When your life blows up and you find yourself in the ocean with pieces of the boat all around, look for a fucking life preserver or a raft, okay? So I want to applaud you for doing what needed to be done when the you know what hit the fan. That same instinct is what is going to make you successful. The second thing that I want to tell you is once you get a hold of that life raft, you want to grab something else that floats, right? And get yourself out of that water. And so I am glad to hear that you're looking for a job. And what I would recommend is I would recommend not pretending about the situation that you're in. There is no shame in going to a job interview and at the end of it saying, And I'm asking you for this job. And the reason why I'm asking you for this job is not only because I I'm going to be incredible at it and you're never going to regret it, but I actually need it. I'm in a really tight jam. I had a life crisis happen. I never thought at the age of 55, I'd be in this situation.

And I I need the work, and I want the work, which means I'm going to show up here every single day, and I am going to work the heck out of this job. I've never wanted a job more than I want a job right now. And you should tell your friends that this is what you're going through, and that you need help, and that you need a recommendation, or you need a place to stay. And you should not do what I did, which was hide what was going on because I was so ashamed. And I'm also going to tell you, it will take time. Five years ago, I still had the leans on this house. Five years ago, guys. And so it will take time for you to climb out of this, but you will climb out of this. When you're in a shit storm and when the lights go out in your life and things feel really dark and really heavy, there has always been one thing that helps me get through those moments. And it's reminding myself that this moment, like every painful moment of my life, was It's temporary. It passed. And when you can keep telling yourself this moment is it's going to pass and it's leading me somewhere, when you can trust in that, you create It's like, get your own light in that dark tunnel.

And it allows you to look up. And one of the things about learning something new, like how to make money online, is that it acts like a beacon for where you're freaking going. It's not going to be the power boat that gets you there right now.

I know.

You know what I mean? Because you need to find another freaking life jacket, which means you need to get a job. I know. You need to just keep going on these interviews. If you've gone on all these interviews and people are like, you're amazing, and then you don't get it, you think it's because you're too old or you're too desperate, they say you're a consultant. There's no shame in writing back and saying, I'm not sure if you filled the position, but I didn't mention that I actually need a job. My pride got in the way. And so if you haven't filled that position, or maybe you are looking for more people, I want to make sure you know I'm not looking to be a consultant. I've never wanted to find a great job more than ever in this moment. There's no shame in that. What's the worst I'm going to say? Yeah, we filled the job.

Yeah, I get that. I I mean, I've been really even just struggling to even get interviews, too. And it's just a funny thing. And it's like, I did have a really great- What did you do before? Well, I was a rock star visual researcher with directors. Back in the day. And I took an odyssey out of that. When I had my kid and went to Europe and I had a company doing that. And recently hooked up with my old team through B-School. We're starting a Pinterest collective, so I'm reactivating this It's a full visual research space.

Great. Let me tell you what you could do tomorrow.

Yeah.

Project management.

I don't know, girl. I'm the worst project manager.

Bullshit. Bullshit. You can't manage your own life. You can What is somebody else's project? Maybe. 1,000 %. 1,000 %. Do not look for a job in what you used to do.

Okay.

Look for a job managing projects in any company because you just need structure and a place to go every day and a paycheck. That's like the rows on the boat, rowing your head. You're scrappy enough, I can tell, that you'll get annoyed with that job. Then you'll start hustling even more than you are, and you'll get up in the other things. But you need the structure, you need to get out of the house. You need a simple paycheck. You need to do that routine for a couple months. I am telling you, it is the best job market in four years. I don't give a shit how old you are.

No, I love to hearing that, and I get so frustrated by that because it's like No, it's- You're looking for the wrong job.

You're trying to find a needle in a haystack. Yeah.

You have skills.

Stop looking at industries. You have skills. You can manage things. The woman that I just hired who's going to come on board as my executive assistant, like OrganizeMouse, she was a graphic designer. She worked in a branding agency. She had a dog walking. She's never been an executive assistant. Why? Because I just need somebody who can organize shit who's an adult that I trust, who's not going to steal from me. That's what I need. And who can boss me around. Right.

Yeah, I do. I understand. I do think I do have the adult quality. And I- Of course. I honestly, though, Mel, I I would ruin your flights. I'm the worst. I'm not a project administrative.

I like- Don't take that job. You're not hearing me. You have skills that you can market. Do not look for a visual organizer, needle in the haystack job. Forget that. Get your skills at the top of your resume. Linkedin has an entire learning platform, and there is so much on there about marketing skills. That's what people are hiring right now. It's not about the industry.

Yeah, I do see that. I have eight recruiters working for me that can't place me because it's like, I'm an email marketer. Everything is one skill. They're parsed out. Trust me, look for project management, account services, anything, honestly.

That's just what you need. You need something. At this point, don't be picky. Just get a job. I'm not picky.

I just feel like they I don't get any traction with it. It's weird. It's just a weird... I'm not.

Okay. Let me tell you something else. You ready?

Yeah.

Because I can tell you don't like the advice, which means you know it's exactly what you need to do. I don't know.

I'm open to doing anything, but I just wish I was good at that. I've worked with project managers, and I value that.

Then don't be a project manager. You're I'm missing the point. If you're working with recruiters, they're not going to place you in a job that's general. Right. Eighty % of jobs are not even marketed. They are filled by referral. You need to be talking to your friends. You need to be looking at the job boards on LinkedIn, and you You need to be lowering your standards because you are in a lifeboat right now. That's what you need to do. And as you lower your standards on the job front. As you start rowing in a direction because you now have a paycheck, you're able to get out of your ex-husband's apartment every day. I'm dead serious. Let's just be honest about where you're at. And you have a rhythm to your week. That structure from that job is going to give you what you need to get going in a different direction. You can't organize your thoughts because you're all over the place because you're in an emergency. Okay? And the last thing I want to tell you is you are capable of figuring this out. And you will get a job, and you will launch a new business, and you will make these things happen, and you will look back on this moment, and you will see exactly why this happened and how it helped you get somewhere awesome.

I believe that.

Excellent. I totally believe.

Yeah.

Excellent.

Thanks, Mel.

You're welcome. Being tough because I want to see you pull yourself up out of this.

I literally quit my other job, and I was like, I'm done.

Yesterday, you quit your job?

Yesterday morning. And I literally texted Rob and all my friends. I was like, I'm diving in. Universe is hard work, faith. Let's go. I don't have time. I'm like, there's no time except for everything you want to do, whatever. And I was trying to raise my vibration. And so I just came here out of the blue because I'm a producer here, and I'm always around.

But you weren't on staff yesterday.

No. And I had no idea what was going on here. I was just like, you know what? I'm going to a creative space. I swear to God. And then I sat down and I was like, and I heard your voice. I was like, oh, my God, Mellon. I know Robert's deal. And the chapter was making me shake because it's like everything affirming to me in that moment. And I was like, What the fuck is going on?

So two years ago, I landed at the Dallas Airport, and I get into it Uber. Now, I barely had a moment to hello to the driver before my cell phone rang. It was one of the executives from Sony Pitchers' television calling about the launch of my new daytime talk show. When I hung up the phone, Eduardo introduced himself and said, I can't believe you're in my car. I've got to talk to you. And he said, I want to know how to become an Oscar-winning actor who will create opportunities for Black and Latino men in the inner city who also want to be actors. Oh, I love that idea, I said. And then I immediately asked him the most obvious thing that was on my mind. So, Eduardo, why are you in Dallas? If acting is the game you want to be in, you have to be in New York or LA. He paused. Right. How old are you? Twenty-five. Oh, Cool. Well, you have two choices, I said. You can either stay in Dallas or move to where the action is. And if you're 25 years old, I'm going to assume that like the 25-year-old me, you don't have a house, and you don't have a spouse, and you don't have all the obligations that the 50-year-old Robbins has, so you got nothing tying you down.

After you drop me off, you should give two weeks notice on this job, and you should move to New York or LA. You need a specific date so you can stop thinking about what you're going to do and start taking steps to make it happen. Give yourself a deadline. This is your dream, not mine, Eduardo. I could feel him thinking, Well, now the tears were flowing. So, Eduardo, you got to train your mind to spot all the opportunities that are right in front of your face rather than the obstacles. Can you give me one thing that happened today that is evidence that you should move to California? And he said, This conversation right now.

