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Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod.

Chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod. Cheers. Welcome to another episode of the Handsome Pod. It's your gal fortune. And I'm joined by Tignotaro.

Tig notaro and your guy may Martin.

Yeah, guys. What's up, my handsomes?

Not much. Good to see you, as always.

It's good to see you guys. I just got back from my sister in law's wedding.

Oh, boy.

Yeah. How was that?

I don't know why I said, oh, boy. It sounded like the setup to a joke.

And, boy, are my arms tired.

And, boy, are they together. Yeah, they have a baby. And so I was on the dance floor last night with the baby in the baby carriage, and I got a big dance train going on the dance floor, and I was leading it with a baby.

This is why you're worn out today?

Well, yeah. And possibly the flu, but we'll see. Nothing can hold me back from a Handsome pie.

I'll tell you, there's nothing more germy than a conga line.

Really?

No. Tig, look at the fear on Tig's face. No way. It's just hips and hands. Conga line's fine.

Hips and hands are full of germs.

I know. It depends on where your hips and hands went.

Did you also do the electric Slide? There's a lot of germs in that.

Is that where you roll around on the floor?

No. You've never done the electric slide?

Look at me and ask me that again.

Tig, have you ever done the Electric Slide?

I've heard of it, but I refuse to ever do the Electric Slide. I will do a baby carriage ChuChu train dance.

Yeah. What is the electric this one like the you sort of you can feel it.

It's electric boogie, wiggy, wiggy, wiggy.

So there's an actual song for it.

Oh, I didn't know that.

What? Guys, have we never been to weddings. What's happening? There's two group dances that are always played at weddings the Electric Slide, boogie, wiggy, wiggy, wiggy, and then the Cupid Shuffle.

I have never.

Heard were any of.

Those songs played at this wedding?

Absolutely not.

I've never not.

What weddings are y'all going to?

This is crazy. This is what gets all of the.

People going at the party.

I feel like you're going to Adam Sandler's wedding in the yeah, yeah. And that you haven't been to a wedding since Adam got married.

These days, it's just people grooving to Billie eilish, baby.

I wish I had gone to Adam Sandler's wedding. I did not. But it probably did have the Electric Slide, and it was probably mm hmm.

Yeah.

But people still do the Electric Slide a lot. You go to the right, and then you go to the left, and you go back.

So every wedding you go to, these terrible songs are playing, I think the.

Big reveal watch your mouth.

The big reveal is that Fortune is a wedding DJ. And playing all these songs at every.

Wedding, actually, I would probably be a pretty great wedding DJ.

Okay. You and Jax got married, just the two of you, right on the beach.

Yeah. So I didn't get to did you.

Do the Electric Slide?

No. You need a whole room full of.

People, but you don't.

I think you don't.

You just did it, and it was.

What you're looking for. Yeah. I mean, I would only do the Electric Slide if it was just me and Stephanie. You know what I mean?

Well, I'm going to teach you how to do it.

When would we possibly carve out time for me to learn the Electric Slide from you?

After Thanksgiving, around the time when you guys are teaching me to drive. We'll also oh, yeah, we have to teach. Put it on the list.

I have a lot of things to teach you guys.

We got to put a video together of Fortune teaching. Wait, thomas, do you know how to do the Electric Slide?

Boogie woogie woogie. I just went to my brother's wedding, and they did the Electric Slide.

No.

Oh, my.

But okay.

They did the Electric Slide, but did you know how to do it, and did you participate, Thomas?

I did. Like, I wouldn't know the song by heart. I would need the cues, but there were people who definitely knew it by heart.

Don't they say the slide and then.

You electric Slide, but you're not moving on that you can feel it.

Oh, it's not the one where it's like two steps.

Oh, my God.

See? Okay, you're not familiar either. Okay, put it on your list, and we will make video of Fortune teaching.

The three of us. Is that the cupid shovel or no.

That'S a different oh, my God.

Is that the Wobble? Who cares?

Not a single person listening cares.

Moving on.

What is it, little cowboy?

What were you going to yeah, what's up, little cowboy?

I was just wondering if that baby was asleep or awake.

Oh, coming back to the important questions, that baby was needing to go to sleep, and I have to say, I love a baby. I love a sack of one potato in my arm. And that little baby was really trying to stay up to party, but is only nine months old in a little cotton tux that covers up his feet, like, snapped into his and his bow tie is, like, on the back of his head. He's a baby. He doesn't have any information. So he's my nephew, and I wanted to spend some time with him, but I also thought, well, I could probably try and get him to sleep by.

Bringing him onto the dance floor.

Onto the dance floor. And I was dancing him through everybody, and it was so fun because he would turn and just be completely dazzled by his adorable face. And then I was like, you know what? Let's just get the train going. And he finally went to sleep.

Hey, did you know that when babies.

Are when babies are no mayfax.

Yeah, but maybe with a twist, because guess what, guys, when babies are not wanting to nap and they should, in a way, are they not resisting arrest.

Wow. Yeah, you're right. That was not a mayfax.

Oh, my God.

That was a may joke.

I can't take your face didn't even register a single movement in reaction to that. It was completely still. And you were kind of well, I.

Guess because I just wondered why you did that.

Why I gathered everyone's attention.

You were like, oh, there's a baby story. Let me get this one out of the old.

I've never had an opportunity to organically slip. Would you call that organic? How I slipped that in.

No.

Very organic and natural to me.

It feels like you wedged that in.

We're talking about you wedged.

Speaking of a wedge wedged. I don't know.

