The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only, so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up? You call? Hello, everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother and adviser for the modern era. I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

I'm your Middle East brother. Oh, no, I'm Griffin McRoy. Travis, what's the matter part?

That's wrong, I, I didn't get the call, you know, today when we were recording this. Oh, it's the first official game of the NFL. Twenty twenty season. Oh yeah.

Once again, I didn't make the cut.

Oh no. Have you been practicing so hard. Yeah.

You got that title. I feel up the pigskin and you can't fondle the pig and you, you got the tire in the backyard that you throw the football through.

I flip the tire and then I throw the football through it and then you run around and I catch that stomp through it. You most of your practice is tire based. I remember when me and Justin, you were playing out in the field and you found that tire and you picked it up and you said, now I can play football.

Oh, it was a magical tire. Also, what was it doing in that field? You know what I mean? Like, yeah, there wasn't a car for miles.

We were confused when you said this tire is the key to football. Yeah, but then we watched you practice with it.

You work so hard. Your body looks so crazy.

And I didn't. I didn't. I didn't I didn't get the call. I didn't get the call.

And so another season and I thought this year, you know, is like covid-19 out there. And so maybe maybe they'll need more people. Yeah. Maybe it'll be like that situation where that one bartender from Philadelphia and they're like, hey, you all, you come play for us.

But nobody called me.

That movie's wild because it's like if this fucking dude can play football, why not Travis with his magic tailleur?

Right. I get the call on me.

I waited. I waited by the phone every day. I even drafted myself to my ding dang fantasy football league. And now I look like a total tit.

Yeah, you're probably not going to get many points off your own sweatier your brow travel summary.

They won't let me right in my points say like well today I played touch football and I scored three touchdowns. So that's. This should have been your year though.

It should have been, if not this year.

You know, no one's ever going to be watching, you know what I mean? Because, like, they can't go to the stadium now. Right. And so you would think that they would be like, let's try some weird stuff this year.

This would be the year for like a donkey that kicks field goals. Right, if they're ever going to do it.

Yeah, that our Tony Danza, the carnival field goal, kicking garbage. What is that?

I think you now I think that's what you're talking about. I mean, baseball is having fun with that. I don't know if you guys been keeping track. I'm not one to follow the sports news, but I did see a story today that the Atlanta Braves won a game yesterday with a big twenty nine runs. So it was kind of like they were just like, guys, let's just have fucking fun.

This does none of this counts. Let's just have fun with it.

Why don't you throw a few slow boys down the plate, let me get a few grand salamis and next game I'll let you do it because none of this fucking counts matters.

It has just occurred to me that there was never an equivalent of, like Rookie of the Year, but for like the NFL, whereas like that nine year old threw that football pretty good.

Get him in here with all these like 400 pound men or I mean, in the NFL version of Rookie of the Year, he would be huge like and that would be his thing, is that he is he would be a different he would be like a linebacker and he would be the Hulk. He would be. But he's like ten. But he's ten years he's a four hundred pound ten year old, just monster, absolute unit of alad. The garbage picking field goal kicking Philadelphia Phenomena Love is the full name of the film starring Tony Danza as a garbage man.

And that's got to have great SEO, you know what I mean? So easy to remember, clear to search for.

What's the story of that movie? Can you believe this professional sanitation worker can also be an athlete?

They give they give an average guy a shot at the NFL. Why they make him the kick? Well, because he's the kicker. So they're. No, but I mean. And then was it just like, hey, that guy, let's see if he can do it.

I have, like, the biggest fucking fragment of a memory of him kicking, like, water bottles really far. And they're like, yes, this translates to you are that guy half half of the players in the real life?

NFL is because somebody saw them like throwing fish at the fish market or like tackling a bear.

Yeah, that guy's very good.

Tackler scouts will sometimes just go to the tire store and watch out people's shelf tires and move tires around.

And I like football, baby, that the end of that film. I pull up the Wikipedia page to get the right name.

At the end of that film, the holder of the football fumbles the snap and Tony Danza grabs it and scores the game winning touchdown.

So even the creators of the garbage picking field goal kicking Philadelphia phenomena agree that a kick is too boring of a way to end up.

It's just not interesting enough. It has to be a touchdown. You can't just make it a good kick. That's nothing more.

I mean, I would y disagree because I would watch. And that's just kicks. That's just kicking back.

It's just field goal. After just a shootout they suck. Yeah. Wait what now. But the ball would be super silly like they wouldn't.

That's what I love about the American. Put a little water in it.

The European football is like spherical in a way that is sort of like geometrically pleasing to some. But I love the way that when American football hit the ground, it's like, good luck, fuckers. What do you doing?

Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo better than I am.

And I went, I want more weird balls in sport and bewitch.

But when I say that I don't really want it that bad, I really feel like in order for sport to move me these days, you need to score twenty nine big, big runs in a single game because that fuck yeah. Now we're playing some like broken you know, MLB 2k on the dream transformed into Blace. Yes. Yes.

Essentially if I may here's here's what I think would really if I might fix football is twenty twenty.

You get more people watching Kozmic Football a lot more like, you know, after hours bowling alley where everything's like, you know, blacklight and like neon and like maybe you play some like especially funky music, PG 13 music Cupid Shuffle where you're not sure where the sexual part is. But it sounds pretty good.

It sounds good. And that's great. Trappe say is part of your plan.

Also maybe make the field a little bit shorter, maybe get rid of some of the penalties and then maybe have a sort of strict opinion about political demonstrations on the way to Vince McMahon or and it wait in next half hour.

Is there like the ball is Blacklight. Yeah. Yeah it is. No well says so.