I cannot believe that was happening.

Well, but you need to believe it. Here's why. Yeah, right. That's the- Here's why.

Yeah. Okay?

You put it in motion by quitting your job. Don't give me-you put it in motion by quitting your job. And so when I talk about the fact that you can look backwards and be like, Oh, that's how all the dots line up in my life and brought me here. Now it all makes sense. I'm telling you this moment is a dot that is going in a direction you're meant to go. And the more intentional you are about the decisions that you make and whether or not they align with where you want to be going, you have the power to change the trajectory. Anytime you make a decision, you did. You quit your job yesterday. You made a decision to come here because it's where you feel more creative and alive. And you walk in, and you hear me recording the first audiobook that I'm releasing in literally four years, and you hear the chapter about a guy who is dying to move to LA and too fucking scared to do it. If that is not you putting exactly what you needed in place, I don't know what is. Don't give the universe credit. Give it to yourself because you're the one that finally woke the fuck up and made the right decision.

Now, I've been working on my debut album with Rob here. You are? I have been, but recently, I've been denying my dreams a little bit and crawling back into the resistance thing. Why?

What is it that makes you pull back from your dreams?

It's the when you actually feel what you want. You literally said it, which is why it's like, I was listening to Chapter 10 yesterday, just through here. It was like, when you take that in and actually feel it, it is overwhelming. It's like so much that comes up that's scary What comes up for you? Everything. Like, what do I feel?

Yeah. When you really allow yourself to believe that it could be you on that stage, it could be your songs that are having millions of downloads and moving people, what does that bring up for you?

My free self, what my soul knows. I feel like I just need to believe it in this world, but it's like, I do believe it can happen. It's just allowing it to.

See, what I want to teach you is this. So you're absolutely right. When you allow yourself to envision the thing you deeply want the most. I have the same thing about launching a podcast. If I really allow myself to believe it, it's that we will be the number one podcast, period. And I can feel it. That is my soul pulling me forward. But what's keeping me from really going all in and doing the work is this deep sense that I still am not worthy of the things that I want. And so the battle for you is not... Well, for me, it's not with fear. It's with this opinion that I don't deserve to be happy or I don't deserve and I'm not worth or not good enough to have something that magnificent. And that is what holds me back. Yeah. So how would you describe yours?

That's exactly it. It comes down to this. Why can't... Because it's a big dream. It's a big freaking thing. It's the whole thing. He's been with me from the beginning doing this. It's a whole thing. And it's like, yeah, you could... And I could get there, but I'll still feel this way, I feel like, unless I deal with it now. You can have everything you want, still feel imposter syndrome or whatever.

You always will, because what you're talking about is that resistance you're feeling is the distance between your life right now and the life you want. Yes.

That's exactly.

And so what I want to tell you is this. This is also a mindfuck. You ready? You might not actually ever have your album have a million downloads or change anybody's life. The point of doing it anyway is that there's something inside you that's supposed to come alive that currently dies when you don't put this album out. Absolutely. It's really not about the album. It's about giving yourself permission and having the self-worth and the self-love to let that part of you that's dying to be seen and heard come alive and be expressed. The album is the vehicle to do it. What happens to that album is irrelevant. The most important thing is that you see that it's this opinion that you're not worthy or good enough that stops you being like, I'm not listening to it, and allowing the part of you that wants to be seen heard to just come out and be you.

And thank you. It's crazy because whenever we're working in here on music, I'm the happiest. All my anxiety goes away. Everything feels like homeostasis. So I just need to keep doing that, like you said, because that's the thing that needs to be fed. Yes. And just let the rest take its course.

But that's what matters.

It's what you're saying. It's doing the thing and not what's going to happen, I guess.

You have to let go of what's going to happen. You have to. Because It's otherwise the thing that you love the most that makes you come alive becomes about achieving something rather than being the person, being a state of being. It's not about the thing. It's about how you feel and how you're being. And music is what makes you come alive. So stop thinking about what is going to happen, right? Use that dream to make yourself come alive. But don't expect that to be the thing. Don't depend on it for your self-worth. Your self-worth is determined by getting up and showing up and doing the things that you're scared to do and that you love. That's how you're going to feel worthy, not by the number of albums that you sell.

There you go. Oh, yeah.

What are you waiting for?

Oh, my God.

Here's the thing that got me through the loss of the talk show and the way that I think about things that I hope helps if you're listening, if you're struggling with something. I believe, and I went into the talk show saying this to myself because there's a 99% chance based on the history of people that have tried to have a daytime talk show that it was going to fail. And I went in there saying, I'm not doing this because I expect to have a successful talk show. I'm going to put a thousand % into it so that I have no regrets and I wouldn't change a thing. But I'm going into this because I know that there is a skill, a person or an experience I am meant to have that will help me for the next chapter that I can't see coming. And the experience was, number one, meeting Mindy Borman, who is my executive producer, now my business partner and CEO. And it was also in working with a team of 130 people and finally being in the right seat on the bus, Lewis.

And not having to manage everything, but being in your lane.

Yes.

And having a team and you not being the one doing everything. I know that feeling.

Well, it's not even that I was doing everything. It's that I didn't have anybody managing me.

Right. And so your mind is going to go into like, opportunity, opportunity, opportunity, as opposed to focus mode.

Right. And so if you ever wonder why it feels like we're running in circles, it's because I'm the one leading us in circles. Right? Yeah. And so it's a very hard thing to spot when you're in the middle of it. But when I got into a machinery that operated in a way where I was in the right seat on the bus, it was absolutely liberating. And that was the biggest gift of all. And then the third thing is, I think the daytime talk show and being face to face with your audience and having such a big daily audience. It was really amazing to be able to have an impact on a large number of people who feel forgotten because they're a little bit if they're still watching TV. And a lot of the folks who are still watching TV at home during the daytime do not have the resources that you and I have and may not have access to therapy or live in a community where it's stigmatized. Having a platform that was reaching people that really appreciated this content and also working with a really diverse range of experts, absolutely incredible. So I It felt like I was organizing a killer dinner party conversation every day with real people's problems and the world's best experts.

And so you do a similar thing here on your podcast. I know I want to continue to do that, but I'm in the middle of creating it. So if I said anything other than I know it's events, I know it's more courses, I know it's collaborating with more people and getting outside my comfort zone. I also know that as I set out to write down what I want to do, there is so much freaking fear that I have.

Why is that?

Because I still feel like I'm not worthy. I feel like I don't deserve it. It's old bullshit. And I think that's the other thing about patterns, everybody, is just because you identify And for me, as a kid, for whatever reason, I have my own version of feeling invisible and feeling like I'm not good enough. And so my way of coping, both with my anxiety and being a survivor of sexual abuse and wanting love, which we all need, is I was like an overachiever. And so I'm the person that's super busy and a go getter because it got me attention. And if I was the one that was super busy and achieving, I not only got praise, but it also insulates you from other people not picking you because you're the one in a leadership role doing the picking. And so there's a part of me at the age of 51 that is realizing that these feelings of feeling unworthy and this hyper drive to try to achieve, it's all coming from a place of feeling inadequate, or like, what I'm doing is not enough.

And still, at 50, having a talk show, having a best selling book, having the audible originals, having the platform everywhere, having the impact, it still don't feel... Being the most booked female speaker in the world, you still don't feel- It's so stupid.

It's annoying. And human beings are annoying. We are stuck with this wiring. If you think about it, all of the crap you believe is probably a hangover from age zero to 10. That as adults, we walk around thinking the same stuff we thought as kids. And I can't I understand that I feel that way, but knowing it, it allows me to catch it before it has me, before it stops me from having an event or writing that next book or taking a risk.

What do you think the biggest fear is? Because you say not worthy or not feeling enough.

I mean, it's just people liking me. I think being a people pleaser.

Yeah, we're so similar in every It's crazy. It's great.

I want people to like me.

What happens if people don't like you?

It's lonely, dude.

What happens if 99% of people like you and 1% doesn't like you?

Oh, I don't give a shit about that.

Okay, but if it's 50/50.

