Handsome pod.

Chadd and.

The.

Friends of.

The handsome pod. Chadd and the.

Friends of the handsome pod. Cheers. Cheers.

Hello, handsome listeners. This is your friend, Tygnotaro, and I am joined on the Handsome pod by-.

May Martin.

-and Fortune Feinster.

And the three of us make one handsome trio. Yeah, we do. Hello, friends.

Hi. How are you, guys?

I'm great. It's so good to see you.

Doing well. Always good to see your faces.

This episode is going to come out on Halloween. I think that's pretty spicy.

I know.

It's a spicy meatball.

I'm excited about that.

We do have a spicy meatball asking a question.

I will say this one's pretty great. I mean, when you think of Halloween and our favorite actress who's known for a movie called Halloween, I don't want to.

Give it away. I'm excited. Are you guys big? Are you Halloween fans? Are you going to go chock or treating with the kids?

Well, this year I'm sadly not going to be in town. It's going to be my first Halloween.

Oh, no.

Without my little cubs.

Oh.

No. I know. It's a big, big, big day for them. My kids, no matter if they're in little three-piece suits and a bow tie, or they're in their swim trunks, or they're in their pajamas, they both always have Halloween socks on. Are you serious? Are you serious? Oh, yes, sir. Stephanie and I are driven crazy slash, can't believe how adorable it is. And they just got new Halloween socks, which will last for the next couple of years. And the old ones that they have been wearing are like three years old. They don't even really fit them. There's holes. They love Halloween, and they love their Halloween socks. And when they decorate our yard with all of the garbage they buy from CVS or what, a ride-aid?

Yeah.

They truly, when we have people come over, they hide because they can't wait to see how spooked our friends are when they come over to the house. Oh, wow. That's true.

Oh, my God.

They so believe that everyone is spooked beyond belief by the garbage in our yard.

That's so good.

Your friends are like, The tig needs to clean up around here. I don't know, Stephanie, would she really let this way? My parents used to do that. The grass would grow really high and people were too lazy to cut it and howling was rolled around. It's part of the ambiance.

I had some neighbors at Easter time that would let their yard grow so tall. Then the dad would mow an Easter Bunny trail through the yard. Oh, wow. That's good. Yeah, they do their little egg hunt through the little lawnmower path.

Yeah, it works for all holidays because someone asked my parents at Easter like, That was so great that you guys let the grass grow for Easter. They're like, Yeah.

And Hanukkah.

I really miss. I know it's good to be more safety conscious now, but I do miss the anarchic Hallowins of our childhoods, where I remembered going by myself with my friends when I was tiny and going into people's houses. They had haunted houses and there was a garage, like a car mechanic in my neighborhood, and they would just do this horror maze through there. You'd go into the shop and then the… It was awesome. I loved Hallowin.

Now, Stranger danger.

Stranger danger, which, of course, is very real. The big thing at my school was everyone wanted an invitation to Kate Davy's Halloween party, and she would not invite everyone in the class, which is a bold- Oh, that's mean. I know. She had this big house and they would go all out in the basement, smoke machine, strobe lights, and would.

Go to- And wouldn't invite everyone.

Isn't that wild? I would go. I got a couple.

Can you even get away with that these days? Now I think you just have to invite your whole class. But back in the day, they were like, Sorry, you dumb bitches. You're not coming to this party.

You dumb bitches.

Back then, I.

Think you could just bully people and no.

One cared. Whereas now I do feel like you should invite everyone.

I guess it's a big ass. That's a lot of kids, but it was a big house. But man, it was fun. There was one year in grade six where it was like the word got around that our teacher, Ms. Garaut, was going to go to the party, which was wild considering all the kids weren't. But they had invited the teacher and I had a huge crush on this teacher, but I didn't know that I did. But I was like, This is my chance to get her off school property.

My chance. -to do what?

Just to like... I remember my mind being like, Oh, my God, I'm going to see her just in a social setting. I'm going to get to just chat to her. I remember all the kids are in the basement, and I'm just up with.

The parents. I can't.

Let her alone. I was.

Just chilling with Ms. Thoreau. They were like, And what? I'm going.

To chat about ancient history.

I was just trying to chat about.

Ancient history. Quiz me.

I wanted any tidbit about her personal life.

That I could get. Just to know something about your teacher did seem like such a cool thing back in the day.

Oh, my God. I remember in class one day she let slip. She had a boyfriend called Peter Schmidt, and I remember that name to this day. I said I was Google Peter Schmidt. I'm like, Did they get married? Because I can't find her. She was my favorite teacher.

I was like that, too. I wanted any piece of information. I was in seventh grade and there was a really cute young teacher, and she revealed she had a boyfriend. I think I was like, Oh, yeah, tell us about him. She's like, It's none of your business. I was like, Okay.

Where does he live and what does he do?

His name is Peter Schman.

Oh, my God. He dated all the cool teachers.

I was legit like, Tell us about him. She's like, No.

I remember being devastated to hear that she had a boyfriend. Tell us about him.

