I have something pretty amazing that I want to give you today. It's exactly what you need to hear. It is not just a pep talk. It is the message that a really dear friend who's fed up with you delivers straight between the eyes. What am I talking about? I'm talking about your dreams. You're the person, just like me, that every single year, you write down the things that you want in your life. I would imagine that as each year rolls on and the new list gets written, you move the thing that you didn't work on this year to the list that you do for the next year, and on and on, and on. I mean, how many years have you been thinking about writing a book? Or changing your job, or changing where you live, or healing some aspect of your past, or finding love, or learning how to love yourself, or starting that business. These things that you hold in your heart, they are meant to be out in the world. And today, I'm on a mission to get you to stop waiting. Stop waiting for the perfect time. Stop waiting to feel ready.

Stop waiting for the money. Stop waiting for permission. Stop waiting to feel like somebody's going to care about this. The only person that needs to care enough is you, because today is the day that you're going to pick up the pen, you're going to start the research, you're going to commit to taking action. Why? Because that's what you're meant to do with your life. You're meant to create Create a bigger vision for yourself. The reason why I wanted to talk to you about this today is because I know you need to hear it. See, a couple of weeks ago, we did a episode on imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome is just self-doubt. It's just when you intellectualize your self-doubt and you talk yourself out of doing what you want to do. You tell yourself, Oh, my God, I want to be a singer. I want to be a writer. I want to travel No more. I want to do this. I want to do that. I want to do the other thing. And then you tell yourself that you're not ready, that you're not worthy, that it's not going to happen to you. That episode was called the Four Words that Silence Self Doubt.

So the day we released that episode, two really interesting things happened, and it made me realize, I need to talk to you. I need to talk to you about how you're holding yourself back from pursuing the goals that you want to pursue in your life. And so here's what made me realize, we got to talk about this. First of all, on the morning that the episode air, number one, I woke up and there was already a voice memo from a friend of mine. She was only halfway through the episode. She was already starting to tear up because the episode made her think about this dream of writing a book, publishing a book, and how she's been putting it off because her self-doubt and feeling like an imposter, it has kept her from picking up the pen. Here's that memo. Hi, Mel.

I'm partially through Kendall's imposter commentary, and I had to stop it right in my misty moment to tell her and you, as a woman who's soon going to be 60, I feel the imposter imposter syndrome, too. Why I've had have a book deal sitting on my desk since 2006. Too self-doubting to take the risk of judgment. Oh, I'm not a respected writer. Oh, it isn't that interesting to actually pin it. It's been on the top of my annual goal list for almost 20 years now, yet remains just a dream due to every imposter-imposter excuse to not follow through. I teared up when I got to that part of your message, which is actually the most powerful awareness. Talk about a double barrel of self-doubt that I, too, share. I just want to thank you, Kendall, for being raw and real. I want you to go for it. You got this. Imagine how far you will be in 20 years. And thank you, Mel. You just don't know who you might be touching. And I appreciate all your kindness and love to the universe.

You know what strikes me about that? This is what hit me. Time. 20 years. Time. That for 20 years, she would put on her annual list of goals, write a book, write a book, write a book, write a book, write a book, write a book. I bet you make a list of dreams and goals, don't you? I do. Every single year, I write them all down. And when the next year rolls around, there's usually one or two that I move from one page to the other page. For me, it was always start a podcast, start a podcast, start a podcast. And so much fucking time went by, where I carried this dream from one page to the next. Why did you waste so many years thinking about this podcast and doing nothing about it? Well, I'm sure for the same reasons that you're wasting time. To begin with, I didn't know how to do it. Plus, I had so much going on from the little things like, I got to get dinner on the table. Somebody else has already done it. I got college tours this weekend. What if I do it? And it's a disaster.

It's embarrassing how bad it does. By the way, Who am I to compete with the people that are already doing it, that have already said everything, like Joe Rogan and Alex Cooper and NPR and everybody else? And by the way, all the good ideas, they're already out there. There's no room for me. And I don't even know how to get started in this. I mean, the excuses are endless, but time isn't. Just think about that. Your excuses are endless, but time isn't. Think about all the time that passed. Not only was this something that my friend had written on her annual goal list, she actually wrote a book proposal, and she got an offer, and it was sitting on her desk since 2006. That's 18 years. What a shame. When you hear somebody's got a goal and they've just been pushing it off for a week or two or a month, you're like, Oh, come Come on, get over yourself. Come on, get your ass working on it. Let's go. But when you think about how much time you've wasted, that's a lot. And look, I don't want to scare you. But I want to take my hands right now and put them on your cheeks or your shoulders and shake you, because I want to wake you up.

