Let me give you three steps, everybody. We're going to pick up the book at step one on how you create new beliefs. Okay, you're ready? You're going to get two videos for the price of one. First, I explain why mantras are bullshit. That's basically page 90 through 91 in this book. Now I'm going to teach you from page 92 to 99, the three steps to creating new beliefs. Okay, you ready, everybody? There are three steps to creating new beliefs. You're going to love this. Obviously, you can use the five-second rule, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, that I created to interrupt any thoughts. How many of you would love to create new beliefs about yourself. We're moving on from mantras and affirmations and why most mantras and affirmations are bullshit. And that's believable and align your actions with that and continue to repeat it throughout the day. A believable mantra, something a little bit smaller, is going to create momentum, belief, and confidence in self. It's a way to bully yourself when you're bobbing up and down in life. Now we're going to move on, and I want to teach you how to create new beliefs.

Right now, before I teach you the three steps, what is a new belief that you want to have in your life, everybody? But it's a new belief that you want to have? I'll tell you a belief that I'm struggling with. This is going to sound crazy. Chris and I are in the middle of building this amazing house in Vermont, and our son is going to high school up there, and I'm sitting in our house outside of Boston, Massachusetts. I have been alone here for the last six months because I've been coming back and forth because we're under construction in order to get work done. And nobody's here. It's like being our cat, Mr. Noodle. And it's really lonely. But I have lived in this house, everybody, for 24 years. And the belief that I am wanting to create is that it is time to close the door, to start a new chapter, to make Southern Vermont more of my full-time place, and to rent an apartment in downtown Boston. I'm struggling with that. I'm struggling with that because I've lived in this house for 24 years. This is where we raised our children. Two of them have gone and left, and our son is now at the public high school in Vermont, and I'm having a really hard time letting go.

I'm waking up every morning. I'm having these nightmares that we're going to sell the house, and then two years from now, I'm going to be driving by, stalking the new owners and crying because I regret selling the house, that I'm going to get up to Vermont, and I'm not going to like to be up there all the time, and I'm going to wish I had not sold our house, that I'm going to get down to Boston and be in an apartment. I haven't lived in an apartment in 27 years, and I'm going to hate that. I want to create a new belief that it's going to be okay. And in fact, that it's not only going to be okay, this new chapter, but that it's actually going to be amazing. It's going to be the best thing that I've ever done. Now, do I know if that belief is true? No. In fact, I have so much fear about selling the house that we raised our kids in and starting this whole new chapter. I'm afraid I'm not going to like it. I'm going through the same thing that you probably are going through right now, that my fears have a stranglehold on me.

But I so desperately want to believe this. There's a part of me that can just feel that it is necessary. There's a part of me that It feels like a ghost in my old chapter as I'm walking around this house. Now, here's a funny data point. My parents still live in the house that I grew up in. So my parents are living in a house that has four bedrooms and no kids are there, and they've been there ever since I left. My God, I left when I was 18. How old is that? 33 years ago?

Yeah.

I have never had the experience of having to leave a family home. And it is just like right here, and I'm fighting with myself about it. So do you relate to this story, everybody? That there's something that you want to believe. There's some change that you want to make. There's something that you're called toward, but you're just scared. And it's your old beliefs that I'm going to regret this, or this is going to be a mistake, or what if this doesn't work out, or what if this is What's the worst thing I could have ever done, or what if that? And so this is where I am. And I want you to think about what's some change that you want to make in your life and the belief that you need to change in order to really lift yourself up and support yourself through the process of changing. The belief that I want to have is that this next chapter is going to be the best chapter of my life, and that no matter what happens, I'm going to be okay. That really, it's not about a house, everybody. It's about the people that are in the house.

And now that I'm here alone, boy, is that true? But I'm so scared to let go. All right. You know what I love? You guys are so cute. Everybody's trying to solve this problem. Just rent it out. Then you can keep it, right? You're going to be okay, Mel. No problem. Mel, just rent an apartment. Use this as the production studio. I love that you guys are problem solving. It's true, I could rent it out, but I feel like there's something bigger here. You know, everybody, where you just know it's time to let go, where it's let go of a relationship or a place or a friendship or a career, that there's some big move, right? And yeah, I think I'm taking my time with leaving a family home because it is a big decision. 24 years in one place is a big thing. Having roots somewhere is a big thing. And so my belief, and the belief that I want to change, is about okayness. It's about the permission to take a risk and to dream and to trust myself. Because when I close my eyes, just like when you close your eyes and think about this change that you want to make, you know what's right for you.

Yes, Faye says it feels like a part of you will die if you leave. Believe. The truth is, a part of me does need to die because I'm no longer in that chapter of my life and I'm holding on to it, right? So what are the three steps to changing a belief? And now that you have the What is the belief that you want to change? What is the belief that you want to change, everybody? Describe in the comments what's holding you back. What's holding me back is I may regret this decision, and once I sell the house, there's no going back. I want to believe I'm going to be okay no matter what I decide, that I need to trust my heart in this one, that in order to open the door and step into this next chapter of my life, I got to let go of the handle and close the door on this past one. I'm not getting choked up. I just have cat hair that just flew in my mouth. Hold on a second. Here, now I'm going to sneeze. This is how you know it's live, everybody. So step number one, you're going to love this tool, and I write about this in the high five habit.

If you have not bought a copy of this book, and you can, please do. It's extraordinary. It's in 41 languages already. It only came out in September, and it's changing people's lives around the world. We're on page 92, everybody. But step one is a simple tool. If you catch the negative thought, like my thought sounds like, Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, what if I sell this? What if I never see my kids again? What if nobody visits me in Vermont? What if I fucking regret selling this house? What if I get to a goddamn apartment building in Boston and the people above me are having sex every night really loud, and there's a dog next door, and I hate the building, and somebody's cooking something every day, and it smells like shit, and I can't get out, and I hate my street, and I don't know where to part. This is how crazy my mind is starting to go around this chapter and this change I want to make. Okay? So five second rule. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Interrupt that shit. Okay? That's number one. Number two, I'm not thinking about that. Say, I'm not thinking about that.

I'm not thinking about that. I'm not thinking about that is literally a karate chop to the craziness in your Every single morning when I wake up in our bedroom here in Boston, I'm like, What am I doing? Why am I selling? I just go far from doing it. I'm not thinking about that right now. Step number two, I talk about this on page 94 of the book. Step number 2, note to self. Let me explain what that means. Okay. That's it. Becca, could you grab me a Post-it note so we show this? Because Note to self. You already know? Oh, here's one. Oh, no, these are not sticky. Oh, fabulous. Look at that. Okay. You guys want to see something funny. These are my post-it notes. This one says, Busy as fuck. I love this one. Hey, Mel, keep up the okay work. Isn't that awesome? Keep up the okay work, Mel. There you go. A little boost from Mel Robbins to Mel Robbins. Step number two. Post-it note. Write a note to self. Here's what I would write. You ready? You're going to write a believable mantra or affirmation. This is where believable mantras come in.

You ready? When you have a negative belief that starts haunting you or worries, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, interrupt it with a five-second roll, and then karate, chop it in half by saying, I'm not thinking about that. Because the fact is, you don't need to think about that. Most of the things that you're worried about right now, a month from now, you're not going to be even worried about it, okay? Most of the things. So when you catch yourself worrying or trashing yourself or ruminating, use the five-second rule. Take a five-second moment of control by counting backwards, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, and then karate chop that shit in half by saying, I'm not thinking about that. If this is a chronic belief that you want to now insert to teach your brain, I want you to use a visual cue. This says trust your heart. It knows. You will be okay. Notice I didn't say, sell the damn house, you're going to be fine. That would actually scare me. Notice I didn't say, stop being a chicken shit. That would probably make me nervous. This is believable. Trust your heart. It knows. And you will be okay makes me feel okay.

And having this note to self, which is basically a believable mantra, that is what I'm going to use as the third step. So step one, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, five second moment of control. Step two, karate chop. That shitty thought with, I'm not thinking about that. Step number three, use a visual trigger in a place you're going to see it. I like to put it on my bathroom I like to put it on my laptop. I sometimes put them on the back of my phone. You can take a photo of this and make it your screen saver on your phone so you see your own writing in an unexpected place. And this keeps this new belief front and center. Now, remember, the belief needs to be something within reach. How many of you believe this statement, trust your heart? Right? Yeah, of course you do. I think your heart often knows the answer, and sometimes it just takes your mind a little while to catch up. And how many of you believe that this is true? You will be okay. You may not be okay right now, but you will be okay. Like all the difficult decisions and all the scary things that have happened to you, this moment, too, this decision, too, it's going to pass, and you're going to be okay because you've always been okay.