Can you imagine? Let me just tell a bunch of 13-year-olds about my boyfriend.

About my wife.

I'm inquiring minds, want to know, right, guys?

And-and no one else is interested. You're just like.

Tell us. I was like, I would love to know more about you.

Yes. I remember getting dressed to go to the party, and it was all about Ms. Garo in my head, but I didn't realize why. But I dressed like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. I was maybe 12 or 13 and everyone else in my class was like, a sexy spider. It was that age where people start trying to have hot, however, costumes. I wore an open shirt and a white suit, John Travolta. I remember being like, Hey, Ms. Carot, what's up?

May, this is insane. I dressed as John Travolta. Shut up. You guys have a lot in common. I know. No. Well, Fortune, you and I were also debut times. That's true. But yeah, my friends, I was really close with these twins, Susie and Allie. Oftentimes when you're twins, you're very popular. Yes. I know because I have twins. But I was at Susie and Allie's, I think it was their Halloween party, and I dressed as John Travolta. Maybe it was their birthday party, and it was just a costume dress-up birthday. I don't know what was happening. It was elementary school.

Or you just decided I'm.

Going- Well, no, it was Greece. Greece was the theme. Oh, yeah, that was the theme. Okay. And all of the girls dressed in poodle skirts and all of that and whatever the characters were in Greece. Then I showed up as John Travolta. I think I was in maybe first grade.

Oh, little, little. Were you wearing like... What does he wear?

Black T-shirt? Jeans. I had a white T-shirt, leather jacket, tennis shoes, and then my hair was slick back. That's that thing where it's like, That's so awesome that my mother thought I looked so cool, and takes me to this party, drops me off, and guess what I did an account for? What? All of the girls wanted to dance with me and wanted to... Were kissing me on my cheek. I was like, Whoa, this was not in the plan. I was just here to look cool.

Wow, you must.

Have been really- My motorcycle is outside and I'm going to hop on it and blaze if you, cats, don't step.

Back, ladies. You were very convincing as Travolta.

Yeah, they went nuts.

Yeah, for a lot of queer kids, Halloween is a chance to have that gender euphoria almost. You get to dress up how you feel inside and you're.

Like, Yeah. Then why did I go- You had to dress as Alph. I'm like, Wait a second. We did?

I'm like, That big old man.

You have a big nose. Oh, I know.

You don't have to describe it. We saw it immediately.

Where did you get the costume? Or did you build it?

I think it was the Spencers. Do you know Spencers Gifts? It was a big shop at the mall back in the day that had.

Like- And you were drawn to the Elf.

How old were you? It was a very popular sit-com at the time.

How old were you?

I think I was, like, 12 or 13.

So you were not interested in.

Dating yet? No, I was a late bloomer, let me tell you. I was so out to lunch when it came to all that stuff.

That is the funniest thing I've ever heard or thought of.

It didn't even occur to me I could go as John Travolta.

You showing up.

With your curly blonde hair.

Yeah, I just distinctly remember walking around in this giant alf mask. I think I had brown shirt and.

Pants on. I love the idea. I can't be able to make it. I can't either. I love the idea that it's like John Travolta or Alf. Well, I guess I can't be John Travolta, so I'd better be Elf.

Then why did I go as Elf?

You guys are so handsome in your costumes, and I'm just an alien that talks.

Well, I mean, you're essentially an aardvark. Is that what it is? Is that what it is? I don't know. I never saw Elf, to be honest. Really? But why would Itry to look like a half?

Fair.

Point.

If you, youngins, don't know of Elf, please Google it so you can see what I look like.

What you did look like, not what you typically look like.

Do you have a picture? No, I don't have any. I don't know why. I never took pictures for my Halloween costumes.

I only have a handful. I have a lot of pictures of me as Peter Pan. That was my go-to for a.

Long time. Oh, you are so Peter Pan. Thanks.

Also, people just didn't take as many pictures back then.

I know. I was also one year, I was also, I know not a very politically correct word right now, but a hobo and had patches on my clothes.

People put a black.

Mark on my tooth. And my mother painted a beard on me. Oh, my God. Again, I was in second grade.

A marker is for a beard and one missing tooth.

Yeah, and then a bottle of wine.

Oh, my God.

Okay. Yeah. But... But I do, now that I think about it, I give my mother so much credit that she was putting me in John Travolta outfits and then dressing me like a male hobo with a beard.

She saw you. You felt seen by her.

She was just like, Sure, let's go. Then Dracula. Then, now as an adult, I always just go as an aging lesbian. That's really.

About it. I'm bad about costumes now that I'm older. People are like, What are you going to be? I'm like, I don't know. I dress up for work in costumes all the time.

I want to go with my girlfriend as Barbie and Ken this year. I would be Ken. But also, I hope I get to go trick or treating with a kid. Oh, yeah. With her daughter. I bet you will. That'd be super fun. The kid wants to be the standard things. I think it's unicorn, pumpkin, that thing. But I've got her really into wombats recently. I just started talking about the animal, wombat, they poop cubes, they're cool looking, they're interesting. It's really captured her imagination. I'm trying to be like, we could go as a wombat. It would be cool. Let's push the envelope.

