredible, but also creepy. Way of proposing, can I want you to say it OK, I forgot you didn't forget because you put thought into this, you clearly put thought it was this is the crux of it, to propose in the conscious state and the subconscious state.


Oh, that's right.


You don't need this. Yeah, go, go, go, go, go, go. You told me this as a real person. You really thought that was the right way to do. Yes.


I wanted you to make my girlfriend pass out. She was your girlfriend at the time while she was sleeping. Yeah. Put the engagement ring on her finger. Yeah.


And then when she woke up, she wouldn't have a choice if you wanted me to take away her power of choice, I think that is her body. Your choice. Isn't that what's wrong with the world? I mean, your body, Angie's choice. Oh yeah. I wanted the that to me is the hottest shit ever. So me I'm going to fuck. Yeah. Waking up because you don't know and that. Oh I want you video her.


Yes. Cameras. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean it's just terrifying. Right. It is absolutely terrifying. Hot content.


I would have gone viral to put cameras up. I wanted you to put cameras up. Put an engagement ring on her finger while she was sleeping and figure she was going to get up, she's going to brush your teeth, wash your face and be like, oh.


That would have been amazing, but what if she said no, then it would have you going to say no now she was going to say no, not with that rock.


Good boy.


Went in. She wouldn't say no to you. What is she, Netflix?


Yeah, even they didn't know. They always say yes eventually. No means no means no means yes.


In entertainment. Yeah. In entertainment. Yes. I don't know. Have you ever been in that situation say again in a different way.


Have you ever been in a situation where like, you know, a network or somebody said no to you and then they came around and they realized that the right thing to do is to say, yes, no, I got cancelled a lot or I got canceled a lot.


And then I would like see a network head be like, we were wrong.


This, this, this or this was ahead of its time.


Like I did a show at HBO, that pilot that you auditioned for to play my boyfriend and I you were we were ageist.


This is how we adjust to me. You were the best person for the job.


Yeah. He came in, crushed it. Yeah. But I thought he looked too young.


Right. To play my boyfriend. Yeah. Which is prejudice. And I hired Brett Goldstein who's now on Pandi. Pam, what's the thing on Apple with Jason Sudeikis. I don't know. I don't know.


Cut it out Apple. You know, it was we're not watching anything on Apple. I was cut it out. Do you have anything in production with them but cut it the fuck out. You see a stupid apple with a bite out of it. I'm not watching a TV show with that.


Do you have something production with them, do you? I have bunga bunga, the story of Silvio Berlusconi. Who Berlusconi.


You are very similar. The Italian prime minister Trump, he's but he was a bad motherfucker. He was Trump before Trump. Trump read his playbook from Silvio Berlusconi. Interesting. Bought all the airwaves. What we want to say, Satterberg said 20 years.


Dub it tough, say it into the mic, is that once we get the truffle started, we call him the truffle pig. The truffle pig. Yeah, the tropics. But you can talk to Silvio Berlusconi.


He bought all the airwaves, controlled all the airwaves, stuff.


You used to make TV shows and films in Italy for the Italian company till I stole him.


That's what you did. Yeah. Oh, shit. So he knows a lot about this. Oh, you know, Silvio, Indiana Productions is the name of the I hosted Bunga Bunga, the podcast for wondering. Oh, wow, you have to listen to it.


You don't know who I am.


You know, he's not underestimating you girls on every field of beverage show. Just he came to the middle of nowhere. I don't know where we are. You said that last one, I still don't know where near Rogan's old studio, OK, we're at my home. You're my family. Deal with it. Thank you. Deal with it. Thank you.


The engagement will get back to Silvio Berlusconi. A second apple. Yeah. I mean, look, there's going to be a point where people just go Google to watch a show and we don't the networks don't exist. Doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Yeah. So whoever's financing it, it doesn't you know, Acura is owned by Jaguar, which is owned by No one cares.


So this is this is how I get deals done. I just trash the network. So just let me do my thing. No, I know that I got here so I get I'll have an apple.


You're the you're used to seeing the game. Yes.


Shot to Neil Strauss. You have you spoken to him. No. Oh dude. That guy is the economic hit man of pussy. I'm good. I'm like imagine making millions of dollars teaching guys had to just like fuck girls like they're objects and then selling a book about how to have a meaningful relationship right after it's.


Yeah, you create the addiction and then solve it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That Scientology and I spoke about I know, I'm aware but I was right or wrong.


You need that. You need to clear up. Clear it up. Clear. Is there someone is there to clear it up like. No, you know what, I fucked with it. I fuck with the Nexium call couple the next call. It makes a lot of sense. I'm having Sarah Edmondson from the VA, by the way. I'm on season two of the Vow Bitch.


And it had her on my G live coming on the podcast.


But this fucking quarantine shit. Do you need notes on my podcast, by the way, because I know these are my notes for you. OK, you don't know who Keith Urban areas.


I know about the Nisim or Nexium or whatever it is because you're a cult leader.


So should you all about them all. All about it. You can have a good cult. Let's go study them all. Yeah, that's him.


He's not that bad. No, he's cute but he's short and Bow-Legged. So that's the problem. Yeah. Yeah. And a malignant narcissist.




The narcissism, you know, I mean he's like in his body all really like the despot's mostly were short Napoléon.


What does desperate mean. Desperate. Like the didactic leaders that were oppressive.


Just real quick in the future, when I ask you what a word means, don't use a bigger word.


Describe it. Please don't, don't don't do that ever again.


Stop pretending. How about you do me a favor by pretending you're dumber than you are because you want to be New York.


Why is New York dumb, by the way? You know that this is boxing. OK, go. Don't you think? Are we boxing?


Don't you think that this is what we do now? Yes. Yeah. Should we start calling out people like to come on our podcast box with us. Yeah, but not debating. That's a little annoying.


It's like Ben Shapiro with the podcast.


Don't get me started. I know. I know. You know what? I'm just talking to him. No, I haven't. OK, he treats me sometimes. So now I'm all right.


But like do you don't I mean, like Schumer come on my podcast.


Yeah. Yeah. Like that kind of thing. Yeah. That's kind of what we're doing with podcast now. Right now. I mean like come fight with me.


No, I don't want to fight with people but I want to have a great time. But we're sparring but we're not fighting.


Sparring. We're busting balls. Busting balls. Yeah. Busting balls. These are synonyms. Yeah but it's not. Yeah. You're the guy that's like OK that we said this last time. I didn't say you were a bitch. I said you were being a bitch. You're like trying to get me on a technicality.


Yeah, I. But that's actually I like lady, yeah, lucky lady, lucky lady, your lady is very lucky. She's a lucky girl, I thought lucky girl, which I thought yes she is well lucky a beautiful girl.


And she had lucky girl. Body won't stop, body won't stop. And the ring is stupid. Yeah. The ring is stupid. Yeah. Your boy went in the I don't know a lot more about. We'll talk more about not when the ring looks like that when it's fucking when it's a ring. When she gets the ring.


I think you should have pranked her but whatever Frank her. OK. Mm hmm. She's been dreaming about this day for probably the majority.


Why do you think why do you think women just dream about being proposed to you all the time? They don't dream about threesomes all the time. Why can't you dream about being proposed to all men?


Dream about threesomes all the time? Yeah, I'll tell you, there's one, two, three, five men in this room. Raise your hand if you dream about threesomes all the time.


Yeah, one person raised their hand every single second day, but throughout the day you might see something in the time of covid.


Yeah, for sure. Threesomes y y is not. Is one a pussy in a bottle. Not enough. You want to push it and you don't want a bottle.


OK, so this is why for tits in two places. Yeah. Why. It's more than two.


And do they have to be a certain. Like what if they're too flat chested women.




Tit's why why not like what's the threesome, what's the logic, but the math, it's just more I think it's gluttony at the end of the day, you know, it's just more, you know, why do you have a double chocolate chip for people to apologize to the next day?


I apologize to disappoint more people. They might see these two guys. I don't believe in them. You don't believe in Estes's sties?


STDs. I don't believe this. What's in SETI doesn't exist.


Don't have to believe in it. I thought that that's Nisim.


You're like on some Alan Greenspan shit where you talk in a way that it's impossible.


Fed guy like is impossible to argue with you because you aren't making sense. But it sounds so smart.


Yeah. Do you know about the Fed? It's all fake. I know. I love it. I love it. I got in a wormhole. Did I get any jokes in your new special?


Yes, I pitched a couple bangers you had no.


You know, you had a bang or a few bangers. Oh, you did. Do we can we say, yeah, because these might be your friends, we get this might be before we can say it and then we can put it in the Stanley Tucci the Stanley Tucci joke about you don't believe in stereotypes because you play the sassy gay sidekick in every movie, stereotypes paid for your house in the hills where you avoid black people.


That's a fucking good job I pitching make. But you weren't there.


This is back when we were doing the YouTube and it was so good that we kept it for the Netflix. But it was remember the all the celebs do that stupid black and white video literally.


We're like, yeah, we need something for. And I didn't know to cheat. None of us knew these people. Yeah. Yeah, right.


And I called you and you were like in the middle of doing whatever the fuck you're doing. And like, you know, things are like pat, like banging in the background. There's like pots and shit.


You're like moving around and maybe crying and then you just start doing these like really like harsh gross jokes about these people. And like at first we're laughing. And at the end, like, I don't think Whitney likes these people at first, but it was too cheesy. It's like all the jokes I'm not allowed to say exactly.


I think I'm a roast bitch. You're really you're amazing.


That's my thing. Yeah, that's my thing. Yeah. Yeah. People don't know that.


But you came in and you you helped us. You were there for like two days. Two days.


I came in for one full day and then you took me out the next day because everyone needed to rest or had covid or something. Yes. But we didn't go in the next day. Yeah, but you came for a day and then you really helped us. And I thought it was so sweet. And I through your your shoes out the window. I love you.


That's right. I loved your. He doesn't like a wedge. He'll hate it. Men don't like a wedge heel.


Is this. Explain what we're talking about. We're talk about the sneaker I was playing.


I was wearing a sneaker, a cute sneaker heel. I'm a niños bitch for life.


But that never existed in the nineties. Nobody does this sneaker heel thing. It is absolutely disgusting.


And I mean this with all love. OK, ladies, it looks horrible, ladies. Yeah, because there is one women that are listening to the female.


What do you want me to call them? Ladies, isn't what you want to be called just Zim Zim, is that it? No, I'm just saying, hey, that's her hair. She has was what else you want to be?


Oh, dude, we have her in the special. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's really funny. There's like a line.


I forget what it is like. See, the thing is that white males in the picture that pops up is do you know her?


Him, whatever I feel allowed to make one mistake, like I'm joking, no, we're going to forgive people and we're going to go through who we should and shouldn't forgive him.


Are you she whatever? I do not know. Is it. He is brilliant. Brilliant, because he got all the money at every stage of the career. And he was straight right when he was a girl. Yeah. He got the money and now he's the oppressor. He's the patriarchy. Wait for it.


Then he got the gay money from Vice here to show about like traveling around is like a gay person around the world. It was literally there was a gay in the title.