What about wedges? I ate a wedge at the wedding.

A wedge salad.

That's right, Fortune, a wedge salad.

Not a shoe, but with no blue cheese, right? That's right, because that's not vegan.

No blue cheese, no bacon, no dressing. I basically created my own salad. And when I say created, nobody's ever thought of this kind of salad. I said, may I have some tomatoes? May I have some avocado? Whatever else I asked for. And they brought it.

Good.

Yeah, it was delicious. I love that boring story. I should remember this story for Max and Finn at bedtime.

Oh, wait, I can see you're getting delivered.

This is exciting. We have a chamomile tea coming in.

Hi, Stephanie.

It's flying in for Tig.

Wait, we got to say hi to stephanie insisted that hi, Stephanie.

You're so sweet to fly in a oh, well, I have to new.

I'm new to having tea.

Take has a sore throat.

A sore throat from all of this electric sliding at the wedding.

Do you know how to do the electric?

Yeah, Stephanie, show us.

Stephanie, show us.

Stephanie is not the dancer in our family.

It's electric. Why can't I remember any more words to that song?

Bye.

Thank you. Love you, dearly. Well, I was saying before we were rudely interrupted by my wife bringing me a cup of tea at bedtime, I tell Max and Finn boring stories. And I don't know if I've told you, they call me yes, which is French for mother. And they'll be like, mayor, can you tell us one of your boring stories? And I'm like, I would be happy to. And I sit down in their little chair and tell them about when I was pulling into the parking lot today and what color cars and what time it was. I get lost in the very unnecessary detail of a story that goes nowhere.

And it puts them to bed.

Oh, my gosh. Just snoozing their little faces off.

That's so cute.

Yeah, it's pretty cute.

You can make a lot of money recording those and selling them as, like, a sleeping aid for kids takes boring stories.

What is a lot of money.

We're talking in the hundred at least.

What are we talking?

$40?

Yeah. Okay.

Fortune, how was your weekend?

My weekend was good. It was pretty low key. It was a rare weekend. Not on the road. I've been touring like crazy. But I did something for the first time that I know. Tig loves the electric fly. You love it.

No.

If I had been at a wedding, I would have I played pickleball for.

The first time, girlfriend.

Now, this is a huge sport among those over 60 and lesbians. And it's hard. I almost broke my ankle.

It's just tennis. Right. But smaller court or what's?

Not tennis, May.

Now, you would think it was tennis. I've played tennis my whole life. I played tennis in college. I was like, I'm going to be.

You find pickleball harder than tennis?

Yeah, because I've been playing tennis since I was, like, five. I could hit a ball with my eyes closed. I know how long my racket is.

We'll be testing that.

Okay.

And Thomas, add that to the list.

May's going to drive us there with the pickleball thing. The handle is so small, I kept shanking it.

Okay, so your main problem is just the muscle memory of tennis preventing you from adapting.

That's one of the problems.

Okay, next, problem number two.

Okay.

The ball kind of dies. It deadens.

Excuse me.

I'm used to a nice what do you mean? Bounce with a tennis ball.

Oh, and this is more like a squash ball or what?

You kind of got a lunge for it a lot. And they say that. Did you guys know that there's like an insane amount of injuries happening with pickleball?

Yes.

Really?

It's like an orthopedics dream.

I know it's a lot. And I was going to say I don't lunge for anything.

You just.

Thomas and I play pickleball together.

Oh, I didn't know this.

Well, now you know.

Thomas.

Word is out.

You didn't tell us you were a pickleball fiend.

He teaches me every time we play because I'm bad at learning rules. You're a rebel across the board.

A maverick. Yeah. And also, I don't lunge for anything is kind of like a motto for life for you. I think it's like a gentle rule of attraction.

Stuff comes that doesn't work for me.

That is out of bound. Well, again. Look, I was raised by a mother who told me to tell everyone to go to hell, okay? And that's instilled in me. She's like, sweetie, if they have a problem with you, they can all go to hell. So I'm basically playing pickleball, thinking, okay, that's out of my reach. So that ball or my opponent can go to hell. Go to hell, go to hell, go right to hell. Straight to hell.

Well, the competitor to me was lunging, and I almost broke my ankle. I literally stepped on the ball. I was lunging for it. I stepped forward and somehow the ball went under my foot and I smashed the ball with my foot.

Who were you playing against?

Lesbians. Just a gaggle of lesbians.

I don't feel drawn to play it.

You've never played it?

May no, I'm not very good at I think I used to like soccer, but I'm not great at team sports. I'd like to get more into poker. That's something that feels like a healthy choice.

Definitely not a sport.

Is it not? No. Wait, this is a genuine question.

That's a gambling habit, but is it in the Olympics?

May's like, I used to do cocaine.

Yeah. Is that a sport?

Is that a sport?

A lot of people have done cocaine and played sports. Is poker in the Olympics? I don't think so.

Is that a crazy question?

Why would poker be in the Olympics?

I don't know. Because it seems to me like you.

Play just like all these fit athletes who've been training their whole lives and just some fat guy with a cigar.

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Do they ever?

Tig yeah.

Listen, they must be scouring the globe for the best weird stuff because I have ordered a building brick waffle maker.

Let me take you through this.

I have, because when I was growing up, my dad used to make breakfast, a very fun time. Like, he would make pancakes that looked like roadkill, and he'd put, like, jam for blood and stuff. And so in order to one up him, because I have children in my life now, you make, like, Lego pieces out of waffles, and then you're building little huts, you're building log cabins, and.

