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The road leads to here. Jk Ultra. It's coming to these North American cities. We got Denver, May 16th, Seattle, June eighth, Washington, DC, July 13th, Chicago, Illinois, September 14th. October 16th. We got Boston, Massachusetts, November second, right here in Los Angeles, California. Then on December seventh, we're going home to Brooklyn for a show at the King's Theater. Yeah, Brooklyn, baby.

It's time for you to laugh again and open your fucking eyes.

Yeah, at the same There's no place to escape to. This is the last podcast.

On the left. That's when the cannibalism started. What was that? Okay, you want to start? Yeah. I don't know. Are you ready to start? I've been ready. I'm already annoyed.

All right, Eddie, first of all, first lesson today, I'd like you to do. This is my middle finger.

Okay. Right now, I'm not telling you to go fuck yourself. Okay. It might look like it, but I'm not. That's the David Ike way to live, right? I want you to feel my middle finger.

Touch it. How does that feel? Solid? Soft.

But also, but solid.

Has it done a hard day working his life? I mean, it's a little mushy. But feel it. I feel it. But you feel like it's here in this room with you.

It is in the room, but it's not hard like a penis is hard. You're wrong.

It's very hard. This is as hard as my penis gets.

That's it? But I also feel wrong because we're not solid. We are perceivers. We are mushy. We are awareness. Yeah, I know we're mushy.

We are not objects.

We have no No solidity. We are boundless.

We forget this, and thus we entrap the totality of ourselves in a vicious circle from which we rarely emerge in our lifetime. Okay.

Don Mattingly. Thank God. Welcome to the last podcast on the left, ladies and gentlemen.

My name is Marcus Parks.

Here with the sports reference is Henry Zbrowski.

You know, we are...

There's a lot built up to this series. This is big.

This is a lot me to bring to the table. Look at what I have in my hands. His books. He has so many books in his hands. Of course, Ed Larson is here with us as well. The books that Henry has in his hands are, of course, authored by the one and only David Ike, the mastermind behind the reptilian conspiracy. More like David, yikes. Having fun today already. Wow. You say you're ready, huh? Yeah.

You've been keeping that in your pocket for what? 14 years? Yeah. I I always thought that if I went to Rikers Island on the bus, the worst thing you could do is as you're pulling up, you just be like, Looks like we're all headed to Yikers Island.

All right, I'm going to go sit in the back near the bathroom so I can smell the shit.

David Ike is a troubling subject in the fact that today, I have consumed up to now, up to today, I'm not exaggerating, 20 hours of David Ike material. Right to the way of solid just watching it, just watching it with my eyeballs. I am getting stupider. Yeah, you like it, though. No, I'm past that now.

I was liking it.

He likes the surface level. He likes the idea of it. But actually getting into it is a fucking slog. Trust me. I read Dianetics, all right?

I understood Dianetics.

I tried to read the Communist Manifesto, which was even more difficult to read because it's all fucking real.

But this shit is this is difficult. But you know what I did understand? I actually got a moment today where I understood David Ike a little bit closer because He begins all of his books with quotes. Every week, that's how he does. And all of his lectures and everything that he talks about, he always got quotes to prove everything.

And so what he says here is that, as you both, for first of all, be warned because ridicule is the tribute that mediocrity pays to genius.

First of all, when you guys make fun of me-Don't make fun of me.

Because I'm too smart. I'm too smart. By making fun of you, I make you a genius. Yes. Everyone who's ever been made fun of in the history of the world is a genius. That is what David Ike unlocks. That is the power that he unlocks. Who is that quote attributed to? Anonymous. Yeah, you never know. He read that shit on a fucking internet comment. There's, yes, definitely read that in a dove, like little square of chocolate when you open it up and it says stuff. But I understand that today because I was walking down the street carrying coffees for our staff. Which we appreciate it. Then I was coming down the street. Didn't offer me one.

No, you weren't here yet. I was here. I was at the coffee shop before you. Yeah, you were getting your salad.

Yeah, I got a salad. You were getting your weak man's lunch.

I was sitting, I walked down the street and the fucking wind came, knocked my hat off. Everybody sitting outside of the restaurant. Oh, they laughed at me.

Was it a Snicker, a giggle? They literally pointed going like... They were inside the glass and they're all like, I saw. I saw what happened. Did you get your hat back? No.

Oh, wow, you lost your hat?

Yeah, rolled into the middle of the street. One of my favorite hats.

It rolled into the middle of the street. Got to hit by two cars. Just fucking wait. Because I had a bunch of coffees in my hand. I'm not going to go out there and just become...

I felt like a target.

I would want to hit me. Imagine to be so wealthy. No. Did you let your hat... I just...

To let How do your hats go?

Oh, a disposable hat. I didn't want to become a target. You go home to your hat dispenser and just pull another one out. No. You take the coffee, you put them on one of those outside tables, you wait till traffic stops, you get your hat, you slap it against your leg, you put it back on your head.

No, I didn't want to be laughed at again because I didn't want to be shown just how much of a genius I really am.

But no, it is difficult.

Fastest man within 10 feet my ass. Fastest man within 10 feet could get his hat out from the street.

No, fastest man with 10 feet knows it's better save your energy for the show.

I just didn't want to. I'm also one of those. I don't tie my shoes in the street because I'm so afraid someone's going to come up behind me and just grab me in my ass and start. Not full on rape, but taking my fucking wallet and shit and pulling my pants down and laughing on my butt.

This is the valley. It's chill. Super chill. It's chill here, man. It's fine.

You're not in Fresh Pond anymore.

I can't show weakness.

It's not weakness.

Tying your shoe, walking with an untied shoe is weaker than tying your shoe.

No, but I learned from David Ike that accepting my weakness makes me strong.

People have been reaching out to me. They're like, Ed, how are you handling all the content? Is everything okay? Emotionally, all the murder and stuff. This is what pisses me off. I know. Today is what drives me completely insane.

I can read about the fucking guys from Chicago lopping off tits all day. You can? Sure. All right, let's get into the story of David Ike and the Reptiliants. David Ike is a former soccer player and BBC sportscaster who, for all intents and purposes, lost the plot of reality after visiting a psychic in 1990.

I'll let you say he only had a pinky grip on reality to begin with.

In order for that to push you over the edge? Clad in his trademark turquoise tracksuit, Ike subsequently wrote a book called The Truth Vibrations. Truth, truth, truth, truth, Then he went on talk shows to tell everyone that he was the son of the Godhead, not the son of God, important distinction, and he had therefore been chosen to bring the truth to the people. But back in 1991, David Ike's truth was mostly about the forementioned vibrations, good and bad, along with all sorts of other New Age hokum that nobody would have paid attention to had it not been for the novelty of the situation. Basically, David Ike's coming out would have been the American equivalent of Marv Albert making the rounds on talk shows to tell us with deadly seriousness about color energies, life forces, a 12,000-year-old plot by mysterious forces to keep humanity down, along with the inevitable end of the world as we know it.

I'll also tell you, I know for a fact that I was just checking to see if that sex worker was made of chocolate, and the experiment failed. But let me tell you about and how they can help you heal from the flu.

Can't buy a bucket. I simply, because in order to even buy the bucket, I have to find one.

Is anybody working at these hardware stores. See, what many people don't realize about David Ike is that prior to his established notoriety, he was more if a colorful, if anti-Semitic British character for most of the '90s, writing various books about the power of love, as well as millennia-long conspiracies and ancient civilizations.

This is all using bad science and worse history. Of course, we will be delving seriously into the thoughts and processes of David Ike.

I will say upon this dip into the swamp, he's definitely anti-smut. Yeah. I'm glad you were able to join us on that one. Of course he is. You know what's funny? Is that Larry King does look like a lizard. We all know that.

Larry King He did.

Barack Obama, unfortunately, does have sideways eyelids.

We know that for a fact, but that's again, that's because he's Hawaiian.

But David Ike, he is a... You know what? Because I realized we're going to keep my tongue firmly implanted in cheek. Indeed. Explaining the reptilian theories. But he is not innocent. He's an extraordinarily dangerous individual. Yeah, he's not an innocent man. Well, in 1999, eight years after he came out as a New Ager, David Ike went global when he released the book that has since become his double-edged sword because it both made him famous and it guaranteed that he would never be taken seriously by anyone with half a brain ever again.

That's his superpower. No shame. We have learned in the 21st century, is that not the ultimate, the currency that runs this whole fucking world right now?

No shame. Well, in 1999, Ike self-published The The Biggest Secret, which, as many of you already know, is how most of the world came to discover the reptilian agenda.

You can't name a book, The Biggest Secret, because it's not a secret anymore. When did he publish the book, it's a book.

It's the It's your biggest secret until the book. Yeah, now it's the- Now it's nothing.

No, now it's my book. Now it's The Biggest Truth.

See?

Anything you say, I can say some stupid bullshit to tell you you're wrong. Got his ass. Boomerang with fat. I'm so stupid. Yeah, see, God. See, now he's fucking his confidence is destroyed. No, but you're not stupid, Eddie. You're not stupid. You're just ignorant, which is David Ike really explains really well.

It's not that you're... It's like you ignore because you don't know because you're so deeply entrenched in the matrix. Look at your shirt, look at your hat. Look at your face. You're so deeply entrenched in the matrix that you can't see on the outside. It's not your fault because you are trained to ignore the signs that make you ignorant. I'm more ignorant. Who's going to be worse today? Me or David. I don't know.

I think it's all of us in a race downhill. In a nutshell, David Ike's reptilian narrative is that for 10...

Help out from in a nutshell. I didn't do it, though.

I didn't say it. Well, you didn't say it, but you did it, and I had to acknowledge that. Join the Patreon if you want to see jokes like this that you can't hear on the show.

David Ike's reptilian narrative is that for tens of thousands of years, every government, every secret society, and every multinational industry have been run by an alien race called the Archons.

These are all run either through direct rule or reptilian pubertry. First thing that you're incorrect about. Archons is just an example of one of the archantic forces that might be facing us and keeping us in this giant, what some people call a prison planet.

Let me ask you this. If I would have said Draconians, would you have also told me I was wrong?

Yes, because the Reptilians are actually the ones that are a part of this, but they're in a lower rung, the Draconians.

That's all according to the thought processes of meisce di Pastore, the Encyclopedia of Alien Races. Right. If I would have said Anunaki, would you have also told me I was wrong? Yes, because the Anunaki are just the beginning forms of this. Now we're dealing the reptilians. Obviously, they took over, but all of these are just the samples of arcontic forces.

Do the reptilians lay eggs? No.

Unclear. Unclear. No, they don't because it's still psychic breeding. They do a lot of DNA testing. They put into a bunch of labs and technology.

But that's the draconians more than the reptilians.

Reptilians are the foot soldiers of the draconians. Thank you very much. In one of their many forms- See? Reptilians are semi-physical inhabitants from the so-called fourth density, which is a plane of reality that vibrates at a higher rate than our material three-dimensional world. It is, however, a misnomer to say that the reptilians are shapeshifters.

It is a misnomer.

Rather than, say, Oto from Deep Space 9, who changes literal form, fourth density-Shanks to Song. Yeah. That's who I prefer to reference. Sure. Yeah, Moral combat. That's much cooler.

That helps. Yeah, it helped them understand.

Well, fourth density reptilians wear so-called human suits when they're in the 3D realm. This is some YouTubers were obsessed with finding TV clips that supposedly show these human suits glitching out. This was particularly bad in the Obama years, especially after the release of the famous Secret Service video. Oh, yes.

Very, very familiar. Also, one thing that no one talks about with the transition from the Obama presidency to the Trump presidency was getting rid of all of those large flat rocks that Barack Obama was commonly… They were all right next to the basketball court.

Well, you got to refuel.

Hey, Of course. Yeah.

You can't regulate this temperature.

Well, in other forms, the reptilians are aliens from the Draco constellation, physical beings who have been coming to Earth for hundreds of thousands of years, feast on the flesh of humans and using them to mine for gold.

Well, we made them in order to... Well, reptilians, I'm not saying we. Reptilians made them to dig for gold. The Draconians.

The reptilians made humans to dig for gold. Yes. I didn't see that anywhere.

You're not reading the right sources.

Draco is the dragon constellation, correct? Yes. So that makes sense.

Yeah, get does.

I'm connecting dots.

Literally, through the constellation. When yet other forms, reptilians can also be native to our planet, although they, unlike us, come from the Earth's interior.

Inner Earth life. Magma. Yeah.

Yes, Magma. Now, like most alien conspiracies, the reptilians also control the world through hybrid programs, breeding with humans to create a reptilian custodial cast that comprises the world's royal and elite bloodlines.

Well, mostly it's because they are allowed to work during the Christmas holiday when the rest of us have time off.

True. For example, David Ike was the first person to say that the British Royal family is a bunch of lizards. You can't be wrong all the time.

That's a great claim to have. He's the guy.

Before me, nobody was saying that the British Royal family were a lot of lizards.

You were saying- They would call them rats, they'd call them dogs.

I called them lizards.