You can make sure everybody did wash their hands of safety is for safety.

Oh but you like all the uniforms are black. Right.

But, but you put some like neon reflective tape on to make them look like stickman running around our skeleton's.

Oh yeah.

For the Halloween season you can dress up, you can do your own costume. Yes, cool. That would be like when we played mascot football when when I was I played mascot football at a RiverCity Locomotives indoor arena football game and I was called Bonga the Calford WCR. And I went out there on that beautiful field. And it was my it was my crowning achievement because I did run in a beautiful touchdown.

But I only accomplished it because Louis the Lightning Bug sacked the fucking shit out of Shoni and sent her paragliding 10 yards down the field. It was fun.

I've been in that calcars. The visibility is low. It is limited. It was an incredible catch. It was. It was. It'll be the end of my movie. Nothing I've done after that, it's going to be better. But it's also going to be the start of Louis the lightning bug, because he really made Shoni Bear eat fucking mud.

There's a scout. He's like, give me that lightning bug he tackles. Good. But then he can only tackle in the lightning bug. You got to play it safe around me.

Is the lightning bug a universal reference or a local reference?

We'll find out, won't we? Should we do a question? I'd love that. Thank you so much. Sorry, I'm really excited about all the good my squad.

I have this. I feel like I've been seeing a lot of my squad in the ether. I feel like people are all just been saved up in the pipe. Don't hog it. So I almost don't want to haul away.

No, give me. You can't do that. Let's just rip it, baby. Give me I'll do a couple throughout the show. Do that community. A couple of thousand sugar daddies that Munch Munch got its podcasts and podcast profiling, the latest aggressive brain eating. There's just so much going on that I need to talk about.

You guys here about the candy man.

What? Don't say it again. Candyman is the is David Kline, he is the creator of the Jelly Belly, OK, oh, I heard about this. So he not jelly bellies themselves, but the creator of the Jelly Belly who kind of struck out on his own after I saw him selling the brand for a lot of a lot of money.

The candy man is selling three times. I knew you were just I wanted to get it out of the way.

So I'm I'm I beat you to it.

So he is doing a Willy Wonka style jelly belly, Willy Wonka style treasure hunt, where he is going to give away a candy factory. If you find the golden tickets that he has hidden around, I couldn't even, like, take it and turn it and twist it.

He just said like like he was like Willy Wonka with his kids and said, fuck it. And he's just going to, like, copy and paste Willy Wonka hold.

No, no, Travis, he's not he's going to mix it up quite a bit.

There is a gold ticket hidden in one in each state, as I understand it. I will now tell you the particulars of this contest.

And this is I'm reading directly from the gold ticket dotcom, how to play each treasure hunt game will have a game location and a start date and cost forty nine. Ninety eight.

And it says this is the cost for the rental.

This site still closed for the riddle. This is it isn't parentheticals. This is the cost for the rental.

The register person who purchased the game will be signed up in a private forum.

You must have a Facebook account the day and time your treasure hunt starts. You'll receive the riddle in your group. You will be looking for a gold ticket in the form of a necklace with a tag that includes a code you need to verify. Your find winners will receive five thousand dollars. Gold ticket codes must be submitted to this email address.

I'll treasure hunt players will be eligible to join in on the ultimate treasure hunt where I give away one of my candy factories.

OK, but ok.

In real life though, getting met candy factory means now you have employees to worry about and like payroll taxes and like fucking workman's comp and OSHA and shit. It's not like.

Yes, fruitfulness. River geoglyph. Oh yeah, everything's horrible.

I think OSHA gives a little bit a just a it, it gives a bit of clearance to candy factories. If Willy Wonka's film is to be believed.

I think shows like they're doing something wonderful and whimsical over there. Let's just let's just let them do what they need to do to make these jelly beans. Yeah.

I mean, assuming sorry, I got a little bit distracted because I was absolutely paying the fifty dollars I need to get in on this incredible treasure in West Virginia. I don't get it twisted. Thirty dollars is that is the cost for the riddle.

OK, so I'm, I'm pretty excited.

Now what is the West Virginia population. That's what I feel like. I feel like I've got a pretty good shot here. What's stopping you from paying the fifty dollars, getting the rail? I mean, just blasting that out to our millions and millions and millions of listeners.

Oh, that's a good idea, because that's because I paid the cost for the red. Right. That that's not the no prize to enter. Ah.

Like you know what I mean. Like anyone can enter but if you want the riddle you pay forty nine dollars.

I'm assuming that you have to pay the forty nine ninety eight to get the rental, but I'm not going to give away everything away for free. I wouldn't do the candy man like that.

He and I are going to be working in very close concert and I start doing the candy factory the way I want it.

Yeah.

If you don't going a big changes do you got planned just in for the for the Jelly Belly brand.

It's OK. I can't stress this enough. This is in no way connected to the Jelly Belly brand. Candy Man is a different guy and he a jelly belly.

He sold jelly belly jelly belly has no there's going to be people walking up to a factory like I'll take this one like no we're not doing. That's not the thing.

We're not producing his mini factories. Do you want me to list the products of candy man kitchens, dotcom, there's crime scene, candy and blood and Clive crime.

That's one.

That's one that you can get there Jami on because now I want to win so I could shut it down, shut it all out, make this stuff ethically, do it different.

I believe in farm to table blood clot candy.

It's a quote.

The world need this right now.

Fuck. We have received thousands of comments from people who say this has come at such a perfect time.

We've received thousands of comments like, please give me candy factory. I need this.

I was just thinking about how somebody did a Willy Wonka.

It would really start fixing shit.

