Transcribe your podcast

Who did you do? Do you believe that baby boob? Welcome to the program.


I just put a liquid eyeshadow on my lips so I look especially crazy today.


Very sparkly. Yeah, it's. Oh, yeah. Is that right? OK, I'm sorry. I need to fix this. Oh well it's fine, but we're over it.


Hopefully you guys are listening to the audio version of this and I'm watching on YouTube because I look like a whore. I look like a two bit floozy.


I'm also wearing Emily's fully roasted my hair shirt that I'm wearing today. She's just jealous because. Oh, yeah, it's a herd of horses running around with my pendulous breasts. It really looks like they're running. It looks like a three d shirt.


I can't take my eyes off it. Where'd you get it? I got it. Let me guess. Let me let me get. Yes, I got it on Etsy. And the jealousy in your voice is frankly upsetting.


Yeah. Yeah. Sorry, I'm sorry. I'm not drunk. Dressed like a mime, like a friend of mine. So I don't only dress like Marcel Marceau wherever I go. Emily only wears black and white striped clothes. It is so intense. It is like it's like you're going to like you're just like someone take me on a cruise like like you're always dressed like you're on a vacation that no one took you on.


Like you're like, I'm ready for the Hamptons. Drive it out of the world. Thank you. Bye, Summer. Yeah.


You're just you look your you dress like Caroline Kennedy and it's just your spirit hasn't broken.


And I just appreciate that about you. The spirit of a horse.


I'm doing great. I paint with all the colors of the wind and and I look like a jailbird.


Emily her earrings match. They both look the same. My earrings have announced four years dinosaur. There's a T-Rex hanging from your ear. One's a dinosaur and one's.


Oh, no, I think it fell out in the middle of night, but got a couple of horseshoes, you know, trying to Stan Brand. Yeah, but yeah, you're it's just so far you're just so put together.


It's like chic and mentally ill.


I just don't know anyone that has their whole wardrobe from Etsy and so on, if you sell on Etsy, Whitney is bankrolling you a thousand.


I'm I'm completely obsessed with Etsy. I can't stop buying. Well, it's a I'm now between addiction's you know, we're not between addiction's if you're addicted Etsy. Well, no, I was the weed edibles got a little out of control and then I was like, I can't do this. It's five thirty, right. I can't get them on it. Yeah.


I mostly quit weed edibles because I couldn't find you on Etsy, actually. Sometimes they'll be in there.


I mean, I don't know the way that Etsy packages are wrapped. They're all on weed edibles. It's just like duct tape and like gauze.


Yeah, I'm like, is this wrapped in band paper? Yeah, wrapped in Band-Aid.


Just like shows up at your house and you just have to like cut through it. And I always cut into the product. I just the bottom of this shirt is shredded, it's just shredded. Not a fashion choice. Just fully couldn't get it out of the steel wool it was wrapped in. It always looks like a weird anthrax bomb. Yeah. Well thank God you got it out there.


There's always a nice treat inside, which brings me to I bought a little person on Etsy that I was really proud of. Little like little little black little black vintage purse, like a little little Jimmy Jam. Like, how cute am I like you to you. And I was no big deal invited to Paris Hilton's birthday party.


And I didn't bring a guest. No, I had a guest, but I was like, I don't have anyone that I could bring here without embarrassing you.


I would have brought only one autograph book.


Oh my. You asking for autographs is so funny. Oh, gosh.


Oh, and by the way, for those of you wondering, Benton is at a doctor's appointment. So don't worry, because as we were going, all I could think about were all the ways he'd be roasting our clothes right now and how we just got off so easy. I don't.


Well, first of all, you went pretty hard on you.


I know. Next, I'm going to come in with a little red bowtie, little red gurdgiev. Oh, we'll completely wait.


We need to get you, like, a little bit of baret.


And OK, so I get invited to Paris Hilton. Everybody, I have not been out, I've done stand up.


We've talked a little bit like I haven't been to like a social event in, like a year in L.A. You can't like they get shut down, like in L.A., still shut down. It's crazy.


And so this is the purse. If you guys are not watching on YouTube, I frankly pity you because I'm about to show the world my purse. This is really the purse I carry.


It's oh, it's it's it's yellow. And it's clear. It's clear. It looks like through highlighter. Well, it looks like like a pool raft that hasn't been blown up yet. It it's a it's I like all my purses to be clear so I can see what's in it. And then my cosmetic bag. Everything's clear. Yeah. It's like an X-ray of my purse. You can see everything that's in here. I don't have any secrets. Yeah, I know any secrets.


You can go to a sports stadium very easily. That's exactly what they're sold for. So I carry these like, disgusting giant. I mean, this is also like a vintage one. It's got like covered in stains. It's got like Quaaludes, it stains in it. It's got a little wallet attached to it. Great. So a pickpocket can just unzip it. It's still got an opening for a flip phone.


I mean, this is for a four. That's actually amazing.


The pocket in the front is for like an LG flip phone where you do T nine texting. I mean, it's and I have so many embarrassing things in my purse. I was like, no, I'm going to downsize. I'm going to bring I'm going to be cute. I'm going to bring a little purse to the party.


If you had brought that to the party, they wouldn't have let you in. I agree. I know. It would be like I'm not stealing if I steal your MO. I got no, I got I can't you can't steal anything. Right is a daytime bag. This is a this is a member lady luck. No, she was the Powerball lady. I'm obsessed with commercials from the night.


Oh yeah. The crazy one uses some shit that she would carry. This is just like I can also see a prescription bottle in there, so.


Yeah. Yeah. Jealous.


That's if I need to sedate you at some point because. Because I don't I don't need any more of your lip if you start getting out of hand.


So this is how I roll. I don't know what to tell you. Say what you want but I'm prepared for pretty much any pair of socks, wool socks, wool socks.


And I was like also no doubt because there are some things in here I just don't need to come in. And you don't need wool socks at a party.


I mean, look, I mean, you clearly don't know how to party. Yes, I do have prescriptions in here. I have like use mass in here. My the main piece de resistance in my purse are my driving gloves.


So they're not nude colored third's. So disgusting. They look just like a nasty old like bandage. But it's not because I need like a grip driving because I'm such a professional, like sporty driver. I just and my biggest fear that was drilled into me by my mom and aunt when I was a kid was like, your hands age first.


That's true. And this your day, your décolletage.


Oh, well, I'm the only person. That's right. I'm sorry.


Your yes, there is so full of hate.


And so these are my driving gloves. They're very sexual and they're mostly to stop hand aging in my hands. But they do look like I skin people alive in their suits of.


That's exactly what it is. Yes.


It's a little Hannibal Lecter. So yeah, I'm like, I'm going to downsize. I don't need to go embarrass myself at this party, put in a little black spot so many other ways.


You because I'm basically Audrey Hepburn. Look at me in my little tiny black purse. I've got like one lip gloss. One minute, one minute my driver's license, you know, like those tiny purses fit like four things.


You have to make a lot of big decisions. Yeah, I walk into the party, OK, I see James Charles, who's a beauty influencer, I say very famous.


He's like twenty five. Yeah. I hate that.


I don't think so. When I was able to, to regroup my sight after becoming blind with jealousy.




I stormed over to him because I have this storm over the storm over to him.


I have this problem where I think the only way I can socialize is being of use to people.


And I have this really overwhelming need to like mother the next generation in this business.


I have noticed, even though I'm not even in his business, I'm not even in the beauty, like, I don't even have any advice for him. And I, I like stormed up to him. I'm like, are you OK? Do you have a good lawyer?


Like I it's wild. He's like, is this Joan Rivers? Like, who is this lady?


Like I'm just like, is everything OK? Are you how's your lawyer doing? Let me see your taxes side projects like I'm just you have a good time. Meanwhile he's like, what's a check like.


Yeah, literally he was like I only made bitcoin like what are you talking about? And I'm so focused on him and I put my purse down and then there's all these amazing people are just like so fun and everyone was so nice. And then the moment in the party where you realize you've misplaced your purse.


Oh, and you're like stomach falls to your.


But couldn't couldn't tell you.


Yeah. And and when you lose your purse to party, I can't think about anything. I'm not one hundred percent. It feels like a limb is missing a limb and I'm talking to people. I'm like looking around. And I'm looking on the end, so they think I'm on like Adderall, right, which my personality is already not the most focused. I don't I'm not known for, like, you know what? People have noticed that. Yeah, I don't I'm not known for finishing every sentence I start.


Right. Right. Right. As it is. And so I'm like so distracted and I realize I look like that person at the party that's like looking for the more famous person.


And I but I'm really just looking for my purse. So I don't want people to think that I'm like, looking through them for someone else. Right. Right, right. So I had to just go, hey, I can't find my person. I'm really freaked out. Yeah. And so then everyone starts to try to help me look for my purse, which is even more embarrassing. The worst. It's the worst because they weren't a bunch of Hollywood assholes that were like, good luck with that.


They're like, oh, let's help you find like this poor woman needs a.


If we lost our purse, it wouldn't matter. The best word about it is what is your purse look like, there's 50 black person sitting around it. See what this would have been the time day, the bright yellow one can.


I was right with the giant now with the giant hertz trash bag. Well, it's good because no one will ever steal that either.


Exactly. So I betrayed myself and my values by getting a freaking black purse. So everyone there is like, what does it look like? Yeah. And I'm like, it's black. OK, what kind of designer? I'm like, dude, it's the one that's not Hermes. It's it's literally I'm like the old one, the l don't know, the one that's got a silver buckle like the pleather coach from there like oh we thought that was trash.


Yeah. We threw that out. We do know ages ago.


And so it's like everyone's got these beautiful purses everyone's got. And I'm also, you know, like when you're trying to get your luggage at the the wheel to the carousel, but how every piece of luggage looks like your luggage because you just need to find your luggage and like picking up people's purses, like these are famous people, right.


These are people like that have numerous restraining orders against I'm picking up people's purses are like him. Can we help you be is like, do you need something? And so it was just so funny because I was like, what kind of person that and I was just like, oh, it's the it's like nine West. They're like, what's that like? It was big in the nineties. Check out my feet. I have a bunch of corns from their shoes.


It was so embarrassing. And then what I realized was it's like it's actually kind of a good conversation starter to be like, OK, I'm trying to find my personal friends.


I go to scavenger hunt. Right. I'm also in that moment, remember, like, I have blue hair and there's certain things that when you have blue hair, you just can't do.


You can't be late, you can't lose your purse, you can scream it. You can't scream at people like you.


Just I'm already on thin ice, right? I walk in the door. People already think I have a math problem. And so losing my purse, it was like there was everyone's like, it's OK, honey. No, no, I'm not.


I don't like her math. Must be in there. Yes, I know she's having the disease. She's having withdrawals. We got to control the house totally.


And it was just like it was it was just so dumb and I was so embarrassed, but everybody was so cool about it that I spent most of the night, like in the bushes looking for my purse.


And then I was like trying to retrace my steps through her house. Right. So I'm just storming through her house looking. I just look like I'm stealing.


I look like I'm I'm glad you didn't bring me as a guest to humiliate. It was bad. And then the person that helped me. So it was such a, like, bad romantic comedy moment, like Katherine Heigl would have passed on this movie.


