I'm Nicole Lappin, the only financial expert you don't need a dictionary to understand. It's time for some money rehab. It is time for another Funny Money segment, where I give bizarre headlines from the worlds of business and finance, and a comedian gives their famously non-expert insight on the topic. Today, my guest is the hilarious Justine Moreno. Justine is a stand-up comedian, creator and host of The Funny Dance Show on E, and the host of the podcast Glitter and Garbage. She is also an unofficial Skims brand ambassador, and a whole lot more, which you're about to find out.

But I'm going to let her tell you all about that. Let's get into it. Justine Moreno, welcome to Money Rehab.

Thank you so much for having me in your Money Rehab. Nicole, I'm so happy to be here. I love the set. Thank you. Green is my color. We're off to a great start.

We're doing great. Have you ever needed Money Rehab?

I would say probably in my 20s at a few points. I could have used some money rehab. There was some spending that I maybe should have been saving instead, but who hasn't?

Was there anything particularly egregious when it came to money or cringy thinking back? Cringy?

I mean, obviously, my first credit card, I made some mistakes. You think it's free money, and then you realize, Oh, no, it's not. It's not. Yeah. So I would say that. I've gotten way better with all that, though. It was just young, early 20s mistakes that I think we all make, or that's what I tell myself.

If someone were to look at your bank account statements, Justine, what would you be most embarrassed that they found?

I don't know that I'm embarrassed, but I feel like people would be concerned with the amount of skims I purchase. I love Skims. Not that you need that. Thank you so much. Well, they're not... I mean, Skims isn't even just shapewear. It's a whole clothing line now. Like, this is a Skims. I'm obsessed with Skims. So I think the amount of money I spend there would be concerning.

Okay, it's time for our segment we call Funny Money. I love it. So I'll do the money part, and you do the funny part. If you don't mind, I'll tell you some business and finance headlines in the news right out and tell me what you think about them. Great. All right. Ready? Yes.

Let's do it.

Kentucky currently has eight cities and towns offering big relocation packages to recruit new workers. Many offer $5,000 in cash, along with perks such as discounts on childcare and a free monthly delivery of eggs. How many free eggs would it take for you to move to Kentucky?

So as a vegan, I don't think there is any amount of eggs. I could take to move to Kentucky. That being said, if they wanted to work out a skims budget for me, going back to that, we could maybe work something out. But it depends how much time do you actually have to live in Kentucky and be there? Could I just keep a place there and then elsewhere most of the time? Like a pied-a-tear. Exactly. In Lexington. Exactly.

That could be cute. You have questions about this.

I have some questions.

You want the fine print?

I do. I need to read the fine print. I can't just sign on. I mean, there's always a catch. But I think eggs, they're not coming at me particular with the right angle there.

So you would need a Skims budget, monthly delivery, maybe. Yes.

Tofu. Tofu, exactly. Some impossible burgers. That thing would be much my alley, for sure.

So fun fact, I actually lived in Lexington, Kentucky. It was one of my first jobs as a local news reporter. Amazing. And I was a vegan at the time, and it was really hard to exist in Kentucky as a vegan.

It's so hard because I travel, I tour, I do stand up. So some of those smaller places in the middle of the country, it's hard to find something vegan. You're like, Oh, I'm a vegan. They're like, Oh, what about this cheese sandwich? They think it's just not meat or not a live cow. Totally. They think everything else is vegan.

Yeah. It's very my big fat Greek wedding. It's like, Oh, how about lamb?

Yeah, exactly.

We're not fully understanding each other.

Oh, so just chicken and turkey. Right. Okay.

Tiffany Henyard, the mayor of Dalton, Illinois, vetoed a resolution seeking to investigate her spending following allegations that she misused taxpayer money on lavish trips and her own million dollar police detail. The former burger restaurant owner is known to attend local government meetings dressed like drug king pin from the movie New Jack City in order to intimidate her critics.

I think you're doing the funny on this one because that's hilarious.

What are you doing with a Million Dollar Police detail, Mayor of Dalton?

