Buckle up, everybody. This is about to be a hectic episode. It's the one that everyone's been waiting for. The year is coming to an end, and I thought, why not go over all of the T of 2023: drama, headlines, everything I have been staying silent on. We are going to go month by month, and I'm going to give you the full behind-the-scene scoop. I'm a little scared for what I'm about to say in this episode. I'm really hoping I don't create more problems from this. I'm definitely going to. Welcome back to another episode of Hot Mess with Alex Earle. First, a little New Year's celebration. I don't know if this is really going to work how I want it to. One, two, three, New Year's Eve tea. Yay. If my room wasn't messy enough, it's definitely going to be messy now. I'm nervous to even start this episode because we have so much to unpack here. I hope we even get it all out. Everything that you guys think I'm probably not going to talk about, we're going to be talking about today. This past year, I've said this a bunch, but basically, a year ago, my life changed.

We have gone on a lot of trips. I actually wrote down a list of all the places I've been this year just because I wanted to see. Okay, this is all the places we've been in 2023: LA, Dubai, Wyoming, Scottsdale, New York, New Orleans, Houston, Nashville,turks and Cacos, Abisa, Postitano, Mecanos, Santarini, Hamptons, Chicago, Bahamas, Paris, London, Germany, Las Vegas, Jersey, Miami. We've been a hot mess in every single one of them. I'm so grateful for everything that has happened this year. I can't even begin to explain. My dreams beyond my dreams have come true. And with that has come a lot of stories, a lot of speculations. And everyone's told me it's better to just stay silent, shut your mouth, not say anything. And that's what I've done. All year, I have been quiet as a mouse. I have not spoke on anything. And I figured let's go into 2024 with a fresh, clean slate. I'm going to get everything off my chest because as many good things have happened this year, there's been some stuff going on behind the scenes that you guys haven't really heard about, or at least haven't heard about from my perspective.

This is going to be a fun one. Earle Girls, buckle up. We have a drama, tea-filled episode coming up. I think we just have to get right into it. I think we just have to start. I'm really like, Oh, God, I've been procrastinating this all day. Okay, here we go. I'm going to take you back to a year ago, last December 2022, we are introducing a new character to The Hot Mess Plot Line, and his name is Baseball Boy. Okay, we have NFL Man, but you guys, I haven't really talked about Baseball Boy, or have talked about him, but we haven't given him a name yet. While I started to gain a following on social media, I was in another relationship, and this relationship only lasted about three months because it went downhill just super, super fast. I mean, it was good. Then, I mean, wheels off the train, total mess. We ended up breaking up in beginning of December of last year. But it wasn't really a clean breakup. We were going back and forth for a while. The reason I want to bring this up is this time last year in December, Baseball Boy and I had just broken up, and I never really talked about it online before.

At this time, people started to get a hint that we weren't together. He wasn't really at my birthday party. I was like, You know what? I'm just going to go on live like I normally do. Of course, everyone on this live stream is asking me like, Did you and baseball boy break up? Did you and baseball boy break up? I was like, Yeah, we broke up. I just start shit-talking the relationship. Basically, I'm like, Yeah, he wouldn't post me. He turned evil. It was this whole mess. The moment that I got off that live stream, my life had flashed before my eyes because all I see is screen recording after screen recording of me on this live stream talking shit about Baseball Boy saying that we had just broken up, announcing it for the first time. I had around a million or two million followers at this time, and I got those followers within the span of a month. I didn't really know what that meant or how many people were actually listening to what I had to say. That's something I still deal with. It's almost imposter syndrome sense because I'm like, There's just no way that many people actually care to hear what I say.

Maybe they don't, but they cared when it was about the drama and the breakup. I saw maybe 50 or or 30 screen recordings of this live stream on my TikTok. I'm scrolling one after the other. I don't even know. I feel like I felt all the blood drain from my face. This was probably the first time I hadn't posted for two days. I went into hiding, into shelter. I'm calling all my friends. I had no idea that people would ever screen record a live stream that I was doing. I start balling my eyes out. I'm hiding in my bed. I've locked my door. I'm calling my friends. I was commenting on every TikTok like, Please take this down. Please delete this, because I was just so embarrassed that this information had gotten out in a way that I felt like I was just casually talking to my friends on FaceTime. I would go on live streams all the time because I don't know, I love them. I like interacting with everyone in the audience. I was like, Shit, what did I just do? Not only is it all over TikTok, but the press starts to pick it up.

And Christmas morning, they literally announced on ESPN, they're like, The only thing bigger than Santa Claus this week is Alex Earle. Did you hear she broke up with her boyfriend? Everything was saying Alex Earle breaks up with her boyfriend because he would not post her on Instagram. I was so embarrassed because that wasn't even the reason that we broke up. We'll get to that in a minute. But that's been the narrative. Ever since then, I was like, I don't even want to speak on it anymore. I don't want to see this ever again. I shut my mouth. I just wanted it to go away so badly. That was definitely my first taste of like, Oh, shit. What I say can be picked up and actually has meaning. I can't just speak as freely as maybe I did anymore because now people seem to care. Oh, God, it was not good at all. I was really down bad. There's no way to describe, I don't think, the first time where you are seeing yourself on social media in a way that people are talking about you. We do it all the time, right? We see something about Celina Gomez and everyone's talking about it.

