Family, friends, and Lumi whole body deodorant. These are the things I'm thankful for this year. Why? Because Lumi is a do like no other. It was created by an OBGYN who discovered bo isn't just an underarm thing, it's an all over thing. So she developed a PH optimized deodorant that's clinically proven to block odor everywhere. Not just your pits, but your privates feet and beyond.

You know what? Since I started using well, I'll tell you. Because I use testosterone. I'm on testosterone.

Sure.

And it's changed how I smell. Like, it's made me smell worse. And lumi is hardcore stuff. And so I'm experimenting with different deodorants, and I really, really love Lumi.

Nice. Well, Lumi's starter pack is perfect for new customers. It comes with a solid stick, deodorant cream tube deodorant, two free products of your choice like mini body wash and deodorant wipes, and free shipping.

As a special offer for listeners, new customers get $5 off Lumi's Starter Pack with our exclusive code and link. And for a limited time, returning customers can get $5 off their next purchase of $30 or more as well. So use code handsome@lumideodorant.com Lumedeodorant.com. Thank you, Lumi, for making this holiday season smell a whole lot better. Friends on my handsome pot. Chatting with friends on my handsome pot. Cheers. Welcome to Handsome. I am, of course, May Martin, and I'm, of course, joined by my most handsome colleagues. You say your own names, right?

I'm, of course. Fortune feemster.

And I am Questionably.

Hello.

Hello.

Welcome to Handsome.

Yes, welcome back. Oh, and welcome to any new listeners to the Handsome Pod.

Yes, I think there are quite a few.

I know. Thanks for finding us.

I haven't seen you guys in so long. I have a lot of questions.

Oh, yeah.

You missed us so much.

We missed you.

I for sure look forward to doing this. Every single time that we do, it.

Feels like a warm, handsome hug.

I'm excited that we're doing well. Can we talk about our live show?

Oh, yes. Let's get that out there.

Start big, man.

Big. Yeah.

The people wanted this?

Yeah. They asked, we answered.

When is it?

What are we giving them, May?

Oh, I don't know. I don't have any of the details, but I know it's happening. We're doing a live show at Dynasty Typewriter.

Yeah.

And it will stream all around the world, so you can buy tickets for the show even if you're not in Los Angeles. And watch us live and in person.

I'm going to wear a suit.

I am, too.

Then I guess I will, too. It's going to be December 18. We're going to be ringing in the holidays with this lovely live show. We've never done a live show before, Avi, but it's going to be really fun.

Yes.

I can't wait. I think we should plan something weird. Like, it's a sort of holiday show. We should get, like, a full children's.

Choir and a reindeer and a live reindeer.

Can you imagine us trying to wrangle 50 children? Come on, you guys, put that sucker down. Let's go. Come on.

Follow the reindeer.

Follow the reindeer.

And then there's just some kid looking at me going, is that a man or a woman? And I'm like, okay.

And then turning to us as well, is that a man or a woman?

Wait, is that wait, is that a.

Man or a woman? And then they get to Thomas mustache still, is that a man or a woman?

Takes us 2 hours to explain to them that gender is a spectrum. And then the show's over and they're all crying.

And then we ride off on the reindeer. Yeah.

Oh, my gosh.

Because the reindeer we got is low rent and it can't fly. So we just slowly trot off.

Let's face it, it's a dog we glued antlers on.

Yeah.

Well, if you're interested in either a coming to this show in person on December 18 at Dynasty typewriter, or if you want to live stream it, you can go to dynastytypewriter.com for tickets.

Wow. Nicely done. Also, since we're mentioning exciting things, another thing that our listeners demanded and we have delivered. We now have merchandise.

Why not, right?

We have merchandise.

Yeah, that's pretty exciting.

But I don't know how they get it. Fortune to you.

How they get it?

Wait, why don't we morning announcement. How they get it?

Okay.

Hi, everybody. This is your morning announcements. We are very excited to announce that the handsome Pod has their very first thing of merch coming out. We're going to have a shirt and we're going to have a hat. We're going to have a tote. Everybody loves a tote. You get a lot of things you want to put in there, and you can put your hat and your shirt in the tote. You could tote have some stickers and you can go to handsomepod.com. Is that what it is? Yes, it is. Everybody loves his tote. Go to Handsomepod.com to look into that merch and get some of yours, because guess what? You're going to want it, because you're going to be real handsome if you wear it. That's right.

Get it for your conservative grandparents for Christmas and don't explain it.

Just have the three of us, our faces on a t shirt that grandma's wearing.

OOH, I have a new merchandise idea.

What is it?

All of our faces on a tote.

Yeah.

And it says, are they boys or girls?

It's just like a conversation starter at the grocery store.

Even just a t shirt that says are you a boy or a.

Times.

I like that.

I was with Stephanie shopping for a suit, actually, for her sister's wedding yesterday. Okay. The majority of my life I am met with hello, sir, how can I help you, sir?

Really?

Yesterday when I was pretty little lady, I was called something I have never been called and I've never heard anyone called. This woman said to me, hey there, lady girl. No, lady girl.

No way.

