Transcribe your podcast

Word for word for word. OK, let's go. We need to talk about how vamonos, let me know when I'm rolling. OK, so Hannah's talking. I don't know what to say.


I rerolling already. Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, I don't know you do you plan things out and put effort into your work and you scripted out and you don't know.


We just go we don't even shower here. You can see not even a three to one. OK, you know we're we're going. We're going and we're done.


Thank you so much for being here. All right. My brother's here. See, that's all we needed that.


Fifteen seconds for tick tock by and we got it. No, I had such big plans about impressing you today.


Like, I'm realizing that I don't understand my generation. What? Oh, not yet, Emily.


OK, also you're here the first day that Emily is going to shoot me with a nerve gun if I interrupt you. No way. Yeah. Yeah.


Oh, can you shoot me too. Look how many Nerf darts I have.


It's a satchel. She's got to set bag I, I'm going to shoot muzzles at your face.


I obviously have a tic where I cannot not interrupt someone.


We're working because you get excited. I get excited. It's not like silence. OK, it's ok because I was excited. I decided just to hear you speak. Really. Yeah. You're such a legend. OK, anything that comes out of your mouth, I don't know what to expect. That's the take. That's the take it or not. Yeah. There you go. Just be excited, OK? Because you're up in arms. I love you.


That's so nice because I'm realizing I'm intimidated by you. No, no, no. OK, no, I'm going to interrupt you, OK? No, I'm intimidated by you this, but I'm also an all of you. You are just like a staple for just women in comedy in general. And you've just paved the way for so many people and so many careers. And I just look up to you.


Oh, and my family, they're all huge fans of you, too.


Make me feel old, this is her way of saying, like, my grandmother loves, you know, and I've had to sit through your shows and be like, can we watch Pudi Pie, please?


Like, no, we're watching our program when these are great deal on stuff and stuff, it, you know, they think it's they think it's Fran Drescher is New Show.


They're like Fran's on and it's me that is. So it's just that's that. Thank you. That's so nice. I realize, like, you know, I was like, I want to like, look good and look cute. And then I fully just look like Vincent Gallo. You know, what I mean by that is I bet I don't.


But I tell you, you look like, you know, like every art teacher.


I had this whole plan where I was going to brush my hair. I was going to put on my God top and here we are go. No, this is you don't you don't want to see my hair when it's not done. It is atrocious. Some straight, some is curly.


At least you have consistency. You've brushed it. I'm like, I had to get it done. I can't do it myself. Have you ever dyed bleached your hair? I've bleached like the middle part before.


It was atrocious, but it's so dry there's no way to not make it frizzy. And I thought I was having like a Victorian like Jane Austen moment with my Victorian bun. And I just look like a like a dangerous person. So I'm sorry you had to me.


Well, now like that only took you two seconds, but now you look like a ballerina. But you're in the future in L.A.. I don't know how long you've been here, but if you see a woman that looked like that, don't hug her or say hi, go other.


Don't go into her house. Okay, I'm going to put it in my nose. Okay.


I'm very protective of you. Next time you see someone that looks like this, don't enter their home and let her close the door behind you the other way.


Just diagnose it, not talk to strangers. Oh, my God.


Yes. I realize I was, like, nervous to meet you.


There's this weird like I'm so in on you guys because I cannot wrap my head around how bad it would have been if I had a camera in the Internet when I was your age. Oh, so many people would be dead.


Yeah, I think, you know, that's maybe. Yeah, that's a good a good point. Like but for me it's like I can't imagine going on stage alone and slinging jokes and making people laugh like that best.


I know you so to know that so nice.


But it's like, it's just so interesting that there's like a different my nightmare would be sitting in front of like a computer and like editing it and like not knowing, like I guess I'm just going to send this out and I guess we'll just see. Yeah, I know.


But I mean, the beauty comes in editing. It's like with you it's live and you can't rely on that to take something that we edit not.


I'm saying on. It's on. Oh yeah. This is live. Like I'm just authentic. I mean, I just want people to know the real me.


This is an inside joke of our producers, by the way, you guys, because sometimes I will edit out like words. I'll be like I started on that line. Can you please take it out? Oh, yeah.


Just hard cut down people. You do an intervention, you need to cut it.


I sound unwell, but you were just like, I love you.


You come bearing gifts. Look at this. I love buying people presents. It's kind of pathological and inappropriate because we're not that close. You're like a stranger to me. So the fact that I bought you that six months was like weird.


Oh, and when when we first met in real life, I got you a present. Is your dad. Oh yeah. But is that are we are we do we think we're done enough and we need to give you the presents. What is it.


I think every time we see each other we can just take turns giving each other no pressure. Next time I see I'm like, no, no, no, next time it's my turn. But you know what's weird about me?


I don't I try not to do too many holiday gifts. I like to do gifts. Like when I want to give them it's like I want to give that now. I don't want to save that. I'm going to break it by the time it's Christmas. But I won't you won't get a Christmas present for me, but you will get a random present in like February.


Jeremy in college it's like, oh, it's you know, you're half birthday.


Yeah, I don't but I don't like that we can only get presents on birthdays and the other one Christmas. I like to do it just whenever. But it's weird if I just give it to you on a random like I bought that for you six months. It was weird. Why I like, I like the, the surprise element of it.


Like you never really know when it's coming. It doesn't have to be a holiday or birthday. I like the Whitney present giving way to your parents or just nailed it or what.


Why are you so well-adjusted. What do you mean.


Like I thought the next generation was like negative and like me, like you're such a like kind of like bright light. Oh, gosh, no. I think yeah. I think it's I used to think, oh golly gee.


Oh gee whiz. Like, how did you not how are you not a monster.


Oh I would be a monster. You would. Oh my God. Like like how old are you kidding me. Like that's how I am. I just turned twenty nine.


So when and then what are you doing. Why do you look like a piece of cake. What's I got. There's a cake to makeup. I got my makeup, doesn't want to do the seed oil, though, we've talked about grapeseed oil. Oh, yeah, I think that's a secret. No, I do that and you do that. And we don't like this same. So what else?


No, no, no. I use that, too. And I don't look like you. So what's going. Oh, my God. What to do with your face? Is it a cake with a knife and just open?


I guess you had to learn to do makeup really young because, like, I wouldn't. Did you do your makeup? No, not yet.


Because that was made me upset. Yeah. Yeah. No, I think yeah.


When I, when I do makeup it takes, you know, 15 minutes. It's just tinted moisturiser, a little bit of mascara.


It'll get on my eyelid but I'll leave it there, you know, for a little uniqueness.


Yeah. But yeah. No, regarding a you know, my, my upbringing. Yeah. I think I owe it a lot to my parents and especially therapy.


Therapy helps a lot. I like your car though. Did you go when you started realizing you were famous where you just like I should get into therapy.


See, that's funny you say that. I still I mean, I, I think I'm known on the Internet. I wouldn't, you know, categorize myself as being famous. I think that, you know, I just got a million followers.


I don't really know who you are. They just kind of followed you. And who is this. Oh, shit. Do you think let her finish. Let her finish about therapy. OK, but I'm not.


Here's the one thing I do interrupt. When I when someone that I have love for, I know it's inappropriate, it's premature.


But I feel like when you're like women's business, you just kind of bond prematurely.


If you say something that I'm an anthropologist, I like it, though, because if you interrupt me, I have severe ADHD, so I immediately am on to the next topic.


That's what this whole so I don't even remember. It was about therapy. I forget my training. Yeah, I know. We'll get we'll get you back. Don't worry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have covered fog. You have ADHD. This has great. Yeah. This is like this is just a peek listening experience. How is your covid. It was, it was.


I feel so embarrassed talking about it. I like shame about it, talking about it because it was so bad.


I got it so bad and I don't know people talk about like did I get like a big viral load or something which never say viral load and make eye contact with me. Jesus Christ. I was at work yesterday and these people were like, it was the viral load. I was like, everyone stop saying viral load, Jesus.


Weirdly sexual. You you don't know what you're saying. You don't know. None of us know what that means. So it made up that I love it that and I've never heard that before. Like actors, like it's always a viral load. You don't know you're asking and I don't know what I'm answering. Why are we pretending we're doctors. None of us know fucking anything until. What's your blood type? I don't know. And you don't care.


But because you have a blood type, you don't know if that's even true. Yeah. How does this performance and then we're all just like performing a covid conversation. Yeah.


And did you get the picture just. Yeah we. But the PCR is related to that.


Do you want to ask one more question. The whole house of cards would fall down. Yes. You know, do you know what a beta test is like. Oh no. I have heard other people say that, like we're all just saying what we've heard other people say in conversations, you know? But I guess like, nothing is really set in stone because everything is like changing it. Just such a new thing.


No, there's no point in like like I feel like as soon as I learn something the next day it's totally undone. So I'm like, I'm not going to bother learning anything until when the doctors tell me what this fucking thing is, I'll learn it then. Until then, I assume it's fucking going to kill everyone.


But I was a know I was and I did.


I had it so bad, but it was hard. I got so much neurological stuff and I feel we are talking about because I don't like scare anybody, but I don't think that's, you know, I mean, like because I got nothing.


Respiratory was all like neurological. And I was like, I don't know if it was from the antibiotics because I do very poorly on antibiotics and like antivirals I had I don't know, I'm going to say it.


I don't know. I say that I could have just bullshit. And I'm like, yeah, no, it was antiviral. Like, what what what's your generation to know about medicine? We never knew. And well, I also I have a premed degree though.


What. Yeah.


I knew you were like in biochemistry. Yeah. Yeah it was. Yeah. I think I deserve the nerve to tell you.


I'm like none of us have any idea we're talking about. Well it's really actually I'm a fully practicing doctor. Oh no, no, no, no. Just about nine other careers. I'm like six years ago. Yes. But now I just like strickly videos and internet. So I, I have it been exercising that part of what do what.


No, I disagree because I look at your stuff and I'm like the SIFISO like cerebrally. Not that you're applying like medical, but it's like I don't think people understand. It requires so much discipline, it requires so much like dare I say like surgical, like watching your stuff. A lot of people I don't know how you have this.


It's it truly is a gift. The understanding of and we talk about all the time. I really like knowing when to cut the time, the comedic timing, like when people say I could never do stand up the comedic timing. Like it's that's how I.


But you can't teach anyone that you just have to do it, it's trial and error, and there's no way to really tell someone how it's done and how to, like, make it your own and differentiate yourself like you can't, like, just copy somebody's style and like, do you succeed?


There goes our YouTube career. I was about to make a big spelling bee video. Oh, my. Oh, that's so funny. Are you having as much fun as it looks like you're having? I know.


I think that's the beauty of of just starting out and then just like seeing like what your creative freedom brings you, because, I mean, there wasn't as many eyes like that. That was the most fun time for me.


And you were incubated by fans, not executives, who were guessing what fans want. Yeah. You're like, no, I know him like you were focus group workshopping with your fan base. Whereas a lot of like writers, people like I want to be a writer and be an actress and like, go make videos and do your thing because you're not going to be able to get past all the gatekeepers and do what you do. Exactly. I'm saying yeah, because if you had come to me 10 years ago, not me, like, I would have thought it was awesome.


But some idiot had been like, hey, I want to do a video where my eyes like go in circles I. She has done your research, have you Googled you this morning, did you feel it? Did you feel it? I felt I feel like you could feel my Google.


Yeah. So I was going to say, so what is it? Why do your eyes do that? So I go in circles. I think I think now's a great time to finally say it.


And I've never said it like publicly, but it's like.


Yeah, so I think I'm OK. Thanks for the hits. Thanks for the heads. No place, no time to come out. We need some YouTube subscriber. Yeah. We still can do some of it.


You can do some of it do. You can totally. OK, that's not fucking be a in my doing it alone. Yes. That is not what I can do. Yeah but you can train.


Yeah. You can train yourself. You just the Rakova drop without me from doing that.


Rose from your. I just shot. I don't think that's normal. I don't know. Is it a muscle or is it a vein.


Try it. Just cross your eyes in the top and you do it for me.


I think there's something with your optic nerve kind of like being undone that allows it to float, but I don't think anybody's really been able to control it like that.


However, I have heard from some fans being like taking a picture of my specific I video on a PowerPoint in their class and a professor is actually teaching the class like, oh yeah, oh, look, look at this girl.


She can actually move her eye and dilate her pupils on command.


