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Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap has really caught on.
Sit down through your phone with baton. Will not close. Will not that low.
Benton is a misophonia sensitive ears nightmare, a misophonia sensitive ears nightmare.
You're going to bang on the table. You're going to head the my you bang on the table till you just don't know it because you're doing it.
So you can't. You can't. You can't catch yourself.
I have a sinus infection, so I can't hear anything, which is why I've been yelling at everybody.
Oh, for years.
How long have you had the infection that dead always has quit. You've had it a minute.
I've had a sinus infection because of construction in my house. Sounds elitist. I'm sorry.
Hey, any man get a sinus infection?
I'm employing workers. I know I've had some inspections before the rough.
I don't want to get the surgery because people already think I have a nose job.
Now I have to time to. It changes your nose is my moment. Let me have it. You should get that surgery.
I just I need a smaller nose each time I need to know something. You can get rid of your because I would love if you said that to me. What should I be like when he told me I have to have a nose job, mom, I have to go get it.
Sinus infections. So anyway, so that's why I have sounded so nasal the last couple episodes and crazy and a little bit out of it.
Because Whitney does not thrive on antibiotics. No, she does not.
Antibiotics. That's a different that's another world. Take them. Take them. I believe in them. Yeah, me too. My dad basically died of antibiotic resistance, so I'm a little worried about antibiotics and meat. Don't love it in meat, but it makes me take edibles. It makes me want to take other drugs. And then I was on steroids, which makes all my bad decisions stronger.
And it also makes you look so hungry. You're like starving, starving, you're starving and then you're just like eating them overnight.
And then and then antibiotics make me feel like I've left my body like I'm and I'm just floating above it. Like it's just not I mean, it's a concoction that works, makes me take edibles, I'll take a few edible.
And then my whole thing is that after I take a THC edible, I'm such a fucking addict that my brain says you just took CBD. Cunning and baffling, that's why I don't think it's because you're an addict. I think it's because you don't like to wait for things and you have to wait to digest and avoid Selborne. You're like, I took this hateable 10 minutes ago.
Edibles are so fucking boring. Have to wait forty five minutes. It's just like, well, now what? I can't go on the computer because then they're going to kick in when I'm emailing and I'm gonna start firing people who don't work for me.
You're trying to kill yourself to digest your food.
You're going to start to like you're running and play axes. Yeah. So it's like, it's just not ideal.
I start sending, like, nudie's to like, you know, my lawyer and which is helpful because then he can sue you and it's like it's a one stop shop.
And then so I take one THC and then my. Brain says you just took a CBD, so take three more because you have all this pain now because your sinus infection and your lower back and your upper back and your elbow hurts and I think you hurt your ankle.
I didn't hurt me. I know. But your brain was making things up for like another. That's this is another thing. OK, catches on the podcast today, guys. Stay tuned. It's coming. I would like my 20/20 resolution is to stop exaggerating. Benton does not like this plan. I need you to hear me out.
I think we're all listening that we all exaggerate so much that we can't any more receive compliments, give compliments, accept gifts, trust anyone, well-meaning people, because we say, oh, my God, this is like the best song I've ever heard. This is like the best food I've ever had. That's like you're like the most amazing, brilliant person on the planet. Like, when people say that to me, I'm like, no, I don't believe any of that.
And I now feel like you were pretending like when you see an ugly baby and you have to go like, oh, get out of the baby because you're panicked and overcompensating, I feel patronized and I stop trusting the person that exaggerates.
That's true, but also what if that's just how they feel in that moment, what if in that moment that's the best song they ever heard? No, what feelings aren't facts.
They're not. But they are. But they are reality.
I think your reality, more adult and mature. Because if you're in a work meeting and you're like, that's the most amazing idea I've ever heard, everyone's going to go, OK, I don't know what to do with that.
That's a great idea. Right? Great idea. That's a great idea. But no one should ever say very well. Yeah, that's your that I agree with. This is it's really hard to do something that's very good is great.
There's always a word. This is why I wanted to do the work today, but that got canceled.
There's always a word. You can take a pause and you can say, can I think about this for one second? You know what? Can I collect my thoughts for one second, have pause, have a boundary, claim your space to set yourself up to when you imagine that, be a responsible communicator.
Can I just take a second to think about that?
Imagine you're very I was going to say very pretty. Can you give me one minute to think about this? You're beautiful.
No, don't say the first thing. Take a pause. Go. In that case, that's different.
Now you're just purposely trying to pick a thing that doesn't work.
I know I did it. So you did it. You're going to say pitch me an idea for a TV show and I'm going to go.
Let me collect my thoughts. That's an interesting idea. I'm intrigued. I think it needs something less elitist and I'm going to collect my thoughts and put them in writing and text them to you in a couple hours or whatever. But I'm very intrigued. Incredibly interesting. I think it's going to work. I just have thoughts. Little bit of poetry writing, do you think that people should talk to their friends and family in their personal life just as professionally and intelligently as they do at work?
Yes, because I think your muscle memory and your habits are built. I think that's true, too.
I think I'll miss the way you talk to your family, the way it's like when I meet people are I know people who like, say, retarded, you know, like if you're going to say that's if you're 45 and you say, oh, that's retarded.
I'm like, I mean, you've been saying it for 40 years without getting in trouble and you're just saying it to me. I'm not going to tweet about you, but like, don't say it to me because you're going to be in a job interview and you're going to say it.
Yeah. Yeah. That's so true.
I think it's just like it's going to it's muscle memory. It's the reason I still drive to my old house sometimes when I'm not thinking.
What do you think about in the same vein, people? I used to get this note all the time when I wrote emails that like my at my desk job or even in like college, they like you write the way you talk. And it was like a negative thing.
Well, no, it's just they know you, so they read it in your voice. Well, no, but they were always like, you need to write. Differently, basically, they like you right the way you talk, and that doesn't translate. Is that a real thing or that I was told it's a Liotard because nothing translates it all gets filtered through the person you're talking to. So if I say.
Love the idea, period, people are going to go, that was sarcastic, if they already think if their childhood went a certain way, saying, we're going back to my college, you're going to have a conversation, I would love to.
I'd be like my English teacher. You should not have my English teacher fucking nailed it. Dr. Abraham at St. Andrews Episcopal School in Bethesda, Maryland. Potomac, Maryland. She would go through my papers. She's the only reason I wrote a decent book. She only reason that I know anything I know succinct. She would always go through my papers and cut out various literally is very good.
There's a word for that. Great. Very good. There's. So amazing is stunning or splendid. I love that you remember that your teacher's name immediately good teachers stick with you forever changed my life.
Yeah, I had a teacher, Miss Mickey Williams. I hated her at the time, also hated her.
She's so fucking nit picky. She trained my brain to be a fucking word surge and also New Year's resolution. I'm going to stop saying, like, so much. Floating that by about 10, if you want to think about it, you're younger than me, you can get away with the more eye shape shift, according to the guest. And I say like more if the guest is saying, like more and we're interviewing all these young hot properties now, do you think it's elitist to tell people they can say like and stuff or do not want them to or to look down on?
It depends on your age. I watch. I thought I, um, I read this article. It was nothing to me.
And I can't control how other I can't control the people. Other people think less of it so. I don't want to tell you, but is that right? No. But life's not fair. Hugh, I will defend human nature at every turn. If you're in a job interview and you're going, I just like really like to like I just like I like to just like you, but that's a lot of like if I just like to work with people that are good and I'm just very organized.
Why are you very organized? Oh, this is the worst. I'm very honest. I said that the other day, you did, I'm very honest, there's no doubt you're honest or you're not. There's no sliding scale, a modest one, if you're like off the charts on your off the charts and not like off the charts. Now, what if you're like that? If you're off the chart, then you're honest, honest is a black and white, you're very beautiful.
What's the word? Why are you insulting this word? It it's doing its job. Why are you patronizing this word?
Can you say? Extremely beautiful. Gorgeous. So you can't use extremely. No, she's gorgeous. Wow.
We just don't see any of those words and it just makes you seem less adult. And I can't change why that is unfair and neither can you.
It's bigger than us now, but I do love to play by those rules.
I love how language changes, though. Over time we add words and we take words away.
Words, and I feel like I miss idiot. God, idiots, the best word. I mean, I eventually I think that will just be how people talk. Yeah, but we have to move on is here. Cash is on the podcast and everyone's here waiting for cash. We have a little special thing coming up. We tried to shoot this via video, didn't work for a litany of reasons.
We had a Thanksgiving at my house with a bunch of people that were tested like seven or eight of us that were all tested and distanced.
It was outside at two p.m. because sun kills covid as of today. Seventy seven degrees tomorrow.
I'm sure I'll be all right and wrong. And we went around and said what we were grateful for. And it's Benton, Ray Hickerson, Annie Latterman, all my closest family girlfriends. Esther Povitsky. I wonder if that's clear.
Riki Lindhome brilliant. I've known her for twenty years. Actress director. She was in another period with the Toshiro. She had an IFC show, Garfunkel and Oates. She's on everything knives out and she was to my right the same I think from SNL and everything. She didn't like the Netflix movie, she was on New Girl, all my closest girlfriends, and Alex. Thermopolis, Yeah, really, it was so good she did such a great, achacha show, is there Kesha did what she was thankful for, so that's it.
So you're going to hear that audio now. It's like ten minutes of us going around being thankful. Why not?
It's a lot of thinking. It was really nice. It was a nice little moment.
That's my tradition of Thanksgiving. Everyone has to say what they're grateful for. They have to go around. I do. To Christmas to some time.
Yeah. You made an announcement. You said, everyone, sit down. We're doing what we're thankful for a full name.
And they said, I'm a very. Like big mom, energy, heart, like heart of gold bull, you will sit down and enjoy this. Now you will be thinking you will have fun.
Give thanks youngin.
So that's going to happen to you. And then we have cash on the podcast, which it was a total delight. Blew my mind. Oh shit. Otherworldly. I was scared. She was scared. She's never done a podcast before. That's kind of my new shit. People that have never tobacconists.
She was terrified that she was getting it wrong, which is those are the people that always get it right and do a great job. The ones that think they.
She was everything you wanted to be. Yeah, it was fantastic. Talk like Kesha looked like cash, the cash experience.
And I'm so. Racist, no, what's the word when you're judgmental of pop stars and celebrities like big celebrities? I always think they're on drugs and I always think they have no one around them that tells them no. And I always think someone else writes their songs like I am so judgmental about it.
While you thought they're just curated.
Yeah, I do. And I roll up like, oh, here we go. She writes all of her songs from other people's songs.
They're fucking hilarious. Yeah, she's very clever.
Brain when someone's. Like. What's the word she's on a different plane. She's right above our plane, I think. Yeah, and you're thinking some of the super unique in their thinking. I might be that my brain goes like, oh, this person's crazy or this person was stoned or like that, so fucking Bubar.
Maybe I'm jealous, maybe because I'm jealous and I'm like, I'm so I mean, that is I mean, you're not wrong. And I think that's the cheesy image. People please Kesha at all times. Oh, yes, she's cash. Cash is not a cash.
She's unbound. Look, we talked about the Zoe lizard. She is not a character at all. It's a level of freedom that I am at a level of creativity. That I just find absolutely super. Well, I almost did qualify word I to say, super admirable, just admirable, and it is it really is amazing that she can just I mean, she says what she thinks immediately, how she feel like she's one of the people kind of lives in her own truth.
Let's people let's let people get to it. Anything else? No, I think that's all. Do you have any announcements?
I mean, our merch restart, we're about to have more open. So so starting the next week, we will always have Bensen opens my sinus infection. And a lot of things have prevented that, and I know everyone of us is bound to do as much as I do and with you every day, but you're not in orbanes. That's so funny, though. And this one is only audio for a lot of reasons.
Yeah, well, our merch is very strong. One eight two three nine seven five to seven. Text me anything and everything. Text me ideas for guests 20 21. I am at a loss. What's working? Tell us what's working.
Tell us what you like. Tell us what you hate.
Tell us if you want to podcast the longer Schauder Opas longer shorter ads dummer.
We're always trying to interrupt. Laughs That's like a goal. I'm trying all time guys. That's my 20-20 thing.
But if I may, Howard Stern, he famously said in an interview when someone said, Why are you such a good interview?
He said, I interrupt when I get bored because I know that means the viewers listeners about to get bored.
So you tell us if you're getting bored. We want to I'm interrupting you, I'm bored interrupting you. I'm bored. Or maybe you didn't hear the note to all guests. If I interrupt you, it's I'm not mad at you. I'm just bored. Yeah, I'll do it because I don't I don't want the audience to be ever fucking be bored.