And I need you to realize that your life, it's a melting ice cube. And I think we all believe that we have time, that at some point it'll be the right time, that someday you'll feel ready, that someday it'll be perfect, that someday you'll be a legitimate writer, that someday you'll have something to say. I'm here to tell you right now that today is that someday. You will waste your whole life and you will watch that ice cube melt. You will watch time tick by waiting for someday to come. You are listening to this right now because You needed to hear this. You have on that secret list that you either have on a piece of paper or you have tucked into your heart a dream, a goal, something that you want to change that you are too fucking scared to get Started on. And today, that ends. Today, you're going to stop waiting. You're going to stop wishing. You're going to stop waiting for the right time, waiting for this to happen, waiting for the other thing to happen, waiting for you to feel ready, waiting for this, waiting for that. That ice cube is going to be a puddle that will evaporate if you keep doing that.

And I am not going to let 20 years go by. No way. Not in your life, not in my life, not in my friend's life. Today, we make a commitment to ourselves that we are going to get started. And I know you need to hear this from me today, because the second thing that happened after we released that episode is that within 24 hours of it going live, Kathy was only the first person to reach out to me. But within hours, there were over 700 messages from listeners of this podcast from around the world talking about their dreams and how imposter syndrome had taken them down to, how they felt paralyzed and awkward. How many times have you looked back on your life and thought, I wish I had started something sooner. I wish I had done this thing. I wish I had done that thing. I'm going to tell you something. The biggest regret that you will ever have in your entire life is you didn't push through the fear. You didn't push through the bullshit imposter syndrome. You didn't push through the self-doubt and get started on the dreams that you have, on the life you want to create.

And so today, this conversation is dedicated to your dreams. It's dedicated to the courage and the fire inside you and your capability of moving from thinking and wishing and wanting things in your life to finding the courage to take action and make them happen. And is it going to be easy? No. No. Is it worth it? Always. I think it's important that everybody just be on the same page about how scary it is to want something and how frustrating it is when you want something, but you're too scared to get started and work for it. And my mission today is to kick you in the ass so that you push through the fear and the insecurity and the imposter syndrome and the sadness and the regret or whatever it is that's holding you back from taking the actions that you are capable of taking over time to chip away at this dream and this vision of a bigger life. I want you to start to see something bigger for yourself. And more importantly, I want you to start working on it. And what does that look like? What does it look like? Well, I'm going to boil it down.

It's very simple. It's about time and energy. That's all that this is about. You do not have to write that book overnight. You have to pick up the fucking pen. You do not have to become a physician overnight. You have to research schools, and then you have to apply. Today, we are going to begin the process of moving from the dream world and the doubt world into the real world. We are going to get physical. I'm going to bring in a metaphor that I I think is really important, and it's a metaphor that I used in a project that we did with Audible called Reinvent Your Life. I like to think about life as one long road trip. Every year of your life is a mile marker on the road of life. The thing about this road trip is it's a solo journey. You started at Mile Zero, and you were alone. That's how you came into this world. And wherever the road of your life leads you, when you leave this world, you're going to be alone. When you leave, yes, you'll be surrounded by family and friends, but when you actually pass over, you are on your own.

The truth is, it is a solo journey. Yes, you're going to drive parallel with some people. Yes, you're going to intersect with some people. Yep, you're going to travel in packs, but you are driving alone. And look, I'm not telling you this to make you feel isolated or unsupported. That's the last thing that I want you to feel. The reason why I'm telling you this is because I want you to understand the power that you have to make these dreams part of your day-to-day life as you pursue them. I mean, maybe you've been so worried about what everybody else is going to think, and that's what's kept you from starting your YouTube channel or writing that screenplay or making a career change. I'm here to tell you, no one gives a shit about what you do. You want to know why? Because everybody else is driving their own car on their own solo journey, and they're busy trying to figure out their own life. When you realize that the only person who is truly judging you right now is you, when you embrace that you're the one in your way, it can spark a fire in your gut.

