The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up you cool baby?

Hello, everybody, welcome to My Brother, My Brother and Me, an advice show for the modern era, I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.

I am your middlest brother, Travis McElroy

I'm your sweet baby brother and thirty under thirty media luminary, haven't said that in awhile Griffin McElroy but it's still true

Guys I'm so excited folks at home. You're going to be so excited. We got a special guest with us this week. You'll never believe it. It's the my brother, my brother and me fall time prize mummy

what

Ah the prize mummy's back Juice, remember the prize mummy?

The fall time prize mummy.

Yeah, the prize mummy. We did him back in what, 2012?

Yeah.

I have no memory of the things I say.

Prize Mummy in 2012. 2013. I think that was the last one. We changed up the rules each time. Like one you had to rip a bandage off and however much you got off got that much back.

And that's why

In store credit.

I mean, I'm pretty wild about it.

Or your fuck is for just taking only going to be funnier.

He used to be the Halloween prize mummy. We did some focus testing and we that wasn't playing super well with our Christian base. So he became the fall time prize for me. That might be why you don't remember him right away, but he's back. He's here sitting next to me very close there.

This group also said they preferred the mummy to be dead like a historical in a museum dead mummy and daddy get up and move around. But at that point, what's the game like if you're not chasing the mummy down trying to rip off its precious, expensive bandages, they can trade him for a store credit at Dick's Sporting Goods. Like, what's the fucking point?

I'm and am I should. It's been a little while. The mummy has asked if he could share some of his political opinions and. Yeah.

And he can't speak to er those opinions outright. Right.

If he does try scarabs like out of his mouth, which is rather unpleasant.

So I'd rather I guess just interpret them for us Trav and maybe clean him up a little bit. I'm going to try to.

OK, so he's, he's holding up a sign here. OK, well that's interesting on this one. He's just he's right. He's written that women should get the vote. Oh oh.

Oh my God. Prize money. Yeah. No that's yeah he did, they did that. And he's underlining in like exclamation point exclamation. OK. Yeah. Yeah. Oh he's crossing it out. Oh away. Oh. What's that mean then.

He's now just nodding slowly.

Oh no. Oh prize money.

I don't feel like any prizes have even been exchanged at this point. No. He's kind of holding them hostage at this point. He's got them all tucked behind them and he's holding a finger out at me and waggling and pointing at his dry erase board.

Trev, can you sneak a peek? Yeah, let me see the prizes. What are we got? Oh, it's a ha. It's a lot of cans without labels.

Can you ask him where he got those from? Yeah.

Let me come on. Company prize. Mummy, I've already seen that it's cans. Where did you get the cans. OK, you're shrugging. You can't shrug.

You got the cans from somewhere where he's doing like I'll never tell. I'm a little stinker.

Prize money. Where did you get the cans. I think tramp.

Maybe the more important question is where did you get the prize money. Yeah. Where did you find the prize money? Because as I understand it, he's apparently been idle for a few years.

Yeah, well, no, this is a this isn't the original prize. I mean, the original prize money is working in L.A. now. They say, oh, I got this I got this prize money off of Cincinnati Craigslist bet. He told me he is a certified prize mummy wild. Yeah. He told you that.

And what did you what did that exchange look like when you, I'm guessing, rented, you know, a budget truck to pick up, to come with sarcophagus of sorts? It was mostly going to be honest.

Yeah, it was it was just an old footlocker that he was in store like the store, you know, people locker at an old mall and this was just a mummy inside.

Now hold.

No, OK, I can see the confusion. I did not buy the Footlocker shoe store, but I did buy an old chest, a foot locker at a mall. And he was inside of there reading a book. Mm. OK.

And the book was Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, which is weird.

That is weird. And so I think Mummy in the Foot Locker is a really good episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark.

Uh huh. I think that would be good. And you could be. A fun bit where, like he is wearing Air Jordans. Was he buried in the Foot Locker? So maybe he was buried in the box at the store?

Is that right? You ask when he was mummified because you're starting to sound like the answer might be like 1979.

Let me ask, when were you last week last.

OK, OK. That's not a mummy. That's not a person. That's a dead body separated.

OK, well, get out of here.

You can go. Whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Let's find out what these prices are, though, before we go back and thank you. Cadaver out. No one can at least.

Can I open a can. He's OK. He's carefully picking. Which can. How do you know what they are?

There's no labels. OK, this one, I should have this one. OK, let me open this one, OK? Oh, oh. OK, it's huh, it's alphabet soup. Oh, OK, but it's oh, all the words are dirty words.

It's just spelling out it's everything. Giggling How is that possible? Yeah, I don't know. But no, you don't know.

You're there. Oh, you're here.

It's just every time I shake the can a little bit. The letters that float to the top are saying like poopy butt kind of thing since it's like a magic eight ball.

But it's a soup. Yeah. Oh, he's casting a spell. OK, ok.

OK. Uh huh. Oh no. Sorry, it's just a card trick. Sorry I misunderstood. Here here's the. Oh yeah. This is my guard way.

Oh man. Trav you really had us gone with this prize money thing, but I feel like the last couple of seconds have really been.

Yeah, just I think we lost.

Now this is well he let me fake if I'm being honest. He laughed as soon as I started asking questions about the cans he got, he got pretty squirrelly and he laughed. So I was covering for that because I didn't want you guys to know that he's loose.

Um, and I'm sorry about that world.

I set him free from the Foot Locker in the Foot Locker, and now the price for me could be coming to your town today. So he could be anywhere at this point.