Also, your brain just moves really fast.
So sometimes you're just I love too much. I have to I also am a spy. I can't say spaz. I'm. Neurotic and have a little dollop of OCD.
We all know that a toddler, just a smattering and maybe Tourette's or some like I have, I don't have great impulse control.
And I just know that when I interrupt, it means I'm trying to make the best interview for you. And yeah, and if that guess really wants to say what they're going to say, they'll go back and say it and I'm failing and that's why I also make them three hours. It's like we'll get to I always do like, well, let's circle back on that thing I interrupted you about.
And then if it really sucks, I'll cut it out. Here's Kesha. Hello, I'm Annie. Nice to meet you. We hope the power boys fucking hated me. Kidding kind of not why we would like to go on tour. They're getting out of here. They don't pay the taxes and moving away from California. With that, if you leave the state of California now, they're going to tax you if you leave town next year. Yourself, what is going through your policy for 10 years?
You go on. It's like that movie that follows just fine. I have to give it to someone else.
Part of my day. So I get on. OK, go to Texas. I'm sorry, Amanda, can you shut up?
I'm just going to go, OK?
I was I was I was very grateful I was molested. Give me a sense of humor. And it brought me here. And, you know, I was really a cute kid and I couldn't get it.
Anyway, this is funny for some of you and the rest more molested. I'm sorry. Thank you. But let me just ask you, can you tell you you have something to say about everyone?
You do it. I don't want to be molested.
You know, to get an intro, to get an intro for Whitney, you have to have a certain amount of followers.
And we didn't mean gotten as strong. I did not make the call to say about it. She was like, just finish. Are you fucking done?
I am very grateful what is cool, but it's more her house, you know, it's really opened me up with me. I'm like, comedy can get you this. This is so cool.
No, I'm very grateful to Whitney. This has been so fun. You know, she was such a cunt before and then the pandemic happened.
She slowed down. She was like, I can be nice to women.
But it was it was really it's just been really fun for that to develop. She's helped me with some crazy freakouts, which is fun.
It's fun to have a friend that's been to so much therapy that they may as well be a therapist saves you some money.
And it's just been really fun to get to know everyone here.
This weird little cult thing. We're all going to get our pussy branded. What would Whitney Cummings do or something on her crotch not do? I mean, it's really it's a lot.
I know it's it's been a lot, but it's been so fun. I'm grateful for my boyfriend. He's so sweet.
He's right behind me. I have a boyfriend. He was a white guy. Got this guy. He's Asian. He's Asian. Oh, right. Do not take that from me. It allows me to get away with a lot. Nobody's so sweet. He takes care of me and it's really nice. I've only had a fucking psychopath boyfriends and it's really nice to have a cute, nice boy.
And all I had to do is what with me.
OK, when you don't. I was molested. I'm grateful for little Esther. She didn't say me, but it's fine now. I'm in my little just got my dog and I love him. He's been having some health problems but he's going to be OK and it's just been like a fucking blessing to have him. I'm just very filled with love this year. I miss my family, but it's nice to have all of these weird Hollywood people that I don't trust completely, but I think they make me rich at some point.
Thank you so much. It's really cool that I got to go and make it. I am grateful that after 10 years of following Whitney around the Comedy Store, asking her what moisturizer she uses, that she has finally allowed me to enter into her life. And Dave, you can attest to how obsessed with her I've been the last decade, all the videos I've watched.
And and I'm just I always knew that it would be really cool to be your friend. And I was right. So thank you. Thank you for having me in your life and for having me in your life forever. For a long time.
And I did. What do you say, Dave?
All right. That's it. I love you, Whitney. Thank you for being with us. I just want to say.
Well, I just want to be the most we I mean, not only does she love Whitney, she didn't even mention her fiance.
I mean, OK, I'm doing.
Hello, I am doing my thing cool thing about you, because I'm going to tell you something I've never had the chance to tell you because, like, you don't take compliments that well. So now you have to. Now you have to know. So I know Whitney, we knew we were probably twenty two and we used to run our auditions together for garbage pilots, for garbage guest stars, and we'd go to each other's houses and run our auditions.
We were just like trying to be actresses. And then all of a sudden Whitney's like, oh, I'm doing stand up, oh, I'm writing shit. And I was like, oh, you're allowed to do that. Like, no, I didn't know. I'm from a town of a thousand people. And I was like, Oh, I'm just trying to do this thing. I see Whitney who doesn't have limits. And I was like, wait, why do I have limits?
Kate Micucci Same thing. We were both like, we looked at you and we're like, well, she doesn't. Well, no one told her she could do that. Like you didn't have permission. You just fucking did whatever you wanted. And then you're like, now I'm creating a show. Now I'm doing this. And because of that my mind opened up and I was like, oh, I don't have to just audition for shit I hate.
I can write my own shit. I can start a comedy band, I can run TV shows. Right now I'm writing a Broadway fucking musical. And it started with that. That was it. Did it like my mind went from here to here.
I did. I was like this, like trying to get garbage. And then Whitney's like, no, I'm creating my own shit. And I was like, oh, you're allowed to do that. And then it did it. My world just opened up and my whole life changed. And I don't feel like I've ever gotten to tell you that. So thank you.
I'm thankful for you. The scene in Hollywood. Sorry. Let me just I don't know. I'm hosting. I am like, oh, I like it. You don't have to the emcee this bitch. Like, I just I'm so obsessed with you. You have your show. What is Chad coming out? This is not a podcast.
It is a podcast. April's like makes your own show. Hollywood just keeps your we're the same kind of right. Like I mean you've done a lot more.
It wants us to dress the guard. We will not accept either of our money. No, but like we both are people who Hollywood was like, we want you, we want you and but we want you to just for two years to not work or do anything. You're so talented. We love you. We're going to give you some money to not do anything. And then we're going to tell you everything you're doing is wrong.
They give you money to do nothing. They'd like to do calls.
It's a lot of money, you know, supposedly notes, calls or whatever it is and deals, deals.
I remember sitting down with the same Bushrod at a place called Real Food.
Daily News of all had a weird date there. And I was like, what's up? And, you know, like I was like, I want to cast you in something. I don't know what it was. I was like, do we do a show together? I want to, like, marry you. I love you, let's work together. And you're like, I'm in a deal.
And I know I'm I'm held. You're being held. Right.
There's so many like to not do stuff. Sorry.
That's the scene on Saturday Night Live, by the way. Oh, my God.
This is my little girl named Kim Kardashian. More famous than anyone.
OK, so I'm just talking to you five.
So I got out of that holding deal, finally made a show. One of the things I'm grateful for is that I'm that little monkey off my back. I just locked Victor on it and I'm done with it.
Something I'm grateful for.
Which, incidentally, to your point of making new friends, I'm also very excited to meet some new friends and to have seen some old ones. Dave worked on Chad, which is the name of the show, and it's been so lovely to get reunited with you tonight.
And Whitney, thank you so much. This is so beautiful and it's so nice to just be with people in person and have conversations not over a computer.
I'm very grateful for the health of my family, as they say.
Like, what's that saying?
I'm going to remember it, please.
A healthy man wants many things, but a sick man just wants one, which is so true.
It's always the medicine is all about health care.
But yeah. I had some health scares in my family, and I'm grateful that everyone's OK, so. We almost made it through this year. Amazing, right? OK, I'm not healthy, so give me a minute.
What I am thankful for Whitney because I shouldn't even be here. I am.
I am. When you change my life. Oh.
That's it. You did. And I really shouldn't be here, and I am, and for some reason she keeps me and it's very nice and I get to do all kinds of things that I didn't even think I would ever get to do. And it's really nice and crystal. Oh, no, I didn't do that.
You get to watch me tell you to do things as I do them.
Yeah, but it is really nice. I'm very thankful for it.
Oh, you are your mom. No, no. You're a lot like my mom. But you're not my mom. You're something different.
Your mom never interviews because she did and she tried so hard. You said my blue lipstick.
She didn't do that. But yeah, I mean, I'm so thankful for that. I mean, this is honestly this really terrible year. So sorry for all of you, but it's the best year of my life. I've never had a better time.
And some of you are really great.
And some of your sister is that great, you know. I know, but I was like that day.
I'm so thankful and thankful for your bangs.
There is a podcast and thing for our merch and thankful for all kinds of things I get to do.
John, I got to live out a dream. I'm super excited just to catch on.
I feel like you guys know, I feel like I talk enough. OK, man. All right. Let's wrap it up tonight. You have to do one for each person.
OK, I guess, like. I mean, I always have hot takes, like, I guess I'm just like I'm super grateful that this horrendous thing happened, you know, like, it's awful.
I know it's awful, but, like, it really, like, sobered me up at a lot of ways.
Talking about your sinus infection, sinus infection is really where we're moving to a new house at some point.
First of all, I am so incredibly thankful for to Ray Hickerson.
I am because I can not believe I got so lucky that I found you.
I don't know why I got you. I don't know who sent you. I don't know. But like, I, I absolutely would have quit the business without you. I would have resigned himself.
I mean, he's I mean, truly, I am Lord. It's for me there is less than Holly favor.
I mean I was on that vision board. I know it's weird, but like there is like you it's it's you're my wife. My husband. My is like, oh no, no.
Like I didn't get to have a family, you know what I mean. When I didn't get like I had a sister and she's like a you know, I never like I never got to have that. And like this is the first time I've ever been like, oh, this is what love should feel like.
It's like you're not going to like this, but it is like the closest to, like, love of it.
A little of a dog I like just the unconditional the unconditional love of feeling like not judge. I'm just getting sicker as I do this of just crying.
I'm just like not feeling like love and emotion. What is love. Actual robot. That robot the whole time. Yeah. Probably comes out.
I was like, I, you know, I didn't, I didn't fambly like this is my chair was so important when I watched it because it was just like, oh you could choose your family you know, because I, I, I wasn't you, I was, you know, broken toys could get together, they could make their own family and they could have balls that are stronger like the your chosen family could heal the damage of your actual family, you know what I mean.
And like you're that for me, you know, and. You know, you're like. You gave me like like this business, like beat me down so hard and made me like the person that Ricky back there was like confident, like ready to go, had all these ideas, like the business that bought me, like, crushed me so hard. The Internet, like, crushed me so hard. That I was like starting to believe all that, you know, like I was dragged so hard, it canceled.
I was like, the first person cares about that.
I just feel like we don't talk. So those why they weren't happy about that.
An op ed. Like, I was just like so demoralized that I was like, so self-loathing and like it like just took my it took my spirit like it broke me. That broke my spirit so hard at you. Like, hey, did you like. You gave me that bag, you know, like you would say to me, he's like, you're waiting hubbins, like he would like, quote, my stand up jokes.
I'd be like, oh, that's a funny joke. Yeah, that's your job. You know, I it like it like brought me, like, resuscitated me, you know, because I was just like loop of like Kerry so much about like what the Internet thought and like it was so much worse than like any childhood that I ever joke about being bad, you know, like because I think adversity is good for us. Childhoods are bad. Like I think it may be a superhero.
The person that recoupment knew, that bad kid came out. It was like, you know, you, like, gave me my identity back, you know, like you you may be like realize what I had achieved because, like, I could I could see it before because I was like so loathed, like this weird Internet way, you know, in that like I was like in the comment section.
It's like it's not none of it's real, but it was just like in my I was like stuck.
I was stuck and he got me like, stuck, you know, and you may be like think it was like cool to be proud, you know, and like it was like it's like cool to like it's like he's like, I work to the ball.
Do you want to go work at the mall? Like you would just you would just say, like klaxons like you just snapped me out of my shit.
Like he just was like I just worked, I worked at Sephora. Do you want to go fucking work for me? It's just like I went to the back. I was like he was just like, what are you do it like, why are you grateful for everything you have, you know? And every time I complained, he'd be like, all right, what a trade. Like, he would just say that to me, like right away.
And it was like a it also I think we have some like past life, ancestral, like Appalachian like connection, you know, like we are hillbillies together in Appalachia.
And I was not allowed to say hillbilly. It's a compliment. So we have like some deep Appalachia Appalachian connection, you know, and like, you are the first person in a while that pathologies my crazy.
You like a Google word for this, but I be just like by like my perfectionism and, like, try to make everything perfect like this business for the longest time. Would you try to make something perfect? They tell you you're crazy. You're like, but you hired me to try to make this perfect and now I'm crazy. Like, I've just tried to make the best product for you of getting all these emails to try to make something perfect. I've give you all these directions, but I blubbed and like, that's annoying doing it.
