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Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne, it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, December twenty eighth.
Twenty twenty. What's going on? How are ya? It's the last Monday of the fuckin twenty twenty babita da da da da doo doo doo doo ba ba ba ba boom.
Sorry. Hey. You know, there's a lot of people right now saying, you know, talking a lot of shit about 20, 20, you know, thank God is fucking years over. If you think that the beginning of January is going to be any better than the end of December just because the number went from 20 to 21, you're sadly mistaken.
All right. It's not about years. OK, it's not about years. I don't know what it's about. I don't know. I think next year is going to be fucking amazing, though. I really do. I just want to see how this whole thing plays out. OK, so we got dumdum is leaving office and now we have a dude who I think has dementia. A warmonger with dementia is coming in and they're both liberal. Larrys, but for some reason they love keeping people of color in prison.
I don't know what non-violent in prison. So this is going to be a really weird year. We're going to see.
And then the vaccine's coming out and then you got all these people that are going to take it and then people say, don't take it. And then it's going to be all this amazing. This information presented as fact is going to be on the Internet. I know, all I know is my doctor took it so. You know, I mean, how big is this conspiracy? It's that big that even doctors are in on it at that that I can go see.
Not like the. The Bilderberg Group doctors. You know, the ones that keep Dick Cheney alive, it's all the way down to my doctor that I can just call him up. Yeah, come on down Tuesday. I'll take a look at your ticker.
We shall see. Billy sallied face. OK, Billy, salivates been crushing it both Billy had a lettuce that was a weird burp. Did you hear that? That's one way you're like inhaling and you still burp. So it goes off inside inside your body, you know, like when one of those maniacs in the military finds a bomb.
And they put that thing around it and they get it to go up, we get it, Bill, we get it. We also burp. Anyway. It's raining out here, it never rains in California. That's on the border all day war and you hit pours, man, it pours. Yeah, I went outside and I did some dad shit.
I went out and I stood in the driveway, you know. Legs spread apart like a state trooper, arms crossed, just watching the water coming down the driveway, making sure it's going down the drains, clearing out the leaves and all of that shit.
This is an amazing time of year out here in L.A. is it rains a lot and all of L.A. gets is green is like, you know, Portland, Oregon or Seattle. It's amazing. And it lasts for about two and a half weeks. And that's when they take all the pictures for tourists to come to L.A.. You know, because it gets all green, the rain knocks all the all the dust, all the dirt, all the smog out of the air, it's crystal clear.
And then they take that picture of downtown L.A. with the snow capped Mount Baldy in the background. And I used to look at that all the time, going, where the fuck is that? Mountain, I've never seen a snowcapped mountain out here in L.A. ever. It's this time of year, that's when they do it is like a fucking. It's like a lunar eclipse, you know, it happens like once a year, doesn't it is now. It happens for all you space people out there or you people into outer space.
What's wrong with down here, man? What are you running from?
All you nerds looking through your telescope, maybe they like me out there, I'm fucking with you.
Yeah. So I am committed to having a salad a day in and 2021. I'm just going to be crushing that.
And I'm telling you, all got to do is you just got to have your toppings all set up, make you chicken. Cubitt, stick it in your Tupperware. All right, Cube, you beat your fucking cube. Everything, cucumbers, tomatoes, the whole fucking thing. You get those little cherry tomatoes, a little fucking brown ones, and you just have it ready to go. You washi, chop up your lettuce, rinse it off, wash it for it and the fucking thing, right, dry it off and it's just ready to go.
So when your brain's going, hey, man, like, why don't we have something like fucking yummy, man, we've been good, right?
You can quickly put together a salad and eat that and beat down that fucking. Thing that wants you to go see a cookie or some shit, or maybe I'm just talking about myself, maybe you guys don't have a problem, have maybe you went out and you bought that new fucking full-length mirror gym thing. We seen that dumb ass thing. That's stupid as fuck. And think, how fucking dumb are people who are going to buy that thing?
It's a full length, like skinny flat screen TV with a personal trainer because you're too much of a fucking pussy to motivate yourself.
I can't do it alone.
I need somebody talking to me, all of these fucking jerk offs.
Haven't you learned anything with your fucking flat screen TV? You go down to Best Buy. And that fucking geek squad talk shit to get oh, man, this thing's going to crush it at the Super Bowl, your Super Bowl party, everybody's going to love it. Bah bah bah bah bah. It is so fucking clear.
And three years later, three years later, you can't hook anything up to it because it's completely 100 percent obsolete. All of those fucking things, all of those fucking full-length fucking whatever you call those goddamn things, mirror, mirror on the wall, Jim thinks, right.
Those things are all going to be in the ocean, every fucking one of them within five years, because then they're going to have the next one. Oh, my God.
Have you gotten the new mirror mirror on the wall, Jim? This one's horizontal. Oh, yeah.
And I could hook my fucking, you know, my blender up to it, be making a smoothie as I'm doing my last reps.
Who's your favorite virtual trainer? The facts are you can't just go do some perp's. All in all, you really need is a yoga mat, a prison workout, and then if you eat right, you don't need all of that shit. All right. But everybody wants the pizza.
Everybody wants the cookies and the fucking shakes. And then you lie to yourself going like, oh, I burned it off. Oh, did you? Dana Long, you got to be on a fucking elliptical to burn off an Oreo cookie shake, OK? And don't fuck with me because I live this. I live this every week. Do you know what an elliptical really is? It's just it's just a it's just something that wears out your joints at the end of the day.
You know, in the short run, you know, you're burning calories and blah, blah, blah, but in the long run, all it's doing is like the people who make that, I bet also have degrees and like knee and hip replacements or know people.
They got a piece of that action because the reality is, is if you just ate right and you went for a fucking walk and he did some pushups and some sit ups, write some other bullshit, wouldn't you be fined? Do you really need some fucking. I don't know, space 1999 shit, whatever the fuck, Jesus Christ, that's like 20 years old now remember that show in the 70s and I can imagine 1999 cars flying.
Can you imagine that? I think when people bitch about that.
Where are the flying cars? Oh, yeah. Well, the people are too stupid to fuck and you can't give people flying cars.