I think the work that we all have to do, every single one of us, whether you bulldoze, Whether you people please, whether you avoid conflict, whether you're impulsive, whether you yo-yo your decisions, whatever it is that is your pattern, the constant trashing yourself. I think the journey of your whole life is figuring out how to truly like and love yourself.

It's so true. I remember This was my whole life was never loving myself and needing to go prove to others originally that I'm worthy. This was happening in sports and business until I started opening up and accepting myself and taking off the mask when I turned 30 talking about sexual abuse and just saying, screw it. I don't care what people think about me anymore. This pain inside is hurting so much. It's not worth living with it. So I'm going to start sharing and allow myself to heal and allow myself to finally love myself. And it's so funny that we could just write a book with two words that says, Love yourself. And that's all the book needs to say, because a lot of us never remember to love ourselves. Remember to acquire skills, which are important. Remember to love other people, or remind ourselves to take care of our health. But if we don't love ourselves internally, if we don't think we can give ourselves a hug because we're not deserving of it, then none of this stuff is going to matter to the point of we're always going to need to do more to feel something.

Right. Well, nobody teaches you how to do it. And see, that's the thing. And if you look at human development, we're the only species that literally can't survive without another human being taking care of you. And so we are biologically hardwired to bond with other people. And that is from the very beginning of when you come out, bonding with somebody else and making sure they pay attention to you is your survival imperative. So you are needing somebody else. And I think what ends up happening is there's never that clean break or pass off between needing your parents to take care of you, needing your friend's approval to fit in, to truly have Having ownership over giving yourself what you didn't get, giving yourself what you needed. And that's the piece that I've been doing a lot of during the great pause is slowing down because so much of my busyness was fueled by, praise me, love me. Am I doing enough? Please tell me I'm doing okay. Okay, I can breathe now. I'm okay now. And when I slow down, and maybe it's a function of the anxiety, that's when things get scary, because that's when you've really got to be with yourself.

And so it's in getting off the road, slowing down, recognizing that I'm super grateful for all the opportunity. And I know the work that I'm doing makes a tremendous impact. And I particularly love hearing from mental health practitioners that the five second rule, I've heard from so many people in inpatient psychiatric Patrick Ward's, Louis, that use the five second rule in the videos we put on YouTube in their group counseling sessions with people. And knowing that it is helping so many people, it is like the greatest gift on the planet to know that it's making a difference. But I know that in this next chapter that I consciously create, I want to have more fun. I really want to love the process. I don't want to make it so hard on myself and be gripping everything so tight. And it's really easy for me to see it in other people because I know what it feels like in here. I'm working hard to break the patterns that still hold me back. And the big one that holds me back is bulldozing. It's literally when I start to feel any level of tension, this is particularly true in my marriage, I'm married to a saint.

Thank God, Chris Robbins meditates every morning. It's the only reason why we've lasted 26 years. It's how he puts up with me. When I feel my whatever, emotion rise, I I immediately raise my voice. It's how I assert power in the relationship. And I am so committed, Louis, to breaking that pattern and being a more fun person to be around, and a kinder person to be around.

Wow, that's beautiful that you're getting this during the pause. What do you think was the biggest lesson you learned about yourself during the talk show experience before the pause? Because you covered so many topics, and you had to research about so many things, and you brought so many people on, experts, but then just everyday people going through their challenges. What's the thing that you learned that was new? Because this is something you've been studying for years and talking about. And was there anything new that you were shocked about? You learned about yourself or about human behavior?

This is going to be a really... Well, first of all, there's two things. The first one, I'll make deeply personal, and the second one will be a thing that I learned. The talk show experience was almost like... It's weird. It almost feels like it didn't happen.

Really?

Yeah.

It was your whole life for two years.

Yeah, but 175 shows, it was super intense. It was almost a spiritual experience because I had dreamt it for as long as I could remember. And I stepped onto that talk show set with such a level of mastery. And the reason why I had a level of mastery is because I could look backwards at my life and see that I had been heading to that moment for my entire life. That the ability to create trust and and take a complicated amount of information and get down to the human connection immediately. That began back in 1994 when I was a legal aid attorney doing criminal defense work in New York City. My ability to understand what victims of domestic violence go through goes all the way back to 1986 through 1988, when I was a crisis intervention counselor volunteering on a domestic violence hotline. My ability to read a teleprompter had to do with being at CNN. My ability to work 18 hour days was a function of the reality TV show world. My ability to relate to somebody who had lost everything was a function of what Chris and I had gone through. My ability, like just everything all of a sudden was like, and it's why I can say with such urgency that you have to have faith that this is happening for a reason, that this is leading somewhere.

And if you only just stay awake and you pay attention to what your body is trying to tell you in those moments when you have a signal come up. I think right now, aren't you so happy you're a digital entrepreneur?

I've been speaking about building an online business for over a decade. And so now I'm like, oh, I know what to do and everyone's coming to me for the solutions. Our team is virtual, so we know how to run everything. And we do Zoom meetings every week already.

Yes. And so I literally, when I think back three years ago where I saw one of your videos or Gary's videos or somebody, I'm like, oh, I just need to start filming the book lines at these things. And it was a moment. It was this little amount of wisdom inside of me that I listened to. And I am telling you, that is the power. You You got to tune out the noise and you got to learn how to make what I call a quiet decision. Quiet decision where you... And you hear what your heart is urging you to do. And so I sit here because aside from the talk show ending and the book getting canceled, I was literally like, okay, so online courses, we do Zoom, we've got this amazing social media platform. We'll figure it out. And luckily, I was like a squirrel with a nut and I put a lot of money because I was not going to make the same mistakes twice.

Smart. Yeah. And you've been doing a lot of research and you've been diving in and making sure you make the right decisions. We've been texting and chatting about different stuff.

So the biggest insight, though, is we did a show that had, I can't believe, I can't remember the gentleman's name. He's from Washington, DC, and it was a show about the opioid addiction and how this has been an epidemic in the black community for 20 years. And it only became a big national story because opioid addiction got linked to heroine abuse, and it became a white problem. And so he came on the show with three former addicts. It was the most profound show that I have ever done because I learned something that I never even understood as a public defender. And that is living in poverty and living with systematic racism creates trauma. And when people experience trauma in their bodies and in their nervous systems, your response, particularly if you have no resources or treatment, and the vast majority of us do not get treatment for the trauma that we experience, most of us want to numb it. And he connected the dots between the chronic trauma that the folks that he was serving had experienced growing up in extreme poverty around violence, dealing with racism and bigotry and violence and the natural inclination to reach for something to help you numb that pain.

And he connects protected the dots between deep emotional trauma and addictions that result in a way that I had never heard anybody explain so eloquently. And it was such an eye-opening experience.

So what can we do to get to that moment with routines, practices, disciplines? How do we get there? Because there's always something that leads up to it.

Well, one thing that I've learned in life is that your breakdowns are just going to keep getting bigger until you wake the fuck up and get the lesson that the universe is sending. I mean, period. It took me a long time to see that I had a very painful pattern of being drawn to really big personality people who are really fun and edgy and just like, wow, like a shiny object. And then when you're having fun with this person and you're laughing all the time and they're really edgy and you start to realize, oh, my God, they're actually mean to people or they lie or they do this, now all of a sudden I get scared because I don't know how to back away. And time and time and time and time. I can go all the way back to friends in elementary school to a babysitter that I once hired to business associates back in the day. There they are. There they are. There they are. There they are. There they are. There they are. And it wasn't until I had a massive issue happened with one of them. It was super painful. That made me go, holy shit, this is a pattern.

This person has been showing up in your life since you were nine years old. And you have not learned it. And now you have a very expensive and a very messy and a very awful situation to clean up with somebody that you couldn't draw boundaries with, period. Because you were so worried about upsetting anybody or disappointing, like you're people-pleasing. One thing to understand is your life is the greatest school you're ever going to attend, and it's always sending you messages.

Great.

And I hope you're not as stubborn different as I am, because it took me 41 years to see the lesson about toxic behavior that I was attracted to and toxic behavior that I engaged in in my own people-pleasing and inability to draw a line and distance myself or end relationships that really didn't work. And I know they don't work because I get that feeling in my stomach, and then I see myself twisting myself in knots so as to not upset somebody who's basically crazy. And I'm now turning all around to not upset the person that is, I'm afraid of their reaction because they're not regulated in terms of their emotions. And so it took me a long time. And so I want you to understand if you're listening to this, that if you're in a frustrating situation, I want you to ask yourself, number one, when in my life have I felt like this before? And who has made me feel like this? What situations have made me feel like this? And start listing them. And when you see one, you'll see another, and then another, and then another, And then there's that boss, and then there's a situation.