I'm younger than you and like, I'm trigger. You had to recreate your childhood circumstances, so you hate me, you know?
So it's like I've just like I trigger people. You know, at the time I was like, I I'm doing a bad job because I've tried to acquiesce to your insecurities, but you paid me to do a good job that my name's on it. So like, I'm the one that's going to get dragged and I will get us to walk down the street, the neighborhood, you know what I mean? And it was like just like shit show nightmare.
And like, you're the first person that was like. Yeah, oh, this totally tracks, it's like you like you said once, you were like, no one deserves to be famous for the, you know, unbelievable.
You're like, I get it.
It was like it was like you were just like the chaos you were looking at. Be like, this person's crazy. You were like, yeah, you just like what with me you're like radically like radically accepted and forgave me all the time. And you're one of the first people I've ever I think maybe the only person I've ever worked with that I never, like, worried about hurting your feelings.
And you hurt mine sometimes.
But like but like but like but like but that's the deal.
That's we're all highly sensitive perfectionists. We're the best people. We're like the highest frequency, like the most evolved people, you know, say like the word.
But it's hard to turn on and off.
But like the one thing is like radically forgetting the word cheerleader, get her up there, fucking get her up there.
And here we go. I mean, it's so like it's just you've given me the gift of like. Freeing up the bandwidth of worrying if someone's mad at me or thinks I'm crazy, they both helped you free of your bandwidth to lead it by far.
And like, I'm just so grateful.
Like, everyone here is like, no, be at my craziest, does not want to throw me. You don't carry me home. I feel like it's just like the fat. Like the people that let you come and go like that is to be like the great the people that you could see, like every couple of years, every five years. And it's like nothing's wrong. You know, it's bad, you know. I mean, it's like naseeb.
Like I'll see you like four weeks in a row every weekend that I will talk to you for like a year. And then we're like back like that is so Bob to me, like that is the most real fambly friendship shit. And there's no like, hey, what have you got up. Yeah, well there's no Pasovic, there's no resentment, there's no baggage like nothing.
It's just like water off a duck's back like always like that is like the coolest. Esther's a nightmare like she I can't do this with it.
Like she's like all the movie in which case she'll like just disappear.
But like that, like that.
I like to call her in her beret.
I'm so grateful for like friendships that don't aren't laced to like it rooted like obligation and pressure.
Jaded like because I think that the pandemic really made us realize like who do you want to be around who first of all, who's worth dying for, who's really getting a virus for and also like kids?
Oh well, that happened. Yeah. Like, I had a wild thing happen. Like I had, like a lot of people that I hold for. So a lot of people that I, I thought of people that I love like are bad, are fundamentally not the people that I do that whole good. Oh yeah.
I feel like I'm actually good. They kudret who are younger, you know, like I feel like this.
Don't you feel like this bad habit. Really bad. You like, like there's no obligatory heggs you know. Like you're like back though.
She's been sleeping for 40 minutes because it's like it's the end of the world as we know it. Like who? Like who. Who do I want to see is the weirdest last supper six feet.
This is Whitney conversation here.
This is I go try to make this more of a conversation they're on because I think I cry.
Good stuff here. And it feels carlivati like people are uncomfortable that I'm crying and stuff. I think it's that. But you're where are you from?
The Ukraine and the Ukraine. So you think it's a hoax anyway? Yeah.
Do think that's true.
Yeah. So it's like I just yeah. I feel like things like they're owed, you know, like Chicot so real this past year that everyone was like who do I really want to fuck with. And I realized like. You know what, like someone asked you, like, let's get coffee. You're like, OK, you go and you're like, OK, I'm doing this. I did that. I had like I said, let's go for I can relate back to like, you don't want to do that.
Do you like all these just like obligatory habitual like why are we doing caches like what are you talking about a pop star.
I don't know. What is this thing.
Civilians do your I, I take off it but like it's just like all that shit went away.
Huh. It was sort of hell yes. If it's not a hell yes it's a no.
I like that the default is no it's except what we value but it's like we're like the land well so we are going to be a part of paradise.
So I hosted the screening for the craft here because I could have had it and sometimes I relapse. For Zoe Lister Jones, the movie The Crafted Blumhouse is such a fucking clubhouse that they would cover a premiere for her. So I threw it here, kind of just like this with just like, did you give them the slum house line?
I, I did all the Zubai on the phone call with the assistant going, let me talk to Jason because I think it's real strange when I going to pay women in twenty twenty all the way. She said, I'm on a date with Jason.
I was twenty two and you know two years ago with me called Assad the same lawyer.
And when he called and yelled at him and fired him for I was such a bad word.
Yeah. I just, I never had that advocate like I never had an advocate, you know, like you were the boss. I had all these men that were like I didn't realize there were fucking me over. I thought they were helping me, you know what I mean? And I just like what daddy, daddy, love me, love me. I didn't know what questions to ask. I didn't know what to do, you know. So now I'm just like what I see the world getting fucked over.
Like, I just it's like see a dog that's big, like a dog in a hot car. Like I just have to do something like I don't know how to die. Yeah. It was like you were with this lawyer that was like fucking you over. And I was just like like all the brothers, like, what's up bro? What are we doing so far? Hey, where's Officer? I always love Getraer, so I call love good work.
And you break up with her for her with her lawyer I fired.
What did you feel. He stole my body fired before and after Whitney yelled at him like three times. I could just take it whenever I like.
I like you. You're the first person that's ever fired me. I was always like that. Yeah. Yeah. How many people? Yeah. I was like, no, I was like, you know, when you said earlier I had I just had like a feeling. Yeah.
Because I was like your chemistry things that you didn't do work. But your name is practically the thing that everyone does to me. Yeah.
But I was just like I was just like I was my way. And also why are you talking to your people? It's like that asshole like Eddie, because he knows what he he bullies you into being scared and not ask questions. I was like, you're a bully. I don't like it. I never did ask a question. No, don't you?
While I like working with the brain, it's OK. I'm fine with it. Oh, no, no. It wasn't a question of private eye.
And tell them he really I can't really remember what it was, something I don't want to level on an MTV shoot. And I know my lawyer asking if I had a case of twenty one years old. I didn't reply to MTV.
I don't really that I think you're a bad right. I would say we all just love children. I like love, I love that guy. Everyone needs to witness. So how are you doing? We're going to do. We're going to go down to the pool and we're going to put the pool lights, people. Oh my God.
There's so many. I wrote a bathing suit. Yes, I do. We do. We are going to turn the tide, if anyone, to jump start if anyone wants to watch movies. But we're going to put the pool lights in the pool. It's very important that we do this.
What was that like? What is there. I. White trash, and that will never change. It gets it every year share that she has to say yes or no better for Cubby and for being so cool with how weird and awkward all this was. I would like to make a toast, but it's only 20 and I feel like.
I got I got double chested today, I got a blood test and a mouth swab and another some super negative.
OK, so everything can be cut out, everything or nothing. Manager, we don't need to air this to give you permission to tackle.
Oh, I love that. Like, it's we're good.
How do you do this? So I have a podcast, too, and I'm like just learning how to be the one that asked the question. So now I need to watch you in full action.
Well, the first thing that's going to happen is I'm going to have a perfectionism spiral until you can not bring to the table, because it's going to make that would be really hard for me.
I speak with my hands a lot. So you're not supposed to jingle jangle?
Should I take off my teeth? I mean, but, ah, you're a music producer. I mean, I know. So I get it.
But get the song. Would you do that. I might turn into like a drum sound.
Yeah but that's the people are driving there on their jogs or at the gym. They're like doing their dishes. Everything is music.
So you're I mean you're wearing teeth. Like what. I take them on for the jingle jangle. I like the teeth. What what's with the teeth. OK, the teeth are. I asked my fans to send me teeth so I could wear them. And I've made a headdress and multiple pieces of jewelry out of their teeth and I wear it when I just like need. Good luck. These are your fans teeth on your. Yeah. Yep. Obsessed with you.
And I thought I would just like. But they were pulled out from dentists. Yeah. Like wisdom teeth mostly. I got a couple like. Questionable to you that like a little bit of remnants of what seemed to be, I didn't test it, but it was like red, dried liquid, seemed like maybe players people were pulling their teeth out for you. There is a possibility that maybe that happened. Talking to you is not like pulling teeth.
I think I want to bang on the teeth. Usually pop stars might be like pulling teeth. So these are your fans teeth? Yes, I love my fans. I miss them so much. So I take their teeth with me.
Benton or what are you texting?
Are we not entertaining the two alleged stars of your childhood?
I am texting Olivia Munn about our Thanksgiving.
Oh, I'm on that group, Jane, to check me out. I know sometimes I look at my phone, it's like four hundred text messages. Can you focus on me, please?
Yes. What what is where is this? What do you where is that?
In your hand. In your hand. I mean, what about me in Target?
What happens? Oh my God. What do you do when you when you go to the target for flushing out you gets lost immediately. As soon as she walks the door, she'll call and go, where am I.
What do you mean what are you. I'm just overwhelmed. So excited. Dude, I grew up West Virginia, Virginia. You go to Wal-Mart and you're just like, oh, Tennessee.
I know I. I went to the prom. So do you know that Benta, you went to Walmart for prom after prom? I in Tennessee. Wow.
I stole my shoes for prom from a Kmart and I walked in and put my dirty old shoes in the box and walked out in these like, really tacky fake stiletto heels.
And those are my prom shoes from Kmart.
I got to get that picture from me. And then do you know that Benton sold you makeup in Nashville?
OK, so we've talked about this. Did you what did you sell me?
Was it the blue lipstick blue waterproof liquid liner for as little as you would wear?
It is lipstick. Yeah, it was basically the exact color. Your hair. Yeah.
And when you had a glitter in it and when I went out of stock, you bought all of them.
I literally called like the headquarters and I was like, I need them all because on stage I'm a real I'm real cool boss lady. I'm like, do your thing. But when you get on stage, you have to cover yourself in glitter and put blue lipstick on. So it's like kind of my only rule. So I like bought out the rest of the blue eyeliner that I found like thirty five of the other day. And I was like, what do you do with thirty five.
You're over it now. Oh my God. I can't help it. I get in trouble for it too.
I've got, I have misophonia. So how did, why were you getting eyeliner and put your lips.
Because that eyeliner didn't move.
It was like it was waterproof sweat proof move. It does not move.
Like you can pour a beer on your a blue lips. Why do you want to hear. I'm 38 and childless. OK, well, I was like twenty four and clueless and I also just like think there's a part of me that like I never wanted to be like the pretty girl. I always wanted to be like, I feel like a blue tiger is my spirit. And so when people look at me and like they're like, oh, like you're not cute or you are cute and it's like, no, no, no, I'm a blue tiger.
Like, just leave it alone. I'm a blue tiger. Translate that.
She's saying that she just wants to be herself uniquely individual without all of your labels. So I'm asking the questions.
You know, you can totally I had questions. Is the Tennessee goddess thing? No, it's actually like a very the feminine is dark and is actually cool and like being cold and it's blue. And the I just found this out. I have two blue tigers tattooed on me and the tiger. Well, one's under me like a spandex body suit.
But so I just like I really identify as a blue tiger.
That's what I'm saying. And so I think the blue lips was also like, fuck societal beauty standards. And it was like my tiny little rebellious being, like, I'm going to wear blue on my lips because I'm not supposed to.
Also, to be fair, nobody was doing it when nobody was doing. No, I was like a whole thing where it was like and I yelled at black people in Tennessee.
It was at the Greenhills Mall, I believe, Greenhills Mall at the Mac counter, at the Green Hills Mall.
But where were you born? Oh, I was born in Venice at that tracks. And then my mom at home birth Homburg. I met your mom.
So I feel like you're like a mad genius. Thanks.
So are you OK? She doesn't know how to accept compliments, so. No, no, no. We met before that, by the way. And another. And another. And another life we have. But so. But I feel like some very like like, you know, when you meet someone you're like forclose. Yeah. And you're just like, OK, we're all caught up. Yep. Gotcha. We're just on a different vibration. Yeah.
And I think that's the Appalachian connection. You mean like we're hillbillies.
I could cancel every time I say that word, but yes. You can't say what is this world we live in.
I cannot call myself a hillbilly. I know, right? Hillbilly. I can't be using. My God, it can't be. York made an amazing documentary called Hillbilly. It's on Hulu. It's incredible.
Can I call myself white trash? Yes.