Yeah. Is she going to do it?

No, definitely not.

Well, maybe float the alf idea, Pastor. I have a weird relationship with Halloween because I got the Dickens scared out of me back.

In the day.

The Kim Dickens. The Kim Dickens scared out of me. I don't know if it was just my parents or the time, the era of they just wanted to scare the bejeezys out of you and didn't think about the consequences. So there was a thing in my hometown where you just drove to a parking lot, right? An empty parking lot. And we're in the car. Now, my parents have not told us what we're doing. And it's the two of them in the front seat. And I've got my brothers on both sides of me, and they just park in an empty parking lot. We're like, do, do, do, do, do. All of a sudden, it's catchy, too. All of these creatures and people and like Freddie Krueger's and I descend upon our car or on the windshield, banging, chainsaw. I'm like, Oh, my God! I'm screaming. I'm like, We are getting attacked. This is a normal car run, and now we are under attack. I'm like, Why would you.

Do that? We need at least a pineapple distance between us. It's not like we paid.

A mission to go into a thing. We are in everyday life. Then all of a sudden, a chainsaw is at the window. Oh, my God. I died.

That's.

So scary. But I don't know if my parents didn't have any sense because my mom was also… I was in Girl Scouts and I was in Daisy's, which is five years old. Now, the chainsaw incident was probably nine years old, so that was tremendous traumatic. But at five years old, even more traumatic, my mom was our Daisy Scout leader. As a field trip, she decided to take our entire five-year-old Girl Scout troupe to a haunted house.

Oh, my God.

We went through this haunted house. This woman. My brother was there and my dad was there. We were crawling on top of all of them, screaming, crying. They had to shut down the haunted house, turn the lights on, and try to show us that it wasn't real. We were just like, Lah. We could not stop screaming.

Shut the haunted house down. I still do this.

I don't remember a lot of stuff from when I was five, but I remember that entire thing so vividly. Then when you leave the haunted house, there's a witch banging a gong, and we're just like, Lah.

We're just screaming.

I.

Love... I love how a gong becomes terrifying.

I know, I wasn't expecting a witch.

Thing and a gong. I had nightmares for a year after that.

Oh, my God. I mean, they.

Stopped the haunted house to show us that the chain. God blessed these people. They're trying to show us that the chainsaw doesn't have a chain on it. We're five. We're like, We don't understand what.

That means. Did you continue to say, We're five, lady.

I.

Don't care where a chain is supposed.

To go. We're like, Look, kids, it's not even a real chainsaw. We're like, It looks like a real chainsaw.

You're like, Well.

That's a real gong. It was crazy.

Yeah, tell me, is the gong real? I still.

Laugh at my mom like, What were you thinking? She's like, Honestly, I don't know.

That is so wild.

Well, we're so perfectly about to transition into our question. But I will quickly say it because you said aardvark, and I just remembered a cool fact.

A fact?

A Mayfax? Oh, Mayfax. It's a true story. We need to get a Mayfax sound effect. As soon as May starts to go into one of their facts, we have to play the Mayfact.

Sound effect. But I think it should be like.

Well, that comes after the fact.

So the fact is, this is a true story from the turn of the century. There was this guy who he went on trial for shooting his mother-in-law. And then it turned out what had actually happened, and this is truly what had happened. He had shot at an aardvark. Those shells are so hard that the bullet bounced off, went through the window, and hit the mother-in-law. They were all like, Bullshit. Then it was like, No, we got to find that aardvark because you're going to see a dent in its shell. But yeah, that's how hard the.

Shell of a - Wait, did they find the aardvark?

They must have because he got off. They proved it.

Well, you don't have more information on.

This Mayfad? No. I could not tell you where I read it or heard it, but.

I know it. That is not what's important. What's important is that we have these Mayfads.

That's true. All we need is a seed of effect.

Well, should we get into our question?

Let's do it. Yes, I'm.

So excited. Okay, I'm going to do the honors, and it truly is an honor. Our guest today asking a question. It's Jamie Lee Curtis, folks. She is a Golden Globe and Oscar award-winning actress and producer known for her roles in hit movies like Halloween, True Lies, a fish called Wanda, everything everywhere all at once, and also Knives Out, right?

Oh, right. Of course. Yeah. Oh, man, she's the best.

She's great.

Also, I want to say just because I won't get to say it later, she's such an amazing advocate for trans rights and I think has a trans daughter. I'm just always so grateful when I see her posting. She's just so vocal and-.

She's.

So cool. She's just so great. She's awesome. Personally, thank you for that, Jamie.

Stephanie and I met Jamie Lee Curtis several years ago, but she was like, You have kids, right? And we said, Yeah. And she wrote several children's books. And then I don't know, the next day, a box of 10 million books that she wrote. Oh, wow.

That's amazing.