And like, by the way, I love your impression of a teacher.


Yo yo, I guess where did you go to school? That school to go to the dangerous mine school. Crazy like old school.


But let me ask you something, because it's like I do feel like the world watches YOLO video. I can't wait. I do feel like there's this like GenZE. What does that. Are you GenZE? I am a millennial. That's OK.


I think I'm kind of on the cusp of that know. Yeah. Burglarizing got a are you overgraze. I'm Virgo. Virgo, Virgo double. Oh nice. We get along.


I'm an Aquarius. Oh good. No you just to get along with Virgo you just have to do exactly what they say. Yeah. And everything will be fine. And I'm a free bird.


OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As long as you do exactly what I say every second Tawrrific and we will be just me. I tweet. I just like to keep entertaining me with your eyes.


We'll be fine. No. What was I saying Mozz. I think I, I don't know. Do you remember. It was important. You OK? So why is this ok. So I'm always torn between this like.


You know, because I think it's just because it's like I came up in such a specific time and then it's like kind of got like not easier in a way, but it got more accessible.


Things just got more accessible out of nowhere, just like being able to start out on something.


Yes. Like without a team when I started, you can't even put yourself on tape for an audition.


You have to find a friend who had a camera like that's like what's so amazing about what you've been able to do. You've been able to navigate that extremely hard space and become the legend that you are.


And I think that, like today, it is hard to become a weekly guest slot.


Yeah, I love that. Thank you so much.


But I look at you and I do the opposite.


I go, I would have posted some I wouldn't have had any of this because I would have posted something fucking if half the shit I said in comedy clubs when I was just making mistakes and learning, I had put on camera and put out right.


Oh I will be living in a bunker with Matt Lauer and the Hamptons, you know, like in a hole somewhere. Yeah.


Like the fact that you you have to be. Here's the thing that I love about you guys.


You have to be a good person because I don't think you can get away with it as long as we could like like old Hollywood.


What are these.


They could get away with being assholes for so long because no. One, you don't really see their personality.


You guys can't hide that as much as you you know, their team kind of covers for them.


And then there's that everything's being you know, and then in this space to say, I'm a God, I deserve it. I'm sorry.


Yeah, no, but but I'm just saying there's something so amazing.


I go like I know all of you guys are good people and there's something just like kind of heartening about that. Yeah. Because I know you can't hide anything. Yeah, we can't.


And then also, like I would say in MySpace, collapsing as such.


You MySpace is a. Yeah. Were you on it.


I was, yeah. I had a top eight and everything, but I think I was like on the I had it for like the last like three months.


Dude I saw Tom from MySpace on radio. No, I'm sorry.


I think I just picked this out and he uses his photo for MySpace, which I just was like, oh, so he was my like like almost everybody, my friend, right?


Yeah. My best friends icons. Did you match with you know, I don't know what I did.


I can't remember. I think I took a Nyquil. I don't remember. But I also I'm dating someone. What am I saying. But but no, there's this.


But you like I remember watching you and going like by watching some interviews.


I don't know what it wasn't like podcasts, just me. And it was very awkward because I think what happens with is people just expect you to start going into doing a sketch and you're like, oh yeah, I know.


It's awkward, right? Interviews. Yeah, extreme. I mean, is this one I awkward.


I mean, I think the idea of a podcast is very awkward with all these cameras around and people watching and having conversations for what date.


Yes. But with you, you make it so fun and easy.


Thank you. Yeah. I'm, I'm, I'm just trying out for my weekly guest spot right now. But nobody what why do you have to be offset like I was watching you religiously. I try to be authentic and I remember being like, why? Why. I think it's like, why can't you fucking do CGI and do like, what is the oh, just help me understand this.


So people you want to see Superman and Michael Bay movies and CGI and then but they have that, you know, I think it's like the relatability aspect of, you know, young girls say they wake up in the morning, they don't look perfect like every other actress does in a movie, you know, and they want to see, you know, some people do, but I'm in trouble.


Oh, you want to shoot me? Do I? Shit, I'm so sorry they're going to take your eye out. Oh. Not the the ephemeral joy in your eyes right before it almost killed me. She worked it out, like, by the way, that is that is a woman in her late 30s.


In a nutshell, I'm doing my job.


Yes. Sorry. I know. Sorry. So-and-so. Oh, my God. Like, I nailed the thing I need to do. I'm so sorry.


Let's not say late thirties. OK, all right. OK, ok.


That's embarrassing. And we're just so not every time I hurt your feelings, I hurt my own just now. Just now we're in this, we're in this together. I'm not just hurting you, I'm all for cutting. OK, that hurt me more. I think that it hurt you actually.


OK, the problem with this is that it's interrupting so much that I now we can't even go back to what we were just talking.


Yes, we can't, but we don't have to be a super on like, OK, like there's two things I have in my head that I want to make sure we don't we go back to it could be like a brain gym exercise.


Like any time we interrupt each other, just boom. And then we could see if we still remember what we were talking psycho.


She was here. I wasn't even on camera. Like we went back to the footage and there was like nothing in it. It was just like, wait a minute, there was some talk.


You got like three hundred miles an hour, like like no, there was no, not you. I feel like.


All right, let's Lysa Koshy. It's just like guttural noises, the podcast. It's just us being like like crazy. But you guys have such infectious, like positive energy. But why do so do you.


I'm not as I'm known for my positive essence. But why do you have to be when you're in the video, you're like, I have to be relatable. I have to be this. What why can't you be aspirational? Why can't anyone can Photoshop their eyes now with a thing if that is inspiring to me to go? Yeah, I want to be as good as her. Yeah, I think what is it to be perfect or do want to be relatable, which is because you want both.


Because when I'm relatable, don't wear makeup. You say that I'm upset and when I do, what right. Do you say you're creating a false bad standard. What is it.


So you just do that saying she interrupted me that I began my ramble.


That's the that's the battle that I'm always facing, because if I am trying to be relatable, I am getting negative comments about my body image or how my face looks or something like that. But you kind of just have to bite the bullet and just try to be inspirational to the young women out there and hope you can be that role model.


And then if you are being perfect, then people are like, is that Photoshop? But, yeah, you just kind of like take again.


But here's the thing, here's the thing about that, because I was talking to someone yesterday who was talking about comments, people are allowed to be insecure and have a shitty day and anesthetized by judging someone else are saying we just used to do it, not in the comments section. So for people like people so negative on the Internet, people are just negative, period.


They've always done this.


There was just never any proof. Yeah, there's never any way for us to access it. So I have news for you. Fifteen years ago, people were like, oh, fucking like her.


She's not funny. We didn't know about people like the fucking Internet say, oh, now, you know, just so you know, the truth is out. This was always happening. People were always judging you and saying shit that may or may not be true. It may or may not be unfair, is cruel and mean.


But like what is nice about it is if I put out a video and it is all like negative comments, I know it's not going to be a good video and I just take it down immediately. So thank you, haters.


Now I know you're just making me better at my job that I look at haters. I was like, well, because this is when Tim Dylan was on and he was attacking Hollywood and he was a fucking Hollywood stupid. You have to get notes from stupid executives know nothing about comedy on the Internet.


I have to get notes from people that know nothing about comedy so much meaner that don't have an H.R. department. Absolutely. Yeah. I kind of miss these old like like like creepy guys, like getting free, constructive criticism right there.


Glass half full. Yeah. I mean, I love about your mindset. You're very glass half full.


Interesting stuff. I mean, we're literal strangers, so it's like it's just you're going to meet me at some point and be like, oh, that's what I try to get the package before the person gets to know me. I'm saying, why? Like, why did you go into therapy? Was it like, I just want to get ahead of it?


Or is it like a specific thing?


I think it was it was a built up thing that I just kind of thought, like, things are just superstitious.


So I'm just ripping off my hair for no reason. And then I just thought, you know, I should go to therapy. My mom suggested it and I went in and, you know, it was I'm never really, like, been that person to really. What was this?


I started like, yeah, I started therapy like three years ago.


OK, so you had already had a lot of stuff. Yeah. That stuff coming at you about. Yeah, totally. And then I've always like been very just like detached. I don't really express my feelings. So I would say like just people listening. If you're listening to this and you're not really good at expressing your feelings to, to certain people, like therapy's actually like the best thing because you pay them not to say anything, you could trust them.


And at the end of the day, it's like a massage for your brain.


It really is like that's such a great way to put it.


Like, it's like I don't have to, like, rush through. Like, it's like there.


I mean you do you have forty five minutes and there's a clock right there and then just fucking thirty dollars a minute.


But I mean I do feel like I'm really curious and how you know that you're emotionally what did you just say. That you're reserved or you're. Yeah.


I mean I've always been that way. I've always. Yeah I know that you're not having the feelings that you're just like don't want private about it. Yeah. Like I just deal with it alone.


But if you're like I've never felt the feeling I've hear about them. I'm like me.


I think about. No, I mean when I, when I'm feeling those feelings alone, I wish I was that. Yeah. I was like how do I check them.


But you feel them and you're just like, because I'm so curious.


Like I'm really good at suppressing the emotion until and then I give myself like, OK, at eight I'm off and then I can cry. Yeah. And then I give my my sketch. Yeah.


Yeah. I schedule nervous breakdowns too.


You're trying to say, yeah, it's like no I love that. We can relate on that. I just started on myself so. OK, so that's so. But this is part of it. And you're successful too because this is something that I was with David Agus the other day, a doctor that comes on the podcast sometimes.


And I have a big problem with me having covid when I had it for anyone. I wasn't taking my regular antidepressants because I was like I just couldn't keep food down and I was like sick.


And I was like, you know, trying to take painkillers. And like, I was ordering like weed tinctures.


Like, it's just his paycheck is that hey, hey, listen, our painkillers don't didn't work on it for me.


I'm on it at all because I had so much like deep muscle pain and bone pain.


No, I had that too. I couldn't walk. I was trying to work out and I was like working out. But I just. I couldn't. I couldn't. I wouldn't go away like a nightmare, yeah, and would wake me up out of my sleep. Yeah. Nightmare, yeah.


So I didn't take my Prozac and I wasn't in the Prozac. I basically take for recurring thoughts that are kind of self flagellating and then go on a loop.


So I like done work Intelsat programs in therapy, but like I talk to a psychiatrist, whereas like I don't think I'm depressed, like I don't wake up sad.


I want to get out of bed. If anything, it's the opposite. I'm too motivated. I'm too big of a workaholic. Like I should slow down more like whatever. I'm addicted to adrenaline. And I was like, the only problem is I will leave a conversation with someone and just feel like you should have said that that was true. But I'm like that too.


40 minutes, like forty minutes. I will be like I could be like that for the whole rest of the day and then it will keep me up all night. Yeah.


No, I hope I didn't hurt anybody's feelings. I hope that that was weird. Yeah.


Those meanwhile they're like I had a great time with Hannah there or they're not think about you at all or they're thinking the same thing for going to Hannah I should ask.


And then like the beating myself up thinking it's like I don't know how to stop it.


And that's the end of the day. They're just like, oh I wonder what I should eat for lunch. Yeah. Yeah.


It's not even that serious.


And you're just like, it's like, it's like the new like it used to be like like I finally get used to getting recognized in public and then I and as soon as I got used to it, people would have their phones out, you know, like taking pictures and they're like taking pictures of selfies.


They don't think they're the family like I was in or they're on FaceTime. Yeah, I'm on the phones up and you're like, oh God, just ask for it.


And they're like, who are you, ma'am?


Are you the lady from the progressive commercial?


You. Whoa, oh, that's funny.


I get Kimmy Kibler all the time. Whoa.


I see them. I don't see no, no. Not like I think without without the glam you feel like do that.


Just go cross. Yeah, if I want, I could see it if my eyes were going in circles. Yeah, no, I see. I got it. I got it. I mean, people don't realize how hurtful they can be when they do that.


Like just before you compare someone to someone else now that she's not standing. You know what I'm saying?


It just makes me think Gabler's about last last night was the first I guess it was first time I've been around people and everyone's like bored and awkward and on a set. And it's so clear people haven't been socializing like everyone's like like small talk is really awkward and far away.


And it's like No.


One, people are just sweating for no reason. I can hear each other through the mazzilli going to shake and do it.


Let's not talk. This is not talk. It's not it's not even worth it. It's like so awkward. But there's always everyone's going, you know who you look like. And you're like, you want to take a walk and think about this because this might fuck up my whole day. I get Kevin Costner.


