I'm Nicole Lappin, the only financial expert you don't need a dictionary to understand. It's time for some money rehab. It is time for a Funny Money episode. These are the episodes where I give bizarre headlines in the worlds of business and finance, and a comedian gives their famously non-expert insight on the topic. Today, my guest is the hilarious Sara Tiana. Sara is a stand-up comedian, a writer, a roast master. Her latest special, 44, is on YouTube. And after listening to this episode, you are going to want to check it out ASAP. Today, we cover the weird news coming from the Eclipse economy, a scandal in the MLB. And I'm just going to say she is definitely not a non-expert there. And Sara's favorite restaurant, Go rack or barrel. Here she is. Sarah Tiana, welcome to Money Rehab.

Oh, my gosh. Thank you for having me. I'm very excited. Oh, my gosh.

I'm excited to have you. Have you ever needed Money Rehab?

Yeah. I mean, I am I'm not good with money. I've never been good with money. Even growing up with our allowance, my sister and I, we would get a dollar a week or $2 a week. And my parents always said, and this was a great thing that they said, which was like, We'll buy you anything you want as long as you pay for half. So if you pay for half, you can have whatever. And my sister and I were like, We're going to get a trampoline. We just have to save up for 80 weeks. And by week four, I was like, No, I like candy. And I just I spent mine. And my sister saved the whole time. So we're the opposite. She's way better at saving. So she got the trampoline for you guys? No, no, no, no, because I never saved.

Are you still in need of money rehab?

I'm always in need of money rehab. I'm always trying to learn new things, especially now that I'm a mother. And we started a 529, I think it is, for our son for school, for his college fund or even high school, if he has to go to private school or something. So we started that. I'm just really learning. A big thing for me is that when I was first starting comedy, I was waiting tables and I was constantly working. I would spend all day working at the Beverly Hills Hotel pool. I take a shower there, then go out at night and do comedy all night. And money just had all this power over me. I was always thinking about how I was going to pay my bills. Like, what am I going to do? And then I realized that when I'm thinking about money, I'm not thinking about comedy, and I had to let it go. I had to just stop thinking about it and stop caring about it because I said, What I'm really nervous about is having to ask for help. I'm really just nervous that I have to ask my parents, hey, can I have $100 for my electric bill?

So once I let it go and I started just using all that energy to think about something else, I always had it. And so that has been my mentality, with money is I don't think about it. I do put it away. I do have a Stash account and a Coinbase account that just takes money out every month. But that's the extent of savings that I do. And even when I remember once, I A show I was working on didn't get picked up, and I was really nervous about what my next job was going to be. So I bought a car. I went out and bet on myself. I was like, if I need money, I'm just going to be like, no, I need to get a car. So the universe is going to be there for me. And then it was. So I don't know if I'm lucky or stupid, but that's what worked for me.

Okay, well, you're definitely not stupid. Don't talk about my new friend like that. But it definitely matters. Money mindset matters. It sounds like you were more in the abundance versus scarcity mindset. And listen, I'm not here for all the woo-woo stuff, but I do think that the biggest enemy for money is between our ears. And so once you quiet that mean girl inside your head, it's not surprising that you were able to hit a stride in work. And the law of attraction, again, not to be too woo-woo, although I'm bringing up woo-woo things, to go buy a car when you need money is counterintuitive. But this idea that when you put money out in the universe, it comes back to you. Sounds like that happened as well. But also, can we talk about the $50 salads at the Beverly Hills Hotel? Oh my God. What the actual fuck?

Yeah, they are.

Are they made a magical- Pixie dust?

Yes, it is literally just dollar bills chopped up there. It's called the McCarthy salad. That's our most expensive salad. It is a very good salad because it's one that you can eat with a spoon. And my whole problem with salads is always that I don't like getting dressing on my face. And when you have the big leaves, it's always just like, you can barely fit the whole piece of lettuce into your mouth. But the McCarthy salad, you can eat with a spoon. So I don't think it's It's worth $50, but it is a very good.

It's true. All right, before we get into funny money, I want to ask you, what is up with Cracker Barrel?

What is up with Cracker Barrel? You mean the greatest sit-down restaurant?

