Transcribe your podcast

For. You did it, but do it sometimes when I go out in public, people will sing it to me and I'm like, that's not so fucking annoying saying a crazy person, I love it.


Well, it's based on in the robot waiting in a robot, a real song from a show in that I loved. And we're going to get we'll get a new one soon. We want to do a whole thing where people submit a new opening jingle songs and some people have. But I just haven't kept track of any. But we will soon maybe have an email set up. I don't know.


Yeah, we had we have we're going to start to we're going to start to have emails and P.O. boxes reading a P.O. box.


Holy shit.


Wait for what is the P.O. Box so people can send items that are anthrax.


OK, guys, you're really the negativity. We're going to draw straws on who opens the mail.


I open them all. Not at all. Open them. It's going to be Amazing Grace. No, Grace, you have a lot to live for. Actually, Grace, you're more necessary than either. We'll do it if we die, we'll make it.


So we're getting a P.O. box. We're going to get out of the photo shop.


We're getting Photoshop. We're going to get a photo. We're going to get the word document minesweeping. We are dobi accurate. We're getting a fax machine. We are getting word of our real.


It's been a year on the set from nine to five. Now, know that now that it is, it is maybe clear that the stand up business is dying.


I'm ready to really commit to this business. I'm getting really into faxes, email. We've got why letters. Look at us. But we did. We got new lighting. We got lighting rigged on the ceiling. You can't see it. You can't see it, but you don't always hear. Also, you can't see my crow's feet.


So P.O. Box is going to be really fine because we can write letters back.


Oh, that's what I said before, dearest Tom.


Well, we can see each of the war. We can find prison boyfriends. I mean, the boyfriend. What is wrong with you? Can someone put on a dating app? Twenty, twenty one. Are you on a dating app, Emily? I'm sure we're inquiring minds. Want to know. Fine. Go. Hey, who wants to date me.


I wait Emily. It's actually very annoying to me because Emily and I are usually single at the same time and I'm so.


No, I hate that you are. I know when I have a new daddy, I hate it too. But the guy the guy that I'm dating is actually pretty in love with Emily.


So I don't know how this is going to go. Emily, you know what he said?


People fall in love with you like not people in the comments, but not true. Not our fans. Not your fans.


Yeah. Guys, be nice to Emily. She hasn't, you know, you know, she like me in bed and she hasn't been put through the wringer of of becoming Catalist in the comedy. People love her growing up stand up business for for so long.


So be gentle with her. She's not as much of a masochist. Someone wrote she's too needy.


It's like, well duh man. Yeah. Shit.


I'm sure on the podcast please find me unbelievably but also like so good comedian is not needy. If we weren't needy we wouldn't be doing this for a right. Yeah. We need approval from strangers.


This is we all do. Emily's just a little more obvious about it.


She still hasn't figured out how to hide it yet. She just can't really play.


And we have a sticker on our car. Honk if you love me. So Emily doesn't have a car. But yeah, let's talk about needy places. I need the car. She doesn't need a boyfriend.


She needs literally just someone who has a car, a chauffeur. She'll take any one at this chauffeur. Yeah, she needs an Uber frankly.


So tour dates. We are coming back. The pandemic can kiss my tush.


We've figured out a way to do this safely. Places are starting to open up. We are triumphing over tragedy. April 15 to 17. We're in Spokane. We're adding shows how many riding the five shows, I think.


Do you know, Grace? It's five minutes. We're adding shows.


And Grace obviously doesn't believe in me that I can add five shows.


But whatever we'll do, it's a half a show. Yeah. Yeah, I won't do that, sir.


I will not I will not like to go out on the town after mommy is getting older.


Mommy, mommy, mommy is Auntie Whitney's got to be home by like nine fifteen now. So we're starting the same show we're doing. We're doing brunch shows from bingo. Sure.


Sounds fun dude. There. I used to go on the road. I would go on the road. Yeah. We're doing all these shows and then I get there and you've been on it. Red eye. You haven't slept all that.


You've been doing radio since 5:00 in the morning with like chuckle bucket in the morning and the later again Mike and while I'm in the firm and chuckle bucket and then it's when you get there and you realize the Friday show starts at ten thirty, which means eleven.


And then the opener goes and you're going on it like truly what the people have been drinking since seven and they've been working all day and they didn't get tickets for the first show, so they fucking had to go to the second show.


Had some to say, and the way they got back sided, they are thrilled and they want to participate and they did not win employee of the month this year and they are pissed about it.


And so I am going to draw some boundaries around late shows, but we're adding a bunch of shows in Spokane, April 22nd and 24th. We're going to San Antonio.


Oh, yeah, it's called the local comedy club. Ha. Well, I didn't really I didn't know that.


I've never but I didn't know that that's what it's called. I didn't know I've never been there before.


So this should blame your fans for the names of. I'm not I'm just saying this is the first I've heard of the name of the club and I that's what local comedy convention and I are coming to that one.


Well, but our show and after we're there, it's going to be called the R.O. up and coming to tell them.


Oh yeah, that is all the better. We'll be vaccinated because Venton just signed up to get the vaccine. What number, nine million eight hundred seventy four thousand three hundred and forty seven person in my area on the list.


So guys, here's hoping that is so funny to me. Benton is one and two million in two hundred thousand. Houston Improv, May 13th to 15th Bryar Improv, which is basically Southern California.


After my birthday, I know seven to eight.


So we'll have a Benton birthday show. Benton Breea Show. Are you going to be thirty first say that I'm sorry.


OK, well actually that's rude to the two of us. I don't care about age. Look at me. I'm twelve.


You OK, Spirit? Phoenix, Arizona. You're going to get more of us than you ever would have wanted. We're coming May twenty ninth, the thirtieth and June 2nd and 3rd to be live in Phoenix.


You're just going to keep her in Arizona that hopefully week and a have. Let's just keep her there right now. It is June 4th or 6th.


Stand up live Tempe. I'm going to be your gone for the twenty ninth through the six.


Happy birthday Emily. You'll be there, you'll be busy. You'll be in Phoenix.


So we get days off while we're there. OK, everyone just calm down. No, I'm like to do stuff in the city.


Yeah, well Phoenix has a great Urban Outfitters and a great so does the Internet. Think of something else? Does that even mean we are we never have free days in cities.


We can go the Green Canyon. Oh, I want to go to Bryce. Let me jump in and you know, I want to go to oh, this is a of that horse. I want to see if I can make that horse flip it, then go back at Miraval.


That guy is going to eat something. But you know that you can at Miraval.


This is the horse therapy place it Marvel. You know, you can do that with me any time. And that's what I literally do every day. All I can do is a horse to like me, OK? And that's the best way for you.


The more you need a horse and they can't do it, the more you need, the more you need, the more you need a horse to like you, the less the more repellent it is. Please, just things to do in Phoenix.


Yes, well, I was there for two weeks.


The guy that I'm dating is from Phoenix, so I'm meeting his family. Tomorrow we're coming to one of my favorite clubs in the world on the East Coast, which I love this. I love this. The name is every time I say it, I, I it's a bittersweet. It's called Mugabes Joke House in Bult Baltimore. Bullimore, as I'm from D.C. and Baltimore is a big deal. Mugabes Joke House. We'll work on the name. I kind of love it.


I love the name. I love the name. But the venue is unbelievable.


I for my last special, I ran it the night before because I, if I'm shooting in D.C., my special, I'll run it in Mugabes the night before. It's got this beautiful stage. It's like stadium seating. It's an awesome, awesome venue. June 10th and 12th through twelfth.


I'm sure you know what we're going to do then go to DC Shites. I'm going from I'm going to bring my family to Mugabes with me.


Seven, eight family, eight years in the making. Whitney is going to meet my family. I have so many words, so much feedback.


I have a lot to cancel that show. I mostly want to talk to your mother about not allowing you to give yourself a wedgie for a man on the Internet for seventy eight hundred dollars, because I think she's just like dropping the ball as a parent.


But we'll talk about that in person and she will get it, I thought before we get to Donnell Rawlings, who is here, this is really just the family tour.


You're just going to state meeting family.


Yes. Yeah, I'm actually in the market for a new family myself. Come on. Some brand. I have family in Dallas and in Sherman, Texas. I'm going to go visit my family members. It's great reconnecting. So clubhouse, clubhouse. I just wanted us to see if this is something we want to do with the podcast, because clubhouse is this app that's like it's like a live chat room where you can start rooms and talk to people.


This could be a way that we can start talking to fans like more regularly. If you guys sign up for clubhouse and we start rooms. So we want to kind of experiment with it. Now, I'm sure this is going to be a complete disaster because I'm just starting a room out of nowhere. So normally you would schedule. Rooms and then but I'm just going to start it right now and just see if anybody is like if we all had walkie talkies and you were like, what are you all doing?


Yeah, to literally. So anyone who follows me on clubhouse now is going to get a notification that I'm signing on right now live on the podcast so that they hear you or see you start a room.


So I'm just going to start a room. I see. So I can her monitor. Yeah. Start a room. Start a room open to everyone.


Great. This is going to be chaos. I mean, it's, it is like twelve, thirty people are probably at work, so it's probably at night. It's even more crazy. OK, so here it is. You guys can see it. I'm trying to make it so. OK, here goes nothing. We I can add you as a moderator into non-standard normally my family.


OK, I'm going to work.


I've been trying to meet your family for so long, longer than me trying to be my family. No, because your family scares impossible. Possible. Benton's mom and I are the same person, so I'm just want to meet my twin at some point. OK, so here we go. Let's go. The room is starting to go. Let's go. Do you see that. So.


So I pop up my pimple and then no one's in the room yet. So wait.


Explain this to me as if I were a 90 year old grandmother. So it's an empty room, like a chat room. OK, you join in instead of typing, you talk.


So I hear a voice when it's their turn to talk, how do you know it's their turn to talk?


But let's just do it and it'll become so obvious. Like, that's the thing. It's impossible. My fear. One person, two people have joined. Three people have joined high. Three people.


OK, so can you guys hear? Yes, they can all hear me. OK, OK, so we have three, four. So people are joining for everyone who's listening. I am live on the podcast now and we wanted to see about doing a clubhouse during the podcast. And if you guys raise your hand and ask questions, we'll answer them.


Oh, while you do that, I'll start an Instagram live run.


No, no, no. So if someone raises their hand. Hey, Tommy, just look, Tommy. Just raise his hand. Tommy Hey, Tommy. We invite to speak. Hi, Tommy. Tommy. Hey, how's it going? Whitney It's going your live on our podcast. Tommy, where are you? Los Angeles.


Oh, where? Outside my house. You actually live in a tent. You live in a tent. Yeah. Most people in L.A. do the planet. AC is working out pretty good.


How why are you available right now at twelve thirty on a weekday. Well, because I'm homeless. I get to do whatever you want.


You're homeless with an iPhone and clubhouse. Yeah. So late. When haven't you seen the millionaire. Weird homeless people. Lenarcic Yeah.


So, so we're just trying this out. How do we go to someone else. Not that you're not a delight. No, I'm just sorry. Is there another person that wants to raise their hand? I don't know how else to do this. Sorry.


In a way that's fair. I need probably you need to get a mod, which doesn't seem like your advanced clubhouse. Yeah, OK. Oh, wait.


Someone just got asked to be invited so you guys have to raise your hand. Oh that's what you do. You go to people that raise their hand. OK, and then. Oh Andrew Schultz is trying to join. Oh Andrew's here asshole army. We're doing clubhouse live on the podcast. It's not going great.




Hi, Whitney. Hi. Ed Schultz, NOIA, the King.


Whitney, tell tell me how to use this. What? This is what you do. You're going to go to that button at the bottom and says, leave quietly that and then all save our dignity. How about that jacket? And then I oh, so that I can go make a tick tock video.


Is that what you're saying? So that I can go do the tick tock. Yes, let's do some tick tock. So what do I do. So I go down to the bottom and I fact's leave quietly. Yes. We go down to the bottom and then we fact's while it is just perfect.


I love you.


What are you doing in my hotel room in Columbus, Ohio. Oh I see. I know. I got absolutely nothing to do. It just became a fun to have conversation with you. It's it's pretty bad. This is pretty. And it's also funny because we get along so well and we have such good chemistry. But this is incredibly awkward.


And other people in the room here, you guys all all these people. Can I got to go. I know you don't have to go. Jesus, but go OK. Leave quietly then leave quietly. Stop telling me. Have to go. We got we got it. Bye. So these are all the people to know. There are tons of people in the room right now. Look at all these people all here.


I can all hear or hear you talking to Andrew. Yes. But you can't hear them. Are they talking to each other? No. Well, no, no.


They're all it's basically to me, it's like it's like going to a like a festival or a convention where there's conversations happening and you go from room to room to different like TED talks and different conversations. And I can invite other people to host it with. All these people raise their hand, ask questions.


So Jessica Casler, I'm going to say, Jessica, this is the weirdest thing I've ever done in my life.


Yeah, no shit. You are a weirdo.


All of a sudden, I just hear Whitney Cummings like speaking on my phone. I don't even know what flophouses. But, Sam, you're doing the podcast right now.


We're recording the podcast right now, seeing if this would be a cool thing to do on the podcast or like talk to fans live.


So far, it's not. So far, it's not going great. Can you change that? Do you like I mean, you monetized it. Yeah. Oh, he's back. He's still here. What's your name? Tom. He's still here. Oh. So see, there's more than one person in the.


Oh, you fix it now before we keep going. Fix what? There's no way she wants to silence all these people. I'm adding them and they can all kind of chat with us like Valerie Joyner. I'm adding you. Hi, Valerie. Then Valerie's in here, too. Val.


Val. Hello. Hey, girl. Where are you, Val? I'm in L.A. I'm in Rancho Palos Verdes. So expect you to want me to speak. But hey, how's it going?


I'm good. What did you how can we do this in a way that is entertaining to fans? Should we do this? Yeah, you absolutely should do this. I'm pretty I'm fairly new to clubhouse, too. But from what I understand, I feel like this is going to maybe be the new networking for introverts or love. Like it's like going to a bar. Yeah, but then you can shop the other bars and see who's in them while you're at the bar.


Oh, I love those chain bars. Yeah. And then it's great for networking, for professionals and cool shit like this. Like I'm talking to you. Yeah. You're talking, you're talking to me. That's wild Wanita. I'm bringing you in Hadyn. I'm bringing you in. So look, we can just talk to all of our fans. We can get flash. Elizabeth, there you are.


I mean, I'm adding way too many people. I feel like this is not how people normally do it, but I feel like next time will be coming with like a game plan.


