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The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only, so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up? You call me? The not too familiar. Hello, everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother and me, the advice show for the modern era.


I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm your middle brother, Travis, the Middle East brother, McElroy.


And I'm Griffin McElroy. Thanks for listening, folks. I want to join is. Hey, shut up. I want to talk about my thing so fast, so furious, really quick.


I don't really think it's going to blow your mind. And you're talking about other bullshit.


This is a very welcoming our guests to our house. I don't care about them. Me and Justin. I have some fucking party snacks. We got some rich crackers, different savory delights on them.


And you just ran in and that's flying by a bucket of Kool-Aid. Yes. You guys are living in the past. And once I tell you what I'm going to tell you about, you won't remember what it's like before.


And it is this. My friends just announced big announcement on the upcoming.


I already have you laughing. I'm wondering if this is even true.


I'm wondering if you're even excited about what you're saying on the in the upcoming premiere of The Last Man Standing, the Tim Allen sitcom. OK, there will be a special guest in which Tim the Tool Man Taylor Fuck will meet Tim Allen's character in Last Man Standing.


No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.


How does the mind boggles. How does he first of all, how are they going to film that fucking impossible. You can't there's no way.


Tell me everything so terrible. The two men Taylor will meet last and CNN's Mike Baxter. OK, and in the Fox comedy Last Man Standing, I know absolutely nothing about it. This is just this is recent news or the episode hasn't aired yet. So we can only speculate at the implications. Yeah.


And let me also just say I've watched a lot of TV before. We made, of course, hit award winning television show called My Brother, My Brother, Me. I didn't know you could just fucking do that.


Yeah, I didn't know you could be like, enjoy this new episode of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip where Chandler Bing shows up and hangs out with Matthew Perry.


They saved the show.


You know that right now. Or Matthew Perry is listening to this episode.


And good God damn it, why didn't we do that? I would have been real cool.


I speak for all of America when I say, can they touch there? There's a screenshot. Griffin accompanying the the the thing I saw with her shaking hands now.


Well, that's the problem is that if they do touch, I feel like they should I mean, any number of sort of cataclysmic thing.


Oh, wait.


Whoa, OK, now we're fucking cooking.


I thought that's what you're getting in water. If they could turn on the line. I just want to sweet tender romantic love scene between two million and Tim Allen.


Want that. Why stop there. Because Tim Allen circa Santa Claus could be up in there too. Oh yeah.


They really menage a team that's a pure Michigan baby and maybe Buzz.


Buzz, you didn't want to listen to me say that's pure Michigan, baby.


I'm going to need you to just take a second, OK? So let me do it again. That's pure Michigan, baby.


If we can just get buzz sort of doing commentary like, yes, you're you're stroking his, but you're about to you're you're putting your wiener near his butt and beyond.


You guys are going to Infinity Emperor.


That's pretty cool, man. Cool. Wow. No, sorry about tool man to man.


Guess what, I'll fucking watch that. I like I won't like it.


I won't enjoy supporting Mr Allen's art. But Danny, he's he he got me in his trap again.


You know, I the first thing I thought of when I saw it. Griffin Yeah.


I saw something real quick before we move off the sex thing, I just want to go out there.


Yeah. That home, like in home improvement, doesn't run with come, even though they're spelled the same way, because I think there would be a really good thing. There was a really good thing.


Maybe maybe the thing would just become improvement.


Yeah. Yeah. But that doesn't you know, like, you know, I mean I could have said that. Yeah. Without a sort of set up and it wouldn't have really landed. Yeah. Home improvement doesn't matter.


Yeah. Yeah. OK, so here's the thing. When I saw that announcement, you know.


I don't think so Tim. Oh shit. When I saw that movie, we need more power. I just out the biggest fucking sybian you ever see in your entire life.


All right, so, Travis, you've been trying to save for the past and will send pics over and goes, I'm going to finish climaxing, neighbor, when when you see an announcement like this, Girvan, you mentioned not liking Mr. Allen's art. And all I can think is it must be that a lot of people don't because this isn't the move you make when your show is doing super good and successful, right?


Yeah, I am actually pretty sure Travis, the last man standing, has been canceled, which it means that they're just kind of going for it. Yeah, this is the end. Here's the end of this. This is season. Nine, how do we let this kind of thing happen, you know what I mean, how do we let this sort of thing happen? Well, we have to look it up because the show was canceled in twenty seventeen.


I thought I was having a weird Berenstain Bears thing where I was like, wait, we pointed our ire with far too focused a lens right toward young Sheldon.


And he deserved it. But also at the same time, Tim was over there doing some sneaky in the fucking corner, wasn't he bringing it back without us looking a stinker way is young Sheldon, the actor who plays young Sheldon also like O'Reilly?


We we're just watching young Sheldon waiting for him to make a mistake.


Yeah, because once we do oh oh Zingana.


Is there an episode of Young Sheldon where he finds Bazinga where like a buddy sees that he gets one in season one.


It was bars and I hear it in season two. They're working towards Áng. Mm hmm.