So now let's go and see what else. Now, here's the thing. Step number 4. This is everything that I'm always teaching you. Step number 4. Act like the person you want to become. Act like the person you want to become. What does that mean? What that means is if I want to be the person that trusts my heart, that knows that I'm going to be okay, what does that person do, everybody? What does the person who trusts themselves and who knows that they're going to be okay do? Can you think of some actions that that person takes. I know some actions immediately. That person always journals about what's in their heart. That person is kind to themselves. That person person takes their time and is patient with themselves. That person is doing the work to support themselves. That person is telling themselves that they're going to be Okay. And so this last piece, number 4, act like the person that you want to become, this part is critical, and this is why most mantras and affirmations don't work, because just saying something isn't enough. The belief becomes real when you start taking actions that are aligned with the new belief.

The new belief becomes real. The new belief becomes encoded in your brain, in your nervous system, in your neural pathways, in your habits, in your systems, in the way you talk to yourself. Your new belief becomes real when you make actions that are aligned with the new belief. I did not make this up. This is an entire field of study called behavioral activation therapy. Absolutely everything that I teach you is grounded in behavioral activation therapy. I am trying to make you understand that before you feel like the person you want to become, you need to start acting like the person you want to become. Before you feel ready to go to the gym for the first time in a year, you need to push yourself. Use the five-second rule. Take a five-second moment of control. Five, four, three, two, one. You need to push yourself to act like a person now that has already got a habit of going to the gym. That's how your belief that I deserve to be healthy and I can figure out how to do it. That's how your belief goes from just a statement that you say to a five-second moment of control, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, take the action and act like that person.

Go to the gym. For those of you that want to write, for those of you that want to grow your business, ask yourself, what is a person What does a person that is a successful writer do? Every single day, they write. Before you feel like a writer, you need to make yourself take actions that a writer takes so that as you stand and you to say, I can figure out how to write a book. Over time, I could write a book. But then if you leave the bathroom after saying that to yourself, you now need to push yourself to sit your ass in a chair and do what a writer does, which is write about 500 pages of horse shit before you have anything worthy of sharing with somebody else. If you struggle with growing your business, I guarantee you you're not doing the work that would grow your business. You're thinking about all the reasons why can't. We need to invert this, everybody. You need to start saying, I am capable of figuring out how to grow my business. I am capable of pushing through the fear and picking up the phone and selling.

I am able to figure this out. And then you need to, five, four, three, two, one, take the actions before you're motivated, before you're ready. When you're afraid, you can still take the action. When you're hesitating, you can still take action. When you don't feel ready, you can still take the action. Action is the only way you're going to change your life. And by the way, action is necessary. You have to decide what you want to believe, and then you got to do the really hard work to push yourself to take the action before you're ready. That's the only way that you will change how you think about yourself, how you think about your life, how you think about your future, by deciding what you want and pushing yourself to take action five seconds at a time when you're scared, when you're anxious, when you're not feeling ready. That's how you change anything, and that's how you put it all together. Now, on page 99, you're going to see a photograph of a woman who took these four steps, everybody. She started interrupting the negative bullshit in her mind. She started saying, I'm not thinking about that.

She created all of these notes to self that are right there so she sees them every single day, the believable things that you're improving every day. That's That's right. You are. I'm proud of you. These are things that you can believe. And then, more importantly, she is getting up every damn day, and she is high-fiving herself in the mirror, and she is slowly but surely doing the work to change how she feels about herself. So in summary, here's the things I want you to do. Number one, and I'm on page 100, never leave a bathroom without high-fiving yourself in the mirror. Never Never leave a bathroom without high-fiving that person you see in the mirror. Because the high-five action takes programming in your mind, overrides negative self-taught, and aims all the positive programming associated with a high five right back at your face and your identity. Number two, if you have not taken the high five challenge, highfivechallenge. Com, get your ass in the high five challenge. It is a free five-day challenge that I lead five video trainings. It is hosted by my friends at Growth Day. I've arranged for you to be able to be on the app for free.

When you are done with the High Five challenge, you can either join Growth Day, but you don't have to. You get the challenge for free. Once the five days is over, just make sure you get into our Facebook group. Our Facebook group is, what is it? High Five Crew? Yes. So can they search for High Five Crew? Yes. So you can just search for High Five Crew. We'll put a link in the comments below to High Five Crew, everybody. And that's it. Use the four steps I just gave you to identify the negative beliefs and to 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, interrupt them, crotty chop them with I'm not thinking about that. Make a note to self of what you actually want to start to believe. And then, most importantly, use the five-second rule. Use the high five habit and push yourself to take the actions, the little actions, everybody, that change the entire trajectory of your life. That's how you change, period. One step at a time, one day at a time, one five second moment of control at a time. What does that mean to you, Jen? What are you going to do about it?

So here's the thing. When I think about the question, how are you really or how am I really? Most of us don't want to answer it because we know if we're honest and the answer is, I'm not okay or I'm not happy or I'm not good, then we have to do something about it. It's like we have to confront that reality, and that's what will set you free, really. One of the things that I think it's wrong so often in this world with so much information is that we try to go so big, so fast, that all of a sudden when we crash, we say, why did I ever think I could do that? Who was I to think I could follow through? Who was I to think that I could start the business or lose the weight or get healthier, seek out the relationship. And what we're forgetting is that if we can start to make the smallest progress, like progress that no one can see, progress that isn't Instagramable, progress that just simply proves to ourselves that we are actually following through, that we are actually progressing and moving forward, that we are actually capable.

It's like we're strengthened. And when we're strengthened, the confidence shows up. And when we're confident, we show up in a different way. And when we show up in a different way, we change. And when we change, everything It happens. And so it's like, we live in a world that literally wants everything to be pretty, and we want it to be showcased. It's like, imagine if you and I were sitting in Vermont, and I was like, Hey, Mel, let's go grab some chairs and watch this tree grow. It would be so boring, right? Nobody would do it. Because on the outside, what we see, we're not seeing anything happening. But underneath the surface, those roots are strengthening, and lengthening, and growing, and reaching, and giving this growth the roots that it needs to be sustained. And so to me, it's like when we think about what are we going to do about it, we often try to go big. We go too big. And then we live in this shame cycle that we didn't follow through that, of course, we weren't able to do it when in reality, we need to make such tiny little actions.

There's a quote in the book that talks from B. J. Fogg where it's like, Pick the most minuscule, tiny little steps to progress so that you can build up your belief in yourself. Because the way you show up to your battles is directly linked to the warrior you believe you are. And most people don't even feel like a warrior today. Most people don't even feel like they can show up to the battle. And so it's like, how do we build up our confidence through such infinitely small progress, progress that no one else will see, but that we can feel? That's what I think is the difference.

I've been working on something that I don't think anybody can see. I started to notice after a couple of years of therapy and all these big changes that I put into place, and I wasn't even aware of it. And heck, this is even like with the high five habit that I started to break through the self criticism and the high five habit profoundly changed how I see myself. But I still had a layer deeper, Jenna, a dialog that I think is generational in the women in my life of being in conflict about what's going on and simultaneously feeling grief and regret. I've been really blown away and really sad by how much I've tortured myself because I have this habit of focusing on what's wrong and focusing on what I didn't do in the past. And I live there because the women in my life, my grandmother's, my mom, that's their negative negative mental experience. And so I every day, and none of you can see this, I catch myself going there. I catch myself slowly torturing myself that where I am isn't the right place, that what I'm doing isn't the right thing. And it is robbing me of what you said, which is creating fat minutes where you can feel the full 60 seconds and be present to it.

And so this is something, everybody, that I am working on every single day that nobody can see. It's like when you're doing sit-ups for the first time, you're not going to see any change in the mirror for probably eight weeks. And I think the same is true for me. And the incremental stuff that I'm What are you doing? What are you going to do about it? How are you really? Because the truth is, how are you really is, how am I really is I'm doing all this stuff, but in here, I'm torturing myself because of old mental habits. And I am committed to catching it and noticing it. And then all I do to break that apart, Jenna, is I try to have what you call a fat minute. I try to just go, Where am I?

Yeah. Yes. It's all about a Awareness. What's so crazy is that for so long, I totally believe that I could never meditate. I was like, my brain doesn't work that way. I can't slow it down. I can't not think of anything. I thought that meditating was emptying your mind when in reality, it's just having an awareness for your thoughts. And when I shifted it, I am obsessed with meditation. Before I went on the Today show, I freaking meditated. I was like, who am I? I don't even understand. But it's wild how much of our lives we go through without noticing, whether it's the people, the feelings, how we're really, our thoughts, our narratives, the things that we're being ourselves at work. We go through and we just don't even notice. We don't even feel it. There's a chapter in my book about It's not about feeling your feelings. It's not about just letting happiness be the destination in our life. It's moving through life with this richness of feeling our feelings. Our feelings are communicating things to us. And so it is. It's all about awareness. And it's like when you start to pay attention, man, your life becomes more vibrant.