I've had three people tell me, you know, like Kevin Costner. And then I did that face up of like, well, now you have to take the job, right?


OK, so that you don't you don't know. You don't took a second. Yeah, I know. I took a second trying to think of who Kevin Costner is, that faceup where you take it and tell you what percentage.


And I got Michael Costner. Kevin Costner.


Oh my God. I got it. I got Kevin Costner.


Well, that's how covid frog. That's Wrage. That's that's deep anger and and female rage. Late 40s rage. That's deep shame.


That was not that was that's my thing about the cold foggy.


I want to go like covid fog and it's like, no, I think you're just being a fucking bitch and not and I like like my my do and my lover at any time he's mad at me, I'm like, I think it's going to like he's like, no, you texting your ex at midnight.


It's not covid fog. Right. Shouldn't really calling you in the middle of the night isn't covid fog much longer.


Can I ride out this excuse. I need to be on the bottom covid fog. I just can't be on the top. I don't know how much longer I can use that excuse.


We now take a break and our hand is stalking Joy Xtravaganza to talk about how Emily needs stitch fix.


I do.


I hate all my clothes. I don't like to dress myself. If someone could trust me, I want to be a baby.


Here's here's here's because this is a basically a personal stylist that you take a bunch of quizzes and they just send you clothes that are cool and fashionable and you don't have to make any decisions and you don't need a subscription.


See, that's why Emily's here, she focuses on the details, the nitty gritty that I would never have read in this ad, that's an important thing. So you're not obligated?


Yeah, you can try once or you can sign up for automatic delivery.


See, that is someone with commitment issues. I really appreciate that.


I don't want to be everything for me has to be month to month subscriptions, relationship lease leases, employees, antidepressants is like every month.


I need to revisit the one thing you shouldn't do month to month every month. I'm like, I don't I let's try a new one. And that could be why why we're here. That's why we're here, isn't it.


Oh, God damn it.


Get started today. It stitch fix dotcom with me and you'll get twenty five percent off when you keep everything in your fix that stitch fix dotcom slash twenty four twenty five percent off when you keep everything.


No offense but if you're listening you need this stitch fix dotcom slash Whitney. Come be a baby with me.


Babies don't. I guess they do a wardrobe. Yeah. They get dressed, someone picks, they're so dry.


So Sragow Stichman. You want to wear onesies all day. Hey Emily. Yes.


Whitney, is there something interfering with your happiness or is preventing you from achieving your goals? Now, don't say me. How long do we have to stay here trying to keep these? Less than a minute, right? Yes. I have a list of grievances. I have a litany of problems that could probably be solved by just quitting this show.


One of my biggest problems is that therapy is too expensive.


It's not only too expensive, always just too far. It's time expensive. It's emotionally expensive.


Forty five minutes I expressed to my therapist anxiety about having to spend two hundred forty dollars an hour. Forty minutes.


People are like, what's bothering you? The price of this and you know, what's the distance of this from my home.


And she didn't have any helpful feedback on that. Can we just like smile and nod? Can we just really talk about the fact that Emily went to a therapist once on Halloween.


This is my favorite. This we shouldn't bury this in an ad. I hope you this will teach you guys do not skip ads because our ads are better than the podcast at this point. Emily went to a therapist on Halloween and he showed up in a Fox costume and didn't know he was a cat.


Oh, he was a cat with a black nose whiskers.


And here's a tail, I think bushy tail. And he first session. First session. And he was a psychiatrist, this medicine doctor. And it was a random Wednesday. It was like a rant. It wasn't, you know what I mean? Like and it was at a doctor's like he walked in and I almost fell over. I did.


And the fact that you and I need to exercise, we'll put them up.


I sneaked two pictures and he sat down and looked at me seriously and tried to talk to me about, like my mental health as a cat, as a cat.


Now, I was like, what? So it left with a prescription. I didn't need it for my cat allergies, I guess.


Yeah, I don't even remember his name, but I was just like it was comical.


By the way, if you knew his name, don't say you the public should be ashamed if you remember. Please.


No, I don't trust any adult that any psychiatrist on my bad side, but I don't need any adult. I'm sorry if you do this like adults that come to work dressed for Halloween, I already have a problem with you're going to try to help me.


So, Emily, maybe we could work on your anger issues with better help. Dotcom, you need better help. Dotcom. I definitely better Emily needs better help dotcom online therapy to complain about her in person. Therapists.


Yes. One hundred percent. One hundred percent.


So as you look doing therapy in person, I just feel like that was ridiculous. We had a good run, so. Twenty nine not necessary anymore. Better help. Dotcom is solving this problem. Better help is like when restaurants learned about like fast food model and Jaster.


Yeah, better help. Dot com is more affordable. The traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available. This podcast is sponsored by Better Help and Good for you listeners. Get ten percent off their first month. That better help Dotcom with me.


If you terrorises your while you're working, you can sue her and then go to the dotcom but then go to better.


Thank you. Better help Dotcom for better help.


Are you going to do live shows when we're back. Like have you done some. Yeah, I will appreciate that.


As a fan I think that just like such a muscle and such an amazing thing, I know you have to tour something.


I don't know I do that. Oh I don't know. You can use that. Why not. Oh you you like a stage show together.


No, I'll take 90 percent of the profits, but I'll be at home. You just read the front. I'll do or. We want to support other women to be fine, if you and Tim Dillon just went on tour together, get your demo and his demo in the same building. No, thank you, kids. And then Dylan Follansbee. That would be fun. Literally, like, yeah, I don't. Yeah, like, I know his fan base would have to ask for a respite from prison.


I think it is.


I like to get out to come and go back. No way. But yeah. You have to tour.


No way after tour. Gosh. But you can do, you can do an interactive thing like I think people think touring and the way touring is going to come back and look very different than the way it was before. So doing stuff on a screen and playing videos and you know. Oh yeah, absolutely.


Yeah. I just have my own little twist on it and I do have an excessive amount of energy. I still consider this the morning just because I woke up so early.


So I'm not peak energy. So what I do need to release is this just joy. What is it? Is this just a good childhood?


I don't know. What is it? Oh, my my energy. The therapist. I don't know. You're just have like.


So I think I used to be like this actually. I don't know. I think I used to have energy. I look at her. You're looking at yourself in ten years. So just, just like you you have the energy doe. Not really. You're lifting me up a little bit.


What I realize is like this, I normally am like kind of almost bordering on manic.


I am, it's true, it's true, it's true like I have kind of a manic energy and I think that a year into the pandemic, I realized I started to get depressed.


I just started to get like, OK, this is getting I think I handle yeah. I channel that into just I know that there's just so much energy and it needs to be released. I need to scream what.


I've got to let it out. Where do you what do you do you. I mean anywhere. Let me ask you with your, the people that you have on like I'll see someone go viral on what, what does that even mean.


How many is there a definition for that.


I think viral is like what does that mean.


I think if like if other meme pages pick up on it and start reposting it and it's like it spreads everywhere, like a viral load of viral because people will say they'll be like that video went viral.


And I'm just like, so curious, is there a number that or is it subjective?


I think I think the number is subjective, but I also think that it's how much it spreads, I think how many pickerel we made up.


So I think it is subjective because I think if a video does over 40 million, that's viral.


Oh, Jesus Christ. So how do you do you know that that is like. Forty million views, I mean, that's. Three friends is in terms of numbers. Yeah, like I don't think you guys understand how much more successful you are than you're the people you look up to.


I'm just gonna tell you from a no, no, no, I'm just telling you, I I'm worried about you. Like I don't like you guys are famous in a way that's like so wild and.


Yeah, you know, I just it's wild in the sense like I feel like with you, it's it's you see your fans, you interact with your fans.


For me, it's all behind a screen. Yeah.


So I don't actually see and interact with them as much unless I leave my house and then I'm like, oh yeah.


Sometimes there are times where I'm looking around like who are they, are they running towards or something.


Because I forget I'm. Yes, I don't see it first. Yeah yeah yeah yeah. Oh that's so interesting.


But you guys, I mean it's like there's a, you know, the biggest TV show like say comedy is probably like six million probably.


What do you mean, viewers? Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, I mean, it's like these it's just like it's a different kind of fame that there's no blueprint for. And just this is not going to end well for you. I'm just saying there's no bleep.


You can definitely. Yeah. Different than it's not like Disney Channel. It's not like being a child star.


It's not like being famous. It's a different kind of fame that. No, it is a gamble.


It's like some days you crush and you just produce heater's or you produce leaders.


You just got to delete them. Yeah. Because it just doesn't perform well.


But are there ever times where you're just. What's wrong with that?


What do you mean like like it doesn't perform well. What's wrong with just being like that was for me I think. Are you like our business. So you have to go like this has to hit us.


And also with what I do, it's just immediate instant gratification because you just see all the numbers flood in.


And then when you post something that doesn't get the right numbers, it's like, gosh, it's like I almost fall in.


A lot of people do. I've talked to other Internet people and they also fall into little ether's almost.


And they're just like, hey, gosh, you know, like I'm not getting the rush of serotonin or anything or dopamine with what's going on. Yeah.


And so it's just like, okay, so free rat race. So for you, it's like it's interesting. So is it. Yeah, it's content creators you guys. It's a little more like the gauge is is, is your instinct where like in TV and movies you don't get to pick if something comes out or doesn't or where it comes out is right.


And if you pull it down like you don't get to say, like I didn't like that, can we pull it down like. Right. I mean that embarrassing movie, you know.


Yeah. So it's like it's a lot of like your judgment. Oh yeah.


Pretty much. And then managers and I. Yeah. That same rush feeling.


I feel like it probably correlates for you if you get like a big explosive laugh. Huh.


Yeah. I've got a little numb. What happens is, is it it's the what is it the thing. What's it the goalpost move. Is that the expression. I keep saying covid fargus also making me say like dumb shit. Like yesterday I was like, you can lead a horse or whatever. You can teach it to fish.


You're like, oh, I don't think so. See, my grandpa would say, I like mixing up platitudes like I don't know what the like I'm just like it's just making me dumber. It just made me dumber. You know how it annoys me because it's it's this is the fucking this virus is so fucked.


It's the perfect covid fog perfectly feels like someone's drunk like kind of, you know, like oh I'll just be like anyway I still am but yeah.


Well you know, I know it seems like I like SLU because these he said these muscles kind of stopped working up here. Yeah. Yeah. Not Botox. I just had like a little like neurological stuff in my head. Oh.


Just you specifically need specifically. Yeah. A lot.


There's some other people that had like like Bell's palsy but that could have been from stress or something else because I was like yeah I had a lot of crazy shit I that reminds me and I do I want to circle back and hear about your hallucination where you broke your nose.


That's how you just breathe into it. It's just so embarrassing because I know that everyone's building a case that I need an intervention. There's something very wrong with me.


I says, yeah, you don't want to talk about it. We do. Yeah. It's literally I mean, Emily can tell Emily knows more about me than anyone. It's truly just I'm this nuts. I'm just I like I know.


I wish I could say, like you guys, I had a bad run with whiskey and that's over and I'm back on the wagon. And my thing is like, I wish I could say, like, well, that addiction's over. I'm like, no, this still just my personality. But wait, so you weren't like I not anything so paranoid.


I got really paranoid because it was a kind of pain where you like.


I felt like I was like fighting for my life. It wasn't like I'm just going to I'm definitely going to survive this and I'm just going to like, what was your shit's creek and like, get in bad and like have a couple of sick days.


I mean, it's like this was during covid, right? When covid this is where I quit. Yeah. Yes.


But normally it's just like I have the flu and I'm being sick or I can work through it, whatever, because it was a type of sick where I was like, I was like making plans. I was like, honey, I was like, like I need to put a will together. I was like making plans for who was going to inherit my house. Like that's how like fight or flight it got for me.


No way.


It was a type of like pain that was like, it was like a ghost was like beating me up, know me like I was just like oh like it was like, did you see The Invisible Man.


What did I did. Do you know, you just getting like knocked across the room. That was. Yes.


It was like it was like that because just there I don't know how you but it wasn't like OK, my stomach hurts and it's, it was like this rib hurts and then it was like this knee like I felt like you were just getting shot.


No way that where you had Emily.


I had like I said, that's like I felt like, you know, how you clip in and out of a bike or like someone puts a cigarette out, you, like, twist your foot.