I know. And also former burger restauranteur. Why do you need this much security? What's going on? I think that... Look, I'm a fashion girly, so I am always here to turn a look. And I think that it's a great tactic, to be honest. I mean, we all remember Lady Gaga's meat dress. We don't remember what that was for. Could you tell me? No idea. But we remember the dress. Exactly. So I think it's a great tactic.

Like a negotiating tactic.

A negotiating tactic, yes. I think it could be a good negotiation. I mean, think back to Paris Hilton when she got her DUI, right? One of the times she got arrested, she had to go to court and she wore this very demure, angelic, I think it was like a Chanel suit. She dressed the part. She dressed the part, but it was a little distracting. Everyone was talking about her outfit rather than the case that was going on. So I think it's a good way to throw people off, disarm them, catch them off guard. Like, oh, what is this beret she's wearing, right?

What is this fictional drug lord look? Exactly. She's rocking. Do you know New Jack City?

I don't. I missed it. I did look up the look, though, and I'm all for it. It was this cute hat and a nice gold chain necklace of some sort. It was a good look. It was intimidating.

Wendy's came under fire after it débuted a dynamic pricing model where the cost of menu items would fluctuate based on demand. The media was quick to call this a surge pricing model, just like Uber or Lyft have for pricing models. Wendy's vehemently denied that this was surge pricing, but rather an incentive for customers to come in during non-busy times. After this debacle, what company do you think will debut dynamic pricing next?

Look, I have to say, in general, about this dynamic pricing, no one's scheduling Wendy's. You know what I mean? That's just not... It's not like you're like, oh- It's not appointment eating. No, it's not. It's like you're in a shame spiral. You're in You're not like- You're hung over. Exactly. You're hung over. You're not- It's a necessity. Exactly. It's a necessity. It's a need. It's not a want. It's not like a nice afternoon at the Ivy or something, right? No one's planning it. So I think this dynamic pricing is absolutely a surge situation. I have to say this is based on a personal experience I recently had at Whole Foods. I was trying to buy a baguette, and as I was checking out, I put in my card and the cashier said, Oh, hey, press cancel. And I'd already We put the transaction through. And she goes, Oh, I charged you 760. And I was like, Oh, that's fine. It was like an eight dollar baguette. That's fine. She goes, No, I charged you $760. Oh my God. She accidentally had left the item amount from the last transaction. They had purchased a hundred of something.

So she charged me for a hundred baguettes. Based on personal experience, it does seem that Whole Foods is having a surge situation there because I paid $760 for a baguette. You got I did get it back. I did. And I got a $50 gift card. So it wasn't... Oh. Yeah, it was a little bit of a happy accident. Yeah, I love that.

Also in the food news, Gary Pillnik, the chairman and CEO of Kellogg, suggested that people eat cereal for dinner in order to fight rising food costs. He said this on CNBC during a segment about how Americans are dealing with higher prices for food, and citing a report that found Americans are spending 10 % or more of their income on food. He got wasted online for these comments, people saying things like he was putting a PR spin on poverty. If you were Kellogg's Publicist, what would your next move be?

If I were Kellogg's Publicist, I would probably try and spin this, right? In an advantageous way. I would probably try and get some TikTok viral moment. We've seen Girl dinner, which Girl dinner is, of course, cheese, olives, some crackers. Like a shark cruitery plate. Exactly. Yeah. A board of some sort. A board of some sort. We could spend this into some boy dinner. You know what I mean? And I feel like he could just do a little bit of rebranding on this, and he could have a TikTok sensation on his hands. Damn, that's good. Also, personally, as someone who doesn't cook and does have cereal for dinner because of that, I feel we're excluding the people who don't have any culinary instincts out of this. This should be our thing as well.

Honestly, there are nights that puffins dinner.

I do love a puffing. I love a puffin for dinner. I love that. Absolutely.

A woman posting under the name Risa Tessa, speaking of TikTok, created a 52-part TikTok series about her marriage to a man that she called a real pathological liar, and quote, The United Nations of Red Flags, which I find a lot.

