What's up, everybody? This is Stephen A. Smith, host of the Stephen A. Smith show podcast. Tune in every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at the very least, as I bring you all new episodes that feature the biggest headlines in the world of sports, pop culture, business. And I answer your phone calls and respond to your tweets. You'll hear my unfiltered opinions and straight shooter interviews with top celebrities and game changers, all that and more. So listen to the Stephen A. Smith show podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.

Bring a little optimism into your life with the bright side, a new kind of daily podcast from hello, Sunshine, hosted by me, Danielle Robet, and me, Simone Boyce. Every weekday, we're bringing you conversations about culture, the latest trends, inspiration, and so much more.

I am so excited about this podcast. The bright side. You guys are giving people a chance to shine a light on their lives. Shine a light on a little advice that they want to share.

Listen to the bright side on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Open your free iHeart app and search the bright side.

Imagine you're a fly on the wall at a dinner between the mafia, the CIA, and the KGB. That's where my new podcast begins. This is Neal Strauss, host of to live and die in LA, and I wanted to quickly tell you about an intense new series about a dangerous spy taught to seduce men for their secrets and sometimes their lives, from Tenderfoot TV. This is to die for. To die for is available now. Listen for free on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

Misspelling with Tori spelling.

An iHeartRadio podcast.

It's public. I don't know what feels more like a punch in the stomach, that it's, like, out there and it's final, or that I have to call him right now. Oh, shit. He's at work. He's at work. You guys, this sucks. Hey, it's t. I know you're working. Can you call me? It's important. Everything's fine. The kids are fine. But call me, please. Bye. Shit. He's gonna read this online. So I just filed for divorce. I gotta say that again. Hear that for myself, I just filed for divorce. Whoa. I said the words that I've said, like, in my head for like, 16 years. While 15 it was. Yeah. Anyway, I just got word from my lawyer that it's public. There's this weird thing that I didn't know about before, that you have to be careful with your ex. Like he said, she said, who filed first? So I had to file and go through the process. And then once it was accepted and publicly posted, then I'm allowed to, like, call and fill in my ex. So I just called Dean. He's working, and I have to tell him. And I'm super nervous because I don't like confrontation.

And, yeah, I probably that stopped me from really long time wanting to do this and hurting him and protecting him and protecting the kids and my daughter. My daughter, who's 15, is very much like, you know, people already talk about us at school. Like, they know you and they know the family, and they read the press, and now you're doing a podcast. And I was like, well, can't be worse than the shit they read out there. Like, oh, my God, they read. They think we live in an rv. Like, I was like, stella, that's a step up. Like, she literally had someone come up to her at school and be like, oh, are you in the school district? Or where does your rv parked? Like, because you live in an rv with your mom, right? She was like, that was summer vacation. We rented that, like, every other family and drove up the coast and camped. And they were like, oh, we thought you were homeless. So she was shamed. But she was like, imagine what it's gonna be like at school when you file for divorce. I mean, teens know how to manipulate you.

But I was like, yeah, it's gonna suck. But, yeah, anyway, it's more the norm than isn't. So I was like, you know, but your dad and I co parent. And, anyway, I should go back to where this began, but it began 18 years ago, so it's hard to know where to go back when telling this story. So, Dean and I have been married 18 years. We have five beautiful, amazing children together. Liam, Stella, Hattie, Finn, and Beau. They're. 1715, 1211, and seven. The lights of my life. And, yeah, so I used to have this thing, and this is nothing towards Dean. I just. At some point, I think I. I believed in, like, the fairy tale. Like, I grew up. I mean, my father was the biggest produce television producer, so I grew up knowing there's a beginning, middle, and end, and the two main characters always start, stop, and there's a happy ending and end credits. So that's what I always assume would be. And, you know, I think when we're young, it's different now. But I grew up in, like, the eighties and on tv in the nineties, and I feel like we then were conditioned to be like, we want the prince.

