Transcribe your podcast

So we're starting the podcast, cool with you guys and our hats the whole time, have a really bad hairline.


He just got his fix. I just got my fix, but I still. So is the hat holding it in? No, it's not holding it in, I just don't like my hair yet, so you because you got a hair transplant. Yeah. Is the hat holding the stitches in?


No, it's not. I just I'm not happy with it.


Still, he's about a year post up. OK, yeah. OK, so you're wearing the hat to cover your hair lines. No, I'm not saying take it off.


I want I'll show it. I'll show I'm doing it.


I want to know we get granular on this podcast and we deconstruct things that seem like minutia, but they're not. So are you wearing them because you're insecure, because you're trying to sell merch? Because you're like, I would just want to know.


Insecure, insecure. This is not my brand, OK? This is just the only house I fit in.


OK, so you're both insecure about your hairline? Yeah, that's like the only thing I'm insecure about.


I feel like yeah. That is such a weird thing. I didn't know like other people felt it too. And then we started talking about it. We found other people that were like, wow, no, I want to get a transplant too.


And like, I didn't know it was such a common thing, but it's so powerful because, you know, nobody talks about male insecurity. Yeah. They only talk about female insecurity. That's what dominates the narrative. Yeah.


And why don't you guys get more attention for this?


Are you do you. Was it hard for you to admit you are insecure about that?


I don't think so. Not me. I don't know.


But is this next generation able to say, I'm scared, I'm insecure, I'm fearful 100 percent.


I feel like I definitely showed that. Like, I showed my entire her hair transplant surgery process.


Do you think you would have done it if you weren't able to get it for content? Do you know what I mean? Was getting it for content part of what made you able?


I think the content is what helped paid for it.


Yeah. I would not be able to afford it.


So it's almost like this new thing where we are always rolling and recording everything we do. Yeah. It's the same thing that creates our insecurities are kind of helping heal them. Right. Being seen and rejected as what we're afraid of being seen and exposing the most embarrassing parts of our site.


And I think I think a big thing about it is like calling out your own insecurities before other people do.


That's a big thing. That's what standup, as they say. Yeah. Comedians, we become comedians to control how we're embarrassed.


Yeah. And because you feel like this is a big part of what you do is like a defense mechanism in a way of like I'm going to make fun of myself or you can go hard, too hard before we let anybody else take control.


Are you scared of.


Were you bullied? No, no, never.


About to be for the next two hours. I just like I just don't like the way like I look without a hat on. I just like I just feel really like weird without it. I like super thin hair.


And then it's also like talking back a little bit. Men in their hair, like women in their tits, right. Yeah.


I feel like hair is all like a guy has and dark hair and dark hair and dick and feet size and height.


See here's the thing is like this is a hot take.


The hot take is that women actually have it slightly easier in terms of our unrealistic and possible body standards, because we can change ours.


We can get hair extensions, we can wear high heels, we can wear makeup. You guys can't all the things that you're expected to have to be big and perfect are genetically locked. Its height, hairline, dick size. Yeah.


And not only have one of those, so.


And that's hair. Now, let's talk about the hair on your dick in a minute.


So do you think that part of your why people are so enamored with you is that you've shown your vulnerabilities? Yeah, I think so.


I feel like all of us in our group, we that's all we do is we always make fun of ourselves. We we like put a spotlight on what we feel the worst about ourselves. And we make a joke out of it because I want to add some context in here.


Not that we ever do this in a linear way. People know how my mind works by now. But it occurred to me this morning that you guys are.


Friends, right? You are to your generation what the TV show Friends was to mine.


Oh, I thought you meant like us in general. We are friends. Yeah, yeah. But I'm glad I saw you be full of shit in that moment. I'm glad I saw you be faking that. Right. But I think it's what you make of it.


But I mean, like you guys are the next generations. The TV show friends. Yeah, right.


So you're David. Who's David Schwimmer? Who's Ross.


Who's a drunk idiot. So whichever one that is Chandler, maybe Chandler. No, that's just Matt Perry in real life.


Oh, I feel like I feel like I would gravitate and identify with Chandler.


Fair enough. Fair enough. Yeah. So I because I don't I don't totally know you guys, which is what makes this incredibly surreal.


We've got a couple hours to learn.


So how do you know me? We do have a past together. Yeah.


In some way he take the risk. Yeah. I told Zane this earlier and he was like, no way. So I, I've been like a fan of yours for a long time.


The show Whitney was our family TV show that we would watch and it was like we would all sit down and watch it every week.


And we have a fucked up family and he's not lying because like I've seen I've seen him watch this show before, like.


So is this weird for you? I'm not weird. I'm more excited. Like I told my parents are like, no way. Like, that's so cool. How so? So it is cool. What about that show? I don't know.


It was just like I thought it was just really funny.


Yeah. No, I mean that show it's weird for me to say this and it sounds self aggrandizing, narcissistic, like I'm the I, I literally wrote a book and make a podcast talking about my flaws and all the things I'm bad at and do wrong.


I just posted on Instagram today myself trying out new materials, that new material that wasn't working. I'm the first person to say when something isn't isn't funny.


And when I did something right and wrong, that show was fucking hilarious. It was. And it got killed because I became this. I now see what happened. Like I became this like martyr of like all of the this just like latent hatred towards loud women.


I was like very triggering to people. I now look back and I'm able to do it without emotion. Like, I can zoom out and go, like, I really just triggered people and I can kind of see why an eating disorder at the time, I was really, really skinny. Christa was on the show and, you know, it triggered people. But in Hollywood, at least, people didn't like that.


Outsiders made it crystal clear. And I were outsiders and we made it. And this is what you guys are also like that in a way, it kind of felt like the beginning of the outsiders coming into Hollywood and eclipsing Hollywood. That's what you guys are doing, because you're displacing us, you know, like you're the new guard. And Cresta Lee and I, nobody knew who we were.


We were famous. That was like your first, like, huge biggest thing I've ever done.


And I wrote a script for my friend Chris D'Elia, who I did comedy with every night. We did this sitcom. We were fucking around the way you guys make your YouTube videos. We were literally just cracking each other up, filming it. Right. And then it tested so highly. This is just a true science fact, not me having high self-esteem, because we know that's not my brand. It tested so highly that it got the biggest ad campaign NBCs ever done.


It was ubiquitous. It was like, I don't know, you're probably too young to really remember the ad campaign. It was just kind of it was like on popcorn bags at movie theaters. Like if you opened the DVD, you don't know what that is. There used to be these things called DVDs. You open a DVD, a bridesmaid in an ad for the show. Whitney would come out like that's how much money they put behind it and.


I know that when other people get wild success and I make fun of them, it's because I'm jealous. Ah, it hurts me or makes me think they have it. I can't get it, you know, like, I think I just. Yeah. Crystal and I kicked up a lot of that. And in in sort of the Hollywood culture, we weren't we didn't we weren't cast as actors by writers that wrote it. We did it.


Was it, was it something that you guys wrote and you were just like, oh, let's see if we could, like, film it and pitch it. And then like, you're like, oh, holy shit, it worked.


Yes, we were trying to YouTube wasn't around yet. We were trying to do what you guys are doing. Yeah.


But we didn't have the literal we didn't have YouTube or the bandwidth we had like Vimeo was maybe happening but we didn't have cameras, we didn't have phones with camera. So we kind of did a YouTube show on network television.


Yeah. So like if you're making if you were making that show today, would you have tried to put that on YouTube now or would you try to like if you did it today, I would call you guys and say, what do you think I should do?


Whoa, OK.


And that's not only no one else for Tim, because you guys, frankly, know more than I do about this space. Yeah.


You know, it used to be like if you wanted to make something, if you want to make art, if you want to connect with people, if you wanted to put on a play for people, you had to go to all these old guys, old businessmen to beg them to give you permission to put on your play.




And probably make you change everything that you feel. What do you know about what it's like to be a twenty six year old girl with your childhood? Nothing. So you're going to tell me you just want to fuck me. You just want me to be someone you'd want to fuck. But I'm loud and big and complicated and imperfect and obnoxious.


And so they just want to make you Leah Remini in Queens. Yeah. They want you to just sort of be a Stepford wife.


So we you I'd have to just go like, Daddy, please, can I.


And you guys just broke that, you guys. And this is going to sound like I'm being unctuous or something, but. What you guys have done has like healed. The artists and the broken performers that have been trying to connect with people, you removed the gatekeepers that were stopping us from being able to keep ourselves. That's a very good way to put it, that's all. No, I mean, yeah, it is cool. And especially with the technology now, like anybody can do, like a YouTube, they make like a video.


And I feel like that's what makes it go viral and not humor.


Is it emotion? Is it people being invested in you?


I think it's to do with all those. It's a common denominator. Well, I think it's just like. If you yourself are so interested in the content you're making, there's going to be people that find it interesting and worth watching. Also, I feel like a lot of people go into YouTube and they think like I want to be a YouTube, but just because they want to be they see like I guess like the good life or whatever it is.


And they don't genuinely want to make the videos they don't want to do.


They're just like pretend everyone knows everything.


And it's easy. It's easy to differentiate that when you, like, look at all these creators you like. You know exactly. Who's just for that?


No one actually no one's getting away with anything anymore. Yeah. It's a case of people getting away with anything are over. Yeah.


So you guys broadcast your vulnerabilities, things that people would normally hide.


Back in my day, we hid the things we kept secrets.


We pretended you can't do that. Do you think it was a choice to broadcast your insecurities and share all this, or did you just know you wouldn't be able to get away with it?


No, I think I know that. I know that's a weird question. Yeah, I don't think I mind it. Like, for me, I didn't mind at all. I feel like it's important to show people that you can't be vulnerable and you can't tell people that you you think your hairline sucks and you want a hair transplant. And it's and while you're doing it, be funny about it. Let people know that, hey, it's OK that your fucking hairline sucks.


A lot of people's hair line sucks. So just get the procedure done and let people know, let men know that like, hey, it's OK to get your hair line done if you don't think it's OK. And then but also.


I'm hearing this narrative hearing, seeing that there's this thing called toxic masculinity and that this next generation of boys is toxic because they watch too much porn and they hate women and they're not in touch with their feelings. And that's not what I'm seeing you broadcasting like you guys are weird anathema to that.


Yeah, it's weird because I feel like when you talk about toxic masculinity, I feel like. Now it's getting the opposite. I was I feel like yes, it's like an entity.


Yeah, my 20s, like I feel like the guys were trying to be super masculine and like but now it's like I mean, like, look at like tick tock.


Like the biggest guys are kind of feminine in the way that they and let's define masculinity, define feminine because then then it gets wild.


Right. And what does it mean. Because, yeah, because vulnerability what I watched your video this morning of you getting your hair transplant. Yeah. And I was just fascinated.


What what does that mean? I'm scared that maybe scaring yourself, maybe I watched your video. Oh, fuck. Why? Like, what does that make you feel? What does that bring up?


No, I kind of forgot what I had in there. It was just like I sometimes I say stupid things while I'm filming, but why wouldn't you?


You're 20. Yeah, I'm not twenty.


I'm twenty seven. What was the question, though, that you're asking me about?


Like, what happens when I say I saw your video this morning about you getting a hair transplant on what happens because your body language kind of tighten up a little bit.


I don't know what it is. I don't think I like people I know watching my stuff. But you don't know me.


I do know you now.


And I like and I respect you, too. And I think you're hilarious. So to me, it's just like, oh, fuck, why you watch.


And I think it's interesting. I have that to where when I when I'm it took me so long to embrace social media and such because I was always posting for other comedians and I had shame and I was embarrassed. But that's not who we're doing this far. That's not who pays our bills. I don't pay your bills. Yeah, it's not for me. Right. I'm not your fan base. I'm a fan of yours, but I'm not. Anything you have, I'll get for free.


You'll send me your merch for free. I'm not buying your merch. I'm going to get it comped, you know what I'm saying? But that's fascinating to me because like, when you're in the process of making these videos, who are you envisioning that they're for?


It's kind of the same feeling where like, I don't like somebody watching one of my videos in front of me like that to me is the worst because like which is wild.


It's like they have a pressure to think something is funny or to look more interesting. And then there's like always some sort of like, yeah. Fake ness to it where you're like, oh, it was like a sympathy laugh or so you're that's imposter syndrome.


So you have imposter syndrome. Yeah, I was actually I was just talking about this with you when I so I got invited to do Drake's last music video, which is unbelievable.