And that richness of the vibrancy, even the highs and lows, it makes you feel your life. It makes you awake to it in a totally different way. I love that.

I want to I want to just say one thing.

Do you need to pick somebody up from the airport? I'm slightly concerned here.

Yeah, I do. It's okay. She'll just start anxiety calling. And she started calling in. She's calling Chris. She has to try It's all good. We're going to get her. And in the middle of the panic attack, by the way, the Ember is flaming because she's like, oh, and can we stop at Java Juice and get coffee? Like, oh, okay. So here's one thing I want to say about Feeling your feelings can be terrifying for those of us like me who have spent a lifetime keeping themselves busy or drunk at night. Not drunk, but buzz. So that I didn't have to feel. I think one of the One of the reasons why when I really figured out what I was passionate about, writing, coaching, speaking, that I threw myself into it is because when I was focused on something, my feelings and my mind wasn't spinning. And so I've been doing everything and how are you really? And the slowing down, the getting back into my life, the being honest with myself about how the busyness was really not making me happy. And I will tell you guys that when you start to slow down and you start to truly feel what's there that you've been numbing or running away from or arguing against, that bridge between the old you and the transition to truly that ember inside you of how you want to feel in your life, which is in it and present to it.

Crossing that bridge can be terrifying, but you can do it. You want to be a travel blogger, it sounds like.

Yes. Okay. Great. Yeah.

Does that scare you?

Not at all. I'm pushing myself quite a lot. Even before my parents passed, I had the goal, okay, I want to make my illustration job and so on. But here's the thing. Tell me the thing. I'm doing this since, like I said, I mean, I draw for more years now, but I started the online business 2021. And I'm not making that much income. Sometimes there are months we're making nothing. And that's totally fine because I'm at the beginning. I also have... That's also good to know. I have an Instagram. I have a YouTube channel. I love making videos. I'm learning so much. I started TikTok. I have my homepage. I'm writing blog post. Mel, I also wrote a blog post about you. I'll have to read it.

Yeah. So let me ask you a question because there's a huge theme here. You guys are noticing the theme with everybody? You guys all have lots of stuff going on. And that's an important thing if you need to have a lot of stuff going on to make ends meet. And I love that you're saying that your illustrations and that story is at the very beginning of the process, and that that's going to take time. That's true. But here's what I don't hear. What do you want your life to look like?

I want this to go pretty well. I want to be able, like I wrote, I want to be able to travel. And my goal is to to make this happen next year. Okay. Yeah.

So what do you mean by travel? See, the other thing I'm going to keep pointing out to everybody is that before you can figure out the plan or the map to get where you want to go, you got to pick your head up and point at what you And the more specific the destination, the better. It is impossible to give you great guidance and coaching if I don't know exactly what you want. Because here's the thing, if you really wanted life where you travel, I can tell you 10 travel bloggers that you should follow. You can stalk their stories. And with your skills, skills, you could probably be making money and doing that full-time in a matter of three to six months. Because there are magazines that are looking for freelancers to do that. Once you get with one hotel, they connect you with another hotel. Once you start tagging people, cafés, it is one of those things that builds. You've told me you have no debt, that you have savings, that you have a job that is 12 hours a week that is not keeping you somewhere. So what do you actually want?

I know when I do this next year. So my first goal is to go to Japan again for three months. And I know that at my part-time job, they won't let me go and say, okay, it's unpaid vacation. And when you come back, you can start again. So So I know, okay, I have...

It's- So here's what's interesting. You ready? I'm going to push you a little bit.

Yeah, please.

Is that house that you're sitting in a place that you own that you have to pay for?

No, it's a flat. And it's the flat of my best friend, and I have to pay such less money.

Let me tell you something. Yeah. Your whole life is organized around what's happening at this twelve-hour-a-week job.

Yes, exactly.

Do you know why I'm pointing that out?

No.

We are in the single best job market in 40 years.

What was my best job?

No, this is the best job market in 40 years. People cannot find people work.

Yeah, exactly.

What I'm trying to tell you is that you're organizing your entire life around a part-time job.

I know where you're going.

Where am I going?

Yeah, I have the exact same thought.

There are- No, but where am I going? Where am I going? I'm going to push you.

There are the shitty jobs out there everywhere. I can- There's a shitty job in Japan waiting for you.

Yeah, everywhere.

I No. Yeah.

Your issue is courage.

Yeah. That's fun because courage is one of my things that I'm keeping pushing myself. Okay. Prove it. Yeah, that's right.

And I have a feeling that you holding on to where you are has to do with grieving.

Grieving? And maybe, okay, because I have a partner, and he also lives here. But I think we can maybe hopefully figure something out.

Elaina?

Yeah.

Hope is for children on Christmas morning who hope that they're going to get a certain present. You are a 33-year-old, brilliant woman who has taken control of her healing, who has figured out how to set up an entire business around your illustrations. You have paid off your debt, you have savings. We are no longer in a game of hope. We are in the business of creating a life that's amazing. And that begins the moment you wake up and go, What the fuck am I doing? Were worried about this job. I am going to call a meeting tonight with my partner, and I'm going to say, Here's what we're doing. We are going to reinvent our lives. Fuck it. Let's figure out how to go to Japan for three months because this shitty job is going to be here, and so is this flat when we decide we don't like it. And if I burn through my savings trying to figure something out because I can't figure out how to make that work, then I'll just save more money. You have nothing to lose.

I'm writing courage big on it. Courage.

And courage means action.

Yeah.

You're going to feel afraid, but this is the day- No, that's normal growth. You're not going to grow in that flat, and you're not going to grow next year, and I'm not going to allow you to wait another year.

Yeah. And this is exactly what I'm feeling. Every time I wake up, I'm doing my stuff, and I'm doing quite a lot of stuff. And I wrote it also to you. Wait, let me point this out.

I thought, I don't need this. You don't need that. I don't need this story. I don't care how much you're doing. You're doing the wrong stuff. I'm fucking busy, too. And for a long time, it was the wrong stuff, which is why I was in trouble.

The only thing I felt why I feel so... Why I ask you if it's a naive or so, because I'm not making that much income or not Not at all income now. Who cares? Yeah. Who cares?

So you're not making a lot of income, which only means if you stay in the place that you're in, you're going to stay trapped because you don't have enough income. You're not going to have enough income next year either.

Yeah.

Take a risk. Live a little. You can come back to this.

Yeah. This was exactly what I was feeling the whole time.

Well, I hope this is exactly what you do. Yeah. Because feeling it Unless it activates action, he might as well just fart because it doesn't do anything. It just is like, you need to get frustrated and say, I'm done with this. I am sick of myself. In fact, let's pick a date right now. What day are you going to Japan or going to another country or quitting this job? Give me the day. Let's commit publicly right now. It's March 22nd.

March or April.

Give me a date. Let's go calendar.

Okay. Let's say April the first.

April first? Hell, Yes. All right, great. You're going to keep us posted on where you're doing and what your plan is. I will. Will you put Glow Autonomo, her account in Instagram? Thank you. She started Travel I'm blogging, I think seven years ago. And really amazing woman, really good friend of mine, super inspiring.

She'll give me tips.

And I think on her YouTube channel, she's got all kinds of stuff about how to get started. She's killer.

I also haven't found an illustrator who does this because I would love to incorporate both.

Listen, I think your ideas are incredible. Go do them. Okay. Here's an illustration. You ready?

Yeah.

Give us an illustration of the moment that you got off your ass and quit that job. And then give us an illustration of you buying the plane ticket. And then give us an illustration of how scared you are as you see the savings go down a little. And then give us an illustration of what your partner looks like when he's like, Wait, what? We're going where? And then give us an illustration of your first day in Japan. And then take us on the journey with you.

Yeah.

All right. Awesome. You're awesome. Thank you. I can't wait. See, one of the most important revelations you could ever have is that your life and your happiness begins and ends inside your own mind. Let me say that again. One of the most important revelations you can ever have is that your life and your happiness begins and ends inside your own mind. What you say to yourself, how you treat yourself, and the thoughts that run on repeat are everything. It does not matter how successful, thin, famous, muscular, or wealthy you become. If you focus on what's wrong with you, you will never be happy and you will never change, period. If You think there's something wrong with you. And no, this is not, don't worry, be happy. We're talking brain science here, everybody. We're talking about taking all of that subconscious programming where you beat yourself up and re programming your mind to be more positive, more optimistic, more celebratory, more encouraging. That's what the high five habit is about. This is not toxic positivity. This is how you use science to literally take that crap you've been saying to your sofa years that makes you feel broken and recognize, wait a minute, I'm not broken.

