Transcribe your podcast

Three or four.


What's your favorite podcast?


My favorite podcast? Well, I listen to rogard Wrong answer to this one.


What the hell? Oh no, go ahead. You can finish your mom.


I'll let you finish.


I listen to Rogen when it's like one of my friends are on or a guest is on and Rogen your friends all the time.


Yeah, exactly. It's my favorite.


I do listen to what it does to me. Podcasts are starting to feel a little bit like homework.


There's a lot of them, you know, like I got to listen to the saying. These two people had this conversation. I got to see what they said.


You know, don't listen to them for information, never for fun. Oh, yeah, probably. I feel like I'll talk to you if I want to have fun.


I'll listen to that. The New York Times, The Daily I try to listen to because I don't know how to get news.


Where am I getting news? I'm not I'm not trying to I'm not making a joke. It's a real question I'm asking you.


I use the news out from Apple. Yeah, well, where do they get the news? Everywhere. That's why I use it.


But I just have a good news section. It could be a lie, but it's good.


Anyway, I'm in I'm in a paranoid state about the news. Where I'm like, I don't. Did you want to ask me about my first podcast was? No, I want to this one trick question I have to ask. I am going to ask you in a second, but I would like to leave today having a news outlet to go to.


OK, then just Google the news.


No, but that's not the algorithm is making it so biased news.


Do you need to know what are you doing? What you need to know?


There's a lot of things I'm one I have not been engaging in is let me tell you, you know, dinosaurs extinct, people still getting married, babies still being delivered.


Pandemic still happening. You're caught up. What?


It's true news is not that healthy, is it? I mean, what do you know is this the news has nothing to do with our lives where we are as an all people. Yeah.


We like we don't have to look at the news every morning. It's a weird addiction, like doom scrolling.


You know who watches the news every morning? My grumpy grandfather. Yeah. You know, every morning he's you know, what's going on.


He just says stuff like, well, look at her. She's still blonde, ain't she?


Like what? That's so funny. The news. Like, I'm not really listening. I'm just roasting the person giving me the news.


He'll just be like, I got working here, you know, working where you don't work there. Like, she wears a lot of makeup. I'm not even looking at the weather.


I'm just critiquing the weather girl in L.A. I mean, that's that's such a funny point is like I just feel like I'm. After having covered and being online so much, I feel like I'm just like disconnected and I don't know what's going on, anything I know somebody will tell me, a friend, my mom, I'll get a text.


My news is, whatever my life is that I make up, I look outside. This is my news, says the weather. Like your news.


That is I mean, I don't need to know everybody's news. I know what's happening in my day. What's the weather? Where am I going? How are you? That's all I need to know.


Honestly, that is such a good way to go through life. Now, there's the news. There's none of it was a killer hornets.


We had murder, Hornig. I don't see any. So none of my business. Yeah. My problem news really is just going here's a problem you can't solve that doesn't apply to you just want you know about it.


Yeah. This may kill you tonight at seven. Well, I might kill myself by seven.


You know, let's stress you out for no reason at all. This is what the news is that is global.


And then there's like stuff at the bottom. I have to read the sign them have to go to the AB to find out something else.


And I have to sign up for alerts like, no, I took a break from the news and I'm I'm a happier person. I've never had you know, I'm happy you never watch the news. No, I just told you I didn't great pride in being interested in not being updated.


If I hear a topic everyone's talking about, I'll look it up myself and I read about it.


So I want to start my day with new information. I don't I'm still trying to process yesterday. I have shit to do today. I can't be worried about what's what's killing me.


If I can use my cell phone, buy a gas pump. Remember that? What when we couldn't use cell phones by gas pumps, was that real? Did you not live in the 90s? I was early 2000s, really thought I was like in debt from buying, you didn't have a cell phone. Got it. Oh, yeah.


Well, yeah, you couldn't use my gas pumps for a long time, probably looking at microwaves. They were killing us at one point.


Bendin has all these, like, random traumas that are so funny. What was the thing you said the other day? What was it, Emily, when he was like, we're talking about something, he's like, oh, yeah. And then that that then when I saw that dead body in your like what? Like you'll say, what were we talking about?


You said something that was just like so flippant. Yeah, I can remember. It wasn't about the groundhog. What's that? One of my go cart in the groundhog ran into my lap and I crash to the barn.


Well, that's my point exactly.


Which has his go cart. I would drive around our barn and one time I was driving and a groundhog ran trying to run across.


What is that? First of all, a groundhog that I've ever seen. You know, you're not going to ask, what are the groundhog? I never seen the groundhog in person, Whitney.


It comes out every year. It looks at its shadow. What do you see in the holiday and Bill Murray movie? I've seen some really.


I've never seen a groundhog. I know what a like a warthog.


Well, they're like a little fuzzy big mine.


They're almost like a like a beaver.


But on the tail.


Yeah, the one ran out and it got in my lap and I was like probably eleven or something and it was like it ran at the car was going faster than, you know, money wasn't really fair.


No. I was just running my go cart run around the barn will go cart. I thought go carts are when you bump bumper car.


Wow. This fog is deep. You don't want to go cart is now.


No I know the small car with no walls. No I mean to say I how it groundhog would jump into your lap.


So I was going it, I was going to go cart speed.


The groundhog was running but the timing of it ran to my lap and showed me it doesn't come along fine and I drove through the barn.


Can you call the caller. What time is it there. It's ten.


I mean, I don't I don't buy it, I don't buy that a that the same time that a cart was going through that a cart was going that a groundhog would have hit, which is why the story is shocking.


That's what makes the story shocking.


Yes, that's the part of the story.


That's why it's a story of hi, momma, we're filming the podcast. I have a question because many of them believe me, if you remember when I was little and that groundhog ran to the go cart and then I crash in the barn.


Yes, OK. I just want to confirm that. Thank you. Are you sleep? Yes. OK, sorry. OK, bye.


No. Oh, no. I'm sorry. We're not leaving. There's one more question with Ben's mom on the line.


Not going to waste this. Hi. She said, hi, mom, hi. I've so much to ask you. OK, well, you're breathing kind of heavy, so we're going to let you go.


I love I'm like I'm like Starshine by meeting that mom.


OK, well, love you. I love you, baby. All right. Love you, John. Oh, come on, baby.


Don't say Bob. They tend to last forever. I'm starting to get my energy back.


You know what it is? I feel like this is going to sound dramatic, but I feel like covid like broke my heart. This is a good way to end it. I'm just saying I it, like, broke my spirit. I feel like I need to get my spirit back. I'm going to do that now. I'm going to.


Some suggestions from the fans, I don't yeah, maybe I like I feel I don't know if it's just like a general thing where everyone's like, oh, it's been a year.


There's like everyone I talk to right now is like just feeling like this extra layer of depression right now. Maybe I'm just projecting. But yeah, I'm going to get through it. Good, you should you know, people are looking forward to that. That me being funny again and back and clear, no, just feeling better, clearheaded. Oh, me being functional, I think they're super excited.


I think people are tuning in for that.


OK, well, I'll be back soon. We did this podcast, Laura Wasser. She's the biggest lawyer in the world. I've been obsessed with her for ages. She's a badass genius, icon, legend, genius, icon, legend, star. She's like she represents every celebrity in their big divorce. It's not just celebrities, but she's just like a bad ass divorce. Like she's just a gangster.


And I've look, she's so good. You want to get divorced. She's like a soul.


She's like a celebrity to me. Like when I first came, she loved divorce.


I want to be, like, rooting for you.


And I know when I moved to L.A., all you hear is like Laura Wasser, Laura. Laura was like she's like a legend. She is a and enigmatic sort of like. I don't know, she's I've just I've been obsessed with her for a very long time and I was nervous in the beginning. And then I think I feel like I thought she got divorced and I was scared.


But she's very intimidating. I was very it's very rare that I would leave the interview sheet on the house. I know. I was just like, anyway, so I'll head out, let me know. And totally she by the way, the interview is so funny because I keep people long because I ramble.


And she was like, I have to go. Like, she literally got up and left.


I have three lives to know. OK, well did she literally was like, it's six thirty.


I got to come through six prenups. She walked, she walked off camera as we were recording. I could not keep her. She's like, no bitch.


When I say something's happened, it happens. Time is money. It was amazing. Like I'm been off of her. She said, I don't know what you do here.


This bubblegum hair. I know. I'm like, I know what we're doing around here. I know she was like a very serious professional adult guest.


And I was like, well, anyway, when you first contact her, she was like, divorce. And I'm like, don't ride elephants. And she's like, I'm out of here.


That was what it was. Yeah. So you used her that damn. You're like, hey, can I have you? And you have a divorce. I now I'm just getting that vibe.


She's nine hundred and fifty dollars an hour. She went a lot. Yes. All right. I love you guys. I love you. Love you. Love you. I'm fully obsessed with you. Do you remember the first time I called you? I, I, I had a minute break.




Oh yes, I. And because I'm not really good at that, I didn't see it for like a month.


And you're like, oh, she probably needs a divorce. No, I'm waiting for this call you might have written. I'm obsessed with you.


So I didn't think you needed a divorce like I'm but I don't think you know this.


But as a woman, a human in Hollywood, like Laura Wasser, is like a you're like a god to women who make money.


And you're like, I remember thinking in my 20s being like.


I want to be so successful that one day Laura wasn't going to represent me in my divorce, you did not think that I tried.


True. I'm not even joking like I want to be. I think that's a good goal. I want to be so successful that Laura Wasser is my lawyer.


OK. It's like the Rolls Royce. It's like getting a Rolls Royce or getting a house in Malibu or whatever it is.


It's kind of like getting a you know, you made a gold plated coffin or something.


I think you're right. It's like a rather dubious honor. But I do appreciate that very much.


Like you've been this enigmatic. Person to me for a long time, like looming in my life as someone also who I come from a lot of divorce. You know, I made a TV show about literally a girl that didn't want to get married. I saw it really? Oh, I used to watch that show, really. And so you're very funny.


I'm very fraught on the concept of marriage because I grew up with the very acrimonious. Marriage. And so talking to you is like, I don't even know where to start. And you're gorgeous and it's frustrating. I'm sorry. Well, thank you.