So this guy walks up to me, super handsome dude. He's like, hey, what's up? And I was like, I can't find my purse. And like, I didn't he wasn't like Iggy Azalea or something like so famous, like, hey, buddy, like, we seem like, all right, we're all the same.


Yeah. Like, you know. You know what Eldo is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you've been to B.B.. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, bandage dress. And so I'm like hey. And then he's like, you don't recognize me.


And I was like, oh because I am at the point in my life in this business where I, I do introduce myself to people that I have dated for about six months, five years ago.


You introduce yourself to people you've dated. I, I've, I there's times you're I just you're like, oh hey, what's up in your brain goes is this person famous. Do I know this person from. Oh we dated.




There's those how I would have loved to have dated enough people to lose track of them. No you don't. That's true. There's not enough Valtrex in the world. But no, remember there was an episode of Sex in the City where Kim Cattrall, she said, I fucked everyone in New York, remember?


Yes. And she fucked the same person again and didn't realize it so and didn't realize it until they were having sex was like, we fuck, that's horrifying.


But it wasn't. I just was like my brain.


I always mutated. I just always assume you rejected me at some point. And so he comes up to me and he's like, my name is Hunter March. And I'm like, Oh, fuck.


So Hunter is the co-host of Paracel podcast. And he went, Liza Koshy was on this episode.


She was talking about a date on the show. She was talking about a date that she went on and liked.


And I was just being me, you know, loudmouth dumb ass, just whatever. And so I'm like, who's this tool? Like, I was just like roasting the date.


And I wrote I talked with like forty minutes on the podcast.


We were just joking. I don't even know the guy. I was like, this guy's a tool. Yeah. Like he's I'm just, you know. Right. Being me, just trying to make sure no one ever gets close to me. Right. Right. And and he comes and he's like, I'm Hunter. You talked to me about me on your podcast for about 40 minutes.


Thanks for watching, Hunter. So you're a fan of the show, big fan show when you're an autographed photo.


And I was like, oh, fuck, I was like, dude, I am so sorry, I do not think your tool can you please help me find my purse?


And he was just like, you are just such an ass.


Like, I just was like, you must think I am the biggest asshole. And so he's helping me find my purse. He's being so nice, so gracious. And then we do not find it. It is not is not found.


Well, because, you know, that day that are the moment when you lose your person, you start going, look what's in there like like to add a van, like a couple Nyquil gel caps, like my my license is in there. When they open it, they'll know.


Right. That it was me.


I just love the thought of you going through famous people's purses being like, is this, is this my mind? Is this mine?


And then being like it says Gucci on it, it's not yours. I should know. I have a Gucci one with one. See, it's from one scene to why. I mean, it's just like I should have known it wasn't mine. It said Celine on the side for obvious it belonged to someone named slingin.


And so he was so helpful. So then it's like eleven thirty. We still have not found it. And then I had a car take me and the car left and I don't have a car, I can't find my purse, I still have blue hair and it now just looks like I'm trying to linger at the party, you know what I mean.


I were new friends. Oh. And I'm everyone's call. You're not friends anymore. I mean, no, no, no. I will not be back. I feel like next year I will not I will not make the cut. But like Nicky Hilton's left.


Right, just like every time you go and it's like me and her fiance and I'm just like pretending. And I'm like, no, I'm just going to it was such a nightmare. And then Hunter got an Uber and I was like, Can I get in your Uber? Can I get a ride? Was your phone in your purse?


I it was not charged. No, I had the phone but I couldn't get an Uber. I was just like the fucking I. I walked into a party, Paris Hilton's house with some of the most interesting me. I made it about me within ten seconds.


That's a real talent. It is a skill that I is literally he's just like shot someone's birthday.


Imagine being a hunter.


This guy who was like, you just now have to drive you home. Like, I was like, dude, I'm so sorry.


And so but they did find my purse the next day and next they of.


Yeah, they found it like the next day it was it they said it was in like a palm tree or something tree I don't know, chucked it up there and but the best part is when you can't find your purse or your phone because you've misplaced it the moment you guys did someone someone hiding it. Guys. Yeah, yeah. Guys, this is a joke, a prank.


And I'm it's like we're not there's something from the Bling Ring here. No, no. I'm literally that moment you're like, do you guys have it. Yeah. Like yeah. Party.


We're all planning a prank on you with your purse you fucking narcissist. Like where your mind goes. Right.


You know, just the franticness I, I sympathize with you anyway.


I just thought I would share with you guys my what happened in my first outing out of the house, Grey Gardens, little Eddie and Big Eddie decided to leave and it didn't go so well.


Everybody is relearning socialization. Yes, that's the thing. We're rusty. We're your rusty. I'm a rusty. And I also realized, like no one else wanted to talk about covid. I thought that's all anyone want to talk about, because all my friends are comedians and we're. So when are we going to able to talk? We're like like most people, I'm like, so did you have it?


What's going on? Are you the covid in there?


We don't talk about that. Twenty four hours a day. Yeah. Yeah, we're back in life. Yeah. You know, I feel like I've been sequestered into this like bubble where everyone's just like, does it have the spikes.


Right. Right.


This is like, you know. Yeah. A little respites. Protein's here with a spike. Yeah. The blood clots in Germany. Did you hear about it. Yeah. And they're just like you're like cognitive functions.


Can you tell. I know I saw Katie Couric there and as you did Katie Couric. I know.


And as she was leaving, I was like, let's talk about the news. She's like, I'm socializing.


I'm just I'm rusty. I'm very rusty.


And I think being on a podcast or hosting this podcast for a long time, I'm like, you need to ask interesting guy all the time. Yeah. Yeah.


You know, so I recorded a couple of good podcasts there that I feel for everyone at that party.


Yeah. I'd like to just say I'm sorry and I won't see you next year.


That was when she thought you could be friends. Yes. This is before she knew that I was hot mamas.


OK, so peak t, one of our sponsors, I got I use this product.


I know you do. Very like seriously.


I watch you.


But last time on the podcast I talked about it in an ad, I, I didn't misspeak. I just you know, me got overly excited, overly excited. That's my brand. So I'm just going to show you guys real quick because I do this every morning anyway. This is how I get my sparkling dazzling energy and personality is we're going to take it away from her.


The irony is all the sponsors that I screw up the ads are the ones I actually use.


OK, I'm going to put a little above my peak t, my tumor peak t, I put it in my water. This is how to properly use it just so that falls in water. We don't get sued and nobody gets in trouble.


So it dissolves in water instantly. Look how easy. So easy to handle. Also, I want to tell you I have a little surprise for you.


Oh, great. Oh. Look, whenever Emily has a. Yeah. Oh, that's the Toyota tee box. OK, I'm ready. Here we go. When you open it, the music plays like a creepy music box. Creepy that I used to put my suicide notes in when I was a kid.


You remember the one you'd open in there? Be a little ballerina just circling around, sad, just like a sad. And then she'd fall off and it was just a spring like before before we knew that just ballet was just anorexic.


Girls with toes that look like curly fries.


Look how beautiful. OK, so a couple of things.


We have a lot of glatzer on the show.


We do a lot of Glazer, so we have a lot of Glatzer on the show today.


So we should shut up. We should shut our slut mouths so that we can hear Ilana Glazer. I don't have a slip and be so charming, so smart.


I'm such a fan, so incisive, such a fan. I am actually the interview was I got anxious Shakira because she's so present and there's no confidence and there's not an anxious energy coming from her.


That's what I didn't recognize.


And it was so alien to me to not like to spew.


So she is just so clear and she's thoughtful and she thinks and about what she's going to say before she's she's exciting news. She has very exciting news on the podcast.


But I was very like Manicka soccer shocker.


I'm I'm really listening back to this episode.


I was so delighted to hear her talk and so embarrassed to hear me talk because she was so eloquent and interesting and incisive. And then when I started talking, I started realizing, like, I just stop talking and let her talk, but it's impossible. But I would cut myself off. So and I need to stop saying, do you know what I mean?


I do that, too. It's grating, but no, it's like bad. It's not. I mean, not I mean, I didn't notice that. Really. Yeah.


Gosh, a lot of Glazer you've seen her on a little show called Broad City God So Good, which is still the most favorite meme show in my text messages.


I mean, every every text is her or Abbi Jacobson. God City. Yeah, that show is alive and well, even though I think they just did their last season on Comedy Central. She had a standup special called The Planet is Burning on Amazon. It is it is burning.


And, you know, we talked a lot about like this business and how it's changing. And it was it was kind of a more serious conversation like that.


It's a different side of her, which I thought was really cool. Yeah. I mean, I was a business woman, right? I was I was expecting, like, goofy, goofy.


And it was so not like that. And it was awesome.


But the fact that you can go back and forth on that and when she's performing, she's, you know, you can be, you know, funny and silly and outlandish and such and just brilliant physical comedian. And then you sit down with her.


She's just like a business woman. Right. And so well-spoken. Yeah. You can be both.


And that's just cool. It's a talent. I learned a lot from her. Yeah, I did too. I learned a lot from her and she's doing a lot of cool stuff. Yeah. If you want to make money in any business, listen to this. Yeah.


You know, she's also just really conscious and really thoughtful and I don't know, she uses her platform, you know what I mean.


Yes, yes. Yeah. I like to put people on pedestals. Is that the same thing as using your platform?


Like you use your platform for horses. Jealous and yeah, do you guys want to see how I'm wearing a horse shirt, see if you guys are not watching on the YouTube, you're missing out because I'm wearing a horse shirt. It's bright pink.


That looks like if I jiggle my boobs enough, it looks like horses look like they're running.


It looks like they're running with broken legs because my boobs are fake and they they don't come too much. So it looks like they're hobbling. It looks like I might look like my stripes.


Or maybe it looks like I'm wearing stripes. Yeah, you just gave me a migraine. I love you guys. Ilana Glazer, enjoy. She is a delight. We also shot in a different room. So you're going to see a different set. It's my what is going to be my bedroom.


Subscribe to the YouTube if let's say all the things Benton would do if he were here, but he's at the doctor's appointment, he would say like subscribe a follow us on that.


Good for you podcast.


Also, we are getting such amazing guests and doing so much stuff. Sometimes we come out on Thursday, we try to come out on Wednesday. But you know what? We'd like to keep you on your toes. We'd like to keep you on your toes. And I'm just learning how to upload on YouTube. So be patient.


Yeah. Keep you on your toes, your camel toes. You were just to subscribe to the YouTube. You wouldn't. We wouldn't we wouldn't have this problem cause you guys go, where is it? You know what I learned about bring that little bell.


You press that little bell, you can ring my bell. Ring my bell. I don't think I'm a better singer than I was told. I disagree, but ring my bell. That's what I sing that to men as they're having sex with me. Better ring my bell.


And she doesn't have sex that often. No. And it's because I wear a collar with a bell on it and she needs.


OK, I love you guys. Enjoy a lot of Glazer tour dates real quick. Yes. You know, Whitney Cummings Dotcom. Do people go to websites anymore on their phones. Yeah. When you call me dot com I, I'm coming to Texas. San Antonio. Oh, I can't wait for San Antonio. I've never been there. You're not invited. Oh, Spokane, Washington, April 15th, the 17th. We just added a couple more shows.


We're doing shows like three and four in the afternoon.


So we EarlyBird special Bring Your Flask to San Antonio, April 22nd to 24th.