Then you just gobble them up.

You gobble them right up, and you learn a lesson about the impermanence of life.

That's amazing.

May you know, you can get 15% off your next gift. You go to uncommongoods.com handsome. So that's uncommongoods.com handsome for 15% off. So don't miss out. It's a limited time offer. Uncommon Goods. We're all out of the ordinary. I think my method would be I'd keep asking them to re explain the rules. So I'd be hustling them. I'd be like, sorry, what's the highest hand? And then I think people would find me untreatening, and then I could slip in there and I could see that. Yeah.

So you're not sporty at all? You're not into any sports?

I'm into weights these days. Lifting weights. I even started getting the calluses on my hands from lifting the weights, and I bought little gloves. That's pretty handsome. But no, I used to play soccer. I think I would like sports.

Yeah, you seem like you'd be quick.

I think I would like sports. I'm just waiting for the right time to get in there and enjoy myself with friends.

Maybe in a few years I'll consider.

I don't think you'd like pickleball.

No, I'd like to watch you guys play, though. I'll cheer you.

I think Tig likes it a lot, though, right?

I do. I've just had some trouble with my leg, broke my femur. So I'm a little hobbly over the past couple of years, but whatever. I did tape the Celebrity Pickleball Tournament with a broken leg.

With a broken leg? Oh, my God.

That's correct. Broken femur.

Wait, how did you break your femur?

It's nothing we need to get into, but basically I lost my balance. Yes.

Well, I almost broke my ankle within two minutes of playing pickleball. So it happens. Yeah.

Well, I have not an injury, but I'm also under the weather. But I don't know when this episode I'm saying this weirdly because I mentioned to you guys that I was going away to an airbnb to plan a surprise party. Right.

What happened?

So that was this weekend. I planned this surprise party, and it's all people I don't really know very well. I still struggle to say my girlfriend, even though that's what she is. It's her friends who I want to impress. They're all very together.

People like what are they, attorneys or three piece suits? What is this? What are they? Handsome?

You know what? They're all stunningly beautiful. There's like someone who teaches at a business college. I'm trying to make a good impression and I booked this.

Yeah, but you're like smoldering.

I'm a little dweeb in a little hat with a propeller. That's how I feel.

So you're at an airbnb partying with a business major? Yeah, business people.

It's like her sort of chosen family people.

Yeah, but you haven't met them yet. This was the first time I've met some of them.

Not others, but business degrees everywhere.

Sure.

And you were just wanting to impress.

Yeah, I get that. And so we get there on the Friday and there's three bedrooms or something, everybody's piling in and sharing and I get food poisoning on Friday night, guys. And remember we were saying like I have never farted in front of anyone anything. Like was there was something evil it's inside me. And I had to share a bed with my GF and I was puking shitting. I was like toxic evil waste coming out and I'm up all night and all morning.

And you paid for the airbnb? Yes, I organized to just go out and have diarrhea.

Yes.

You're just like meet me.

Diarrhea.

Diarrhea.

Oh my God. And I'm like, can everyone hear me at night in the bathroom? I'm like clomping back and forth and.

Like you were saying, can anyone hear me back here?

I wasn't calling out in the night. Can anyone hear me?

Can anyone hear me?

Do you hear this, folks?

Hello? Do you hear that?

I'm all alone and hurting. Can you hear my cry?

Sounds like you had the electric slide.

Oh, did I ever. Did I ever. Duty. Woody. Woody. Woot. Oh man.

What do you think it was? What did you eat?

Look, I don't want to like rotten food, 1 million%.

Rotten food, 1 million%. I don't want to slander where you.

Don'T have to say the play.

Okay, well, it was like a fancy chipotle doesn't care fancy grocery store where they have the heated food that's out all day. I think this is all I can think of that I had fortune, that reaction.

Wait, I'm sorry. You're telling a diarrhea in bed with your girlfriend's story?

Okay, I didn't have dirt.

I think it's reasonable that fortune I.

Don'T know how that sick was eating this food that was out on the counter for 7 hours under a lamp.

But it looks so fancy at this place. I just had some chicken and mashed potatoes and a salad and that's it.

Chicken.

You think it would be the chicken chicken.

As soon as you eat chicken, you might as well before you eat it, just look at it and say, see.

In an hour, and then so on the Saturday night was the actual sort of celebration and I was just a quivering, hollow shell of a person.

Really?

I was like recovering. But I had like a red plastic cup with pedialite and gatorade in it and I'm like, this is terrible.

Was she so hot for you?

She was very kind. But you can just see in someone's eyes when the desire is dead, magic is gone. And you're like, Will we ever get it back?

I hope everyone's having a good time.

Stephanie's seen me in a diaper.

Really?

Yes. I've crinkled around wearing a diaper.

I know it's a rite of pass. Like it's exposure therapy, but I don't like to be vulnerable like that in front of people.

I wasn't into it, I'll be honest, I was not. Like, this is ideal, right?

Yeah. It really takes a lot of trust. But we can laugh about it now, can we?

That is definitely not how I thought your weekend was going to go.

Same. I thought I was going to be hoisted on people's shoulders with them going.

We'Re so glad that you were hoisted onto the toilet.

I was hoisted onto the toilet because.

I told my wife I was like, may's partying this weekend in Malibu. Aren't you jealous?

Oh, my God. No.

And did the other people, the company, the executives, did they know that you were blowing it out your ass in the other room?

Yeah. And they were all kind of I mean, a lot of them are moms as well, and so they were all very nurturing and sweet and kind, but that almost made it worse. It was like I was this child.

