The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only, so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up? You call? Hello, everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother, media adviser for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

I'm your middle brother, Travis Zacharie.

I'm the mystical, magical illusionist, entertainer David Blaine.

David, so happy to have you here. Wow, what an honor. Sorry, I got I got delayed by some crosswinds over Milwaukee. Yeah.

So it delayed me coming into the studio today, just a few days after your dramatic ascent, holding up like a lot of balloons.

Great up yourself is what the kids call. Yeah, I did it up and it was an exhilarating journey that brought the country together and it was an illusion. And also I liked doing it a lot and I had a lot of fun doing it.

So that's the only means of conveyance you're using. So now I do it all the time because when you get on an airplane, they aren't doing a great job of the social distancing. Have you guys heard about this?

No one was a socialite. You might have been.

David, the you got up to twenty four thousand nine hundred feet. Yeah.

You must have been you might have been the most socially distance person on the planet while I was until one of my balloons popped in and released the stinky breath of a sick man.

The balloons were all blown up by a a big man with powerful breath.

And it's I found out later he was sick with it. So I don't know. It was again, the crosswinds may have diluted it somewhat, but that may have that may have been smil gas.

You know how the Joker do you jokers?

Always on my nuts.

Can I can I give you I just want to say thank you, Mr. Blaine, because it is amazing how your balloon trip captivated the hearts and minds of everyone.

And for four days now, it's all anyone has been talking about across all social.

It's literally the only thing being discussed. It is, I think, the first thing that has distracted everyone from everything. It's amazing.

I actually I as as interested as I'm here to hear to hear about David's experience with that, I'd like to talk about my experience, which is.

I saw on Twitter. About a half hour after it ended, more that it had happened. I was like, wow, man, I didn't fucking hear about that.

I did what I like to pretend that David Blaine was like.

If I could tell him that personally, like, I know you went up in the air with balloons, your whole thing, but I didn't find out about it till later and I couldn't be bothered. David, David, by the way, when I did watch it, I did skip around quite a bit. Your journey and your your ascension and decline. Even you're falling even you're falling through the fucking air. I was like that took David.

Can I may I ask because you sure aren't really giving me room to speak about my incredible sky journey.

I'm sure now, because I do want to hear about it. I do. David, David, David. I do.

But to add to Justin's point, it kind of sounds to me like maybe that unlike, you know, where you sat in a big fishbowl for a long time or you claim to be frozen in ice, even though our daddy did that.

And you don't.

You're your clients kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That creator of the president's gag, it kind of seems like this one wasn't like a publicity thing so much as it was just something you were going to do on your own. And somebody noticed and pointed a camera at you. It didn't seem like it was advertised in any way beforehand. Is that true?

No, but we did it sort of street team advertisement. But with we tied like with the UA, we put it on some paper and we Titus had balloons. But wouldn't you know, at the Dagg NAB, things tanked. It flew up into the sky so no one could see him. David, I'd like to talk about one feature of your stunt that I thought was so captivating. Good year.

I believe there's a young woman there who I believe was your daughter.

I don't know. Sure, I mean, either. But she attached the final balloon that began your ascent into the sky.

Put me over. Yeah, put you over. That was so lovely.

I wanted to know, did you consider the fact that if something did go terribly wrong, she would have like YouTube live streamed evidence that she could revisit for the rest of her existence of that time, she killed her dad with a balloon.

Did you think about that? It's part of the illusion, isn't it?

Well, there's no illusion. No. One, you're very clear about this. That was you in the balloon, right? Unless unless that was the trick. That was you in the balloon, right.

I never give it away my secrets, but OK, I had it no visible. It was a very big ladder. There were so.

Oh wait. Hold on Vasin. I want to hear more about this giant invisible ladder.

OK, big is a big ladder. Ten thousand foot ladder.

I didn't even get up the whole damn thing in these times when things are changing so much. I would like to repeat a little bit of consistency in the world. I showed your stunt to my wife who reacted the way she has reacted to all of your stunts for the past decade.

She watched in silence and then said, that fucking idiot, everything I've ever done hurts my feelings or doesn't hurt.

What did you think of this? Leah loved it.

I'm not sure who you're referring to. Caprioglio, the cat, your friend, Leo DiCaprio. You're friends with a lot of celebs.

Yeah, he liked it. One time I he had a big he had a watch and I made it not there anymore. Oh yeah. It was pretty bad ass.

And then I wanted Edward Norton anything and I threw up a frog. But that was unrelated.

Tell me about the time you set Edward Norton shoes out of fire. I want to spit water on them so hard that they went out. Yes.

Place. Well, it was his it was his fucking birthday.

I took him out to dinner at a Ruth's Chris doing it hibachi style. OK, yeah.

Well, this is a more thorough recount. I mean, I'm not going to say I'm not going to try to jump to conclusions here, but Chekhov's Gun, you have introduced the hibachi and his shoes are on fire. Having a hard time not connecting. Yeah, well, that may be, though.

It may be a red herring. Yeah. Yeah.

I get you looking over there at the hibachi table and then when it happens, your watch is not fucking there anymore. Well, you stole my watch.

Yeah. And then and you replaced it with Edward Norton shoes. Yeah. And then what's that in my mouth. It's another frog dammit DeMuth now.

So how did the shoes come to ignite?

I'm not going to give you all my secrets, but I guess that the trick that you made is shoes flammable.

Yeah, I took the change, the stuff that's made out of. Oh, polyester of my own design, I have my own shoe line of extremely burnable shoes dropping this summer. Oh, wait, summer's over. I forgot man.

I guess I just thought that the trick was how much water you regurgitate it upon his shirts. Hey, you want to see me float?