They crashed the ones on the ground, you want them up in the air. By the way, that jerk off out here in his jetpack has been him or her has been going up against. UN fucking believable. That person should get fuckin 20 years in jail for that. Considering like a flock of birds. Took down sullies airplane, can you imagine what a human being in a jet pack would do? We fuckin went into the engine of a goddamn airplane.
I guess you'd need two of them, right, to knock out both engines, but whatever you could take fuckin do such significant damage to one of the wings could kill 600 people on the way out here, 600 Fatty's with a fuckin mirror mirror on the wall. What is the name of that fuckin gym? Don't buy that fucking thing.
That thing is going to be this shit for about three months. And now one, most people then you're not going to use it, you're going to start using it as an actual mirror to look into to see how fat you get. And then how do you throw it out? Where do you put it? It's not going to help you. None of that shit they got, all of that's all they got a big thing now. He's fucking they got that peloton bike you start riding the Tour de France.
I mean, a bike race right in my living room, you know, they make bicycles, get on a bicycle, ride down the street, and you know what, I've had the same bicycle since nineteen eighty two. I still have it and it's still fucking works. I can tell you something about those peloton bikes. They're all going to be in the fucking ocean, all of them in the ocean within five years. It's not compatible anymore, your bicycle isn't compatible, your fucking legs are still shaped the way they're shaped, right?
Yeah, I know, but the screen won't load.
It's just, you know, it's a different you know, it's just a fauji screen now. You know, they're up to seven G and it's just like, you know, my my train my virtual trainer's face is all pixellated.
Go for a hike. You don't cut. Or don't or get all of the shit I know I'm going to get a bunch of shit, I mean, oh my God, there's a Dolphins fan that oh my God, I pissed off a Dolphin fan. I can't believe it. I can't believe he took time out from fucking dealing Coke in Miami to fucking send me an email. I feel very privileged. All right. Let's plow ahead here now. But seriously, if you want to get to the gym on the wall, if you think that that's the one that's going to get your abs where you can see I like to work out so I can eat anything I want.
I love when people say that, myself included. I mean, who was can who if you if you work it out and you eat anything you want, you won't be as fat as if you weren't working out and you ate whatever you want.
But at the end of the day, the end of the fucking day, no matter how much you stand in front of that fucking mirror and do your dumb ass fuck and work out like you buy, you just go to 7-Eleven and get one of those little six packs of fucking Oreo cookies. You just fucking negated all the calories you burnt. That's the problem. The problem is you can eat cookies way faster than you can burn calories, right? And you're telling me there's a God out there that cares.
That's what you're telling me.
I'm sorry. Anyway, plowing ahead here. I watched, I watched thank you to everybody that suggested all those cool ass French movies, I've started to watch them. I watch Salade Diabolique Diabolique issue, I watch that great fucking movie. I enjoyed it. 1955. What's the original? There is a remake in Anglaise on Anglaise 1996, I think with Sharon Stone.
Sharon Stone, who got fucked out of an Oscar, should have won one in casino. I don't know who won that year. But the fact that she didn't win it was ridiculous, I still think, you know. I don't know, because she showed her a little hoo ha there in the previous movie, I think she got punished. That's the only reason why I can see why she didn't win the fucking Oscar for that anyway. Plowing ahead, so I watched that movie, I've been sticking with my French and now got to the point where I'd like to speak and rapidly, as long as they're speaking French words that I know I can I can like.
Understand, not like word for word, but it's kind of exciting. But sticking with that Duolingo for one hundred and sixty six days, I know it's not the same as going over there and being completely immersed in it, but, you know, whatever.
I'm trying it. I'm trying whatever let's talk football, everybody went bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap, bap bap. The Jets versus the Browns. That's the game I watched because I wanted to see the Browns make the playoffs. I think it's fucking really cool that they're they're finally good, you know, and after all of these years and Baker Mayfield has led them to 10 victories, was the last time any quarterback in Cleveland got 10 victories.
I have no fucking idea. But I'm going to say it's I don't think it's happened since the Ravens were in Cleveland.
The originals, the original Cleveland Browns.
Right. So basically, the background of that game is if Cleveland wins, they make the playoffs, if the Jets lose. They've positioned themselves to get, you know, one of the top two picks, hopefully a franchise level quarterback in the first round. So what you want to happen? All right, if you want the Browns to win, the Jets to lose, so what happens? What are these two teams do that just cannot torture their fans enough that Jets with the Jets, the all and fucking 13 Jets are now on a two game winning streak, dare I say, the hottest team?
And in the AFC East right now. I'll tell you right now, they are the two and 13 team that the Buffalo Bills do not want to play. These green cards go out and they fucking went. They win, I'll tell you right now, Jim Irsay was running that team that would not have happened. He would have made sure they take the rest of the fuckin season. He's getting cast right now, of course, to Andrew Luck. He deliberately take that whole fuckin season, Peyton Manning, the great Peyton Manning, my neck feels good now.
You know, for the first time ever, we're actually concerned about an NFL players health.
And they Saddam take the rest of the goddamn season to get Andrew Luck. And he hung with you guys and he said after a while, like, wait a minute, I went to Stanford, I'm not going this beautiful brain. I around Fluctus, I got my money. Amadei That's what you get.
Gemar Say you cheating piece of dog shit.
You know what he's like, he's like that rapist that walks around with the male feminist button to keep the fucking shit off of him, and that's why he was always going after the Patriots the way their footballs find something.
Yes, people, I will never get over that anyway, so the fucking Jets beat the Browns now in defense of the Browns, like their whole receiving corps was out. Because evidently they all they all got enough fucking hot tub together with that hot tub guy there from the Giants or something, I don't know what happened, but I get it. Receiver's hang out with receivers, linemen hang out with linemen. So they didn't have any of their top receivers out there and.
Now, I don't know if they need help to get into the playoffs, I always get confused. You know, if these guys win and they lose and these team ties, then, you know, they got an eighty two percent chance of Jesus, not another fucking math problem. Fuckin math math is great if you're trying to, like, learn how to build a bridge or something like that. But as far as coaching football, you know, watching the Green Bay Packers last night.
You know, they're up six to nothing. I don't know if they missed the first extra point, I'd have no idea. But they score another touchdown against the Titans, right.