And we're talking about a specific topic.


We can go in and we can really, like, engage with people.


This is cool. Who else is here? Leah Lee, I love you.


I want to just give you some, like, clubhouse space that.


Oh, I thought you were to say, I want to give you some constructive feedback. Oh, I of think I think, oh, you're real s real fast.


Yes. Clubhouse basics. So it's I just joined the room, but it sounds like you may be recording, in which case you just have to like make a quick announcement frequently to people that you are recording shit. So it is recording on the podcast. Yeah. That yeah. Yeah. So as to be on the up and up with clubhouse and not get kicked off before this even starts. Yeah. Oh dude I would dude I would love nothing more than to be picked on because I put it as like a title as the title of the room whenever you make it.


Oh put it like a reminder at first when people join, if they want to speak they already know. So I have to know, I have to let everyone know. Good for you podcast's. Being recorded live or something so everyone knows. I think that would be a good idea.


Feel fair for you to say that, but it's good to type it of got it out of that. They have. Right. I think right now the room doesn't have a name, it just shows you and your room so you can make you a room with a title and you can schedule it. And let's say if you want to do this, I don't know every other podcast you do or whatever, you can schedule it and it shows up on people's calendar and then just make the title, you know that you're recording it for your podcast, love, OK, so that people know and then also make it like a regular.


What's the best time to do it, do you think? What's the what's the best time to be on clubhouse right now?


Is it I think for clubhouses, just like you get the notification when people you follow, like make a room, I people are like just whenever I haven't figured out like a specific time when people are on it, it's just all the time. It seems to be like evenings when people on the West Coast are out of work and people on the East Coast are also no longer working. And like people with kids, that those sort of operations are all finished with everything.


So people are up all night on this app, not.


Yes, I have been on it a lot. I just haven't we haven't really done with the podcast yet, so I've been on it a bunch and the but now I want to see if you guys want to let you go round real quick round robin. If you guys want to ask questions, just a reminder, it's not titled here, but this is being recorded for the podcast. But I'm a boomer, so it's not in the thing.


Matt, I'm adding to Ashley I. Hi, where are you? I'm in Indiana. Nice. Yeah. So I think any time is a good time because people stopped sleeping, it sounds like whenever they use this app. So it's so addictive. Then also, if you want to title it, anything with manifesting that seems to be very popular. That's so funny. My question is, can you tell us about anything you've ever manifested?


Oh, shit. I've. Where is where can you go? Got my vision board. Do you know where it is? I just we're moving. And I found my vision board and I've pretty much gotten everything on it.


And by the way, one time I was sort of obsessed with this Hollywood actor director. And I had a picture of him on my wall and I ended up dating him. Eight years later, I had a picture of him on my wall that I pulled out of a GQ magazine.


Why did you do you didn't like I didn't really know who he was going to be, but I loved the I actually pulled it because it was like art in SPO because it was a bunch of black and white photos that were in a way that I wanted to like. Use is like it was before Pinterest. Yeah. And I had a bunch of stuff on a corkboard and he was on it because of that.


And then we and so I kind of like accidentally maybe I have to make what I was looking at you. I like to everyone a boyfriend. That's how you get one.


OK, we found my vision board. You're about to get way more than you guys. This is so cool. OK, this is this is my. Here, I'll hold it. Well, no, no, I'll just put it here. Oh, this is my vision. Oops. Oh, Catherine Keener. You guys can see it. OK, it, it's got let's see you guys will see this when you watch the episode that comes out with this.


What's on it. Ellen's on it.


I've been on Ellen. Crazy. Wait me. I know. I feel like I made this promise to Ellen.


Huh. You've hosted Ellen. I have you done all of this. Yeah. This is Matt. This magical is that hope.


All you have to do is when you're green.


No, I have not. Alexander Payne, the director, is on here. I not worked with him. Tina Fey's on here. I have. I've met her, but I haven't worked with you.


Will you have you still.


Well, yes. And then. Yes, yeah. There's still so you guys are inspiring me. And then Todd Phillips is on here, who is a director I haven't worked with. Judd Apatow is on here. I did his book like he did a book about comedy and I've done shows with him. Jim Carrey. I've met not worked with.


What's this? What's this thing? What's this talk show. Oh yeah.


OK, I had that. What's this right here. That's Inside the Actor's Studio. Oh yeah. No, that's not going to happen. Isn't James Lipton canceled or death? Oh yeah. Well he's the ultimate canceled which is.


Yeah I did and I did. Larry David is on here. I did audition for Curb like six years ago and totally bombed it. That counts. That's so nice and funny. And then Catherine Keener, I love is my dream to work with her and I'm still holding out.


So yes, I think vision boards I'm a vision board bitch dude. I think they work vision board party. I want her to I would love to to to tell that to Larry David.


I think I should, I should the bad in my audition majorly. No worries. There's always this I can come around. I love you you guys. This is very inspiring.


OK, who is next. Hold on Steph. Steph, do you have a question, Steph. Or a comment or a criticism. I don't criticism. Just a question. If you could have dinner with three people dead or alive, who would those three people be? That's a great question. Dead or alive, this may west, because I would want to know I'm obsessed with Mae West, who is kind of the first female comedian in some ways.


But there's rumors that she wasn't female, that she wasn't white, that she had to, you know, but she also took control of her own destiny. She was like writing her own movies.


She was, you know, writing her own roles and stuff. She really played with masculine and feminine in a way that was like, you know, very subversive at the time. So I would say I have some questions for Mae West.


Oh, man, this is hard.


You guys help me. Who I was with. Yeah, we'll go around to Emilian bench and we'll also go.


I mean, who? Lauryn Hill. Oh yeah. Good guess.


What are yours while I'm thinking of my last one. See, it's a hard question. It's a hard question.


I didn't think it through.


What if I cheated and said to three of, you know well that you do your live, we can just start snacking right now and we're sort of it's happening.


I'll die for you eating a meal together. This is lovely. She's a dead or alive, so you're allowed to live.


Oh, then. Twenty years.


Joan Rivers. Yeah. Niecy Nash. Yeah. Oh yeah.


Elizabeth Bathory. Who's that? She's a lady who used to kidnap people and bathe in their blood and they locked her in her own town like that.


Yeah. I love it and I want to know why I'm so that we why.


OK, and then she'd say because I'm nuts. And the dinner would be she was a week where they couldn't kill her because she was raw.


They had just let her keep doing it live in a little house. Oh, Emily, oh, my God, this is a hard question because it's like, who would I really want? Who do I think? Sounds cool.


And we're probably overthinking it. You're asking a bunch of like to answer the question like I did insecure comedians or that those are I don't I honestly don't know. I you know what?


I'm going to say something that's not particularly funny, but I would like Emily's Bill Nye, The Science Guy that John Mulaney Oh Love, and Ronald McDonald and Caroline Callaway, her hero.


Where are you, your New York health care to New York City. Oh, I love it. And make it a gateway. Okay, a good question. And she does make you there. Thank you. Thank you. The blue got to go soon, but so enjoy it while you can.


All right.


Well, thanks for bringing me something. I really enjoyed it last year. Thank you for being our senior.


Emily and I decided we're going to do a podcast episode with some of the cast members of the female brain to explain everyone what a nightmare it was to make.


And we would love to ruin the movie. You just said you like to know. So you know what? You like a movie. Watch us ruin it.


No, it's so you know what a labor of love it was. Yeah, no, that's a great no. I actually look at those perspectives. I'll listen to that podcast as soon as it comes out. I hope to see you like, you know, it looks so perfect as the final result, but like what is all the trauma and craziness that went into it from everyone? And it does look perfect. I think it's really good to know the nightmare it looks like.


So you want to make a movie? I'm going to tell you all the nightmares.


If anyone wants to make an independent movie, please watch a documentary called Loston Lamantia about Terry Gilliam making Don Quixote. And that's like a little inside of that nightmare.


And Amy, what's your question? Also, that cast was incredible. Thank you. I agree. I feel like this was an interesting experiment. Next time will be a little more polished about it. And then we'll have like a theme, which is like asking us questions are like we you know, would you rather. Yeah. Would you rather truth or dare like something that'll be like a little more like organized? Maybe we'll do like game nights maybe.


Yeah. Like we'll like do some cool shit on here. But so any ideas you got. You guys have said them to me because clearly we don't have any because this is what we think a good version of it is.


They can they can shit Tommy's back way. On a serious note, Whitney, you could create a club. That way you can actually schedule your events. It's really easy to do. So I'm just throwing that out there.


How do you know all the Tommy Tommy? Do you all the same club house. You start a club, click on the green house and follow you so we know when things are coming. So we all have a big tree house.


So yes, yes. I love this. This is a modern day tree house, but we follow you. All right. I'm going to learn clubhouse so I can do this with you guys. Thank you for helping me. You guys are awesome. Yeah.


Thanks, guys. You're welcome. Welcome. Why haven't you given your clubhouse? Why haven't I given my assistance clubhouse? What does that mean? I invited not invite you guys clubhouse. Yeah, I invited Grace to clubhouse. My sister only has one sister.


I think she ignored it. You're on it. So Grace is on it. I'm not my assistant, but she's on it. Benton's not my assistant, but he's on it too. So Benton, Emily, you're not really on it, but yeah. So we're all going to get on there, you guys. We'll get to know everyone. I just want to start connecting with you guys more.


And, you know, it just made me want to do what? Open a speakeasy.


Open a speakeasy. That's kind of what it's like. And look how nice everybody was. People like it gets toxic. Nope, not not our friends. Not our friends. Not our club. Not our club.


So you guys, if you smoke, you'll see yourself next week or hear yourself on the podcast. Please don't sue me.


And until then, write us a poem. Never awesome.


Love you guys. I don't know how to get out. I just don't write anything else. I love you, Brandon. Oh, Brandon shirtless Brad Lepani. Brandon, I love you guys. OK, so am I still on. I can't, I don't know if I leave quietly. Leave quietly. OK, I tried so we'll make that a thing.


It's so fun. Right. It's fun. It's like. Yeah nice. We'll start getting feedback live feedback.


I like question a lot of questions too. Yeah. I don't like to answer those guys.


I love you too but it'll be but it's also and they can help us guide what we talk about. What gas we said, what guest you want to see on the show. So we'll start getting more feedback from you guys.


How much skin do you want to see on the show. How much, how much skin do you want to see? How much cleavage do you want to see?


Come in, man. Yeah, it's better. OK, we got to go. Danielle Rawlings is here. It's funny. It's emotional. He lubes me up with his new body butter. It's called I'm Rich, Raw Edge Body Butter. I love you guys. Enjoy Donnell Rawlings.


My comments subscribe, merge, jump into my merge. We love you. What do you need?


We got you. And are we rolling Pat feeling we got you on soy milk latte your favorite.


My question is, how do you know what my favorite coffee is? I don't I just you like like like the Internet, like Big Brother, like you say, like I must have said coffee on my phone. One day you got some type of link that lets you know the coffee out like, no, I know you like white girls.


Wait a minute. First. First off. First off. Yeah. Before we even do that, there's a rumor on the streets that that's what I like.


OK, I like everybody just so happy. I spent a lot of time with creeks, rivers and beaches. And for some reason, the African-American community does not support those outdoor activities.


So I mean, for the peace to sisters and black lives always matter. Understand this. If you spend more time on the beach, if you spend more time kayaking, canoeing, if you spend more time having your own herb garden and stuff like that, then there's a chance that you can get with NCLB. That's my new name. Well, actually, I just I'm a girl version of each of you.


Just in my mind on the live version, I, I'm saying if you just Elba's smoke blunts, he would be me, you know, like.


Exactly. Like sometimes I look at you and I'm like, is that it? Know, it's not like I'm always confused, whereas the what is your dog's imagi.


What are you doing. Hi baby. How are you. Thanks for doing this.


Let's give them something to talk about. You don't have they're going to be targeted and called negative PCR.


This is what the world needs to get back to work. Not Ashie at all. Not at all. Not at all. Not in the slightest.


What? I'm pretty sure.


Look, no, I'm not a great ad for your new lotion for anything that you would say that I have a gift for you.


But if. Give it to me. I'm rich on your body lotion.


More lotion for you. And it's not just a gimmick. It is filled with all types of things that white women like. Shea butter. Yeah, it's gungho all. You probably not familiar with that. Whenever I say that, people say, I don't think you're pronouncing it right, but it's McGonagle.


Oil is somewhere in Africa that comingle oil and goo goo goo.


Oh, I got to say it like more of a coming to America voice work on that. I go deeper. I'm so close to getting canceled. I feel like I shouldn't push it, you know, but I just want to know what appropriate.


I'm just saying we're going to talk about that because I know that was just you just said it because explosion counsel, I think the more you say I'm going to get canceled, maybe the less you will.


But I'm trying to get ahead of it.


Here's people hears people that get counsel, Whitney, OK, who is people to feel like they need something is people that are desperate. Yeah. It's not people that are independent. It's not people that build their own brand. That's true. It's not people that have got people to fall in love with them for years and years is usually the weak minded people that think they're going to need something. Oh my God, if I lose this, I lose that.


But look what you've done for yourself in regard to one person. Like you said, I'm going to get cancer. And this is no disrespect.


You're not on TV regularly right now. You've had an experience. You were able to be very successful, but then at the same time, OK, what have these opportunities? Don't present themselves to me anymore. Yeah. What the fuck do I do? Yeah, even when I remember when you first started doing a podcast, we talk to each other and we talk about it. And then it was like one thing about the podcast where it gives you a sense of independence if you feel like I don't need these people to sustain a decent lifestyle.


Right. Right. That's why people always like I'll pull some shit right. And then people will be like, oh, nice knowing you are happy. They give me a twenty one on, follow on, follow your canceled.


I'm like you you like. It's hard when you have a fan base and people that love you, that small percentage to try to catch you, they can overpower the people that love you.


Yeah, yeah, yeah. Actually it kind of makes you stronger because that's because you're people like want to get behind you and defend you.


Yeah. And then it's like and you also just giving us more press when you guys do that. I don't know where I've discovered a lot of hilarious comedians because they like got canceled.


I'm like it's funny. Yeah.


Like people. You know, they make comebacks and, you know, I just don't believe in the whole Cancer Council culture and especially so because I rode with Dave Chappelle and I saw him pretty much say. Fuck your mom. I'm going to say what I want, I'm going to do what I want when I want to do it and I work, everybody don't have the balls. Everybody I don't know about say this on your podcast. But I've said on different platforms, when you consider especially the business that we in, we think we're great, right?


