I was scared to come out here for my first show, though, last year. Your heart got what y'all call it, building.

It's a new cuban. Somebody out here got the other one. Y'all robbed my ass last year. I had what? I went to the rental car.

I said, oh, they got me.

The windows was broken down. Everybody was like, well, you shouldn't have left stuff in the car. I was like, I was in front of a Starbucks. White people was walking, but I didn't know they missed me. Someone said, I'm sorry.

See, that was your cousin, wasn't it? Now you feel bad. Tell them to give me my bible back.

What's up, you guys? I'm your host, B. Simone, and welcome to the let's try this again podcast. Let's just try again. Woo.

Baby, let me put my glasses on. Cause I'm so nervous. I don't want y'all to look at me.

Oh, my gosh. I've been screaming all morning. Okay, I'm just gonna leave these on for a second. Don't look cute. Head shaved again.

I'm gonna talk about that, too, y'all. I'm back. I am really a podcaster. This. I was traumatized, okay?

But I am back. Let's try this again. Take two. I almost call this NAFA show. Welcome back to the NAFA show show.

I couldn't think of names. Oh, my gosh. I have a list of names when I say I have over 100 names in my phone. But you know what? Let's try this again.

Was so fitting, and I am so excited to try again. I'm podcasting again, y'all, and I'm so nervous. My lip is sweating. Can y'all see that? Don't zoom in.

Don't play with me. My lip, my nose, y'all. I've been going through so much transition, so many transitions. Like, I set up the podcast at my home because I wanted to feel like you just on the couch with your homegirl, and you're just kicking it and chilling. Not so professional like.

Hello. Welcome back to the let's try this again podcast with B. Simone. Today we're gonna be talking. We're not doing all that.

We at the crib. We chilling. I got my blanket. I got my red bull. Y'all know I'm sober.

This is Red Bull. This is not liquor. Okay? Don't play. This is Red Bull for a little energy, and I'm doing it again.

I wish I could see everything. Y'all gonna see the behind the scenes, but, like, it's a real production in my house. And I was really nervous to podcast again. I'm like, over the years, things that I have tried and failures publicly have been so magnified that it really puts you into a space of like, should I do it again? And I feel like I named the podcast.

Let's try this again. Because number one, not only is that what my whole career and life has been built on, like, publicly and privately just being resilient, but I feel like so many people can relate. Let's try this again. It's not just about me potting. It's about anything in life.

Whether it's a divorce, whether it's a miscarriage, whether it's a friend breakup, whether it's a romantic breakup, whether it's a business idea, whether it's a failed business idea. You have had to try again in life. And that is what this podcast is about. Resilience and pushing through the hard times. Not giving up and trying it again.

Pivoting. Whether you're trying it again the same way. Whether you're trying it again a different way with different ideas. Whether you're trying to get along. Okay, sometimes you just got to get back up alone and walk down that path alone.

So that's what this is about. And I'm going to tell y'all about my journey on how I decided to pot. It is seven months from me potting. And I did not want to podcast again. I really didn't.

But I look back over the history of my career, like my YouTube and me vlogging. I'm like, braylon, you've been podcasting. If y'all didn't know, that's my name. B. Simone.

Dubee. Stanford. Braylon. It's such a cute name. Ooh.

When I have a kid, I really hope my husband is down with this, because I haven't talked to him about it, because I don't know who my husband is, but I want my first child's name to be Braylon. Isn't that so cute? Even this is a little girl. Okay, anyways, y'all know I'll be distracted, but Braylon, that's cute. So, yeah, babe, if you're out there, are you okay with that?

You're probably watching. Hey, hubby. Waiting on my ring. Let's try this again. Okay, so where was I?

Y'all see how I veered off looking back at the history of my career? Yeah. So just trying again, being resilient. And I got. I did not want a pod, and I decided to do a fast for the month of March 30 day fast until my birthday.

My birthday is April 5. So I'm fasting. My prayer was, God give me clarity, God give me innovation, give me creativity, give me new ideas. Show me where you want me to go in my career and help me with forgiveness. Those are the biggest things I've been working on, forgiving people that hurt me and forgiving myself for allowing the hurt.

Nobody is doing anything to you that you don't allow. So even though the manipulation, the abuse, the narcissism, I don't even know the definition of narcissism. Gaslighting, your gaslighting, whatever those things are, even though people are doing that, we still give them space to do so. So you have to decide when you're going to walk away, when you're going to say no, when you're going to stand up for yourself. And I've been dealing with that, forgiving myself for allowing certain things in my life.

So all of those things I worked on during my fast, right? And I'm like, I'm going to fast for clarity, for my career, for what's the next steps. I'm on tour right now. Yes, I love stand up, but I also love vlogging, I love potting, I love talking and being goofy and my funny self. So during my fast, most of my fast, I was in the Virgin Islands filming a movie.