I don't know why I got asked, but the car was, you know why you got asked.


Why did you get asked.


Maybe you're stupid. They wanted they wanted me to be the comedic relief of the music video. It was like Justin Bieber and his, like, entourage. Hold on.


Slow down. Why are you rushing through this? I'm rushing through it because I don't think it matters to you. Have you're embarrassed about how successful you are?


No, no, no. You're right. It is fucking imposter syndrome. I feel like rushing through because you don't want to sound like you're like my therapist. Like I'm fucking obsessive.


But you're you're you have shame.


You're you're talking for hours always. What is the shame come from? Because there's a lot of times where I feel like I don't like deserve a lot of things. But then you were happy when I see like some people online saying you don't deserve all this. I take that and I'm just like, right, you're right. I don't deserve so. But why do you believe them?


What's going on with you that you think they're right?


I just I feel like we just we love to take negative comments to put on our hands.


We amplify them. Yeah, we amplify them. Which is part of the reason why you're so successful is because that's the way your brain works. So that has served you really well. But like, it's and it's something you have to learn how to turn on and off because it's not serving you right now. Yeah.


You know, I mean because I mean how many followers you have millions of you. You these guys drove up in a blue Lamborghini to my home. I have a blue Lamborghini in my driveway.


You didn't see his white Lamborghini in front of me? Oh, yeah. You have a white Lamborghini. I never I don't know. Are these concept cars like I haven't even seen these on the road before. This is these are space vehicles, sub one. So it looks it doesn't look like crazy. Is the SUV one. So you can't you could barely tell it's a Lamborghini. No.


Yes. You can blame me for my car too. So. Yeah. So I'm just saying you have a Lamborghini watch. How much proof do you need that you deserve what you have?


I think for me, when I think about like if I have imposter syndrome. I mean, I'm glad you have it, by the way, it's not why I like you. It's not that I feel like I don't dislike. I know I worked hard to be where I am. I just feel guilty.


Interesting. Guilty is the most useless emotion I know. But I just feel like. Does it drive you to use it, is it part of your engine, is it? Yeah, I have like this I don't know what it's like to, like, always wanting to better myself. Like, I don't like being stuck or plateauing. Like, I want to keep driving myself to do more and more and better things. But I just a part of me feels like I when I take a step back, I'm super grateful for my life, my friends, everything that I have.


But I feel guilty sometimes when I'm looking at it, I'm like, do you give to others?


Yeah, you're a good person. I'd like to think I'm a good person.


Well, he does say there's times where, like, there will be a day I wake up where I'm just like I feel like just giving everything I have and just giving away to my family. I'm just like, you know what? I'm trying to find a regular job because I don't want this anymore.


That's so interesting. So you've worked your ass off to achieve this impossible spot in rarefied air and you're here. You have it all and you feel guilty. Yeah. Like you say, what a shame and yay, great.


And like like in like my house, like I would like walk around and I'll just be like, I don't need all this. Like, I don't I think that's a bit like I don't need it.


Yeah, but you are healing a lot of people. What you do brings joy to a lot of people. You're connecting to a lot of people. Right. Anesthetizing them. You guys are drugs. You're drug dealers, right?


That's a good one. OK, I feel better now. No, I'm a drug dealer. Makes it seem better that I have. Yeah. So let's talk about your personal life.


OK, so how old are you? Twenty seven, but I haven't yet.


Twenty eight, 27, 27, 28.


So to me the only thing more interesting about you than the fact that you're famous YouTube stars is the fact that you're just twenty seven and twenty eight year old boys. Like I feel like I'm an anthropologist, like I never get to see you guys.


Thankfully you're way too old for me.


What's going on.


You date your editor. I want to I want to know what you think of women. I want to know how you fuck, OK?


I want to know everything. Oh, you want I want to know what's going on with sex in your generation.


OK, ok.


I want to know if porn has broken. You fixed you healed. You helped you. Cool. I'll start off with. Yes, I'm dating my editor or my girlfriend is now my editor as it should be.


She's incredible. I'm just saying editors we were talking about this outside editors should be women. Women were the first editors because film so crazy rolls of film. You know, there used to be actual rolls of film in the big like ten boxes and they had little little what is it when the edges are perforated and they would cut them and so them.


And so women used to edit feature films because it was the most like sewing.


Could you imagine I was trying to make a YouTube video right now and we're like, you're doing this, you're very good to me. And I'm just like I push this so crazy, so crazy.


And women, I mean, we are better at details. I'm sorry. These little tiny like editing is essentially untangling a necklace.


It's a Rubik's Cube puzzle. Yes, it's a puzzle. That's how she feels about it. And women are uniquely qualified to sort of do it comes. I wonder I always wondered how she learned so quickly. Yeah, she knows exactly what we want.


And it's cutting and sewing. It's cutting and sewing. Yeah, it's amazing.


It's putting together a vision board. I taught her and the next day she was already better at editing on her cell phone.


I showed her you talk to her. Come walk out of here. I mean, you don't think she's ever edited. No, never before. Yeah, but I showed her like the buttons. So she was like, OK, cool, I got this. Yeah.


And then she apparently knew how to do it. Phenomenal.


Yeah. A woman's place is in the editing room. Can you not darkling are you doing in a similar video for your channel right now. We're a bottle. My God. Why are we in an ad. Are we on your podcast you were at. Oh my God.


You scoot over one of those like big water jugs with what is happening, whether we cook story for a month and a half. I thought this was a gallon water jugs.


So every day I was like, got to drink a gallon of water. That's my goal. I'm fucking healthy now and it's half a gallon for a month and have been drinking a lot of water. That's still a good amount.


That's not a good amount a gallon, is it good enough? There's a good amount of water. I just had a thought out there.


He wants to show how healthy is. No huge health kick right now.


We're both losing weight. We're trying.


Are you insecure about your body? Incredibly. Why? I don't feel comfortable looking at myself. And I think growing up, I got made fun of a lot for it. You did? Yeah. I went to a summer camp that was called Aquatics. So you really not know that?


Are you just asking for content? No, I didn't. I actually didn't know he's been made fun of. No, I didn't.


Because he's the one usually make it fun. Yes. As a kid like I grew up in a water camp. In a water camp.


Yeah. It was like a summer camp that was at a pool. So we were just in the water every day.


It's just called camp No, because there was the camp next door to us that never really went in the pool. And there were more like sports geared swim.


You went to swim camp? Yeah, that sounds very true. I'm not joking with you too to that sounds traumatic.


There was a couple other big boys. I was like, husky, husky. But I was I was a husky, husky kid. And so.


Did you overeat? Yes, I did. Over eat. I have an older brother and he was like football star, major jock athlete, I guess.


Yeah. And he's seven years older than me. So at the time, your mistake. I don't know. I've never asked my parents. Seven years is a big. Yeah. Big gap.


One that's not a plan that's not planned.


But I would have thought I'd come out right. And find out I'm on this thing. Can I tell you, I mean, it's very common that not only the youngest is you. As my mom calls it, a surprise mistake becomes an overachiever to basically justify their existence because they know that they have to earn their keep.




Yeah, so that's part of your drive, right, to the second kid. Are you the youngest? It was. Oh, yeah, for sure. OK, yes.


No one wants more than one kid. My mom told me that if she had me first, they wouldn't know how to.


Second, she's always told me that yeah, I'd be I'd be like my my son or daughter needs like a friend.


So you were an accident and then you overcompensated by coming. Becoming rich and famous, I mean. Thanks, Mom. I just mean, you earned your keep your earned your place. Oh, she doesn't regret you anymore, anymore. Now, do you have a blue? All right, things are working out.


I said that once my Lamborghini was trying to figure out how this was all made, how your brains and genetics made you these special people.


You ready? You want to you want to tell her let's do it. Oh.


What have we got? Oh, no. Oh, no.


It was a question of how we started like all this or what was the question like why why we are who we are and how you don't interrupt each other like you're like, you know how to not cut each other off. We're trying. Is it because you know that it's going to look like shit when you subtitle it? Yeah.


Yeah, we because we used to cut each other off all the time on our podcast, and we've been learning slowly and steadily not to do it. So we don't. Do you just cut me off.


I know I was completing it. That's how I stopped interrupting people is that it got so fucking annoying to me.


Sorry. What was that? You hear everything.


I move around all of your Khanum just fell off you wearing a condom because I brought one just because I didn't know if we have sex, I'm going to want your sperm. OK, here you go. How much longer is this fascinating. So do you guys feel like your personalities are kind of.


Being ordained by. Filming yourselves, does that make sense? You're becoming better people because you're constantly under surveillance and in post-production on your own personalities?


I don't think so. But you stopped interrupting each other, you stopped doing something very rude for a mercenary reason, which is that I don't want to have the subtitle look like to look like shit for my business, I think it was more just like it's hard to follow in honesty, like it just doesn't sound good.


And our friend group, we were just really doing something rude because it didn't sound good in your business.


It's not rude to us that we cut each other off because we don't do it, we don't do it like disrespectful. It's not disrespectful, right? Yeah.


And like when we hang out, like a group setting, like our friends, we're all just, like, chiming in. And it's just a very, like, high energy back and forth banter. So we're just like we get excited because we just like like talking about stuff.


Not once have we ever gone and said, yo, you cut me off like those words, like. So do you ever fight? Not really surprising.


We used to like I feel like we used to fight a little back then, but I feel like it because this is all so new and we were just trying to figure out to change anything about him or would it be.


There's a lot you can change about. I mean, you could just say I would say being a better listener.


Mm hmm. Hmm. And there's a difference between listening and hearing, yes, like you want him to listen to what you say or hear what you say, to interpret what I'm saying.


Are you communicating responsibly and directly and clearly? Yes. So when you say something to him, you don't think he hears you? I think he hears my voice talking, I don't think he's processing what I'm saying, Scott, because you think he's waiting, like thinking of a joke or thinking of his response, thinking ahead.


Yeah, that's a bummer. I do that.


I do. I do that on the podcast. I do that, like, all the time in person. Oh, OK. Fuck no.


Your relationships with women, do you date women. You date women. Yeah. Good. Yeah. I mean not good. I was right. I'm good. Thanks.


She's like you. I'm not one but two. Is witness homophobic. Who are you dating now.


I'm not dating anybody right now. What's that like? It's very lonely. You don't want to. You could want. I'm back and forth all the time.


Like especially like during these times I do want to be with someone, especially since all my friends are dating are like or with somebody not in the relationship.


And I'm not very good at what happened. Not very well.


One thing I don't want to talk about that is only one thing I don't wanna talk about because I can't if I because we talk about it and it's just going to open up. I respect that.


So you understand boundaries.


You have good self care and good boundaries. Yeah, that's good too. I think it's really important to show people if you don't want to talk about something, you can just say, I don't want to talk about that. Yeah, I'm not mad at you.


It made me like you more than you just did that. Thank you. I think it's really important to show that to people. I've never done that before. I've never been like, we can't talk about that. That was the first time ever.


And I me you did it to me on my podcast. I know I feel really bad about it, too, but you shouldn't. I'm going to drive home to be like, are you having weed?


All that afterburn? Are you having afterburn? No guilt. Shame? No. You did the right thing. Yeah. I didn't know that was no. I definitely did the right thing. That was a positive contribution to your future self. Yeah. And that was the best thing you could have done for your future girlfriend.


Who was your future girlfriend? You know, baby Daigo, your future girlfriend wife will see this one day. And it would have been such a bummer if you had overshared in those very respects.


So all you listeners, what do you want? What do you want? What I want. What I want. Are you ready for your Claire Underwood?


Kind of, yeah, I think in like kind of an a couple months, you're my nightmare because in a couple months, what's going to change? In a couple months, your hairline is going to heal. It's still coming in. It is is actually two more months until it's fully, fully grown out. But he's going to have so much going on about a star going on right now. So I feel like we're pretty booked out in like two months.


I'll be available.


So you want to schedule your summer, your schedule and your song?


No, no. I'm definitely the type where, like, if it happens, it happens for sure. But you should know not to hit that table because that's fucking up the sound. You of all people should know not to do that.


Come on, miss the book. If you gave me an option, I'd take the option of not right now in two months.


Fuck, I'm holding up these public goods products, hand soap. This came in the mail because I never had it before. And it's like the most visually soothing item I have in my whole look at the back of it. Look at all the facts in the back of it.