Right you are. Yes. I have felt so like I just feel this like. I don't know, I just you also were like in the way that you sort of, like, infiltrated my life before I knew you, maybe I just felt like I knew you. Maybe this is just what the great pop stars do is like you gave me permission to be authentic. And so I thought I knew you better than I did. You get that?
I really love that. No, I don't get it. That's like, what am I just a fan?
So he. Well, I've heard that, but what give her to throw. Yeah, give me your due to be honest, my music taste is very weird.
I'm very weird with music. I am, too. I'm super weird. I'm so sensitive that I don't like listening to music all the time. Like, I, I don't either. I don't listen to music all the time. I listen to Alison Krauss.
Krauss. Oh my God, my heart.
I listen to like Alison Krauss, Mary Chabin Carpenter. Like Deana Carter, Nina Carr. Well that's when we really fell in love.
Was it strawberry wine.
So you and I did carpool karaoke together.
Mm hmm. I was so bad at singing that day.
I was I forgot all the words that all my new your songs better than you knew your songs.
I record. I have a playlist on. This is such a ridiculous story. So they call me about carpool karaoke and I'm like, I never know how famous I am. So I'm like, OK, cause you're very famous. I don't know. Yes.
Like, I am inspired to do a podcast from you. You're like the Beyonce of podcast. Benton, what I understand about Beyonce is about to get stung by a bee. No, I like Beyonce. Beyonce is my favorite. That's a huge compliment.
But I just you never know. They could be anywhere.
I mean that in the highest respect, I'm going to get murdered.
So I get a call that's like carpool karaoke. Karaoke is happening. I hate karaoke. I cannot sing. I love karaoke, but for different reasons. Go on. I don't. Because you can sing.
No, no, no, I. No, no, no, no, no. When I do karaoke because I can't take myself seriously and I feel like it's kind of do to like I'm a singer. I'm going to sing this song and look at me go. Yeah, I try to make them turn my microphone off by being so bad. And so for me, karaoke is in the same category of like idiot shipper's.
I tried to, like, give people that really feel like when you watch really bad standup shot and for a while like like like you're like cringe.
You love LeBron James. I love cringing like. Yes, that's like your you've got like a Manson.
Marilyn Manson. Charles Manson man. Charles Manson. Marilyn Monroe. No, like I, I want people to feel comfortable and like I don't want them to feel uncomfortable, but I love cringing. Yes.
Well this is why because that's what I did with the robot special. The Can I touch it special. Oh my God. The robot so awkward. Like when I brought I didn't even know I was going included in special. And there's a certain thing that happens after you've performed a lot where you're like you want to give the audience more, you want to give them a feeling they've never had like a new thing. You want to get a feeling they've never had before.
And it's like, OK, I can make you laugh. I can make you clap. I can make you cry. Laughing Now I want to make you go.
Oh, now on a you the fire. Yeah.
No, I just want to give you that adrenaline because I know it turns into dopamine like I just want to spook you.
I love spooking people. You get really weird you out.
Yes. I think going back to the blue lipstick I wanted people to be like huh. And like not know how to feel it is that it is, it is just that come from a place of insecurity because I think. I'm constantly shocked by how shy you are. I am pretty like in personal life, I'm very shy, very shy. Yeah, well, I also take a long time. Here's what I've learned. Looking through. Thinks you're like a cat.
You're like a like a like a savannah cat. Like a blue like tiger.
But like there's a little bit obviously a dissonance of I Googled you yesterday. Oh my God, I'm so sorry. I feel it. And that's where the nervous breakdown came from. No, I'd never have Googled myself. I know people say, oh, I never Google myself. I think I Googled you.
And I said that Google told me that you had a tail. Oh, I do. I did. A doctor stole it.
I swear to God, he did not tell me he was taking my tail off and took my tail.
Keep going. No, please. It wasn't like it wasn't like saying the clip, please. This is a real story. We should call my mom.
I had a tail. Oh, we are going to go. We are going to call her because I did have a tail. It was very small.
And when you were born. Yeah. And like, up until I get to know don't. Yeah. Just like a little it look like a mole. But then I was like, what is this. And they were like, well technically it's a tail. So when I was getting a yearly checkup, how old were you like in my twenties. Oh yeah.
This doctor stole my motherfucking tail and didn't ask permission and just was like zapped it right off. And I was like, let me put it in like a case or something.
Let me put it on a necklace. Now you're just bragging about having health care.
I just I miss my tail.
So you were born with the tail, just like not like them. It's like a dinosaur tail. I was born with an extra bone in my foot. Really, my right foot left, right, left foot is feminine male.
And that is also associated with nighttime and darkness.
I'm learning all of this from you, from the Internet comments. I know it's a long story, but. Yes, but maybe you need an extra toe on that foot because you had a lot of feminist shit flowthrough. I remember when the carpool karaoke thing came in, it was like, did I make this up? They were like, Kesha wants to do this with you. Oh, I requested Strawbery One by Dina Garder and me. Yeah. And then but I had no idea that you were.
I can't say hillbilly, and, you know, you can hear you can OK, my friend, may I call you, is your are real good. OK, do you identify as a hillbilly? I hope so. Well, that's between you and yourself. OK, so what am I doing here?
So, I mean, to a girl, that should be that should be some bad boy. That's like witchcraft come in. It's like it's also it's like the word redneck, you know, the word redneck growing up. Like, I always thought that was like I guess I just made this up or that it was about I thought it was tan.
Tan on your neck. No, it actually is about the battle of Blair Mountain. It was the second largest labor uprising in history was in West Virginia. And they wore red bandanas and they called them rednecks.
So they're are actually heroes, which is the sequel to Escape from Witch Mountain.
Oh, my God, I had no idea. So what's the like? Is it etymology of hillbilly?
We've recorded a podcast. I never got to hear it about this exact thing. Remember, we went to West Virginia?
Yes, I do remember you went to West Virginia Soga.
But let me ask you like. How? Do you have siblings if two brothers, one older, one younger, OK? Oh yeah. Your editor? Yes. Where are they? One is living literally next door. I mean, kind of. But I'm the only girl, so I'm the favorite.
What is it about you Tennessee people? But what is it?
It's a question. Yeah. I don't know if I should be insulted or if the latter. It's your witches.
Oh my God. Absolutely. But you're definitely a witch as well. So clearly so. I don't know. I don't know if it's just like. Maybe it's in the water, I don't know, I think honestly, I grew up chasing fireflies and like running through the hills barefoot and there was that connection to nature from the beginning, which I know you have to. It's just like you love animals.
And I think that's another thing we, like, bonded on. Yeah, that's right. And I think the more connected I am to nature, the more I feel like a witch.
Mm hmm. And Sparkle's so but then how do you how do you with this vibe, how do you go into a business meeting with a bunch of guys in suits that are like, do you?
I mean, yeah, it's well, if you were a bunch of guys in business suits, I would wear something like Don't fuck with me shoes.
So, like, how how do you. This is a weird question. OK, can cut it and go like when I see you, when we're not rolling, we've hung out when cameras aren't happening and you're like the person jumping. Yeah, like this is who you are. I'm saying, like, I had this idea in my head that pop stars are like I'm a pop star today and they put on their wig and their necklaces and their things and their glitter and they're like, I'm a pop star, you know what I mean?
It's like that's just who you'd be even if you weren't famous. Yeah.
I definitely think, like, ten years of like performing on a stage has influenced my life style, like a modern human teeth on a necklace.
Like things like that might be different. Yeah, but I have always been.
If you weren't famous, that's a crime. But it was all just I just I just suggested if anybody had any teeth.
I know, but this legal that's not really good question. I mean, I didn't think no one was harmed.
If you go I mean, to the doctor, you can't keep your organs.
My mom, when she had me at home, I think it all started with my mom. And mom's like the queen, which like she was like, no, it's your mother. It's always your mother.
She had me at home and then went to the hospital. They took her like placenta came out sorry, Cracker Barrel. It's not a beer. So I just I didn't do it. So thirsty to do it. So my mom goes to hospital, placenta won't come out, whatever. So she left me at home with her friend, a couple of friends. I'm just like hanging out newborn baby and. Finally, her placenta falls out and the ladies like, OK, you can go now, and she's like, no, give me my placenta.
And so she negotiated for her placenta to be shoved in a garbage bag underneath the dumpster outside.
So then the age of twenty four and I was going to wear it today. I couldn't find it. She ground it up in the blender and put it in a necklace that I like to wear. So the moral is if you're just annoying enough you can get your organs. That's true.
My dad kept his hip bone from his hips. See, there you go. And I just went on a date with a doctor and he let me draw blood out of my body to put into vinyl records.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You went on a date with a doctor? Well, yeah, he was cute. But I was like, also, I need to imagine being a doctor, being like, I'm just going to where do you take. Well, we wouldn't ask what they would be helpful.
No, this is like a separate project to. Where is he now? He was a good doctor. I was like, I am single. I would date you. You are a doctor. You are nice. Yeah, I think having that's a good call.
And he's like ear, nose, throat that be so helpful in my line of health checks about. And we were just like chat and flirt and I was like OK, listen. So I did a song with the Flaming Lips and Wayne Coyne was like, can you get a vial of your blood? Because we're going to put it in the vinyl, like in the inside. So when you spin the record, like your blood's going to be swirling around.
And I was like, that sounds awesome. So then I went to the doctor and he's like, well, you need the blood in your body.
It's not just a little bit. Just a little bit. So I went in, I was just like chat with him being like, so can we do this? And he was like, well, it's not technically legal.
And then we just chatted some more and then it became legal in like ten minutes.
OK, I don't remember the point. It's so I like you're like you're just so what?
I'm so curious about where it's going to come next. I'm just like, you're so. And I'm like, no, it's so random and I'm just excited.
No, I'm just like, I'm obsessed with you because like. I really I'm so scared of pop stars like are scared of me. Yeah, course. Why, gentlemen, I'm like a baby whale.
It was due to our.
Well, I'm also lean. I can't love a baby. I love the baby wheels, too. But I just, um. I'm just, like, fascinated by this, like. How you've managed to stay Kesha Cave, do you mean like have you broken or have you broken open? Have you broken? I think, you know, I just put this in a song the other day.
Can I get a I know it's already been written, Biche. So can we just when you thought you'd be really good at writing songs. A little catchy. No.
For real. Like that's where I get song.
Inspiration is like you say some crazy ass thing and I'll just be like, you're work and I'll write you a theme song. How do you do that? You already know how you want to have a theme song. I haven't been back yet. Yeah, well, we have one jingle.
You do. And it's catchy. OK, you don't need a jingle. I forget the point. Oh. Song lyric that I wrote. It's like I thought that I was broken but I was only broken open. Yes. Yeah.
So I feel like as cheesy and like go fuck yourself as it is. It's like the hard things in life that are just like the most miserable. Parts of your life, I sometimes look back on and I'm like, well, I would not be like I would not know how to do so many things. I wouldn't be as tough. I wouldn't be as vulnerable. I wouldn't be as open, I wouldn't be as adventurous.
And I wouldn't have met people like you like it's just like, yeah, life takes you on a journey and you have to like, either get into it or you can be scared of everything.
You're like, yeah. And it's just like and you have to have contrast. And this is why I love comedy. This is why I think I do it and why maybe podcasting is works on some level is like every time something bad happens to me, it's I just I'm like, oh I can Alkermes this, I'm going to use it, I'm going to utilize it into making someone cringe in that feeling that you like so much.
I like making people cringe. I love making people Dan or myself. Well yeah. I mean there is an element of that. If you can take something that like truly sucks, like let's just say in general a breakup, it sucks, which breaks your heart. You want to die. But if I can take that and then write like a county fuck you song about it that makes people giggle, then I'm like, oh, I just took that thing and made it into a thing that people are laughing about.
And it's happy dancing with tears in my eyes. Oh my God. Oh God.
Oh God. Oh my God. Steven, I gave Steven sorry.
We just have to like a side note on this for a second. OK, Steven, I gave Steven the Steven I wrote a song when I was 16 called Steven Still friends with a guy, gave him a tattoo of my name about right before, like Coke. It happened. Wow. So I feel like I won.
I mean, by the way, here's my thing. You're always I think we're in a time where the good is always going to win. I don't know about always, but maybe eventually.
Eventually it's like eventually like Star Wars. It's like but I think if you forgive, you win as soon as. Oh my God. This song lyric I just told you is in the song called I Forgive You. You plagiarized me.
Oh, I wrote this song.
I'm writing a song you said and then OK. So I just want to go back to this because I'd like to get really everyone knows about me. I like to get super granular. We were doing carpool karaoke together and it was it was a weird pairing.