Like, the knights, whatever. Someone in white on a horse, coming in, swooping us up. We wanted the fairy tale. I even wanted the white picket fence. I still want that. Now I just want it black, but I want a fence. But I. Yeah, I wanted the whole dream. But my thing was always, like, even from a young age, I was like, oh, I want to be the perfect wife and mom and housewife and cook, and I was never taught how to clean, so that's not going to happen. But. Or cook. But I taught myself. Or baked, but I taught myself. But, okay, but cleaning I won't do. So anyway. But I wanted to be that woman. But then I was like, but I also want to run an empire. So that's a meeting of the mind. So I'm really stubborn and I'm really driven. And I always say, I'm a Philly. You can't break. I know Philly means I'm young, and I'm not young, but I can still call myself a girl. I can still call myself misspelling, because I can do whatever I want to do, because we can redefine words the way they make sense to us and how we want to proceed with them.

So, anyway, Dean and I had this fairy tale romance, even though we both were married when we met. Not fairy tale right there, but we had other partners that we cheated on and then left. And then we got together, and people were like, oh, I give it six months. And we always say, like, hey, it made it 18 years. It shouldn't have made it 18 years like it was. And I think he would say the same thing if he and I had a real heart to heart. I think, yeah, it would have been over a lot sooner, but I. I think, you know, we start well, we had, like, pairings. We had two sets of kids. Like, we had Liam and Stella 15 months apart. And I think we had Liam and Stella for a while, and then I was like, oh, you know what? Things were okay, but they weren't great. And I have a friend who reminded me recently that he said, do you remember what you've been telling me the whole time? And I said, what? And you said, I need the extra help with hands. When they are old enough to undo their own car seats, I'll leave him.

And I was like, what? When did I say that? After Bo. And he's like, no, after Liam and Stella. Then you got pregnant with Hattie, and then ten months later, you got pregnant with Finn, and then you told me, oh, when they can unbuckle and buckle their own car seat. I'll leave him. And I didn't. And then came Beau. And then with Beau, I was like, oh. When he. No, I just should have left after Bo. But if I had left sooner, there'd be no beau. And I love Bo.

How are the kids doing? They've been on the journey with you, shall we call it? And now this is a whole new chapter that they're gonna go with you. And just wondering, how are they faring through what's happened so far?

All the children have different personalities, different needs. And I feel like with my kids, they all have very distinct personalities. Stella was always the one. Since she was four years old, if she would hear us argue, and back then, like, it wasn't loud, and we tried to keep it separate, and it wasn't bad back then, she would hysterically start crying, and she would run in, and she'd say with her little voice, are you gonna get a divorce? And it just like, oh. Hit me hard. Like, hi, I'm okay. How are you? Okay. I hate to do this to you while you're in the middle of. You're going to work and everything. Um. They're. They've done it. It's like one. It's just the formality. It's like a one sheet you check off, and next, you'll have to sign it. You have a lawyer. Wait, it's going to respond what way? That I had enough of you. What? What do you mean? I mean, in all honesty, after this whole journey, I. If it's about that, like, who files first, the other person's wrong. If they. I feel like I deserve to file first, then. Well, I mean, you basically put it all out there with daily mail.

Like, you said, everything that you've done to me over the years. So I think it would make perfect sense that it's followed up, that I would file, because those are things I would never have divulged to anybody, and you did. So I don't know. I assume that'll come later. I don't know. I think it's just. Yeah, it's just like, a one sheet where you literally, like, check, like, divorce and, like, irreconcilable differences. Yeah. Okay. I love you. Okay, bye. Ugh. Wait, that's it. Oh, my God. I've never felt more alone in a room full of friends doing a podcast. Fuck. I've never felt more alone in 50 years. Sorry.

You are not alone.

You are not alone.

Tori. Oh, my God, you guys. Sounds like some movie.

You are so loved by so many.

Stop don't say mushy stuff. Say mean stuff. It fires me up. I like to be treated nice. He was like, great, good, great. I have a lawyer. I was gonna do this, but cool. Yeah, saves me $500. Like, I don't feel worth loving. That's the truth. That's something that's just in you. It's not something I wanted or created or. That starts when you're young, you know?

Well, it's something you learn.

It's learn behavior. Not feeling worth it, is it?

It is.

How do you learn?