Texas is open, Bryar California, May 7th and 8th. We'll probably add some shows right outside, like an hour outside L.A., Houston, Texas, May 13th to 15th. Dallas, Texas, May 20th to 22nd. Tempe, Arizona, June 4th or sixth birthday weekend.


Emily, someone don't put that.


My calendar seven excuse Baltimore, Maryland, June 10th through 12th, actually pronounced Baltimore, Baltimore, Baltimore, Baltimore, down the shore, Baltimore, Baltimore.


And text me eight one eight two three nine seven five to seven. That is the text app that if you text me, we will give you updates. I love you guys. A lot of guys are by so cool.


I'm loving this. While this is kind of good, right? You're such a fucking builder. I fucking love it.


Yeah. And you're always like ready to talk shop. I love it. It's amazing.


Amazing. I feel like we're going right. Yeah.


I feel like I know all this stuff about the business that's no longer applicable and I have to pass it on as quickly as possible.


Well, yeah, the business changes. You know, it actually it's like because, you know, when we first had that dinner in New York, you were like saying, yeah, I'm the original hi guys.


And I, like, didn't realize you were like more of like a veejay, you know, because I know you as a comedian. Yeah. So you do know this like sort of antiquated 9D, like talking about sweetheart, like fucking ass slapping and you fucking made it through bitch.


You survived that shit. But the thing is, it's not different. It just looks different the way that doing, you know, mass incarceration is slavery. It's just like this, you know, it's just taken it's another generation. So the things that and I think you continue clearly clearly you continue to analyze and update the operating system or whatever, but it's like it's it is still the same. It is in a lot of ways.


And it's interesting. And you're the perfect person to get into this with because it's such a dangerous territory to talk about in terms of my own internalized misogyny, sexism, what's appropriate, it sometimes takes it one of the youngins around here to go like, yeah, it's eight o'clock.


We're going home 100 percent. No, no, it's eight o'clock. What do you mean? We order dinner and we work with a hundreds and they're like, no, we're going we have plans with our families. And we're like, oh, so you'll come after hundred once.


And I mean, I this weekend I was like working on this presentation thing and I was like, oh, I'll just send it to my sister. And I was like, oh no, it's a Saturday. Like those days are over.


I'm, I'm thirty three and I'm. Just to mark, like my whatever, and I'm like cut between where I'm like, boundaries are really important and it's like, well why are you shouting that? And it's like because I it's not in my bones yet, but I'm trying and it's going I'm setting a boundary now.


I need you to just do the rest of the work because I can't I'm not fully ready to do it myself.


So the mental emotional work to retain the boundary. Yeah.


Or just I'm giving it to you. I'm passing you the ball.


You know what I mean?


I'm six. That's what I do where like my assistant is like amazing like that, like our company is. It's really amazing how we are like enacting these healthy boundaries. And I'm like, I think I tell her like good night so that she stops working.


But then I don't hard we have to like, kill ourselves by, you know.


It's a dynamic, so you met Grace downstairs, she's 24, she's she's new on the team, and she she the first day she was here, she was like a plastic bag.


She's like, where do you put your plastic bags? And I was like. And I was like, I literally where is the plastic bag? Like, I was like, you know, when we threw him out the window and I was like, Yeah, don't I mean, there it's really the. And then it was lunchtime hours ago, you know, I'm shoveling like candy in my mouth on Zoome and she's like, I'm gonna grab something to eat.


And I'm like, cool. I fully expect her to just like jam and go down her throat like Deep Throat or go, great. I turn around. She's fully cooking an omelet at the stove.


And I was just like in since when? Amazing, amazing. She's like, I'm not doing this. Yeah. And it's also not even conducive to good work. And what I found that made me this is the sick way to get healthy.


I was so afraid of reinforcing negative stereotypes about women that I was like, you can't be frazzled.


You can't be hysterical. Like just because I don't want them to have that on you. Mm hmm.


It wasn't I was doing it for myself. But for that you were saying to them, you mean.


No, just like the way that I was working, like crazy frazzle. Yes. Yes.


I was like, people already think I'm emotional and histrionic and hysterical and don't deserve to be here and can't control my emotions. I have to just overcorrect.


And then it kind of becomes muscle memory, huh? Whatever gets you there, overcorrection is so is so huge.


And like sometimes I.


Like, twenty four twenty five year olds will help me not be so overcorrecting about race, I'm so overcorrecting that it's like racist or it's just like crazy where I'm like, I don't know.


I'm like. You know, in my head, I'm just like, you stupid white bitch, you stupid, why did you think, you know, bitch? And it's like, this isn't this isn't healthy and it's not correct.


And it's like I'm like, I don't know, cutting myself short by so much where you have to be able to just fucking be to, you know, like having trouble existing, I guess.


And also, like, my whiteness, I. I'll cut out a slice of my existence because of my whiteness, and it's like, I don't know, we have to be present and exist in order to embody the change of what it means to be a white person like you have to.


You know, it doesn't help to be so filled with shame that you're like nuts putting your shit on somebody else, not giving yourself the space to be like like all these different types of people are here on this planet.


You know, it's hard to it's really that what you're saying is so powerful because I spent so much time trying to figure out what shame is productive and what shame is a liability, because shame serves a really important purpose in society.


You know, we feel shame to not do bad things, like it's worked in a lot of ways. But if we're living in shame, we're frozen, we're paralyzed, we're not functioning optimally and we're not thinking clearly. It's a tricky one. Yeah.


And it's also like we deserve to have a little shame. We have some share. And it's it's a volume thing.


It's a duration thing. Like how long do you let it last, you know, and when do you move on and become more productive and healthier and like the healthier the healthier we are as individuals, the healthier the whole is.


So that's a fucking tough one. As I've been ingrained to self deprive, minimize, put myself last. I thought that was like nice, especially as a boss. I'll go home last. I'll do.


You know what I mean?


I'm going to martyr myself, but then I'm sick all the time and I'm teaching people and it's it's like opposite because that I'm like adjusting is the leading by example is so powerful and it is the way to do it.


In everything, parenting and everything, and because I want to go like, oh, I can lecture all day long on how to do this right, but it's so incongruous of the way I'm behaving.


And that's like a really, like, thoughts. I try to outthink my feelings often, and it's like, sure, you can exactly like lecture and. Talk about the right way to do things, but like if you're not doing it and enacting it with your body, it's kind of just like I remember like being in school and they would like teach shit. And it's like this is fucking meaningless, you know what I mean? Like, what you were learning was to sit in a chair for 50 minutes.


Right. Right. And like, fake it or whatever. Like, my my best friend is a psychiatrist. And I was like we were best friends through his medical school. And he was like learning all this shit. And it meant nothing until he was like in his residency applying it. And then it was like, oh my God, I remember I learned this, but it doesn't it doesn't mean anything until you do it and you got into a position.


So he's in a position to give tested negative, negative, just negative person.


And you got in a position of power so quickly and we went from like playing around. And it's sort of we have this wonderfully inappropriate business and a lot of ways.


And then all of a sudden you're thrust into a position of a boss where all of a sudden you walking into a room, whatever your energy is, is the energy of the room you look to.


So if you're walking, I'm going to say that everyone's like, well, OK, if she's stressed, we're all fucking stressed. Yeah. So so that's just so much pressure. Like, did that come naturally to you?


Is that something you still and also the stuff put on us as young women like what we were seen as probably incapable of or just taken for granted, but they've done it before.


Like, there's no you know, just the way that we problem solved. And then it's like solve it, solve it, solve it. And it's like help or get more money to solve the problem.


Like, why do I have to continue this, you know what I mean? Like what I have to continue with this standard that I've set for myself.


And then you get in there and you're trying to make decisions and you're like, well, this system so broken, I can't hire the women I want because there's no childcare and we're shooting till midnight. Yeah, I'm saying I can't even get like you as you're trying to make healthy decisions. You realize you're working within such a byzantine backwards system.


You're like, well, we just need to fix the system before, you know, this is such and that like comes back to the embodying thing because it's like you can't really fix the whole system from the outside. You have to, like, embody it piece by piece from the inside. And it's just like and there's unions and there's jobs.


And I also struggle. This is like so embarrassing to say, but I struggle with the first time as well. So I was like, there's older men that have been doing this so much longer than me. They probably fucking hate me. They think they don't know. And like, I feel I'm so conditioned to make sure men feel comfortable and not threatened by me or not embarrass them that I wasted so much time and energy, whereas they just want clarity.


Just tell me, just like I'm the one bringing the feelings into it, they're fine.


I'm projecting my shit onto them because I'm like, Daddy, Daddy, do you love me?


And they're just like, can we just just tell me, Blacher, what color the couch like like I don't care. Yeah. You know, you know, they've all worked with monsters in the 90s.


The nicest person ever. Yeah. And sometimes you really being nice isn't nice because you're really just not being clear, you know. So like I maybe to just be clear and even if you change your mind later, that's OK. Right. You just have to be say blue and then if later you need to go actually and walk them through.


Why. But I wanted to like empower everyone to make everyone feel.


And I just was being indecisive and I didn't realize that sometimes being nice isn't nice. Being clear is being nice.


Hmm. That took me so long because I didn't want one thing.


I was a bitch or a cunt or boss. You're entitled or or like being decisive as kind and being nice is just like what you know, like we're not fucking we're not dating.


Just give me the er I don't need you know, what are we doing there. Like I have a wife I don't need.


I think of also like the like white suburbs I grew up in on Long Island as like everybody's like really nice, you know. And it's like no you're not like we're not allowing other types of people to live here. It's not nice, you know, passive aggressive.


Yeah. Like there's a like like you're homophobic and racist.


You're not nice just because you, like, smile at someone passing at King Colin or whatever. Yeah.


What are you doing when no one's watching. Yeah. That to me is how you define nice. Yeah. I also I just want to bring up our relationship because I'm kind of obsessed with it. I love it. I'm like obsessed with our friendship.


Meet you. I hear you are fascinating to me and you're infinite.


You have infinite internal resources that is so kind.


And I'm I'm going to say thank you to set an example that you receive of compliments and don't fight them.


It's really hard for me. I'm trying to show this next generation you don't have to self deprecating. But when they say something nice, I just remember being so gross right away and being because it's funny to hear you say gross.


Yeah. It's reminding me of it's like human. OK, I'm doing analysis, which is like Freudian, like on a couch three times a week. Forty five minutes. Three times.


I'm obsessed. I'm need to know, can you make it a podcast. It's my only question. Can we get rich off of this. Are you recording it? That's so brilliant and like, yeah, let's let's do it, have it for the documentary, you know, because in fact, I actually have been thinking about asking my best friend, Ente, who's this psychiatrist, if he and I should like would you want to just do like a limited series because he does analysis and is now becoming an analyst and got me into it.


And very much it's incredible.


It's incredible. In all the the only difference is the frequency and the training is a little bit different, but that's one frequency. What does that mean, three times a week? Oh, the amount of time you do it. Yes.


And it's just like a brain frequency. It's just like the difference between. Putting your body into that space and time three times a week versus once a week, and I just find my analyst continually saying I like the frequency, brings up the like themes more often such that it's like Jesus fucking Christ. I say to him, this whole thing is mom, dad, life, death, mom, dad, life, death. Yep, yep, yep, yep.