Well, OK, I'm a float off. But anyway, yeah, I got lunch plans. Fucking balloon boy.

Balloon boy. You're going to hit up Bruce. Chris and you know what he's in for. So say goodbye to your kids, balloon boy. Cooking them up hibachi style.

Oh, man, what a big get on me. I have so many classes. Ask him. I forgot. Yeah.

There's a long way to go. Hey, sorry David just mentioned. How did you how did you put my playing card inside the bottle.

Oh it was it. The bottle isn't real. Oh fuck. Yeah.

OK, I see that you guys David just floated out the window.

It his people. It's Griffin. Are you ready to start. My brother. My brother and me. Yeah. Let's do it. All right. Just press record everybody. OK then. So this is my show.

So obviously, obviously people I live in an apartment building and today the windows are being out since I'm working from home in a tiny apartment. My desk is six inches away from the window and a window washing guy just dropped onto the view.

We acknowledge each other and I thanked him and now I'm saying here pertain to works during my computer screen while this while this gentleman is literally six inches from me staring back at me while doing his job, I have a full cup of coffee and toast already on my desk, so there's no excuse to get up and putter around the kitchen.

The anxiety it currently feels, unlike anything I've ever felt, had I most effectively cover the fact, ah, convey the fact that I'm definitely working and not just trying to avoid eye contact with him.

That's from working in Washington.

My I think my favorite part of this question is the the conceit, the belief that if you got up to go to the kitchen, the window washer back where you go and you got a full cup of coffee, where are you going?

Is this about me?

This is one of many questions.

And it's a sort of it's a genre of question that we get from our listeners who I adore because we are so very alike, us and our listeners, where you are assuming that this person's sort of whole mindset is about you in this moment, because that's what anxiety does to you when really you can get up and they're not going to they're not going to pay you, they're not going to pay you any mind.

They're listening to the radio.

They're we're focusing on not falling to their death, which is what I would be doing in their position.

Yeah, they're on the they're on the clock and they're dialed in. They're probably not concerned with you or what you're doing or anything about you, because guess what? They're going to go by a bunch of windows with a bunch of people working in them. If they gave a shit about every single person in every single window, take up a lot of sort of emotional lift now.

OK, here's what I will say, though. Griffin Yeah. Speaking of putting ourselves in place of our listeners, if I was the window washer, I would, upon looking in every window, think, what are they doing?

Things like that, of course. You know, like obviously you would. Because every time, every time what I wanted to say, this is what I want to say, these people are doing an incredibly dangerous job.

Are are the fine people of the window washing industry. That's a dangerous gig. I'm thinking they probably have some safety protocols in place, but by and large, it's more dangerous than just a bunch of balloons letting the and it's boring.

You know, it's probably a lot of at times once you get into the rhythm, it's pretty boring.

You owe them. They have the right what I'm saying is we owe them a little bit of entertainment, a little show.

I think just to help them pass the time on the boring, dangerous things that they are doing for our our edification is that futile, this futile act will be undone by entropy and the ravages of time in no matter of days and birds. Thank you, Travis.

And Bugs, just let them have a look, see what you're doing, give you a show, give him a show. Don't let him know you're there, though, because that's not their thing.

No, but I do. It has just now occurred to me. This is probably why Hitchcock called his movie Rear Window instead of just window, because it would be a way different experience and rear window if it was a cleaner six inches away, just like, hey, did you kill somebody?

Hey, I saw that, mister. I'm right, right, right here. You can pretend I don't exist like that guy in Washington that one time. But I'm right here, and I'm pretty sure you killed your wife and maybe a dog in a bucket. It's been a while since Travis has seen the rear window.

Why are you telling me about when Travis Aurobindo? Well, I'm just trying to share a brief moment of humanity with you to bring us closer together.

Oh, you in the kitchen.

OK, what do you do with all those creepy nekritz that you that you find when you're going down the window?

ARCHERD This is the sacred goat. Oh yeah. The sacred cow to the the window washer is that you watch all the secrets, but you must locked them in an amulet that you keep watch around your neck that powers you.

Yeah. You whisper the secrets into the amulet and that's what keeps your floating hover platform aloft. Correct. The power of secrets. Oh it's not cables like.

Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. Those are just there to keep up appearances, but they can only be created by the amulet.

How come every time someone gets on one of those in movies and TVs, it always falls?

Oh, well, I wanted in a movie like I think the rate of incident in which the window washer platform does fall have to be exceptionally low or else I would assume we just leave these bad boys dirty.

Do you think when window washers like, see that move, they're like, no, no, come on, come on, get these restraints on. Come on. That's not how it works. What are its redundancies?

Kidding. We want to stick to assume it has redundancies. Can I do a Yahoo!

I would like to see I would like to see a scene in a movie where somebody gets onto the platform and everything is like tense music. But then it's just like a half hour scene of them figuring out how the controls work and then turning it on and then lowering themselves like one hundred floors. I mean, getting off at the bottom and then like, I don't know, getting in a cab.

You know, I like to see a scene where the Green Goblin knocks the window washers platform down.

And Spider-Man, it's like, oh, fuck, I got to get over there.

And he swings over there, the window washers, like I had proper safety protocols. Yes. I mean, there's redundancies. I'm fine. There's redundancies. Of course, if you're a window washer, listen to podcasts. Please get at us and let us know, I guess, everything that's going on over there.

Yeah. Give us the play by play of what you see. Yeah.

And describe your formula in detail. Yeah. To be honest.