And I'm laying in the bed, y'all. When I say weeping, like just crying, nothing really even triggered it. I probably cried every day during that fast. 90% of the time just crying, feeling like in a weird place, not really feeling anchored and confident and bold in the next step. So I'm just sitting and all of a sudden I get this download from God and I just start writing down podcast names.

I don't even know why I went straight to that because I had no intention on potting. And I wrote podcast names, episode ideas. I just started writing. I'm bawling in the bed in the Virgin Islands after we wrapped that day. And I'm just crying, right?

And I'm writing all these names down. Some of them are not even gonna share. They're so corny. Never give up. Laugh and live.

Love life. God loves you. You're God's child. It's like, fight through the pain, wipe the tears and take another step. It's like, good Lord.

You can tell you're depressed, you can tell you going through it. Never let the tear fall from your eye. Once again, Pod. It's like, baby girl, you need to heal. Okay, so I have 165 depressing names, and then I got to the end, happy and healing, just another girl in this crazy world.

I'm like, okay, you're losing it. Okay, relax. That's so terrible. I have assumed. Don't get carried away.

Start over tomorrow. It's never too late for another chance. I'm like, are you trying to get a podcast name or write a blog? Because this is a complete paragraph, girl, so it's not a big deal. Don't be so serious.

Never let the stress take you away. So, y'all, I'm really in the bed crying and really just writing down podcast names. But the last name I wrote down was, well, first I put, let's try again. And then the last name I wrote down was, let's try this again. I was like, oh, my God.

Like, that is literally what life is about. Resilience and not giving up and propelling forward into your purpose no matter what that looks like. So I wrote the description. I'm gonna share that little bit of the description with y'all, cuz I want y'all to understand what I want this platform to feel like, what I want it to look like. As y'all can see, I'm barely no makeup on.

Y'all know I don't wear makeup anyway, y'all been on that from no show. But mascara, a little lash, a brow, and a cover. I just want it to feel like home. I want it to be fun, funny, encouraging. There's so much duality to me.

I have a deep side to me. I have the healing part. I have the part that's chasing God, right? I have the part that is following Christ, that is this woman or this girl becoming a woman in her faith. And then I have the crazy part of me, the funny part of me, my personality, my gift of laughter.

And I want this platform to feel like that. So I wrote the description. You can read it when I say I wrote this in literally 30 seconds of, like, all of these names. That's why they're freaking horrible. But they came to me within seconds, within minutes.

It wasn't like I dwelled on this for hours in the bed. I literally. This was during my fast. And the description, this is exactly how I want my podcast to feel. Stand up comedian, actress, and entrepreneur B.

Simone virtually documents and takes us on her healing journey while still laughing through her pain. The podcast will highlight the importance of not letting pain and disappointment, excuse me, taint you or make you bitter, but instead propel you forward into life's beautiful second chances. LTTA is all about resilience, finding purpose, healing. But having fun and enjoying life while doing it on earth as it is in heaven. Y'all know that's biblical.

I want everything God has for me, not only after I die and go to heaven, but I want the best luxury life possible here on earth. I'm not just talking about financial luxury. I'm talking about physically, emotionally, spiritually, the best life. We can talk about reaching the best life here on earth. Let's heal.

We gonna cry together. We gonna laugh together, but we'll go on this journey and not take every little thing in life so serious because no one gets out alive anyway. Life is all about infinite chances. Don't quit now. Just try again.

And I literally wrote that. I was like, yo, that's it. Like, I'm starting a podcast. I'm a podcaster again. And that fast literally got me my answer into my next step, which is why you all are here.

So that is what this platform is about. Let's try again. And it's such a mirror of my personality, the duality of the serious aspects. Yes, you're going to cry. Yes, you're going to hurt.

Yes, you're going to fail. But finding the peace, the light, the other side, and the laughter in that pain, like, sometimes you got to laugh through it, and sometimes it ain't funny, right? But once you start healing and getting through it, you can look back and be like, okay, we're at a better place now I'm good now. Now I can not take every little thing so serious. You remember your first heartbreak?

And you was so down in the. My first heartbreak, I was literally. I remember laying on my grandmother's lap and her rubbing my head, and I'm looking back like, girl, if you don't. What? Like, that first heartbreak is always so horrible in the moment, and you look back like, you laugh at that.

Like, I cannot even believe I dated that nigga. What the hell, you know? So that's what this is about. And. Yeah.

Welcome to the podcast. It's the first episode. That whole journey was just really, really beautiful. And it's so crazy, because right after I got back from the Virgin Islands, I went to church. I go to change church here in Atlanta with pastor Darius Daniels.

Is the pastor first lady Shameka, and his sermon was so on point. I challenge you guys to go to YouTube and watch it. It was. What was the name of the sermon? I'm looking for more.

I'm looking for more. I'm looking for something. Part two I'm looking for more. It was so good. And he talked about Luke five, where they were on the boat and they were casting out their nets over and over and over and over and over and over, all night, working.

Like, imagine going to work. Like, I had this. These moments as a waitress. You waitressing all day, and you leaving with $10 worth of tips. It's like, I wasted all these hours.