Your email signature says, sent from Cracker Barrel, which I'm obsessed. I thought my email signature was clever. Tell me more.

It used to be that if it came from my computer, it said sent from Waffle House, and if it came from my cell phone, it said, sent cracker barrel. But now I think it's always the same. Cracker barrel has a big significance to me because it was the first sit down restaurant we ever got in my hometown. We'd never seen waitresses before. We're like, Oh, is this prom? We were just so excited, and it was busy all the time. And that's when I realized I didn't go to church because my friends were complaining about how busy cracker barrel was. And I was like, Oh, we go every Sunday morning at 10:00 AM, and there ain't nobody in there. So that was a really difficult way of learning that we were sinners. But I also have this feeling that that's why my friends from home never got on an airplane before. Most of my friends never traveled because they would say things like, Well, I never left nothing in New York. I need to go get. And I'm like, What a terrible mentality. But they have all these opinions on New Yorkers. They never been. And I was like, They never wanted to get on an airplane.

And I was always just convinced that it wasn't the price of the ticket. It was that they were afraid They're going to get off the airplane and there wasn't going to be a Cracker Barrel. And I'd be like, Where we're going to get a steak in New York. I'm from Calhoun, Georgia. We have a Nike outlet.

That's excellent. I like Cracker Barrel. I worked at different small markets when I was in the broadcasting world, like Sioux Falls, South Dakota, Lexington, Kentucky. I always liked Cracker Barrel. I was vegan back then, and so the grits, fun fact, are vegan at Cracker Barrel, and then the fried apples, too. They're delicious. And Cracker Barrel is a publicly traded company. Would you invest?

Also, do you invest? Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, I think because they're expanding, they actually never... We finally got one in Southern California. When I moved here, I assumed that they would be everywhere, but they never came to California because California has earthquake restrictions, and they make Cracker Barrel take everything off the ceiling. So Cracker Barrel was like, Fuck you. We can't come out there. You know what I mean? Nobody can eat hash brown casserole without a wheelbarrow hanging above their head. So not the same. Yeah. Right. But now they've gotten around it because now they just have it on the wall, extra stuff on the wall. So you just have old ladies from the 1800s staring at you while you eat. But that makes me comfortable.

The stock, by the way, I will say, is down 44 % over the last year while the general market has been up.

I wonder if that's because less people are traveling, because Cracker Barrel was such a traveler's restaurant. They were always near the freeway. They were rarely like inland, so to speak. But also truckers and people like that, you could get a book on tape and then you could return it at any Cracker Barrel. So it was really like a traveler's pair for people in our movies or people on just a road trip vacation. But I don't feel like people take as many road trip vacations anymore.

And maybe if they want a book on tape, they get Audible.

Yeah, a podcast, right? It's just on your phone. You can't really I don't buy a book on tape anymore.

All right, sister, it is time for some funny money. I'm going to throw some bizarre headlines your way from the worlds of business and finance, and then I'll be the money expert. You be the funny expert. Okay. Let's go. Let's go. So first, obviously, we had to pull a cracker barrel headline. Cracker Barrel's first ever yard sale of antique restaurant decor items sold out in 30 minutes. Are you surprised?

Oh, not surprised. Everybody loves a yard sale in a small town, and everybody loves Cracker Barrel, so they're probably there anyway. They're just like, Might as well pick up this hack haul from the 1800s.

Are you bummed you missed it?

Yeah, I'm bummed I missed it. Were you there? Yeah, right. No, I was there. Yeah, I got myself a... I remember when my family got the rocking chairs from Cracker Barrel because you can buy them, the ones out in front. I also have the giant checkers. I mean, I probably already have a bunch of this stuff from Cracker Bar, but- You were a trendsetter, they were like, We need a guard sail.

Come on now.

They're expensive Rock and Chairs. I think they're $200. They're not messing around.

The solar eclipse just happened. As you know, experts were predicting a significant boom for retail in towns and cities along the path of totality. Altogether, the Eclipse's economic impact might be as big as $6 billion between hotels, flights, restaurants, maybe some cracker barrels along the way, and souvenirs. What do you think of the Eclipse?