Yeah. Why me? Because you're funny. You picked me.
Well, you are on a list or was I like you're on a list. Did you one.
Honestly, I swear to God I don't even remember anyone because I only saw you.
I don't believe you. I, I swear to you, I don't remember who else was on the list, but I was like, hands down her.
She's a robot, is a robot. I want the robot. Well, because you got to be some was the clear. We were both insane. Right.
And I was like, I have so many robotic. Questions and like, I just want to know how you feel about robots, because I talk to this guy yesterday who thinks I know I saw that.
Well, like we have to talk about, OK, who thinks, like, humans are being cloned secretly and that we soon will all be clones and then be taken to a different planet.
Sure. If someone has the time, go for it. Knock yourself out. And then Sammy Hagar was like, yes. And then robots are doing great things to and robots or aliens. And I'm like, I don't even know.
But I want to know why I love your brain because you're like, I'm going to go there.
This is you have comedian brain. Like there's some musicians and comedians that are concentric that are just like, I'm going to go to the wildest place, like, where else are you going to go?
What am I gonna stay over there?
That's already been traversed. Why not go to the wilderness?
Yes, you go to the fucking wilderness and like. Your songs are funny, thank you. You lost on Godzilla. Slow down, huh?
Godzilla wrote out, my mom, mom, like your songs are funny. Thank you. You wrote to me like brushing my teeth with Jack Daniels. Like you're just like what? Like it's like funny and like really makes you, like, interact with the person you're singing it with.
Love that I love the thought of you guys singing that hysterically at each other.
I don't know why in my brain I want to compete with who knows the words the most. Like it's I can be louder. Yeah.
Like your music or lyric like makes people feel more confident than they actually are.
That's great, because that's what I always Connell's has done that. Who is this done? Who else does that I was going to say, Cochairmen, you make me feel like a natural woman. Maybe Cheramie confident chair makes me feel confident. Beyonce makes me feel.
But I walk out song for a good two years. Was woman my song woman. Yeah. I love.
No, I just want to make people feel confident because we all are insecure, including the person writing it. But for when I need a pick me up I'll listen to Beyonce or listen to Dolly Parton or listen to Lizzo and I'll just be like, bitch. Pick yourself up. You're the shit. So my advice to you don't go do your business. You're a motherfucking business woman. Like, don't let this petty shit in your way. Get up.
Smile, bitch. Let's go. And I kind of just need to, like, kick my ass into shape when I'm being, like, super emotional, which I am very emotional. Don't let the bastards get you down.
Oh my God. That's my favorite song I ever wrote.
I love having a super fan here. And a dog. A super fan. A dog.
It's so sad because I remember like I remember. It's just so weird when you, like, know someone and then you meet someone in Congress like you're OK.
I've had a lot of times my oh what I have.
So I'm just can't I'm going to eat you alive.
What is up with when I was so I'm such a perfectionist, I wanted so badly to not embarrass myself on our carpool karaoke that I memorize your song and I love how religious your music is because I grew up in the South and there was so much religion.
I mean, you guys can relate. There's just like religion. That was where I had my first kiss. Was that outside of a super church?
And I would go hot, so hot, so hot, let me tell you. And it's like where everybody went after school. And so I really think spirituality has always been drawn to it. I'm obsessed with it. I think it's like a really beautiful thing. But religion always fascinated the hell out of me because I'm like, wait, why are you killing them?
Yeah, it's like, I don't.
But aren't we kind of all isn't it personal, like, you know, just like things like that.
So and like I have things that I like to do that are like drink my pee. That's not un holy. Exactly. How do you. I'm still here. So bringing it to you.
Exactly. Oh my God. Your commentary. Where do you have to go. Because kanthal like Buddha, I mean you really are a joke writer.
Good girls know how to get hard to. Yeah.
Like I have to be honest, like when I was doing the carpool karaoke with you, I had to read that because I like hearing it. You talks, you sing so fast sometimes. So I had to like read through it and I was like, this is like a genius joke writing. This is like rostral level writing.
I think you become clever. Funny. Well, we're OK. Were you cool in high school? You were.
No, no. I say look, it's hard to say it's OK. If you were defined, I might judge you. I was in the first part of high school. I was really tall, really young. And my sister had Doc Martens and I wore them and for like and she was cool. So I had like a little bit of, like, ancillary, you know, like. But then when I moved to Virginia, I was I had literally green hair at the time, shaved in the back nose ring, which was cool in DC.
And then I went to Virginia and it was not cool. It was all about preppy. Yes. And so I was not cool in Virginia and sports, sports, football, cheerleading gap. So I then I was not cool in Virginia, but I was cool. And so I was like, I don't know. And then I by the time I was in high school, I was like had such bad eating disorder that I didn't talk to anybody.
So I didn't have friends there.
I sat in my car. What do I always say on this broadcast about the sponsors? They didn't stop hitting the tape. Oh, about the sponsors, I said. But the sponsors, you always say that you're authentic and real and that you love them.
And then I actually use the products that we you you say that. So what's going on here now? With this something inappropriate, with that little finger Mandi's I'm wearing fully wearing me and I'm also wearing them and I'd like to see them now I.
Truly, I'm so obsessed with this underwear, I don't even need to read the copy of the Christmas ones are out, though. Oh, why don't I have them yet? The Christmas monies are out.
They are the most comfortable underwear. No, no swampy ness. They don't cling to wedges.
You know, wego chafing none.
There are the most Gunaratnam ever more in my life.
It's like you're spooning with a guy that's bad for you. You know, he's bad for you and you're like smelling his pheromones and you're like, I know this isn't going to end well, but it feels so good. It's like that kind of or something better.
It's like that like post-coital cuddle.
But not only that, the best underwear, they also start crying. They have like the best socks. The socks are amazing. The t shirts, the lounge pants. I mean, everything is made out of that material.
That's what magic material is not like Velva.
It's like oh it's like t shirt. It's like a vintage t. It's like the perfect vintage t shirt.
Like it's soft but like it's not super thin.
I like walk around like I like get excited to like put on my Mandi's like walk around naked or I have the only underwear that I own at this point.
You've never been looked at me more seriously because I'm, it's very serious.
It's it's a years of collecting. They deliver them to your door. There's a subscription. You can also gift it to people this year on around the holidays.
It's a great it is a great gift, great gift for to give your sister, your mom, your grandma, your aunt. It's a good girl to girl gift.
It's a great gift for guys because if you've seen their underwear. I'm not in a while, and that hurt my feelings. Listen, I have so many means at this point because they delivered to your door every month that I could just let me on. Oh, they delivered to your door every month.
I think the subscription that I could technically just where you stay and throw them away, it is like, well, don't do that.
You don't do it. But I could.
But it's it's like Christmas. I love getting just like a pair. And then it's like the llamas I got with the llamas on it.
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So just don't don't play yourself just like it's. I'm wearing them, I mean, highly recommended. Keep going, manscape, this is our that listen in the Lawnmower 3.0 electric trimmer.
It's your this. This ad says this is the greatest ball hair trimmer on the planet, according to Rogan.
It also says it's not in your ad. It also says it's not recording.
Are we recording one of the little timers? Not on. They my producers tie me now on my ads because I ramble so much.
I like that we have to read Rogan's recommendation on your podcast. That's funny.
I mean, Rogan, honestly, Rogan does not bullshit, so I agree with them.
They're just like she didn't have balls, we need to throw this in. I've seen more balls and reorganize. I'll tell you that right now. But had you trimmed them? I've never trimmed the ball because you didn't have the lawnmower three point zero or do that is the weed one, that's the nose and ear hair trimmer, which I'm obsessed with. Me, too. I love mine.
Oh, my God. I love the little clicking that you feel when it's trimming your hair. The clicking, the trimming.
Like the tree. Like the cutting. Yeah.
Like you feel it. It's just like. Oh, God. It's like. I'm into it. I mean, that's great, that's literally how you I mean, those here, let me tell you, especially for a guy with a beard, your nose hairs, if you're not careful, you'll look up one day and they'll be growing into your beard hair and you won't even tell the difference sic.
Yeah, that's what happens when you're. Seventy nine percent of their partners polled admitted they have a long nose hairs.
And here's the thing. You don't know you have nose hairs, but everyone else does. It's like having food in your teeth. Like we see like you can't see in your nose. You gotta get you have it. You have this problem.
Yeah. You can look in your nose. That is an option.
Such a bummer. It's like, you know, when people have that white stuff in the corner of their mouths when they're talking. Yeah. In your like say yes I do.
But their dead skin and spit out what they don't know it.
And you're like do I tell them. Do I not. How do you not know.
That's what I want to know. A lot of people don't. Disgusting. Well, you know, your balls are hairy. You don't know that. They have, first of all, hairy nose hairs coming out or your hairs or your hairs.
Who's going to tell you you should be self aware. That's self awareness.
I know. But like, you have to have a girlfriend that's going to be like, well, at least well, you know, if your balls are hairy so you can at least get that one on your own, pull your balls together, pulling together enough is enough with the like.
There's no more excuses with the the the razor burn balls and the is it razor burn. Is it herpes. Now I have to ask a bunch of questions. Just like manscape has taken all the anxiety out of handling. Yeah.
You can trim safely, trim your body hair, not shave it off like a baby seal.
The guy that I am sleeping with stole it.
Yeah that's I travel with that. I was like, did you take the cuticle trimmer, the manscape box. It's like all nail care. Yeah.
If someone steals from you red flag. He was like yeah I did. I was like well I need that back because I have to win and I want to show it. He's like also you're a thief.
So there's that. Bring that back and then never return. You thief. Don't be a thief by your own manscape, you get 20 percent off and free shipping and manscape dotcom slash Whitney. That's twenty percent off of free shipping at manscape dotcom slash. Whitney, your balls will. Thank you. I was in the marching band. It was like my fault marching band. Why do you say it like a ghost?
But I mean, Marje, you mean like that's just such like it's a sad to see anyone.
Yeah. It's one of those things that sounds fun. And then when you do it, you're like your mom make you do it or did you do. Oh no. I actually like wanted to do it and I. What did you listen to growing up because your mom wrote songs music wise.
Yeah. Like I would just tell my brothers. So one of my. I think like most memorable was LeAnn Rimes, the song Blue, I was like, that's when I was like, I want to learn how to yodel. So if there's, like little moments in the pop music where I yodel, that's what that's from the female brain.
Like, it was such a weird. Like, I can't believe I did that, like, it's so funny to look back on that, I basically just. My whole I'm obsessed with. Feminine qualities like being mythologized as negative. When their super powers, they are super powers and when you're in touch with them, it's like something you can't explain to someone who's not in touch with them and men being scared of having them because they're feminine.
But to be more powerful, just take them. Use them. It's like I was told growing up, you're sensitive. Relax, calm down. Yeah. And then boyfriends go your psycho.
You're crazy. You're crazy or crazy. You're crazy. And I also doubted my reality a lot as a child, because you have to when you're a kid, when you're in a dysfunctional situation, you your psyche can't handle your parent being the problem. So you have to make yourself you have to go. Well, I must be crazy. So I just was in this like I must be crazy cycle. I read this book The Female Brain, and I read about neurochemicals.
And I was just like, OK, so I need to read this because I just found this out as I was driving to your house. So like myself, by the way, I can I can drive grounded.
I'm a very bad driver. Good. I did not offer you a car. What was my point? OK, I don't Google people that I'm like friends with. Yeah. Going back to your initial friends with, like, not knowing each other's jobs. Yeah. And which I love. Well we're just like people and I love when I meet someone who's a person that I'm like, I like that person. Let's be friends. Just happen to be famous.
A girl your famous. A cool part of that to me is like a little bit refreshing, like, do you ever get on an airplane? And there's just like someone who has no idea who you are and you're like sitting next to them. And I said, it's like, oh, nice. It's like lovely to just forget about the weather. Yes, yes, yes. So that's like I've taken this approach. I don't know if it's a I don't know if it's smart.
I'm not saying it's a good thing to do, but I just don't Google people that I meet. And I like them because I'm just like I'm just going like you and like, I'm going to judge you on how you behave and the things you say and how you act.
What know. It's very old school.
But so when I was driving over here, I was listening to your podcast, it's a little creepy, but and then you started talking about the female brain or what's called the female brain. Yeah. And I was just like, I you must know so much more about the female brain than I do.
I'm obsessed with neurology because I think I think, like, we have been gas lit and like sort of yelled that anthologized men and women without any real understanding of neurochemicals, cortisol, adrenaline for nephron and hormones to hormones like.