Well, no. Well, now here's the Yahoo! That was sent in by Sean. Thanks, Sean. It's by Yahoo! Answers user. Nope. Who hasn't got a question here. That is that has been on the tip of my tongue and Sean, nope, has managed to put it into words in a way I never have. Thank you know for your bravery. Nope. Asks. Why hasn't there ever been a wizard wrestler, huh? Like in like in WWE, the wizard wrestler would have special powers like controlling other wrestlers via telekinesis.

He'd definitely be jacked and wear a Speedo, but he'd also have a big white beard and a wizard hat.

I did not read that part before that that part correctly.

I imagined as more of a sort of Gandolfi and yeah.

Vibe you were thinking more of us felt not so much beefcake, but perhaps, you know, like I felt Jagwar ask, you know, I was more thinking about the the, the hemp and garments of a Christopher Lee, but not necessarily a Speedo with rippling muscles.

But I guess wizards come in all shapes and sizes.

Yeah, it is interesting to me that you assume that Gandalf underneath that robe isn't replying with muscles, isn't like huge.

Yeah, you don't do that. The shredded I wrestling has some it requires remarkable athleticism and there is obviously an inherent risk to every bout that happens in that beautiful, that beautiful cage.

But also sometimes they do a make believe.

Yeah, interesting.

I know that there's been a wrestler who would take off a sock and make you smell it so bad that you fall asleep.

So I don't see why there can't be a wrestler who takes you over with his psychic powers.

The problem, though, is that is that wrestling is already has a sort of we know this this is not there's a tenuous relationship to reality in wrestling and they're constantly playing with that, you know, in a word that I will not attempt to pronounce because I've been saying it for ten years and I've never managed to get it right.

But it's. Hey, babe. Thank you. Sure.

Travis said at this time, tweeted him, and but I feel like introducing it would be straining the bounds of believability if you did just have one wrestler show up.

And this one does have, well, magical powers. It seems to me like people are OK with someone maybe being an undertaker and maybe being dead in some way and like having a manager who may or may not be dead.

That was an act. I think that if you're going to have a magician character and the premise can't be I always loved wizards growing up and so I saw myself as a wizard.

It must be I'm a wizard who will win the fight with magic.

I find it hard to believe that there is not been a wrestler who could perhaps mesmerize, mesmerise or hypnotisability.

Well, I mean, we we do have something like that now.

There is there is there is someone who uses what I will refer to as just sort of swamp magic to to cast people into sort of illusory escapes.

That feels real. Yeah. And that doesn't bother me. So we got that right. Why not? Wizard in the last wrestle mania, the fucking undertaker killed AJ Styles and these guys, he's a performer.

He's an entertainer.

Alan Jones filed kick, killed him and buried his dead ass six feet under the loam.

Dust to dust, baby, this dude's dead as disco and then he's back the next week. So why not Wizards'?

What happened when it came back home? I am curious, Governor, when he came back, was there any, like, zombie theme or like he was just he was just kind of back and he was pretty peeved at the undertaker.

Yeah. But they only do the undertaker at Wrestle Mania, so he kind of let bygones be bygones for another year. It got over. You got you got over it maybe next year.

So maybe he'll show up at the undertaker fight and be like, I did not appreciate you killing my ass dead and putting me in the ground like a dead body does. I think if you were going to have a wizard character, yeah.

They would have to only be able to access their powers. Once ex had been accomplished, they could not walk right out the gate and blast you with a fireball or lightning or whatever it would have to be like.

They got to power up via getting punched enough right or something.

Maybe it's rage fueled magic or it's the cheers of the crowd.

Perhaps.

I mean, we got from Bachelor who turns into the beast when he gets psyched up. There's a lot of people who transform into BCO characters, so why not a fucking wizard? Please give me.

It's such a shame that live audiences aren't permitted at wrestling events now, because I would love to start seeing the crowd filled with Minato wizard signs.

Yeah, maybe once things, but I feel like the heat of this is going to be gone by the time we wrap up the cupboards. Could it be a social campaign hashtag? Why not a wizard tweet tweet event and write.

Well, you don't have that no, you don't have to tweet at anybody, you can just tweet, simply hashtag. Why not a wizard? How that that's so that there is no wrestling connection to that.

Oh, you don't think that's obvious?

I didn't think it needed to be stated. I think that when someone sees that, they will immediately think of the void in wrestling of like, yeah, you're right, why not a wizard?

Bray Wyatt has swamp magic and he transforms into a beast.

Why he can't do that. That's why I'm saying why there should be even if somebody already got a thing, why not a wizard?

Why not Roman reigns? Some people are still not over. Just fucking give him to telekinesis.

There's got to be some sort of babyface person like one of the wrestlers that doesn't have a cool name. They just are their regular name. And John Cena, like John Cena, who could come back as the wizard, maybe a character.

Oh, oh. Maybe that's the thing is Roman reigns, given you mentioned people, he was supposed to be a hero and then people didn't like him, is that correct?

Yeah. I mean, that was that was ancient history. But still, yes, he is not over in some people's.

Perhaps he discovers his powers. They manifest one day saving someone.

And this is it's not like it's not retcon. This is a new development of I guess.

And also, I saw a child about to be hit by a car and I magicked that car away.

OK, so that's how I found my powers.

He has this fantastical move where he Cox's arm like it's a shotgun and he jumps. He does jump in the air and he punches somebody with this arm that I guess he has prepared in some way.

He has loaded it in somewhere. So what if the next time he does it, he just cocks it and like a fucking lightning bolt comes out?

There you go. Oh, what the fuck? Did you guys see that?

And then we would do cussing. Yeah.

In the WWE again, which because the one cool thing about having a wizard is that you could he's unbeatable, right. Because of magic.