I'm not making no money. What the hell, right? So, Luke five, they're casting out their nets over and over and over and over, and they get nothing. And Jesus, literally, he was like, let's try this again. He didn't really say that, I don't think.

But basically, he told them to cast out their nets again. And they were like, we have been here all day. Like, we've been doing that. We've been doing it. He told them to do it again, and they brought up so many fish that their nets broke.

So the fact that that was the sermon after I decided, number one, this title and to come back into potting was just double confirmation. Like, just do it. Just do it. You know? So that sermon was so good, y'all, please watch it.

The resilience of you. You giving up before you have the success, you're going to have to do it over and over, y'all. If you look at my career publicly, y'all have only seen a morsel of the things I have had to fight publicly, get back up and do over and over. That's not even half of what I'm dealing with outside. Outside of the cameras, outside of social media, outside of what y'all see on the Internet.

But y'all have seen me fight some public battles from being canceled, from the whole book situation, from things that I've said, the nine to five comments, anything that has drugged me publicly, I've had to be resilient and come back from. And that is not only my story, that's y'all's story, too. So I challenge you to read. I mean, watched that sermon, Luke five, where he talks about that, but the fact that that was the sermon, it was just south fucking good. Excuse my language app.

Y'all know I'm still working on my mouth. It's like I've been saved for ten months. Please. I've been cussing for 25. Give me a second to get my mouth in my mind, right?

Y'all gonna hear a little bit of cuss words. Okay, bitch. Now, look. So, yeah, that's why I started this platform. And that sermon was so good.

I know, a lot of you are like, okay, well, what happened with the other platform and what happened initially that was September, October, November, December, January framework. I resigned from know for sure seven months ago. I walked away from that platform seven months ago. And it was not an impulsive decision. It wasn't an easy decision.

It took a lot of time, effort, thought, prayer, fasting, and I'm so glad that I've had time to heal, not fully healed. I lost a relationship. I walked away from a major, I walked away from my baby. Anytime I birth a business and put my all financially, mentally, emotionally into that, it is my baby. I don't have kids.

I'm a serial entrepreneur. So when I am birthing something, it's my businesses. B. Simone Beauty podcast, clothing line, merch cosmetics, stand up. Those are my babies.

And I put my all into it and know for sure was no different. It just was time for me to walk away. And like I said, God gave me a lot of clarity through fasting, praying and being patient. It wasn't an impulsive decision, but I'm glad that I get to talk about it now because you have to take time before you speak on something. And some things don't need to be spoken publicly.

Like some you don't always have to find, fight battles publicly and stick up for yourself. God will vindicate you when the time is right, you know? So I feel like I'm at such a good space to even talk about my process and my experience in that friendship, in that podcast, in that realm. It was very, very difficult when you have built such a friendship and you're so close with somebody. And not only did I walk away from a long friendship, I walked away from a lot of money and success, and I walked away from a platform that was just getting started.

But we did so many amazing things so quickly. It was just so impactful. It was so impactful. But I truly believe, and I know for sure that that foundation was not fully right. It would have either crashed later or we not we.

I had to walk away at that time that I did, and I'm so proud of my decision. But y'all, freedom and being free from a situation where there's a person, a business, a relationship, a mindset, it doesn't mean you don't have to grieve that situation and heal from that. I am really realizing outside of just know for sure me walking away from certain people in certain situations that no longer served me grieving, those things still existed even though I felt free walking away, there was a weight off of my shoulder. There was anxiety lifted. There was nervousness lifted.

There was a peace. Because I know I got my answer from God, and I was obedient, and I didn't act off impulse and emotion, but that doesn't mean I didn't have to heal through that process. And that is exactly what I'm going through now. Grieving a relationship, grieving a business that I thought would be the number one podcast in the world. We made it to number seven, though.

We did. We made it to number seven. But y'all know me. I was like, this is the number one podcast in the world. This is number one podcast in the world.

And it just shows that even though God has a different idea, the purpose, the vision doesn't change. It just looks different. I'm not changing who I am. I'm not changing the vision. I'm not changing the purpose.

It's just on a different platform. I'm by myself, and it looks different. Right. So, yeah, I want people to know that even though you get freedom in a certain area, both things can be true at once. I have freedom here because I know I was obedient.

I know I walked away from something, that that chapter was closed, and that's okay. And I'm trying to heal and grow from that situation. I'm happy that I made that decision, but I'm also grieving the idea I had of a friend, of a relationship that I thought was going to be forever, of a podcast that I thought was at least going to be years, decades old and grow into that platform. We did so much in such a short amount of time. I was like, oh, this is about to take off.

And it did take off, but walking away from that was not. It wasn't easy at all. And I'm so proud of myself for doing it in the midst of certain situations that I had to walk away from. I'm not just talking about that situation. I'm saying, in general, in the season I'm in now, the closer I got to God, the further I got away from certain people.