Yeah, so nice. So kind.

Let's hear what she said.

Hi there. It's Jamie Lee Curtis. Happy Halloween, everyone.

Happy.

As iconic. My question is really a two-part question because I really am two parts. That's up to you to decide what my two-parts are, but I am a two-part person. The first part of the question is, what scares the fuck out of you? The second part of the two-part question is, When my daughter went to college, there were a lot of college parties. My favorite one that she went to was called, Shock Your Mama. What would be your costume to shock your mama? I will tell you that my daughter went as a conservative Republican. Happy Halloween, everyone.

Oh, my God, that's so funny. That would shock your mama.

That's amazing.

Wow, That is, first of all, that is so cool. What a perfect guest on our Halloween episode.

Oh, come on. Yeah.

Very spooky question.

Feeling very handsome.

Jamie Lee Curtis is very handsome. However you want to define handsome, which is the fun about the word, but very handsome.

What scares the fuck out of you? I've got to think about it for a second because-.

I'll tell you. Okay. Climate change. Climate change.

Yeah, big.

Natural disaster. Here's my feeling. If there is no planet, you have no room for politics, social issues, nothing matters if the planet is gone. So that should be, in my mind, the number one most important factor. And it terrifies me because, I mean, it's a bummer to talk about, but it scares me because the planet is just being destroyed right before our eyes. And truly, it's like you want to fight Republicans and Democrats, and the planet has to be here for any of that to matter.

Yes. And it's.

So- 100 %.

It's so humiliating for us as humans. I mean, since I was a kid, I've been reading articles like, We need to act now. This is happening now. We just don't... It's like we're driving towards the edge of a cliff, and we're just like, Well, put on your seatbelt instead of taking any of the turnoffs.

We interviewed Adam McKay on this radio show I do on Netflix, and he was ringing the alarm bells in a way that I was.

Like- He did that movie Don't Look Up, right? Yeah.

We did a lot of research about it, and he goes, The alarm bells are sounding off right now and have been.

We're all going to end up moving to Canada when it all starts kicking off. There's the water wars. Oh, God, this all got real heavy real quick.

I know. But look, it is the- Well, that's what scares me. When I really think about it, I mean, there's obviously so many things that scare me about this world and the politics and social issues, my kids, the world that they're living in. But I always go back to first and foremost, the planet has to survive in order for any of these issues to even matter.

Yes. My mom gets really excited about space travel and space tourism. I get that it's exciting, but I'm like, Okay, but come on.

I have no desire to go to space. No, thank you. No. No thanks. I'll move by the Great Lakes.

Oh, yeah, let's all live by the Great Lakes.

Get some clean.

Water over there. Let's get some clean water over there. I'm pretty scared of the ocean. The idea of being out of sight of land, just in the ocean or on a big boat that's sinking or something, just the groaning waves and how powerful that cold water is in the dark and you don't know what's underneath you, there could be an aquatic dinosaur that's still alive. That freaks me out. And also Zombs.

Because they cut- Is that short for zombies?

Yeah. They like-For real? I just said it, but.

They-do you call them Zombs?

That's the first time I've done that, but it felt good.

Zombs. Yeah, Zombs.

It's like a casual, like the old Zombs that are around.

I think it's- Yeah, those spooky Zombs.

They're like, to me, especially the fast zombies in movies, it's like a metaphor for just human rage. It's about humanity and the worst parts of us. They never stop coming. They just keep coming and coming.

Well, that's like the movie Army of the Dead that I was in. Those zombies ran. Were you scared?

Were.

They actually chasing you when you're filming?

No, because I replaced an actor that got in trouble for sexual harassment and assault. Really? Yeah.

And so then the zombies didn't chase you because they were like-.

Well.

Because the movie.

Was- You had to film after those.

The movie was done. Yeah, the movie was done, and Zach Snyder, the director, he said he was looking at the movie and he was like, I can't release this movie because that guy just got in trouble. They erased the actor from the whole movie. Then Zach gets me on a Zoom and he's like, Can you come in and film this entire action zombie film by yourself on a green screen?

Wow. I would not pay to have footage of you.

I have it.

You in front of.

The green screen. I have it. I have it. I'm like machine gun, flying a getaway helicopter. There's a zombie in my helicopter- All by yourself. All by myself for like three weeks on a green screen. That's crazy.

And also huge props to Jamie Lee Curtis because I think fear is one of the hardest things to act because you know what's coming. You're not in a scary environment, but you're hyperventilating, and it's really hard to act like you don't know what's coming.

You go horse trying to be scared all day.

The movie Halloween is one of my fears because my mom showed... We're talking about parents scaring their kids. My mom sat me down. I was six years old, put on Halloween. I guess she loved the movie. She wanted me and my brother to watch it. I was traumatized. So when he jumps on the car, he's escaped a mental asylum, I think, Michael Myers. Which incidentally, the Michael Myers mask is actually a mask of William Shatner, Captain Kirk, which is painted white.