And you know what happens is their offensive line wears you down and then Henry gets going during the fucking third quarter and you're in trouble. Right. So you've got to score a lot of fucking points. They go for a fuckin two point conversion and don't get it.
In the first quarter, it's like, what's wrong with being up 13 to nothing? I don't understand. Well, you know, it's a good confidence builder that it's, you know, they did you say that you believe in your offense that they're going to get the two points? Why aren't you also saying, like, well, if you only get one point, then we're only up by 13? That makes me nervous because this other team's going to come back because there's too much time left in the game.
There's also a negative way of looking at it. But then again, you know, I went to summer school almost every year in high school for math, so maybe I'm not as smart. As I tell you this, this is some man bullshit analytics or some man bullshit, you got some people that never played fucking football, never played sports, probably didn't even get picked in gym class.
Hung by their underwear from their fucking locker back before cell phones and social media. OK. Treated how smart people were treated back when I grew up. OK, that was a difficult thing about me, is I got treated like a smart kid, but it wasn't because I was smart, because I had orange hair. All right. So that was that was very, very confusing time for me. You know, hanging from my underwear, screaming, but I'm not smart.
Is the big kids walked away. Sorry, that's a different story for a different podcast plowing ahead here. Yes, so the Jets went, so now the Browns, I think they have to win the rest of the way out. I just love that the fuckin New York Giants are like five and 10 or something like that. And they still have a shot like they could they could be six and 10. And win their division and make it into the playoffs playoffs, the record for worst record, I believe, is seven and nine.
The Seattle Seahawks got in one year doing that. Something like that was it nine and seven? I don't fucking remember, how about Drew Brees? What do they say? He's got 52 broken ribs. Something like that. He's got 12 broken ribs and he's in his 40s and he's still through for 311 yards. How fucking insane of that.
And by the way, did I call that Alvin Kamara or what? I told you guys about him early on that if I played fantasy football, I would have him on my team. What did he do? Six rushing touchdowns.
I'm smart. You know, I guess I watched one game. I watch one game, the Cowboys knock the Eagles out. Here's here's something if you're ever playing against the Eagles, if somebody's on the Cowboys has the number 88, you probably want to cover. OK, they don't just hand that fuckin number out. That's true, Piers, since no Michael Irvin, Dez Bryant. And that would CD lamp, so you got to think if they gave him Eighty-eight, that they feel that that guy can do some significant damage.
So you should never guess, Ron. She never gets run, right, and I know this because I never played organized football past the third grade. All right.
And I tell jokes. Anyway, my New England Patriots have the Buffalo Bills, the 11 and three Buffalo Bills. Against my six and eight New England Patriots. Now, we need a win here because I want us to go eight, I would love that to happen. We should see we we, we, we, we shall see what happens.
What is the line? The Buffalo Bills are favored by seven points. This is such a tough game to pick. You know, because I think historically, Bill Belichick does great against newer quarterbacks. But. Our offense is just fucking anemic. And Josh Allen is obviously the real deal 343, which was to get 4000 fuckin yards, three touchdowns.
Oh, they only put the glam ones up where the interceptions, huh?
By the way. By the way. That Packers game last night, how great did Aaron Rodgers look? I mean, that guy, he's got to be the league MVP. I don't know what his stats are. Last I saw, he had 40 touchdowns and four interceptions.
I mean, what the fuck else could this guy be doing other than playing defense, starting both ways, tackling people?
That's the only thing he hasn't done this year is is on one of those four interceptions is tackle the guy that intercepted the ball, creating a fumble in the Packers. Get it back. I think that's the only thing he hasn't accomplished this year. So I'm going to go, like, really hacky.
Really hocky here, I'm going to say. As much as, you know, my team, of course, of course, in the NFC West. Is the Tom Brady Buccaneers, the TV Buccaneers, not Tampa Bay, the Tom Brady Buccaneers. Of course I'm for that. But I just I'm going to go hackie here. I got to go Packers. I think it's going to be the Packers versus.
The Kansas City Chiefs only because I just haven't like the way the Steelers have been playing lately. Big win yesterday coming back or whatever, but I don't know. You know, they kind of petered out there for a couple of weeks. And I don't know if I'm going to go hackie, no surprises, I think it's going to be the Chiefs versus the Packers and I think the Packers are going to beat them. That's what I say. And then the Packers are going to win Super Bowl number five last night.
You know, it was great. Al Michaels said they were title town and they show they go the great Vince Lombardi when they showed him in their ring of honor, whatever they call it, out there, they said he won Super Bowl one in two. And I was screaming at the TV and he also won five fucking NFL titles. He won three in a row.
The last team to win three championships in a row. In the NFL was the Green Bay Packers. All right, 65, 66, 67, and they also want a 61 to 62, and they won that it wasn't a Super Bowl. He won an AFL NFL championship game. It wasn't called the Super Bowl until Super Bowl three. And then the first two games were then retroactively called. The Super Bowl. All right, it's some nerd shit, it fucking annoys me, but I got to say, how about Tom Brady putting up forty seven points?
Against the lions. All right, Andy, I know you're going to say like, oh, you know, they're just playing the lions. Yeah, well, yeah, exactly. It wasn't twenty seven, he put up the forty seven that he should have put up at three and forty eight fuckin yards. Twenty four. Twenty two for twenty seven for touchdowns. Amazing. So I think the Patriots take the loss tonight. I think we do. I'm going to be rooting like hell for them, but I'm actually excited for Bill's fans.
I like that they're good.
And, you know, God knows that they've been through a ton of a ton of shit, a ton of fucking shit, so. You know, I still don't think they're good enough to win a fucking Super Bowl, but it is good to see, you know, this has just been kind of the most fun year I've had in a long time because my team, they don't suck. We just sort of middle of the pack. So now I don't have to pay attention to all of these other games because we're out of it being like, fuck.
Fuck the cardinals lost to the 49ers. Come on. I like the cardinals. How about the Dolphins, the Raiders, after winning against the Jets, a game they shouldn't have fucking won, they then lose to the Dolphins. Something about them playing the AFC East this week.
