The McElroy brothers are not experts and their advice should never be followed. Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only, so the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up? You call me? The not too familiar. Hello, everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother and me and advice show for the modern era.
I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I'm I'm your midlist brother Travis. Right.
It's like any time he talks different from how he normally talks, you can feel it's like I can feel my jeep. I'm driving the rolling backwards into a bit country. But this is Griffin. Mack the Swamp. Yeah.
What's the nature of what you just spin and if we're going to get the hell out of here, what's the matter, Travie?
I mean, it's not really a bad I just I can I be.
That always needs to be an all day. You got to give a little more. Come on.
Well, it's just, you know, it's a difficult time of year. And, you know, there's a lot of emotions at play.
And can I talk to you? I saw something kind of real honest, something real, something real.
Griffin, I warn you, he is using the faux sincere tone. This is always a recipe for disaster. We got to get out of here, find those keys.
I just I forgot to put the damn snow tires on, but, yeah, we're trapped. All right, quick. Just acknowledge what he said. Girvan All right. Try to tell us on our comedy podcast what's really making you very sad right now, do you guys think?
And I just I really appreciate you guys letting me be vulnerable, I guess. Do you think in the end.
The bumbling Yukon kornelius end up together. Now, that's something to talk about in that. That's something we're taught now, that's something we're talking about. I don't know why that would make our brother so sad. Well, because I'm just worried they don't they don't end up together and they just don't find love in a hopeless place.
I'm in a hopeless place right now, pretty far from love and the light of the Lord. But I don't know that they end up together, Travis, because I'll be honest, I don't think those two are attracted to each other sexually or romantically.
You don't get you don't get a whiff of that when he says bumbles bounce that that's like on his on as well.
But I think it's more just like they can get it.
Like bumbles can get a bumbles can bounce, you know what I mean.
Oh I see. You've invented. I know. I like that. So I can if I was talking about if I was talking about Travis I could just say Travis bounce. And you know what? I you know what that means.
It would be appropriate isn't right.
Because I think it's obvious that Rudolph ends up with Koulouris and that Hermès ends up with his former boss, the dude with the weird pointy goatee.
Not sure I like that, but keep going. Oh, the. Oh, are you kidding me?
Their chemistry is obvious. That's a no brainer. And I feel like at the end there's definitely a palpable attraction betwixt the Bumble and Yukon.
Kornelius, I'm just worried the societal norms might keep them apart.
I think physical norms are really the the big complicating factor.
Yeah, the size of the size of the van. I don't want to yuck Cornelius's yams, but I also don't want the bumble to crush his bones by trying the bumbles the bottom.
OK, now this is something we can sink our teeth into. Yeah. I think UConn would top the hell out of him. OK, OK. Because he's got like the climbing gear. Now that makes a lot of sense actually now that you put it that way.
And also he would definitely be like the daddy in the scenario. I feel like just you can't Cornelius's a lot of like just a lot of power energy.
Like he would be a power top. I don't know if that's a thing.
Yeah, no, I think we all thought that when we first saw this ancient animated movie that we saw this prospector, this silly gold obsessed sort of folk legend figure and saw him and said, oh, but he could better.
But yeah, but yeah, he bounced up. Anybots left. Yeah. Left, right and ever so rightly, you know what I mean. Now here's the question, though, because I don't please you just into the physical. Yes. Because I mean they definitely fuck. That's not what I'm worried about. I'm worried about they end up together.
Do they fall having romantic relationships? I don't think so, man. Tiger can't change his stripes like he can love Bumble, right? Yeah, he does. And he does. But he you know, it's going to be I know Bumble is his third priority and I know what the first two are.
Now, I'll give you a hint. It's silver and gold. Yeah. Yeah. That's going to be the real problem.
His relationship here. He's going to have to get out there during silver and gold season. Yeah. That time away, you know, the bumble can't just sit in the cave and wait for Kornelius to come back. If Cornealious comes back and doesn't fall into some sort of ice at Qasm, because there's there's there is precedent for that.
Can you imagine the bumbles being up all night on its little widow's perch waiting for for their captain to return from the from the glaciers? No way, man.
Now, could the bumble go with Yukon, Kornelius, on these adventures?