Yeah, she worked at the department store and said, hey there, lady girl. Can I help you? And I was stunned.

Did you feel a shift in your energy?

Were you like, well, hello.

I truly did not think she was talking to me. I was like, there is no possible way somebody is going to call me lady girl.

She thought you were a pretty little lady.

A pretty little lady girl.

I feel like that reeks of like it's coming from a place of panic. It's like she for sure I need to come out strong with something. I'm doubling down on doubling down on this lady girl.

I feel like I didn't know what was walking up to me. And then I realized in the last second maybe you were female. So I just went with all description. Lady girl. Hey there, lady girl. Female lady girl. Woman, gal woman, mama girl. There, lady girl. Oh, my gosh. Yes, I'm pretty little lady girl.

Pretty little lady girl. Wow.

Yeah.

Tig, you've been all over Europe and then you did your special. Yeah, I mean, I did too much.

I was gone for six weeks and one day, and I have to say, wow. When I got home and I got out of the car, my sons and my father in law came out. Stephanie was inside doing some Stephanie stuff, and Finn, they both hugged me. Finn held on to me for at least 1 minute, and I am not exaggerating. I was just bent over while he was hugging me on the sidewalk, and he did not let go. And it was the most life affirming, family affirming feeling. Yeah, it was incredible.

That's so, like, if you do this.

More often, mommy's going to keep leaving because I like this hug.

I met Max and Finn while you.

Were away, I heard at the Halloween party.

At the Halloween party. And let me say, those two are so so I don't know which of them was dressed like a football player.

That would be Finn.

That would be Finn. And he was so cute because there was this older kid there also dressed like a football player. And he just kept going and standing near him, like, kind of standing at his elbow, just kind of teammate.

Me, too. Look down here, buddy.

Yeah, by your elbow. You'll see me?

Were all the kids having a good Halloween?

Yeah, I was really into it. It was my first true kid Halloween. There was a blow up maze where once it got dark and then they were kind of packing up like the party was ending, but there were definitely still kids hiding in the maze, and their parents couldn't find them. And it was that was I think.

I mentioned previously, that was my first Halloween to miss with Max and Finn. And I did take a picture of Finn's ankles on the way to school today, where he still has his Halloween socks on. I'm telling you, it is year round with these two.

So good.

I love it. Had you done shows in Europe for that long before?

No. In fact, before I went to Europe, I had a run in Colorado of shows. Then I did this cancer charity event in Texas. Then I went to Europe, then I came back, I did some shows in the Midwest and then the East Coast just to kind of get myself completely as ready as possible for my special in Brooklyn.

How did it go?

It was really fun. It was a good time, and it was lordy, I was thrilled to be finished with that because I was originally supposed to tape my special in June, and then I moved it to November out of solidarity for the strike. So we had to pack in all these extra shows practice days.

Yeah.

To get me still ready to go. And it was a long haul to go from June to November to add.

All of those extra shows and keep it fresh.

Yeah. I felt like I showed up ready to go. I'm excited. Stephanie is the director, and we get the first cut in, I don't know, like, four, so oh, wow.

I saw the romantic flowers you sent to Stephanie in preparation for filming, and you said, don't screw this up.

That's correct. So far, so good.

Don't screw this up.

I had it delivered to the green room at the theater, and she saw them arrive, and I was still at our hotel getting ready, and she was like, oh, that's so nice. Somebody's going to take flowers. And then she said she sat there, like, 40 minutes go by, and she thought, those look a lot like the type of flowers Tig sends me. And she just went over and looked, and it was in fact, from me to her.

That's funny. Yeah. You have a go to flower order.

Well, she does love white roses.

A classic. Classic white roses is a little card that says, okay, dike.

Yeah. On our anniversary a couple of years ago, I sent her flowers with the card that said something like, here's to know miserable years or something.

I don't wait this I was very thrilled because when you were in London, you needed a haircut, and you were texting me for recommendations. And the woman who cuts my hair is such an icon in my life, but she was way on the other side of the city from you, I think.

Oh, it took me, like, an hour by Uber to get to more. I paid more for the Uber than the she's.

She's super cheap, and she's incredible. She loves her I love Debbie, and she was a real lifeline for me. In the pandemic. I would go to her garden, and she would cut my hair and she'd go, Hello, May. How are you?

Hello, May.

Yeah, and she's such a like, she always says that she trained with Vidal Sassoon, but she'll whisper the name Vidal Sassoon like it's a she'll you know, I trained with Vidal Sassoon.

If you say his name too many times, he appears.

Exactly, yeah. How is she?

She is so great. I loved her immediately. And I was also horrified because she also couldn't believe you didn't tell me this, that she only takes.

God, I.

Show up, I get my hair cut, and I pick out some hair product, and I'm standing at the counter, she's like, oh, I only take cash. May didn't tell you this?

And I was like, no.

And how horrifying. Because I only had credit cards. And so I gave her I had offered not an exchange, but I just said, here's my watch. Here's my swatch. No, I offered her tickets to my show in London, and so she wanted those. And I said, and then come backstage and I'll have cash for you. And so I had the tour manager go get cash because I just didn't even know where and so she went out and found the cash. And then Debbie came backstage and then oh, my God. Refused to take my.