Yeah, it's just sort of like, you know, I think that we're sort of these, like, puppets of our neurochemicals. And it's just like our education system is just so backwards in terms of the way that they have framed women or crazy men or strong.
And it's just like they put us in these bilic emotional and rational.
Yeah, emotional is is a negative term like is that while that's a pejorative term and like the empathy that you feel, the, the feeling of wanting to stop and help an animal, which I know you know, that feeling like that's an emotional reaction, that crazy.
Crazy. So the word I have like a ban on crazy and sorry I'm working on sorry I still over apologize like because if I ever my worst nightmare in the entire world like the feeling I hate most I'm trying to reconcile is when I hurt someone's feelings and had zero intentions of doing so. Do you think you can hurt someone's feelings? Yes. Like Frances was talking about how she wore a wedge heel. That's my manager the other day. And Beyonce, who I'm obsessed with, obviously events like eight times today.
But it was like, I like your wedge. And I remember specifically a stylist like 12 years ago being like wedgies are not OK.
And I was like, Beyonce, I like to wedge. And I've been thinking about that being like, did I hurt her feelings about her wedge sandal for it's been like a week now.
Did I hurt your feelings?
OK, but that's why you're you that's why you're an amazing writer, because you're emotional. You have to be a sensitive, hypersensitive beast. But don't you think also to be a comedian, you have to be hypersensitive and you have to figure out a way to take things that are seemingly can be like tragic or very, very serious. And you have to present it in a way that makes people laugh, but also think. Maybe not also think, but just at least.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, you I think you make people think and laugh, but like some comedians just make people laugh about it like something that's like they've gone through. So they turn into a joke.
Do pop stars get along? I think so. I have like had a really great experience, like I invited you over and you came over in, Natasha Bedingfield was at my house.
And then I saw you guys doing shit like I was worried and I was like, oh, am I sexist?
No, there is no weird on it. I assumed you guys were competitive.
Not at all. Like zero percent. No, I think you've probably because you don't know people's history with other people. And it's like in this business, it's like a grown up edition of high school where it's like musicians can like each other.
I do like I'm in this boat where I love music. I like what I when I am in the mood to listen to music, I got to be honest. I'm like, you were I have to be doing one thing at a time. OK, I have a question for you. Sorry, this is your interview, but I do have a question for you. I know, but I actually like a I admire so much how amazing your podcast is.
And I like I'm so excited your friend and secretly, like, learn kind of how you do it because you're just so charismatic without having to, like, even see the visual. It's just lovely to listen to your beautiful voice and projects.
And what Fran Drescher, I thought you said very geggie.
And I was like, yes, I'm judging you in a really nice way, to quote one of your lyrics by myself.
What was the point? But that's the point. I ramble. How do you keep from rambling? That's what a podcast is. You just ramble on. Ramble on. Well, I've totally forgot the point.
The point is basically like I'm obsessed with how you have navigated this business.
And stayed. Authentic. My mother, I would say, like she is like the number one person to be like, you're being so crazy and so extra, I want you to be crazy.
Oh, I think there's like an element that's expected of crazy, but there's always like, what could you just wear jeans and a white T-shirt? What would happen? I think I would explode.
Why are people so mean to Lana Del Rey that I've actually never met her? I have no idea. It's weird because like last night, I was texting Taylor Swift and like but Lana Del Rey, I've never met that. So it's a weird. It's just the weirdest. I don't know. I don't know why people are going to assume all famous people know each other.
Well, I mean, I think the whole world does, because, like, I assume that you would know, like any comedian that I have ever mentioned, but you as a person you have never met.
Well, Lana Del Rey is one.
But let me think about this. I've never met Hosemann. Is it like someone you would like to meet? Trying to think, I want to meet a famous person like I do, you don't have people that you're like, I would geek out, what's the point of my pants?
Well, what's the point? I. Well, what's the point of having a podcast with two famous people talking at each other?
Because there's something interesting about it, because you get a free horse.
That's why I like I don't do I get starstruck.
I get starstruck by, like, people that I've, like, loved for a long time and that I've carried their ideas, like philosophers like John Bogarde, his dad, Robert Greene.
We had him on the podcast. I had a full meltdown.
It's weird. Like what makes you nervous? Yeah, lots of things make me nervous, I think.
Like who if they walked in this room right now, are you like a person? If someone watching right now, who's the person where you go, oh, my God, I need to put a lipless. OK. Would you, like, make me act like I. Well, it's not because you met. I've met. I've I like met Donnelly when I was 12 years old, but we recorded the song together. That was my mom wrote separately, you have tatoos.
My you know, I don't I don't know the we're not allowed we're not allowed to know. She wears long sleeves.
I think she actually recently said something about I don't know if she's it's her everybody.
I feel like in entertainment you have like a little bit of a cape you put on. Right. Like a superhero. OK, so I think that, like, is part of her, like separation of her and then like who she gives away and who she keeps for herself who would walk in the room that would make me like shit my pants.
But I have met her before.
And I want to people the first time I met Iggy Pop, I started like doing the like, crying, like panicked, crying, and then Beyonce. Yeah, Beyonce, like she complimented my Grammy performance and like I couldn't even kept talking over her, even though she's giving me a compliment. And then Jay-Z was like, Oh, it's good to see you.
And I was like, yeah. And like, I totally didn't mean to, but I think I was, like, rude to him because I was so caught and hurt, like energetic, light, stratospheric poll.
She's like satin and is some of her. A law I don't think there's a word. Have to do with how absent she is when she's absent, like she doesn't do captions on her Instagram. Picture surprise, she goes away. You just did a work out like video that I saw this morning that made me look so excited, but she, like you never know when you're going to hear from her.
And I think there is a peak of the psychologically speaking, I think talking about like the human brain, there's always an element in any relationship, whether it's sexual or just friendship, non-sexual, anything. There's always a pull and a push, a chase and a chaser and like it can go back and forth. And that's healthy and it's just natural. Yeah. And I think that by being absent, when you want to be absent and dipping in and just like smashing it every time you check, like, are there teams of people in the pop star world that go, you got to go away for a while?
Well, usually they're like, no, you don't know. They're like you. You got to get on every billboard in the world for the next all the years of your life till you're die. And I'm kind of the one that's like nobody needs that much of big countries.
Like, it's like like what do you mean?
What's up with country deal with countries? What does that mean? I'm just saying like like I'm Googling you and it's like no one here in Australia, no one the most tick tock is the most downloaded song. Did you know this.
I know this from 2010 to 2020 of any song digitally.
Oh I didn't know that either. I knew it like broke some record but I forgot what it was.
You have a five hundred, five hundred million.
It's like a like a loel number of it's like a bit like to me I just like you're like I hope I'm like Coca-Cola. I want to be the coke of music.
Yeah, you like I just started reading the your Wikipedia, and it's like, yeah, she has the number, but then it's like Brazil. The number one thing is there are there are different strategies for different countries. Well, yeah. So you tour around the world, so you go and visit your fans and like show them your love back to me. Like playing a show is like you're on stage.
So obviously you get this like wonderful sense of like damn well, like, I'm so, so selfishly. You're like, oh, I get to play dress up, I get to wear some crazy shit, I get to dance around. Everyone is going to be excited to see my stupid face like I went and saw.
What was your first concert ever. Ever. It was my first. Well, we're talking in high school, but you're talking like first concert is like with Tick-Tock was Lollapalooza.
In two thousand eight or nine bit, not a little Ferrybridge oh, I wanted to go on, I almost did go Lilith Fair.
I love Lilith as a performer. Yeah. Mine was Paula Abdul straight up now tell me that tape was stuck in my car for two years.
Rush, rush, hurry, hurry, hurry. Oh my God. Paula Abdul Wirewood discovered Keanu Reeves.
Let's just get serious. Paula Abdul. I met her. Yes. She discovered Keanu Reeves. He was in the. She's obsessed with the video.
Keanu Reeves. He. Yeah. Do you know him. Have lots of questions about that. I don't know him.
Would he make you like who would make you poop your pants. I feel like you would just be cool with anybody or at least pretend like would anybody make you cry like Sakra? You know who made me cry? I cried on The View once with will be the first time I met Whoopi Goldberg.
I cried. Is that like, can I get you I'm cancelled.
No, what I canceled because it's like which what part made you cry?
I guess I wonder these moments where, like you feel like, oh, I just like I made it. Yes, yeah, yes, yes. Ghost was my favorite movie.
I was going to say, was it ghosts or was it was obsessed with Ghost.
And remember when she said, like Patrick Swayze would like was a ghost?
Yeah, that movie is that movie's crazy to revisit. I think we definitely need to watch that one Thanksgiving screening.
And she was like, it's gas. It's just gas. She pretended she farted.
I do not recall those moments in the movie.
It was like she the ghost made a noise. Patrick Swayze is a ghost and she's like, it's gas. It's just gas. And it was so fucking funny.
And she started on The View in real life with you. Yeah.
And then you cry when I'm wrong. Have we talked about this before? We've talked about this before it on YouTube.
Wait, wait, wait. I want to talk about this a lot.
OK, so I think I need to see this moment to understand why it's making you cry over farted on The View, live on The View and like lifted her budgie and like she just in my hippocampus, there's so much I just I associate her with so much joy.
And I went on The View and it was at a time where I was getting publicly very dragged. I was getting very dragged publicly.
I had like. I was like the Salem witch trials of the weak woman, you know, they love to do that. They love to do it. Did you just for.
No. I thought you were, like, being funny.
And I was like, damn, if you can time reports like that, you need a whatever award a big one would tell you to give out for me.
Sorry, it was a really emotional story.
Will go on is so. Anyway, OK, you cried, I cried because the fart made you remember how much you loved the joy she brought you from the movie Go Oh I was like I was just doing so much press.
Like, I don't think people understand. Like, we talked about this a little bit when with Renzo's on the podcast about press, like. I think when people see what we do, they see it, they see us on The Tonight Show and they see you on Ellen and they see you and they don't see that you're like slogging in.
You're going from black car to a car to a car to a person. And you have like five people around you and you're like dropping your hair extensions and you're like, oh, and you're ripping off wig.
Then you're throwing the heels through a break up. You're like, how in your period? And you're like, sick. And I don't I haven't worked out like you're still.
A human being with insecurities and fears and, you know. But it's champagne problems, so why how to complain about it, but it's like. And I had no idea I was doing and I said to anybody like that's my question, are any of our brains actually fully ready to be under a complete microscope? Like I know everyone in the world, self included, thought like fame and fortune. It's so fun. It's going to fix everything. It's going to fix every hole in my soul.
Like, really to me, I just really wanted to travel the world and play music. And I always stood behind like I want to make people dance because I know dancing is good and I want it to be super fun. I want this underlying message of like acceptance, like radical acceptance. But like, I love punk rock and I love the Stooges. So, like, I want to be cool and like I just have all of these things I wanted to do.
And then once I got that, I was like, oh, I still feel very depressed sometimes and very unheard and very unseen.
And like you're saying, like, a lot of my songs were written, like wanting it to be fun and funny and much like bands I listen to that have a sense of humor and lyrics. But then all of a sudden I remember specifically because I'm from Nashville, there is a article in the the local like the scene is the newspaper. It's like where, you know, it's like the local, like the L.A. Times or whatever.
And it was like it's like she's walking door to door selling heroin and butt plugs to children. And I was like because I wrote a song about brushing my teeth with whiskey. I'm like 22. I don't understand why that's so evil. And we're like, we're having fun, aren't we? We're having fun.
That's your life. That's so interesting. You're like, I'm kidding. It's like it's like a comedian apologizing for a joke. Yeah. Because you're like, whoa. I think that's why we connect so strongly. It's like we're this is playtime and you guys are taking us seriously when you're like taking it like a quote out of the like out of context, applying it to something else, not listening to what I'm talking about and like dress up. Right.
And like, we're having fun because we're here. I love this quote from the great poet Pitbull.
We ain't here for a long time. We're here for a good time. And like, I just truly am like, you know what, he's right. We should have fun while we're here. Like, I'll dive in and get emotional. Sure. But like, I would like to promote people feeling really happy and good about themselves and begin and like meeting friends and like smearing glitter on themselves and like feeling good. Benton, I'm hungry. Well, luckily for you, we have the Jordache app, which is also a sponsor, a sponsor.
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Remember when I had to go like I never actually did it because who has the time? I remember there were days where my friends were like, you got to go to this life coach, you got to go to this nutritionist and then this personal trainer and then this gym and then go to shape house, this place where you go get sauna.
This time they sunk. It sounds like they either have a lot of time.