Right. And then flips the switch to to trans guy. Right. And now is going to get the trans roll. It means genius but can never connect. Cannot. I was asking about this. I was like, you still want to play it, not play a gay man.


Can Elliot not play a gay man. Why. What is she into. She's into chick still straight man.


She's a straight man. Dates women, dates women. Yes. I can't play a gay man, can't play a gay man. But can she play a woman like she's playing on umbrella academy.


Or is that stealing a job? Is that stealing a job? Who gives a fuck? I've been saying that for the greater part of my career, literally, who gives a fuck?


I do not. People are have three jobs and they just want to go see a fucking movie. They want to be entertained. They want to laugh. They just laugh. Target the fucking overdraft fee. I'm on the phone with the god damn cable guy who won't show up and I just want to be entertained. I don't give a fuck who's playing. It made me laugh. Make me feel some. You know what entertainers were your babysitters. My kids on the fucking couch.


I need to go run some goddamn errands. I need to go into the fucking shed and get the fucking oil put in the car because I fixed my own car and I I'm my own handyman of my home. I'm fixing the screen door and I need my kids to look at a fucking thing.


Yeah. I don't give a fuck. I think they I think everyone assumes we're all fucking pervy predator freaks.


No, no, no, none. They don't care. No, I do not. I mean I mean Hollywood. They're like saying we know you're all perverts. We don't care. Do you think everyone's a pervert in Hollywood?


That's I don't think generalizations like that.


I don't I mean, you just make a general statement, you know what I mean? I don't. Everyone in Hollywood, I think everyone is a pervert and we all have to sort of clamp it down.


OK, you think everyone's a pervert? I mean, everybody has to clamp it down. I think I think I think sex started be. What does that mean? Everyone's a pervert.


Sex started being consensual. Like you think Mark is a pervert. Mark, what are perfect.


Divine, perfect. Let's agree on the definition, pervert.


Mark co-wrote the show with me. The Netflix show. Right. He co created the show.


Can I say something? Can I say one more thing.


He he has been with one woman his whole life and he is married. Is he a pervert?


That's pretty sick, sick in a cool way or what, because I can't tell with, you know, straight man would ever love a woman that no shots fired, grabbed on my head like that is completely true.


That's like me and Venton, what is is marked a new Benton Navy. Yeah.


Your kink is like the same pussy every time.


Yes. Like no one's ever fucked this pussy before.


The same one. Yeah. This time is such a brutal weather bureau is the best.


It's like it's like wearing sandals that are only yours that you wear for years.


Your feet fit perfectly into comparing your wife's vagina to, say, flip flops like Birkenstocks or rainbows and not like shit.


No, I have a great. What's your name. Alicia. Alicia. Lisa.


I'm a divorce attorney for you.


I'm guessing not everybody's a pervert who is pretty responsible. Everybody's got a girlfriend or fiancee. Wife that we are govt. Govt will only be Jewish women. Oh, interesting. Only be with Jewish women. Do you have to.


Because your family eventually. But I haven't up until this point.


That's why he's not married. But he'll only marry and have a family with Jewish women.


He will not be with someone who's not Jewish. I'm into that. That's fine. Whatever. I'm only a device that you know that. What. Don't challenge me that don't. So what's the difference?


I'm just saying, don't you think that he should maybe expand his search a bit?


I think you should stay in your lane and let him do whatever the fuck he needs to do for him.


What is that? What is what is this? What this is my friend right here. It's my business is my business. Is it? I've known this kid since I'm 18 years old. OK, yeah.


You talk like me. I say that since I'm 18. Is that New York? That's East Coast. Yeah. You're from Florida? No, I'm trash from Virginia and West Virginia.


Say Appalachia, motherfucker. Which is Scotch. Irish. Are you Scotch? Yes, I'm Scotch Irish.


West Virginia. Coal mining. Do people know that that's why I can direct movies and do all this shit at one time?


Because these women were in hollows, in mountains, barefooted, fighting, getting raped and fighting off motherfuckers like with.


They're just crazy.


Yes. That's why they fought them off with their kids when they're crazy with their eyes.




All they had were their eyes chewed on their stance and their energy. Like women, the only way they could protect them was it felt like you were practicing every day in that moment.


Like, look, I'm saying, look, there you the forty lost power one on one. Like, you have to let people know that you are crazy. That is the only way to have any power.


Is that right? You're not a Robert Green person. No, that's shocking to me, Charlamagne is such a Robert Green person. I feel like I get it all out of my pocket.


This is mind blowing Chala No Robert Green. And what did he say? The fuck does he know about power? What powers he has? He's not, but he studies despot's.


But that means yes, he studies great powerful leaders and how they became powerful. Machiavelli, my girls.


Coming up, Napoleon. Napoleon is not allowed on camera.


OK, can I tell her we can talk to her, but no. Can I tell her what I think her proposal should have been?


Yes, I would love that we plan the wedding. Hey, listen, this year is coming to an end, but self care routines still very important and self care very important. OK, this is the part right here where Whitney would ask me what razor she uses and then I would tell her the answer, even though we both knew the answer already.


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Was officiating the wedding dove or you? I think it's both. I think both of you guys should do it. Absolutely. I'm not a I'm a.


All I said that we don't put you on camera, but if you do want to say anything, you can talk to the mike right there. She didn't want to come in.


And all those questions are for you right over there.


Yeah. The best, the best says.


OK, when you see Brannock now put it in front of her mouth when I don't know if this is how you're going to co officiate the wedding with me, this is not going to be that they're officiating the wedding, but I think I should do it if we have a wedding.


I feel like this is the least wedding like thing to happen. So in that case, I'm OK.


She doesn't want a traditional wedding. Yeah, no, you shouldn't. Yeah, yeah, I got it. I'm on it.


She wants to go to Portland and just sit around food trucks all day.


I don't want to go to Portland. No. Can I tell you something. Thai. Hey, hey. Weddings are not for you. All right. OK, they're for your friends, OK?


And you know what it is? It's not about you. The wedding is not about you. And it's also the great Kevin Christie used to come with you on the road. Comedian, artist, the best he said you get. Because when I was engaged, I was like, I don't know, your wedding did it. I know you have a wife. I can't stand when you guys are together.


You can't focus your life so obsessed with her. I honestly, Ozzy's a problem, and that's the reason why I can't have her at most podcast.


Yeah, it's almost distracting. It shows I feel like I might come here.


I feel like you have like some kind of you you might have some kind of cash. No one can be happy to be happy as if she doesn't just tomac bomb doesn't try. But you do look you do not look alike. I mean, some people don't. The forehead is alarmingly similar.


Some people say he looks like my brother, which is. I do. I think.


Yeah. Can we not ruin it? We're about to go on vacation with everything.


So like I mean, I think we would like about twenty to twenty three and me too. Yeah. I feel like your past life twins or something. A little gross.


Yeah. Like if you were a girl that you could be happy if she's not happy I to keep telling you if you. What do you mean. You're chilly. It's falling apart. What are you doing on my head. Yeah dude I'm really I'm like every fucking bit.


But if you were a woman that's what you look like. Right. And if you were a man that's what you.


So really my nose would not be bad and your turn had to be a microphone and you know, you'd be way funnier. Oh shit. From my heart.


Try to hurt me with that one. Oh, all right.


Well, OK, a blast. Weddings are for your friends, but I don't want she wants in on me like I. I don't think people got it. Got it. But what it is is it is about people coming and no one seeing that it's possible. Real quick, how many weddings have you had.


So what the fuck do you let things look. Shut up and sit down. We'll take it from here where the food trucks. Babe, let's do this. How about this? My grandma, we win. We're going to do for a place like this. We have food trucks. I will kick you out. I lost my home to my shock. Nespresso, my super supersaurus. It's super. Thank you.


Still took an injectable before the code.


Whitney, she took a syringe out of the fucking fridge and jammed it into her stomach. The peptide shit from Rogen. Yeah, she's on the right side.


So we're going to freeze the eggs to. You're freezing the eggs. I froze the eggs at thirty three. Really. So what they're done now. Got fifteen eggs in Redondo Beach but they're done now by the thirty three. No that's five years ago. Those eggs are fucking almost they can hold now for ten years. No those eggs are done. In what medical school. I went to medical school. Which one.


The Bahamian one. It was a Bahamian medical school and they said if you freeze those eggs they're not looking. They can now gelatin the gelatin. Those eggs are gelatin. In all seriousness, I do look at your eggs right now. What am I going to give you? Fucking pudding. So I'm going to give birth to a gummy bear. Come on. Said come on Sumati. That's it. OK, anyway, this is the love of my life.


You guys look like twins, you know. Look, don't say don't do it says tree. Look, nobody can be happy. That's you. You need to sign this theory needs to get out there already can be happy. The wedding is to inspire your friends that it is possible because half the half these been the first to come to your wedding or to go. This is not my person. I don't have that. That's true. You know, I'm saying, meme, a meme just happened, I felt a meme just I felt the gifts just happened like room that you are providing a space where people can come and go.


No, I want that Lizzy Caplan bitch. I went to her wedding and I was like, oh, oh, you get to see an example of so people come to your wedding, go, oh, this person isn't the one I'm going to change.


I'm going I'm going to ask you a question. Do you take Korona seriously or not? I do. My mom's in a nursing home, but that's that's that's a well, I way to make it about you.


Take your mask off.


You do take your mask off. What is that. What are you asking? I just want to I just want to know like what is the responsibility with and weddings because I have a friend. Right. Oh you want to have it may not be in this room that had a wedding in like the height of Korona. Oh yeah. Where about that. Where outside. But the sun kills it. Right.


It said it was an inside. It was an inside wedding. I just do it outside. But what if it was inside. Really beautiful.


Great speech that made amazing speeches like some of the best speeches and no masks. Not a single mask but what do you how do you feel about that? And guess what? Nobody got Korona. Not a single person.


What state you're taking us? Texas. Florida, Florida, yeah. There wasn't a single case, a single case of Corona, but did they get tested? How do we know that they got tested? Not everyone at the wedding got to at both of his grandparents died three weeks later, unrelated.


I don't know what Mark had a wedding, but I know this is a says.


There is a mark had a wedding. OK, OK. Alicia, can I say your name was on it? OK, I already said it.


OK, they had a wedding. This is height of Corones. OK. We all go down there, Cronan doesn't exist in Florida. One hundred percent convinced does not exist. Well, there is the sun, there's a lot of vitamin D because people in the sun a lot, but also L-A is vitamin D. Yeah, no, true. But let me ask you. Yeah, but are they. I don't know. I don't give a fuck, dude.


We're comics. I'm not a doctor. I don't want to be a doctor. I don't want to be a politician. I don't want any of that shit. I'm just fucking let's go down this path. I'm happy to be wrong. But are they getting tested? No.


How do we feel? Like they believe in God. They might God protect. They might think they have to follow our cough. You need if I have pentagrams, my plastic surgeon in Rochester, he crushed it. Same as Garth Fisher.


Ga ga ga ga ga ga ga. Yes, I know where he said. He said hi, my name is Garth and put plastic in. Oh he doesn't do any of that shit. Yes he did. He's done every tit you have jerked off to.