Best Debbie.

I think she kind of saw me as like a little orphan child in Are you not weirdly? No. She'd always go she was shocked to find out I'd never been to a like, have you not been? And she'd always say, when I get my car cleaned, I'm going to take you around Costco. And I guess she never got her Costco. Never got her car cleaned, I guess because we never went I didn't know.

There was Costco in London.

Yeah, they're in Canada as well.

Yeah, all over the Commonwealth.

I love that May didn't tell you that she only takes cash. But May did tell you about the history of haircuts and where originated.

Well, not did, but I love Debbie. I just really enjoyed her. And after she cut my hair, she hugged me and said, I feel like I've known you my whole life.

I know there's something about her. I gave her a hug when I was leaving England and we both burst into tears. I was like, I was not expecting it. She's a good hugger. And she used to make me laugh because I'd go in and she'd go, Hello, Alex. And then she'd be cutting my hair and like, 20 minutes would go by, and she'd go, Did I just call you Alex about 20 minutes ago? And I go, yeah. She'd go, you look like my nephew. Hello, Alex.

How old is she? I'm trying to picture Debbie.

91?

Like 50 maybe.

Benjamin Buttons?

Yeah, 45, 50.

Oh, I did not picture that. I was picturing, like, a 65 year old with that voice.

No. Debbie's sprightly.

You've never been to Costco? That's kind of like a 45 year old. Have you ever been to Costco? Willow. Someone's going to get that Willow reference. You never saw the movie Willow?

I did, but I did not get Willow.

It's that old woman that turns into a goat.

Turns into a goat?

Doesn't she turn into a goat?

We need to watch gets cursed and.

Turns into a goat. Someone turns into a goat.

Guys, all I remember is watching that while my parents were at a new year's Eve party and all the kids were in the basement and we watched Willow, and this guy Raphael had stolen vodka.

So you saw it and you don't recall a goat?

I don't recall a woman turning into.

A goat going, well, you were drinking vodka.

I could be wrong. This could be a mayfact. I swore that she because she was old and she started to sound like a goat fortune.

She still kind of nobody like an.

Old woman, but also that sounds like a goat.

We don't really have to get to the bottom of the matter.

Dig, there are some willow stands.

Honestly, when you said willow, I was thinking of Smith.

Oh.

I was thinking of the song by Joan armitrating.

Yeah. We all split off in separate directions.

I'm glad we've gotten on the same page.

How talented is Willow, by the way?

Which one?

The goat or the song or Will Smith's daughter?

She's a guitar player and singer. Yeah, she's really talented.

So funny. The people that you know and the people you don't know.

I know. That is a random that's a random person for you, tig.

It's so random. I would not typically know, but somebody told me she was just a really good guitar player. And I was so interested to see that because I play a little bit of guitar and drums. Right. And a little bit of drums. And so I went and checked out her page on Instagram, and then I started following her, and I'm always pleasantly surprised whenever she pops up and is, like, ripping on her guitar. Playing guitar. Yeah.

You're number one fan over there.

I don't know anything. She sings well, she whipped her hair around.

I whipped my hair. I know that back and forth.

Yeah.

I've been playing a lot of guitar with well, I don't know if you can see, I'm in a bedroom, so I've sort of half moved in with the old GF and this five year old. So I'm doing a lot of, like, playing the guitar, and the three of us the other night started a band, and so the five year old is improvising the lyrics. And it was a really deep song. It was called where does the river end?

Oh, that is deep.

It was really deep. And she's no one knows really directs, like and then you sing this and you sing this. Yeah. Where does the river end?

We never found you know, max wrote a song when the family was watching the Super Bowl. And my family gets very into sports and cheering and what have you, and Max plays sports, but he's not as into watching them, whereas Finn plays sports, and he loves watching them. So in the middle of the Super Bowl, Max says, I just wrote a song, and I was wondering if I could sing it.

Oh, no.

The Super Bowl gets paused.

Oh, the Super Bowl gets paused. That's a big deal in your head.

It is. And then the song starts, and he's like, we don't know how the world works.

We don't know how we were born.

We don't know if we were born. And it just is like this monotone, intense song of, like, where did I come?

Wow.

Like, Leonard Cohen style deep.

Yeah.

I want, like, a real know how we got here. Yeah, I want to take the actual audio of him. Oh. And everybody clapped and cheered, and then he sat back down, and then the Super Bowl went back on, and that was that. But it couldn't wait.

You got to remix that song.

He's going to be doing a one man show one day and be like, there was a pivotal moment in my childhood where I expressed all of my feelings.

He's doing a one man show every day. It is insane. Stephanie was asking him the other day if he was interested in dancing like Fred Astaire, like, putting on a suit and a top hat, and he was like, Ballroom? Not really, but I do like how they dance on Charlie Brown. And then he just started dancing around, like, you know how the kids dance at the party? Who cares? Look it up. But I want to take his original audio and have a really talented musician put music to it and make it an actual song.