And then you'll ask yourself, what is it that I'm doing that is having me show up in this situation again. And so I identified the personality pattern that I was drawn to. Fun, unpredictable, like your life of the party. Just, this feels fun and this feels on edge because I can't predict what What's going to happen? Because this person is so entertaining, only to realize, holy shit, the same thing that drew me in is what's staring me now and turning me into a massive people pleaser that makes me go crazy. And so if you can identify that, Then you ask yourself, what is the lesson that life is trying to teach me? This person is being sent into my life to teach me a lesson. And for me, the lesson, again, back to your original question, why can't we listen to our instinct? Things. How many of us have started dating or sleeping with somebody that we knew? We knew. We knew we shouldn't have been dating or sleeping with. And then we keep going back, even though we knew that this is not a person that we should be with. And we turn into somebody else reckoning with our...

And this person is being sent into your life for a reason because you have a pattern that you need to break. And so when you can identify those three things, when in my life, if I felt this way before, what are the circumstances or people I've been around? What am I doing that I can see contributes to me getting into these situations? And what is this trying to teach me? And when you can look at it that way, that's how you unpack awful situations or confronting situations, and you look for the lesson in them. And if you don't figure out the freaking lessons you're meant to learn in this lifetime, you will just keep getting them. Coming back. That's it. That That is it. And so that's one thing that I have learned recently. And then the other thing that I have learned, and it's what I wrote about in the high five habit, is this notion that there's only one person that you spend your whole life with, and it's yourself. And I had this epiphany in April of 2020 when I walked into the bathroom one morning, and there's There's a lot of shit going on in my life, and it doesn't even matter what the details were, because I think everybody's had that experience where you're in a season of your life that's just overwhelming.

You don't feel capable or like you have one shred of energy left to face this shit. I remember standing there in the bathroom, and I had this epiphany one morning where I realized, oh, my God, there are always two human beings in the bathroom every morning. There's you and there's a human being in the mirror. That's not your reflection. If you allow yourself to really look past the body in the mirror and through the eyes, you will see a human. You'll see your soul. And that woman that's staring back at you in the mirror, she is trying. She is so beaten down by you. She is so sick of your criticism. She needs you to wake up and start supporting her. And to start being kinder to her. She's doing her best. And this epiphany that I was relentless in my criticism of myself, even just Just 18 months ago, even having turned my life around, built this business, got our family out of the million dollars in debt, got the liens off the house, which they were there six years ago, the liens, from the million dollars in debt that my husband and I were in because of the restaurant business.

And despite the fact that I've impacted millions of people's lives, despite the fact that I have three kids that are okay, they're healthy, They are facing their stuff. They're doing their thing. They're going to school. Despite the fact that I've been married for 25 years and we still work on it, despite the fact that I got a roof, I look in the mirror and I see a woman that I hated, that wasn't enough, that was doing everything wrong. I was relentlessly focused on what wasn't working instead of all of the things that were going right. And when I had this epiphany that, oh, my God, there's this poor lady in the mirror every morning who just wants me to see her and wants me to start being kinder to her and needs my support, my whole life switched. I had life inverted in so many ways because it sounds like you. I was brought up. I wasn't in an abusive household at all. I was in your normal be like, Happy household, whatever. My parents have their own shit from their childhoods, and everybody does. And so I, though, had that sense of, Okay, tough love, man.

Push yourself. You got to muscle through it. And I think between the constant criticizing that you do of yourself to try to fit in, And the fact that that then gets reinforced by experiences in your life, I just adopted a habit that everybody has, rejecting myself, not accepting myself, constantly badgering myself for the things that weren't going right instead of the million things that are. And when I reverse this and started to add in habits around empowering myself, cheering for myself, forgiving myself, giving myself some grace, being a little kinder to myself, focusing on what's working instead of harping on what's not, it It is bananas how much my experience of life changed.

Good job, by the way.

Thank you.

It's hard to get to that point where we actually acknowledge our inner monolog as being important and even notice it instead of being on the wheel of the same shit we say to ourselves in our head every day when we are in the workplace or with our partner or looking in the mirror and we say the same shit every day. I do. And we're harder on ourselves. It's like, I love, I think it was untethered soul, but talking about the way that you talk to yourself. You would never be friends with your inner monolog.

Never.

Who would We'll never be friends with the stuff that we say to ourselves in our head? So what I hear a lot of is I hear accountability in this practice of saying, I'm going to treat myself, my inner child. To me, it was when I hear that, I don't know what you call it, but if it were me looking in the mirror saying, I have my inner child going, I fucking love you. You're beautiful. You're amazing. Why are you so hard on me yourself? Why? Why? Why?

Because you were trained to be hard on yourself. That's the answer. The thing that's so profound about this for me is that when you realize this is just a pattern of thinking that your mom has with herself, your dad has with himself. Every human being is trained to beat themselves up, and you can make a decision to stop doing it. And it is a conscious decision that you have to intentionally make and then manage all day long. And what's amazing, though, about your brain is because your brain is designed to learn patterns, the switch is very quick. It's easier, in my opinion, to change the default patterns in your brain than to smooth out the trauma trauma that is remembered in your nervous system.

Oh, sure. Seeing it for the first time takes forever. Changing it is the quick part. That's why when people are in the shit, I'm like, you're actually a lot further than you think.

Yeah, totally. And so the cool thing is that when you get to work on your thinking patterns, it happens super... It can happen super fast. In fact, that's why I'm so excited about the idea and the research behind adding a high five in the mirror every morning to your morning routine. And the reason why it is such a powerful habit when it comes to your inner monolog is because you're unlocking neuroassociation and programming that is already in your brain, in your nervous system, in your chemistry, and you're now going to aim it back at yourself. And you're going to aim it back at yourself as a way to delete the critic in your head and to replace it with what you need, which is an encouraging voice. And by simply physically raising your hand, don't even say anything, just physically raise your hand and high five the woman you see in the mirror every morning after you brush your teeth. What happens is all the positive programming that's triggered by the physical hand gesture of high fiving, it literally gets triggered right here in your subconscious. So the funny thing is that you can be standing You're sitting there, you're using your prefrontal cortex.

You're like, okay, I'm going to do this stupid high five thing. As you go to raise your hand, you can think, Danika and Mel are the dumbest things. I cannot believe I'm doing this shit. And then as you get close to the mirror, something weird happens. Your mind goes silent because your brain is triggered by the high five gesture and pulls programming from your subconscious. This is positive programming your subconscious. You've never high five somebody and thought, I hate you. I hope you lose. Today's a terrible day. You've only high five people when you're like, I see you. I love you. Keep going. You got this. We can win. I believe in you. It's celebratory. Yeah, I respect you. So when you do it to yourself, the subconscious programming overrides the critic. It's insane. You will likely laugh the first time you do it because your brain then gives you a drip of dopamine. The other thing that you will feel is you'll feel a slight little like, oh, I got, okay, this is weird. But that little energy boost comes because your nervous system is encoded with celebratory energy. When your team scores, you throw your hands in the air.

When you're yelled surprise at a birthday party, hands in the air. When you cross a finish line, hands in the air. When you wave hello, hands in the air. When you high five somebody, hands in the air. And so when you high five yourself, positive subconscious programming, drip of dopamine boosts your mood, and the celebratory energy in your nervous system gives you a a little jolt. And that's not all. Your brain is watching. And your brain sees you treating yourself like a person who cares about you. That leverages behavioral activation therapy because you are now acting like somebody who cares about themselves. And we've done this thing called the High Five Challenge, I think it's been live for about 48 days. We've had 145,000 people take it. It's a five-day online experience where I coach you every day in a video. There's 145,000 people in it from 91 countries. We have the data because it's hosted on an app. It's 100% free, and people are joining it every single day. And we have measured the results. Not a single person that's taken it has said this hasn't worked. Not a single one.Unreal.We are getting people talking about how it's spreading through AA meetings because there's so much shame and there's such a sense of failure when there's things in your life that you regret.