But it's such a weird feeling to be on the other end of that when everyone's talking about you as if you can't see it, or it's just like you're now in this position where people are allowed to have an opinion about anything you're doing. And being on the other end of that is so weird and people picking apart. Literally, every single thing you say, everything you're doing. I was not okay. I was mentally spiraling. I was like, You know what? Actually, this is not for me. I don't want to do this. I then went to my doctor who prescribes me my anxiety medicine that week because it was literally Christmas week. And I was like, You need to get me in. I need to up my dosage. This is not okay. I went in feeling so ill and sick from what I had said on this live stream. And honestly, it wasn't even that bad. I could have said a lot more honestly about baseball boy because he was actually the worst. But I just felt so guilty and just weird. And I've never seen people talk about me in this way. And it was stressing me out.

And no one was even saying anything bad about me. That's the crazy part. They were just talking about me. And I was in this mental breakdown because it was just a weird concept for me. So I go, I'm talking to the doctor, I'm telling my friends. I'm like, This is horrible. So I'm going to give you guys the real reason why Baseball Boy and I did not work out. There's a ton of reasons. I don't even know where to begin, but it was such a toxic relationship, which is why I got to the point where I was like, Oh, he didn't post me. We broke up. That was just one of the things we would fight about. We only dated for three months, so it really didn't get too serious. Everything that I did, he shit on. He did not support me at all, especially when it came to social media stuff. So the fact that NFL Man now supports me and, I don't know, lets me edit a video on my phone without screaming at me is pretty nice to see. So when I had started dating baseball boy, I was fresh out of my junior year of college.

This MLB player hits me up. I'm like, Oh, my God, this is so cool. We start hanging out and talking. And mind you, this was in my acne era, very, very bad, where I was so low when it came to my self-esteem, my self-confidence. So the fact that someone liked me, let alone the fact that I thought he was really cool in my eyes, I don't know. I was just like, Oh, my God. Perfect. I saw nothing wrong in the beginning. All the red flags just went right out the window for Big Al. I had my blinders on. I did not see anything wrong. We would go out to lunch and someone would ask him for a picture. I thought that was the coolest thing ever. I'd never seen that in my life. I was like, Wow, what is going on right now? He is famous. Yeah. Eventually, we started dating, and he was really nice at first, I will say. Then we started dating. At the same time, I started to gain a following on social media. For some reason, that just sent him spiraling. That was just not okay for him. He would literally be so toxic to the point where I would come over to hang out with him, and he would say, Oh, we're not going to talk tonight.

No talking. I talked too much today. I was like, What? We would literally sit there in silence. I was like, This is so abnormal. Not okay. I would pick up my phone to take a picture. He would scream at me. I was like, Literally, what is going on? I am someone who does not stand for that. That's really why we only dated for three months. He would like every single bikini photo, laundry photo of an Instagram model. I was like, Hey, you know what? That just bothers me. I don't know. It's just weird. Weird like, Can you respect me at all? Boundaries. I'm not really okay with that. He did not care. He told me that it made him feel better. I was like, Something is just not lining up with this. He also would never come hang out with my friends. I was living in my college house at the time, and he would drop me off or pick me up to come hang out. I was like, Okay, I'm not ready yet. Can you come in and say hi? He would literally not come in to say hi to my friends. He was like, No, I'm not going in there.

That's not happening. I don't know. It was so toxic and not good, and that's okay. We love a little toxic relationship, but it wasn't lasting for me. I was like, This is not in the cards going forward. And what really happened with the problem of him not posting me was actually not the fact that he wouldn't post me because we had only been dating for three months. I would not expect anyone to post me on their Instagram at that point. That is so soon to do that. But the problem was that he would lie straight to my face about his reasoning, and that's what bothered me. He would literally say people my age, to put in context, he was 28 and I was 21, he would say, People my age don't post their significant others on their Instagram. That's not what we do. You're young, so you don't get it. Trying to gaslight me. I'm not stupid. Do you think I'm an idiot? I don't know. It just was not good, not healthy. Baseball boy also showed up last year on my birthday, which obviously you just saw my birthday is my favorite day of the year, showed up to my house on my birthday, empty handed, like, All I wanted was just a card or something.

We had been fighting at this time, so I wasn't really expecting the most luxurious gift ever. I'd just like anything to recognize it's my birthday. Pick a flower from the sidewalk and give it to me. I would be happy. He showed up empty handed. I had someone at our house at the time who was decorating balloons on the wall, and she saw the look on my face. He walked in the door with nothing in his hand on my birthday, and I started balling my eyes out. I was so upset. Oh, my God, it was literally so awkward because it was me, baseball boy, and this girl hanging up the balloons who was witnessing this all go down. She was like, Oh, shit. That was not good. And this was the type of relationship that I would storm out of baseball boy's place with my clothes in hand. I had pajamas and some clothes at his house. I literally took everything. I was trudging down through the lobby of this building, balling my eyes out. I was like, Never speak to me again. It was just one of those. It was not going anywhere. It wasn't good, so we ended up breaking up.

And then I go online, I'm talking shit, and I felt so guilty and so bad about that. But now as I've taken a year off from talking about this subject, I've realized there is so many bad, horrible things that have gone down in that relationship that I'm like, You know what? Air it out, Alex. Let it go. Let it be. We're okay to touch on it now, but just wanted to say my piece with that. This will make sense going into the story that we're going to tell later in the episode. This was December. Now, we're moving into January of this year. Things are looking up for Alex. I'm like, What is going on? Insane opportunities. I decide I'm going to get married. This was a frat party that we had at University of Miami where a girl and a guy get fake married, obviously. But we went to extremes for this wedding. I had all my friends. We had all the bridesmaids, and it was so much fun. Was so funny because I think I still get tagged in headlines to this day. Alex got married or did Alex get a divorce? That was just a fraught wedding.