He has done babe.


Sorry. I mean it's like I'm actually jerk off to be honest with you.


I jerked off once recently we've talked about before. Why. Yeah. Why we're watching you.


When your special came out, I didn't want to have sex three a.m. when you came home from shooting that play.


Yeah, we were shooting a lot. I was coming home super late. We had covid, I had Korona. I was super hot, like, oh, really attractive drinks around. We did fuck.


Actually that's kind of when you had when he had it. No, you get out.


Never had I found out. But how do I find out that I had Caronna.


She's like I didn't her I heard you can tell if I found out that I had symptoms went by going down on her because you can smell or pussy.


I was like, where's the flavor. You can taste her pussy. Yeah. I was like, it's time for Flavor Town.


It's so much heavier and she's in the room so. And then I was like, oh fuck. And I ran to the kitchen and I tried some dried cherries. No Flav's. Yeah, take that in a minute, yeah, take a minute, minute, take a minute, take some Dafa Nektar takes a mic to you and our friend. This is the fucking shit. Have you put this in your sphynx. I know, I know.


My my sinuses are good. Yeah, I'm not going to fuck with them. No, you're great. You've been drooling throughout this. Truly. No, not drooling.


What is it out of your nose. Not, not. I know. I know. I know. But that's actually oil. Yeah. I also put oil under my nose.


Got you. OK, does it look bad to the crazy. No, you look great. Am I the Courtney Love of comedy.


You actually are. And I wanted to have a conversation with you about this. What what's happening? What's happening, because one day you were like super glam, right, and you're like posted a picture and it was just like the brunette, the hair and everything.


And then the next day it was like honeymooners.


I don't know that reference, you old fucking man, God damn it. Jesus Christ, dude, don't you hate when the maybe Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind can we get like that?


Is that like, oh, my God, is that a Duplass movie?


OK, maybe we do get along a Duplass movie.


Did this Duplass guy that we fucking rip apart in the special like really rip apart.


It's actually funny that you do. It's actually so amazing that you do it because you think about that was yours too Anthony. Boring. Instead of Anthony Bourdain, Anthony Bourdain, I think it was a long time ago, but we're all writing and that was it yours Duplass, I feel like it would have been anyway.


He keeps telling Bobby Lee when we're on the podcast who to do. Plus your whole time he's Texan border on Bobby's couch and he texted him and drove me crazy. I never met the guy.


Have you had any. Has anyone said like what the fuck did so far to me personally? No. I mean, obviously the bloggers are out there like.


No, no. Like, that's that's good.


That's why you have such idiots, because we literally say in the piece, right. We're like, this is how media works in the show that they're reviewing. We go the no name bloggers blog something. The news stations react to the No-Name blogger and make it a real story when it's not.


And then the bloggers react to that and literally no name bloggers reviewing the rationale. They're not even self-aware enough to know that they're doing the thing that we called our own. And we're sitting back going, thank you.


Thank you so much. Thank you so much. I appreciate it.


When you say something horrible, everybody goes, oh, my God, that's bad. But I got to watch it. Thank you. Thank you very much.


No one like the show that everyone trashed me on the NBC show.


If you're upset about this NBC show, I know I'm saying, well, that was just like was such a big wound.


Yeah. Why? Because it was rich. Dude, you fucking made it. I was so funny. Like, who cares? I was a cum suck dude. I know. I was. Imagine you were doing a sitcom like for five years. You just spent five years doing a sitcom.


I was so like publicly everyone tried to like come at me so hard. Hollywood because Hollywood hates me. That's the thing.


Yeah. I get it. You know, they should everyone thinks I'm like Hollywood person, but but that goes back to why my hair is blue. I think the confluence of pandemic.


Yeah. I realize that, like, Hollywood doesn't really fuck with me. I don't play their game. I'm too tall. Him too loud them to Nazel. I'm too ambitious. They don't like it. I want too much.


I try too hard. You don't like it.


So I don't get cast and stuff. I'm not like the girl next door. I'm not like the actress. You want to do that. I don't. But I'm but I'm saying once I but I kept going like oh I got a pair up with this person and this amazing director and this amazing producer and like they're going to legitimize me and and then you and Rogen and pressuring me to do like podcast and all that, like, oh, I don't need any of that.


And then once I realized I was like, oh, I've just been living in a way to try to get the guy from high school to like me, like I've been, ah, like it's like it makes sense. Hollywood is all about his daddy. Daddy, Daddy, Daddy. Do you love me. Yeah. And I've been like, Daddy, daddy, do you like me now. Do you like me now. I've been like I get invited to the party.


I've been standing by waiting to get picked, suck it, keep. And then I was just like, fucking dude.


Why did my hair because the I mean, hair and makeup people are losing their I mean, they're losing their health insurance.


Yeah. So let's go to Tom Cruise thing right now. So I had to do the Tom Cruise thing. Right. Are you going to go on a rant? Are you going to go Tom Cruise?


I just I said, what's the most expensive thing you can do to it. Really want.


But you still made them work. You wouldn't just give the money for free. You're like you're going to work for it.


Well, yeah, people I don't think people want free money. Yes, they do want to earn it. No, they want freedom to disagree. They want freedom like people don't go. I don't want free money that nobody said that ever. They never like we should not have free money. Have you ever given someone free money. Yeah. How'd it go. They accepted it. They're like, thank you very much. And then how did your relationship with them go?


They were homeless person. They didn't they didn't have a home. Oh.


So I have given people money. Just here's money. Yeah. And then they hate you. It's only a matter of time before they start hating you so that they don't have to pay back.


Well, because then you're like you're this cloud hanging over their head and every time they show up it's like, oh, new sneakers.


OK, so but if you say, hey dude, I would love for you to come watch my dogs and housesit for me and like this and I really shit.


This is how your charitable to your friends, you have them. Do they have to earn over pay them.


You're like LeBron James have to earn it. Oh thank you. No, but that's what these athletes do. Like they make their friend like you have to earn what they want to earn it.


People, even my people need to have pride. Yes, that is right. And when. Right. You're right. You're right. Thank you. You're all right. All right. All right. All right, all right. All right, all right. According to Hollywood, I'm all right. When did you do anything that was all right?


But, you know, I just because I like to find jokes, people think I'm like, all right.


Yes, it's a little bit absurd. We're going to plan your wedding and then we're going to forgive people. OK, let's do it.


OK, so also the wedding is a we're oh, we're hiring an elephant for the wedding.


It's a cool thing. So I will actually it's honestly it's a cool thing.


That will be what breaks us. Honestly, this is a tradition.


It's like a very like a Hindu tradition. My buddy actually does podcast with me. Right. It's my best. And you're not hiring an elephant. This is no, this is part of what they do and do this. Do you keep doing your bad? I'm not doing your bad. We're hiring. They'll all subtitle. I will subtitle this and post it. So so we come in on the elephant.


Right. And instead of instead of like the elephant, like bending down.


So we get off. What happens is they just slice off each one of their legs. I hate talking about cancer culture. It's stupid. The fact that we acknowledge it is ridiculous. Yeah, it's fun. It's like click baity and shit.


Yeah. But it's also it's just like gossip. It's high school gossip. It's like we get dopamine and adrenaline from a sports reporters.


Yes. It's. Do you think there's any logic in council culture online got worse when sports was taken away.


Yeah, I think everything got worse when sports was taken away in life in general.


Yeah. We lost our ability to have the Roman Coliseum. Yeah. Yeah. What do they say?


Give them bread and circus or something.


I think that's it.


We need to just need to give people a to get by and then enough distraction. Yeah. I think that's the reason why like people are so upset about what's happening right now, specifically with lockdown.


This is it's not if we just don't have enough things to do.


Right. Like if they took away something else, if they limited our ability to do something that, like, didn't affect our distraction, we'd be OK. But eating out is integral. And like so many people's lives, like it's a ritual for me, it's how I socialize. Like I'm not going to fucking Marki the nightclub. Right. Like I'm just going to go out to dinner with my boys, out to dinner with my girl. That's just what I do.


Yeah. I don't even think I don't even know how to socialize. Another way I would go so far is like if we're not at work and socializing that way, it's just food. Hey, you want to meet up and get some food, we can get some drinks. How did you know your girl was your girl?


Um, the moment when did I like like I remember you said when you're first talking about her, it was so different. Like I felt it like I knew like I feel like your guy friends, platonic girlfriends. No.


First, because you talk different about her and you said something you were like she I was talking to on the phone about something and she was like, oh, let's not talk about that now. So we have something to talk about when you get home. Yeah.


Yeah, right. It was something like that. Yeah. Yeah. And she you were like so impressed that she was like siphoning out her like I want to have things to talk to you about throughout our day and.


Yeah. Like what happens if you get there and you were like proud, you were like so impressed by that because I remember like when we were first becoming friends, you're like there's no wives out there. And it was like blew my mind. Yeah. And. I'm just I'm fascinated by why, why, when? I mean, for me, for me, it was like I wanted somebody that I could feel, when did you know? A specific day I want to know.


Yes, well, I was a bit of a coward at first because I was unsure that this thing existed. Yeah.


So I was, like, super concerned to, like, get in and fully kind of commit commit verbally to her. Right. Verbally, like I was committed physically and emotionally before I was verbally committed because I had to go through this like trial period with my own mind where I was just like, OK, I'm in a relationship, but I'm not going to tell her that. How soon were you monogamous? Like, how soon were you together? I mean, pretty early.


Yeah. I mean, like, you kind of know it pretty early. I mean, like for me, I just kind of wanted to hang out with her so there wasn't really any need to, like, hang out with other people and then just kind of happened organically. It wasn't like a conversation where she was like, you know, stop seeing people. And I think, like, if you have to have that conversation. Yeah. Like, I think it does happen, but it doesn't have to happen, like in the first.


Second, like, I think if you truly getting to know somebody, you don't know who they are immediately.


I know it takes years, years or could take. And by the way, they're growing and changing.


So hopefully you guys are going to grow together. Yeah.


Hopefully you're never going to know who each other are all the time because you're changing everything.


Yeah, but so yeah, for me it was just like, oh wow. I really like sharing with this person and I don't like that with everybody.


And, you know, obviously she's beautiful and all these things, but it's a but it's also like sharing, being able to share my life.


People forget that love is like not about them, how they feel about you. It's about how you feel when you're with them. Yeah. The best version of yourself, when you're with them, you have nothing to prove. I'm not performing. I want to.


Yeah, I want to say yeah. But then I'm also like the most disgusting person when I'm with her. How so.


I mean I just I mean you're pretty disgusting. I can pig like like hell but I'm also. What does that mean. I just, I realize it. I mean like can I tell the thing? I lost my sense of smell, you know, obviously because of Korona and I like scratch my butt a lot like my whole my actual butthole.




And and then usually I'll do like a little taste, not taste has a smell test and I'll just just to see if there's due to another one. Does that. Yeah. That's very normal.