And now you have to work on unlearning that and learning how to accept being loved.

That's not easy to do.

What's up, everybody? This is Stephen A. Smith. When I'm not at my day job, first take. You can find me in my studio hosting the Stephen A. Smith show podcast. Tune in every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at the very least, as I bring you all new episodes, episodes that feature the biggest headlines in the world of sports, pop culture, business, and politics. You'll hear my unfiltered opinions on those noisiating cowboy fans, the chaos in Washington, DC, and trending topics on social media, as well as my straight shooter interviews with top celebrities and game changers. And I occasionally give out love advice. Yes, it's true. If you want to know my true feelings about something, I'll give it to you straight. So listen to the Stephen A. Smith show podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.

This is Neal Strauss, host of the Tenderfoot TV true crime podcast to live and die in LA. I'm here to tell you about the new podcast I've been undercover investigating for the last year and a half. It's called to die for. Here's a clip.

All these girls were sent out into the world, and they were told, try to meet important men. Try to attach yourself to important men.

The voice you're hearing is a russian model agent telling me about spies sent out to seduce men with political power.

The war in Ukraine. The train is also being fought by all these girls that are all over important cities.

For the first time, a military trained seduction spy reveals how the russian government turned sex and love into a deadly weapon.

If you want to kill your target, it's easy. You just seduce him, take him somewhere, start having sex, and then he's very vulnerable, so you can kill him.

To die for is available now. Listen for free on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get. Your podcasts.

Bring a little optimism into your life with the bright side, a new kind of daily podcast from hello, Sunshine, hosted by me, Danielle Robet and me, Simone Boyce. Every weekday, we're bringing you conversations about culture, the latest trends, inspiration, and so much more.

I am so excited about this podcast. The bright side. You guys are giving people a chance to shine a light on their lives. Shine a light on a little advice that they want to share.

Listen to the bright side on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Open your free iheart app and search the bright side.

It's like, it's like the first part of the show is like one story, and then you come back from intermission, you're like, told it's something completely different and you have to adjust. I don't know if I can. I don't know. I mean, I know you can change at any point in your life. Yeah, everyone always says that, but, like, it's a harder task than we realize, especially if you don't believe it. Like, people can tell you and tell you and tell you and you should. Should. But if you don't believe it in your soul and your core, like, I don't know how you change that by.

Doing what you just did.

What did I do? I have the short term memory of aunt.

You're actually moving ahead with your divorce, and it's a huge step.

I know. I just play dumb so I can have you do the work and say it. I'm not dumb. That's been the hardest, challenging thing in my life, having to play dumb. It's just so crazy to have to, like, fill that void of, like, it semi blends back with Donna because it's like. And now we can look back at Donna and be like, Donna. Donna wasn't dumb, but she, like, played it. She was. They would always say, and this is so, like, for anyone young listening, they'll be like, we don't know who that is. For anyone my age and older listening, you'll know who this is. But they'd be like, oh, you're still, like, you're Judy Holliday, which, like, was an iconic, like, movie star. Like, black and white films. Literally, like, funny. Like she was before Lucy, but she was like, you know, the pretty, ditzy blonde. And that's, like, what you're conditioned to be like, oh, you're blonde. You're funny. You giggle like, oh, you play this role and they compartmentalize you in life. Yeah, I was all like, blond hair, big eyes, giggles, like, funny timing, great body. Show my stomach and scene.

And that's what I was carved out in life to be. I screwed up. Like, one time, I was like. I said something to someone. I was like, well, when you're conditioned your whole life to be viewed as a sex symbol. And my friend was like, ew, did you just call yourself a sex symbol? And I was like, oh, my God. And I got so shamed. I was like, no, no, no. I don't even like myself. What do you mean? I would never, like, give myself a compliment like that. And I was like. I was taking myself out of it. I was saying how I was viewed, and he's like, but really, like, were you viewed that way? I was like, maybe not. I mean, I don't know. I think. I think on some level, like, it was, like, young, hot, blonde, like, I don't know.

Well, here you are now.

Oh, we're talking about me playing dumb when I'm not dumb.

