Hi. I lived in Cambridge for a year, but I did live in Oxford for three. And so when it comes to force today, I always find it slightly more difficult, I think. OK, well, I did love Cambridge, but I do love Oxford.

So I've come up with a fairly good solution, I feel.

Is the kebab shops all right there with me in Cambridge, you get some fabulous ones. You've got gardenias, which does the biggest kebab you could eat. If you eat it the whole lot, you can you can get it free for a week. Amazing. You have boardroom's in the county road, another one in Cambridge. You have the trailer of life. And I think you guys have Kabab kid. So well, today I'm going to favor Kabab Kaito boardroom's as it would be awful to give anything Cambridge being here.

I see.

And now I'm going to tell a story. I feel we're going to start here. Have you ever been on a night out recently, OK? Have you ever sat there in a lecture hall at four p.m. on a Tuesday and gone? We worked hard all of Monday. We deserve a night out. So you choose your perhaps sluttiest male friends and go, OK, there, a bit of a naughty mix, a bit loose.

You know, they'll be up for it. So you pass a note down the lectures and they go, I'll be out, OK?

So you have your wingman. So this is us, OK?

And we walk along and we we say we'll meet six six in in college halls. And so and you and you go to your college and you find your friend and they come and you shove them off with some, some warm beer, some warm beer. You found that, you know, there's many fridges we have you know, there's many fridges that work very well. So you have a warm beer.

I generally spend about an hour and a half to get ready. Seems like an awful lot of time saying out loud, but it is.

I make my hair look exactly like Joey Essex as much as I can, and I do wear fake tan. And so I try and get ready as well as I can. Anyway, further on you decide, you decide, you decide to go down to the final drinks down, say the cheapest drinks you could possibly get down in the union.

And so you go down to the union and you get all of a Yacob on someone and say, you have one cheeky one, the vodka soda and you have another one.

You get a little bit drunk. OK, all right then you go. OK, let's go to camera. I here, that's the Tuesday night hot spot and say you got a camera and you go there and you get the barman. OK, what have you got any offers. And they go yeah brilliant. We've got a five, five vagabonds for a tenner, five Jager bombs for ten. We'll have two rounds.

We'll have to sit there drinking away, having a lovely time. And if they're suddenly out of nowhere, the Baywatch theme tune comes on. I mean, student wide, world wide, world wide. No one can resist a little David Hasselhoff flick. So you whiz onto the dance floor having a wonderful time jogging away. And and suddenly you see all these beautiful people. You go, is there any way of getting with one of them? Is anywhere getting well?

What do we do? Let's discuss this in the loo.

So you run to the loo. Most importantly, you run to the loo. All right. Where's the gentleman in the loo who provides you with for £1 what he says.

A splash for Gache or Almani for Kanani seems like quite a good deal, really, so you you give him the pounds and then you do your own good, your moment, because you've had 10 Yagur bombs by now. So you do a little selfie with your new best friend.

You then decide it's a great idea to go back and suddenly this woman comes up to you to put the best investment of my life.

You you're brilliant.

So she comes out, she goes, Hi, I'm Candy. Hi, Dennis. Nice to meet you. And that kind of goes I've seen you in Starbucks. I work there. And I think you're quite nice. Oh, that's amazing.

This kid is really gone. OK, so she goes, I know this sounds really stupid.

It sounds really stupid, but what are you doing later? Whatever you were doing. Really?

Because, well, I'm thinking about going for a kebab. I know what kebab shop and you go boardroom's and he's got boardroom's.

I'm going to boardroom's. Well, look at that. How wonderful. And you go great that we are skipping down the county road, having the most wonderful time. And she goes, you know, oh of course I know. Ray only works in boardroom's. Yes, of course he does. Anyway, she knows him slightly better. As we walk in, she gets hugs.

You get free fucking chips or I don't get free chips. Right. Well, I met once, by the way, and you kind of shake his hand and go, hello?

And he doesn't know who you are because he sees a thousand people of dates and the pretty girls, if he gives free chips to a pony and he was to have a conversation, she has extra mayonnaise and she she gets on her neck. And now you laugh over that and you spend an hour having the most wonderful chat and you really do.

You are on form, you know, one of those days you are on form.

Well, well, that was one of those days. You really are happy anyway.

So she goes, she goes, OK, wait, what are you doing later?

And you go, whoa. All right, well, I'm going back to my college. She goes, Oh, OK. Well, have you ever been to a college? She no.

Would you like to go. She goes, Oh, would I ever. Yes, you get fantastic. So now we are skipping along because you have after nine o'clock, I think you have to be quite careful with visitors. So you have to tuck under the under the security card bit and suddenly you get to your room. You can't be open.

It's awkward, your own good for no good form.

And you palm her off with with a Malibu Tasco alternative, you know, the Malibu that you have that no one ever drinks at the house party. You just kind of give it to someone. They can leave on the side and use an ashtray and have a cigarette. And she goes, Do you mind if I just go and freshen up?

You can, of course.

Anyway, you sit in your stuff doing your stuff immediately, so. Hello. And she comes out and comes up to you and gives you the most enormous snog, not, you know what that's like amazing, the most amazing snog. To tell you what, we have the best 30 seconds of my life.

And we waited 10 minutes and did it again. And I woke up in the morning. And I looked in the mirror. And from where I spent an hour trying to look like David Gandhi or or Joe ESX, I saw this. And I thought. I'm not one of those six blokes, I'm not one of the guys we see on the Daily Mail online the whole time being papped in Dubai, being like, oh yeah, I'm the most untuned guy and I don't mind that at all.

But I thought it was like, well, why did this beautiful Amy Willetton look like she wants to be with me? My hair was disarray. I had yagan my strong, my chin. I smelled like a dirty kebab. And I thought, why is this? What it what was it, and it was that conversation. It was a wonderful conversation that we had, the amazing banter is on the best form I possibly could be. I'm pretty sure that's why and for all the guys out there that I always and I do the same, and you really hate the idea of going to a nightclub and trying to talk to a girl, if you talk to them with wit and if you make them laugh.

I guarantee you. You'll bring them back to his thank you.