Yeah, that would fix it all. So I'm so excited about that. I will. Keep you guys abreast of my progress. This will be the greatest read-only piss of our generation and maybe the last one. So the stakes are very high. Yeah, if I win, you can do it on it fits.

And if you win, I assume you're retiring from my brother. My brother.

Oh, the show's done. The show's done. Oh. Shows every I have a Kennedy like it'll be Justin's candy factory.

But I'm assuming you will let us sort of, you know, join the board at least. And we can. Oh yeah. Yeah.

You'll be on the block for sure. I need to get my wisdom teeth out soon and I'm looking to sell them to an artist. I'm really tight on money right now. And as an artist, I love supporting other artists. The issue is I don't know how to find any artist looking for teeth. I looked everywhere and no one is buying how much I sell them for how can I sell my teeth so I can eat through a straw for a while as some strapped for cash in St.

. Paul, Minnesota, or Minneapolis, Minnesota. Minneapolis is a city in the.

So there's so much going on and I don't get out of the house anymore. I've been to this place. But a faint memory. There's so much going on.

My favorite thing about this question, what makes me leave this question is that you question ask.

There were like and so I'm going to sell them to an artist. Don't get it twisted. No artists are buying them. So this is a wholly created scenario.

I'm going to search Craigslist for teeth. OK, there's two hundred and eighty seven results. OK, for teeth.

Um here is I'm going to check eBay for human teeth.

Yeah. I should, I don't want to just make something up. I should have been more specific. Well here's I kind of, I got a lot of.

OK, ok. All right. Let's all explain sort of price isn't OK. Have you found prices Travis. You you're not looking at price. No I'm not.

OK, let's say twenty teeth. OK, what would you what do you think they're going said is on that one teeth.

Twenty dollar teeth, baby teeth. These are a lot.

I'm looking at the very first result. How many in six months. OK, shut up. It does specify presumed. Oh, good. Uh huh, uh huh.

OK, OK, glad that mystery's clear to me.

OK, OK, lot of human teeth, the very first assault, lot of human teeth. I mean, this is the new don't watch, I'm just going to talk about, OK, a lot of human teeth, 20 teeth, what are you going to pay for these teeth? What do you think I'm going to say? Two hundred.

Two hundred if it is current bid is fifty dollars. Now, that's not a buy it now there is a buy it. Now I have eight. Fucking grotesque teeth that I'm looking at that you could buy for thirty five bucks. They are vulgar and they make me want to throw up.

Now, there's a really this says nice set of human for crafts.

Uh huh.

And selected twenty seven count intact crowns with some signs of minor decay and incomplete information to perfect, perfect teeth.

And now this is 27 perfect teeth. What are you going. Give me twenty twenty seven. Perfect perfect teeth.

There's a buy it now I'm going to say ok. I was way off last time. Yeah. I'm going to say one hundred dollars. Wow. One hundred and twenty five dollars. So that's where we're at price wise.

Also Back-Door welcome to my new pitch for a spin off of Antiques Roadshow.

I brought in my teeth. Oh, these are excellent.

These are this is. Yeah, this is this is colonial style.

I love this. If we're doing for wisdom teeth then at most if we're using this, you're going to be able to sell them for eighteen and a half bucks, which yeah. Here's the cheap nothing. But it's also, I don't know, not a lot to pay rent or whatever. You got to look at the market.

Right, because you got to think baby teeth are probably way down there. Right. Lot of baby teeth floating around. Everybody's got them, you know, like you had them at some point. You lost them. At some point it is guaranteed that there will always be more and more baby teeth on the market.

Then right after that has to be wisdom teeth.

Right? Like, yeah, wisdom teeth is a thing that comes in and almost everybody gets room.

If he got to think top dollar is going for like front folks teeth.

Yeah. Yeah. Like those on this floor.

This reframes the the popular holiday song. All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth and it's like don't be so fucking like I want a Nintendo.

Sixty four for Christmas. Like we don't always get the things that we want. That would be like five hundred dollars for two front.

The best teeth are your two front teeth, maybe incisors. I might give you a incisors because the incisors generally got four of them. Yeah.

And they do a lot of the ripping and tearing work. Right. Molars that's all grinding. Right. A lot of those are in the back.

You don't even see them as much incisors though.

I feel like maybe those are the money teeth.

Yeah, it's hard to say. I've decided I've just made the decision. OK, I'm going to set up. OK, yes, this will be good, I'm going to set up a program. Oh, boy. I, Justin McElroy, will by the teeth a for a for 100 dollars question, ask her please give me your Venmo now Venmo you.

That's an an enormous breach of one hundred power dynamics I feel like.

No, listen, there's not a hold on. There's a there's, there's a there's a part two. OK, if you are an artist.

Please email us with the subject line, I will use the teeth and then tell us in as much detail as possible your plans for the teeth.

Oh boy, we will then read some of these on the program and choose the best use of the teeth that we will then legally own and arrange shipping from the the tooth holder to the artist.

Now, I want to stress something. Me and Travis have nothing to do with this.

Yes. One legally, Griffin and I are not a part of this to anyone listening to this who's like, I'd sell my teeth. This is a one time thing, a one time deal.

We're not going to set this show up as a black market tooth exchange just this one time.

And if listen, if you are not a legitimate artist to be does not have a legitimate use for these because, you know, we're going to we'll be all over you for for old pictures and descriptions by the moment.

Use of the teeth.

I want to I want to avoid getting all the details. So do not try to wade into this like you're just going to pick up teeth. Craft, I need a real artist who has a real great idea.

Hey, his teeth. Are we sure that this is entirely legal?