Fun little wedding. What also happened in January was I went on the infamous Tart, Dubai trip. If you don't know, Tart Cosmetics did a big influencer trip, which was to Dubai. It was the most luxurious, insane trip ever that it broke the media. I had brought my mom on this trip with me. This was my first real big influencer trip. I was like, What is an influencer trip? I don't really understand. They flew us out in the fancy seats on the big plane all the way to Dubai. Incuse put us up in the nicest room, gifting all around the room. My mom was like, What is going on? I was like, What is going on? This is now taking the media by storm because everyone is up in arms about what is going on on this trip. I think the reason that this trip got a lot of backlash was one, it was an insanely luxurious trip. Two, I don't think anyone had ever really seen an influencer trip before besides the YouTube days, because the time that TikTok popped off was COVID era. This was finally the first time that brands were allowed to do these trips since then.

It was insane. I just remember everyone talking about this trip. It was so cool. That was my first time meeting any other influencers, people in this space, people I followed online. I was like, What am I doing here? This is actually crazy right now. I'm so happy I got to bring my mom, though. It was a great trip, so I feel bad that they got a lot of backlash for it because it really was an amazing time. They had us up at the nicest resort. We're riding camels around. We were taking these dune buggies in the sand. I had never seen anything like this in my entire life. I was like, What is this world and what am I doing here? So around the same time that my life was just looking great, going upwards, I had to make a lot of changes and adjustments to the people I was hanging out with. My core friends have stayed my core friends forever, but there were some people on the outside that literally used to be so mean to me and then came back into my life or tried to come back into my life at this point or vice versa.

There was people that I was hanging around for a few months and were really nice to me. But now all of a sudden started to really use me, and I heard things they were saying behind my back. And next episode, we're going to get into friendship breakups and all of that. But it was just a weird realization for me that people didn't genuinely care about me. They really just cared about what I was or what my status was or what I was doing or what they could get from me. I had people messaging me on Instagram that there was a girl at a bar who was literally spilling all of my secrets, and it was someone I was hanging out with a lot, so had to make that cut out of my life. I don't know, this was just a big time of change for Big Al. I was like, What's really going on? I was a little lost in the sauce. I didn't know anything. As much as you think I would know about pop culture stuff, I literally know nothing. I don't know what a red carpet is. I'm like, What is going on?

Big Al takes a trip to LA. I'm in LA. I didn't know anyone there besides my ex-boyfriend, baseball boy. He offers to host me at his place. He's like, Hey, you can stay with me for the week while you're in L. A. I'm like, Perfect. That's fine. I'm going to stay with baseball boy. If there's one thing about a toxic relationship, it's like you're always just... You're finding your way back for a minute. I don't know. I knew I wasn't going to be with him anymore, but I would enjoy the free place to stay. Thank you, Baseball Boy. We stayed at his place. Now, I see on TikTok, people are posting up me and Baseball Boy hanging out in L. A. We got caught. It was honestly just funny at this point. He was telling me that he changed. I knew that he didn't. And whatever, we move on. We go back to Miami. We're now moving forward to the month of February 2023. This is where I meet NFL man. We're at a party in Miami. We've been over this story in-depth before, but I meet this guy. He's super cool, super nice, and flash forward two weeks, I get invited to go to the Super Bowl.

Now, Super Bowl weekend is the stem of this whole drama bubble, which we will just get into as the months go on of 2023. Kristen and I go to the Super Bowl. It's in Scottsdale. I've never been there before. I get invited to go to this party. This party, Drake's playing there. The person who invited me to their table was the same person that NFL Man and I are mutually friends with. I end up at this table at Drake's party, NFL Man's there. We're hanging out. We had a good night. We were drinking a lot, partying. It was a lot of fun. But after this night, nothing had really happened. Flash forward to the next day, I had followed NFL Man on Instagram at this point, and I wake up the next morning, and they were going to some golf thing. I went to see if they were posting any stories there. And all of a sudden, I see that NFL Man had removed me as a follower. From the stalking that I had done at this point, I saw that he had another girl on his Instagram. I was like, Okay, does he have a girlfriend?

I asked this right after the party that we met at, and everyone was like, No, they just broke up, blah, blah, blah. I was like, Okay, maybe he's back together with his ex because I don't know what's going on. But it honestly didn't matter. At this point, it's not like anything had happened between me and NFL man. I just met him and I was like, Oh, he's a cool guy. He's cute. So now it is the second day in Scottsdale Super Bowl weekend. I'm at another party. Naturally, I run into NFL Man. And I've had a few drinks. I'm having some confidence. I'm like, Okay, I saw that you removed me as a follower on Instagram. And at this point, we're nothing but friends. We've hung out and met him. I think he's cute, but nothing has happened between us. But I'm just like, What's going on? Why did you remove me as a follower? What a big al do to you. And basically, he tells me that he's not even going to the actual Super Bowl game tomorrow because he's flying to LA to go see his ex-girlfriend because she had gotten word or something that we were together at the Drake party.