I have these patterns of thinking that are so broken for where I want to go. So I need to punch them with a high five right out of my brain, and I need to start to program with a high five, encouraging, supportive, loving, validating, and worthy thoughts. That's what we're doing here. We are taking neural association in your brain with a high five and marrying it with your identity. How How fucking cool is that? Because if you think there's something wrong with you, the idea of high fiving yourself, by the way, probably feels a little dumb or stupid or cheesy. And let me tell you why. If you think there's something wrong with you, you probably also think you don't deserve a high five because you haven't done anything worthy of a high five. You also think, well, I don't get a high five until I fixed the thing that's wrong with me. When I lose the weight, I'll high five myself. When I get the job, I'll high five myself. When the divorce is final, I'll high five myself. When I finally meet somebody and fall in love, I'll high five myself. When I get out of debt, I'll high five myself.

By withholding all of this, by the way, from yourself right now, this is why you don't feel motivated. I think that what you're going to see in the next year is I think you're going to see 50,000 books come out that are all talking about what I'm talking about. Gary Vaneerchuk's new book is all about kindness, by the way, and all about supporting yourself. Will Smith's new book that's coming out, the whole thing is about your emotions and supporting yourself and being kind to yourself. The high five habit doesn't talk about it. It teaches you how to do it. This is going to be the big theme of 2022. I'm telling you right now, and the high five habit is a game changer because it gives you the tool. We're not talking concepts here. We're giving you the tool to recognize that your own self-hatred, self-rejection, self-bashing is the foundational problem that you have. And the second that you break the habit of beating yourself up. And you use the high five habit and the science in this book and the tools in this book to make it a habit to lift yourself up, to encourage yourself, to support yourself, to empower yourself, to see the human being in the mirror and say, I see you.

I know we're not where we want to be, but we're going to keep on going. I see you. We're going to face the day. I see you. I got your back. That's what this is about, everybody. It's the how. We all know we need to be kinder. We all know we need to stop criticizing ourselves. The problem is, how the hell do you do it when it's so insidious and casual and subconscious to just... Well, I'll tell you how you do it. You make a commitment to yourself that you're going to stop doing it, and you're going to retrain your own mind and your own habits, and you're going to start by simply standing in front of the mirror and demonstrating with a high five every morning to the human I'm being in the mirror that you do deserve respect. You are worth working on. You are worth loving. You are worth validating. That the fact that you're still here means that you're worthy of all these things. You're still trying. That is what makes you worthy. You don't have to go to the gym today to earn a high five. If you can drag yourself to the bathroom, you get one.

Yes, I see somebody saying, I live with a narciss. Delve into the topic. I'll tell you, If you actually live with a diagnosed narciss, there is no cure for narcissism. And the world's leading expert on narcissism, Dr. Romani, will tell you, as the world's leading expert, that because narcissists are made during childhood by either neglect or overindulgence, and it is a wiring issue in the brain that has somebody be incapable of feeling empathy, the high five habit for you is foundational and essential because that person who has a narcissistic personality disorder will never be able to validate you, will never be able to make you feel worthy, will never be able to give you the support emotionally that you need because neurologically, developmentally, they are not able physiologically, neurologically to do it, and it's not your job to heal them. And by the way, you can't. And so hopefully, high-fiving yourself in the mirror and building up your own self-worth is going to be the thing that makes you realize you are worthy of different treatments. You deserve to be in a healthy relationship. If you're already typing that you are in a relationship with a narcissist, then you know it's not working.

What you now need to do is rebuild up the self-worth and the self-love and the self-esteem that the narcissist is probably taking away from you so that you can look yourself in the mirror and say, I actually am not going to stay in this relationship. We all have narcissistic tendencies. That's not what you're talking about. You're talking about somebody who is truly diagnosed with narcissism. The high five habit will help you rebuild up your self-worth and your self-respect and your self-validation so that you literally will be able to find the strength to leave the narcissist, because part of the damage of being with somebody who's narcissistic is their personality disorder makes you start to believe there's something wrong with you. The constant gaslighting, the lack of empathy. I didn't say that. The constant focus on them makes you think you're going nuts. That's why you need the high five habit. You got a narciss in your life, you better get this freaking book, everybody. The High Five Habit. You better get off this live stream and click, click, buy, because you better know how to start building up your own self-worth so that you can leave.

Okay? And it was Dr. Ramani. She's on Red Table Talk all the time. She has a huge social media following. I met her because we had her on my daytime talk show a lot. Let's see. This is also, by the way, When your self-worth is low, when you have negative self-taught, it's also why you feel uncomfortable when people compliment you because you don't believe it. That's why you can't accept it. That's why you're uncomfortable at your own birthday party because you're not comfortable being the center of attention because you don't believe you're worthy of it. This is why we have got to get to the heart of rebuilding your self esteem. This is so foundational. I think we're going to end right here. We just completed page 48. I have time for literally one more question. Let's take a quick question. You got anything good that you want me to do? Yeah. Thank you. Let me see if I can find a different one. I listened to you on Saturday. We're looking to see. Okay. Oh, wow. Okay. Wow. Terry is saying, I want to pay for someone's book who can't afford one. Is there a fund for No, there's not.

But how about you just buy a book for a friend who's in need, seriously, or send it to a family member that could really use some help with their self-esteem or self-worth? Or, heck, I just sent the book to a really good, a very close friend of mine's daughter is having a really tough time freshman year in college. And so I just surprised her by sending her a copy of the high five habit. Because when life is hard, you need to know how to lift yourself up. When life is great, you need to know how to celebrate that stuff and keep yourself going. Let's see. I've tried a lot. Okay, let's see. I have faith in my... I have tried a lot, and I still am not able to have faith in my goal. Is that normal? Yeah, it's normal to not feel confident. And I'll tell you why, life has beaten you up. And the only thing that is going to change your level of confidence in yourself, there's just two things that do it. One is seeing yourself taking action, because when your brain sees you taking action on the things that matter to you, your brain starts to develop more respect for you because it sees you starting to prioritize yourself.

That will make you feel more assured and confident, your own actions of working on the goal. But the bigger thing that's going to help you feel more confident as you work toward your goals and your huge dreams, everybody, is send yourself into the day by looking in the mirror at yourself and giving yourself a high five. Just like a teammate would send you into the biggest game of your life or back into the play, you would high five yourself and send yourself into the day. And it builds momentum. It gives you dopamine. It gives your nervous system a little celebratory jolt. These things are so important, and you need it because when your brain starts to see you demonstrating with the high five that you do see yourself, you do believe in yourself, you do celebrate yourself, neurologically, chemically, physiologically, you start to change. That's why this is so powerful, everybody. So powerful. If you say, I'm a bad person, how many of you say that to yourself? I'm such a bad person. I always screw up. Nothing works out for me. If you say, I'm a bad person, isn't it true that you see things every single that make you think it's true?

And then our daughter said, Yeah, actually, yesterday, I missed my dentist appointment. I just completely forgot about it. And as soon as I realized I blew off the dentist appointment, totally forgot. The first thing I said to myself was, There I go again, screwing everything up. And I said, Look, that's an excellent example. Imagine if instead of missing the dentist appointment, Imagine if when you miss the dentist appointment, how many of you have missed the dentist appointment? I know I have. How amazing would it be if you miss the dentist appointment and you could just shrug your shoulders and go, Oops, Forgot the dentist appointment without going, See, I screw everything up, and pounding yourself into the ground and beating yourself up. Imagine if you could teach your own mind, everybody, to not see all the stuff that's happening in life as evidence that you're a bad person. Because you can forget a dentist appointment and just let it pass through your mind without attaching, I'm a bad person to what happened. You have to be deliberate You have to tell your mind exactly what you want to think about yourself when things mess up.