This year, I should say. It's been fucking weird. And all of a sudden, the bears have an offense. Bengal's put up 37 points. So weird day is today, people win money. Did you win any money? I lost my fucking shirt. And then you have to look at my pasty chest and no one wants to see that sorry people, why are you babbling so long about football? I don't have any advertising rates. It's the end of the year.
Everybody knows you're tapped out. You spent all your fuckin cash. And you save enough money, you save enough money to bribe your way in to take the vaccine.
All right. Hey, I'm telling you guys, I'm going to get some sort of Hollywood inside thing. I got to have something. You know, I don't want to throw my fucking. Half a celebrity dick on the table here, but I did do I love the 80s strikes back on VH1, OK? And I feel like that, you know, as much as they try to say that MTV show was the beginning of reality television, I think that those.
VH1 shows with the beginning of the comment shows. And I was a part of that history, so I think I can use that card. To try to get myself in, I'd say two or three million semi famous people after George Clooney, I think I can get in there and then all you guys have to do is just listen to my podcast. And if you find any sort of weird change, or I could just be fucking with you. I could start complimenting Joe Biden and Donald Trump.
That's when you know that they put something extra in their. Wasn't the White House big enough that they could bike, share the White House, like, why can't there be a Republican and a Democrat in there and then you just have a libertarian just standing in between them going, you guys, come on, we're all Americans here. Couldn't that work? I don't know. All right. Let's do some reads here. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
I fucking pissed this fucking Dolphin fan off. Oh, by the way, you guys have a nice Christmas, huh? Did you have a nice Chanukkah Kwanzaa, whatever you celebrate?
I had a great I had the perfect Christmas other than, you know, we couldn't have any family over. I as a dad, I got perfect dad gifts, I got socks, I got T-shirts and I got a new pair of sneakers. Perfect. I didn't get anything else. That's all I got and that's all I fucking need, as I've said before, like it's it's about kids. So anyway, I gave the bike to my daughter.
She loved it. Totally freaked out, had it hidden. You know, I told her after she opened the gifts, I said, listen, Santa Claus sent me a text message and she saw me like this. And like, yeah, I was like, yeah, yeah. One other thing for you. And I was kind of hard to wrap. So I had to hide it under a blanket and somewhere in this room she started looking around and then she found it.
She was like a green bicycle.
No way, freak it out. So. I told her I had to take the petals off. And I was explaining to her the ideology that I. That I bought into and as I'm telling her that she puts her eyebrows down and she's looking down at the floor and she's shaking her head, no. And I'm like, what's the matter, buddy? She's like, I want you to put the paddles back on. I'm like, I can't party.
It's going to be too much. We'll just, you know, do the whatever the fucking whatever they call those bikes now.
A glider, a fucking walker. A push bike that's push back, right? You just got to learn how to push it fast. She's like, I don't want to do it and all of this shit. So we go out to the driveway and one of her aunties said, bought our pushbike that she never liked because she liked a tricycle because she liked to pedal. So I finally got her on it. She's like, she didn't want to do it.
She kept going, whoa, whoa. And just, like, not wanting to do it and then tell me to put the petals on a green bike, which I eventually did. And she tried it and it was too much. But I got to go back and forth on that thing and me and my wife really complemented her, so I'm buying in. And I'm actually kind of seeing. Already that I was probably wrong, like most of the times, and I'm flipping out.
That rather than branding this thing as an ideology or maybe it's just a smarter way to learn how to ride a bike, maybe it is, I don't know. So but at this point, I bought into it whether I like it or not, so I got to go with it. So we're going to get out there if it's not raining too bad over the next couple of days and. I'm going to get her get her up and running, but definitely going to get some, you know.
Knee pads, elbow pads in that old school, rollerblade, shit, you get the wrist guards, all of that stuff, so she'll be OK just because I don't know. I don't know because I came up with training wheels. We already know this, but we already know this. You talked about on the last podcast. Fuckin relax. How can I get to I've already teased enough times about this fucking fuckin Dolphin fan.
I kind of forget how long the Patriots were good kicking the shit out of people in the AFC East, but it's all in this guy's email. So I was teasing Dolphins fans saying.
That the reason why they haven't won a Super Bowl in so long is because they live in the past and that 72 Dolphins team is rooting against all these kids, like at this point, 50 years younger than them.
To lose every year so that they can hold on to their record, so. Anyway, so I've been teasing about that, so this is what this guy writes, he writes, Suck a dick, you New England. And he tried to write douche, but he spelt it W, c, h. Safe to say this guy is not part of the analytics crew for the Miami Dolphins. He wrote, We capital w e we not your cheating asses out of the playoffs feels great.
Swallow might come, you bitch. And then he writes, all football fans in the world.
That's how successful the New England Patriots are. Thank you very much, sir. For that wonderful tip of the cap to the New England Patriots, as much as I know you're sitting there thinking that that somehow hurt my feelings, all I'm seeing.
Is how much we've been kicking your ass for two straight decades. Through three presidents. All right, we have been kicking your fucking Miami Dolphins ass, actually, guys have been to actually get us to actually do pretty good with us and we seem to be splitting it for whatever.
We would never win a fucking division. So I get it. You're a miserable football fan. I've been there. Up until Drew Bledsoe and Bill Parcells, you know, we were always sort of a laughing stock, although Chuck Fairbanks very underrated the team that he put together in the 70s.
Roughing the passer called fucked us out of that victory against the Raiders, you know, which is why deflate gate was a nice payback, not deflate gate or was it a loss on the whole gate?
Things wasn't deflate gate, wasn't Spygate tuque gate. Is that what they called that one? They were all gates. Whenever the Patriots won, it was all gates. You cheated. You did this.
Well, considering this this narrative keeps going, I hate to do this to Miami, all the Miami Dolphins fans, but I got to get this guy.
Tampa game nineteen seventy. Don Shula. The Dolphins committed three counts of tampering in order to hire what he was known as his double-dealing, Don Shula as their coach in nineteen seventy double-dealing. Don was still the coach of the Baltimore Colts at the end of the nineteen sixty nine season, when then Miami owner Joe Robbie approached him and signed Shula to a contract. Can't do that. That's cheating. Victim was the Indianapolis Colts. They were the Baltimore Colts then.