Mayfact, Mayfact, Mayfact, Mayfact, Mayfact. Mayfact, Mayfact, Mayfact.

Hes a lot longer. That is a scary movie. Fuck, it's scary. Okay, so zombies and then the ocean. So you.

Don't go- Zombs.

-zombs. Oh, my bad.

Zombs.

Yeah, that's cool. You don't go into the ocean as a result? You stay away from swimming.

And stuff? I'd swim really close to the shore, but I would never take a cruise. I've seen the movie, beside, and I'm not getting on it.

May's no fool.

May's no fool. I'm not a fool. Because your fear is that an ancient-.

Water.

Soar. -thing is going to come- Aquator. -is going to come to life?

Yeah. You know the Mariana's trench in the Pacific Ocean? It's like the deepest part. I don't. It's like the deepest part of the ocean.

Mayfac, Mayfac, Mayfac.

Just knowing that it's there and it goes deep.

Deep down to- Like anything could be in there. Right.

Just pitch black. What is in there? And more people have been to space than have been to the bottom of the ocean. We don't know what is.

In there. The ocean is vast.

May, this is where we're similar again. Even though I am terrified of climate change, I cannot think of many other terrifying things aside from being not just... Okay, this is going to freak you out. This is terrifying. Someone... This is the thing that causes you from a boat. They leave.

Only the open water.

They leave. Guess what? What?

It's nighttime. No.

No. No. No. And just your little legs dangling in the-.

Oh, in the deep.

It gives you- You better start learning to tread for an hour. You tread water for an hour.

Yeah, you got.

A good hour. If not longer. Yeah, I went snorkeling recently, and I thought about that, about the open water movie where the scuba diver couple got left behind or whatever. Oh, yeah. And I was like, I don't know what I would do. I mean, it's terrifying. It's like you're helpless.

Here's what I can suggest. When I am doing my hour-long water and when I tread water, the way you can take a break is just floating on your back.

That's scary in the oach, though.

But look, if you're tired of treading, you just take a beat, relax on your back, and you're back up.

Yeah, okay.

A little oach.

But the aquasore is still going to get you. That's a good name.

Aquasore? Aquasore. Well, like the Meg. We do know they recently found a... I've got a lot of facts today, but they found a shark in the ocean that's 460 years old or something. So it was around in the... That is an old shark. Hello. Yeah, it's blind. You should see a picture of this thing. It's like, blind is just like... Where's glasses? It doesn't know why it's still alive. It's just like, What am I doing?

It's.

Like, Yeah.

Can someone please pull the plug?

Totally. It was around in the totally. It was around in the totally. It was around in the.

Easy, but then it's not. Mayfax. Mayfax.

I'm embarrassed to share my thing I'm scared.

Of because-Is it you in a alf suit?

No, I'm embarrassed because yours was so important to me, and it is very scary because it's real. Mine's a little ridiculous, but it's something I'm genuinely scared of.

Okay. Early on in my relationship with Jacks, I want to say this is maybe three months in, we had not gotten to the phase, the part of the relationship yet where you're so comfortable that you don't poop anywhere near that person, you don't fart, you don't burp your mind and all your pees and queues. At some point that seal has to break, you don't know when that's going to be, but you're trying to prolong it as much as possible because you want to.

Keep- And you poop near her?

You want to keep the romance alive. No, no, no. We're sleeping, and the morning is coming, and I sneeze so hard and so loud.

That.

I involuntarily farted as loud as humanly possible. I can't believe I'm telling you guys this, but that's how much I love this hands and farts. I stopped and froze. I played posum like, Please, Lord.

Please.

Make.

It so that Jack is still asleep. Don't let her know I'm human.

Is still asleep. I was like, We haven't broken the seal yet. The romance is alive and well. Please, I pray that she's still asleep. I'm just like, Dear Lord, tense, like this, not moving. This was the loudest thing of ever. What scared me is that I had no control. I had to sneeze, and it was just like, all beds are off, everyone out. All of a sudden, she starts going... She starts dying, laughing. I go, Oh, my God. But she's laughing so hard that I start crying, laughing. We are hyperventilating, laughing.

It was a nice moment.

It was a nice moment, but it has made me realize that at any point in my life, I can sneeze, and that might happen. It worked out in front of her.

And soil in your pants. It worked out in.

Front of her. I just am like, Please, Lord, never let that happen on stage, on set.

What did the Lord say?

He said, Hold on, little lady. It genuinely terrifies me that at some point that could happen. If it does, I'm going to come on the handsome pot and tell you all about how I was humiliated.

Would you rather you can never do comedy again?

Oh.

God. Or you can keep.

Doing- I'll take it.

Wow. I'm done. You can never do comedy again, or you can keep doing comedy, but twice a year at a point, a random point that you can't decide you are going to fart so loud and long. It could be on stage. It could be in bed. It could be anywhere. Twice a year.

Like really loud and really loud. At that point, I'd just have to own it. I'd have to be like, You know me. You know what I mean? Because it's my job, and I love it. I would have to be like, Guys, you... And that would just be what I say every time. You know me.