It doesn't. I'm not so much legal to where I am.

We're paying a human being for part of their body and then we're giving yet no. Correct. I'm sending one hundred dollars to a friend who will then be so inspired by my generosity that they're going to mail their teeth to a stranger. Oh, that's all that's happening here.

No point. Are you going to tell you? Well, I can't stress this enough.

I at no point want to see or possess until they are deal is tell their art.

Until their art and then I double don't want them. Yes, they need to donate that shit to a museum. The longstanding Museum of Yukky.

So I don't want the teeth. I don't want to see the teeth until the art is. And then I still don't want not in person for sure. No, but this is a tooth patronage. Please follow up. Just reply to your first email with your payment information. I will.

By the teeth on consignment.

No, you will send them a gift of a stipend with the understanding that you will then send the teeth to a deserving artist who would just love.

And I swear to God, if somebody like I'm going to glue them to Mona Lisa, that's fucking funny.

That would stop it. Don't waste our time.

You're keeping real artists who really need real teeth real bad from our our awareness.

So please don't don't do that.

Can I get an email address, by the way, MBM at maximum fun dot org and just make sure the subject line is I will use the teeth and I'll get it.

Hey, let's not make it weird. OK, everybody, let's keep it pretty chill and keep it like cool and nice and weird with these teeth.

What what if it turns out there's a huge tooth demand though? I will. I thought you were going to say a huge tooth. Like you get the teeth in and it's like, oh, why not the point?

This was the deep truth.

Can I do a Yahoo! That was sent in by Iohannis. Yes. OK, thank you, Your Highness. It's from Yahoo! An anonymous Yahoo! Answers user. I'm going to call Dr. Teeth who asks.

This question so powerful, which actors would have played Frazier, hmm, if Frazier could regenerate like the doctor on Doctor Who?

Yes, yes, doc. The Frazier is at an opera chandelier. SNAP falls from the ceiling, smashes him, smashes him the only way to kill Frazier, the only way that Frazier can be killed. And then everybody's like, oh, no, frostier, he's dead.

But then he starts to glow. Kelsey Grammer turns into John Lithgow.

I was also thinking John Lithgow. Boom.

Amazing, amazing. John Lithgow, a second chandelier up snap right on Johnny Boy.

He starts to fucking glow again. This time he turns into Justin. He turns into Justin. No, it doesn't it he I have to name an actor now. Yeah.

You are not thinking of one. Come on, play the fucking game. Get your head in the game. Boy, this is a game, boy.

Daniel no. Oh, no, Travis, you can't.

No, we only. Yes, on this show. OK, I missed that.

I missed the question. I mean, you guys sound insane to me right now. Wait, you missed the question, guys. Sounds so why I just missed the question.

Travis, don't tell him the question. Just I want more answers to the question. Daniel, Daniel Radcliffe is crushed by what have you heard so far, Justin? I heard John Lithgow and something about Shane get perfect.

Do you know everything you need to know? Daniel Radcliffe is tragically missed by a third, even bigger chandelier. His body starts to glow and he transforms into two.

Larry Bird. Oh, in in Bolshoi's said, I hate now that that might seem like a choice, but Larry Bird and I will say this probably knows a lot about wine.

I don't hate it.

Juice is why I don't hate it. Juice.

How does one finger ever going to switch? First the first Santillana with Larry Bird.

No, because there's just not two doctors on doctor who know.

But the doctor gets the doctor who knows why it is involved. OK. OK. The first few companions though. That's true. The first chandelier.

It's got to be Jordan, by the way. I'd love to see the time I could. I could hang with that. The first chandelier zips back up to the ceiling and then falls on Larry Bird, tragically killing him. But his body starts to glow and then he transforms into who next?

Justin, what can I give you another point of David Johnson, what I was going to say and maybe see if they give me that choice. Richard Dreyfus was OK, say next.

Richard Dreyfus is a very I will say this traves a very dry choice and I'm going to squish him. I'm going to squish and basically immediately. OK, that's fair. Richard Dreyfus closed. It transforms into who next lesson in this in this in this classic role.

That is not Doctor Who Alia Shawkat, holy shit, I don't watch the fuck. Yeah, I mean, I've watched the fuck out of that would OK, let me see if I can phrase this in a question that won't give it entirely away.

Is that will would there be any dramatic changes to the personality of this classic character as played by Alia Shawkat.

Are we just going straight down the middle to. Yeah, I mean, yeah. Our Urbain, probably more or more urbane, not possible. OK. Erudite, more erudite, more erudite. Holy wow, fucking wait, let me make sure that we're going to be off the charts.

Oh, man, I was trying to Google the definition for Erudite and I Googled area bite, which is so embarrassing.

I like three different levels at the same time. Erudite.

So, I mean, Justin won't go and tell you are talking about Fraizer and I think Alia Shawkat is freighter's one of the boldest sort of choices.

You OK? Right. Right up there with Larry Bird though, who I think the guest right there, vibratos announced. And I think a big part of the audience was like, no, thank you, stunt casting. But like it wasn't. So he auditioned. He said, don't give it to me just on my name, give it to me based on merit. He auditioned, nailed it. Even Kelsey Grammer was like, that's more like he's more Fraizer than he's first.

And so they gave it to Larry Bird. And Larry Bird did great. He ran for nine seasons.

I think that most television sitcom producers are cowards. Yeah, because let me hit you with this Season three finale of Fresh Prince of Bel Air. They fuckin Aunt Viv is like walking down the stairs and then, like, trips and goes over and falls horribly and is just Dunce's and Fresh Prince is like, Oh no.