OK, so this has been a good intro. I did think you were going when you mentioned breaking news. I did think you're going to talk about the actual breaking news that just got announced that they're doing break dancing at the 2024 Olympics, which is.


Holy shit, how hard can how hard am I legally allowed to watch the Olympics?


How hard am I allowed to watch that happen and then do that?


Are you familiar with pay per view? But I feel like this is maybe the moment I enjoy ambitious breakdancing. I can't imagine how much I enjoy Olympic level professional.


Sure. So I've got, what, probably three and a half years? Do you think I can get there? Three and a half years, do you think I can get there? I think you can, Griffin, but I think it will be like spoiler alert the wrestler where you'll do it and then die. Wow, that man, the spoilers don't come watch much more than that, do they?


Well, here's the thing, Jesse. I've never seen the wrestler.


I just know what happened because other people have spoiled it for me.


They should call it the dire threat the wrestler, and then he dies on it. But but actually, the actual title is a wrestler parentheses rep in red states.


And they would lower the fuckin. Well, let's be honest. I would be lucky to place.


But so let's say bronze medal just on to my dead body slumped over the pedestal and you would still be all twisted up from your last super cool move that, you know, I would I would definitely die a fucking antisense pretzel man for sure.


Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.


Well, this is also an advice show against all odds. This is awesome on my show. And I'm ready to help people if you guys are unless you have any more great Tim Allen sex.


What do you think Tim Allen breakdancing at the Olympics looks like.


I think it would go a little something like this. This is going to get too esoteric, maybe they're going to have to break into the Olympics, which means that they're going to have to get judges who are like experts in breakdancing but aren't at a competitive level anymore.


And I bet that's going to be hard to admit to yourself, because this is a new event and you never got your moment right.


OK, I'm buying a fog machine for my band when shows happen again. This is the fucking perfect supply. And demand wise, about five machines you could give for a song. Oh, absolutely. This is a buyer's market for four frog machines, 100. Why stop there.


Get disco ball. Get one of those things. It's like got all the different lasers inside of it and kind of spins around.


Yeah, that's what they're called. There's they need a name for those that got to get a name for them though.


So I'm buying a fog machine when shows happen again. I'm excited, but whenever I see a band that has a fog machine, it's always super lame. When the band turns on the fog machine and it slowly covers the stage.


How do I distract people before the show when we are dispensing fog picks? We are a shoegaze band that's from Hazy and Haze. Thank you. By the way, these are the details we need. False, yes. Yes. Even if they don't make it into the the the podcast, we need this information.


If you get, what, shoegaze. Shoegaze.


That is the one stumbling block, maybe a sort of a sample. Because, you know, what we're about to do is draw parallels to somebody we think is shoegaze and they get mocked mercilessly on I was about to say Twitter, but it'll probably happen on Tock.


Maybe it's Sho Gozi, shoegaze, Chagossian. And I actually hear I'll tell you what's what's that, you guys.


I looked it up after I read this question and I have since forgotten My Bloody Valentine is a big one.


That's the one that keeps coming up.


Is it like when a band has really good shoes and you can't stop looking at them? No, I don't think that's probably it. I think it's just kind of mopey, huh? Mopey, mopey tones. Mohie tense.


OK, so your band, The Sugar S.O.P tones. This is my friends. You guys, they might be cousins. This is why SNL has new cast. You don't mean because then you bring in somebody.


I bet Melissa Villazon your nose knows what shoegaze is.


You know, we need your macro's.


Let's get I are working on it.


So weird that groovier wait up but I put a baby up.


My wife could work with you and come on out here. Maybe this is what an opener is for you to have an opening. Oh yeah.


Make the opener come out to your fucking fog machine. So weak, impotent.


Sputtering That's me. So that is such a rough way to do them, though, isn't it?


Yeah, I know I've worked in theatre enough that like that, that like a little bit of fog until it warms up. I guess no one knows how they work can.


All right. How long can you leave a fog machine on.


Can you just have the fog machine go in like before the venue even opens.


Well, I love that you're using up the juice. Yeah, just the juice. You don't want it. You do not want to.


Rotty rushing out mid show to swap End-Use.


Yeah, absolutely embarrassing. You can't get the juice, can you?


Put a garbage bag up on the sort of exhaust tip of the fog machine until that fills with fog and then you can just kind of take it on stage and pop like pop it or tear it open to get like a bunch of fog all just like all at once.


Oh, yeah, like that. That's cool.


The the problem is, I know you don't want people to notice the fog machine, and I do understand that, but. They also have to notice a little bit or they're going to assume there's a fire, right, as usual, if there's just all of a sudden a bunch of smoke, you're going to think, well, where smoke, there's there's fire. And I think that, you know, I mean, you know what?


I've always I'm going on a trip down memory lane that it's one of the many, many things from my youth that I really haven't relitigated since then, because if I would have, I would have realized how extremely busted it was.


We did the Easter pageant. Yeah. Every every year. And at that great scene where Jesus kicks open the tomb and it's like, what's up? I'm back. We we had a fog machine for that. And as far as I can remember, they only use this one bottle of fog machine juice for every show. And it smelled so strongly of what its smell was, which was pina colada, which seems at our Southern Baptist Church.