Well, I think we really are talking about you. And now that you are deflecting. Yeah, well, you are deflecting, but you also just filed for divorce from your husband of 18 years. 18 years old. Something you've been thinking about for many, many years, right?

And he always threatened. He would always threaten. I get so scared. But I also hate change. That's a lie. I grew up thinking I hate change. But, like, things change in my life day by day, and I just roll with it. Everything just happens.

I think you thrive on it. You thrive on the chaos.

I thrive on chaos. Everyone would say, that's not a good thing. No, no. It gives me energy. It gives me. Makes me feel like not dead inside. My lawyer says, I just got a call from TMZ. I didn't speak to them, but they have the divorce filing. Here goes the neighborhood. I've told. I've told Dean this, so it's not talking out of school, but we had this very quick, passionate. We had this very quick, passionate falling in love period, which it was. Yeah, it was the honeymoon period that everyone talks about, but what is that, six months? Ours was four. And it was intense. And I was like, wow, he sees me. I felt like my whole life, I only showed people pieces of me because I was always being told who I was and could be, even from birth, like, you know, born into a family where I had to uphold a certain being. And, you know, my house. Like, I was. Like, the way I was raised was completely different than the way I raised my kids. And I'm not even talking esthetically. I'm not talking about the fact that I grew up in a 10,000 square foot house and then move to a 56,000 square foot house.

Irrelevance. I'm just kidding. I'm talking about, like, it was never a conversation. Like, you were quiet and no one ever said this to me. No one said, like, you can be seen and not heard. But, like, it was that feeling that I got. Like, while it was a family, it was a public family, and you learned very quickly, like, you know, four or five years old. I got it. I got it that all eyes were on us, and everyone was watching and listening to how we behaved and how what we said and how we represented this iconic Hollywood family. When I say we, because I have a brother who has an amazing podcast called Oldish with my BFF, Brian Austin Green, and with Sharna on I heart. And, yeah, he was, like, less willing to conform. I always was in the mindset of representing your family. So, yeah, I don't know. I just got it. From an early age, I was fascinated with the world. Summer vacation. I didn't want to hang with my friends. I wanted to go to work with my dad. I would literally hide under his desk and take notes. And, like, that was my world from jump, you know, I used to, like, walk around.

My mom had every script that my dad ever did. The initial one, because there were over, what, 200? Like, it couldn't be every single one. But if it was a series, it was the pilot script. If it was a movie, it was the movie, obviously, leather bound and in his office, wall to wall. And every Saturday, I would spin around like, wonder Woman, and I'd be like, wonder Woman. And I'd land on a script, and I would pull that script out and I would read it. Obviously, this is when I could read. So it was like, eight, nine. And then I'd ask my dad if he could play the male lead. And I obviously would play the female lead, because I didn't think outside the box then. And we would read through it, and I'd be like, I'm gonna make these one day. And, like, make. Like, not just like, oh, I'm gonna star in these. I'm like, I'm gonna star. I'm gonna write, I'm gonna produce, I'm gonna direct. I'm gonna own this motherfucker. Shit. What's a motherfucker shit. I don't know what that is, but I'm gonna own it.

Well, you are your father's daughter.

Yeah. The end of the day, anyway, we had this fast and furious romance. I saw red flags. Everyone talks about red flags. Like, I like saying that. I just, like, I like to make dresses out of red flags and then proceed. So, yeah, there were definitely red flags. And he had anger issues. And that started when we were dating, like, four. Four months in. And I just remember, like, I could show him me. And it wasn't, like, the cute, like, giggly. Like, this is what people want me to be. I was able to be, like, the loud and, like, body type of, like, tory and, like, I could have, like, you know, I could have a foul mouth. I could. I'm not, you know, just Donna Martin, like, the perfect good girl. Like, I could have some bad girl in me. And it was okay. And. And he liked all those sides. And he saw how smart I was and accepted me. And I said from the beginning, it's going to be a lot. It's. I've been told it's an emasculating road. And he was like, I can handle it. And I was like, can you, though?