Just all the same shit alone ness versus loneliness.


Money, you know, just the same fucking shit and like holding your own shape versus spilling all out all over everybody and human like when you say we were gross right away, it's like we were fucking human, we were messy, we were not within a system of like set like, you know what I mean?


Like a script. We were just human.


And it's also like I feel this obligation and maybe it's codependent. And you just said spilling all over the place.


Something I'm really working on is restraint of pen and tongue, which is not everyone needs to know everything all the time. I restraint of pen and tongue, not Penn and Teller not.


But I would like Penn and Teller to have some restraint.


But I feel like Teller has a lot of shame. Speak it, all of it.


You know what's so crazy is like it's so new. Like I was doing this whatever bit on the road when covid shut it all down, shut like tearing down.


But like where I think I was saying on stage, we're past the point of peak consciousness, that consciousness is like the fucking beach. Everybody's like, you know, fucking are like brushing each other's hair, whatever the fuck.


You know, we're way past that shit. But I'm not God.


Who am I to say what's better or worse? But it's like this is new consciousness, that's for fucking sure.


I mean, covid this global situation where the intersection of like this thing that's happening right now medically and then all the intersectional systematic truths that came from it, it's this is like new consciousness. So like, no shit like puking out all your feelings is different than it was one fucking year ago.


I mean, it's so new and like social media you're supposed to share, but it's like actually you're supposed to package ideas in a new way. You're not really supposed to share. And it's not authentic. It's not. I mean, I don't know, you're supposed to be authentic by like. You can be authentic without being reckless. For sure and like authenticity, I think it's just like a. Goal of all the different practices, anybody, whatever the combo of practices somebody needs to get through the fucking day.


It's not really like about presentation or a litmus test, like authentic.


You pass. I'm like Kylie Jenner is probably being authentic to herself.


Yeah, she just named her dog Kevin, you know, just like.


Yeah, that's that's didn't she trademark the phrase rise and shine and she got it. She went in and she sang Rise and Shine to her daughter, Stormy, and then it was like on Tick Tock and she trademarked it. Unbelievable phrase we've been saying for easily 400 years.


It's about it's just like, honest, good for you.


There's also something you were just talking about, like being like atwork and dopey, emotional, don't be frazzled.


And like, sometimes I'm like sometimes I'm like poor white man, you know, like, they're they they're like caught in this lie themselves.


And there's not like the marginalized space for them to be human. And, you know, that's why every TV that's why ninety nine percent of content and art has been made about their experience so that they have the space to explore it or whatever.


But, you know, like.


When you hear a noise in the house and the man is supposed to go down and risk his life when it's like, well, wouldn't the two of us together be better at, like, figuring out some emergency planning problem or something?


It's just like why you're some we don't like we objectify their bodies in a different way.


Our bodies are objectified. To fuck yours is to kill you. Yeah.


You don't like you're not a killer. You're on Instagram like I am and like you're like you you and beard oil.


Yeah. He's going to slip right off. You want to punch you in the face like this is not a thing.


Oh God. I had something I want to bring up with you so badly and I just forgot it. But yeah.


I mean, yeah it is like and I'm so impressed with you and your boundry coming in. By the way, you guys scheduling this, we talk about this all the fucking time. And I as we schedule this, she said, I have from one to three, I have to leave it three. I have to leave it three. I it's in writing. And then she comes in, she's like, let me know when it's two fifteen. Like Alana's getting out of here.


And I say all the time now when business when you get on the phone you say, hey guys, this call should only be about 20 minutes. You always set a time for the call. I'm also psyched because I was very trepidation asking you to do this because I is. David Spade says doing a friend's podcast is like jury duty. At this point.


It's just a countdown.


Like, you're going to have to there's no. And I've been on the other side like Sarah Silverman, bless her heart at her at her yearly party, she just has a sign that says no soliciting for podcasts.


That is so funny.


I just heard about this party from Mike Barenholtz and I was like, I don't live in L.A. I know you had too much fun when in August.


The rooftop party. It's like every August. I mean, probably not that I didn't have in happen last year or whatever, but but I always am.


So trepidations about asking people that I love and care about sitting because I'm like, I know this is going to fuck up our friendship, but I know how much people are going to benefit from this conversation.


Yeah. And also, like, start a podcast. You have no friends left, but a great interview.


So that's why I'm like, I shouldn't ask my friend enty, but it would just I think it would just be him and I.


But we need more forward facing psychologist and doctors. We need OK, they need I agree. They need to start talking because Twitter cannot be right. A doctor's office anymore. And I love it.


And also it's like it'll make money, make big money on themselves. Right. Benefits. Right, right. Right. I'm free.


Medicine has also it's just he and I, it's just a more in-depth thing and it's not me asking everybody or whatever that is. So here's the thing we're in.


We're taking we're trying to talk about free health care. We're not going to get it right. This it's going to take a minute with podcasts, getting doctors. And I mean, Dr. Borris, who's downstairs, who did our test, really? I have him on the podcast. I ask him all these covid questions.


It's like this could be a form of free information is in the meantime, totally, you know what I'm saying?


But I like to have doctors on the podcast and then ask people, hey, do you guys need any medical advice? Let me save you a trip to the doctor told me, send me pictures of your mole, you know? Oh, my goodness.


We're taking a little break in this emotional roller coaster to talk to you about. Stitch fix.


Yeah, no, stitch fix is not referring to the scars on my boobs from my first A.D. It's not about that.


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I can't be trusted to if it was me by my own clothes, I would just buy I'm wearing a horse shirt right now.


Now you if you if you're watching, you know why I'm wearing a a blue men's shirt with juda brown colored horses on a Delice are cards Pokot match.


I don't know how puckers works.


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Look at all these clothes. They send you things that go together also because like I'll buy something you can wear once with one thing. This is like stuff that like you can wear to work and then we're out and then, you know, they all match each other.


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I said, but you'd be like, Hey, Mom, come in. Both of us would be fine. I know you're required.


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Hold on real quick. We're going to. Oh, wait, what are we going to let you slide on that one. Why? What happened. Stuttered what we're doing Beanz, if you fucking have a speech impediment, the green copy. But also, Emily, this might not be for you because they don't send wedding dresses really good.


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Gasps Oh well that is beautiful.


So a better help is on line therapy. It is not. It is professional counseling done securely and safely. Not a crisis line. It's not self-help, though. I'm actually a professional licensed.


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All right. Emily is going to read the grain. She messes up, she gets a B and visit their website. This podcast is sponsored by Better Help and good for You. Listeners got 10 percent off their first month. It better help dotcoms with me.


You got it. I just stop winking at the camera.


I literally can't. It's you do it a lot. It's why it's like everything I hear, like George Costanza when he got that grapefruit juice.


It is. I got a better album.


How do you protect your time? Oh, my gosh. I'm like, uh. I'm working on protecting my time more, I'm not great at it. I well, this is actually what I want to say is like I've been here for like five or six months in L.A. and I've been wanting to have this conversation. And you and I get down to business, you know, so quickly that I'm like, so it makes sense, you know what I mean?


It's like I think we both have trouble, like relaxing and hanging for pleasure. So it kind of I've been wanting to do this.


So thank you for having me. I love you. And I remember when I first when Phoebe Robinson and I sort of became friends, we sort of we sort of email and hung out in the first place. Who's your age like? We got right into it. And this person shouldn't be taking shouldn't be commissioning this.


I feel this responsibility and I'm not even that much older than you, but I feel this responsibility like you've been in the business for a long time.


You also were like so hardcore, stand up at first, streamlined with that, whereas like Phoebe and I come from this sort of like multi hyphenate, like, you know, producing stuff and putting this kind of thing together and trying that. So I think that's like a more like a it's a more establishment thing like path. And then also like being in L.A. for four, you just came straight to L.A., like New York. It's like you're. Twenty three for a long time in L.A., it's like at 23, you're suddenly sixty five wild like people who, you know, people who are like super famous for a long time, like.


Whatever people who were child stars, you know, Natasha Liohn is like so old, you know, I was 35 and like, so young, so true.


I mean, I'm such an old man. Yeah.


Like even like, I don't know, just like the business makes you older and being in L.A. is hard. It's a particular kind of pressure.


There's also like this some really simple things that no one bothers to tell someone.


So for me, one of the biggest lessons I learned, it took me two specials to learn it. Neal Brennan had to come in and tell it to me is if you're shooting a special in a venue on a Friday night, you got to go in the night before and turn on the air conditioning. No one tells you that. So two specials in a row, I'm on stage, you have basically in the beginning you got a lot of money.


You normally have like two or two shows a night for two nights. You pick the best, you intercut them. People probably know this or you pick one, whatever.


The first two were always a wash because I was sweating so much sweat face sweat. I'm no one told me you go in the night before and turn on the AC like I just know.


I just didn't know, you know, it's like little things like that. So when I, when, like Phoebe would be like I'm doing a special thing, you got to do it.


Like I was just like puke up all the things that I didn't want to have to learn the hard way, which is like probably annoying and just feels like. But I, I want to put it all in a documentary.


Yeah. Yeah. And like pass it out. I don't know.


God it's like that's a great book too, you know, because like we come from the comedy side and then, you know, you've become this creator and showrunner.


So there's like it gets into TV, but like it also could get into movies like that, you know, like you're saying like saying black owned hair products, half the half the how you can ask for that.


It's easy if you're number one on the call sheet or an AP. You know, I see a lot of of you know, this is going to sound pejorative.


I'm not it just actresses being like, why aren't there more, you know, black Kuruma?


And it's like, well, these decisions were made six months ago right before you were you know, I'm saying it's like these are conversations to have with the line producers. And I'm always I'm always the one that gets everyone eyeballs at me because I'm like, hey, I know these are super famous fancy actresses and this is so great. This is going to get attention. But we need to have, like, conversations with the line producers because no line producer who actually does the hiring crew wants to admit that they don't know people of color.


They want to hire their friends who did a great job last time, who's going to save the money like, you know, no one. And you're not allowed to ask in an email. You're not allowed to ask if someone's of color it's illegal.


So it's this tricky situation where we're asking these people to hire crew that they don't know they don't have access to. I was trying to start something on clubhouse. Clubhouse. I know.


It's like, you know, it's it's you know, people are having mixed experiences on it. I had an incredible experience, like, you know, being like, hey, crew of color, tell me what's going on.


Why wire and wire? What's happening in there going, hey, the union rule is that black hair and makeup artists or any makeup artists, they have to have 60 days on a Saturday. Most shows now don't even shoot sixty days. So we can't even get in the unions. So there's union issues here.


So I wouldn't need to get that information.


Didn't have it, you know, so and even the context of unions, it took me a long time to understand that, like what their corruption and white supremacy looks like. Because you think unions or I thought initially that a union was a progressive entity.


Why are writers getting paid to pitch? Weren't actors getting paid to audition? They're working for free for two weeks.


Writers, they're pitching. It's wild.


I would love to be paid for pitching. It's so draining. And and you might not get the job right. Right. It takes a part of your soul every time. And it's but, you know, I want to bring something up with you. I want to bring something up. That was kind of a thing I was working on. And I, I tend to do some hot I know I do hot takes and I get in trouble. But I was trying to work on this hot, hot takes.


I'm known for my hot takes, but I was the mansplaining thing, so when people like these mansplaining, he's mansplaining. I was obviously being facetious, but my thing is like they have all the information.