Here he comes. Christ is King the Redeemer. He is he is back and better than ever, baby.


And also some tropical themes happening in your nose. Celebrate Christ's birth on the beach. I'm just saying maybe this is why I enjoy pina coladas so much is because I sort of think about them in the same way I think about the resurrection of Christ. I drink when I drink one of those called fruity babies on a beach. And I just think about the when I rolled that stone away, this sometimes this can bring me back to life.


You know, maybe this is a fun experience, because what the listeners don't know is I dropped out for like 30 seconds because of computer issues and just rejoined.


And I have no fucking clue how we got.


The last thing I heard was like pop a big bag full of stuff.


You to think about this.


Yeah, my brain does that for me sometimes our reporting. And that's actually pretty nice. It can be fun. Kind of a fun jumping off.


Do you want to Yahoo! Fellas, I love that graph.


And thank you so much, Senator Bob Graham Robock, thank you. Grammas Yahoo! Answers user. Gary, the human being who asks.


Wait, how much fun can you get in your mouth at one time?


Time out, Riverman, gone just like all at the show starts and everybody is just like I guess it depends on if you want to live with cool lungs after that, because probably the answer would be zero. Just juice.


Griffin, OK, just use pressure. It's toxic. OK, so Gary, the human being asks, as long as you never give up, you can't fail. And then in the additional details. Still time on the clock. I thought that this is one of the more powerful motivational sort of I guess not speech, but, you know, tagline that if you if you don't stop trying, you can't fail, fail.


But that's just wildly untrue. OK, let's see. Let's see a map. OK, Griffin, I'm a boxer guy and I've just been knocked out. Yeah, they ring the bell and then I stand up and say, let's keep going. Yeah, I'm not done.


Well, you live lost. You lost. But did you fail. Yeah, I failed to win. Yeah. Yeah. But you don't give up boxing do you. Let's I turn in my test in math class. Yeah. Oh I've gotten all the answers wrong but I just keep writing more numbers.


Yeah but if you keep working in math you had, you didn't fail did you. But I failed the test. He did fail that big test.


He did fail the test. But here's the thing. You didn't give up because you can't keep trying. You can keep asking, are you sure I failed the test and then you could be like, can you check again?


And then you could be like, this is illegal, the test is illegal, and I'm going to go to court to prove it. And then you could lose currently forty seven of those court battles and then but you have it failed, fail.


You're just still trying.


Is there a yet missing from this sentence. That's what I mean. Yeah. Yeah. You haven't failed completely. I think you've you've mostly failed. There is still one degree to which you have not failed.


I think that the world needs to recalibrate a little bit. Frankly, I've been thinking about this a lot where we've got this whole chip on our shoulders when it comes to like, well, you didn't give up, you didn't fail.


And like, you know, if you if you fail to plan, you plan for sometimes the most respect I have for someone is when they realize they're not good at something and stop doing it. Huh? And they say, maybe I'm going to try something I am good at. And they find that thing. And this comes from someone who is really bad at wrestling in middle school. And Dad convinced me not to quit the team by saying, quote, McElroy's don't quit.


Yeah. Which is wildly untrue. Yeah.


Did he say if you don't quit, you don't fail? There's still time on the clock.


I think what he said is if you if you don't fail, then you have failed. And if you quit, then I won't have any children who even pretend to do sports. Oh, God. Oh, God, please don't quit.




And so what I'm saying is maybe what we should do is encourage people to give up more.


This is like to say you don't like that thing. That thing doesn't make you happy. Stop doing it. But this is the opposite of this power. I came here with this powerful Yahoo! And it is. And I was trying to inspire a generation of my. And but they didn't work. I can't remember what the generation Zeze.


I can't remember what the network background right. A is now. I don't think that's I think that's true. The Zeniths, they don't know how to fail.


We will know how to fail to comfortably Griffin but they don't give up and it's time.


Maybe they should look. Maybe they should or maybe they shouldn't.


This is what I'm saying is we're so worried about debt forgiveness. What about debt permission?


Oh, you know, like when someone says, hey, you owe me a lot of money for your student loans, you just go, no, no, forgive me.


How about, like, please give me that money. And you're like, oh, it's tough.


I just wonder if I don't know, can you just say out loud, I forgive you for all your debts. You want me to say I forgive you for all your debts? You said it. I tricked you, Mr. Mix's. You said your own name. Now I don't have any more students debts I want.


You can also you can trick someone into your debt cave and it's their debt.


And yeah, I tried this in college and what I experience and after college with credit card debt, what I experienced was a series of men with progressively lower voices calling me value money that they very much enjoy until, you know, that's fair.


I did have to fill out a series of more and more complicated paperwork explaining to people how I didn't have money to give them. And it wasn't just that I didn't want to give them that money, it's that I physically did not have it in any amount of money they asked me for. I wouldn't be able to give them.


One time I filled out a piece of paper that explained where all of my monthly, like income went and I fudged it to not show being in debt and made it seem like at the end of the month I had five dollars suppliers and they wrote back and told me that I owed them two hundred and seventy five dollars a month.