Many of the alleged lies were financial.

Like he said, he had an offshore bank account that she never saw. What are some of the biggest red flags, financial or otherwise, that you've seen out on the dating scene?

So one that was really big for me is I went on a date with this guy. It was a lunch date. And while we were on the date, I did find out that he lived in his van, which was the van that he picked me up in. So it was like, unknowingly, I had already gone home with the guy. And no shade whatsoever. We've all struggled before. I totally get that. But in my mind, I was like, I feel like he should be putting this lunch money towards a down payment, a rent, some... So I think that was a big red flag for me. That was probably the biggest one, financially, I would say.

Man. Bowflex, best known for commercials on late night television in the '90s, filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. Honestly, Justine, I did not know that Boflex was still in business. I could have assumed that they filed bankruptcy many years ago. What company are you surprised is still in business?

Well, Nicole, I have to agree. This was breaking news to me reading this in the questions you sent me. I had no idea that Boflex was still around. But recently, I did also find out that Nordic Track is still around. Like you put under your bed. Yes, exactly. But I think they do treadmills now. It's not the cross country skiing thing that we had when we were growing up, but I was very surprised about that. Also, Matt mattress stores, I never see anyone in them. How are they surviving? I have no idea. Aren't we just all ordering online? You know what I mean? So I'd say mattress stores and Nordic Track. I don't know how Nordic Track outdid the Bowflex, but Here they are.

Do you remember? Was it Suzanne Somers?

That was my other one, the Thigh Master. Which, by the way, RIP to the queen. But I feel like I've seen a Thigh Master recently at a Rite Aid or or something. So I think it might still be out there. And I don't know who's doing that still, sitting on their couch, just pretending to work out while eating cereal for dinner. But I mean, more power to you.

I have so many unfaund memories of those commercials. I got to have nightmares. The Thighmaster ones.

The whole premise was that you could just be a lazy piece of shit while you're... You're It's working out, but you're just laying there half working.

Oh, and they had the ones where they were electrocuting you.

Oh, yeah.

To make your muscle spasm.

That's the best. It's like, oh, I don't have to If you'll just electrocute me into getting fit, I'm here for it.

Honestly, I probably would have bought that. If that was an Instagram ad back in the day, I'm very gullible with that stuff.

I'm so gullible. I'm so gullible. I recently got I got swindled at a mall kiosk for cell phone cases in Vegas. So I'm walking. What did you get? I got two cases for $140. Were they gold? Maybe I should have more money. Maybe I need a money rehab right now.

I'm focused on the early money rehab for Justine. I should have asked present day, what is happening?

So one of them was supposed to be a charging case, and I was there for Beyoncé that day.

Sure. So you can't lose your phone. Exactly.

Or you can't have your phone die. Die. Exactly. So I was like, this is great. So I got one. And then I also wanted a silvery case because I had already purchased a purple outfit. And then she gave us the note that we all had to wear silver to the concert. It was all sold out. It was a whole thing. But I bought a silver case. A glittery case and this charging one. I get back to the hotel, the charging case does not work. Literally just doesn't work. And there's no time for me to go back. It's time to go to the concert. I was at 10 % for all of Beyoncé.

It was- That's my worst night. Really.

It was bad.

Damn, you kiosk lady.

I know. But they were fast-talking and charming.

They always are. I think the Flowby, do you remember that? Or Bumpet?

Of course. Oh, the Bumpet.

I love it.

Who wants that?

I remember when I started in television, I grew up in California, so I never put makeup on or teased my hair was a thing that I discovered when I lived in Atlanta, worked at CNN, and they teased the shit out of my hair, which hurt so My head hurt. I didn't know that that was a look.

I didn't have a bumpet. My mom, thankfully, was a hairdresser, so she never let me go down that route. But I had many friends who had bumpets, and it was an interesting time What a time to be alive. Bumpets and bowflexes and just faimastering. What a time.

I mean, it really shows anyone can start a business.