Yes, it sucks that my friend has been telling herself for 20 years that she's not a real writer, that she's not a respected writer, that it's not that interesting. Yeah, that sucks to wake and realize that you're the one that's been dragging yourself down. But you want to know what sucks more? Spending another 20 years never writing it. So step one, you have to acknowledge the thing that's on your list and that's in your heart. And then step two is take responsibility for doing whatever you can, however you're capable, in whatever big or small way, to move toward it. Get serious about looking ahead instead of looking back, looking out the window in front of you at the road ahead and where you want to go. You can inch your way day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year, to creating a whole new life for yourself. And that's not to say there's anything wrong with your life right now. It's to say that there are directions that you want to head in that you deserve to start paying attention to. And I'm going to come back to how you do it.

It's time and it's energy. Every single day when you wake up, you can find five minutes or 10 minutes or For 15 minutes, or 15 minutes to move from thinking about what you want to taking action on what you want. Picking up the pen, writing a sentence, sending an email, doing the research, taking a class, all of All of these actions are how you move towards what you want while you're still in the life that you have. That's how you do it. And the other thing that you're going to have to pay attention to is energy, because just like you are wasting precious time on shit that doesn't really matter to you. You are also wasting your precious energy spending time with people who are draining it from you, who are not giving it back to you. And so every single day when you wake up, I want you to pay attention to where you're putting your time and where you're putting your energy. I want you to find five measly minutes to start working on what you want in the physical world instead of keeping it a secret in your heart and in your mind.

Wait till you hear what your fellow listeners from 94 countries have to say about the dreams that they're holding on to, that they're afraid to pursue, how they're talking themselves out of it. When I do this, I want you to pay attention to how much energy and time we put into talking ourselves out of stuff. How much energy and time you put into doing things that you don't want to be doing instead of carving out and fighting for small amounts of time and energy to propel yourself forward. You will start to see, when you get serious about this, what an active participant you are in your own demise, how much time you waste, how much energy you pour into things that really aren't what you want. And when you wake up and realize that time and energy is a secret, and taking it seriously from this moment forward, that's the answer. Not in big moves, but in the small daily rhythms that you can insert in little ways to just start honoring what you want in your life. And if I had to really bubble up why this really matters, is I personally believe that working Working on your dreams and taking what you want in life seriously enough that you do the work to make it a reality, I personally think this is the greatest act of love that you could ever give to yourself.

That is the engine that fuels the joy and the fulfillment that you're going to feel in your life. Let me share some of the things that fellow listeners wrote to us about as soon as that episode aird. Mel, I dream about being a motivational speaker. But I lack the experience and I lack the plan. Let me just stop right there. Let's just stop right there. Of course, you lack the experience. You've never done this before. That's why you doubt yourself. That's why you feel like an imposter. If you've never written a book, of course, you lack the experience. You haven't done it before. And so the first thing that I want to tell you is that this is good news. It's good news because it It doesn't mean you're not going to do it. It's good news because it just means you're beginning. And being a beginner is so cool because you're going to learn so much. We talked about this exact point in that episode I told you about earlier, the one that got Kathy crying about the book that she hadn't written, and that got so many of you to pour in the stories about how you've got dreams that you've been putting off because you lack experience.

So I need to drive this point home about embracing the fact that you don't lack experience. You're just a beginner. I want you to embrace this idea that you're just a beginner. So let me play you a moment from that original episode with my daughter, where she's describing this, I'm a beginner, epiphany to you. Check this out.

You can diffuse the imposter syndrome if you just accept where you're at.

I think once I owned where I'm at, which is a beginner, I'm not an imposter as a beginner because that's what I am.

Wait.

Say that again. I'm not an imposter if I'm a beginner because that's what I am. Yeah.

Then the imposter syndrome disappears.

You're not an imposter. You're just a beginner. Did you hear that? So that dream that you have, that thing that you've never done, great. You are a beginner. And that's amazing because everybody starts as a beginner. But as long as you refuse to drive forward, to step into the physical world, and to start walking, and driving, and moving toward the things you want to create, you're standing still in your life, and time is passing you by. And we're not going to let that happen, because when it comes to the things that we all want to create in our lives, we're all beginners. I'm going to read you a few more that have come in from listeners. I want to pursue a career as a fashion editor, but I'm afraid at 34 of making a huge career change. Let me tell you what's more scary than making a career change at 34. It's spending the next 34 years of your life in a career you didn't like and being at the mile marker at the age of 68 and looking back at this moment when when you were 34, or 31, or 18, or 54, or 39, and wishing, wishing you had made the career change.