And that's okay. That's okay. The closer I got to God, the further I got away from this lifestyle, this person, this mindset. I'm changing. I'm evolving.

And certain people that you think are going to be with you till the end are just. They're just not, you know? And that's fine. And like I said before, this is not about one situation. This is not about.

No, for sure. In general, by itself, I have had to do this in family. I've had to do this in business. I have to do this with friendships. And it's also stemming back to me as a person.

This really isn't about anybody else. It's about what I have to fix about me, that I'm constantly allowing certain things in my life. I'm constantly not healing. And I thought I had so much abundance of self love. Looking back, I realized I was really operating in certain situations, in business, in friendships, in family, and all across the board from a place of lack of love, because I wanted to be validated and accepted so much that I didn't have boundaries.

I didn't stick up for myself in the moment. I didn't open up my mouth. I didn't do what was best for me in a lot of situations. I was people pleasing. And now I'm trying to get to the root of why that is and through therapy and through help, maybe because I need some help.

You can't start blaming everybody else for your problems. What part did you take in your own suffering? What role did you play in your own suffering? You have to face that, and that is a hard thing to do, because now you have to forgive yourself. And I'm going through that process now of self awareness, self forgiveness, and going back to the root of why I am the way I am.

It comes from wanting to be liked. It comes from seeking validation. It comes from my childhood, the house I was raised in. Yeah, I just think that that's really important to acknowledge. Whether you're going through a breakup, whether you're going through a divorce, whether you're going through a business deal that went bad, whatever that is, acknowledging the part you played in it and how to heal that so you don't take that forward into your other relationships and then being so hurt in a.

In a situation that you don't allow hurt to taint you, you don't allow it to make you paranoid, you don't allow it to block off your heart and not allow you to love again, to trust again, to build other friendships again, to go into another business idea again. You so scared that the last business deal went so bad and you got played and they stole your money and they took this from you and that from you, that you're so scared to go into any other business with another partner or with another idea or with, you know, so making sure you're not tainted and so guarded so that you can move forward in being who God called you to be. I know God called me to have a bubbly personality, an open personality, to love people to accept, people with a pure heart, an open heart, to see good in everybody, to just be a good person. And in return, you do get hurt. So now I'm looking for.

Okay, God, how do I still use who you called me to be? Be my gift and my personality, but have discernment and not block off my heart, but guard my heart. So I'm going through a lot of transitions, y'all. Not, like I said, not just with know for sure. In general, my whole life, I'm doing a sweep, whether it's business, people approaching me with ideas that really don't align with me, with money.

I know the money sounds great. That doesn't align with where I'm going or that just don't feel right, you know? And family. I'm going back to the root of family. I literally wrote my dad a long, long letter, and we're planning to link up and meet, and I'm going to read it to him face to face.

I don't want to send it to him. I don't want to send him a text. I don't want to do it over the phone. I want to sit with my father and go back to things that I feel like I need to heal from my childhood. My dad was a great dad.

My mom was a great mom. But there's still, no matter how great your parents were, whether they kept you from stuff or overexposed you to things, whether they, you know, were strict or whether they allowed you to do whatever, there's always some type of trauma from your childhood that you need to heal. And I'm trying to go back to the root of that so I can have healthier relationships in my adulthood. And like I said, even the lack of boundaries, y'all, let me give you all this example, okay? Because as y'all can see, I'm bald headed again.

And anybody that follow me, and no beast of all, Nick, I was trying to grow my hair out. I wanted long, beautiful, curly blonde locks, and that just didn't happen the way I thought. So I am back to finger waves in a fade in duke rags and height because my hair fell out. But let me tell you the story. It's all going to tie in.

Cause, look, y'all, okay, so I went to this hairstylist. My hair was growing out. I'm like, okay, like, let me bleach it. I want curls. And mind you, I'm a licensed cosmetologist, y'all, please.

But bleach is gone. No, it's not about the bleach. It's about who does it. It's about who is applying the bleach. I have had blonde, healthy hair, and I have blonde, had blonde, fried hair, right?

So it's about who does it. It's about the process in which it's applied. But I go to Miami, I'm flying to her. I'm like, okay, bomb. This was last summer, y'all.

My hair grew just a little bit. I had, like, a little mullet, but it was still a little long, little cute. I'm gonna look up some pictures for y'all. So I'm like, okay, let me do blonde curls. Like, as it grows, I wanna curl color my hair blonde.

Boom. The first process was bomb. Like, blonde curls, super healthy. My curl pattern was almost better than before. Like, it really defined my curls.

It was just moisturized, zero breakage. Nothing like almost platinum blonde curls. Super healthy. So I'm like, okay, I'm gonna leave my hair alone for, like, six months. Let it grow out a lot more.

So the more growth I have, the easier it is to not overlap onto the blonde that's already there. So I booked my flight. This is six months later. I booked my flight. I go back to this lady in Miami.

I'm like, okay, boom. Now this time she pregnant. And they say, now, I don't know. I ain't never been pregnant while I was pregnant. But y'all know what happened with that.