But you could like there's an object outside of the ring in our world where his power is contained, because I think one of the things about wrestling that sucks is that it's always in that the the the.

You know, the square and I feel like if they had an opportunity to do some storylines, that was just the undertaker rampaging through Detroit looking for the secret dagger.

We'll get it. Yeah, well, we'll figure out what you know. Yeah.

Oh, man. That would be so good, because I would love to see Vince like taking part in it like he did.

You find a tracker, like doing his very best acting. We have to stop the heart. You need to go into the ancient vault of. Right. Yeah.

I think what I've I think at some point I stop describing wrestling and started describing shows.

Yeah. But it would be cool if it is like shows.

What if there was a companion television show to wrestling where they were going on adventures and maybe there was a companion character that the undertaker like. I know I don't have wrestling powers, but I'm here to provide some levity.

My name is Turk Diker. I'm your son. I'm your son. And I will find the dagger and I will solve the magic man. Griffin, are there any wrestler? I turned 17 dead. I got my wrestling powers. I'm proud of you. Tonight I'm going to be a nice guy who brings life.

What you want to me again, Dirk.

He's making a smackdown tape. You son of the undertaker. Everybody, here comes Dirk Taker. Oh, he's got a dagger. You said he took Dirk. Hey, no, he's got my dagger. Oh, the wizard seems pretty worried about this. For the first time. The lizard is worried my hair has been compromised. Oh, and it's a wizard son. Tom. Hi, I'm Tom.

I don't want risk takers swiping his knife at that. We got a call. This guy.

Oh, no, the wizard. His skin is melting and the roaches that were ambulating, his body. I've decided to disintegrate. That's right. He was just an ambulating skin shield for a bunch of living roaches.

We'll have to see how this affects the rankings or whatever.

I'm going to run into the ground just from, like budgets.

The facts are right for this show. I really do want it to be some ratty ass man in black one era like PlayStation one low poly, just sort of dissolving man.

Be so fucking good God, we should write wrestling.

They should let us do wrestling. Are there any wrestlers who their whole gimmick, like their whole thing is that they always seem surprised to be in a wrestling match. Like maybe they were just like a fan who got up to go to the bathroom or like buy a program or whatever. And then it was like, wait, I'm a what?

Huh? Oh, OK. Travis, this is perfect. The character's name is Phil Spigot and he doesn't want to wrestle. Yeah. And what it happens is the wrestling.

So to go find him and start the wrestling against his will and he's just like you. The line for the men's room.

You're right, he doesn't know the wrestling is. But that's the problem is that all these wrestlers are waiting until the match starts. If you want to get serious about this, you need to start finding these people in their daily lives.

Yeah, I'm pretty careful. I don't think he came to the wrestling match. I walked to his house to find him.

I think Brian Stroman was just like getting some pretzels at Smackdown.

And they're like, what do you do, man? Get up there and do your fucking body hair, get your incredible wrestlers body.

No, I. I'm an accountant. Yeah, no accounting for how big a beat for you get up there.

I'm actually I'm an undertaker. Yeah, we get it. Yeah, right. I mean, I'm like mortician. Well, that's taken. So you've got to pick something else. I pick something else. But I am an undertaker. That's taken. It's taken.

Can you be a wizard? I don't have powers.

Dammit fucked. I would be great if like a like a big a big wrestler got to be the wizard. Yeah.

Just like fucking faux French Leicestershire or something like oh baby, here you go, Suplex City.

And he's like, no, I don't do that anymore.

I like Rusty Fornero before he reaches into his fucking knife tattoo on his stomach and pulls out the actual dagger.

He's opened a portal to hell. Whoa.

Let me guess. You're going to suplex the other guy. I don't do that.

I don't suplex anymore. I use my mind now. I control time with the amulet around my neck and I have a cape that moves on it.

So why would the lizard go into the ring? That's the question for me. Yes.

If the wizard has these incredible powers, what storyline the reason is there for he could be just waiting for the wrestler to wrestle somebody else saying eating some nachos. You mean thirty seven G. Yeah. And then just Blasim. Right.

Well the other, the other wrestler said something mean about his girl. Yeah. One day he had to get maybe smooched his momma or something. I don't know, I haven't watched wrestling since nineteen ninety five.

Let me give you this. His spells are powered by punches and that's what I said earlier. One spell. No, he's building spell energy.

OK, so he has to slap the person. Yeah.

Sometimes they slap their belly. Do you love that. It's fine.

That seems friendly. It's fun. Now he's punching. Others are getting punched.

Justin it's not even punching Travis. It's an open hand. Belly slap. Yes. No, ma'am.

I'm just saying that maybe the Wizards powers are powered by being punched by someone else. OK, so they have to get punched to power up their powers.

That's huge. That's cool to watch. Right. Wrestling, get at us, whoever.

I'm just saying wrestling if you want us to. Right. You get at us, get out.

Maybe it has to happen in a geometric shape and they're too lazy to make their own, so they just use the ring to do it.

What are the three of us filmed sort of in the demo tape of US wrestling using this great fiction, but we did it in the front yard. Oh. Where everyone could see it.

And then that way people wouldn't think that, like something unsavory is happening. It's in the front. This is this is three this is three boys front yard wrestling. Yes. With supernatural elements.

I was going to suggest that perhaps we were all three lizards. And then I thought, what if that became the thing?

Every wrestler is still themselves, but also everyone has powers. Now, we are basically this is Mortal Kombat level. Oh, yeah. That guy, he studied in karate till he became a master and also can turn into a dragon.

They are separate, unrelated, but two things that he can do. He is a very good fighter and also can shoot ice out of his hands.