Can you send it to me? Can I try? Yes. Okay.

I would love this. Yeah, that does seem like something you would write may about, like, a deep, meaningful song.

Thank you.

How did I get here?

I'm really honored by that.

You're really thinking about these big life.

Things with a doll house behind you.

Yeah.

On this zoom.

Yes, I am thinking a lot these days.

You're a deep thinker, right?

I'm just desperately trying to hold on to positive things at this moment in time. And I was in the Uber the other day with this Uber driver who was I mean, we were both just being like, the world's fucked and getting really heavy and talking about everything. And then at the end of the drive, he goes, do you want a cookie? And I went, yeah. What do you mean? And he pulls out this paper bag with this giant cookie from a really fancy bakery. And he was like, I just drove all the way to Largemond to get that, but I want to give it to you. And I was like, no, I couldn't possibly accept. And he was like, no, this is what we should do. We can't control anything.

That's so nice.

I know.

Yeah.

But he kept saying, like, well, there's nothing you can do. And I was like, well, you can vote and do some stuff. But anyway, then he gave me this delicious cookie, and I did think that's the good stuff in life.

That is the good stuff.

And was the cookie good?

Oh, my like, I imagine it's that Levant.

Yeah.

How do you know that?

They're just ginormous cookies.

And once it went in on Larchmont, there was just an obnoxiously long line.

For, like, a week, but oh, man, it was like molasses almost and raisins and oats and honey.

But more importantly, how's it going? Moving in with GF and kid five year old?

Oh, man, I'm loving it. The whole other side of me has.

Been on Friday Night Pizza.

It's like a sleepover, right?

Yes. At 05:00 A.m., I'm up, I'm drawing pictures, I'm singing songs. I'm off my phone. I'm just having a blast. It's so ridiculously cute.

So nothing's changed.

Yeah. So pretty much business as usual.

The Party Palace in Silver Lake's empty right now.

The Party Palace is still there and.

Yeah, dude, got to keep your Party Palace. I got one too. Don't get rid of that party palace. Don't get rid of your party palace. Well, should we get into our question?

Let's do it.

Yes. I'm excited. Our question is from Jamila jamil, who we all know have you guys yeah, she's great.

I've met Jamila.

Yes, I know. She was at your birthday party, I think.

Yeah, she came and partied with her dog.

Yeah, Jamila is the best.

She's an actress, an activist, a podcast host. Of course you know her as Tahani from The Good Place, and her podcast, I Way, is so good. Also, I've known Jamila since London, like, maybe like, 15 years now or something.

I've known that's where you all met.

She also has another podcast, Bad Dates, which is huge.

I've done that one.

Yeah.

But no, she's a very hilarious human being. Let's see what she asked.

Okay.

Hello, handsome.

Pod. It's Jamila.

Jamel.

And my question for you is genuinely, genuinely, would you ever genuinely help a friend dispose of a body of someone that they had killed, either accidentally or on purpose? And if so, how close would that friend have to be? What are your stipulations? That's my question.

Oh, my God. I love listening to Jamila's voice. I'm like, I would help her move a body. She sounds like a spy. She sounds like a cool spy. I'm like, yeah, let's do it.

She does, actually. Yeah, it sound like jamila.

Yeah, like, we got to do this. Someone like that.

Yeah.

You're like, absolutely dispose of a body.

I know.

Oh, God.

It feels like you should just immediately say no. But I'm thinking about it, and I'm thinking of course there are situations where I might is that fucked up?

Let's hear the situation.

Yeah, let's hear it. In what world? No, yeah, we got to do this.

I think I'm your guy to come to if. Okay. She said if. It could be accidental.

Yeah.

Look, I don't know that the prison system reforms people or is rehabilitative in any way or is good for the world. So let's say a young person, let's say a teenager or something, comes to me and says, I was making eggs, I whacked my grandma.

But like, any teenager just any teenager.

I don't know, just like a young person who accidentally okay, you've already cracked.

This door, so walk us through.

Yeah, walk.

You're making eggs. You whack your grandmother in the head with a spatula.

Maybe like a frying pan. Or like, if it's a true accident.

That doesn't feel like an accident.

Never, ever, no matter what I'm cooking, raised a frying pan in a way.

That what if you're flipping a pancake and you just go too hard?

My grandma walked into that front pan. Her bad.

Okay. When she walks into the frying pan, does it become like a cartoon where the frying pan completely flattens out her face in the exact circle of a frying pan?

Yes. Boy.

And the police are taking notes. Uh huh. So Nana walks in. You're flipping a.

Mean. I'm having second thoughts now about helping a stranger. Well, yeah.

It is weird that you wanted to help just any teenager.

Well, I feel like any teenager represents you as a child, that you at times, needed help as a teenager, and you maybe made some mistakes. You didn't mean to do it, and you needed help. That's my interpretation.

Whoa.

Yeah, I think that's probably it. Yeah.

I stunned you. I saw your face. You looked stunned.

I went speechless. Yeah, because I just hate the idea of someone spending the rest of their life in jail because of an accident. However, look, now I'm thinking about the family of the deceased, and I wouldn't bury the person, though. I'm going dissolve in acid or something, I think.