Yeah. Do you think Brendan knows whenever this happens? Well, he gets a call from the government, doesn't he? OK, yeah, sure.

We've asked him to do this bit with us from Frazier. It feels intentional, not us.

It does a little bit not to to keep him out. But I would love to get Brendan Fraser on the show. Fuck, I would love to do that.

God, I'd love it would be cool. He doesn't have to go up the road.

No. Unless he wants to.

If he wants to. Of course he doesn't have to talk. He doesn't have to talk about the money. He just has to vanquish the Cincinnati Boambee, the terrorists now just let loose upon the world.

Yeah. And I, I said I was sorry if anybody knows Brennan, that never works.

But we do know Brennan personally. I'd love to get him on the show just to not there. I feel like there's so much we can talk about.

I'll talk to him. A blast from the past, approximately about his his arc on Scrubs, which is really good.

Looks great on Scrubs George of the Jungle with Monsters.

Are you kidding me? Come on. What a talent. I love British Doom Squad. Anyway, this is my brother, my brother, Sangoma.

You know, Encino Man, Big C call that big C on Encino Man, that they never paid off and I'm still a little chuffed, a little admit you Googled Bedazzled.

There's no way you're actually no one remembers the existence of bedazzle you. You tell me you Google it. I was bedazzled with Elizabeth Hurley was also in the film that the remake of Dudley Moore won.

Maybe me and Travis are just big bedazzle heads.

Yeah, yeah. Usdin of my show.

And we're going to. We're going to be helping everybody, whether they want to want it or not, we have an excited promotion in the second half of the show.

We will talk about what to do with the teeth. Yeah, that but just passing mention here, don't anybody else email us what you do with teeth?

Now, it's bad to blame for people who missed that episode.

What you just said is probably the wildest shit they've ever heard. They should listen to that episode then I guess I'm not going to backtrack from people.

We had a we had we had someone had some teeth that they wanted to unload and we offered to kind of like Craigslist at 4pm on our show.

And we had a bunch of people.

Well, you'll see. Let's talk about it later. Right now, I want to I want to talk about you, the ME and. Oh, no, not never you.

Here comes the questions.

I need to take a drug test for a boat captains license. I'm getting sure these can be expensive when your company isn't making you do it on their dime.

However, I'm also currently job hunting.

So the interviews I want to ask it there is a drug test, but because I want to take it since they will pay for it anyway.

OK, hold on, wait.

OK, ok. This person needs a drug test so they're trying to get a job so they can get a complimentary drug test.

Yes. As I understand it. Yes. Yes.

How do I ask if there's a drug test that indicates I actually want to take the drug test?

Why Charles youngest of three brothers, that is actually she's going to give off.

You have to float this as a reverse reverse psychology where it's like if you say like, oh, and is there a drug test? Because I really want to take one. They're going to think you're asking that because you don't want to take one. How do you then flip it back judo style to the other side?

I tell you, there's there's another trick to it to where you say, is there a drug test? I really want to take it right. Or there's there let's start here. Is there a drug test now? They're thinking it's because they're worried about drugs and, you know, they take drugs and that's why they're asking. But the other option is then you say, because I really want to take it and I'm not afraid of it at all. And then they say, oh, OK, well, then like, why even bother doing the drug test?

If they're asking to take it, they're probably good. So let's not worry about it.

Are you suggesting you roll up and you're like, what's up? My name is grungy, do blad and I, I really.

Oh boy. I got a question to ask you, but I don't know if I should do your drug test do you. Where there's a risk of there's a risk of this.

Is it also tainted by Gunji their blood that they actually are like we normally do. But I don't like being on staff here.

WhiteWave it you have to, if I may, an intoxicating presence. I am Eylül, if you'll forgive addicted to currency do Ballade and I do want to have you on staff. So we're going to waive the drug debts or I'll give you some of my pets. How are you. Are you sure.

Because I'm happy to take the job anyway.

I want to party with you grungy do board and whatever it takes, but I like getting high on the rules so as well as drugs.

So I mean maybe if there's a drug test that's I, I was going to suggest that you just be honest because that would be like a very memorable thing in the interview.

If you're like. And do you guys do drug test because I'd actually love to take one because I need it for my boat captains license. That'll be extremely memorable.

But if I'm a hiring manager, my dad is going to raise a huge red flag with me.

Like what? Once you get permission to get out in those beautiful waves? Oh, yeah. Then I'm going to lose you to lady. See, you ain't coming back. You're Poseidon's girlfriend now.

You know, you're not returning like I you I am.

But a port that you have stars in on your way to bigger and better things, by which I mean the ocean, which is both bigger and bigger than any job I could offer you unless one unless the job is for an airline pilot, at which point that is better.

That is one step above it goes.

Yeah, but there's no way they're going to fucking trust you then. That's true. Hey, there's no way the air pilots would trust a boat pilot that is potentially a wannabe boat pilot.

You can't have dominion over the sky and.

But I think you are I'm saying, OK, the structure, as we all know at the top, is astronaut, then airline pilot, then boat captain, then riverboat captain, then a subway driver, no trucker.

Long haul truck, I think beats subway driver.

OK, yeah, a long haul trucker, then subway driver, then Subway sandwich artist and then just kind of digger emerges, digs into the ground with a big drill. Right?

I think there's above the Subway sandwich artists. Oh, really? You also skipped like train engineer like above.

Now that's counted. That's counted in riverboat driver because the railways are the rivers of the earth.

That's cool. Yeah.