You'd have to be like, Guys, you're going to need to step back. What about you, May? You'd do it. You'd be like, That's fine.

I'm like, I'm in a fortune where, especially if I'm dating someone… My parents have been married 40 years. They've never peed in the same room as each other. They don't fart. Which is wild. I know that I'm human and I know I have fart in front of people. Actually, I find it very sexy when people are confident enough to fart around me. I think that's awesome. Really? You can even fart as a punchline to something… Nothing is more attractive.

I'm not into fart punchlines.

It cracks me up when some beautiful woman is confident enough to fart, I love it. I don't have a fart fetish.

It's the confidence. Yeah, so don't go farting on me.

Don't go farting on me.

I don't even normally talk about farts or say farts, but I just had to share this.

I know, same. I don't normally say farts.

I'm.

Normally a lady.

But I'm the same. I think if I farted around my girlfriend now, I'd be like, Well, goodbye, and I'd pack a suitcase and I'd move to Kansas to become a pencil. We have a joke that if I fart in front of her, I'll go, Well, goodbye, and I'll go become a pencil salesman. I don't know where that part came from.

Would she want you to pack up and go to Kansas?

No, she's like, Just fart.

Let it rip.

It's going to happen at.

Some point. Well, now it's like, whatever. But it was that. It's when you hit the first one.

Now it's like, whatever.

Now you're letting rip.

I mean, that's the thing. It's like, we've been together for eight and a half years. It's going to happen. But it's breaking the seal that's like-.

I'd give up comedy.

-it's the point of no return, right? That's what.

It is. I have a friend whose mother was very not humorous. She was very.

This, Hello?

And she would pass gas and then say, Excuse me. That's so good.

That's so good.

Excuse me. Yeah, it would just be like, Would Fortune and May like to stay for dinner? Excuse me.

Oh, my God. With it not registering on her face.

At all. It was just a matter of fact. I have gas and excuse me.

That's so good.

Yeah. So you would be hot for.

Her, Mae.

I mean, it's... Well. Yeah, I'd give up comedy.

Mae is looking for a.

Gassy gal.

I'm not, girl. I'm not. I'm not.

Excuse me.

I don't want her. I don't want her.

Okay.

Wait, so what was the- The other question? -jamey Lee, her other question was, what would you dress up as that would shock your mama?

Shock your mama? What costume would shock.

Your mama? That's so funny that her daughter dressed as a Republican.

My mom would probably be shocked if I was in a hoochie outfit.

A hoochie outfit? That's what I was thinking.

A short skirt.

My mom.

Would love that. And a halter, Tom.

I know my mom fully accepts me and who I am, but I know if I one day was like, You know what? I think I'm going to start wearing a little halter top and a skirt. She'd be like, Amazing. She'd be so...

They're like, Finally.

I remember asking my mother, I was like, What would you do if I told you one day that I was in love with a guy and I was running off to get married. She said, I would think you were crazy.

Oh, yeah.

That's nice. I was like, Oh, good.

She gets it. Yeah. Yeah, what would shock my mom?

The problem is I've been in so many costumes in my career from The Groundlings days and from Chelsea lately. I have been in, I willingly now, go into my hot tub in a one-piece baby suit with a wig on and turquoise jewelry to play my character, Brenda.

He says, I.

Swear to God, Tim. I don't know if I could shock my mom. She's seen me be so many different people in my career.

Is this for a costume or an actual?

I'm thinking more broadly like a concept.

Yeah, because if you got out of the business of comedy and were, Yeah, you're carrying a briefcase, and that'd shock your mama.

I know what my mom hates is baseball caps, and she doesn't mind telling me. I wore one the other day to see a movie with her, and we stopped walking at a stoplight, and she turned to me and goes, I have to say something. I was like, Okay. And she goes, I hate that baseball hat. I was like, Whoa. I laughed. I was like, All right, well, so maybe a baseball hat. What would you wear, to?

I would shock my mama. Well, I mean, my mother was a dancer and she did ballet. I guess when I pictured myself in a leotard, a tutu, and I came home dancing.

You came home on the tips of your toes.

Yeah, the tips of my toes. I think that would shock my mama. Yeah, I like that. Because this is the person that dressed me as John Travolta and a hobo with a- A bottle of wine. -five o'clock shadow, and said that she'd say I was crazy if I was going off to marry a man.

She knew who you were before you did. Yeah. I have been in leotards. I have dressed in leotards and ribbon-danced.

Danced, once again.

Against your will? No, very.

Much in my will.

In my will.

Why were you doing that?

That would have been the Chelsea Lately Days. They would put me in a leotard, and I would just go out and rib and dance.

Were you like a little kid sister that they just.

Dressed up? Oh, yeah, I was like a doll, like a large doll.

Did you feel free doing that ribbon dance? It looks like a very liberating- It.

Was fun. Yeah, I don't really have any qualms about dressing up as things, which is funny with Halloween that I'm like- Any time it comes to costume for Halloween, I am legit. I have no idea what to go for Halloween. But then if it's for a sketch or- Or just a Wednesday afternoon.