So my daughter looks at me, this is a true story, and is like, really? How the hell do I do that, mom? I've been telling myself I'm a bad person and I screw everything up for as long as I can remember. How How the hell am I going to get my mind to think something else? And this is when I hit her with the heart rock game that I'm telling you, you've got to steal this hack from me. I said, well, let's train your mind by playing a simple game that's going to change the way that your mind works in real time. And I said, Every single day, I want you to look for a naturally occurring heart shape in the world, whether it's a heart-shaped rock, a heart-shaped leaf, a heart-shaped oil stain on the floor of your garage, a heart-shaped swirl of milk on the top of your latte. Anything counts. And then my daughter said, You mean the way you're always looking for heart-shaped rocks when we walk on the beach, mom? And I said, Yep. And you know what she said to me? She said, Mom, that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

I said, my other daughter then said, I agree. How the hell does looking for hearts stop me from feeling like the ugliest one of all my friends? I want you to teach me how to be happy and how to be successful and how to make a lot of money in my new career, mom. I mean, you're You're a self-help person. How the hell do rocks on the ground help me change my opinion of myself? Fair question, right? Don't worry, I had a great answer. I said, Look, the point of the exercise of every day, I want you to look for a heart shape, like a heart shape rock in the world. The point of this, everybody, is to train your mind to spot the things that you're blocking out so you can prove to yourself that you can make your brain work for you by simply telling you what's important to you. And if you want to make a lot of money, you better train your brain to see opportunities and deals that other people walk right by, just like you walk by that stupid rock on the ground that's laying there right now. And you miss it because you're not looking for it.

And if you want to stop thinking you're bad or hating the way you look, you better train your mind to stop attaching that thought to everything you see. Pretty smart, right? If you'd like to make more money, you got to spot opportunities to make more money. If you want to feel better about yourself, everybody, you got to stop pounding yourself into the ground with negative thoughts, anything Any time life doesn't go 100% your way or you screw up, which is totally normal. I could tell they were considering my argument, so I went even further. Besides, there goes the clock. Hold on a second. And feel free to ask questions in the comments. This is a short, short, short chapter, okay? Besides, if I told you, everybody, to just repeat a positive mantra, I'm beautiful, I'm a good person. You're thinking, you think this is stupid because you don't believe So first, I got to show you the power that you have to change what your mind sees. Then you're going to trust what I'm saying. You see, good people mess up all the time. It doesn't make you a bad person. And even if you are a bad person at times, why does that make you unlovable?

See, it's all about the way you flip the things you look at so that you can see a world that makes you feel empowered and supported. Imagine how much easier and fulfilling it would if you could stop the beat down and just love yourself while you work on your health goals. Now, let me tell you how to do the heart-shaped exercise. You guys ready? Okay, good. Starting tomorrow, super easy, or today, Starting today, I want you to find one naturally occurring heart shape in the world around you. Then stop and take a look at it. Here's mine. Every day when I go for a walk, if you follow me on my stories, you You will see that I take photos all day long of heart shapes. This is the thing that trains your mind. I'm getting asked for a meditation on manifesting. Yeah, looking for a heart shape every single day in the world around you is a way to manifest because you are practicing a skill. You're practicing a skill of waking up and intentionally saying, I am going to find Find a heart shape today. You are putting that intention into your mind.

And by putting it into your mind, you are training your mind to work for you. Now we're going to take it a level up. You ready? When you find something, I want you to stop. I want you to take a moment. I want you to take a photo of it. Oops, my computer just died, so we're going to stay on Instagram. I want you to take a photo of it, and I want you to really feel that that was placed there for you. I want you to close your eyes, and I want you to have an experience whereby you feel that literally the universe had put something there for you, and your mind helped you find it. And if you take that moment and you feel a moment of gratitude, what's going to happen is that energetic, positive experience of acknowledging that you told yourself you were going to find a heart shape. And then your mind scanned and you found it. And now you're taking a moment to feel grateful that this happened, to be present to the larger forces that are out there. And then take a photo, put it on your story.

Tag me, Mel Robbins. Tag high five habit. And you will be shocked because what will happen is because you took a moment to positively encode it in your brain, your brain will start showing you hearts all over the place. You're not going to believe the amount of hearts that you walk past. I'm dead serious about this. These are just a few examples on page 91. I repost these all day long from you guys. There's a heart in a coffee cup. There's a heart right here that's a leaf. We've got a heart. One of my favorite ones was inside of an onion. We see rocks all the time. I'm looking for this stuff. That's on page 91. I just realized that we lost our friends on Facebook because your imperfect friend Mel Robbins forgot to plug her computer in. We I lost power. Oh, well. Done is better than perfect. Simply showing up here today and making a little bit of progress instead of waiting for it to get perfect is better than not doing it at all. I got these new habits. Please, Mel, give me the five hacks. How the hell do I make these new habits stick?

How do I create structure, discipline, and order in my life? Well, it's very simple. You're going to use simple hacks. That's all you're going to do. You can call them systems, you can call them triggers, you can call them cues, you can call them structure, you can call them whatever you want to be. My friend Amy, who you have heard on this podcast, has this term that I laugh about so much because it makes me think of belly buttons. But she basically Basically says there are two kinds of people in this world. There are people that are any organizers, meaning you manage everything innie your head, right? You're thinking about it all the time. That's not how you're going to be successful when it comes to change. I was an any organizer, and I have an any belly button, in case you're wondering. I know that's a little bit too much information. I don't know why, but it is intimate to share whether you have an any or an out of belly button. But I have an any. I You can blame it on the doctor who tied your umbilical cord. I often tell myself that if only the doctor who tied my umbilical cord, who happened to be my father, who was a medical resident at the time, I blame my father for the fact that it doesn't matter how much I exercise, I have a hamburger bun belly button.

It's like a flat line. And I say to myself, if he had only tied the knot tighter, I I would have one of those amazing round belly buttons that are like the size of a nickel that some people have. I've always wanted one of those. No, I'm not getting surgery. But so I have an any flat hamburger bun belly button. That's not what I was supposed to be talking to you about. An any organizer is somebody who tries to stay organized in their head. You have to be an Audi organizer. That's what you have to be when it comes to habits. Why? Well, remember, in the episode we just released on The science of habits. There are only three parts to a habit based on all of the research and habits. Science has never changed. The cue, the behavior pattern, and the trigger. That's it. You have to figure out systems to have the cue or the trigger outside of you. And when you start to figure out how to get the cue, the thing that signals the new behavior outside of you, get it out of your any head and get it out into the world.

When you start to do that, that's the secret to making behavior stick. And what you're going to learn is going to blow your mind, because I know that when you're trying to change any your head, you're keeping it all in your head, and you're not using systems outside of you, you are frustrated like Anne is. Hi, Mel. I'm Anne, and here's my question.

Why is it so hard to break through some daily habits and do things differently?

Why can't I stay consistent in my daily tasks I'll tell you why you're frustrated. The same reason why every any organizer is frustrated, because you are trying to stay consistent in your head, and you are not using simple systems and simple physical cues to keep you organized and to keep these changes top of mind. That's it. And you are managing so much. And you listening to me, you don't give yourself enough credit for how much you are juggling in your own mind. Stop keeping behaviorhave your change in your own mind. And let's get it out of your head, because I want you to know something. You're not the problem. You have everything within you. You're not the problem. You are capable of learning new habits. You are capable of making amazing things happen. You're not the problem. The problem is that you're attacking this as an innie organizer. You are planning to do this all in your head. And all you need is Audi systems that But keep these new changes front and center in front of you. That's how you stay consistent. Stop relying on willpower. Stop relying on having to remember what you need to do.

Absolutely not. There is no way you are going to achieve your goals or stay consistent or make all those amazing changes that you want to make that you deserve to have happen unless you start to implement systems in your life. And that's what we're going to do next. We're going to take a short break. We're going to hear a short word from our sponsors, and then I'm going to come right back and I'm going to teach you right now the five simple systems that I am using right now. I have researched these because I'll be damned if I do not complete the 75 Hard Challenge, especially since I'm doing it with my husband, who's doing it now for the third time, and he's leading a group of people from around the world through it. My daughter's also in, her boyfriend is in, so is my brother. There is no fucking way I am letting myself fail. And I will fail like I did last time, if I rely on my own mind. So I am getting out of my head, and I am getting into my systems, and so are you. And I'm going to explain them in just a second.

Welcome back. So we are talking about the five simple systems that are going to help you make new behavior change stick. Okay? So system number one, and this is the Mac Daddy of Audi Organizing. Ready? Make it visible. And by make it visible, I mean put it in front of your freaking face. Okay? Because here's the cool thing. Instead of re arranging your mind and your mental to-do list, re Find your house and your environment to support you in remembering your goals and achieving your habits. Okay? That's how you make this stick. You make it visible. You make it obvious. So let me give you a list of some of the things that I have done. So first, I have the list of all of the things that I need to accomplish in this challenge, tape to my mirror above my bathroom sink. Why is it there? Well, because I want to make it visible and obvious. It's the first thing that I see in the morning, and it's the last thing that I see at night. Here's another example of a way to make the habit or the goal visible. My water bottle and the non-fiction book that I'm reading, I put that by the coffee maker every single night.