I think I'm great.


You think you're great, too? I'm not known for my astronomical self-esteem, but I think I'm good at the things that I've worked hard.


So. OK, well, that's it. When you hear somebody say something, give somebody a rose is not envious of jealous. Jealous. You actually yourself. I'm great, but what makes this motherfucker great? Yeah, yeah, and I was that was a question I asked myself what my relationship with Dave and I was. And I said that the thing that makes him great is that you have people that are funny, but you don't have to be people that are funny.


They have what I call a Muhammad Ali moment and a Muhammad Ali moment is when you have to stand for something, when you got to consider your morals, your values and what's true to you.


And you make decisions that don't don't necessarily put in situation for financial gain. Right. You know, I'm saying Muhammad Ali said he wasn't going to fight in Vietnam when he was at the prime of his career, costing millions and millions of dollars. He didn't say, oh, fuck that, maybe I'll go in and then I won't be in war. They'll protect me, whatever.


But he stood for something that's about integrity was the point where you you decide integrity is more important than. Yeah.


And everybody can do that, you know, I mean, like, I value integrity, but sometimes I like to make money. Yeah. Yeah. There's there's no integrity loss in cashing the checks. We can we just get to know, apologize, you know, I mean, like we just say, you know, we had a bad day when you when you called me nigga.


He was, he was he woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Honestly, muscle memory. I mean, old habits die hard.


That's why, you know, when I hear about cancer, culture, stuff like that, I don't really subscribe to that.


And that's one of the reasons I'm excited about the podcast I started and some other things, because I think Hansell Culture helped us all start podcast in a way a little bit grateful because I was just like, oh, my God, look, we have no control over some corporation is going to fire us if we say Jesus Christ or so or you know what I found out during the pandemic, I didn't get into the as well.


White people have been keeping a secret.


Black people just don't understand why people have been keeping keeping you right here because they know they have it.


Those ones just aren't popular. I know they've been the popular ones are the secret they kept away from the black community for so many years.


They let us work every day to go on the road to make the money, make it one fucking podcast.


Well, because black people like usually and there's a lot of untalented white men that their only option is just to sit around and say, I'm a very talented new and once said Newburn once said the average black person is funnier than a white comedian.


No, he's an average black person, not a funnier than a white comedian. Most of the working comedians. And it's just so it's just something I don't know if it comes from going through so much pain.


Yeah. Adversity, you know, like when things hit you so much, what do we do? We figure out a way to laugh. So that might contribute to how how tough we are and how funny.


But it's true because I mean but, you know, I mean, I did not sort of take us to like a year ago because you were white. But as a white woman, I basically have had it as hard as you and I.


Oh, what does that mean as a white prayer type man? No, I was just like, oh, who's going to listen to me talk for three hours? Like in this business, I'm like, you always have to be twice as good to get half as much right. Like, you know, and and the idea of just like guys sitting around talking, I was like, what?


Like no one will ever wanna hear me talk. Like, you know, who wants to hear a white woman just talk for three hours? I didn't know that that was a business, you know?


I mean, I had to break the news to you. We start off with this conversation. I got to give a sexy voice right now.


But I would pay to hear a white woman talk all day, preferably in a bikini, probably in a kayak with one or the and I'm the only one doing the stroking. If you asked me who I want to have a conversation, that would be you.


We got you OK. And we got some snags.


But yo, I told you about this shit the last time I was here. What the fuck is going on? The better one. I told you the last time to try to save my life. This is this is about to die.


That's that's peanut butter granola that is so bad for you.


That's really unhealthy for me to know how I know you work for you to say that a granola is bad for you.


It's all sugar control is not healthy. No. Let let me read you the ingredients. First off, there's no sugar. There's another thing with me. I got this canola oil.


Give me can I stop you for. Yes.


Like what you just did now is what all white women do at Whole Foods. And wherever they go, white women take the longest to shop at. And I they will be in this world.


They're looking for a husband. I'm just pushing around until somebody talks to me, hang out in the produce over top. Of course, you'll get a husband quick.


Well, say, saying if you shop at Whole Foods, you're rich, like when you're with me.


Is that how you just say, I've did investigation? Right.


I actually followed a white woman shopping at Whole Foods and Whole Foods and all the places, Whole Foods, like the high rises, you know, the fifteen dollars a pound for places. Yeah, yeah.


And you just follow them around. I don't follow I just want to see what their buying habits are.


Say they must have gotten safer to the black boxes work.


You going follow women around and no one comes for you know, you just got to have a sort of confidence when you do it, you know, and then when you run into them, you've got like, oh, man, I just came back from Europe.


You're like they like travel, talk about wine, talk about an epidemic and a pandemic.


Like, I just came back from Italy. They're like, get away from me. I know. I know.


But what you did was and I've seen it happen in the shopping experience, they will get something off the shelf and they will read every fucking thing.


They know the calorie count. They know saturated fats from the other fences. And they'll do like this one thing. I just don't know.


But they should be. Yeah, yeah. They put it back. It'll be all good.


It'll be all good to make it to one. Oh, no. Oh, sodium hijau. Hydrogenated oils. Yeah. Yeah. No it's not the twenty dollar price that makes them put it down. No, no no oil.


And then they'll be in it for forty five minutes and then when they get to the register they still in the express lane with a fucking. What are your favorite nuts. Raw nuts. Right. Your favorite.


It'll be avocados. I'm fine with avocados there.


Don't fuck with it. They go, they go bad too quick. You got if you open avocado it's like, it's like the time starts ticking. I say this biological clock starts rushing me like I don't eat avocados. As soon as you open them they're going to turn brown and I'd get too stressed. Just eat it.


Do you know about Apple? Hand know how many people get avocado hand a year of avocado hand is when you cut through an avocado and like this and you cut through your hand like, can someone look up the number of emergency room visits that happen a year from then?


It's all white girls, by the way. Oh, look who's who stabbed several avocado avocado here.


And find out how many people get heard of avocado.


Wait a minute.


Is that the same thing in a man who is like blunt and what's one hand and is when you're trying to cut open a blunt or tobacco leaf and it's almost the same thing as avocado, you're trying to slice the leaf and then you cut yourself.


That's right. Or maybe like getting your thumb shot off. OK, I went too far, that went too far.


I just want to get on with my life, right? I've been following certain things I'm sensitive about. I'm sorry. This is a place of love, Whitney.


All this is bullshit.


Got it. You never hear that. I do. Never cared. I, I do. Could you say that? I'm asking, you know, the mental fucking stress.


The party, I just want to see it. I've been dealing with I just because I was in a gun place and I got shot defending Maggie. Yep, who is smaller than your thumb did your thumb protector? That's the thing.


It was like a shield. It was like when the bun when the bullets started ringing out, it was like, remember, Ronald Reagan got shot. Was this is the cat when you stormed the Capitol?


I didn't storm the Capitol. And it's done a couple and I'm white people protest a lot different than black people. And I'm not going to be just black as black and white, but that's what we do. But here's the story.


Black people, when we protest, we protest in the clothes that we had on.


We now take a break in this incredibly charming, effervescent podcast.


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Know listen like if I was going to protest right now I would be like let's go. I wouldn't be like let's go to a costume shop.


I need a bearskin rug. I need Viking horns, I need military paint. I need a pirate patch like a fucking repellent cause I'm more worried.


That was the was the outfit they were in though.


Know they got dressed up for that. They got a whole of. But it was I'm telling me that's been been black person, how white people look at black people, what they want to see. Yeah. It was so refreshing to see white people skill of building. And I would say I know this is so dark. Right. I said this is what you think when you see I was like, somebody's going to get shot. I knew somebody was going to get shot.


I knew somebody was going to get shot. But the thing that made me feel so good, I knew the person that got shot was a black person. What a fucked up this is really what a fucked up thing to have to feel relieved that that day was so ugly and what happened? Was so disgusting and we're both from D.C., I mean, it was so awful, like. To see what happened and then like the woman who died, OK?


To me, their cause was so ugly, felt was was filled with so much anger. You don't want anybody to lose their life, but it's a lot of people didn't give a fuck. Yeah. You know, there was a lot of people that was like, that's what you get. Yeah. You know, it's unfortunate because any time somebody lose a life, you want to have some empathy, you want to feel something. But a lot of people was just like dead and didn't really give up.


There's so much pain at this point and so much callousness that it's almost just like we've gone so much goddamn hate.


You know, like I tell people that like Barack Obama and Trump, they both we're almost the same person when I say that they had rock star quality, right? They had rock star quality, they had energy, they had personality. And it came along at a time when people were frustrated over a lot of things. People are frustrated with the Bush administration. So motherfuckers, even white people was willing and that's how you got elected, was willing to try anything else, and then was an underlining group of people that supported Donald Trump, that didn't have a voice, that was just waiting for their superhero to show up.


And and I tell people both of those guys could have ran on each other's campaign slogan when Obama was running. He could have ran off of, um, I want to make America great again.


But if you think about it and while Barack was ran off with Make America Great again, Trump could have came behind and ran off and ran off a change.


We don't want to, you know, interesting. But they both had a quality. They appealed to people. They made people feel good. But one of them did awful thing about it. It came from a place of hate. And what it did was it just let hate it, just let hate build it, let it grow hate benefits in places it wasn't supposed to. And I've said this before. Whatever you think Trump accomplished, whatever, it doesn't matter if he did good with the economy and some of the things that people say he did, it was just hard to root for.


Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Know, I'm saying like, yeah, you like it. I don't know if I said it before, but like in your situation, you're small business. Right, right. In my situation I'm a small business and I'm a veteran. So some of the things that he provided for those two people, I could possibly say, you know what, uh, if he wins, whatever.


Mm hmm. These are things I can take appreciate. I can appreciate. But the ugliness is what made it so fucked up. Right.


And it didn't even want to be real with it. Even like everybody was like you got your president, Barack Obama.


People were happy. No, people weren't mad. People weren't mad at white people. They were like, fuck you. They wasn't dressing up. They was fucking happy. That's something that I waited for for so many years, something that could inspire and motivate them happen.


It's a drug. Self righteous indignation is a drug. People are addicted to hate. I it's it's wild to watch because I don't think anyone wakes up in the morning.


It's like I want to be hateful and hate people. I think there are people are addicted to hate. It makes them feel important. It makes them feel meaningful, like it's just why would you choose that?


Some people. I've been in relationships before. Right. Right. We all have.


And like and found out someone we're toxic to like. You know, you have people that they're not happy. Yeah.


Unless they're mad. They're addicted because you and when they're mad, that's a good fucking day for them.


Adrenalin makes dopamine the same shit you get from weed, from heroin, whatever it is a drug when people start fights and adrenaline, the recreating the child.


And then when I see people that are hateful to me, anything with sex or anything like that.


Yes, absolutely. It's what you get when you have an orgasm. You get dopamine when you.


What does that mean when you choke a motherfucker right before they boarded the bus one the David Carradine this go around. I can't say that we're what is an audio or audio?


Autoerotic asphyxiation.


And this is what I found through my years of being experimental with a white one. Maybe, but you're just trying to pronounce that LYCETT Anybody.


And as a man, I think that a man should be able to smoke a check for three Mississippi. And if you're black, you smell do with a noose.


Do it with. Oh, God, yeah, I agree with that.




That's how it's going to start in the bedroom. We're going to get it.


We won't get it back. We're going to connect these cultures one fucking orgasm at a time. That's where we need to connect.


No, the thing is that at least the white guys I've dated with audio, they they try to choke you, but they sort of don't go for it all the way.


So then you have to act. You have to be like, oh, you've got to know, you've got to either do it or don't do it. Don't make me act. Do you have to like do like.


Yeah, they'll kind of do it soft and you're like oh like what about does anybody ever like so is it is it works better with a hand or like what about it.


Like Oh yeah I oh what about a whole reverand about this.


Like, like an arm bar. Yeah I have. And had the type of things that you communicate when you have a woman in this position, I'm going to do my best. What would you say? How would you communicate with her? Like like if I had it like this? Look at my face.


You would just say buy my lotion on Rowlings Dotcom.


No, you got to say shut the fuck up. Right. You got to say shut the fuck up.


And then after you finish, shut the fuck up. Did you body what?


But you don't do the craziest thing a girl has ever asked for in bed where you were like, none. I, like my friends are like they're asking me to hit her. She's asking me to choke her.


And I don't want to spit in my mouth. Yeah.


Yeah, I've had that. Yeah. What is that. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is.


But if you do it you better not miss. I got to spit you better. You better not miss.


But when you think about it when you like in the heights. Yeah. And you're trying to get those dwarfish means popping.


Yeah. Right. Dorfman's. I like that. Yeah. You you have a. In a groove so good that you say to about your mind, why isn't anybody filming this?


I'm not just saying like you're like, oh, this is the day. Why are we recorded this? We need to archive this because I don't know if I can reach it.


You never had that during sex. Yeah, well, in your mind, you was like this. Fuck, I want to watch a playback of this.


It's literally the only time I'm not being filmed. It's like the only, you know what I mean? I'm like, I don't know. There are times where I've afterwards, I guess, taken photos or something to then send him later to try to keep him to remind him like I did that thing. Don't forget I did that crazy thing you wanted me to do. If it was like a costume involved.


I think after like he's gone. I mean, like if I've dressed up in a costume or done something. Wait a minute. You do that like not like the Q at the Capitol. I'm not I'm not I'm not saying I don't.


But that's and I know that you're in a relationship and everything, but there's a couple of posts you put on Instagram with different outfits. And in a community is a phrase we use. Oh, she could get it.


Thank you. Yeah. Like like she can get it. Thank you. It was the same thing that you said connected with Chelsea Handler.


It's like one episode. Oh that is good. Get it. Thank you.


I'm glad you're flattered by that. But I just know I was like didn't you say stuff like that was like I know there's a reason I got you back for a second time on the show.


Now you got but you got me back on the second time because I had so much fun and she was so awesome, you know, said it at the time that I came in, you know, and we still dealing with some of those troubles.


But I don't know. It was a very, very tough testing time.


And then we had to maneuver around, you know, being responsible and the things we said and being funny.


It was literally the week after George Floyd, like we were just trying to have a really difficult conversation, uncomfortable conversation and navigate it. And it was so healing. It was great.


I feel so good about I know probably had some reservations about it at first because he was like, who am I to say this?


But like we talked about is that the only way you can get change is you have to be able to create dialogue. Deba got to be to communicate with people without being angry.


And also that's like one of the great thing about podcasts. You can have long three hour conversations to talk about, a subject that could never be discussed in eight minutes on a talk show. I mean, these are such complicated issues. So did the black squares work? Is racism fixed? Yes, all over.