One of the reasons why it's so powerful as a tool for forgiveness is so many people, 50% of men and women, don't or can't look at themselves in the mirror because they don't like the person that they are or they are disgusted with where they are in life. 91% of people don't like how they look. And so when they look in the mirror, they pick apart or fixate on what they don't like. These are habits of self-rejection.

It's like giving yourself the middle finger Every time, it's like the high five is the opposite of what we normally do, which is basically look in the mirror and go like this.

Which is right.

Oh, your hair is not that, and you're a little fat here, and you're looking a little old there and with gray hair. Or just you're a failure. You don't do anything. You don't deserve to get ready and even try today. No one's going to care. You don't care. It's a giant middle finger to yourself most days.

Every day.

The opposite of it. Every time is the opposite of it. What I'm fascinated by also is the physical touch aspect. How does that play into things?

Well, there's a tremendous amount of research about the power of a high five when somebody Nobody else gives you one. And it's because there's a transfer of energy from one person to the other. And what they know based on research, because there's two studies that people tend to fixate on once they read the book. And the first one is the study that they did with NBA teams, where researchers at the University of Berkeley looked at Championship NBA teams, and they wondered, were there preseason habits that this team had that the losers didn't have? And it turns out there were, and it was a surprising one. And what it was, was high fives, fist bumps, and pats on the back. Teams that win at the end of the season have the most high fives, fist bumps, and pats on the back at the beginning of the season. Why? Well, because these aren't just meaningless gestures. These gestures create trust and partnership. They create forward momentum. And so teams that were doing that frequent and early on built trust and partnership and forward momentum that carried them through to win the season. Now, the Wall Street Journal editors read about the study and were like, There's no way this is true, and then wrote a huge article after watching all the tapes and going, actually, this is true.

And so when you do that with yourself, you We're creating trust and partnership with yourself and forward momentum sending you into the game of life every day. The other study that people love is the one with students in a classroom. And so researchers wanted to know if you gave students a really challenging problem to work through, what's the best way to motivate them to work harder, work longer, push through the really challenging aspect of this. And so they tested three different types of encouragement. They divided these kids up into three groups. The first group, the researchers would walk over and simply tell them something nice, like a compliment. And this is why words of affirmation don't really work. Oh, you're really smart. Oh, you're doing a great job. Oh, I can see you're... Like, whatever. The second group, the researchers walked up and complimented the kids on their effort. Oh, I see you're trying really hard. Oh, I see you're really working. The growth versus a fixed mindset. The third group, this is where this gets interesting. The researchers walked up and didn't say a word. They just gave the kid, as they're struggling through this challenge, a high five.

Those kids that got a high five, worked, like outworked, like 10X the other groups. They worked longer. They worked for a better result. And here's the most important part. They felt best about themselves compared to the other groups. Why? Well, the reason And why is, again, because it's not just a gesture that's meaningless. What the high five communicated is, I see you. So a high five when somebody is struggling is, I see you're struggling, and I'm here to encourage you. It says, I hear you. I hear that you're struggling. I'm here to encourage you. And it says, I believe in you, which is exactly what we all need to hear. This is why, by the way, we are incessant people-pleasers. It's because we literally are looking for other people to see us, to tell us that they hear us, and to tell us that they love us, like us, and believe in us. And I'm here to tell you that the best way to get that need that is so important, fulfilled, is to make it a habit to fill that need for yourself every single morning by high-fiving yourself in the mirror.

It reminds me That was something we were talking about earlier, which is just, what am I trying to get from someone? And it was like, for me, my whole dilemma was in relationship, and I wanted to be chosen. And I realized in that want or need that my lesson was I was supposed to be giving it to myself. I was supposed to be choosing myself, which I didn't really know how to do.

That usually requires you to leave somebody. That you're with.

Yeah. Well, I mean, because the reality means that probably the situation you're in is a pattern. In my experience, I'm trying to correct the dad wound, right? I'm thinking if I can correct the original wound where I wasn't enough and I was pushed really hard and hard on me and emotionally disconnected, if I can correct it with someone, then everything's okay, but it will never happen. These are just patterns to show you something that you're supposed to look within your sofa. Are there big aha moments for you that you can think of where it was like, Man, that was it. That's where I was supposed to be doing the exact thing I wanted from somebody. Because I think to myself, even with a high five, it's like, a high five yourself. It's like, you could also high five other people, too.

You know what I mean? You're already doing that.

The way you treat yourself is the way you treat other people.

You treat everybody else way better than you treat yourself. So the issue is not high fiving everybody else. The The issue is being able to look yourself in the mirror and see a human being that's worthy of it. And if you struggle with shame or regret or your criticism is relentless, high five Wrapping yourself is going to feel weird because when you look in the mirror, you see somebody who doesn't deserve that. You see somebody who's made mistakes, you see the failure, you see the things you regret. And one of the reasons why high-fiving myself in the mirror and adding it as a habit that I start every single day with, I send myself into the game of life with that high-five. One of the reasons why it has been so transformative is because it is a tool that teaches me how to heal all the things that I need to heal. It is a tool that teaches me how to like myself as I am, even if I didn't go to the gym, even if I drank a bottle of wine last night and I'm hung over. And I said I wouldn't, even if I snapped at my kids, even if I didn't get through the to-do list, even if I still haven't reached my goals, I still look in the mirror and I see a person I like, I see a person I'm in encouraging, I see a person who deserves that support.

And then I use the tool of the high five habit to give myself that support. And that has changed everything. Because when you like yourself. You don't need to seek it from somebody else. Other people liking you is a bonus. If other people don't like you, it might sting a little bit, but it doesn't change the fact that you like yourself. And the reason why you can be sure that you like yourself is because your brain sees you treating yourself every morning with that high five in the mirror like a person who likes themselves. Themselves treats themselves. Same thing with respect. The reason why people have tremendous difficulty with boundaries is because they don't respect themselves. They disrespect themselves all day long. So how on Earth are they going to find the strength to have boundaries?

Exactly. Exactly.

It begins with how you treat yourself in the mirror every morning, and then it builds out from there. If you treat yourself with respect, you will not allow somebody else to disrespect you. But we allow other people to disrespect us because we treat ourselves with disrespect. You build it from the inside out. And so this has been the single greatest lesson of my life. Seriously. That being kind to yourself, being accepting and supportive of yourself is the superpower, is the source of motivation, is the source of confidence. And what I love about it is it's a tool. It costs nothing. It works for everybody. There's tremendous science, and it's free. You deeply impacted me today. Okay, what happened? Well, the boundaries thing, and I loved that. I feel like I don't have very good boundaries. But then I heard you just say that you were a victim of sexual abuse, which I also am. And I think that part that you were saying to put your hand on your chest, I think my biggest nerve is broken because it made me more anxious. It's not broken. Push harder and repeat it over and over and over and over and over again, and you will slowly feel yourself come back into your body.

So when you have an anxiety response, do you leave your body or what happens to you? I may shut down. Okay. Bed in bed covers like I don't want to do things, or sometimes I go over the top and exhaust myself. Okay. So what I want you to try, because I don't actually want you to stay in bed. I think staying in bed is a terrible thing to do, and here's why. When you stay in bed, and are you talking about in the morning? Like you wake up and just want to stay in bed? There's a reason why we feel waves of anxiety and stress in the morning. Number One, when you wake up, your cortisol levels, which is a stress hormone, are typically pretty high. And so that triggers a dump in terms of your emotional state. The second thing is that if you are waking up and you're not excited about your life or there's chaos going on, you're going to feel this sense of anticipatory dread. So lying there makes the dread feel worse. Third thing, staring at the ceiling, thinking about your problems does not solve them. Fourth thing, rolling over and trying to go back to sleep does not change what feels like a nightmare in your life, right?