I mean, again, you're just kind of making show now. You just kind of making mortal combat.

This is a TV show, but also there's a real human element to it.

OK, it's too late. If you fucked up the fuck, no one's going to buy this. It's you know, we're we're going to have to fall back on our old funding model advertising.

Oh, OK. I thought you were going to say selling plasma now.

I thought we were going to do the Max Fund drive again, but I don't think we're allowed to do that.

No, Jesse said no. OK, let's go. You know what I love? What do you what? Listening to things and so that is why I enjoy audible. They got audio books and so much more. They got original, I guess they have like interviews with people. They got all kinds of cool stuff on there.

I, I recommended this to I think I recommend it to Justin and then we pass that on to Dad and I'd pass it on my friends audio book that I thoroughly enjoyed the seven and a half deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle.

Oh my God. It's the best.

Oh if you love like mystery novels and you want to hear one like you've never heard before, the seven and a half deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle is absolutely incredible and will blow you away.

OK, I haven't recommended this to me. Now, I don't know why you guys are.

Stuart Burton, the author of that, actually has another audio book. Yes, it's called The Devil and the Dark Water that is coming out in October. So there's another autumn born free to look for it.

Also, let's take Maureen Johnson's truly devious series. It's the most incredible. Can't recommend enough. I just say that James Acosta's classic scrapes, which is so funny, it's so good sense.

And listen, let's all be honest.

You got some free time, right? We all have a little bit more free time this year than we were expecting.

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Well, I mean, listen, I know I it's the first time we've said it out loud in each other's presence, let alone to each other.

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Make sure to check it out now while DLs running by Rakan Dotcom slash my brother my my my eternal flame. I'm really small, I'm Sidney McElroy and I'm Taylor Small, and together we host a podcast called Still Bufferin, where we answer questions like, why should I not fall asleep first at a slumber party? How do I be free? Is it OK to break up with someone using emojis? And sometimes we talk about but no, we don't know.

Find out the answers to these important questions and many more on still buffering a sister's guide to teens through the ages.

I am a teenager and I was too. But sports.

But sports buttons were. Another question. Oh, sure, sure, yeah, yeah. Yesterday afternoon, my roommates and I had a tie dye party where I brought the dyes and we were going to do a bunch of shirts.

Of course, at least I thought we were my roommates. Both only brought one shirt each year and then had fun dyeing some of my old T-shirts as well.

Looking at their shirts now before washing, I'm 100 percent certain that once I unwrap one, it's just going to be solid yellow because she used to much die.

And I didn't notice this is going to be so disappointing, especially since now I have five cool shirts to her, one solid yellow shirt, which I do try to fix it before giving it to her.

Tell her now, almost 24 hours later that I didn't notice she messed up. Throw it away and start a whole new shirt. Please help.

I don't have much time before I figure the shirts back. Holy shit. This is actually a surprisingly challenging question. Yeah, this is a tough one. That's from dying for an answer there.

So there's a lot of hair on this one. There's a lot of there's a lot of a lot of flies in the ointment or because they only got the one shirt, they took one crack at it. This was a mistake.

You don't show to a Thai party with one shirt because that's saying like, hey, everybody, it's me, the world's best Thai dir. You sit back and watch me do my fucking thing is a cold shot.

It is. This one shirt is going to be better than your five of it. Like I said, it is a competition. You are competing. Yeah. What are you going to tie dye for the fun of it. Know you tie dye so that you have a good product at the end. Yeah.

It's not that fun like it's made for a child, you know what I mean. For a child it's fun. But you really want the finished product.

I went my girls tie dyed a shirt somewhere. I got I came forget it's been years but they were so excited they tie dyed their shirts and then they said, now you just leave it in this bag for twenty four hours. Are you fucking kidding me?

You might as well tell my kids to throw this in an incinerator and forget it ever existed. For as long as that sound a tie. Dying isn't fun. Some people like it, Justin.

A lot of it. I'm saying it's very pleasurable as a craft but as a layman stuff.

OK, well, there are many things I would argue that for some people are fun to do and for others are incredibly boring. Sure.

This is obviously do I have to quantify everything I say on the show as this is just my perspective, but this is my second year.

Right. Here's here's let's start doing options, OK? Number one, you give her the yellow shirt and you say, congratulations, you made a shirt yellow and you didn't do you didn't do what you were trying to do.

But this shirt wasn't yellow before, and now it is.

And isn't that empowering?

You have accomplished something. You haven't changed the nature of something. It's very nature.

And if they're like a, you know, a bright summer, then it's going to this is really going to compliment them. You know what I mean? I love a yellow. I look great in a yellow. It's my favorite color. If you told me, hey, Griffin, you didn't your your attempt to iron on, you know, this picture of the cast of night court on this shirt didn't go so well, but you did diet straight.

Yellow. I'd be logical.

You studied full and made the shirt straight. Just a big out. Just he looks like a thumb because you sweat. Just face it.

It's just the thumb, you know, he takes he now take it. Richard Marles takes up the entirety of the shirt. Just his bloated, stretched out, ruined face. But but you you nailed Larroquette Millerick. That's great. He's just on the back but no it's just yellow that I'd be fine. It's still a good shirt. It's still if I didn't.

That wasn't your goal grav. It's like if I set out to make chicken soup and I ended up with a fine gazpacho, like I think I'd be disappointed and confused no matter how good the gazpacho is.

You have to have I think you can fix it. Because when they open it one, they're going to be so delighted by this amazing thing, these circles of color, come on, they're going to be loving it. But even if that moment passes in, it will like all pleasure. I don't think they're going to have a moment where they say, wait a minute.