This we're working on and face oil packaging. This is the kind of packaging I like, Venton. It's simple, it's clean, it's not triggering, it's not yelling at me. It's not distracting me. It's not clashing with anything that I already have.


My problem with basic goods in your house is that you spent all this time decorating your house.


You spent all this money, all this mental energy, and then you put a clean you try to clean your floor or you try to clean your dishes or you try to wash your hands and then the hands up ruins all the work you've done by being loud and obnoxious in neon yellow and orange and screaming at you with exclamation cleaning products have like exclamation marks on them.


Like, why are you yelling at me? Yeah, but all these these are little pieces of art, but do you think I mean, they look like they're in the mall from the MoMA gift shop.


I think they're exciting, though, too, because they all look alike, because they're like opening a package where I feel like everything is streamlined, they're cohesive.


They're like a family.


They're all of the different rooms in my home. I'm like, look at all my things that I bought at one time. They everything. So explain this. Even the food follows this trend. The sodas, they make basics right. That maybe they they search the globe to find clean, healthy, eco friendly and innovative products like sulfate, free shampoo, hand sanitizer, which I'm holding right now, clean, simple free paper products.


And I will say they're really big into over here. Yeah, they're really big into making sure that their products are healthy and safe for humans, animals and the environment.


I mean, yeah, I mean and I mean even heaven. They also offer you you pay a membership and then you can shop through them and everything is like a couple of dollars really.


Like everything like, like the razor blades or one dollar or so and they're great.


So they just have basics.


It's these staples staples and they have this like very just streamlined aesthetic that makes me feel like I'm in the future very minimalistic.


Doesn't it feel like you're in Ex Machina, like he would have these for me?


The guy from Ex Machina would have these in his bathroom. For me, it makes me feel like someone who lives in like Tuscany and has beautiful, clean, simple and look at says it's all good on it.


It just it just make it. I'm a very tactile person. I like touching things. I'm very visual. This doesn't ruin your house.


Also, products don't ruin your house. More about the by being a I an eyesore. Most clean, most basic products are an eyesore.


Also, every time you make an order, you get the option to pick one free product to try. So then they change it up every time. So like I got hot sauce one time I did it, I got hair pomade one time and I was like, well, who knows, this will be good. And it was probably the best weapon I own. You know what I love?


That's kind of like at the at the you know, when like we used to go to stores and at the buzzer, they'd have like stuff at the end and then you would just grab stuff that you didn't really know you even needed. You know, it's like that grabbing goes and they have ramen noodles.


You were telling me you have really good ramen noodles. They're very good. And they're not like they feel like you're eating like that traditional college. This is my ramen.


But they're like a thick it's the kind of know you would if you go to a ramen restaurant, they're like they're more scrumptious and higher quality. And, you know, oil, they're they're very cinematic and IG friendly.


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I don't know about you but my default emotion is perspiration. I am a sweater. I sweat it all I do. I sleep when I'm happy. When I'm sad when I'm nervous.


You know what's weird about this? I sit in the shower.


That's not normal. I just want you guys to know. I know it sounds like Benton's reading of something, but he's not. When Bentsen talks, it sounds like he's reading something that's been written. That's how funny you are.


I spent a lot you can attest to this, right? I have to sit outside sometimes while waiting gets ready because I sweat.


You know, I'm not sweating. Making this ad come in at under a minute.


Listen, I'm telling you the reason I'm I'm bringing up how much I sweated. So you know that this product works because I'm that person who's like, oh, naturally odorant. Like, watch me understand what patchouli and sweat all day.


I know this. You are dry, you are dry, you are sweat.


You don't smell bad. You're dating, you're jumping ahead. Yeah. You're jumping ahead, holding the product. But some people listen to this. Some people don't watch it on YouTube.


Some people are listening. OK, can I please make a montage of all the times we said the first? You know what? You're sweating so much during this outbreak. I'm going to give you a native daughter, my favorite one. Coconut. Vanilla. That's my that's all over your face right now.


Sometimes I think about rubbing off on my forehead to see if it's possible. So I better watch it. Why not?


I mean, I used to sweat so profusely and I know this is not something that women are supposed to talk about, which is why I just heard about it, which is that I used to have to sew maxi pads into my shirts on stage. There were these things called Kleinhenz pads I used to have to put in my shirts. I almost got Botox in my armpits. I would love to get those hands on my whole body.


Please don't be so maxi pads into my skin. Please, please don't do I just want you to know any of those things.


And then I had a lot of breast cancer in my family and my gynecologist told me that deodorants with aluminum in them literally cause breast cancer.


I mean, that is just a true fact. That is true science. I'm a scientist, so I talk as a doctor.


So, I mean, deodorant has been truly until now, until native, until natural deodorant has been a war weapon against women. I mean, Deora has been killing when it's it's so crazy and it also causes Alzheimer.


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So that pensions catchphrase, who thought of that when you open up this deodorant, this is like makes me want to cry, has an embossed heart, you know, why is it embossed emblazoned heart in the deodorant made with love just just to make your day made with love a good package. I feel it. I think I could start, I could cry. Shea butter, coconut oil, tapioca starch.


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Also, the package is only for women. No. Oh then buy for everyone. Anyone can use it. Oh sorry. Sorry I'm sexist. You know I'm sexist.


But for all the people because everyone can use it. They have cucumber and men citrus and erm I mean and look at that, it goes on clear.


Look what I'm doing goes unclear. No white stuff. Yeah. No weird nasty white shit. Doesn't look like you've started cocaine with your armpit when you put it on.


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Look at this. And it doesn't get all of your frickin shirt. It doesn't ruin your clothes. That's true.


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That's native deo dot com slash Whitney or use promo code. Check out for 20 percent off your first order. Let's talk about it. So can you manifest schedule or deyn your person? Because I do think you have to have space available in your life.


Yeah, I think timing is everything. So I like what you're doing. You sound like a psychopath, but I agree with you right now. I would not be fair to someone else to start dating them now because you want to be given the attention.


And that's exactly why you can't show up at one hundred percent. Where did you learn that? Why do you know that no, man. Because I know how I know that because when I'm dating someone and I have a lot of work going on, normally I. I will choose the girl and I would leave my work aside. I know I do that because I've done it before.


Yeah, but that's the wrong girl. The right girl won't let you do that. But I think it's not like she was letting me do that, I'm sorry, let me repeat that. It's it's not like she wasn't letting me do that. I was choosing to do that. I had nothing to do with. I know. But the right girl. You wouldn't choose that. Interesting, yeah, so you'll go I wouldn't feel we have plenty of time.


I know you know what I mean. I don't feel insecure. I don't feel like a sense of urgency. I don't need to give this thing up for you. I think I'm not going to lose you.


You don't have that energy, I think, when it's right, like I just started dating someone that I think is I think it's like I think it's an experiment in the right thing because I'm I can delay gratification with him because I go I'm like on some new shit that's like, well, no, the best thing I can do for us is to finish my work and not see you that because that's going to help me avoid a future resentment so that in two weeks I don't go.


Will, I fucking gave up this for you. Right. I'm going to continue working for you.


I think it was since it was his like first real relationship. I think he was just excited about it.


Yeah, I know that. That so it was like, oh shit is real. You have to do that. That was an important relationship to have. Right. You have to have had it taught.


You learn. I've learned a lot since then. So now what. Just a lot in the relationship.


Like what I what I should be doing, what I should do, what I need to focus on more. What's important in a relationship gets turned off in a girl.


Clingy, clingy and. Uneducated, unmotivated, clingy, unmotivated.


That's really important that you say that and let's not rush through it because I go back and forth because I'm like I'm surprisingly traditional and I feel like in terms of my radical acceptance of human nature, because I'm like, I don't want to show how motivated I am to men because that's a masculine quality.


Oh, you think it's like competing against.


I have two books. I pretend that I'm like unemployed to the guys I date. They're like I'm like running a podcast, doing a tour. And they're like, what are you doing? I'm like, oh, nothing.


Just laying around in bed, doing nothing like I am of the blueprint that men don't want you to overachieve. Men don't want you to have your own life. Men kind of just want you to be I feel like changing.


And there's something sexy as fuck about it though too. There is something sexy as fuck about it. You feel the same like about that now.


Like you feel like you still have to do that with I can't hide it anymore. Like there's just no way with the ubiquity of like social media and such. But I definitely go out of my way. Are conscious of not the way that you talked about the Drake video, which we're coming back to. I don't say what I'm doing because I don't want it to come off, that I'm super, super busy or ambitious because I was raised to believe the ambitious was kind of ugly on a woman that's so crazy because like when I met my girlfriend, Mariah, she she works like six jobs, like she is just like a hustla of it.


And like I found that so attractive, not so hot, I think is very attractive.


So if she's if you think she's working six jobs, she's working 10 jobs, like that's the deal with women, too. If they have one job, they really have seven, you know, and wait till she says she'll have 12.


Right. So like that to me was like I was like, oh, wow. So dope. Just so driven. She knew what she wanted and just. Yeah. Just really motivated and would do whatever it took to succeed.


When did you tell her you loved her. Um, it was probably. Four or five months into us. What made you do it just. Like the way the way content I need to get an algorithm is, maybe I actually think I told her I loved her before I even filmed a YouTube video with her.


How did you know you loved her? I've dated like people in the past, and I know like what I felt about them, which I thought was right, and what I felt with her was completely different, which is can you put into words?


I'm trying to figure out what this generation. I would never I'd never be able to do this.


Right. I know you're not working on it. I didn't realize the difference between obviously, like I was younger, but like lust and love. And that was tricky, I guess, eye opening to me. I started seeing, like, oh, I maybe I was just attracted to this person and it wasn't like on a deeper emotional connection.


And yeah, it was just different with her, I be the best version of yourself with her. Yeah. What do you fight about was your last fight? I'm trying to think we don't we don't fight a lot, we. We don't we don't really fight a lot. I think. The last time we fought. I literally like you black out. If I would, can you text her right now and ask one last time you thought, because she'll be like this morning because I have this guy, I don't think we're fine.


I don't know guys. I don't know when they're in fights.


She could be up, but she's talking to her girl. Mariah's talking to her girlfriend right now, like all we do is fight. And he's like we never fought before. Like, you just don't know that you were in the fights.


Maybe that's what's very interesting. You put it that way. OK, so this is another way to explain it.


We don't trust her. When was our last fight? I'm not joking. I would like to know her side of the story. And then have you been in love?


I thought I was in love, but it was it was more lost. So I was like, yeah, it was just excitement. Yeah. In the moment.


Convenient, but adrenaline. Convenient. Yeah, convenient. Is that, is that a bad word.


It's not a bad word. It's, it's an interesting word. I've just never heard it in the context of love.


I mean convenience is I'm not saying that was when I love somebody like at the moment it was convenient that she was so hot.


They're just convenient that my dick always had come coming out of it. Was it was my first it was my first relationship. So, yeah, a lot of these things were like I didn't know.


Yeah. Yeah. I've I've had, like, huge, huge crushes making I usually hold them like that we're fighting about this on our podcast. I was like, I need to hold my mic as I need something to hold you.


You do have, like, a very nervous energy. It's because my hands I need something to do with my hands if I need, like, a fidget spinner. Yeah. Have something.


But is this a thing that you is this do you have a nervousness or what is that. Is that you have it. I just need something to. It's a nervous tic. Are you on medication. No. You've never been.


I know. Sorry.


You want to add too much or too little Adderall I now where were we. Because I fucking feel it's ok. I want to know.


Do not put that lip balm on your fucking mouth you pig. I gave him a very expensive lip gloss to hold so that he could calm his nerves.


Terry. So how do we know each other?


We have a little bit of it. Yeah. So I. What was it? I received a package at my door when I lived on Laury in Studio City. I received the package and I look at the package and said, Whitney Cummings, and you got my mail, what, five years ago?


Yeah. And this was shortly after this was I he just told me this right before the podcast.


And it all I, I didn't know who you guys were. I still kind of don't. But I also do. And I feel like you're kind of my sons. Yeah. Like it's very weird. I know you very well but not at all. This is odd, but I'm having flashbacks to going like, oh, this famous YouTube or got my mail.


I remember it and it was in can I tell you something that was back when I had resentment towards famous you tubers.




And she replied and that's why I was jealous. I was jealous. I was jealous.


You weren't jealous. I just like I don't want to talk to you too. Are you telling me how I know you need to fix this in the next two months before you meet this girl?