Do not waste your life doing things that don't fulfill you. You have the ability, starting today, to change the direction that you're driving in. Now, are you going to arrive at this new career overnight as a fashion editor? No. But you won't arrive there ever if you don't take the wheel on the car that you're driving and turn it in the direction that you want to go and start inching toward it. This is what I'm talking about. Here's another one. I want to design clothes. I'm 31 and I haven't achieved anything, though. Well, of course you haven't. How are you supposed to design clothes if you're not designing clothes? How are you supposed to make that change if you are only thinking about it or writing it on a list? When I say that I want you to start driving toward your dreams, I want you to start taking action, what that means is it means that you need to start to take your time and your energy. And in whatever way you can, in whatever capacity that you can, you need to start to direct your time and energy at the things that you want, not at the things that you have.

And look, I know so many of you have really full lives right now. You're a single You're caring for aging parents. You're underwater with your bills. You've got 10 minutes a day. You've got five minutes a day. You've got 15 minutes a day. And that's what I want to inspire you to start doing. And I feel so adamant about this because time keeps going, even if you don't. Because when you're so in it, you're so busy in your day-to-day life, as it is right now, that you can't see the bigger picture. Time is passing. It's always passing. I think a lot about this moment where after we sold our house where we raised our kids outside of Boston, where we spent 26 years, I always thought when I lived there, I would live there forever. I just took it for granted. Over a year ago, I drove down the street that I had been driving up and down for 26 years for the very last time. I saw the house that I had raised my kids in disappearing in the rear view mirror for the last time. And I say that because eventually, you're going to look back on this moment, too.

And you're going I think, My God, I wish I had begun back then. I wish I had started. I wish I had said, Fuck it. I know it's not going to happen overnight, but I'm not going to let my entire life go by just thinking about this This thing that I want to create. I'm going to try. I'm going to step out of the thinking and I'm going to step into the doing because it's never going to feel like the right time. It's never going to feel perfect. You're not going to feel worthy until you actually start taking the actions. And so, again, I want you to stop waiting to create what you want in your life. If you want to make art, make art. If you want to write, write. If you want to travel, you got to figure out how you can travel gravel. You are missing out on everything because you're waiting for someday. You're waiting for someday to feel ready, someday for it to be perfect, someday. Well, I'll tell you what, today, is that someday. My mission today is to light a fire under your ass and have it burn so bright that that fire inside you becomes the engine that drives you.

Hi, my name is I'm Jessica. I currently live in Southern New Hampshire, and I'm 39 years old. How can I get started on my dreams and make them a reality? Where do I start, Mel?

There's so much self-doubt.

It's overwhelming, and I just don't know where to begin.

Okay, I love this question from Jessica because I can almost hear you nodding.

I can feel it.

Even though I can't see you, I can feel you going, , how do I get started, Mel? This is the single most common question I get. Once somebody knows what they want to change or why they want to change it, the next big question is how. And so I'm going to answer Jessica's question in two parts, because there are two parts to how. The first part is easy. It's the doing part. And how you get started when it comes to taking action and you don't know what to, quote, do? This is easy. Just go to Google. I'm dead I'm curious about this. Google has the answer to everything. If you simply go to Google or go to YouTube and type in the change you want to make or the goal that you have or the thing that you want to create in your life, you will probably get 6.3 million search results. Every single one of the links that you click on will give you a long list of things that you could probably do. I'm not being a smart ass here. The fact It is the steps that you need to take action-wise are super simple.

The reason why you're stuck is because of the second part of her question. Now, did you notice she said at the very end, My self-doubt, my self-doubt. Because one of the reasons why you get stuck is because of the doubt. And this is where working on your dreams and your goals gets really tricky. Because if your own mindset is working against you, you're actually never going to feel inspired or motivated or encouraged to take the actions that that Google result just told you to take. And so we got to focus on your mindset first and foremost when it comes to where do I start? Because I want to play this out with you. Let's just role play here. If you're sitting there going, I would love to become an opera singer, but I don't know, but self doubt, but what if I sound stupid? But this, but that, but what if Uncle Willy's... If you start doubting your ability to make that happen, how motivated do you feel? If you're sitting there telling yourself that you can't do it or that it's not going to work. This is the reason why most people never even get started on their goals and dreams.