Y'all could go back and watch. I had an abortion. I had never had a baby, okay? I. They say that pregnant women are not supposed to do hair.

Why? You're never supposed to get your hair done by a pregnant woman because they have pregnancy brain. They're tired, they're lackadaisical, they're sleepy, weepy. Okay? They put you under the dryer for 45 when it should have been ten.

You eating snacks and cookies and the baby kicking and you sitting down, when really you need to be in my head, ma'am, my hair is smoking. These foils are shriveling up, and you over there rubbing your belly. That's really what happened. But I didn't know that till after. I was like.

I never knew that was like. I don't know if it's a superstition or just a fact. Now I think it's fact. But they say you're not supposed to get your hair done by pregnant women. So she was pregnant, right?

So I go back to her and here, and I'm bringing this story up because it's so intertwined with God is going to give you the same lesson over and over until you get it. Boundaries. Not speaking up for myself in the moment and people pleasing, wanting to be liked, not wanting to ruffle any feathers. There was two things she did and me. As a licensed cosmetologist, I knew in that moment.

Let me tell you how your body will tell you. Your body will tell you. My stomach was turning. I started sweating. I'm like, this don't feel right.

There was two things she did to my head that in the moment, I should have spoke up. Instead, I bit my tongue and sat there and trusted her. And really, I should have spoke up. She put me under the dryer with foil on my head, which wasn't needed because it was virgin hair and it was lifting already. I would rather have orange hair than no hair, okay?

I'd rather it be orange than fried the hell off. She put me under the dryer, and she overlapped the bleach. I saw her doing it as she was placing the bleach in the foils, right? Two things in the moment I should have spoke up about, which goes back to me. People pleasing, right?

He puts the foils on my head, and I'm under the dryer, and we get to the shampoo bowl, and I am recording on Snapchat. I'm like, all right, y'all. We're at the shampoo bowl, and she's pulling the foils out. And I am looking at this fucking Snapchat video, and as my phone is up, the foils are coming out. So is my hair.

And I'm looking. I'm. Okay, okay, you know what? Don't panic. Maybe it's just a few little pieces.

Maybe it's. Look. This how you see this? How you start lying to yourself. Maybe it's not abuse.

Maybe they were just mad. They were just angry. I know I'm bleeding, but it's fine. They were drunk. You see?

You see how this is so aligned with real life? I'm literally making up every excuse. Baby girl, your hair is in the same. Your hair is in the sink. I'm like, no, it's okay.

Like, this was the second process. Maybe I'm just gonna lose a little bit of hair because we're bleaching it again. So, boom, she starts, you know, styling my hair, and my hair is so full and thick that I'm looking at my hair. Just be full. It looks beautiful.

But I'm like, okay. Like, it does seem a little drier. It was nothing like my first experience. Over the course of 24 hours, baby, I went from a full Rick James fro Jheri curl to the middle of my head was literally like an inch long. An inch long.

So we're talking about 24. Well, no, it was almost two years. I'm not gonna say 24. Maybe 1819. Months of growth, 19 months of hair growth.

I'm talking about moisturizing your hair, hydrating, massaging my scalp every night. Deep conditions, protein treatment every three months to 1 hour or a few hours. It was a few hours in her chair. 19 months of growth took me back to square one in a few hours. Because I did not speak up for myself in that moment.

I correlated that experience so much with your natural healing experience. You can heal from a man for months. You done put his number up, you done blocked him, you done. And then that one late phone call, you ain't seen this nigga in two years. And all of a sudden, you drunk.

And now he texting at the wrong time. You see how the enemy slip in. And now you back at his house for one little moment. One little moment. And that is exactly how I felt with my hair.

And I was bawling. I'm like, Braylane, why do you keep doing this? You keep not speaking up, you keep not saying nothing. It's going to be the same in your relationships, it's going to be the same with your hair, it's going to be the same with business. It's going to be the same shit until you learn the lesson.

I lost my hair because I didn't speak up. So, yeah, that's why I got finger waves in a fade again. And I'm starting the whole process over. So, yeah, with that lesson, I feel like God is going to test me over and over again in every aspect of my life until I get it. You didn't get it with the hair, you're not getting it with people you choose.

You're not getting it with the man you choose. And y'all, let me tell you, like, when you're a people pleaser and you lack boundaries, you're always going to attract people that manipulate, abuse and take advantage. Why? Because they cannot manipulate abuse, and take advantage of people that have boundaries. They cannot manipulate abuse and take advantage of people that aren't trying to.

People please. So we latch on to these type of people because I'm a people pleaser, I'm a no boundaries. No, it's easy to be manipulated, it's easy to be emotionally abused, or we're literally a magnet. We're literally a magnet. And it both stems.

But what's so crazy. I realized it's stemming from the same root. From the same root. It's a trauma thing and lack of self love. It's just manifesting in different ways.