OK, you can't tell women how they feel. They tell you how they feel.


And you say, I'm sorry you feel that way. Oh, I'll try life back.


No, but I mean, I. I was argent. We are jealous of you. Our generation's jealous of you.


Do you feel that I didn't until I started seeing the tech talkers.


Wow. So so now I know you tubers. Wow. I used to feel this way about us when we were starting on Vine and I was like, they just hate us. Like we're just trying to make videos and have fun. And I knew like a lot of YouTube was I just didn't like us because they feel like we got it the easy way because it was like all we have to do is make six second videos. And I was like, oh, well, I'm still put in the work and then can we stop there?


Yeah, because I would like to address that the easy way. I still can't make an Instagram real's. It's six seconds. Six seconds. I can write one hundred and twenty page feature script faster than I can make a six second reels. I just don't.


It's harder for me to distill into six seconds. I don't think it's good enough. I don't see myself as the product. I don't think I'm enough.


Just going like, hey, here's my wacky face. I don't have the self-esteem for it. I don't know why other people would like it. It makes me have a pit in my stomach and feel embarrassed and ashamed.


And also I really want to deconstruct this jealousy around tubers because you guys are quickly taking over the world in a lot of ways and. Amanda Sereni was on a couple of weeks ago, and she we met on something, she comes to my house and she's like, let's do a video. And I'm like, this is my first video with the YouTube or I don't know what I do. TV shows. I do movies. Yeah, there's a crew list.


There's two hundred people. There's a union involved. There's craft services. It costs millions of dollars. You have to get permission from business people in corporate in Atlanta, like New York has to sign off that things have to be signed. A lawyer like a lawyers involved. It takes four months to get a camera in front of me usually. And Disney's legal has to look over your script first.


The rigamarole that's exhausting.


OK, Amanda comes over with her camera. She's in like many shorts and a tube top. Most beautiful girl I've ever seen.


Puts the camera on my easy words are hard for my table and shoot something. The next day she sends it to me via Dropbox link. I can't even fucking open it. And it's like goes out to twenty eight million people and. That is wild. It is pretty crazy. It's like how it started, like how did that start? Like why did it have to go through so many approval process in the beginning?


Because it was a sham. It was a mirror.


It was a business, you know, and everybody just trying to get their own piece of the pie, trying to be jealous because we had to make get two hundred pay two hundred people to help us do the sound and the mic and the this and the camera and the this and the lighting in the butt and the location and the light. And we had to get police officers to block off streets so that we could get the number of people, the permits and everything else.


And then you guys got to and I guess it's easier in some way. But we used to have preproduction, production, post-production. It would take about nine months. We had an editor. We had you know, we had a post-production supervisor that made sure everything was moving smoothly. I just watched you guys downstairs, both of you writers, star, actor, Ed, sound guy, best key grip. I mean, every you do every job on the call sheet.


So, yeah, there they had it so easy.


But you're also doing two hundred jobs. Zain and I were talking about this the other day. I was like a cinema manager.


I was just like, why is it always so expected, like where YouTube tubers but like people don't like we have to know, filming, lighting, how to edit.


The man who blew my mind because I've been I was tricked into believing there are no female directors in Hollywood. Like I got tricked into that bullshit, like propaganda of like, OK, Amanda was the editor, the writer, the cinematographer, the DP and the director.


It's crazy, you know, but so you guys just crushed us. So for me, you guys are the new Hollywood. And doing a movie or TV show at this point is tantamount to ten years ago, a Hollywood movie star doing Broadway.


That's what you think they like equivalent, it's like, yeah, I'm going to go put on a play for 500 people a night, like that's now like if I were to go do a TV show, that's like. What, five, 10 years ago, a big celebrity doing Broadway. All right, I'm going to go to this little tiny I'm going to go to do TV. I'm going to take a break from media. I'm going to take a break from being overexposed and go do a TV show.


Yeah. And get some indie cred, interesting to think about, Flipped Wild. What do you prefer? I don't I don't think I can answer yet because I haven't the last couple television shows I did were so there were pilots were so harrowing because of the personalities involved. Hashtag Rosann. I worked with the really tricky personalities. And that's the other thing, is that in order to connect with fans, viewers, we used to have to align with a bunch of people.


We didn't know that, quite frankly, were mentally ill. And like this is this is like the Larry David Seinfeld that was like the lightning in a bottle that was like, oh, they found the team. It's so rare that that happens, right? Yeah, you're just in an arranged marriage with a bunch of people you've never met and then you try to all have the same vision for art possible.


Impossible. Yeah, right, so this is like it's just it's distilled now. I feel like especially our friends, we all got really lucky with, like, just understanding. Yeah, same we had the same humor. We just had lots of the same things. And we we got it right within our within each other at least. Yeah.


So what do you how what's going to go on with the do you think like in two months when your schedule freeze out.


What's going to happen.


I never said that. Are you going to go on Bumble or are you going to go on hinge.


How does this work? I'm still on these like dating apps. I'm still like, you know what? At night when I'm bored, I'll be trying to get one quick.


No, not ready for a relationship.


What makes what's a red flag and a woman to you? Clingy is interesting. I don't think clinginess is a red flag. That's what's a red flag like. Can a girl text you twice in a row? Yes, because I would is I would do that, but that doesn't mean it's OK, but like I, you know, text twice, that wouldn't turn you off.


That would not turn me off. So if you meet a girl, you're calling her, are we calling?


Each time we go straight to our friend, our only uses FaceTime.


Sorry, our friend group only uses face time like that again.


Like I'm not good at texting. Like I could never text a girl that I'm talking to our just have a conversation whether to through text. I could never do that because. Because I'm not good with, I'm just not good with texting.


I'm not like I'm not flirtatious, I'm not like it's also it's, it's an inferior way to communicate. Words are in perfect words mean different things to different people. The punctuation like if someone says like talk to you soon period. I'm like, why are you mad?


Yeah, because it's a Rorschach test. Yes. Words are a flawed method of communication.


They used to have me fight with his girlfriend because I don't know how to write this. I can you just like write this for me, say say something like this.


And I just feel like because I would have to always have to talk on the phone, but like there are times where we wouldn't talk on the phone. It was only through text because it was like it got serious. So it was like a text fight. And I'm not good at texting. I don't know how to use voice memos. That's helped me.


I don't even think there are voice memos at the time.


I think I think using texting was to avoid that type of conversation. Like, yeah, verbally.


I would like to solve some of your problems, OK, because I feel like you guys are pretty much set in your life. Right. I don't like mentally, yeah, like you're no, not in the slightest. I'm definitely not. So what can I help you with? Your mother, I do I do have a very warm, welcoming. Presence right there. When I walked in, I was like a little nervous because, like, I've never really done a guest podcast like this.


Oh, really? And I was just you above this.


No, no. We just stupid. I just don't think we're comfortable doing other people's.


That's why my. I don't know, I it's like not the home court advantage kind of. Why would you use. I never really got asked, there was like a couple little things, but it wasn't like. Somebody who runs like a big successful podcast and also it's just like really curious to see, like what you're setting, like the way you like, I just wanted to learn, like, how you run your show here. So I was just kind of like a little.


So you're doing research right now?


Yeah, a little bit. So everything you do, you're thinking in terms of your business.


Yeah. Love it. Unapologetic. Pretty much fantastic. That's why I was like, how long do you, like, plan these out, like each guest, like the turnaround rate? Yeah, interesting. Yeah. Like to me, I wasn't thinking about any of that. To me it was like, oh, I wonder how she as a person I wonder she's nice or she likes streets.


What do you think of what did you think. I would love to hear what did what did you think I was going to be versus what I am. I'm fascinated by what we project on to people. Yeah. Because I projected onto you guys quite a bit. Yeah. I used to be jealous of you. I when when you found my mail, I was like, oh, this motherfucker, oh, this like, yeah, I don't have that now anymore.


And now you're this, like, warm, you know, you're like the twins from The Shining in the hallway.


I play with my two broken boys. I'm going to be honest with you because of the little conversation we had through Twitter DM's when you said, yeah, just leave it, leave it somewhere, I have my assistant pick it up. So I've always remembered that long because I would never do that to somebody else. Ziming they'd be like, oh, just drop it off, I'll have my.


So you said I got your mail and I wrote back, I'm going to have my assistant pick it up.


It was something, it was something very straight to the point time, big time.


So in my head was like, oh she got really because I'm a YouTube bear. That's what I caught. So.


And you felt like she doesn't respect me hundred percent. So, you know, and and now look, I was intimidated by you. I was triggered by you.


You were triggered by what I'm saying, not us. No, because.


Because where you tubers you and your inner child. No, but I. I was jealous of you. I felt like your existence big time to me. And then you felt like I was big timing you. Yeah. Wild.


And so I didn't know how to I got to know how it'd would be. So when I got in I was sitting on the floor on the laptop and I heard you go, where is he?


Let me say hi. I was like, OK, it's getting better. And then I thought I was going to be like a bitch, like a I don't know.


I like I didn't know if you were going to because some people are just kind of like, all right, we're not going to meet until we go to the podcast, remember?


Yeah, that's interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.


I was curious about how that would go down to like if we were going to hang for a second like before or if it was just me like all right, let's do it, like let's record even the downtime.


I'm always split on that and I try to just trust my gut and see I wanted to see.


I'm really glad that it happened the way it did because I really I'm glad I saw you got they they show up in my house and there and I broke through the front door uninvited in their Lamborghini's and which didn't trigger me, which was so interesting.


Like I was like all these if I was I was I normally. What, you didn't see our cars before he saw us because I was driving up and I was. I love it.


I love that you have shame around it. See, I. I love that you do have shame.


You should that's that's a healthy reaction.


Yeah. I was hoping to God he wasn't driving up in his Lamborghini and I saw it.


I was like, fuck, because you guys are like the opposite of Danville's Aryan. You're like insecure, you're like insecure. Daniels, Ariens. That's really the first thing that's expensive. And also.


Yeah, Wild's that was that's only Karakatsanis like I have to drive in the car. I was like, oh please bring your truck. It reminds me like a while ago when I started like getting a little bit of money, I thought I was like, OK, I'm doing well. I can, I can be with the big dogs. And I bought a fucking Gucci jacket. I don't know why. It was just like, did it work? Absolutely not.


I did it fix.


That's what I'm trying. I'll work everywhere in a day. Like, I feel so embarrassed, like so embarrassed.


If I put it on and want to go out, I would be like, it's just not who I am. And I felt so weird. And I would just sit in my closet and I look at it and I'm just like, what do you it's just such a what is that?


You should do a giveaway. You should give it away. That would be cool. Actually do a giveaway for that.


You get a little bit of money in your account and you just think you can.


I know I started like when I first I did an impression of what I thought I was supposed to be doing, like I saw Pretty Woman and this is what I'm supposed to be doing. And then I was like, oh, that just made me feel worse.


I have such bad. I don't buy new stuff because I just feel it makes me feel gross. Like I just I don't I don't like it. I'm just the only time spending money feels good as when it's on like animal surgeries or foster dogs or abused elephants and stuff. That's the only that to me is like my Birkin bag, like how maybe some people feel about a bargain. I you know, because I just.


Yeah, it makes me feel stupid. Makes me feel like I'm bad at math. Yeah, that's another one. I love how you do that, but I have like a nasty a really nasty relationship with money. It can really make me feel gross real fast.


Yeah, I've definitely been there before a couple of times in my life. So what's going on with you guys when you go on a date like has has this meta reckoning made you afraid that you're going to be accused of assault all the time?


I'm going to be completely honest. Not like assault, but yeah, I am. I don't like I don't date. Girls are smart.


I don't like it's. I don't know. I'm not scared of saying I'm like, no deep secrets.


By the way, I was dating a guy who is 30 and a couple months ago. And we when we hook it up, he's like, Can I kiss you?


Can I? It was like it was everything was a question. And everything he would say, like, can you call me? I can't put this in text. Like what I would try to do sexy texts. Like it was you know, it was fascinating.


Like there's like there's damsel get we're like so everything you put in you assume can be screengrab.


Exactly like like there will be girls. I will send videos or pictures of themselves naked and they'll be like verified people, OK. And to me 100 percent I'm just like, OK, this is a Tropp boom.


So I finished jerking off and got up and put Israel into the fucking trashcan because I don't I don't know. I just like yeah, I've seen way too many people, just like I don't think this is an overreaction.