A friend tells you to go to a life coach. You're my friend. You help me.
You have a trust fund like who has this kind of time? Get a personal trainer with what?
Money and time spent all day in therapy with my life coach talking about how hard it was to drive to therapy when a grown adult needs another grown adult to tell them what to do. Wild. Well, the leupen is just like that.
Unless only sex they only one case. Please do tell me what exactly.
The movement is not a sex thing, but it will help you be sexier.
I when I wear the hoop and not only which is all the time because you never take it off and it's waterproof.
I know. Which is and it's also just like the color you got me is so yeah. You can change the band. So if you're one of those people that needs like match woop to your outfit, you can I just I'm like a I'm an army green.
So touching it. You're touching it. I know, I know. I'm such a weirdo about it because I like showing it off.
It makes me it's like it makes me like myself more because I know I'm taking care of myself and it makes me feel like I'm like, yeah, I have my shit together.
And when people see me wearing mine, they're like, he's trying and I like that. And you know else because it gives you all the statistics about like how you slept and how good your recovery was from your workout. And you're up. It tells you all the stuff. I'm so conditioned to distrust things on a screen, in print with like fake news, fake news. It's so refreshing to be like, OK, no, that's true.
Yeah. I mean, I, I know for for me, I'm a very like goal oriented person and that gives me a goal as nothing to beat. And I have something to look at. And that makes me feel like because I feel like when I work out or anything like that, I just think I'm running in place like literally like I'm not getting anywhere.
Productivity in cooperation. That means. So set a goal, meet it. That's Gary Oldman talked about Slumpy.
I guess that makes me feel like, oh, I did something. It happened.
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My lifestyle decisions. That's getting feedback on your choices. Yeah.
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I think that's really cool because when I'm sick, I I'm in denial about it. But the whole band doesn't have a bad childhood, so it's not going to be in denial.
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Optimize your performance with today. What's going to happen with the pandemic and performing? That's a wonderful question. That's what it is, a great question. That's something I ask my managers all the time, I think until I personally don't feel comfortable putting my fans in any condition that may or may not be 100 percent safe. So, like, I know I'm holding out until I know for sure the conditions will be 100 percent safe. That's just my own like that's my own moral compass.
Yeah. So I started a podcast to talk to my friends about weird, creepy shit. And I sing songs on there sometimes with just words that I turn into songs and I'm writing music.
But like, I'm not going to compromise somebody else's health for my benefit at all, even if it's a benefit for them to think shows are such a freeing place. I feel like there's so special. They even live music is such a glorious place to go. Let yourself go and play like you're saying, the animals play and children play. But adults like unless you're shitfaced or something, you're not. When do we play? When do we get to play?
When you listen to pop music, go and dance around and not worry about who is watching because the person on stage is acting like a jackass, kind of giving permission for all people to be covered in glitter and act like jackasses.
That's, I think, my role.
If you could change something about the music industry, like what would it be? Um.
Well, I mean, like, hey, like are our Grammys real?
I think that turning any art into a competition is bullshit and just as a system to make people feel really bad or inflate your ego. But then, like temporarily, because I know I've never won a Grammy, but if I did, I'd feel so awesome and then I'd feel so bad because I'd be like Bootsy cool. Because I'm like, but her songs actually kind of maybe. Better also like I beat my hero, just like I I don't want to be my hero, I want to be friends with you.
Yeah, it shouldn't be a competition with the person that I like. What like what are these awards?
I think when you take competition out of things like it, really the ones that didn't get picked in dodgeball. Oh my God, you're making us now fucking I eat lunch in the bathroom under the blower like I already am. The loser. Yeah, I'm the loser. All the losers get in gowns and then it's like lose to each other. I know. And then feel really bad, just like it's a shit like these award shows. Like it's such a rat.
Fuck a rat. Fuck I've never heard that. But that's like. Exactly you know what I mean. There's something called a rat king.
Have you heard of Rock King. Known about the rock king. A rat king. Get ready to put this in is when rats run around enough, they eat their tails, get stuck together and then they're all in a big wheel of rats.
Do they survive this? No, they die because they can't go anywhere. They feel like they have to move together. All they have to work together like our government. I was thinking, sounds like the world like we got to figure out how to work together. We're going to kill ourselves. But maybe it's just like symbolic for humanity. I've been really likened to the idea of like, we just need to figure out how to have a better relationship with the Earth because it's a symbiotic relationship.
We need the Earth to live upon doohickeys. I don't know. Not like personally today. No, I don't. But like, maybe.
Do you want kids? Deflect your problem as we go with the right person. It's like I want them really, really bad with the right person and I really don't want them with the wrong person.
Well, I think that if you totally adopt your same, my little brother's adopted and I kind of helped raise him for the first seven years of his life. Then it came on tour with me and whatever. We're just very close family and we all play music together and it's very weird. But I'm into, like you're saying, with the right person and under the right circumstances, I don't need it to be an ego trip where I'm like I need a little me to pass on to the world because I feel like there's a lot of people.
But if I could.
But the wrong people are procreating. All of the smart geniuses are like, I'm going to not procreate because everyone's procreating. It's like you're the ones that need to think of.
I found that exact person that I know that. There will be all these wonderful moral. Truths at such a young age, so then their development into the truth of humanity would be there, starting it so much of a younger age and morals and just they don't have to learn all these things. Kind of like I just like left school at 17 and it was like, let's see what works. And like, thank God.
You know, we did it, you were just like playing bars and shit. Yeah, but for Lollapalooza, how do you book a bargain?
You go to the bar and you drink at it and then you say, I did that. Oh, yeah. There's this place. Used to be called Spaceland. It's an echo park. But I played there and then an echo.
Oh, I know it. They did comedy shows. Yeah. So you did with music. What I did with comedy, you just like you show up and you say I had to start a comedy show with Natasha Lázaro and Melinda Hill and we did a comedy show in Echo Park and like a fucking coffee shop. Oh Tropica. Well, yeah, that's where I got my elliman meaning.
But yes, that tropicals pop and that to that is the spot. But yeah, we would like I would say, can I get a spot on your show. Mm.
It's kind of like do you know the band Hyam. The three sisters, yes. OK, so I've known them since I was 18, and that's like we would always play these shows where it would be like at a play acting place and there would be like 10 people there and I would be playing a show while jumping on a bed. That's part of the thing.
It was just like so funny because when we met I was like, hey, you know that you're the most talked person, right? And you were like, huh? What's tick tock like? You didn't know what tick tock was.
I not like literally living under a rock. I know it's an app. Yeah.
Where you dance and play music and drink cranberry juice and words and jump into clothes.
No way. That tick tock didn't isn't catchy because of your song. Tick tock. Well it's even spelled the same way in the song. I mean the app is based on your song.
I would have you done like China. Sorry I'm so popular. Is that China. Weird. Sorry I got a new phone yesterday.
Do you need to take that? I kind of do. Take it. Take a break. Well, you know, with this bizarre thing, you can do you. I'm going to strip. Hyam, do you know who they are? I do, but like I like I know their songs, but I'm not cool enough. They're very cool, like I know them. I know they're cool. Yes, so we just used to open up for each other.
Yes, but like, anywhere I ham. Yeah, it's not ham.
I know it's not ham, but I'm not cool enough to understand this. I'm not I'm not that person.
I like pink like the singer or the color.
I like to like a Sheryl Crow bed. Should I make a playlist last night. And he was just like he was so angry. I'm a nostalgia person.
I mean to say I'm like, I'm your Dixie Chicks. Oh yeah. Oh, I'm a Tori Amos, Sarah McGlocklin, Alzira McGlocklin.
Oh, that was the first time I ever sang a song in front of people as I sang In The Arms of the Angel, which they use now for the fucking commercials with the animals that are on the verge of death. And every time it comes on my whole, the whole household screams and tries now associated with dead dog.
It isn't like animals in cages that have like googly eyes. And you're like, no, my fear. So this is the first song I ever covered. So I had my this is horrifying. My brother and my mom, we played the talent show and there was like a little bit of a track and it got off. And so in the middle of the song, I went running into the back of the school and just like wept because I already was like, not cool.
There's a whole website before even websites were a thing that was dedicated to, like, how not cool I was.
But not being cool school. Well, now it is all because you turn the trauma into art and then here we are. You know what else I love about you is like your music isn't just about boys.
No, I think that's like. That's another Heuser like dessert, though, for real. I think boys are like a really good dessert, like if. They're not necessary, not necessary, but if you want to go for it, like when we did two girls, it was the whole I got in all this, like push back because it was like a love story between two girls trying to start a business. They just want to start a business.
Yeah, they're in their 20s and they love that money. And they just wanted to just, like, hook up with guys. And I was like, well, don't they want to get married? And I was like, in your 20s with want money.
Well, and in your 20s now with what money? Like plan a wedding. A wedding planner. Like with what? Like they need to make money first. They need to establish their identities first. You know, that whole thing, women skills for a purpose.
Like who, who am I maybe.
And and and I notice in your songs like it's not it's about there's no it's not like he broke my heart.
I did some of those, like I definitely have like heartbreak songs because I have like grand loves. And when I love I love, like, so hard, it's just like insanity.
And I like want literally the person to think I'm like stars and moons are flying out of my ass and all like, oh, I'm the girl that like I pretended to not poop for like five years straight.
Oh yeah. Been there. Are you still hadn't broken the barrier.
I, I believe and this is a Howard Stern, Beth Stern and Howard Stern thing is just like. Keep it separate, just don't don't talk about it or don't open up in front of the person, it's very traditional, it's very sexist. However, the person I'm dating, I, I pee in front of it. But I love your hair.
I want to be a pop star. So so do you hang out with other musicians? I mean, I'm not like I'm not like you. I'm not.
Let's just like Rolodex of like best friends and they're all super famous like, oh my God, I don't know, I don't know how that happened.
Like, like, holy shit, I hate these people. Apparently you don't.
So anyway, do you know more views people than any famous person I've ever known? But I don't I don't I have not asked for this. Like, I just it's like they flock to me. I don't know what it is. It's just like I don't it's because I don't know who they are. So they like me. And you're like the mother coven, like, come in.
I don't I'm trying to think other musicians. I mean, that's what my mom keeps telling me. So you have a child or something because you're just busy. That's what she says. She's like, if you're that busy, if you have a kid, then you won't, like, obsess about anything.
I'm just so obsessed with making a family, you know, I'm so I think they'd like to. You like to bring community. Yeah. And I think that's what singers, comedians like, you know. And I just got, I think, canceled today. I was on the Fox News or something again. Wait again. What about what? Because I was like saying we should listen to people that don't agree with us. Oh, I absolutely think that you need to listen.
Listening is a very important tool that I'm trying to develop in myself and that I don't think all Republicans are racist then I don't think all the people that voted for Trump are racist.
And so now I'm like it's just like we're in this like really black and white moment. You know, everyone's in so much pain right now that they need walls and they need like, you're dumb, you're stupid, you're fucked. You know, it's like we're all in fight or flight mode.
It's really weird you're saying that. I just wrote a song called The Grey. Oh, you're plagiarizing me.
I know. I wrote this before we had this conversation. She's heard this. I will see you. And she has heard the song. It's about what's your writing process? You're obviously. Manically prolific, that's not a work thing, and I didn't even I slurred when I said it, but it makes it even better, I think, and watch and observe and feel and write it out alone.
Oh, I work with people all the time. But like when I was writing this one, it was I have a very I'm very visual.
So I would see, like, I love color, obviously seen my makeup and my face and me, but I just saw, like, everything in the world right now feels very black and white. And like, if you're not one thing then you must be the other thing. And I was just thinking about like even when Benton was here and he was quoting raising hell, I think I've always kind of wondered, well, couldn't you be a good person?
That's like every choice you've ever made isn't the best choice in the world, but like you're learning. And that's what life is like.
If you're born a Buddha, where do you have to go from there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You learn from these experiences. It's like you. I have to make mistakes for you to like me, but you don't want me to make any mistakes. Yeah, and you're going to hold the mistakes against me, even if I can then use this opportunity for me to grow and be a better person and stand for more and do more with my voice.
And that's the whole, like, counseling thing.
I'm just kind of like I yeah, we're everyone I think it's just terror management.
I think we're all just like peak terror. Well, I think people are we're all stuck inside. We're all missing all of the things we used to do or missing life. I'm missing my fans are missing tour. I'm sure you're missing connection. Connection because isolation is really, really dangerous. Oh, it's like my least favorite thing in the world to me.