I felt like someone was doing that all over my body, putting cigarettes out on, like, the burning, but just the physical. You didn't like that.


That's not a real nice little way. I was amazing.


But just like they were twinges, they were like sporadic twinges.


OK, so I want to talk about this because we were first sorry to cut you up how she got shot as you don't do it to guess how how did you hit your nose. Oh shit. Sorry. OK, because yes this is OK. So and here's what to say. I just want everyone to know I do not lie. If I lie it's an accident. I just forgot and said just got confused. But so it's going to sound like a lot of the things that have any sound like lies.


But why.


This is just your lie. But the problem is fascinating. It's like the thing when people like always thought a lot about my age, my thing was like I didn't the reason the only way I can get you to believe me is to just know that why would I make up that age?


I would never get away with it.


So no, if I was going to lie, I'd give myself a little wiggle room. So I am in bed, like in pain.


What time is it? Yeah, four in the morning. OK, love that one in the morning. And I couldn't sleep. I was, I snorted a Lunesta. The doctor told me to do this. It's a sleeping pill. You don't have trouble sleeping.


So did I crush it yourself. No, I finally the doctor was like I couldn't keep it down. I couldn't keep a painkiller down.


He's like one hundred dollar bill. I can't. You know, do you think I would know how to get cash myself, so so you crush it up yourself and, you know, so I caught up with a spoon and it was like snorting Lunesta.


I snorted a Percocet. I was.


Is this crazy? We are high. We are so glad we stayed in this business.


We are not endorsing this behavior like this is this is a crazy past and I am a self-help authority. I already did bad things. Help me and Joe Rogan are real doctors. Listen to us. Yeah.


So I saw and I so it was like I snorted a Lunesta Percocet. I also ordered this weed. I was in so much pain.


All that's where I'm surprised more people are dying from overdosing on drugs, trying to stop the pain.


Jesus. Yeah, I was I was taking like four Advil a day.


Two, but not not nothing compared to what you did. OK, so so you raise my regular morning compared to me. So you were taking placebo. So you like candy.


OK, great.


What I like. And what's an anvil for Advil?


Every morning when I'm feeling talking, she's like every morning just to get out of bed for a I just because I'm 30, like I drink the liquid gel to hydrate myself.


And so, OK, so I'm staying at a different house because my house is being renovated and I, I do not understand the way people design their homes every time I go into like this house makes absolutely no sense. Yeah, I feel that way too. I've been into a house where I thought anything made sense, which is obviously my fault. Everyone's got their own thing. I'm sure people come to my house and literally there's by the bed, there's the coffee table by the master is about the size of this table, right?


It's like. It's like a coffee table. Yeah, that's crazy. Side by side tables are side.


There's so small little drawer. But your little dining room table. Yeah. Why put your whatever.


Suicide note in there, your lube, whatever you keep inside of your thing, whatever.


Polar opposite of what you just said to the lube tissues and whatever you keep by there, you know that Alec Baldwin autobiography, whatever you have by your bed, whatever you want to snort the normal stuff that everybody has by their bed.


Right. And so I was so cold. I don't know when you would call, but we just I was freezing.


Yeah. I was terrible chills. Yeah. Because, like, I was just like, so cold and I woke up and I was like, so cold.


I mean, I started getting hungry to like like I had severe frustration to it's till I started crying. I was like, well, my body aches. Can I go away and start shooting tears out of my eyes. It was just so sad.


You're like an actual me just. Yeah, yeah. But that's what it is. Cartoons. Yeah. But it's a thing where it's like because there's no if you're dating, if someone just said you're going to be sick for ten days, it's going to suck. And I'm a great and everyone was having the same thing and you get this like well she only had for two days.


Am I making this up. Am I being histrionic? Is this is like I started it became like being in a haunted house with my own mind.


Like it got into like maybe I'm not too sick, maybe I'm making it up. Maybe I am being dramatic. I don't know. Because then it's like you think it's your fault if it's worse, because people.


What did you do to make it worse on what's your blood type.


I know you even set in stone. Is that a natural thing. Yeah. Yeah.


Like I failed somehow because mikovits really bad. And it's just it's like it's just like embarrassing and people feel too sorry for you, so you don't even want to tell them. And then also when you tell someone you had it, they don't they it doesn't make them feel better. Yeah.


It's like being even a real thing. Yeah.


Because but they're like I got you know, everyone's like got the antibodies and then when you have them no one's like we got the antibodies so yeah.


I told them I does it help. It really does it. Saying I had co that I'm safe does not make people feel more safe. Absolutely not. So how did you hit the wall. God.


So, oh, my God, she's like had it with me. No, I was so curious. Story keeps getting crazier and crazier. It's amazing. People want to know I should not have a podcast. I could not keep Sam on topic. Like, why am I doing this? I'm so bad at this job. It's wild.


Oh, this is why you have a podcast with the margins, right? Yes, I on. Yes. And so on. But I know what it's like to be on a podcast and the host being like, go back to the thing. I want to enjoy this to like I want to hear the end of the story. I do. I could have any say in how this goes.


OK, so middle of the night I got a space heater fucking Amazon. I'm so cold.


The night before the put the space heater in, it was like under the table and it wasn't I kept turning it on, it wasn't plugged in and it was like, oh, and I bent over to plug it in.


The only reason we know this is because there's blood on the table. We found that later. I thought I walked into a beam and so we found it. Later I slammed my nose trying to eat.


So I it was literally just like I just was like, this is what must have happened because there's just like a blood on the, you know, thing. And I went back to bed. That's how fucking high I was.


And then my lover said at 6:00 in the morning, I crawled into his room like so dramatic, like crawl.


I go there because I felt dried blood on my face because I always put oil on my face like the first thing when I wake up in grapeseed oil on my face. And I was like, I felt crustiness.


And this is how sick I am. At first I was like, oh, my skin so dry.


And then I looked in the mirror. I think I was just like, oh my gosh. Yeah. Like, well, at least some moisture I got. It's just dried blood, OK.


Oh God. I was worried that I was dehydrated. I second I saw a cold start to form.


My gosh. So what made you think that you ran into a beam?


Because in this house there's a beam, you're tall, which I have questions about. How tall, how young were you when you got this tall? Oh, I was pretty young.


It's a it's a kind of trauma.


Yeah. Yeah. And then I was very skinny. I think I was five, ten that 90 pound really traumatic. Oh wow.


Ninety pounds in middle school in like seventh grade. Wow. Yeah. Is that why you like to work out. I get so strong.


I think, I think that's, I mean I've always grown up very athletic. I, I've always had this kind of energy that I need release. So I've always been in sports and I think you should be Wonder Woman.


Oh my God. You're saying it of you. But I was also I also played volleyball in college, so. Oh, so that's what that is. I do now workout once a month. Not a lot.


What. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do Benkert and then post it in your store.


Yeah. Yeah. That's recycle because I go because that's what I think is important to know, like I will when people say look this is an unrealistic expectation of my life too.




Well like you know, something like this is like this is what it's like. Are we supposed to be balancing out the unrealistic with the realistic.


This is what I'm out of time.


How how are people able to wake up so early? I'm presenting the best version of the older version. I want you. I'm curating a version. Yeah.


That isn't embarrassing. Like, why is that?


Why are people like you didn't embarrass yourself on children media and you need to reveal all your secrets and you tell everyone you were molested and post photos of you that make up like, no, I signed up for a business where you go, you they make you look the best you've ever looked. People see, and then people don't see the other stuff. Exactly.


I mean, it's it's hard. It's hard waking up in the morning, working out, having sweat in your hair.


You have to shower.


You have to wait for your hair to dry and then put on hair and makeup and try to figure out this this mess.


Yeah, but it's get it's like I don't know, it's just like it's creating an unrealistic standard of well, if I didn't look like this, you wouldn't follow me. So what I do, I just make I mean, what you like them. You like me doing the makeup. So what is it. Which is it.


I know. Yikes. Yeah. What do you have to balance so much pressure.


I feel like you do feel pressure to be a role model.


Yeah I do. I you should feel I think you, I definitely want you to know to do everything like there's so many platforms, there's so many videos, there's so much more I could be doing at all times. I'm sure maybe you feel that way too.


But I think it's just, you know, the business that we're in, it's a you you have this because it does like I think that like I realized that I almost preferred the fucked up, dysfunctional system of Hollywood television because at least, like, you couldn't work unless you were at work.


Right. Whereas now I can't imagine like like being twenty nine and being able to like make something at any point and upload it, because as for me, I was like in my like workaholism in my like desire to overcome and make it. Like, the only thing that stopped me from, like having a full, like, heart attack or a major health crisis or like just not taking care of myself. Like destroying myself and probably like an Adderall addiction in my 20s was me going like, well, I have to go to bed now because I can't do anything cause I don't write the camera.


People are at a building tomorrow that have to go to I have to wait till they're there.


It's all consistency and motivation and that's that's what it comes down to.


So what do you do? Did you just teach yourself to edit?


Yeah. Yeah, I'm self-taught on that because I went to school for four premed and then I kind of just fell into it. Did you think you wanted to do.


I, I, I was going to go into surgery.


I wanted to be a surgeon. That's what editing is pretty much. Yeah, you're right. You're honest and smart. I know. But it is. It is. I say selecting or editing, arranging, editing you.


So I don't know what kind of surgery you're doing. You know, you don't move things or you're going to be a plastic surgeon just like. Yeah. You want this in person. Look, this looks better than the game of apologetically. I like this better. Oh, I know you like it. Lengthier, but it looks like. Hear me out.


Just so, Emily, have you seen any balls recently? You know what?


I have not seen balls since I got broken up with. I'm really looking forward to the next.


Now you're just bragging. I've seen a lot of balls actually went through a breakup.


I told you that that crazy man in my apartment cried Ashin with the crossbow came out but naked.


That's the first pair of balls I tried to shoot you with me and four police officers in a in an elevator.


So the takeaway from the story is if that man had just used manscape on his balls, you would have been you would not have had a problem with this behavior, right?


It would have been a more pleasant first ball sighting post.


My relationship would have been a more pleasant attack on me. But more said, if you guys are going to attack women in the hallway with a sword, what was it, a crossbow?


You got to shave your balls. You're starting to think you're crazy. You know, I'm saying you got to use the ball wipes. These are deodorizing ball wipes that you know what I did not put I'm going to use on my armpits right now and we'll see how they do how it goes. Oh, great. They're deodorizing moisturising. An anti chafing for on the go ball cap.


Oh, how does it feel? It's pretty soft here, so normally when you use a man's products, they're not good, right? They're like they're rough. They're they're course no one put any thought into it. Manscape. They're making like quality products for men. They realized men. There's been a reckoning and women no longer want rug burn on our chins. We have to go to work now. So you have to pull your balls together. Family, you're smelling that this just my armpits, though, is the bigger problem, that it smells like a boyfriend.


Oh, so what we do with the better help dotcom out with, you know, this is for man. OK, got it. OK, so yes. Go please. Yeah.


They have tons of amazing men hygiene products on their website. Everything from disposable mats for your pubes to deodorant.


I'm sorry. Am I getting in trouble. I'm saying this is not just for guys. This thing. The look at this, it's what do you call this?


It's a like a portable getup kit. It's a tiny job stuff you need for your nails in one place, which I first had a problem with because I've seen enough men cut their nails on a plane while we're flying no fly list.


Don't please don't do that. But this is men having portable nail clippers. This is going to a win for everyone backfiring.


Oh, on a plane. What? Yeah. Just because guys think they should just. Right, right. Right, right. Cut their toenails like right near sinks.


Right. The guy I'm dating put his foot up on. I was like can you do that in the sink. Like just twice I walk in his footsteps on the kitchen sink. I'm like, dude, not that I ever go near that sink, but I'm sure that's gross for someone that will 100 percent crop survivor is spray on toner for your balls.


Yes, please, Hoeness. Great fucking plays and balls all look like they're a hundred years old. For some reason they need this. They age, they look like dried apricots. Elephant ears. Not anymore. Not anymore. Cleanser hair and body wash please.


So twenty percent off with free shipping at manscape dotcom and use code Whitney. That's twenty percent off with free shipping at manscape dotcom and use code Welney. Thanks manscape for making our winter wieners look so good.


Honestly, I'll apply it. If you guys will start using it I will put it on your to them.


No look like that's how we need to start selling this. I'll set up a different email for that. I will. If you all apply it. If you use it, how about that. And then I'm going to need a new job.