I don't think that's an over correction. And that's smart. And I'm traditional, too. I love meeting people in person, like I love meeting girls like at a bar. I'm like a little tipsy. I turn around, you see a girl that like I'm really like I find very attractive and I want to go up to her and like, that's how I like to do it.


Yeah. Yeah.


OK, I've been with mine for three years. I haven't been in the dating side. He's on the side. So what's going on with that.


What's up with are you going to get married down the road. Yeah. What's your like, what's this generation's take on marriage.


Scary. Yeah. Why. I want to wait till like forty. Why. Because I like marriage to me, is not like what it what it started out as. Yeah, I, I don't know. It's a business failure thing. I don't think marriage is I think it should be something where it's not.


But you believe in monogamy, not marriage. Do you believe in monogamy.


Monogamy is when you say I don't really go out of my fucking vocabulary words. That's another problem. Monogamy is breakdown.


My buddies don't even know what the word monogamy means. Guess what? Yeah. Yeah. Monogamy is when the person can date multiple people at the same time. Or married.


Sorry, married with this is fucked up. I hate this. To be fair, she has been throwing out a lot of big words this whole time. And sometimes I'm kind of like, you can't exclude clues because it's like she's texting me under the table. Yo, what did that mean? We avoid big words. Any chance we get on our Monkton show because we can't we just can't do it. We don't know. I dropped our baby after two years.




You want me to take the root word, mono one, keep going Gumee games, when a person when a person plays games, they play games with one person.


That's so funny.


Monogamy is when you only sleep with one person. Oh, a completely opposite of the literally opposite of what you said. Oh my God. Polygamy is when you fuck with more than one. Give me. Oh my God. So do you believe in monogamy?


Um. That's it. No, I mean, yes, yes, yes, no, no, like when you're with one person, you stay with one person until you break. Yeah, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.


I love to spell out really fucking very I'm a very loyal person that I'm with a girl. I'm with you.


I will never ever even take a glance at because to me I'm trying to understand if like because what I'm learning from you guys, like you guys are giving me a lot of like hope for the future because you guys are very nice. You're the template for boys.


They look up to you and they're going to do what you do because you guys are their heroes and you're cool to me.


When I was growing up, masculinity, a tough guy, an awesome guy, fucked lots of chicks and cheated like that was glorified. And you guys are glorifying, not on purpose, just inherently.


Integrity and loyalty, and it's to me, it's the opposite of toxic masculinity and it's just fucking awesome, like this is what's going to fix everything.


Just being a hero. You're feminist. Yes, kind of. Kind of. In a way. No, I'm saying like you're a feminist off of. Yeah, you're a feminist. Do you disagree? No, I'm cool. I mean, I've never been like I'm a feminist, like, labeling myself like.


But I do think if you and I do the same job, we should make the same amount of money. Yes.


Do you think if you and him are, again, the same amount of attention and views and everything? Yeah, course. Yeah.


You're a feminist, but because I don't know if you guys know it, but you're a feminist. You said to me, I don't even think a term is necessary. That's right. I agree with the word feminist has been so like polluted.


I like bullshit. Nonsense. It's turned into like women should be equal, they should be superior.


Frankly, it's turned into this like crazy, like entitlement nonsense thing. But I find that pretty fascinating.


I just see everybody is equal, like same. Same line. So we're kind of breaking the fourth wall here, but the way that this works is they send sponsors will send us products, we will try them if we believe in them, if we like them, if we think that they are not full of shit, capitalist conspiracies and something that feels organic. And we're not total con artists for supporting and working with, we talk about them.


Olie Pop is a beverage that my dear friend Esther was drinking. I asked her to send me some. That's how that's that's how obsessed her that I was. She sent me some. Then I messaged our ad salesperson and said, Can only Poppea sponsor? It's a healthy alternative. I asked I asked them to sponsor us. They sent us the product.


We drank it all in one day and drink. We drink all of it truly in one day.


We drink two cases. We drink to case of it.


And one day I thought Esther had sent it to us. It's actually Ola. Pop sent it to us. We drank all of the product and have none of it, but it's really good.


Isn't that kind of the best endorsement of it?


I mean, I think so, because, listen, it's not only just a good, healthy alternative to soda, but do you why are you so insistent on reading this intense probiotics and plantain fibers and botanicals?


Because I think people should know what they're buying.


Well, here's the thing. That's a good point. You're into, Ma. I'm into the emotion side of this. You're into the marketing.


So I'm saying something is OK. So here's Esther. Here she comes. OK, Esther is face time us back.


So did you. So Esther's who introduced us to all EPOP.


That's crazy. You're the one that made this happen.


I don't know how well the orange squeeze is, what's your favorite flavor, because you posted you posted yourself on Instagram drinking orange squeeze. And I was like, I need to get that because it'll make me seem young.


Okay, well, bye. So for me, it's vintage cola. Yeah, the root beer.


Oh, I like cherry vanilla is exactly the cherry vanilla.


That's my favorite. But they put probiotics in it.


Yeah. Who thought of that. What genius.


Psychopathic genius. Thought to just solve all my problems with one soda.


I know it tastes so good too but it does it it like checks every box. 90 percent of Americans consume more than the USDA's daily recommended added sugar intake. Sweetened beverages like sodas are the leading source of added sugars in the American diet.


Only pop lower in sugar. You can't do that.


You can't have those drinks anymore. Like those drinks are canceled. You have to have a drink that's less sugar, but that's going to make you feel like you're getting your sweet fizziness.


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And it's either way, whenever you think you've already packed your house, it's so perfect because we like the different flavors. So we're actually a really good match.


Yeah, I know it's kind of true. It's very symbiotic. All there probiotics are symbiotic.


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What's up?


My two favorite thing, the best new soda, best new soda. And send me more because we drank it all. Honey, I have to be honest, I'm very excited that we have honey working with us. But I'm intimidated because Bellbird does ads about honey and he nails them.


He's always very good. He's just the way he says it just it always makes me think about Bill better.


Honey, honey, we have to make this as good as Bill Burr's explanation of honey.


Well, I don't know if we can follow that now. So when I was a kid, we would go to the grocers. We got out of the store, we'd go down to the grocery and the food line or the Kroger or the Piggly Wiggly. And my aunt would have a bag of coupons.


I love that you're going to brand name stores like that. I went to a CB. You know what that is? Oh, that's right. No one does because we own somebody owned it. It was a random store.


Someone's backyard was just a half a gas station and we'd go check out and the groceries would be like one hundred and fifty dollars. My aunt would pull out her Ziploc bag full of coupons and then just pulling them out, pulling them out, pulling them out. And paper cuts from all the coupons are all crumpled up and musty, nasty.


And you guys would leave with eight to the toothpaste and it would be like down to twelve dollars, like the coupon game was so strong.


The cool thing about honey, though, is that you can get honey on things you want, but honey is now nouse version of super saving coupons, right?


Honey, you go on. Wow. What's happening. Sorry, chaos.


You go on to basically you download honey on your computer.


If you have a computer it should have honey on just it, it's two clicks like it's not like a regular, it's not like getting HBO mad, it's like an app. You download the app honey on your computer you go to dot com slash.


Good for you. Then when you're checking out on one of it's over thirty thousand supported sites honey pops up and all you have to do is click apply coupon.


It will search the Internet for any coupon that. May work if one works, it'll apply for you if there are none and we'll say, gee, it's genius, honey has 17 million members. Don't be the idiot that's not on honey. Now you're just losing money, honey. That's why rhymes with money. Yeah. Not only her money. Get that money, honey. That's what it is.


Well over two billion dollars. So this is really just it's not optional. Like you have this free. This is a form of self care in the form of self care. It's simple. If you don't have honey, you hate yourself.


OK, I true. I mean, it's true.


It's you hate money. It's simple. Why would you why wouldn't you have it. Give me one reason why you wouldn't have honey.


I mean I have honey. You haven't had it for a long time. I know what I'm saying.


Who wouldn't have it if you don't have honey, you're just you hate yourself.


It's simple. Getting honey is a positive investment in your future self.


I've now said it's simple eight times.


I know, but I'm just I'm I'm feeling a little bit of shock that it's only seventeen million members.


OK, guys, guys, it's simple. It's simple. If you have a computer, honey, you should be on it.


Honey, it's my building impression and works with whatever browser you use. You can get honey for free today at join honey dotcom. That's good for you. Two clicks. Let's join Honey Dotcom slash.


Good for you honey. Game change. It's a game changer honey. Portable over thirty thousand. Sorry.


Honey, honey, honey. I was going to say I got my my text back, by the way, and what is that? Your girl texted you back. What was your last fight with Mariah, even though I got you can you can read it content comments or podcast.


So she might. Well, you can also you can ask me to cut it out later.


Oh. Oh no. That was like our real fight when he cheated. It was not expected what it was. Is this really. Oh, first couple of words.


What I read in real quick here. Am I reading it right?


Why do I have to in the middle of all the ads are in Mariah. Oh, boy. Ha ha. This is this is he texted her asking what their last fight was. He says they never fight. I'm going to read the text. I only remember me being on your ass about cocaine.


I didn't read that far. Oh, but the hotter I've been a long time ago. You do cocaine a long time ago.


It was bad. You did cocaine a lot. Yeah. O magazine. Let me tell you why it's so interesting you said that because, gosh, it's, it really is.


I got all my guys, I got everything that we suggest in jest as a joke. I think we accuse other people of. We do. I was in the bathroom earlier. I have allergies because of the work being done in my home. And I said I was like I was like, I'm sniffling and he goes cocaine. And I was like, that's so weird that that's where his mind went. Well, no, it was because you came out and you were like, oh, sorry, allergies.


And it was like you were like trying to like some impression of me. Someone called Lorne Michaels, let's send that tape back, really nailed me.


But yeah.


So I thought, like, you were coming out being like, don't think like it was that that was your projection onto me because that's like making a joke. Yeah. Yeah I know. But it was a joke.


But it came from you having done that before. Correct.


While and this is OK, it's OK that you feel like oh you don't like that.


So what. Because I remember going oh that's so weird that he went to cocaine like I haven't thought about cocaine and so long.


It's immature to, you know, interesting.


So when did you stop doing cocaine? Um, a few years ago. Did you how did you stop. Just cold turkey.


Wow. That's unusual. I was waiting for you because. You do not like to talk about it.


I just know my parents are gonna be watching this episode of super excited to see you connecting with you. And this is just going to be life.


But there is nothing to be afraid of school or no. Then then broadcasting to the world.


Yeah, I stopped doing this destructive thing. Right. It didn't work.


Like what you're doing is heroic. Thank you. And I feel like I won't touch it.


There's nothing harder as someone that there is a meme the other day that someone sent me that was just it said nobody, you know, nobody blank. All right. And then it just said, Whitney, I identify as an addict because I say that so much so I identify as an addict. There's nothing harder I have I mean, I don't talk about it too much publicly, but I have family members that are literally homeless drug addicts. There's nothing harder than stopping a drug.


The fact that you stopped that means you have something that we call the warrior spirit, OK?


And I'm not going to I'm not going to leave them hanging here, because just in case you don't cut this out, I had a problem with drugs when I was in Florida. Well, that's pretty.


I mean, that goes on. I don't know either way. I knew you guys had drug problems because you told me, you know, Florida. You know, I know these type of people. I'm not letting them. I'm not going to let them stay here and run through that right myself.


I had a problem, too. Wow. And let me have the spotlight like this, because I know I did harder drugs. I saw Dick for crack. Oh, fuck, that's too funny.


And so but I love this. I love seeing successful people that are not on drugs.


Yeah, I'm talking about that. They were and they use that as an anesthetic. What were you on.


I don't think she's going to have to do that, OK, so I'm sorry.


Almost. Oh, my God, are you guys doing tectonic challenges? Are we on drugs? I think so.


It's become this has become serious. This is like a serious shit. This is a serious drug, a serious drug drug.


I hope I don't like lose everything in my life because I think I think you're about to gain a lot more. OK, so back in Florida, you're about to gain my respect. I don't think so. I don't speak to so in Florida, a very popular drug in Florida.


But we would take like MASP, not the Dallas methadone actually cutting. It's like synthetic hair when you take the pill, you put on a show. I know she got it right.


You know, I have family in Florida that went to rehab. Like I said, we've met.