Yeah, we need them to mansplaining us so that we I know that mansplaining technically means I'm explaining something you already know. But my thing is mansplaining me all day, I don't know how to change a tire, but it's like mansplaining doesn't usually.


Well, I guess now Brenin was mansplaining about the air conditioner. And it's like, thank you, bro. Dude, thank you.


You patronised to me and thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now I, I how else am I going to get the information out of it. I don't need a guy that I don't need to go walking up to me when I drive into the grocery store being like that's a big car for a little lady. I don't need that shit.


But if you know some shit about this, cameras tell me. Yeah, yeah, totally. Cause I don't know. And I'm embarrassed to ask mansplaining all you want. I don't care what I love that tone you do. And see, I did not take I didn't want to forget to ask you, so I wrote an M and concealer on my hand.


It's hilarious.


So so I'm like split about that where I'm like am I mansplaining. But that's such a funny thing. It's the same as your skin color. I was just afraid that I was going to not ask you.


But so I do also struggle with that kind of stuff because it's like we need men around to tell us how to do a question like do I agree or something?


Oh, yeah. Well, am I ignorant for saying that? Oh, no, it's funny. It's funny and true. It's like and it's also like I think you're pointing out the nuance to where it's like men are like, oh, you allowed to talk.


And it's like, well, just be useful. Yeah. And totally fucking talk to me the answers and tell me how to save and make money.


Yeah, exactly. And yeah. So that's just something that I was sort of thinking about as I'm going like let's fire all women and I'm like we got ass right man.


At some point because he got the instructions.


Yep. He's got the instruction manual. So we're going to have to be, you know, get it. So I'm always kind of like struggling with that black and white thinking, you know, and I think I'm excited for this to be, you know, not men versus women, you know?


I know. And it's useful versus genuinely like diverse perspectives help make anything better data and experience a production or whatever medical shit like whatever.


And that includes white male bodies.


Also, my deal is the more I'm in this business, the more I'm like, we need moms.


It is my expense. When moms come in, it is like boom, boom, boom.


It is just they know how to balance five hundred. Right. And there's also a stigma against moms that we don't talk about enough or we're like because we don't have the infrastructure to help them out that genuinely.


That's right. But if we did they they moms, our moms are like, are you fed, do you need some water?


I mean, no one's hungry. Do you need a nap?


And I was just saying yesterday on this meeting, like, I just always in Broad City when when we did Broad City, like the experience of being a comedian, getting to be the creator and tell the story, oh, my God, the fucking dream. You know, whatever.


Seinfeld, you know, just whatever, you know.


I mean, just like me. Just yeah. Just just like, you know, just like getting to have a TV show is just like, wow.


I mean, I we're like, oh well I thought I thought you're doing something else now. I'm saying like Louis was a comedian who made a show. Yes. Just like, you know. But we were honestly doing it at the same time anyway. But just like whatever the fuck, you know, comedians who get shows literally Everybody Loves Raymond, you know, it's just like they were all like forty five also.


Yeah. And every night were like twenty four. Twenty seven. And Abby and I are like oh my God, this is amazing.


And we're so obsessed and we're everything where the show runners and EPWs when we're rewriting all the scripts and starring in it and editing it.


And while y insane michelotto yesterday we were Sunday we were chatting and she was like, who's the show.


Remember, it's, it is like yeah it's Eva and I were like we were, it was like going right out of your pussy like guys we're going to need to take five.


I mean saying it was insane. So it was insane. But like I think the the gift that we learned was like, oh my gosh, you have a set.


You know, Abby was like a camp counselor. I was a babysitter. And I just like it just felt like those vibes. That's like what? Taking care of a crew. It's it's the best that's as good as getting to make the art. I'm obsessed.


I love it. It is such a political space.


You know, the thing about like black owned, the idea of like, you can't write it, you can only do disappearing voice memos to be like how many people of color do we have hired and how many women? You know, it's like because it's not allowed or whatever, because the only policies or whatever.


Yeah. You know, the policy. It's also we also have to get. To a place where we can just see, you know, Emily, when I interrupt, she shoots me with the Nerf dart gun.


And so I'm. Because I'm I silence women on a regular basis, like, oh, my gosh, it's so funny.


I love it though and I have my I have my train of thought continue. No, I'm not interrupting. And I got excited and wanted to co-sign with hilarious. Well, I guess the only policy in place is like we don't see color kind of and they're like and we mustn't because this is how I continue to hire my friends. I've always hired whatever. And it's like we should see color and then we should hire to oh, it's nuts.


So there's also not really a Sario database yet that is going on clubhouse and just saying, hey, I'm going. Are there any black hairstylist in Pensacola? I mean, it's an imperfect system.


There's some it's such a political space asset. And I learned how much how exciting that is and how delicious. And I love to mother set segueing into my that I'm pregnant.


I'm a pregnant person. I hesitate to say mom yet because it's like we'll see, you know, we'll just see what happens.


And I'm not we'll just see.


I just want to be, you know, careful or whatever. But this baby does seem like they're like ready to come out and live.


They're like, boop boop boop boop boop boop boop.


They're like dancing and like doing like I just keep joking about all the shit they're doing in their Zumba classes, soccer drills, building furniture, Anderson Revenants protesting, marching, vision boarding. It's so wild. It's so insane. And the way that it's lining up with this fucking movie is ridiculous.


The movie, which is about sort of childbirth in America and IVF. Yeah, it's kind of it's like a false positive.


False positive. We did it with a twenty four and it's coming out on Hulu and it's about, it's like a horror movie about how it's a like a patriarchal horror movie.


It's funny because I was like it's a horror movie about giving birth in America. I was like so it's a documentary.


Yeah it's. Oh, my gosh, it's it's a horror movie about how the patriarchy is expressed through medicine, particularly pregnancy, medicine, particularly particularly IVF medicine, which is like which if you're lucky enough to be in the one percent to even be in that nightmare.


What a fucking nightmare.


You know, like, again, I'm thirty three. I'll be thirty four in April. My friends are my age a little older than me in this business where, you know, it's as I come to this time in this birth, I'm like timing it out. And I'm like, well then I'll, I'll you know, I'm just whatever planning.


And it's like people who, you know, just IVF. It's supposed to be this empowering thing, but it's like yet another imprisoning system for women that affects black women more. You know, it's just like another who's in charge of it is it's very private at the moment and also.


You know, it's a tricky one, because it's it's I'm on one hand, as you know, I froze my eggs when I was, I guess, thirty three because I very much, you know, biology is sexist.


I was told you can have whatever you want, do whatever you want. Then I realized like oh like I can't actually have capitalism is sexist.


Yes. Yes. I'm like you're more brilliant.


Not, not more brilliant but it's like it's a brilliant experience to have a baby and take a fucking year off to like I'd probably be such a better artist, frankly, but I, I, I learned you can't do both at once. And then I see Ali Wong on stage doing stand up.


And I was like, what? I didn't know that was an option.


I didn't think, you know what I'm saying. And so what a fucking life these women showing, like bringing your baby to a press junket or whatever it is. And you know, Jun Rafeal on the set of Grace and Frankie was like, no, I'm breastfeeding. It's I'm not on camera. I give you my off camera coverage for breast, like figuring out a system that that kind of works. I was told you're pregnant with a kid or you're working.


There is no in between.


And also, like, I just think about you and your whole upbringing and shit, too. It's just like you had to be very self-sufficient. So like, no shit that you thought you had to be you had to overcorrect, you know, I mean, had overcorrect.


And I think I also, you know, my perfection, my emotional perfectionism, which is, you know, perfectionism leads to procrastination, which leads to paralysis. And I think, you know, we artists, women, people of color, because we've always had to be twice as good to get half as far perfectionism is so intense that I was like, I have to be the perfect mom and I have to have the perfect time.


We're all good to make mistakes. We're going to fuck up. I look back at my mom and I'm like, she was never there and did it. And that was my story. Then I look back and I'm like, she took me to work with her every day. I saw a woman working full time.


I, i it oh my God.


I felt rejected and like, you know, she worked in a mall, Bloomingdale's. So I was like in a mall all day and I was like bored and I wanted but I was watching a woman hustle.


So I kind of victimized myself and was like, I didn't have a mom that made me dinner.


Every night at seven, I look back and I'm like, I'm so lucky that I got to see a working mom.


Yeah. You know, so I also had to rewrite my story of being a trauma and go like, that was fucking awesome. Yeah. You know, so I also like was scared to have a kid for the longest time because I was like, I don't want to fuck this up. It'd be bad.


Totally. Totally. I have to, but like, I don't know. I'll just figure it out as I go, and I feel like I do feel I have Mamelodi vibes, you know, like I'm like I feel.


I'm confident in my intuition or I'm like, I know I should just be more confident in my instincts and in general, I like, you know, and my partner and I plan this and thought about it and talked about it and said, yeah, you yeah.


We were like, we really could not. Really could not.


Did you think about a surrogate, which I believe are legal in New York for some reason? Is that true with Michelle Butoh? I think it was.


Yes, I think you're correct. Why? I don't know. Also, a lot of this IVF stuff is not covered by insurance. There are some companies that are starting to cover it because there are times that IVF or egg freezing or whatever is if a woman has cancer, you know, there's this woman, Andrea Rice, someone Rice, who, you know, had cancer at a young age and her insurance wouldn't cover her freezing her eggs while she was going through chemo.


Or would you know, there's very real reasons, medical reasons that women, you know, may want to do this to make sure they can have natural childbirth or do it later or whatever.


But this is just like fuck you. Like you're deciding what's legitimate about my choice to birth or not. It's so fucking wild.


And it's like my friend was left this big company that she, like, helped build into so such an insanely wealthy company. And she cobra's the insurance now. She's no longer working there.


And she just we were like doing a call about something and she got a call in the middle of it and found out she actually doesn't have to front this like fifteen thousand extra dollars she thought she would for the IVF because the insurance covers it because she created that policy while she was at the company.




And that's like a big part of my experience with this movie. False positive is like, would you help, right? Yeah. My my director, John Lee and I wrote the script and the thing that, like, you know, we went from he had this sort of idea and mood about it. But then together we made it like a feature, you know, a feature structure. Were you scared to do it?


Like coming from like this like hysterical show? That's like gift's.


It's like half the gifts I get. Are you? I feel like we're so much closer. I was like a lot of discussion. I'm like, no, this is a shame.


It's someone is sending me a picture of her, like doing something funny, like I want to go to dinner. It's you being like, yes.


And I'm like am having dinner with a lot of like, you know, there's this incredibly like huge comedy like and you know, I feel like people like Jordan Peele are showing like we can do more than one thing. I like doing a horror movie. First time was that like dauntingness.


I wasn't scared when I was making it because I, like, jump into shit. I love to jump into shit, which is like kind of how I feel with this baby, even though we like, really thought about it for a while and decided to do it. I still it still feels like I'm like diving in to something. But but I wasn't scared while I was doing it.


I'm like nervous now that it's coming out. I'm like, holy shit. Like people are going to see how sick I am. Awesome. Yeah.