But I lost my sense of smell so I went for the smell and I forgot, I lost my sense of smell and I was like, oh that doesn't smell like shit at all. And then I go to Spoonhour. I cuddler up and then I just hear her go get what is that? Did you stuff your fist in your ass? And I go, I don't know what happened. And like, my whole hand just smelled like a shit. I literally had put it right under her nose like dirty Sanchez almost how many weeks or months this is a month ago.


But but yes. Yeah, I feel feeling like I didn't have to, like, you know, like put on anything like a primal comfort. There's a comfort. There's also like a curiosity.


And then like for me, what happened kind of each other. Yeah. Yeah, poop.


She caught me wiping the other day and that was too much. I she got me wiped like she walked by. The door was open. You look at your shit after that was but you caught me doing it wasn't wife and it was looking at it. Yeah.


How do you know when it's done. You don't, you know, wipe are you a fucking maniac, you just wipe and then think there's no poop left and then walk around all day, I feel, well, I actually I'm going to my crazy person.


I'm going to blow your mind. Oh, my God.


If I know that, I'm going to have to have anal. Yeah. New York. Sometimes I'll put my finger on my bottle and scoop up.


Yeah. You have to go there. You got to go there now. You got to go there. Push it back up.


You push it back, pack it in, scoop it out. You can go in and scoop it out on like people like newborns, newborns. Cool.


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Over twenty five thousand stores like Target, Wholefoods, Walmart, Kroger and CVS. OK, well, I guess I should have knew about it earlier then. I don't know how I missed it. It's wonderful. Go get it. So is it. So for me, it was like it was that and then also weird things start to happen, like things that I was like super specific about, like I had, like, these idiosyncrasies, you know, like I was really not I did not like certain things.


Tell me an example.


Like like no toenail polish on women. Like, I like Polish on the nails. And when it was just flesh, it was like gross to me. And you don't like toenail polish? No, I do like toenail polish and need the tone of Polish.


Oh yeah. Yeah. When it's toenails are fucking nasty. Here's a thing. So I'm like I need. That's a thing. Are you into Toe's Moufid.


I like for you to like boomerang. Yeah, I like you. I don't like doing anything sexual with them. I just think it's a pretty part of the female body. Yeah. Yeah.


That's a there's an interesting. Yeah it's like the brain is like the foot part is right next to the sex part or something.


So the Y is also a theory that when we're babies and we're crawling around and our moms walked barefoot around, we.


Oh that's interesting. You ask your mom if she was barefoot a lot walking around your crawling and seeing her toes.


Interesting, isn't it? Yeah, I might be a case. It's possible anyway, so. Yeah, like I just started noticing things that, like, I used to think I really cared about and then all of a sudden, like, I didn't really care that much, I it was it became like yes or no to like a preference. And I was like, oh shit.


I thought this was like a hard line. Yeah. Yeah.


The things that I used to think were hard and fast rules are now suddenly they're malleable.


And then I'm like, oh, they were never hard and fast.


Trying to pretend to be stupid is like his. I don't think you have a stick but you like to pretend you're stupid for some reason.


I think valuables are stupid. I think you need to release is malleable stupid that word. No, it's a big word that's big for you. If I said malleable, you would count on me.


Know what I meant when you said didactic. Why is didactic any.


That's what I want for that coffee on your head. Then you said didactic. I want to take it and then turn it upside. Try me try another word.


I don't know.


Um, kind of thing. I'm kind of defenestrate it straight. Defenestrate. Defenestrate.


What does it mean, a sentence.


The Pentagon is the defenestrate of the United States.


But do you think your run for office? No, never. I think it's I think I wouldn't either. Yeah, I wouldn't either. I think you can move culture away better without being in politics. Concur.


But I think that the people that won't run should run. Yes. 100 percent. And I think if you want if there is a point about cancer culture, do you want to bring up that isn't just like us comedians crying that we can't do jokes? I think that you'll never have. Oh, not never. But like, you're not going to have the right person for the job to be president because they're going to go through their lives and find out they said something rude to somebody in nineteen ninety and then that's going to make them complete.


They're going to completely eviscerate their character is going to make them so radioactive that they don't even want to be part of this.


And I think that now we're just going to get like Mike Pence's of the world. Right.


Who just are clean, but you're clean so you've got no flavor. You know, Trump was an anomaly in that regard.


He was just like, yeah, yeah, I'm a fucking piece of shit. What's up?


Is Trump going to go on Rogan? I think he should one hundred percent, he should 100 percent. Mm hmm. Yeah, you don't wanna hear him talk when he's like you got nothing to lose. You to hear him just fucking talk that shit. Is he going to run again? He's old. I don't think so. It's too much. It's too much. Yeah. You got to listen to Silvio Berlusconi thing.


He's good. He's the man. He he basically Silvio is Berlusconi, prime minister of Italy. Like he he's the mafia guy, right?


Yeah. Yeah.


Did he believe just hits me in the neck if people believe in what they say.


I mean, not all people, obviously, you can take that out of context, whatever, like if people really believe in their shit and they truly believe like what they're doing is like is the right thing and helping them, there's a little bit more respect for that.


Even if you disagree with it, when you somebody is like a grifter, they're just latching onto a movement so that they can gain power, popularity or fame, then I'm just repulsed by you and you're disgusting.


Should Podcast's be funny or interesting? I think the funniest stuff is interesting. Like, to me the best conversation is a serious one that then veers off to funny, you know, like like we'll have on our podcast Flagrant two. Right. Like we'll have these conversations that are like start in a serious place and then they just become the most absurd, crazy combination.


Yeah. And that's the funny to me.


But like, if it's all just like slapstick after a while, it's just like, is there anything that you've that you're like, oh, I hope that doesn't start getting a trend circulated like of mine like a clip. I'm sure. I'm sure. I've said I mean like I talks like oh OK.


For me it's more unfunny jokes of my old standup.


Like my first Carson Daly said I was fortunate enough to not have those opportunities.


I was fortunate enough to get rejected by Hollywood early. Yeah. So I so I don't have is here. So you're actually kind of clean that way, but like I'm clean from like my worst shit.


Right, because I started putting out my stuff and obviously I'm only going to put out the what I felt was the best at the time.


Now there might be some way early clips on like this wasn't good, but like I waited so long to put things out because I was like, oh, maybe I'll get an opportunity this year, maybe I'll get this year. And then eventually she's like, fuck it. But by then, I'm not two years in putting out clips, 10 years in, I'm ready to go. And that one hour they took me ten years to build is like really sharp.


So I'm not as concerned about that.


Who's the funniest comic working, working on a comic, the funniest funny comic ever. Patrice O'Neal. Mm hmm. The funniest comic working right now.


When he wants to be funny, would Petraeus be funny now? Yeah, he'd be the best. Of course not. A question. Petraeus is to go to me and it's not even like a close conversation. I think to me it's like the type of comedy I like.


He's the Floyd. He's the one hundred percent. I mean, if Chappelle wants to be funny, if he wants to turn the switch on, I think he's the funniest right now problem.


But what is this new trend where comics now have to be vulnerable and serious and political insincere? Yeah, I don't know.


We got to we got to ask Dave about that. You should talk to him about that. Yeah. Like what, what the point of it is like. I don't know. What do you think it is.


I don't know. I don't I just I don't want to lecture anyone. Yeah. Me personally. I just.


I don't I don't I want people when they see click on me, they know they're going to get Santa Claus. It's going to be surprising and funny and silly and dumb and interesting and like like a member of those Cracker Jack boxes where there's a prize. Yeah. Like, I just want to do that. Yeah.


You're a Cracker Jack Box. Thank you. Or a relative say cracker. Yeah. OK, ok. Yeah. I asked the black person in the room but that's our word and that's our word. Yeah. He can't say black honky.


Yeah. You're a honky dude.


I got to start calling white girls honky. You know about that sterkel redneck.


Oh yeah. This honky cut me off. Did.


We got hungry. We need to bring honkey back. Yeah, it's great honkies like this.


I love etymology, shit like that, like redneck and hillbilly, you know, like redneck. Actually, I don't know where it was, where I said redneck on something. And they were asking me about cutting it. And I was like, no redneck actually. Like, what do you think redneck means.


Redneck means person working in the fields and their neck was red. White, the sun.


The sun. Interesting. What it actually was is the coal miners in West Virginia at the battle of Blair Mountain.


They wore red handkerchiefs and it was an uprising against the coal mining industry, corporations.


And it was the second biggest battle after the Civil War when American history in West Virginia so redneck is actually a symbol of pride, a strong motherfucker that you're a redneck fought back. Dude, you're a redneck.


Yeah. Yeah. Like full on full on redneck. That then kind of like partnered up with the corporations only. Yeah.


Yeah. Not if you don't. Someone else will. If you don't. If you don't, someone else will. As long as we're partnering up on my terms with it, who cares. And also hillbilly. Mm hmm. Please watch the documentary on Hulu by Ashley York. OK, it's what is it? It's about the word hillbilly.


And because you know James Corden, I went on James Corden show, you know, like a what you know, because of the numbers.


Yeah, huge. Is he nice? Like, what's his deal like?


I don't get I think he's really nice. And he he was a theater actor. Yeah. And he just wants to make Americans laugh.


I think the business there's something weird like I get what's the I don't get like explain to me, like I don't have any like urge. Like I feel like I need to move to Sweden and make I think you just have to be 60.


So it's just money. They just want money. Right? Well, I think that there's you know, like I just I'm trying to understand I did Kelly Clarkson to have you when you go to the vet, something's playing. Yeah. You know, when you go to the doctor, there's a TV. When you go to the DMV, there's a TV playing. It's Ellen. It's Kelly Clarkson. It's just kind of like. It's just it's candy.


Yeah, it's just candy. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. That's all it is. It's innocuous.


What is the like the driving force like. The driving force like. But I'm not trying to plug the special made. That's not what it's doing. Fine. It's don't watch it honestly.


Don't watch you guys don't go as far as training No one without you. So yeah it's no big deal, I'm not a big deal.


But like the driving force, like when we were gearing up to make it, I was looking at the Sagrada Familia.


You know, it does. No, this is Gordis Cathedral in Barcelona.


I used to live in Barcelona and I would just look at images of it, images of what is going to look like when it's finished. And I look at just these like images.


I go through it non-stop. Right? Wow.


I was like, that is a masterpiece. This is a masterpiece. He died and it's still going to take another fifty years or sixty years after his death to complete it. But that's a masterpiece, you know. So I'm going when I when we had the opportunity to make the show, I'm like, it needs to be a masterpiece. Like it needs to be so different and so incredible and every little facet of it.


Facet of it needs to be amazing. Right. OK. I I'm not even thinking about, like, the financial part of it, right? That's not my motivation. I just say, how do we make a masterpiece? Yes, right. Da Vinci.


Devinsky, you have Italian ancestry. You must maybe everybody thinks I am, whatever they are.


But that's just what it was. Rejection, I guess. But my point is like I don't understand. So I guess the people that are making those kind of shows, what is their driving force? It's just like I want a bigger house like which is fine, too, if you want to get money.


That's great. I just don't understand what it is. I think it's addiction.


So fame, I think I think that we the what's left out of this conversation and it was like frustrating me when I was listening to you and Joe talk is like no one talks about addiction. We are all addicted to something.