But then she transforms into a different actress. And that's the way that they fucking write that. Now, that's how they write that off, you don't just do a switch fucking Two and a Half Men, you say, well, I guess they did do a sort of infection thing for two women. But but but not the same.

He didn't just regenerate into a different character. That's fair, because here's the thing, Doctor Who. That was bullshit. They made up to recast the part, right? Yeah. It's not like. Well, it's just true about Time Lords. No, they fucking made that up. Anyone could make that up.

Anyone can do it. Yes. When you hear the fucking best. I actually had the best casting for Frazier. OK. OK. If this is what would happen if it was getting rebooted today, I'm going to get Johnny Galecki and Jim Parsons as Fraizer and. They're back. They're back together again.

The big banks are are banging once more and get Kaili for four days yesterday just kind of feels like what you're doing is you're both Fraizer, but also Big Bang Theory.

This is sort of your back door.

Bialik is Ross, my unbiblical Ross.

OK, you're just kind of slamming Big Bang Theory and Frayser together and seeing what noise that I'm just hearing, the wet slap of Frazier and Big Bang Theory just kind of running into each other in your heart.

And Justin Wil Wheaton. OK, and who plays the dog? John Ross boughey. Dallas is back. Christine, Christine Baranski was on Big Bang Theory. OK, perfect, you guys. She's probably also on Frasier.

You guys know a lot about Big Bang Theory. Thank you.

Yeah. Yeah. You know, you hope somebody didn't notice.

Let's take a quick break. Justin Parsons Galecki.

Which was which which one's Frasier, which was Niles true last fall was to get journalists to get very every episode, the true TriWest.

And so they swap episode to episode not halfway through each episode.

Interesting. Now, every commercial break this has this very distinct glasses is great.

Maybe they have had they always wear. Let's take a quick break and then we'll be right back with more great content.

Yeah, smooth.

Do you guys remember when Kelsey Grammer fell off that stage? Oh yeah.

I read it every day. Every single day. Hey, Griffin, yeah, bring me some food. Nope, you've too far away from me now. I'll tell you what food I want.

OK, and I'll give you money for it. Right. But you have to bring it to me now. You see your several thousand miles away.

That's what am I supposed to do. Starve, damn it, or use gas you could do. Oh, yeah. What is this door dash you mention, though?

It's the app that brings food that you're craving right now to your door.

It's weird that you're asking me all this because it is in the copy points. And so I think I get this is from something if this is like a need that you need filled.

There's literal text information in front of you. It's really easy to use it to open the door to and you choose what you want to eat and then your food will be left safely outside your door with the new contactless delivery drop setting.

And they have all your favorite local restaurants that are open for delivery.

And you just haven't gotten any new food into my house since March of twenty. Twenty.

Oh, no, that's not good. You should. You should. Well you should be getting more food. But also Jordache is a really great way to do it. And right now our listeners can get five dollars off their first order of fifteen dollars or more and zero delivery fees for their first month. When you download the door dash app and enter the code brother, that's five dollars off your first order and zero delivery fees for a month. When you download the door dash app in the App Store and enter code brother.

Don't forget one last time. That's brother for five dollars off your first order with door dash.

Hey Justin, what's up? I want you to make me a website. I don't know how to make a website. I'll tell you how to make it and then if anything breaks on it, you'll be there to help me fix it 24/7.

How's that sound? That's a that's a huge amount of pressure. Travis, I don't I don't think I can.

Well, I need you to use some beautiful templates, and I need help showcasing my work and selling products and services of all kinds.

And I assume you offer analytics that help me grow in real time.

I look, I can barely do the website. Good for you.

Then I'm just going to use Squarespace. You can get it. Hey, you can both get out of here from now on. I got two brothers, Door Dash and Squarespace.

OK, that's it. Those are the only brothers I answer to and I look forward to spending Christmas with them.

All right. You OK? Wow. This is so this is so. Hey, Squarespace. What? I love you. We're black now.

Thank you for helping me promote my physical online business. Thank you for having everything optimized for mobile right out of the box. Thank you for free and secure hosting and nothing to patch or upgrade ever. You've always been there for me, unlike my two lazy brothers who will neither bring me food nor build me a website. So everyone else leave your friends and family behind and join the family.

Squarespace with open arms, go to Squarespace dot com. Slash my brother for a free trial when you're ready to launch. He's the Africa and my brother to save 10 percent off your first purchase of a website or domain Squarespace all the family you'll ever need.

It says that it says only us, no one else or else will know. And it's over.

It says Turn over all your physical belongings to Squarespace. We're all the family you'll ever need.

Wild says that it does. I don't think that's good. I mean, listen, from my experience so far, it's all the family I need, okay?

Hi, my name is Graham Clarke and I'm one half of the podcast Stop Podcasting Yourself, a show that we've recorded for many, many years. And at the moment, instead of being in person, we're recording remotely. And you wouldn't even notice you don't even notice the lag. That's right, Graham, and the great thing about this go ahead. No, you go ahead. OK, go ahead. And you can listen to us every week on maximum fun dot org or wherever you get your podcasts, your podcasts.

Can I do another Yahoo! That was sent in by a lot of people?

Give me that big, dirty, stinky Yahoo!

Jesus. This one was sent in by is sent in by several people, like I said, it's an anonymous Yahoo! Answers user who I'm going to call. Tammy asks, Is it impolite not to open the window when a crow who used to be my friend, knocks on it? Wait, I used to be friends with a crow in my street. He comes to my window for snacks and is sometimes brought me cool rocks. But last week he saw me walk my dog and hacked at him.