Good. I'm glad that's all. They wrote a check, but you got a man.


We want motherfucking justice. How much? Two trillion. All right. We're all good. Everybody, everybody go home. Those signs, we can take those. We got it. So the Instagram word. No, it didn't.


But I will say and we talked about it last time, I think people have a different look on how black people feel.


And when we talked about it, we've been through so many situations where police have wrongfully killed people and and nothing really happened.


And you felt like black people, the only people they were concerned about it.


But I think the difference in this situation with George Floyd, it feel like the world was like, fuck it, enough is enough.


Unfortunately, we did lose so many lives for people didn't even get to that point, but it was like everybody was fed up. So hopefully, like moving forward, like, you know, people could have a better understanding of how we feel and maybe just some of the things that they do.


And let me ask you a question, and this is this is was a specific incident. I know, you know, a couple of people don't represent all, but I was ever going to try my lotion.


I am going to try your lotion because my like you realize white women's faces go. I mean, they get real dry real fast. And I'm thirty eight years old.


I've seen a lot of white faces. So sorry. What's actually in the video. I mean, listen, you know that I'm like a lotion whore.


I know what I'm telling you. Then I'm about to pimp you. Can I put it on my face. I will try it on your hand just a little. Goes a long way.


All right. So don't go. That is a real fake. Yeah, but that's why you only need a little bit. Oh what is that.


What does that pineapple jungle feel. Oh God that's not so good.


Smells like my hookups.


And Colin, who I ever tell you to ever tell you about the type of the first time I dated. Like I know that I found thong underwear in his bathroom and I was freaking out and screaming. I found like sexy lingerie, like in his bathroom. And I started screaming at him and I was like, oh, this is this is this. And he was like, that's my do rag.


Also managed to learn that I did it again. I stand corrected.


I accused him of cheating on me because I started snooping through his drawers.


Why do women do that? I like to stay out of my OK. Why do you have to flip your phone over when you put it on my phone right now? Well, why do you have to put nine passwords on your phone?


Because you're trying to crack them. Yeah, but then why then just don't put them on there and I won't know how to crack. Oh, no.


Women, you know, after just one girl was you know, she was so doped to crack my password. Right. So I changed my password. Is she she. No, I was about to change it. And she told me the code that I was thinking about changing it to. I was like, this relationship is over.


I mean, this is the most this is the most moist cream I've ever had. Like, I'm like slipping around this. I'm telling you, it's the most moist cream I've ever had. And watch how long it lasts.


My body sucks it up right away, CBD in it. So, like, if you get inflammation any of that time, it just makes you feel good. The lotion makes confession scene.


That is like because my my I'm. So what can I get.


Yes. You do need a little.


I'm not going to give you a lotion to export back so. And then the second time I had before and before and after you go ahead. I accused him of why.


Because it had been for you were young but he was also a professional athlete and he had a lot of shit in his youth, you know, basketball and football.


I used to have a big basketball and football football. I used to have a big battle now. Right.


I mean, you know, I'm not like it's not going to be like, oh, get me crazy.


I'm a medium medium. But people, my friends, we never have issues going out. Yeah, never. I'll be like, look at that flat ass over there and look how far up my ass is after covid.


But that's still a lot of what is a bathing suit. It's not as bad you guys like to eat granola.


Now, that's a sufficient line. Like I just have a leg. I can't do this. I can't do this.


It's bad gleaming Lulu places, so don't do little Lululemon or whatever.


OK, so then I accused the guy, the same guy cheating on me because he had a lot of girls in his phone calling him a professional athlete when we're fully together yet. And I was trying to figure out if we should be. So I just was like, look, I was looking for shower gel in this room.


Well, no, this was I was like thirty three, maybe 34. Yeah, like five years ago. So he was a professional, like football or OK, the ones that are backwards at the defensive end, the ones at the end.


I'm just going to say, just for anybody that's listening, that most professional athletes get a lot of buzz. Yeah, no shit. They get a lot of pussy.


And if you're going to have you in some cases there, it's going to be hard shit to be an athlete, to be rich, to be popular and not fuck.


And I was insecure also. But I can tell you, when you got them, like when they're in the league, here's a time. If you really want to get an athlete, you got to get them like two years after retirement.


Interesting. When they got to the CTE and the injuries, they don't got the road schedule. Yeah, they've done it.


They also they're also easy because they're so infantilized. Like, if you just like come in and like, no, they're ATM code and start getting them groceries because they can't do anything for themselves either. So you just have to show up and be responsible then they can't live without you.


But OK, here's my thing. Well, women doing investigations of crack codes, everything. And it finally cracked the code and they found some incriminating shit.


You'll always find what you're looking for. Always, always, always gets what almost never does the relationship in. Interesting. Never.


And I this is what I did it once and I was like and I wasn't. You know, this is funny to say, I wasn't doing crazy, crazy, right?


I only had two psychologists, but I was wondering why I'm like, this chick is trying so hard to catch me doing so and then come to find out she was doing the same shit. So a lot of times it's like this. They're trying to say they want to catch you. It's edible. So this is good lip balm.


It's everything they want to catch you just so they can justify the things you're doing.


Then I'm saying they're projecting their guilt onto you. And yeah.


And another thing, my thoughts on cheating, for the most part, men cheat for sport and women cheat for revenge.


Oh, wow. A lot of women don't have it in them to cheat.


But if it's like. I'm going to get you back, fellas, let me break it to you.


Those girl trips, they're fucking. Those girl trips, when all you see is pictures of all the girls, the rugged, I mean, you got another month till the vaccine comes out, as soon as that vaccine is out there, probably back to you got another month where they're not cheating on you. Are you doing a vaccine? Hold on. I'm about to watch you drink soy milk. Let's see how this goes.


I just I just I just want to protect my shit here because I said this is expensive technology.


Some chocolate soy mocha tastes good.


Oh, right, it's kind of sweet, so there's no sugar, it's a lot of sugar really, but it's just soy milk is naturally kind of sweet. And then the milk. Chocolate.




So you don't think that that's a racist order, the soy saying, like, did you feel good when you was like chocolate milk that was back to fucking you know.


I want to go to your phone, dude.


This was this was the straw that broke the camel's back of I went through his shit. I was going through his drawers. Right. Because I was just going to see this. I was like, he's got another girlfriend. He's got something else going on.


Sure enough, I find a drawer with a pair of diamond earrings and I'm like, who's whose are these?


Whose earrings are these? And he was like, those are mine.


And I was like, Oh, right, what the fuck is wrong? Chose where? Diamond earrings.


Yo, what the fuck is wrong with you? What the fuck is so right? They're trying to get somebody being black. I want to catch a big black watch. What is this white dude?


You would have been cheating. This would have been some other woman's jewelry. And then the thing that was the worst, I was like, OK, give diamond earrings. Got it. Sorry, I got it now and then Valentine's Day, that was that was really fucked up.


You found diamond earrings in the drawer. I know. I'm never going to find them in a drawer.


I was like, this must be someone some girls who left it here. Right. And then Valentine's Day comes and I'm like, oh, this is I'm going to get some diamond earrings. He knows jewelers.


I got low gold balls. I was like, not you, so you get the diamond earrings that I get the gold balls.


I like to see how long like five or six months for the first black guy, you know, was.


No, I thought this not the first story.


The first story. Oh, gosh, that was a story. Now, the first story is the first lady going off the rails that crossed the tracks, whatever. And they were like they were like trying to get their girlfriends to do it.


Like, it's like once starts it off. Right. And then they talk it up.


It's like, what did you do it. You do it. You do it. Because I think they're going to do it. It's too much curiosity. The first time, was it everything that they talked about?


Oh, interesting. I don't know.


I don't know. But that's a good question. I've heard a lot of epic films. Really?


Yeah, I've heard some. Wasn't everything that you were talking about.


Well, you know, the thing is that actually was the the the part that was like it was actually wild because to see racism happened, like, in a way you're like, oh, like because everyone's staring at you.


You did so back then when you dated a black guy, you were a freedom fighter and it was a freedom fuck.


I didn't just think of it that way. You gave me some Peace Corps, but I basically was.


I basically went to Dancing with the Stars and I was with Chelsea Handler and he didn't say anything else.


Let me tell you something, my best friend, that's what it was like when I was little.


I used to carry on a cape everywhere. Wizzard Cape. I was going to be a wizard. But now best thing, it's in my pocket at all times.


So look at this. This is your replacement for dressing up as a wizard and look at my little team and we were fighting slugs. Let me see. Hold on. But wait, it's so fun.


You just got to like I had to connect these little strawberries and then it makes my little scorpion shoot the slug.


It's so cute. I love it and you can level them up. I'm literally obsessed with loving them because they change outfits. They look different as they grow.


But why am I why can't I get these raindrops going? I get stuck on the raindrops. Well, this is the very first level. So let's just say I had to read green.


So you have to use green. Oh, these leaves. So look, when you touch this thing, the little guy smiles. It's OK. I'm upstairs, breastfeeds such, puts me in such a good mood. It's like this puzzle game.


It's a mental puzzle game, but it's like there's so many characters, there's so many different ways to win. It's really I mean, honestly, I've been playing it since Cornhill at this point.


I think it's the only time when I go to my phone, it's the only time I do something healthy for myself. My phone now I associate with, like, negative texts, bills, you know, bad news. And so, like, you're like online shopping and buying a bunch of stuff I don't need, like, this is my, like, healthy app on my phone.


That's a good way to just, like, check out and not for myself and not spend money. Work your brain. Yes. Without being like on your phone doing nothing.


Yes. Yes, totally. And it just makes me feel like I'm giving my brain a lot of my friends in Nashville playing it too.


And the most enjoyable screenshots of like who has more points, who's got more slug's, who's leveled up a little one now.


So I'm catching up with that. I'm catching up with you.


I'm getting you're getting there. I'm free to download its best fiends. You can match three. It's a casual mobile puzzle game.


Very fun. Look at it. I'm just showing it. Well, we can't put it down.


One hundred million downloads. One hundred million. That's hundred million people. Download it. That's crazy. That's amazing.


And download best feeds free today on the Apple App Store or Google Play. That's friends without the ah best fiend.


You had to practice on that one. I was in fair with two sentences.


Lazy, lazy, full, feeling blue. That's me when I'm in Brooklyn and jeans, I'm lazy.


The problem is I don't need more reasons to stay in bed all day. Well, Brooklyn is not helping at all.


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Yeah, I like to I like to ice out the house and then roll up in a blanket. You know what I like to do stuff I can't see and then slide down the stairs.


Oh, it's really fun. You can do it by car. Yeah. I mean, be safe guys.


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Also, by the way, I know that this isn't the copy, but we also use Brooklyn and Tower. Oh, the towels are great. But they sent us some and I spilled so much stuff in the podcast studio when Paris Hilton was on that look and it absorbed it all. Look at this.


What about the loungewear?


You the loungewear, but no SOCOs give it to me. Loungewear is my whole life. So but look at this. I put so much makeup on this and then it washes right out. There's the only towels that the make up. Yeah.


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Damn, I was trying to distract you the way we used to do in basketball and people that free throws money and play basketball.


So I know how, I know how to ignore Jock.


I like that he would probably have way less pregnancy scares if I did to cut.


Well, you know, we were doing a summer camp, special summer camp and Chelsea came out and doing a summer camp, I became the river ninja. Yep. You know you know that part, right?


I do. I got in touch with nature. I started doing her thing and grounding, getting in touch with my chakras and earthing and grounding.


That's when you're standing barefoot on the dirt and receiving the sort of electricity from the ground for your irons to be balanced.


Yeah, that's earthing and that's grounded. Yeah. And they have another thing. It's a combination of earth and ground. It's called sun eating. Oh, right. And NASA did a study on it.


The health benefits and the combination.


What you do is like you get you get in touch with the ground barefoot, right. You got to walk somewhere where you can see the sun. Right. And then you like you supposed to look at the sun that not when it's like when it's fully out there.


I feel like that's a provocative thing to say. What? Not when you don't look it when it's fully out.


Right. But like when it's coming up and you add ten seconds every day, it's a it's a practice where after a certain period of time, your eyes get used to it.


Right. And it can help you with your it's so many things.


Sets your clock. And also you get that vitamin D, which everyone's talking about.


But do you know that the vitamin D, do you know that the the the way to get the most sun and vitamin D the fastest is through your butthole and people are sunning there.


But guess what?


That's why black people have vitamin D deficiency. That's one vitamin. Fuck that. I'm not doing that. You do.


You open your bottle up and say, oh, this is this one.


First up, how did you even what was the conversation that happened with who said it?


I know something like this. Oh, you really want to know how to get that vitamin D really through your body.


But also if you if you're like, I need to be out in the sun for an hour today to get vitamin D or whatever, if you just put your body all of the sun for like five minutes, get the skin is so thin and you get more, I believe is the logical next question.


My question for you is how much vitamin D have you had lately? In my butthole, in your butthole anyway? Anywhere, period. People a full attitude. People the woman goes by metaphysic. She's a big fan of a play. Perini perineum. Is that how you pronounce it? Perineum Suneung. Thirty seconds of sunlight on your asshole per day is the equivalent of a full day of sunlight with your clothes on. The benefits, more energy, better sleep, more creativity, more sexual energy.


I don't know if your butthole is sunburn. How good can the sex be?


And it's hard for me to even know what I'm sunburn. Yeah, I'm telling you, I did some dumb ass shit.


I was like this. I said to myself, black people don't get sunburn. That's what I said, my friend. We were in Naples, Florida, but our friends had a boat.


We went on a boat and we was like, because when you go like when you spend less time in New York, when you go somewhere down south where you want to come back with a tan.


To let people know I've been on vacation so we didn't know anything about FPS, see, what's that SPF? Yeah, the number that regulates what type of sunscreen you have, right.


Like SPF or UVA has like a number of tests. Yeah, but a lot of those are fake. Apparently now they go up to like one hundred and eighty apparently it doesn't really we didn't know anything about it.


We grew up on baby oil. Yeah. We had tin foil and baby oil and we, we was like this we coming back I'm coming back with a new name.


They're going to call me Chocolate Budha. When I come back, I put that baby on.


We was on that goddamn boat for like five hours and I was like, oh, shit, the next day.


No, we try. My shit was tight, my neck was tight. I was a I was a cinnamon color. I was like a brown and a red. And that shit was painful. I was we didn't think it could happen.