Felt like a child.

I felt like a child. Yeah. Oh, God.

Thanks, Mommy. Thank you, Mommy.

I had like an ice pack on my head for no reason.

Were you like laid out, still giving them facts about random things? Yeah, I was like in the 18 hundreds. If you were a witch, they would know by throwing you in the river.

You had an ice pack on your head and a patch on your eye and paperclip on your nose or whatever it's called.

Yeah. Really unnecessary for no reason. Yeah, just leaning into it.

What a weekend we all had. I know we're not feeling our most handsome.

Still looking good, all three of us.

We're pretty good. I'm on the tail end of a cold.

You are well, Tig, you have this thing where every time you're swallowing you're kind of grimacing, but it makes you look like Clint Eastwood because you kind of squint a little bit.

It makes you look like Smolder.

I get that all the time.

Do you think we can get Clint Eastwood to do a question? No, he's bad news.

I had a question for this Handsome Pod fortune.

Are you okay?

Did that sound all right? Do you have guns like these? Pavel?

Is he 100?

He must be getting close to 100.

Let's Google.

Speaking of surprise parties, we should throw a surprise party for what's his name?

Clint Eastwood.

Clint Eastwood. That's right.

He's 93. 93. Dude is rich.

So we've got seven years to plan this party. That would be the funniest party to throw if the three of us hosted Clint Eastwood's 100th birthday party.

But we have seven years to make. Seven years to find this and to find an end to make sure we.

Can get cares if you show who cares? All I know is we're going to have all of your business executives, and then we're going to do the Electric Slide. Thank you. Thank you. And then we'll just hope he shows up. But if not, then it'll be we.

Hope he shows up.

How do we get that out there? We just sort of put it out.

In the what are those things? People invite. The online invite.

Oh, an evite.

Yeah, an evite. We could do an Evite with the three of us smiling and just very excited to ring in his 100th.

Why do I feel like if we sent I feel like he has a hotmail address, not a Gmail address. I feel like if we just sent how dare you?

I have a hotmail.

You do?

Yeah.

If we sent one to Clint Eastwood@hotmail.com, I feel like it would get to him. I really do.

You're right.

I wasn't expecting this email to appear, but here we are. I have a terrible Clint Eastwood impression.

I think it's one of your best.

Does someone else want to try?

Yeah, I'll try. Okay. Yeah. I know what you're thinking. Are these fine young gentlemen inviting me to a party or are they not? I was trying to sort of reference dirty hair.

It's like a young Clint Eastwood.

Yeah.

You kind of bailed on I bailed.

I got really nervous Canadian at one point.

It doesn't matter. All that matters is that we throw Clint Eastwood's 100th birthday party, and people will be at our house. Our house. We live together. We'll go to May's party. Pad.

Yeah? I need you to do the impression of Clint Eastwood. Yes.

Getting the invite.

I don't even know do it.

Just try it.

Based on what I've heard from you, why are people throwing me this party? Why are these LGBTQs throwing me party? I'm a hundred. Call me Clinty.

You'll have to pry it out of my cold, dead hands.

You're going to have to pry this party out of my cold, dead hands.

Wow.

That was incredible.

Thank you.

By far the best of the three.

By far the best.

But people will be asking us throughout the night, like, when does Clint get here? What is your connection? I didn't know you're so close with Clint. That'll be so fun.

And we'll say, we don't even know if he's coming.

We don't even know him.

He put a maybe on the Evi.

He actually wrote and said, can I bring a plus one.

And we said and we said no.

And so we don't even know if he's going to be here.

Cold, cold. He's like, I don't like drive at night.

I feel like he only eats dry crackers. We'll have some dry crackers laid out.

As opposed to wet crackers.

As opposed to damp crackers.

Yes. Should we get into our question?

I think that would be wise.

Today's question is in honor of Thanksgiving. It's from Chelsea Handler, who everyone knows is a comedian, TV host, producer, and actress. You might know her from a show called Chelsea Lately that I also was on with her. Chelsea on Netflix. Her latest stand up special is Chelsea Handler Revolution, which you can watch on Netflix. She also has a very funny HBO special. And here is Chelsea's question.

Hi there, Handsome Pod. This is Chelsea Handler. I want to apologize for the hoarseness in my throat. I was sucking a ton of dick this weekend, as I'm sure you three were also doing. Thanksgiving is here. So I thought it would be an appropriate time to ask all three of you what each of you are grateful for this holiday season, specifically.

Well, first of all, what I am thankful for is that I don't get sore throats for the same reason she gets sore throats.

I am thankful for that, too. I've actually never had a sore throat from that.

Hey, don't knock it till you try it.

I have never tried it. I'm going to say it right here. I've touched one wiener in my life, and that was it. But nothing in the old pie hole.

Trash compartment and grandma's problem area pointed.

At my mouth, by the way.

Now, is it worth sharing the story of the one wiener?

Oh, I've talked about it in stand up before. I joked that I was young. It was like in early high school, I think, and the opportunity presented itself, and I was nervous, and I didn't want to touch it for too long.

Sure.

So I joked that I grabbed it like a hot clarinet because I just kept doing grabby grabs, like quick grabs.

And did he have questions for you?

He didn't love it. He didn't hate it. He didn't ask for seconds.

I bet he remembers that night to this day.

A million percent, probably. Are you still in touch with him?

I see him from time to time.

Whoa, you see him?

Yeah, I'm from a very small town.