And I then contacted them and said, hey, this seems like a bad system.


You've seen the number I so we crunch them. Get I showed you the math. I was very detailed and I said I even I'm going to be honest, I lied to make it seem like I had more money than I did. And they said, oh, no, no, no, you don't need to do that. Just show the negative. We expect there to be a negative. And I said, OK, so then I did the actual math and they lowered my expected payment to one hundred and fifty dollars.


OK, so now you know you have negative money. Now they want a sensible one fifty.


Yes. So what I'm saying is maybe I'm paying people money.


OK, yes. We're all just going to stop.


Yeah, but if they can't that's they can't collect on all of us at once. But here's the problem. Here's the problem. And this is maybe God, I'm thinking about it. I definitely just inspired a generation with this thing from Yahoo! But to use your example, the debt collectors heard it and the debt collectors heard as long as you never give up, you can't fail. And now, like, I can't fail to get Traviss negative two hundred dollars, because if I don't, they can try.


If I give up and I failed at it, there's still time on the clock.


They're still trying to. Well, OK, then, I know want to fix that debt collectors, if you're listening and I assume you are, you can still collect debt from each other.


All right.


Yeah, you can go live in a little debt collector society where every debt is just passed from one to another and no actual money is ever.


Hey, let's let's try something else too, ok? OK, yeah. Everyone listening to this. Everybody currently under the power of my voice. I forgive your debt, wow. You listen. You did nothing wrong. You needed the money, you got it, then you didn't have it to give it back to them.


I for I forgive you. Do you forget that that.


Oh, man. Yeah, no, I've never, never hears that I forgive your debt.


Go fly free. But I'm watching. I'll be watching. Would you like another question, please?


OK, since covid, my mom has been like Kofod, what all it does is, oh, my mom has been spending lots of time writing within the paranormal romance genre, spooky sex as thank you for her.


Unbeknownst to her, I have been doing precisely the same thing, except instead of a trilogy of original white novels, I've been working on a well-received anthology series of fan fiction.


When she describes her plots to me, I often find plenty of interesting parallels between my stories and hers. I want to discuss them, but I know she assumes all fan fiction is inherently poorly written and or pornographic.


How can I talk to her about our respective sets of ghost whispering lovebirds without admitting to such a taboo hobby? That's from sexy sales in Central Florida.


So you you are worried that your mother, who is also writing paranormal sex stories, so she's writing ghost sex stories, is going to look down on your fucking my hair.


Academia's chewing gum, all hell damn. Their mom is working my osses. Original characters, original coswell, but nothing's original anymore.


Graffin like Shakespeare did it all, you know what I mean?


Like, thank you. So Shakespeare had all kinds of ghost sex up in there, you know what I mean?


So, like, it ain't never I'll never forget that one scene where it's Laertes slash old Hamlet. Yeah, I mean, I guess so.


But if you got one where it's like, here's fucking here's the Grinch and he's going to do it, you can't be like, is there anything new any more?


Have you been reading mime driven. That's mine. I've been reading my Grinch, Grinch slash Grinch when it's the Grinch from the animated one has sex with James.


Fantastic stuff. And also the tool man's there. Fantastic stuff. He's got to be there. He's become like the observer. Yes indeed. He's always there. God, this is. Can I say something? This is kind of cute. It's kind of it's kind of cute. Yeah.


It's kind of like it's going to be good like and it's going to be like a good commercial for, I don't know, the paper that gonna McDonald's where you guys show each other your your, your fictions and you both go are the best part of week.


I don't know why coffee is there. Your friend coffee is there.


We can get anything in there. This, this is make a plot for a movie and you can call it Freaky Friday.


Yeah, now we would have to do a lot of press travel for that one to to just sort of get it out there to get our messaging out there, that you have to say freaky in a way that lets people know it's not that you do that with font Griffin.


Describe that to. Is it just italics while there's there is some slant to do it?


Yes. OK, but there is also clearly it's emphasized and maybe a little sexier.


I'll just the letters themselves are some liftoffs.


Jeez, man, it's a nice squishy holes in the oh, yea, oh, listen, now we got to go every now, every now we got to go through the alphabet, picking out the letters you get to have sex with.


We're just, you know, your God, you I think we've done that with numbers. Yeah.


This is vulgar. I don't enjoy this. We have you remembering. We can't.


Yeah. Listen, all the different Arab characters are just really horny.


You know, every genre and subgenre and type of new media is looked down upon by its forbearers until something comes along that is irrefutable.


And maybe your fiction is that at first the world looked it's down and down its nose that you know, the novel and then here comes fuckin Pilgrim's progress or something, you know?


I mean, like an old novel or something. It's like very legit, very sexy book. Pilgrim's Progress.


Let your mom see your your your your stories.


I think, honestly, I know that even if they look down, your mom looks down that kind of work a little bit. I think if you are the one doing it, they're precious, precious child. I think that is going to they're going to be supportive of you and they're going to turn around.