I think I think OxyContin is the word for it because in Florida, you can get in the well, my experience with the person was on OxyContin, which she was able to get from a public like free clinic or something like in Florida.


There's some law where you can procure that and you can get method. There are methadone clinic.


And there was there are doctors selling it to these kids. Yes.


And so when this person went to rehab and a lot of times people go to rehab and when they get out, it gets worse for them because rehab, if you're going to relapse, rehab is basically a giant advertisement for all the amazing drugs you haven't tried yet. So you're sitting around with a bunch of drug addicts going, you're like, dude, I gave up my baby for Zanzibar. And then that I gets out goes, I need a Zanzibar.


I heard about that shit in rehab. That's so bad.


And things get even worse. And then that's when heroin and heroin is almost always what addicts that go into rehab come out doing, come out doing well as they hear about it in rehab. Wow.


Thank God we didn't go to her when we beat this, beat the system, beat the algorithm, that we picked up a phone and started filming ourselves and stuff. Right.


So do you think that because I think we're all addicted to something, that's my personal theory. It's not a fact. It's not true. We're all addicted to something.


And in terms of like the thing that anesthetizes us, that gives us the sort of neurochemical equilibrium that makes us to be able to not be restless, irritable and discontent. So I very much think that my current drug is work, you know.


Do you think take a drug? You have kind of not sublimated it, but transmuted that into this?


Like, if you had to stop working tomorrow for whatever reason, you know what I mean? How does this soothe you doing all this? No, I feel I feel like I want to work more and I didn't put like it doesn't feel like an obligation.


It doesn't feel like an obligation. I honestly, I wish work was more of an obligation because I feel like I'm not working a lot. I feel like I'm doing the bare minimum right now. And you. But but I think. But that is that is could be dysmorphic think. I mean, you came to my house and you guys were uploading a video. While you were waiting to do this in the 20 minute window, yeah, how many hours a day do you work?


Maybe like. We're there's not much going on right now because we don't have our podcasts. So it's hard to say like what works for us. Yes, there's so much into our work because you're always together, you're thinking about it. You're always brainstorming.


You're it's like you're in the you're the Terminator like to me labor, are you? The Truman Show is basically your life is The Truman Show. Have you seen the kind of feels like it sometimes it is. Yeah. Yeah.


Every one of you is your own Truman Show.


That's a we're all actors in your movie. Yeah, I've thought about that. Like last night my girlfriend was editing the podcast. We were just uploading and something went wrong with our cameras so we couldn't sync the audio with the video because the cameras weren't recording audio. So she started it at seven o'clock at night and I was with her helping her, trying to get these clips to match up. And we didn't get the video synched until six thirty in the morning before she even started editing it.


So it was like that.


What was that deadline? Was that a self-imposed deadline that. Yeah, just just to get it up for today. But so why do you impose that deadline? That could be your drug. It could be adrenaline addicted to that. Got to put it out because you didn't have to do that.


You could have your shit today because I feel like we're like very lazy for the first like few episodes we would upload kind of whenever we wanted that day we'd play and we we weren't like that strict with ourselves. But it got to the point where we felt like, OK, we need to like run it like a show like because like I, I imagine like I wanted to watch Game of Thrones. I know it comes on at eight o'clock at night and it's not there.


And it's supposed to be that like I'm always like ready for it at that time. And they're just like, oh, well, we just didn't finish it on time. It's just going to be tomorrow. And you just start losing the trust of viewers.


Interesting. People are being consistent. They're getting well, you are their drug and you have to be consistent or they'll get addicted to someone else.


Right. Who is consistent, makes sense.


That's fascinating. So you really have to understand you have a very deep understanding of human nature because of what you do. And I don't know if that's chicken or egg. EG, you didn't try to understand. He goes, No, no, I'm not hungry, I'm good.


Trust me, look at all these equations are on my head. Like what the working. And so what's. So I want to know more about how you guys view women.


This is fascinating and like so healing to me.


This is all I ever wanted.


That doesn't make me cry here. To hear it and I talk about is to hear to see the next generation of men respect women.


And this is like what I my whole purpose in life that I've been yelling into a microphone, people to get men to want a woman to have an orgasm when they fuck up.


That did not go where I'm going. I think this is all I've ever wanted and I'm right in front of me. Cool.


I'm really when I'm really bad, I just want like just ah, overall, do you want, like, asking a specific like when you fuck girls you want them to have orgasms.


Right. But mind blown. So to me, that sounds weird because I don't know anybody who is like, I don't want them to. So, yeah, but that doesn't mean you know how to do it, you know what I mean? OK, what's going so how did so how much porn did you guys watch growing up?


Yes, everything growing up for me was parental locked, so I couldn't see them because I was worried that your generation had a very fucked up relationship with sex and women because of the porn you watch. That's the like prevailing theory. I think it's the generation below us. Yeah, interesting. They're the ones who are getting so exposed to everything so early. Got it.


And like kids with smartphones, like, did you guys pay for porn at any point? No, I've always done porn was a complete show like it was completely able to go.


I know what this is. I'm jerking off to this. I know this is not reality.


Yeah, I know a girl does not expect me to do that. And the. Did you see a naked woman before you saw porn?


Yes. Yes.


Interesting. OK, OK. Because they're seeing porn before they see naked women and like and it might be a letdown, frankly, at the time. Like I didn't we didn't have smartphones at the age we would be like. And when did you guys start having sex? Younger.


Older I think it was seven, eight, seven. Seventeen, eighteen.


Wow. Yeah. See that's late in the age of guys losing their virginity is going up.


Yeah. Wild. Miles, you're fucking nerds, you're much taller. Yeah, I was I was I was a lesbian. I had no like I barely had friends.


When you have sex with girls, do you feel like you have to fuck like you see in porn? No. You don't think about porn while you're having sex? No. Are you choking women?


No, I'm not choking unless they're like it depends on what you're like. You don't get a lot of that. Yeah. I mean, sometimes I'm just like like how hard you go.


What do you want to, like, make them want to be choked or is it like something if a woman says, choke me, what what do you do.


How tiny is this girl? Oh, you didn't see her?


No, no, I'm just answering your what happens?


I mean, it's probably maybe a couple of times. Choke me. Choke me.


It's such a it's become such a like a tick tock thing to it's like this whole young generation is like it's all like choke me, daddy. And like it's it's really uncomfortable because some of these kids are so young talking about this stuff. And it's wild. It's so bizarre.


Yeah. You can't do choke me Daddy when you live with your dad. Yeah. Like kids you're too young to be doing.


I'm curious if you were if you were to have a kid right now they are six, seven, six or seven years old.


Would you let them have a phone and be on like now the Internet and take talking to them right now?


Just curious, because I know I would yeah. I would have to do some recon on it.


Like, I, I don't I don't think that it's doing as much damage as we think it's doing.


Because and because you want a child to be prepared for what reality will be like, you don't want them to be a Luddite so that they're not able to, you know, and I also think that every generation swings the opposite way.


That is the one previous, you know what I mean?


So it's like younger kids now think Instagram is lame because their parents do it. I mean, like younger kids don't smoke weed now because their parents smoke weed weeds.


Not cool because every generation wants to do the opposite of what their parents did. And there's actually a term for it that I don't know.


I'll I'll probably think of it.


Or maybe I could just if only there was a machine where I could find out the word right away.


But it's the biological basis for it is that offspring wants to differentiate themselves from their parents predators, you know, because, you know, so offspring always wants to look different than their parents.




So if my parents are smoking weed, I don't want to smoke weed. If my parent is social media, I don't want to be on social media. So my guess is this next generation is going to think it's cool.


We'll see. Yeah.


Unless we have the neural link and all that shit. Yeah. What's your thoughts on that.


I was just writing some jokes about it actually and I was like, you just had these already planned out so you had to like throw neuroligin because you wanted to tell these jokes anyway. Perfect segue to my next bachelorette.


I would love to hear some of you know, I actually was I was just working on the plane about NewLink, about how all is going to be revealed basically. And we're going to find out how sexist everyone is and when we have NewLink. You can, like, pass a thought, right, like if if I was on the podcast the other day and we were supposed to talk about it and we got so distracted by our chemistry that we didn't get to it.


But I was like, we're all will be revealed.


It will be revealed that I'm a complete hypocrite because like when I'm sitting on a plane and a female pilot comes on, I go, oh, we all think that, we all think that.


But then all think we've ever seen one.


Huh thing I've ever seen. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Not a pilot. No, I have not seen a female pilot.


When a female pilot comes on the line about.


Oh, which is like Amelia Earhart, that didn't end so well.


Do you know what I mean? I don't even think about me. But that's something we're broadcasting our thoughts.


You're going to broadcast my the entire gymnastics I go through, but then I end up on top because then I have to argue with myself and I go, no, if there's a female pilot on this plane, she had to work twice as hard to get half as far. So she's probably twice as good and you're twice as safe. But the whole reason we're able to function in society is my first super sexist, racist, disgusting, phobic, nasty thought I was able to keep inside.


Right. So and just knowing that it's just a thought.


It's just a thought. And it's not. It's not. I didn't do anything wrong. It's just a thought. It's not my fault. It's oops for me.


It's young people behind the plane, behind pilots.


I'm, I am so wildly ageist and I am working on it.


I just I'm so ageist and it's interesting because it's so opposite. Like we have this thing that's like I mean obviously older people have more like wisdom obviously in a lot of ways. But you guys have access to so much more now that we should kind of have more respect for younger people.


Why do I think it's just like knowing. Yeah. That they have the experience.


Like if I saw somebody who looked, you know, twenty two years old flying a 747, like you haven't been doing this long enough, although the best vet is the youngest because they know the newest technology and all the newest stuff. That is interesting. Yeah. So to me, if I, if my dog is dying and I go into a vet and an old guy comes out, fuck that. I want the youngest person in there that has the newest technology and is like the quickest and has the most recent science.


Older people stick to traditions they like. They only stick to old.


They're not updating their software. Yeah. How do I know you've updated your software? So like, are we on safari which want to put me on.


It's crazy fast food places still having the slow systems that are like taking forever and it's still like the black in the green screen like oh how what.


Just like, like, you know how like there's there's much faster technology now where you can replace everything that like all retail stores and fast food places, you can replace everything to make it a lot faster. But still you see these giant black boxes where the letters are still green and black, where I'm really lost.


Sorry, I was going off of this like Charlie Brown. Like I just hear, like, younger how younger people are finding better and newer technologies like.


So I went to the root of just like the like the old like when you see something archaic, you know, I mean, it's like it's it's like the most when you go and see that there's a new technology and then you've been doing it the old way.


Like I was working on this joke about going to the doctor for to get a covetousness to take my temperature and I like pulled my pants down. It's like right man. Like put your asshole away. Like we used to just put thermometers in our butts mean like it's like I always find out what new technology there is when I go to the doctor, like we used to get naked at the doctor.


Oh my God. I have a really funny story.


Yeah. The naked one to the doctor. You don't do that anymore. No, that's not. Oh. So also there's a chaperone. Now I, I went I went to a doctor when I was younger.


You were molested. Let's talk about it. Yeah. OK, what's your insurance plan. What's the YouTube insurance. Yeah.


I went to this doctor one time when I was younger and I didn't know like I always just thought you had to like do that the bend over and like show your ass like I don't know why.


Wait, what do you use the salt like on the Coppertone bottle?


I don't know what it was. I don't know if I this is so bizarre.


But the guy he was just like we got to do I think I was getting like a physical where they had to like squeeze your balls, whatever, make you cough.




OK, the prostate exam is without us know like it was like it was just a normal physical.


I thought, oh no, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. In a physical, do you believe your dick. Oh yes. Yeah.


All the dates. I OK, so the thing was, he told me, he told me to get this at a Catholic church. No, no, this was like a pediatrician's office.


I pulled my pants down and turned right at me as soon as I thought it was in Florida.


OK. All right. So you don't pull your.


Oh, my God. I turned around. I pulled my pants down and turned around. And he just stood there and he was like, all right, great. Turn around.


No, wait, wait, wait. I just wasn't supposed to do that. My doctor was all to make it. Watch me bend over his, like, great.


And I turn around. So. So you. So how old were you?


I think I was probably like. Twelve, thirteen, and you only you just and you spread your butt cheeks. I didn't I didn't spread it, but I turned around and kind of like bent over and I don't know what I was thinking it was supposed to be.


I thought, I don't know.