Like, it's not going to be easy. Like, I can't. I don't think he knew how big it would be, how big the life I was given and live is. It's. Yeah. I think he was like, oh, yeah. Things come and go, but with me, it never came and went. Like, it was. I. From the moment we met, I was in the moment I was born, I was in the press, you know, and it hasn't. There hasn't been a reprieve from it. So it's like, you kind of have to be used to, like, jumping on board in that world and just getting through it and owning it. And I thought he was on board with that, but I was also all very focused on him. And I think a lot of parents out there can relate. Like, I noticed a shift in our relationship, literally the day I found out I was pregnant. And the shift came from within because all of a sudden, it was never about me. Like, I have kept myself small since I was young to not outshine anyone in my family and then not outshine anyone in my cast and then not outshine any boyfriend I had or outshine any husband.

Like, so I would just self sabotage and keep myself small and wouldn't keep building myself up where I knew I could be. And anytime it would start to get big or real, I would find a way to plummet it and start back over again like I'm doing now. But this time, I'm not backing down. I'm just going all the way to the top. Wait, you guys all heard that, right? Hold me accountable. But, yeah, as soon as it wasn't, you know, all about him, and I don't think he intentionally did this, all the focus changed to the baby growing in my belly, and instantly I changed. And I was like, oh, this is what it's like to really take control and step up and be accountable for someone that you don't even know yet. And everything became about Liam, who was in my belly. And, you know, I was never the adventure girl, but when I met Dean, we made, oh, my God. We made a list on the back of barf bags in the plane on the way back from Ottawa where we were filming the tv movie where we hooked up, coming back to our married, you know, our spouses, we wrote on barf bags what things we were going to do, like, a bucket list in our relationship.

And for me, it was like doing things that I was always scared and fearful. Like, I got that from my dad. My dad was scared of every, and I just took that on thinking they were my fears. And now I'm like, wait, that's someone else's fears. Like, maybe it wasn't my fears. Like, maybe I do want to jump out of airplane. No, I'm just kidding. Psych. I don't know. But it was things like that. Like, we're going to go here. We're going to. I think I said I'd, like, ride a marathon. I don't even know how to ride a bike. But the thing is, I tried and I wanted something different, and I wanted to please him. And then when I got pregnant, we got pregnant right away. So we got married in May and we started trying right away. We didn't get pregnant right away, and my dad passed in June. And then days later, the beginning of July, I found out I was pregnant. No, it was right, like a month after my dad passed. Basically, I conceived, like, right after my dad passed. And so I took that as like, oh, it's a sign.

This is supposed to be, and this is how it was planned to happen. But honestly, our relationship was never the same after we started having kids. And we always said, we won't be those parents that change. We'll make sure we make our relationship a priority. And the two of us, and we have date nights and just everything went out the window. I became completely focused on the kids and kind of left him in a way. And I get it. It doesn't excuse his behavior and everything he did and how he handled things. And I'm not minimizing his part in this and how his lack of sobriety did affect me and the kids for years and years and years. And I'm really happy that he's sober now. But our relationship definitely changed, like, to the point where I felt like I was just in this alone with the kids. Like, and he was there and he was an extra set of hands, and he put the car seat in because I didn't know how to do it and, you know, things like that. But emotionally, like, I was like, tag, you're at, like, I was the parent, and it was a lot of responsibility while also, you know, rebuilding a career, which I did.

You know, we became a family brand. I went from, like, you know, Hollywood rich girl, like starlet. Like Starlet. That's as bad as me calling myself a sex symbol. Sorry. Anyway, to, like, cool mom. Like, look at her. She does it all. Meanwhile, like, behind the scenes, it was all falling apart. And I literally. Sometimes I went back and reread one of my books once, and I was like, wow. Like, sometimes I think I created the character of Dean. Like, all those prince charmings I wanted when I was young. Like, I created this character that he had a lot of those qualities. But, you know, we did our reality show, and it was like, the first one was, like, fun, fun. So any, like, bad stuff that would happen or fights or anything, they would edit. And, you know, women everywhere, I would hear them be like, I wish I had a dean. And I was like, you only knew if you only knew. Yeah.

You guys did go into therapy, right? Try to work through the issues?