And if you wait too long and the stories are too similar, mom is going to start feeling like maybe you're being a little suss when she finds out later.


Oh, what's that you been cribbing? I have the two date goes and you put that in your story, too. And she's not going to believe that it's a holy you know, it's just an invention of your of your trying. Yeah. A poke her Gaist. Oh, I'm thinking about it. Why are you getting sexist? Is sister's fucking great? Trav, congratulations. All of there's a medal.


Oh, it's floating down from the ceiling. Yeah.


It's being handed to you by Jack Ross bringing you this medal.


I did it. I won podcasting. You did it all. There's the ghost of.


Oh, what the problem is. That's so nice. And Joe Rogan's at his house. I guess I don't know what he's doing right now.


Well, he's the one I beat. Let's let's take a break and go to the money center. Listen, real quick, I don't have a lot of time, are you paying attention, they're coming. We need to hurry you this holiday season, more people will be mailing stuff than ever before. That means the post office is going to be busy. OK, brings the post office and now UPS Shipping writes your computer. Are you listening? Sheeple simply use your computer to print official U.S. postage 24/7 for any letter, any package, any class mail, anywhere you want to send.


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Just go to stand's dot com, click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in my brother that my brother steals dot com. Never go to the post office to get at the gobbing.


I wish we could.


I wish I. You know, those conspiracy podcasts are obviously detrimental to the fabric of society, but I better be fine. I bet that's a fun set to work on. You have fun space. Some space to play. Speaking of space, Squarespace, I'm not going to do both of them. Yeah, let me try it and I'll try to do what Travis did, like his character, like conspiracy. OK, do it, do it, do it on the Internet, the Internet.


Everybody's watching you on it and tracking your every move.


Vaccines, man. Were you drinking vaccines?


Yeah, that's what I got. Yeah.


It kind of felt like you were just taking your first frost trying to make like a bong noise.


But then I do like better. Yeah. So you don't need government vaccines because of them the of the stuff in them. But my vaccines are good. You drink them and it's I mixed in with some animals. You can go nuts for it.


And I'm selling these on my website I made with Squarespace because Squarespace lets you make a beautiful website and it's easy and you can showcase your work or sell products like vaccine infused animals or services of all kinds.


You can promote your physical or online business and they give you a bunch. Now, Greven, I just one quick note, if I may. Your conspiracy theories character is kind of drifting into a very pleasant Squarespace. I'm enjoying my time with him.


Oh, OK. I'll try and take bet. Beautiful customizable templates created by world class designers whose world?


Whose fingerprints world not my, not my, maybe my world.


Everything's optimized for mobile right out of the box.


If you're just silly enough to still have a phone with a screen on it, with a track you and pictures and it's got free and secure your hosting.


I don't know if they do dark web stuff, but I think I like that maybe. And there's nothing a patch or upgrade ever and go to school. Never. Never. You don't. It's like a good machete.


So go to Squarespace Dotcom, slash my brother for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use the offer code. My brother. To save 10 percent off your first purchase of a website or domain. Now I want to do and I said, OK, what are you doing that for? We don't have any more. I want to do one to add this guy, OK? What do you have such a good time? But you need to talk about a product.


Well, OK, what do you guys given to charity?


You're becoming like Doc Brown. Yeah, that's good. Everybody support your local bookstore of Poor Boy Local Produce, for example, Marty.


Well, hello, I'm Renee Culvert. Hi, I'm Alexis Presson and we are the host of Can I Put Your Dog? And we got breaking news. We got an exposé.


It all the beans have been spilled via an Apple podcast review that said this show isn't well researched.


Oh, yeah, no doubt. Of course, is not not since the day we started. Has it been well researched? Guessing and anthropomorphizing dogs is what we do.


They can I put your dog promise is that we will never do more than ten seconds of research before telling you excitedly about any dog we see.


I'm going to come at you with top ten enthusiasm, minimal facts. We're here for a good time, have an educated time. So if you love dogs and you don't love research. But you know what? Come on in the Can I get your dog podcast every Tuesday on Maximum Fun Network. I would like to do the Mod Squad bit though.


OK, down ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba.


That I want a month.


Squirter ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba.


I want to monje ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba. Do you guys know what.


Do you guys know what the card is about this week? Yes, OK, Travis. Yes. Now, I don't want to guess. I just want to know if you know. Yeah, OK.


Well, let's just enjoy this together, then. This is just going to take a minute and 12 seconds, but I think it is well earned. Kind of sounds from my brother's place. Here we go.


What the hell are you doing? A Lifetime original mini movie. You don't answer my proposal and now you're not answering my calls.


I think I'm falling for the new chef. Jessica is polling for the cook. Jessica, along with Skip Town, he has a secret recipe that's going to change the world where he claims to have some secret recipe for a secret recipe. Me, we all have our secrets. If you marry my daughter, I promise they'll be more long weekends in your future. I have to tell you something. We have a problem. Secret Service, Sugarmann. Take care of this really every day.