Oh, they tried it, didn't they? Yeah, I mean, they tried it, but honestly. But it's not the bumbles passion. He doesn't the love it the way the Yukon.
Kornelius, I'm I will say I'm willing to accept that they don't stay together if if if they really gave it a shot.
I mean if they really tried to make it work and like they communicated with one another and they put the time in and they just found that their priorities are different and they grew apart as people.
I'm totally fine with that.
Let me float float this as long as we're having fun here in the safe place where we're just kind of getting out there and just started shooting out some silly string. That was an unfortunate way of saying that. But what if Cornelius ends up with Frosty the Snowman and then it turns into less of a sort of sexual randy romp like the one that Travis is floating, a sort of American Pie for Santas Wonderland, and instead becomes more of a coming of age like me, Earl, and the dying girl.
But the dying girl is a snow man who like come spring, but they're very much in love. And so you get a walk to remember vibes and people love that. Oh, yeah.
You know, here's the twist. The Griffin, I think maybe they entered into the relationship and you kind of cornelius's like, you know, we only have, you know, these winter months. Yeah. But then, you know, time passes and it's not getting any warmer. And frosty is like. Well, we live this is the North Pole is fine, and certainly you Cornelius's like, oh shit, I got a dip. Yeah, I don't know that I like now that now that the timeline is shifted, I don't know.
I think maybe we were in this for like different things. Yeah.
And I got a bounce.
I want to hear you guys is something that is you're going to want the first thing you can do is laugh but then you're going to be like huh. But do feel free to laugh and bus up, OK, but don't skip to the heart if if you can't. Kornelius. Yeah. And the Baumel found a way to conceive a child, it would be Wolverine. Walk me through that, think about it now, I'm Canadian, obviously outdoors person and hairiness.
Yeah, cause I'm Fang's metal, but not a matter of metal bones. Well, he's got the ice dummy. Yes, the silver and gold right there. OK, metal and baby's bones.
Uh huh, uh, Majerle and my baby's bowheads paid for the whole surgery, put the metal in the bones of my baby so he can be a hero for me, so.
Wow. Oh, my God. I just looked at that. We've been doing this for eight minutes. Are you. Are you kidding me? Doesn't seem right.
Feels like two and a half, but I guess. All right. Flew by, right. Well, it's going to be a girlfriend. Did you say it flew by fluid.
Right by. I think I can talk. We haven't even gotten to the fact that Hermès rips all the teeth out of the bumbles mouth and the bumbles kind of cool with it is the name.
Yeah, well, he's in craves it, the dental stuff. All right. We're getting it's getting bleak. So what's next? Oh, this is an advice show, obviously.
And so I thought we could do on this one a little advice for for our listener, because I got some fan theories about Christmas Carol, too.
If we want to get into those various audience, there has to be a portion of our audience just the way the world works that has not seen a rough thread as reindeer in the past eight months.
Must have been absolutely delirious. Yeah, must have been quite, quite a trip.
I'm betting that those people will probably enjoy it more than the other ones, though.
How is that possible, though? There are. They're going to get sent to the hospital from Oleg. The last time I was at an airport, there was a caricature artist doing free portraits was one and one. So I figured, why not? I got time to kill. That's actually a really good time. Oh, yeah. That would be the moment right there.
Always if they're on like a boardwalk at the beach. No, thanks. I've had a great time with my family, but here alone in the Charlotte airport, as I wait for a flight like, yeah, I'd love that.
Actually, I'd like to take a moment to be considered.
I do want to say real quick, I do want to hear the rest of the question. But if I saw a caricature artist, I would be like, I don't know that I want to pay for that.
And then they'd be like, it's free and I back. Well, no, I definitely don't want it. There's something about it being free that seems weird to me. I out if it's good then you should charge for it.
What did they charge you for. How is your business. What you think it's the frame. He's like we got to if you want to have it then that you have to pay for it.
The only other explanation is that the airport has paid the caricature artists to be there as like. Yeah, yeah. As in a minute M.D. or the caricature artist draws you with like a graty butt and like your wiener is out and you're like, why did you do that for.
And they're like, if you want me to erase it, I got the eraser right here. But that's 50 bucks for this for this No DLC.