I can understand why marriage would be. Complicated and again, that's one of the things that I really would like to change, not so much about marriage, but about the idea of a marriage not necessarily being forever. And so I've been doing this now for 25, 26 years. My dad was and is a family law attorney. So I kind of grew up with it. I grew up here in Southern California. I would go to a bar mitzvah or a sweet 16, and often the mom would go, oh, you're Woeser, you're at the shady table because your dad represented my husband or whatever.


So I so I and it's amazing to me that in twenty, twenty one we still approach marriage and for that matter, divorce in these super old, outdated, lame ways.


And so I'm trying to change that a little bit again by by having conversations and communication and and even prenups prior to marriage. And then if it doesn't work out, having a better CO parent than you did a spouse by being able to, like, work through it, that to me is like that's my life's work right there.


So what is what is your definition of love?


What does it look like, I have so many questions for you, like the first one, like do you feel like. Love is real, one hundred percent, one hundred percent, love is real, but love is like, so vast. I mean, I love my kids.


Yeah, I love my best friend, you know, I love my housekeeper, I think more than any of the aforementioned people because she's like been with us through this pandemic through thick and thin.


But the idea of like romantic love and partnership, marriage, long term, you know, relationship, love, I think that factors into it a certain amount.


And everyone's going to say, oh, Laura, you're you know, you're so jaded or but it's a contract.


We we each bring something to the table and we and if that changes, one of us is bringing, for example, the trophy wife, super hot, super fun, super sexy, marries super wealthy, super sophisticated, super wise, maybe a little paternal. And then it changes. He loses her money, she loses her looks. Something changes. You have to re-evaluate what that relationship is going to be because we know why we got into it. If there was love underlying that, great.


But these things have to be addressed. And I think that is the case in every relationship.


Why? Why am I scared to get married because of everything that you know about it, because you're scared to be you're scared of failure.


So if I get married, that's it. I don't get married forever, then I'm a failure.


That's really the key to it, is that when you get married, there's this I have this emotional perfectionism of everything has to be perfect.


Aspey right. Measure twice, cut once like I have. So I feel like I've whether it's socially constructed or who cares biological.


I have this thing that's like if you're not married you're just not an adult.


Well that's another thing in marriage is a symbol of getting older. Moving on.


I mean, look, I got married once. I was twenty five years old.


It was gorgeous. We were both gorgeous.


And that's the time. The hotel. Yeah. I mean, I'll never I never got married again because I'll never be able to beat those photographs.


But now we have filters. Yes. Everybody should get married once for sure. I mean I do think it's like beautiful and fun and it's your day or whatever. That being said, there is no shame, in my opinion, to a marriage coming to an end. Yeah, you're entering into a contract, right? OK, I mean, a real contract, right.


You know what is odd and you're rich, but but a real contract, which is in every state, the laws are different.


So in this state, in California, the minute you get married, every dollar you earn, every painting you paint, every sculpture you sculpt, every screenplay you write is now owned half by the other person.


So let me just walk through that the the psychology, because I was thinking about this last night. I couldn't sleep.


I was thinking about you and I was like, OK, so I do feel like the person, the my the person I'm currently with, he does do so much for me. You know, like he's like does a bunch of stuff. Yes, I can't get the script done without him feeding the dogs like. But do I need to if we're married and we get divorced or I need to pay you for that, all of a sudden you're my employee, right?


Well, it gets better than that because it's not just that he would own half of that screenplay, but then also, if he was not the breadwinner, he don't have the screenplay and you'd be paying him spousal support. And if you had kids and even if he was not necessarily the stay home parent, but he just happened to be the parent who stayed home. But he wasn't the one making the doctor's appointments or the school that you're going to pay him child support.


I mean, so and if you get married and you're not aware of that, well, then in this day and age, in my opinion, you're a fool. Like, find out what the fucking law is in your state. Yeah.


Fucking before you get married, OK? You're entering into it. And these people that are getting married and they're having the florist and they're having the band and they're having, you know, the cake and the dress, all of those are contracts.


And people stress about those contracts. They read the fine print. What if somebody dies in a plane crash? Do I still have to pay for the florist or whatever?


But your the marriage contract is the biggest contract and they don't even know what it is.


They come to me 10 years later and go, well, of course, I will get the house because I'm the mom and I'm like, what are you talking about?


He bought that house before you guys got married.


Some is 25 years old and they're about to get married. What state should they get married in, first of all, depends whether they make money or not move to Texas, a Nashville area, but like if you're 25 and you're like, I want to get married, well, it's not where you get married.


It's where you live, where you live.


Fly to Nashville, get married, and then come back and live in California for 10 years and then go, I'm getting divorced. You know, it's where you live. It's where you reside.


And we actually have cases because we represent at my firm a lot of wealthy people where they live part of the time here and part of the time in Australia and part of the time in New York. And there's different laws. So then we start looking at people's licenses and where their kids are enrolled in school. I mean, there's all kinds of things that determine jurisdiction. By the way, if you want to be a basketball baby mama, you want to be having that baby in California.


You right? Because we have very high child support guidelines here. Right.


So can I just ask you, just on a personal level, because I've been I'm so obsessed with you as a person.


Yes. You're so like it's so I'm so scared of you. I'm still. Yes, yes. Yes. I'm scared of you. And send me the whole house.


This is like my nightmare is like to have a super smart, gorgeous lawyer who, like, knows, you know, what's what in terms of like emotionally like are you able to really delineate like this is my job and this is this is what I think. But I'm going to do my job. Like, are you able to separate church and state? Yes. How are you able to do that?


Well, first of all, I'm in a great position that I don't have to take clients that I don't like. So, you know, and if I have somebody that's sitting across from me that I really dislike or I find them to be very unrealistic or entitled, I don't have to take their case. I can send them to one of my very competent colleagues and off you go. So that's one thing. And the other thing is the one thing somebody actually asked me I did an interview for, which is this is really exciting, not as exciting as the Whitney Cummings podcast for The Wall Street Journal the other day.


And they was that my Monday morning. And she said, what's the one thing that you've learned doing your job after all these years? And the one thing that I learned and this is how I kind of do delineate or at least live with it, is don't judge me, don't judge.


It's so easy to judge, especially living where we live and doing what we do.


But like, you can't you never know what's going on in somebody else's situation.


It's so hard to empathize. What would you say is like the main pandemic aside, main reason people break up?


Lack of communication, we grow apart and we don't talk about it while it's happening, and so what happens is you have resentments, you have secrets, you have, you know, petty things, and then maybe you go fuck somebody else or you develop a gambling or a drug problem or you start doing online porn or whatever, and you're hiding it because it's verboten, because it feels good that this online porn cheating.


No, I don't think so. No, I don't think so at all. Doesn't does that count?


Like, I don't even know what the rules are because California and in fact, most states in the U.S. are no fault. So none of it counts. You can. What does that mean? No fault state. No fault state means if you're having an affair, you don't get less money or have to pay more money. It makes no difference because the burden of proof is just so high that we change that. We were one of the first states to change that, I think back in the late 60s, early 70s.


And even like now, I think you can opt in. In some states like Louisiana, you can say, oh, I want to have full let me tell you something, because if I find out he's cheating on me, I want to be able to get ahead.


In most states, it's just no fault. No fault. I just don't want to hear he did this and she did this.


It doesn't matter a no fault state. So that's what that means. Yes. That means we're going to leave my morals at the door, correct? I mean, obviously, domestic violence. Yeah. And if there's a drug problem and there's kids involved, you know, those things matter. So sometimes there's a little fault when it comes into custody because we don't want somebody that's doing drugs or beating children or burning them with cigarettes, somebody that. But besides that, no fault.


We don't care who you slept with. We don't care that you went to strip clubs. We don't care about online porn.


So I read this book by Elizabeth Gilbert called Committed You Pray Love was not like my like thing, but committed. She went all around the world and she talked about what commitment in marriage meant in every culture and. In Western culture was very much like like a business and keeping land in the family and in such like, what do you think legally, like marriage wise, is antiquated, like what should go legally?


Are there any laws where you're just like this is a ridiculously antiquated law that makes no sense anymore?


Yeah, I think well, first of all, here's my biggest pet peeve, and I don't know if it's antiquated, but it certainly doesn't work for me. I don't understand why filings in family law matters are public. Hmm. I mean, do you know what a bone in my throat TMZ is in every case? Yeah. So why why is that? You ask Harvey Levin and he'll say, well, it keeps judges honest and First Amendment and people, you know, shouldn't be able to keep things private.


Why not? It's your private life whether you're rich and famous or your Joe Schmo. Why does that have to be out there for everybody to see?


Interesting. OK, so is that a California law?


It's in almost all states. In other states, you can kind of withhold names so it's harder for them to get it. But these are supposed to be public filings. Also, why does People magazine need to know how much money I'm getting from my spouse each month or how much my land is worth in Pacoima?


Or why are we so obsessed with breakups? It's schadenfreude. Yeah, famous people, breakups. I mean, you know, your cousins, you know, whatever gets divorced, who cares? But if a famous, rich, beautiful person gets divorced, we want to know about it.


And then, like, you know, it's funny because when people move in together, like, you're basically married, right. That's what you're basically it's going to be as hard emotionally. Right.


So why what's the difference between signing the contract and not the money you have the laws.


Yeah, well, that's why I never got married again. When I was twenty five. I had no money. There was nothing to divide but credit card debt, a Jeep Wrangler and a pit bull.


What got them all the credit card debt. My Tinder bio, frankly.


What would you say to someone who's twenty five and wants to get married right now?


Again, depending on the person, but probably I think you're probably young, give it some time. What's the rush? Why are you getting married? Move in together. Might have said, I mean, we were too young. There was no question about that. And I think my parents knew that when they walk me down the aisle. But they were like they have always been like, do your thing. I went to live in Australia for a year, do your thing.


I went to marry this guy from Madrid, Spain, do your thing. And, you know, I turned out OK.


So I would also probably say make sure that you're in some kind of couples counseling, even at 25, even when things are good. Hmm.


Because I think you can then develop the tools necessary to talk through and communicate through the hard times. And there's going to be hard times.


But it's also I think, you know, it's interesting because when I think about getting married young, I'm just like I'm if I had married the person that I was with when I was twenty five, if I was a totally different person.




Ten years later, you know, so it's like finding the person that will evolve with you.