Did they tie down my tie? I did. Well, I'm inconceivable no, I will not. I mean, you have to go. I'll grant you this.

You have now it's in the contract. Unless unless unless they didn't want a tie dyed shirt, they wanted a yellow shirt.

Fuck. God damn it. I hate I hate. They're just once I'd like to find some fucking black and white in this world rather than living my existence in perpetual shades of grey. Yeah, but Traviss. Right. Of course, that's entirely possible. They just wanted they had a shirt that was one color. They wanted it to be yellow instead. That's entirely possible that you said we're going to tie dye.

He may find I'm never going to wear a tie dye shirt by free, but hey, free dye. But hey, free dye. I have been looking for an excuse to turn this shirt yellow.

Hey, can I do a Yahoo! Yeah, I'd love to help that person. It's all not I built on a lake. It's too hard. Can't Deltans around you finally hit something we can't help with.

I think it's because we don't know anything about tie right now. I don't know if you'll tie dye on top of tie dye once the show is yellow. Can you dye again?

So this new diet another day.

FALOON This this guy who was sent in by the wizard and I can't do anything about that. Oh, OK, Emma, thank you.

It's an anonymous Yahoo! I'm not a wizard. Why not? Outside this one's by Yahoo! Answers user. They're anonymous. So I'm going to call them.

Preston asks all like prestidigitation what Mike Preston did yesterday. It's Preston Digitization.

My name is Prestidigitation, and I'm here to change the world of wrestling.

I also flip a real good look at these flips.

They are not magically enhanced their physical flips and also lightning. That's hard.

That's hard. If you practice really hard to do cool flips as the wizard wrestler, you have to keep reassuring people that, no, I try to do those.

Preston asks. If you could combine two sports to make a new sport, which two would you pick and why?

There's room right now for for a new sport to take off football and jousting football and jousting, as Travis did not even think about it before he went for football and jousting, which is kind of like polo, sort of like me through a trap.

What's it look like? Well, it's you have the big linemen, but they also have big pointy sticks.

Does anybody else have. Are they on horseback?

No, the the wide receivers and the running backs are sitting on the linemen shoulders kicking like at a pool. But they have. But they have sticks, pointy sticks, all about water polo and regular polo.

That's cool. Now there's horses in the pool.

Yeah. And don't get me wrong, the pool is shallower. The horses can touch the bottom. Oh, those aren't swimming.

So but yeah, you've basically created the most dangerous sport for if you do fall off the horse. Oh yeah. Trampled under water.

That's a done ski right there. Yeah. Yeah. That's a season wrap. Let's think, let's think about this because I think I think there's some sports that could serve as like a really exciting modifier for virtually every other sport.

Yeah.

Like I think if we took. NASCAR aha and blended it with literally anything else jousting. That's rough, I'm trying to think of the safety of the athletes, Trav, and I guess I'm alone in that. OK, well then soccer, but with car now that's a game, isn't it? It's a game. Yeah, I think so, yeah. You know what I'm going to say.

OK, picture this. OK, NASCAR. Yeah, right. Yeah. They're going real fast, but in order to win you have to hit a ramp, pass by a basketball net and slam dunk out of pocket.

That's cool. See now we're talking. Yeah right. I think NASCAR and just can can I just say the X Games, huh. I would really love to see a snowboarding car like replace the wheels, I guess, with, like rails, like skis.

Yeah, and now they're doing a big jump like this. Big jumps. I mean, boxing in any other sport is like now they but they fight. It's like baseball, but they fight well.

They already fight in baseball sometimes, but they're not supposed to.

But I do like when you play baseball and you're doing great. But you say the angels are down, you know, nine zip and bottom of the ninth and they're like, hey, wait a minute, let's just fucking get these guys.

And you go over there and you just start punching the other people in the dugout until the ump is like game angels come from behind victory.

OK, here's my pitch. Here's my bench is my pitch. OK, combine every sport individually, not like into one big mass. I'm saying like this like with captured the flag where you're playing baseball but also in each dugout. Right. There's a flag and if the other team is distracted and you can get over there and get it. Same with like football. There's a flag on the sidelines, soccer. There's a flag in the side, like there's just a flag.

But if you could get their flag back over to your side while they're busy playing the game, you win.

It's got to be baseball, right? Because I'm thinking about it now. Every other like of the major sports has had the sexier version made of it.

We got slam ball for basketball. We got NFL for NFL. But baseball, I'm not even thinking of it. Like NASCAR can modify everything better.

I'm thinking about baseball needs of that song.

What's it need? Yeah, it needs a little bit of that sauce. And I think I think having some other sort of excitement on top of baseball is the secret.

I got to go one, OK. Shotput. And curling. Oh, no, wait, yes, no. Yes, I got it, discus and curling.

So you're doing your curling right, and you're scooting the thing down the pipe.

And then at any moment someone could come scoop up your your your disc and hurl it as far as they can. And then your sport has stopped. Their sport has begun. So you have to get it over cross before someone can storm out of the darkness and take your disc and throw it as far as they can. OK, neat.

That's a neat idea. In fact, shotput plus anything is very good.

That is like you could be playing football and you're like holding the ball, but you better pass it quick or else someone's going to a strong person's going to run out of the shadows and grab it like they can and it won't be in a way you like.

I am pretty sure American football is soccer plus Shot-put, right? Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm going to kick the ball. No way. That guy grabbed it and threw it.

There's always just big fellas trying to take the ball away from you best sort of like inherent. That's like important and important facet of the sport. Why do I got a great one.

OK, what about. Cross country skiing and rifle shooting. Oh, is this the most dangerous game kind of thing?