Were they punished? Yes, they were. The punishment is as a punishment for this cheating incident, the Baltimore Colts were awarded the Dolphins 1971 first round draft pick, as well as the nineteen seventy two perfect season was permanently tainted with and unofficially appended with an asterisk. This is what they did back in the day to indicate that the team cheated over time. People forgot about it. And all they talk about, you know, which is the same thing that will happen for the Patriots, all of this silliness.
All right. Whatever I mean, because I got to be honest with you. All right, as much as I want to stick it to this fucking guy, this immature cunt, I'm going to be the biggest person here, bigger person here and say that.
All right, Don Shula was already out. OK, and he wanted to make sure that he landed on his fucking feet. All right, and Don Shula at that point was considered a loser, and the fact that he lost Super Bowl three was fucking brutal, fucking brutal. That was like an NFL team defeating an NFL team back then, OK, and they lost. All right. I mean, obviously, if they put Johnny Unitas in earlier, they probably would have won that game, considering how great he just walked out there and just took over the fucking game.
But they went with their immoral.
So anyway, I think he was going to leave anyways, you know, so whatever, you know, they're guilty of a little country. You know, but that was to get a fucking coach. All right. So, I mean, if you want to say. That that's not as bad as is the Colts, you know, weighing the Patriots footballs and then finding that some of the Colts footballs were also lighter for some reason, people never bring that up.
But here's an interesting fact about those that undefeated 1972 Dolphins team.
OK, here's a fun fact, in 1972, the Dolphins drew what most experts considered one of the softest NFL schedules ever, their opponents had a winning percentage of just three seven. And they faced only two teams who ended this season over 500 while feasting on nine teams who ended underfire 500. So there you go. There you go, buddy, right back at you with the chieftainship.
But I got a tip, I got a tip, my cap to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, nobody has gone undefeated since them. And you know what else has never happened since 1972? Miami Dolphins team hasn't won a championship either. So they go, by the way, we won six.
Maybe you should cheat again and get yourself another fucking coach. Oh, God.
All the fans in the world, it's hilarious. All right. Fat shaming.
Billy Blaster, congratulations on the Mandalorian. Oh, thank you, everyone I know is like, did you see Bill's performance in Mendo?
Holy shit, dude can act. Well, I appreciate that, because I usually just get shit. I usually just get shit, to be honest. Anyways, he put capital S. There was a female singer who posted a picture of another female singer on her Instagram stories who has gained some weight during covid, the singer who gained weight.
Had a broken arm, the one who posted asked the question in our next post, do you think gravy poured out of her arm when it broke?
Just wondering. If you think you could get away with a joke like that, and yes, I already know the answer to that question, women supporting women love you, love the podcast and happy New Year. I probably couldn't get away with it.
Saying that about her, I could probably do it on my podcast because I just say a bunch of ridiculous shit here, but. I would say I'm surprised she didn't get shit for that. Maybe because it's fucking funny. And plus, also, like I would, I'd be psyched if I put on weight and it broke my arm and somebody said that about me, like because that shit that just motivates me, you know, it's weird.
Negativity motivates me. And like, positivity, positivity, positivity makes me uncomfortable.
Like when I was coming up as a comedian, if I walked into a hotel room and the host was like, oh my God, this crowd's the fucking worst all, I always had good sex. Because I just was just like I was a combination of fuck these people and also like, well, I mean, everybody else bombed, so there's no pressure.
But if I would go in there, oh, my God, this crowd's great. You're going to fucking kill it.
I'd be you know, all my doubt would be like, no, I'm not I'm not good enough. It would all go like that, you know? That's a funny fucking line, though, you think gravy poured out of him, I'll tell you the way I ate over the last couple of days, I'm surprised gravy isn't pouring out of me.
Thank God I've been eat my salad a day helps keep the blubber away, but up, up, up, up, up, up. OK, well, thank you very much, by the way, for that. Saying that stuff about my acting, you know, it's nice to get accolades for that shit of trying to get better at it for a long fuckin time here. All right, cunt neighbor Canada. Oh, everybody's got one.
Bup, bup, bup, bup bup bup bup bup bup bup bup bup bup bup. I have a fucking cunt living right next door to me.
All right. I'd like to fuckin murder him. I can't tell you what rhymes with that and something that is only three, I don't see that right. Hey, Billy, neat freak. I am in Canada, go Habs, I am Canadian fans, hey, dude, how about how about fucking the NHL coming back as a January 13th or January 16th and one of the first games they have is the flyers versus the penguins.
I can't fucking wait.
I can't fucking wait, they get a triple header that day, I'll be watching every game. I have a disrespectful cunt neighbor. Of course you do. You're up. There were all Canadian fans are, as far as I know, they are renting the house.
And I believe there are two separate units in this house upstairs and downstairs. I have only said hi to these people and don't care to go much further than that in this neighborly relationship. That's how smart we have weekly garbage and recycling pick up where I live, which is likely semi similar to most. But this also means I have weekly trash pickup in my yard. These fucks next door choose to leave their garbage and recycle bins on their front steps, completely exposed to the wind, which inevitably only blows one way into my yard.
Their trash rarely makes it into these bins. Though, as they believe their front yard, backyard and driveway are the best place for their drive through greasy discards.
You lost me there. Oh, they're just throwing shit into their yard. I continually pick up what lands in my yard and beyond. Clearly, I miss a fair amount that blows right through and eventually down to someone else's problem and eventually the water. We all know the story there. My question, do I approach these fucks and ask them to clean up their act? That may be an easy yes. So if it is a yes, what if it continues after I approach them, which is my presumption that it will.
Yeah, I mean. I don't know. I don't know what I would do, like when you get to that level of fucking stupid. You know, and the fact that they're comfortable just living in their filth. I'll finish reading this, I think I already have how I would handle this, if all else fails or if I choose to go this route in the first place, send along some legal ideas to discreetly mess with them without much thought.
I've come up with the obvious cranking music late at night, which will obviously mess with other neighbors or taking all the garbage that ends up my lawn and throwing it in their backyard. But that will go nowhere and just repeat the cycle with no winners. Both ideas are very discrete, not very discrete either. My patients only go so far before it boils over and I'm trying to work on that myself. But this is one where I don't think. If I don't think this one through, I may end up over there with an urge to yell, you know what it is.
