But not me. How do I start believing in myself? Yes. So that is such a little bit deeper because I have a question from a listener named Lisa. Lisa, I have this belief that good things happen to others, but not me. How do I start believing in myself? Yes.

So that is such a common lie that we tell ourselves, that good things happen to other people, but not us. And I was raised around that lie, right? I was raised around that lie, that, oh, things like that can't happen to people like us. So my whole family, a lot of my family, believes that lie as well. And I remember when I was waitressing at Denny's, I had this moment where I'm like, I think I could run this restaurant. I had this moment. But guess what? Self doubt kicked in really fast. And that lie that she just shared, Lisa just shared. I remember thinking that, oh, but I'm not qualified to do that. People like me don't run the restaurant, right? And so how do you overcome that? So let me just take a step back. Every single thing in life is the meaning we attach to it, right? And we have the power to unlear that lie because this is a lie.

This It's true. That's the story you're telling yourself. It's the story you're telling yourself. That things like that don't happen to people like us. That's a lie.

Exactly. It is a lie. And so maybe there's a lot of evidence in the past that makes you go, Oh, but I have evidence to prove this. Okay. But first The next question is, do you want to unbelieve that? Do you want to still continue believing that lie? Because it is a lie, right? I remember hundreds of nos and rejections into a cosmetics. So easy for me to say, Oh, I'm a person that not only gets Rejected, but I'm a reject. Let it take root in my self-worth level. And then that's when it is a powerful lie that becomes hard to unlear. Things like that don't happen to people like me, right, is a lie. And learning to reframe that first step, identifying it, which she did so beautifully in that question, now deciding, do I want to believe that? That's the next question, because let me just get really real here. Some of us use our lies as excuses on why something's not happening. So the next question is, do I want to unlear that lie? Because those are just lies that lead to self-doubt that keep us stuck, that keep us feeling like we're unworthy.

Right now, as we're talking, 80% of women do not believe they're enough. 91% of girls and women don't love their bodies. Seventy-five % of female executives deal with imposter syndrome. Seventy-three % of men feel inadequate, and they're not enough. Why I wrote worthy is the time to unlear these lies has come. And so for Lisa, A, great job being aware of the lie. A lot of times we tell ourselves lies, we're not even aware of it. We just think they're truths, right? But guess what? You're the character of your main lie. You cannot always control all the supporting actors and actresses that come into your world, but you can control the main character and how you describe her and how you define her and what you want her storyline to be going forward. And so the next question is, do you want to keep that lie or do you want to unlearnt it? If you want to unlearnt it, you rephrase Reframe it. And every time it comes into your mind, you intercept it. You intercept that lie that says things like that don't happen to people like me. You decide, Oh, no, no. My new meaning is, things like that haven't happened yet.

Oh, but they're going to happen. Once I step into who I authentically am. I am the first ever only me, and I'm going to live in alignment with my assignment. And I believe, for me, when that lie comes into my head, I'm like, Oh, I'm not crazy. I'm first. And I just reframe it, and I decide the meaning I attach to my story. I decide what I'm going to believe is going to happen, and I decide that will be my narrative. And the second we do that, because what we focus on is what we magnify, and that becomes our whole life. And when you You change your story, you change your entire life.

Was there a moment in the building of It Cosmetics where that lie came up for you? You're getting told, No, no, no, no, no, There's all these other cosmetic brands. Clearly, it's happening for other people, and it's not happening for someone like me.

Yeah, all the time. The biggest struggle for me was, and especially as we started getting success, which was many years in, but we got a big shot on QVC. So after years of nos, I get a yes on QVC, which is a live television shopping channel for anyone unfamiliar with it, and it's broadcast to 100 million homes. At this moment, Mel, we were selling only 2-3 orders a day on our website.

That's not enough to pay the bills, Jamie. I don't know if you know that, but that's not enough to pay the bills.

You were teetering on bankruptcy for years. And after hearing no after no after no after no, after no, after no, even from QVC, I got a yes for one shot in this 10-minute window to launch the product.

Put everybody at the scene because this sounds like something that would cause any human being the biggest case of stress, diarrhea on live television because it is an unbelievable pressure cooker what you have to do. So just for the uninitiated, put us on the set at QVC. You are teetering on bankruptcy. You're only selling two of your products every day. You've been at this for years and years and years, and no, and no, and no. And you're up in your head like, People like me. This doesn't happen. People like me. It happens to them. And the lies are coming up. So what do you do at QVC? What do you have to do when somebody says, Yes, you can sell your product?

Yeah. So okay, I learned I had to sell over 6,000 units of this product to hit their sales goal in In the 10-minute window? In 10 minutes? In 10 minutes or not come back. And remember, we're only selling two or three orders a day. I go to 20 banks trying to get a loan to fund the inventory to do this. 22 banks said no. The 23rd Bank, California Bank & Trust, gave us a loan for just the amount to cover this purchase order and a little bit more to get my one shot on QVC. I learned it's a consignment offer, which means if I don't sell it, I don't get paid. I have to take it all Everything was on the line. And here's the story about the power of your authenticity, about knowing you're not crazy, you're just first. Because in that moment, I've been told no so many times. And we start to doubt, Oh, that lie. Do things like this possibly happen for people like me? So we figured all out. I get there. All of these third-party consultants are saying, Okay, if you want to do well, here's what you need to do.