Metal rivers crisscross this beautiful land that we call America. Exactly.

And just America. We're the only ones with trains. Well, still, I mean, this guy, we should we should do trains at some point. Right. America's going and all around hither and yon. So freaking fast, man.

A man is really buying into trains. Should we buy into trains now?

That's a suckers bet.

Now we're still using those boats that horses pulled along by the side of the river because we don't know how sales work, I guess.

Hey, do you want to this question is so regressive and where the is not regressive and weird, but why do boat captains have to take a drug test?

Is it important that Captain, you think Captain Rod set a bad precedent on debt?

Mark. I'm just saying, since it's such a good answer, I guess I get why you maybe don't want your sky pilot to be like under the influence, but a boat captain, I feel like it's pretty hard to crash a boat, right?

Well, I mean, OK, here's the thing. I will say, I would like to to the contrary. I mean, people are crushable.

But here's to that point, Jossen. I would like my boat captain to be sober at the beginning and ending of the journey in the middle there.

A lot of open water that you're throwing a dart and just letting it fly. And while it's flying, just like, hey, we're cruise and now I'm cruising for a booze.

It you catch you catch you later. I'm thinking of I'm thinking of, I guess, like, you know, cruise ships and yachts and shit like that. If you're in a little speedboat. Yeah. You should definitely, definitely tighten up.

And I got a Yahoo here and this one was sent in by Graham Robock speak.

Whoa! Beautiful, beautiful dovetailing here.

Thanks, Graham. Yahoo! Answers user Katie Jay, who asks, what's the easiest way to get a free boat?

I want a boat, but I don't have any money. How can I get one for free? How I mean, if you wait until a very intoxicated person falls out of their boat, but the boat still moving, if you can catch it, rounded up people, I guess.

OK, first things first. We need to define some terms, right?

Because Beau Coke like, are we not? I mean, are we. Of course not. A toy, Griffin. But I'm saying, are we talking about perhaps a like simple, you know, like floats on the water holds maybe like one person, like, you know, a yes.

OK, then I have learned from watching many movies that people often just leave those things light on on the seashore, perhaps turned upside down with a crab living underneath it.

You might just find one like on a on a like on a creek, you know, washed up in a river river delta somewhere.

Yeah. Right, right, right, right, right. So I think it's just that's persistence. Now, if you're talking about a quality boat, you're talking about a boat that others will end there.

Now you're speaking my language.

I was watching this series.

I can't remember who was on Tick-Tock is probably on Tick-Tock, where somebody was doing some trading and they started with like a Bobby pen. And then they just went from person to person seeing if they could trade up until they traded for a house. So why not do that? Start trading for a boat? That's it's just I don't want me to think about it, but that's not free. Well, you get the bobby pin for free. If you tell me right now, you would give me one hundred dollars if I could give you a bobby pin, I don't think I could find like I'm not sure I can find one.

Well, what's what's the equivalent you could find. Just doesn't have to be a bobby pin. It could be a safety pin. It could be a button you have. Oh oh. But I'll trade you this bobby pin for that boat. But for boat. But for boat.

I'm happy for me. I'm on Craigslist looking for me.

You got to start with a small boat and you start trading up until you get to your own cruise ship. Hey, no fucking games. I'm trying to do a B trade here in Austin, Texas. Hit me up. No fucking drama here. Tell us about your boat to see if anybody else is interested. They bought their boat. Now they're having second thoughts and they're like, maybe this wasn't a boat for me, but maybe Griffin, your boat is the boat for them.

So tell them about your boat.

Gray, green, white lie, a gray stripes blue.

It looks like one of those salt like cups with, like, the cool sort of gray seafoam blue patterned spraying across the back of it, like a Dixie come, like a Dixie cup. And on the back it says. But it is hard, but how about how big is it, how is your how big is your boat?

Six feet. Wow, nice, isn't it? How wide is a six feet tall, 50 feet long?

Wait and see why it is so important. How wide? Six feet. It's a submarine. So it's it's six feet tall and six feet wide and 50 feet long.

Yeah. If you're in the harbor, you know, what's up, Kerry? Go out to the ocean, rent a boat, OK? OK, two, I have two planes rent a boat, keep going free, three boats, right, if they're free.

But if there's a deposit, you listen, let's get let's fucking allow this one technicality. If there's like a one hundred and fifty dollar deposit, it's still it's still a free boat about. Yeah. If you compare it to boat, it's free.

So that's what that's the one option if you don't want to get all nasty about it. OK, what I would do is rent a boat, get a big tank of boat gas. Yeah.

And then drive around in the ocean looking for someone that has run out of gas and regular gas or boat gas, you know.

Yes, of course. Sorry. Thank you. Took extra chunky boat gas. Yeah. Now we're not talking about sailboat oil. Right. Zosyn we're talking about specifically engine boat gas.

Right. Yeah. So OK, engine boats.

Yeah but gas. OK, so you drive or have your fights or would it was run out of gas.

OK. And they're like, fuck, this sucks. I'm never giving them to my beautiful husband and my eight sons, OK? Hey, don't worry about it, sir. I have boat gas for you, OK? The only trade that we need to make is I need that boat. But you have a mine. But no, this is a rental.

You take this rental back. OK, ok. And I'll fill up your boat with boat gas. But it's mine. This is a B to trade. Yeah. No, get the rental. Still going to get back and that person gets to live on. Now I want to hit you with a second sub plan.

This one's extra spicy. So you want to see the kids either.