So. OK, Banzet. Thank you. I am truly obsessed with the ol EPOP drinks when you guys look at our podcast table and see the 900 just cans of trash, that it just looks like a yard sale in here.


It's because I got obsessed with Lollipop. It is a support stage. It's a so it's like a healthy soda. The only thing I've ever wanted in life is soda that doesn't make you feel like shit and make you feel bad about yourself. It's an alternative to soda. It tastes like a coke or whatever, or like they've got all these, like, vintage flavors. Where's the strawberry? Did I drink?


There's a cream strawberry flavor that I think I drink it already, but it's got only three grams of sugar, not GMO vegan, paleo, keto friendly, less than eight grams net carbs per can. Now what what wowza like. Wowza like I mean, I know you like to like get in your shame spirals with your regular sodas that have proven to give people numerous health problems.


So which one do you want to try. Do you want to try the vintage. Try vintage. I'm going to have Emily try one of the ginger lemon.


This is the sparkling tonic that is sometimes I'll put a little I'll drink and I will do. I mean, all right. Emily is trying her first all pop. It's 100 percent money back guarantee for orders place.


That's good. Good. Right. I really try that. I have the root beer one.


It tastes like I'm at the soda shop. It does it taste like you're down at the getting a phosphate. I love it. You know, the alternative. But I'm saying like I feel like as an adult I can't just be pounding soda anymore.


Yeah, I drink so much soda, but this is I still do. But this would be a much better option. I mean, look how much look at the. Oh, it's so much less anyway.


But the rupia, this truly tastes exactly like root beer.


I can't wheel. Can we try. And you don't like grouper. No, I do like root beer which is weird but germ's wise.


I'm not I'm not offering it to you. I was going to ask about oh you can't share sodas in a pandemic. I'm pretty sure. OK, all right. I'm thinking about blood. God we both had covid we were born.


We're a podcast but ok, but I like it. So here's the thing. Everyone's home like I don't know. I just feel like you have to make what used to be very mundane tasks special because we have so few special things we can do right now.


You a little treat, treat yourself.


Yeah. You know, get yourself a fancy soda that makes you feel special and like you're a woman that wasn't allowed to work in the 50s.


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This is just so they put me on the screen too, while you're OK. Well, we don't know how to not let you take over and steal my thunder.


I know we're working on if you guys are watching, I'm doing things to.


Just take my moment what it takes screen time.


OK, Lollipop can also be found in over 3000 stores across the country, including Whole Foods, Sprout's, Kroger, Wegmann and AA1. I get why people heckle.


It's so tempting. Yeah, it is. And it's also hurtful. I'm just sitting here like I never go to a comedy show.


I don't know people when I get mad at people, they heckle. I now I'm not mad anymore. I'm sorry. Yeah. People didn't let you talk for an hour.


Yeah, it's awful.


Well, like one morning when I got in one of your next shows, I'm just going to sit in the audience and mouth.


What you're saying is that me laughing my Jodeci right now, is there ever a time where you're like, I'm maturing or like I my taste is changing and I want to like is my do I have to stay there?


Absolutely. I think evolving is such an important part of, you know, just in the comedy business for you probably and also in the Internet, don't let us we just get old and forget about it all the way.


And we've never done that before. I can't wait to see what this looks like. No, I feel like, yeah, there is something called fan fatigue.


So if they see the same thing over and over, it's not going to perform as well. So you always have to be evolving.


But I think in my case, I was raised, you know, to be competitive in sports and then double major.


And that's all I knew.


I didn't really have a social life.


I I went to college, but I didn't have a social life. And I was up at five a.m. to do a six and practice.


And then I was in like all day. Yeah, for volleyball in labs all day.


I had my game then eleven, thirty pm. I'm culturing my stem cells in the lab like I just had no life at all.


So I think because I went on the Internet and I know put on my face but I think just the life that I was raised into, I don't know what else to do except to work hard.


But this is what I was just having this conversation with bendin, too, about about another thing which is like but there's nothing you've done that, like prepares you that anyone for being in charge of people now but sports.


I think people a lot of times don't understand like like when they're like, I'm going to be a creator, I'm going to be a boss.


And that's like, OK, well, do you know how to deal with someone who's mad at you but not be bitchy and not be passive aggressive and not be like, OK, well, I think you want me to do this tomorrow and like, you can't do that. Yeah, there's a level of like you can edit, you can write, you can be a comedian, you can do this. And I can.


But just getting different models, personalities, you're the leader. It's like it's like no one prepares you for that. You know what I mean? I mean, I guess you must have gotten it from playing sports because you have to communicate and you have to like play having your coaches yell at you and then like trying to pick up your teammates.


Absolutely. You have to know how to talk to people for ten hours a day in the same tight space. This is goes back. You just have to be a good person.


It is. Yeah. It's survival of the ISIS. Now you have to know how it used to be. You had to be talented first. It was nice. Guys finish last.


No, I think yeah. You just have to be nice. You have to be genuine person.


And if you're not like it, just like your stuff's not going to be good either, because I think right now people don't want negative toxic shit. They can't. Yeah. You know, but but I just I think that that's promising.


I think, like the Internet, like in a lot of ways, like this is like the worst and it's bringing out all the trolls. And I think it's actually like, you know, shedding light and adding jokes.


And that's what you're so amazing at, too.


It's almost like we're providing almost like free laughs to everybody.


Yeah, no, I don't know. Another ticket prices are going up. They're doing that.


But still but still, I think that in this time, in a time of such negativity, I think it is so important to produce laughs to to our fans and hopefully make this world a better place.


I mean. Yeah, I mean. And so what would you say before we get into this other thing? Our surprise that for the show is me getting tetanus from here. Oh yeah. Tanizaki, what would you call it?


Extreme tattoos. What is that?


OK, so at the start of quarantine, I went through a rampage of different quarantine purchases. I bought a stripper pole, a huh. A lot of other random things.


Light saber chopsticks, cute.


I mean, where's the light saber shippable?


I mean, you're on this sub call Shark Tank. I then you here today to start a business. We're not leaving here today. And so we have started a business. Yes. And then also a tattoo gun. Then I just started tattooing myself and then I tried tattooing my dad.


He didn't he wasn't for it. And now a lot of my friends are just yop like.


I have I have like 50 friends being like on the wait list just to get a tattoo for me. OK, so you this is like you just started doing. There's not a there's not like a thing you've been doing a while.


I think I've tattooed like 50 people though. OK, ok, OK. I'm going to get a tattoo today from Hanaa. Actually I don't know.


OK, ok, let's let's see. Yes. If I don't start hemorrhaging, I don't know, I might be.


Who knows when my covid blood things might go sideways.


Do I need to have had a tetanus shot. I feel like I've had one. I had one in twenty eighteen. OK. Yeah like I'm also using a sterilized needle. OK, so. Yeah. Yeah should be. Yes. Yeah.


No I clean off the surface there honestly after what just happened with covid I am. If I didn't just die in the last couple of months I'm invincible.


My wife is a simulation so this is just a tattoo gun you've got. What do I do. I'm definitely going to want it. I want to do Emily's name on my foot and then. Where do you what's the what what's your specialty? My specialty is like a smiley face on the bottom of the foot. Oh, that's like a no brainer, sure. Yeah, yeah, and do you think I would do that OK? Yeah, yeah.


Although OK, let's do it, let's do it, let's do it. I wanted to do like a thing back here, OK?


I think somebody's neck yesterday actually we know out of the sleeve. Huh.


If you woefully shady. I don't want to but disclosure, I'm not a professional and my friends are idiots so I'm not a professional. I have health insurance. My friends are idiots.


I want to die young. I got this on Amazon literally for our listeners.


Hannah is taking her tattoo kit out of a box. Clothing box.


Oh, yeah. It's there's a pineapple sticker on it. Like, do you this is like I do. I think a sweatshirt came in about your you have nine people working for you in the sidebar.


Oh no, it's fine. It's good. It's just like, you know, south of people.


And this looks like a yard sale. Like this yard sale. The what is that blood like.


What is on this box champion. Looks like I don't even know what I want it. I want you to talk through setting this up and I'm going to be OK because I just got here, but I'm just shitting so hooping.


I've soiled myself. That's soiled myself. It's like as if there's no backing out now. OK, so I am OK loving this guy in.


Let me move my paper.


So do you want to paper where I, I draw it out and then I just, it's like a tracing paper that I call it free ball it.


Ah. What do you mean you're missing out. What it because like Emily's a pussy. You trace her hers out you know. You sure it's mine. OK. Oh wow. This is exciting. I have tattoos, my tattoos are white, mostly white stuff.


When we're here you can do with white ink. Yeah.


That's a little anchor. I've white because I was like very noncommittal. This is like and I told the guy that I'm dating about this and I was like, no, I'm not afraid of commitment.


My tattoos are just way I want them to be there. I just don't want it. I just don't want to have to see them all the time. It's like a laser pointer tattoo. That's why I got this my my inner lip before I got any tattoo. Not the not not the response I was expecting. Yeah, wait, so this is it was like an infinity sign that not just because of commitment issues.


Yeah, but what you saw putting it on your lip was less of a commitment than where on my body.


So nobody can say, OK, OK, you stated it didn't hurt. I just had chips and salsa right afterwards. My first tattoo would not be oh I know.


The inside of my mouth. I know you're like I'm not I like I'm kind of not in the tattoo, so I put one in my face. Yeah.


That's such a cute little hiding place, so invasive. I would not have thought I'm going to hide this in plain sight. I know the only like guys that really see it is my dentist.


But isn't that what you say? It's a it's a when you have to. I find that I have to lie about my tattoos because I just don't want to tell the same story over and over again. So people do like, do you have any tattoos? I'm like, no, it's like I just don't. But and I don't have to show them because as soon as someone wants to see your tattoo, you that have to be like, OK, take your shirt.


It's like, why do I owe you all this information about many?


Do you have can I see all of them? Oh yeah. No. And then it's just sort of like, why am I. And then you have to Amazon lift your lip time and take off my shoes.


I do that willingly, but I look at my thing. It's just like you don't get to see my tattoos like, like, you know, it's like something really kind of you see your tits, it's like you're sure I something about it. Like when someone wants to your tattoos you're like, oh fair enough.


But I'm so excited because I am about to tattoo you right now. This is actually happening.


This is how long does it like first of all do you have to shave the area that you tattoo.


But are we doing the bottom of your foot unless you're Frodo. I think you're good. Yeah, you're feeling fine.


My feet look fine. But there is like, do you ever like, get a one random black hair, like on your ankle?


No, seriously, I. Though I know I do, I do, I do. You know, that's a real needle. Yeah. You know, it's a real needle that we are getting a little longer needle. And I never seen that I'd have to score that. That's that's longer than most of them, Hannah. You know, not a needle. That's a dagger. That is an actual dagger. That is a ninja star. She's pulling out a ninja star.


A rusty ninja star. I mean, this is just to the antibodies protect from tetanus that somewhere I'm in a covered fog.


I want you to know that I had to take advantage of my comment is just like am so excited to get in there before Whitney's brain clears up and she starts making good decisions again.


By the way, I imagine when I get back and I dye my hair back and I was like, what happened?


It's like I had covid and people are going to understand that I had covid.


I guess I'm like, are you doing any more hair colors? I don't know.


I might I feel like I'm I'm it's getting a little bit like people are worried about me.


You can only do blue hair for like now it's like it's like I did pink for a month. I did before and now it's time to go back to being in it. But now you're blue and purple.


Maybe you just even bring it out. The fact that I didn't know that is a bigger problem. What you did it. I was like, well, I was like, I'm blue and I don't know what color my hair is at this point, which is a bigger issue.


So, yeah, I think I need to get back to being an adult and go back to Brown now. Yeah, you could go full purple. No, it's here's the problem is that no one I really liked at the beginning, because when you dye your hair fully pink, people stop asking you for advice and like on anything, like no one asks for your way. Can you weigh in on this? Like everyone's put on any don't ask her.


Like, if people don't ask you to leave you alone, I want you to watch your kids. I don't expect you to, like, respond to emails. I'm very ticklish. You have everyday with people that are so ticklish that it. Yeah.


And then I just scream and I'm like, don't move. Or else it's going to look like, you know, that emoji that's like and they're like unshared their mouth like squiggly somebody. Yeah. That's happened before too.