Oh, wow. Okay, cool.

Yeah.

And were you interested in it? Like, how did it get as far as you touching a hot flute, hot clarinet, whatever. I'm not in with the wind.

I don't know. You just, like, hang out and you're bored, and you're of a certain age, and you're like, what do you what you got down there? What you got down?

Did you ask him that?

I don't think so.

But he was just like, hey. Look what I got down.

Look at this. Do you want to play my hot clarinet?

Next thing you know, you're playing a hot oboe. Yeah.

So do you think he's seen you tell this story on TV?

Probably, yeah.

And how do you feel about that?

It makes me laugh because it's very innocent.

It is very innocent because there was.

Nothing more to it.

Just that I used to do a story on stage about my first boyfriend, Ian Peach, and he broke up with me. And I tell this whole joke, and then I did it on TV once at Just for Laughs. And I was so young. It was one of my first ever TV spots. And I'm in Montreal and I'm like and then I go, Ian peach. And then someone in the audience goes, I know him. And I was, Ha, please don't heckle me during my first ever TV taping. And then I was like, you don't really? Right? And then she was like, no. And she said, his high school. And it turned out she truly did know him. And after the show, she was like, I can't believe I know that guy. Anyway.

Such a small girl. Yeah, but that is such a specific name.

I know, because the punchline is because I was doing an interview and they said, Why are you gay in the interview? Which is such an insane question. And then I said, I think it's fair. Yeah, well, you were the one interviewing me. Then I said, I don't know. Maybe Ian peach in grade seven. And they misheard me and quoted me as saying, maybe eating a peach in grade seven.

Well, that's what I thought you said.

I know. So it was in print, and my parents read that I thought eating a peach had made me get it was brutal.

Wow.

Anyway, that does track, though, the Peach connection. Well, actually, did you know oh, never mind.

Wait, was this a mayfac that you're retracting?

It was, because I suddenly realized that there's no connection to peach. I don't know where it came from.

Well, you got to fact give it to us.

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah, of course.

That's what people are tuning in all right. On their radios for this.

Let me take you to ancient China oh, boy.

Wow.

Where we got an emperor, and he was pretty openly in love with this male corsair or whatever. I'm sure they had a different word for it, and they were a pretty progressive time in that court. And he knew that he was in love with this guy because he was napping, and the guy was napping on him, and he wanted to move, but he didn't want to wake up this guy. And so instead of moving, he cut his own sleeve off. And so they would call gayness, like, the Passion of the Cut Sleeve or something like that.

Oh, I've never heard that.

Pretty romantic.

Passion of the cut sleeve.

I don't know how he had, like, scissors nearby, and so the guy just.

Kept sticking on his did you say.

Welcome while they're gay?

Yeah. I don't know. I'm picturing them cutting hair or designing clothes. Just have a pair of scissors.

Lesbians also have scissors on them because they're just trimming bushes. Cutting roses.

Cutting roses.

Oh, gosh.

Wait. Okay. Sorry. Wait. What are we thankful for? This is what we got.

Sorry.

We got sidetracked by wieners.

Yeah.

As we do. I mean, I'm thankful that Chelsea submitted a question. I'm very thankful.

Thank you, Chelsea, for submitting it. Even being she's. This is like the episode where everyone's.

Like, had some know, I guess mean, now I feel like we're switching into being earnest, but truly, please be sincere. Should I?

Yeah, of course.

I guess I'm just thankful for so much. I don't even know where to start.

We're here.

Well, yeah, you guys, I'm thankful for you guys. I try to, like, these days because it's so easy to notice when you're stressed or tired or angry or whatever, but I'm trying to notice when I'm happy. And the more you notice it, the more it snowballs. So yeah. I'm really grateful that I'm alive in a time where in my lifetime, we might find out about aliens. I think we're on the brink.

Really?

That excites you?

Yeah. Why do you think we're on the brink?

It just feels like something's brewing. Like there's been a couple the Navy released these videos, and then there's been these congressional hearings.

Was it Alf?

Yeah, there's, like, an up close video of Alf. I'm grateful for that. And I'm kind of trying to will it into being that before I die, I get official confirmation.

Confirmation.

Good reason to be thankful this year.

Yeah.

We're getting closer to an Alf spotting. Do you celebrate? Thanksgiving, may.

No. I know, it's super.

I mean, you got to, like, American.

And so problematic, the way it used to be celebrated. Right now we reframe it as, like, a kind of just general gratefulness holiday.

Yeah, that's the part of the holiday I appreciate the most is I feel like it has morphed into a day to give thanks and to reflect on what you're thankful for and an opportunity to be with people you love, be it family or people often have friends givings.

Yeah.

It doesn't have so much to do about buckles on shoes anymore.

Genocide.

Yes.

It's more like turkey and food and giving thanks. Do you have vegan Thanksgiving tig?

I do. I have vegan everything.

What if you were like, no, actually, everything I eat turkey.

Yeah. It all goes out the window, and I just go nuts on anything that's, like, during the pandemic, people would ask, did you still remain vegan during the pandemic?

Really? Yes.

When I get stressed, I want chicken.

I know. It is interesting with veganism that people assume that you're trying to find a meat replacement.

Yeah.

And that you need a meat replacement in the shape of a turkey. It doesn't even cross my mind. Like, I don't eat meat replacement, dude.

But it's the same with queer relationships. People assume you're trying to find the man replacement, they're like, who's the man in the relationship?

And you're like, exactly.

Well, there's none.

And who's the pretty little lady?