Oh, wow. I thought we were backtracking from helping, but we just went to a different type of disposal.

Well, I don't want to get caught.

Well, here's the thing.

You're going to if it is truly.

An accident, you just call the police and be like, grandma walked into a frying pan.

You're right.

So there's something shady.

Remember that Christmas song? Grandma got run over by a reindeer.

No.

Grandma got run over. Okay.

Grandma walked into a frying can. It was the new song. Yeah. Maybe that song didn't reach Canada, but it was an unusually big hit.

Really?

In the States.

Grandma got run over by reindeer going home from our house Christmas Eve you might think what is it? You might say it something but me.

Believe there's something we're missing we nailed it.

We didn't miss a thing.

There's nothing missing.

What do you mean?

Maybe uproarous. Applause.

So if I came to you guys and I said, I fucked up, I killed someone, I killed Nana with a frying.

May I hope they have a podcast equipment in person. I am a puss. I cannot be helping someone dispose of a body. No, I would not be able to.

Sleep, especially a stranger. Excuse me?

I went to stranger first.

We figured out why you did.

Yeah, you're right.

But yeah, my go to might be maybe call Thomas.

Oh, yeah. Thomas is pretty handy.

You're burning Thomas with this immediately. So you mean if you accidentally killed someone, you'd call Thomas? Right?

You may. If you reach out to me asking me to hide a body with you, I'd be I i can't do that. Maybe call Thomas, see what he says.

But it is a bummer when somebody brings a person into it that has nothing to do with it, because then you're an accessory to murder.

That's a real bummer. Like, for instance, Jack Carawack helped Lucian Carr dispose of the knife that he stabbed David camera with.

Mayfact.

Mayfact.

Yeah.

Mayfact. Wait, we need to get an actual this is a real thing.

Oh, man, don't get me started on this. Lucian Carr david Cameron murder. It's fascinating, the shades of it, but yeah, Lucian Carr was this kind of wild, young beat poet, and there was this older guy, David Cameron, who would kind of hang like he was sort of stalking Lucian Carr. But there real quick, though, let's really.

Stay focused on the fact that May has a doll house in the background while talking about this. Go on, May.

I'm not in my own room. I should assert again, this is a child.

This is not where I normally speak of murders.

Okay, continue.

So Lucian Carr one morning shows up at Jack Carawak's house and says, last night, David tried to hook up with me. And we were walking by the river and I stabbed him with my Boy Scout knife, and I waited his body down and put it in the river. And Jack Carawack helps him dispose of the knife, and then they go to watch a movie. And then Jack says, you got to turn yourself in. But he ended up and William S. Burroughs, I think they were both accessories to murder. But because Lucian Carr was like, oh, he was gay, and he tried to hook up with me, he didn't spend any time in prison. Really?

No one got in trouble?

No, but it's a very interesting story. I never heard that anyway.

You've never heard of gay people being treated terribly?

No, I've never heard of that.

I'm unaware of this. Everything's been a walk in the park.

What was that accent?

I don't know. It's been a walk in the park.

That sounds like the voice in the song Thriller. What is it? The graveyard?

Grandma. Got run over by reindeer.

Reindeer may. Are you a crime person? You like to learn about murders and stuff?

Yeah, I'm a true crime.

Great question, Fortune.

Thank you.

Thanks for asking. Yeah, great question. And then I wondered, does all this obsession with true crime, does that make it people get away with more murder because you know how to do it?

Like, they learn yeah, I know about.

The acid, don't I?

Don't you feel like most people these days are getting caught, or is that a myth?

Yeah, I hope so.

It was my understanding that most crimes like that you get away with. Really? I mean, that's a tick fact for you. But, I mean, I don't know. I haven't learned much about acid crimes or other crimes.

The tick fact is, like, I'm just saying something, and we're not sure.

I always say to Stephanie, I'm like, look, I'm very unreliable. I don't know what I'm talking about, but that's what I think. Or maybe I heard, but I'm likely wrong.

It just feels like a cell phone is always pinging your location, right? And they're like, well, we know that you were near.

You don't bring your phone. You do not bring your phone.

Here is something I just got completely in touch with. No offense, fortune. I hate the word pinging when somebody says, hey, ping me or I pinged you. I'm like what?

That is not what I expected you to say.

What were you expecting?

I don't know.

That I don't think about the word ping ever.

I don't either, until somebody says it. And then I'm like, oh, I hate that word.

I'm just picturing I'm picturing you watching a gruesome crime documentary, just describing the most horrific murder, and you're not even batting an eyelid. And then they go and the cell phone tower pinged, and you're like, oh, God.

But that is the word.

Yeah, that is the word.

I know it's the word, but I hate the word.

You also hate panties. Maybe you don't like P words. Yeah, ponties.

Ping me in the panties.

Ping me.

Ping me in the ponties panties.

Pinged her in the ponties.

Yeah.

I just never think of the word.

Ping unless it has involved a cell phone tower, and usually that's involved with murder.