Their thinking pattern is the problem because their self doubt, their their affectionism, their lack of self-worth, it's convincing you not to take the action. And this is such a common problem that Jessica is not the only one that has actually submitted a question about this. I got a ton of them. Once you get in touch with this stream, you know what you're going to do? You're going to do what everybody does. You are going to start arguing against it. You're going to start making jokes. You're going to start making excuses. You're going to start getting afraid. Because once this dream keeps showing up on that piece of paper every morning, once you start to feel the pull of your heart, once you start to notice, as I have for the last eight years, that everybody and their mother has a podcast except for me, you're going to start to feel the pain of not working toward it. And instead of turning toward our dream, you know what we all do? We do what you're going to hear Barbara doing back in LA. You're going to hear her kicking up a dust storm of excuses, of jokes, of reasons, of this.

But here's the difference. She had Mel Robbins on her ass that day, and I was not going to have any of it because your dreams are not a joke. Your dreams are serious business that demand and deserve your attention.

What if you lived in South Florida and you were comfortable and you were big?

And I was big? Big.

Like, big, big, big.

Well, I tried that.

Okay.

I actually went like a big fish in the Jewish morning.

Yeah, but so hold on a second. Stop making a joke of this. Okay, I'm sorry, right? No, I'm serious. Because this is how you block honesty. Yes. Yeah, I'm funny. So you're, you are funny, but being unhappy is not funny.

No, it's really, really, really not. Especially when you have a sister who's like, so good of being happy.

Yeah, but stop making jokes.

Sorry. It's so hard not to. You're so amazing.

No, no, I don't want you to entertain me. I want you to be honest with me.

Okay.

Hi. What do you want? Do you want to move back to LA and give it another try?

Yes, and I almost did. Then I was like, politics and crime, and I'm scared.

What you're witnessing here, I'm going to doubt. Yeah. You're witnessing somebody who is literally trying to extinguish her own flame with jokes. And you are not having this moment of reckoning with yourself. I am telling you that what you're witnessing, we all do this shit. You maybe do it through excuses or heaviness in terms of your emotions or the pity party or the, for me, always scanning for what's wrong. If I don't see it out there, I find it in here. Your form of this is jokes. It's how you get attention. It's how you get love. It has so overtaken you that you're not even honest with yourself about what you want. And the second you get honest with yourself, this is no joke. At the end of this, you die. And so you can absolutely be a happy person. You can be big. You can be big in South Florida or in LA, but you're not going to do it by making a joke about everything. And it begins with you being serious with yourself. You don't have to share it here, but what you write in that journal, better be honest, because it can't be funny.

Like, your dreams are not funny. Your dreams are serious business. And you have within you the ability to literally write it down and say, by God, I'm going to do whatever it takes until this happens. Because here's what would be way worse, everybody. What would be way worse is that you spent the next 40, 50 years wishing you You had done it.

Do you hear everybody there? I want to talk to you because I'm serious about this. You have to be honest with yourself. I do not want you to spend another day wishing you had done it. I'm sitting here right now with everybody that is on our team as we're recording this podcast, and I'm looking at everybody and I'm thinking, My God. I'm looking at Cameron and I'm like, She almost went to law school. And she felt this flame inside her going, go in a different direction. She didn't know what to do next. She just knew that something else was meant for her. Thank God she didn't go to law school. Thank God she turned toward that pole. Thank God she fanned the flame. Because here's the one tool you need. This is the only tool you need in order to align with your dreams. Every single day, when you wake up, you're going to write down the five dreams. That's a way to get your desires flowing again. That's a way to teach yourself how to start dreaming with the lid off. That's a way for you to really start to get yourself in touch with what your mind, body, and spirit are trying to wake you up to and have you pay attention to.