-comedy, I'm putting.

On all these jewelry, and I'm in a wedge, and I've got giant sunglasses, I've got makeup, and it's like, no, I think it's so funny. Then you're like, What are you going for Halloween? I'm like, I don't know. I have no idea. I have costume chest around my house with just wigs. When we sold our last house, I had to throw a lot of it away because it had been just sitting in my garage. But I have tons of wigs, costume, jewelry. At any point, I could.

Create a character. That's fun.

Stephanie told me when she went to New York to audition for SNL, her suitcase went through the thing, whatever, and it was just full of wigs. She said that they opened it and searched it, and she just looked like something was terribly off with her. Oh, yeah. Yeah. In what world?

When Jack's moved in with me, she started opening up these chest.

Of.

Wigs and very random props. She was like, What.

Is- You're kanky.

Yeah, she thought I was a freak. I was like, Oh, these are just from my.

Growing days. That's work stuff. Close that chat. That's for the office. Excuse me.

I've had that at airports, going through security, and they find a strap on. Oh, no. If I'm traveling just with hand luggage and then think, That's real bad. That's not a good moment. I've had that also going into... I was going on a date and I'm like, What do you do? I knew I wanted to have this with me, this implement. I had it just in my knapsack, and we were going to see a concert. Then they're checking back. They're checking knapsacks at the door. What is your knapsack? Then I've got a strap on in my knapsack. I was sweating because also it's very presumptious because I thought I was going to be having sex. Was this the first day? It was like a third day. We'd had sex before, but it's still presumptious to be like, I got brought my dick in my bag. Then I'm going through security and I just thought, Oh, so I see the guy open the bag and he's looking through it. I see him see it and we have eye contact and my eyes are saying, Please, don't say anything. And he, God bless this man, was just like.

All right. He picks up on your cues.

Go ahead.

Well, I would imagine they come across so much stuff.

So many.

In security? I mean- All masks, all kinds of shit.

Alve masks? Yeah. I mean, people got things to do across the country.

Cross the country. He's like, Here, take your wand and get out of here.

What are you, a witch?

Where's your gong?

Is this your gong? Oh, my God.

Yeah, anyway. Okay. Well, those were great, amazing questions.

Should we hear what Jamie's answer?

Yes, please. Yeah, please.

I think what scares the shit out of me is the amount of hatred and byle being spewed from human being to human being. It just feels like the Internet has unleashed this filterless way of communicating. It just feels like humanity is gone and civilization and a civilized society where people talk to each other and listen to each other is just gone. That scares the shit out of me. What would shock my mama?

I.

Think what would shock my mama would have been Deirdre Beaardre in everything, everywhere, all at once. I think she would have been shocked by what I looked like in the movie. I think she would have completely freaked out if she had seen me in the movie. And so I think if I was going to go to a shock your mama party, I would go as Deirdre Beaubiredra and let it all hang out. Thanks for asking me to be on your nice show pod.

Yeah, I really relate to that feeling of disillusionment and horror at the anger in the world. But also I feel like if you get out of whenever I'm feeling down, I'm like, I got to just put my phone away, get off the internet. When you go out and about, and especially you guys must find like touring and doing stand-up, people are so kind and you just got to find them, just be out in the world.

But man. I think that's a really good point because I'm on the road right now, and I just really am so thankful for the days that I can get out and take a walk, take a hike, go tread water, whatever it is, but not forget that being in close, in the middle of nature, it's so grounding and inspiring and life affirming. That's how I feel as I just walk through unbelievable beauty. Because when you're on that walk and you think about all these losers that are saying mean things and negative stuff that, I guess, calling them losers is mean as well. But you know what I'm saying? Fine, be home and do that. But guess what? I'm out on the most beautiful hike right now, and that has nothing to do with me. I think it's really good to remember that. But it is hard to avoid the internet because it's everything. It's a big part of everything. It's everything everywhere all at once.

Yes, it is.

And the vitriol. Well, I think it's done a couple of things. It's put people in bubbles. You're interacting and hearing the opinions of people that think like you. You're not getting information across the board in the way that you used to get. It's dividing people. It's giving people a platform to be nasty in a very anonymous way.

And get rewarded for it. Rewarded for the meaner.

They are. Yeah, you get a lot of attention for it. For whatever reason, people seem unhappy these days. That's a pandemic in itself, or epidemic, whatever the word is, of people just not feeling good about themselves. When you don't feel good about yourself, you project that on the other people. Sometimes we think what we're seeing on the internet and the and the vial and all that stuff in the media and the internet is how the world is right now. And that's certainly the case in certain areas. But I go on tour and then I meet all these lovely, amazing people in all these cities who are happy and polite and kind. So it is out there. Those people are out there. But I think we have to work extra hard to try to spread more positive stuff and shine lights on the kinder things in life and more positive things in life.