I mean, my eyes still hurt. I looked at it. No, we were actually here at the office, and somebody had the glasses. I saw that Amazon recalled the glasses. I love that. People People are just going out with sunglasses like, Oh, this will help. No, it won't. Then somebody had a piece of paper. It's like a white printer paper, and then they would hold it in the sun, and then you could see on the ground the shadow. We watched it. Oh, I love the Eclipse because then it makes it feel like night, and you can start drinking at 11:00 AM. So that's what I started to do. Well, technically, it's dark out.

Perfect. Yeah. I think there was some crazy thing with Fox News being like, watch out for the border. It's dark for four minutes. Migrants are going to come in.

Yeah. Fox News isn't a fan of anything dark. So if it ain't blonde and white, it's probably trouble.

If you're in the path of totality, the Eclipse is expected to last as as you know, four minutes, that's it. $6 billion, though, Sarah, for four minutes, is not a bad wage for the Eclipse. Would you be the Eclipse's agent?

I'd like to marry the eclipse if it's $6 billion for four minutes, I'd like to marry the Eclipse so I could get $3 billion in a divorce.

Next up, though, 54 % of Gen Z taxpayers said filing their taxes this year has either brought them to tears in the past or they expect it to them to tears this year. Have your taxes ever made you cry?

Oh, absolutely. Yeah. I mean, I live in California. My taxes make me cry all the time. And I'm incorporated. We pay, what is it, four times a year that you pay in. I Yeah, it's a lot. But I would pay 80 % in taxes to live in California. We don't have bugs and snakes and rain, so I don't care. I would pay more to live here.

They couldn't pay you to go back to Calhuna, which I assume has bugs.

No. Bugs. It's like mosquitoes constantly, snakes. No, I'm good. I don't need tornadoes or rain. No.

We have the sun We have the sunshine tax, we have the bug-free tax, and you're down with it.

Yeah. I always say, we had a lot of rain in March, and I was like, If it rains one more day, I move into a state that takes away my rights. This is not I pay 80 % in taxes for.

I want a refund. Yeah.

I remember the first year, though, that I was incorporated, and we paid my taxes all at one lump sum. And I thought it was the first time I had never gotten money back. I'd always been able to get money back because I didn't make a lot. And then when I really started making six figures, I was like, the more money you make, the more taxes you pay until you hit a million. But I don't make a million. So I'm still paying 30, 40 % on top of agent fees. So I'm paying double. And then Donald Trump took away where you get a write off from paying your agents. He took that away. So now it's like you're paying twice. They're paying taxes twice. I'm paying them off the top, and then I pay taxes, and then they have to pay taxes of what I paid them. So I'm like, that's double-dipping. That's not fair.

That's not fair. Yeah, it's ridiculous. So breaking it up into quarterly taxes makes you feel better, even though you know it's the same?

I know it's the same, but it's just easier. And for a while, I was getting money from a commercial I'm very blessed. I was in a Navy Federal Credit Union commercial nine years ago, and it's still running. And so it's amazing. That's awesome.

It's amazing. Can you ask them for an account or some money in Navy Federal? That's a It's a great credit union, by the way.

It's a great credit union. I should probably move my money there, but no, I didn't. I feel like I make enough off of them. But we just converted it to the Corporation forever. It was just paying me, and it took a bunch of taxes out. To me, I was great. I was like, yes, take all those taxes out so I can get all that money back at the end of the year and then pay for my Corporation taxes. But it wasn't crossing over perfectly. So now we converted it to the I'll see. And it's nice to see that big chunk come in, but I just go... Any time I get a job, I go, Is it worth it? Because I'm only going to bring home half. Is it worth it? That's how I have to figure everything.

Yeah, I think that I have maybe cried tears. Definitely, I've been an anxious ball of mess around taxes. I definitely irrationally think I'm going to go to jail.

Really? Are you cheating on your taxes? No, I'm definitely not.

I'm probably overpaying. And I want to do everything right, but I have an irrational fear.

I get that. I get that, because the IRS doesn't make it easy. But also, I don't mind paying taxes. I'm totally fine with it. I just want to see the results of what I'm paying for. So if I'm going to pay 40 %, I would like there not to be potholes all down my road. I would like for the grass to be mowed along the bike path, because this is what my state and city taxes are for. I'd like national health care. I would like women's bodies to be more protected. So I don't mind paying the taxes, but you got to give me something back. So that's the only time I get mad about it, is when I'm like, I don't see the perks.