Everyone was saying that Queen Elizabeth is just a female dog. But I know for a fact, she is a sexless one.

Now, the reason why the reptilian Reptilians have hijacked the human race tend to shift, for the Reptilians are nothing if not multitaskers. The central idea, though, is that the Reptilians are a naturally dominant species who want to make the world a horrible place so they can feed off our bad vibrations, or at least that's my understanding of it.

There are warlike species that go across the various galaxies and they conquer worlds for resources and slave labor. By the time they're here, but they also work underneath the draconians. So this is also if this is completely, literally real, which is only what you were saying for is only one of the explanations. The rest is that all of this is psychic thought forms that are on an interdimensional aspect working for us and with Well, that's how he pivoted, because when he first wrote The Biggest Secret, he was like, These are literal lizard people who are-Oh, no, he's still talking about lizard people. No, the literal lizard people are there.

They're still there. Okay. I thought he pivoted to say, Well, I wasn't actually talking about reptilians. I was actually talking about psychic platforms. No.

He basically says they go half and half, the psychic platform. This is where we really get into the nitty-gritty of learning nothing. This is where we really I get into... None of this holds, and he does change depending on who he's talking to and what thing you talk to, because I was watching stuff from 1993, and then I watched a bunch of stuff from 2010, and then I watched a bunch of stuff from 2022. It largely that doesn't change, but it shapeshifts.

There you go. Well, one thing that does stay constant is that the only way to defeat the reptilians, according to Ike, is to embrace his version of love, truth, and understanding, which, of course, can only properly understood if you buy Ike's books and attend his lectures.

I understand nothing. I have thousands of pages, David Ike. Email me.

All right?

Email me. Explain some of this shit.

But if you follow David Ike's instructions, the reptilians will lose their psychic control, and if enough people break free, then the reptilians will lose the war that's been raging in the background of human history for thousands upon thousands of years.

This is why Lawrence Fishburn doesn't answer fan mail anymore because he said, David Ike believes that we all need to escape the matrix. But I'm starting to think, maybe this might be against my too real to be kept inside mentality, though. But that matrix is Nice. It's cool. But outside the matrix is where David Ike is. David Ike seems to just not be doing good.

Because he doesn't like all those weird aliens are attacking the ship.

Yes.

But he's not, though. He's in California. He's just outside of the matrix, but I think he just means outside of higher ability. He's outside of having a job. He has to do it all himself.

Now, when it comes to talking about the elite bloodlines who control the world, David Ike gets into trouble areas.

That's a good way to term that.

Trouble areas, yeah, because he, like 99% of conspiracy theories, just can't help but make the Jewish people a central character in their narrative.

Jealousy. He's always like, Yeah, a bit weird, aren't he? I'm a bit different, I'm a bit different, aren't I? You know what they do in there? Oh, you got little hats. Why you wear a full hat? Yeah.

Well, it's because we did our homework in school and you did.

Well, David Ike has spent his career denying that he's anti-Semitic, saying that it's not that all Jews are reptilians, it's just that a Jewish person is more likely to be a reptilian. This is an argument that he will not, and more importantly, cannot back down from, lest his entire argument fall apart.

So he's not like, anti-Semitic, he's semi-Semitic.

You know what it is? Is that he came up with a bunch of imagery. We'll obviously impact this over the next two episodes, but he came upon a bunch of imagery that he thought would be really helpful in his... I'm just going to say monologing, whatever you'd call his- His narrative. His narrative, because he's not a cult leader, but he wants to be, but he also doesn't want the responsibility of managing people and resources.

He wants people to listen to him. Yes, and buy his shit. And pay attention.

And go into his lectures and do all this type of shit. But I feel like once he came across this idea of these reptilians and stuff, and there might have been a lot of people that would have been like, You know, this is a direct dog whistle. This is a direct anti-Semitic dog whistle. I think at some point, he was just like, But maybe when did you think about that then? Maybe when did you think a bit of that? Instead of like, Oh, Maybe I should change it to cat people. Maybe I could change it. Maybe it's going to be friendly dog people that want us to learn from them.

Well, that's the thing. I guess you could say that David Ike backed his way into anti-Semitism. You could make that argument.

I'd say he moonwalked into anti-Semitism.

He did so by making classic old-school anti-Semitic conspiracy theories the centerpiece of his world domination narrative. He did so before he even started talking about reptilians. In other words, let's just say that David Ike and Heinrich Himmler had similar book shelves.

Mahogany.

But I think what's most telling was that when David Ike was constructing his reptilian mythos, it made perfect sense to him to think that Jewish people, particularly Jewish people in power, are subhuman bloodsucking reptilians who eat the flesh of humans. Basically, it's the blood libel story in another form.

It's called globalis. That's the term they use.

Yeah, that just means that's Jewish. Yes. Lastly, while there may be a wide outside chance that David Ike isn't anti-Semitic, it is just using the framework of other conspiracies because he's a lazy, if prolific writer.

There's a teaspoon of that. No.

The vast majority of people who follow and believe David, are most definitely blaming the Jews for many of the world's injustices.

But they are also... Then they have the back door, which is we're still just talking about reptiles. You don't know this is reptiles.

Yeah, but it could be said that David Ike is provocative on purpose because while his ethics are dubious, I do think that he believes everything he's saying in writing, and that includes the things that directly contradict the other things. There's a lot of things in David Ike's writings that directly contradict many, many, many other things.

He can't say the same thing twice. Every single thing is changed. It just depends on the vibe of the room that he is talking to. But also, we always ask this question when we've done cult episode, because this This is different than a cult leader episode.

No, there's a conspiracy. It's a conspiracy theorist episode.

Yes, but I think about him, and I really wonder, where does his belief start and stop?

Well, I think we're going to cover that a little bit later on. Once we really get into his character, we'll talk a little bit about that. Because by being so outrageous, David Ike ensures that he's being talked about. In talking about David Ike, you're talking about reptilians, which is what David wants. But above even I think what David Ike really wants above anything else is to talk about David Ike.

I wish I was friends with Snoop Dogg. I think everyone would know, and they'd call me in, I'll do a bit of the Olympics. Wouldn't it be nice? Go in there, you could see me. Oh, smart man, Mr. Ike, talking about the Olympics. Oh, fancy man, isn't he? Oh, he might be. I've been watching so much of him, and it's just that he always says, when he talks about George Bush Jr. Oh, boy, George George Bush. He was called a boy George Bush. That's really fun.

That's really fun. Fly from your grave. Fuel your team with Total Coffee from Staples' business advantage. Our comprehensive program offers no upfront cost brewers, installation, maintenance, and supplies, plus our incredible selection of coffee and beverages, including our new Pick Me Up provisions brand. We handle everything from finding the best brewer to providing ongoing service, all at no cost with your minimum monthly spend on break room products. Visit staplesadvantage. Com/totalcaffee to get started. Sail from Dublin to Cherbourg and start wine tasting before you even get to France. That's Bonjourny. Book now on irishferries.

Com and see Travel Differently.

So without further ado, let's explore the story of David Ike himself, how he found his way into the reptilian agenda, and the incredibly negative consequences David Ike's work has had on the world since The Biggest Secret was published in 1999. Born in 1952 in Leicester, England, to a working-class family, Ike admittedly had a rough, poverty-stricken childhood.

So did Ozzy Osborne.

But that was in Birmingham.

You know what I mean? Yeah.

I know Birmingham, but I know Birmingham, especially back in the fucking '50s, was awful.

Yeah, but that's what made fucking medu, he's fined. But Ike does make sure to say over and over again in his various biographies that he's always been a persecuted soul, even if he has to use the tiniest incidents to make his case. Because let's be frank, nothing happened in his childhood of any consequence.

I mean, his father was a dickhead. That was the worst of it. That was the absolute worst. He was from Lester.

Bo Lester. Think about it.

Honestly, have you ever been there? I could use some Les Lester.

For example, when it comes to his persecution, the best example he had from his childhood was a time when he was falsely accused of throwing paper darts in school.

I knew that. The mark was going to be on me then. Oh, a bit of a target of an old David Ike then.

There was also another time when a baker unjustly yelled at him for stealing a cake.

I would never steal cake. I only steal chips. I only like savory. I don't like sweet. Everybody knows that about me, knows that single thing about me. I eat sweet. I like savory. How dare you.

That's the extent of his childhood persecution. Yes. Yeah, that's it. Nevertheless, Ike makes a big deal out of these incidents by saying that his astrological birth chart shows that false accusations and persecution were always going to play a central role in his life, which I think is how he deals with being constantly and mercilessly mocked the world over.

Yeah, make it a feature, not a bug. People like to make fun of me because it's in my astrological chart. I also say this, you know why they make fucking Any fun of you? It's because I- Are you talking right to him right now? No, I am. I'm talking to a lot of people right now. All right, so I also like astrology. We're in Los Angeles. There's only so much. You're going to hit into it. You're going to bump into it as much as you want. Capricorn. We're around, ladies. If you even want to talk to a witchy lady, you're going to need to figure out how to do that. It's going to be through astrology.

I'm on the cusp.

He is. But if you're one of these people that uses Kyron in your astrology, don't talk to me. Okay, it is the single most… I think it's one of the more annoying things in esoteria. This Kyron stuff, have you looked into this at all?

Isn't it that if you're born under a Kyron sign, you're extra super special. It's an Indigo children type thing, right? Very much so. Yes. Well, Ike also proved himself to be a pain in the ass from an early age. In one story, he played a tree in a school play. But when the kid who was supposed to chop him down didn't perform with enough conviction, David refused to fall until the chopping was more authentic.

Yes, and motherfucker.

When he was doing that. I had an acting class. That was like all they would do. It's like, I had an acting teacher who was great, but his whole thing was like, I don't believe you. Whenever you'd see something you wouldn't believe. To get us for him to believe us, he throw shit at us. He threw a chair at me, threw a bench at me in the middle of the scene. When you jump over, he's I don't believe you. He was like 300 pounds, but he would cycle around like a fucking jungle cat. It was a huge man who would get down on his hands and knees and walk around and shit.

Was this high school or Florida State?

That's Florida State. Okay. Yeah. Then he... But just that idea of David Ike as a tree being like, I don't believe you. It's because he said- Like a 10-year-old. Like a 10-year-old.

On stage, during a performance.

To the point where his teacher had to pull him off afterwards being like, You ruined the play for everyone, David. He was like, I'm an iconoclast.

I'm a special boy.

I'm going to make a tree and get out of here.

You're funny. That's funny.

Ike is also almost defined by contradictions in his painfully dull autobiography.

I spent. We spent a lot of money. Our man Neil on the UK.

Thanks, Neil. He got us this book. Necro Neil got us this book, The Light of Experience.

This fucking book sucks. I hate you, David. This thing is Yeah, it's too expensive.

It's his autobiography? Yeah, we spent 50 bucks on it.

Oh, my God. We should put it in one of those boxes outside of a church where they give free books away.

Did I tell you how I've been semi-terrorizing a little library in my neighborhood.

You've been fucking with the little library?

We're not fucking with it. Just putting books in it.

Yeah, your books.

Yes. But you know what? They're always gone. So I'm educating somebody to be an insufferable God. Just an impossible person.

In this doll autobiography, Ike claimed that he was always a different, more special boy than everyone else. He actually used the word special boy. Yeah, he is. And that specialness made him shy. He claims that he prefers to be left alone, but that contradicts every profession he's ever pursued, from professional footballer to TV personality to politician to author and lecturer. Every job he's ever had has been a public-facing job. How dare you?

He's an introvert introverted extrovert, okay? That's what you don't understand. I understand. No, you don't.

I understand I'm an introvert who is a podcaster.

No, but David Ike is so special. Yes, and that's why he must talk at a minimum of 12 hours at a time. I have never met an introvert with so much to say. Each thing is just, he just talks, he talks, he talks, and he's just like, it's that little smile on his face.

See, it's a funny thing is that David Ike, ironically, is one of the people that introverts like me avoid because people can be draining. Of course. He is the most draining human being in existence.

He is a psychic Dracula.

But speaking of football, as I just mentioned, it's somewhat of a misconception that David Ike was a famous footballer. Yeah, I didn't know this. While he did play part-time for a couple of minor pro teams, his football career was over by the age of 21 due to a diagnosis of rheumatoid arthritis, or that's what he claims.

My ankle was a bit of a biggity bug. I do wish that I could perform on the soccer field because you know why? It is a true meritocracy friend. You show up, you're better than the other boy. You jiggle the balls. That's how I know it's good because I'm juggling the balls past the other skinny little boy on the other side of the fence. But guess what? All of you don't understand is that there's deeper, deeper thoughts to be had. I don't care if you're kicking this little a jiggly ball. I need to be in my thoughts sphere, talking to you about truth, true truth. It's a vibration from a middle part. That's what you get, sir.

That's annoying as hell.

Can I get anything else?

Unfortunately, no.

Probably just played defense. He was a goalie. He was a goalie. Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, that's the thing is that that's what he says, is that he found the most solitary part of the soccer field, and he enjoyed being the defender, the man who defends.