All right. How are you, Harland Sanders, the new chef? Mario Lopez is Colonel Sanders. You know, Recipe for Seduction premieres December 13th at New Orleans on Lifetime, presented by Kentucky Fried Chicken. But like, what if it's good, though? What if it's like really, really like Oscar contender, good sexual? You know, I don't think we can jump right to the water if it's good. Take Griffin.


There's so many other things I think we need to get out of the way first. The one that I want to touch on is that the end when they felt it necessary to clarify that it was sponsored by Kentucky Fried Chicken.


Yes. Thank you. I was about to highlight that.


What a wild world it would be if it was like unofficial, not approved or endorsed, inspired by true events currently and pending legislation. Legal action. Kentucky Fried Eggs. Fucking secret's out. Chicken man. Mario Lopez is just crazy about these buckets, so he's funding it himself.


I would also like to point out that prime debut slide. Yeah, new and classic. I said here's the press release. Kentucky Fried Chicken in Lifetime are teaming up to bring consumers the perfect distraction from all things 20/20. The Holiday Lifetime original mini movie, A Recipe for Seduction, featuring veteran actor and star of Lifetime's Feliz Navidad, Mario Lopez as Colonel Harland Sanders, the first of its kind.


Let's fucking hope so.


Lifetime original mini movie. It's full of mystery, suspense, deception, foul play and at the heart of it all, love and fried chicken, huh?


To enhance the viewing experience of deep fried holiday romance, consumers can order KFC on Uber eats for delivery and get six free extra crispy Tinder's with a twenty dollar purchase or more. While enjoying the delicious taste of the Colonel's secret 11 herbs and spices viewers can share in all the drama of this steamy holiday love affair as they watch a young heiress contend with the affections of a suitor handpicked by her mother. Now, it does beg the question. I've just spent twenty dollars at KFC and I've gotten six free extra tender's.


How much of this can I eat in a 15 minute film?


Because I am already dreading that experience when a handsome young chef with a secret fried chicken recipe in a dream arrives, he sets in motion a series of events that unravel the mother's devious plans.


That's all over then, huh? Yeah, it's the whole thing.


Quote, We're no stranger to heated things up for the holidays, just like our famous. How do you think this ends, ends fried chicken meals?


An interesting guess, travesty of, I guess, spices and flavors, just like our famous fried chicken, huh? Scented fire log.


But let's face it, we could all use a little distraction this holiday season. Fuck it.


They got it, folks. Yeah, they. Oh, I don't know. The buzzer covid, sweetheart.


So we put a fake mustache, a goatee on Macy Slater, and we're just going for it because this old Hisel do it right.


Well, this too is KFC Slater. Why not sell some of your men? It's just right here, let's face it, we could all use a little distraction this holiday season, so why not fill some of your time at home?


I mean, grandpapa, what was 20-20 like?


Well, it wasn't all bad.


And then it was right there at the end was a real buzzer beater. I'll be I'll be straight with you, Bryson.


It was Mondo fucking boring. But then my boy, KFC Slater rolled in.


We were saved at the end of the year by President Lopez. Well, he was just morio to us back then.


You know, I could drag it all back to that one day, December 13th at noon, when the whole world changed. That was there was, of course, B-R as before, a recipe for seduction. And of course, eight hours after recipe for seduction. Now, pass me the KFC Bible and I'll tell you more.


A recipe for seduction is lifetime in KFC's first ever branded custom mid form content o the Lifetime original movie is a playful addition to well, I mean, you get it.


Yeah, you get all the C, it's like, oh yeah, we just line here. It is a good question though. What will you do for the other 15 minutes lifetime.


What is it. This is the first 15 minute thing you've made.


We get put on a fucking hunger for like what a good question. What are you doing after this.


After it's linnear Premier.


A recipe for seduction will be unbound from reality TV to be available throughout the holiday season on my Lifetime account for its last Christmas hyphen movies, all Lifetime apps and VOD platforms, quote, Lifetime is the perfect holiday home to bring this spicy, unexpected tale to life, said David to socio.


Path, I'm assuming you, VP of Ad Sales and Marketing Partnerships, A&E networks, through a terrific cast ad with a wink to the unique sensibilities celebrated in Lifetime movies, this co-production spotlights. Can we just have something nice? I mean, can we just have something nice?


We did a Chris we did a KFC Lifetime movie.


Just say that's not what we've blended, the beloved sensibilities of the life, just dumb as shit.


I like you'll like it for 15 minutes and you'll forget about it like you didn't like it and you'll be all ironic about it.


But you were sincerely happy we did it. And you can admit that here.


You know why you know us, what we do with our chicken log. You know what is making you a new fucking business thing? You're not going to sell any more chicken because of this. This is the problem. And it's a nice thing because because apparently it's been a challenging year.


According to this president, we had a hard year for a lot of us currently. Here's the thing, is that kind of brand explanation, that's where you get into too self-aware, where I'm like, oh, you did this for money, you business.


Yeah. And that's where I forget that KFC isn't my fun friend.


Yeah, sure. Um, hey, once a Yahoo! Hey, yeah. Yeah, I'll take one through Yahoo here. So Yahoo! Yahoo! Here for the boy. Here comes Yahoo's ok. This one is so hot. You've burned my boy's face. They don't have a temperature. He's dead. There's no God. We don't like the joys of the sun.