He draws you with photo realism in a compromising position with the mayor's wife. Yeah. You don't give me one thousand dollars. This is going to fight its way into the Inside Edition studios.
Inside Edition Studios is going to go for that, you think?
Yeah, they're pretty certain. That's right. They will take a charcoal drawing.
They're willing to go outside the edition. At this point. They're just looking for anything that will draw the people inside the edition.
OK, there's more to say about this wonderful scenario. About halfway through, he mentioned that I was the first person to stare at him while he worked.
And I immediately felt super awkward and suddenly didn't know where to look or how to act.
If I ever see another caricature and see what's the proper etiquette, should I just avoid them altogether as some cartoon buffoon? You can't avoid them, can't it?
Well, well, I guess you've done a pretty good job of it my entire life. That is not true, because I know for a fact that we've been to amusement parks together where they wait around every corner.
You turn a corner thinking, oh, this might be like a fun vendor that sells perhaps some kind of kettle corn. Oh, no. You have to caricature artist who has done a Danny Zuko. Right.
But if he tries to get up, if he rolls up on me, I give him a little chin music and I keep on and I just keep on truckin. You got to or I'll say we'll pin you to the ground and draw you in a crate in a crazy way that I don't appreciate. So sometimes you've got to give them a little buff bufo buff.
I would say, dear listener, that you have found apparently one of the very, very few ways there is to genuinely screw up this interaction.
And I would not trust you, you being who you are with your track record. I would not trust you with another caricature artist.
I don't think they it's a small community, first off, you know what I mean. Small community. I mean, yeah, they've times they know talked, they know about you. They got an eye out for you.
Why on fuck would your choice be to stare at. I just stare down this person doing a caricature of you. Oh I'm sorry Justin.
A little thing called the Mona Lisa, like a piece of art where you're looking at the artist like, yeah, no, no, no, no, no.
There is every portrait like that or it's like staring out at the viewer.
They have you look at the last second, they it's like five minutes before they're done.
They're like, OK, go ahead and go ahead and look at me. Mona, thank you. Thank you.
OK, ok. OK, by the way.
I'm down here, I OK, it's not what I would do, but I can see where they're looking in the direction of the person rather than pretending they're not there could arguably seem like the least awkward.
Now, I will say from a different point of view, why what do you think was going through the caricature artist's head that they felt the need to say, you're the first person to ever stare at me while I do this?
Yeah, and maybe it's two. They're like sixth one ever. Like, no one actually takes me up on this.
That's why I'm doing it for free. I'm still learning why I'm in my residence.
I'm actually not a caricature artist. I'm just waiting for a flight. And I had a pad and I was bored.
If I was getting my portrait done by character artist, I would be too preoccupied with which of my zany features are they going to pop out?
Yeah, I see him.
It's my massive pecs or maybe my tail. It's no, but it's never it's never a good one.
No one's ever looked at a caricature of themselves and been like, yeah, actually yeah actually.
Hello. New Bumble profile picture. It's not anything good ever. It's like, you know, here's my Austin Powers teeth that have been made big, like a donkey's teeth, you know what I mean?
Like a Hirschfeld like looks. Why? It's like a wild. What do you think your guys would be? Because I think in a in a in a good outcome, I've got a big pump of purple hair on top of my head.
But realistically, it's that I have a giant had is probably what the thing is.
But that's a lot of caricatures. Right. Big head seems to be a pretty common one.
I don't I just. You don't have to. They don't they can't make you let them draw you. There is no where to look.
I'm I've been thinking about it for six minutes now. There's no where to look except at your phone.
I don't really think I don't really think they need to take you. I don't think they need to drink you in for the art necessarily.
I think they just need to spot your one floor and then make it a big cartoon that makes you look like it.
Just a real idiot. Hey, I can't stop thinking about the fact that this person has gone through extensive security background checks to sit in the middle of this airport to do caricatures.
Yeah, what's actually this email is from nineteen ninety eight. So people back when you could just walk through and have a fun, have a fun time, you could just say I'm picking someone up from my airport.
My favorite restaurant used to be the airport Chili's.
But then, you know, I'm not then you know and then I couldn't go anymore.