And so what will change it is if you throw off the sheets, put your feet in the ground and get up, because once you get up, you can get going. And once you get going, you can keep going. What I want you to add to this, though, is the high five in the mirror and the high five to your heart, because before you start your day in a state where you're spiraling, I want you to come back into your body and tell yourself over and over over and over again, I'm okay, I'm safe, I'm loved. If you can hear it, it's true. Why do you think when we did that exercise in the audience, you felt a wave of anxiety come? Because I don't believe it's true. That's exactly why you felt that. You felt that because you've been running so fast and so long because you think as long as you're busy and you're running, nobody can catch you and hurt you. And so slowing down is terrifying. I had the exact same thing. In fact, it wasn't until this fucking pandemic that I couldn't go out, that I really realized that I run the Target and Starbucks and go fill up the car because I wasn't okay being in my body and being still.

I was so busy because if I was busy, then I wasn't having to heal the shit I hadn't healed yet. And so when you put your hand on your heart and you started breathing and going, I'm okay, I'm safe, I'm loved, your body was like, Oh, no, you aren't. We are running. We are going to target. We got shit to do. We are not listening to this lady. And your body will fight it because you have trained yourself to run and move and be busy as a protection mechanism. And what I'm here to tell you is you are okay, you are safe, and you are loved. And you can heal this. Thank you. I believe it eventually. Okay. I believe it eventually. Right now, I want you to say it. Say it. Okay, go ahead. Put your hands on your heart. Let's see you do it. You can keep taping. Smart cookie. And I will put a little alarm in your phone. So go ahead, put your hands on your heart. Here we go. Close your eyes. Press deeper. Press deeper. Okay, now you say it for yourself. At the one, I'm struggling. That's okay.

Breathe in. Here we go. Breathe in. Blow it out. Say it. I'm safe. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm safe. I'm safe. I'm loved. I'm loved. Breathe in again. That's great. Now say it again. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm safe. I'm loved. Let's do it again. Breathe in. That's great. Really great deep breath, blow it out. Say it again. I'm okay. I'm safe. I'm loved. I'm okay. I'm safe. I'm loved. It's weird, isn't it? It's super weird. What do you feel? I feel it a little more. Good. Yeah. Good. Thank you. Because there are moments when There's all kinds of stuff going around you. And what you need to know is that no matter what's going around you, you always have you. And you can bring yourself back into your body. You can bring yourself back home. You can settle yourself in this moment. If you can tune out the noise and come right back in here and feel yourself, literally flip the switch and find some power, then you can take a deep breath and face whatever's coming. You don't have to run anymore. Thank you. Thank you. I'm talking to myself, too. Okay, good.

Thank you so much. So inspiring. You're so inspiring. I want to be like you, Wendy. You are like me, Wendy. You're running from your fears, your You're anxious. You're doing your best. You're reminding yourself every day. You get triggered by shit. This is what my life looks like. Yeah. Just because I am creating these tools doesn't mean I'm not using them every day.

But what do you think the reasons we doubt ourselves, or what do you think is the steps to gaining more confidence in ourselves when we doubt?

So I always thought that confidence was a thing that you feel. And I have come to prefer that confidence is something that you do, meaning that a lot of people like to I think, okay, well, you're going to feel confident first, and then once you feel confident, then you'll take the action. And that's wrong. It's not a chicken or an egg in my mind. I think what happens is you have to force yourself in a moment of self doubt to do something. And when you see yourself taking action, the confidence follows. So I have created my your own definition of confidence, which is confidence is the willingness to try. And you display the willingness to try when you take action. It's a lot like the relationship between courage and fear. You can't have courage without fear. Courage isn't the absence of fear. It's acting in the face of it. And confidence isn't the absence of self doubt. It's being willing to try even though you doubt yourself.

That's beautiful. That's going in the book. I'm quoting you in the book. Take it, baby.

Make it your own.

I love that. That's powerful. Yeah, and I think, I'm sure you probably, we're very similar in the sense that we do a lot and we build confidence because we would take action. You in law school and public defending and all these different things you've done, which like, okay, I'm afraid, but let me go do and do it. And now, okay, I'm getting better. Now I feel more confident. It's not just, let me learn something or let me read a book. And now I'm confident in a skill that I haven't applied. I must apply it and fail a bunch and realize, okay, I've gotten better. I have fallen over and over and now I'm standing and I'm actually doing okay and I'm doing even better now. Let me build my confidence there.

So yes. And look, here's the thing. I think that preparation and studying something so that you feel like you have an understanding of something can be an important first thing that you try. But don't let the studying of something become the reason why you don't actually take the next action.

Well, I need to get my master's. I need to go to a business school. I need to go to whatever and then never actually do it when you can start doing something much sooner before needing to have all the credentials necessarily.

Yes. There's very few things.

Except for being a doctor. Okay, maybe don't do surgery. Correct.

Yeah, a chemist, a doctor, something that requires you to actually have accreditation and specialized knowledge, an engineer, whatever. But most things that you will master in life will not be mastered by reading a book. You cannot learn how to ride a bike by reading about it. You have to get your ass on that seat and find your balance. That's how you find balance, is by falling. Because balance is somewhere in between not being on the bike and falling, or being on the bike and falling, rather.

That's beautiful.

Hey, it's Mel. How are you? I am so excited to jump on this live because I'm going to share something with you that is deeply personal and that many of you probably don't know is something that I love to do. If you want to get in touch with your intuition, if you would I like to feel a deeper connection to source the universe, spirituality, buckle up, because I'm going to share something with you that I have started doing every morning It was introduced to me by my friend, Amy. And Amy is somebody that has come into my life in this new chapter. It's like, Have you ever had a new friend that It feels like you've known them an entire lifetime. Well, that's who Amy is for me. Amy has introduced me to this really fun practice of pulling cards that help you answer questions that give I'm going to give you guidance, and I thought it would be really fun to have Amy introduce you to this practice. It helps you get in touch with your intuition. She's going to pull a card for you to give you guidance for this month to tell you what you need to know right now.

I think you're going to see something really incredible through this. How many of you know what I'm talking about? That you pull cards that you are really into reading the signs. I was somebody who has always looked for signs, for guidance. I asked the universe to give me a sign. I look for signs in my day-to-day life. But this practice of pulling a card has truly transformed my connection to something greater in life, my connection to magic, my connection to my intuition. I thought, What the hell? Let me introduce you to my friend Amy. Let's let Amy explain how she got into this, and let's learn what the cards, what the spirits, what the universe Oh, my God. Here comes my dog. Yolo, come here. Yolo, come here. You want to be part of this? Hi, buddy. Come here. Oh, here's my dad, everybody. I know he does not want to stay. He will not play. He won't play? Get the bubbles out, dad. I mean, I've been trying to get him to chase this and bring it back to me and tug it, and he will not. He will not. Well, we're going to pull some cards, dad, for everybody online.

Tell him what to think about. Who are you talking to? 1900 people right now. Oh, okay. Dad's like, And I'm out of here. You got a busy day then. If a guy I recently met forgot my birthday yesterday, is that a sign? Yeah, it's a sign that you are an option, not a priority. I've been telling a lot of women, in particular in my life, that there's a big difference between being an option, not a priority. All right, let's get Amy on Here we go. I'm so excited to see what Amy teaches us today. Okay. Hi. Hi, Amy. I'm so...

I was a little too excited last time, I think, and it just blew the whole thing up.

No problem. No problem. So I'm really excited. Hopefully, I will not bounce out on everybody. I'm here by the beach, and so the Internet is in and out. And so I was explaining to everybody that about four weeks ago, I was going through a rough time, and you said to me, well, do you want me to pull you a card? And I'm like, what is that?

Why would you ask me about cards? Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

So explain to everybody what it is and how you got into this.

Okay, right. So I pull Oracle cards. People have heard of tarot cards, and most times they don't really hear of Oracle cards. And when they hear of tarot cards, it's like, That's a thing that certain people do, or It's magic or whatever. But all of these cards, Oracle or tarot, they're all just tapping into your intuition to what's already inside of you. And they are just tools, literally tools that help you understand what's going on in your world. Because sometimes we were so in our heads and we can't understand the big stuff that's going on in the world, and we miss it. It's like missing the forest for the trees. So Oracle cards give you a lot of clarity in life. So they say, Oracle cards help you see the bigger picture. And that's what I always love to do, because when you're from that 30-foot view or that 3,000-foot view, you can see life a lot more easily, and you can understand better what you need to do.