Okay, but when somebody says to you, hey, ping me or I'll ping them.

Later, I don't say, no one's saying that to me.

But you've not heard somebody say that.

Yeah, I guess I've heard no, not in that context. Okay, well, they say Text me.

I guess that's all I'm asking. Just use the actual word. Call me, text me. Don't say I'll ping you later.

I don't like when people say, Give me a bell.

I've never heard that.

I've never heard that.

Give me a bell later.

It's like your Holly Bob's word is in question. A couple of people wrote on our handsome Instagram page, no one uses Holly.

Bob oh, there was a lot of uproar also, about my fact about the ardvark or the armadillo with Alf. I don't know. I got that.

You ignore it and you just keep giving the facts.

Giving those facts.

Yeah. Mayfact is a Mayfact, and it is taken as is.

This segment should be called Just the Facts, mame.

Sorry.

Interesting.

What's?

Mame as like ma'am. But you know when a police officer says just the facts, ma'am.

I've never heard that either.

Oh, boy. We are not connecting. Nobody's heard of anything that the other person has said.

I know.

Started with Willow and it went downhill. I blame myself.

Ping. Give me a bell and Just a facts, ma'am.

But that's all right. Part of being handsome is bringing our minds together and learning.

Yeah, that's one of the ten handsome rules. And we have to come up with the other nine.

Yeah. Number ten is bring our minds together.

If our listeners could just write in and tell us what the other nine handsome commandments are, we'll put it on the list.

Well, number one is Must be handsome.

Yes.

And then number two is whatever.

We number ten.

We need two through nine.

What was ten is ten was bring our minds together.

Bring our minds together.

Bring our minds together. Okay.

Because we come from different places, different perspectives, and we bring them together and learn.

I have a thing about a bell, which is sorry, I know we've moved on from give me a bell, but.

We'Ve even moved on from Jamila's question.

We'll get back to in the olden.

Days, they used to bury people with a string attached to their finger and connected to a bell. So if they were accidentally buried alive, they could ding a little. Maybe that's where gimme a bell comes from.

I have heard that, weirdly enough, didn't know where that was, where gimme a bell came from. But this May fact is correct.

Yeah, and I'm just guessing about where phrase came from.

So when you're asking someone to give you a call, you're basically saying, hey, if I'm buried alive.

Then give me something to jiggle so you can dig me up again. I see. So basically you're saying you're in a.

Grave, your entire family is above ground mourning you, and you're alive.

Emma needs you to give that bell a little jingle jangle.

Would love to hear from you.

Do you know where the phrase Give.

Me a break comes from? Kit Kat. Yeah.

No.

Give me a break. Give me a break. Break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar. It doesn't come from that, but it's just fun. This also means that May and I are now connected. Tig. Oh, boy.

Wait. I have a question related to Jamila's question, which is, why would we go.

Back to our question so far down the road?

Okay, I mean, the question was for any friend, would you help them dispose of their body.

That's true.

Would you do it for Stephanie or Jax because you want your life with that person so selfishly? Or would you be like, all right, yeah.

If it's Jax, I think I got to she's dumped me.

She's the boss of all of us. You got to dump that body in that hole, Fortune.

Yeah.

If Jax is asking, I don't think I can get out of this one. Yeah. She'd be the only exception.

I have kids.

Oh, yeah. So you guys have to have one parent around.

Yeah.

They got to go to and from school and get to birthday parties on the weekends. And I can't leave them with either of you.

This is true.

I got this room now with the doll house.

Yeah. I don't know how to handle a kid. I'm like, you guys like salads? I don't know.

Do you guys like kids eat?

My kids eat salads.

Oh, yeah.

They're vegan.

That's why I said that.

Oh, thanks.

Okay, so you're welcome. So Stephanie comes up to you and says, I got so mad, I killed.

What?

What should I do?

Yeah, what do you do?

She goes, I got to get rid of the body.

I would just say call Atlanta.

Call Atlanta?

Yeah. More set. Atlanta.

Who we improvise.

May and Stephanie do improv with Atlanta. Seems like she'd get down to business and do what needed to happen.

You keep wanting to bring other people.

Because I got kids. I can't I would sit down with Stephanie and be to if this is an accident, people will know I've seen.

You, because it wasn't.

Then I would take my babies and run.

Yeah.

If I find out my wife is purposefully killing people, I would take my children and leave. I don't know that I could sleep.

That is a good point.

And then if she did this accidentally, I would encourage her to I would testify that she is a lunatic in the kitchen and that yeah. Anyone could go down with a frying pan. Yeah, with a frying pan.

I think that in court, a kind of legally valid defense should be jax told me to do.

Well.

She told me to. What else could I do?

Isn't the law that you can't testify against your spouse or something like that? Is that a thing? I thought I saw that on Law and Order.

Ask me.

No, I'm going to say, of course you can testify against your spouse. Right.

No, I'm saying, like, you don't have to. They can't force you to.

Well, this is where I love to say in life, there's just no way to to couldn't couldn't possibly ask or I mean, if May doesn't know, how would we possibly get to the bottom of this?