It's because he wasn't smart enough to not use his hands.

Hey, man, goalie is complicated. We're getting a lot of emails immediately. But he does have rheumatoid arthritis. You could tell now from his hands.

Yeah, his hands are gnarled.

He's got the James Cromwell hands. You remember that actor? Yeah, I remember that. I'm still going. His hands look like a bunch of cruel bananas.

Yeah, James Cromwell from Babe?

Yeah, all kinds of shit.

Who's the other guy? There was another old guy. They're all dead.

James Cromwell is alive. Yeah, he was in succession. He was fantastic.

There was somebody else who had big hands. There was another actor guy.

Richard Harris.

He's fucking, I don't know him.

He's dead.

Well, after being interviewed by a local TV station about the end of his sports career, David decided to try for a job in media. And by 1981, he was a full-time sports reporter for the BBC. By the end of the decade, David Ike had become a household name in sports reporting. He's like, John Madden, Dick Vitale. Marv Albert. Marv Albert.

He He was that popular?

Yes. Everybody knew who David... If you watched football, you knew who David Ike was. Okay.

Oh, man. So this is like... He's like their Joe Buck.

Yeah, Joe Buck or what's the name of a... Michelson. Michelson? Al Michiels? Al Michals. Yeah, like Al Michals. But Al Michals is cool. Yeah, Al Michals is great. But known to that, but to that extent. I wouldn't say he was like a Troy Akeman because Troy Akeman was a massive superstar before being a commentator. That's a good point. Yeah, he's just a guy who's just very good. He was very good at his job.

He was the very peak of sports journalism, which is having middle to low talent, but then just being able to talk to a microphone.

Yeah, he's really good at not shut the fuck up. Yeah.

In fact, his first book, which was called It's a tough game, son. It was not about reptilians, but about breaking into professional soccer. And by the way, the book title did have an exclamation point at the end. Good.

How do you not know it's a father yelling at son without the exclamation point? Because it is important to yell that into your son.

Yeah, it really is. When you're reading the book to your son, you're supposed to, while you close it, you hit him with it.

Yes. That's why the back is blank.

That's the hitting sound. That's why I love punctuation It's so powerful. It can say so much. It's different stuff. Ike's relationship with the BBC, however, was terminated when Ike, in the only thing he's ever done that I agree with, he refused to pay a tax implemented by Prime Minister and perennial villain Margaret Thatcher. It was a tax that shifted even more of the tax burden from the rich to the poor. Thatcher hated poor people.

But unfortunately, it was mostly just because he didn't want to pay money.

Yeah, he didn't want to pay money. He tried saying that he was trying to stand up for the working man, but I don't think that was the truth. I think he just didn't want to pay.

I watched some BBC videos last night, and they were graphic.

Bbc, Big, Beautiful. Oh, Big, Black, Cox. He's talking about Big, Black, Cox.

Big, Black, Cox. No, BW is Big, Beautiful, and BBC is Big, Black. A Big Black. Quite graphic. Very graphic.

They don't leave anything to the imagination. I actually prefer more of a Hitchcock. One of them, I think, was a snake. It's so much better when you don't know who's fucking what or how they're getting fucked. I was like, you go in the other room and all you hear is... It's so much sexier to imagine. I don't need all this. Show me the cart.

Show me the Fern.

While Ike Sport's broadcasting career was winding down, he began experimenting with alternative medicine and New Age philosophies to treat his rheumatoid arthritis.

These were the two things that really started down. Because first, the reason why I think he did the tax thing was because he was leaning into the populist movement. No. Definitely. He was trying to look cool. I also just think that he was bad at his job. I think that eventually he just didn't want to do his job anymore.

No, he was very good at his job.

But it wasn't special enough.

No, it wasn't special. He wasn't He wasn't special enough. He was just another guy. Just another guy who talked about football on TV. But him getting into alternative medicine, New Age philosophies, that's how David Ike launched himself down the slippery slope that ended in Reptilians.

Actually, it ends in 5G spreads COVID, but we'll get there.

Now, by the late '80s, Ike's interest in New Age beliefs turned him on to the environmental movement, and he subsequently joined the Green Party as a small-time politician. After six months holding a position as national representative, though, he quit or he was fired, depending on who you ask, because according to him, strange things started happening to David Ike.

Is the Green Party the same there as it is in America, where it's like an environmental- It's environmental friendly.

I just want to like him so much, but you keep hearing about shit like this.

You want to like everybody, but that's- I do. Yeah, you want to believe the best in people. But David Ike, there's nothing.

Yeah, he's a total, utter piece of shit.

I was more talking about the Green Party than David Ike.

Okay. Ralph Nader. Yeah. Ralph Nader, fucking the enemy of freedom everywhere because of the fucking- Seabells. Forcing us to fucking... That's keeping us in the matrix of the safety of our cars. All right, how dare you tell me I can't fucking die. I like smashing my head against the windshield. It's one of my hobbies.

Well, in 1989, just after Ike wrote his second book, an environmental work called It Doesn't It doesn't have to be like this.

It doesn't have to be like this.

He claimed to have found himself, followed by a presence, a presence so strong that David was forced to address it.

He said, If you are there, will you please contact me because you are driving me up a wall.

Pretty soon after, David claimed that the presence introduced itself in the form of a psychic named Betty Shine.

I'm here for your money. I am.

Betty, more than anyone else, would be the one to send David Ike down the path that he still walks today.

Betty Shine. Same world as I'm going to go to Colonel Tom Parker of Eseteria. Betty Shine sent David Ike in. She sets him up.

Where is Betty Shine? I mean, Betty Shine, she winds him up and lets him go. Yeah.

Where the fuck is Betty Shine? She's a temple. I would love to know. Author and... Oh, yeah. Well, she's an author and opera singer.

Oh, yeah, she did She's part of it. She loves the amphibian race.

Frog, people.

Now, David himself told two different stories as to how he met Betty Shine. In the first, David said that he and his son, Gareth, were having lunch at a cafe when someone recognized David from TV and started chatting them up. Suddenly, though, David found himself unable to move because he was fixated on a stack of books. He then heard his presence telling him to look at a particular book. Then David felt that the discovery of this book was behind the presence. In another version, David and his son were having lunch at a cafe when he had a tremendous urge to look at some books.

I get it.

Chosen almost at random, David bought 13 British pounds worth of books, and one of them was mind to mind by spirit, medium, and healer Betty Shine.

Now, Betty Shine, she's got that... How do you put it? She's got a big, stupid face. But she got pan face.

It's like a Barbara Walter's face, but squished down more. Yeah, she's- Cabbage patch head.

Yeah, exactly. She's on the cover of this book, and she's smiling. I feel like he's just like, Oh, look at that. It's my wee grandma. Oh, I could get... Oh, I could trust her. She's got to be something in there, right? Oh, mind to mine. I've got a mind. She's got a mind. That'd be nice right there. Talk right to my mind. That's easy. Taking my ears and ears out of the equation.

There you go. Ike said that he devoured the book in 24 hours, then immediately wrote to Shayan, requesting some healing sessions.

Unfortunately, they had to go back to the love book, the bookstore, and buy one for reading.

Within just a few weeks, Ike's rheumatoid arthritis was suddenly gone. But that's what he says. But I mean, The way as Henry said, if you look at his hands today, that rheumatoid arthritis didn't go nowhere.

Yeah, his hands are too... They're all fucked up.

Wicked witch hands.

Yeah. But while Ike believed she was a healer, Shine apparently had to prove that she was a competent psychic as well. And by the way, all of this comes from David Ike himself. Yeah.

This is not even... He's writing this as if this is... I don't know. It makes sense. It's a thing that she should be proud of. Where it's been like, no, you got taken for a ride. By this woman that just was just so excited to fucking jump on you like a horse.

Well, the thing about David Ike is that he shows his... In the parlance of Texas, shows his ass a lot. Without realizing that he's doing it. Yeah. He tells you exactly who he is.

If he's Christ, too, he wouldn't know if it wasn't for this check.

Yes, exactly. Now, to prove that she had the gift, Shine told Ike during a session that when he returned home, one of his two cats would have diarrhea. No shit.

I've got to go home.

Sure enough, when Ike walked through his door, one of his cats was indeed a shitty little kitty.

Let me check. I was like, Oh, my God. Did someone melt some fudge in this Lizzie box? That's diarrhea.

This, apparently, was more than enough to convince David Ike. But perhaps the reason why the cat diarrhea was such a turning point in David's life, and it was because during that same session that foretold the cat splatters, Psychic Betty Shine was supposedly possessed by a powerful spirit. Quite suddenly, while Shine was talking about something or other, she announced that a Chinese man from the Year 1200, named Wang Yi Li had appeared for the sole purpose of speaking to David, and also Socrates was there.

He's there. He's always there. Don't let him anywhere near your kids. So hold on. He's a smart guy. He's a funny guy.

So she speaks Chinese then?

Well, no.

Do all ghosts speak English?

Is that what happens?

Once you die, you know English?

If you look at the amount of human beings, there's a lot more Chinese ghosts than there are any other type of ghosts. Yeah. Right? Maybe more Indian people ghosts.

What does that have to do with Ed's point?

What are you saying?

Socrites didn't speak English, right?

No. English didn't exist then.

No, he's in there, he's talking, he's saying, Eros, he's seeking.

You know shit what these fucking ghosts are saying?

No, but then Ghost translates. There's a ghost translator in her head. Yeah. All right? And also- Wolfie Goldberg. That's why she decided to come forth and say a bunch of stuff that if this was a different time period, I would get to illustrate for you what she sounded like.

I would I would imagine that she did not speak in Chinese, but I would imagine her choice of accent was highly inappropriate.

Did you see what she's- Depending on how method she gets with it. There's a whole paragraph that I'd like Eddie to now interpret in a way that I would have interpreted this 10 years ago.

Okay. Am I reading it?

No, you're not allowed to read it like that. Oh, okay. Yeah, you can.

Oh, I see. Yes. I remember your old personality.

Yes, that is gone.

I'm still in free speech jail, but honestly, it's been so fine. It's so nice. Once I got the Quran, I really finally got to come to peace with myself.

Well, eventually, we transferred you to Norwegian free speech jail, and it's a lot nicer. That's why I have the computer. Yeah. Well, during the session, Betty Shine channeled the spirit of Wang Yee Lee so he could deliver a message to David I.

I just wish I had a recording that we could play of it.

Wang started with predictions saying that a massive revolution would occur in In five years' time. Electric cars would be used in eight, and that in 20 years, 2011, there would be a different flying machine, very different from the aircraft we have today.

All right, then, Betty, describe it.

Very different from the aircraft we have today.

No, I'm hearing that, but say something specific.

Quite strange to your eyes.

Double helicopter.

We're going to make the big kidded helicopter of my dream?

There's already double helicopters in 1990.

Triple helicopters. Wang then went on the old environmental trip, saying that deep sea drilling was destabilizing the Earth and that the sea would reclaim the land.

Therefore, man needed to treat the Earth with respect, lest the Earth reclaimed itself. Same shit they always say, which is all true and should be listened to, but it's hack at this point.

Oh, David, I have to tell you, there is someone else here. Yes, I am talking to Wang. Yes, Wang is here. And then Socerties, of course, puts up big ups to Socerties. Good to see you. Obviously, we'll be right with you. But there's another man here that is with Socerties. It's some young guy. Another ancient Chinese master.

Yes, he has something, some substance that he would like to give to you.

It's a sauce that he has brought with him from his homeland. Oh, yes, definitely. Let me taste this sauce. Salty. Very good. Socrate, I could see why you love the various sauces of this some young guy.

So Yang continued saying that, yes, it was going to be David Ike's job to bring this message to the world. The reason why David was chosen was because Ike had passed many tests of courage, like playing soccer.

I mean, you got to flop.

That's But that's acting. That's it.

It's not being tough.

He was a goalie.

He was a goalie.

So at least the balls flew at him.

Yeah. I guess he could have got hit in the face. But it's all he did to become the new Messiah?

Mm-hmm.

I've heard worse explanations for you besides.

What are the trials that Jesus went through?

Well, he was like- Forty days in the desert.

Yeah, 40 days in the desert.

He had to play with wood for a while.

Yeah, he had to suck all those guys off every fucking week because if not, they were going to shoot him in the head.

Yeah, his wife was a hooker.

Yeah, that's hard on the ego. You got to be able to be a strong person to date a sex worker.

Well, Ike was also told that he was destined to become a great healer of the world, a communicator, and that he would become very famous. Very famous. Sometimes David would have to learn the hidden knowledge he needed to impart. But, and this is key, sometimes that hidden knowledge would just appear in mind.

Where do you think my ideas come from?

Yeah, it's very convenient.

Yes. Oh, it works. He lives in a world where we're going to get more into this in episode 2. The destructive concept of do your own research that is driving our very world into a maelstrom of chaos is what he is like, that is what his old gig is, is that you decide what's real or what's not. Fuck the experts. Fuck it. It's about what you feel is correct.