I was really mad. And he was like, You know what? We never've never really had closure. We never really talked from when we broke up. I'm going to go see her. I dated her for two years. I owe it to her to go have a talk with her. I was like, Okay, that makes sense. I honestly was like, That's really cool that he told me that, and he's being honest with me, and he can admit that and doesn't have to go around some weird lie. I don't know. I think it was respectable to do. He left Super Bowl weekend to go talk to her. She was upset. I was like, Okay, good for you. We'll be continuing this story later on in the episode. Do you know who else was at Super Bowl weekend? It was baseball boy. At this point, we had just felt really bad for baseball boy because he was down bad. He really wanted to be back together. I was like, It is not happening. We are not getting back together. But he was there and we met up with him for some drinks. I have to know because we took drinks.

Someone came up to us and was like, Oh, my God, Alex, I love you. Let's get a shot together. It was literally me, Kristen, Baseball Boy, and the Earle Girls taking shots together. I was like, Oh, God, please, no one take a picture of me and him right now. We move on, we leave. We're done with the Super Bowl weekend. We're moving on from baseball, boy. We're back in Miami. Now, my friends and I took a trip to go to Mardi Gras. My sister goes to Tulane University, so we got dressed up. We had a great weekend there. I mean, Mardi Gras is so much fun, honestly. I want to go back this year. We had the best time ever. February was a great month. We're moving on to March now. March 2023, I cannot even believe what is happening. I had a photoshoot with Victoria's Secret. I was like, What is my life? What is going on? I don't understand what's happening to me right now. It is just dreams come true. Nfl Man eventually had asked me on a date this month. We went out. That was our helicopter date. Oh, my God.

March was a great month. Now, lo and behold, we thought we were done with baseball boy. Well, I was done with baseball boy, but he was not done with Big Al. He comes back swinging around full force. March, he calls me up. He's like, Hey, you know what? Big Al, I'm better. I've been going to therapy. I've been working on myself. I am completely fixed. I was like, There's just no way. Okay, you're telling me that you were literally screaming in my face two months ago when I literally said hi to you, and now you're better. I don't really believe you, baseball boy. I'm at Casa Amore, my college house, and a big cardboard box shows up. I open up this box and it is filled to the top with photos of me and baseball boy printed out. He must have gone to Walgreen, CVS, printed these out, and written on the back was a description of why baseball boy and I were good together and why we had a great memory during this time. First of all, this was hilarious to me because I was like, every single one of these photos, every single one of these, I can tell you that we were screaming, fighting this day.

I don't really think it was that great of a memory, but okay, we're moving on. Underneath the photos, he sends me a shirt of his, and it is sprayed in his cologne. Because baseball boys somehow thought that his shirt and his cologne was going to send me over the edge, and I was going to take him back after all the toxic stuff that was going on. I was like, No, literally, what is going on? But at this point, I felt bad because I was like, Okay, I feel bad. He's printing out these photos of us. I am so sorry. I don't know. I'm not getting back with you, but I felt really bad. I call a baseball boy. I say thank you for my box of photos and his shirt. I'm ever so grateful to receive this gift. I don't know what I did to deserve it. And he is telling me basically the same thing. He wants to be back together. He's changed. I'm like, You know what? I really don't think that you have. Because Big Al noticed something. Because I'm a stalker. Of course, I'm a stalker. What girl is not a stalker?

I literally stalk everything everyone. I know everything there is to know about literally everything. I stalk way too much. But I see that he is following new people on Instagram after we break up. Who does he follow after there's these speculations about me and NFL Man? Baseball boy follows NFL Man's ex. Not only does he follow her, he starts liking all of her Instagram photos. I'm sitting here and I'm like, Wait a minute. You're telling me that I'm hanging out with NFL Man, and now you're going to go and hang out with NFL Man's ex, or you're going to try to, or literally, what is going on? It's like, I need to get out of this love square. Literally get me out of here. He tells me that he DMed her asking if NFL Man and I were hanging out. I have no idea if that's true or not, or if he was just lying to me to make the liking the photos seem better. I was like, I don't know what's going on, but this was my sign. Baseball boy was officially kicked to the curb. No more communication. I was like, I cannot do this.

Clearly, we are still playing games here. I'm not going to be a part of this. And that was the end of Baseball Boy. Now, we're moving on to April. April was another amazing, insane month. I had got invited to go to Coachella, which was crazy because a brand was basically saying, I'll fly you here. You can take your friends. We're going to put you up at this nice house. The year before I went to Coachella, but I literally was spending so much money to go there. I was trying to do work for this one brand at the time. I was posting, I'm not even kidding, I think 40 posts a day for them just so they could give me close to where to go because they give me a ticket to Coachella. But I was staying on the floor of these other girls' hotel room. It was just like, I didn't care. I just wanted to go to Coachella. So the fact that I had got invited by a huge brand and I got to bring four of my friends, I brought my sister, I brought Kristen, and I brought my friend Sally and Bri, it was a dream to me.

I was like, Literally, again, I cannot believe this is my life, what's happening. We ended up having the best time at Coachella. Oh, my gosh. April was just such a fun time. This is now the first time that I had really been spotted out with NFL Man. I think we went out to lunch together and someone had posted on TikTok. Well, at the same time that this happened. I start reading all the comments because I was like, Okay, me and NFL Man are caught out together at lunch. That's fine. All the comments are calling me a home wrecker. I was like, Wait, what? It turns out that Braxton's ex had been posting on her story, even had a highlight up on her Instagram saying that basically she was cheated on by NFL Man with me and that blah, blah, blah. She's going through all these changes, whatever's happening. Basically, accusing me of being the homewrecker of her and NFL Man's relationship. Now, I was so down bad and sad about these comments because for personal reasons and stuff I've gone through, being called a home wrecker is probably the most triggering thing you could say to me.