My dog was so scared. I'm extremely mad at the crow now and can't even look at him. He doesn't get snacks anymore, but now he's starting to knock on my window. I feel so impolite not opening, but I am still angry. Should I maybe wait until he is sorry or apologizes in some way? Well, that's neither of those are going to happen. Yeah, I will tell you, Griffin, for a second there, I thought what the question asker meant was, this is my friend.

He died and is now a crow. Oh, interesting.

Yeah. And he keeps knocking on my window. Let me tell you this, Tammy.

Your mistake here was you forgot that at the end of the day, no matter how many shiny stones or snacks you exchange with this crow is still a crow.

And Crows is going to accept dogs. Right. This is this is kind of like the frog and the scorpion where the father or the square was like, hey, give me a ride. And the frog was like, no way, Dagur. A scorpion is like, not cool. If I kill you, I'll die too. And then he does kill him and he dies and he's like, You forgot I was a scorpion. Wow. Except this is like the Tammy in the Crow where Tammy was like, hey, be my buddy and the crows like you absolutely got it.

Also, I'm going to pack your fingers and you're like Crow. I got a fucking crazy dude. I don't know. I don't know what to tell you. Here's a shiny pebble or whatever the fuck did you read? There's an Internet story. One of those, like nature's beautiful words like this crow that like befriended a family or something.

And then one day the family, like, dropped their camera lens cap off of, like, a thing. And they're like, oh, no. And then, like, the next day, the crow had brought it back to them and I had these fucking great man.

Tell me another one, Popol, that there was another one there for them.

Hey, Papa, will you tell me one about the war? Well, one time I was down in a foxhole. Really? Yeah, my sweetie. And when I woke up the next morning, a crow had flown my girlfriend over to Germany.

Syncro. Yeah, we made love while the crow watched. So that was the deal. Wow. That was kind of the one stipulation.

So as I War Crow, the twenty eleven movie, did you guys ever since my girlfriend got pregnant and we named the baby the Crow, did you guys ever see War Crow by Steven Spielberg?

The movie with that that wartime couple made made love in front of a crowd.

It had an extended forty nine minute long foxhole based sex scene while it was actually a grackle that they cast stuntwomen grackle. I just watched the whole thing and is I guess inspired a generation.

Yeah. I have seen some crows around my place lately. I was driving home a couple weeks ago and I was like 20 crows line on the road blocking my return to my home. You know, what that meant was extreme. Yeah. Yeah. Going to be a long, cold summer, long cold summer.

But the thing I want to say about crows is when you see a crow in real life. They look it doesn't look like they should be that big, they're extremely big. And when you see Crow, it's kind of like, whoa, are you sure?

Yeah, I like the first time I saw Crows and Walker and like, I wasn't expecting them to have, like, four legs and like, big meaty haunches and a very long head.

And is war crow especially big or is it just he got a lot of heart. He's got a lot of heart. Both. It's both. He's very large and he cares a great deal and well know his physical heart is far too big. And that's why he he he dies in the movie.

But then they make they make an apartment out of his heart, like at the end of James and the giant peach. I haven't seen warhorse. Oh, what's this. That's a sequel. Sequel.

I would see more horse, but I assume for the title that's it means it's the first and only horse used in war. And that must have been very disconcerting for everybody on the battlefield.

The first time that horse county where what do we do then we throw away. What are you supposed to do with that? I'm afraid I'm going to I'm trying to shoot humans to in a beautiful and to be fair, I was on the other side, right.

If I was the enemy and suddenly I just saw a horse walking towards me, I would lower my gun and be like, hey, now, what's up?

But then that horse pulls out a gun, shoots dangling like a fake.

You see, awards is an abuse of the beautiful relationship between human and. Oh, sure. Right. It's they trust you implicitly. Your souls are intertwined. You shouldn't be leading him then battle against other humans because they will.

But they're going to be up that night like, well, I'm the last person deprecated. If there's a war between horses for the sake of the war horse is horse.

War Horse is the sequel. And the horse is like, I will take you to kill these men, but you must promise, Billy, here is the deal that what they want my when my people go to war, you will be there. I will be right a year back at that time I will ride you into battle.

Sure. This is my steed. Whatever. Whatever you say. Butter Megan.

You got it right. Jeff Zapater. The time has come alive is Cod Hawk.

Holy shit. Yeah. The fracture between the call Garani and the bill Latouche has gone too far. There will be no peace. You, Jeff, saddle up again. You have the long stick of far dead.

My gun. Yeah we still. Yeah I still have that. Bring it. I've seen what it does. I bet it will be effective on horseflesh.

Now put on this at all. No, no, no, no, no. We've covered that Jeff. That button man will be right about it. That's established can and at this point don't make horses go to war.

Bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap bap.

I want a mudslide.

Bad that the bad weather but I want to man quad ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba.

Wasn't much class podcast on the podcast profile, the latest and greatest brand eating.

We have already talked about the Jelly Belly treasure hunt that has nothing to do with Jelly Belly.

And now it's time for a shallow break. Good times come alive. It's a celebration. OK, wait. Can I guess. He just chose Crab Shack. NASA planners unveils a collaboration to celebrate baby nuts.

Oh. So that's what they want with maybe not. Yeah, but so Mr. Mr. Peanut didn't die as he was supposed to, but at the same time, Mr. Peanut apparently has had a child this whole time named Baby Nut.

But Baby Nut turned 21 and is now Peanut Junior. Are you with me so far? Completely. Not just like timeline.

Things were like one comic book series is about Wolverine, but one is about like Logan before he became a Wolverine and one is about like weapon X or these all happening.