But starve them out now, OK? So they they run out of gas. There's actually now that I think about it, they have if you want to get Mad Max about it, they have nothing to offer you, you know. So just wait until they have perished.

Now you're going to risk a Coast Guard rescue in this operation.

And you and let me tell you, friend, if the Coast Guard shows up at your port next door like a vulture, they are going to have a word with you.

Just waiting for free boat. Yeah, I was going to take this and they died.

I just I wasn't actively hurting them, but I wasn't helping either.

It wasn't helping. There's no rule that says I have to help. Officer International waters, you are 20 feet from the beach.

I could have swam there. This person deserves whatever they get.

These guys, I'm thinking about it. There's so many fucking ways to get a free boat. It's wild that we all don't have boats at this point.

I'm not sitting here thinking about all of the boat captains I could seduce and boats from. Why haven't I been doing that already just for the sports?

Yeah, I mean, my ways don't involve as much sort of murder or wrongful death as the two of you are, sort of. Whoa, whoa. Neither of mine involved in murder. I said seduction. Griffing consensual seduction that you threaten.

Throw them over the edge of the bed and I know I'll Griffin I seduced them on land. And then once our lovemaking has exhausted them beyond their ability to mobilize, I seal their boat and then I sail it to the next port city again, the perfect crime.

And then Grubin, can I tell you, I give that boat to my newly seduced captain and take their boat. Are you?

Don't try and sail too. But to the same time. You know, I tried that in college. Yeah. Didn't work one one foot on each and always sounds good.

Yeah. Sounds good. All right. Sounds good. You go to boat rental place to go back to that. Well you go back to boat rental place, you sail away in a beautiful beautiful boat. If you do a deposit it's fine.

You eat that deposit, it's gone and then you park it up the jetty and you come back without it and you say, I wouldn't. You fucking know it.

Big storm, the perfect storm, white squall, very localized, very localized. Sunk to the bottom of Davy Jones locker. Anyway, can I get another boat and my deposit back?

It wasn't my fault. White squall. Perfect storm, please. And you have insurance, right?

Hmm, that's also that is an insurance loophole that if it's perfect storm, yep, you're not liable.

What are you going to do? What the fuck are you supposed to do? The storm is perfect if you can afford it.

It ain't perfect. You know, a lot of times you see a storm and you think it's just not your boat over.

And it looks almost perfect, like, fuck, I hope this gets a bit worse, because if not, I'm going to be in Canada.

You're going to fall in between the perfect storm. A pretty good store. Yeah, a pretty good storm. Oh, man.

You can also inherit your granddaddy's boat. That's just another option. Yeah. Yeah. But you got to be good to your granddad, don't you? Yeah. My boyfriend and I.

I just also really wanted to real quick, there's a sidebar here with trending questions, and one of them says, our yacht and boat owners. Right. That support Trump right now, but also they misspelled yacht and they spelled it yecch.

And that's the only way I'm referring to the type of boat from now on. And I would encourage our listeners to do the same.

Get me a big fucking bright turbo yecch turbo. Yeah. With the big engine chock full of fuel, me and my friends out a lot of gas, lots of brews, lots of extra chunky boat gas with boat jelly floating around in there, just sailing around. Ah yeah.

Maybe some boat beauties.

Oh come on, try some shrimp shrimp cocktails.

Yeah I said boat butties. Oh sorry.

I forgot the Trevis shrimp cocktail but beauty cocktail is.

I'm glad somebody finally had the guts to say it is the wildest days ever like you imagine that one a lot as a kid shrimp cocktail.

So, um, put it around a circle in a circle and then fall a glass of ice and said, I guess instead they put a little cocktail sauce somewhere. Jason, you get a cocktail.

It's like somebody just deliver a handful of loose shrimp. And they said, where do I put this? And they said, well, you finished your drink.

Just put it in there in their Travis renaming shrimp cocktail. This boat butis might be the true legacy of this show long after it is gone, because I'm thinking about it.

I've never seen a shrimp cocktail going around it, you know, some sort of event or even sitting on a table at an event and not done that like finger wiggling like what are these?

I don't mind that I might help myself to shrimp cocktail.

Seems like something somebody did as a joke in the forties, you know what I mean? Like, and here's a shrimp cocktail because it's a bunch of shrimp in a cocktail glass and everybody got a good laugh about it. And then there was one idiot there who is like, I guess that's how fancy people do it. Yeah, I might do this forever.

Oh, I do this. And everything I go to forever. It's a British thing.

But what is shrimp cocktail?

They caught prawn cocktail over there is probably a Fanny Craddock joint, which makes perfect sense.

The great British meal. OK, this is a this is a three part a three part meal that was a shrimp cocktail and steak and chips and the Black Forest cake.

Oh, decadent sounds so good right now. Decadent.

So you got to start with the beauty and then you're going to get yourself into what they call the landlubber, huh?

And you're going to wash it down with. For us with a black couldn't think of a fine name to think of a good name for it. Well, it's already got with the pudgy boy sorry it got a BiOM in it already, you know what I mean? Yeah, I'm here with wooden boy.

I don't think a would a nice Pinocchio. My boyfriend and I went to Publix the other day, Bragge, I decided, yeah, I decided to bring my tote to say on some plastic since I didn't have a lot of groceries to buy. After my boyfriend finished his groceries, I put my tote bag in the baggage area. The cashier noticed and said, Oh, thank you for being so considerate. Bring your tote bag, which is nice.