Well, that makes a lot of sense because I feel like even when I wake up in the morning and I dump all my thoughts in my journal, and maybe I read a passage that is in a book, and sometimes that passage is like, whoa, this hits me today. And sometimes the passage is like, That doesn't really apply. Something about the intentionality of having a specific card that you pull from a deck, that almost for me, it has a very... It's like a sword that slices through the overwhelm and the emotion to give me a grounding theme, truly focus on for the day. And so I found them to be really powerful, because of the fact that you're pulling something specific from a deck. Now, you're not like... And I think what's really cool about this is we're just good friends, and this is something that you have been doing, and then you started doing it for me. And it's not like You have to be an expert in this to introduce this practice, right?

No, we all have this ability to tune in to a higher power within us. I feel like when you give that power away, it's Number one, recognizing that there is a power in the universe like that. And also, you're just before that step for doing it for yourself, right? So like you said in the other livestream, I had somebody pull this for me. I had somebody pull a card for me every day. I pull cards for myself, but when I feel like I'm too in it, I like to have other people do it. But you can cultivate this practice for yourself. It's nothing to be... I have people who say, Can I touch your cards? Is it okay? Can I ask a question? Yes. Have fun. Play with this. You're getting to know your own intuition and your own life situation. I think it's a lot of fun, and you can definitely cultivate it within you. I have I learned to do that. When I first started working with this stuff, I was very hands-off. I felt like everybody else knows how to do it. I don't know how to do it. It's not a gift within me.

But it was something I really wanted to do. It was something I really wanted to know more about. So I studied it And I tried to learn as much as I can, still thinking like, this is not my gift in the world. But as time went on, I did cultivate it, and everybody else can, too. It's definitely something that you can learn learn how to do.

Awesome. I see so many of you saying, Oh my God, I pull Oracle cards, or, oh, I read tarot cards, or, oh, I have this practice. And yes, it is like a mirror. It's what I thought would be really fun because Amy has already sent me my card this morning, and it was a card that keeps reappearing, which means there's a lesson at... Yolo, come here. There's a lesson in there that I clearly need to go deeper on if it keeps reappearing. But I thought it would be really fun, everyone, for Amy to pull a card for you. Yeah. That right now, this month, what do you need to hear? What do you need to know? You asked this That's the question I want to know. I want to have Amy pull a card and to have that card give you guidance for this month. What do you need to know?

Right. You know, Mel, the questions are really important Because if you ask, Hey, should I break up with my boyfriend? That's not really the best question, right? To ask the card. So the questions are really important to begin with. So that's a great question that you had. What do I need to know right now for my highest and best good? What's the guidance that I can have? And I want you to know, if you're watching this video, no matter when you're watching it, this is the message for you. That's how these cards work, right? If you're hearing it, There is something that you're going to get from it. What I'm going to do right now is just shuffle my deck, and I should probably let you know I'm using this deck by Colette Baron Reid. This is what I find to be a very powerful deck, you I'm going to get it on Amazon. I'm just going to shuffle these cards twice, and I'm just going to go quiet for a second because I'm just going to put the intention about the question into these cards.

Everybody's ready. Everybody, set your intention. You are about to hear something. I want to say something about this because even if you're watching this video and it's 11 years from the date that Amy and I filmed it, live. There is something insane. I don't even know how many hundreds of millions of videos get uploaded to YouTube, right? Every week. So the fact that you're actually watching this one at this moment in time. There's a reason why, and it's because you were meant to hear the message of what this month that you're living right now, what you need to hear in order to be your highest and best self. Okay? So let's all listen that this is meant for you right now in your life.

Right. And if there is a special intention that you have that you want to know more about, just what I see as Don't put that in your heart, meaning just feel it. Don't think about it. Just feel it. And then this card will give you some guidance. I'm just going to put a ton of light into these cards and ask, what is the That's good for everyone to know right now for this month.

What card?

I got this card. What is it? The Garden of Venus. I got that card today. I know. Isn't that a tool? I know. You just got that card this morning. Yes.

Okay, that's freaky.

So when that happens, people ask me, Okay, wait, how many cards in the deck? Because they want to do the math on this.

Can you hold up the deck so they can see how many?

Yeah, there are 64 cards in this deck. There is only one of every card. And I have it two or three times. And I did a reading in between yours this morning, and this is the card, again. So this is called the Garden of Venus.

Show them how thick the deck is so they get an idea.

These cards are absolutely beautiful and really, really powerful. So this is what the deck looks like.

Okay? Wow. All right. So she's going to tell you what the deck means. Yes, everybody, don't you worry. This has become such a huge part of my life. We are going to start creating these kinds of decks for the work that we're doing to help you tap into your intuition, your confidence, your knowing, your courage. Don't you worry. And it doesn't matter what deck you buy, by the way, because you'll be drawn to a deck. And no, we don't make money off the deck if you decide to get this. But let's talk about this card, because here's what I already get. If Amy blindly pulled this card for me this morning and texted it to me, everybody. And the message was meant for me this morning. And then I pings her afterwards and I said, I think we need to do this for you. I want you to know that this is something that I do, that Amy does, that creates deeper connection to self, deeper connection, intuition. The fact that we come here, she shuffles the deck again, she randomly pulls that one card out of a deck of 52. It tells me that my connection with you is so powerful, that my instincts, that I needed to share this with you, and we need to do something about this, Amy, that I'm dead on.

That's what this card says to me. But let's have Amy read the card and the message for you, and then we're going to talk deeper about what that actually means.

Absolutely. Somebody just said, What's the deck? It's the Shaman's Dream by Colette Baron Reid. This is the Garden of Venus card. Did you see people were saying in the comments, I'm getting goosebumps, this is a great card. I love this card. Okay, so the Garden of Venus, the place of all is well, rest and renewal and self-acceptance. When the Garden of Venus appears, you are invited, actually, summoned to return to the Pleasure Garden of Love. So it's a return to love. It is time to leave the field of battle. Put your sword away. There is nothing for you. You need to defend anymore. Step through the gate into the garden of earthly delights. Bask in the joy of the wish-fulfilling trees and the sense of the healing flowers. You have returned home. So there's more to read, but I just want to say this card is very fanciful and very magical and very sensual in the sense that you're using all your senses and you're relaxing into this rest in this place of all is well, which I think a lot of us don't hang out in. A lot of us are like, There's something wrong.

I have to fix this. There's not enough. I'm so scared. And so this is saying, get into that place where everything is just fine. You are weary, and it is time to rest deeply and be renewed. Go into the sacred garden alone, and there is no need for another to be present to experience its pleasures. So you're going in on your own on this. Don't look for anybody else around to say, Oh, look at that beautiful thing. Do this with me. This is your journey right now. Really stop looking for another. Enter by yourself. Allow your senses to intoxicate you. So what that says to me is be present, right? Like, Feel all of your senses and be really present. Leave all thought behind. Yes, this is me talking now. Get out of your head, right? You really want to get into the here and the now with this card. Lose your analytical mind and return to your body. In the garden of Venus, there is a still pond that shows your reflection when you stoop down to drink. Who is staring back at you? Look at who you have become. Rince your face with these healing waters and practice deep acceptance.

That's really what this card is asking of you. Get present and accept your sofa who you are. Love who you have turned into with all your imperfections and blemishes. The Goddess Venus holds a mirror that allows you to see yourself in all your flawed beauty. Do not become caught in its spell. After a quick glance, take the mirror with you and return to the battlefield that you may reveal others who they are becoming, and then you will no longer have a use for your sword. So what are you getting from that, Mel?

So here's what I'm getting from that. First of all, I love the put down the sword, end the battle, go to love, and rest and restore. And like that, I saw a ton of the comments, too. People going, I'm done with the battle. I need to put down the sword. And what I just realized in hearing you read it again, is that the battle was a battle with self, and the gripping and the struggle that we have with ourselves, and that the return to love that that card is talking about is love of self. And then the second thing that really hit me, I don't know if it hit anybody else, is the analytical mind, and going... Like quieting the analytical mind, and I don't know about you, but my mind is constantly freaking going. And so going into the body. And for me, these next four weeks, these are the first big vacation and time off of work that I've ever... I've taken in, I don't know, 70 years. And so this is all about rest and restore and being quiet. And I'm telling you, my mind is freaking fighting me on it. I got to go do something.