No, you wouldn't be shooting at each other. You would take cross cross-country ski for a while and, you know, go for a long time. And so you're kind of racing like that. But then you get to like a target range. Then you have to shoot a bunch of targets with your rifle and then you set it down and you just keep on ski and baby.

OK, so what's how does this what's the addition here? What do you mean like how is this improving both sports. Because you got your watching people cross country ski and then you're like, this is getting boring. Well, what are they doing?

And then they get out a rifle and they're like, pop up now and downhill skiing with lasers, Ryan.

I'm doing a joke, you fucking guys telling a joke, because I called the buy out the fucking guys, but you weren't even sometimes I do fucking sometimes I do a fucking joke on this show and it, like, doesn't work because you guys don't get it.

Jokes, interesting jokes and ignorance.

It makes me it makes me pretty pissed off for maintenance.

Oh no, wait. I've got to wait before we go on baseball and ballroom dancing, you that you catch the ball and then you have to do a little dance and you get deadest on that.

That's good. And you hit the ball and you have to do a little dance before you can run or you do the dance while you're running.

You've got to samba to first base.

You got rumba to second base tango.

I want a much more ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba. I want to man squad you ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba.

Welcome to the podcast then a podcast about the latest grace of brand eating.

I'm going to hear you say start train eating, brand eating. I'm trying to do more headlines. Yeah. Right now because there's not as many deep dives, but there are some things that I do want to pass on to you.

Viña shifts all the changes that mouth Wienerschnitzel announces lineup for new cheesy oohs fest.

Oh fuck Wienerschnitzel Steel yourself. It fast has arrived at Wienerschnitzel.

It's going to be epic experience, unsurpassed deliciousness with the chain's new cheese sauce taking the spotlight of three fan favorites.

It later said. It says in the quote. And this is from the CMO of Wienerschnitzel Doug. Cocobolo, we're confident our first event will be a big hit, if you like cheese, you're going to love these. After one bite, you'll be requesting an encore. Oh, God, I assume after this he said, are any of those anything? I have other things to do. And the press really says no need to trek to a desert to experience these amazing headliners that possibly had not occurred Weiner's way.

So I would like their Wienerschnitzel, because this tasty trail will be touring your nearest Wienerschnitzel before a limited time only burnaman thing.

Yes, it's a burning man. Thanks. That's the festival that Wienerschnitzel has heard about HSN.

Is that is that e w w s is a fucking God?

This is a very brief one because it's just a sad story. But I do. This is in the general actual news category.

No, talkable was not done with their absolutely like slash and burn o crusade against their own shit, their scorched earth policy.

Yeah. The final revamp of twenty twenty.

We're just doing empty shells now. They're getting rid of. They're getting rid of Mexican pizza, no. One of the more authentic dishes. Yeah, at Taco Bell, they're getting rid of Mexican pizza. They're getting rid of Pico Dagi and they're getting rid of shredded chicken now.

So you want chicken, you won't be able to specify that you want that shit shredded. You're going to just only have one style of chicken, huh?

Wow.

Removing this is actually going to trip you up pretty bad.

Taco Bell said removing a Mexican pizza will help it leave a lighter footprint since the Mexican pizzas packaging accounts for more than seven million pounds of paperboard material per year in the US.

Are you talking like we're crazy for this pizza?

What I want to see a graph now with which is like human waste of all year. And then one sliver of it is like a not inconsiderable portion is Mexican pizza packaging.

Wow.

So that's mind blowing. And our last story recently, Shredded Chicken. Our last story comes to us from the Hershey Company.

The Reese's brand, Reese's brand is here to save your morning with the new Reese's snack cakes, a first of its kind mid-morning cake treat by the Reese's brand you love. You read that right, ariss tree to enjoy. In the morning, but forever, that's what it says forever.

Yep, you read that right, ARISS treat to enjoy in the morning forever.

It does that just mean like this is not a limited time thing. Friends we're calling forever.

What is the morning?

Research shows 83 percent say they have indulged in dessert before noon in the past month.

Hey, Reeses, can you think of any other fucking reason that might be too absolute?

The colonel is like, no, no, no. Careful. No, no, no. It's the covid thing. I know I ignored it for six months before I changed. Finger licking good is the covid thing you're wondering right into it.

So we had a crazy idea to give Reese's fans permission to have cake as a mid-morning snack whenever they want.

So Reeses sees us at the bottom of the well in a deep global depression. And rather than Xindi heading down to us to help us swim out, it just starts dumping peanut butter in cake on the ground like here will help you. This is helping. I'm helping a shovel.

Dig down, dig down.

There's got to be something better with Reese's snack cakes. Reese's fans can enjoy a delicious combination of chocolate and peanut butter cream without having to wait until lunch.

We wanted to create the perfect treat for Reese's fans to satisfy that mid-morning sweet tooth, said Mike, or Snacks brand manager.

We know sometimes you just don't want to wait until lunch. That's how Reese's snack cakes are born. It's like the Reese's brand, the first ever mid-morning tree offers real milk chocolate, Reese's peanut butter cream and a two cake pack available December 20 20 at convenience stores nationwide. Now you can now you can indulge in a Reese's treat any time of day. Well, consider morning officially saved hash tag. Not sorry.

OK, first of all. Yeah, that put a lot. That was over the top.

The hash tag was it's a lot what was stopping me from eating a Reese's cow in the morning.

That's fucking clearly nothing because according to your own fucking research. Eighty three percent of us are enjoying a little mid-morning.

So yeah. So why is now making it a little bread here. Make it OK for me to do. Yeah.