But then before I could say anything, he says, I'm just kidding, I don't know how to react. So I laughed it off, but it seemed kind of weird. Is it some kind of inside joke to bring in personal bags? What the fuck this is from, what happens from going green in Georgia and in Austin, you're not allowed to like you have to pay money for the bags at grocery store. If you want groceries, there you have it.

But so you have to bring it. You are incentivized to bring your own bags because environment.

So it seems wild for it to be a goof or a gag.

I'm just kidding. Can you imagine could you imagine if I was really selling it to probably a virus?

You don't know me, but it's extremely funny. If you do know me, you would be busted up.

They call me wasteful Wallace. It's my whole deal. Does the tote bag say somethin kind of goofy on a fuck?

Publix is like Kroger for life. Fuck Publix Giant Eagle Eat Publix is dick. But in a bad way it's pretty clear.

Maybe it was a mistake to buy balls, tote bag, fork like. Oh, thanks for bringing that in. Can't sleep.

Clowns will eat me up my honor roll students at Your Honor roll student who was a dragon.

Wait. Oh man. I love that one fat ass.

My other tote bag is a Jetta.

Yea I do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because you are crunchy and tastes good with ketchup.

I saw that one and it sent me to hell for three days. I had to, I saw it in college. I still remember it to this day.

And I lay and I lay down on the ground and I went into a tomb and my father woke me up. After three days he said, You're back, son. Yeah. Everyone follow this guy.

Get out there and do some good just getting us while getting that happen.

I've never brought a cloth bag to the store before. Oh, then you've never lived. I do keep all the plastic bags in the center of the pie safe.

Oh, sure. I still got the pie safe and I keep it full of plastic bags. Recently, the back of this came off and I fixed it because I had my car. It's made of wood. Sure, I'm capable of doing so. You conquer that element. And then I was stuffing the bags back in and I found one from Kroger and it had a anniversary on it. It was celebrating this anniversary of Kroger and the bag was from 2008 and I didn't know.

Is that still recycling or is that just me treating my home like a bag toome? I don't know if I didn't know what to do with them at that point.

I think if you really stop and think about it and maybe expand on that question out of it, I'm trying to do and you said like, I have some aluminum cans and what I've done is filled my basement with all of them and then closed my basement door and just don't go down there anymore.

Is that recycling? I think you know the answer. Well, it was frame it like I made a shitty uninhabitable basement.

That's what I have repurposed these kids into. And guess what? It's art.

Nobody get your PC full of garbage bags of grocery bags. That's going to be there until the end of time. That's art now is what that is. That is true.

But you should really start using cloth bags at the grocery store. It's pretty it's pretty choice. And you can recycle those plastic bags. I don't go to the grocery store, OK? I don't leave my house.

There's a pandemic on, OK? And I think you need to start finding some things you could do with those plastic bags, maybe make them into clothing for your children. I put them in the back of my jeans.

I can fit about 30 back there. And it's nice to see. Oh, I see.

But that's only 30. So I got the ones from that basically gets me through like May or June of 2008.

And then there's several I mean, there's many, many, many more years to go and I don't have that much pant room got buy bigger pants it sounds like. Yeah, it's adamancy.

Be cool if you had huge pants chock a block full of plastic.

I could hear you coming a mile away.

Fucking fucking textually would have a hard time with me.

Who's that? Scott attacked Nancy Kerrigan. Oh, I see. Oh, you're having your leg, you're protecting yourself. He would take a cigarette like not today, Jeff.

Well, that's because it'll save your ice skating career. I mean, you're kidding.

But I like to keep my options open. OK. I thought I was just maybe keep the fart's and. If I saw you walking down the street, your pants were huge and full of plastic bags, I'd be like, Oh, and I assume you've taped them at the cuffs so that you don't fall out. Or I think you're part of the new Borat movie and I'm being tricked somehow. How can I? OK, thank God somebody said it.

How do we keep doing a show in a world where there is a new Borat movie?

I think you need to burn your soundboard. Yes, I think you need to ritualistically send it out on a boat on the river and shoot it with a firing arrow. Did you make this happen?

Did I kind of bring Borat back? Interesting. Interesting. Quick. You do do some awesome power shit real fast. Back to back.

I know. I wish I had many buttons for that. You have failed me for the last time. Don't don't say that so quickly because right now we're about to head to the money, then I might figure out a way to get you there.

It's time for Stamp's look at the clock, its stamp clock, it stamp actually says stamps on it. Now look at your watch. It's time for stamps.

I just bought this watch. Now look at your oven timer. It's time for stamps downstairs.

Whoa. Also, while you're down there, take those biscuits out of the oven. Screw you.

No, don't eat them. They're too hot. Oh, dearie. What stamps.com you.

Can we all shut up.

I'm getting good at this just now. You give them something to do. OK, Girvin, look at the stance in the there's a draw down below your feet. No it's bats. It's right.

Eggs. Let. Girvan, there's a bunch of horses that are bringing the male chicken chicken.

Oh, oh, no, someone shot the horse. Oh, hey.

Oh, Griffin, look at that. It's Richard M. Nixon. And he's about to tell us more about Stamps.com and his mouthful of peanut butter.

Well, didn't do any tricks on him this time. I didn't do any crimes this time. I did them last time, but not anymore. Oh, I sure am sorry.

You want to get a big glass of water for me with Stamps.com. Please read this fucking out. Yeah, I was about to do it for you because I thought you were incapable. I didn't think you had the fortitude.