So it's like we happen to have lucrative addictions, but we don't happen to we worked very hard to funnel what we need into something that we love to as our dopamine receptors didn't hold dopamine the same way as other people unless we got an adrenaline turns into dopamine and we're jungling. OK, right.


Maybe so we were maybe fucking dick, as Joe would say.


It's entirely possible as someone who it's entirely possible.


The female brain, which Andrew was in and stole the movie, it tested very highly, completely stole into one scene.


Dude, I will never forget when you went up to Blake Griffin and you guys were improvising and you went, you smell like a pet store.


I use that same reference the other day. That's so funny. It was just like you smell like a pet store. Yeah.


Because it's a visceral smell, right. Like it's so you know exactly what you know. It's like you're like you smell like a salmon like that. There was like there was it was I remember being in post being like, how do we make this pay. We pay. I thought you guys did a great job.


I have a I'm doing a cute and I love that movie that moves like getting weirdly big now really was on planes.


Every time I'm on a plane, I see it, it's funny. And I was like, oh, wow, this is probably I mean, does that big money to be on planes? Not for me, but maybe the financiers. Oh, you weren't the financier. No, really, I didn't.


I, I put in about fifty grand to that movie and you didn't make anything out of it.


Don't you get paid back is one of the financiers on what's going on here.


And I lost money on that respect. That was an investment to show people, you know, I got the labor of love. Well, no, I mean, I couldn't I couldn't do it. I did it. I, I we had 14 days. A couple of my friends have gone kuhnen. Yeah. And watching it, I watch them and I go to their Instagram and I watch for the thing. Righteous man, like there's worse things to join, it's like a religion, it's it's like there's worse religions out there, like they literally are like we should stop pedophiles, like they're not the worst people.


But, yeah, a lot of people who are in Attracta that were sexually abused. Yeah.


That's why they're drawn to it. Of course, I'm just saying, like, you know, in the special we have like a piece about Kuhnen, but like I'm very empathetic.


Like when we wrote it, we're like I think we should kind of like understand these people and not just make fun of them, but trust me, because, one, there's no way you're going to get them out of it. Right.


And let them have their anesthesia, either let them have their anesthesia or don't act like it's ridiculous to believe some of the things they believe. Like clearly there's pedophiles, like clearly there's corruption, like the baseline beginning for it is not in any way inconceivable.


What do we do about the whole pedophile?


Like the problem is when it becomes what happened is it kind of became like white people's BLM in a way, like the people that didn't support BLM. They kind of went cue. And I think it was because they felt like they were missing out on a movement to help people that weren't them, but they didn't help people.


Is an addiction. Yes. You know, and you feel righteous, self righteous indignation taking down everyone.


Everyone wants to be a hero. Yeah, it's heroic and trained. We've been trained. We watch Superman. We we everyone wants to be a hero.


Yeah. It's like you think it's like the abortion thing. It's like these people that are pro life. Yeah.


They think they're saving babies because they think they are saving babies.


They're they're saving babies. We agree.


Yeah. We are on the same side. Yeah. We neither of us want to kill baby. Correct. Correct. Yeah. I agree with you. Yes. We're the same. Yeah. You're fucking awesome.


Yeah. It's not an evil human being. Yeah. You know. Yeah it's a pretty righteous thing.


We did a YouTube piece when we were doing the show for like Instagram and YouTube and we just did like we're making fun of like Epsilon Gullane and shit. And the reaction to it was great.


But there was also this reaction like, yo, thank you for talking about these things. It was it wasn't just funny. It was like you're really doing the right thing.


And I and I was like, oh, that's how people can kind of get caught in this vacuum, is there getting these pats on the back for being like a good human being? And that's intoxicating to someone who's never had, like, positive support or award.


So I could see how you get caught up in it. You with the draft thing to go back to that you you're kuhnen for giraffes.


You're you're Q And I'm for animals.


I'm on what. Allanah what is that. That's my 12 step program. I mean, you don't drink.




Allenton is for adult children of alcoholics, adult children of alcoholics.


If you grew up and your parents were alcoholics, but everybody's parents were alcoholics. I know for alcohol your parents weren't alcohol. Correct.


And for alcohol to be present, alcoholism to be present, alcohol doesn't have to be present. So it could be crafting, cleaning, cooking, perfectionism, control.


There's lots of addicts. Sex. Yeah. You know, I grew up around a lot of sex addiction. A lot of you know that shit. Why why are you throwing me off track?


Your giraffe's your driving on. Oh, that's the thing with giraffe's why keep going your draffin on.


You want to save the drafts. Keep going. The righteous thing to save the dress. Oh no God complex. So there's something called founder's syndrome. So a lot of people that start how many syndromes do you know.


Like how many could you name. Like have you just had to just start naming syndromes like I got one.


What are your notes on my podcast. How can I be better. The only one I got and my bombing this. No, you're great. You are great because you just have the personality for it like people.


You don't realize this about yourself or maybe you're just realizing it, but like people enjoy you like Emma.


I don't even like saying your name, but I've said your name on this.


Right. I think I have a right. She didn't ask for me.


Give her a fake name, Anjelica. That's what I protect her because she didn't ask for. She doesn't want the attention. So it's like I'm not going to put that on her.


Yeah, but but like, she doesn't listen to podcasts. She'll watch your clips on Instagram. She'll share your clips on Instagram. She just finds you funny. People find you funny.


They enjoy you. They want to be around you. Why? You seem so shocked.


You're shocked. You were shocked by it. I don't understand. That's probably why you didn't do it for so long. That's why in my mind, that's why I imagine you do it for so long. You're probably like, wow, people are going to like me if I'm just talking. I have to like script something perfectly.


I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have a like. Well I think you don't get funny by thinking you're funny. Yeah. You have to have a constitution like in my well my either I have a theory on that.


I like acellular fear of being boring. So you overcome. They say by being, like, really entertaining, I think, well, everyone was drunk growing up, you had to be entertaining, you had to keep everybody happy. And I was always the party player. I got to keep everybody up. You're good. We're good. You got to read the room. Got to be shapeshifter. Oh, you want me to shine? You want me to not shine.


You have to, like, be able to be a chameleon. You have to be able to, like, do what you need. How do you need to drink too many drinks. Like you just have to kind of referee everything.


Be an octopus. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And that's and then you're a comedian and you're a heckler heckler, but I got to you have to feel everyone's energy all the time. These this couples fighting. This is a bad marriage, a bad date. These are brothers. They're tourists.


I mean, one time I had this crazy thing I was on in the hour like a couple of years ago. And there was this guy in the front. And I looked at him and I was like, you look like you're from like Copenhagen. He's like, I'm from Copenhagen.


It was like we we do have this kind of ability to whether it's inherited or whatever, to, like, feel people know we're sensitive to what the credibly hypervigilant. Sensitive. Yeah. I mean, like, yeah, it's I think it's the most valuable asset for Accomack is not like being sensitive to like somebody's word but like how somebody feels like I like feeling how the room is and like you have to it's a superpower because you're getting you're, it's not herding sheep, it's your hypnotising.


I mean, you're getting it's so funny.


I was trying it's hurting attention. It's not like the actual people, but it's hypnosis. It's massive. GOUSSIS Yeah. It's not hypnosis because like hypnosis means like you're not in control, but like it's putting people in a situation where, you know how much patience they'll give you and then try for me at least trying to stretch that patience as far as you can, because the biggest laugh is going to come at the very tip of that patient's right. It's like, I can wait.


I can I can wait. Yeah.


And then if you make you wait too long, it's like I'm getting a little bored waiting, but then it's like they kind of know the formula now, so I got to switch it up. Yeah. And fast. You also have to know it's basketball. I mean that's basketball. Yeah. That's embarrassing how I just played outside and terrible of basketball.


No, no.


I was very good at basketball growing up and I think we've just been practicing in the studio.


We have this little basketball hoop and it looks like there's nothing you can say. All right. I mean, I just I wish it was like honestly, I felt like I have I it was uncomfortable. So something I felt uncomfortable.


I feel uncomfortable now. I told a story about where I have shit on my fingers and I did and did not feel comfortable.


Now I feel comfortable. I feel I'm hot.


I feel so uncomfortable. I now it was news. I learned that we can't let her see that.


That's why she came later. I was like, I need to get some warm up.


And it was like, like, I mean, it was bad. It was short every single time. I mean, no, it was like it really it was really like trying to ruin everything all bullshit.


It was not good at all. But here's the thing.


This is a fear of mine. I hate baseball. You don't hate anything, you're right, but it's just better to be more passionate. Yeah, like if we speak reasonably about our feelings, it's boring.


Yeah, I have a lukewarm opinion, like, you know, I here's why I fuck with paintball.


Oh, God, it's the most boring sport on the planet. But I like that you could be like 40 in fat and eat.


You can consume. I like doing it.


I like these old like just racist fat dudes playing like they play one every four games. Yeah. Just like it's just such a ridiculous. It's so dumb.


It's absurd but. I have a fear that if I don't continue to practice throwing a ball, that when I have my child and I want to play catch with him, her or her, they then Jim Elliot Elliot when I'm playing catch with Elliot. Right. I'll throw like a girl if I don't continue to work the arm.


There is a and can I tell you, I think podcasting terrifying seeing a dad play catch with this kid and throwing like a girl there is a imprinted in us is the need to have her boobs.


And you see that I do. That is is I also like all the word they just told you I had a mole removed.


Oh. And I have like a bandage.


So what was what was the mole is going like that.


What's that. Do you know that. What. Come on guys.


What is star. What is it.


Well how does she smells her armpit. Oh I always do.


Oh God. Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. Stop it with smell awful. Which means I don't have comed and you can't smell it anyway. I stop using deodorant even though the aluminum thing a doctor just told me. That's bullshit, of course.


And I put aluminum in deodorant. Yeah they do. That is expensive.


Did you taste it? So I looked down. No, I don't taste. I don't. I've tasted boogers before but not my. And of course I do have B.O., but I just it's fine. None of you were platonic. Where were we yet?


Dove could crack those cheeks wide open. Did you see the new exercise I'm doing to get a big. But wait a it. But what about you. Me? What the fuck. What do you mean. Yeah.


I mean Jesus Christ. No I didn't meet you. Why. Because I've done all my stories. You don't watch my stories. I do. What's your story?


I told him that we have the same dermatologic so.


Oh you're Lanser. You go to Dr. Lanser. Yes, I have forever.


Dr. Landser is my dad slash sidepiece, but I saw your your butt jiggling thing in your.


Yeah, I did.


I started doing this machine that jiggles your exercises your butt for you.


Yeah. Mm hmm. So that it's equivalent to twenty thousand squats, OK, so get ready, Duff, Duff, get ready after this after week after week, comatose.


That thing is cracking back. OK, she might crack you wide open with that thing. OK. Bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap.


To her.


On the first episode that I came on here, did you think it's tricky. You can also do it on your abs as well. Yeah, I've seen it. So the idea that yeah it's good but I.


The wedding. No what was the where were we.


You were saying that the Netflix special is a masterpiece is unbelievable.