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Los Angeles Dodgers superstar Shohe O'Tani is in the middle of a gambling scandal. His former interpreter was fired, following following accusations that he stole more than $4 million from Shohe to cover his illegal gambling debts. But it's unclear, apparently, whether the interpreter stole from the baseball star or whether Shohe himself was paying debts that the interpreter had incurred. If you were his lawyer, what advice would you give?

Well, I would have told him not to play for the Dodgers because the Dodgers have mismanaged every aspect of this. They've lied at certain point. You remember when Kate Middleton with the Royal family, when they were like, She's just in a hospital. And then they go, Well, she said, Oh, no, she's coloring. They just kept lying. And you're like, You're making it what? Now we don't trust you for anything. And so the Dodgers have said all wrong things. They've released different stories. The interpreter talked to ESPN and then gave his story. Then the Dodgers walked it back. Then they walked it back again. They go, Oh, no. It was actually stealing from him. It was just a huge mess. And So nobody knew who to believe. And so you have to go, did Shohe Ohtani, who makes $60 million a year, did he just not notice nine different transactions of half a million dollars going out? And if you're a bank, you have to call a bank to make a transaction that big. If you're a bank and you hear a Japanese person on the phone, and then they go, well, we need to talk to Mr.

Ohtani, and then that guy goes, okay, hold on. And then he comes back and acts like Shohe O'Tani. Would you be able to tell who is who? I doubt it. And so I think it's very plausible that the interpreter stole from him. I find it less plausible that Ohtani didn't know about it. And maybe he probably just didn't know that they weren't allowed to bet through a bookie, because that's honestly what the investigation is. The investigation is through the IRS. It really has nothing to do with... Like, baseball can't do anything about it. It's the FBI that is making the investigation because you're not allowed to bet through a bookie. And that's what the interpreter was doing. So if I was Shohe's lawyer, I would say, Don't sign with the Dodgers because they keep mismanaging every aspect of this. But also, just don't lie. Just be honest.

Yeah. It shouldn't be breaking news.

But yeah. Then you don't have to keep track of your lies.

That's why I don't do it because I forget. I would forget.

Yeah, me too.

Owing a sports team is actually a way the ultra-rich, Sarah, beat the tax system. Sports owners can take deductions on team assets, everything from media deals to player contracts. And that helps them pay way lower tax rates at extreme levels. For example, Steve Ballmer, the owner of the LA Clippers, who reportedly made $656 million in 2021, had a 12 % tax rate, which was lower than the tax rate of concession stand workers at the stadium. If you were trying to lose money, which sports team would you buy?

Oh, if I was trying to lose money? Gosh. I mean, And the Oakland A's are always the example. The thing is, you can't really lose money as an owner. That's why teams don't go up for sale. People are always like... Because I always said, if I won the Powerball, if I won a billion dollars, I would buy a sports. I would buy a baseball team. That's my dream. And then people go, Oh, you would just lose money. I go, No, I want. They only go up in value. That's why they're never for sale. The fact that the Orioles were just sold is insane. Nobody sells baseball teams. Even the worst teams in the league The problem is the worst teams in the league are spending like $30 million on payroll. But the baseball does something called a revenue share. So all the revenue created in baseball gets put into a pot. And then the 30 teams in Major League I'll get to share that revenue. And that revenue last year, I think, was $140 million per team. So you're getting a check for $140 million for doing nothing. And if your payroll is $30 million instead of...

Like the Dodgers payroll is $300, $285 or something like that a year, and the Oakland A's is $33. And they go, well, we're just at a small market. And you go, you're getting $140 million run Major League Base before concessions, before your own parking lot sales, whatever it is, you've already got that money. So you're just pocketing $100 million a year. Don't tell me that you can't afford to have better players on your team. So I think the problem in baseball is that we have a salary cap, but there's no salary minimum. You should at least have to pay $100 million for the players on your team so that you are putting a good product on the field and you're being competitive. I think that, to me, is the bigger issue. Obviously, I would love to pay 12 % in taxes. That would be a dream. But that's what happens. The more money you get, the less taxes you pay, which is obnoxious.