Did you dump something else hot on him sir. Because they don't have temperature. You I put the Yahoo on my boy's head and now he's male. But look at. Oh, wait. It was way only just as you instructed. We blended it with love and gave it to him thrice daily.


So this Yahoo was sent in by Ali. It's from an anonymous user who asks, Oh, they need a name.


I forgot that I do that. Chouf. Travis, screw the Scaringe asks. Could you have a normal relationship with someone who is very, very psychic, like they can see everything, you wonder if anything about you is a mystery? There are five updates. Update one. Oh, yes, it has happened already. Trust me, every day it happens. Update to that said, not looking for an answer from those who don't believe it. It's a real issue I'm dealing with here from a guy who's not very open to talking to me about it.


Update three.


He's proven he's psychic already. Update for now. He was talking about me eating a donut yesterday before I even knew my sister bought one at the store for me. I don't have donuts every week, so it's not a regular pattern.


Update five thinks in quotes. No, he is. There is proof. If you're in denial about psychics, don't answer the question. OK, can I?


This is the first time Graffin at which the additional details has made me retroactively wonder about the scenario that led to the specific question.


Do you think this question asker wants to date this person?


No, I think they're in a relationship with this person and I think that they live together. And I think that they woke up one Sunday morning and they are having a slow start to the day and the husband says you're going to eat a cake doughnut, and then the sister brings a cake doughnut. And then this woman is like, holy fucking shit.


You are very, very psychic.


I mean, I think I would happily be in a relationship with someone who is very, very smart. Travis, Travis, not you're not we're not talking about fucking crossing over with John Edwards.


A ghost or ghost was not bullshit like that.


No, they're just psychic. I'm talking about someone who is very poor, just super psychic, Trav, real, real psychic. Here's the thing, though, Griffin.


Yeah, the question is not about their level of. The question is how accepting are they of me and everything that I am right. Do they accept me for who I am with all my flaws? Because if so, I have nothing to hide from them, OK?


It is only if they are judgmental that I would feel embarrassed if they knew everything about. But we got to have secrets don't we.


Little sneaky little secrets that nobody gets to see, stuff that we get to do that no one else gets to see that we do them do not have rather I'd rather share my secrets with my partner.


I can we get down to the real issue, this question please. Sure, sure. OK, I think I felt we've been dancing around it, but obviously. Yes, OK, if you're at the grocery store and you're looking at donuts. Yeah. What prompted you to think? Well, Paula doesn't frequently eat doughnuts. In fact, it's probably a less than weekly occurrence.


But I'm going to bring her one single grab just to show Paula I'm thinking about her. I want to pick what I'm going to get some of this paper. I'm going to open this up.


A great one. Grubby little doughnut. My sister, who does not enjoy them enough to eat them frequently.


Well, just them, ironically enough, just like my favorite procedural mystery site, it is all now laying out before me. I can see the timeline.


Jim called Paula and said, hey, remember when you ate that donut? And Paula said, I haven't eaten a donut and at least a week and a half. And Jim said, Oh, man, I look like such an idiot.


So he called Paula's sister Paula, too, and said, Hey, can you hear Paula Donut today? And don't make a big deal out of it and don't tell her I called. Thank you.


My sister's going through a real bad divorce show. She's got lots of time to go get on a single doughnut run. Yeah. And also the librarian wasn't dead. He faked it so that he could sneak back in and get the jewel himself.


It's just the grocery store. Donuts are the worst. I mean, if you're going to get a doughnut, you're going to treat yourself to a donut. Don't eat one from the grocery store.


Yeah, well, but the convenience factors, they're just you getting everything else. I can't get, you know, my roasted beef from a Dunkin.


Yeah, man, it would be cool if you're in a relationship with somebody who could let you win the lottery every day. And until there is no more lottery money left, because you got all of it and but then they were but on the other end of the sword, they would be like, you're going to fucking waste that. You're not convinced.


You're just thinking of someone who's very psychic. I imagine someone who's very, very psychic. So you could be like, hey, does Janice want to hang out with me on Saturday? And they could be like, she doesn't.


Yeah, you're so sorry. I could see, though. I buy that. You're see, that's what I wanted. I would be like, I'm extremely psychic. I really the lottery numbers.


I would love to, but honestly, it doesn't work out well for you in most of the features that I can see, unfortunately, going to to with you go with whole whatever and just say that that's like it's better that way. I'm making that call. It's better. Trust me.


Hey, it turns out winning all that money is bad for you. Yeah. Butterfly has been every single person who's ever won the lottery ever.


Oh, that's a faceless estate that can't. Well, yeah, of course it is. I just said every person ever and I clearly don't have any information to back that up.


But anecdotally, everybody always talks about you win the lottery, man, it's going to ruin your life. And have there been a few cases of that? Sure. But in most of the time, getting a big fucking bag of money like that. Hey, pretty cool shit.


Hey, Griffin. Yeah. Over here with me for a second. Oh, of course I fucking know that.