Yeah. You know, because you so you just learn that. Yeah, I just wanted to. Yeah. Yeah. But it was like it was it was awful experience.


But I love that you I feel like I watched it kind of happen with you when you were out at Dave's and nature like that. Do you feel like you've like reconnect like or connected and feel like. Hollywood was alive for so many years. I feel like the energy in the Vatican secret here is like you have to be here to make Hollywood. Yeah. You know, in France, they want you to be scared and need them. Yeah. For the most part, that was the case.


I first started doing it, but because of podcast's, because of virtual this and virtual that, you realize that it doesn't have to be here. And like when I first went out, it was at a time where, you know, it was stress in my relationship or whatever fuck you want to call it. I hadn't told jokes in a while. I really love the community out in Yellow Springs, Dave Chappelle and the whole crew.


And I just need to fucking get away, you know? I mean, just get away, not run away, but just get away. When I went out there, I start realizing.


Simple life could be, yeah, you know, I'm saying like when I used to be like not that I'm a fashion person, I did when I used to be like, oh, I need these new shoes, new shoes out there. I was like this. I just need a pair of fucking Tyvaso. That's it. I just need a pair.


DBAs t I went from Adidas to teamers. I went from the streets to the Greeks. I went from the hoods to the woods. I went from horse to horse. Yo me. I became the river.


Yeah. Yeah. And I was mad at it. Yeah. It was simple shit like finding peace in a river. Yeah. It was just like you don't need is like where you know Hollywood mafia.


You think you need thirty four belts and shit when you in a fucking Midwest and you fuck the rivers you need one fucking belt and one of the ones with the little loops on it. Yeah. Yeah. You know, said it could be used for anything. You could pull a tractor out of the ditch if you need it could hold your pants up.


You know I'm saying you could pull whatever that's I was finding out the city. I never thought that would be excited about seeing a marshals do marshals as the ship was.


I'm telling you, marshals has it all, T.J.. Max is do you remember Filene's Basement?


I remember that do that was that was my shit.


But the reason why I never thought I'd be excited about it, because when I was growing up, this is where I grew up going to Marshall's going to take Max's place. You didn't have enough money to go to other places. So once you get some money, I go to other places. You forget that Marshall's everything is nineteen ninety nine.


They got one price for every fucking thing you put in your Durak 1999 diamond earrings, 1999 butthole plugs nineteen ninety nine.


They might be in the DVD man. Yeah they're nineteen ninety.


They're going to be right now but it just felt like, it just, it felt like such a connection.


And I remember the day when I really felt like I was going to become a rebel ninja.


I was, I was, I was a man on the man Reverend Sharpton. My do Ted the Greek, Greek, whatever the fuck it is. I was the mayor and one of my friends. But not for you, Patrick. We're both in different. Kayak's right. I mean one. He's in one. And we smoking a joint. Right. And then we just we just you could just hear, like, birds, water and was just so peaceful.


We were just chillin. And then he said he said, Dunnill, this is what life is all about. He said, this reminds me of building bike ramps in the backyard and going crawdad fishing with my dad. I was like, well, you won on this one because I didn't do shit with my dad, but I felt what he was saying about the simple things of life. And that moment, it just made me think of the things, the memories that my dad didn't create with me and that how bad I wanted to share those experiences with my son and how simple it is.


You don't say we so caught up on, like, kids, kids.


Oh, they hooked their computers, their hoop to their phones, a lot of that, because that's the easiest option to give them, you know, are you fishing with them?


Are you taking them to good people complain and they don't give them another option. They don't give another option. And if my son like he's one, he's just like any other kid, like the YouTube videos or whatever. But when I take them on and when we finally came out, when I took them out of nature, it wasn't about the phone.


It was about skipping rocks because it's my thing is my phone super addictive and compelling until I go into nature and I don't have a desire to even look. I don't want to do it, you know?


I mean, you want to you don't want to look at it. But, you know, for some reason, we are a society that we feel like we feel like we have to capture every moment. We don't want to you we don't want to tell a story.


We don't want to be like, you know, when we were coming up and I'm some this is for me. But it was like this. You had to see the story and you had to have the person knew how to share the story. That's right. And that's the only way. And when you saw it and when you was like just, you know, you know, everybody you remember that time, the back yard, there was no let me just show you.


Let me show you. You had to tell an amazing fucking story. You know, you didn't just get to go. Here's the video.


Right. And you had it then as the story grew over the years, it always changes. Always, always.


You embellish it when you're that's like, wait a second. You were in Jamaica. I thought you were in Venice. No, no, it's different. And then you have to get more, especially for my community.




Like when we tell a story, it's very animated, like about like if I tell a story like you can be like you would tell a story like done that I was walking down the street, you know, and a guy pulls me over and I kind of said I couldn't say it.


Like when I'm walking down the street, you know, say I'm walking. You got you got to be like, how would you walk? Okay, let's do it. You've got to keep asking them what happened.


So I'm walking down the street. OK, ok. OK. Where are you roller skating now?


When I was walking, it's been times where I got it OK. But it wasn't that I'm ok, I'll walk. OK, ok then.


Like when you change direction I'm walking then.


Then boom boom. What happened. Who. You saw someone.


No boom is not. Yeah I saw boom I saw him boom. Yeah. I'm like come over here. So then I stroll. Stroll is walk into ok and I stroll over and I say what's up. I get my. You know, have said you got to yes, the whole story.


There was no we you were I mean, when you're we were telling stories and shit before social media, you had to be entertaining.


Right? People stop learning to be entertaining anymore.


People look at my phone.


And by the way, I'm like in some of these YouTube stars, when you talk to him, you're like, oh, you've only been doing this for a screen.


Like, you don't know how to do it to people. Yeah. They don't know how to be. You know, you don't want to keep people's attention necessarily in a live situation.


That's the only thing the only issue I have with the social guys that claim to be coming is whatever. Let's just be good at both of you.


You know, I mean, the fact that you have a platform where you can it doesn't matter what anybody say about the social media communities or whatever these people like, they're self-made.


They're doing their adapting, they're adapting to it. That's what we would be doing if we were twenty five.


We would do the same thing. And, you know, no matter what you think of, like, how do you get their path to success, they got there, you know, and you got there on their own.


Will you like those videos and those guys do this shit every day. This shit is draining.


You know how hard it is to be consistent with exhausting.


It's exhausting, but they know how to use Dropbox. I have all the respect in the fucking world for you, you know. Yeah. But also, I think teaching us like these social media comedians, they're teaching us and showing us like, you know, you guys don't have to do it the old way, you fucking old fart. You don't have to go do 50 cities and then shoot an hour like you can with the oldest people are.


So they want to be so angry because they see the success these people are doing with less time instead of embracing it.


You know, it's like you can do a lot. I mean, I was watching your shit this morning, the Oprah thing. And would you have done this had social you had not seen like. Oh other you can do this. Yeah. This is Darnell doing an interview with Oprah. Nastiness. Donnell Rawlings, work on this on air. An excerpt. The Duchess of Ashkenaz talks publicly for the very first time about his father. Why did you do this?


How fast can you take to turn this around? Young found out his dad was working with the town it took us. Did it feel like betrayal when you found that your father was working with the tabloid betrayal? What you do, I think, was betrayal. You cop, you write. It was betrayal. It was betrayal, serail, michail and betrayal. Just as we do. It was both betrayal. What do you think it was? You said?


No, absolutely not. He hadn't been talking to. So he basically lied to you. You lied to me. He lied that basically the mother fucker lied trying to figure out betrayal. Every time I fucking talk to you fucking make a crack. Just he lied to me. I will probably ask me something else about your father being hunted down there. It seemed like you were saying in some ways that they did this to him. So I want you to be able to clarify this, that the tabloids, the media did this to him.


They hunted him, but he has a responsibility in it to his responsibility to give his mother fucking kids. Yes. And tell him I was my mother was not the evening him the budget deal was him. Everybody was happy because he wasn't Scheck's the question. He was being honest, but everybody police and did his job. This is your half sister on your father's side has written as a supposedly tell all book about you. What is what is your relationship with her?


I don't fucking bitch about that. Go run until that book. I don't fuck with the bitch ass a of system. I don't give a fuck, I don't fuck with piss. And she grew up on what have you about. When you write books, you write books. I'm sell emotion. I'm selling motherfucker lotion. The whole family can you paid. I just don't appreciate all this shit. So you weren't close. You didn't grow up together.


Yeah. We grew up together. I'm looking forward to this. She doesn't really know you. I see you like holidays and stuff like that. But I, I'm for the best. I mean she was cool. She's my sister but I didn't really under because she was always brown. Yes, she was grimy and I used to spend time in the palace. I used to be up in there and it was good, good relationship. Now they want to just see white people.


Shit. Now nobody. Just because I'm. So were you thinking of harming yourself when you were having suicidal thoughts? No, I wasn't suicidal. I was actually OK. Did you know where she is? Take your shirt off, write down. Telling Oprah to take your shirt off right now and let me see the Oprah feels.


I'm telling you, people can associate with black. And I'm telling you, I'm 100 percent sure the reason they kicked me out and don't have anything to do with me. Because, first of all, where are you got to. Wait, wait, wait, wait. There's so many birds in the background. I was asking what what what are you hard of hearing? What did you hear? Me? Yes. And you're not going to tell me who had a conversation?


No, I'm not telling you shit. Go ahead, Gayle. It's got a lot of question as to the questions. And can you tell us what the question was? I'm not supposed to go answer.


You're not saying, dude, where are these birds? Which is where you want the river and know what this is about?


The funny thing about that is Eversole, it's up now on Donal's Instagram.


You guys, this is so fucking funny.


But the thing about it was like, you know you know, it came from a sketchy background. And people always like when you go do more sketches, but it's kind of, I don't think sketch. Yeah, but every so often said to my God to help me put it together.


It's all ten minutes, beautifully edited, perfectly like you turned around that in 24 hours it was really less than 24 hours.


Like we already know, like if there's ever like a really dope news story, like how can we comment on it?


And it's like it is so funny. Oh, my God, Simpson. It's like we've been trying to put a project together. You know, sometimes you for stuff it doesn't happen.


And then the light bulb, the light bulb went off with him. And then when it went off for him with him, it went with me. But this is the dope shit. Like I really preach about his efforts because I know we go to which I do every winter.


He laid everything out. He had Ed, yet he had everything keyed out. And this was I knew he was serious because you know how you put a schedule like you want a certain voice to the voice it. Yeah, but you put another voice in it. Just replacement.


Reiby, you don't sound so you can. Yes, yes. Yes. Like plays.


But it looked like like from the time he thought about the idea. I think I'm at his place maybe an hour after that, maybe two hours after that. And the shit that I had to record, I did that in like twenty minutes. He was editing and probably like an hour after that it was ready to rock.


If this was I mean, back when we used to make television, like a sketch would take two hundred people between the crew, the lawyers, the writers, the you know, the that means a lot of people might be out of jobs in some ways as the business changes. But this is two people takes twenty four hours. This is how it should be for something like this.


And, you know, and it's in it's content, but no notes, no executives telling you. You can't say that. You can't. That's what it is. No or no. Don't come for Oprah. No fear.


That's what I was like when I was I was looking at it. I was over four times. I was like, OK, stupid. You would have thought, oh, yes, yeah, of course.


You know, Gayle would have I don't know, maybe not Gayle.


Gayle might be in the comments like I you.


What a funny story about Gayle. So first time I met I was doing some shows with Chappelle in New York. Right. And she saw my show.


We were at this place, we were getting a little little appetizers and stuff.


And she came sat beside me and she was like, Hey, Donna, you're so funny. You're so funny. And I'm like, and I'm saying I said, Oh, shit, man. That's Oprah friend. You know, you take her name away from Oprah is so huge, but you know something, that's Oprah. And then I had my phone, have my phone right here, and she was like, I got to get your number. That's OK.


I put my phone. She said, look, my phone. I said I said, that's it. Don't look at my phone. And then I'm talking to you. I said, You all right?


If it was my fault, it's your fault. She engaged. She said, it wasn't your phone. I said, don't worry about it. This she said, Are you on Instagram? I said, that's kind of an insulting question for me to be in the field.


And she said, OK, give me my Instagram. She got a glasses right here. Right. She's looking. She got a glass like this. Right. And she's looking like she's getting through stuff. And I had did this video. Michelle had this video call. You can't you can't raise a man.




And I thought that was very insulting, especially for me being a man. I was like it was like I said, I need to do an answer to it. So I did a song and said, you can't save a bitch.


If you can't raise money, you can say it right? And I dressed up like this preacher, he attempts to shit on everything and I had just posted on my page. So she was looking she was like, what is this? And this? When I start the organization, Save a bitch dotcom. Right, OK.


And the reason why it might not be there anymore, but the reason forgot to pay your GoDaddy, your squarespace prolapsed. I let it go out and do anything with it.


So it was she was like, she was like what's the name of the organization?


This is what it goes to by the way. Oh, is that it. No, no. Somebody probably not said that it was years ago. So she was like, what? I was like I got to I said, this is what broke down. I said, listen, I'm an activist. I got this organization. And I said, this is what I said. I said, I think all women a certain age. Right. A certain age.


They have two things on the scale, temptation and salvation. OK, and depending on who comes your life, it could tip the scale either to temptation itself is interesting, I say said so I started this organization to save and help in that area where she said, Oh, done now. So she was like, you see the dunnill. That's such a wonderful idea.


And she was like, what's the name of the organization?


And I said, OK, before you get upset, or if they just understand that this is for women also. And she said, what's the name of it? And I said, save it, bitch dotcom. She did like this. She said, Oh, no.


She said I said I'm said to myself, no, no. I was like, I'm never going to meet Oprah. I'm like, it's OK.


It's all right. I can go with Stedman. I'm like, If Oprah knows I use bits of the cities, I'm never going to get to the bits. Right. So I.


You calling her big probably isn't helping either, but. Yeah. Yeah. But she was like she said. Oh no. And the look on her face. Oh no. Oprah not going to talk about this like she was like oh no.


But she didn't understand. And she was like let me get to the part where I explained what I said. Because when you trying to start my intent was very clear what I did.


How are you going to do? I said by letting them explain women to, you know, be secure with yourself. You know, I really had a plan for it, but I needed people to get connected with it.


And I was like, I could have been like, you want to be on Oprah's favorite things, right? I was like, I could have been like, save a queen.


Nobody let anybody want that show. But like, I was about to save it because people are, oh, who was a bitch.


But then once I pull you in, change my mother. I even asked my mother about it and I told her what the organization was doing.


I hit her with the name of it and and my mother always tried to look for different.