And y'all like listen, you're not looking at these cakes, they're cakes. You're not making it. This is not like a fucking biscotti. It's like a layer of cake wrapped in chocolate with raises on it is is a dessert and you're just saying that you can eat it at ten o'clock in the morning.

That doesn't do anything. We give you permission.

I oh I didn't I clearly didn't need it when 83 percent of me was already doing it.

Did you think that 70 percent was waiting on cake.

I was just waiting for it. I love to eat a Reese's right now, but seventeen percent of us say it's no good. Maybe they're 17 per cent will be swayed by cake.

Perhaps if cake.

That's why on it. That I want it. I want to eat.

I'm so hungry looking at it. You have no idea I would do anything to eat this winter time travel to December twenty twenty one. It's done so I can eat what.

It's one thirty nine and maybe a vaccine. Do you don't know. We might be having celebratory Reese's snack cakes with the right dressing.

You can only have one December. Twenty twenty. What do you pick up.

The cake is the cake. The cake. We don't know. The cake won't fix.

Yeah that's the cake. The cake definitely is in a hurry. Yeah. Let's just leave it at that cheese out boy.

Oh golly. I will also wait until Raices gives me permission to get a vaccine.

Now 80 percent of you are getting mid-morning vaccines. Can I. I'm just waiting for the scientists to determine that it's safe.

Just so you know, just in the future, if you do bring Wienerschnitzel into the Mod Squad, I am going to go because I did now. I was in my hole for a while. Whenever anybody brings up Wienerschnitzel, I climb into my hole that exists in my fucking mind.

Palace is a rage hole because Wienerschnitzel is a hot dog restaurant and Wienerschnitzel is not hot. Is it not a hot dog?

It is a breaded veal cutlet and the guy does start a wienerschnitzel was like I need a name for my hot dog place. And he was looking at one of his wife's recipe books and saw Wienerschnitzel. And they're like, that's that's a great name for my right there. Done it. It's got Wina right there in it. And I hope his wife is like, Oh, John, stop. Look at the picture, John.

I wish I were more attentive reader and lover. He said when you started the restaurant, quote, No, we wanted to call their company Wienerschnitzel. Three days later I said, Hell, it's better than John's hot dogs. No, it's not. It's not it's not in. You know why, John? Because John's hot dogs has hot dogs in.

And I'm pretty sure Nathan's famous hot dogs is a very popular brand. Yeah, it's not Nathan's famous sushi that sells hot dogs.

They got the name right. It has the right food in it. Anyway, apparently they sold Wienerschnitzel for a few months in twenty seventeen, I assume that was just to get me off their case. Did it work? Nope, he could see right through it. Hey, guys, be quiet for 30 seconds. Can you do that for. Here you go, double cheese fries, double cheese, chili fries and a double cheese chili dog, enjoy.

Wow. Everyone seems to love Aruz Festival. Yeah, we are actually running low on cheese sauce. We just made a bunch. I'll go check it out. Oh, that explains it. At this point, I should just pause real quick to say that there's a person in a giant hot dog suit and they've got a Jacuzzi tub filled with cheese sauce and they're ladling more into it, OK? And they're about to climb into it and they're wearing a towel because they're about to get into the cheese.

I'm glad you broke it down for us because I was confused. Offloads.

The towel has dropped from the huddle while this young man looks on, dives into all the new cheesy goodness drink best Wienerschnitzel.

So do they reference the hot dogs genitals? Do they say so?

Does that dude like it'd be amazing if I had another Swidler. I mean, that's what it has to be.

Drosten has to be has a thank you for employee pushes sunglasses down the bridge of his nose like, oh thank you for listening to me, but you don't work there if you don't find hot dog sexy.

Thanks for listening to. I would actually think you can't work there without later. Fine. Like you just handle them so much it's going to creep its way into your brain.

But this is the this and this has been my brother. My brother made to do my show for the money. I thank you so much for listening.

We so appreciate you being here. We it's new month, which means there's some new merchandise in our store, including those pens we got hilarious.

Bibbins Bakkar, those fucking and so funny.

And so go check that out. And also you can preorder our book. Yeah. It's, it's there for sale.

It's at Amazon or you can go to McIlroy by the podcast book Dotcom. There you are.

There is a practical how to guide on how to make a podcast that you are proud of. Everybody has a podcast except you read by the three of us. It comes out in January. Preorder it now. MacRay podcast, Bookham. It's also kind of fun.

You'll like it. I play jokes in it and games for the kids then. No games, no thanks to John Rodrik and Long Winters for use for our theme song.

It's a it's a departure off the album, Putting the days to bed. And thank you to maximum fun for having us on the network. Go to maximum fun outdoor. Check out all the great shows, their shows like Jordan, Jesse, go shows like Switchblade Sisters and so many more maximum fun dog. Um, I think that's it. Oh, and check out the best if you haven't, it's mine and Justin's Federico's podcast that we do with our buds, Ross and Chris, you can find it on Spotify for free.

Check it out. The last episode, it was on a bunch of games. It was a lot of fun. You want the final?

Oh, yeah. This final one was sent in by The Wizard, and I can't thank you enough to Yahoo! Answers user Brian, whose fucking profile picture is a very intimidating close up of Santa Claus.

Oh, like he's got this.

He actually has he actually has his little Santa Claus spectacles pushed down the bridge of his nose as if he's saying like, oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, I love that hot dogs, Wayner.

So Brian asks. Can I order a Subway sandwich deconstructed? Yeah, my name is just I'm a rabbit man. Talk about Subway a lot, don't you? They do salads. This is my brother. My brother, me. That's Griffin on the lips. Maximum fun dog comedy and culture, artist owned, audience supported.