You need to book this type of model to demonstrate your product, which was all like, people who look like they're 12 with flawless skin. I'm like, That is not why I created this brand. That's not authentic to why I did this. I would tell them, these third-party consultants, and they help a lot of people, and they really wanted me to win. I said, Well, what if I put a model in her '80s and then women in their '40s and '50s with hyperpigmentation and someone who's dealing with acne. And what if I take my own makeup off on national TV and show my bright red rosacea? And they were mortified.

They're like, You're crazy.

Yes, you're crazy. They said, Listen, Listen, you get one shot. They're like, You understand you get one shot, right? And I remember Mel, I flew out to QVC in Pennsylvania. And a week before, I sat in this rental car in the parking lot every single day staring at the front door of the building, praying, crying in the car all alone because I felt like the pressure was so heavy. And in that moment, those lies come up, and I start to doubt myself. And I think, Well, maybe I should be inauthentic. Try it their way, right? And maybe I'll I'll do well, finally. And then I'll make money. And then I could try it my way. I had all of these thoughts come up. And I remember this moment in that car where these words that while authenticity alone doesn't automatically guarantee success, in authenticity guarantees failure. Every time, over time. You and I, everyone listening, you can see people popping up online everywhere, and maybe they do well for a minute, but this over time, it does not work. Why is Mel Robin's podcast the number one podcast. Why? Because look how you show up fully authentically, the same way on air as you are off air.

I know this lesson, yet I'm sitting there in my car telling myself lies, like some of your listeners are writing in, right? Oh, things like this don't happen to me. Everyone's telling me I'm crazy. But I know every single person listening, you are not crazy. You are just first. And when someone does not get you, that's okay, right? You have to align with your authenticity because that's what is your superpower. And I knew that lesson, and I was scared out of my mind to trust that, but I did. And I walked into the building, and the moment I walked in the studio, there's these giant clocks on the floor that said 10 minutes. I got 10 minutes to hit those sales goals or not come back. And then, Mel, I learned right before I went on air that you're not guaranteed your 10 minutes. If you're a minute or two into your presentation, they know by the second if you're You're not hitting sales numbers. If you're a minute or two in and you're not hitting sales numbers, your clock, you think you have eight minutes left, it jumps to one minute. You're done. So I learned that.

And I go on air. And you talk about... You were mentioning, imagine stress, diarrhea. I go on air, I'm drenched in sweat. I have on two pairs of Spanks under my dress, not because I care what I look like. I was trying to absorb all the sweat so that I didn't sweat through my dress on national TV. And I remember the lights go on, and I was trying to demonstration to show how my product doesn't crease and crack on my wrist, and my hand was shaking so much that the host grabbed my hand, put it under the podium. She's like, Thank you, sugar. And she took over. And I remember the moment on national television, my bright red rosacea comes up, my bare face. And I remember walking over to models every age, and shape, and size, and skin tone, and skin challenge, and calling them beautiful, and meaning it. And I didn't know how we were doing a few minutes in, but I knew I wasn't cut yet. And then we got down to the one minute mark left, and I hear the host say, The deep shade's almost gone. The tan shade's almost sold out.

I was like, Oh, oh, oh. And then literally the moment the 10 minute mark hit, this giant sold out sign comes up across the screen. I start crying on national television, they cut from me and go to Dyson vacuum or something. I remember this. My husband comes rushing through the double doors of the studio. I'm sobbing, sobbing sobbing. Our very first employee, one of my best friends of 20 years, she was the only person on payroll at the time because we couldn't even afford to pay ourselves. She starts sobbing. My husband comes running over to me, and I thought he's going to hug me. And he just looks at me, and he puts his arms in the air and his fist, and he's like, We're not going bankrupt. And I'm like, Real women have spoken. And just sobbing. And I remember in that moment, all the things people told me about me would not work. The years and years of rejection, the retailers that didn't believe in me, making that decision to remind myself and every person listening right now, I don't know what room you're walking into today, what phone call you're walking into, what Zoom you're walking into, what idea you're about to share, but you're doubting it.

You are not crazy. You are just first. You are just first. It's why I wrote this poem that just poured out.

Would you read us the poem you wrote?

I will, yes. And what I'll do is Let me read an excerpt of it. It's the only poem in the book. It's called You're Not Crazy, You're Just First. Who do you think you are? They say. Things like that aren't for people like us. Why are you going around changing? Planning to leave us in the dust? Are you forgetting where you come from? Are we not good enough anymore? And just like that, the temptation to play life small feels more comfortable than before. If you're doubting you're enough, your thoughts, their words have got you down. It's time for your soul to tell your mind there's a new boss in town. See, there's no one else quite like you in the entire universe. And what your soul knows is you're not crazy. You're just first. The first to have your hopes and dreams. The first you there's ever been. So don't be surprised if they don't get you or try to shame you to fit in. They call you odd, strange, different for having dreams bigger than they can see because those dreams weren't given to them. They see them through fear and anxiety. And even the well-intentioned people who love you to the bone can see you pursuing your dreams as a reminder of them not fulfilling their own.