I don't know, that, it just sent me... I was balling my eyes out. I was like, What is going on? I'm questioning an NFL man to no extent, because I was like, I don't understand. What's happening? How did this happen? How am I dragged into something like this? I was just not at a great place. Basically, the whole problem was that the ex-girlfriend was saying that NFL Man had cheated on her with me at the Super Bowl, specifically at this Drake party at the Super Bowl. My mind, that was so refreshing to me because I was like, okay, well, if that's what you're saying, I know that I didn't kiss him or do anything with him at that party at the Super Bowl. I think the most was we were talking and maybe dancing together. But I'm like, if you're going to say that I was making out with him, I know that I didn't do that. In my mind, it didn't really stress me out. And that's why I never really said anything. Also, not my relationship to comment on. I'm just like, This is not my place to say anything about this. Everyone grieves in their own ways.

A big owl is going to take a step back here because I don't want to be involved in any of this. I know I didn't do anything wrong, so I was like, Whatever. We're moving on to May now. We just graduated from college. Having the best time. I go on a three-week trip to Europe with my friends. Actually, the most insane thing ever, we went to Postatano, Mecanos, Santarini, Abiza. We had the trip of a lifetime. That was honestly the best trip I've ever been on. It was the most insane three weeks of my life. Nothing, I don't know. I would do anything to go back to that girl time, traveling the world with your best friends. That was so much fun. We just land in Poste Tano and we're getting back from Abisa. Everyone is so hungover. It is the middle of the night. We are trying to find this place that we booked in Posit Tano through Booking. Com. We're looking up this address and we're like, I don't think this address exists because one girl had flown earlier. She was walking around with her luggage. She was like, I'm literally in the middle of a field.

This place does not exist. We thought we got this insane house in Posit Tano. No, we did not. It just literally didn't exist. So we're at the airport, we were at the airport. We were stranded and we found some random hotel. We stayed there. And obviously, you know me because I post everything. I'm posting about this on my TikTok. Airbnb, their team had reached out and they were like, We got a place for you. We'll take care of you and your friends while you're in Posatano. And they hooked it up like you have never seen before. We were in the nicest house in Positano, and we were like, What are we doing here? What did we do to literally deserve this? All of our friends were like, We booked to this cheap place because no one wanted to spend more than $50 a night. I'm like, What are we doing in this actual mansion in Positano? So it was insane. I'm posting about it. And now all these headlines come out basically saying that it was a really good brand deal partnership and the whole thing was a stunt. And I'm just here to say that was not a stunt at all.

I would tell you guys if it was, but we actually were stranded in Positano. I just wanted to touch on that because I thought that was pretty crazy that that happened and that Airbnb came to the rescue like that, that was not premeditated, pre-planned at all. We're on this trip. We're having the time of our lives, like a girls trip. We love it. We come back, and now it's June 2023. I had just moved into this apartment with Kristen. I really didn't have any furniture at the time. We were just getting our grounds here. I still clearly don't think I have my grounds because it is a complete disaster in here. But we're back and everyone is moving out of their college places, moving back home or moving to a different city. I feel like this is when the postgrad started to hit me. It was just weird that I wasn't with all my friends anymore and we were all going to be living separately from each other. We still are really close and talk in a group chat every day. But this was a weird realization that I was like, Damn, college is over.

The real life has begun. Now that we were out of college and my life is just still changing by the day, I really wanted to focus on keeping the group of people and the group of friends I was hanging out with just really close to me, and I wanted to keep my circle small. I just was dealing with stuff behind the scenes with friends. The reason I'm not going to talk about this all right now is that I think start of the new year, and we're going to talk about whole friendship breakups. That's a whole episode in itself. But I had gone through really big friendship breakups, and that was really hard for me to do. I don't know. It's just like now that college is over, you're not seeing people just going to frat parties anymore. The people you're hanging out with are people you genuinely want to be supporting you and loving you and you want to do the same for them. June, we had to make some cuts, and that was super, super hard for me and still is hard for me and still processing some of that stuff. But we'll get into that next episode.

Things are going great with NFL Man at this point. I'm like, You know what? It's time for me to post him on my TikTok. What a lovely time. Summer's coming. We take this trip together to the Hamptons. We had the most amazing weekend there. I was like, I'm going to post him. I wasn't even posting his face, but obviously, people knew who it was because they've seen us out together. Here's where the shit started to stir. Nfl Man's ex comes out and basically starts talking her shit online, basically going along with this narrative that I was a home wrecker in their relationship, and I am one for... Listen, if you want to air your stuff out online, go for it. I clearly do that myself. But this was my first time where I feel like I had been pulled into this huge scandal. It's all over my TikTok, all the little gossip pages, all the press is picking this up. And basically, everyone's calling me a home wrecker. I have already been through this a million and one times with NFL Man because I was like, I will not be with you if this is what happened.