Right. Which how can you really know. How will you know who that person is going to be. You have the tools to kind of communicate.


You can even say we're not evolving together. What are we doing about this? And either go our separate ways.


Also in this town, there's a lot of really savvy 25 year olds, frankly, especially in the entertainment industry, that have millions of dollars.


They've already been around. Right. So I wouldn't say the same thing to every 25 year old. Yeah, but yes. Yeah, with time comes experiences, you do change.


What are the advantages of being married? Like legally, like because there are times when, like, you know, my dad had a stroke.


Both my parents had strokes 10 years ago and it's like there's a family family like there's a there's there's a next of kin thing at hospital.


Most of the time you can work around now, especially if you can be a domestic partner in the state, even if you're not married. So that you have and again, that's what that's what the state came up with early on before we allowed same sex marriages. And some people have just decided to still do that. There's tax advantages to being married. And what does that what does that?


I don't know what it is that a government that like is everything. So is that like a. Yes.


Antiquated religious. If you are married, you are better. That's why we get dependancy deductions for kids. It's like it's a total.


That's Gammie. Yeah. Yeah. But how does it benefit the government if we're married? I mean, I don't even I don't even understand.


Like, it is an institutionalised way to not that I'm getting married guys, just so you know, I will be getting married. Laura will be my lawyer doing the prenup.


I will start drafting. I have a whole nation. But he's out there.


That's a soccer player. Sperm in Spain. It's on ice right now.


My baby daddy, there's no huge financial benefit conferred upon you by the government by being married. There are some tax breaks.


And by the way, just for your listeners, anything that you do inherit, even when you're married in California, that's your separate property. So you don't have to share that with your spouse.


Why don't they teach us in schools? Isn't that crazy? So anything you bring to the marriage, like your futon from college is yours. Yes, yours. Yeah. Your bank accounts and stuff that you brought into the marriage, including your debt, student debt, you that's all separate anything you inherit at any time or any gifts.


So we have a lot of clients who are like, oh, well, the studio gave me this, you know, Rolls Royce and I, that's mine. And that's a gift to me. My dad always being a family law attorney.


Whenever he would go to somebody's wedding like the wedding of one of his friend's kids, he'd write the check, the gift to the one person that he was friends with the parents of, so that if they got divorced, they could be like, this is my separate property from Dennis Monsur. I was like, Really? That's the wedding guests you are. They already hate us because we're divorce lawyers.


That the wedding. We are talking to a very expensive lawyer right now on this podcast who very few people can afford, but you can talk to a therapist regularly.


Yes. With better help and worldwide, have it be affordable. Yeah, you do it from the convenience and the comfort we're going to show the whole time like this.


Yeah, I don't know what you can do looking at me to prove I don't need to look anywhere else. You can do this from the convenience and the comfort of wherever you are. You're being a creep. You can do it whenever you need it. However, however you long.


Why are you looking at me better help is there to help you look. It can't be better. Help can really help you.


It's online therapy, not counseling, not counseling, therapy, professional therapy. Online covid save.


It's more affordable than traditional. All nine counts offline counseling. Excuse me. This is online. Better help.


Help help me. Help you get better. Help help you better help dot com slash Whitney that's better. And join the over one million people taking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. In fact, so many people have been using better help that they are recruiting additional counselors in all 50 states.


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I've never been to your where you live. Thank God you never invited me and I won't. Why. Because so. But you don't bring me food so I have to use Jordache for that. Great.


Well here's what I'm going to do. I want to go to your place and we're going to do a mock bang with door dash. We're going to order a bunch of door dash and do a mock bang in your at your place.


There's no room for both of us.


So it's actually not me, you and the food company. I know. I do. I do suck the air out of every room I'm in. There won't be any oxygen for you, but there will be physical space.


No, no, no. But yes, door dash is will bring your favorite restaurants right to you.


Easy, simple. You can pick on. There you go. Right on there. There's over three hundred thousand partners in the US, Puerto Rico, Canada and Australia. Jordache is like, what are we doing? You can support local neighborhood.


Go to the big chain restaurants. You want Chipotle, they'll bring it to you.


This has saved my I'm in a good relationship right now and I truly think it's because we've heard I think it's going to turn out so happy.


The biggest fights I've been in are like, well, what are we going to eat? What are we in order? We have to drive to the restaurant. Why don't we start with this restaurant?


Will you pick a good relationship? What if you're in such a divorce attorney on that is while I'm lucky, can one be. She's a star.


I'm just saying, like, I this this will help you relate. Door dash. Just let someone else handle it.


You want that papa chicken sandwich, they'll bring it to you self care for a limited time. Our listeners can get twenty five percent off in zero delivery fees on their first order of fifteen dollars or more when you download the app and enter code Whitney.


Twenty twenty one. That's twenty five percent off up to ten dollar value and zero delivery fees on your first order when you download the door dash app in the App Store and enter code. Whitney twenty twenty one. Don't forget that's code Whitney. Twenty twenty one for twenty five percent of your first order with Tor Dash subject to change terms by. I just feel like there's something so hot about, like, you know, I was engaged talking through the prenup was a very bonding experience like this.


If I found myself not being able to bring it up, like if you can't bring up that conversation, you probably shouldn't get married whether you sign it or not.


What you actually if you can't have the I say that all the time to you and they're like, but it's so unromantic and it's so and I'm like, dude, that's what guys usually say to me. How do how do I ask her, Laura, how do I sit down there? I said, well, if you guys are drinkers, I would have a bottle of wine and I would say, you know, blame it on someone else even if you don't have a lot.


I think people think prenups are for, like, only the Kardashians. Oh, like this is for moving forward. It involves kids. It involves financial kids. Doesn't kids won't be anybody to explain the prenup.


Prenup will will involve setting forth how you want to treat your property and your earnings after marriage can involve child custody, can't involve child support because you don't know what you're going to be making and you can't contract for that because that's not your right. That's the kid's right. We're not talking about kids in a prenup, but you can talk about anything I make. I want to keep as my separate property. Right. I've been a I've been a comedian and an actor for several years and I've made who I am.


And I don't think that just because I go now make another show, he should be entitled to half of it right off the bat.


That doesn't make sense, but I'm willing to put fifty percent of everything I make into a joint account so that 50 percent of everything I make can be kind of the things we grow and move from. I'm willing to gift a portion of the house I own every year to him that we stay together and you can also put testamentary things. Was that the word you were thinking of in definitely not tough.


I definitely did not know that word.


If if you're marrying someone that's a lot older or younger and one person might die first, you can put in there that because you can always change your will, but you can't change your prenup.


So you got the guy literally.


Whoa, whoa. You can't change a prenup after you can if you both agree, but let's say the guy has a will and the will says, I'm going to give everything to my lovely wife. She's been so wonderful for 35 years.


And then in like a year, you know, the last year, he maybe falls ill. He's in the hospital and he's got this super hot poison, him being a caretaker.


And all of a sudden at the last minute on his own, he gives everything to her. OK, you can do that. But if you write a prenup that says no matter what happens, I'm giving at least twenty five percent to my lovely wife, that can't be changed.




Or unless the wife came in and that happened a lot like at the buzzer deathbed. What. Yeah, people get nuts.


So this is what's so fascinating to me is like you're an incredibly like your job is to be incredibly factual. Literal. With people that are incredibly emotional. Yes, and again, it's what's interesting to me and why I've been doing it for so long is it's super interesting. So you get like bankers and financial geniuses and then you get actors and then you get football players and then you get rock star.


All these people that you think are like invincible, unstoppable, have everything in the world. And then they're just like vulnerable.


And Huddle's, like me, know everything about them. I know how much pubic hair they have. I don't need to, but they need to tell me this information. I know. Good morning. And they're not.


And like in the middle of the night and then it's over and I never see them again. Like I'm at a restaurant and I have like I get laid across the room like, hey, yeah.


Which is fine because like I learned early on, like high represent the worst time of their life and the most they can do is be like, dude, she got me out of it. She's awesome.


How much of your job is like emotionally placating people and how much. A lot.


A lot. But also imagine most of my clients are in therapy. Therapists are like even the really good ones, three or four hundred dollars an hour. Crazy.


I'm 950 and I'm a hot mess. I hear nine fifty an hour. I wasn't married. This short podcast, guys, I normally go four hours degree an hour. And again I was like, where's Woodland Hills? I don't understand. I grew up in the ghetto here. How expensive.


Laura Wasser is incredible. So yeah.


I mean there's, there's, there's a lot of the emotional but there's also if you're a good family law attorney, you can draw the line and be like, look, I'm not your friend.


We're not going to have this is the line together and talk about your next boyfriend. That is for your friends or your mom or your sister or your therapist. I can apply the facts of your situation. And I can also tell you, hey, I've been doing this for 25 years.


This, too, shall fucking pass. We're going to get you through this. You will be OK.


What's the biggest mistake you see people consistently make over and over again when they come into your office thinking with their, you know, not making business decisions?


This is a business decision that you're getting married is a business decision as is getting divorced.


Wow. Yes, it is. Because you can love someone forever, but you can't always be married to them forever. That's right. I love goes in and out. Lust goes in and out. Yes. Like goes in and out. Like I was in and out. I will always love you. I do not like you right now.


It's like the people that I follow on Instagram, the people I love the most. Sometimes I got a mute. Yeah. For you know, sometimes I had a mute, you know.


And do you ever feel have people come in your office or you're like, this is premature. You're this is irrational. Yes.


You should stay in this. Yes. And I have seen people. Do you feel that people are to like have you noticed over your career people being too quick to get divorced these days?




Here's why. Yeah, because it's very expensive to hire me. Yeah, I got to quit. However, I think, you know, I have an online divorce website. Yes. Overeasy. We will have a lot of people.


You're making it too easy. Get divorced. We will have are you are the divorce rate is so high.


No, but that has really skyrocketed over the pandemic. Whereas our firm is pretty much we're always busy, it's always consistent. We don't have more calls. I think actually people have gotten closer during the pandemic and re-established family values and how it works. And I've seen a lot of families where dad might be the breadwinner and mom might be the stay home mom. And yet dads now doing cooking a couple nights a week and dad might be more, you know, I love it.


The remote learning with the kids. The pandemic has been so funny to me because all my guy friends have called me and it's made them realize how much their wives do.