And I'm like even this I'm like diving into the experience of making it outward facing. And it's just like, you know, what the fuck. I can't very analysis where I'm just like I'm just going to contain myself in it and, you know, feel what I feel and. Pay attention to the feelings, what the fuck else can I do and also like learning in public. So a lot of things, I mean, podcasting, I have no idea what I'm doing.


Every time I leave here, I'm like, it's it used to be comedians would have 20 years to do the road. And now we're kind of learning in public. And when people are like, hey, you talk too fast. I know I'm still learning this.


I couldn't do like I'm doing the podcast kind of under the radar.


This is an indie podcast. I do myself because I'm like I don't feel like I know how to do this. You know, I'm taking these risks and I'm still learning how to do it.


Which also like when you talk about producing other people's podcasts, it's I bet you would. You know, like I say, I did this thing with Indy and I'm like, will you produce this with me? Or for me it's like that's actually would be great for you to do the, like, white collar version of it. Let's say let's say this, the blue collar version, you're doing it because to transfer what you've learned is different and different than the thing we were talking about before of being like, you should take off at eight and then you're working until midnight.


You know, it's it's different.


I pretended to leave and come back. I believe they do it all the time, I fucking believe it, but yeah, you you should produce others because I, I hear you about it feeling messy, but it's so good.


I also think. Thank you. And but also there's this and I'm going to whatever fuck it. Like a lot of these companies that are having package deals with people are taking 40 percent of the.


It's it's crazy. No, I like they're paying you're paying an agent. You're paying a manager, you're paying a lawyer, and then you're giving, but you're not. You know, this is a new iteration of packaging, which is sort of a very criminal thing that's happening in Hollywood for a very long time. We don't wanna ask questions.


We're lucky to be here. We're like, you know, and we it's like student loans. You you don't know what you're signing. You don't know what you're signing.


And then you're in a situation where you don't own your shit. You're paying commission for the rest of your life to somebody that wasn't even involved in helping. Like, there's just a lot of stuff that I was really, like, scared to do. But as business people, we have to. And then I also looked at it the guys were doing I was like, I ask questions to the guys. I was like, hey, do you pay an agent for this debate?


And they're like, no, I was like, what the fuck, man?


Yeah, I know you guys may not know this about us, but all three of us are professional athletes. What's your sport better than my sport? Ribbon dancing. It's an Olympic sport and killing it.


Emily, what's your professional wrestler? What's that? Thumb wrestling. Thumb wrestling. And I'm a bottom.


So I have to be honest with you. This is a very sincere moment and I'm not even joking. When you get athletic or against this monster podcast. I'm not even joking. That means you've made it. She's even joking. I'm not even joking. Not joking.


I'm not joking. And I'm really I've been waiting for athletic greens to come hither for a while now. And we have athletic greens as a sponsor. I'll tell you what it is.


I'm happy to because I'm ready for you to stop scooping into your mouth. Just powder. Funny. Honestly, this stuff has kept me alive.


I actually found out about it from Ilana Glazer like two years ago. She told me about it and I started buying it. And then it's basically I just put it in like a cup of water.


And it's every, like vitamin you need for one tasty scoop of greens contains seventy five vitamins, minerals and whole foods sourced ingredients that multivitamins, multi minerals, probiotics, green superfood blends in more. They all work together to fill the nutritional gaps in your diet, increase energy and focus about digestion, and support a healthy immune system all without the need to take multiple product.


Like I was taking nine and I also gag on pills. I can't do with vitamins like those vitamins, you know. I mean, look like this is just you can put it in water, drink it, you're done, put it in your sport cock.


Yeah, I put it right. The right bottle. No. What's the thing. That's a water bottle that squeezes like sports people. Squeezable Gatorade bottle. I know, but.


No, no, no water bottle. No. Yeah, yeah. What is the one?


I said, you know, an empty juice box may fighters they spray those are regular water bottle it squeeze.


You see some of that squeezes squirt model. Right. Squirt bottle put in your squirt bottle and you get them. Oh look at this. I put my athletic greens and my smoothie and I mix it up. It's right there. Look at that. Yeah. Gorgeous. Just jealous. You jealous? And look, I'm glowing.


My skin, my hair grows. This could be you. I'm healthy.


Simply visit athletic greens, dotcom slash Whitney and join health experts, athletes, health centers around the world who make a daily commitment to our health every day. Again, simply visit athletic green dot com, slash Whitney and get your free year supply of vitamin D and five free travel packs today. You didn't flub it, but you didn't read the right words.


Do you have to you have you to be. Yes. I didn't read the right words because I had read it anyway to interrupt the meal, the green part.


We can't hear from the green part, so you should read it. Or if you go ahead, do it with in your head.


What's that? OK, simply do it as I throw beans. The chew. Oh yeah. Same as athletic athletically. No, no. Again, right off the bat.


All right. I already had a bad. Oh no. This actually bad shot down production. Bad boy. Too much. We have spoiled milk.


These, these beans are I think Whitney can't have them always there for ages four and up simply visit athletic greens, dotcom spending on joint health experts, athletes and health conscious go getters around the world who make a daily commitment to their health every day.


Again, simply visit athletic, green dot com slash waiting, get your three year supply of vitamin D and five free travel packets today when he's back.


Why do I always get the I don't know you to stop doing that because it doing them.


I feel like this game is rigged, this game is rigged. These are all bad in subduing them and least doing OK. Super coffee.


So you guys probably what beautiful.


Right. In order to win that. No know we heard it. Yeah we heard it loud and clearly we did so super coffee.


Coffee. Oh.


It's over now. So now we have to go into the we were harmonizing and you dropped it. No, I thought you did a great job. I thought that was the introduction to the next part. Yeah, but you left me hanging and you let my sing.


I didn't I can't sing over. You got jealous? I don't know. I think that people should just sing over each other. But I'm giving you a moment.


I thought you harmonize. That's what I'm doing when I interrupt people. I'm harmonizing your conversation and you want to talk and sing.


I got a really sweet comment the other day that was like Whitney's only interrupting because she hasn't done stand up in so long and we all need to relearn social behavior.


I'm interrupting you.


Oh, I'm interrupting all of you to talk about super coffee. It's an indulgent, healthy, ready to drink alternative sugary coffee drinks. It's quite friendly. It's lactose free. It's gluten free. Honestly, it's delicious.


I'm holding this up OK. I am such so addicted to coffee.


This has saved me so much time because I'm like all the rigmarole of like I wake up and I to where's the the little cuppy thing that goes in the thing and the water has to go in the maker and it's like in the morning. I can't with that. It's like a nightmare. So this you just pick it up and you drink it. But I, it's got fats in it and it's got like all this healthy stuff in it so that you don't have to.


Also it comes in like canned shots. It comes in this.


I like the. But I love this. I'm upset. You can there's like ground versions of it there. I mean there's like all the versions of coffee. You want it. They have them. Yeah.


And it's like you notice it also when I make like coffee on my own, it's like it gets cold and and then I'm out of the sugar and I'm out of the thing and all the stuff. This was all in there.


Well, it's funny you mentioned sugar because in twenty twenty alone, super coffee removed over 600 million grams of sugar from American diet. Zero grams added sugar, ten grams of protein from your coffee and two hundred milligrams of caffeine.


But I never feel it's sweetened with Monck fruit. Yeah. And they have a creamer.


Did you have the cream or you know, why don't we have that in the fridge?


Oh. Oh, wow.


Monck for notable investors include Jennifer Lopez, the only one I want to look like Jennifer Lopez, A-Rod and another A-Rod, Aaron Rodgers, Aaron Rodgers and the two guys.


And Aaron, like who?


My brother's not lost. Is it, too is it to go back to Jennifer Lopez?


OK, 60 day money back guarantee meaning if you don't love it, you get your money back. And it was featured on Shark Tank Support Shark. Look at that. Oh, did a shark tank person come up with this? I love that. My three brothers, Jordan, Jake and Jim.


Are any of you single 30 under 30 list?


We love your coffee. But also Emily needs a husband, so call us. I was going to wink, but I stopped. I'll learn to stop thinking. OK, Emily, let's do that. Let's do the green. Let's see what you got.


We've worked out an exclusive deal for the Good for You podcast. Listeners received twenty five percent off plus free shipping on any of their best selling variety packs. This is a great way to try all their delicious flavors. Go to drink super coffee, dotcom win or use cold waiting at checkout to clean this deal that's dry and KSU see now, no doubt.


I'm only asking you to be a movie. You're banned from blubbing, you always are banned, fucking cheated. Wait a minute. Stop. I'm eating all the blue beans, right? Emily, don't. Don't. Emily's a cheater.


What are you. I tell you right now. Hold it. This is going to stop. Stand down. I'm not going to not be dramatic about this. So buckle up.


All the blueprints. Are they all too easy? OK, thank you, Benton. That was I was doing great.


And then some of my super coffee taste.


It is ok. OK, Emily is eating a lot of the thank you socks and we got a Stinky's that's close to having a man.


Wouldn't you agree.


We worked out an exclusive deal for the. Well, we're keeping that. OK, all right. This is a great way.


We've worked our exclusive deal for a good free podcast. Listeners received twenty five percent plus free shipping on any of the best selling variety packs is a great way to try all their delicious flavors. Go to drink super coffee, dotcom slash, waiting to use code, waiting to check out for this deal. That's D-R I think. S.O.P rcaf e dotcom slash Whitney Super Coffee is also available nationwide and over twenty five thousand stores like Target, Wholefoods, Wal Mart, Kroger and CBS come through brothas at Emily Noonan on Instagram, OBRA or whatever the Fiacre thing is.


Knock me up.


OK, I'm obsessed with watching documentaries because it makes me feel like I've read a book also obsessed with comedy.


So this is a good one. I am obsessed with comedy. Me too. I love this is right up my alley. Every time I drive by the billboard, I'm like, look at that, look at that, look at that.


Emily was very annoyed that there was because there's a documentary about women in comedy called Hysterical. It's on effects.


I mean, the fact that people this is frankly touching to me that this has been made I'm touched you so many lucky.


I just feel like a lot of my friends are like discovering all these female comedians now. And I'm like, yeah, they've been funny for a while now. You just haven't seen them. And this documentary is so cool because, like, they're kind of all in one place, like, who do you think I was hanging out with to hide from you all these women.


Yes. And like, you know, I think the podcasts have shown, like, people want to hear women's stories. And what it's like behind the scenes is a female comic. And it was like coming up and how we we've been pitted against each other and how audiences, you know, I mean, I used to go on stage and when the host would be like, so are you guys ready for a lady, you know? And then that would be the first one to go use the bathroom.


Aside from all that beautiful story and all of these important facts that you just mentioned, there's also a lot of really funny jokes.


It's also just so do you like to laugh?


Funniest women in comedy, they are talking about their struggles, their personal stories, their opinions. It was directed by Academy Award nominated and Emmy winning director Andrea Nevins, gangster who doesn't love this comedy.


Yes, opinions. Women watching, back watching. Yes. If you guys, whatever you like me, are listening to this at all, like us, like, just check it out. It should. This is like a no brainer.


This episode is brought to you by the original documentary Hysterical Hysterical premieres Friday, April 2nd at 9:00 p.m. on streaming next day on Fox and Hulu, not streaming.


Next day it's on Hulu.


I like my toe into it and was just like checking out a few, a few different companies.