It's all happening at the same time. Mr. Peanut had a son. The son was named baby, not the son turned 21 and became peanut. He's got Jack Disease. No, he's 21 years old. So wait, Mr. Peanut, how this son, 21 years ago and this is just the first time we're hearing about him.

Was he born now?

Have you been paying that close of attention to Mr. Peanut? Like in every ad, if you like. And also I have a son anyway. Oh, I see.

I will say that this actually makes sense that one time I was watching the news, like we got all kinds of nuts in the mix.

And then he opened the letter and he reads it and kind of crumbles it up. And he's like, I'm not ready to accept this responsibility. And now I understand what that was in reference to.

If this much squad were a loading screen, it would be a three percent progress. I must move on. Mr. Peanut has a son. His name was Baby Not. He turned 21 and became Peanut Junior.

OK, yeah. To celebrate this. Planners today unveiled a limited edition run of beer flavored Peanuts brand with natural light as part of a marketing stunt surrounding the rapidly aging spokes nut planters and natural light beer.

Flavored peanuts. Oh, hey, press release, you can't just throw in a term like rapidly aging and not make me think of like a Star Trek episode where Doctor who is like, listen, he'll be dead within the week, let him have this.

So that natural I don't want to be classist, but natural light isn't the best tasting liquid. But there's other liquids that I think are superior and taste.

In fact, other liquids in the beer family, in fact, other liquids in the. Cost effective, low cost beer family that taste maybe even just a little bit better than old natty light, so strange, strange bedfellows or perhaps a Miller high life.

It is the champagne of beers. I would take that or perhaps a PBR well-known hipster brand. Yeah. Justin, what else? I'm trying to piece this all together, but planners. So, baby, not.

So, OK, all right, I'm trying to piece this together, Justin, you've got a lot of string tied up on this board here with a lot of pictures going between a please explain.

Right. OK, so remember Mr. Peanut died. Yes. Yeah. The worst, worst day in my fucking life, so at that time, baby, not. Is what more from the corpse of Mr. Peanut, as I understand it? Yeah, yeah, I didn't like the death of Superman when there Superboy and the last cut down. Right. And I believe Steel was in there as well. And yeah, of course. So he was baby nut is what formed from the husk.

Like Mr. Peanut.

Sorry. Like a Phoenix. OK, sure, that's fine.

But he formed from the husk of Mr. Peanut and then he is transmogrifying now into. Peanut Jr., does that make sense? I keep saying it, this is I think about the fifth time that you've tried to walk us through the timeline. Maybe not.

So here's the ad. Give me 20 seconds. Just listen to this. Don't say anything.

Yes, sir. So you're telling me you fell off a cliff, came back to life as a baby, and now you're 21?

Yeah. Yeah. It's been a weird year. So Mr. Peanut Junior, he's now 21, and because of that, they're making beer nuts that are flavored like then you understand?

Yeah, but it's nice to celebrate.

People who missed their birthdays due to covid says he can't read the exact quote.

That sounds super nice.

This comes after Baby Nut, who was introduced in February during planers controversial Super Bowl ad morphed into Peanut Junior earlier this month as a way to connect with consumers whose birthdays have gone by with little to no fanfare due to covid-19 quarantine measures as well as sweet.

That's real thanks to them. Can I also just pull back the curtain now a little bit? Because what they are basically saying is like we committed to this like baby peanut bit and weren't going anywhere with it. So as soon as we saw the slimmest offramp, we took it.

We took it. Now it's Peanut Jr.. And can I also say just after that ad you played it, it does kind of sound like Peanut Junior is using a fake I.D. Act like it's very specific. Read on.

It is definitely like, yeah, it's in a weird year. Can I have my beer now, please, sir? Please.

At the time when he morphed, the quote was this peanut junior still has a lot to learn, like what his favorite go to drink is as he continues to grow up to become a peanut of the people.

And apparently that was the quote given at that point. Right. But now we know what his favorite drink is.

And it's apparently natty lite. Yeah, it's what is which actually tracks.

I mean, it tracks except for the fact that he probably inherited the peanut planas fortune. Yeah.

And does not need to drink. Ironic.

Maybe that's what's happening. OK, I would have gone, I would have gone with a Bud Light lime merita but that would just be my guess for for what baby ginger Mr. Peanut is into.

So now we're going to go a little bit deeper.

See Natural Light is an economy beer brand owned by Anheuser-Busch InBev, which, like planner's owner Kraft Hines has ties to Brazilian investment firm 3G Capital.

Wait a minute. This goes all the way to the top. It goes all the way to the top. Baby, 5G isn't causing covid, but 3G is causing natural light flavored spin.

It goes all the way to the top and you can buy these nuts.

It just says here I try to click the link just as you can buy these if you're a dirt bag, it says so.

I guess if you're buying them, as is so often the case with the months gone, I now I want to try it. I didn't before.

Nothing goes to get. This is from Mike, executive creative director at Feigner Media, which has engineered a lot of evil in the past few years. Nothing goes together like beer and nuts. We are thrilled to work with natural light to make the union official with beer flavored peanuts.

OK, but it's not like when cheese and house wine partnered. They didn't make wine flavored cheeses.

That would be actually. Very pretty cool. I think I would actually really like I have had a peanut butter stout before, I have had what I would call nut flavored beer. OK, I got at all and we are weird Fleck's.

But OK, I'm just saying I'm not at all if someone said, do you want me to soak these peanuts in beer before you eat them, that's probably that I would assume that, I'd assume that nuts are not soggy and wet, Travis.

And I hope I hope not. But what do you picture. It's got beer. Dustan.