But I did feel I should have farted in his face. What he just like right now you can stand up and turn around. Right now I have to go to jail now. I'm a man of the law. Thank you so much.


Yeah, mine was like he like so he pulled my pants all the way. Wait, what's he. My pants. Oh, no, no. How old were you? I was probably like around like ten, eleven like probably around same age. My pants were to my ankles, OK.


And like his head was like right there and he was just like checking it. But, you know, he didn't do anything other than that. But now that I'm knowing that this is not that's not stupid. That's the protocol.


I, I don't I, I got molested the old fashioned way, not at the doctor's office.


But this doesn't sound right, Dave. Thumbs up or thumbs down. Do do it right now. Do your show.


Dick said that in physical's they'll let us twelve or thirteen. Yeah. Back when molesting boys was OK.


Yeah. I mean oh man. Oh it does sound like it was like very naughty. I don't think any of this, this was untoward. Yeah they were right. Yeah.


I do think so many of you guys were molested and nobody talks about it or even knows it.


Like now that I'm thinking about it, I don't think, you know, I think I think we spend so much time talking about sexual abuse and assaults of girls because we even though it's incredibly delayed most of the time in our ability to talk about it and put it together, like we eventually are able to talk about it, I feel like the same shit happens to men and they never are able to talk about it.


And if they do talk about it, they're pussies, right? Toxic masculinity and going right back, if you like it, if a guy admits he was molested like that means you were molested. So, you know, that means so much more happened. I feel like you guys would only admit a tiny percentage of what actually happened.


Yeah. Hide it covered up. What are we going to go back to Florida and get this doctor, Ronan Farrow right now? He was on the podcast this year. What's going on with women? Are they shaving their pubes? Have you ever seen pubes in person?


I think they're pretty on it now.


I guess on it like fucking Joe Rogan's vitamins. What's happening? They I guess they do it. Yeah. Oh, is this is this how is going to be what you mean to say if fuck it on like what does that mean.


Been shaved and claimed or what. Yes. Oh do you prefer. I don't, I normally don't care really.


I think this is you. No I don't care. I know.


I just think it's important because I feel like women only talk to women about this kind of stuff. And we forgot to talk to you guys and just ask what you actually want instead of us guessing all the time. So I like to just ask communication. Yeah.


I'm like, whatever makes you feel comfortable. That's what I am about.


OK, if I if I'm being a good answer, come on. This media trainer did a great job. So what do you prefer.


I would prefer not like landing strip. Just heart. Just groom the Lamborghini logo. Right, exactly.


Just that little shield, the Bermuda Triangle, the buckwheat and girls just have anal sex now.


No problem.


I don't think so. No, I think we can all talk. Everybody's just like, yeah it is. It is.


And it's just like what no one girl that I've been with was like I wanted in my ass. Can you eat my not one girl. It's all smoke and mirrors, isn't that. Yeah. Yeah.


Because they're watching all this goddamn porn and it's like it's porn and it's music. They're all anyone talks about. It's eating ass. I'm like, where is it.


Where where somebody told me to ask you to do something even like putting things up there.


But uh, I think anal sex. I think some women enjoy anal sex if they know it's happening. We need a heads up accidental. We need a heads up. I'm going to order a very different thing for dinner. And I don't mean to be I'm not trying to be gross.


I just mean, like, you actually need a heads up and you have to have, like, lube ready. You know, like you just have to know, you know. I mean, I think it can be soup. It's got to be premeditated. Yes. I think it'd be like super dough, just like a mom.


Huh. And I'm and the birds and the bees talk. But yeah, there's no there's no. And there's also this thing where I feel like guys now, they just they treat our bodies like like whack a mole.


They think every hole has to be filled during sex.


There's like a finger in the butt and then they're making out with you and then they're fucking you. And it's just like you don't have to follow money.


Just want to mimic what they've seen. Right. Basically, like not all the holes. Like, I don't know what guys think they're doing when they put their fingers in our bodies.


She's just like Huckles going like I just I there's no air going out of my body in any way. Like I just said, like this is just like so I don't type out.


I don't I don't know what guys think that is. I don't know. What do you think you're doing when you're using our body?


I think it's people just not knowing what to do. So they're just panicked, just trying shit. There was a lot of porn. I think that's what they need to do. Yeah, we're you're saying. Yeah, they have their head up their ass.


Yeah, we're wild but guys aren't eating ass now.


Guys are like I'm not, I'm personally not and I'd rather not.


I, I don't want to dingleberry in my in my mouth just like a little I mean. Yeah.


And it's like what are you going to do say once you catch something that's your fucking fault, you put your ass next to that like it's not her fault. I know, but I'd rather not get some peanut butter on your you.


That's, that's all. And there's no back from that. You're not like.


I'd rather not. I would not eat my butthole.


Why? We're not an ass eating.


No, not really. I'm not either.


I'm not. I don't. I don't get it. It gets really smelly. All right?


I'm so insecure about it that I can't relax and enjoy it because I'm just like, you know, I can't see I don't like when people find me and I just like Tony Soprano like I have.


You got. Yeah. You got to be aware of everything. One can be behind me at any time.


Like my it's not out of my peripheral vision. Like I don't, I don't like it but I'm like, what's a face he's making to like you.


That's scary because I think it's so. And then you wanna make out with me like now I'm. Oh yeah. Yeah. Now I'm grossed out. But, you know, so it's like you would have them eat your ass, but then you don't want to kiss them after they've been doing that? I don't think so. I'm good. I'd rather not.


They're not, as you say, like I think this is so important to talk about, because I think that so much of our shame and embarrassment and like weirdness comes from this fake news about what we think we're supposed to be doing.


Yeah, like, I think the hardest thing you can do is just missionary's sex. Yeah. Like I'm very old school hot take and let them know you don't know what you're doing.


I think that's that's pretty hot. Oh, guys, love that. What is this. Yeah, that's what. Are you doing that. Yeah. No that's like that's how I lost my virginity. It was great. It was just like that. It was like I don't know what I'm doing. She's like, you got this. It was, it was my friend too. So it was crazy. It was like I was eighteen and she was like, you need to lose your virginity.


I was like, I know. She's like, do you want me to do? I was like, yeah, that would be the best you can do as a friend and thanks things friend. And so like that's how it happened. That was our conversation.


Not you just knocked it out. Yeah, it was. You just were like, let me get this. Yeah. Because I was really awkward back in school like the well so. So yeah. So I mean a lot better than what I used to be.


But like growing up like it's your I get why you guys are so famous and rich, incredibly endearing and charming. Yeah.


I was like especially the way I grew up, like back and forth between two religious households. Really.


What religion is Scientology and Nexium, Islam and Christian.


And so are you either now. No, I don't like to. I don't put myself in religion at all right now because I see because those are completely different religions. And I think that's made me not want to be a part of anything because they both have completely different rules.


And both both religions are what our sins are both like wrong. It's like fucked up. It's not how it should be, right? It's me. It's like, oh, there's no way that God or whoever was like this is the religion that, you know, because this it's fucked up the things that you're not alone.


It's true. But but the biological basis for religion is always really interesting to me because humans do better when they have rules to follow.


Yeah, they just I noticed it.


I was touring this weekend and I was so happy touring and I realized it was because productivity in cooperation makes dopamine. And there were all these rules. You have to wear your mask. You have to be six feet away from people. You can't shake it. There's it takes away all the like. Do we shake do we know right before the rigidity? I'm not saying it's good. I'm not pro pandemic, not great. But I found I get very comfortable and I feel very safe when there's just rules everyone's following.


And I'm not in a constant state of what's that guy doing?


Why is he so close to me? Why did he do you know what I mean? It's like, yeah, it takes away a lot of anxiety and wondering what's going to happen next because the rules are already set.


Right. Or it's just like the knowing like what you're saying, like on tour when you have like an itinerary. That's right.


Like I know it didn't happen. I know that I'm not someone's not going to hit me or knock me over because no one can come within six feet of me.


And I was like, oh, this is what people part of what why religion is so soothing because we have a plan and I know what's going to happen and we have rules.


And I noticed it when a friend of mine, when my dad died and a friend of mine's dad had died.


And in the Jewish religion, like there's a whole plan in place.


When someone dies, people bring food over and they mourn for 30 days and then they go like there's a plant, a structure of what to do. And when you're grieving, right, all you want is just to be told what to do and where to go and how to do it, because you have no emotional energy to make decisions.


So people are like, what can I do? And you're like, now I have to tell you what to do. I'm sobbing in the corner.


Yeah, that's interesting that you have a time limit for mourning. Just said, like you said, because on the 31st day you're just like, OK, now I can get back to work because I already did my thirty.


It's like you're growing out your beard for a year, so it's like you're still doing something, you know, like it's just here's a schedule of what your emotions are going to be. Here's an everyone already starts. It's like housemates. People start delivering you food the next day. Yeah.


It's like it's a machine that, like, kicks in a premeditated it's like a production schedule that just runs itself and nobody like just the one set of rules.


So they came up with a bunch of set of rules. It's like it's great. Yeah, it is really interesting. It's fascinating.


And we do well when we know what's going to happen next. And and also religion has killed more people than anything ever in bars and all sorts of other bad shit. Yes, of course. But I just I'm that was just.


Yeah. Fascinating that you said that. Yeah.


So I saw the way I grew up was very weird and I didn't know what was right and what was wrong. I didn't know how to talk to people because I didn't know if that was the right thing to do.


And so and especially because your parents are like have the contrasting beliefs. So it's like you have the other person saying the other side a lot, right and wrong, and you grew up around a lot of fighting. Well, no, it was they're mainly divorced. So they divorced when I was like around three or four. And it was the most you're going back and forth.


It wasn't my fault. But yeah, no religion like my dad. My mom worked on completely different levels. I can't even believe they got married. Yeah. Yeah. Unbelievable. This is so you you don't this is part of your thing with marriage.


Yeah. Yeah. That's a I never thought of it like that, but yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. There's part of that's part of your fear because you're not, you're not going to do what they do but that's not what you're in.


Yeah. I mean I'm not going to you're not going to have their marriage.


Yeah, exactly. Like you can release that. Yeah. You know, like you're not going to do what they did. I mean, the TV show that you your parents watched with me was the show about that. I was the character was terrified of getting married because she grew up around so much divorce.


I'm going to watch it, by the way.


And by the way, if you get married and get divorced, that's OK, too. Yeah, of course, you'll be fine.


Getting married for three years and getting a divorce is a success.


That's why that's why I wish marriage wasn't a thing. Because if anything, just make it a breakup. You broke up and that's a it's a it's a breakup either way.


But also why why not. But also then why not get married.


Yeah. What's your what's your thoughts on just marriage overall?


It's it's it I think that marriage is my deal with it is I like to do things the way they're not always done.


So the same formula we've done is you meet someone, you love them a year and a year and a half in, you get engaged, you're engaged for a year.


We have all these like socially constructed timelines that are completely fabricated. Right. And then you have a kid and that's the order we go in and about half of marriages end in divorce and then we don't know of that.


Half the don't end divorce are actually happy. So we have no idea what that equation is yielding in terms of successful relationships, I have no idea. Right, right.


But we know fifty percent end and I know a lot of people that are still married, but they're separated, but they just haven't finalized the divorce.


And I know a lot of people that are not legally married, who have been together for ten years, who are basically real married and you know what I'm saying? So it's like I'm big on like how do we customize this system? And also, Cate Blanchett married her guy after thirty days and they've been together for 18 years while, you know, I'm saying. That's right.


So there's just wild shit like that. So for me, there's nothing more terrifying to me than the idea of marrying the wrong person. Even though we have, it's very easy to get divorced now.


It's fine. I would be fine. There's a lot of, like, stigma, I think, for women and not being married by a certain age.


I was engaged and broke it off.


So I have a little bit of like. Well, I got asked. Yeah. Like, I'm not an old spinster. Like someone wanted me, like, I should feel better. I feel like I should have some kind of like like like how you're preapproved for a loan. Like I said, I should have some kind of ring. That's like I was asked. Yeah. I just want you guys to know I was asked so somebody wanted to marry the same thing, same diff.


But I think that for us, I think there's some and I'm also a devil's advocate person and I think there's something super punk rock about doing something super risky. That's what I do. I like to take risks and I like to beat the odds. And I like to go like, OK, but I'm going to be the one that does it. You know, that's how I've succeeded in all parts of my life. Like, this thing can't be done.