Yeah. I mean, we. We saw a therapist that I had been seeing since, like, my twenties. She was actually. This is horrific that I did this. I was scared to confront and tell my first husband that I was leaving him for my co star. Oof. So I broke the news to him in my therapist's office. So not cool. So anytime dean and I would go into therapy, he's like, are you going to leave me like you did Charlie in the therapy session? I'm like, no. He's like, well, you did it once. I was like, fair. Fair. No, I'm not going to. So I never did. But it was. It was hard, the therapy sessions. I, like, wanted to get deep. And we started therapy. I mean, after Stella was born, and she's. We have five kids, you know, she's 15 now. So, um. Yeah.

Did it help at all, do you think?

No. No. Because we were talking about two different things. You know, we would go in there, and I'm really good at taking blame so that someone can start to feel like they can open up and, you know, yeah. So I would say, like, you know, I do this and I do that, hoping he would be like, oh, and I do this. And instead, you know, it was more focused on, like, yeah, the dog shit all over the house. Like, she has too many animals. She's a hoarder. Like, she's messy. I was like, yep, yep, yep, that's me. And I'm like, wait, wait, wait. I always say to him, we actually, he and I had this conversation semi recently, and I was like, when we met in Ottawa, you met me. You came into my hotel room where we were filming. I had my two dogs with me. And what was one of the first things you saw? And he's like, you had your suitcases open and there were clothes and shoes covering the entire room, and you had to make space so we could walk through to get to the bed to have sex? I'm like, yes.

And he's like, and there was dog shit in the. On top of the clothes in your suitcase? I'm like, correct. That was me. And the first night you met me. So what about me is surprising now married to me years later with kids, that I'm messy and that the dogs shit everywhere, and I don't pick it up. I'm just kidding. I eventually pick it up. Um, anyway, um, yeah, he would talk about stuff like that, and, you know, a therapist will go in the direction you start talking, and that's where our entire hour would go to. Actually, it's never an hour. They tell you of an hour session. It's really 50 minutes. And it's really frustrating because the whole time I'm looking at the clock and I'm like, oof. I know I have 40 minutes left. Oh, I know I have 20 minutes left. What do I talk about now? He's still talking about dog shit. We're fucked. And this is dollar 300. Like, ugh, who cares about the dog shit? Like, I would always say, what does it matter? I mean, it does matter. I get it. Listen, I get that's a problem. But it clearly wasn't our biggest problem.

What's up, everybody? This is Stephen A. Smith. When I'm not at my day job first, Chase, you can find me in my studio hosting the Stephen A. Smith show podcast. Tune in every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. At the very least, as I bring you all new episodes that feature the biggest headlines in the world of sports, pop culture, business, and politics, you'll hear my unfiltered opinions on those nauseating cowboy fans. The chaos in Washington, DC and trending topics on social media, as well as my straight shooter interviews with top celebrities and game champions. And I occasionally give out love advice. Yes, it's true. If you want to know my true feelings about something, I'll give it to you straight. So listen to the Stephen A. Smith show podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.

This is Neal Strauss, host of the Tenderfoot TV true crime podcast to live and die in LA. I'm here to tell you about the new podcast I've been undercover investigating for the last year and a half. It's called to die for. Here's a clip.

All these girls were sent out into the world, and they were told, try to meet important men. Try to attach yourself to important men.

The voice you're hearing is a russian model agent telling me about spies sent out to seduce men with political power.

The war in Ukraine is also being fought by all these girls that are all over important cities.

For the first time, a military train seduction spy reveals how the russian government turned sex and love into a deadly weapon.

If you want to kill your target, it's easy. You just seduce him, take him somewhere, start having, and then he's very vulnerable, so you can kill him easily.

To die for is available now. Listen for free on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

Bring.

A little optimism into your life with the bright side, a new kind of daily podcast from hello, Sunshine, hosted by me, Danielle Robet, and me, Simone Boyce. Every weekday, we're bringing you conversations about culture, the latest trends, inspirational inspiration, and so much more.

I am so excited about this podcast. The bright side. You guys are giving people a chance to shine a light on their lives. Shine a light on a little advice that they want to share.