It is sitting there in the morning. Why? Because I can't miss it. I mean, it's obvious. I walk in, I go to make my coffee, boom, there it is. It's like, Hey, bitch, don't forget to drink the water. Hey, read that book. Don't pick up the phone. Do you see how much easier I made that on myself? Instead of having to go in my head and be doing mental gymnastics with my, Don't pick up the phone. Remember, you got to read the book. I don't want to read the book. What do I do? It's like sitting right there out of me. I can't ignore it. Here's another way make things visible, to support yourself. We have this little beverage fridge, right? And normally, it's got a ton of beer and wine in it. You know what's in it right now? Not beer and wine. It's now stocked with kombucha, non-alcoholic beer, an awesome non-alcoholic spirits, and all kinds of spin-drifts, and seltors and topachicos and all the non-alcoholic stuff that I love to drink. Why? Because then when I feel a little craving, and I go to open up the little beverage fridge because I'm going to sneak, because I'm sneaky and I'm a rebel, and I only made it a week through the challenge last time.

So God knows I'm going to want to sneak it sometime. What do I have? The stuff that I don't want to drink. But the thing that I need to drink is right there. It's visible. Here's another way that I make the habit visible. Every night before I go to bed, I lay out my exercise clothes on the floor. It is a giant middle finger to myself because you want to know what? When I wake up in the morning, do I want to work out? Do I want to have to work outside? Hell, no. It's 37 degrees in raining in Vermont right now. Who in their right mind wants to go outside? But when I wake up, it's visible. It's outside of my head. It's in my face. It is reminding me Oh, there's that promise that you regret that you made, Mel. And then I have to remind me of my why as I'm pulling on my tights. The question is, why does this work? Well, let's turn to research from Harvard Business School. Because this research from Harvard Business School shows that when we make decisions for our future selves, we make better decisions.

So let me unpack this for you, okay? When you wake up in the morning and you got all your habits and goals in your head. It's the old you. And you got a decision to make in the morning, right? Do I feel like exercising? Do I even remember I need to exercise? It's sleeting, horizontal, disgusting 37 degree rain outside. Do I feel like exercising? If you are in your head making a decision in real-time, you are likely going to make a bad decision, right? I don't want to exercise, so I'm not going to. I'll do it later. But when you make decisions for your future self, and that's what you're doing when you literally take the time to put a post-it note on a mirror. That's what you're doing when you take the time to pull all of the booze out of the fridge and stock it instead with better choices. That's what I'm doing when I put the clothes on the floor. I am making a decision as my future self. I am saying, I know Mel Robbins well enough to know at some point this woman is going to have no willpower. She is going to be weak.

She is going to be desperate. She is going to be emotional. And so I need to make a decision for the future Mel Robbins, the Mel Robbins wants to change. And when you think from that point of view and you set yourself up for success by making these things visible, you freaking win. Because according to Harvard Business School, you make better decisions when you think about who is the future you, and what would that person do? So the night before, plan out as many decisions as you can, because the other thing that you can do, and that means put the water bottle by the coffee maker, set the journal out where you're going to see it, lay out the clothes, put the phone in a different room so that it's not there to look at first thing in the morning. These are things that you can do as the future you. What would the person who already lives this lifestyle be doing? Act like that version of you. And when you set yourself up and make all this stuff visual, here's the other cool thing that happens. You reduce what's called decision fatigue the very next day.

And you're taking advantage of this planning for your future self. And you know what? There's a third benefit. I love this. It lowers activation energy. So we talked about this in the episode called Motivation is Garbage. Activation energy is just a fancy term that means how Which fuel or energy does it take you to get started on something? Activation energy is the force that you need to apply to doing something. I'll go back to the example. It is so much easier for me to get going when my exercise tights are on the floor next to my bed. Duh. It is so much easier for me to get my water consumption done, to drink that big first thing of water, if it's sitting out waiting for me. Duh. Because it takes a lot more energy, right? A lot more force, a lot more fuel for me to not only haul my ass out of bed, but to remember I need to put on exercise tights, and to pull open the drawer, and to figure out which pair to wear, And then to pull them on, and then to look at the jog bras, and then to decide if I need a sweatshirt or I need a this, or I've had to burn through fuel just to figure out what freaking outfit to put on.

By making decisions for my future self and making it visible, boom, shakalaka, people. This is easy. I am setting myself up for success. Here's another powerful way to make things visible. Use the alarm on your phone. Seriously, this is a genius hack. Put the alarm on your phone to use to help you be your future self. It's like a reminder from the future. Okay? Cake's done. Get up. Go check on it. No, seriously. So every single smartphone has the ability to set an alarm. And on the alarm, when you go to set the time, there's a label. Right now, it says alarm. You can literally change the label to help you remember anything. And here's what's super cool about a simple alarm on your phone. Research has found that twice as many people who received quit smoking messages, quit smoking over a six month period. So these little systems, like setting an alarm on your phone, whether you're reminding yourself to take the vitamins that you want to be taking, or you're reminding yourself to get outside for the run, or you're reminding yourself to spend 30 minutes working on a project that you wanted to get done, they're going to make you, based on the research, twice as successful, twice more likely.

This simple stuff works. And it's not that hard. It's not that hard, right? Not that hard to put a post-it note on the mirror. Not that hard to set an alarm on your phone. Not that hard to set the water bottle out. But you got to do it, okay? Simple systems work because your life is complicated enough. And if you can put that post-it note up, you are setting yourself up for success. I'm telling you, it's true. And that leads me to system number two. This is the one that Mel Robbins has to use even more than stick it in your face. And this is the opposite. Get it the fuck out of here. Remove the temptation from your sight. Get it out of here. Out of sight, out of mind. I wish that were true. Because a lot of times you're going to find that even when you say, Okay, that's it. I'm not going to eat gluten. I'm not going to eat sugar. I'm not going to eat dairy. Still going to be on your mind, which is why it needs to be out of sight. So the things that you don't want to do, the bad habits that you have, the little addictions like your phone, let's make it harder for you to just slip into those things.

Okay? So let me give you some examples. If you don't want to drink, put the alcohol away. Get it off the countertop. Get it in a cupboard. Better yet, put it in the basement. If you need to get up early or if you want more sleep, Sleep? Here's what you need to do. Get your phone out of the bedroom. This one simple system, remove the phone from your bedroom, will change your life because it won't be there. You won't look at it in the middle of the night. You won't look at it as you're laying in bed. You won't lay in bed and look at it. Get it out of your bedroom. You want to know why? You can't be trusted. Neither can I. I'm going to give you That's a really harsh example of this. Let's say the person you love the most has a really bad addiction. Let's just put it out there. They're addicted to cocaine, okay? You love them. They're trying. They're recovering. They're doing great. Would you ever put an eight ball on the bedside table? Of course not. You are more addicted to your phone than people who are addicted to cocaine.

I'm not kidding about this. The research is very And so anything that you have a problem regulating yourself with, get it out of your sight. It's an addiction. I'm dead serious about this because I am in that category when it comes to the phone. I know this intellectually. In my head, I know that I shouldn't be looking at my phone, which is why I got to get it out of my bedroom so that I don't look at it. I'll give you another example. I, for the next 75 days, gluten-free, dairy-free. Why on earth would I stock my fridge with the cheeses that I love? I'm not going to, because it would be torture. And look, if you can't remove it from your fridge because you have kids who drink milk or your roommates are all drinking alcohol, you can certainly stick the milk in the back of the fridge. You are within your rights to ask your roommates if they could just store the alcohol in the cupboard instead on the counter, so it's not like there in your face. You only have to be. And here's what's so cool about removing it. The research shows that when you hack your environment this way, right?

This is just a simple system. Get it the fuck out of here, okay? Out of here. We got the Audi out of here. You only have to have that temptation, a tiny bit more inconvenient to have this system work. They did this really It's an interesting study at Google, where they used to keep M&Ms in open bowls at Google, and they were curious in the Google offices. What if we just switched up the system here? And instead of having M&Ms in open bowls, what if we put them in bowls and had lids on them? The candies are still there. You want to know what happened? Employees ate 3 million less M&Ms over the course of a year. Why? Because out of sight, out of mind. Making it just Just a tiny bit more inconvenient to get the candy had people often pass on it. And the candy wasn't so tempting because they couldn't see it. And this also proves what you've already learned. To Precision fatigue is a real thing. Simply having to consider lifting off the lid before you reach the M&Ms created enough friction for people, enough of a pause that it made them not do it.