Well, I'm going to do it. And I've failed a lot. But I also like other side. But also when you try to go for the impossible thing, you have the least amount of competition. If you try to go for the kind of possible thing, you have way more competition. If you go for the insanely impossible, there's mean less people trying to get it. So it's like I'm a little bit like, dude, I can I think it would be super punk rock to get married at some point, but I don't I just don't see myself doing it in a conventional way, if that makes any sense.


But I think that for most people, what you guys get attention all the time. For most people, their wedding is their biggest YouTube video ever. That's like their day. They have time, you're on camera all the time, that's the one day they all get to be a YouTube star. They all get cameras there. So I think a lot of times when people that are public figures sort of like roll their eyes at weddings, it's like, well, you get to have a wedding every day.


Every day you're on camera. Every day you get photos taken of you. That's true.


You know, that is a good way to put it. It's like they people like, you know what I'm saying? So it's like I think it's like I don't want to get be elitist and being like, well, I don't need to get married. It's like I'm in hair and makeup every fucking day. I get to wear a dress every fucking day, you know. Yeah.


But I also think that as public figures, there's something of the person you're with, I think. If they want to be you to be publicly married to them as like a form of like respect and letting people know because of D.M. culture, I think there's something cool about that. Yeah, I think there's something dope about a guy that I'm going to be with anyway, going I want people to know your marriage so that they know how to act. Yeah.


And I think that's right. And I think I need to know how to act because I am really flirty and I'm really like fall in love with people like like I totally fall in love with you guys when you're here. Like I'm in love with you. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And I think that it's a way to just kind of like make sure everybody hold you accountable. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.


Your behavior changes if you're married.


The rules you like love rules and then everyone else knows the rules. So my friend Kevin Christie, brilliant.


Said to me once I was like, I don't want a wedding because the wedding is not for you. The wedding is so that you invite all your friends there and now you're not going to cheat because they're on everybody's watch. Now, they all spent money that's really fresh on you.


So now you're going to behave better because you're fucking we're watching you, right? We're all going to hold you accountable. When we go out to the bar and you start flirting with them, we're like, dude, you're married. I just spent three hundred dollars to go to Santa Barbara to your fuckin wedding, and you're going to flirt with this chicken head like it's a way to make you be a good person.


I like the interesting that is a really cool way to put that. I don't feel a lot better at my wedding.


I'm like, yeah, I'm not going to do it, but you're going to get it paid for.


It's all going to be free. You're going to get content. It's not like why all is famous because you got married.


Tinder's paying for both for weddings always. Because they both. Oh my gosh. I bet.


What else. What else. I really could talk to you guys forever. I'm really enjoying this.


How are you feeling. Is great. A lot better. I was definitely I was definitely really nervous. The first like for you as you can lie. What did you think was going to happen?


I think because I'm on someone else's show because wearing shorts in my studio. Yeah. That's who I kept putting my knees up.


I'm like, oh my God, am I looking your fucking knees? Yeah. Wild.


Yeah. I'm not comfortable with being on stuff that I'm not like. I don't know.


You're not in control. Yeah. Out of control. Yeah. You're not in control. You're used to being 100 percent in control. Yeah. It's weird being in the passenger seat, but when I'm out of control I'm you know what to do with my head.


When's your birthday? November 18th. Nice Winsor's. April 5th. Nice. I'm going to ask you. I don't I decide I'm. No, no, I'm not that person. I just am like I just am curious. I do think it matters, but not because of astrology. I do think your birthday does matter. I think that the the month that you had your birthday in does form your personality, but not because of stars. I would love to see analytics of that, like I really want to know, because there's people like that swear by horoscopes.


Is that a turnoff if a girl is into astrology? I want to know that that's sort of that's what I want. I don't I don't think that would be a turnoff. I would this is what I want to give the girls listening. What else is a turnoff to you? Don't don't judge yourself. Say it. Be honest.


The kindest thing you can do for women is just say what actually turns you off, even if it's like fucked up buckteeth, mustache, hairy arm, hairy nipples. That's real. If you saw hair in a girl's nipples, like what happens?


It is it's like. It's just like. Yeah, it's not there for. I don't think it's that, you know, it could have been something like they missed, you know what I mean? They normally would shave it and then they just like miss it. It's like get your tweezers. Yeah.


Right. Yeah I know. Right.


And I always notice all myself too. Like if I see a hair on a girl's number, I'm just like, there's Harumi nipple too. Yeah but I'm OK. Yeah. But there's also hair on your dick. I hope you're not shaving your penis, right. No, no, no. I do shave your boobs but I do my boobs, your boobs, my boobs.


I try to keep them perky and nice. You know, I don't want to embarrass but so what.


So you shave your balls every once in a while. Everyone.


Yeah, man, I'm the man scaping. Yeah. Yeah. Good. You're promo code with me. But no I mean that's for real.


That's legit. So what do you shave. Just your balls. My balls.


I get like oh you really just want to know, you know, this is a show you watch out of your butt. So tell me about that laser. That shit ten years ago. First I first check, the second I got money, I got the HPV vaccine and lasered my whole Christmas.


She keeps asking because she wants to know if she should get a hair transplant down there. Do do you like it? More shaved her hair.


He has been so no, I know I'm completely lasered, freezing cold at all times, but but after a while, like a little random, like Smithers Harris will grow in like one long hair, you know, fuck this.


You pay for this shit, you got to just get it. Yeah. You tweeze it. Yeah. But I'm of the I lasered so that it never comes back.


Yeah. I heard like it doesn't work all the time. It's a great hiding somewhere.


You know, I had to go, I had to do seven sessions I think like over like once a month for like seven or eight times. Yeah. That sounds really bad dude. And I, I mean yeah. Yeah.


Welcome to being a fucking woman. All we do is fucking electrocute ourselves and fry ourselves and set ourselves on fire. So you'll fuck ups. Yeah. No shit.


Because what we do with our bodies. What do you do. You don't you shave just I take my dick and stretch it out every morning.


I'm just kind of you jerk off a lot. No I wouldn't say I do. Yeah. No I think this next generation of guys really aren't jerking off that much.


I don't really I didn't really think about the the younger generation jerking off. They do constantly. Huh? I know you said you like I think the younger generation is jerking off or not jerking off as much as like I really haven't put much thought into the younger generation jerking off. And let's talk about kids.


No, but but the guys I know in their 20s aren't like like. Jerking off constantly that I mean, at least that's what I understand. I also think it's like just getting older. Yeah, like I know when I first started out, it was no joke, like eight times a day.


I think it's something I was think about this like when I was in my twenties, I really took guys jerking off is a rejection of me.


Like, jerking off is personal to women. It's like it's like taking a piss, it's like you guys just get it over with.


It's a it's not a you're not abandoning you're not cheating on us.


Absolutely not. I feel like also it's like I'm not going to bother with it. I'm just going to I'm going to do it real quick because we need to leave, you know, it's like. Yes, it's a hassle.


Yeah. Yeah, it's a box you have to check. Yeah.


It's not like it's not even that enjoyable, frankly. It's like a personal thing, something you have to get over with. Yeah. It took me a long time to understand that. And it's like popping.


Is there something you get offended almost like you would rather do that. My God it mingi jerk. Yes.


If a guy jerked off when we were dating, I thought I was like, you weren't satisfying or providing enough because because there weren't podcasts where guys were talking and I could find out the truth.


Girls don't have like those like have those moments in the moment where it's like I need to get the urge to just get it out of the way if you hit this table.


Sorry. Because I don't hear you don't hear it.


No, but I still want to abuse him. I still it's whether you can hear it.


And actually the problem is, is something you just want to keep on fighting it, actually, because, you know, I get nervous, I get stiff when I'm like hitting the table and you're like, you'd like to watch me suffer.


OK, what happens in silence with you? Can you be silent right now? Just silent. What happens when comes up?


Like if you're home alone, just like.


No, like if you're around someone and you're just silent. What what is this question I'm just asking? Are you comfortable? Oh, yeah, let's get it. I get nervous, you get uncomfortable, super nervous silence. Yeah, I think because that's your mind is constantly being like I'm an entertainer, I need to constantly be.


So if we're all on our phones right now, would that make you awkward? Oh, I feel when people take their phones out. I mean, maybe this is my age or my or my gender, I don't know. But I feel rejected when someone checks their phone around. I'm getting better about it. But it's I feel abandoned with people you know very well.


And it's probably a projection because I know that when I check my phone, it's to check out. Do you have cholera?


I use these. I keep burping and I'm trying to keep it low key. Do you have whooping cough? This is just bobbly. You just said.


Are you missing a septum because of your cocaine?


She force drinks on her throat when we walked in. Pick anything you want. He keeps like coughing and burping is just like these tiny pork bellies.


And I'm trying not to, like, burp your way. And it's like it's really cute. Sorry about that. I was just nervous. I don't think you guys are nervous anymore.


No, I feel great. I'm good. What are you going to do after this?


I check on that video right now. Over this entire time, all you've been doing is thinking about uploading your video. I've been feeling like not Folies, but that is your addiction. That's feeding. That is pheeney. I have a problem with it. No, I'm just saying that that we are addicted to things being completed. But that is your drug. That's I'm not I'm not saying this in a negative way. It's a good driving. The key to solving it, fixing life or your life is healthy addictions, lucrative addictions.


You guys found a lucrative addiction that didn't destroy your life because you're sitting here like a fucking crackhead wanting to go upload that video.


I think it's upload, but I'm getting my phone.


I mean, the wild wild, he cannot control himself. This is wild. OK, all right. I'm checking right now.


Oh, I have to go. I'm doing. It's up. It's up. Yeah. Let me see. Oh it just got uploaded to.


That's why my body knew, you know, like your body.


You when it was uploaded did you just come. Yeah, I did. Wild all right.


We always this. What else do you guys want to say. I mean you guys are famous. You don't need me to promote anything for you.


You need to put money. You don't need my help. I think. Just don't do it.


I don't like to I don't I don't like to promote the like stuff of mine on other people.


You don't need to. I think if you don't, that'll actually make people go look up your stuff and you promote it. People we don't even have social media. Yeah.


Don't follow them. Don't Google them. Damn who these men know. They don't keep it low key.


I feel like you showed a different side of yourself today. I think I did, too. Not knowing you at all and knowing nothing about you. I feel like this is a side I've never seen.


And I thought we were going to talk about something completely different. But, you know, like normally when he and I are on podcast, we talk about like our work and YouTube and all that. But we talked about something completely.


I literally would be bored out of my mind. Yeah. Couldn't care less.


So I'm glad that we went this route able to be real, because I also think with podcast, my approach is always like people are going to watch this for in many ways, but people would be Googling you on podcasts. And if you talk about the same thing on everybody because like, they're watching you repeat yourself, like when I go on a podcast and someone's like, so it's so hard to be a woman in comedy. I'm like, I I've already answered that on another podcast.


The person watching is already heard this answer. I'm not going to.


And then that just shows that they didn't do their research on you and that's just like, oh, I'm an asshole now I'm repeating myself now I'm a hack.


Exactly. And yet you didn't look me up and I'm disrespecting the time of the person that just Googled me because they've already heard this or will hear it on the next video. You have to ask me something different.


Yeah. So that's why we're here today to tell you that I was on synthetic heroin and he was on cocaine before, but it is possible to beat and quit and yeah. What are your parents names? Mark and Corey.


Mark and Corey, thanks for having this kid. Oh, she thinks they made it to the all the video. That was really cool.


Thanks for having him by accident. Oh, shit.


That's so funny.


Don't ride elephants, you guys. I love you. I really enjoyed this. And. I didn't really think I would. I wasn't sure like I knew I would.


I knew I would learn a lot from you guys, but I didn't think I would feel so like hopefully you guys have filled me with, like, cool hope and joy.


I feel like like relieved. Yeah, I feel like I just said this is our worst yet, right? Exactly. Exactly. No, it felt like almost like venting like it was nice.


It just felt like like I could have been here for another five hours talking for. We'll do I'm sure we will do that at some point. But I'm, I feel like hopeful and like this has been very healing for me.


You might not know you might not know why or care why.


It doesn't matter why. But I feel like for women that are going like men suck and men are the worst and men hurt women and it's men like you guys are what we've been waiting. This is what we've wanted. It's happened. Zip. Oh, shit, I'm Brittany.


This is Tiffany, we just and this was our biggest pray.