No, truly, anyone can start a business.

All right. The intellectual property for Winnie the Pooh, Justine, is now part of the public domain. Yay. Which means that people can use the name and likeness of Winnie the Pooh for free. No license required. One of the first uses of the beloved children's character is to cast Winnie the Pooh as a sledgehammer-wield monster in a horror movie. What?

I'm been like- Leave Winnie alone. I love garbage, though. I love trash. I saw New York Minute, starring the Olson Twins twice in the theaters. I love trash. So I will be seated for this.

I think, what is... Cut off my notes, but blood and money? Something honey? Oh. Blood and honey?

Blood and honey. I don't know. Something like that. Is that what it's called?

It feels too much.

It's a lot. But again, I love trash. I'm not saying this is going to be good. It's going to be, I think, a nightmare. But as a Winnie the Pooh fan and a horror fan, I have to see what they're cooking up.

Oh my God. I mean, because we could all use Winnie for free, what project would you cast him in?

Definitely pants, because he has not been wearing them for as long as he's been around. Can we please get this guy some pants, please? Maybe a Levi's deal or maybe even some skims for Again, you know?

Now you're even working on his financial bottom line.

I am. I'm trying to get him these brand deals.

Let's get- Get him on money rehab. Exactly. Put your clothes on, sit in the chair.

Exactly. Cool. Yeah. He's got He has secrets. He does. He has secrets. I mean, to wear a shirt and no pants for this long. Decades. Yeah, decades.

All right. There's a fashion brand that just dropped a bag that's made out of 1 % glass, 99 % air, using a NASA-developed aerogel that's apparently the lightest solid on Earth. I can't even picture what that looks like.

So I did look, and it looks just like this clear We're opaque back. For a concert? Yes, exactly. It's like, We've been doing this already, I feel. I did it at Madonna on Monday.

Madonna and Beyoncé?

Oh, yeah. Okay, Justine. Maybe I do need money rehab within the same six months.

Hopefully, you got these for free.

No, I paid a lot of money for both of them. Okay. Here's the thing, is I don't ever like to wait around to see if I'll get the tickets for free because you don't normally know until closer to to the concert day. I have a couple of friends who day of will get tickets. They got tickets to Beyoncé and to Madonna. But I can't wait. If it's one of my top, top queens, I'm in line ready to get tickets day of sale.

There were a lot of queens this year. There were. Maybe we broke the Queen bank, and now we just have a rest for a few years.

Exactly. I didn't go to Taylor because I was like, no disrespect, but I've got Beyoncé, I've got Madonna, and I don't want to end up in money rehab. But here we are. But the Air Purse, I just wanted to also note that this is the brand that also famously airbrushed an outfit onto Bella Hadid, like live during a runway show. So they're really trying to make air happen. And it's just not going to happen, guys. Let's just let it go. Air fashion is not going to happen. I'm just calling it now.

I mean, has capitalism just gone too far?

I think so. With this one, for sure.

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Terms and conditions apply. And now for some more money rehab.

Despite a third of people saying that destination weddings are selfish, millennials are planning destination weddings more and more often. If a couple is planning a destination wedding, should they be on the hook for everyone's travel and accommodation?

Nicole, I'm so glad you brought this up. As someone who's had to do multiple destination weddings. Also, I did a destination anniversary party in November. I don't love it. It's like taking off work.

Bachelorette parties, too, are a whole thing.

Yes. Look, I think a couple should be able to do whatever they want to do, but you can't get mad. Also, your friends hate you when you do this. Just let it be known if you are planning a destination wedding, we hate you. We're going to come if we love you for real, but we hate doing it and resent it and talk shit about you all the way up until we get there, basically.

So I don't know- What I'm ringing your doors with.

Yeah, exactly. I'm We're trying to save the rest of us a lot of money here. Here's the thing, though. I think also you have to make it clear on the invitation, no gifts. Your presence is the present. Because I know a lot of people who still expect a gift. If you think about a gift, it's maybe a couple of hundred bucks, right? This is like- I just bought a plane ticket. Exactly. Plane ticket, air fare, pet sitter, if your kids can't... All that stuff. Sometimes you have to take off work to go. It's a few days. And then all of the itinerary, all the activities you have to do, it's a few thousand dollars. The outfits.