Mm hmm. Yes. Like their home mother. I'm home all day with the kid and I'm cooking. I have to make breakfast, lunch and dinner.


It's like women have been doing this all the time. Yeah. Just FYI, the pandemic look like all my friends, like my wife is like a superhero.


She does this every day.


The working moms that we're already working. And now I mean, we do that both because when I say like stay home parent for whatever reason, a lot of the times the dads are like, well, where's the nanny?


Yeah, I like what I'm the nanny.


Yeah. I remember, um, who I was talking to, a friend of mine, and the dad said something about their kid and was like, oh, well, we need to get someone to I don't have time to babysit the kid.


And she goes, it's not babysitting. You're it's your kid. It's not babysitting. It's called parenting. Right.


And you're not doing me any favors. Yeah, no, no.


You don't get points for that. Yeah.


I'm saying like parenting is I think that has changed a bit during this thing. I wonder what will happen afterwards.


Do you feel like more people are breaking up because the pandemic or people are hunkering down?


I'm going you know what I was saying? I think people were breaking up. I think the prospect of doing this now. I think the ones that have stayed have hunkered down, I mean, we'll see I think it's an interesting time. It's an interesting re-evaluation of your relationship. I mean, my I have different relationships with my friends than I used to have.


So true. So true. I it really is. Like, are you worth dying for? Yeah. Those are the friends I talk to.


I'm like, even are you worth being uncomfortable for. I mean, I don't I don't like you enough to sit six feet away in the cold.


I mean I like you but I don't want to hang out like. Huh. Like I don't like you enough to listen you through a mass. Right. Right. Like you're not entertaining enough to, like, have to do this.


Well, it's true. And it makes you think and or or even going out. I mean we couldn't for a while now. We can't. So like, you know, I used to go out three or four nights a week. Yeah.


I go out like one night a week and I'm like, God, that telenovela and Netflix, I'm really into it is and I get to have the baby or not. Do you get annoyed like.


Yes, I was thinking I hate asking this, but I, we like to sort of overthink and what's the word overanalyse think it granulomas podcast about, you know, as a woman in a male dominated business. Is that fair to say that law's male dominated?


Yeah, it's requires being a performer. It requires being outspoken. It requires being aggressive. It was being right. It requires being unapologetic and. It's my dream is to be a lawyer like I wish I was a lawyer, my dad was a lawyer, that's what I wish I was. The reason I love fighting with boyfriends and having bad relationships is because I get to be an imaginary court of law.


I like I love, I love fighting. I love. It's in my blood.


Right. I'm so good at it and I love doing it. And I feel like law is my calling, but stand up became my sort of thing.


Stand up is like I like to think of myself as like a lawyer. When I do stand up, it's like here's my point that let me defend myself and then you defend yourself. Right. I'm going to make a point that is absolutely ridiculous. I'm going to convince you I'm right and then you're going to laugh.


And that's kind of what it is. You're sort of on the stand, right? That's that to me is what standup is like.


So basically law.


But that's how I like I mean, I'm basically a standup. You know, you're not you're to say and you're way too sane and pulled together.


Yeah. My question is basically like. Being a woman, what is it like, I mean, has it helped? Has it hurt? Do you feel like you've had to? I don't think it's hurt. And, you know, I don't I also don't think, first of all, in family law these days, it is almost as it's almost more women than it is men.


Great, great, great. And when I speak with young women at law schools, what I will often say is you don't have to yell. You don't.


I mean, sometimes if you're at a boardroom conference or if you're in on this, you're questioning a witness.


You can just speak quietly. You don't have to overpower you don't have to bang the table. That works for some people. Yeah, it probably won't work for you.


You'll seem like you're shrieking be you.


You don't have to cause like a sailor, but if you do, it's OK.


You be you and you find what works for you. I never liked wearing suits. I'm not a jacket kind of a girl. When I started practicing law, the senior partner at my firm basically said, like, we don't wear pants at this firm, which I was fine with. Like women, you have to wear skirts.


I mean, this was like the 90s and I was cool with that because I didn't like wearing pantsuits. I didn't feel feminine. I didn't. But I do have a big tattoo on my ankle.


And it's like covering that like a tattoo of a star. The stars are bright. Lights need to Dr. Seuss.


Oh, but, you know, this was this is a wait, wait.


No, I don't want to start bellied snitches. Dr. Seuss, the story. Look it up. OK, I think inequality story. So the star bellied snitches had had stars on their bellies and they were like the elite. And the ones who didn't have stars were like the peasants. But then a guy came and he had a machine. And you could go through the machine, you could get a star on your stomach. So then everybody had the stars.


But then the elites were like, well, fuck that shit. And then the same guy who's making a mint from the snitches, he comes and he takes the things off. So now the elite wear the non star bellied snitches. And they kept going and they kept going. And so they went so much that nobody could tell who was who. And the moral of the story is we're all the same. And so you have one of these is a green.


It's like turquoise. My parents are like you. Do you like they never cared and were Jewish. Like, it was like, oh, you can't be buried in a Jewish cemetery.


And then my mom got one. We talk a lot on the show about red flags. What would you say would be like? Top red flags, like I feel like we go on dates at this point and just look for proof to prove ourselves right of the person we invented in our heads.


Right. That's how I go on dates. I'm like, I'm going to look for all the evidence that you're the person I made up and I'm going to ignore all the red flags, you know what I mean?


Just sort of like, oh, he doesn't have a car because he has a DUI. That's so great. It's so much better for the environment. Thank you so much. Oh, my God, he's green. He rides a bike.


He's a DUI bitch. Like how I am able to just totally paint red flags white.


Yeah, that will change, I think as I get older or stay single for a little bit longer. I think it's in your God.


I think it's like for me there's all these rules people like how do I know if I'm a bad relationship or not. Don't look at him or her. Look at you. How do you feel when you're with them? Right. Right.


It's not about them. Forget about them. How do you how are you behaving? Are you being inauthentic? Are you performing? Are you finding do you wake up in the morning and put on makeup and then get back in bed and pretend that you're not wearing, you know, like are you finding yourself performing, pretending, mothering, micromanaging, martyring?


Like, are you exhausted? Yeah, that's the other thing. That's my my last relationship. I was exhausted like and again, it wasn't because I was being inauthentic. It was just it was exhausting to be in that relationship. And, you know, then you get to the point of, well, what are you going to do about it?


Also, you have to be at a point when you get into a relationship where you're not looking for what kind of car he drives or what kind of job he has or how is he going to make you feel.


You already feel great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you add to the equation? It's like, what is the value added here that is going to make things better for me?


And by the way, you can look the same thing about me. Who are you?


Do you feel good about who you are and how can I add value to you? And that's what it's about.


But it's not easy. And look, nobody wants to be alone and it's scary. And it feels so good to be in the beginning stages of I think a therapist once told me that like the first, however, many months of a relationship that bliss, that's like figure it in your head, whatever, that oxytocin is the same thing that mothers have when they look at their newborn.


Yup. It's like it's like a seven week old at the baby acting as a lover. It's like it's it's a almost like delusional.


The idea is to anesthetize you. I mean, because the oxytocin is released in the brain when you hold the baby, literally, we're programmed to forget about the pain from childbirth and the horror. Right. It's a way to trick us into procreating again, forgetting all the horror that's happened. It's a way to like gas that or childbirth. I had to C-section. It just.


Did you just schedule your schedule them both.


Either way, I grow them must be breached. So the first one, I was like, oh, no, I'm having a vaginal birth that is happening. And we did everything that we burned mugga it by my toe and we turn in, which was really painful and whatever. And then he just turned right back.


So my my gynecologist scheduled a C-section, but he didn't tell me, but he knew I was going to need it. And then Cedar's called and was like, hey, we're just calling by.


And I was like, oh no. I called him. And I was like, what the hell?


And he said, look, you're going to have a C-section if you want to keep telling yourself you're not. But I didn't want you to lose the date because I didn't want your water to break. So and then I eventually just I went with it and my second one also grew that way. And I was like, I heard I got the scar. Get in there.


What is the what is the shame around C-section? I don't think it's the same anymore. First of all, they're way safer for the baby.


Why are we why I wouldn't schedule the C-section. The second I find out I'm pregnant, I will schedule the C-section.


I mean, I got a blow dryer than I would say, why is there they cut me open. Why do we have to are what is the problem?


Let's do it the way they did it three hundred years ago. Take any drugs. And by the way, let's sit at home, like, let's make it as uncomfortable.


Let's get in a cab. Why don't you why are we trying to make this as painful as possible? What's the. No one gives you a check at the end. It's like you suffered the most. Here's your trophy.


Speak with women who have done water. Births are down, home births are done. Even just natural. They're very they feel very good about it. I mean, that's another thing.


You're having a baby. You better share what I make when I make bad choices. I stand by them afterwards because I have to prove myself, you know what I mean? Like, I'm not saying it's a bad decision.


I'm not anti homework. I'm just saying, like, why make it more difficult? Like, I just feel like science works. I like science masters.


I mean, for me, he said, like, look, if it's going if you're going to have a labor that is going to involve having to pull the baby out backwards, which the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck.


Dangerous, dangerous. Why are why are we having this argument? I want to play golf on that day. Can you please me? Like, OK, dude, I get it.


I dated a pediatric anesthesiologist. Sometimes I make good choices and he yeah. He was like the No. One is really dark. The number one sort of trauma he saw in the E.R. were babies coming in from births that had the umbilical cord wrapped around. Or something, you know, so it's it interests me when this sort of as humans, as we evolve, we often want to go back to the analog a lot of the times, you know what I mean?


Let's talk about one more thing, though. How about the poing on the table, the shiting? Yeah, well, yeah. No, my brother, all he had to say, I said you had me.


It said, I'm going to be shitting in front of you. Well, that's why I always shit on your baby. I don't want to have a prenup. And I'm like, well, listen. And it's so unromantic. I'm, I guess, romantic when he's standing there. Right? Come on, man. Like a big shit comes out. So why don't we get through the prenup first and then we can move on to that unromantic thing.


Yeah, it's overeasy.


I mean, Cheesus.


So wait, so so that was your were your partners in the room when you gave birth? Yeah.