She was like she talked to a girlfriend rescue a bitch.


No, no, no, no. She said, let's change the act. Let's change the definition of it. Let's make it an acronym and call it bitch being in total control of herself.


Oh, so I said, listen, listen, are you in control of yourself?


But that was not thought that me and Gayle would never see eye to eye on anything else. But because she's a close friend of Chappelle, she's always been convinced. And we sit back and we laugh at it. But she didn't play. She didn't.


We got it. We got to get this this lotion on Oprah's favorite things. You know what? And I want to get into I want to get into a daytime space. You'd be incredible at it.


I need a link like I want to get into it so much that I reached out to Ricki Lake the other day, OK, I love it.


I love Ricki Lake. And I grew up on Ricki Lake. You know how she has said she had so much trauma in her personal life?


I know I used to do the show years ago when it was when you remember when a lot of shows are going to like we, a panel of different people with different perspectives and everything.


And I was the first podcast in a way. Yeah. You know, was having on a regular people to talk about their drama. People don't know.


It's so funny about this industry. People want you to be hot your entire career. That's right. But people don't understand is like it's like with Ricky, you notice when you got when you could be in this shit for like twenty years and it could be like two or three years where you just kill them. Yep.


Two or three years where you in the most demand you're today. So whatever, you might not be able to maintain it forever. But you got those three years where you can get a pop in. Ricki Lake had about nine or ten of them.


And then sometimes you got to go away and and grow and and sometimes you got to not do the same shit.


Sometimes you're like, I've had it. I want to do something else. I'm no longer interested in this. A lot of times when you go where people like, where have you been? What happened? You're like, well, I tried to have a personal life because in order for art, imitate life, you have to have a life. So I can't have good jokes unless I go on day life.


Yeah, and that's how it was like that's how it was even to this point right now. The other day I said to myself, I thought I'd never say this and I wouldn't. I thought I'd never say this because all the money I have, it was dependent on doing road gigs right after. I never say this when he did. You know what? I'm not upset that I'm not doing a lot of comedy right now. Yeah. And a reason why I'm not, because the pandemic forced me to pivot.


Yeah. And I realized I said, OK, you got to look at life as if suppose you never do a live show again, what the fuck are you going to do? And people make fun of me with some of the products or whatever I'm trying to do. But I was like making fun of everyone. Yeah, they do. And they say whatever he hawking shit, whatever.


But I've said, you know what? Yes we are. Yes, I am sure. I said, but I know I had to make a pivot because I didn't want to have to rely on just touring to make money. And one reason because I'm an older guy with a young son, I want to spend more time, my son.


I want to have to be out every weekend. So when I first started, I first started with the candles and you had to commit to candles.


Black Ash Candle was someone not only we ordered more, someone took them. Who was it that took someone? Like literally was like, I'm taking this with one of our guests.


All right. We just had one, but we'll get more but one with the whale coming at my point.


What is it? The whale. Goddamn fucking what? We had what was that shit and the blackout and ambergris ambergris, that sounds like a chick I dated, but, you know, it's easy, it sounds like off of coffee or the top of ambergris, double lotting ambergris. It's in the black ash candle.


It smells to the point I was making was so I started with the candle shit because I was like, OK, Donna, what are you gonna do?


Because, you know what? If we did that, Carl did well, right? Did the candle did well. And it's like the most exciting thing about it for me was like when I because I have a Shopify app, you know, nice.


So like, when you hear the din, you know, it's a sale. I feel like only fans who are bringing me that motherfucking candy.


And then I started I started pushing and I started pushing it. And, you know, Rogan Rogan is the guy, you know, it's called the Rogan Bump. And thank you again for let me talk about my Kemalism, because I had a lot of sales because of that.


White women love candles. I know they do. And guess what else? White women.


Oh, oh, oh. You have river ninja coffee now. Oh, Lee, no, I didn't go so well with my old man. Yo, I feel like coconut sugar. I'm telling you, just streetside on five you come on.


But also here's the thing. You know that the blue collar comedy guys, you know them.


Yeah, I was working in Austin. We were doing a residency around the slightest fucking love that guy so much.


They're the nicest guys in the world. Nothing bad to say about any of them. But I remember reading that, Larry, the cable guy was making three hundred and eighty three hundred three hundred eighty thousand dollars a month on beef jerky alone.


Just put his name on it. They were in gas stations.


Like when I tell you. Revving engine revving engine is like I'm going to another.


And they got me to say I'm going to fucking build that brand to. It's like the Paul Newman start.


Please, Reverend, replace Starbucks. We could do it.


I'll go to Starbucks. Yeah. And all the coffee is black.


And Wendy Murphy could be an investment banker. You want to star Fox fall back to that SNL drama. You were the dark roast or was.


I'm just saying I'm going to smell because I love to smell. Yes. But it's also like, why the fuck? Not like I had shame about selling merch and stuff. I was like, oh, God, do people think I'm corny? I'm like, you know what? I felt the same. If you think I'm corny, fine, fine.


But here's the thing, though, Whitney. With that said and I dealt with it, but I was like, you can't be corny if you sell somebody a quality product. And you know what?


The people to think you're corny are probably people that aren't going to buy shit anyway. Yeah, exactly. They're like comics that are jealous because they wish they could do it in that thing.


But just like I was in Target the other day, I was on target the other day. And then I went through I was in the salad dressing. I saw Paul Newman face on everything. And then I went to like the pits because I have a pup and fucking Paul Newman dog treats. I was like, why, why, why?


Why can't I do that? If I like if I continue to give people quality stuff, like even with the lotion, it was for years people never been more moist in my life.


Oh, jeez. That's right. Give me the jacket on. She's never been that moist. And you look at this and this is fancy trying to get that way.


By the way, this everything is wet except my pussy right now.


I do need to get this, but OK, I love that this is it's Aqua and Prince's purified water.


You get this is it is this is what I'm saying for years, people like you need to get a lotion. He was actually I was like I didn't want to do it for that. I know I could get a sell off the novelty of it, but I wanted something like, you know, you didn't want to cheat people coming back.


Everybody that has used that fucking love to shit. And they live.


They live. But I actually think communities of the people you should trust the most because we're the ones that are the most critical of other people's corny shit. You know, we're like I mean, when we go to the church, I'm like, we can't put this out. Like, it's not good enough yet. It's not like I don't want to, you know, get killed on this. When I see other people, shitty church, I'm like, why are you selling this to people?


They're going to buy it and you're selling them garbage. Yeah, but that's what the people aren't full about it. Yeah.


Because you want to probably because your brand comes in people respect and and you have to have integrity. And like all of the products that I've put out, it's like I'm not asking you to quit dollar. That's true. But I still I want people to come back, you know, I mean, I change.


That was also also what's wrong with that? And it's also no quick dollar. You put a ton of time and energy into this.


Now, I'm just saying, like, I could have I could have done this, wouldn't not as much very good ingredients, but could have done this with cheaper. I could have done cheaper. But I was like, let me try to make it as premium as possible. And people respect it. But all of this all of these things, these ideas was born out of my escape from Hollywood, going into Yellow Springs, having an experience and just getting those fucking energies.


And I'm telling you that this summer was one of the. And I've sometimes I feel. Bad by Senate, but when, like a lot of people, this summer wasn't good. But I'm telling you, it was one of the financially it wasn't.


But in terms of, like I said to myself, sucked a year out plant seeds for next year. Yeah. So I'm starting to see that shit.


It was good. It was good for my mental. It was good for everything. And even with us not. No, people have heard the stories of because I've been back with the Yellow Springs. No people heard the stories of Austin with us creating a bubble. Yeah. And then the bubble being breached.


Yeah. You know, it happened. And I think that you had a similar situation, but I had covered I got it hard shit.




But you know one thing, OK, it's one thing to have covered the people. A lot of times people don't know how they got it. Yeah. But in some cases.


People get it trying everything to have a normal life and get back, as I say, get it honestly, get get it honestly, because I seen I seen you like you make your period from, like, what the fuck?


I'm doing standup shows to doing the shows here to like feeling comfortable with the fact that I have the resources to be able to test people status. And you did something similar to what Chappelle did, the whole it up into a month ago, like how can I be? As normal as possible, yeah, and get my life because with the physical drawbacks of things that can happen to you in a pandemic, Dimitriou could be crazy to do.


The suicide rates are up like loneliness they're now showing could actually be worse for you than convicted. You know, I don't I'm not a scientist, but, you know, I think there were a lot of comedians like to me, I felt the obligation after I saw what Chappelle was doing to be like, I have space. I can do this like I can. Let's try.


Dave said on that list that that's the last thing you put on your special character series of little jokes.


He said he was like. He was like. People love to see a hero fall. Yep. They rejoice, yet it was like because I watched him. Take this. Four times, because the last piece, the last piece was like the last piece was part of what he started about, don't watch Chappelle's Show until they pay me my money when I tell you.


That whole thing was how that transpired, because I remember one day just one of my closest friends, right, and I saw three looks in his eyes and I saw the look in his face out of nowhere, he said. I'm about to stick these motherfuckers up. Not talk, I'm not a good thing to say for black, I'm stuck, he said. He said they're going to give it to me or I'm going to take it. Wow. I didn't understand what he was saying.


Didn't understand what it meant until I was backstage when he made it in the first video we did the first video, he explained what was going on. And there was some people like these people. It was some people backstage that were nervous, those people that have to depend on people to accept them or whatever. And they were like this were this is a black man. And they were like, I think he might be taking the black stuff a little too far.


And I said to myself, nope, I said, this is on has been on his mind forever. And when that's the case, everything he said is coming out is coming from a true place where he said that to me. By the way, take it too far.


You should take it too far. Yeah, but some people don't want to be they don't want to like the pushback. So when he made that announcement and everybody's like, I wonder what's going to happen.


I wonder what's going to happen. And then he did the next one when he did want to talk about how he got how he got the money.


But I was with and by the way, at the same time, I don't know if this is a tantamount thing, but Taylor Swift was taking back her catalog of music and she was like a hero.


Yeah, because both of those folks did some shit that nobody ever does. Nobody. You know what it is? You sign a contract. That's it. And people was saying, like, whatever, you sign a contract.


But like he said, I don't know what I was signing. I sounded like a 20 year old kid.


The first thing you pursue had a debt and no you a money, no health insurance.


What choice did I have then when he said and I was I was with him, he planted the seed and I was with him when the call came in when and we were just hanging out and he was on the phone, he said.


And I was trying to see just how much. All right. It was not his job, but got him and he felt vindicated not just for the money, but the efforts.


And how dare you do this? Because in this business, you could choose to do the right or the wrong thing. And so often people do.


That's why you can get away with the wrong thing for so long.


So many people support you doing the wrong thing, which is why I respect the new younger CEO of Viacom, because he had a situation with David, a situation where Nick can and hopefully they could right that situation. But it's like you can turn back the hands of time. You can't say, you know what, that was fucked up.


You know, I'm saying I'm older now. And now that I look back, you know, and you can do it, too, because you can afford to because a motherfucker has made so much money for so many motherfucker and given so many jobs. Yep. And at what point do we stop saying I should be so lucky to get fucked over by, you know, how we treated it for the longest time?


Yep. And that's the whole thing about when I say to Hollywood was a lie for so long, we also didn't know what we were worth.


That's the other thing is that is that the amount of money they were paying, I spent so much money because we a lot of us don't come from money.


A lot of us don't we don't have we don't have the confidence to be able to challenge and tell you, like, I'm going to get it.


That's what happened. So much with people and music. Everything is like the first thing your first hit is like I made it. But what he's telling people and a lot of people took the toughest thing is to know your value, the toughest thing.


It's not your value and what they respect because they're going to try to devalue all the time. But the thing is, this is the beauty of social media, whatever. You know, your value, you instantly know. That's interesting, you know your value, what is your value? Well, I know this cable show that you produce, it's only one hundred fifty thousand people watching this a day. I know it's 10 million people of my followers that I can drop your ad and everything any fucking time I want.


Do you want to play this game?


Yeah. Which one? And by the way, mine are a captive audience. They're not watching by accident on the TV. That's just on in the lobby as they're signing in. They're a captive audience. They trust me and they want to connect to me.


And some of them are still trolls and assholes. But for the most part, you have something this business all about showing something to somebody so they can sell ads and make money.


Right, right. Right.


But now that's the beauty of it is now that you can you feel your power, you feel your power instantly.


And then but then we didn't know because it used to be OK, you do a TV show, let's say you make fifty thousand dollars and that's so much money.


But then of course you're giving away twenty five percent and then half to the governments you're coming home to like twenty twenty five thousand dollars for a show. That's still a fucking huge deal to someone that grew up without money. I should be so lucky. And then you're doing press for free. None of us were asking questions about like you do press for something that people never understand is a to what we do in a place like professional sports and everything.


You see somebody get a huge contract, 40 million year. Fuck that. All he does is going to football. Yeah.


You're looking at death for a company to be able to for for our organization to be able to pay you for him in a year. Have you ever asked yourself how much fucking money they're making?


Oh, so then you're making, let's say, twenty five thousand dollars year on that sitcom and then the advertisers bounty and whatever fucking Trader Joe's legal zoom, whatever, whatever the fuck Évian they're paying. And then we get you get that twenty five percent because all that tons of money is going to the lawyers, the PR people. You're paying so many people's money and everything you don't know just directly to I don't know what you call it.


You got the lawyers and the agents, you got Uncle Sam and then you got the posse.


Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And this is what people understand about that.


When you grew up with nothing, you never was able to.


And it's so easy to get caught up in that. It's like, OK, I can afford it.


And, you know, it's not like you floss, but you want to be able to say, yeah, hey guys, I got all going to have a good time. Hey, we're going to have a good time.


But the problem is, is most of us get famous before we get rich and they don't know that. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. They think they are. You are a billionaire. Hey, I feel like I was on MTV. That was a different thing.


That is so fucking true, man. Oh, I see. You like. Oh, oh shit.


You got one hundred thousand likes that pose. No, no, no. You don't get a dollar for every like. I don't know how you think this business works. Yeah.


But that's how it is with us to that's that's what people misunderstand like what we do. But like you said to dopiest thing is when you know what your value is then you can negotiate in different place. And if you can have the patience just to wait, that's a hard thing to do, especially coming from nothing.


But as we go on, people are starting to get more comfortable and more comfortable with that and networking stuff. I know. They know. They I know. I know they're a little nervous. Oh, sure. Because it's like there's another thing that we don't need you anymore.