Thanks. This is what I would do. OK, there's those people are not raised, right? They're fucking animals and. The best possible scenario for those people. Because they're walking out, it's not like they're setting the trash cans out there without a lid on, and then they go in, they sleep, and then they get up late and they don't see that is blown around. You're saying that they walk past trash in their yard anyway and they're fine with it.
So best case scenario, those people at the very least, are those asshole people that not when they rent something, they don't treat it with respect and they actually. Like. Actually, to treat with disrespect because it's not theirs, they beat on it, you know, like a rental car.
So if I was you, what I would do? I would just. I mean, I'm a fucking lunatic when it comes to, like, shit like that, so I would just I would just pick it all up. I pick it all up, and if they ever saw me doing it. You know, if I'm in the yard and they're just walking by, whatever they say to me, that's how I would react. I would just laugh and be like, you know, I was going to ask you to do this, but you walk by it every day, so I know it doesn't bother you, you know, and then maybe Kohlman animal, I don't know.
But then he just gets going like. I don't like I there's no the thing about when you're dealing with that level of level of ignorance, there's no way to win. Those people win in life, but their punishment is their life. And you have to somehow there that's what it is. You just have to take peace in that. OK, and if it really gets out of fucking control. I can't rat people out, I would just say to them, like, listen, do you guys mind just picking up the yard a little bit because it's kind of blowing into my yard and just see how they are.
If they're concerned about it. Then I would just be like, listen, I don't want to complain to your landlord, I don't want to be that guy. All right. But I also I'm not your fucking cleaning lady here. Can you pick up your stuff?
See, and it's where's that going to go? Where does it go? What are they going to somehow become like, responsable? Empathetic adults. I hate to say this to your living next to animals, they're fucking animals, OK, and you just have to, you know. I don't know, you got to have some sort of peace knowing that none of their dreams will come true. That's the best, like the trash in the yard is like it's a it represents who they are as people.
All right, is that work? I feel for you, man, I can tell you that I feel for you because that would fucking drive me up the wall. But what I would do is I would I would just go into the yard and I would fucking make it spotless. I would just clean it up. I would just clean it up and I would just say, like, listen, I'm sorry, I'm over here in your yard and I get it.
You guys don't mind living like animals, but I can't live like this. I can't live like this.
I don't know who raised you, but I'm sorry for whatever happened to you during your childhood that you live like this. I would just go like that, like positive, sarcastic.
And, you know, I'd call your landlord, but I don't want to rat people out. I'm just over here doing this. But I just want you to know that, like, I have no respect for you whatsoever. Have a nice day. Maybe just go like that. Just a big smile on your face. Like, I can't believe you're an adult. I mean, look at this, you know. You got you know, there's the a brain, there's the brain, and then there's the brain that you got, right?
I know you can't help this and really take a look at this yard because this is the best your life's ever going to be there then. And then what? Are they going to start throwing punches? Then you got to fight some fucking jerk off next door. I don't know. At this.
There's a lot of mental energy to live next to somebody like that, oh, god, I actually, you know, as much as I like this subject, but this I kind of I've lived next to people like this is bringing up some bad fuckin memories.
I used to just I would just handle this shit, like when I lived with fuckin messy roommates, I would just come home, you know, after being on the road. And I remember my two of my roommates were in a fight. You know. The silent I took out the trash last time. You know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, this dumb, stupid fuckin it's about respect, shit, and I came in. And they were both out and I just cleaned up the whole fuckin apartment.
And I didn't say a fucking word. And then one of them finally said, hey, you clean up all in here as a yeah, man, I can't I can't fucking live like that. And then then they sort of behaved like adults. But whenever I would go on the road.
I'd come back and they were back to acting like fucking kids again. But I never felt like I remember a long time ago, I went to a college football game. And it was this weird sort of deal where it was my group of friends in this other group of friends and one of our friends knew the other group, and we were sort of like sharing the house and everybody was just fucking like animals. It was empty beer cans and just shit all over the fucking place.
And I came in and I immediately I just made the kitchen fucking spotless. And one of the other guys is just like. Girl, you don't have to fucking do I said Yaddo, I did. I'm an adult, I'm not fucking I'm not going to try to make a sandwich when this is like, you know, I have like, like a quarter of a beer left with cigarette butts in it. I'm not living like an animal when I'm out here.
All right, I was raised right and that was it. And then everybody just started throwing out their fucking empties. Maybe you can do that. Maybe you can try and lead by example. You just go home and clean up their fuckin yard and they come walking out like, you know, what are you doing doing, dude, I can't live like this. I can't live like this. This will affect this affects your whole day. You're living in squalor.
Maybe you go that route. Like, Buddy, don't you want to win in life? This isn't how you win. You got to attack the fucking day, you don't just fucking throw shit into the wind. Come on, man, you're better than this.
Try to amp them up. Go over there with a coach's hat and a whistle. I don't know what to tell you, dude, other than I feel for you.
But, you know, maybe they won't be there forever.
Or maybe you can buy some trash lids, trash can lids. Maybe you can do that. Maybe you just do that. And then when they go to put out the trash, all you have to do, you walk over, you put the fucking lids on their fucking trash cans. I don't know, just, you know what? Why don't you just look at it like this? Their children, you live next to fucking children and you just have to be the adult.
One of the worst things about being adult is all the times you have to be a bigger person. And I think this is just one of those times. It is you know, I wish it was like the movies where you could go over there like Steven Seagal and give him a fucking roundhouse, you know, if you knew how to do that shit or whatever, whatever fucking. Karate. He knows, you know, but then you get so.
The next thing you know, you're Rentech, right? Well, I just I think this is the most effort I've ever put into a fucking answer. I'm trying to I'm trying to give you as many options as possible, but like. And I think I kind of I like I like to go on I'd like to think out of all the bullshit I just said, I think I like the going over there. And just being positive. So, I mean, you can't live like this.