If you see that you're fucking something up do you just cover or you just. I try to go over it.


Good. But sometimes you will twitch involuntarily should this camera come in.


I guess I'm going to go here.


OK is my so gross. This is so much more intimate than like getting naked for a man like you see my eyes, I'm so much more embarrassed.


You're about to get so many points on wiki. What are you. I know this better not ruin my wiki feet square. I feel like I have a five week if you score, mostly because there aren't that many photos here. But if I this is five out of five on.


If you want to make sure you eight and a half oh.


You have small fee for your height. I would you. I'm a ten. OK, how tall are you. Five. Ten. Oh nice.


Yeah. Yeah. I think with the same height you just I, you haven't, you haven't given up yet so you wear heels.


I think what I wear. Yeah. Yeah. No you take boots you know I've, I'm getting a tattoo. Yes. From Hannah. And what is it going to say. Is it going to say Emmeline Whitney forever. And Whitney in your heart do you want that EP.


I mean no but it's funny or we could do the smiley face.


Oh yeah. Yeah. And then. Well, why don't you just smiley face on Emily. I can't do it. OK, you're scared.


So E plus w heart. But I want the smiley face.


Smiley face. Smiley face. OK, how long does it take to do this.


I might, I might go over it like twice or three times. OK, it takes longer to do the sketching than the actual doing. Right.


While we're waiting for that, I would just like to say Jen Aniston wrote me back. Hanna loves Jen Aniston and we said everybody remembers me.


Yeah. My name is my name. Wow. Guys, if you guys don't know, she is literally my name. That's great.


My phone screen. Holy cow guys.


Why are you. She said you remember that. Yes. How do you feel about the fact that a lot of people feel about you, the way you feel about you? Does that make you want to quit what you're doing? I make you uncomfortable about being famous because a lot of people feel bad for you. A lot of people have said so. I just want you to know how creepy your life is.


She just seems so put together. God, she's an actual icon. She remembers me. We sure do. I love Jen on one and then the smiley face.


I love that. I will literally tattoo on my porch. All right.


Here we go. OK, all right. Oh, why is the anticipation so much worse than actually doing it? OK, I've got tattoos before. I'm an adult. I've just never gotten one on my feet.


Careful because I to walk on my face here. Yeah.


I walked. I actually before covid after I got the. Hi, how are you. On the bottom of my foot and I partied.


Yeah but you have joy in your heart. You are happy resilient person. I'm hanging by a thread. Oh no you'll be good. Be so have really high arches.


So that's perfect. It's a problem. It won't wear off. Yeah. It's a problem for me.


It's great for tattoos. I'm supposed to wear insoles. I had bone spurs on me too. Me too. And then I was like whatever. I'd rather just be in pain than fucking have to go to this appointment book.


Look, go. Oh. Oh yeah. It doesn't hurt.


It barely did any. Oh yeah it does hurt.


I need my entire body is numb. I thought my.


You know, it's not just my group at all, feels like it's kind of like what it feels like when you get an IUD put in, it's like a creepy, kind of like nettlesome pain. Oh, oh, oh, boop, boop boop. Oh, she's very focused.


You do take this very seriously. I'm yeah. I'm trying.


This is like really what you want to do with your life. You know, it's so weird. I you're so successful at something and she's like you're like Michael Jordan playing baseball shuttlepod.


I just want to be a tattoo artist. I know it's leaking a little bit, but it's OK, I'm just going to do a wipe down. This isn't what it looks like. OK, thank you. Am I the only thing that's home bleeding? Let me correct let me know the proper term bleeding.


That's called a punctured artery in the foot. Oh, gosh. I love that noise. It's such a sexy noise, it's such a soothing noise, you're like, oh, the sound of bad decisions.


Oh, Lou, this is what I this is my guys. When you guys want to suck our feet, this is what we're doing, by the way.


We're like, oh, like you like it.


And we have to be like that might not have stuck.


Is that a frowny face. Did you do the squiggle emoji. Well, we might might even wipe it off and nothing stuck. I have a very light hand. I was going to say it doesn't hurt at all what you're doing, but maybe that really shouldn't.


I need to go in deep. I feel it. I feel I need to go in deeper. I do feel it.


I think I can't tell because I'm trying so hard to check myself in and not feeling it. I don't know if I'm succeeding or if it's just not deep enough. OK, this is going to be sex all the time.


I think I felt. Can you just do it again deeper? I just I'm not sure. Oh, yeah, nothing, nothing. Well, a little bit, a little bit. We are getting their due. It's going to be que. All year, all you've fetishists out there, I'm doing this to send you a thumbs up.


A lot of women have a nice smiley face. Women, unlike men, are afraid. I'll take the compliment. Yeah, I'll take it. I'm not going to reject a compliment, even if you're mentally ill when you're making it. Feeling that, yeah, that definitely is deeper to the. Up, up, up, up, up, up, up, boop, boop, boop, boop.


OK, yeah, this is really a sensation that is unfamiliar to me, OK?


You know, it's just an unfamiliar kind of hand on the front. It's like it's like tickle pain. You know, you have are tickling you and you don't want them to tickle you, you know, and you're sex and they're not related. You know, that's not so.


I just mean, like, you know, it's a mistake when you say, oh, my God, it's just like you can never but, you know, my God, it's tickling you and it like hurts. But you're laughing so they don't know to stop. My God, don't get me good.


Oh, OK. I think that's it. Yeah, I think we got it. You've had enough of smelling my face. She's like, I've had enough. I just now I know I did nothing to like wash my feet.


I thought I was going to do it on my shoulder. Oh.


Oh. What did I fuck up. Oh fuck you. And that's your dad too today.


I mean, look at this. Very artsy. It is very it's like a mural painting or like a Jackson Pollock.


Just Venky. It's a book that you did. I just fucked it up.


Ah, no it doesn't. I just got it all over the table.


I do need to go over it again. We have to do something for John. We have to do it. If you're not if you're not doing this out of your fine, I'll do the bottom. My other foot.


Why don't we do I need to go. Unless you like it like this.


I think we should go over it again. OK, ok. You're the you're the expert. I can't see it. We can. Yeah. I can't even see it. I trust you for some reason.


I know by the way. I know it's weird. I really like her and we're like old friends. You're a stranger to me.


I mean, I don't really know you, you know. I mean.


Yeah, I know. Wild, wild.


And I'm marking you for life, your life. You know fate, doesn't it? Fate on the bottom.


I love it. You're like, it's fine when you guys have your epic public falling out.


It'll get it covered tomorrow. OK, I think I think and I know I say that every time, but I think that's going good.


You never know. Art is never done. Only abandoned. Who said that? Leonardo da Vinci, I think. Michelangelo. Sorry, Michael, but you didn't know either. So. OK, here we go.


What's that, Mona? Looks good, ladies and gentlemen, if we don't see gender here, Pete. I mean, my feet are so disgusting. Maybe this is like helping with a healing like me embracing my ugly feet.


That's so cute. So cute. Kissing put in your mouth.


I guess I do something with it. Do you like it? Yes. Sorry. I do like to look at them. Really. Do you want me to go over it? I think I should. Really. Yeah.


There's one part that's so cute. She's here.


See, the way someone drives drives her women and we can't drive the way that a smiley face, the way that the eyes are separated makes him like, look so happy. I draw a smiley face. They look evil and lost in danger.


They're just I know eyebrows like that.


When I draw a smiley face, they look like their eyebrows are furrowed, like even the way you are, even just the eyes, like like your circles or your little like like it's just like a happy, happy face.


My face, my happy faces look like they're faking it. Guy definitely has my happy faces look like it's both of us.


Two more times. OK, there's just two more sections.


Have the one on top of your foot, did that hurt, like all fuck? Oh, yeah. Oh, and plus that was a cover up of another tattoo. But I think because it was a cover up and they like damage the nerves on the first time.


So it didn't really hurt that.


It's just I had to remove that tattoo. Oh, I get goose.


By the way, so basically, the more you're going over it, the more it's already wounded skin as you go on about it.


So you're basically jamming a needle into an open wound. Got it. I got it. I got it.


Oh, yeah. There we go. A good.


Yeah, good, good. Look at that. We've adorned the ugliest part of my body. I'm so does this mean I'm a partner in the brand.




It's like so this is so I just get like 20 percent to 20 percent of the company. I'm not like I'm not doing this for fun. Just like what I have been a partner.


How would I not have been a partner in her merch company? Why would I have gotten a tattoo of it on Shrem tattoo merch?


She told me verbally 50 percent of the company. Yeah, OK, let's see. What else do I love? Jennifer Aniston.


Yeah, I want that on me. Won't bitch. You haven't done it and I'm on my bicycle I so. OK, what. We'll get this tattoo. This might take a while though. Like get this like to do all that it might take like thirty minutes. How about just I heart Jay.


I heart Jay. OK, I'm fully getting in.


I love Jennifer Aniston tattoo and that's how this is the best I do. I'm probably going to go home and tattoo it on myself. Hey man, can you do your own foot.


Yeah you're right. I set my own foot I, I tattooed. That's crazy.


On my toes. Oh it's all black and blue right now but it's OK. That was a nightmare.


I just feel like. Yeah. That the toes would probably be like it's like you know what I dermo roll on the face which is the thing with the tiny needles to put to make sure that all your product is absorbed in your face over the lip is the worst.


Like it's just so random where we have nerve endings. Oh, does this one hurt more because it's more like dead skin? Tattoo artists are so bombed because. And hot because you're your most nervous and you want to talk and make small talk, and they won't. Do you think, oh, no, you can't, it's it's hot. It was I was tattooing this girl's neck last night and I wasn't breathing.


And after I would stop a stroke, I would be like, oh, because you didn't want to breathe on her neck or something. You know, I just I just I feel like I'm more your body own. I'm more like I have a steadier hand. It's almost like if you're playing Call of Duty and you're like doing like a sniper shot and then the the character's like after you, you hit it because they like, hold the breath.


You guys, we haven't even talked to you guys play. We want to play tonight. I'll see you in the gulag.


What does any of this mean. Dave, do you play what is what is she saying. Is she harassing you know, what does that mean? What's the gulag? That's where you go when you die.


And I call it a call of duty. I can do I'm not good at a war zone at all. So I'm just like, but I do win one gulag.


Are you just doing this to just show people how shitty a girlfriend I am compared to you?


Is this what this whole podcast? I am doing this because I'm load friends. So these are like virtual friends. I can just talk to you. It's like. So you've never met any of the people you game with in person?


Oh, no, I came I came with a lot of my guy friends. Yeah. OK, yeah. What's your illness is on Twitch. It could be on Twitch if you want to stream it.


However, you could just play and not even stream it just for fun until five a.m. every night.


You're very patient about explaining this to me without having judgment in your voice or exhaustion.


What happened to that.


What do you ever want a game live like in stadiums?


Oh, and I have energy. I just have dollar signs in my eyes. I'm like, would you like to tour?


Yeah, I'll get like I literally just well, I just created this game room in my house in normal. Well, normal gamers game rooms are like just very futuristic.


You should, you should, you should design arcades.


I should because my game or my game room is literally like the Hannis shocking experience. The promise rainforest cafes there are really, really fun. But the water fuckin stinks. Oh, like what? You going to Rainforest Cafe? Yeah, I did, actually. And it's nice tap when the water comes on, you're like, oh yeah, that's sewage water. Like, what's the like. Yeah, it's like everyone's kind of you could tell the waiters are bummed when the water goes off.


There's no the waiters are just like us slipping on the floor.


Enjoy your fuckin potential like it is like and then every now and then when, when the lightning would go up the guerrillas I know they're like just go oh like like it's like I got hit in the face with a token of how to welcome to Rainforest Cafe.


Just like is it a teardrop or is it like a sewage droplet from the rain.


Mm. This is so. Dom. And I'm so into it for me, this is when else are we going to be able to do dumb like shit that's like, I think the pandemic, let's take something good away from it, which is like that thing you've been putting off or that thing. You're like, I can't do that. Just fucking that's what my hair is purple and I'm getting fatter. Who's who.


That's why I started tattooing hairs like hairs now blindfolded to think it's the live like you're to die tomorrow because you fucking might like what have you been not doing because you're like, I'll do that later in my life.


I'll get in my head. Just what?