Yeah, the pretty little lady. But yeah, we just mashed potatoes, mushroom gravy salad, soup, loaves of bread and roasted carrots. Roasted carrots? That jiggly cranberry. What have you jiggly jiggly? We have everything. Pumpkin pie, apple pie.

I love a pumpkin pie. You love a pumpkin pie more than anything. Whipped cream, pumpkin pie.

Same dude. And then we top it with the cocoa whip.

Oh yeah, nice.

Which you can't have because you allergic to coconut.

Be honest. The whole conversation is taking me back to this weekend and making me feel pretty nauseous. Queasy, some mashed potatoes.

Is this your first la Thanksgiving?

No, I think I was here last year and I did do something. Yeah, with a bunch of friends, just like a meal. And this year I'm just going to be hanging out with your not like.

A not doing like a Thanksgiving type of meal situation.

Well, now you're making me feel I need to rent an Airbnb and organize.

A big definitely don't rent an Airbnb. It's failed. You want already diarrhea.

I had one Thanksgiving in Canada with an ex girlfriend and her whole family, and we were all pretty close. And she had a niece who was two maybe. And we're all sitting at the table and there were grandparents, great grandparents. And the two year old just looks at my ex and goes, Lindsay's a girl. And then she starts going around the table. Grandpa's a guy. And she's going around and I know it's getting to me, and I know what this is about.

And I know she's been may has diarrhea.

She's been eyeing me up all through the meal. So she's going around a circle and everyone's like, oh, this is cute. But also getting increasingly nervous as she gets to me. And then she finally gets to me and goes, she's like, Grandma's a girl. And what is May? And everyone was so quiet at the table and all the great grandma you just heard the sound of cutlery on plates and what did you say? I think at the time I was like, I don't know what I am. I was like, Good point, kid.

Kids are like little, little ones always have that question. Like when Jax used to teach, I walked into her room and this hand immediately shot up. Like, I literally just walked in the room. And Jax is like, yes. And she goes, Is that a boy or a girl? I was like, I'll see myself out.

That surprises me so much. But they do. They love to ask it.

I was reading to my children. I wasn't telling a boring story. I was reading a book to them. They are five years old at the time. We have lived together for five years. And mid story, Finn says, mayor, are you a boy or a girl?

No.

What do you think I am? And he said, I think you're a boy. No, I'm not. And he said, yeah, but you look like one, right? And I said, yeah, I guess I do.

And he's like, good talk.

Good talk. Thanks.

But he's so proud of having two moms. It is the cutest thing. We will hear. He is so chatty. Our sons will talk to anyone and everyone. They are so social. And you hear, yeah, I have two moms. Always comes up.

That's really cute.

And I'm thankful for that. I am so thankful for my little roommates and Stephanie. I can't even express it's just.

I.

Always feel like whether it's my career or my relationship, my family, it's not that I don't want more for myself ever, but I like maintaining what I have.

That's so nice. You seem to have so much calm certainty about it, which is very soothing. And especially you describe your sort of tumultuous twenty s and stuff and always having doubt about things and then when you're just like, no, I know this is for me and I would do anything to protect it. That's so I just if I never.

Got more or less in, just I love where life is right now and where it's been. Yeah. I feel so thankful. And it's that typical thing of I do not remember life before Stephanie or Max and Finn. I mean, she and I are like eleven years in and Max and Finn are coming up on eight.

Wow.

And I know I had a previous. It makes no sense to me.

Yeah.

None. None.

That's such a nice feeling. It's got to be like you like going home. I always feel bad for people that are like, I don't want to go home.

The old ball and chain. So many people. Yeah.

Oh, my God.

That should be where your piece is.

Totally.

I would so prefer to be at my house than anywhere doing anything and hanging out with our little crew. They're so endlessly funny. And it's like a comedian that just really surprise curveballs you where you're like, whoa, that is hilarious.

Why? And Stephanie's so funny, too.

I know. You got a really funny wife.

Y'all got a double whammy with the two of you.

She is so funny. It's ridiculous.

I almost got emotional there when you were talking about being so thankful. And then I thought if you made that as a speech at Clint Eastwood's hundredth birthday party, there would not be a dry eye in the house.

If I talked about my family at his hundredth birthday.

He'D be raised would be I hope to live to be 100 so I could keep well, Stephanie.

Is 15 years younger than me, and her dream has been to live to be 100. And then when we got together, she said she would like, for me, she wants to die together.

Oh, my God.

I was explaining, oh, very Romeo and.

Juliet, and you're like, that can be arranged.

No, I was saying that means I have to live to be 115. And I said, I'm sorry. I like that you just crunched those numbers, Fortune. And I was like, it's just going to be so hard because, I mean, come on. Life's already almost taken me out a few times and get to 115.

You never know.

Maybe I'm working towards it.

You're eating clean.

By then, the aliens will have come and given us some key to immortality. You'll just download your consciousness into anybody? Maybe.

Yeah, maybe. But I'm going for it. The 115. I'm going to do my best.

I like that I believe in you.

Because I really didn't care before we got together. I was like, maybe this will ride out for 70 years. Maybe that's fine. And now I'm like, no. 115 There you go.

My mom wants to be cryogenically frozen and has been talking to us about that, and wow. They don't know how to bring people back yet, but I don't mind it.

As a they're like, we can freeze you. Yeah, that's as far as we know.

What a rat, right? And they're charging you all this money.

And they're like, how much?

I don't know, but a lot, I think.

I mean, come on.

What's possible to bring someone?