And I was like, You take fifty percent for a podcast. It just didn't make sense. And then what's hot is like, oh, you should just, we should just talk about it because you just starting your own thing then it's like you're just have this whole, you know, like Jake and Amir or whatever they now have like their own whole company.


Yeah. Amazing. So it's like they I imagine they started independently and then have a company. Yeah. I think you could easily do.


I want to talk about. But remember baby wait, let me just say this one thing.


So the thing I just wanted to say is so like when we made it the feature structure, John Lee and I like there's like a big like at the end.


And the thing about IVF is that women are not protected about it around it because you have to be in the place of policymaking to make policy. It's changing now that we're seeing like Butoh and Andy Cohen, like how they kind of represented it and they went to Albany about it. Like, I think artists are understanding that they can also be activists. Activists are becoming like the foremost policy makers.


You know, Black Lives Matter is like is like showing how to make policy out of activism.


And then people are it's not just performative tweeting for likes. It's like I'm going down and I'm going to get a bill passed, like, you're actually right.


And there's this, like sort of pipeline and also indivisible. Do you know? And if it's. It's this grassroots, huge nationwide network of activists that started in with the Trump resistance and now they're running for office with, you know, like Run for Something is a great organization. It's like there's this pipeline emerging and as toxic as social media is and as as toxic as social media can be and can feel, I also see this like optimal version where it is like raising our consciousness such that we're taking the system back.


So anyway, this like four false positive, like the biggest ha about the medical system and pregnancy and IVF and surrogacy is that there's no protection for pregnant people. We have to, like, learn the hard, be traumatized, and then spend decades creating policy to protect the next generation because it's like then no longer even really applies to the initial person who was traumatized.


Did you feel like some kind of like when my dad died, I felt this like biological.


I was always like, I'm going to adopt, I'm going to get foster kids I'm sure I'm going to do at some point.


And so, like part of my legacy, I want to adopt foster kids from West Virginia. Like, it's just in my blood. That's like where my roots are. That's where you grew up. West Virginia, western Washington, D.C., Roanoke, Virginia. And West Virginia.


In the summers, my my best friend and he grew up in Morgantown. No psychiatrist, no way. And he's so it's so hell, no, he no way.


He is a gorgeous, brilliant, like elegant. He's just my I just he he's just my I love him.


He probably grew up drinking poisonous water. So there were chemical spills in that area. I would love I would love to talk to him the way coal companies have come in.


I mean, it's like so there's lots of foster kids and other opiate that is literally these are the heart and soul of the opioid crisis as Morgantown, the Koch brothers own Morgantown, you know, and it is very much my dream to go, but I want to rebuild the hotel my dad managed like that's my plan to get jobs in there and, you know, whatever.


So but when your dad passed, when my dad passed, I had this biological urge to have my own kid that was like all consuming.


And then as soon as I froze my eggs, I felt this maybe was just I was getting older.


This like, I'm going to save the environment.


Like once you're you're no longer a kid anymore when you have it right.


So there's also this obligation of I have to fix the world before this thing gets here because I don't want my kid growing up without one.




Like, do you feel does that overwhelm you? I don't know. I'm like, there's part of me that wants to. Solve the world's problems and then there's like part of me that I mean, I can't and I can do a little bit, I can do one human bodies worth over the course of my lifetime.


And my my husband just said to me today, you're everybody's mommy because I like I sometimes want to be that and want to be everybody's mommy and make them feel like good.


And this that and it's like, yeah, I can shit on it and be and be like women. We think we have to x, y, z, but it's like it's actually just transcendent of identity politics and just a feeling that is natural to me of like. Taking care of people and it feels good. That's not an obligation, it's just yeah, and sometimes it's an obligation, but it's also sometimes just a natural instinct of mine.


But like we were, we both we talked about it for a couple of years.


My husband's name is David. We talked about it for a long time. And it's like. You know, like I think people Tom Sagara had a great joke about when he first had his first child and his special was like, everybody is like it's so selfless, it's so selfless. He's like, it's so fucking selfish. You're like, look how cute they are. And it looks like you. And it was so funny. And it's like, you know, this idea that we tell ourselves, well, we'll have children and they'll make the world a better place.


It's so gross.


And it's like, don't put that on kids, you know, like do it yourself or do the best you can or clean up our mess.


Oh, and and it's like we all have the baby boomers, like, mess of plastic to clean up. Like there's no more of a mess to really we should stop that mess.


And then we all got to figure out how the fuck to do it or if you're not going to figure it out, like shut the fuck up and go away. But like, you know, I think for us there's like an awareness of like we're having this this baby as a decision we made for ourselves.


We wanted this experience as a as a pair.


Were you scared of this? Is this is a very gross question.


Great. And I love Gross. I mean, to you. And I think we are so gross. Oh, yeah.


I need to stop conflating human and gross. I mean, let's see. How do you have any. I have the I'm embarrassed that I have this. I like to admit my disgusting thoughts. Do you feel any like I'm going to fall behind.


Totally. Totally.


I'm like racing toward this deadline of birth right now and I'm trying to have things to put a pin in such that. Then my producing partner, Kelsey, and my like generator, the my sort of profit platform Glenis, my partner there, can work in, I'm talking about quarters. I'm like Q3, I'm going to be down. What I'd love is to have the momentum keep going. And then I come back 100 percent fall behind.


Yeah. But like I think also there have been so many pregnant people and women and moms and parents that I've heard in the last 10 years talk about that feeling such that.


I don't know, it's like I do have that feeling, but then it's also like I think it's just a feeling, it's irrational, it's completely irrational. And let me tell you, also incorrect, because when I see moms come back, they work more efficiently, they work faster. They have somewhere to be. They actually get more done in the less amount of time. And because the way your brain changes in the way you can sort of, you know, so I have yet to see that happen to someone.


It's an irrational fear. I have no proof.


It's like a story that I was told myself and it was so it was told to you so long ago and so many times that it's like encoded in your genes. And so it's hard to, like, tease out.


But I think maybe it's an excuse I'm making. I'm scared or don't have the guy or, you know, whatever.


You know, I got to look at the shit that I say to them, denial or defensive or whatever.


I am also like I'm always doing, doing, doing, going, going, going. You know, after a broad city ended, we finished 50 episodes.


We did all those roles, all those roles.


Just Abby and me like doing all that fucking shit, rewriting every episode, five passes.


You know, it's like we wrote 250 scripts for that show on while, you know, it's just like and cutting for this and just being squeezed.


And I know the budget you had on the I know the kind of budget you had on there. Yeah. And it's not like in the feedback in the standards and practices.


This was before. This wasn't like YouTube and Tic-Tac where people can do whatever you had. People tell me if I'm wrong. Yeah. You got to think of a new word for this, like just obstacle after obstacle.


Oh, it's so crazy. And it's like after that I made this movie then then went on tour for first special. And after that was then when I was like, I'm going to work from eleven to seven and not on weekends.


And it's been, you know, messy, but I've been trying to have some semblance of that. But anyway, like I'm doing, doing, doing, going, plotting and planning so much that I also think that this time off is going to be this period where I let things come to me and I choose.


And I don't do that. I never do that. And can I just say something really quick that you're not I mean, it's not interrupting, please, but because you're saying this time up. But I always like to tell people when women take maternity leave, it's not time off. Yeah, I. You're saying it. That's fine. But it's very often I have to tell people at work when a mom comes back, well she's been off for three months like she wasn't all right.


That wasn't a vacation. Right. I mean it's like when a friend of mine's husband was like, you know, I can't babysit our kid tonight. And she's like, it's not babysitting. It's called parenting.


The words are important. Yeah. Yeah. And it's a different, you know, I mean, so I always am like that is so. And I guess it's like what I mean is you're totally correct, it is not off.


You're like not sleeping the same and all that shit but. Just this, like, period of like life only, I'm really like, don't call me unless you want to, like, just talk.


Love, hate loss.


You know, like I'm really I'm I do think a while part of me is a little bit like I'm going to fall behind. I'm going to build these structures such that they stand when I'm not there and then I'm going to come back and there will be an engine.


It's like a I'm also just so you're growing during that time as an art. That's what everyone during the pandemic.


I'm falling behind. And it's like, dude, you can grow as an artist even when you're not on stage. We can be writing and living for art to imitate life.


We have to have a life. I remember being in a writer's room on a TV show and someone pitched an idea there like, well, what if the character goes to a baby shower on Sunday?


And I was like, people don't go to baby showers and they're like, you don't like I didn't have life to draw from. Yeah, it's you people are like pitching like and then they go on a picnic and I'm like, OK, I like that happens in France. Right.


You know what I mean. Like, I couldn't even be a good writer. Yeah, I agree with you. I always look at you like it's like no bitch. We go to a fucking picnic. I know. Like, I was living like I was living on a set with this fake life and fake people.


And, you know, that's the thing also.


That's like there is something that I really like, L.A. It's really enjoyable. I mean, look at this. And we've been here for like six months, David and I, and it's we've just had such a nice time. And actually, covid L.A. has been terrifying, but also. It's like we don't have to go anywhere and I don't have to drive to three places with like an hour or 15 drive and park time in between, it's been so much better to do everything on Zoom.


Then you step outside and you're like, oh, my gosh, it's like so sunny here, whatever. I think the zoom stuff will stay for good.


I good. It's speaking into truth and talk about the environment.


We used to drive an hour to meet a director for a job. We thought that was probably already offered to Kathryn Hahn.


Let's be honest. And it's like halfway through your realized you're like on a weird date, why am I at a hotel? And then an hour that's three hours of my time for he'll keep you in line for the next thing.


Whatever it was like. Rose, it's just like Zoom's. It's like you're in, you're out. There's no small talk. You're not talking about like, you know, bullshit. It's just like we're getting in. We're getting out. I'm off like it is.


I think it'll say I'm going to make it stay for myself and have this pay your employees the amount of money we're spending on that ridiculous office space that overhead goes down and you pay your employees more. Yep, yep. And they might have kids and can say whatever.


Yeah. One hundred percent I am. So I've really enjoyed it. However, just what you're saying about like real life, it's just it is harder here being that this is the one industry city, one industry town where I'm like this is like feels like almost in my mind, like, you know, the auto industry in Detroit in the 50s. But like you clock in, clock out for like TV and film and like, you know, it's different.


Like Broad City was like this, like freaking passion. Like I mean, I put out like, you know, every color of the rainbow inside of ourselves on this show.


You know, it's different here. There's there is a more factory mentality in a way that I like where I'm like, it's just a fucking job.




But like in New York, it's like such bang for your buck for like seeing insane shit and experiencing shit that it's weird, like the you know, how it's so prescribed for it. I understand why you were like baby shower because it's like I don't know, like stand up when you're in a restroom. It feels like real life, still fucking work.


It's still fucking like producing and you know, but a writer's room really feels factory compared to the freedom of stand up.


Also in the you know, out here, you know, there are people, writers that are writers for hire. You know, there is now a thing where people are like, I'm going to write my show and star on it. Just there used to be like, you are a writer and every year you got paid more money and you went from this show to this show and this you know what I mean? It was like those days are kind of you know, it was like when I couldn't find any young people to direct multicam.


It was like there's the people that do multicam. They've been doing it forever. And there was no new people getting into these sort of like traditional, you know, mediums.


And not to say that there should be, but there was just sort of this why does this crew only look like this? It's like, well, there's no one knew being trained totally.