And this has been such a like smooth jazz rollout. Yeah.


Oh. Went for the special. I thought you're talking about us. Yes. Like that to this podcast. Yeah. Yeah.


Well you had some kind of weird thing. No, she's comforted. Yeah. It's all good. I know when we did that podcast with Neil Brennan, how awkward that was I thought was really funny. Oh really. Yeah. I left there being like, oh Ibom that. No, I thought I felt like so great. I feel like I disappointed inside jokes. No, you know, you were great. It was fun. But I think what it is, is like like when you're when you're around somewhere, like it's going to be funny, you're just not that stress.


And then we get stressed. It ends up being funny. Yeah. But, you know, like carrying the weight of like fuck, I've got to have.


What's the next question. I did it. Yeah. And you're trying to impress other.


That's the thing about comedians is like what's so funny about podcasts is we don't we're not fake with each other. Everyone thinks we don't we're not funny when we're together. That's the only time we don't have to be funny. Yeah. Yeah. OK, this is we're off duty. We're off duty now.


We get to be it's like a comedian. I get to finally be fucking serious. Jay. Yeah. So I suck to podcasting because I was like I feel like a boring shit. I'm talking to Bill Burr. I'm not going to do bits for Bill Burr. Yeah, I'm like a bomb in my in front of two people in front of Bill. Like I've done that before. And the fucking belly room. Yeah. Did you watch the comics right now?


Was it really good. I, I don't know. Does matter. Were you in it. I was, yeah.


And what, what, what happened. It's you just watch it. I'd love to see what you think. Do I have to watch it.


No. OK, no I thought you know, I mean like you don't watch anything huh. Not really. I don't like watching comedy stuff. Yeah, it's just like, oh, wait, one of the other funny comedian you ever told me, Patrice, and then you said there was one more that was coming, the funniest comic, or just like if you were, like, got into your head.


Yeah. Who's the funny special fucking someone who is like gun to your head? I need someone to make me laugh, which special should I watch? And a special I better fucking laugh, a special or special or a thing. What's going to make me fucking laugh gun to your head?


There's a comic. He's a he's a trans comic. Robin Train.


No, he's a he's his name is Mark Gag Non.


OK, he is gun to your head, you will laugh percent guaranteed, guaranteed, OK, brilliant, like I mean, not comics are were dead inside.


Brilliant. Yeah, honestly. Unbelievable.


I had to Nikki Glaser was here the other day and I don't know if he has any stuff out, but he literally he just created and wrote this Netflix thing and it's really, it's fucking unbelievable. People are saying it's like Sagrada Familia. It's like, wait, is this the thing.


That's the word. Ah, that's Mark. Wait, why prank me, why, why, why?


By the way, bitch, you love acting. You love. No, I love acting. OK, you love acting corny. All you fucking do is that live experience.


Life experience you want to live.


This is going to be a Agnon is your last name. What a fucking.


What's that. No, it's Ganon getting Agnon.


Gangnam Style. Yes, exactly. It's it's a Korean last name.


Yeah. What is that. I've never heard that. No, again, it's French. The French Canadian. Yeah.


Yeah. From Montreal Yawk. But he's very funny. Concur. Yeah. Big fan.


One of the biggest Korean comedians out. The huge massive in Korea. Massive. Yeah. They're fucking dying.


What makes you laugh, huh. What makes you laugh honestly. This is this is like if the thing that probably makes me laugh the most, like, if somebody I know really well is like clearly like pretending to impress somebody, I didn't even think about it.


Maybe like there's a guy who might he might be in this room, but he might not be. At one time we were at a nightclub.


He might have directed this special on Netflix right now. He might have and he might have done that. He might be the director. And one time we had this like club in L.A. and there's this girl that he was hitting on.


And this girl is like a legit six foot girl. Right? Very attractive six foot girl. And this guy, he's I'm saying like on a good day. Five, ten. Good day.


Good day. Pair of timberlands. OK, well she'll she said she'll of five ten.


Right. But this guy had found the place places Delilah you know Delilah Delilah's Delilah is whatever. He found a place where there was a tiny step in Delilah and it was and it was by the way, that's what Scientologists do.


They always have to be taller a little bit. Well, you see Tom Cruise like set stand on the curb and wear platform. Exactly.


So he found a little step and I watched him move the conversation over to the steps so he could be tall and step on the steps.


And then he had one foot on the step and the other foot is literally pointing down and drag it, barely touching the floor to touch it.


And he is spitting game and balancing for his life like he'd make her laugh and she'd like she'd like bump his shoulder and he'd literally like sway. So just sway back and forth. Grandfather clock. So to me there's nothing funnier than like catching a friend of mine, close friend of mine, doing something like faking something, faking something to impress somebody else.


I will fucking cry.


I'll cry. Laughing Oh God. Yeah. Watching watching your friend act. Yeah I watching a friend act is the best day and I can't stop laughing. I just, I just. Howle laughing I would fall on the ground and roll around on the ground.


That is so funny. Yeah. It's, it's like what are the things. OK, so that's made me laugh. What made me laugh. Benton came over one day to try to cheer me up when I was in a tight spot dressed as a bee. That's hot I see in that outfit.


And he got stung by bee hollering while he was in and then he tried to quit. He was like, I quit, I quit. I'm not doing this anymore. You tried to quit and I wouldn't let him quit.


Oh, there is. I mean, that is I was like I was like crying, crying, laughing.


And then another time, the last time I left recently as my you know, my first job was a my first stand up set was on a show called Last Call with Carson Daly.


Yeah, I did that show and then I was a writer.


Oh, I got you that job you did. Fuck, dude. Thank you, man. My manager said that he did it. I had no clue you did that. I can't believe he took total credit if you didn't know that. Yeah, I had no clue. I had no clue. That's amazing. That's what they'll do.


OK, I fired him. Wow. Thank you.


What is better than, like, the fucking family comics, like support each other.


Yeah. I'm surprised you didn't ask for the credit. You must've thought I was a douche. Not saying thank you.


I don't I don't need the credit. Yeah. I want the funny people to win. I don't everybody. I just feel it doesn't help.


Jamie. Yeah. Managers push unfunny people.


Yeah. Comics only comics know who's funny. Yeah. Or are these bookers that decide who's funny. It's just who's making sense.


They used to have like a system where they could just do that.


There was like a guy that went to advertising school who would pick the comics. Yeah. But I used to work with the system, like the structure was so perfect that, like, you could put almost anybody in it.


And they had all the power, like the people that have the power, just some random person on the street. They should go to a comedy club and just go like, do you who do you think's funny?


They do. Now look at us like a stranger. Yeah. Strangers decide. Strangers have always decided. Now we just have the ability to get to the strangers.


The last time I laugh so hard is I had Thanksgiving and that was my first job. I was a writer on that show, so I was also pitching comics to Nicole Yarran Booker, who now does the fucking voice. And she's a beast. Yeah.


And she goes, I was like, remember when Carson Daly saw Livestrong bracelet?


And she goes, Oh, he still does today. No, back today is you still paint two nails.


Still, he painted two of his nails. Was that a thing. Yeah. Still wears a Livestrong bracelet. You got to love it on the Today show.


But yeah. Like why did we stop caring about cancer Kony 2012. I paid for that. I swear to God, I got the DVD and everything sort of on my life.


Kony 2012.


I swear to God, I got the one that Joseph Kony was like evil dictator in some African country. And some kids in San Diego decided that it was up to them to get him the fuck out of here. So they put out some video maybe on YouTube or something like, I don't know where I saw it was on YouTube. And they're like, you can go support. We're going to raise all this money. And I fucking it worked. And I was like, I got to fight the good fight.


And then I kid, I think they made him go crazy.


He randomly was just running naked in San Diego, butt naked, and then they shut that whole thing down. But I literally think and I'm not like the big conspiracy guy, but like I think the American government was like, yeah, too many people want us to do something we don't want to do. Yeah. So let's get rid of this leader. Let's just make him look like a maniac. And he was found running butt naked in San Diego.


And then after that they just shut the whole thing.


And then where did the money was? Where did your money go?


I don't know. But I got like stickers. We were putting the stickers up.


It's really wild how we are such. What does that schools of fish. What is it when you.


Yeah, I think I was a little bit more. I think I was a. I think I was that, but the contrarian version were so emotional. Yeah, but like, you know, there's some people that, like, just gravitate towards what everybody's doing. And I went through this phase where, like, I equally gravitated to the opposite of what everybody was doing with that. Right.


So it's like I was equally always devil's advocate. Yeah. Always devil's advocate. But I, I felt that I was being unique and different, but I was equally a lemming just in the opposite direction. I was easily manipulatable. So, like, it took me a while to kind of go, oh no, you should actually pick the direction you go. Yeah.


And it's also, I think the days of like if you used to be when people disagreed, it was an interesting conversation. And now you're like an asshole. I mean.


Yeah, like, I just this is why I don't fuck with people that aren't comics, because I love to grapple. Yeah. Emotionally. Like, that's how my family was. Yeah. That's your comfort. That's why I love Roseanne, because I wanted to bring it back is that they were like trashing roasting each other.


Yeah. My family roasted each other. Yeah. Constantly. Yeah. Clowning each other's hair, head lice.


Fuck it. All of it. It's like what happened to lice. My head lice. Yeah. I used to get lice all the time and I think I'm like, yeah, I think I still like lice.


I had head lice. I used to fucking pull bugs out of my hair like in class.


Really? Yes. That's gross too. Yeah.


Knicks member. No Ritt. All right. Ritt and Knicks. Those were the medicines you'd have to use.


I didn't know. I never got it. I remember John Roberts, the North Carolina senator.


John Roberts was running for president like he had a girl that he was fucking on the side. No. Yes, he got exposed. So John Roberts, this was like the first guy that did YouTube videos, the Christmas tree video.


Never seen this. Let me see. OK, so this guy did a spell it.


Those flavored drink it.


Yeah, it's strawberry. OK, so this is my favorite video. I watch it. I know in all my heart this was in, what is it, two thousand, four, two thousand for this guy, John Roberts, what is oil?


I just need to know you're friends with Verhagen. You should know. What is it? Do we know that it's it's a it's the goji berry.


Oh, so I'm good. Astbury. That's it. It's like a whatever.


I can drink it and it's not anything. OK, OK. You've got to start shedding immediately.


So no, but I want you to really watch this, because this is important to me, OK?


This is sorry. Oh, wait, wait, hold on. The volume is not on. Why not? It's, um, you unmuted new volume. How come I can't play this Mocca? Can you help me? What's going on here? Oh, sounds off. Sorry, that's me. OK, I'll see that. All right, Mark, why make fun of me? But the technology stuff, I just I'm like, my brain is not ready.


See, now I'm going to get the training. Come on. Come on. We just got the train. We just got the tree. It's gorgeous. Yeah. You got to see it. We just got the tree. You have to say, oh, look at that tree.


How long this says tree. How long ago is this. Two thousand four. So this is this is because this is shit. Moms say shit, dad say shit. Persians say this is the precursor.