I would not do this for anyone, but I feel like with Jack, she'd probably be like, you better do this. And I'd be like, yes, ma'am.

You go, Just the facts, ma'am.

But I really don't want to go to prison.

Really?

Since when? Just decide. Delicate.

What a crazy day if we woke up learning that fortune is in prison.

For life, for God.

Don't jinx me.

Jinx me.

Jinx.

Jinx.

You owe me a Coke.

No. I would come and visit, but I.

Would be one of those people, though, that was like, all right, let's make the most of this in prison. Maybe start teaching people improv.

Oh, my God. You would be teaching improv.

You'd be singing improvisational murder scenes.

I lived in Spain for a year, and I taught kids really well. Technically, I was supposed to teach them.

English.

But I'm not a great teacher.

And they could tell that I was.

Fun, and they were like, we don't want to learn English. What else you got? And I was like, I guess, yes. And let's zip, zap. Zip, zap zap. So we were doing these fun games every week, and then right before I left Spain, the family informed me that the five year old had failed. Said OOH ah. Zip, zap zop. I have to go.

What is zip zap zop?

That's like an improv game where you pass that. Should we try it?

It's like zip, zap zap.

Yeah, you pass it around.

That's supposed to explain what it is.

It's a warm up game.

Yeah.

To kind of get everybody in sync. We should have probably done it before our podcast, where we it's harder on zoom because you don't know who I'm passing it to. You have to make eye contact and.

Give it still don't know what's happening.

So you're in a circle, and I'm here, right? Tig. And I look at you in the eye, and I go, zip. And I send you that zip.

But what is the zip? Okay. I'm like, it's a handful of zips phrase.

I'm sending you energy, actually, zip.

You know what? Alana Johnston and Mo Welch and Beth Stelling have zip zapzop tattoos.

Wow.

So that's commitment to improv, that really.

Is when you get that zip tig, then you say zap to then and.

Then send it to May.

Send zop to whoever may wants.

Boy, who came up with that? And how amazed are they that everybody is zip, zap zopping now I'm shocked.

That that five year old failed English when they were playing zip, zap zob.

And I was like, let's pretend to be tigers. And they were like, el tigre. I said tiger. So I was teaching English. El tigre. No, tiger.

Tiger.

In my defense, the little boy, because he was having so much fun, he didn't tell me he had homework and test every week because he was like, oh, this is playtime. I don't want to deal with his homework and studying. So I had no idea he was doing this stuff. I thought they wanted me to teach him English just to get ahead, but.

Instead, zip, ZAB zop.

I think that you would thrive in prison, teaching zip zap zop to bring.

It back to you in prison, I.

Would come and visit. And would we record the pods?

Oh, yeah, I would hope so.

I'd really want to keep this going.

But we would change the name to the Clink.

Yeah.

The Handsome.

Or that Cheers sound effect would be.

Well, I don't know how this ended up with me in prison.

Because you would thrive. We realized you would do because you were immediately so positive. Like, oh, I'd just start teaching that's.

Because it's one of those when in.

Rome situations when in prison in Rome.

But the food would bum me. Like, the one thing I look forward to in life is food.

Well, maybe in Rome it would be.

I think I would be excited about it.

Maybe the food in the Rome prison would be the Delicious palace.

Go to prison and find out.

Yeah, no.

Okay.

Would you spend a year in prison for $20 million?

Whoa. Might as well. There's certain moments in life where it's.

Like, well, yeah, I sometimes do fantasize about being institutionalized in some way. Only because you don't have to get back, respond to anybody, just the relief from you.

Can do that without a vacation. Yeah. You don't have to be institutionalized. And I turn tax. I'd love to be here in a straight jacket maze in a straitjacket and isolation.

I just wanted a few hours away.

From my phone, and then I can't get out. I can't convince them I'm sane.

I'm like, oh, my gosh. Fortune's in prison. May's in mental institution in a straitjacket.

Where are you, Tig?

Just taking Max and Finn to and.

From school because apparently Stephanie's a serial killer.

Good thing we found out.

And then Thomas has been an accessory to murder because, once again, hide the body. God.

Well, should we hear what Jamila had to say?

Yeah, let's hear what Jamila had to say.

She'd hide a body.

My answer is that I believe I would in a heartbeat for a really close friend, a best friend, I'm so down to help someone avoid jail that I would totally help them bury a body. And I feel that with such conviction that I'm actually genuinely nervous saying it on such a big podcast. Well done on going to number one, by the way, because then what if the police are listening? And then one day I'm connected loosely even to the burying of a body, to the obstruction of justice. What if the police hear this on this massive podcast and then they'll know for sure it was me? I'm genuinely I'm sweating just thinking about it, but I'm so into the idea. Not because I have, like, a weird, creepy fetish for dead bodies. I really, actually can't stand the thought. But I really enjoy the kind of sopranos level loyalty behind the idea of being willing to do that for a friend that I love, to the point where when I'm thinking about the friend that I love the most, my marker of how much I love them is if I would risk it all and help them cover up the worst crime.

And may, if you're wondering, yes, I am. I will 100% help you bury any dead body that you bring to me.