Just like you, having to pull open the drawer and pick out your exercise tights often has you walk right past that drawer and not do it at all. So if you want to do it, stick it in front of your face. If you don't, get it out of your sight. Because I promise you, there is going to be a moment where you are going to get desperate and you are going to be wondering, why did I agree to do this thing. You're going to be Zoe standing there at a lunch wanting to eat cake. You're going to be Eric. And instead of turning that treadmill on, you're going to want to take your coat and launch it right on top of that treadmill. Or you're going to be like me. This morning, as I am standing there in the kitchen and I'm making a cup of coffee, and I am pouring this plant-based creamer into my coffee, and I'm thinking, I I would kill another human being for whole milk right now. I even scrouged around in the fridge to see if there was any in there. I'm not going to lie. Not going to lie.

Not proud of that moment. It's a weak moment for Mel Robbins. I am way more addicted to my whole milk than I thought. Sadly, there wasn't. You know what? Not sadly. Thankfully, there wasn't any in there. I had no choice because I got it the fuck there because I know myself well enough that if I have an option to be a rebel and cheat, I will likely take it. And so I'm glad. I'm glad I choked down the plant-based creamer, and I got 69 more days to go. Now, let's go to another question, and this one comes from Jack.

Hey, Mel. It's Jack.

I've got a quick question for you. If I start setting goals, how do I know if I'm going to be successful? What's the biggest indicator or way for me to know that I'm on track? Jack, great question. And it brings me to system number three. I got to tell you to brace yourself because this is going to sound redunculously obvious, but the only way to know that you're on track is to track. Period. That's system number three. You have to track your progress. Again, let's go back to any organization versus Audi organization. You are no longer allowed to track your progress casually in your mind. You need to get it outside your mind, which means you need a system for tracking progress. And so back to 75 Hard, I'm going to share with you my daughter's system, which I've stolen. What she did is she created this amazing grid on the wall using post-it notes. And so for every single day of the 75 days, she wrote 1 through 75, and then created this giant square grid on the wall. And every Every single evening, when she finishes the day, she pulls a post-it note off.

And pulling that post-it note off, that is like, that's like a rip. That's like a yes. That gives you the dopamine. That is like a box checked. If you are a to-do list, I love my boxes checked, I love my things in order, you will love checking boxes and keeping track. Another example of this, tracking the miles you run on an app like Strava, or Or maybe you can just make a grid on your computer and print it off, or find one on Google and print it off online. Checking boxes either on something you've printed off or on a habit tracker. I personally prefer paper because I'm 50 Chris, my husband's 53 today, so I had to think about, Okay, wait, how old am I? I robbed the cradle. He's 17 months younger than me. It really works. Okay, so I sometimes Just forget to log on to apps. And so for me, you got to understand yourself. You have to make these systems work for you. An app may be the best damn thing that's ever happened to you. For me, when it comes to tracking myself, it's got to be paper. I got to see it somewhere, like right in front of my face, which is why I use my bathroom mirror.

I will also use the wall in front of my computer or the refrigerator. Places that I know that I'm going to bump into it. For you, you may be fine doing it on your phone, on a computer, but that system doesn't work for me. And so that's the other thing. Kind of be flexible with this. Try things out. See what feels right for you. But tracking your progress, this is not negotiable. Get it out of your head because there is foundational research here. See, you start to get addicted to keeping a streak. Think about Snapchat. Oh, we got a streak. I don't want to break the streak. Think about, have you ever noticed that you're out now? Everybody's all addicted to be real. And the second that that notification goes off, people are like, We got to do our be real today. I didn't do my be real today. This is about streaks and progress and not breaking the chain of progress. And so in apps and social media apps, they've gamified this natural tendency in psychology. And so you can do the same. Create a system that's fun for tracking yourself. And remember what I said at the very beginning, Zoe, my cake eaters, my sugar cutter outers, my people who keep making promises that they don't know why they're doing it.

Get clear about your why. And remember, if you're doing a grid and you have a day off, first of all, you will know that it's a day off. Shake it off and try to get back on track tomorrow. We don't really want to see two or three days off in a row. But if you're tracking your progress, this is the other magic of tracking it outside your mind, you see it. And you're empowered to get back on track the next day so you can check that box. Love it. And look, I think it's obvious, but also there's research that shows, there's research that's proven, that the more often that you track your progress, the greater the likelihood that you're going to succeed. And the chances of your success are even more likely if you report your project, you report your progress publicly or you physically record it. So this is what I'mWhat are you talking about? We physically record it. Physically record it in an app, physically record it on a piece of paper. This comes from Dr. Benjamin Harkin of the University of Sheffield. Publish this in the Journal of Psychological Bulletin. Harkin and his colleagues, this is not like some one-off study.

They conducted a meta-analysis of 138 studies. You know what that means to us real people here? It means that he took 138 studies on goal setting that had almost 200,000 people in it. And when they combined it all and crunched the data, they found that monitoring your progress toward a goal, no questions asked, increased the likelihood that you would achieve the goal. There's no arguing with me on this one. If you don't you don't want to achieve the goal and you don't want the behavior to stick, I got an idea for you. Manage it in your head. If you're serious about making the habit stick, you're serious about the goal happening, monitor this shit, okay? Let's get serious. Let's stop dicken around here about what you actually want to do, and let's use these systems. We got two more systems to cover, but first, I have to take a quick break. We got to monitor our sponsors, listen in, let's hear what they have to say, and then when we come back, we're talking system number 4 and system number 5. I'll see you in a minute. All right, welcome back. So happy you're here.

See, I'm monitoring your progress. You came back. Check. So we've talked about the first three Audi systems. Make it visible, like right in front of your face. Get it out of your head, put it in front of your face. Number two, whatever you're not supposed to do, get it the fuck out of here. Okay? Let's just remove all temptation. You and I are friends. We know we're rebels. We know we can't be trusted until we can be trusted. So let's just get it out of here. Number three, monitor your progress. Okay? We are serious about change around here, which means you got to get it out of your head. Get it on paper, get it in an app, and get public about it. Super important about this. Let's talk about system number four. This is another way to get out of your head. Get it out of your mind. Create a plan. I'm going to say that again. Create a plan. We are not talking kindergarten habit here, people. We are talking college-level PhD habit-sticking systems. We're not screwing around. If you want to freestyle in your mind, you are not going to be successful.

This is not jazz. We're not just going off the rails here. We are following the music score to the T. You need to plan, people. And this comes from a study, a court. This comes from studies, okay? You know I'm throwing the science at you because a lot of times when the stuff is common sense, Yeah, I know I need to plan now. Yeah, well, then why aren't you doing it? So let me tell you the research. At UT Austin, they found you're going to be more likely to succeed at behavior change if you make specific plans to implement it. Now, I don't mean to insult your intelligence. Because I think this is obvious. But when you unpack an example of this, it becomes very obvious why you're failing if you fail to plan. So let's go back to 75 Hard. My promise and commitment to complete two workouts every single day, one of which has to be outside. It is critical that I plan ahead. Critical. I am fucked if I don't plan. Because I travel for work. And so I'm looking at flights right now for a 16-day business trip at the end of January.

And as I'm looking at flights, you know what I'm thinking? How the hell am I going to get an outside workout and an indoor workout in? And I got to still fly from San Diego back to Boston? Or here's another way that I'm planning. Tomorrow in Southern Vermont, we're going to have four inches of snow on the ground. And when am I going to work out? And what am I going to wear? And do I need the grippy things on my feet because the driveway is like a lose run right now? And what time of day am I going to? Am I going to get this done before four o'clock, which is when winter comes and the death eaters are here and it's dark as hell. Based on my schedule, I got to plan this stuff because you know what? If I don't and I just start my day, here's what's going to happen. I am literally going to go, I'll do it later. And then it'll be eight o'clock at night. I got to tell you a quick story about my husband, Chris, because this is when it occurred to me that I might be married to either a robot or to the world's most disciplined person on the planet.

Chris started 75 hard for the third time well over a month ago. It was December 21st, and we had Woken up in New York because we go there every year during the holidays to see a show with the kids. Just one of our traditions. Chris exercised in his first workout in the hotel gym in New York. We then drove to Connecticut. We had lunch with his brother, and then we drove up to Boston, where we were going to stay with his oldest brother, and we were going to go to a holiday party. Now, as we're driving to Boston, the weather gets supremely crappy, and We are driving in horizontal rain. You can barely see. It is foggy as hell. I'm looking at the time and I'm thinking, we are going to arrive 30 minutes after this big party has started. This party with all of our old friends where we used to live in Boston. I was so excited to go to this party. And I'm thinking in my mind, Chris hasn't gotten his outdoor workout yet. Could he maybe just stick his head out the window and do some face exercises? Could we do something?