Just do it now for the fuck to do it this weekend because you don't know how long and last. You can always stop. You can't you know, beauty of you can always dye your hair back brown. People say like, oh, your hair's blue now. I'm like, yeah, no. Yeah, yeah. No, no, it doesn't stay permanent. You know how hair works. It's going to grow out.


But tattoos, just like you said, you guys are a tattoo without permanent as a tattoo guy. I don't know the basic concept of a tattoo.


Mark, did that hurt? No, it's a tiny pain. It's a little baby pain.


It's like a little toddler, just like stabbing you with their baby knife.


You can't be mad. It's like acute pain. Yeah, well, that movie felt like that.


Oh. Wow. OK, so a lot of confidence, I am not to blame. Well, then why don't you how do I hear you OK? Yeah, you're I'm fully making you.


Like, engage your core to do this. Jen's going to see this right away.


She so wants to get this right, it says, when in doubt, do it for Jen, who are your favorite tattoo artists?


There's this guy named Jack Townsend who's really good, and also this other guy and a L he's really, really far. Yeah. If you're you have to be good to have that annoying of a name.


You must be good for people to say, dot, dot, do you have to be an Instagram name?


I'm not really sure. What are you. He's the best tattoo artist he must be because you can't have that name and not be can be like mediocre. Yeah. The J did not stick at all. So here we go.


We will go again. J round to. Could also do Courtney or Lisa. Look at that. See, let's see. So how how did you and Jennifer Aniston meet? I'm just she reached out and I was like, I'm dying to be friends with you. You can't. Are you serious? No, I, I that I got I went and I bought a star maps, I drove to her house and he's telling me something I would do know.


And they just, you know.


It's usually through one of her security guards that I get a message the way they relay it like she's sorry, she's just know she's busy and usually just the LAPD will deliver a message from her to me to my home.


It's titled Restraining Order. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's I mean, she wants she's like, meet me downtown next week. And I'm like, cool now at this courthouse. Cool. She loves to hang out at the courthouse. You feel this? Yeah. You. I'm trying to, like, talk and nervously distract myself, but that one's not that's not bad. That's like a good pain that hurts so good. Do not call me army.


She's always so she's always so shocked that there's going to be a point. She's so shocked when I say crazy shit. There will come a time in your life to where you stop giving a fuck.


Yeah, it's like and it's not now, you know, and you're not there. Yes. I remember you saying you still have a lot to build. I don't throw it all away yet by saying the dumb shit. I say that's not worth it. I know. Don't burn bridges the way I did. When you say that stuff, I'm just like I just like to I'm literally got a backpack full of grenades and I'm just like I have been so beaten down by this business that I'm just like I'm just throwing grenades left and right.


I love it as you should, though. I just don't even give a shit anymore.


No, are, you know, is this not the big reveal? No, and I don't even have a backup career. I don't know what the fuck I'm thinking.


You have like nine backup careers, so I need a few more times to go over.


OK, we have a really good base layer, though. Yeah, but that's a thicker skin on top.


It is very thick, thick with five sisters. I think this is like it's, you know, it's like shadowy.


It has a really, really cute shadow undertone.


And it kind of reminds me of your white tattoos, the ones that no one can see. Mm hmm. Well, do you want to reveal what you tattooed? I mean, will you just break my foot?


So, like, I can't if I want to, I can still take a lot of it. But what does it look like?


Well, what does it say? That I like a dick?


I'm not a dick. A spaceship, especially with two engines, two engines on the side. Oh, yes.


Oh, well, no, no, bad. It's good. It will be good. Here's what am I going to get sued. You get worse before you get better. It gets this this is going to get worse before you better.


The only thing I don't want hear from my tattoo artist. I wanna hear from like anyone else, anyone.


But OK, wait, I'll take a picture also. Not all the ink is off.


I mean. It looks it looks like like it looks like I just lightly put pencil over it.


Looks like it looks like, you know, it looks like do you remember and.


Sure, Detective, when the serial killer carved into the tree, it's kind of like that. Only on my body forever. No, I genuinely think this will go away.


Like to say, no, I love it. I do. It's the bottom of my foot. Yeah. I think it has a lot of personality. It's good.


And then I've got this little guy. Oh, yeah. This one's this one's a keeper. So it's funny. Yeah.


I normally like never let anyone see my feet but now I'm going to start to just be proud and I, I had to really bad athlete's foot in high school and I played basketball and it was like so embarrassing that I think I have like trauma around my feet being out, but not anymore.


Like your lucky day. Oh, it looks amazing. It's so cute. I love it.


All right. And while you're disassembling, I want to ask you a question.


Yeah. About like your future, like looking for like do you want to be in movies and television or you're just like, that's a waste of time. I'm babbling.


It doesn't love that. I love that. That realm you want no less famous. I want to go to Hollywood just to have less people.


I see what I do. Here's the thing.


I do think that there is a stigma between traditional media, their Internet media, and I know this, but it's not that real.


It's we're jealous and we're jealous and we're mad.


But I kind of like I just want to mesh the two. I know, like, a few of my Internet friends are doing a great job doing that. But I would love to be in traditional media. Don't really care what it pays, but I just want to be, you know, that Internet person that helps blend. That's fascinating. Yeah, you should do. You already could have done a movie. I mean, like but jackass like that was really like they were kind of just like they just scrambled it all together.


Yeah. You know what I'm saying? You probably already have enough footage to put a movie together. Yeah. Just compile it all together like a dog. You see like a big like compilation video.


I am. And I am going to be in a movie though. It's coming out. Yeah, it's called Vanquisher Cool by directed by George Gallo.


Are you so you're like I you have a little bit of like fragments in it. You like shinies around. No, I know. I just, I can't, I can't believe it that just like in an audition. Or do they just give it to you.


They, they are really good friends with my mom.


But let me ask you, do you by the way, would you do you ever feel like when you get hired for something, they call you in and you're like, oh, they want me to post, like, something?


I'm just saying I wouldn't save for that movie specifically. But yes, I have been hired on like a few other things where.


Yeah, like so like the social media, not not this project that I'm talking about, but like previous ones that I won't name, they have been like, OK, well here's our Sociales, this is our Edner hashtag like these.


And I'm like, yeah I know. Like you're here today obviously.


So that I'll post about you. I know you're using me for my following. It's fine, I'm fine with it. You're a hustler collective.


This friendship, love, it's friendship. You get more out of this than I do. And that's fine. I'm fine. I'm a giver. I want to support the next generation of women in comedy.


Whatever I can do to help you boost your numbers and my future comedy up show this.


There's also this weird thing that I think is important to say that out loud, like because it doesn't occur this I'm going to go on to a brand.


Everyone just settle in, get cozy, grab a drink. I was on a set yesterday because of the cove.


It I don't know if I have mentioned this, but I was on a set yesterday. Did everyone get that. They brought up three times. Four times.


No, but it was, it was with covid like normally there's like people going like with the wardrobe in there and there's all these like union rules where you let people do their thing in the clothes and and, you know, and they get your mic and but with covid it was very much like you do everything yourself and just, you know, it was like but the rules are also very amorphous and vague and you didn't really know or whatever. But I found myself for the first time in a really long time remembering advice that I got from my dad that blew my mind, which in relationships I was always the one that loved too much.


I was always the one that did everything.


I was always the one that gave too much. I was. I was.


And he said to me once, he was like, be careful how self-sufficient you come off, because it never occurs to anyone to help you, never to to anyone that you need help.




So if you're not going to ask for help because I had a hard time asking for help, are being able to acknowledge any kind of weakness and then trying to become so self-sufficient. So I don't think I'm. Strong women are not needy and weak, are fragile, and I was on set and I was like, I'm so thirsty and I'm sorry, but how would anyone know that? And I'm in a mask and people can't read my face and whatever.


Yeah, but in terms of like like you and like Hollywood, there are a lot of assumptions like your name comes up and seven people like, oh, she's so rich, why would you ever want to do this? Or like or whatever. She's she's got her own thing going. Why don't I mean, like there is someone that needs to connect. The world's going. We want to be in business with you. You want to be in business with us.


Let's figure out the way that works where we're both not when the two were right now, they're like circling each other with a resentment of like.


But but but then there's some amazing, like, huge movie stars like Kevin Hart in The Rock and they have massive social media fall.


Yeah. They take it very serious. Yeah. So there's that aspect.


And then there's like, oh yeah. Oh you still I can't post anything about that. That would look bad. Yeah. But yeah.


Yeah that's really what happens is you you're already in a situation where you have a bunch of people like making sure your business your then you're just if you get in business with big corporations are just going to go like and you can't have coke in this photo. Yeah.


It just and all that. But that's just business. That's just business, you know.


I mean I know but yeah. I mean I think it's it's a lot better than what it was about like four or five years ago. It was absolutely. You cannot be in this movie because of that.


And it started becoming like, oh, I would love for this girl to be in this movie because, yes, you could post about it or or benefit it.


And then I spend as much money on advertising for this movie because I have heard that stupid it is, but it's kind of starting to mesh. They will pay you for posting.


That is that is a not this podcast, but underproduction should pay, you know, but it's like, no, that's a different service. So it's like it's like this is why Hollywood needs to fucking catch up fast because they're going OK.


Oh, no one's watching anything. Let's just put you in this because you'll post about it later. It's like no bitch. Write the part for her. Make it just let's write the movie for her. Yeah. And then it's organic and natural.


It's that doesn't work. They try to do it. I saw it happen where influencers will come on and do TV shows for sweeps week. It did not bump the numbers.


It doesn't matter because your fans, they get internet. Yeah. Yes. It's like that would be new fans. They would follow you, but not the metrics are showing they don't follow right away. They're watching you on set like I'm on the set of this Marvel movie on data that I mean, maybe that's different. Marvel movie look like come out or whatever. And your fans, if they're younger, they have to get their mom help.


But it's like, yeah, for the most part, they're like, oh my God, Hannah's on whatever this weekend. I'll watch it this weekend. Like, I'll get to it eventually because they've got you right here in their hand, too.


I mean. Yeah.


So it's just it's just like it's such a different that just really pisses me off because it's like. I feel like so many content creators, Hollywood didn't either get or they didn't do the system or they didn't go through and they're like, I'm just gonna fucking do this on my own.


Or they didn't give him a chance because I still feel like movie acting is different than Internet acting. Yeah, obviously.


So then if people see, you know, like somebody acting crazy, you're doing like a weird persona because it connects with the kids. Yeah.


They're seeing that as, oh, this girl can't do a dramatic role.


But it's like, you know, you do that no matter what. If you were on a sitcom, they'd say it. If they say you can't do comedy, everyone needs to say something about you. That's not true. So you feel better today because, you know, I mean, it's like it never ends.


Yeah, but everybody needs to know Internet acting is different, that it's also real acting and yeah.


Sitcom versus series roles.


But it's also like a lot of people that are watching, like it's like it's almost like there's some videos that are like almost reminiscent to me because a lot of people watching with the sound off and they're on going from here to here. It's like a two minute bite, a five minute bite, whatever.


And it's almost like some of them feel like like like Charlie Chaplin or something.


The physical humor is so boring and communicate with just is so refreshing, especially because I feel like comedy is going in this direction with a lot of this.


That's how I feel like that's how it gets. Yeah. Sorry.


I'm like that's how I like especially like Internet videos get global viral.


They transcend because it's a language barrier and yeah. Exactly like language.


But it's also like I think that's so important to say that because like whenever like snobby comedians are like oh this is like what you're like, but that that's what you're supposed to that's for that you I'm saying yeah.


That's it's like it has to be super visual medium. You have to communicate a ton with your face really, really quickly and body language you can go into like certain characters if you're talking about your mom, like do your little thing or whatever.


Yeah. I think siblings. Yeah. I have an older sister. Yeah. It's got a long I'm very different. She's a doctor.


And she lives in Washington, what kind of doctor she she helps people give birth. Wow. So that's why I know that's wild.


Yeah. Has everything together. She cleans.


I don't yet.


She has chickens. I'm, like, staring at you. I'm kind of obsessed with you. Just like there's not a lot of darkness that happens with you. Like, you know, we went over this I suppose I pressed and surprise as soon as we called because.


But Holly, my lawyers know about you, but like I very much, I have struggled my whole life with silence. And like like when there's a silent moment, especially in front of cameras stuff, you can usually see someone unravel and you're just like, oh, really?


Oh, that's such a nice compliment thing.


It's like it's really whatever. Like between the therapy and your parents, I don't know who owes the compliment, but I'm just so impressed.