One of them almost fainted, the second one babydaddy, too, he was really nervous, but the second one I had what would happen to me with Jack, my second one is whenever I would lean back the vena cava, which is, I guess, the vein that goes to the heart, he he'd knock into it.


And so I would like pass out. So when I laid back for them to cut me open, I didn't pass out. But the the the blood wasn't going to the baby. So they kind of had to get in there a little bit more quickly than they thought, which then led miner to be.


But he got really upset. But then he was like everyone was just watching you just get stabbed to death.


Look, Dr. Certains and me, it'd be weirder if he didn't pass out where he was getting a bullet.


And we happen to let me do it. Can I do it again? There's nothing in there. You give me the knife.


I have some ideas native, so I'm sweating. When am I not sweating?


Don't ask me because I'm sweating right now. Why am I not sweating? Have I ever not been sweating?


No. Know, it looks like we both just came from a pool.


But it looks, I mean like people I walk into a place like is it raining out like no. I'm just really excited to be just nervous, just sweating all the time.


This has been like my lot in life is dealing with.


So I used to sew or maxi pads into my shirts before I went on stage to stand up to suck up the sweat for me. I used to slam directly into my skin like that.


Now I'm not going to keep you.


I will just wring them out like this or just squeeze my armpits together. No negative. Really fix that.


A deodorant that actually works that doesn't give you a Manolo say it doesn't give you cancer. It's Alzheimer's. I think the deodorant gives you whatever it is, but not this one. This one has no aluminum.


I love how like deodorant was just poison for the longest time.


For now it is less. No one told us we were just poisoning ourselves. Yeah, but I mean, things change. I didn't have Native when I was a kid.


I just, you know, it's like gasoline on our armpits. We were just like putting uranium, rubbing your rubbing alcohol.


That's probably safer aluminum, free deodorant, deodorant. It is actually safe to use. Spanton take it away.


Native, it cares about your armpits and native their products not test on animals. Almost everything is vegan. Almost everything is vegan. That's very important. Switching to native is from an antiperspirant. Does it mean that you're on antidepressants?


Yeah. And also honestly, your antiperspirant and your anti depressant is my actual dieldrin. Yeah. Oh I use it.


This is smells so good. It's so good. That coconut. What does it. Coconut. Vanilla. Yeah. There is a smells great things I hear on there. You guys deodorant has like one piece of my mind because I have armpit hair. I like that. I feel like I'm Bill guy.


I feel like guys put this on their balls. No. No what. They have a different sponsor for that. And you know it is switching to native does not mean you have to worry about midday blow. Native will have you smelling delicious with all their scents like coconut, vanilla, citrus and or musk and even lavender and rose.


Oh so good in a sense, including their classic and rotating seasonal scents like they did a peppermint I sometimes but they did a candy cane for Christmas. I so good.


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I have officially run out of things to watch. I've watched everything in the pandemic. I've watched it all. I watched everything. So what are you doing now, moving on to literally video games? I'm a I'm a gamer now. Oh, I'm going to get a chair. I'm going to be a gamer chair.


You're going to get gamers here. My best friends will. No changes for everyone. How dare you.


My favorite game was Fruit Ninja. It was like it's like a game you can play on your phone. Yeah, I was super into Fruit Ninja and my new obsession is best means we got there.


I know.


I'm just saying I'm just say ads.


Here's one thing I like a lot and here's another.


I just want you to I'm making it organic. Well, I just I do actually use. I'm telling you the truth about my experience with this product, unlike a lot of these podcast hosts that just read it with no feeling.


It is a really is a casual puzzle game. It's really great. I sometimes get so into it that I don't answer phone calls. I love. I will ignore phone calls.


It's just soothing. There's something so soothing. It's like it's not news, it's not triggering. It's not someone yelling at me on Twitter. It's not like negative is not political. It's like it's super fun and super engaging.


And you can it's free to download, which is amazing. You have over one hundred million downloads.


But I mean, everyone knows about this game. If you guys don't have it, I don't know what's going on, but if you don't have it, that's what they paid us for this. So let's not do that.


It's honestly, this is best fiends like playing this game. It has stopped me from, like, texting exes. It stopped me from making a lot of bad decisions is a good thing. It's like my fidget spinner. It's like when I'm anxious and I'm about to do a make a bad choice, I'll go on and just play it and I'll like it.


Like it's a healthy escape. It's yes, that's what it is. And the character's adorable. You can level them up. They change.


They're so cute. I mean like little am on but they're their fans loves bugs and bugs. Stop it. It is a good game. You should download it down. The best fans free today on the Apple App Store or Google Play. That's friends without the ah, best Siemens.


And so you're with someone but not married? No, I'm not with anyone right now. Oh, got it right. Would you ever get married again? I mean, never say never, but nobody's ever given I mean, I've had since my marriage, I've have had, I'd say, four significant long term relationships, too, with the fathers of my kids. We never thought of any reasons why we should have that mutually successful.


I mean, it's like I'm getting married. I'm sure I will. But I just I feel like we look at a if you're with someone for six years and break up, that is a huge success.


Yeah. Most marriages don't last that long. Yeah, right. That's it. That's how I felt.


And it was they were it was actually seven years last one. Great. Seven years. And he's in a relationship. Don't regret almost anything.


Yeah. And like that's but but yeah that's when I think about people that are married for 25, 30 years. And if they say I haven't really been happy for the last ten, I'm like, what took you.


Yeah. Do you feel like in the successful relationships you've seen, there's been a common denominator?


Yeah, communication, yeah, and consideration, like really communicating, but not just in a constantly biting way.


Yes, communicating does what you feel and and I'm going to make considerations for those feelings and communicating like I think the footnote on that is like, say what you mean me, which you say don't say it mean communicating. Does it mean you need to fucking do that. Right. Communicating doesn't mean who the fuck are you texting. That's not communication. That's shaming someone, you know what I mean. It's like connecting not go to the problem for the solution and going like here's my problem.


Here's the solution. Do you think you could do you think you can provide that or not?


You know, like it's the common denominator and and work. It's hard it's hard to say in a long relationship.


And so what does that mean? Relationship takes work. I bump on that. Because I have many jobs, I know, but you got to make time for the relationship, I don't know if you've ever been in a relationship where your significant other is that. I feel like I'm not getting your time. I feel like you have many jobs and I get that. But then I want to be one of the people that you devote time to and look with me.


I have two kids. They have two dads. My family's all here in L.A. I have I have two jobs at least because I've got the. I mean, the website. And I used to do a podcast, too, and I've got the firm. So, yeah, there's a lot of work. You have to make time for the other person. And even if you don't have as many jobs, but you've got kids and you focus on your kids all the time and you love your kids so much and you want your kid.


Yeah. And maybe one of your kids has some issues or whatever, you have to make time for your significant other.


And when you make the time, the time isn't high. No, no, come on. It's day.


It's really cutting out the time so that you can unwind before you get into date night. Not like it's just like climb on. It has to be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.


And that's hard. That's hard to do it. You got to put on the ball gag. Yeah.


What exactly that's interesting is very helpful in making sure that you don't say things that you would otherwise. I already I actually I actually, I actually love lollygag.


I don't know, I'm just saying like I've seen them like that, I actually might need that because during sex I do sometimes I do get the, the, the like.


Giggles Well you can still giggle through it all. You're saying you might have to do something a little bit like a whole face, something I mean more than one in a while. But it sometimes like because I feel like guys now the like, try out some weird thing they saw in porn.


And it's like it always was just like, oh Jesus, you guys are trying to fish. OK, now they're like guys, they're like just doing thing fish hooking.


It's when you take this on a mouth or on another organ, what is the what is what is that I got I've been out of the game for too long.


When you take what you do that to evangel opening or is it on the mouth. Where do you do that? Whitney, what's happening here?


We're going to get you a mumble. It's it's no, it's like I said, my face. OK, just tell me don't look at me and tell me what it's guys will take you out of the mouth like this. And then what?


And then fuck you. I get in the mouth. Why are they doing that when I'm fucking you? This may only happen to you.


I think you had this happen to you. And then he was like, haven't you heard of it, King ever. Great. You just didn't want you to stop dating fishermen. I don't think that's a real thing.


I think you got Catfish by Tucker and now you're trying to play it out. I'm going to be like in the bedroom next week. I like how about we do a fish hook? Maybe it's just me. I don't know if it's porn or it's my personality. It's porn. It's a little is it porn? I'm trying to kill me.


It's also the times that we're in right now, people we are so desensitized to any violence, to any anything that people are like doing what, especially kids. I mean, I haven't had sex with very many children lately.


I do feel like teenagers. They are learning about sex. Remember, we had like the magazines and we'd find them.


And, you know, my dad used to go to this bathroom. When I would go to the bar with him, I would see the dirty magazines. And I was like, oh, my God, you know, even I was like a little girl. I was like, kind of like looking at these ladies with big boobs and whatever. And why do I feel this way? Whatever.


But but kids, that's not how they're learning now. They're like having like they're watching hardcore porn with slapping and choking and evidently fish hooking. And now that's what they're that's how they think it's supposed to be.


Yes. And there's a there's a great TED talk by Gail Dines about this, about what porn is doing to kids brains. There's also an amazing joke by a comedian named Dan Mintz where he's like a very dry, dry one liner type comedian.


I think you're right on big mouth now or something. But he goes, you know, when I was a technology has totally changed the way that I, you know, jerk off and and sex, you know, because it used to be when I was a kid, you'd have to wait for the Sears catalog to come and you'd have to go to the laundry section.


He was now with the Internet. I could just go to Sears Dotcom.


That is such a good joke. Like it's such a great joke.


Do you have any rules with your kids about the Internet, porn, sex talk? Like how I don't even know where to start?


No. I don't I mean, look, here's the thing, when my kids were little, I said to both of their dads, here's both boys, both boys when I was pregnant and I found out they were boys. Somebody said to me, oh, you're lucky, because if you have a girl, if you have a boy, you only have to worry about one penis. And if you have a girl, you have to worry at all.


I mean, this is but in the world, you the best text that I got from my son the other day, he's 15, OK?


He shall remain nameless. I one day when he gets older, I'm going to post this on Instagram.


Everything OK? So it's nine fifty one at night. I get this text. I'm buying a ball trimmer on your Amazon.