I like, I like when caricaturists traves mentioned Danis, you kind of made me think about how most caricature artists always have, like several caricatures around to their station to like show you their, their, their skills, you know.
And when I was younger, by which I mean in my mid to late 30s, I used to think that they were there.
They were those are for sale to like maybe just be like, oh, shit, this Michael Keaton and gung ho.
That's fucking cool about that. I have to imagine if you walked out and you're like, I'll take the Terminator one, it will be just about that.
The work's already done.
Now, the fucking power play is just while they're doing a character of someone else in the moment, be like 500 dollars and then you take it and walk away. No questions asked. This one's this one's going in in the vault.
Can you take me as the Terminator? Can you make me a Terminator with the face. What? All the leather jacket and I'll be back.
Can you actually just add me to the Terminator once it looks like Arnold and I sat together, could you do one where slightly Arnold.
And there's a long line of people waiting to meet him and I'm like thirty in the back and I don't want to focus, but I do want it to be obvious to me.
I want people to believe I met him.
But that seems believable.
I read it when he was a character and no one had a phone or a camera or anything. And the only option to capture the moment was caricature.
Hey, can you do a caricature this receipt so I don't have to I don't have a scanner on me.
And I do want to prove to my employer that I made this purchase. Yeah. So could you do that?
Why did you make all the five super big, you goofball. Hey, how about a Yahoo!
Yeah, I'd love that graph. Thank you.
But hey, man, you're welcome. You know, hey, real quick, if you ever want to fake being in a relationship, having a caricature artist draw you with some made up person. Yeah, there's no reason anyone would do that if it wasn't true. I think that would be very convincing.
Yeah, probably this was sent in by several people. Thinks everyone can approve a Canadian girlfriend. Yeah. Oh yeah.
Yeah. We had this done at the boardwalk.
Or if you're trying to prove like some kind of physics theory that would also work, I think have a caricature. Artist drives.
Sarah asks a question. She says, can you ask fast food restaurants to heat up sauces? You know, those little pots of sauces?
They give you a McDonald's if you ask them to heat it up, would they? I'm really picky when it comes to sauces and I hate cold slash warm sauces on hot food. Like if you go through a drive through and ask any fast food chain, would they?
Any fast food? No, not any fast food chain, not any fast. There are definitely some and we don't need to name them, but they would say no. Yeah, but there are some that I think would be super advised to say yes.
And I, I will say, though, I think the drive thru is out. I think that has to be counter. The drive thru is too far.
There's other people that have other things they need to do in there, ok.
Is it. But that's the only thing. I do it though. And I do want hot ketchup, so. Well then you're not getting it.
I mean, if I want it, if you then you need to put a microwave in your car like any normal person. But if I can travel back in time didn't I.
Well that'll happen. That will happen. Just trying to make just trying to make some bagel bites.
And I am going in the caveman times.
And boy, I mean, you became a king because of the bagel bites, though.
No, man, I was not suited for caveman's time. Farmer They got big tigers.
But if you want to get them warm sausage, you got to go the extra mile. By which I mean talking to someone face to face inside a building. Right.
I mean, this would be fixed if it just became sort of standard practice. And listen, and this is I could train my local McDonald's by going through and saying I would like hot ketchup and they would say, we don't have that. And then I would leave. And then the next 15 times I drove through, I would say, hello, how's that hot ketchup coming? And they would say, OK, just to satisfy you, we're going to make hot ketchup for you this one time and they'll set up a little Murray of ketchup packets.
And then the next time I come through, like, you still have that Bon Marie set up and they'll be like, yeah, we do. And then it's hot ketchup city baby now.
But I mean, I will point out that in the question it clarifies hot sauce on cold food and cold sauce on a warm food.
And then I do like because I enjoy the the different experience of like hot fries, cold ketchup. Everybody loves that.
I think not exactly as I said, they said this one exact person.
No, they said hot sauce. But there's a part where they say when it comes to sauces, I hate cold, warm sauces on hot food.
That's all I said. Oh, why would you want a hot sauce? I founded my mom said, that's awesome.
Because it's a lovely. What do you mean why then? There's no contrast. I want the contrast that I want. Now, we're not litigating what this person likes and doesn't like.