You're manifesting with control, manipulation, abuse. I'm manifesting with trying to be liked, trying to be loved, trying to please. The root is the same, and once you heal the root, you'll stop attracting people that are magnets to your trauma. So, yeah, I just wanted to say that that hair, when that happened with my hair, it sounds so minute, but I was doing so much work for my hair to grow. The deep conditions, the trims.

This is months and months and months and months of work to be gone in a day because of the same issue. So it's gonna manifest over and over until I pass the lesson. And now I'm like, look, let me tell you something. If you didn't know me before now, I am so sorry for the inconvenience, because baby cannot know. Do you?

Absolutely not. Would you like to? I would not. Can you please. I cannot.

God bless you on your journey. I am so sorry. I am not the one to help you with that. I am in this season of no, no, no, no. And once again, I'm praying to God.

God, just give me discernment. Don't make my heart cold. Don't make me. I don't want to shut out a door that you want me to walk through. There has to be a balance between wisdom, knowledge, discernment, and not being tainted, bitter, and just cold hearted because you've been hurt.

So that's what I've been working through now. And I feel so much better because at first, it was like, what if you ain't made it by now? Baby, look, I don't. Good luck on your journey. And may God be with you the whole way.

Peace and abundance unto you. B. Simone cannot help you with that. B. Simone is tapped out.

Okay. Look, you know, and that's just where I'm at with it, but, yeah. So, trying to stay pure through the journey, and it's so crazy. A couple months ago with the forgiveness thing, I don't want to have anything on my heart that feels heavy. I don't like that feeling.

I don't like the feeling of anger. I don't like the feeling of jealousy. I don't like the feeling of envy. I don't like the feeling of paranoia. Some people, it's okay for you to feel that we're human.

It's okay for you to be like, you know what? I actually don't wish you the best right now, but what's not okay is to stay in it and walk in it and not allow God to shift your heart. The feelings that I have felt through pain, I've accepted. And I'm like, you know what? I want God to change my heart.

I don't just want to walk in it and live in it. There's a difference. You have to be honest with how you feel. Be vulnerable with God and yourself. Be real.

Okay, you know what? I am angry. Okay, you know what? I don't wish you the best right now. I am.

I'm very hurt. But you heal through that. So you get there. You don't just accept it and walk in the pain and the anger, right? So me dealing with that and finally seeing the light and coming out on the other end of that, being like, you know what?

People that have hurt me in my life, whether it's a family member, a friend, an ex, broken my heart, cheated on me. At the end of the day, guess what? You're God's child, too. You have a purpose and a calling over your life, too. I am no better than you.

God don't love me more than he loves you. You know? So having that grace, not only for yourself before that person, I'm learning that. So I said that to say, I'm getting to the point of no loose ends. That's why I'm writing my dad this letter.

I want to talk to my dad. I've had a conversation with my grandmother recently. I'm talking to my sister recently in more depth conversations, having honest, truthful conversations with my friends in this season. This doesn't work for me, and this is why. And if you can hang with it, cool.

If you can't, in this season, we'll go our separate ways. And if we meet again, we meet again. But the forgiveness aspect of it. I had somebody in my life that really, really, really betrayed me. Like, took advantage, took my kindness for weakness once again, took advantage of my heart, abused their position in my life.

It was just a very, very, very bad breakup. I had four people in my life that I have been so super hurt by that I can count on one hand now, mind you, I've been hurt by tons of people. You know, little things here and there. But there are four major impactful people in scenarios and moments that I can count on one hand. And the common denominator with all of them, I don't want to get emotional.

The common denominator with every single person that has hurt me is nobody has ever taken accountability or apologized.

So that is very, very hard to work through when you're. I don't know if I was waiting on an apology because my love language is words of affirmation, so a lot I can just let go with, I'm sorry. I don't need you to do anything. I just need accountability. And the four major people that have hurt me in my life have never done that.

Two are from my childhood, two are from my adulthood, and they have never taken accountability for the role they have played in my pain. So it's been very, very difficult for me to let it go when all you're waiting for is, I'm sorry. So I'm getting to the point now where I have to forgive them and let it go and not wait on that. You have to do it for you. No matter what their mindset is or their expectation.

Expectation is or their view of their experience was, you cannot wait on an apology, you cannot wait on accountability. And I did that recently with somebody that hurt me. I actually had a dream about her, mind you, me and this person haven't talked probably in two years. Two years. And literally, legal stuff going on with us, like, still.

And I don't even know if I can say this. Maybe I might have to ask my lawyer. She'll bitch. Cut. Still in legal stuff.

And I had a dream about this person. I think it was a Friday, actually. Friday. I dream about them, and in the dream, I hugged them and said, you know what? If I did anything to hurt you, I don't regret my decision, but if it hurt you in my decision, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I hurt you. I forgive you, and I hope you forgive me, not that you need my forgiveness. This was all in my dream, right? I hadn't seen this person for two years the very next day, and I don't even remember my dreams. They say you dream every night.