But I know that nothing happened because I know myself that I did not get with him this weekend at the Super Bowl. And I'm like, okay, well, then fine. Unless you were dating her in March, I don't know what to say, but I did not homewreck your relationship. She was going along with this narrative online. I'm thinking at this point, I feel bad because I think that she genuinely thinks that this is what happened. I was upset because it was like, At least reach out to me offline. This had become such a big issue online where she was posting stuff story after story, TikTok after TikTok, and then deleting stuff. I was just like, This feels so weird. Girl against girl. What's going on right now? If there's a problem, just message me offline. We'll figure it out. Or maybe she doesn't want to speak to me and figure it out. She probably hates me. But I'm just like, This is feeling very cryptic and weird. I wanted no part of it, and it really sent me into a bad place. As much as it wasn't true, I just was like, I don't like all this drama that's surrounding me, an NFL man.

I was just like, I don't need to be in a relationship. Maybe we just take a break for a little bit. I just couldn't deal with it all. And I hadn't said anything at this point. I was just silent because one, it's not my relationship to speak on. Two, it's just not my place. I never said anything. And we'll get to the point on why I'm speaking on it now. But I was just like, I don't want to deal with this. I don't like that this relationship is now bringing all this drama into my life. That is just not worth it for me. I don't know. It was getting in my head, and I was like, We need to take a break. So then I get this DM from Braxton's on Instagram. This had been in the news for a few weeks, and honestly, a little bit more than that. This had gone on for the past few months, her repeatedly posting stuff. I was just always uneasy that this was just all online. There had been no communication between us offline. I finally get a DM on Instagram from her. She basically is saying, Sorry, blah, blah, blah, that this is all online.

I'm like, It's okay. In my head, I'm reading this. I'm like, Okay, well, clearly we've been doing this for months, so I don't know how this wasn't purposeful. She's saying stuff about the Super Bowl and that she knew what happened and whatever, whatever. I say back because I'm like, This just isn't true. This isn't what happened. I said, Appreciate you reaching out. It's been hard on me being blamed for something I didn't do. I hope we can all just move on. That's all I said because I was just like, I don't know. Do we need to have a conversation about this? I didn't do anything, so I don't know what to do. I was asking my mom. I was like, What do I send back? I feel bad, but I don't know what to do. I have to stand up for myself. I'm not going to say sorry for something I didn't do. This will be important in August. We're getting back to this, or in September, maybe. But basically, she didn't answer that. She just liked it, and we moved on. Now it's July. Live, love, July. Having a fun summer with my friends in the Hamptons.

We had a house together, a big girls' house, and we were just having the time of our lives. I had never really been to the Hamptons before, so I was experiencing all of that, and it was a lot of fun there. This month was the first month I think I really realized that people were watching me when I was out, and that was a very weird concept for me to grasp. Can you imagine going out with your friends every night and everything you do is being watched at all points? I literally started to notice someone look around and you just see cameras everywhere, and I'm like, Well, damn. I cannot be trusted with this. I'm out having drinks with my friends. This is scary. Not that anything is wrong, but I don't know. That was definitely a weird concept for me to grasp, and I think a weird concept for anyone. And that was the first moment where I had a big realization and learning lesson with that. And this is where I really, really just loved the friends that I was around and was breaking down crying to them. And I was like, I don't think you guys understand how much you guys mean to me.

My friends that have been with me for years have my back with everything. I was like, I don't care about anything going on. All I care about is my friends and the people who actually, truly appreciate me and have been there for me and are supportive of me. That's where I just was like, You know what? My circle of my friends is really going to be the people around me that I can trust and that I rely on and that I love. Anyone else on the outside, we don't have time for because nothing means more to me than my friends. At this time, I knew I was planning all of this, but I knew it was going to start Hot Mess the next month, which is so exciting. I was like, I'm coming out with this podcast. What am I going to do post-grad? What am I going to do? Am I going to start a brand? Nothing felt right to me in that moment because there was a lot of really great opportunities, but I wanted to do something that I genuinely cared about and that meant a lot to me. I didn't want to just take an opportunity for money or for whatever reason.

I was like, I want to do something that I care about. Of course, I have plans and dreams and hopes of starting my own brand one day. But to me, a podcast felt like I could have you guys get to know me better and get to know me in a different way than you maybe would know me online or through my TikToks. As much as people know about me, I was like, There's so much more they don't know about me and so much more I want to say. This was at the point where I had been keeping everything into myself. All of this stuff that's happened in the past year, I haven't really spoken on all of the drama. I have just kept quiet because I was like, You know what? This doesn't feel right for me. A podcast, I feel like you have the platform to be able to let it out and fully explain yourself. It just felt like the right next move for me and something that was really exciting for me. I started working with Unwell and we were planning out Hot Mess and how it's going to go. Then the beginning of August, I'm back in Miami.

We had recorded my first episode, and we also recorded an episode for Call Her Daddy. That was so much fun and also just such a huge goal of mine. I don't think you guys understand, in January of this past year, I wrote down that my dream podcast to go on would be Call Her Daddy. I was such a fan for so many years, but I didn't think that would ever really happen for me. The fact that one, I was going on Call Her Daddy, and two, starting a podcast under the Unwell Network, which is Alex's. I just was like, This is such a dream come true. I was so excited about this. The day that this Call Her Daddy episode that we had recorded, something else aired online as well. It was another podcast. It was Braxton's ex going online again and basically talking shit about him and basically alluding that he had cheated on her with me. At this point, I was so fed up. This was my big day. I knew that this was pre-calculated because it was announced that I was going on Call Her Daddy, and it was coming out this day.