I am. And I am and if it pleases the court, I think it's nice to you guys.
I would sure I would for sure run this up the ladder. I don't know how. I don't know what that looks like.
Right. Like, does it go to the king himself? It's got to. Who is it?
Is it the is it the Arby's voice that we get for. I feel like if anybody's going to do it, fucking Arby's is going to be the one I feel like obviously do it.
Definitely. OK, we have the means and we're listening or listening to you.
We're here for you. We care.
I want to warm horsey. Justin set us free by reading another question.
Well, my my email tab has come up. I mean, I've got it right here. Yeah. I want you take my mom. Being careful during a pandemic receives her groceries at curbside pickup. She recently ordered a case of diet root beer, and the store gave her regular root beer by mistake.
Well, oh, none of my family wants to drink the pot. So she said, quote, I'll leave it on the street for someone to take in. Quote, I thought giving away free pop on the street was strange. Would you take three cans of pop off the street? Can anyone offer free street pop? Pop only in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Hmm, absolutely not right, I mean, there's no reality in which I assume you threw it out for this has gone bad.
This this is I assume it went bad, right? Well, you know what what fixes this?
A note, two words free. So not poison. Not poison. A regular.
Regular Ruber we never worn. Yeah, I think that this won't work and this is a this is I, I don't know anymore depends on how busy your street is before you say it won't work.
If the streets are busy enough, someone's going to take it right. If you get a big enough selection of people, somebody is going to be like, this doesn't seem strange to me at all. Right. But if you're only getting like maybe if it's a small a quiet suburban street and you're getting maybe 20 people a week walking on chances that somebody is going to be like, oh, yes, just like when I was growing up.
Sure. Like, if you're on a busy enough street, that is it's going to vanish. One can at a time.
Can I float this one, too? And this challenging year. And it's been hard for all of us. Can she not just treat the root beer can, let's beat guys.
Oh, hey, can you just roll up on your mom with this street beer and say, hey, let's be bad and just and just do the damn thing? No one's going to tell on you? Yeah, the FBI is not going to kick in the door.
That regular Korie Na is 20/20 and we're at the tip of it, aren't we are about to jump off into freedom because maybe twenty, twenty one.
Looking good. Yeah. I was going to be a good year to be the best year yet because I know all the fucking bad people who've been doing bad shit to keep this beautiful nation of ours just riddled with the covid.
Twenty, twenty one is going to roll over the odometers going to tick to twenty, twenty one and they're all going to be like we did enough and there was money in the bank baby.
I'm just imagining it's going to be like the end of rock a doodle. When Chanticleer is going to fucking finally grow, the sun's going to rise and all those evil owls are going to melt away to the sweet bury the dagger in the chest of twenty twenty and it dies, taking along all unpleasantness with it as the year it is.
Twenty twenty one cresting over the what's that. And all good year.
Who will be the arbiters of which unpleasant things deserve to be dusted. What's the McCrary brothers of course will be deciding what is turned to dust. Who and what I should say because there will definitely be some humans that they no know.
We're cleaning house. Yes, soil are the cleansing.
Sea is a common kiss your grandma goodbye.
If you're not 100 percent sure that she is a total peace envoy, how do you get to be real, real smart? We've got to find sieve here, folks. Not a lot making it through here.
It's a rigorous, rigorous protocol.
We are applied to street to street to fucking root beer, man. It's twenty, twenty. It's and we're almost done.
Celebrate pretty soon you're going to have houseguests again, so maybe save it for them. Yeah. Because pretty soon it's all going to be fine. Yeah.
We're almost at the end. Do you another Yahoo.
Yeah. Yeah I guess. Yeah.
This one was sent in by. Oh it's another one that was sent in by many people. Thanks.
Everybody takes a whole village. It does. It's an anonymous Yahoo Answers user I'm going to call. Baner mom asks, Can anyone invent a new way of barbecue or have they all burned down already?
And that wasn't a play on words is been so many Bernie Sanders, Bernie Sanders, the fucking pit master. You know, you are. You know, you get my man in front of the grill with a fucking highlife in his hand, highlife in his left hand, spatula in the other fucking apron, kiss the kiss the cook.