I'm not the type of person that, like, wakes up and remembers details of my dream. This was all in my dream. I hugged her. I said, I forgive you. Not that you need my forgiveness, but I forgive you.

And I just felt in the dream, it felt so, like, real and just peaceful. The very next day, I have not talked to or seen this lady in probably two years. Outside of lawyers emailing each other. I see her, I'm like, oh, my God, there's no way I had that dream. And I see this lady the next day, and I'm like, okay, I gotta be obedient.

There's no reason why that happened, and I shouldn't say something to her like, it is what it is. I'm gonna be obedient. I had a piece. I was a little nervous, but it wasn't anxious, it wasn't anxiety. I was a little nervous.

And I walk up to her, I'm like, hey, can I talk? She was in a conversation, actually, and I said, hi, can I talk to you for a minute? She was like, sure, I guess. I'm like, okay, I just wanna let you know that. And I got straight to it.

I was like, I had a dream about you last night. And I know we haven't seen or spoken in a very long time. Outside of business and lawyers, through email, we haven't spoken. It's literally our teams going back and forth. But you know what?

I was like, if I did anything to hurt you, and I made it very clear, I was like, I stand by my decision that I made. I don't feel like my decision was wrong. I feel like I am proud of myself for sticking up for myself and walking away from a situation that I truly believe wasn't right. But I said within that if I hurt you, I am really sorry for any pain that I have caused you in your life, and I forgive you for hurting me. Not that you need my forgiveness, not even that you need or want to hear this, but I want to let you know that I forgive you.

And I appreciate you for listening to me. I just wanted to say that because it was on my heart. I'm being obedient to God, and I am so sorry if I hurt you, and I really hope you forgive me. And I would just want to let you know I forgive you. Thank God I went into it with the right mindset and the right heart posture, because this lady looked at me and said, well, I just wanna know what I did to you.

I just. I still don't know. I said, jesus. But it shows. That was even more confirmation that I made the right decision.

I have grown so much, and she is in the same mindset. The same mind frame, the same bitterness, the same anger, the same. Everything that I walked away from was still her mindset. So if I would have went into that hoping that we were going to have a Kumbaya moment and she was going to say, I'm so sorry, I love you, I really apologize. And I had no expectations.

Do not go into forgiveness with expectations. It's for you. I feel so free from that. I feel so free from that. But the fact that she looked at me and said, well, I still don't know what I did.

I still don't know what you mad at. Like, I still don't. It was so, like, ow. And it really, in that moment, I really had more empathy than anger. I was like, I have really healed from this, and I'm really trying to forgive you for me.

So do not go into forgiveness with expectations on what the other person's reaction is. Even, like, me. Like, I told y'all, I'm writing my dad this letter. When I write him this letter, whatever his experience, whatever his thoughts, his emotions, his feelings on this, it doesn't matter. That does not matter.

That does not matter what he says, that does not matter what his reaction is. I am releasing all of this for me. So, yeah, that experience was like, it was wild when she said that, but I was like, this really confirmed my decision. I am so happy with the decision I made, and I am so proud of myself for my growth, and you just couldn't come with me. So, yeah, that was wild.

So, yeah, that has been my experience with forgiveness. Letting go, healing. And healing is never ending. I feel like as soon as I get through one thing, something else happens. Like, as soon as I solve a problem in business or solve a problem in a relationship, or solve a problem with a man, solve a problem, it's like something else happens.

Problems are never going to end. But hopefully, for me, the goal is to get the tools to grow, to have more wisdom, to have more knowledge, to get closer to God. So when these problems come, not only do they not last as long, I make better decisions to get through them, and they don't hurt as bad. Right? So the growth and the healing is a part of that.

It's not. You're not growing and healing to never have a problem again in life. You're growing in healing to make it through the problem in a better, quicker, healthier, wiser, more peaceful way. That is my goal. So, yeah, I'm back potting.

Let's try this again podcast. And y'all know how we zoo, we trying it again. We being resilient. I'm not giving up on my purpose. I'm not giving up on my life.

I'm not giving up on love. I'm not giving up on friendships. I'm not giving up on business. I'm just taking it to the chin. It's gonna knock me down.

Now, I done been down, okay? I done been in this prayer corner, shubbub, okay? Stomping on the serpent's head. I be walking through this house like, look, these spirits gots to go. This lack mindset, this confusion, it gotta go.

Cause I need clarity, right? So that's what I've been doing. I'm not saying don't knock me down now. I be on the floor weeping. Weeping.

You hear me? But it's what you do with that perspective. Y'all change your perspective. You can either be hurt, bitter, angry, mad at God, mad at the world. Lose faith, or you can train your mind, your body and your soul to have an abundant mindset.

That is what I want this platform to be about. If we both look at a glass and see it different, I'm gonna use this glasses. Yeah. As example. To me, we could live at that glass.

It's lower than half. It's lower than half. I'll hold it up. Somebody with a lack mindset is going to be like, oh, my God, we about to run out. We gonna be famished.