There's just no way that in all the days of the year, it's a coincidence that his ex comes out on a podcast at the same time talking about us. I woke up this day like, This is going to be the best day of the year. My dreams are coming true. I've always wanted to be on this podcast. I see that basically another huge story has come out online where she is just like, alluding to this lie. I just wanted to scream and put my head through the wall and punch someone. I don't think you guys understand the amount of self-control it took. I was like, Oh, my God. I just want to say something right now. I literally want to go online and just start shit talking. But I didn't. I kept quiet because I was like, You know what? It's not worth it. I kept quiet. I was like, You know what? It's just better to take the mature route. Look at me now. Here we are, keeping quiet over here. And I was just so beyond frustrated with this. But I was like, At least now, whatever, I have a podcast at this point where I can touch on this at some point.

I can get this off my chest. We are just going to let it go, because I don't think it's ever good to act off of emotion in the moment online, especially because going back to December of last year when I was talking shit about baseball boy online, I was clearly acting off of fresh breakup emotions. And I regretted it so, so, so, so, so, so much and was so embarrassed after it. So I was like, I'm not going to do that again. And in this podcast episode, NFL Man's ex basically says, you know what? He was shitty, whatever, said a lot of things about him that is not the same guy that I know, so I don't know. So I don't know, maybe he was shitty to her. I can't speak on that. I don't know. He tells me it's a lie, but what am I supposed to say? Honestly, sometimes I believe the girls. And I hear her talk about that he had cheated on her with me, and that she DMed me and that we agreed to just move on from it. When I heard this, I actually, I don't think you guys understand, almost broke my phone in half because it was like, No, that is not what happened.

No, you did not DM me. I said, Okay, so sorry. Let's move on. I clearly said, No, that did not happen. Here you go again, just like, trying to say this online when it's like, I'm telling you this didn't happen. At least give me the respect of having a conversation with me about it. Because for so many months, I truly thought that she maybe thought in her head that that was true and wasn't just going online to say this online for attention or whatever. I thought if she had asked me and I had said that, maybe the conversation would have sparked from it. I have to stick up for myself at some point. I'm just not going to go with this narrative and say like, Okay, whatever. I don't care. It was getting a little messy. Now, Hot Mess has launched. I was a little bit more at ease because I was like, I have a platform now to speak on something if I choose to speak on it. I really didn't think I was ever going to speak on it. But when I was trying to plan out this episode of just talking about the past year, I was just like, It would just be wrong of me to not touch on this and to not at least say the truth of what happened.

I don't know. You're just going to drag my reputation online. Calling someone a home wrecker is not a light thing to call them. I don't think that's something that should ever be taken lightly. For you to say that is just so disheartening and upsetting. I thought I could make it through without saying anything ever, but here we are. I wanted to get that off my chest, whatever. I don't really think we've dealt with anything since then. Hopefully, that's all right, because that was pretty hard for me, and that was not a fun one. But we're moving on. September, Hot Mess is launching. October comes, and we're having so much fun. I got possess on Halloween. Oh, God. So basically, I talked about on Hot Mess, if you listen to the Halloween episode, you know what I'm talking about? I said that I peed my pants in the Madonna costume because I was going out. And, of course, the internet is like, She is a health hazard. What is this girl doing? No, I'm just a hot mess. We've all been there where we're a little drunk, or maybe we haven't been there, and I'm the only one.

But I couldn't pee in this body suit. It was zippered up 10 layers, so I just peed through it. I told everyone that I had got my period and there was red on the costume because I thought that's what happened. All of a sudden, I'm checking this costume from unpacking it when I get home to Miami, and I'm like, Wait a minute. That is not period blood on the costume. I'm going to go get it right now. So this is my Madonna costume that I wore on Halloween, and there was some red on it that I found in a video from Halloween Night that I was like, Oh, God. I got my period on the costume. And of course, I tell that on Hot Mess because we say it all on here. And I'm like, Whatever. The Earle Girls will get it. They'll be supportive of me. The other people who were not the Earle Girls, they were not supportive. They were like, She is a walking health hazard. This girl is just off the rockers, whatever. I'm looking at it. There's nothing on the inside of this costume at all. There's only some pink right here.

I'm like, Wait, I think I just somehow smeared a drink or smeared my lipstick on this because it's not a period. It's not period blood. I guess that was a lie, which I didn't even mean to tell because I really did think I got my period. Then the internet shit on me. Then I opened this up my costume when I got back to Miami and I was like, Wait a minute. It actually wasn't a health hazard because I actually didn't get my period. Sorry to everyone who wanted to call me gross and disgusting. What are you going to do now? What I've also been dealing with since not being in college anymore and going out and still having fun and posting it is a lot of people are calling me a drug addict and an alcoholic. That's the thing about posting online is like... Hello? Oh, I had an NFL man on my iPad. Still filming? Yeah, I'm still filming. Say hi. What's up, gang? I've been spilling a lot of tea on here. I was about to say how's it been going? I'm probably saying way more than I should. Bye. Call me after.

See you, babe. So where was I? If you post online, people are entitled to give their opinion, and that's something that I've had to learn this year. And you just have to go with the flow. People are going to talk shit. That's just it is what it is. But I will say it's funny that I never got these comments when I was going out like a feral rat six months ago because I was in college. But now that I'm out of college and going out way less than I was before, now everyone wants to call me an alcoholic and a drug addict because I'm not in college anymore. Now I can't go out. Please stop. You know what? I'm okay. I'm fine. I'll always get comments, especially about drugs. I'm like, I don't think you guys understand. I went out this weekend with Kristen. We went out to John Summit's concert. We were there from... His set was 4:00 to 7:00 AM. I'm like, We're not on any drugs, actually. We're having some tequila and an energy drink, and we're having a good time. We love that type of music and love dancing. If there's music and I can dance and sing, I will be out all night.