You're not the only game in town anymore. We how to suck your dick, like literally especially to work in a situation like like I said, you and I. Right. You like when we first start, we we want to be good. Some people some people just want the fame. But once you get past that. Oh, we want to take a picture. Hey everybody.


Whatever because def music for a while there, once you get possession use like this. You know what I've done everything I'm going to do with fame. I fucked all the chicks. I want to do with fame.


I've got them to pop the ropes. I've got to now this especially so you get old you like just I don't need it. Just a simple shit. Yeah. That's one of the things that made me want to be a Riverdance. Yeah.


But also let me you realize that the richest actresses in the world, they're already at like 40 building their lotion empire. They're branding empire. Reese Witherspoon has this giant clothing.


Ever got them Chuck Norris infomercial the other night? Yes. You got to be the Gwyneth Paltrow of fucking like what I did out of candles.


I did not like it. Why can't you have 50 fucking lotions and candles and shit like this? So and that they all have a backup plan, even though the most famous people in the world are working on a backup plan because they know that they're.


But another thing to do to get it, like some people get addicted to the whole process of starting from scratch and watching that bill. Yeah. You know, I mean, like Daymond John, he's one of those people. Daymond John has a great story. I started he came up with his company, FUBU. Oh, us by us. He started like five teachers. But he would do is like get them in music videos and stuff. And I would tell a story the other day how many times you like.


You look at success now, but you don't. Nobody everyone in. The level of rejection in the nose. I'll give Joe Rogan as an example, everybody, when they say a podcast on Joe Rogan, but nobody want to be Joe Rogan 15 years ago.


No, nobody want to be with nobody. But when he was on Fear Factor, eating bugs. Yeah, that's you don't wanna do that.


But they only care what people connect with is the finished product, ignore the entire process. And for what we do, if you think about it, we have the most in the process. Yes.


You know, I'm saying like when you get when you come and do something and when you get there, I can't believe you. Did you like I'm on to the next project. Yeah. Because we get off on the process.


Right. Right, right, right. I can't believe, like we have thought my thought and my way of thinking. And me wanting to be an entrepreneur came from Phuket kayaking, well, because you get clarity, I think it's like when you're in the city too long, especially a place like L.A., it's just like you get hypnotized. You forget the choices you have. Like I moved out here to the woods and it's like you just sit out, look at the mountain every day and you're just like, I have more choices than I thought.


And you're not waking up and just on autopilot like Instagram, Twitter, because you're like me.


Sepak remember when I used to have ideas and visions and not on my phone and remember when I like, you know, that's the only time you can come up with something original and really sort of find out what you're where your heart wants to go when you when you're at a calm, relaxed and stressless and Instagram.


I'm just competing with other comedians. I'm like, they're doing clubs, they're doing special. I needed to be special. And I'm my career trajectory is just based on me being competitive or or insecure or what I'm seeing on Instagram, telling me what the fuck do I actually want to do when I'm not in compare and despair and what I'm not like they have a special I need to do a special to you. I'm saying I was making so many decisions out of fear.


Right. And then when you go out of the woods or, you know, spend some time with yourself, which so few of you do, build a different level of confidence. Yeah. And you can look back on your career just like I've done that.


I don't need to do that. What about this?


Like, this is so this lotion. I feel like this is going to be I feel like you're going to have more money than Chapell soon.


And I was going to make your relationship outward. I'm going to make your relationship. Got a lot of this, but I could make it 20, 30 million a pop. And it's all good, I got to say. Deserves it all. I don't know.


I was just a part. We do talk about the vaccine. As you asked about that, the black vaccine, the black, the black teen black.


I noticed I think Pfizer and Madama OK, Pfizer, Moderna, Johnson, Johnson, those are the right vaccines. OK, to Johnson Johnson. I think that's specifically for African-Americans. It's one job they know they can't get it back for. You know, he's scared of needles. It's like, fuck, they're they're going to be late for this. Like, we're going to be late. And it's like it's it's that one shot, one shot, one killed.


It's like the Marines freeze for four snipers, one shot, one kill. That's all we're doing.


I'm going to get it because I it's so funny because you and I had similar experiences with contracting covid. Yeah.


And I took you know, I heard my doctor things. I got it through my eyeballs. Really. This funny thing you say to your doctor, nobody knows how the fuck that's what. No one knows anything. You know, I know it was an orgy I had.


Why why do you not? Because, you know, because you know, because you don't look them in the face or, you know, just like orgy.


I mean, Korona can't can't live. What is one of three people having sex. That's what the streets tell me. That's the reason. But it's so funny. Teres, kill it. Yeah. Tears go.


Yeah, but you didn't for you because it happened.


You I thought, well, maybe the tears, maybe I drained it in my mouth and the droplets also I was yeah. I got it through whatever. However if I got it but I had it for like three weeks and then could not remember my home address for like for me.


I don't know what level you had. Like I think it's levels, it's like when when you talk about it, people just want to put it into one category, like it's so much fear around it, which it should be.


Not downplaying it, but what people don't understand is like everybody is case by case. And I talked about this on my podcast.


Subscribe to the Donny Rollins Hewitt Show on YouTube and all his podcast podcasts platforms. Do it right now. Hit the button, bitch.


Why wildest podcast out there. Most entertaining and the best opening song of any podcast I've ever done is for that.


But it was interesting because for me, the experience wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. And it was kind of like I couldn't really share that with people like, oh, it could have been worse. Like we were talking on the phone before I came to. Worst thing about Kobe is a covert shaming that comes with it.


People make you feel so fucked up that you're not dying.


Feel like, wait a minute, I want you to be in more pain than they want because they want to be able to say, see, told you. Yeah, see, look at you all. You're trying to live your life. Yeah. Look at, look at look at you out here trying to test people, make sure things are OK. Oh. Then when you test people like in the case we did. Oh you guys are so privileged.


The only thing we were trying to do was give some type of normal life. Only we're trying to do is like open up like in case we Yellow Springs, you know, I'm saying yeah, the whole town's economy popped up.


Yeah. Hotels being used. But more than that, people had a mental release. They had something to do.


And no matter what people say something to look forward to. But it also set an example to us like putting that on social media, like made me go, oh shit, I can do it. Let's do this responsibly, safely. There is a whole generation of comedians that before the pandemic were just about to get there Tonight Show spot. We're just about to get their Netflix thing. We're just about and then had to be on the bench for two.


I mean, that's a long time to be off the fucking bench. That's a long time to not have income. Maybe not you and me. But I was like, if I was a comedian and I was just about to make it, I had just gotten a great set together to, you know, and then everything is gone. All your dates are off the schedule. It just like drove me nuts that no one could even get social media content for their socials.


I mean, there was going to be a whole a bunch of comedians. And when we came back, they've moved home and they work in t dry Fridays. I mean, this happens because you're not going to be here when we get back.


I imagine the people that said they wanted to start doing comedy when this happened, there's nowhere there's not only fans when Massachusetts would call, it was so funny because, you know, I kind of like wasn't really talking to people because I just got sick of people, like, not understanding, you know what like I would this one guy call me one of my friends.


How come he said, so how are you doing? I said he said how you feel. I said, I feel great. And he was like, Oh man, I hope you feel better.


I like what is better.


What kind of great. You want a Tony the Tiger. Great.


Like I said, everyone covid to be worse than it is, you know what I mean? Like I'm doing OK. I know the guy well. It's going to get worse, like you're going to and it's like, why do you want me to be there and everything.


Like I hear people like what what do you have? I don't have any you don't have any symptoms. You don't they want bad news.


People want bad news. And then also people they'll shame you. You've got a test, you got a test, and then you go, oh, we test him, they go, all those tests are accurate. But what is it?


It's always it's always it's always going to be something different.


And like everyone else was like, see, we told you guys now you guys could be out there spreading it, man, when it should happen with our crew, it felt like a military operation like like when you when you create a bubble.


I don't give us NBA Major League Baseball.


When you create a bubble, you know, any day it could be popped. Yeah.


Nothing is one hundred percent guarantee, but we don't know enough about this fucking thing to know if you're popping up. Here's the most important part.


And in our case is like what happens when a bubble has burst, like in our case when everybody was people's panic or whatever. And I remember Dave told me, he said, this is the reason why we test. Yep, we test. So we have the knowledge. We know when we need to make personal choices.


And in our case, it was like when when when our bubble got busted, it was instant quarantine.




It was everybody, even people that were there, married couples, people there were couples that were together, separated. Wow. It's separated.


And then the thing that I like women, they were relieved. Thank God there was relief, recovery from my fucking house.


Another thing like in the kids with us, the thing that, you know, I felt comfortable was like the sense of teamwork. Yeah.


You know, I mean, like when it happened, you know, you worry about food and stuff like that. You worry about your life. But like, when it happened for us, like when I found out that I was positive, thirty minutes later in front of my door was every vitamin known to man.


And it was a thing, you know, on every single thing. Scientometrics, oregano, oil, like shit.


Like I had a pharmacy. Right. And fucking the Joe Rogan mushroom vitamin. Joe got something to charcoal kettlebell. Yeah. Like everything like that was just like this.


You felt like, you felt like that because you felt, you felt like the way the team were kicked in, you felt like oh we're going to do everything to get through this together.




Even with food situation was like OK, now lunch will be delivered one thirty every day, dinner, seven o'clock if you need anything from Wal-Mart or whatever.


And people are. Yeah. You had the money to do it. No, I didn't.


He did. I'm sorry. You're Marshals' that way you could afford Marshals' from your your cream. Yeah.


But of course you get a couple of you guys, you got Marshall, everybody, it all kicked in to the point where like you had to test out like people that were like people that were negative became runners.


Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You same thing. You became runners. Yeah. And like we have when you have a runner yet runners.


And then when, when you, when you test out because the test out you have to have three negative pictures in a row in a row which the PCR take two days to count.


Those are the real test. No, no, no. They got shorter than that.


Once he did get money from them, that check came back. They were expensive. But you had that.


But like, when you think like, OK, you've got a group of people that are being quarantined. Yeah. You would think when they finally test out and free and I'll.


OK, you think they were like, I got to get out of here. That wasn't the case. No, it was like like you wanted to like, hey guys, I'm negative now, but what can I do to help?


Yeah, that's how I was. We even had we even had we call it a yard day.


Right. Yard day when we get thirty, thirty minutes of fresh air. We didn't go around the hotel.


We had to go back in a hotel down twelve flights of steps. And the way you did it, like if you wanted to go on yard time you had to raise your hand in the chest like I want to.


Yard time, and then they would bring your fresh in 95 mask and gloves, right, like to mask gloves and then you had a warden that would go with you. Yeah, the warden was just somebody.


Guess how he got his job just by being. Negative, just about Michele Wolf in a bee costume, woke up in a fuckin hazmat suit.


When you do when you do your yard time, you had a warden right in like some people just were very abusive of their powers, like on one of the texts, areas like this.


OK, you Magots, right? All right. Get in line. Like Stanford Prison experiment. Everybody starts becoming a fucking monster.


Everybody's an asshole. We had one. Do I call them little Hitler gave them too much power.


But, you know, so, you know, literally this is what's happening is people are feeling because of what's going on with covid, they're feeling the sense of power. Everyone wants to be the hall monitor everyone you want. You go to the grocery store, where's your mask? And you're like, this is the this is the first time you got to do that. You get to yell at me for I.


Yes, I became that person. Oh shit.


I did tell you did let me finish my story. So we yata was I went on a couple of days, I became that asshole. I was Napoléon on Stirbois. Right.


You know, so but it was so funny because he anyway the date that I tested out I couldn't wait to be rewarded for doing on a text that he was like, All right, everybody.


Well, today your time would be supervised by Donelle, right? Anybody that wants yard time, raise your hand now.




And then I just was I didn't I wanted to violate everybody. I was like I was like, yeah. And we're meeting up at fifteen hundred hours.


I know the average of my Dontari experience. I do like they're going to be late and they can't go to yard time.


Right. So say hi to Maggie. Maggie.


So, so and I was like this, I thought it was so fucked up like it was like eighty degrees outside and I know people are tired of being in a hotel room.


And then I was like anybody one yard, nobody with the yard time that day they was like, fuck, I'd rather be cooped up in this goddamn hotel and do this shit.


So wait, you have not gotten the vaccine. You're out. You see, you have 90 days. You got the antibodies now.


And you're so funny because I told my I'm starting to get different gigs and stuff. Yeah, but I told you I took an aerobics. Yeah. Yeah. But I talk because I'm kind of confident, not comfortable with the things I'm doing now. I'm getting good time with my son and then it's kind of different because those places are opening up to money is different now because we only limited we're at half capacity and it's it's Texas is at full capacity now inside.


But yeah. And also not only that, clubs have not made any money for the past year or so trying to come back.


We're also kind of going, all right, I told my folks I was like, you know, I'm just going to chill until, like, May. But then once I got the colvert, I was like, I got 90 days of antibodies. I call my age.


I was like, yeah, oh, those one nighters. Let's go. I'm flying. I've got a stress factory. People are shoulder to fucking shoulder. Yeah, I'll do any you.


Yeah, but it's like and but then when you do that people like see you're still out there playing games with it. I'm like nothing is going to make anybody happy. And there's going to come to a point. We talked about it for personal responsibility. What do you want to do? What chances are you going to take that don't involve anybody else here and we're going to take risks.


And if you and if you and I just had Salt Lake City at half capacity and it was last guy. Yes. Yeah, it was great people. Half the people had little card saying they were vaccinated. People were so careful and respectful of each other. And it was it was it was after like a couple of minutes. It just felt normal. Yeah. There was a second I felt like I was bombing and I was like, because there's this thing when you see empty seats where you're just like, wait a second, you know, there was like a couple stuff like that, but it was fucking awesome.


And like there were a bunch of people that were like, hey, I can't come. I live with my grandma. I'm like, great, I'll be back in a year, dude. I'm coming every city. I'm doing it a half capacity now I'm going to come back to. But like, I was going to go out of business if we don't start going.


I did a show, Hollywood Improv, just pretty much like was my home club when I first got here. The first people that would let me go any time I want to. And they were trying they've been trying to think about you got businesses that keep trying. Yeah. You know, like what can we do? What can we do not do? We try to go crazy, but what can we do. Adapt. Yeah.


So they told me they were doing a patio was open. Yep. Right. And I, and I was like Oh hope.


Because they've been like most of my pocket. So I feel like whatever they want me for and I just did a podcast, did a live one know.


Just not live. Just me. I used the room with the bar. Oh nice. Yeah. My room.


So and I just did a podcast and I was like, OK, let's try some different. And I was like, do they even have an audience over there who's over there?