The things in your life that make you come alive, that make you grow. You're supposed to walk toward that light. You're not supposed to argue against it. And so every single day, you're going to be working on, Okay, I got to let myself desire things. I I got to give myself permission to want things. I'm allowed to do that. Not only am I allowed to do that, I actually need to. It's part of my life force. And I'm not saying you're just going to sit around and wish for shit to happen. You're going to have to work for it. That's how you get it in life. But you won't get where you're meant to go if you can't even claim what's meant for you. And it is a practice of honesty. And it's a practice of giving yourself permission. It's a practice of worthiness. It's a practice of self-love. And so you're going to start there. But let me tell you the simple thing. The simple thing every single day when you wake up, you can just ask yourself, Am I for or against my dream today? Am I for or against my dream? It's really that simple.

Your dreams are your responsibility. Are you for them today? Or are you against them? There's no middle ground, by the way, because if you're neutral, you're against. You are either for that dream inside you or you're against it. So what does that mean? Well, when you're arguing against your dream, guess what? You're not for it. When you're making excuses, are you for it? No. When you are afraid of it happening or not happening, are you for it? No. Being for your dream is, first of all, being in touch with it. So simply being in touch with it and claiming it, that's a way to be for it. Another way to be for it is to see reasons why it's your dream, to see evidence that it could happen, to see everybody else out there. In my world, it was people that were launching podcasts. Instead of seeing them as reasons why my flame was out, see them as evidence that, yes, my flame, too, is going to burn brighter, that they There are lights on the path. I said earlier that it is essential when you're going through a challenging time. Your dreams matter more than ever then.

Because if you give up on your dreams when you're feeling lost or on autopilot or you're facing heartbreak, You literally give up a lifeline that is part of your DNA. See, your dreams remind you that this challenge is temporary. Your dreams remind you that there's something greater ahead. Your dreams remind that this moment, it's a blip. It's a dot. It's part of the path leading you somewhere that you're meant to go. Your dreams help you through challenging times. So don't give up on them. You got to double down on them. If things are challenging. That's the best time to create something new. That's the best time to tap into that fire inside you. You need that fire at that time. That's why it's there. You see, I think your dreams have this incredible purpose that nobody understands. What if I told you, you're actually not supposed to achieve your dreams? Yep, you're not supposed to achieve your dreams. The reason why I can say that is because your dreams are not a destination. Your dreams are a directional signal. Your dreams are like this compass inside you, this GPS system that's hardwired in you. You were born with it.

It It's like a beacon, a lighthouse out in the future. It's pulling you through your problems towards something greater. It is showing you that there's something awesome to look forward to. It's giving you a reason to have hope, something bigger to believe in. Those dreams pull you through your fears. They make you grow. They push you through your self-doubt. That's why they're there. They show you the way. It doesn't matter whether you achieve or not. What matters is, do you hear the call? Do you fan the flame? Do you wake up every day and allow yourself to feel those things that are meant for you and fan the flame and be the person that is the force, the yes, the loudest voice for them? It doesn't matter what everybody else thinks. Who gives a shit what anybody else thinks, honestly? And if they haven't achieved your dreams, why the fuck are you asking their opinion anyway? They don't know how to get there. And your dreams, by the way, are not meant for somebody else. That's why they don't understand them. And here's another thing that you're doing. You are literally looking for validation from people who can't even cheer their own selves on.

How can somebody who's not even pursuing their dreams help or celebrate you as You're trying to pursue yours. See, this comes back to it being your responsibility. This is an inside job. And when you really wrap your brain around this, life gets freaking magical. It doesn't mean it's always like roses. It doesn't mean it's going to It's going to be easy as you walk toward those dreams. But there is nothing more fulfilling than waking up every day and knowing that you are the loudest cheerleader that you got. Knowing that you believe that this thing is possible, knowing that you're the one that's for this, that you're validating the things that are deep inside of you. That is an incredible way to go through life. And so every single day, you're going to be waking up. You're going to be writing your five things down. You can go to melrobbins. Com/dreambig, because I want you dreaming big. I want you dreaming big. In fact, you don't even realize how much you limit yourself. Kathy Heller, who did that live event with me in LA, she has this really amazing thing that she does that I've heard her do, and I'm going to share it with you, but this is her idea, so I want to give her credit.