If people like people who are like them, hiding your true self is a comfort zone. But a calling unexpressed inside you leaves you feeling anguished and alone. Even inside of your own home. They call you words like crazy and say, We stick together for better or for worse. But what your knowing knows is you're not crazy, you're dispersed. The first to launch the business, to dust your dreams off of the shelf. The first to believe you're worthy of betting on yourself, the first to beat addiction, to live life sober and awake, the first to end the generational cycle that you know you're born to break, the first to start healing, the first to forgive so you'll be free, the first to love others for who they are, not for who you wish they'd be. And when doubt tempts you to dim your light, always remember this verse, your soul knows you're made for more. With so much purpose, it can burst. You're born with greatness inside you. And whether it's a blessing or a curse, the world won't be better until your greatness is dispersed. See, there's only one of you in the entire universe And your knowing knows, deep down, you're not crazy, you're dispersed.

Oh, wow.

Are you crying, Mel Robbins? Well, I'm just sitting here.

I'm very proud of you. What does that mean to you?

It means freedom. When you unlearnt those lies that lead to self-doubt, oh, my gosh. And you start to ignite those truths that wake up worthiness. That feels like joy and tastes like freedom. That is when we start to feel alive. That is when the weight of other people's expectations or even the ones we put on ourselves starts to lift. We don't soar to the level of our goals and dreams. We stay stuck at the level of our self-worth. We don't rise to what we believe is possible. We will always fall to what we believe we're worthy of. You will never feel joy and fulfillment in life until you learn to embrace who you truly are and learn to believe you are enough as who you are. And that is the truth. Every person listening, I do not care how many past mistakes and failures and regrets, and none of that is relevant when it comes to your worth. And when we learn that, it is the most powerful, powerful thing we can do.

I need a tall glass of water in order to just digest what you just poured into us, Jamie. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And we're going to take a quick break right now and hear a word from our sponsors. And when we return, Kearn. Don't go anywhere. We have four more lies to cover. And this next one, I know that you're going to get a ton out of it because it's about your past and about the mistakes that you've made. Jamie is going to teach you today how to dismantle that lie and how to discover your worth and to keep on going. Welcome back. It's your friend Mel. I'm here with the remarkable Jamie Kern Lima, New York Times best-selling author. She's here with her new book, Worthy. You know her as the founder of It Cosmetics, which she sold to L'Oréal for $1.2 billion. She is here today in her Boston studios to teach you the five lies that you're telling yourself that are holding you back from all of your power and all of your purpose and unlocking all the joy in your life. And so, Jamie, let's go to lie number two.

My past mistakes and failures determine my future success. And the way that I want to dig into this one is with a question from a listener named Jessie, who writes, It's Jamie. I keep failing over and over and over again. How do I know when it is time to quit? And this gets us back to, is it a no? Like, Hell no, we're not doing this anymore. Or Is it a knowing to keep going? What is the specific thing that you could tell her or anybody to do to really tease out a string of rejections? Yes. And whether it's like, this is quitting time. Right. Or it's keep going time.

Or it's keep going time. Jessie, I love that you asked this question because here's the thing. You go online, all you see is what looks like everyone's successes. And when we're getting rejected, when we're failing, we think something's wrong with us. We think we're alone, right? We think like, Oh, maybe my gut is wrong. I am living proof that rejections, failures, setbacks, no one else believing in you, things not getting traction, things not going your way for a long period of time, are not an indication of the potential of your success. They are not. And the people who succeed the most, and you can Google anyone in history, you can read all about my story, Mel Robin's story, that anybody who has moved humanity forward, who has launched an incredible business, an incredible podcast, written a great book, read about all of them. The people who succeed the most are the same people who fail the most because they're the ones who try the most. So anybody listening today who's been hiding their failures and their past mistakes and thinking it's just me, first of all, it is not. You are not alone. You are one of the brave ones willing to actually go for it.

So you're one of the ones now in the rare group who is highly likely to succeed because you're one of the ones going for it. So that is one of the most important things. And how do you know when it's time? Because I do believe that sometimes knowing when to let go of a dream matters as much as knowing when to go after one.

So how do you do that?

So I approach that the same way I approach, is it time for this relationship to end, or me to leave this job, or me to leave this friendship, or all of those things. I get still, and for some people, this might look like praying. It might look like meditation. I get still. I I pray. I don't talk out loud when I pray. Some people do. There is no wrong way to pray. There is no wrong way to meditate. And so this is a universal tool, whether someone has a faith that they practice or does not. I literally will ask for the answer. I will ask for the answer, and I will wait until I hear it. And one thing that's important to do is not project the answer you want and think you hear that, because you can block your intuition when you're just focused on what you're hoping for. But to really get still, get quiet, and ask the question, I will wait until I feel an intuition or something as close to a feeling or a knowing as I can, and I will take a step in that direction. We all get nos all the time.

Is it a no, like, Hell no, or is it a knowing to keep going?

If we listen to our soul, we get a knowing, an intuition, a still small voice, a gut feeling.