That was just like a wild there's two hundred people that can do this like that.


The studio will approve. Right. Right, right, right. Right.


Like I it's reminding me of this conversation I had with a former agent of mine when, like, these SAG negotiations were being poorly negotiated and it was like, you know, for streaming services, it's like character actors. And she told me this, like character actors used to make a living.


Now it airs months. That's it. And it's like and then they the streaming like owns everything.


It's it's yeah. It's like there's this, I think, illusion of freedom. But basically we just need universal health care and then it won't be like disgusting. Then every single interest industry won't be fucking disgusting. People who give birth should get a year off. Everybody should have access to. And I know, I know like it's not, you know, the government service health care isn't amazing in Europe and people still pay for private. And that's still the premium health care.


Totally. However, like that's my the insurance companies are in place that I like. We could innovate that and make government health care fucking sick here.


And, you know, you're way more educated about this than I am. I can't really talk about this in a way where I'm like able to say this is what you do, go down and register and this is the the, you know, vote on, you know, prop this and this.


I'm not educated about that enough to speak about it. But health care for that person that you don't know who works at Rite Aid, who you think is so much different than its its benefits.


You we are one organism. The planet is an organism. And we're just like a cell. We're one fucking cell. We're an organism.


And that's why like it doesn't feel good that. Native Americans were genocide in this country doesn't feel good that black people are still experiencing a long, drawn out Holocaust.


Does it feel good for everybody, even a white racist who is, you know, I mean, and then they'll be like, I'm not racist or whatever, but it's like you're not chillun.


You're forming an ulcer, you're constipated, you're angry, you read your red in the face.


It's just like. We all feel that shit and like even if somebody didn't care that, you know, these immigrant children were stuck at the border in cages, even if someone was, like, denying it.


And I didn't feel good to know that that was and is still happening, but they're trying to process it through and get these kids back or whatever.


But it's like we're one organism. We're not. We're not. We're single fucking organism, and that's why it's like and this is a backwards way to get to it, obviously, but when people get confused, I want to be like, what would you say if I said this benefits you like? It's almost like, you know you know, we're wired to be selfish. So many people are in so much fear and have so many problems and are like, I can't worry about other people.


I got to worry about myself.


But whatever narrative you have, I think it just helps sometimes when it's talking about like exclusivity riders and hiring women and stuff like that, blah, blah, blah, bad business. This is about feelings and not like you. Actually, it's been proven that your company will be more profitable than it is.


You can just do it as a mercenary capitalist if you have to be selfish about it. You know, movies are written by people of color with these. They're making money. Don't do it because you feel sorry for them or that you're trying to look progressive. It's actually the best business move.


Right. You know, and I think sometimes bridesmaids, like, they weren't like we want to give women a chance.


It's they did incredibly huge numbers. They didn't start giving women movies because they felt bad for them. Right. It's because it was a huge hit. Yeah. Sex City was a huge hit. They were like, oh, we should put women in movies. Turns out they go to movies. Right. Black Man, there was a huge hit.


No one's making movies with black leads because they feel bad, didn't make a billion dollars, but and white people were like, well, and it's still actually put black people in movies like, Dude, I thought you were a selfish, greedy person. Right? Be greedy about it. Yeah. Yeah. It's just good business. Yeah.


You know, I'm saying it's like this isn't we're not doing this for the church. Yes.


There's certain representation of the state of representation, all that stuff. Great. But also. It just makes more money and entertainment is only expanding, I think that the more experienced people have, just the more entertainment that can be made. We're already like choking on content.


It's like it's just going to grow and grow and grow and every state is going to have, you know, Pensacola or whatever.


Like it's just like, well, the floor, honestly, the Miami and Florida TV scene is expanding a you know, it's like everywhere I think every state is going to have.


An expanding, booming, I feel, is going to have an expanding, booming TV and film situation, but also like and this is I know I'm probably perceived as negative and caustic about a lot of stuff, but I'm actually like weirdly positive sometimes maybe to the point of naive about something like social media.


Like, I know there's lots of problems, whatever, but it's also like we were able to find, like nail artists in Detroit and in Schenectady, New York, like these. There are talented sort of people everywhere. And I think the days of you have to be in New York or L.A. are kind of over in terms of finding talent, because the New York or L.A. model is you already have to have probably come from a family with money. You already have to be able to afford to move to L.A. in New York and live in those.


It's already cutting out so many people that we want to work with.


Like there's so many obstacles to even being in the mix, you know? And I think that I'm optimistic, too.


And it feels like so stupid. Well, no, it doesn't. It just feels like I was, like, hysterically crying yesterday at this at my final L.A. OB appointment. I've had such a good experience here.


And, you know, you're going to miss your O.B. truly and I Amobi appointments.


It's like, I don't know, please record them. I need them in New York. But I was like, so overwhelmed, like the time that I've been here like that. You know, Biden is not the savior, he's got to be pushed, but just like Trump was such a is such a disgusting person and Republicans are it's such a disgusting entity. A dis gusting entity like that needs to be underlined, like they're just antihuman, disgusting values.


And the fact that we like changed offices and the Senate and like also the Lucas brothers.


I can't I mean, I just six nominations.


They've been like obsessed with Chris Brothers who appeared in a won the female brain as a window washer.


And you gave them their story. You know, they were already I was big fans all the time. I actually apologize to them all the time. I'm sorry about that. No, no, no. That's so fucking amazing.


Like, I just like their nominations came in just like and I was just like in the bathroom, like keeping the bed.


It's just like I do feel optimistic. I really do. And I think, like, you know, it's also like social media is, you know, Zuckerberg like, yikes, Instagram is his.


And yet and and the algorithms in all these big tech companies that are super racist and all that shit and yet still like it's a really useful communication tool that I think I really think that we could figure out, like the it's sounds maybe crazy, but I really think we could be good. Every idea sounds crazy until it's not.


I think we can figure out, like, the fucking carbon levels by 2050. I think we can, like, stop.


I do think that there's a chance for it and not because of relying on GenZE as a millennial like I think we can do it.


Aoki's millennial, you know, it's like the I just think that like the it's just like it has to benefit, you know, it's like, you know, getting people to stop smoking because of secondhand smoke never works yet.


I'm saying getting people to start smoking because you go, hey, you know how much money you could save a year if you stopped, you know what I mean? And then, you know, I think sometimes it's it's it's balancing our utopian ideals with.


Surrendering and accepting human nature, which is inherently, you know, can be selfish, and when fear is present, our IQ literally goes down. You know, we get dumber when we're scared and when we are worried about money, we get dumber, we make less logical decisions, you know, so we are more animals, we're scared animals. And we're running around, you know, in our making a lot of fear based decisions. So I think it's always just like balancing like, you know, I get why people in the middle of nowhere have guns.


I get why they think I get it. I get how they're like it takes 40 minutes. I have two kids, I have a wife, and it'll take 40 minutes for a police West Virginia if they even come if I don't even have one to call, I get how people make certain decisions when they're scared. And I think it's always like balancing that. And you have always been someone that I like. Like I do look at a lot of people's activism on social media.


Oh, my God, this guy's like this is like this is embarrassing. This is like as a Hollywood person, I'm embarrassed and, you know, I learn from you so much on there and I'm just like, just repost, Alana, just repost lot. That's the thing about learning in public, you know, like it's not like I was just like talking about this past couple days. Like, it's not like I'm like quietly working in a soup kitchen on Sundays, you know what I mean?


Like, I'm it is a public thing. My my advocacy and activism. It is. But I'm just like the the most currency I have is my platform. So I do think that learning publicly and breaking shit down simply is the best I can do. And it's like it it bleeds into my life. I can do it most consistently. But I actually wanted to say about like health care, whenever you have a question, a big thing that we say a generator is is indivisible, which is this it's there there's such an incredible grassroots activism platform and they're constantly working on dope.


They're constantly working on policy and getting the correct progressives elected locally.


So everyone local elections. Why why do I think it's annoying? It's not sexy. It's lame. I never saw my parents vote in local. Like I just never saw it. Oh, my God. You're saying everything. Why do I not know when it is? Why do I not know how? Like, why do I not know anything about this?


This is the big ass. Like you're I'm like horny to solve this problem.


Through this, I've pretended I voted in the local elections.


I have learned to like Justin Telia go to indivisible. They're their website. Put your zip code in, find the one that you like, and then just D.M. them and just ask them questions. That's to me. For generator, we say minimal civic engagement is what we're trying to raise the bar off the floor from.


So I'm embarrassed. So am I. I'm embarrassed. So I go here. I don't have to be embarrassed. Yeah.


And then why would I know? Yeah. And these people know and are more inclined to they're naturally drawn to know this shit. And if they don't know, they'll point to the person who does.


And instead of complaining for the four years that I don't have what I want, how about I take that twenty minutes to just do it?


And like Black Lives Matter has so many chapters across the country that if you're interested in racial equality and intersectional feminism, that's who you go to. Indivisible is more about elections and politicians and locally.


So I'm just like, it is embarrassing, but D.M. your local indivisible and by the way, it's like I don't know where my DMV is.


I don't know where I'm leaning. Yeah, I know a lot of things. Right. I figured it out. It's a hassle.


But this, this, this entitled thing, if I want to live in a democracy, but I don't want to have to go to a website for five minutes, you have to pick one. Yeah. You can't complain that your voice was not heard.


And you also were like, oh, but I have to log it like and in the same way that you like love when people are like, wait, should I do my business manager on retainer or five percent near, you know, you have the answers for it.


These people want to give the answers, right? This is what they do.


You don't need to know all of it. You know, you need to know as much as you need to know to participate or whatever. But, you know, I need to point out, you know, my own it's like a title entitlement or Eric.


It's like I have to go down to a school and wait in line. Yeah. Like, I'm so important. I just spent forty minutes on Instagram looking at wedding dresses and I'm not engaged.


You could do online at any time. Have already tried. It won't even be forty. You know what I mean. You know.


Yeah we have, there's, we have time. Totally. That's so funny, you know what I'm saying. Like I was just on my ex's Instagram for two hours.


I have time. Yeah. Yeah. And you could just do that. You could double fist. Yeah. I mean like vote and invisible but actually I don't have time.


I got to go. She has to go and I have to pee so bad. The fact that the pregnant woman. Is doing fine, and I am about to piss myself, is super embarrassed. I was lucky enough that you peed in front of me twice and I guess I will pee in front of you and show you my pregnant boobs.


Oh, my God.


My pregnant titties, they are even more pregnant than the belly.


I am like a hub sest i, I always on these very awkwardly hilarious. I love you raptly abruptly. I love that. Me too.


And thank you for not letting me mythologised in so abruptly. Better than awkwardly because awkward is a judgement on myself. Wasn't even my intention, although I'm glad that was a byproduct and that is the form in which my awkwardness takes which is abrupt transition. So I totally get it obsessed with you.


Indivisible false positives coming. You are on Hulu. Yes. You can not wait. I love you. Don't ride elephants follow. Not you. That's I say that and you guys know what to do. Your adults. You've heard podcasts. I love you.


I love you. Thank you for having me. You're so brilliant. Your mind is on fire. That's amazing. I love you as is your heart. Come on.


OK, I hope I interrupt too much. I tried really hard. You guys don't be mad. Or four.