No, I'm not afraid anymore. Just then with stance to go forward then I damage with stamps.com. You can print postage on demand and avoid going to the post office. Stamps.com also offers UPS services with discounts up to 60 percent and no residential surcharges. Simply use your computer to print official US postage 24/7 for any letter, any package, any class mail, anywhere you want to send. Once your mail is ready, just leave it for your mail carrier schedule, pick up or drop it in a mailbox.

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Yes.

Do you remember when old Tricky Dick Nixon got kind of sweaty during a debate? And then it was in every American history textbook I ever read in high school. That's a pretty fucking wild standard. That's a pretty fucking while.

Boris, anyway.

Yeah, Squarespace is if you want to hear more of my sort of cutting political humor, you can go to the website I created on Squarespace.

It's called The Washington Post. Whoa.

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Oh, it just launched into the air where our moral core o o Nixon's dead.

I think again, actually I think he passed away a while. I mean, yeah.

Now he it's still missing though.

I want to make a website about how I met Miss Richard Nixon, but I don't know how to make a website.

Does that make me a coward.

And I'll think so. It just makes me somebody who needs a little help. And that help is going to come from Squarespace.

Hey, are are you doing this again? Listen, I started iTunes. Hey, J. Man, are you all right? Others say I'm sounding good.

Susu partner, macho man to the top of the flying elbow. The cover. We've got a new champion. We're here with macho man Randy Savage after his big win to become the new world champion. What are you going to do now, match? I'm going to go listen to the newest episode of the Take the Fights podcast. Will you tell us more about this podcast? It's the podcast, The Power to Sweet to be so funky like a Monkey Wook discussions man and jokes about Ressler's fashion choices myself excluded.

I can't wait to listen. Neither can I. You can find it Saturday on maximum fun. Oh yeah. Dig it. Six hundred and eighty eight people wanted to use the teeth. Wow, we have in Gmail, if you look at the tag that we created called, they will use the teeth. It says one out of 100 of many, it won't even tell me exactly how many emails fit this thing that they could use the teeth.

Have we gotten any since we started recording?

Just so I know, like how the most recent ones as an 11 fifty this morning, it is three twenty five as we were recording as it's been for. I mean, you just going to give us the highlight, we can't read possibly 600 entries into this. OK. OK, tough guy. But think of what you're saying.

If you want me to give you the highlights, that would require me reading six hundred eighty eight entries and we can't do that. We've all agreed that that's impossible.

Right. How many of you read just one. Yeah. So here's one. I'm just going to start I'm going to I want to do kind of like lightning round.

OK, so I will if you want to at any point, Vito, I'll just go to the next person, OK? Any point I'm giving you guys the ability to like Baylon through Mora. When I heard about the teeth, I came up with a foot and creepy design for a tooth fairy costume.

I would cast the teeth so I'd be able to make duplicates if needed for the real teeth. I would make a halo crown style headband and attach to at the end of Spike. I'm out. That's that's pretty fucked up.

I mean, it's very fucked up, but I have a feeling all of these will be. So I'll use the teeth for wooden back scratcher, where the next no, next, no, I will use the teeth. I love this and I will use the teeth. I read this one. I have started making my own container candles, usually in recycle jars and through star coffee mugs when making candles as gifts. I add costume jewelry during the process so my friends and family can have a fun surprise when all the wax is melted away.

Yes, I would use the teeth to add to a candle or maybe I would add each tooth to a different candle.

It may not be a fun surprise when all the wax melts away, but it would definitely be some kind of super fun for me for feeling Bridget to know now that somebody is going to be melting the candle, trying to relax or maybe create a sexual environment.

And then, hey, why is there hey, Deborah, why is there a fucking tooth just like out on who did that come from?

I'm going to say no to this because I think the wax would compromise that. I think that's right.

Interesting.

Tyler works at a company that does like laughing and stuff in summer camp, and Tyler makes the swords out of, like, papier mâché swords.

And he said I was I would love nothing more than the papier mâché, these chompers perhaps into a snake's head or a skull on the head of a pole or a sword.

OK, hey, Tyler, my dad, this is great. If I saw a snake's head with some human molars grafted in them, I think that might be the goofiest ship in the world falls apart here.

Tyler says once complete, I will send this sword to you. Just Justin Macary. You fucked up Tyler. We made it very clear we don't want the teeth.

I never want to encounter the teeth, but everyone should picture snakes with molars instead of things I am reading.

I want to hear from Zoe, who says I'm an art student, would love to use the teeth in a piece. I promise I'll make it nice. I listen so much while I paint, and I would love to add even more of your essence to my practice. There's no specifics here, which is my first big red flag. The other one is that and we should have maybe made this clear the first time around. I thought it was we're not giving our own teeth away.

Like, yes, we're still I'm still wicked using mine a lot. I'm wild about love these babies.

And, you know, I will also say and this is kind of like, you know, some a little bit of like job training, like a job interview, training, a word to avoid when you're trying to get something from someone you like.

Is Essence a self? I will use your essence. Makes me think of like in hocus hocus-pocus when the witches are stealing the children's youth.

Matty said, I would like to put the wisdom teeth in a dice mold and make t and dice out of them for wisdom savvy girls.

Oh good. That's very good. Yeah, it's good. But not everybody is going to enjoy that. Well not everyone likes art. No, but I mean you. But you could go see the art if you want to, you know, be on display.

It belongs in a museum I guess is what I'm saying. The teeth belong to a museum. Jillian wants to make tooth earrings.

That's OK.

See, I'm also kind of avoiding people.

We heard from a lot of people who collect teeth and have a lot of teeth.

You have enough teeth already. You have enough. Don't be greedy.