Listen to the bright side on America's number one podcast network, I heart. Open your free iHeart app and search the bright side.

You talk about the red flags, but what were the red flags? I would say his temper, which often was fueled by alcohol. So when he would drink, it was hard because I knew that at some point it would turn. And I knew, you know, it was all always different. Like, it could be two drinks, it could be five, six drinks, and then I would just see it turn. I'm like, oh, here we go. And then that became my dance on the eggshells. And it was like, no matter what I said, it wasn't right. And I would have to, in my head, be like, okay, quick, quick on your chest. Like, it was like, it was like a fight. Like, you know, a mental fight. Like, okay, I think he might, like, aim here. And if he aims here, like, with what he says, I'm going to respond this way and that'll take him down. And it got to the point where it. Nothing would make sense. And it just. I would just know to stop talking. Like, and that usually, you know, just space and stop talking. And it was just. It was hard.

Until the final fight, right, where he went on Instagram and announced that you guys were separating. That was sort of the final blow for you.

And that put everything in motion, the Instagram post. So I'm the type that I will take a lot and you can say whatever you want to me. I remain calm. I process it. I think about what I'm going to say before I say it. I'm not a reactive person. Lots of years of training. I know the therapy words to say I feel, aw, man. But, yeah, that last night, we had just been at Jenny's house all day. We were doing a BFF photo shoot, and Dean was so helpful. Like, he was so great. And Jen and Dean haven't always gotten along. And I just remember that day, she was like, he was really great. And he helped and styled and carried and did everything for us that whole day because we didn't have the budget to, like, hire people and we had to do the whole photo shoot ourselves and video shoot, just me and Jen. And he. He was great. And when I got home, she texted me and she said, dean was really great today. And I was like, oh, that's gonna mean a lot to him for me to go in and say, jen gave you a compliment.

She would laugh at this, and. But I did. And he was like, really? Oh, that's. That is great. Months later, when I reminded him of this, he doesn't remember that part, but I'm like, okay, yeah, you got a compliment from someone that doesn't give compliments freely. Like, that's a big step. And he was like, thank you. Okay, that feels really good. It was nice helping you guys today. And then. But he had been drinking at this point. It was in the evening. And then we started to discuss something else, and I could tell, like, oh, he's fired up, and it's not gonna go well. And my head, I'm like, stop talking. Walk away, because otherwise this is gonna escalate. But once in a blue moon, I don't just walk away. And I don't just shut up. I come back and I always say it's the Taurus in me. Like, stubborn. Like, the Taurus. Like, we'll make peace with everyone and super patient, and we'll be like, I'm sorry, it's me. It's not you. And then, like, you push us. You push us. You push us, and then we just snap. But me snapping isn't even, like, bad.

Like, imagine me snapping. Like, it's not crazy. But, yeah, that's all it took. And so. But I'll never forget the night because, sorry, I'm a foodie, so I associate everything with food. Okay, it's not a bad thing. And we just ordered Wendy's, and I'm not gonna lie, I'm a big baked potato fan. Loaded baked potato. My mom taught me how to make them. I make them for everybody. Anywho, so I had just gotten my baked potato from Wendy's, and I was super psyched about it. Cause I'd had a long work day, and I was like, ooh. And I made it to perfection. I was like, mmm, this is a baked potato my mom would be proud of. And just as I had made it, he came into the kitchen. Because it was a conversation. We had started fighting, and I walked away still passive aggressively saying things, because I'm passive aggressive trying to work on that. And he's like, what'd you say? What did you say? And I was like, hmm. Uh huh. Proceed. I said this, and, yeah, so it just, like, escalated, and he came in screaming, and he. He made a remark that I don't want to discuss.

But it's not even a terrible remark. It's just. It was a dig at something he knew would really be hurtful to hear. And I think it was just in the moment he made that dig. And it's really nothing, but it's something that I took personal. And when he said that. Fine, I'll say what he said. He said to go back to dog shit because he loves talking about dog shit and animal shit and feces. Feces. He said, I'm so sick of this. I've been picking up Tory spelling shit for 18 years, and I fucking lost it.

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