And then Ricardo said, Bud, I'm like, Friedemann, look, I was like, but all right.


He said, Freeman and I went from like not really show like, oh my God.


But everyone's going to be the founder of the and the number one guy, you know what I'm saying is like and I don't give the guy that used to decide if you had a career or not back in the day.


And I'm telling you, if you are in the game of comedy and don't think of him as royalty.


And I was like, oh, my God, what am I going to say? What am I going to say? And he's like seeing him. He was in a wheelchair. Wow. Right. Seeing him.


And the crazy thing was the last show that they did for the pandemic. I was at the Improv, I'm still on on a set list. And then for me, because but it's like he's very old and has no hidden shit, like he's ah, there is like someone to do a documentary.


I hope some of the things that he's at that age now where.


The last time you see him, you think it could possibly be the last time you see him and it's right now, it's the last time we could see anyone, frankly. That's true.


That's true. But it was just so dope for him.


And I talked about I was like, this is a brain has been around forever and they're trying it.


I'm saying, yeah, we just did Ervine Improv outside and cars. I love that. You know that this Friday, movie theaters are opening in Los Angeles this weekend, really theaters full capacity movie theaters and indoor dining is open this weekend.


What are we going to see? I would never get through it. I will say from the beginning we were educated.


We know simple things we can do can cut down on the cases, wash your hands, maskin of it, just hope people everybody thinks like it's the worst, you know, open stuff up. But I don't think it's a bad idea because now we're educated. People didn't know how you could get anything. So we're taking a precaution.


Yeah. And also, yeah. The fact they say that in what is it in California, the vaccine is going to be available to everyone, an equal in the whole country, May 1st, May 1st in the whole country will be eligible. All adults will be eligible May 1st for the vaccine.


And then the thing is that the vaccines have become so politicized, that's going to be the next problem. Yeah, you know what I mean? It's like taking the vaccine or not. And I know that people are really split on it. And there's a lot of trauma in the black community around vaccinations. And we've got vaccination.


We don't like shots in needles.


What needles get to always go a little Tuskegee and you'll get why some of your black friends are a little trepidation about the fucking vaccine. I understand. You know what I mean? And James Marion Sims, I just like to bring up as well who is, you know, infamously a doctor who experimented on black women. There was a statue of him up in Central Park, I believe, up until about a year ago. So there is a lot of trauma around vaccines.


And so, you know, even with that, you like.


What the fuck are you going to do, like anyone would have told us, it felt like a chicken pox party? Yeah, you know, it felt like, yeah, everybody come through. But I was like I told Dave, I said, you know, we put the herd in the community.


I say we put the herd immunity, you heard.


And his fucking punk ass in the darkest times, we always have a joke. When he got it, he was like, oh, man, I thought, it's going to be you first.


But we got through it. We wouldn't it wasn't a joke. We found some humor in certain situations, but we got through it.


We were lucky that everybody in our crew that had it, everybody tested out and didn't have it back.


Like like what was the like diversity of symptoms?


The worst the worst symptom.


One one of our guys who's a younger guy, we thought he was borderline and get pneumonia, you know. I mean, but he pulled through. Yeah.


You know, I'm saying it's like it's just it affects everybody so differently. And I think for me and also it gets psychological, like like Grace and Emily felt like I was really losing my memory. I was. But I was also like dehydrated. I couldn't keep food down and eating. And then I, I was I went off my antidepressants like cold turkey because I couldn't keep anything down. So I was like, I don't know how much of this is the covid, how much of this is a cold turkey?


How much of that is the psychological shit? Because I was like, I can't remember shit. And then was like, I can never remember where my keys were.


That's not cool, but that's just how I've always been in denial. I was I was in loss of smell, taste, denial, because I had this I got these jelly beans here to make sure we let me tell you how.


I'll tell you what I did. Let me tell you what I did.


I was doing my own little shit in my room. Like I was like I was everybody.


So you're going like, I don't know, lost the smell. I was like, I can still smell. And I had one of those essential diffusers or whatever did send out the oil.


And I had when I was like I could smell, but I realized that I heard this shit, damnit, all the way in my nose. I used to smoke from across the room. I had that shit in my nose and I was give myself a taste. This is a crazy shit. I would turn the lights off, am I right?


And dump a bowl of gummy bears.


And I would soon I would know like just to see if you knew what the flavor was.


I hate for you. I was like, oh that's like motherfucker, I ain't got no God.


There's no lime gummy bears. Let me do my fucking joke. All right. Fucking mess coffee.


Jimenez, motherfucker, I tell you everything, but give me my bloody jelly beans.


I don't know what beans. Jelly beans. This is jelly bean roulette. So wait, you know, jelly belly jelly beans, you know.


So I do know that what I do know is jelly bean. Come on, get me the box quick. When I don't know. We must have one in there. So jelly beans are the most racist candy you can have. Why not?


Because you point out a black one. Pull out a black one. Show me a black one, white dickinsonia. But there's where I maybe I ate them all because we love them so much. No, we've got to give me a big bag there. Licorice.


Licorice is the black one can guess. What's the what is that close of licorice. Licorice, licorice, gum.


What feels like a stretch. Licorice feels like it's just your wife because this feels like a stretch. But I have just enough white guilt to let you have it. You can have it. But here's a these are jelly bellies and half of them tastes like the normal, delicious flavor, like, oh, you bought it. Give me that hot sauce.


The other ones are like are like bad like dog shit and like dirty.


So I won't be a part of this. So why do you think you should have so much fun? Hey, you want to take a chance or even as so many lives.


Both. What's one do you want. What color do you want. Do you want to do. Try coconut butter. Popcorn peach juicy pear tutti frutti fruity. OK, so tutti frutti.


This is either Rudy he's got to either be tutti frutti or stinky socks.


One of us. Wait, which one's tutti frutti. Oh this one. OK, that's ok. So that's either tutti frutti or snakey size.


I got to talk to the president en route to the field. You know, you don't spit it out. You better swallow. Don't spit it out. Don't sweat it out. I didn't know why I quit. I quit.


I got tutti frutti. I don't want to play anymore.


But smell this. Yeah, I you like smell that smell like. How does that smell. Yes, it really seems like a fucked up sock. Oh, my God, yes.


I don't want to play anymore. OK, well, yeah, I guess top of your head.


That's going to be it for me. Oh, my God. I just like the way the coffee smells.


You got to try it. What did you like?


Yeah, I know it smells fucking delicious, but I need a grinder to get it. Can you know what else you can do is the coffee pot. I'm on the crockpots. Yeah. So good.


And then even like instant coffee, I'm on it day. So what else. Like what other products. I just.


That's it. I just have the coffee I am going to partner up with. I'm in the process of putting up with THC designed to come up with my own weed. Nice. I don't know if you follow my Instagram but I started doing in the morning because I'm always up early in your lives.


Yeah. I always say who's up wi up who sleep. They sleep so well.


They're like 6:00 a.m. Pacific Time. Yeah. Because what I know it's tough for on time, but I kind of do that because I got a lot of followers on the East Coast and I was around seven. So it's early here. The morning has started on the East Coast, but most people wake up around that time.


We're comics' like most people are up.


But what I want to do is like, you know, I just want to encourage people to get inspired, be motivated and get up and do something. And, you know, you do something crazy, because recently I did a long version of a polar plunge. Right. I was in San Diego and I dove into the ocean. It was inspired by white chick lives there the day before she walked past me, disrobed and just fucking dove in the ocean.


And then the next day I did it.


And then any time you do something like crazy people, I want to know what the fuck he was smoking mean. I'm going to have a strand that inspires you to smoke what I smoke and do some adventure stuff.


So. So when you have stoneware, you when you jumped into that wasn't.


Oh, and I'm I tell you, it made me feel so good reason why your Instagram. I hate you. The reason I hate you so much. Your Instagram is so wrong. It's so wrong.


And the reason why it was a reason why myself every year on the news you see these people do the polar bear polar bear challenge. It's always white folks. Right? And I always say they're crazy. But when I saw that should do it, I was like, what do you get out of it? And then I was online when I saw her do it. So my followers like you should do it. You should do it. So the next day I did it.


And when I came when I came out of the ocean, I felt like a new person, like my body was tingling for three days straight. But the thing that was exciting for me is that my followers, it inspired them to want to challenge their fears at school and do something different, had nothing to do with that which it was bad as a motherfucker. Yeah.


Do you do this child psychologist like Darnell does white shit. You know what, that's a good idea. I know what to do something with you. Yeah, I would love that. We can just go and, like, do what we like.


I want to do a travel show. Some fun. Yeah. What like. I mean, there's a I think what's what is becoming very clear to me is like I love you and Annie's relationship to Annie Letterman.


My I'm obsessed. I love her. Yeah. Love her. And I think that for the longest time I believe comedians were kind of conditioned to compete with each other because there was only so many pieces of the pie. And now she's found her own name and now we're all supporting each other. And the more we help each other, actually, the more successful we like. All the ships rise with the water and we're not especially female comics. I don't know how what it's like with black comics.


It's just I feel like we were it was like me versus you for that, because there was only one spot for a woman on the line for the longest time.


Well, that's how it was in Hollywood. People there was only one black comic. Could it be pop in? That's right. Like you say, everybody's got to feel like this.


I feel like this epidemic and pockets have given comedians a chance to be like, no, we're all in the same fucking team, dude.


It's hard for people to understand it, but these networks want us to go. You get a sitcom and you don't.


And then that puts us against each other, you know, watch what was going on and watch what Joe Rogan does in to watch what Dave Chappelle does in Yellow Springs. You can't watch what people people are making. Pivot's I. No, you're talking about that drive show.


You know, I just want to say I'm interested in on top of the show, but I did four years.


I did a DC Improv Thanksgiving week and that one of my favorite clubs in the world, ten years I did it.


And then last year we will be doing a club. But we do let our stadium parking lot. And it was I did two shows, two hundred eighty cars that each show. That's a sell out for that. And then it just occurred to me the other day, I want to do I'm going to go back again April 9th through the 10th is another driving show to where it's going to be better.


And then I'm bringing this on your website. No, it just I haven't done this the first announcement I made of it.


But it's going to be April 10, April 9th and 10th, RFQ Stadium A.D.s.


But it's not it's just a part. It's a parking lot.


Wow. But it's a good thing cars and it's in cars. So in cars is actually pretty cool because the audio goes into the car radio station. Yeah. So it's like a movie. It's like. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And you can hear it and there's huge screens and I actually think it's a better way to watch comedy with all those huge screens.


And that's why I like you go to some people, they encourage you to people who want to show them. I don't think you need I don't like that when you come out.


They do and then you're done. You don't.


And you don't have to realize that it takes a special committee to understand it. You've got to get in your own zone. You're not going to get the sound of laughter like that. But you've got to realize they're captive audience.


Like you say, if a player is playing it and you look at it like you're to drive through and give us a second to find our pacing, Jerry.


I mean, that's the thing about it is because the first time I did to drive in, I was like, this is weird. There's a weird delay. I'm not feeling the contagious energy. I you know, and then I was like, well, we've done so many fucking crazy shows, whether it's bowling alleys or strip clubs or whatever, like we can adapt to these crazy ones.


Yeah, the good ones can we can just give us the seconds, you know, but it's good and it's giving us opportunities.


But I say in about eleven.


Are you moving to Austin. Am I losing you to know I'm not going to move to Austin. OK, I'll be there a lot.


I'm super, super, super, super connected to Yellow Springs, Ohio. Hmm. Because like, my son really enjoyed it, you know. And you consider moving there.


I wouldn't because his mom is so connected to this. You know, it's just a tough one.


But I think, like, I was like I was wondering how Dave Chappelle got to Yellow Springs and him and his moved to Africa first.


No, no, no.


But his mother and father, I think they separated at a young age and his dad took on a teaching job in Yellow Springs. So I was like, how did you do? So he would spend summers with his dad in Yellow Springs. So that's something that I would look forward to because, you know, the community that's there, my son loves nature, you know? I mean, I don't need to get any new friends. I shouldn't like everything that I need to support his happiness and my happiness is did so.


And also, half the half of our shows are on the East Coast, like it is good to have to to operate from like I'm thinking about getting a place in like Virginia or something kind of where I'm from, from maybe back in DC so that I have even if it's like an apartment to be able to do our East Coast shows and it not be a full day of travel all the way back to L.A., you know, but the thing about it, this what the pandemic has done, it made us think outside the box.


That's right. It you feel empowered and then you're making like calculated decisions on what your next move is going to be.


Yeah. And then another thing is like, well, the first line rushing to be Hollywood, Hollywood, Hollywood.


No. And then last question. Are you on clubhouse?


I yeah, I am. But it's tough for me because it's just like we making everybody a moderator. Yep. Everybody in authority. And I'm so you know me.


I'm loud. I come in loud, blow a room up and I leave quietly like, OK, leave.


Yeah. Yeah. I'm like leave it quietly. Yeah. I'm the. Interested if a lot of comics are doing shows on there and what that looks like and it seems like some comics are making money and and getting opportunities and there's a lot of access.


And, you know, I'm like not open up, but we're going to things are about to. I know people. It's not over. We know that. But things are going to get a lot better. I love you, man.


I love you. Thank you for where you go Monday.


You're leaving. I'm going back to Austin where I started doing shows. We're doing five shows in Austin and stuff. Shout out to all the people at Stubb's. And there's probably three shows in Houston at the House of Blues night.


So it's going to be full capacity now in Texas, but inside, I think.


But we're still not going to take those chances. Oh, nice. And Dave is the only person to taste test everybody in the audience as easily as we could be wide open. We still don't feel comfortable.


So we continue to do things that we do to make people come early and they have to test kind of before they come here.


But the system is so sharp and they turn a lot of people around really, really quick. Wow, that was given. The testing is no cure and it's only the way he started testing come.


Who's going to start the company, the quick testing company out. He should start at four venues and theaters and clubs. The thing that you walk through, a fucking TSA, whatever looking thing, and you're tested like there's a lot of people on our team that are venturing into that business.


Good, good flow, because you guys are figuring out how to do it quickly and fast, like own it.


We own the only thing we can do is to try to. It's something we can do. Yeah. I love you.


Thank you for giving me Maggie. Thank you for giving me the coffee. It was delicious.


I love you. Donnell Rawlings dot org down.


Iran is dotcom. I'm not I don't live og lifestyle organized all Japanese.


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Well, I mean it's like we could look we couldn't hold onto it.


Tried to stop it, girl.


Oh, I love you, too. Thank you for coming back.