Just to go that way, you're better than this shit. I mean. I don't want to own a house someday, don't you want just you want to meet a beautiful woman? And have a respect, you and one want to have kids with you, start a family. Wake up every day looking at it like I can't believe I'm married. They don't. Don't you want that? How the fuck are you going to get that living in a junkyard?
Come on, man. Precious time is passing. All right, salads. Here we go. Oh, people setting me salad recipes you guys have. This is fucking great. All right. Salad, dear Billy the fish. I suggest buying Italian tuna. I don't eat tuna. I don't eat tuna because they're getting fished out of the sea. And I want the sharks to have something to eat other than me when I fucking wade into the ocean with my little fucking pinkish white toes packed in olive oil, not water and throwing that on your salad.
I'll do that every once in a while. I try to go easy on fish, man. I eat man made salmon. That's what I man made salmon, I let the bears eat the fucking wild salmon, you don't know what they're going to do, drain the oil out of the can as you would water and stir it around the salad. It's a great way. It's a great way to up your salads, proteins and hardiness if you don't have any chicken on hand.
No. To a BILLI salad bar.
I'm a twenty four year old line cook on a salad station at a Michelin restaurant.
Michelin, yes, like the tires, for some reason, they also rate restaurants, I forget how that worked. I think the Michelin book was initially. Wasn't it like. Oh, it had to do with if he got these tires, you could go on the road and these are great places to eat. I think that that's how it all started. Anyway, a Michelin restaurant in New York, in New York, I studied nutrition in college. I think I have a couple salad recipes that can suck the fat right out of your tits.
Here's a couple of rules slash guidelines to follow.
Oh, my God, this is priceless. Salads are the shit, as long as you know how to balance acidity, salt and fat. Add enough salt until it is seasoned, if you can taste the salt, you've added too much. Oops. OK. The trick to it. The trick it to I think the trick to it is to add just enough to enhance the flavor of whatever you're cooking without overpowering your palate. Yeah, that's too much salt as the worst, only used diamond crystal, kosher salt brand that's in a red box.
Pour the salt in a cereal sized bowl and keep it on the counter.
Always seasoned your food with your hands. Never from a shaker or a grinder. Or Grindrod top container. I wonder why that is bad enough, Lemon, to balance the fattiness of the olive oil. I just bought a bunch of lemons to. You can think of the acidity, fat ratio as a drumkit, acidity is a high pitched symbol and the fat is a deep bass, you want them to be complimenting each other. Is it so? Is it a 50/50?
Oh, add enough. So I got to taste it.
OK. OK. I am ok and have them complimenting each other and not have one playing louder than the other. Always tastes as you're mixing it to see what it needs more of before you finish it so you can actually enjoy it. Another good rule is to buy vegetables that tastes good. You don't have to make salads that are just leafy vegetables. You can make a shaved fennel apple salad with walnuts and it wins every time.
Here's some of my favorite wrests favorite. No recipe recipes that I make often.
You want me to read this to you guys? O'Shay Postum, I think posting it would be better. He has a. I can't even raise radicchio, ratatouille, radice. Oh, granny sliced salad. Ratio cut into one piece, OK, charred Brussels sprouts salad, I like the sound of chard, sweet potato, mashed salad, six sweet potatoes, roasted whole in the oven until tender, half a cup of chopped sauerkraut.
I'm a German, I love sauerkraut. Three quarter cup chopped hazelnuts, sherry vinegar to taste usually two tablespoons, half a cup, a chopped dates, put all sweetness in there, one package of thinly sliced sliced chives. Salt, fresh, black pepper. That sounds amazing. Olive oil rose six whole sweet six sweet potatoes until tender, let Cooper take the skins off and scoop the flesh into a nice big bowl. Add the chopped sauerkraut, nuts dates, vinegar, chives, salt, pepper and olive oil and toss seasoned to taste this recipe, these recipes were inspired by two of my favorite all time cookbooks.
Superiority Burger Cookbook and Zahav the cookbook both have tons of great salads that are super easy to make it home, as well as tons of vegetable sides that are actually good. Let me know what you think.
They're fatty. Hey, man, I can't thank you enough for that.
And that guy's literally going to prolong my life if I stick to these and also improve the quality of it.
Thank you very much, by the way, to all the other Dolphin fans who are out there. Congratulations on your amazing victory this week. And I hope you do win a Super Bowl.
I don't give a fuck. All right. Obscure albums. Dear Billy, red cunt. Come on, man.
I'm a big 17 year old from Mazel. Mazel Tov.
Mazal msba te. Elhanan. Mazatlán Mexico, and now I'm living in the Inland Empire, all I do is listen to music. From what I've heard from your pocket and from what I've heard from your podcasts, we almost have the same taste in music and appreciation for music.
Obscure albums. These are so obscure, I can't even fucking. I don't even can't even read the names of these. All right, this is nine, eight, seven, six, so he has nine albums here. I don't know how to read this, it's Egea, then a new word, BRM y asi. By Can Can Can was a psychedelic rock band from the early 70s with a mix of funk and jazz. They were always ahead of their time.
This album has some of the best drumming I've heard. The drummer is Jackie. Lee Busiek, this is just a bad ass ban. All right, there's another one called 347 estie like Eastern Standard Time by Klatell 1976. Claitor made this album and people thought the Beatles got back together with a different name and ended up just being three guys that wanted to keep their identities a secret. They got a lot of backlash because of the Beatles hoax and never recovered from it.
Besides all this shit. This album is really good and could totally see why all these dumb ass, dumb ass people confuse them for the Beatles, number seven.
Dangerous Charms by the Del Monice, the Del Monas was an all female British garage rock band, although their playing is not too impressive. I love their 60s surfy rock sound with their deep bass. That sounds like a korbin. All right. Sister on tour by Sister Rosetta Stone. I think you might know who she is. I don't. But if you don't, Sister Rosetta Stone is known as the godmother of Rock. Her guitar playing from the late 40s to the 60s was way ahead of its time.
All this came out in 1961. She's been overlooked by so many people.
And overshadowed by Chuck Berry, Elvis and Little Richard, even though all three of them have said she was one of their biggest influences growing up, this album shows more of a rebellious side, unlike her slower commercial soul and gospel albums, which are still beautiful to listen to. It shows how bad ass of a guitar player she really was, and her powerful voice just makes it ten times better.