It's seventy dollars and I literally thought we have those manscape. We have. I thought so but here's me.


I thought it was like a for a basketball like maybe there I don't know. And then again even before I respond, you can't say no because I need it again. This is there's no vowels in any of these text.


You know, if you're like paid all this money for a private school and love you, OK, so I write back to him, your balls need trimming. And he writes like the surrounding hair, you know what I mean?


Again, no vowels. I right now it's nine fifty. You want to go, you can't use a scissors.


How much ball here is there. And then I was like, what am I doing. Whatever.


I don't want to know by the ball trimmer. And he's like, I already did. And then I was like, how do you have access to my Amazon account anyway that you go to that instead of why do you need to trim your balls? Why do you have access to my Amazon?


He needs to trim his balls. He needs to trim his balls. It's OK with me. So to answer your question, I don't know what he's watching, what he's saying. Remember, I'm their mother. Yeah. It's not exactly like they're thinking that they're going to go into the world, like slapping people around. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm slapping them around. Right, right.


So I think that they both have a great deal of respect for women.




And if you're shaving your balls, that is very respectful. Yeah. I mean, he knows he's disgusting.


I appreciate that you've trained him well. He's probably like going to be listening to this and we're going. Yes.


Using family members for fodder paid for my house. So honestly, that's funny you say that because last night I was ordering some Valentine's Day, like the guy that I'm dating loves lingerie, like he's into it and they're not the Sears catalog.


There's this guy, not that I am now that I'm in full, like sports bra, Sears catalog, like totally done with lingerie. I'm dating a younger guy and he's very into it. And I'm like I'm just used to doing older guys.


They're like, take it. They've seen it all. They've younger guys. They're like into it. Right? They're like they only watch porn. They see a human woman in lingerie. They're super. I'm like, what is this? Go watch porn like super in the pack when you're ready. I know. I'm like, go jerk off to the Sasha Grey or whoever the porn star like. I'm not used to guys wanting to, like, have sex with me and have it go on for a while.


Do you find more and more that's making me think about like a lot of I'm finding more and more couples are breaking up over like online affairs, cheating, texting like.


Yeah, but again, that's stopped a lot because of covid. Now you've got what do they call like a like it's a platonic relationship, like they never do anything, but they're confiding in each other online.


Emotional cheating. Right. Or emotional affair. Emotional affair. That's a big one. That's a big one.


And it's not OK, because, by the way, I don't I would rather that my significant other when in fact a stripper, then I shouldn't say that. I don't mean to demean strippers. If you're a dancer, that doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to have sex with somebody's husband. What I'm saying is a hooker.


Yes. Then have an emotional relationship with someone.


Well, that's huge, because I was in a relationship. I lived with somebody. I had an emotional affair with someone who was like an authority figure to me, a mentor, someone that I like, looked up to whatever. My dad didn't show up from school on time. It's the older man's my thing. And it was like I wasn't cheating, but I was checked out. Right. I was emotionally with this person and it was like, you know, and this is such a male female thing.


And I know what a lot of men and women are different now. That's like a heartache. I'm all right. I got it. But it was this thing that was like, but we're not having sex.


We talked on the phone for three hours and he understands me like no one else understands me.


He sees me for twenty minutes of sex. I'd lay back and let's talk about things, you know, and he made me understand. He was like, this is like me, just get it. Because my sort of primal carnal need is to emotionally invested someone, his primal Carloni, to just get come out of his base, you know? So he's like, this is the equivalent of me just getting a hooker. And of course, I'm jealous of this.




But there's no sex like. So I think Elizabeth Gilbert put it as always. She I think I've said this before, the pikas closing the doors and windows. So it's like if you have something that you want to share emotionally, that's a big deal at work. Right. Don't share it with your co-worker like if something big happened because then you're not going to need to share it. You're not gonna have anything to talk about when you get. All right, save it the same way you save your semen for your person, right, don't jerk off right before you have sex.


Don't emotionally invest in your co-worker. If you're going to go home and have dinner with your person, like, hold it in. And it's taken me a long time. That's a gross fucking metaphor.


But that has helped me a lot to be like, let me got this big thing happened. And I really want to tell because I have so many platonic guy friends that I work with and that I'm like, you're my soulmate.


And it's like, no, I just you were just there right now, you know what I'm saying?


And then you build this case that the person you're with doesn't understand you or doesn't see you. And it's like, you know, you just tell them. Right. That whole time you're investing in, I can tell them the same way you would already given the good tell to get Jim from accounting.


Right. You were given all you're there the first take of the story to Jim from accounting. And by the time you get home, you're like, OK, I just I've already told the story like, well, I didn't ask you to have told it already.


Why were you telling stories to someone to work? You should be working. Why are you emotionally investing in them?


And Jim, it is tricky because it is also it's like we forget like women haven't been in the workplace that long.


This is a first.


Yes, but they've been in the workplace as long as we've been working. Working. That's true. But it's not like we can say like, well, we don't understand what it's like by the WaterCooler. All I've ever known as the water cooler. I not like I finally got into the workforce when I was like forty and my kids were already in school and I'm like going back to work.


I feel like I have to remind guys, though, sometimes when I'm working in a workplace with guys and we're talking a lot that we're not together. Right.


I maybe this is maybe this is a meeting because I have bad boundaries or something, but and maybe I work in a business that's very emotional and we share personal stories and writer's room and actors and whatever.


Maybe it's a codependent job. But when I'm like sitting next to a coworker for like five or six hours and we're talking and there's a moment where, you know, at the end it's kind of like, oh, can I help? And I'm like, no, we're not dating.


No, that doesn't happen in family law, really.


I'm going to say, yeah, I feel like there is no boundaries in the workplace.


Yeah, I think that has to do with what you do. That's more what we do for a living. Yeah, I definitely think so. I've been in writers rooms. I've seen how I mean that's much more fun. Yeah. Yeah. And cool and whatever. Yeah. Not so much and just yeah.


You guys don't fuck around, you know about, you know, the players having affairs with people. I mean it does happen. You're there all day, all day, all day. It's also why people fucked their nannies because that's the person that's in the house taking care of your children.


You have to actively be on watch. You have to actively be on the defense.


When it comes to that. I think that's why I'm trying to say is like when you're in a workplace and you might get tricked into thinking that this person is really close to you and your have this connection, it's you're just working together.


We're not like we just went through this like work trauma together. We just made this deadline. We're just like the best and like we're such a great team.


And like, I maybe we should be together like, no, no, I'm going to go home.


Right. It's like when I get trapped in an elevator with somebody for forty five. You're not tall, man. You get out and you've had this experience. But guess what, anybody could have been trapped in the elevator with you.


You have to take into account that we are incredibly irrational, emotional creatures and we get swept up and we get flooded with oxytocin and we make bad decisions. Yes. You know, as I wouldn't. Yeah, yeah.


This is what I would call irrational behavior pays for all of your cars. But yeah.


So I just that's such a fascinating like I just feel like ultimately I'm just too emotional to be able to do what you do. And I'm just so fascinated how you're able to like, turn it on and off. And when you're in like. I like to call them growth opportunities, not fights in relationships like. Are you able to be emotional, do you turn it off like are you? I was thinking about that before when you were saying you argue with your boyfriend and you love it.


I don't have that many fights in my life.


Who how dare that? Who's going to. Wow, imagine being a guy who's like, yeah, I'm fucking watch like Jesus.


No, I think you probably just you I feel like if I am going to be experiencing conflict, I want to be getting my 950 and hour.


So, so I don't have that much. That's why I'm not funny in a relationship. I'm like, this is my job. Yeah. I think that truly I hear so many comedians and I've met so many comedians. You actually are funnier than most of the ones really. I feel like I'm balme unfunny.


No, we're not that funny in real life, which is why podcasting is such a like which I was so excited when you got a podcast because like that's who I want to listen to talk.


That's who I want to hear. Talk for three hours. Laura Wasser, comedian. Like I've already heard your you talk about it, right? Yeah. Like it's like comedians were not that funny when we're not doing standup.


Well, I think and many lawyers I can't speak for many for myself I was did not have big arguments. And again, it might have actually been bad, like I probably held stuff in that I otherwise should have been saying or arguing about, because I just I think a lot of times I was like, I just I don't want to fight. I don't want to argue about it.


I don't want to talk about choose your battles, though. But I also think that's super healthy to have the restraint of pen and tongue and to go this is worth fighting and this isn't right. I think that's like one of the biggest skills in a relationship of like, I know I could fight you on this and win, but I'm going to let you let it drop in your ego.


Right, right. Like just going like this was fucked up. This person made a mistake.


I'm right, but I'm not going to say anything. Right. Like that's like if you want to stay in the ring. Right.


And I'm also a very big fan of the email that you sit with for a minute.


You don't just not the text message, but the email where you really write it out like you were saying, make my point.


And then I did it. I do that in an email. Defend my yeah. I let it sit. I don't send it that night. I wait. I don't know when I'm still angry. And as it grew and then I read it again and I will often edit but then I send it because I do want the person who will read it. And then it's not just me like slapping you with it. There, read it. You can sit with it, you can come back, you can read it again, you can think about it.


I feel again, this probably is being a lawyer and being the daughter of two lawyers. Yeah, the written word is very important. It stays. It's there you have it. You can go back and find that email when he says, well, you never even told me that bothered you. Yes, I did. On February 10th. Can I have a..


And I sent an email and told you it bothered honestly put it in writing like this is going to be our next March launch. Put it in writing like with Benton and all the new people working here who aren't here today because we're covid protocol.


But we normally have like lots of people here spreading germs and, you know, put it in writing is like a huge thing.


I mean, I went through a crazy lawsuit a couple of years ago not saying that this is even for lawsuits. But, you know, our memories aren't always reliable. We get emotional. We get carried away. Feelings aren't facts. And it's just like, can you just write that down and send it like I'm that's like my new biggest tool. My my big tool is for when people ask me to do something and I don't want to I'm a capacity.


I'm sorry, I can't do that. Like, that's one new tool.


Another new tool is like, can you just put that in an email so I could like put everything in an email, your boundaries, your fears, your resentments when you're not emotional. So you have it like for your own database of your emotions.


You know, you've sent it to this.