Interesting. Yeah. That they've tried to make a sitcom. They did Shatner. But no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah. I remember that Twitter account, but what I'm saying is like you don't have those videos to go viral.


Like what is it.


I don't know how to describe it, but like things Persian people say, all the things that like stereotypically turned into a meme like your mom on Christmas, we're going to get the tree that it's cool to see, like the first iteration of that.


This is like the this is like the original you to like, tick tock, like, this is like. Yeah, John Roberts, you love this guy, love. So what happened to him? This is like my Mr. Rogers or like I can't explain it. I he's on BoJack Horseman now, like is the voice but we're going to get the trade.


Yeah. Playing his mom.


Yeah. We're going to get the tree. Come on. Come on. We just got the tree. We just got the tree. It's gorgeous. Yeah. You got to see it. We just got the tree. Oh look that tree it says tree on it.


That means it's decorations. It needs to come down. Yeah.


Yeah. We're going to decorate the tree, come over, make it nice around the tree.


Come on. Make it even. Make it nice. Come on. What's happening right now.


I'll turn it off.


Go oh oh oh three oh oh oh. Look at that tree.


Some of the tree. Are you pranking me right now? No, I just want to watch it.


DrinkWise. Got away from the tree, please, would you get away from the tree? This is what's interesting, though, because I think John Roberts was kind of like you, too. So this look at this out here.


So this. When he started doing this YouTube at whatever this timing is, that was the cover. Thumbnail, thumbnail, so he started putting good thumbs, so he at this smart time code, he would always have like an eye catching. This is before you could personalize thumbnails, correct? That is brilliant. I know. That is absolutely brilliant.


This is on some Andrew. It was so he knew that this was going to get more views than a woman in a wig or a Christmas tree.


Oh, my God. He found a way to hack the system. So he knew at the time they pulled like, whatever, eight point fifty six seconds. That's that's the image they would use the thumbnail.


So that is fucking brilliant. Accordingly. Because this makes no sense, but now you're like, OK, why this guy is, you know, interesting because this is the that's nobody.


It's not this is breaking character and not as funny as the other stuff. And you spoken to him about this. I'm trying to have him on next year. Yeah.


That's really not wild. That's really smart.


So he sort of was the first person to like now when we're always trying to, like, hack the algorithm and get an algorithm, you know, that's what we did in Netflix.


Yeah, we hacked it. OK, let me just can we just finish it? Yeah, but then I want to tell you what we did here. Why isn't the Trayon turn on the tree, please, for me, turn on the tree and pick up all that shit. Come on, everyone, I'm going to take a picture by the train. Everyone getting the dead. Come on. Hey, what do you mean I can't drive the train inside right now?


What's Bally's clean up about the military place? Such a mess. That tree next year by train. So that was two thousand four.


That's great. Really smart, though, to think about that. The way that it's cut, the way that it's the way that it like hits your emotions. Yes.


There's just something interesting about what it's great ahead of his time.


Yes. Sometimes what happens is generally given this analogy before, but like, are you familiar with Dogtown and Z boys, the skateboarders?


I am. There was a movie made. Yeah.


They were like the first like real street skateboarders.


They were like, go to these pools and people's backyards that have been empty in the 70s, maybe the 70s in San Francisco.


No, I think it was L.A., San Diego, L.A., though specifically though, what is the thing that doesn't matter?


It is.


They were the first people to do it, but sometimes the first people to do something are not the ones that get all the credit for.


Erickson, Christopher Columbus. Yeah, perfect.


So it's like Tony Hawk, who's like the fucking sweetest guy in the world, came out kind of after them and then blew up.


And I think most people attribute like this meteoric rise to popularity of skateboarding to like Tony and not only the video games, but also just his look, I love how Drogon you were like, oh, I watch Bilborough.


And I was like, oh, I can do that better. Yeah, much better. Like, I know what to do. Yeah I got it.


Yeah. Yeah. Way better. Like not even close.


Have you ever spoke to him. No but I tell him. Yeah. Is when it is. Well can't be great you know.


But is it is what it is. We're better and there's four of us. He's got a team of 40 people. There's four of us. Way better version.


I love that you say when you do press about your show, you say we met this week. That's like in all of these all the ideas we carry. Few people do that. We. Yeah, well, they shouldn't. Most people say I. I mean, look, I'm sure I've said I and I'm sure I've taken credit at times, but like I try to say, we when we speak about it as we we're all sacrificing for it while doing it together.


I mean, but that's really it's really but also, like in my stuff, like everybody has a piece, like nobody just works for me, like everybody has a piece of it, like owns some equity, even if it's a little they have something.


So it's like everybody has skin in the game.


Yeah. And like I don't know, that's how I want it to what it's maybe that's from playing sports maybe. But also just things like the nice things. Right. Is the right thing to do. It also makes the show better, that makes the show better. But also it's just like people like you hire women, hire people of color, not because you have to. It's just going to make it better. Think that's the only reason I do it.


Real talk if you want the best argument for that. One hundred percent like our writing staff was like and just in general, like, it's super diverse, we never tried once, it just happens to be. But what ends up happening is the jokes become nuanced because of it.


And you see things you wouldn't have seen, mistakes you would have made because there's someone there who knows. And then all of a sudden we had this joke.


We're in the special about it was like the body positivity movement or something like that, like about people abusing the body positivity movement. And then we said these these big body jihadis came out of nowhere and started screaming at the snack bar. Right. And there's a cupcake. Right. And there is Arabic writing that looks kind of like the ISIS flag writing on a black cupcake, one of those hostess cupcakes and the Arabic writing says, I have a great day, but you think it's the ISIS flag, right?


But then people who actually speak Arabic go, oh, shit, I can read that. And that would only happen because we had a kid who's Muslim on the show and he's like, yo, we should make sure we don't use the ISIS flag, but why don't we put something in there?


It's kind of cute.


So I'm not like this like crusader for like make sure your staff is diverse.


If you're a reasonable guy that, like, has curiosity about people's opinions, you will gravitate to those people.


But also, at least in our situation, people just want to surround themselves with people that agree with them and it makes them mediocre.


I get that. And I do I do get that. But like, I don't at all know, I get why people do I don't fuck with anybody that everybody that I mean, I get what I'm saying. I'm not surprised that people do it. But I do think that, like. I think the crux for all of us, the reason why we kind of all connected and why it's been successful for us is like. All of us have kind of felt a bit like outsiders within our communities, like kind of like watching in that make sense.


Yes. So like we could fit in, but we were always kind of like observing it at the same time. And I think a lot of comics are like that. So naturally, we are all coming from these different walks of life, but we all kind of relate to this like way of kind of like observing the things around us while they're happening.


I used to obsess over like I remember as a kid, I would work on a typewriter in my aunt's basement.


Now I turn the volume on my aunt's basement in. Virginia and I would like get obsessed with what things are named, you know, like jumbo shrimp or shrimp, small, like I would get like obsessed with, like, little things that didn't make sense to me.


You know, this girl on our podcast, Taylor, and she said the other day she has a. Just like, I don't know, sometimes just stuff doesn't make sense to me, and I'm like, what do you mean? And she goes like, why is it called a building? Shouldn't it be called a built?


And how we would die? Because it sounds like it sounds like a stupid thing to say. You start going like. Yeah, that's I would, I would get hung up on.


Yeah. Yeah. I would get hung up on shit like that, you know, and like that like aetiology of stuff I didn't like.


You think people really take all the credit themselves.


I think a lot of people are into that shit. Yeah. I don't know, I just feel like I can't do it without them, so it'd be weird for me to know you're not a malignant narcissist, but I assume if there is somebody out there is taking all the credit, they feel like they can do it without them. I just don't think I can so like for me. I would feel like a fraud if I did. Yeah, does that make you.


Yeah, but a lot of people are finding problems. Yeah, but I also think that, like, whatever it takes. Yeah. I don't know. I just feel like if the level of greatness that I want to achieve, like I could never do, like.


Yeah, I just could never like whenever I say something like any Letterman did, she fucking killed me.


So hard to say this bitch I was wearing like a like a nude bra and I was showing her my thing. And I hold up and she goes, where did you get that bra? The Holocaust Museum.


It was so fucking funny.


And it just was like, every time I say it, I'm like a.. Letterman said that, like, I have to give like, I just can't I wouldn't.


It gets I don't know, there's like an honor.


There's a there's a you feel dirty, you feel gross. And I also understand that, like, I'm the face of it. So I'm going to get the most credit if I have the opportunity to like it just feels better. People know it's selfish. I would imagine if I was in their situation that it'd be cool to hear. Yeah, you're one of the good ones, though.


I don't know if that makes me feel there's people in this business. Who say they're directing specials and then someone else directs them and does not get credit on the screen. Yeah, there's people who say they wrote books and they fair. They didn't Alex didn't direct it.


He's just black. And we needed a black guy.


Love a lot of it. I know you wanted the least qualified person to direct your special.


I've told the story a million times, but like is even on like Rogen, but like we've just invested in competence.


And when I say we like, that's just the people that we gravitate to and the people that we like continually keep on board.


But like Al has never directed anything that is that is on streaming that or even better.


Yeah, I know even better because you're not going to be stuck in patterns and bad habits from other things.


And you're not can you didn't know how to use premiere. Great. Even better, this kid was in college a year ago. Love it. Love it.


He was in a fraternity that worked at Sephora a little different.


Their responsibilities was, you know, you've worked in Danton's. Dad was handicapped and had to take care of them all the time. Like like.


So that's what you pick. You pick somebody that was like, OK, if you could take care of a handicapped person, you can hear me. That's brilliant. You understand H.R. and hiring. That's what you understand.


I know a winner when I see one two percent.


No, I'll be and I'm not saying this to my own horn, but like you saw it in me before anybody I hundred percent that I am bad at so many things. But knowing who is going to be crystal clear, I like knowing who is going to make it is like that is my thing. Yeah.


I would say me too. Like I can tell people got it or they don't and I can tell exactly what they're missing.


They can be like. I know Benton thinks I should be a manager, but then yeah I know I don't want anything from people that's you know that's.


Yeah, yeah that's I do it for free like I do it. I'll just let me just I'd rather just help you for free.


There's this weird thing where like people. Yeah. You should like sign all these ponchos and stuff like that. Like I don't want to own anybody, I just want more emails. I don't want to own my shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just like you want to so I just want to have a fucking blast. Let's have fun.


We can all get rich. We're really good at this. I think we're the best at this because we were doing it with nobody and we managed to like kind of change the way people put our content like we really did.


Do you think you're going to ever sell it? So what, your podcast? No, maybe.


I don't know if I do. Sure. If not right now, I'm not thinking about it. It's Spotify came to you. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, like that deal would have to be like so far down the line.


Yeah. Yeah. But it is like a new syndication really. But yeah.


Like I just think like let's have fun, let's create cool thing. I demand a lot for myself and obviously from them but the same time like let's enjoy it, like they're here with me just because like yo we should celebrate this. Let's go, let's go meet fucking Rhodian. I mean let's go watch Chappelle and Rogen do standup. Let's have some fun. This is how I think you should. Who should I have on my podcast.