I know. I try to follow some of those good news websites and things because otherwise you're inundated with the worst parts of humanity and existential threat and things like that. And maybe it's a slightly self-fulfilling prophecy because you're looking at all that stuff and then you go out in the world and you're like, Oh, these people suck. I've seen what they're like. But actually, people are, deep down, I hope good. But that is why zombies scare me the most, is because - Zombs. Zombs, I'm so sorry. Zombs. Yeah, to me, they're a representation of just like a pure animal rage that is inside some people. Yeah.

Go outside, hug a tree, smell a tree. I do that. My friend and I were talking this morning. Trees are antidepressants.

Totally. But also don't forget the importance of teaching kids empathy. The lack of empathy is what we're seeing. I think that's what's happening and making discourse so negative. It's because no one's empathetic to each other anymore. I would encourage people to also teach the importance of empathy to the ones coming up that are going to be running things. But let me just say one thing that was cool to hear with Jamie Lee Curtis, for her to talk about her mama, her mom in a way that's very… To her, that was her mom. This is her mom. But to us, we're like, Her mom was Janet Lee.

Right, of course.

Who starred in Psycho. Again, another one of these infamous, famous.

Scary movies. It's funny that she was an actor, but she would have been so shocked to see Jamie playing that character. I guess it was different times. It was a real glamor time and that character.

But it's so interesting when you hear someone talk about... I'm just talking about my mom, but you're like, Oh, that's an icon as well.

Or my husband, Christopher Getz. What an icon to me.

I know, Christopher Getz. You're talking about costumes. Yeah, any way you look at it, it blows your mind. Christopher Guess is Jamie's husband, and his movies are like.

I.

Die for his movie.

I think I know.

Every word. I can quote Best in Show. God, what a legend in the comedy world.

And the horror world.

Yes, man. Did you know Halloween was made for a budget of $300,000 only, and it made 47 million in the box office?

Mayfax. Mayfax. My fact.

That was back in… When did Halleigh come out?

'70s? '70s, yeah, right?

That would have been a lot more money back then. That's a.

Fortune trip. Fortune trip.

There's nohave no specific information other than that was a lot more money back then.

Well, thank you so much, Jamie Lee Curtis. Oh, my God, what an honor.

Well, we certainly appreciate you guys tuning in to our episode this week of Handsome. If you're enjoying the pod, please share with your friends when you're going to that dinner party. Angela's like, Has anybody got any recommendations? Because there's always that one person that really needs.

Some recommendations. And she's always named Angela.

Always named Angela. And you're like, Angela, boy, are you in luck.

Send her your favorite episode. Be like, Oh, my gosh, you got to hear this one.

May had told us recently about meeting people out in the wild.

Yeah, who've been listening.

Who listen to Handsome. That just happened to me the other day that someone was like, I love Handsome, and it's so cool to hear. So yeah, keep telling your friends. Share it with your boss if you want some cool points.

Yeah, you want.

To raise? You look handsome. I mean, maybe don't say that.

Yeah, spread the word. Make sure you like and subscribe. Subscribing really helps us. If you do that on wherever you get your podcast, give us a rating.

Five.

Star. Five star. Five star. And also, let us know what terrifies you. I want to know what everyone's answer is to that.

Check out all of our social media accounts and let us know what terrifies our handsome listeners.

And also, feel free to dress as any of us for Halloween.

Or even Mr. Thomas.

I'm pleased to send us the pictures.

Please. Or also pictures of you as a kid dressed up in ridiculous things. That would be great.

Elf.

Absolutely.

Elf. All right. Well, we did it again.

We did it again.

Some.

People might be dressing as Brittany Spears. Which Brittany? There have been how many parties where people dress as.

Different- The handsome Brittany. Let's do the handsome Brittany this year.

Fortune, do you have any things coming up you want to promote?

Do I ever? I am on my stand-up tour coming to Evansville, Indiana, Dayton, Ohio, and Charleston, West Virginia, the first weekend in November. Then after Thanksgiving, Grand Rapids and Royal Oak, Michigan, Kansas City, Missouri, Louisville, Kentucky, St. Petersburg, Orlando, Jacksonville, and West Palm Beach, Florida. Then big shows coming up in the new year in Chicago, DC, New York City, and a bunch more being added. Go to fortunefemester. Com for tickets.

I have little shows popping up. I definitely am back at Largo twice in December and with some really special guests. So check out the Largo website. But in general, yeah, November, I'm just back in the writer's room. So if you're feeling like you want to see me, you can always check out Feel Good on Netflix. That's my sitcom. It's not really a sitcom. It's pretty sad, but it's a TV show or stream my special SAP on Netflix as well.

I am going to be recording my next stand-up special in Brooklyn, November fourth.

Thanks for listening.

And as always... Sheep it, Hanson. Sheep it, Hanson.

We'll never say that at the same time. Okay. Handsome is hosted by me, Fortune Feimster, Tygna Tarot and May Martin. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomasoulet. Email us at Hansonpod@gmail. Com, and follow us on social media @hansomepod. Com.