You would have to put someone in.

A freezer bag and you could seal it, but where they're still breathing.

No, I don't think you're breathing when you're frozen.

You're 1 million% not breathing. Guys, when you're frozen, how do they.

Think you would come back?

Well, they haven't figured it out.

They don't know. They don't know.

I know. That's why it's a racket.

It's such a racket.

My son Max, he wants to be frozen.

Yeah. I think I want to be frozen like Han Solo.

I don't like being cold.

Right.

Well, you're not going to be aware.

That you're I'm going to be alive. I know it.

Fortune, what would your speech at Clint Eastwood's birthday party be for the things that you're grateful for?

I'd be grateful that Tig has lived to be 115. Clint's well past at this point.

I want to see that stand up special of Tig at 115.

I would talk about how I was grateful that he's alive and that Tig is also going to our friend Tig here.

And I come out in my diaper. I'm back in the old.

Hello.

Oh, man. I'm grateful for my I would say I'm similar to you. I'm very grateful for Jax, my lovely wife, because she just kind of keeps our lives together.

Yeah.

God, we're all so romantic. I got to mix. No, I got to be like, I'm grateful for sucking dick or something. I've got to mix it up.

Like Chelsea.

Yeah.

She's just a solid partner. She's such a teammate. I never thought I would have that. I never thought I would find that. And I didn't have it for many years and I didn't have a lot.

Of serious relationships until that dinner together where I said it's around the corner, do not give up.

Yeah.

Tig said, look at me. Trust me. I didn't think I would find this. It's coming.

So maybe right. It seems like the theme is like if you haven't had something, then you are more prone to feel grateful. Often people who have been given everything and had it handed to them are very unsatisfied people. Would you think?

Yeah. You can continue to feed the beast. The people that I know, a few of them wandering around, you probably do too, but where it's like no matter what success or amount of money or anything, that they get miserable. Miserable people.

Yeah.

I mean, I think surrounding yourself with good people, I'm like you with your kids. I'm not comparing a dog to kids. But my feeling towards my dog is like, he's getting older and I just stare at him all the time and I think in my head like, I wish I could freeze time with and.

Are you.

Will Thomas Jackson? I will both straight up break into tears when we think about him.

Barbara Streisand cloned her dog. You could. Maybe. It's not the same.

I'm also thankful. A lot of people know my dad had open heart surgery this fall and he came very close to dying. He was in the hospital for eight weeks and it was dicey and he's turned a corner and he's finally home. And it definitely made me realize my parents are getting older and to call a little more visit, have a little bit more meaningful time together, because you just never know. And that definitely was a wake up call.

And so is he still kind of in therapy? Trying to he was in physical therapy for two weeks.

He's back home. He said, I've gotten rid of all the nurses but one. So he's got one.

Is he Clint Eastwood? He's close.

He is southern. He doesn't have the Clint smolder, but he has come through it like a champ because it was like has it.

Changed his attitude about things, having that scare?

I definitely think he is happy to be alive and every time he calls now, he makes sure to tell me he loves me. Oh, man. Hi to Jack. He just seems like he's a little bit more thoughtful with his words.

Does he bring up biggie?

He hasn't said to.

That's the next thing he needs to say. And I love Biggie too.

I need biggie to be my regards to biggie. Yeah. With my parents, biggie know that things will change at some point. So I'm just trying to be in the moment and appreciate what I have and not get too caught up with, like, I'm obviously a workaholic, but trying to also be present in my life.

Yeah. That's the constant struggle. Right. Today was or the sun was setting, and it was moving so fast. This sun, when it's setting and right when it gets to the horizon, you can actually see it moving pretty. And I was like, fuck, it's flying across the to. I want to slow time down. And then it made me think how fast time moves.

And then that brings us back to Biggie.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

He's not in here tonight.

I know. And we have our kitty city. We got the three cats that walk around in a pack. That's another thing I am so thankful for, is these ridiculous animals. I think I've told you, when it's bedtime for Max and Finn, they all come in there. When Stephanie and I are getting ready for bed or everyone's in the kitchen, they all come down. Most. I've never seen cats do that.

I haven't. They prowl around like a a that's.

Why we call them Kitty City. That's so just they are always together.

Are they related?

The cutest thing, two of them are fraternal twins.

Love it.

And then there's Fluff.

Who?

Stephanie. And I got It's so funny to think about after we had moved in, and we were like, oh, should we get a cat? And it was truly like we were trying to figure out if we should have a child. We were like, okay, so we're doing are we're going to adopt a cat?

This is our test.

Yeah.

Should we hear what Chelsea's thankful.

Yeah.

Yeah, I know. I am grateful for my freedom. I am able to move around this world in any way I want and travel and have a blast doing it. I am grateful that my job is a comedian. I'm grateful that I am on tour and that during this really ugly, dark time in our world, I'm able to provide a reprieve for people and a safe place to laugh with strangers. I'm grateful that that's my job. And I am also grateful for my dog, Bernice. I have one dog left, and she's sitting right here, and she's not dead yet, and I'm grateful for that.

That's amazing.

So each of you needs to pick what you're grateful for, and please be serious. Okay. Love you guys.

We did.

Okay. Seriously, we did. I regret saying the thing about aliens, though. I want to say everything Chelsea said, basically. Of course. Yeah, totally. Freedom.

I mean, that is the best part about our jobs. It is such a treat.

Oh, man.

Get to make people laugh.

It truly is. Yeah.

And it is so needed right now as far as, like, just things are so heavy, and I think that that's.