Yeah. In a hundred years time, if the human race is still around, maybe 500 years from now, do your own research, I think is going to be outlawed. The phrase do your own research, it's going to be one of those things like, no, no, no, no, A pair of shoes.

Do your own research when you're looking for a deal on a TV. That helps. Also like looking in to stop you read books and stuff. Just understand that eventually- When I decide how to buy a TV, I don't do my own research.

I'm looking at someone else's research. I go to the guys that have watched 15 TV.

Yeah, I look at that shit. It's just, we'll get...

Now, while I don't believe that the ancient spirit of a Chinese man inhabited the body of a British psychic to a BBC sports reporter that he was destined to save mankind. Whatever. I do believe that a woman claiming to be a psychic did say all of this shit out loud to a person who believed her. From what I can tell, it was this encounter that changed David's life because like all psychics, Betty Shine knew exactly what David wanted to hear. He wanted someone to confirm what he'd always believed, that he was a very special boy who was destined for very special things.

It can only be him because he's got the smile, he's got the fucking legs. Yeah, that body is. He's got the mind and the voice.

So he's not reptilian?

No.

Okay. But he could But he can see them? No. He can't they live them?

They live, by the way, is real.

That is real. So is the Matrix, so it's Truman Show.

Yeah, Truman Show, Matrix. Basically, David Ike watches movies and thinks they're real. Yes. Cool. Yeah. What a nice life. It's a fun way to live life.

We're all just fucking orbs briefly experiencing humanity, which is why I will not submit to a breathalizer, officer.

Well, David Ike said that he was, quote, very unsurprised by everything the spirit of Wang told him. He was equally unsurprised that Socrates, one of the greatest minds in human history, had showed up for the event. Someone must bottle this sauce. This This cream.

Everybody, Wang, come to me.

In fact, this revelation made David feel relieved because he saw himself as something of a Socrates.

Can you imagine waking up every day. I guess, do you do that? What? With how hard you work? Do you go wake up and you're like, I'm the new Socrates.

No.

Doubt? You feel you experience doubt?

I experience, yeah, a little bit of doubt in what I Yeah, my abilities. Just the tiniest bit. Good. Yeah.

Not me, though. I know. I feel nothing.

You're a headless piece of shit.

Fuck you. People only ridicule It's a mediocre ridicule in genius.

On David's interpretation of history, which is wrong, Socrates was guided by a divine force and was sentenced to death for it. But in David's case, even his reading of his own life wrong because the worst thing he's had to endure is ridicule. He wasn't fucking executed. He's still blabbing, talking shit to this day.

They say, sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me. But I will have you know, I prefer to have my wiener hit with a stone because one-star reviews are fucking my algorithm. I am Shadowbed. And that is worth the death itself.

But supposedly, what sealed the for Ike, besides the cat diarrhea, of course, was the confirmation of one of Wang's predictions. Wang told David that earthquakes would begin to occur in strange places. And sure enough, David claims that four days after the channeling, a 4.9 earthquake shook the Welsh-English border. Now, from there, Ike plunged himself into the world of esoteric authors like Edgar Casey and Nostradamus. He took those predictions that those men made as 100% correct. This even included Nostradamus' prediction that one day, a giant dog from France would be crowned Pope and would actually fulfill his papal duties as a giant dog.

For as little as the Pope does, it might as well be a giant dog.

I mean, it still could happen.

We don't know.

We're about to lose another Pope. This guy looks bad.

Yeah, get it out.

I'd vote for a fucking dog.

I mean, a giant dog, too. This Pope was like, People are buying too many dogs.

They're not having kids.

He's The anti-dog. The French dog's going to come in.

He's going to be licking shit. He's going to be smelling stuff.

Then we put a cat in charge of the Greek Orthodox. Hey, man. Yeah, dude. Change it up.

What I also love is that he don't read Real Esoteria.

No. He didn't read Madame Blowatsky. He didn't read Alastair Crowley. He didn't read any of the stuff from the Golden Dawn. He went straight to the easy shit that you could get at a Hallmark store.

He read the people that read those other people. Which The people that translated that shit into New Age bullshit that's easy to... It's easy to digest. I mean, it's not necessarily easy to explain, but it's that fucking New Age bullshit where, like David Ike does all the time, where you just say it as if it's true. Yes. And if anyone tells you- I've done the research. If anyone tells you that it's not true, all you have to do is give them a condescending look and say, Well, I guess you're one of them, aren't you? Yeah. It works. But since Ike decided that all of Casey and Nostromus's predictions were true, he also decided that everything else they wrote about must be true as well, which is how Ike came to believe in the lost civilizations of Atlantis and Lemuria, also known as Mu. Now, with particularly the works of Edgar Casey, Ike added a couple more tools to his box of esoterica, which is both a strength and a weakness of David Ike.

Yes, because he's a folder.

Yeah. See, Ike is the writer who piles everything he knows into every theory creates and connects all of it by just listing a bunch of factoids, one after another after another.

I call it the cold stone creamery effect, where you get into conspiracy because this is the problem, right? Love Cold Stone Creamery. It's amazing. Really do love. But also, I feel like in some ways, what's nice about having going to a place where there's a set recipe for the thing you're going to order. You have a bunch of people who went. Again, this is like reading research from people that know what they're talking about. They put together flavor profiles that make sense. The problem is that with us, as big fat dumb pieces of shit, is that I go into the Cold Storm Creamery, I'm throwing a bunch of random fucking garbage in there, and it doesn't all fit into a cohesive dessert-like meal.

Tastes like brown.

Tastes like brown. That's what he's doing here. He's putting gummy bear in. He's putting peanut butter cups in. That doesn't make sense. Those two flavorful, those two things should not be together. I know some people are going to call me a prude or whatever, but for me, that makes you a dessert fucking pervert, and I actually think that you should be sterilized voice.

Yeah, and also cold Stone Creamery, if you tip David Ike, he has to sing.

He has to sing. Only you. Well, by doing this information overload, Ike is able to overwhelm his readers with so much information that it starts making sense to people with weak critical thinking skills, only because he keeps telling you over and over again how much sense all of this makes. This guy's smart. He's telling me it makes sense. There's a bunch of stuff that I don't really understand, but it sounds good. So if he's telling me it makes sense, then it must make sense, and therefore, I now believe in reptilian.

What I believe is that he tried to see what sticks, is that when this all came and then he started going down this avenue, he's going to go out on the... We'll go to his first public experiences, which has really fucked him up. But he writes in generalities in the beginning. The first three books are all vague, vibes, crystals, horse shit. It's not until later on.

The first book is vague and crystals and horse shit. The second and third book are quite different indeed.

Yeah, but in the light of experience, he put some stuff from like Lemuria, but it's not quite what it gets to, the biggest secret.

Oh, it's not quite there. But it's definitely a lot of wink, wink. Rothschilds. You ever thought about them? Hey, you have to think about that. But Ike's informational vomit also turns off the majority of readers who correctly see his writing style as pathologically compulsive, considering how many of his books and how many of his, I don't know, dozens upon dozens of books are often over 500 pages long.

You can't not say he's an extremely prolific writer and commentator.

Well, he's prolific. I was talking to Caroline about the other day, and she- He just pomped shit out. She used a great word with it. Compulsive. It is compulsive. He is a compulsive writer. He has to do it.

He's self-published. You can't be prolific and self-published.

He didn't start self-published. But he got to be, obviously, because then people are trying to understand.

Trouble areas.

Trouble areas. He's also like, he wrote out all this stuff. I find it interesting because it's like how, I hate to be like this, but like, Trump's an idiot's version of a rich person. David Ike's an idiot's version of a smart person. Where you're looking at all this stuff, it's purposely written complicated. Then at first you think, oh, he must be brilliant. Look at all the stuff he knows. Then you read it and you're like, oh, he's just piling rolling things. This is actually it's unreadable. What's the problem is that the dumb reader, and I'm not malignant or dumb because it's hard because you're just ignorant. But it's like these guys are like, at first you think it's so complicated and you're like, Oh, it's too stupid. I'm too stupid to read this. Then you're like, Oh, it's because David Ike's genius. He could put all this together, and I need him to explain to me what he wrote. It just takes you a long time of pouring through it when you begin to realize, Oh, this is... I've just wasted hours.

Yeah. Then all of a sudden you're standing in front of a synagogue with a machine gun in your hands.

I should have been a content creator.

Now, within a couple of weeks of his first meeting with the spirit of Wang, Ike contacted Psychic Betty Shine.

Spirit of Wang is a fucking porno movie.

Ike contacted Psychic Betty Shine and told her that he'd been seeing weird shit. He'd been seeing images of eyes everywhere he looked. Betty, who probably knew that she'd hooked a big fish with a well-known television personality, told him that this was because his psychic powers were finally developing. And guess who was the only person who could help him develop those psychic powers further? Betty Shine.

I mean, how else are you going to do it?

In more sessions that I'm sure I paid a premium, Wang Yee Lee kept returning with more messages. I wish I could. I can't. I know. It was so hard. The spirit supposedly told Ike that he was supposed to communicate a message that would change the world, that he would write five books in three years, and that he had to quit politics completely because politics were anti-spiritual.

It's not just because they wouldn't have them and nobody would vote for them.

Yeah. Shine, meanwhile, channelingly, supposedly continued to prove her psychic abilities in the same vein as the cat diarrhea prediction. In one session, she/he said that the spirit of the book David was reading at the time was great anguish as it lay against a newspaper in his suitcase. The spirit of the book- The book was having a bad day.

Yeah.

The book, Shine/Lea said, was much troubled by a story in the paper about bovine spongiform and Cephalopathy. It's mad cow disease.

Fancy.

Yeah. The article was not truthful. The book, however, was truthful. The book was upset because it was laying against an article that was saying the opposite of what the book said.

You sound like me at the very height of my OCD, panic. You know what I mean? That is such a nonsensical thought where you're like, Oh, I better go. I'm making... To me, it's always like, Oh, no, Carmy is going to be sad. This is a dog. They do feel like that, but you're just like, You're thinking this thing like this. They don't think like that. You look at Carmy's eyes, and yes, she loves me, but she's also like, Chicken?

Yeah, it's a dog. That's But even that makes sense.

The dog has emotions.

She would eat you. Yeah. Carmy would absolutely eat you.

Yeah, of course.

Most of your dogs, all your dogs eat you.

I don't think Rambo would eat me.

I just think it'd be hard to get through the skin. Thank you.

I don't think Rambo has Yeah. He's got good teeth. He's got good teeth? He's got good teeth. He's got some. Yeah. Now, after spending quite a bit of time with Betty Shine, Ike moved on to a psychic named Judy and brought along his wife, Linda. Linda, by the way, was starting to buy in to all of the New Age lifestyle shit just as heavily as her husband. Oh, yeah. David and Linda were told that they'd been together in hundreds of previous lives, going back to ancient Greece, where a mystical marriage tied their souls together for eternity. David and Linda, by the way, divorced in 2001. Oh, yeah. About two years after the biggest secret.

Well, that was because there was extenuating circumstances.

But from there, Ike received strong psychic messages to work with a psychic in Calgary named Deborah Shah.

Okay, I'm getting She's blonde, she's got huge tits. I have to speak with her.

But Shah taught Ike the secret rituals and ways of the Native Americans, whose spirits came and spoke with both of them after these two white people desecrated a burial mound by endlessly chanting above it.

More deep, more deep, more deep. I find it interesting, too, because in the UK, they find, which I do understand, they find Native American lore fascinating. Because obviously, they came in, they killed all of them. But then while they were killing all of them, they found a bunch of cool stuff.

Let's not just put it on the British. It was also the Spaniard. It was also the French.

They came in, they found a bunch of cool stuff. It seems like those people were subjugating might be groovy or whatever, but fuck them. I do understand. But they wipe them all out. But now they're super interested in it. He does go through... He is a man of many hats.

He became a Native American for a while. Well, that's the thing is that he has a Until he gets to Reptilians, he has a very Sonoma journey. First, he really gets into Native Americans, and then he gets really into turquoise.

Turquoise. Turquoise is different than teal. Because you, I believe- I'm a teal boy. You're teal and orange. Dolphins. Dolphins. Coral, orange, and teal. But teal is an entirely different. You know what teal gives off the energy? Because turquoise gives off the energy of generating- The old woman who lives in Phoenix.

Love and wisdom.

No, it generates love and wisdom. And teal invites the power of cuckoldery and choking in the fourth quarter.

Oh, I see what you did there.

I see.

Wow. I guess this year would just be more apt to say like choking at the end of the season.

Yeah, which in the fourth quarter of that last game. Yes.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that.

I know what I think for. The last time the Dolphins won the Super Bowl, I was dead.

Yeah, you You weren't even come. It was around this time that David got fired from the BBC for refusing to pay the before mentioned tax.

But now that he was completely unfettered, he could finally begin work on his third book, The Truth Vibrations, which is pretty much it's the New Age pablum you'd expect it to be. It's awful.

It's nonsense. Truth, truth, truth, truth, vibrations.

It was very hard to hold the book because it was always shaking.

But I sat on it and made my clit fucking years.

