What's up, Montreal? How are you guys? Yeah, oh, man, thank you. Thank you. It's been a big year for me, you guys. Major, major announcement I want to share with you guys here. I got married. I recently got married right here. Boom. Sorry, fellas. She put a ring on it. One ring to rule them all, to be exact. It's kind of like a reverse Lord of the Rings situation where I got a ring and then lost half my powers, which is a very different movie.

Sam and Frodo would have argued as much like compromised listening no more now. So I have one of these now and I had an Indian wedding and it was arguably the most expensive way to tell the rest of the world I'm going to try to be monogamous.

Facebook status updates three ninety nine. I don't know why we're still doing weddings, but I had an Indian wedding and I did it for my wife and I did it for my white friends because I don't know if you guys know this white people whenever you guys go to anything remotely ethnic. You guys act like you're on Molly, holy shit, all my white friends at my wedding, we're just like, oh oh oh, all the colors. Oh. What is this, is this kuman you're eating rice, Chris, fucking relax.

Now, I don't know if you guys can tell by looking at me, my parents are immigrants and. Because my parents are immigrants, I realized something. Do you know immigrants really love? They love secrets they love, like they love bottling them deep down inside of themselves and then unleashing them on you 30 years later when it's no longer relevant. So you'll be sitting there like, what, moms and dads are communists. Why are you telling me this right now?

Like, I feel like every conversation with my father is like an M. Night Shyamalan movie where it's just 90 minutes of build up to no payoff. It's like I'm supporting you because we're brown, but I don't deserve this, I deserve better. So my dad tells me the story because I was getting married about how he got married. So 30 years ago in the small town in India called Uyghur population nine hundred ninety thousand. That's a small town in India.

He insists the small town, he's like, it's a small town. I'm like, you lived in Dallas, you grew up in Dallas, that it's pretty big town, this tiny town called L.A.. My dad heard a lot of buzz in the streets about this girl named Seema, my mom and you guys. Semo was that chick like she was the talk of L.A. like. She was like the iPhone six of all are people like, oh, my God, have you heard of C.M.A.

She's very slim and slender. Her family owns a camera. What a camera. I don't believe this. Right. So my dad just beelines down to my grandfather's house and lays it on the line. He's like, What's up? I'm Najimy. I'm a chemist. I'm going to America. I want to marry CEMA Jollof Bam. In ten minutes. He married a woman. He had never laid eyes on you guys to understand what I'm saying. That's Tinder with no photos.

Do you get it. It's just like questionmark. I want that good personality. Let's hope so. Bam nöjd me Mary cema they come over to the United States. I come out of my dad's balls, I'm here on stage telling you guys jokes about them. That's crazy. That's Inception immigrant style. Is anyone here, first generation, I see a lot of beig in the room and anyone here for a generation. Yeah. Where are you from doing?

Right there. India, do you ever go back, don't you feel when you go back, don't you feel like the rapper that made it? Like, when I show up, I'm like, yo, this is how you guys are living, what you're doing, Hassans here, everybody eats, son, everybody eats. Yeah, comparisons on me fam gushers on me. Fanfan, roll up for me. You're welcome. Like they're losing their mind over stale Oreos.

They're like, oh my God, Husan, it's one cookie, but now it's two. I'm like, I'm not even going to give you a thin mint. You will shit your pants if I give you a Asamoah, you can't handle the sun. This purple box changes everything. Strap in, you will lose your mind. I call my cousin Sergel, right? He lives in Aligarh, I call him up, I call your child. The prodigal son returns.

You name it, I'll bring it to you. What do you want? He's like Hussan. Just bring me ashes. And I'm like, that's it. That's all you want. You could ask for an iPad Retin-A. You want Hershey's Hershey's as a bottom barrel chocolate sale. I mean, they just added almonds and stopped. Are you kidding me? Hershey's we have a black president and Twix now give a shit Hershey's. I do. Hershey's is the Flavor Flav of chocolate.

Just dark and irrelevant. No one gives a shit about Hershey's. Yeah. Oh, shots fired. I don't care if you work for the Mars Corporation, step your game up. We've been to the mood, goddamnit, you got to step up your chocolate game. Long story short. I gave my cousin Sal a Snickers bar. And he's in an insane asylum right now. What is this, Hussen, it's Newgate, what the fuck? Those were his last words, No.

18 exclamation points. My name is the Simonize Montreal. Thank you guys so much. Good night.