What has been so even though we were very earnest in this episode. I think that that's what's been so fun for me is the nonsense that this show cranks out.

Yeah. Same.

And obviously, people can ask whatever they want and serious questions pop in here or there, but to be able to kind of go off the rails and talk about whatever you want to talk about and not just make other people laugh, but make ourselves and each other laugh, I'm so thankful for that because me, too. I'm so ready for it. Ready for the nonsense.

Me too.

For true.

Silliness. I think all three of us also do really enjoy our jobs. So few people can say that. I think all three of us love being on stage, and that's pretty rare. And lucky, for sure.

I've been trying to tell my kids about whenever they take a real interest in something, I always try and stop a moment and say, Max, because he journals a lot and does cartoons and reads, and I was like, you could be a writer, or you could do a comic book, and that could be your job. It'd be nice to find a job that makes you and other people happy. And he's just sitting there coloring, and he looks at me and he says, or I could just do it for free.

Yeah. He's like, well, you're taking the joy out of it.

But I'm just trying to plant those seeds, because when I was growing up, nobody was planting seeds about. I mean, actually, that's not true. My mother was very much planting those seeds to do what made me happy. But my stepfather, he was really not about doing what makes you happy.

Yeah.

And so I just want to make sure that my kids are doing what makes them happy.

That's awesome.

Totally.

Well, what a treat. I'm thankful for you guys. I'm thankful for this podcast.

Me too.

I never know what we're getting into, but to me, that's the fun of it.

I'm feeling very positive at the end of this. I want to go out and open my front door and hug my Uber Eats delivery guy.

Well, I hope everybody listening. Has a lovely holiday if you celebrate Thanksgiving. If you don't, no matter what, hopefully you'll take some time this week to think about what you're thankful for and what you're grateful for. It definitely, I think is a good grounding thing for all of us to do from time to time.

So important.

Get cozy. Yeah.

And we're thankful for you guys for listening to our handsome podcast.

So thankful.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my gosh.

I just love how much people are loving the Pod.

Yeah, it's very nice. Very fun.

If you love the podcast, you know what to do. Go on there. Give us some cool reviews. That always helps. We love bringing new people into the Handsome Pod. And we have another cool announcement that we've talked about it tig. Take it away. What do we got coming up?

Well, our live handsome show is coming up on December 18, fortune. And you can join in the fun from anywhere in the world. Tickets are sold out in person, but you can join us streaming live on the Internet by going to dynastytypewriter.com, that's dynastytypewriter.com to see our live streaming show December 18.

Now, May, if people wanted a lovely present for someone that they're thankful for or with the holiday coming, what would they do?

May well, I got a couple of ideas. I think people should go to handsomepod.com and there's t shirts. There's stickers for the sticker lovers in your hats.

Hats totes tote bags, baby.

Is it weird to wear it on stage?

No, wear it.

Really? Okay.

We did want this to be cool because we're handsome. We wanted our merch to be handsome and we want you guys to be handsome. So I think you're going to really like it.

I also want to mention now that this strike is over, that you can check me out on the new season of the morning show.

Yeah, someone in my writer's room was watching it and said, tig is bone chilling in it.

OOH, yeah, you're like a fixer.

I can't wait to see you be bone chilling.

Bone chilling. Meanwhile, every time I'm acting, I'm like in my head going, this can't be what they're looking for. This can't possibly be what and yet it is. Yet it is. I'll be at Largo. In Los Angeles December 6, and then college Park, Maryland, at university of Maryland, January 26, and then waterville opera house in waterville, Maine. And I also just have random shows at Largo. And dynasty typewriter all coming up in the coming months. So come on out and hear some new material because I sure haven't heard it yet.

Awesome.

Yeah. May, do you have anything doing improv.

At UCB on the 21st and dynasty typewriter on the 29th with Stephanie and Atlanta, and on the 29th you're also going to be able to stream that anywhere in the world. So that's cool. And then I'm at Largo. December 2 and 11th with very special surprise guests. Big holiday extravaganza.

Fortune.

I'm in the thick of my live Lav. Love tour this weekend. If you live in Michigan, I'm going to be in grand Rapids and royal Oak. Tickets are almost gone, so get on that. Coming up kansas City, Missouri, and then a bunch of dates after Christmas in Florida, st. Petersburg, Orlando, Jacksonville and West Palm Beach. Then in the new year, eugene, Oregon, Vancouver, out there in Canada, burlington, Vermont, DC. And Red Bank, New Jersey. Plus coming to Europe, to London and to Amsterdam. My tickets are@fortunefeamster.com dude, you work hard at the end of this tour. I'll have done over 100 cities.

That is wild.

That's what I just did. You guys did over 100? Yeah.

I am in awe. And you find time to play pickleball and I don't know how. Yeah.

Got a radio show. I'm doing some acting. It's fun.

You like being that busy?

I like it a lot. I prefer that to not being busy, but this has definitely been, like, the busiest I've ever been. But it's all good stuff. Yeah, I'm at least loving what I'm doing.

So you're not busy with bad stuff?

Busy with good stuff.

I think if we did an action movie with the three of us, I can picture the COVID But I think it would be called busy with Bad Stuff.

Busy with bad stuff. But you know what? We're not too busy for the Handsome podcast.

And that reminds me.

What? Tig. Keep it handsome.

That's pretty good.

Handsome is hosted by me, fortune Feinster, Tignetaro and May Martin. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Woolette. Email us at handsomepod@gmail.com and follow us on social media at handsomepod.