What do we get? I want to go to the party. I'll tell you what, this is impressive. The man said, I have to get this done. I'm like, But It is raining horizontal outside. It is dark. You don't know the neighborhood we're going to. There are no street. He's like, I don't care. I'm doing it. He literally, we pulled outside. We decided to go to his oldest brother's house because he was getting this done. He said he would do this, and bad planning fucked him. But he was not going to let bad planning break a promise that he had made to himself. This is what integrity looks like. So we go, not to the party, but we go to his brother's house, and I sat inside because there was no way I was going to go to that party without him while I knew he was walking in the pouring horizontal rain. And he borrowed a pair of sweat pants from his brother, which were cotton, by the way. We're not talking performance gear here. Just this big old coat. The man left and walked for 45 minutes at 7:30 at night in the horizontal 40-degree rain.

Then he came in, towel off, changed his clothes, and we drove to the party. In 26 years of being married to Christopher Robbins, I have never been more attracted to the man than I was in that moment. There is nothing sexier than a person who keeps their word no matter what. And the way that you make it easier to keep your word is by planning ahead. Planning ahead is is about looking at the week ahead. And if you're going to eat healthy, figure out what you're cooking for the week, every night, and then go to the grocery store. And if you're not going to be eating dairy or gluten like I am, this is new for me. I don't normally cook without dairy or gluten. And so this is requiring a lot of planning so that I don't just open up the fridge and hope that somehow this has magically happened, that I'm going to be successful. And making Having a plan is a piece that's super obvious, but it's completely overlooked. You're thinking about what you need to do. Again, you're an in-e organizer. Rather than getting out of your head and creating a plan out in the real world on paper.

And the most basic plan at all is look at your fucking schedule. Look at the weather. Look at what's in your fridge. Look at what your commitments are. I'll tell you another quick story. It has to do with exercise. Day 4, 75 hard. Just It's like, Chris, I didn't make a plan. I exercised first thing in the morning, but I didn't make a plan for the second one. So APM rolls around. Chris is like, When are you doing your second workout? And of course, I'm looking at the man that walks in torrential rainstorms without blinking an eye. I'm like, Oh, I already did my outside workout. I think I will stretch in front of the TV while we're watching Jack Ryan. How's that sound? He put his hands on his hips. My daughter was sitting there, too. He's like, Get on the treadmill. Go on. We'll wait. When I tell you in 28 years of being with a man, I don't think I've ever wanted to kill him more than in that moment. But he was right. Failing to plan is planning to fail. So let's go back to Zoe. Hi, Zoe. Slice of cake, four hours in.

Don't make yourself wrong. You know what went wrong there? Either you really don't want to give up sugar, or you just failed to plan. So if you're planning on cutting out sugar, what's your plan when you go to a party or a restaurant and cake is being served? This is what's called If Then Planning, and it's research by Heidi Halvorson, who wrote about this in the Columbia University researcher. And If Then Planning is a way to keep yourself on task by creating a backup plan if your current plan plan doesn't work. Here's what's really cool about if-then planning. If-then planning boosts your ability to stick to goals, and they studied this with exercise, from 39% success to 91% Success. If it rains, then I'll do this. If I miss my flight, then I'll do that. If I'm going to a party and I've committed to dry January, then I'm just going to bring a non-alcoholic beverage. If a friend invites me over for dinner, then I'm going to email or text them back and say, I'd love to, but I'm trying to cut out gluten, and I don't want to be a pain in the ass and have you have to fuss about me.

So can I bring something that's gluten free to supplement what you're already making? Because let's face it, if you don't plan ahead, if you don't make an if then plan, you feel embarrassed. And then you either push your food around your plate like some weirdo, or you eat and you break the promise to yourself. So if I don't get exercise done tonight, then I'm not going to binge watch TV tonight. I'm going to get my exercise done instead. If you didn't give yourself enough time to get that side project done this morning, then you're going to finish it at 7:45 tonight after you put the kids to bed. Bada bing, bada boom. Pretty cool, right? All right, now let's get to system number 5. Do it in the morning. There you go. Do it in the morning. It's that simple. As much as you may want to bitch about being a morning person or getting up earlier, getting up earlier, getting the most important stuff done in the morning, this is the keys to the kingdom. It really is true. Being an early riser is like a first domino that falls. And once that domino falls, you've gotten yourself out of bed an hour, a half an hour earlier.

All these other dominos fall in your life. And I get it. It's hard to do. And one huge way that's going to make a big difference, and you hear me talk about this all the time, and it's because this is one of these domino habits. You do this, and it triggers a whole of change. Get your phone out of your bedroom, period. It's a huge way to hack this. You don't want to know another way to get up early? Get a puppy, because they'll wake you up. They need to be let out. I've learned this one, you get a puppy and you'll be a morning person. Another one, marry somebody, date somebody, sleep with somebody who gets out of bed early, live with somebody who has a great morning routine. Look, it's not just common sense, it's science. Number one, your willpower is the highest in the morning. Number two, your speed of processing, highest in the morning. Your ability to focus, highest in the morning for the first four hours of the day. And by the way, it's likely to be the time of day that you have to yourself, the time that you can actually control.

Before other people, little people, furry people, and all the commitments at work start taking up your attention and your time. And yeah, I get it. You've got toddlers. Well, that means if you're serious about this, you are going to have to get up a half an hour earlier before they get up, which means you're going to have to go to bed a half an hour earlier. But aren't these new habits and a better lifestyle and feeling in control of your life? Isn't that worth it? That's your why. Because if you can get an extra hour every morning, you You can get everything done. You can do all the little things that the future you put in place for you. You can read the post-it note on the mirror. You can drink the bottle of water that you set out. You can write in your journal that you put in place on the table in the kitchen. You can pull on those exercise tights that you laid out. You can spend an hour getting things done. Honestly, this has been the secret to my second attempt. And I get it. I'm six days in. I'm working these systems like a mother, let me tell you.

But this has been the secret. I feel six days in. Six days in last time was about when I quit. I'm like, This is too hard. I can't fit this in. I'm going to want to. Six days in, this feels not easy, but it feels like, Okay, I got this. I got my systems. I got my head down. I'm just going to keep on plugging away at this. I'm getting the photo done. I'm getting the outside of the exercise done. I'm getting that done in the morning. And look, it's not a cakewalk, but it's getting done. And here's one more bonus that I want to give you, okay? You want to supersize all this? Really want to get outside of yourself? You really want to be an out of your organizer when it comes to changing habits? Holy cow. Could you please stop doing this in your head alone and get out there and get a friend and do this with? Literally, whether you are texting somebody every day to check in, or you're jumping on Peloton and you're high-fiving people, or you're in a Facebook group. I got to tell you, the power of a community of people, whether it's your sisters or your high school friends, or it's your neighbors, or it's a group of strangers that are organizing themselves on a text chain.

It's incredible. Chris is doing 75 hard for now the third time. Basically, it's his life. It's not even a challenge for him. This is just his core habits. And he is leading a huge group of people through this from around the world. And he has this amazing text chain going on WhatsApp from people around the world. So every single day when I wake up after I look in the mirror and I give myself a high five and I check the list and I start checking things off, when I finally look at my phone and I see what's going on in this WhatsApp group, it's freaking unbelievable. It is so motivating to see other people outside me, outside of my little sphere of whatever, outside of me, outside of my little tiny town here in Southern Vermont, outside of my own little brain, outside of my own little bullshit, seeing all these other people out there doing it. In fact, just two days ago, there was a woman in Iran on this WhatsApp text chain with a video on her morning walk out in a park in Iran, just talking about how motivating it is, especially with what's going on in her country with women's rights, to be focused on behavior changes that she can make to tap into the power in herself.

So when I'm sitting here in the pouring rain in Vermont, bitching about stupid things, it's like, oh, for God's sakes, Mel, get over yourself. Get your ass out there. Stop chirping about the stupid stuff. Give me a break. Doing it with people in an online group, doing it with friends in a text group chat, doing it with family members, that's what it's all about. That's how you supersize it. The encouragement of people outside of you will tap into the crazy, awesome, intrinsic motivation inside of you for why you're doing this. I know. You're welcome. Hey, it's Mel. Thank you so much for being here. If you enjoyed that video, by God, please subscribe because I don't want you to miss a thing. Thank you so much for being here. We've got so much amazing stuff coming. Thank you so much for sending this stuff to your friends and your family. I love you. We create these videos for you, so make sure you subscribe.