I saw a girlfriend who was going to some Africa wedding, and they got a mood board of the colors that they want for each of the events. I'm like, Oh, my God, you have to wear a peach dress? Where are you?

It's too much. And I love two of my best, best friends who did the anniversary party. But it was also very... My boyfriend had to go buy an outfit because it was disco-themed and he needed a sequin blazer. So it's also the dictating of the... To me, you're just a control freak at that point, which my friend is. I would lovingly tell him that to his face. But yeah, I think do what you want to do, But don't get mad if your friends don't want to come, and definitely make it clear that they don't have to buy a present.

I also feel like there's just too much wedding festivities happening. Too many wedding festivities are happening. Like the bridal party, why is that It's different from the bachelorette party? Why do we need that and a rehearsal thing?

Exactly. I feel like back in the day, because I feel like we're around the same age, back in the day, it was like, rehearsal dinner if you're in the wedding party or you're close friends or family, and then just the wedding and the ceremony and the party. That was it. Now it's like days and days of celebration. It's too much.

It's too much. We get it.

We get it. Mazel tov. Yeah, exactly.

Cbs Studios and Paramount have been sued for discriminating against a straight white man. Brian Bennecker, a script coordinator for the show, Seal Team, alleges that he was repeatedly denied a staff writer job after the implementation of, quote, an illegal policy of Race and Sex Balancing that promoted the hiring of, quote, less qualified applicants who were members of more preferred groups, namely those who identify as minorities, LGBTQ or women. He is seeking half a million dollars, as well as a court order, making him a full-time producer for the series. He is represented by America First Legal Foundation. It's a conservative group founded by a White House advisor under the Trump administration. Based on the story, I mean, how good do you think Brian Benaker is as a script supervisor?

To have the confidence to ask for half a Million million dollars because you didn't get a staff writing job being a script coordinator on a show. He better be top, top, top of the game. Because, I mean, first of all, script coordinator, that's so different from being a writer on a show. A script coordinator- Tell me. I don't know. How does that work. So script coordinator basically makes sure the continuity is all there, and that it will come together in the edit. So making sure hair and makeup matches. If your arm was here, it needs to be there again. Just making sure that everything looks right from shot to shot, and that everything is consistent so that it can edit together and you won't see those little like, Oh, her hair was tucked behind her ear here, and it wasn't like, as soon as it came back, like those clear errors. Those are my favorite errors. They're so fun. So it's like, who really needs a script coordinator anyway? But that's what he does. So to think that he's just owed this staff, right? Fucking get in line, buddy. Come on now, right? Do you know how many people come to LA to be screenwriters?

It's a ginormous number of people. So the fact that you're suing them because you didn't get the job. It's also the fact that you're demanding being a producer on this now. It's like, no one's going to want to work with you, babe. No one's going to want you on set. Sorry.

I'm really glad you explained to me how this works, because if I'm reading between the lines, basically, script coordinator has no talent.

Yeah, you're basically making sure- They're not a writer. Exactly. They're not a writer. From what I know, they are not a writer. They are just making... And I was a tour guide at Universal Studio, so this was something that I got to explain on the tour. But you make sure that Everything looks consistent and matches from shot to shot, and you work with the different departments to make sure that all happens. So it's not a creative position. I mean, maybe his was some incredible... I mean, from what I know, I don't think you're in the writers. It would make sense more if he was a writer's assistant and didn't get to move up. But this just seems like a weird jump, and he's just mad. And also, buddy, be someone's nephew or something. That's a sure way to get in, right? Well, out of a rich vagina. Exactly. Come on, man. Get some of that neppo baby credit going. I wish.

A girl could dream. Exactly. I didn't realize, Justine, that we had the Chief Universal Studio's Tour Guide Officer, a correspondent in our presence.