How am I doing. Give me notes. You're great. You don't need notes from me. Your incredibly successful podcasts. Are you having fun doing it? I have to have fun doing. I need to.


I don't have any. I say no to people that I know would do huge numbers, but I'm just like I don't have anything to say to you. I'd rather have you on again or fucking.


We rarely, we rarely have guests because our thing is just like it's kind of just a hang out against guests. But we don't want to be dependent on guests.


I was going to do your podcast when we were in New York, but then you leave.


I know, but I want you to be like you. I would have on because you're part of the hang. Yeah, but having random people on, like just to interview them, to me that would be like a different project. We want to have people on there like part of our kind of circle finally.


Exactly. We want people to get this is what I was going to say.


Oh my God. Do you remember when she was who did she rip? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I can't believe I didn't tell her story. Oh, dude, Whitney is the biggest. Where's the camera?


I is the biggest bully I've ever seen in your fucking life.


Did she walked into the studio in heeled sneakers. Mind you, nobody threw her out the window, had this much confidence and it had to bring me new. She comes into this writing session, right? The four of us have been writing nonstop. We're fucking killing it. Everything's good. Comes to racism in a horse jacket, in a horse jacket and heeled shoes, takes the white board, wipes it down with her hand, like, can we get some organization over here?


So we cast it onto the TV computer. The two little I want to look. And then we have this one guy named Effa who is he has like a little like it looks like soot on his forehead, but it's not soot.


It's just how his skin looks. Yeah. And he's a Muslim. Do so people assume it's from prayer, but it's not. What is it a birthmark. I don't know. It's just soot. Yeah. Yeah. And when he walks up to him it's a skin thing. When he walks up to him and she goes, hey, how did you get here. Through a chimney.


I couldn't fucking burn. Leave it. I could and then just pounds away, dude, she was relentless, it was like a real alpha fucking thing. It was like, I'm going to let you know I've been in writer's rooms before. This is how the fuck it goes. Pay attention, everybody. It was a real alpha move.


I was on some West Virginia road.


How did you get here? Through a chimney. Who is this guy? I think there is a couple like Santa Claus, Joe. There was like a couple something like a week to recover with you, OK? He was praying and shit like I know he lost 20 pounds.


I think he should sue me. He should. When am I toxic? Am I going to. That was you were toxic in that moment.


I love every second.


I mean, like, am I what, like a man could never do that to a woman? No, we couldn't.


But do I have guys on here and I fucking objectify them the entire time.


Yeah, but that's fine. That's cool. Like it doesn't equal it doesn't have to be.


Yeah. We just got to be superior. No I'm not. Yeah. If you want for now. You think a superior now. Yeah. Yeah. It's just like whatever you can make fun of us, you can make fun of the way you come at me.


Like I'm saying, it's also, it's also my way of saying like your hair.


I talked about your hair. Fucking amazing. It is what it is. You don't have it. You know what, you should be in an aquarium, you you love it because it makes you less attractive to me so that you won't fall in love with it and ruin your perfect soul mate.


Otherwise, thank you for doing it for me, but otherwise you'd be in love with me. I'm doing this for our friendship. Thank you. I appreciate your male comics.


So can I tell you something? Yeah. It's fucking when you dye your hair blue. People stop calling you for advice, do they. I get so many calls for like, hey, what should I do about that?


Like you're changing everything. You're like renovating your whole home. I got everything's a renovation. It's like what's happening called the great reorganisations. Gotcha. We call it a midlife crisis.


That's what we do. You think I'm going to live that long? It's I'm getting I'm going to kill myself next year, trust me.


No, no. I'm going to I came in today. I give it today and there's fucking like plastic all over this place. Like, it's just being rented. The whole thing's renovated.


And then she starts giving me the tour. But like, no, you don't give a tour of something that's not done right.


Like she's walking me around telling me it's called vision. Yeah. Yeah. But like, we could do that from the living room. The thing vision. Yeah. But we could do it from the living room, burn one calorie. She goes, she goes, she goes, yeah. This is going to be open Tuscany.


So that means nothing to me about the book to say Tuscany means this is going to be open. Think Tuscany. What does that mean to me. I'm giving you the, the, the top line.


Know some fucking landscaper said we're going to make a Tuscany and you're like, I don't know what that means, but I'm repeat that I'm you that. How about now? How about this? How about. That's what I said to my landscaper. I was like, I want to feel Tuscany Spanish rehab in the seventies. I want this to feel like West Virginia. And she had to fucking execute me.


You hired a she. Yes, they did. Oh, I like that. Yeah, like, yes, I did details attention to detail, hyper vigilant perfectionism, insecurity knows how to manage a lot of things. Mothers hire mothers. They know how to fucking do a lot of shit at once. And the people. Are you hungry? You need some water.


Women are very good bosses because they know how to read faces, I made a movie about it, so I made a movie about it and was in it. And I have a call and I have a zoom Q&A right now about the female brain at five p.m., 15 minutes.


Oh, my God. OK, all right. People still want me to talk about this movie because it's a great movie.


I mean, I feel like all I did was compromise, but I got to. Compromised. I got to like, yeah, I mean, I had it was we made it for very little money. You saw me. Yeah, I had to do most of some post.


I it was a you know, I don't know. I thought, I don't know. It's people love it. I love it. Yeah. That's all it matters. We'll make a movie one day. Not yet but we should.


But it would be like I already know it is. OK, it's Ocean's Eleven.


You're maybe it's Ocean's Eleven or twelve or thirteen but it's that vibe. It's just misfits coming together. They're all friends but are all unique and different. And then you're just it's an excuse to be around this hang out.


It's essentially a podcast and it's improvised. It's pseudo improvised. Yeah. But it's like it's really just bouncing our personalities off of each other.


That's the like what it's like, you know, because I think we're the new friends. No, it's not friends with the Rat Pack.


Oh Rat Pack. That's what literally Theo. Yeah.


He was great. Today is ridiculous. He's so funny. That guy, he's, he's, he's just like on a different planet is he hates fucking what I tell the story and every time I tell it he's like you who told the story all the time.


Dude, I saw him in an airport.


You know, when you see a comic in an airport at like 5:00 a.m., you're just like you're just like, well, even if you like, don't fuck with each other, you're like like we were like making a connection in, like, you know, Tulsa or some shit.




Something like six a.m. and we're sitting we're the only people in the if I can.


What is it. I haven't been there for until a gate and there's the chairs and he's behind me. Is this the gate.


The gate. What gate. Look, that's what it is.


And he's like behind me, you know, the chairs are back to back. And I look over and I see Thielemann like I'm like other he's like, yo. And there's a TV in the corner playing VH one. It's like VH one, like best week ever. Best week ever. I was on that. I know. And Thielemann, I just go, Hey, what's up? He looks up and he goes. VH one. Talk about a network without a game plan.


Didn't say hi or nothing. Six a.m. network without a game plan like it was just such a why I was just like your brain is just a different brain today.


He said, yeah, you and when your friends try to do a piggyback from the front.


So think about it. Instead of the piggyback, you're facing each other. Yeah. Just lean your head on my shoulder. I'll take it from here.


Dude, the other day he said something about it, like, it's like there was that thing, it was like of the food with a bunch of salt on it that made a little squiggly square a pretzel like it was something it was.


I'm not even doing it good enough like but it was something. So I was like a brain thing with some sort pretzel, like just his mind is wild.


Yeah. And it's authentic. I think that's something that like people don't realize, like when they just see a short little bit of it, they're like, oh he's doing shtick. That's no he's twenty four seven. Yeah.


When I remember I love like working on jokes like in the lobby. No the parking lot of the Comedy Store were like fucking around.


He said he wore to a funeral, he had to go to your costume to wear your costume. And I was like yeah dude you are just Spencer's gifts. And it was like I had a knife in the back, little spiders coming out of the pocket. Beetlejuice, one of the bands. Yeah.


Like we were like like nothing is better than working on jokes with comics.


Oh yeah. That's the most fun about this whole you know, the show is just busting balls and like figuring out funny things to say.


When are you leaving? Well, we're going to go away. So my fiance's from a little bit north of here.


And so we're going to spend some time there and then we're going to go to Hawaii together. Nice. Lynnae, if you ever been to the island. Yes.


You know that Lanai was where? It's the pineapple. Yeah. Who was the guy? Moore. Nope. Mm. No, Annapurna. Go Ellison.


Larry Ellison. Larry bought it. Bought it from Murdoch. Yes.


And I have been there to that four seasons then I and good. They have parrots, they have the whole thing. I went there right after we wrapped the female brain with Joel Silver with Joel Silver. I went right after we shot the female brain and I was like in recovering from all that shit.


Yeah. That's basically what this trip is about. We need a little time to recover.


Yeah, phone's off. Phones off, phones off, you lost last big fight you had, honestly, it's been a while.


Yeah, big one has been a while. Over how shitty the proposal was, I thought it was good. I thought it was good. Do you think it bad because it was so sweet? He told me in my sleep. Yeah, like putting the ring on your finger in your.


No, no. What if you woke up and had the ring on your finger and were like you just saw it? No. The other Haertsch was like, people do that, huh?


Oh, she called your shit hack. She called your shit hack. Hack stopped her.


I think it means you love seeing it, by the way. She's like you think you're doing already been done. Been done to that who. That Anthony did that.


Really. Yeah.


What about, what about if that's because he's black. Oh that's funny. But is it also because he's Latino. He doesn't take no for an answer.


Like you and. What were you going to say? I was going to say also my other pitch was, I know I like strong and you know, I know I was going to say Netflix that I was going to do that. But then it was like we had already done that joke.


And I just my, you know, the spinning wheel on your computer, when it first stream, if you've watched our special, you would see that our special you, our special, our special.


The other pitch was in a photo booth and you do a photo booth and ask her in the first oh, that's in the first photo, what an asshole she is. She never said that to me. This you're making this up right now. I thought I pitched it to you, did you pitch to somebody else? Probably no. I probably didn't send because you have a Samsung or some shit.


Yeah, that green bubble.


Trying to link up with Tim Dillon to techs. Went to green. Put the phone down. You don't want this that bad.


No, that's Ben. Ben. Ben. Sam. I got him off it, OK. Tim, is Tim a service or something? He's a little serious. He's ten minutes. I decorate his tree. Go to his house. Yeah. Do you literally go there now. He's coming by tomorrow. We're going.


OK, I love you. I love you too. Thank you so much for having us. Don't you know this is the first time that she's ever been on a parking lot?


But, yeah, I just. I'm obsessed with you. I knew you guys.


I feel like we're going to have babies at the same time. I feel like we're going to be like, you're going to have your little breast feed your children. You're going to breast feed my surrogate children. Nope. You're going to like I'm going to take some of your eggs.


I'm going to put some of my eggs, like you're going to be my surrogate. Like, I feel like we're going to have some fucked up.


We're going to I'll see you in court. She's a parasite, slowly moving her away. I'll see you in court.


Wendy, thank you so much for having me. I love you. I love you, too. But you have to have your call.


I know, baby. Is this too long? What's what's too long for you to do? Whatever.


You don't ride elephants.