I'm seeing a lot of people saying I have a birdhouse that I have that I've been looking to buy.

Here's somebody who says they have a lamp that they've been looking to spice up for a while. I feel like a lot of people are just looking at shit and saying, you know, make this spicy is teeth.

I want something a little bit more. Yeah.

Purposeful than a little more thought through my plan for the teeth would most likely involve teeth emerging from the eye socket of a crawling.

Next, next, next, next. I don't think so. I don't think we can do well. What's this? What standard are we holding this art to that?

Does it have to be objectively not creepy to are because we may not find that what.

OK, I have one here from Felix. I am a self-employed jeweler and craftsman who specializes in weird and interesting material. I've previously made a wooden ring with a wallaby tooth and set that I found on a bushwalk.

And I have a good range of brooches, pendants, knife handles and rings made of bone, while I have, as above mentioned, practice some post-mortem wallaby dentistry.

I would absolutely love to be able to make some jewellery with real human teeth. Who can say what I would make?

OK, that Felix. Who can say what I would make? You can.

Yeah, you can.

Right there. That was your moment to do that. Oh.

Now Felix does suggest perhaps a matching pair of wedding rings.

You can suggest anything. There's one here from Gretta who says that they made three of their own wisdom teeth into rings, but the fourth one cracked in half so they couldn't do so.

It would be. Just send one Greta's way so they can complete the set. Oh, that is a good question. Are we is this an all or nothing? I think it's got to be an all or nothing on me. I'm not arranging I'm not paying for shipping to several different people. Marla said, I hope I'm not too late responding. I would like to use the teeth in the Christmas diorama.

And there's an attached concept photo here.

Drop that for me in our place so I could look at that, please. Now. All right.

Let me just pass this along to you guys. Would love to see this going to pass this along.

And I'll let I mean, either one of you guys can can describe describe what you're seeing here, those passes.

Oh. Huh? Well, I like that it's nonsecular or secular, it's secular, non-religious, non-religious, thank you.

I like the way I put it. Well, well, one of the teeth is an angel, though.

Does that count? We're trending towards. Torch relay went down. Yeah, I mean, it's just a winter wonderland scene with a reindeer and Santa Claus, and it does look like most of these things were maybe store bought and placed inside of a panorama or a diorama, and then they have little clay teeth on everything.

I don't know. I was I was a major problem.

I have with this with I love it. Marlie, I love your work. The teeth in the model are much bigger than the teeth would be. Yeah.

And that makes me feel like you don't actually appreciate your materials that your work. That's a good point. I like that worry.

That worries me. I don't want you to get the teeth that these are so fucking small I can't do anything with them.

Now here's an interesting one because I will use the teeth. I am a knitwear designer who spends my own Yorn. Where could this be going, you're wondering? I would make the teeth into some stitch markers for my knitting work by wire, wrapping them and attaching them to some ball safety pins so I can use them to mark where I'm knitting.

How do we feel about someone using them to create art? But not using them in the art itself. It seems like a cheat. Hey, fam sure have sentenced some pretty accursed jpeg our way, and I do thank you for that. I'm just sort of scrabbling here through the old tag and there's a lot of upsetting imagery.

A lot of upsetting imagery, what do we know, what did we expect? I would use them to make brass knuckles, OK?

Right, punch and bite with one sling. Hold on.

Frankly, I would never I would never have to use them because we would back the fuck up just seeing them or.

OK, so this is.

OK, hold on. We're talking at this point about sort of like nuclear deterrence of just like this thing looks incredibly violent, the punch biter, but could also add rhinestones to the sides of the brass.

No, no, no. But that's optional.

The real stars here are the teeth. Don't do it. I'm saying if you pull out brass knuckles with teeth on them, the fight will be stopped because nobody will want to mess with with you. So this may be an incredible peacekeeping tool that's up there for me. OK, OK.

I would like to use the teeth for a mouth mug. I am planning on sculpting a mug to look like a realistic mouth and the teeth would be a great addition to make it look realistic. Now I'm assuming that we were picturing here is the top of the mug is a mouth.

Not that the malfeasants that on the side, but rather you would be drinking out of the mouth.

OK, hold on. You're talking about a mouth cup. How many wins, it's all wisdom teeth that are now trying to imagine a house made up entirely of wisdom teeth, and it's only for bookmark that one. Bookmark that one. That one sounds. I really liked his mug. Molly, this is the entirety of Molly's email. OK, so you're familiar with Georgia O'Keeffe, right?

Oh, I mean, if any of that email with let me hit you with this Georgia of teeth, then we could have been somewhere.

Allison says, I will dissolve the teeth in a jar of Coca-Cola, a time lapse video as a commentary on the bourgeoisie.

OK, that's what I like.

How many don't exist where afterwards some of these emails like, wow, this one's really. A lot. Hold on a second. Hello, guys, look at this one. I think this is what I want to use the teeth. Whoa, there's so much great art, a world that makes you weep.

I feel like, you know, American Beauty when Wes Craven is the plastic flipper. Uh huh. I feel like that.

Yeah. Yeah.

Bag's pretty cool, though, huh? It fell out of his mother's peiser. Oh, boy.

Well, hey. Huh? Oh, yeah, these are the problem, Justin, is that this is impossible to describe on our podcast, but oh yeah, I'm with you.

This is ah, this is that's art right there, if I saw that in a building, I would say, where did you get this art from?

It's to sort of pseudo busts made out of what looks like reclaimed materials, like rocks and wire mesh with like, I don't know, man fishing tackle.