Well, this time is what David unironically refers to as his turquoise period because he began exclusively wearing turquoise tracksuits.

I almost bought one, but I didn't want to fucking go to debt. I didn't want to pay money for this series.

You paid hundreds of dollars for the materials to David directly. You're not going to pay a hardworking American fashion designer who still makes turquoise tracksuits.

No, I was looking at it. It is definitely made from pure petroleum from a bunch of children in India. They look decent.

Yeah.

But I do hate that he wears dress shirts under the tracksuit.

It makes no sense. It's very British.

It beats the purpose of the tracksuit.

The polo shirt underneath the tracksuit is very British. Yes. It's for going to tennis games.

Yeah. It's for stepping on lessers.

Well, things also started getting a little sexually adventurous in the Ike household around this time. Hey, man, of course. When psychic Deborah Shah moved in and entered into a thruple with Ike and his wife.

This is when he's at his most interesting. Because I think that he's full of some ideas, but he's dressed in turquoise. He's getting his dick sucked twice a night. He's got a psychic lady who's been like, I bet tonight I have a vision. We're going to do butt stuff. They're all like, Whoa, let's see if that vision comes to fruition. But sex. When they all hang out with him and his family. But this is when if he just stayed in this lane and made some... Got into maybe skin care.

If he gooped it. Yeah, if he gooped it.

It could have been fine.

Well, the whole point of skincare is to make yourself attractive enough to fuck.

Yeah. Or at least moist enough to touch.

Well, as they told the press when the story broke that a Marv Albert type was in a relationship with two women, this shortly lived arrangement was called the turquoise triangle.

Man, oh, man.

They way should have stayed in this spot. They really should have. The turquoise triangle?

These Nami need big fucking apple, Adam's apple, British people. I'll say, man, they get freaky. Oh, my God. They're fucking weird ass, crooked teeth, fucking backwards swamp people. They fucking, they suck like nobody's watching because nobody's watching.

That's because they start fucking at 12, and it's not interesting by the time you're Yeah, you got to spice it up.

But it's like, you know the type of sex that only a couple on TikTok has where the lady is 300 plus pounds and a man's maybe like 100 pounds? And that type of twisted ass, licking asshole, sucking feet, fucking taking a crumpet, putting up your pussy.

I have four words for you. Fred and Rose West.

Yeah.

Who are they?

They are the peak of British sexuality. I'll send you some stuff on them.

Thanks. I can't wait. I'll make sure I get my tea and crackers ready.

Make sure you crumble them up, put it in a bowl, shove them up your ass.

Well, Deborah Shaw, Psychic Deborah Shaw, soon changed her name to Mary Shawson, and Ike's wife changed her name to Michela because she was an aspect of the Archangel Michael. David remained David.

Oh, yeah, of course. Because David, I mean, obviously, it's the brand.

But now that the turquoise triangle was out of the bag, Ike held a full press conference with his wife and Deborah Shaw to to the world that he was the son of the Godhead, not the son of God.

Not the son of God. That would mean he'd be too big for his breaches.

Yeah, that's right.

So he's the son of God's boss.

No. No. He's the son of God's Corporation.

Can I ask you to explain Godhead to me? Sure.

This basically it seems. So David Eight, he doesn't want you to think he's Jesus Christ, Eddie. Okay. Okay, because he's too humble.

Also, do Jesus Christ isn't real.

Exactly. All right.

In David's cosmology. He's not real unless he is.

He's a spiritual creature that may or may not have been physical. Okay. But in his mind, they said, apparently, that he shines it. She explained to him the Rosacrucian concept of the Godhead. Got it in there.

You got the Rosacrucian in there.

The term son of God, in that Rosacrucian, means someone who has purified themselves and developed such a high level of self-sacrifice that they have reached a level of consciousness that rises above bodily desires and selfishness to the greater good and the brotherhood of mankind. You know, sports journalists. That's what they always do. But that's the idea, that it's not the son of the Godhead means that you have done so good at being so cool that you get to... Because all you want to do is help people, like me. I'm I give, and give, and give, and give, and give, and give, and give, endlessly. Part of me letting the hat go, is letting the hat be free. Why do I hold it back? I'm trying to accept my head, and that's why I took it as a synchronicity. I'm sitting here working all day. David Ike says, Oh, look, the synchronicities point you in the right fucking direction at all times. Guess what? Yesterday, heard the talk about Rocky on the radio. They were talking about a radio from an old Howard Stern from a long time ago. Then I go to put on the David Ike video before it began the other day, and then a YouTube commercial because I refuse to pay for YouTube read.

I won't do it, and they won't give it to me for free. Because the first thing I did was play a commercial that had the Rocky theme.

Wow. Okay.

What a coincidence.

But who is the Godhead? I think John Lovitz is going to play it in a Marvel movie.

Now, because of the bizarre nature of David Ike's press conference with his two wives, David Ike was invited to be interviewed on a primetime chat show called Wogen, presented by a well-respected journalist named Sir Terry Wogen.

Sir Terry Wogen. I don't know what this show was. Was it Sally, Jesse, Raphael?

No, it's like- It's a woke Joe Wogen.

Joe Wogen.

It's more like a David Frost.

Okay, so it was a serious journalism.

It was a serious chat show, yeah.

Because the reaction, it It felt like he went to be on fucking... What's his name? Like he was on- Kavit? No, it felt like he was on Springer.

Springer? Oh, no.

The environment you'll be in.

Yeah, the environment was a little rowdy, but no, Sir Terry Wogen was a serious man, from what I could tell him. I might be getting a bunch of emails saying that he was like, I don't know, like John Cleese, and I just don't know it. But from what I read, he seemed fine. Okay. See, in this, Terry Wogen had a household name who had quite suddenly lost his mind obviously wanted to talk about it. So Ike was a no-brainer for a guest. Oh, yeah. But while Ike thought that this was going to be a national platform to tell people his truth, it was instead the most humiliating experience of his life. After Ike went on and on during the interview about the true history of the world being lost for 12,000 years, how the world was going to end, but in a positive way, and that great disasters were going to befall Great Britain within 12 months, Wogen went in for the kill. Wogen asked as many questions as he could through David Ike's steamroll style of being interviewed. But Wogen was also able to make a couple of jokes, much to the delight of the audience.

The atmosphere prompted this absolutely devastating exchange. You know the best way of removing negativity is to laugh and be joyous. I'm delighted that there's so much laughter in the audience tonight. But no, it's it. But just let me say this. They're laughing at you. They're not laughing with you. Fine.

Sheesh. I could see how... I've had seminal bombs. I've had bombs in my lifetime doing comedy that have taught me lessons that I needed to learn. I've walked up, I failed extremely badly, and then you're like, Okay, we need to revisit this. We need to think about how we're approaching these various things. He decided that this was his ridicule thing. This is the moment where he's like, Oh, this is my thing now.

Yeah, he doubled down instead of rewriting.

Nobody has doubled down more than KFC than fucking David Ike. David Ike has sex doubled down. I don't think he's ever been up. He has so doubled down. He is His head is sticking out of his mouth, which is up his ass.

Nice.

Now, that 15-minute interview absolutely destroyed both David Ike's reputation and his ego, making him a permanent figure of ridicule. But it also hardened his resolve. Ike had two choices: give up and backtrack or go all in. We're going all in. Yeah, David, of course, went all in. Like a cult of one, he would continually up the ante year after year with increasingly unbelievable claims. I think all to keep himself believing in everything he was saying, because that's the thing about cults. That's why cults get bad, because the cult leader always has to have something new. They always have to have a new crazy fucking thing for everybody to follow. That's how Heaven's Gate went from a bunch of nerds to a bunch of nerds chopping their balls off to be in debt.

You just have to keep because you have to stay ahead of the crew. You got to stay because if you lose lose them, they could potentially fucking kill you. You know what I mean? They could all freak out. You're trying to constantly monitor this group. A cult leader always, in our minds, either has one foot in the belief system and one foot out. David Ike is somebody that I am still puzzled. We keep talking of how much he believed because of the way he doubles down and how much he talks. But then partially, I wonder if that is, again, another one of those things that he's doing on purpose. He's like, Look how real I am. I don't shut up.

I think his thing is that he talks and he writes, but he doesn't think. That's how he stays where he is.

Is he popular? Do people believe and follow him?

We're going to get into that more in episode 2, but let's just say that 3% of Americans believe that reptilians are real and they do run the government.

God, so fucking depressing. I mean, I was one of them for a long time, and I'm not putting against the reptilians, but I also feel like, don't they want to do something else? Don't they want to be in show business? They are.

Nice. Now, around the time of the Wogen debacle, Ike's thruple fell apart, and Deborah Shaw left after she got pregnant. After she gave birth, Shaw told David that she didn't want him to have anything to do with their child's life, which was a request David honored. But from that, the media piled on by saying that Ike had abandoned the child and was inventing a religion only to sleep with women. No. Although the likely explanation is that Shah was kicked out by Ike's wife once the turquoise triangle got a little too real.

I'm just going to put this again. Even for David Ike, they don't work. Don't open your marriage. No. Unless you've already been talking about it for a long time, and you both do. That is my advice. Don't do it because it's hard. Because if David Ike can't keep two women happy and one of them thinks he's the son of the Godhead, are you going to do it?

I don't know. I've seen Thrupple's work I've seen throuples fail, but I have seen a lot more throuples fail than I've seen throuples work.

You just got to get that dick game strong. You got to be good at texting, know what proper emojis to use, and then also, don't... I think turquoise is not a sexy color.

Also, don't name it. Don't name your throuple.

Don't name the throuple.

You're not a team.

Don't name it.

But after publishing a couple more books that were more or less harmless, David Ike pivoted to full conspiracy mode. Ike began writing about globalists, which, as we all know, is code for Jewish folk.

He was looking for a model. He was looking for a model for his giant leetmotif conspiracy theory to fit in.

Because he didn't really have much of a conspiracy theory at this point. He had a very vague conspiracy theory.

He was way into end of Earth predictions, but it was always this thing where it could never be negative. It always had to be positive. The Earth had to go through all of this upheaval because if not, the Earth would explode, or he said not exist, or some garbage.

Something. He'd been saying in Truth Vibrations that the Earth's history had been lost for the last 12,000 years. The 12,000 years ago, there was a great cataclysmic upheaval that destroyed Atlantis and Lemuria, and we've been working to get back to that truth ever since. But then that's the thing is that in order to keep that going, he had to ask, Well, who were the ones that caused the cataclysm? Who is it that's keeping us down? He has to- It was Venus. It was Venus?

Venus got too close when Nubiro hit Planet X and it split up, and then we were made at Earth. Then Venus came by too close to the former planet Earth. Then the ice from Venus is the reason why we have ice on Earth.

I hope some people die in the next episode.

Well, a lot of people are going to pretend die in this episode. Okay, fun.

Let's go. Yeah.

Well, in 1994, Ike wrote a called The Robot's Rebellion, in which he claimed that a shadowy cabal that may or may not be made up of extraterrestrials controlled the world.

What do you think of that? What is it? Put that in your brain. Think about that one.

This plan, he wrote, was laid out in the anti-Semitic Forgery, The Protocols of the elders of Zion, which is the go-to text for anti-Semites who claim that the Jewish people are subhumans, hell-bent on total world domination. Are you familiar with the protocols?

Oh, yeah. Actually, do you not see his back tattoo? It's every word of it written on it.

It's crazy to me.

I fucked up, though. I put it on left to right.

The Protocols of the Elders of Zion, just so you know, are the proof that Jewish people run the world.

Yeah, and it was a forgery written by the Russian secret police many, many, many years ago in order to justify programs.

You know how many Jewish people I know that have asked to borrow money from me?

Have you thought about going down to the pet store and talking to some of the iguanas?

But Ike had an- Because that's his big thing.

He's against banks. David Ike is so against banks.

Because of the Rothschilds.

But it's the thing. He's against the concept of you loan money and they pay you a percentage, which is, again, they get a percentage more on the loan. Usury. Usury. He's against usury. But that is, again, that's another weird anti-Semitic thing. It's too much not anti-Semitic.

You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Well, that's the whole thing about Jewish people and why Jewish people got into banking is because they were pushed out of so many other professions that they had to figure out how the fuck to survive. Back in the day, Christians actually were against usury. It's in the Bible. Oh, yes.

That's why Jesus destroyed the fucking all the guys in the thing. When he was like, Yeah, you fuck, bitch. And he'd come out and he was like, Then he teabagged the guy.

Which people also use as an anti-Semitic thing by saying that Jesus was going into a den of thiebs leaves, which some people think is code for Jews. But the thing is, the reason why the Jewish people got into banking is because Judaism has no law against usury, has no law against interest. That's why Jewish people started banking is because it was a fucking service that needed to be there. Rour money, pay the interest back, so on and so forth. But now, of course, you've got, I mean, how many fucking Christian bankers do we have today? Quite a few, even though in the Bible, it says that you should not charge interest against the rules.

The banking becca of America Charlotte.

I say we give the banks to the robots.