So you see people unravel in moments of silence. It's just like, you know, that when like when there's a silent moment, you're just claiming your space and you're going it's your job to ask me another question. Do you?


I'm saying that is so funny. Where's like it's just like, yeah, I would go into like a nervous like your it's I need to learn that skill.


Maybe it's the virus load.


See if you're just trying to not get my job. Looks like I'm just like you know. But there's something interesting about like that that is just taking me so long of like any time you're like even on a date or taking a job interview or whatever it is like when you just it's quiet. So you start kind of running your mouth.


Oh yeah. I used I used to do that, but I got over it.


When you're done talking, you just stop talking. But I'm saying that's a skill like I don't like. That's just a good skill. So it's a skill in your sense that you can just think of topics off the top of your head and just and keep going with it?


Yeah. Run with it. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'd rather do yours. Yours looks more fun. Yours looks more like a fun life choice.


OK, last thing I'm gonna ask you, because we do this on the podcast with everyone is Red Flags and the podcast I always want I'm going to walk away with like a new like I don't know, insider piece of advice or just something or and ask you the best advice you've gotten and then any red flags in relationships.


The best advice that I've gotten, I would say recently I saw something online. It wasn't like somebody told it to me.


It was don't worry about if they like you worry about if you like them.


Oh, wait, write that down, everybody. Oh, but I don't like anyone.


No, no result. If that's the case then I never see anybody.


But it kind of goes back to what we're talking about, like, oh I hope I didn't hurt their feelings or whatever, like, you know, just worry about yourself, your feelings and take care of yourself.


It's taken me. I mean, that is like I mean, that's like that's like a gnarly concept that I like. I wish I had heard earlier in my life because I was like I just heard that last week too.


And I just been replaying in my head on replay, you know, when you hear like a great piece of advice, you know, like where were you fucking fifteen years ago when I didn't. Exactly.


I my whole life in like, if someone wants to be friends with me. Like what you get to be friends with me. Yeah. If someone to date me it's like, well what am I to say.


No, I guess we're just together. No, I'm going to wait till you cheat on me or something.


Like I just have to become such an asshole that you broke up with me like, oh, like I used to such a reactive take on people's approval.


That's so interesting. And that too. Yeah. We run around and then it's also I'm like something negative online.


You go to your profile and you're like, I'm on your profile, you're fucking loser. You've contributed nothing to society. I still I'm still upset that you don't like me.


I know you don't even know you personally. I truly hate you. Exactly. And I need you to love me.


I know regarding red flags. So I think I just have too many probably like little ones.


That's that's interesting. Is too many too much self-respect and too many red flags.


I mean, I could, I could go, I could go on and on and on.


But obviously a clear red flag is if you're hanging out, you know, with the guy for the first time and can't get off his phone, he's hiding the phone.


Yeah, no, no, no. That's yeah. That's no no car.


If, you know, like he just asked you to move in off the top credit card, that's just you.


That's not other other women are like that's never happened before.


Yeah. Yeah.


I don't know. Yeah. Is Moochers steals from you. It's getting very autobiographical.


And do you need to borrow some money.


Are you ok. You need to be so.


I know. Yes. It's a little specific.


Oh oh I know. Taysom uses your ice cream to jerk off with. Oh, that was about whatever Omaha it is.


Oh, yeah, those are good, those are good. Those are like. That was great. Your your red flag, that's how it.


But yeah, I like the smaller, non obvious ones.


The little ones. The little ones. A little bit like that.


Those are the little ones like oh if he, I think if he acts like completely different around his friends than he does with you personally.


Well I've never met any of my boyfriend's friends. Hmm. That might be a red flag to wait, you've met with the guys where you meet his friends? Oh, by the way, I just got stuck on this thing with my necklace.


Yeah. What do you mean? Oh, to fuck him in front of him.


Oh, I just I don't know why that like Ray Sullivan.


No, I, I also think if they speed in parking garages, red flag, that is maybe the best one I've heard really.


A hundred percent. Yeah.


Like they don't care about themselves, they don't care about their car, their personal belongings. They don't care about people walking to their car.


That is such a good one.


Also unnecessarily backing into the space so you can save time pulling out. Yeah. You're not like you're like the amount of time you guys have to pull in back into the hardest possible space or so. Yeah. I don't know what they're like. Yeah.


Why are there so many tire streaks and screeches going on in the freaking parking garages.


Why did. But why don't you just pull in and back out like a lot of red flags happen in parking garages. A lot.


Yeah. How long it takes you to get out of your car if you know somebody's waiting to take your parking spot.


You ever dated man and hear the tires screech in a parking garage and it's right out. It is not Logan Paul. If he does, you know, he's not doing it for as a career. He's not a race car driver. If he's not a Buick Hamilton. Yeah, that is too young, but that's such a good one.


Yeah. Oh fuck. That's a good one. What else do I have recently. I had a weird little one. Guys that delete texts as they go into.


I don't know. Oh I know you could do that. I always delete my DMS in Texas just to have. Yeah.


Yeah. How did you develop that and why. What are you hiding. Yeah. Red flag. That's a great one too.


But what is it with you. With the, with why do you guys have to DM on Instagram.


I can you just text like what is this Snapchat. I'm saying. Yeah. Why is everybody Snapchat using you. I don't know, I don't know why they don't disappear with me. I don't, I thought that was gone. I thought Snapchat disappear. It's not just the messages. I thought the entire app disappeared. So that's on you and you need to get new friends. But no, but I don't you know that. Oh, that's like going to Facebook owns everything we text on Instagram.


Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Bad. Yeah. I message WhatsApp FaceTime now.


I mean why is it interesting following porn stars or lingerie models.


Yeah I'm liking all their pictures. Just Google porn and watch it when you want to alone. Yeah. Why are you making me. No why are you making the public also. Why do you know like look at a naked girl during the day. Like just as you're looking at you don't know what that's going to be sandwiched in between on your feet.




Yeah. But your niece is like porn star. A friend like. Oh know I don't know how your grids I don't know what else you follow.


I know. I know. And then it pops up on your for you page or not for you page the Explorer page and then you're like oh why is this. I've see the guy I'm talking to.


You like it. OK, wait, wait. Are you telling me that your Explorer page gives you insight on the guy you're dating.


Yeah. Who they follow because.


Yeah, you've been sometimes sometimes it pops up once in a blue moon. Yeah. You can find out that's the tea I know that's of right there.


Not only is that the tea I need to like I need to like make some calls like, like, like I need to apologize to him right now.


That's the type of information that is like changes your life in a way that might not be good.


Oh yeah, I know, I know that's a disorder. Like I haven't even put that together. Yeah. I like I go to my my ex-wife, we just all like girls talking and I'm always like, I guess it's because I follow Khateeb and they fought it but he follows.


I don't look at it as follows. This could be because it's like the top five people that you text with the most. Because also if you if I if you text me, my birthday's coming up.


Which came and it's raining out, I'll get ads for an umbrella o- on the thing. Yeah, so I had this whole conversation with someone at the Internet.


I talked to the Internet guy. You say that I talked to the president of the Internet and he told me that it's the top five people that you deal with. And then if they say it's my birthday or whatever, and then they'll market you things that that person has clicked on or Googled on their computer on their Wi-Fi, which is a separate. Caught, which is makes it especially impressive, very impressive robotic technology. Are we in a simulation or not?


This is out of out of control.


Very smart. I love you. I and these very awkwardly. What do you want to talk about? Because let's be honest, you need promotion for your thing.


You're struggling in your career.


Oh, my goodness. I love you more, Whitney. Thank you so much for having me on the podcast. I always have so much fun. You have a podcast. I'm always curious.


I think I. I do not recommend it, really. It's just like it's just like, ha, it's it's it's hard for my personality type because I'm just like beat myself up too much.


But what I'm just curious if that's something that that I think it's something that might maybe happen, will happen down the road.


Because you are. Yeah, I'm just scared because for someone like you, it's really a matter of not what you're going to do. It's when you're going to do it and in what order.


Yeah, I think that's definitely down the road.


And then there's this pressure to do everything right.


The second I know and you're managing everything else that I've just got on board with and then you can do a podcast anytime soon, you know, when you're like like done like.




When you're ready to look like this every day and when you're ready to just let let people think that you've had a manic break and you don't care because I'm still getting over your who cares if I like you what it was like.


Oh who cares if I like you. Do worry about if you like them or not if they like you.


Oh of course I turned it into.


So OK so there's this last thing I'll say is there is George Hotz does this attachment style class that helps you change your attachment strategy. You see the link. No, I think you're secure.


No, no, I, I am an issue. I think your intimacy issues, abandonment.


Yeah, that's the opposite of abandonment issues are a form of intimacy issues. Don't let me blow your mind, but I will. Your brain. Yeah.


First starts bleeding. Just make the camera side. I know it's like the tears of joy.


Can you just cheat the camera like she's something horrible having someone like can you cheat Kim. I'm like she just cheat out. Just banana out.


Banana banana is the zoom focus. Real quick. I forgot. What was it. Something I love you keep going. OK, I love you. OK, so George has the whole thing is like codependents. We get entrenched in relationships and we don't even if it's toxic and it's addictive, it's hard to leave. Right. And the like. The familiar pain is better than the unfamiliar ongoing pain.


But the whole thing about my and there's a meditation for preoccupied attachment styles, which is like anxious when you're like worried the person to abandon you or leave or, you know, only takes me once today or she didn't call me back at this time, you know, what are they doing?


That old stuff. Yeah. Comes up and the inner child reactions and the the meditation is, I love you.


Keep going like I love you. Like, keep going.


So so what do you do? You meditate and then you say that in your head you kind of do say in your head, I love you, keep going. And there's a little bracelet like it's just a it sounds kind of like whatever, but it's it's actually really powerful and rewiring your brain, that's not like I love you.


You need to be at my disposal all the time because relationships can't grow if you're suffocating each other. So it's like you are with your friends. Go have experiences. Separation is healthy. Yeah.


Come back in. And now I have something to talk to you about because we're not together. Twenty four. As I said, he keeps it alive and I love you.


Keep going. Keep growing like because if I don't want you in five years to go like I'm the same person I was five years ago because of this, like you have to keep growing and your relationships.


Yeah. And but I'm like sort codependent fucked up. We were all going to go get tattoos and we did.


And by the way and we were like going down to the tattoo thing. And I had heard the meditation that day and we went down. I was like, OK, so what is it? I love you.


Don't leave me there. Like, Oh my God, keep going. That's not so good.


By the way. What Ethan Mesa.


But I love the idea that I thought that was the saying, you know, you're like, I need to check in. It's the best I have.


You don't leave me like I'm just like but yeah. But it's, um. I'm very excited. I have a new touch to new tattoos, you know, and we will we'll go over that.


That will go. I don't know. I have another session.


Yeah. We'll go to waste time. We'll go down, we'll go ahead and we'll go to her house actually. Mahoney Yeah.


Hey Jen, can you pay to have this removed?


Technically, you're either going to be there, too, just to make sure she's going to pay for the doctor tattoff session.


Yes. To fix the tetanus in my body.


Oh, my goodness. I love you so much. You want to train or don't ride elephants? That's what I say at the end of every podcast. Don't ride elephants, mostly African elephants can be.


Hannah, I love you. Thank you for doing this, even though it probably hurt your career, quite frankly. Oh my gosh, I love you.


So I couldn't find you like you haven't done a ton of podcasts. No, this is my third one. So why not?


I mean, Rick's impulsive and now this. Yes.


That's why I haven't listened to you on the show. Really? Yeah. I also had somebody on their watch. Yeah, I saw that. I thought, you know, I did. You know, I don't watch impulsive. Sorry. That's not my go to program at night, Logan. Oh my gosh. I love this song. I'm going on it.


Oh yeah. I'm supposed to. Really? Yeah.


I was supposed to go on with Mike Timoteo. Such great, great guys. Yeah.


I don't know them but I don't do well with like hot successful men. I get mad at them. All right. Oh yeah. And Logan's like I just dropped three mil on some Pokémon cards.


I'm like I get that my son. Has your girlfriend come in the last year. Like I get very like adversarial with men like rich hot young man.


But what have you fucking donated.


I get like I think yo my my abs are sort of rapping so much. You're so funny. I appreciate you so much for having me here.


I love you. I'm going to make you come back. I'm sorry. I better come back. I love you guys.