And why is that? I love these sculptures that we're looking at are definitely in a museum.

Yeah. And they're definitely art.

Now, can we be sure that this is not a person who just took a picture of some shit in a museum? Because I do not want you to just run up to some shit in a museum and slap illegal teeth on them.

Yes, because I'm looking at Taylor Baldwin's website and there's a lot of art on here. I love that. Somebody who makes so much art.

It's good to I love this art and I'm crazy about it. If you're if you all go to Taylor Baldwin's studio dotcom, you could see more of Taylor's work. I think this is somebody who's talented, deserves our patronage and would use this.

They will use the teeth. They will use this right now. They use everything.

Yeah, they will. They will use the teeth. I'm I'm for it. I'm here for it.

OK, now, I don't know if we have her back for the people person who has the teeth.

That is one thing that the question is, will we use the teeth, will we get the teeth, will we pass along the teeth.

OK, but now we're in danger of other people saying, like, oh, well, I feel bad for him. I'll send him some teeth. No, not now.

All of us that we are one time deal. We are black market traders of chompers, one maybe time.

So maybe Taylor should set up a P.O. box where we can or people can just send some teeth if they run it.

Oh, I don't know. I think that that will have to be up to Taylor. No Prashar.

Taylor, no press. Taylor, how many teeth you got in there? Just here's what we do, Justin.

We get a P.O. box. We prepay it for a year and then people could send as many now as they want.

Now, now hear me out. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And then we stop paying for it. No, nobody. Nobody, no, nobody. Nobody actually like the second half of that.

Pretty good. We're going to make this happen. The ideal outcome to me is that this work ends up in a museum and then there's a little plaque there that's like spooky boys.

And then it always say, like clay reclaimed stone for real teeth from podcast jokes. Yeah. That would be pretty bad ass to me. Yeah, I think that would really save 20, 20.

We'd have to really ask Taylor to like make the arts so good, though, that it ends up in, like, LUB or other big art museum that meets one at the Met or the Natural History Museum.

That's right. By the Central Park. That's one sure and easy for natural history, if you think about it.

Strapped for cash in St. Paul has gotten back to us. I do have the Venmo, I'm sending the cash now. OK, so you're buying.

I need to hear from you to get a mailing address so we can facilitate this. Nice. Did I buy it for one hundred dollars?

Is that what I did. Yeah, sounds right. Sounds like me. Sounds like something I do.

Oh boy. All right. I'm paying out right now. Strapped for cash. I'm going to make this particular transaction from the Lord. Don't need to make this public. Can I ask what emoji, what you put in the details field. Teeth, teeth. You just spread the word teeth. He didn't even put the teeth emoji. For. For those. Teeth nice. Oh, and there's a little they make they got a little. They got a kind of little brushing emoji that's so that's good, because if anybody does hack your shit and see that, they'll think you've just gone to some sort of like independent underground dentist for criminals.

Yeah, for the teeth, which I hope you still have address forthcoming. Leelah's, Justin. OK, this money has been sent. The gears are turning to the Balwyn.

It all depends on you for you to use the teeth and nobody else send us a submission. Nobody else. Please, please. We can't help you.

Hey, thank you all for listening. Thank you for the time. Thank you for the art. Thank you.

Thank you for the music. Thank you for the love, the spirit.

And thanks to John Rodrik and Long Winters for these. Her theme song, It's a departure off the album, Putting the Days to Bed and also thanks to Maximum Fine for having us on the network.

You should go check out that website and go check out some of the hyperlinks they have on there. It's crazy stuff, man.

You'll never believe while this stuff, it's real top notch, we want to tell you. So New York Comic-Con is this weekend.

It's all virtual.

There's a free adventure. Oh, can you believe in spooky bits and bytes? There's an adventure and graphic novel. First Looks panel, Thursday the 8th. It's free. There's also a free podcast, Q&A panel, Sunday the eleventh. And we are doing a ticketed DeAnda workshop, Sunday the eleventh. You can get all the info and ticket links, a bitwise McElroy's NYC Twenty Twenty and the M, the E and the NYC C are all capitalized.

Also, we put up some new merch over in our merch store. We got the tiger on the table of the month designed by Sam Schulz, which benefits the Marsha P. Johnson Institute, which defends protects the human rights of black, transgender and gender nonconforming people, as well as the Sylvia Rivera Law Project, which works to guarantee that all people are free to determine their gender identity and expression.

We've also got some Candlelights Ornaments by Lynn Doyle and Candlelights wrapping paper by Justin Gray. We got a new jump scare pin up there. That's super cute. And you can see all that at McElroy merch dot com. Let's see what else. There may be nothing else.

And we wrote a book and that's OK. We read a podcast book. We wrote a podcast book. How to Podcast. It's called Everybody Has a Podcast Except You, and it's available for preorder.

Now you can preorder the hard copy the ebook or the audio book at MacAvoy, podcast book, dotcom. It's all there. It's going to come out in January. What are you waiting for? Go get it. It's going to teach you everything you need to know to make a podcast you're proud of.

And it's funny. Go check it out. MacWhite podcast book Dotcom.

I want the final.

Oh yes on Yahoo! Sent in by Michel. Thank you, Michel. It's by Yahoo Answers user. They're none of this so I'm going to call them. Tom Nice asks. Is Joseph Gordon Levitt, my mailman? Oh, my name is Justin Mac, Travis McElroy.

He's grateful to my brother and brother and me it your dad's school where on the lips. Maximum fun dog comedy and culture, artist owned, audience supported.