I want you to imagine there's a blank check in front of you. Blank check. And you could pay yourself whatever you want to make this year. Whatever you want to make this year, go ahead and write it down on that check. What'd you write? A hundred grand, quarter of a million dollars, half a million dollars, million dollars. Who wrote that number? I'll tell you who wrote the number, the lid. Why not 5 million? Why not 10 million? And again, if You can just play with me that your dreams are not meant to be achieved. They're not the destination. They're a directional signal. Maybe you're supposed to write 5 million down because that's going to inspire something in terms of your self It's going to have worth. It's going to awaken something. Instead of thinking about what's possible, tap into what's true. You would love that. In fact, you'd be willing to work for that if I could convince you you could make it happen. And so the problem is, you limit what you claim for yourself because you're thinking about what's possible or what you deserve, instead of tapping into what you actually desire. That's a huge mistake.

See, a car can probably go 180 miles an hour. That's like, I'm going to drive 40. You haven't even tapped into the potential. I mean, obviously, you don't want to get pulled over, and it could be illegal on the ride. You know what I mean by that analogy. Today is the day we're going to stop arguing against your dream, and we're going to turn toward it, and we're going to start fanning it. So I promised an exercise, because step one is you have to get honest with yourself and claim what you want. That's step one. And so I'm going to tell you that, and I want you to think about your dream. I want you to think about what's calling you. I want you to think about the thing that would be so magical if you could make it happen. But you've been arguing against yourself. And I want you to allow yourself to claim it. And as you sit there and think about the dream in your own life, let's go back to Los Angeles. Let's go back to that stage, and let's check in with Barbara. Because I'm going to ask her to start getting honest.

And what I want you to pay attention to, is I want you to pay attention to how much she starts to joke and make excuses and dismiss how serious I am about dreams.

Maybe you needed to move to South Florida to actually feel and understand in your soul who you are and what you want. It's a scary thing to admit what you want because it's true. It might not happen. Right.

Yeah. And it's not... I've come so close to it happening so many times, and it hurt so much. It's all so scary. There's part of me that's like, No, don't do that.

But why is it scary?

Because I don't want to go into debt, and I want to be at least somewhere. So I thought, Well, I have this...

But here's what I want you to understand. You have not gotten honest with yourself about what you actually want. You're putting all the energy into, But I don't want to go into debt. But I don't want to do this. But I don't want to do that.

So then you do that anyway.

Yes.

That's the first step, honesty. It's very sobering when you get honest. Because for many of us, I mean, look at me. I spent 11 years making excuses for why I couldn't start a podcast. And all those excuses and the dancing around and, Oh, brushing it off. I'm not really serious about it. It's painful. Your dream isn't painful. Like, she's talking about how scared she is that the dream is not going to turn out. What's actually painful is how much energy you're putting into avoiding what you want and what you deserve. And the three big ways that we extinguish that flame inside of us and we put distance between ourselves and the dreams that are meant for us is number one, we literally downplay them. Anytime you make a joke about your dream, anytime you're like, I'm not that serious about it, you are putting distance between you and your dream. You're taking a bucket of water and you're trying to extinguish the flame inside you. Anytime you make excuses, I don't have the money. I can't do it. I don't have the time. Same thing. Cold bucket of water on that flame. Stop doing it.

And the third thing, when she really gets honest, When you have that moment of reckoning with yourself, and you can claim what you want, it's terrifying. It really is because you allow yourself to feel desire. You allow your sofa just a second to feel possibility. Just imagine how incredible it would be to do a stadium tour and sing your own songs. And when you allow yourself to entertain, the fact that that's the dream that's meant for you. You allow yourself to stand close to that flame. You allow it to burn a little brighter. And then we get scared scared. What if it doesn't happen? And you convince yourself that your dream is scary. And your dream isn't scary at all. Your excuses and your fear of it and your joking is what's scary. And so how do you keep this dream alive? And this is a really important exercise, particularly for those of you who say, I don't know what I want, Mel. I don't know what my dream is. I have a very simple exercise that I've taught to hundreds of thousands of people. It's back by science, and this is an exercise that is going to help you get back in touch with dreaming.

See, I think part of the problem is that we've all gotten into this mode where we don't want to get our expectations up. So we put a lid on our own desires. We don't allow ourselves to want what we want. We don't allow ourselves to be in in touch with the things that we really long for. And it's the fact that you won't even give yourself permission to dream, that's also making you feel unworthy. And so how are we going to tap back into this dream inside you? How are we going to get your desires flowing freely? How are you going to get you to start to believe that you're worthy of the things that you long for? I'll tell you how. It's very simple. Every single morning, you are going to make a cup coffee or tea, and as part of your morning routine, you are simply going to write down five dreams a day. That's it. Five dreams a day. You are going to make it a habit to claim what you want, if only by writing it on a piece of paper. And having taught this to hundreds of thousands of people, I already know what your questions are going to be.