I'm sorry that I'm a fun time. What do you want from me? I don't know what to say. I was thinking about literally going to get a drug test in one of these episodes. I'm like, Maybe we'll have to do a field trip drug test because no one seems to believe me over here. But I'm like, I think if there was a problem, we would know and I would not be getting any work done. I think it'd be a little bit more apparent if there was a problem there. But that's been something fun that's also happened this year. It's crazy how much good has happened this year and then how much comes with it that goes on behind the scenes that I don't normally talk about. I hope that no one takes this as complaining about anything. I am so, so, so beyond grateful. And my life is a dream right now. I am loving it. But I just don't think I ever really talk about the behind the scenes of what goes on just because I don't want it to come off as complaining. I just think it's something I wanted to share for this episode and ending the year and talking about my life just because there is stuff that goes on behind the scenes and this is a show about my life.

And there's been a lot that's happened this year that I have stayed very quiet on and I haven't shared with you guys. That also just doesn't feel right to me. I think with progressing this next year and you guys getting to know me even better and what's going on, I think these things are important to note. Also note that this is all very new to me. I think some people expect me to know it all and do everything right, and that's just not the case at all. Half the time, I actually have no idea what's going on, or I don't know, magazine is doing interviews on me. I don't know what to say right now. I don't know what's the right thing to say, what the right thing to do is. This world is all completely new to me, and I am learning, taking it step by step, and I'm really trying to do the best I can. But sometimes we mess up a little bit. Now, November, I'm traveling. I think I went on nine trips in November. That was an insane month. I love, love, love traveling, and I'm so grateful I get to travel for work.

I love traveling. I've always written down in my journals when I was younger, I hope that I can have a job that allows me to travel. Boy, am I traveling? We're not sleeping much, but I am getting to see the world and it is really just so exciting. I'm so grateful for that. Now it's December. Birthday, 23 years old. We're leaving 2023 in the past. This was definitely the best year of my entire life. I don't think you guys understand. I can't even put into words what this year has meant to me. We are going to have a great 2024. We're going home for the holidays. I'm so excited to just be at home with my family. What are my 2023 goals? What are my New Year's resolutions? I think one thing is I really want to stick to therapy because I've only ghosted my therapist a little bit, but I need to make some more appointments. Therapy has been really helpful for me, and I just think it's good for self-improvement and working on yourself, especially when I'm sharing so much online. I think sometimes I need to talk through some issues before airing it out online, which is what I always try to do.

Another thing I was thinking for a New Year's resolution, I'm like, Should I do the 75 hard? I feel like there's really no way that I'll ever do that fully. Kristen and I tried to do the 75. No, it wasn't even the 75. It was the 45 Soft last year, and we held ourselves at Cannibal for maybe about two days. But I think the 75 hard, it's like, no alcohol, work out twice a day, drink a gallon of water, you're reading or journaling or something. It just seems really great. I'm like, maybe we should try doing that. You guys let me know what you think. I don't know. I think I could do it, though, but that would be really hard. Another goal I have for myself in 2024 is having a healthy relationship. I do have a healthy relationship right now, and I've been working on myself in relationships because I struggle sometimes to show and share emotion. I don't know, I have been in a lot of toxic relationships, and I think the toxic is fun, but I really do appreciate NFL man, and he is the best and is so respectful of me, and I'm trying to be my best self.

And something we've really been good at, which I want to keep up in the new year, is just talking. If there's ever an issue, I don't think we've ever had a fight about anything, but we talk through everything fully, even if there is just a little thing that's on my mind that usually I would just not bring up. We will have a conversation sit down, talk it through if something's bothering me in the tiniest bit or if it could bother me in the future. We just talk through everything. I think that is super helpful, not only in relationships, but also friendships. If there's an issue, sit down with the person and talk about it, and it will just be so much better. That's something that I have been working on that I want to keep up as well in the new year. The most important resolution of them all, keeping my friends close to me and just continuing to have a really good friend group because I think that is the core of literally everything for me. My friends ground me and I love them more than anything. I think this is just a reminder that you owe it to yourself to be around people that respect you and you owe it to yourself to be around good friends.

We will get into all of that next episode, which we are not airing an episode next week. So January fourth, we have an off week. We will be back January 11th. Next year, I'll see you guys in 2024. That is actually so crazy to say. But we're going to be talking about friendships and everything in that realm because I do think that it is really important for us to all have a clean slate in the new year. We're going to have good people around us. We're going to surround ourselves with happiness and love, and we're going to love everyone and love ourselves. Happiness and wow! Feels so good. We got that all off my chest. Here I am preaching happiness after we just... We were doing a little tea talking this episode, but I hope you guys take it in the right way. We had to air it out. It was the T of 2023. We're moving on. Now it can be in the past. We are done with it. That was my year. That was a crazy year and a crazy fun year. Love you, 2023. We're saying goodbye to you. We're welcoming the new year with open arms and love.

But we're always going to be a hot mess. That's not changing, for sure. New year, same hot mess. I love you guys. Little New Year's present for me. Subscribe, follow, show some love. You guys are truly the best. I am so excited to see you, not next week, but the week after that. Thanks for listening to another episode of Hot Mess. Bye.