Jesus, we about to. Oh, my God. We gonna be dehydrated. We gonna die. We ain't got no more water.

That's a lack mindset for me. I'm the type of person, even though is this low, I'm trying to figure out how to get it to the top. What's the solution? Okay, we almost. To me, this looks like almost a half.

So if we're almost a half, we're halfway there. That's an abundant mindset. It's all about perspective. How do you see the glass? Is it half full or is it half empty?

When you shift your mindset, I promise you, you will get out of the darkest times, the darkest days. It is not going to be easy, but shift your perspective and your mindset. And to me, that is exactly what LTTA is all about. Let's try this again. Okay.

It's gonna look different this time. Okay. I'm trying it alone. Okay. I'm a single mother, okay.

I had a miscarriage. Okay. I'm going through a divorce. Okay. I invested all this money into a business, and my product is not selling.

Okay. I'm trying to be an influencer. I have no views. I have no like. Okay, what are you pivoting?

What are you shifting? And how are you changing your mindset to try again? So at the end of every episode, we gonna do what are you trying again? And what would you never try again? Obviously, I'm trying to podcast again.

I'm here. Take two. And if it's take two, look, this is it. Look, this. This gotta work.

I'm not taking no for an answer. Are you gonna have another co host? What the hell are you talking about? Not a co host, not a puppy, not a look. Now, one mic and some guest.

That's what we gonna do. We gonna take two solo. God is gonna have to walk with me now. I don't need no more business partners. Good luck to you and your ideas.

Okay, so take two. I am trying podcasting again, and, you know, that's what this is about. Try it again. What? I would never try again.

I've actually never tried that. Why would I say that?

I'm, like, anal. Like what?

That's what I would never try. I don't know. Maybe.

What would I not try again? Not try again. A food. A food. No, I love food.

I would try anything again, probably. Like, if it smell good, I will say this. There are a lot of things before, and I'm going to talk about this on another solo episode. My walk with Christ and my relationship with Christ and having relationship for the first time, I feel like, outside of religion, like a deep relationship. I always feel like I knew God, but really having a relationship and looking at it as talking to him, spending time with him, listening for him, fasting, those things.

I will never go into any other decision without consulting with him first, no matter how great it sounds, no matter how grand, this is a great idea. Did God say, do that? Did he say, do that? It sounds great. It looks good.

Do you think the enemy is presenting stuff that looks like shit? No. He is wrapping it in a cute little bowl and gold and making it all shiny and everything looks and sounds great. But God didn't tell you to do that. And I feel like that has happened so much in my life because I did not consult with him first.

I was like, this sounds good. This feels good. Stop rushing your decisions. I will never rush another decision without consulting with him first. Really?

Just asking him, even just giving him the opportunity. Just ask him. He ain't saying you got to wait six months for an answer. But just, God, show me what to do with this. If it's in your will, you know, let it happen.

If not, let it end quickly, whatever that looks like. And I feel like I was like, you know, this is a great idea. Thank you, God. Thank you, God. You thanking him before you even asked him a lot of stuff that looks good is not always God's idea.

So I will never go into another relationship business idea. Even when I travel now, like vacations, I'm like, God, do you want me to go out here? Do you? I prayed about that for my birthday. I want to go to Miami for my birthday.

Is that where you want me to be, Lord? I want to go to the beach. I want to go to the water. I'm going to get some fun before little decisions. I pray now and consult with him.

At least throw it out there. Let me know if you want me to go. If you want me to go, I'll be there. If not, let something not work out so I don't do it. So I will never make another decision without consulting with God first, no matter how good it sounds.

So that's what I won't try again. Y'all, thank you for tuning into my first episode. I was so nervous. It was so much to get out, and I hope I got it out the best way possible. But this is just a little intro into the number one podcast in the world.

Y'all know. I'm gonna say that, like, that's what we coming for. We coming for the spot. We coming for number one. I got to be number one, at least for, like, a little hour.

Y'all can knock me out. I don't care, as long as we get the little number one. Welcome to the number one podcast in the world. Okay, let's try this again with B. Simone, your host.

We gonna have some guests. We gonna have some friends lounging on the couch. And I love you. Thank you for the people that are here. Thank you for the new people that maybe have never heard of me, don't know who I am, and we will see you next week.

You get new episodes every week. I'm a podcaster, and I'm back, and I'm so freaking nervous, I almost just farted. My stomach hurts. This is crazy. Scratch the episode.

We're not putting this out.

We did it. Bye, you guys. See you next week. I love you. All right, you guys, thank you for joining me for another episode of the let's try this again podcast.

Keep pushing forward, baby. Keep smiling. And remember to never, ever, ever give up. Don't forget to subscribe and share the podcast with everybody you know. Until next time, stay resilient.

And remember, I love you guys so very much. Oh. If you're only listening to the audio, make sure you go to YouTube and also watch the visual. Why? Because at the beginning of every episode, there's a weekly vlog you don't want to miss.