I'm sorry. Do you want me to say no, you can stay over there. You can stay over there. Should I bring jugs with me or are you just going to hang out your jokes going, OK, Griffin, I'm trying to increase my odds, like getting less people to play in the lottery hole.


So I tell them the lotto is bad for them, OK, so that they won't buy tickets. So I can play. I like the rubber chicken thing. Yep. I love her. OK, Griffin.


Yes, it's a good idea. Forget the let's forget what I said. It was a joke. No, no we haven't. Let's go back over ok. Hey we're back over here.


Yeah. Yeah. Don't do don't play lottery. Don't play, don't play, Griffin. It makes you sad to do it. What kind of stuff that happened to you, if you want, no one ever know ones that you get a big pool fall in.


Oh, boy. You carry a big bucket of coins and you don't want to. Excuse me, please.


Oh, sure. Could you guys. I'm going to step over here, OK? You shouldn't beatbox. I know you've been practicing a lot. Justin, but this is not the time to show off your beatboxing skills, and I know it seems like you made the podcast really good and funny and it'll be really cool, but I need you to not beatbox you just for excuse me, I I'm sorry to interrupt you.


I couldn't help but overhear. From here, I would love to hear you beep.


Well, that is not Travis.


That's just as open. That's just as open. Hi hat clearly. Close, tight, close tie hat. Let's hear let's hear some Tom's juice. Tom's Tom's Tom's Tom's right textbook, not just now that that lay all those together, OK? Look at him both Yes, sir.


Tum tum tum tum tum tum tum tum tum.


I'm sure. Hey, thanks for listening to our broadcast. My brother, my brother, Robbie, it's it's so fun to do it for you every morning.


Just having a good time. Having a good time here.


You know what? Don't we do it even if people didn't listen. But it would be the more erotic you would be more questionable I think. December 19th at 8:00 p.m. clear your calendar, because we're going to be celebrating the candlelights together, though we can't all be physically in one area. We are still the season arrives regardless. This is going to be a filmed candlelight spectacular. We have filmed almost all of it at this point. And it is going to be.


Buck wild one. Yeah, we got segments from Bambam Sawbones Manners, wonderful, still buffering special guests and it is going it is going to be something else. Tickets are pay what you want with a five dollar minimum and all proceeds go to Harmonie House, which is a local shelter for people experiencing homelessness.


They help so many people sending volunteers there and can vouch for it is an amazing place. And we are so proud to be supporting them again because we afford Kandal nights. 20-20 is the address. Please go there and and give what you can and come join us.


Oh, sorry. Real quick, it is five dollars minimum, but there will be a dollar and twenty five cents fee to cover the expenses of the people helping us do the show to be six 25 total and you will be able to watch it through January 4th.


Twenty twenty. So you got a long period to to enjoy it. You don't have to watch it right there. December 19th at 8:00 p.m. but that is when it will go live.


We also have a lot of cool. Macary Well, I just I just wanted to say real quick that it's really fun, that it's a really fun video and we made it really fun for you because we know everybody's had a hard year.


Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's been a rough year for all of us. And so we made it with a bunch of herbs and spices.


We've got a lot of kombucha over at Macquarie, with some cannoli stuff over there, stuff that you might have seen before. Maybe you haven't. But the thing that I want to highlight is the Festo pin of the month, which is Festo from The Adventures on graduation. If you haven't listened yet. And that benefits the Transgender Law Center, which employs a variety of community driven strategies to keep transgender and gender nonconforming people alive, thriving and fighting for liberation.


So you can check that out as well as all the other stuff at Macquarie,


And here we go. Three books I want to tell you about my friends.


One, everybody has a podcast except you is our How to podcast book. It's available for preorder. Now go to the McQuoid podcast dot com that comes out January 26. So I think that's within a window that you could give that preorder to someone as a candlelights present. You can also preorder the adventures in Crystal Kingdom, which is book four of our graphic novel series.


Go to The Adventures on the Adventures on Comic Dotcom, I should say.


And that comes out July 13th, 2021. And the sawbones book is out in paperback on December 29th. It's newly revised and updated for twenty twenty.


You can get that at least sawbones paperback.


You'll want the final. Oh, thanks to John, Roger and Long Winters for this heart theme song.


It's a departure off the album, Putting the Days to Bed. Great tunes, great tracks.


Oh, one more thing I want to say is we're doing the NBA or the NBA.


Miami Angels is happening again if you want to participate to help fill those empty stockings. In our hometown of Huntington, West Virginia, you can go to IMDB, IMDB, a.m. Angels dot com.


And thanks to Maximum Fun Dog for having us on the network. Do you want the final Yahoo? I do, Griffin. I really love that.


I just want to send in by Amy. Aw yeah. Thanks, Amy. It's Yahoo! Answers user Hyrum who asks.


Let's chill, do you Christians like RVA?


My name is Justin Magariaf. I'm Travis. I'm Griffin McElroy. This has been my brother. My brother may kiss your dad square on the lips. Maximum fun dog comedy and culture, artist owned, audience supported.