It's the same reason the Jews started Hollywood, because they were pushed out of every other fucking industry, and they came all the way out to Los Angeles, and they fucking started performing because it was the only thing they were allowed to do because performers were supposed to be lesser than people. Now we're better than them.

Now we're better than them. I thought they went to California because they're used to the desert.

I Can we point out that you're Jewish?

I would like to point that out at this point.

Well, he's half Jewish.

My father's Jewish, my mother's Catholic, I'm an atheist. All right. Yeah.

Great.

Yeah. There you go, everybody.

I'd still get angry.

He's one of them. When people talk bad about the Jews, I still get mad.

But Ike had an explanation proving that all of this was not anti-Semitic at all. In his world, it wasn't the Jews that were behind the protocols of the elders of Zion, but the Illuminati. It just so happened that the Illuminati were mostly Jewish. This, I'm just saying, logic would become a hallmark of David's career.

What'd you think about that? Yeah. You give a little think about that.

I think that fucking Shine sounds like a Jewish last name. That's what I think.

I should probably change it from like, Shineoli.

This logic also got David dropped by his publisher. After the Robots Rebellion- That's how it goes, bro. Yeah. After the Robots Rebellion, Ike even harder against the Jews with a book called, And the Truth Shall Set You Free.

Sometimes the truth sets you free from your publishing contract.

Now, while the anti-Semitism and the Robot's Rebellion skated by, and the truth Shall set you free, was way too anti-Semitic for his publisher who refused to print it. And so, Ike entered into the world of self-publishing, where he remains to this day.

Because the only person that's going to say no to you is you. That's right. And you know what I do every day? I say no.

Bezos will put out any fucking book.

Any book. But after the book in which he claims Jewish people themselves partially funded the Holocaust, he unleashed his magnum opus- Flip over this fucking table. He unleashed his magnum opus, Upon the World. This volume would make Ike famous the world over, exposing the hidden history of life, the universe, and everything. In other words, it's time for us to finally get into the history of the reptilian, as was laid out in David Ike's 600-page book, The Biggest Secret.

Okay, so sit down. This next segment should only take five or six hours. We're really going to get into it. I still believe that he just found a fun image, and he ran with it. But we'll get.

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That's as good as being there. That's as good as experiencing.

They published their own version that was very similar to David Ike's. The way the Cosmic Awareness put it, many of the political leaders of our world have been switched with cloned robotoids, that was their word, that were piloted by interdimensional reptilians. This is pretty damn close to one form of reptilians that Ike discusses.

But did they take 600 pages to describe it? I don't think so.

It was basically a newsletter, which I'm sure David Ike read because he was in that scene. More interestingly, though, is the theory I've seen from multiple sources that says that the idea for reptilians came from none other than Robert E. Howard, creator of Conanan the Barbarian. I'm a massive Conanan guy, by the way.

I love Conanan. I love Conanan. I love the books, the actual short stories, the Konan, the Barbarian, are great.

I love the comic books and the movies, of course. I'll watch any sword and accessory movie that has ever been made. I fucking love them.

The guy that wrote Konan, Robert E. Howard, is this very interesting character where he was closeted gay, and then he committed suicide. It was a whole thing, but he's like, get this dark, crazy... It's a great story. You love it.

I'll get into that. See, I never went past Oliver Stone.

I love the movie, though. I think the The movie's fantastic, too.

The movie's great. Yeah, no, Cone of the Barbarian. It's incredible. Such an amazing. Yeah. Such an amazing. Drawing upon the writings of Madame Helena Blowatsky, Howard used her versions of Atlantis and Lemuria, amongst other theosophical ideas, to create a race of serpentmen for Cona to crush and see them driven before him and to hear the lamentation of their women.

Lamentation of the women.

Robert E. Howard's lizard people had human bodies and snake heads, but they could use their shapeshifting and mind control abilities to infiltrate humanity from their underground Heidi holds. Combine this with the description in the cosmic awareness, and you've got the broad strokes David Ike used to create his own reptilian race.

I also don't think it was that big of a jump. I think that he was every single, let's just go out and say a conman. This is a conman. With Madame Blowatsky and Alastair Crowley, part of what they were trying to do was give you some mastery over whatever you think about magical abilities or the being able to harness the esoteric arts. The goal was to open up the coffers so that you can understand and then you can go and maybe experience some of these things on your own. I think that's however you want to deal with it. Obviously, Madame Blowatsky had semi-accult, but mostly it was a series of people taking care of her and shoot, but mostly it was not innocent, but it was It was for thoughts for thoughts' sake. Maybe you could get something out of this practice.

The Nazis did take quite a few ideas from me.

Well, that was the issue. It's been a big part. But the thing with David Ike is that I still feel that everybody's looking for their fan. What's their gimmick? For a while, he was trying the turquoise, and it was dumb. Then he was trying the normal woo-we-wo, like, Oh, we got to get out of our own way. We're all psychic beings, and we're going through every 10 years. Because the first time it was supposed to be 1997 was the end of the world. Then it was like 2001 was the end of the world. Then he did all these, and then 2012 was going to be the end of the world. All this fucking bullshit. He couldn't put all these together. He couldn't really figure it out. I think that there There are several things as that he found this. He also brings up Robert E. Howard. He talks about reptilians just being an awesome villain in general. Because there was a lot of talk. If you look at other people that have talked about alien abduction materials, people who have dealt with alien abductions have They've talked about there being a Gray and a Mantis and a Reptilian all hanging out.

They're all a team of rivals working on the ship together. People have talked about seeing that imagery. But he got into Nosticism and he saw the Archons. You was looking for a thing. You could be like, this shit's always been this way. So he saw the Archons, and they were lightly described as dragonlike, as lizardlike. The Archons are the villain of the Nostic world, which is this idea They're thought forms that are coming to corrupt us, and they're stealing our energy.

I thought Christ was the villain of the agnostic world.

I'll give you a book on Nosticism. You'll go to sleep on top of it.

I'll give you the Invisibles. You'll love it and understand it even better.

You might. But I think he took that and he was like, That's it. Then he got into the... He started looking up. I think he went to the library and he's like, Famous Snicks. He just went, Famous Snicks. When will this come up? Then he discovered that the concept of the Anunaki and the idea of these snake people or lizard-headed people because his idea is then you take every piece of what is… Gilgamesh talks about lizard people. Other things talk about have little dragon-like characters. Instead of him saying in his head, Oh, this is allegory, poetry, fiction for thousands of years ago, he's just like, Oh, now I see. If I tell you it's a bit of real, then maybe you think about it different. What do you think about that? I tell you it's actually completely real. Hieroglyphs, they weren't comic books. They were picture books. They just take it. It's like a photography. A man came, big horsehead man. He came into the room and everyone's like, Oh, here he goes. And nobody's scared of him because they're used to him. They make the big guy in the hieroglyphs. He's bigger than the rest of them.

Oh, it might be symbolic that he was more culturally important. That's where I got your ass in a fucking cage. He was taller than them. He was just physically larger than them. It's an exact photo representation of those people.

Yeah, he just talks. Help me.

This book was supposed to this sense here.

I got to break you out of this. Children of the Matrix.

It says, The most comprehensive explanation ever written of the reptilian manipulation of human society. It is 499 pages long.

I've known you for 22 years. I don't think I've ever not listened to you more.

Now, one of David Ike's many goals with the biggest secret is to chart the history of the interbreeding tribe of bloodlines that control the world today, thereby revealing the true nature of the G, A, Global Agenda. This conspiracy is three-pronged. Remove those who are a threat to the agenda, use those in positions of power to enact the agenda, and create problematic events so the people in power can come forth with a solution, thereby subconscious ensuring that the world has faith in the institutions that serve the agenda.

David acts like he made it up. He called it problem, reaction, solution. Yeah. He said he made that up, and he didn't. It's called a false flag.

It's been people have been around.

It's been around for- Ancient history.

Over millennia, the bloodlines have created a network of mystery schools like the Hermatic Order of the Golden Dawn and secret societies like the Freemasons to covertly introduce said agenda while simultaneously creating all religions to mentally imprison the the masses and give convenient excuses for wars when needed. Even though there are some women involved, like a certain HRC.

Yeah, somebody get the balsa wood because somebody's cage needs to be relined.

This is my favorite part.

The conspirators are overwhelmingly male, and since they go back to Babylonian times, David Ike refers them as the Babylonian Brotherhood.

Or Brotherhood of the flame. And Brotherhood of the Serpent.

Yes. Basically, Basically, everything of consequence that's ever happened in human history is due to the machinations of the Brotherhood.

That's where you're a fucking idiot, Eddie.

I feel like one, that's for sure.

The Brotherhood includes, amongst other lesser bloodlines, the British and European royalties, along with all of their aristocracies, every Duke, every... What are some of the other ones? Dowagers.

I don't fucking know.

Dowager Countesses. There's also the Rothschild Banking family, the Rockefellers, Probably all the US presidents. Most. Most of them. Probably all.

The Sheriff of Nottingham.

He was in it. He was bad.

Martin Luther King senior.

Yeah, man. Winnie the Pooh. He's real.

And all United States bankers. But I'm sure that you know all that being the thinking people that you are. Oh, yeah.

Everybody's already fucking at their local bank asking for their money in gold coin.

But what you didn't know is that there's a secret behind this secret, the biggest secret. That secret is that the global agenda is created, controlled, and guided by an alien race called the Reptilians.

There's a guy They're the deer, the ones doing it.

It makes sense that they're named after a creature on Earth.

But it has not always been here on Earth. Let's not get too far ahead of ourselves, my friend.

Also, one of the more biologically imperative explanations is that the lizards, naturally, they come from a world where instead of the primate getting consciousness, it was the lizard.

Now, as far as where these reptilians came from and when they got here, Ike quotes ancient alien author, Zechariah Sitchin, in his claim that the reptilians were first known on Earth as the Anunaki.

They were believed at first, I think, to hail from the planet Nibiru, which collided with one of its moons to create our Solar System's asteroid belt.

From what Henry has told me, well, we already went through all that when Neptune- You want me to do it again?

It's Venus. Well, Nibiru clash into planet X, and then it split off into Earth and Venus, and then Venus gave us our ice.

That's why we have ice.

Yes, but at the beginning- Venus is hotter than Earth.

Because it's closer to the sun. It was just on its way- On its way to have ice.

It's why we have ice. Because Earth used to be totally tropical, and the only people who lived on Earth were Black people. On Mars, which was closer the sun at the time because it got moved out during the explosion was filled with mystical technological events, white people. Then when the shift changed, when Mars got knocked out of orbit, all of the magical white people from Mars jumped on the planet Earth, killed all the Black people here. But then the reptilian showed up on the planet Earth and took all the white people, fucked a bunch of them, made a bunch of people, then would go on to become the Black nobility. Those bloodlines would go on to take care of the planet Earth from then on.

So are Black people not reptilians?

No.

No. Actually, he I said David Ike- Except for Barack Obama, but it's a white part.

Except for Barack Obama, but he's half white.

Yeah, exactly. No, from what- Again, it's because he's from white. From what David Ike says, the only royalty that is not reptilian is African royalty.

Okay. I can get behind that.

There's always something. That's the thing, though. That's the hook. He's got you hooked. Now, the beings known as the Anunaki first came to Earth 450,000 years ago. To the date. Before the destruction of Nibiru, so they could enslave humans to mine gold, which could then be shipped to their home world. But the headline here is that the reptilian Anunaki are the reason why there are so many serpent gods throughout human history. David Ike discovered more about the secret history of the world from an African shaman named Credo Mutwa, who we mentioned in our sexual liaisons with the Alien episode. Credo was the guy who had a bad experience with the Grays and pissed on an alien's chest before being forced to have sex with a blonde monster woman's screw on vagina.

Hey, man, we've all been 25.

But outside of the Grays, Credo Mutwa had extensive knowledge of all the alien races that have been lovingly and meticulously cataloged on Bibliotheca Pleiadis these many years. Yes. These races include the Pleiadians.

Space hippies.

The Plejarians.

I actually am not sure of the Pleadiians.

I think the Pleadiians and the Pleadiians are the same.

You're being racist.

Weren't the Plejarians? Wasn't that a Dave Huggins thing?

Let me check my encyclopedias. Continue.

The Pleadiians represent all of his plagiarisms.

Yes. Billy Meyer. Billy Meyer.

Thank you. Billy Meyer was the plagiarians.

Was he the cleaning guy?

That's Billy Mays. Billy Mays. Fervent enthusiasm. I love that guy.

Yeah. Billy Meyer was a totally different guy.

He created fake UFO photos, and he convinced a bunch of people that he was a guy, but he He was just a weird fat Swedish guy.

Yeah, he had sex with, I think, Asket, Simjasi, Pata. There was all kinds of stuff going on. Good for him. Yeah. No, he had fun. He had a lot of fun. But this guy, Credo Mutla, also-Who's a very interesting guy. He's a very interesting man. Very, very interesting. But he had knowledge of the Draconians, a. K. A. The Reptilians. Reptilians, by the way, control the Grays. You know the Grays, the ones that they got?