That's right. I'm not crazy. Well, you told me this. I didn't like basically do what what is it evidence like make sure you have evidence for your own case that you're going to have to build in the future, have to live your life thinking you're going to have to build a case.


But for your own self to know because not people don't always hear you when you speak. That's correct. You don't always remember whether you've said something or whether you just thought I should have said that. So now if you have it in an email, huge.


Yeah. There's times where I was talking about this today where I'm like, no, I said I told you this was important to me. It's like, no, I felt it. And I thought I've just thought about it so much that I assumed you knew. Right. And we make these assumptions that the person we're with can read our mind. And it's such that's such a genius tool to just have stuff in writing, not to go. I did it just to know that you're not crazy right now.


I did ask you to come to this book.


I bought you a ball trimmer 2020. Why is there pubes everywhere?


I thought we shaved these, but like but that is like that is honestly the biggest problem in my relationship right now. Now, when I get an altercation with my person, I have to remember, like, we're on the same team. I forget cause I'm like, it's about fucking winning. It's me versus you. But once you're in a union, it's if if I win, we both lose. Right. Right.


And that's how divorce divorces, too, by the way, like I say to people all the time, this. You have one family, OK? The more money you keep within your family, instead of spending it on me being. Yes, yes. Yeah.


Forensic accounting and whatever, keep it together. And here's the other thing. I might be looking really good right now. I assure you that six, 12, 18 months from now, we're not going to be talking to each other every day. Right.


But your spouse, you're still a family member with invest in that. You are all in the same team even if you don't feel like it right now.


Yeah, yes. And it's so hard for me because I get in the mode of fucking winning. I'm going to fucking win this. Right. But you can win it. But like you said, the way the mindset changes, I can win it by us both. Winning define winning.


Is winning mean. You're right. And the person in a puddle of mush on the ground.


No. And the. Is that what you want. You want something is we are either about to go to dinner or get in bed together and write a movie or have sex.


The only way to win this argument is we go have sex after and we never talk about this again over Charlie Sheen winning. See?


Oh, God, that's my definition of winning. Why do I feel like you had to deal with that? Why do I feel like he's been in your inbox one too many times? But I think that that's something I forgot. My ego gets involved and I get into my victim mentality and I'm like, I need to fucking hurt you instead of whereas it's actually self care to shut your fucking mouth sometimes and put it in writing and make a positive investment in your future self by going, you know what, I'm going to like, be calm, cool and collected.


And I'm not going to let what I'm saying get lost in hell. I'm saying it.


Yeah, because I have this theory that when you're arguing with your person, your first thought. Is this like being a lawyer in your first 30 seconds, you've either one or you've lost. Yes, I definitely think that you're opening. That's why they call opening statements. Opening statements are so important, so important because it's you are summarizing the case for the judge. And we don't have jury trials in family law. But if there's a jury as well, right from the get go, the evidence will show this is what I'm going to tell you.


Now, you have the whole case. It's super boring. You have the evidence, it tells them. And then you do a closing statement where you're like, remember how I told you at the beginning this is what I was going to tell you? I did. I win. Fuck off.


How do you like I'm obsessed with you. How do you craft an opening statement? It takes a while. And again, good ones. I mean, my dad used to say every case has a theme. So and again, family law. How many themes can there be? But like we had one yesterday. Oh my God. It's all Zoome now.


So I had a case to do. I'm sure you saw the guy that was the very this woman yesterday who was giving her opening. I was watching like the one he like looked to the side and then he goes, I'm actually really here. I'm not a cat. That was really, it was like I watched it like twelve times I was bad. And one other one with a kid, like riding a scooter and a wall that I kept watching over and over again, that I'm like, what's wrong with you?


Like, is he going to win that case? The judge was and he's like, well, let's keep going. And the judge is like, no, let's get out of here. We're trying. And the guy doesn't realize how ridiculous it is. It was also not really such a cute cat. I don't like it as a viewer. You got to want them to stay a was.


I think it would have been very similar to when I was watching yesterday when this woman and the case is still going and I can't talk about it. But this video that she constructed to be part of her opening statement with music and pictures and and and my client texted me because we were not together because we're doing it on.


Oh, my God, is this really happening? And I was like, I'm so embarrassed for my entire, like, trade like that. This is happening right now.


Even the judge, I was watching him and he was like, I mean, made like a video to try and manipulate or try to show how her story had pictures and there was music and there was a little animation and it was in evidence. This is an audition tape. It was unfair for. Yeah, for the amazing Barmitzvah tape. I just couldn't it was just it was yeah.


We're fascinated with lawyers. What humans? We're fascinated by lawyers.


The most popular shows on TV. These are lawyers on TV. Right. What is that?


Well, we just looked up like the we were talking about Your Honor, which is great. Yes. But then did you watch not not the good wife, but the good fight. Did you watch that? Oh, is it great. Oh, my God.


So good again. It's now, but it's amazing. It's got some of the same cast members they've broken off. It was very, very timely in terms of like Trump and what if. Yeah. Hunt in the 2016 election. It's so good. They're so smart.


But remember, there was L.A. law. I mean, there's all why are people so obsessed with this? I don't know.


But I know, like you said, people have often tried to make a show that had to do with, like, you know, the divorce, the family law realm.


And they don't work because it's depressing. That's that's what we want to see criminals go down. We don't want to see someone lose their kids. Right.


And also, you know, really the business. Is a family law. I mean, look, you got stuff, you're dividing, somebody's getting support, like it's just not that interesting. Interesting is the human emotions that go along with it.


And I guess you could write a 30 minute every week about that. I mean, I don't. No, but those those shows have not worked.


And I'm also I'm a I'm not a it's hard to be a woman in stand up person at all. I'm like I feel like I got some things that I didn't deserve because I was a woman. And then I had to, like, pull it together and go like, oh, shit, I got to, like, earn these opportunities that I just got, you know, because I like there were a bunch of dudes and I was a girl and they were like, we need to put her on a line up.


Like, I got a couple of opportunities that I probably was not ready for, frankly.


But have you ever been in a situation where you're like, I feel like I'm not allowed to lose my temper like that.


I feel like I'm not allowed to get emotional. I feel like if a guy gets emotional, he's like passionate, intense, and he's good at his job.


But if I get emotional, I'm like a crazy bitch. Yeah, but again, that I don't I also think when a guy does it that he's I am a big guy. I came up with my father saying basically, like, never let them see you sweat. My I never saw my dad get angry. He never got angry at an argument. He always was very soft spoken. My brother and I would know if my dad was mad. It was because we could barely hear him.


I mean, that was what was scary to us.


So to me, somebody flying off the handle and being angry, man or woman, they just lost they lost their shit, literally.


And, you know, I have opposing counsel that will, you know, say make cutting remarks. They mean things that doesn't help them. I see what judges are able to see. And I can tell that that's not helping.


But people can't help themselves.


And that's what you don't want in a representative or a lawyer. You want someone who's able to really, really hold your cards close to your chest, make the best argument that they can for you. We were talking a little bit before about the tattoo that had less to do with, like my boss feeling like a tattoo was, you know, female or racy. I mean, we literally I would wear glasses and I didn't need glasses, but I wanted to look older and I wanted to look more serious.


Yeah, it's about, you know, and I had guys that I went to law school with that had nose rings or ponytails. And the teacher said, look, you never know what your judge is going to be thinking. So you want to take yourself kind of out of the equation. Can you be fashionable? Can you look attractive? Yes. But you want it to be about the case that you're making for your client and your client. Also, by the same token, I have had to take clients.


We are officers in Century City over to the Westfield Mall, buy them a suit because they're punk rockers and they're like have tattoos and a torn T-shirt. And I'm like, dude, let's go. I mean, you know, you have to dress accordingly because the law is something where you are putting your best face forward. Yes. Whether you want to have custody of your kids, pay less money. People always say, what do I wear? Well, if you're going in and you're asking for spousal support because you've been out of the workforce for so many years, don't wear Valentino tie, blue suit, you know, tie on the column.


You don't have to wear a costume. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wearing your flashiest with your skin and wear a wedding dress, right?


Yes. That's what you should wear. You wear this again or wrap yourself. You don't people just people always say, look what I do with this wedding dress wear to your divorce trial, make his diet black.


And something Nuers reminded me of something like, you know, we talk a lot of this podcast is someone that. Talks a lot and has a very adversarial relationship with talking because it's like what I do for a living, but when women do it too much, it's annoying.


And like someone put a dick in her mouth, it's like I feel like there's a I have a very tight, tight leash in terms of when I'm she's powerful.


She's strong now. She's annoying and crazy and obnoxious and a nag and shrill and whatever.


But it is such a helpful reminder, I think, at this time. When women want to be like, I'm going to fucking say what I think, I'm going to be outspoken or just in general the sort of the younger people that I work with are like, I'm going to say my feelings all the time. And I want to tell them, like, yes, being authentic. Great. Saying what? You feel great.


But the real power is shutting the fuck up. Measuring twice, cutting once. And when you speak, saying something incisive, clear, cogent. And then people actually fucking listen when you talk. Yeah.


And when you speak softly, people also often lean in to hear what you're saying instead of leaning back because you're yelling or being what could be perceived as offensive.


Literally the art of seduction one on one. It's like we had Robert Green on the podcast to talk about all that, which reminds me of I did use a date, a guy that used that a very manipulative way where when we would get in fights and if I lost my temper, he would start talking quieter and quieter.


He'd be like, Why are you yelling at me? You why are you freaking out? You're like, I'm sorry. What? Yeah.


So I'm like, what? Yeah. And then whatever you do sounds so loud. It was like his way of making me crazier than I was yelling. I'm not yelling like it's just like now it seems like I'm yelling because you're whispering.


That is one. Don't worry.


But but yeah. I just, I just think that that is something that I as someone that's been fascinated with you and has watched you for a long time and is trying to figure out what being powerful looks like, what it sounds like, I got the wrong programming.


I thought it was like loud, aggressive. You have to talk the most, say the most in the meeting, be the loudest. And it's taking me so long to realize that it's not true power. It's a it's a huge lesson that I feel like, you know, even with social media and posting, it's like more is not always right sometimes.


And, you know, and then what do you ever want to this is like a totally geek question. Do you want to go first? No, not usually. How do you get. Who decides that if you file the motion, then you are usually the one that's going first because you're the moving party, so you present first.