I've never, ever been by myself for more than like I would say. And the time it would take to sleep, let's say tonight you're at home, you're sick in bed, and you're going to watch a movie. What a movie.
It would be a Nicolas Cage movie or Wayne's World if I'm, like, trying to be happy like I need.
OK, so I think also there is beauty in quote unquote mindless entertainment because I feel like chaos and also just things that are kind of like very not highbrow art. OK, it's not it's not like the. It's not the deepest shit you've ever seen in the world, because sometimes I'm so in my feelings all the time and writing about it and trying to formulate it into a song and trying to articulate things just so and then making sure the music feels it makes you feel the way that the words are saying.
And that's my job.
So then when I come home at night, I want to watch The Bachelorette and I want to know who Tatia is going to go on a one on one with. That's what I want to know. And so I want to make music that people like. The underlying message is good, but like they can also just like, dance to be mindless. Yes. Check out back out because checking out is healthy. Don't make me work. Yeah. Like, do you always have to be talking about how well some of my songs are super heady and then some are just like Silly Goose about talking about how I want to grow potatoes.
Yeah. So I like doing both and I can. Why do you need me to be one thing? Well, I'm just going to do all.
Why can't I and can't I be more than to like, God forbid, couldn't I be just like a little bit of everything? Know that you're crazy. I'm crazy. I'm so emotional and I'm I'm unhinged. You're not allowed to grow.
You're not allowed to thrive. You know, you can't have a mistake.
You can't be human. Yes. Don't be sloppy. Oh, my God. Oh, she may be on drugs.
I can you believe whatever I'm happy or. Look, if I'm happy, I'm on drugs and if I look pretty, I've had plastic surgery. Oh my God. I'm talking to you on the phone.
She was like, are you on something? I was like, I'm having a good day. This happened to bed last night. I was being so funny last night. And I was like, what are you did you take one of those weed blueberries? I was like, I don't have depression today. It's my day off depression. I'm like, oh, how much time do we have it? Same I was like, I didn't know that. Like, let me know.
It's just like we're we humans can't handle change. Oh, I think changes the most terrifying thing. So on my podcast, I'm kind of exploring like all things creepy, which is really a segue into a really at the end of the day, I think we're all battling legacy, the fact that we have a finite amount of time here, what happens afterwards and the fact that we don't know what drives us fucking insane, insane, insane.
And we need to constantly distract ourselves. Yes, distract, distract. So distract in my way of distraction is by focusing on what I can do while I'm here and how I can make sure my legacy is good and how I can if I do take any steps, it's in the right direction. At the beginning, it wasn't at the beginning. It was like, I want to make as many people shake their ass as humanly possible, which was not a negative thing because I think dancing's very healthy.
But like, I've just gotten more and more into the intention being just like making sure the intention is really there.
And then on top of it, do whatever the fuck you want. Have you done. I did. I did movement on it. It was very brief. It was very nice. It was like she wasn't that day, but she was like it was an award that she was like I mean, maybe it was just like her aura, but she was like quite the presence to be reckoned with, you know what I mean? But she's having men around her.
She'd like a full team, but she came up and I think it was like me and Miley Cyrus were about to go do our own things. And so we just like popped in, took a picture and then she like it was like it was like a ghost.
It's like you said, she's like, you think should be more famous. That deserves to be more famous, like I'm curious if the Internet is making people that deserve to be famous. Famous, like, because you think about that, because that's a really good question. I'm the best. You're the best. You are the best one I have to think about.
Let me let me ask you, in my business, the field I'm in, a lot of people that deserve to be famous aren't famous because they don't play the game right. It's changing now and they don't like do the deal and they don't like, flirt with the right people and they don't go to the right part or you don't wear the right thing or the right to assist. And they don't like play the game and they don't go to the right brunch, inns and luncheons and bullshit.
So there's a lot of, like, rigamarole that you have to do. So I'm just curious if, like in music, you know, if there are people that well, here's a slight problem that I have I.
Tend to like be more obsessive with like a more nostalgic with music like you are. So the music I listen to tends to be like it's almost like a comfort. So it'll be something that was successful. And like the late 90s, like late 90s, country music is my soul. Yeah.
It's my heart and soul and Tusk, Fleetwood Mac and Iggy Pop and the Stooges. But like all these people are famous. But I think the Stooges and Iggy Pop, like he never he had like, invented punk rock. And I feel like I don't know, maybe he's got his due. But in my mind, like he should be up there in my mind, he's up there with, like Mick Jagger and David Bowie.
That's going to get me killed, gone. I don't like the Beatles. Oh, shit.
And she's from God. So I just like. You don't like them at all, though. I don't like this argument.
I mean, it's like they're fine. I just don't I don't think there's an oversaturation. It just feels like a little much. So you hate the Beatles. I don't hate the Beatles. You hate I don't hate the Beatles.
I just I'm like I feel like we're kind of all pretending like there are a little better than they feel like.
OK, maybe it was I'm going to revisit I'm going to revisit them to be there.
I thoroughly enjoy the White Album like so much, especially I'm in it, but it's like a little like on a very snappy kind of record.
That one I like. I really enjoy the simplicity of the pop songs like I Want To Hold Your Hand. It's so sweet.
Like these men, grown grown men singing.
I find that to be really fun and they just hold my hand. What's the big deal?
What's the problem there being so consentual?
I think they're sweet. OK, ok. I just the I like the beat I was having in my household with my boyfriend yesterday because he was like Stones or Beatles and I was like, why do we have to play this game, Stones or Beatles? OK, I don't, I'm not knowledgeable enough.
You don't know this game. No one's ever asked you. Stones or Beatles.
I'm sure Bigstone no one would want to do that with me if you would just be like neither who I hate in your head against the wall, as I would like to say, whether or not I mean, I'm not a really I don't have a I have like a very arcane music knowledge.
OK, who's your favorite band?
So that's what I'm not a band, but gosh, you know that I did a because I had to listen to your song so many times, memorize it for carpool karaoke that when I did a partnership with Spotify, they were like, we need to see your most played songs of the year, all of my songs. And they showed it to me. And I had to do an ad saying, You didn't have a song of the year. Kashua Thank you for that.
Your first four looks like it was so weird and I had to be like my face. I'm like my favorite band. That's an imposter.
I mean, like one of your I love The Lone Bellow.
Did I still believe that an opera singer. I know more about music than you, the Lone Bellow, the like, the Lone Bellow, the X X.
I know the X X, but who's the lone bellow? Come on, show me the lone bellow. OK, ok. It happened again. I did it with Meghan Trainor. I introduce Meghan Trainor to Milli Vanilli. Oh I know Milli Vanilli. Come on now.
I'm giving some credit to the Lone Bellow. I love. Let's do also love the exact sides.
Good. Yeah. Is that corny? I know I might be corny. I feel like you might have heard this. It's like full.
It's oh of course. I have to listen to a chase ad for this and love the song.
But I like like folky and really. Do you like Neil Young. I don't know.
Neil Young. OK, so my homework is to listen to the loan. Bella Bella Bello. I love his voice.
Beautiful and almost sounds bluegrass. Yeah. Yeah. Bluegrass is a little bit of my style. And then this girl is this Besch.
Your computer screen is so filthy, it's disgusting. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Austudy Zu. So I want to have my heart broken every time I listen to a song. Yeah, that's like beautiful. That's amazing. Thank you for that. I love you. I don't want people to think I'm, like, shading them by knowing.
No, no, we can cut it. But I do think it is really pretty.
Yeah, I love like. Did you ever see a brother, Martha? Yeah. Yeah. Like that soundtrack. Yeah. Just like the blue grass. Like heartbreakingly tragic bluegrass. Or do you know Nick Cave. Yes. Yeah.
So like anything that just makes me feel. Yeah. Or I just want to be taken like pop land on a spaceship where it rains glitter and no one poops. Yeah. Do you still want to act. I do actually want to act because I feel like I have so much crazy.
Love you on Jane the Virgin. I was on it for like all of three seconds.
I know, but like I said, no, actually, I've been thinking about it like in like some sort of fucked up Harmony Caran movies.
You're so shy that I'm surprised you have a podcast.
I'm surprised you have like you're not a very like. I feel like you get forced to do things and I have to like I get nervous to do, I think you say yes and then you're like, oh God, no, I have to do it.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I definitely do that with certain things, especially if it's someone I like, really respect, like I'll get nervous, like, oh, driving here. I was like, fuck, I don't fuck up, don't suck. But that's why you're good. It's because I don't want to suck.
But that's why you write amazing songs. You're like, don't you know you have a high bar for your. Yeah. Like I write a mediocre song. It makes me like yeah I can. Yeah.
That's why you that's why you're wearing teeth from features on your body. I love them.
OK, I know I have to let you go. This is my nightmare. I'm going to make you do this again because I've so many more questions.
Like you're in the car, what are you listening to? I'm in the car driving here listening to your podcast. I'm serious. That's not even a lie. I was. And then before that, I was listening to what I was listening to what I suppose.
So it's like you and what I suppose you're my most recently fair. Your algorithm knows you very well.
Are you going to live here forever on this planet in Los Angeles? Probably not. Are you know, are you thinking about moving as you redo your whole house?
For me to have them, like, hanging me out?
I'm like, why am I doing this? Looking at I'm on Zillow looking where where are you going to go? I want to I don't I just want to see. I was in Franklin for a second. Franklin's beautiful, I will say, having gone to school there. Don't it was just very the only time I got talked to and I straightened my hair and wore a gap shirt. What do you think is the thing about you that is the most, like, misunderstood mine?
I'll tell you, Monica, mine is people think I'm tough. Oh, people think I'm tough. Like, I'll walk down the street and people like, hey, could. And I'm like. Oh, my God, yeah, you just hurt my feelings. Yeah, yeah, you know, because you're a comedian. You can't hurt your feelings because you can make it funny. I've created the situation where I'm like the super sensitive person that everyone wants to joke with.
So now I'm everyone's punching bag and I'm like, wow, all the time.
Yeah. And like, I think I sense that because I feel like I'm in our friendship. It's been very, like, gentle. Yeah. Yeah. What I mean, we've been very like very respectful, which I think we both need.
We both know that we're like open wounds. Yeah. And like what we do for a living is almost like the art that comes from being sometimes injured and sometimes just funny shit happens and you write about it or sometimes you just fall in love and you read about or sometimes you watch Godzilla movie and you read about it. But like there's also pain in art and sometimes the pain can make the art really fucking good and relatable. And I think so when I am around other artists like I'm really sensitive to the energy of like there might be open wounds there.
Yeah, because to make art, I feel like you feel pain, have to be of some sort. I mean, I don't know. I think probably something that's misunderstood about me. I am.
Like the most, because I because I saw something this moment I meant to bring up earlier, we were in the car and we were talking about ghosts and stuff, and you were like, I know. Like, I have sparkles on my face.
And like you, you're so self-aware and, like, so shocking to me because you were like, I know I have shit on my face and I'm sparkles on my face and shit.
So I sound like I'm crazy.
Like it was like it was like mind blowing because I want to look in the mirror and feel like a decorated Christmas tree.
Not some like Beras naked one like that's how I feel about my face and body.
Like you're you live so hard. I think I like that about you. Well, I'm it you're the you know what it is.
It's like you're doing like it's never too late to have the childhood you never had. I think the inner child is like something that seems like almost every parent because I went through all that like shit in school where I'm like, no, I'm going to go back.
I'm like, embrace it in front of the entire world for them to be like, oh, well, I'm going to redo and do it on my turn. Yeah.
Like, yeah, I'm going to wear a cape. I'm going to own it. Yeah. You should see my cape collection.
You would die.
You know, I like I have multiple racks of capes where my style is like when do you wear a cape? And I was like me personally are like the general public because me personally I'm wearing today like all the fucking time. Yeah.
Like it's like you were like that didn't redo. Yeah. You're like and I'm going to be proud of it, I mean to in front of people and I'm going to be like into it and I'm going to be like and when you do I'm not going to go hide in the bathroom and eat my lunch tomorrow. Do that.
It's like the you give people permission to go, yeah, I'm going to fucking might do that to you. Yeah. Like why not. Why no. Like me before you don't like me anyway. Yeah. You're committed to not liking me so I might as well do whatever so I might as well just let it.
Yeah. Let now you're not going to like let it die. Having fun. You didn't like me before because I wanted your approval now you know, like because I'm having so much, I'm having way more fun than.
Yeah. So like well why don't you think about you.
Who are you. We don't even know why.
I know Christine. Who bitch from middle school.
I love you. We these girls and I don't think there's any better with that until around to one.