I got to do this. It's too hot. And that's the sword I need to put down. And then the final thing was this idea. Can we read that line about the mirror again?

Oh, yeah. At the end.

It was like in the last third.

Yeah. Do not become caught in the spell of the mirror, right? After a quick glance, take the mirror with you and return to the battlefield that you may reveal to others who they are becoming. Then you will no longer have use for your sword.

What does that say to you in terms of this period of rest and going back to the battle? What does that mean?

I think this period... For me, this card is all that beauty. When you see that card, you're like, Oh, my God, that is gorgeous. What you should be saying is looking inside and saying, Oh, my God, I am gorgeous. I totally accept myself, and I don't need to worry about the flaws anymore. I am I'm not concerned with anything that detracts from the beauty that's within me. I need to accept all of these things about myself. So that card invites you in, and it's like, Oh, this is so magical and beautiful, but the beauty is you, right? And so the mirror is once you see yourself and the beauty of you, you can go out to everyone else and reflect their beauty back to them. You become the mirror, and you no longer need that sword, right? The sword of the mind. You put that down, and the mirror is your only tool, showing other people their beauty or their greatness. Sometimes maybe they're flaws, too. Sometimes maybe not showing them their flaws in a pedantic way, but just showing them like, Hey, this is what's showing up for me right now. You're using a really harsh tone right now, something like that.

So the mirror and the sword, to me, are the two tools that are... One is greater, and the mirror is the greater tool. That's what I see from it. Does that make any sense?

It does. So if you had to bottom line the message to you, the person watching, on how to be your highest and best self this month, what does this guidance mean? How do I take this into my life for the next month? Are you there?

Oh, you're talking to me?

Yeah. How do I take this?

They're coming up. I'm new to this livestream. Okay, cool. What would I bottom line it for them? I would say I really think that that self-acceptance and finding the beauty in everything and really Telling the brain, We're not going to look at that right now. We don't need to talk flaws. We don't need to talk imperfection. We are really going to look at the beauty and the rest part of this card, because if you remember, there's that rest aspect of it.

The rest is the rest of the mind.

If you look at it and you say, But Mel, I can't stay in bed all day today. I cannot just cook a great meal for myself and do a detox and self-care. That's not what this card is talking about. It's saying, Rest your mind and allow yourself to really experience yourself as you fully are. Become present, right? Check into all your senses, become Come present and accept all of the beauty, because that's a lot of what we reject, right, Mel? I mean, that's a lot of what we're not looking at. Look at the beauty.

I just totally got it because it's interesting. When I first heard it and I heard put down the sword and rest and restore, I immediately thought, take a nap. Don't work so hard. Don't break the work, which I need to do. But I think the deeper meaning is put down the sword in terms of how much you bash yourself.

Yes.

Rest your mind.

That's what I get from this.

I totally hear it. Stop the self-criticism.

If you're listening to this and you saw this card and you're thinking like, Oh, there's a garden near me. I'm going to go look at that garden. Yes, action that. Go into that garden and do those sorts of things that this card felt like it inspired you to do. Right, Yolo?

Right, Yolo.

Good spirit, animal. But really, it's It's the inner garden that we're looking to explore. The monkey mind is what you need the sword for.

I love this.

It's a deep card. It's a really deep card. You can get it. The thing about these cards is so great is you can get it on so many levels. You can get it on the level of like, Okay, I need to rest today. If that's your message, take that message. That is the message that's meant for you. Sometimes we don't need to go deep. Sometimes it's like, Yeah, put your feet up for a little bit. That's the message. If the message I need more self-reflection for you, if that's what you're picking up from this card, that's the right message for you. And that would be my message to everyone is whatever you're getting from this, trust that you are getting what you need from this. It doesn't be this life-changing thing. It's just these little course-corrections. Maybe if you take a few minutes extra for yourself today, you'll be more patient with your kids, and then things will move in a different direction in those relationships or other relationships. So if you're getting rest, great. If you're getting the idea of beauty, great. If you're getting the idea, I'm going to stop beating myself up, awesome.

If you're getting the idea like that, I am going to go so deep with myself and just have radical acceptance today, phenomenal. All of those things are meant for you.

Amazing. So I want to talk to you watching, and in the comments, tell me, what did this message mean to you? What did you get? A lot of people are asking about the number, Amy. I don't know. Is there a number on the deck?

Five? It's number 25. Let me just double check that. I'm wondering if you all have this deck already. Yeah, it's number 25, but maybe you're a number, people, and you want to know what the number is. I'm definitely in service to that. It's 25.

Okay. And do we know what... Well, there's a five in it, clearly, so that's meant for me.

So that's meant for you. See the card again? Yeah, this is what the card looks like. I wish I had it for this livestream, though. Okay.

It's beautiful. You got it. It's a great card.

I remember when you first got this card, it was absolutely just mind-blowing. We all looked at it and we said, Oh, my gosh.

Because I've gotten this card. This card keeps showing up for me.

I think it's the third time you got this card.

Yes. They must not be listening.

You're listening. You're just getting it at a different level. You're just getting it at a different level. It is a good card for you, too, because that's part of your sign, right? You're a Virgo?

I'm a Libra.

Oh, you're a Libra. Okay. But beauty is a part of you and who you are. You love to have that. And simple, too, right? It's all within the thing. Somebody's asking for the deck. Oh, they couldn't see the card.

It's the Notions Dream deck. And let me tell you, you can get them on Amazon. We're not making money off this. For those of you that have joined late, Amy is a very good friend of mine, and she, in the past four weeks, has started pulling a card for me every day to give me guidance through a very big life transition, and I have found it to be wildly helpful. There is something about having the intention of shuffling a deck and letting that intention of pulling one of 52 cards be a specific message meant for you that has helped me tap into my intuition to trust myself, and to take whatever the message is. And for those of you who joined late, today's message was Garden of Venus, drop the sword, step toward love, quiet the analytical mind, get into your body, stop looking in the mirror and trashing yourself, and instead, reflect on how far you have come and grown. It was a huge message about self-acceptance.

Love yourself, right?

Yourself, where you are, what you're in. And I personally am on what Amy and I refer to as the Bridge. You see, I believe that we all have two lives, the one you're currently living and the one that you have yet to create. And you're on this bridge, crossing from one life to another. And sometimes the Bridge is exciting. For me, it's been terrifying. And these cards have been almost like rails on the bridge that have helped me steady myself as I continue to move forward. And so absolutely beautiful, Amy.

Yeah, I love that. And I will say this, too. I had a move to... When When I moved to Vermont, it was a very difficult time in my life. I needed that steadiness on that bridge, and I would pull a card for myself every day. And I just needed to hear every day, We need to go straight right ahead. Sometimes my husband and I would be apart. He would be in New Jersey, out in Vermont, and I would leave my card deck in New Jersey with my husband, who is very analytical. I always say, You can't talk to that man without a spreadsheet in your hand and knowing how to deal with a pivot table. He is incredibly analytical, but he started pulling them for me, and he was just like, Oh, my God. And so now he gets a card whenever he wants one. The messages are there. I see a couple of people in here talking about I was I'm raised Catholic and about religion and stuff. If you want a message, and if you're listening to this, it's there for you. And it doesn't have to feel heavy or like, I should do this.

It's a really beautiful piece of guidance that is for you, and almost like from you, for you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Awesome. I'm so glad to share this with everybody. I am, too.

And I'm so excited because Because this has made such a big difference in my life in just four weeks and Amy's life, that we're putting our heads together, and we're going to come up with our own version to help you tap into your intuition and your guidance. And if you all love this, we will make sure to do these once a month for you, maybe even more. Who knows?

I love it. I'm happy to do it whenever it calls Mel, I'm there because I know, and this is my deep knowing in my heart. I know that when you feel like you're lost, you don't know what you're doing, or you know what you're doing, but everybody else is like, You're not doing the right thing. It doesn't seem like the right thing to be doing whatever it is or thinking whatever or deciding. You just need that little bit of extra confirmation, and it makes all the difference. I know I have stepped into a bigger, better life because I had that love and confirmation behind me. I'm happy to share it whenever. I know how helpful it is.

Amazing. Hey, it's Mel. Thank you so much for checking this video out. If you like this one, I have a feeling you're going to like this one, too. I'll see you there.