It just like a like a flavor of beer, a flavor, you know, flavoring were probably made with beaver anus. Why did you say that? Why would you say that?

Oh, they use a beaver like anus. I like juices in a lot of fake flavorings.

That's so that's so not true by that. I don't I don't do it. They don't do it. Beaver, that is a real thing. Yeah.

Everyone listen to the sound of this is for your Asmar triggers the sound of my brother googling beaver anus.

I'm doing it quietly on my phone. Thank you very much. Oh. Huh.

Hey, cool. Yeah I guess so. So I guess anything, I guess anything that you eat that has flavor in it. You're just. Eaton asks, if you thought I was lying, didn't you? You said I was wrong. I don't know what I thought. All right. Wow, yeah, look at that. Why is it good? Wow, who discovered this? That's what I need to know. Who's like that's actually I wanted to I said I would eat the entire beaver on a dare, but I'm enjoying the Askwith.

What I would I just I just I just happened to have on my desk that I've been snacking on a little bit. Some jelly beans that are going right in the fucking garbage is me varanus in jelly bellies.

It's in here about I think I'm OK. Oh, jelly beans have a. Shellac on them that is made from the secretions of a bug. OK, a B a beeswax.

No, if you see an ingredient titled Confectioner's Glaze.

See if that's on your jelly's in there. Yeah, they do marry bugs and eat out of beavers, but I don't know them.

You know what I mean? How can we just be how come God gave the beaver the most flavorful Bucklings? I don't know. Oh, here we are, here we are not.

Well, in the mistruth altogether is the worst episode that we've put out so far just because of the truths contained within.

I mean, I think all around, I don't think there's anything redemptive about what happened before this.

Like everything everything we said in the episode doesn't balance out the whole. No, no, no. I mean, we would have to give out the winning lotto.

OK, you're saying there's a there's a food die in nerd's that's made from crushed and boiled beetles?

Yeah, sure. All right.

So we're all fucking nasty, nasty Timonium Pumbaa, let's end it. The show and episode.

Not to be fair, Griffing, you have numerous times said that Timonium Pluma made you want to eat those bugs.

Yeah, well now that I've got the opportunity, thanks to me, but I want to, I want to be able to give consent to Tymon and PWN but before I eat the bugs I don't want them tricking me. Yeah, oh, yeah, you got to try this try this symbol, it's beaver and it's Beaver and it's the one thing we love out here on the Savannah Beaver grass.

Hakuna my ass. Delicious. Oh, I think I'm going to go back and deal with Scar. No, no, you won't have you anymore.

You've been celly. You know, me ask. You know, if you go back, tell everybody you ate the acid load. It has pancakes, beaver and tortillas. We are Astorga got everything.

Something smells like vanilla ice cream, which almost universally contains Beever and it's riska.

I ate the beaver ass. Move forces like don't need to be. I thought I told you why. Oh, God, I missed you so much. Come back to talk to me. I told you you'd never be embarrassed.

I reject you can no longer recognize you as my heir. Just fly back to say I'm disappointed. Anyway, by the.

Hi, it's me, the beaver. I'm up here with your dad and I can't believe you ate my ass.

I'm dead and you ate my ass. The keep your nose up king.

That's what Rafiq is wiping on him, by the way, just in case anyone knows, it's a mixture of beetles and beavers, your nest, you go out into the world. This is a scar. The entire planet is dittrich semba into eating beaver grass and then tell everybody, well, it looks like you've eaten me.

But before I surrender, just one more thing. Yes.

I told all the giraffes that you beaver ass and also geese, they know now. And the beavers were not thrilled, let me tell you.

Well, some of them were, but some of them, you know how they are.

They are some of them are extremely flexible on immoral moral spectrum.

Thank you for listening to what is presumably not been canceled as a podcast by us.

The McCrary brothers called My Brother, My Brother and Me. We hope you have enjoyed your time with us as we continue to soldier on through this absolutely bizarre period in our planet's history.

We we wrote a book about how to podcast. It is like a guide that will actually walk you through step by step. But we wrote it. So it's also kind of funny. I think you'll like reading it. Hey, this is I'll say it. You will like reading it.

You can preorder it at Macquarie podcast book.

Dotcom, what are you waiting for. Go do that. Let's see what else.

Thank you to John Roderick and Long Winters for the user. Theme song is the departure of the album. Putting the days to bed and find that on the Internet and a bunch of different places. I bet.

And thanks to maximum fun for having us on the network. Go to maximum fun big. Check out all the great shows, their shows.

I stopped podcasting yourself and eat rocks and a whole bunch more maximum fun dog.

Also we got some good new merch up there at the the Macquarie Match.com store, including some bins that represent the three of us and our dad as a horrible B monster. So make sure you check that out.

Don't forget to get registered to vote and vote early and make sure you do some research on local elections because, you know, starts local, then moves up the chain. Plus there's a lot of Senate seats up for grabs and then vote for Joe Biden.

Thank you for being here. We hope you're hanging in there doing OK. Don't forget artists. I will use the teeth. Te founder Gadis, this final Yahoo we're not narks this is an interesting I know it would be a very weird roundabout staying if it was this one was sent in by the Wizard. And I can't thank you Emma. It's Yahoo Answers user that another anonymous one. Stop being so fucking scared and do and stand up for yourself for once.

Bill up. Bill up asks. Does anyone really believe it's a coincidence that the two surviving Beatles are the circumcised one?

I might not have for money told you where that was going. My name is just I'm Griffin McElroy and my brother. My brother may kiss your dad, squirt. Maximum fun dog comedy and culture, artist owned, audience supported.