Yes, I I was a tour guide at Universal Studios for a pretty long time, most of my 20s, which is why I probably could have used money rehab back then.

So you had to know about script coordination because somebody might have asked or it was part of the tour. I can't imagine So it was somebody being like, Excuse me.

No, it wasn't. It was just so sometimes... So the tour, you learn... Basically, you can go off script and stuff, but you go through and talk about the things you're seeing on the tour. But a lot of times you get stuck when it's really backed up in the summer, when it's really crowded, it can get backed up. And you'll need to just spew out facts when you're sitting there for an extra 10 minutes if there's a tram broken down in front of you. So we just learned all these movie making and TV making facts so that you can just spew stuff and keep people entertained and learning about the movie industry while you're stuck on a tram.

The expert. I feel like Universal should have search pricing. That makes so much sense.

That makes perfect sense to me. It really does because also...

Well, don't they- I mean, the last time I went to Disneyland.

I mean, if you have a pass, for example, during certain peak periods at Disney, They're blacked out, so you can't go. So it's like search pricing because you have to pay to go, I guess. I'm sure there must be... I think it must be something where it's more expensive on different dates. Because even during Halloween Horror Nights at Universal, because again, I'm the expert. Tell me more. Certain nights are more expensive. As you get closer to Halloween and more into October, they're pricier than if you go end of September or right when it starts. Also Sunday nights, the Friday, Saturdays, those are the most expensive days. But if you go a weeknight, a Sunday night, those are a little bit cheaper.

I'm so honored to be in your present. I have a thousand questions about Jaws.

I'll ask you when we're done. Oh, yes, please ask later.

I don't think anyone else wants to know.

Also, I love deals, so I'm always... We'll get to it.

Kfc is bringing a limited time on trade to its American menus that combines two popular dishes, pizza and fried chicken. They're calling the product Chizza. Chizza?

Chizza? Chizza?

Chicken and Pizza, smushed together? It's going to consist of two fried chicken filets, topped with marinaire sauce, mozzarella cheese, and crispy pepperoni. You're not trying this. Yes. Because you're vegan.

I'm vegan, but I'm vegan, so I won't be trying it. But if I can imagine I was once a pizza chicken pepperoni eater, I would be curious to taste it just because I wonder- For the story. Just for the story. But I have to say this feels like they're flying a little too close to the sun on this one. Fried chicken is amazing. Pizza is amazing. But sometimes when you put two greats together, it's just too much. You know what I mean? Think about the Sandra Bullock movie, All About Steve. It's Bradley Cooper, Sandra Bullock. Together, the movie bombed, right? Jilly, Ben and Jen. Sometimes I think it's better to keep things separate. It's just too much that we can't handle it if it's two really amazing things put together.

Yeah. It's also a heart attack.

Yes, that too.

Justine, we end all of our episodes by asking our guests for a tip listeners can take straight to the bank. It can be anything, saving money on stuff, deals, budgeting, investing, anything.

Waiting, if you can, 10 to Black Friday or even just that week, because the sales start so early now. The sales start as soon as it becomes November. They're like, Black Friday deals. It's like Halloween ends and we're into Black Friday, basically. So I would say if there's something you really want, especially an electronic TV, Roomba vacuums, all that stuff, blenders, wait if you can till Black Friday, because there are some good deals out there. And just in general, I think if something's not going to sell out that you really want, just wait for the deal.

Money Rehab is a production of Money News Network. I'm your host, Nicole Lappin. Money Rehab's executive producer is Morgan Lavoy. Our researcher is Emily Holmes. Do you need some money rehab? And let's be honest, we all do. So email us your moneyquestions, moneyrehab@moneyrehab. Com. @moneynewsnetwork. Com to potentially have your questions answered on the show or even have a one-on-one intervention with me. And follow us on Instagram at Money News and TikTok at Money News Network for exclusive video content. And lastly, thank you. No, seriously, thank you. Thank you for listening and for investing in yourself, which is the most important investment you can make.