So I want this. And so I'm going to make my you know, and then the other person says, well, I don't want to give you this. And so it's so I mean, it depends. And most of the time, you know, who's going to go first. But once in a while, somebody like Will position or whatever. I don't really care either way. I mean, it also depends on how long the trial is. If you if you're going to go first and then there's not going to be another hearing for a month.


And that's not an advantage because you want to be the one that the judge remember. Yeah. Yeah.


You are doing it all in one day. I mean, I don't care. OK, here she goes. Can I just keep staring? Does that creep you? I want to just stare. You know, I'm just fascinated by what what who? Like, I feel like I rush people when I because I talk so fast and I'm so that I'm just working on talking slower so that you don't feel rushed. I don't feel right really. No one rushes.


You know, I just know I'm sure people do rush me. I used to have a lot of pressure to get out of the house, but that doesn't happen so much since covid.


Are you scared of anything? Do you get scared? Yeah, I'm scared of getting old and I'm scared of something happening to my kids. I'm not really scared of dying, but I literally like we're talking about that boy who overdosed. Like, I am terrified of something happening to my kids. And when I started law school, obviously didn't have kids. The law school professor on the first day, like, says to this big classroom of students like how many of you have kids because some of the people were going back to school, raise their.


And he said law school is like having kids. It never goes away for the next three years. It doesn't matter how wasted you get or if you're on a vacation or you're a family wedding. It's always there. And I didn't totally understand it because I didn't really have that experience in law school. I liked law school and I had a really good time in law school. And remember, I got engaged and then married. And so it wasn't I thought it was neat having kids, like they're always there, like there's no day off when you when you have kids.


A cell phone is a whole different thing like I have.


I don't the way you look at that phone, it's like it's like it's a heart attack every time the is does when they're little. But now I mean. No, it's always oh, it's scarier now they can decide where where is the is the in discomfort.


Is the pain. Is he sick. Did something fall or hit him or whatever. All the time. And I'm a very easygoing mom, they will tell you that. But by the same token, you always they're always there and you want them to always be there. You don't drink the same way. So you don't do drugs the same way.


No past travel the way that you used to because you always are thinking, how am I going to get back in time? I mean, it's a totally different thing. You don't you don't even hang out with the same people necessarily that you used to, because if there's somebody that you would be embarrassed to introduce your kids to, you don't want to hang out with them.


I know I hung out with a friend of mine and her kid the other day and the kid she admired, how old is the kid? Like four, where it was? It was really weird. I was like, I get why you don't bring this kid around.


It's kind of a mom with my kids going to school, I don't know. But it's also like it's funny because it's like when the people you used to like party with in your 20s start having kids. Really, you're exactly the kind of parent I thought you were going to be like, well, it's true. You become friends with people who parent. The way I was going to say when you become a parent, you know, your childhood doesn't change.


You don't all of a sudden become super responsible person that knows what's appropriate. Just pass it on to your children.


But it's like I remember there were certain people I was friends with and their kids are like, run through my house with chocolate on their hands or Nutella. And I was like, oh, we're not hanging out.


And they wouldn't do anything. Yeah. Oh, oh. Well, are we going to do something about this kid or not?


You know, if my kid was at somebody's house doing that, I would like have him in like a chokehold.


Don't you feel like people are too permissive with their kids? No, it depends.


I not all of them are. Some of us are a little too like helicopter.


Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a balance. And again, going back to what I said earlier, you can't judge. You never know what why someone's acting the way they act.


Right. And happen to them.


What happened to them with their kid, you know, so you just got to kind of have you ever been in a parenting situation where like I said, I handled that?


Definitely, yes. Well, try having a teenager.


I mean, you know, especially now there's no blueprint for what's going on. Yeah.


And I've I've always spoken to my kids like they were little adults. And I think and that's how my parents spoke to me. And my older son is very much like me. My younger son is very different from me in all the best ways. Sometimes I will say things to him that I would have said to my older son, where I can see this look on his face and I'm like, I shouldn't have said that. He doesn't take that the same way.


And that's not OK. Oh, interesting. Because I was going to say, like, you practice on the first one. The second one, your kids are different.


They're all kids are so different. And you really realize when you have more than one kid like they are different, you can't just I mean, certain things. Yeah. Like, you know, this is how often I got to take him to the doctor. Yeah.


But certain things you really and I think I think I'm an OK parent. You have to focus on that kid. It's not a cookie cutter. And so yeah, you you grow with them. You learn with them. I mean, you know, my little one had more anxiety issues, whatever, instead of saying, like, you're being silly or get over it, which I could say to the older one. And he would and which is what my dad said to me, this one I have to sit with and say, let's talk about that.


And how does that make you feel and whatever. And it's been a really good growth experience for me as a parent, as a person.


I mean, like, yeah, that's a good. Now, boys have emotions, you know. Yeah. Oh, he yeah, he has them.


And also it's helped me with my older kids who because I can't just that just because my parents treated me a certain way doesn't mean it was that. Well the circumstances are very different now. Yeah. Yeah. It's like it's I hear a lot of as not being a parent, I hear a lot of people complaining about Zoome school. And I was talking to my therapist who works with children too, is like, yeah, I'm like, is this so traumatic for kids?


And they're in Mass and they're on Zoome and like it's like parents are. It's actually harder on parents because we want kids to have the childhood we had. Right. Whereas it's like this is preparing them for the world they're going to live in.


Right. But they can't have the childhood that we had.


And in some ways it's better, like we have to, like, let them, like, be the best in the world that they're in.


Yes. My parents used to say go play until it gets dark and then come back. I can't say that to my kid.


They live in the legal now to do that. Right. My mom used to say, go and play, come back before dark. Right. But I didn't we didn't know when it was going to get dark.


It would get started. And then you fucking like Blair Witch Project your way home and like you go to a house. I'd go like I don't even know because my house was Virginia. I go to the mean streets of the flats of Beverly Hills. There wasn't so much the Blair Witch Project. It was like Baade Scorseses actually doing the camera work. It was actually Stevensville Spielberg. But but yeah, it's it's I'm fascinated by that because I see so many of my friends now who are like trying to be great parents and they've got the organic apple butter and the organic almond butter.


And I'm like, dude, we did anyone else drink out of a hose when they were a kid and kind of a hose sat in the way, way back.


My brother broke his arm because we got rear ended and I slammed into him because we didn't have seatbelts. I mean, our parents were drinking and smoking, not saying it's right. Just saying, like, we'll probably live. I my kids never had sugar cereal until one time we were down at the beach and I went into the store and they have the fun packs of like.


Oh, the little ones. Yeah. Oh my God. Oh, it was like I oh even all nine of those a day was just really Fruity Pebbles, pretty flowery pebbles, the cinnamon toast crunch applejack supplejack. Oh I used to mix Apple Jackson cinematographer's. Yeah. And I used to put Oreo cookies in a bowl and put milk on it and eat it like cereal and then they, and I just, I turned out great and now I'm thirty eight.


My hair's blue. Things are going great, but now it just goes like this. But it wasn't the ruling probably had too many lucky charms as a kid. I also see this color. Is that weird? But I.


I have obsessed because I see all my friends in there.


So, like, I had a friend, she came over there, she put the sunscreen on the kid, one that the candidates sit in the backyard because that explains that, OK, that actually it's all the same parents. So actually she's like, do whatever you want, but then she's super neurotic about no chemicals, no gluten.


I'm like, my mom. I used to drink like my mom's coffee. That does.


That does. I think we're off a little bit with the second one.


You're kind of like, yeah. Is that why the second one's always shorter? No, I don't think so. Not getting as many nutrients I have noticed every second kid is just like a little off my back.


My second gets shorter because his dad's shorter. So that's. Yeah, yeah. He's just going to be shorter.


But there's something about the nutrients like the second kid gets less.


Yeah, but have you noticed that kids today are so tall. I think it's because of the milk.


The GMOs. Yeah. All that stuff. I know they're huge which is weird because yeah. Literally they're growing, they're like I don't know whatever is going on in your house. I don't know of the Rogaine in the water over there.


Well but I, I do think though there's something when you talked about wearing glasses, I do think when you're a woman and you're in a professional situation, there are limits to the accessories you can wear. Like you've kind of changed my internalized sexism around this.


Like, I feel like whenever I put on a pair of glasses at work, everyone's like, oh, sexy. Like, it's like, no, I need glasses to wear.


Like as a woman, if you put on accessories, you're in a porn or all of a sudden, but you're like, but again, I'm older and I've got credibility.


I wouldn't I don't have any of that. Yeah. When I was in my 20s. Interesting. But like, I go down to Los Angeles Superior Court, many of those judges have seen me through to pregnant. Well, if they don't know me, they kind of know my name and they're like not going, oh, look at this tart.


If I'm wearing, like, you know, five inch Christian Louboutin or whatever. Interesting. So, again, you have to kind of earn that.


And I hope I have changed for women because, look, one of the best things about making big money is being able to buy. Yes, yes, yes.


I have a couple of questions that I'm let you go because you have a dinner is at a dinner a work dinner?


No, really, Mel is my best friend and it's her boyfriend. And then this other friend of mine. Do people set you up a lot of that now?


Really? Would you want to set me up? That wasn't a question. No, I don't wish any of my friends on you the. Yeah, but I do, and I can't really go on Bumble, you can't you're too rich for that. So what do you do I.


And you're like, I do, OK.


No, I know. But I'm curious. This is like a question people ask me, like, where do you meet people? And like, I never know how to answer it, but it is a I just do.


I mean, again, I was in a relationship for seven years until a year ago, and now we've been in covid.


Yeah. Yeah. So thank you. Because I wanted to talk so much about like getting the nitty gritty, but also your insights on just relationships and conflict. And just I wanted to really talk to you like as a person and thank you for letting me do that.


Welcome fun.


What do you do? Your skin's lasting. I get a facial once a month. Your skin is sickening, but that's because of my mom, I have good genes. What is the Greek? No, it's Russian. Russian, Russian. Oh, yeah, yeah, yes. And she had a really good skin and we both spent too much time in the sun and fascial once a month with Cindy Karimi and I use Lamya products.


OK, I love you. Don't ride elephants, Laura. We'll be back with more.