That's right. And it doesn't just happen with baseball and basketball. It happens for football. They rarely trade. Hedge fund manager extraordinaire David Teper recently bought the Panthers. The Walmart family has the Broncos.

And on and on. The Braves. Yeah, my team, the Atlanta Braves, just became publicly traded. So I bought stock in the Braves, and that's part of my stash. I love that for you. I think I buy like $50 of Braves stock every month or I'm so sorry.

I didn't realize who I was talking to.

Yeah, I'm just a big part of the stock market.

Just a sports owner. The NCAA Tournament national title game between South Carolina and the Iowa Hawkeyes was the most watched basketball game, including NBA and WNBA, since 2019, according to ESPN. Women in sports are fighting for equal representation, and one area where they have made some traction is as referees. I know you have Have some thoughts about their qualifications?

Oh, yes. I think we're really good at knowing about three-second violations and 10-second violations just from our own sex lives. But I really love female referees in the NFL. I think only women should be referees. Who better at telling men what they are doing wrong? I feel like we are overqualified for this job. You think I didn't see it?

We've had a lifetime of practice.

Yeah, a lifetime It's a lifetime of practice. People go, when I go to baseball games, I keep the book. I keep the book. And people are like, Why do you keep score? I go, It's not enough for me to know when a man made a mistake. I want to know the exact minute he made a mistake so that I have receipts. I feel like only women should be third-base coaches. We're very good at telling men to go home. These are all reasons that we should be more involved in sport.

There she is keeping her score. Fantasy baseball generates an estimated three-point $64 billion in revenue, and it's the second most popular sport for fantasy teams after football. With this in mind, can you tell our dear listeners about your observations about men believing that they can become professional athletes?

Oh, my gosh. Yes. I mean, my boyfriend does this all the time. I feel like the whole reason that we're together is so he has somebody to look whenever he says, Babe, what's this? And when I finally give him the attention that he's craving, driving, I will see that he's crinkled up a piece of paper into a tight little ball, and then he'll take his art and he'll throw it at the trash can or anything that's open, like the hamper dishwasher, my mouth. And he'll make it like 40 30 % of the time. And it's my job as his girlfriend to be like, oh, my God, you're amazing from downtown. You should be in the NBA. You should be in the NBA. This is why the Knicks suck, because they're not scouting for guys on their couch in the middle of the valley. But it is interesting that no matter how old a man becomes, he never truly loses the idea of becoming a professional athlete. It just lingers back there in their brains like a little plan B. I just got to hit the gym couple more days apply myself. That's why men wear jerseys.

They're not fans. Yeah, they're like, I can sub. Do you need a sub? I'll sub. So obnoxious.

All right, Sarah, we end our episodes by asking our guests for a money tip listeners can take straight to the bank. I'd love to know any money tip that you've learned that works for you. It can be anything money-related around negotiating, investing, budgeting, saving, buying a sports team, being a part of a sports team, anything.

For sure, invest in a sports team. For me personally, my best advice is always to just... I have my Stash account. It just automatically deducts from my checking account every two weeks. And I've a lot of safe stocks. And so that just gets deducted. And I don't think about it. I don't care about it. And it's just in there. And every couple of months, I'll check it and I'll be like, Oh, wow. I didn't know I had that much money. So I think blindly saving money, but putting it in a safe place. And then we also put money into our kids' fund, 529. I know you can only put 10 grand a year in there, but it'll be so worth it once they get to college.

Money Rehab is a production of Money News Network. I'm your host, Nicole Lappin. Money Rehab's executive producer is Morgan Lavoy. Our researcher is Emily Holmes. Do you need some money rehab? And let's be honest, we all do. So email us your moneyquestions, moneyrehab@moneynewsnetwork. Com, to potentially have your questions answered on the show or even have a one-on-one intervention with me. And follow us on Instagram at MoneyNews and TikTok at Moneynews Network for exclusive video content. And lastly, thank you. No, seriously, thank you. Thank you for listening and investing in yourself, which is the most important investment you can make.