Yeah, I The Draconians rule the Reptilians.

All right. The Draconians rule the Rept... But I think that... Don't the Draconians rule the Reptilian hybrids? No.

That's Tesla.

Well, according to Credo, the reptilians have controlled humanity for thousands of years, but they've been a part of Earth's history for 350 million years. Or I guess the Draconians.

Draconians are the ones of the planners. The reptilians are the foot soldiers of the draconians. The reptilians work alongside the Grays. The Grays are controlled by the Tall Grays and the Tall Whites.

Well, all reptiles and dinosaurs descend from the draconians, right? But some of these dinosaurs evolved into bipedal humanoids who maintain control over the mamillion humanoids and those are the reptilians, right? The funky ones.

The funky ones. The Larry King.

Yes. Larry King. These evolved dinosaurs also created hybrid programs that have been going on for hundreds of thousands of years. That's how we got Arian race, which means Nazis are reptilians, or at least the high-ranking ones were. Hitler was definitely reptilian.

Oh, yes, very much so. He made sure he said that.

Yeah, he made sure to say that Hitler was a reptilian, therefore not anti-Semitic. He's not anti-Semitic. Because he doesn't like Hitler. Yeah.

There you go.

Now, according to Credo Mutua, part of the reason why reptilians maintain control over humans, part of the reason, and tell me if this sounds familiar, is so humans can be harvested for their adrenaline, and the adrenaline of children is the most potent and sought after. It is. This is right.

It's delicious.

Those little fuckers, man, they go. I'm sitting there, I'm hanging out with my nieces and nephews, and they're running around in circles. I'm like, What the fuck will this stop?

You promised me you'd send me her pituitary glance.

Oh, absolutely.

I got an ice cream scoop I'll give you before you leave next time you see go back to Cleveland.

As soon as the fucking check clears.

Well, this is right out of the Q-Anon playbook. Or should I say that the four cham pranksters who created Qu'Anon took a page from the Reptilian playbook.

Which has been around since the beginning of fucking time.

This is exactly where the Qu'Anon belief that Democrats harvest children for adrenochrome comes from, because Qu'Anon is nothing more than a cobbling together of the edgiest conspiracies out there, which makes sense, considering how it came from the edgiest place on the internet, 4chan.

Also, you know that Credo Mutwa believed that he was making prophetic sculptures, and there was a belief that he predicted that AIDS was going to be a thing because he made this sculpture of a king with a huge dick, and he had a bunch of lesions, which looked like lesions on the dick that were in the exact shape as the AIDS ribbon.

I mean, all ribbons have the same shape, no?

No. Yeah. Like the little...

Yeah, the loop.

The loop.

What color is the Aids ribbon again?

Red.

Red? I know the yellow ribbon has the same shape as the red ribbon. The blue ribbon.

Yeah. I don't know, buddy. It's on the dick.

How dare you?

Ribboned for no one's pleasure.

No, it's not.

Now, according to David Ike, there are three suggested origins for the reptilians. The first The three is that they're just aliens.

Which is, yeah, they're just aliens.

The second is that they're interterrestrials hailing from the hollow Earth. The third is that they're from another dimension, and they manipulate humanity by possessing human bodies.

And that the only way they can be in this reality is by generating like human body or puppetting humans from the other dimension.

It makes sense that Earth is hollow because it's just floating in space. Otherwise, it would just sink. Exactly.

The hollowing, you are fucking catching on, bro.

Have you ever walked up to a hole on the Earth and just go…

You're blowing it like a beer bottle. That's a fluter. It's a fluter. Oh, no. Here it comes. It's fluter. Andre, fucking 3001. Yeah, dude.

Fucking, whoa.

Well, David Ike writes that all three of these are true because Ike is incapable of making a decision when it comes to the narratives he creates. Because then he would- I like all of them.

But you know why? Because if not, it shuts off one of the lines that he can talk about. Exactly. He has no way to wiggle back out. Yep.

Now, in the extraterrestrial theory, the alien reptilians that help control Earth come from the Draco constellation, making them the Draconians. Some of them do. Yeah, some of them do. The bosses do. But Draconians, they have wings, right? Some of them have wings and some of them don't.

Grand Draconians have wings.

Well, the wing and ones are supposedly where the story of Dracula comes from. Dragon, Draco, Dracula. Yeah, that easy.

I'm on it. That fucking Alpha Draconians.

Alpha Draconians, okay.

But the thing is, if there are a bunch of stars make up a constellation, then each one of those stars has their own fucking galaxy, and they could be millions of miles away from all the other stars.

You think he's thinking too much?

Yeah, I think you're thinking a little too hard.

I'm trying to think.

It's just ruining me. That's your first problem. Yeah, that's your first problem is that you're starting to think about Ivory Tower science.

Yeah, it's called Victorian physics, mainstream lions, is what you're helping right now. So your brain right now is like this, right? It's like a- Rock card. It's a rock card. Ready to fuck. But you know what you need to do? And it's tight. What you need to do is relax it. To really let that information in there. What you want to do is get that information in there.

So I want to get fucked instead of fucked.

Yeah, you need to be a bottom for knowledge.

You, sir, are living in a postage stamp reality.

Postage stamp. Oh, you're just ready. Oh, I know how it is because I know how it is. It's hard to be there sitting there looking at your game shows, looking at your football games, looking at your little Bippity boos. You're playing the little man. He's hedgehog. Oh, I've never seen a fast hedgehog. Now you tell me, Oh, this one hedgehog is the fastest one of all. He gets a little. What are you telling me? Oh, it's because you don't want to look up because you're afraid of busting your little postage stamp sausage machine, factory lifestyle that you used to. Because you post stamps over here, you sign on it with your tiny little feet, you jump over here. Guess what? Oh, so scared. Now I can see how the sausage is made. Oh, no, I eat sausage. That's why you're ignorant. Suffering from disease.

Why don't you tell me, Ed, what postage stamp reality Sausage Factory means?

I mean, mail me sausage.

He just heard records.

Yeah, PO box 470, North Hollywood, California.

If we could put some dry ice with that, too, honestly. Yeah, a real dry ice. There's a lot of sausage as it travels super well.

I don't want no Jimmy Deed shit either.

I can get that here.

No, no, no. Good sausage. Well, part of the job of the Draconians is to breed with humans to make hybrids because those hybrids can easily be possessed by the interdimensional reptilians. But I could not figure out how the hollow Earth reptilians fit in all this.

They're like cousins.

But how do they fit into the agenda?

There's plenty of space in the middle of the Earth because it's hollow.

No, but they're out.

They were the ones... There are certain packs of reptilians that have been a part of. When the split came off, when the people of Sumeria understood what was going on, were being subjugated by these lizard people, because that's the one thing that the top of the pyramid can never control, which is the base of the pyramid. Because the base of a pyramid, if you remember, it's four sides, it's a square at the bottom. Yeah, it was right. There's a bottom of the pyramid. I was very wrong on that. It's much bigger than the top.

My science project was really bad.

Everybody was upset. Because the base is so much bigger than the top, there's so many more people. That's the thing about the people at the top, as they understand, is that you have to control all of the people at the base. In the Ananaki, they underestimated humankind. The power of all of us When we all combine our fucking thought, matrices together were unstable. The Ananaki couldn't face it. When we combined and we chased them off, some of the Ananaki ran out of the ground. That's where they were forever, constantly monitoring the various secret schools.

The MacBook store closes at five, so I'm really on the clock here.

I'm just here. You wanted an explanation? If I don't come at this this thickly, the emails I'm going to receive, I know that they're coming. There's also people shutting off their cars because they don't understand. This is real. This is what you have to understand.

The fact that the comics bookstore closes at 5:00 just proves that only people without jobs are in comic books.

Hey, a lot of people with jobs.

There are They're open until 7:00. Earth 2 is open until 7:00 on Wednesdays on the day the cow books come out, and they're there all weekend, all weekend long. It's very busy on a Saturday at Earth 2. Oh, yeah. Well, the breeding program is created by the extraterrestrial reptilians have, according to Ike, hard evidence. Oh, yeah. He says that the so-called reptile brain present in humans is proof that reptilians have been futzing around with humans for millennia. This claim is further proved by David's insistence that the pheromones in human women and iguanas are chemically matched.

Okay, I can see that.

Is that why Miami is so horny? Oh, yeah, man.

You look up in those trees, nothing but fucking reptile pus.

That's all I think about. When I look at an iguana and I think of its rough scales and its tiny, razor-sharp teeth and its claws. The first thing I think of is, God, I want to fuck it. I'm going to rail that thing till it's a suck.

Yeah, man. You could make a flesh slide out of an iguana.

Oh, yeah. You just got fucking remove all the stinky parts.

Yeah, you can make a flesh slide out of anything cylindrical and wet.

Anything's wet.

That's right. Thank you for listening.

Stop the end of the episode. We're not even at the end of the episode. We're not even at the end of the biggest secret.

No. Concerning those interdimensional reptilians, Ike says that they are directly involved in Satanism, because when Satanists summon demons, they're actually summiting reptilians from the fourth dimension.

The speech is the Alister Crowley idea that when he was talking to Lamb, Lamb was a fucking alien an entity speaking through him and channeling.

God's not real, but Satan is.

Well, no. Satan is not real. Satan is a reptilian.

Satan is. Well, Satan, what we know as Satan is a reptilian. We don't know anything, Eddie, because we have always been, since the beginning of rational thought in a prison, a holographic prison, created by reptilians. We have no view outside. We actually have never even known God because the reptilians have kept us from doing so.

Okay. But that's the thing is that the fourth dimensional reptilians aren't even the ones in charge. From what I can surmise, it seems like the whole operation is managed by fifth dimensional reptilians.

Which is why they couldn't do COVID until they got 5G.

But he doesn't know a lot about the CEOs of the reptilian agenda. He just glosses over that unless he's learned a lot more since The Biggest Secret, which I'm sure he has.

No, it's all about, you can imagine. That's all it is. Okay. What do you think about that? I can imagine. He just says stuff and he goes, Hey, what do you think about that? Roll that around your vein. Roll that right around there.

I don't think a lot about that.

Oh, it's because you're dumb. You're dumb and I don't want to kiss you no more. I was thinking about it because you got a ladylike version, even though you're a bit of a dude, aren't you?

Well, does anyone beat the shit out of this guy?

I'm sure at one point. At some point, right?

I want to say he got cream pieed.

Yeah. Not that. Not the old-fashioned one.

Over at the BBC.

But as far as reptilians power on Earth go.

You must bottle this sauce. Absolutely incredible. You're scrummy.

This sauce is a bit claggy. Claggy. I don't know if sauce can be claggy, unless you use the sauce to make a cake. Claggy.

There's a lot of stories we've covered with people putting common cupcakes and stuff like that.

That is true, which I would imagine would make the cupcake very claggy.

Did you know that the comic Book store closed as a five?

As far as reptilians and power on Earth go, Ike writes again and again that the British Royal family are reptilians. Yes. As proof, he writes that Princess Diana used to call them lizards and reptilians. She supposedly once told a close confidante who told David Ike that, They're not human.

They're not human, which is why they fucking whacked her.

Yeah. Ike is one of those British people who were absolutely devastated by the death of Princess Diana for some weird fucking reason that I will never understand.

Don't step into these waters. People love Princess Diana. People like, She was a wonderful- I love Princess Diana. She's fine. What do you think is that she was a British person in a royal family that even... The bar was so low for humanity so that her just- How many landmines have you dug up? She was just watching it. I get it. She was watching it from the side.

I get it. She did some good things, but people in England lost their fucking mind.

I think it's because it was such a low bar for humanity for the royal family, and she was a crack in it. They were all like, so watch now. They all think that Kate Middleton's dead, and it's just probably because she's got a colosomy bag. No one wants to see it.

Now, over in America, the full-blooded reptilians are the Rockefellers and the Bush family. But what's interesting is that while Bill Clinton is not a reptilian, even though Ike says that all presidents were probably aliens- That's because he could play the saxophone, which extremely difficult for a reptilian.

Have you seen their lips? Yeah.

And their tongues.

Hillary Clinton is the reptilian in this relationship, which I suppose makes the Rodham family the reptile line. Oh, yeah. David Ike, by the way- She can't even play the skin fluke. David Ike, by the way, was also the first person to say that Hillary Clinton was a blood-sucking, flesh-eating subhuman. He can't be wrong all the time.

I don't think he's the first person to say that.

I think we're looking at Bill being the first person who But he was the one who put this into conspiracy thought.

When Pizzagate came out that said that this woman was eating flesh and this woman was drinking the blood of the innocence, that made sense to the fringes. That gave Pizzagate a little bit more conspiracy weight. When QAnon came out, it fed back, which QAnon came from Pizzagate, it just all feeds back to David Ike.

Well, definitely what David Ike has pushed into the new century.

Yeah, but The most powerful of the reptilian bloodlines is also, just by coincidence, David says, the one that happens to be Jewish.

It's just coincidence.

That bloodline belongs to the Rothschild banking family, who have been subject to anti-Semitic conspiracy theories for centuries and are still a favorite target of modern conspiracies like Alex Jones.