Are they the same things I write down? Are they big things? Are they little things? Are they things that can happen? What are they, Mel? Here's how you're going to do this. Do not overthink it. Sit down, you have a blank piece of paper, and just write down five things you want. It could be, I want that new Gucci handbag, and you might not be able to pay for groceries right now. It might be, I want my puppy to stop pooping on the living room rug. It might be, I want to be the number one podcast host in the world. It might be, I want to do a stadium tour. I want to write a song that helps heal the world. I want to have a wonderful relationship with my mom, who I currently hate. Your dreams are yours. Do not judge them. Do not shrink them. This exercise is about clearing out the blockage and the gunk that has blocked the highway between your heart and your soul, and what you will give yourself permission to want and desire in your life. Your self-doubt, your feeling that you're not worthy, your excuses, your people-pleasing It's all blocking your access to this longing, to this dream within you.

And so we got to just get the gears turning. We got to get these... I don't even know what you call it, but this is a way to grease the gears and get you free flowing. Why shouldn't you do a stadium tour? Why shouldn't you have that new Gucci handbag, if that's what you want? You can certainly do the work to get it. Why shouldn't you be happy or healthy or heal your cancer? These dreams are there for a reason. We got to get them out of your head where you bury them with excuses, and we got to get them into the world in real-time where you can see them on a piece of paper. Now, reason number one why you're going to do Five dreams a day. They can be the same dreams. They can be different dreams. They can be big dreams. They can be little dreams. They can be thematic. They can be specific stuff. They can be anything you want. We just need to get your dreams and your desires flowing freely without you putting the lid on, invalidating or arguing against them. So there's a second reason why this exercise is so effective, and it has to do with something called the Zeigarnic effect.

Now, the Zeigarnic effect is a extraordinarily well-documented effect in your brain that was first discovered by a Lithuanian psychologist named Bluma Zeigarnik, and she had her first study published about psychology and this theory in 1927. So this has been around for a long time. And what is the Zygarnik effect? Well, the Zeigarnik effect is this. Inside of your brain, there is a mental checklist function. And whenever something is important to you, your brain is like, Oh, ding, ding, ding. I guess she wants to do a stadium tour. Oh, ding, ding, ding. I guess she wants to get her cholesterol down. Whenever something's important to you, your brain takes notice. It opens up a mental checklist, and then your brain has this really interesting function where it will now work with you to help remind you of this thing that's important to do. It's like a little to-do list in your brain. And the Zeigarnik effect is once your brain knows something is important, and it's important if you keep writing it down, your brain is going to go to work trying to help you get it done. And the Zeigarnik effect is so pronounced that it is used, everybody, in software design.

Yep, you know how they talk about gamification? You know how you got to film out a form and then all of a sudden a little reminder pops up that's like, you're 64% complete. Well, that's a Zeigarnik effect. That's this mental checklist thing saying, You're not done yet. You got a little bit more to go. And so this is so effective. And so, again, I'm going to summarize this, and I'm also going to help you. If you go to melrobinds. Com/dreambig, melrobinds. Com/dreambig. I got a free download for you. Not only are we going to give you some of the key takeaways from this episode, but we're going to give you prompts so that you can print out this free sheet and use it every single morning to write down your five dreams, to tap into the Zeigarnik effect inside your brain to help you keep to keep those dreams alive and to help you start letting your desires and your worthiness flow freely through you. Okay, so we've covered a couple of key topics so far. Your dreams are not a joke. They matter. You got to claim them. This exercise of writing down five things you want every single morning is going to tap into that superhighway, and it's going to help you build the neuro pathways to give yourself permission to want things.

It's going to help you tap into this flame inside you that is burning and it is begging for you to let it help you.

Hey, it's Mel. Thank you so much for being here. If you enjoyed that video, by God, please subscribe because I don't want you to miss a thing. Thank you so much for being here. We've got so much amazing stuff coming. Thank you so much for sending this stuff to your friends and your family. I love you. We create these videos for you, so make sure you subscribe.