Yes.

But please, let's not do that.

Love you.

Bye.

What a friend.

But I also have to say, couldn't we measure this just simply by, hey, would you take me to the airport in the middle of rush hour traffic? Right.

You think it's an extreme barometer?

It's a little extreme.

But you know what I have to say to that?

What?

That's what friends are for grandma got run over by a reindeer putting on the reindeer forever more hello. That's what friends are for keep shining.

Keep shining that's what this podcast got.

To the bottom of friendship.

As soon as Jamila started talking, I was like, would she help me? And do I qualify for that upper tier? And I think I probably would help Jamila as well, also, because I think she's really smart and wouldn't get caught, probably.

So she would for sure for you, and you would probably do it for good.

Catch.

I just want to know. I want to know all the circumstances. But no, I think I would because she's very clever and I think it's unlikely that she'd let us get caught.

I think I have to take that song back.

No, don't.

Grandma got run over by a reindeer.

Putting on the ridge coming over our house Christmas Eve we still don't know the rest of it.

I love that.

No need.

She wasn't even, like, weighing it up. She was like I'm thrilled at the thought of it.

She didn't even weigh it up. And her podcast is called I weigh.

Exactly.

I mean, it makes no sense.

I want to listen to her podcast now because her voice is delightful.

So delightful. She's actually a great singer as well.

Oh, yeah, of course.

Maybe she and I should do a Friends due.

We should have her on our live show in the choir. But it's like a reveal because it's all kids. It's all kids.

And then we have a choir.

Yeah, we're having a children's choir.

We have a choir to acquire.

Remember, for our live show on December 18 at Dynasty typewriter that everyone in Los Angeles is going to come to and other people are going to stream.

All around the world. You can buy tickets and see may Fortune and Tig live.

I can't wait.

And handsome in suits go to Dynastytypewriter.com for those tickets. And don't forget, we got merch coming. That's a different website. That's handsomepod.com. Get your merch, y'all. The holidays are coming. This is the time to be handsome.

Yeah, you've got to get your orders in. Okay? All you handsomes and pretty little ladies out there, you want to get your stuff and get your stuff for your family and friends, too. Also, if you like this episode or any other episode, send the episode to a friend and say, check this out.

Yes.

And ask that friend, would you help me bury a body?

Yes, absolutely.

If they respond affirmatively, then, you know, you got to send them the pod because they're a true friend.

And if you like our podcast, give us a good five star.

Remember when I was rating or review? Remember when I was like or know I'd take a four?

Yeah, we don't know we're fiverr five across.

But we do appreciate everybody who has been listening, actually.

Yes. And that reminds me that I want to post. I was doing a Largo show and somebody sent backstage this incredible artwork that they had done for a handsome podcast, like illustrated book almost. It was so cool. And I forgot to post it. And I don't know their name or anything, but I'm going to post it because it was so cool.

There's been a lot of really cool art dude coming from our episodes, from.

Some credible art listeners, incredible feedback, just running into people left and right that are listening to this show that it just blows my mind. And I have to say, when I was getting ready for my taping in Vermont and I was in this tiny, tiny club, it was so tiny. I mean, people basically sitting on stage with me, and I mentioned, hey, make sure to check out handsome. These big, burly, bearded men. Vermont men were like, handsome. And I said, sir, do you listen.

To.

Was just it really tickled me beyond. Oh, that's the best.

My best friend called me, like, shocked. She was like, I love this podcast.

Shocked.

Yeah, because I'm always doing a gazillion things. She's just like, have fun out there. And she texts me about it now every week. She loves it.

That's amazing.

It's cool because your friends just kind of go, oh, yeah, here's another comedy thing Fortune's doing.

And just to be honest, I am Fortune's best friend.

It is Tig writing me. Well, you guys are awesome. We appreciate everybody. We hope everyone has a great week. We got to promote stuff because we want you to come see some more funnies.

Yes, we do.

Please.

Yeah. Tig, do you have anything?

I do. I'm going to be at Largo in Los Angeles on December 6. I'll also be in College Park, Maryland, January 26, waterville, Maine, March 9, and cannot express enough how you should get your tickets to see our live show. Anything for you, May?

I've got improv on the 21st at UCB. I got improv at Dynasty Typewriter on the 29th with Stephanie, Allen and Atlanta. And that's going to be live streamed as well, all over the globe. And then I'm at Largo. December 2 and 11th with very special guests.

Nice. I just announced a ton of new dates for the next leg of my tour. After thanksgiving, I got grand rapids in royal oak, michigan, kansas city, missouri. After christmas, st. Petersburg, orlando, jacksonville and west palm beach, florida. And then I just added tons of new dates like DC, eugene coming to London and Amsterdam out there in Europe. Added a second show in Denver, Colorado, philadelphia, Wisconsin, all these places. And you can go to Fortunefeamster.com for tickets.

Well, as always, keep it handsome.

Handsome.

Handsome is hosted by me, may Martin Tignotaro and Fortune Feamster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Wallette. Email us at handsomepod@gmail.com. And please follow us on social media here at handsomepod.