And I got to check that out. Oh, speaking of that, don't you hate when somebody dies that you should have been into and you should have seen them live? Leslie West from the band Mt. Sinai, New Mississippi Queen, and you know, their hits and stuff, but I never realized everybody always saw me. That guy so fucking great on guitar, you know, he died. Quest Love. I follow him on Instagram. He mentioned how he died and this breakbeat that him and a bunch of his friends used to sample from.
The live audio went mountain, played Woodstock, which I know they played it, they got cut out of the film, but they released the album.
From that set, the live album, and his playing is just fucking unbelievable, tone is incredible, just an absolute beast. So I appreciate. All of this all of these bands here that you're telling me about. All right, I'm not going to read all of this. I'll just you guys can check out these albums. Number five, Nater by Less Less Variations, 1969, El Ritual, Bael Ritual, a psychedelic Mexican rock band.
I do not love that 1971 Long Live the New Flesh by Flesche for Lulu 1987 and his opinion, the most overlooked band of the 80s. I don't know how much much about their past albums, but this album is everything you want in a Gothic New Wave album. This guy's like taste is all over the place too. Are you in or out by the Growlers 2009? They're not too obscure but overlooked by so many people. The growers are kind of a weird band to bring up now because they were flooded with sexual harassment claims.
But my opinion, if you base what you watch and listen to. In these things, you have to stop watching so many movies because who knows how many fucking where? I don't know, whatever, maybe they make good music. All right.
No one. Diondre Ludus, and usually just a T-shirt shirt by John Frusciante Oh, the Chili Peppers guy, not too many people listen to John Frusciante solo music and people get turned off with this album especially. John wrote this album in his home and he was fucked up on heroin the whole time. I can see why people get turned off by the album with songs like. Your pussy's glued to a building on fire is the name of the song in horrible vocals, but I find it interesting to listen to also what was on his mind when he was so gone on heroin.
I can see why most people wouldn't like it, though. Well, you are definitely open minded. All right. All right. What are we doing here? We over an hour, over an hour. And I still got a couple more. Questions here. My kids are going to be up soon, so. Thank you for that salad's obscure album. I mean, what the fuck else do you want here? All right, best drama.
Hey there, Bill. Name's Chris, a Greek from Athens, living in Toronto because of what bank accounts in the EU did to my country back in 08 to 2010. I hear you often speak about your favorite drummers, but never have you.
I heard you speak of Nick Mason from Pink Floyd, was wondering what your thoughts are here.
If you haven't heard anything, I suggest you listen to Pink Floyd's seasons in Pompeii, Italy. Try to listen to this. Really enjoy the podcast. Cheers. Yeah, I love Pink Floyd, Dark Side of the Moon, but I didn't I never went to deep.
With them, but I'm definitely a big fan. You know, a Nick Mason or whatever, I just. I don't know, I was never quite all the way into psychedelic type of shit, but. I do think that when Roger Waters and the whole band was together, they made some of the greatest albums of all time, without a doubt. But like I also got burned out on Pink Floyd because I worked in a warehouse with these, you know, guys who played in a band and were into drugs and shit.
And they played him all the fucking time and the dead and all of that stuff. And it was just like, you know. It was just to drug it all, just kind of blurred into one fucking jam band for me. All right, dumb question for employee. Having said that, though, Gilmore is one of my favorite guitar players of all time.
Dumb question for employees.
All right. This is a segment that we have here where people write in who have to interact with the public. This is some of the dumb questions they ask. And as always, I always tell this story. I went to the Joshua Tree. I went to Joshua Tree and asked a park ranger, where is the Joshua Tree? So I am I am on the wrong side of this argument.
So we're just having fun with this here. All right. Dear Billy, burning, beefy, bald dome burr. My roommate is a vet tech at an animal hospital and has had to close and has had to deal with a whole different side of the public, their pets, it's OK.
My roommate is a vet tech at an animal hospital, and I had to deal with a whole different side of the public, their pets. It's one thing to have to deal with people. It's a whole nother thing to have to deal with people and their animals. She took the time to give me the top five dumbest questions she heard when it comes to their animal care. Oh, my God. Can my dog get an abortion? Answers, so you want to get her spayed then?
Oh, no, you want to breed her with a better male, you shouldn't be allowed to own animals or have children.
All right, number two, can you refer me to a pet psychic answer?
Yes, because the doctor's diagnosis didn't coordinate with your moon cycle.
Number three, can't the doctor just write me a prescription without my pet getting getting an exam answer? Absolutely. The doctor would love to get arrested today.
I would think that the person is actually trying to get the drugs for themselves.
Well, maybe that's what that joke means, no, for what's wrong with my pet. Parentheses after declining all diagnostic tests and tools answer, let me just look into my crystal ball and guess based on the fact your dog is not eating. Is this what you you want?
Is this why you want a pet psychic, at least these snappy answers would be so much funnier if I was better at reading out loud.
Number five. My UNspeak dog get pregnant if unnoted brother Monsur. Answer now, don't worry, princess only happens in humans. All right, thanks for taking the time to read this. Love the podcast. Tell Burt to go fuck himself.
Burt, Burt do. All right. That is the podcast, everybody. I've been watching my Boston Celtics. Got fucking destroyed by the Brooklyn Nets, once again, the Brooklyn Nets, who are looking like they are going to be a force in the east. I'm trying to remain positive with my Celltex. I know we have a good squad, but I feel like we're kind of spinning our wheels where we kind of every two or three years we get rid of a bunch of people and bring a bunch more people in.
And we seem to then just sort of win the same amount of games and can kind of get through the first two rounds of the playoffs. Before getting bounced out, so. I don't know. I don't know what kind of draft picks or whatever we have out there. We shall see. But I've actually been enjoying watching the NBA as much as I fucking bitch about it. But then again, that's what I do on this podcast, a pitch about everything.
All right. That's a podcast.
Have a great couple of days. I'll check in on you and go fuck yourselves. And let's see, I think what's today? The 28, 29, 30, 31 oh, New Year's Eve.
I'll do a Thursday podcast and wish you a happy New Year's Eve there. All right. I'll see.