Yeah, well, nobody... It's weird. I'm not going to wear a shirt that goes like the Rothschild. I'm not a fan necessarily.

No, they're one of the oldest wealthiest and largest banking families in history. You don't get there by playing nice. We're not saying they're fucking great people or nothing.

You're a banking family.

But the problem with the Rothschild conspiracies is that they're usually framed as the Rothschilds being the frontmen for Jews everywhere who are all doing their part in a plot to take over the world.

It's way more like Larry David is the frontmen for Jews everywhere.

Where do they stand on the Koch Brothers?

The Koch Brothers- This is right before. Their big thing is George Soros. They Because the Koch Brothers, that's Republican. They don't want to go too far on that side. They want to make sure that it's the Democrats. That's the enemy. Okay, got you. George Soros is a reptilian. George Soros is a lizard. Warren Buffet? Unclear. No way, dude.

No way.

Probably Lizard. Okay. Because he's a banker. I didn't see no.

Jimmy Buffet. Jimmy Buffet, not Warren Buffet.

I don't know if any of them are- Are they related?

No. Man, have they ever been together?

They're fucking...

I mean, Jimmy Buffet's dead now.

They may fucking coined, both of them.

I'll tell you that much. They very much do. I haven't actually seen any... No, Beyoncé is a reptilian. Yes, we know that. Beyoncé is a reptilian. She's black.

But she's special. She's Illuminati.

Yeah, she's Illuminati reptilian, but also a robot. Got you. Yeah. Taylor Swift reptilian.

We know she's a Nazi.

Madonna reptilian. Madonna.

That makes sense.

Does it make sense? Yeah.

She looks horrible. She's morphed into a lizard over here.

She's just got a stylistic thing where she wants to look pregnant.

Well, Ike, of course, uses this concept to great effect by co-opting the Rothschild conspiracies and slotting in the reptilians. At the same time, he claims that he can't be anti-Semitic because the Rothschilds aren't actually Jewish.

The Reptilian. Reptilian. Only their fathers were Jewish.

Okay, good. But either way, Ike wrote that the Rothschilds funded the Holocaust, started the Atlantic slave trade, they run the KKK, they suppress secret disease cures and alien technology, and they've masterminded every attack on Christendom in history. Ike makes this claim in the same breath in which he says that Christianity is also a reptilian institution, but explains that away by saying that Christianity was co-opted by the Reptilians while also saying that Jesus wasn't real because the only mention of Jesus in historical records was written by a Jewish historian who is a reptile.

The biggest secret now available on Amazon. It's because he never wants to be wrong. So everything is included.

Now, the method by which reptilians maintain control over the world is through an interconnecting web of secret societies who have been orchestrating wars, pandemics, and general mayhem for thousands of years.

This has been my big thing I've never understood about this entire... I mean, not saying that this doesn't make sense, but I've been having sometimes understanding this one thing about reptilians, which is why do they need the middlemen of all these secret societies when they can just show up? And rule us all with an iron fist, openly, and take over the entire planet with literally little to no resistance?

Yeah, I think they like the game.

That doesn't make any sense.

Reptiles also have very small brains, and their brains are in the back of their neck.

These are thinking reptiles.

Yeah, these are reptiles who have evolved.

We're not versus the gecko gecko here.

Oh, man, he's British.

Oh, my God.

Well, the free masons are, of course, reptilian, as is the Skull and Bone Society at Yale. Skull and Bones, Ike writes, is a blood drinking Satanic society consisting entirely of reptilian bloodline families.

But there won't be a Jewish person to be found in there. Well, certainly not.

It's like the worst party in the world that I also want to go to. Why?

It just It's a horrible party. It's not going to be good, but I do want it one time. Just let me go to fucking all… Can I go to Bohemian Grove? Yeah.

I won't say anything. Just as long as both of you are okay with getting spanked.

Hand, yes.

Stick, no. No paddle?

No paddle.

What does she look like?

It's not the she, my friend. Well, that's the.

It's the Prescott Push.

I'm still alive. It's going to be the ghost of Henry Kissinger. Or actually, it'll just be the corpse of Henry Kissinger because what I heard is that- It's grandpa's time. Get gramp off. I heard that in Bohemian Grove, they actually have Henry Kissinger's corpse set up like an animatronic doll, and they just put him on this big spring, and they spring them back, and they let go of them, and he spanks you. So that way, Kissinger can spank people for all eternity. Are you lying? No.

Where is Bohemian Grove?

Supposedly. Upstate.

Upstate California. I'll take you. Great. We'll go sometime. Well, additionally, the Night's Templar are reptilian-Oh, these fucking guys, dude.

They're back.

Jesus. The Night's Templar has got nothing to do with this man.

No, they're the Reptilian Enforcement Wing, but their main job is to protect the royal bloodline of the legendary Merovingian family.

I did find that Night's Templar does exist. They just live in Indiana.

Yeah. From what I can tell by their website and from them being from Indiana, it looks just like the KKK by a different name. Marcus.

But they got big fun hoods and lots of jewelry and aprons. They said a lot of stuff, and I didn't see it. Yeah, they might not have been a Black person in the group photo.

Yeah, they got a lot of fun names for each other.

Yeah, like different level of Wizard or different level of tactician.

Well, the legendary Marevindian family. Oh, my God.

It's so funny because you keep coming back to it like it's going to make sense. You keep coming back to the script like this is going to get easier to work through.

It's just getting harder. I wrote this.

I do really applaud you for actually sitting there and trying your absolute best to make a shred of sense.

Because I actually do believe I can already hear people screaming about how long we're spending on this, but I want them to understand the reason why we're walking it through is because of how much these ideas permeate through the rest of conspiracy theory thought from here on out. And so next episode, when we go into that, that's why we're here. So you can see this This is what's in these secret books. This is what's in here. We're doing it for you. We're doing it so that you don't have to go and get accidentally endoctrinated because of this, because my brain's covered with a fucking crust and it doesn't get in.

Well, the line that leads us to January sixth runs directly through the biggest secret. The biggest secret, all this shit is about understanding conspiracy thought in America, where we are, not just America, in the fucking world now. Yes. Because where America goes, so follows the world, unfortunately. Well, the reptilian bloodline of the Merovingians-Oh, man. Includes the Egyptian Pharaoh, Ramsey II, all Roman emperors, every member of the British Royal family, the Bush family, Leonardo da Vinci, Isaac Newton, and Jesus Christ, although Ike, again, had already said that Jesus was a creation of a reptilian Jewish historian. Yes. But as far as the Merovingian legend goes, a Merovingian queen was pregnant by the king, but when she went for a swim in the ocean, she was raped by a quinotaur, which is an aquatic bull with five horns and a fish tail. And at least one dick. The resulting hybrid offspring, which was somehow reptilian despite being the offspring of a fish bull, replaced the first baby, probably by eating it in the womb, became the founder of the Merovingian bloodline. Their present day ancestors are reptoid half-breeds who regularly sell out the rest of humanity to the new world order, which I suppose is the same as the old world order if, as Ike says, the reptilians have been running everything for thousands of years.

That's the problem.

Is that it? It just says whatever. It just fucking whatever. This is an allegory, but everything else you read is fucking picture-perfect fucking reality?

As far as how reptilians stay in power, that's the job of the Rosacrucian, so I know you love. We did it. They scheme and manipulate people in situations to ensure there's always a reptile in driver's seat unless there isn't. Unless there isn't. Jfk, for example, was not a reptile. Although it's never fully explained how we bypassed all these reptilian safeguards to capture the presidency. Catholicism.

No one wanted Catholicism.

Which I guess would mean that Joe Biden is also not a reptile. No Catholic's.

That's right. No Catholics allowed.

No, but he does need a salt lick because if not, he nutrients drop and he does fall down.

No, the Catholics are reptilians because the Pope's hat is shaped like a fish, and that fish- That's what it talks about.

That's what the fish bowl is represented, literally what it's talking about in this just story.

Honestly, if these motherfuckers want to go around, ripping off the hats of cardinals and bishops and popes, I'm all for it.

Yeah, that's what directed at the Pope. If you got rage, go get the Pope.

Well, according to Ike, at least 33 American presidents are of a reptilian bloodline, but probably all of them are also reptilians, except the ones who aren't.

There's some that aren't, but the ones that are, are. Yeah.

Got you. As far as the people sitting next to the seat of power go, it may not surprise you that Henry Kissinger was one of the planet's most active servants of the reptilians.

I tell you what, that's so nice. I'll be a part of something so important. I'll keep the little water bottles full. I'll go out. This way. Henry Kissinger.

Clear your throat. Oh, my God.

I've never done anything. Oh, my God. I've always sounded like this. Saurv Albert.

Yeah. But when it comes to America, America, guess what? Never really existed anyway. At least not in the way that we think it exists.

We ain't solid, idiots.

It's with the illusion of America, as well as how all this goofy fake shit has actually shaped the real world we live in today. It's with all that that we'll return next week for the rest of the Reptilian agenda.

Oh, yeah. It doesn't stop just because you sleep. The Reptilian agenda goes on all night. They're nocturnal.

Exactly. Are they?

Well, alligators.

That's why I advise you for the next several weeks, stay awake.

Yeah. If you're one of those fox who got a lizard in your house, sleep with one eye open.

Just guess what? Today's their January sixth. They're going to rise up. I'm going to bite off your clits. You have to be careful because that's all an iguana wants to do. It just sees you as a big old worm.

Yeah. We're fucked.

The more you worm, the more you squirm. Yeah.

My dad said that. Good advice.

My dad just said that all the time.

Sir Isaac Newton. You reading all this explains to me why you like doing so much.

Me? Yeah. This is easier than Dune for sure. But it's harder at the same time because Dune is nice.

I don't think it's nice.

It's better than this. We go to patreon. Com. Just as long. Last podcast in the last. See some of the incredible visual jokes which I did for you today. You're going to love it. Go to twitch. Tv, twitch. Tv/lpntv to watch all of our new Twitch streams. It's going to be fun to do.

Go follow us on the socials, Instagram and TikTok, which hopefully soon be gone.

But at LP on the left.

It's going to take a while. It's going to be a whole thing.

I know. I know it's not going to be that open and shut. But until then, follow us. Fuck you. Yeah, because then I don't know why. And go and out. Go out. You don't have to go anywhere. Go on your computer and buy tickets to JK Ultra. Last podcast in the left, new tour. We're going to be back out to several North American cities.

Yes, several North American cities. And of course, we're also coming to Australia in August.

We're doing in New Zealand, and so go check it out wherever tickets are sold. Yeah.

Denver and Seattle are up first. Yes. We're coming, you fuckers.

Can we see you? We might also be having a couple of international dates to announce, but we're not going to be talking about that just yet.

Very soon. Yes.

Spin the globe, you fuckers.

Yeah, dude. If you see a lizard, kick it.

Yes, man. I got two cool things coming down the pipeline here. First one is we're doing a second Brighter Side every week now. It's going to come out on Wednesdays, and we're calling it. Are you ready for this?

I'm ready.

Brighterside Stories.

Hell, yeah. He's doing it. He's doing it. He's doing it.

Cross over. Unfortunately, we are going to have to sue him for copyright and breach of the book. That's between you and me, and we'll talk about that in private. We'll talk about that in private. Please sue me.

I need the press. Also, I'm going to be in Tallahassee, Florida. I'm going back. I booked a show. I just want people to come. I'm working for free. I'm doing 15 minutes. What are you doing? I'm going to this place called Bird's Afrodesiac Oyster Shack. Oh, my God, buddy. It's a guy named John Strickland's birthday, and I'm doing 10, 15 minutes on this show. I had to talk my way out to the show.

It was very funny.

Yeah. So please come support. That's on the 23rd of March at 8:00 PM. That's Bird's Afrodesiac Oyster Shack, Tallahassee, Florida. That's hilarious. I can't wait. I'm not getting paid.

No. You get paid in oysters.

It's a free show.

You're like,.

If you to buy me.

If you want to treat me like the Wauwish from Allison Wunderland.

You literally don't do this.

He's going to get gout.

He needs to be careful. I got gout.

Give it to me, baby. I love it. I'll see you guys.

All right, I'll see you next week, guys.

Hale, Satan. Again.

Hale, none of these fucks.

No, man.

You know what I hadn't said in a while? My Gustalations, you all. Thinking about that when I was driving and my mind was wondering the other day, and I should have been paying attention. No.

Well, magustrations to that.

I'm always on autopilot.

Yeah, it's true. It's dangerous in LA. People just walk out in the middle of the street.

Yeah. Pay attention while you drive, both of you.

I let the car...

I'm the person walking in the street.

You're thinking somebody, you know what's nice about you is that you could at least one big hit.

I could take a car. I've actually been hit by a car, jumped on the hood, fell off, and I was fine.

I did, too, but I was fatter.

Yeah, I was fatter then. Yeah.

I would not do well.

No, no.

Just do butt first. Let it go in.

God damn. I'm already eating these oysters.

We got to go.

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