Oh, my God, Bernie, you don't think it's even would say feel the burn. That would be better. It would be better than I am again, asking you to give me five more minutes on these steaks.
That's good, man. Do another one. She's OK and do and do this one less like Christopher Lloyd.
Yeah. Actually in the movie of Barney's life, I can't for while. OK, sorry that Tex the lady everything was Chelmno. Yes. Can anyone invent a new way of barbecue or have they all burned down already. Civic civic barbecue.
Does that mean you barbecue some meat and then you civica or God forbid the other way around. No, no, no.
You, you barbecue some meat. Chayut grill it again and then you taste it. You're like, I don't know. Are you trying to say Suvi? No, sir. Seviche it's a way of cooking. You put all of mama's mama's spices on it, then you savvich.
Yeah. And then that's a barbecue baby. As long as there's corn.
Pretty sure Speechley just means you put it in a bath of high sitrick sort of juices and you let it sort of right.
And that is how it cooks. Right. So becomes edible that we're talking about sort of very, very sour pulled pork or something.
That's doesn't tickle my buds.
I didn't say it was good. I said it was new. Oh, and did I mention the corn again?
There will be corn services which elevates any meal to barbecue. What if you just say, here's fine, here's what I suggest. I got one vote here.
You're Ashraf, take some meat, whatever you want. You can do chicken or beef or you know, you're you know, you cuts of meat.
You could even do like a meat substitute, like a meat lyssa beyond meat option.
And then you're going to leave it in the sun for forty eight hours Sunday. Yeah. Uncovered.
Just loose and raw in the sun for forty eight hours and after forty eight hours it's done.
OK, I got one now don't eat it once again.
It's not good. Yeah it's just a it's just a different way to do it.
It's kind of like Sonti for barbecue you need to in your grill throw down just enough briquettes or wood chips or whatever so that it might light when you throw a match on there.
OK, and then you're going to put a couple of steaks on on the grill, on the Barbie, and you're going to throw the match in and close the lid real fast, and then you're going to weld that lid shut and then you're going to bury it underground and like, pour the hole with cement. So it's filled in and then it's quantum beef.
Oh, until that beef is observed. It is. It is it is cooked and uncooked. It's it's Kwanten beef.
It could be either one but will be it's both cooked and uncooked, but it is inedible in a concrete maybe.
I mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Once again this isn't to be eaten dry.
Do you even understand molecular gastronomy. Come on. It's not about eating it, it's about fucking it up. Who are you talking to.
You because I feel like I've been on board with this first and you're I don't know. I think I just kind of got mad at the world there.
Hey, speaking of. I have an idea. Liquid nitrogen.
Oh, hey, I don't know how I would apply it in such a way that would make it barbeque ask. I just know that that's the thing that like food scientists use a lot.
I saw Mr. Wizard do that with a hot dog once. He's like, this could be I saw him and he had the liquid nitrogen. He did the hot dog in it and he looks at the kitties right there to be a fucker.
Thank you. Yeah. It smashes it with a hammer, right. That they cut it, try to eat him. And he yelled, We're all just meat.
I'm, I'm basically two hundred and twenty five hot dogs together with Casey. What old Casey that saw some shit in. But sir, what about the soul.
Would you see me dreams during meet.
Mr. Wizard. Are you OK? Yeah. I was going through some stuff at home.
I'm ok as OK as a shambling meat bags can be any way you want to learn.
I use that computer now getting this big. Put some water out through this tube. I made a box to look like a coffin. Hey, do you want to look at the eclipse? Yeah.
Should we build a block? No. No.
What is you just brought a little bigger. I mean, what do I care? It'll grow back, right? Well, then we'll all die. It's me. My wife is the great experiment. Mr Windsor, can I go home now? No, no, you're my son now.
Your mom said I could adopt you. I promise to teach you science and I came to an understanding you're going to college.
I revealed to your mom the arcane meet secret, and she just said she gave up.
Now your mommy. I love you, I plug four wires into a potato and plug the other ends into a clock. Nothing's happening. That's good times and losing.
You learn something real more valuable in science today. Now, give me a beer, give me seven beers. How does that potato clock work, though? Damn, I hate the science teachers always do that. They're like, hey, check this out. Why are potato potato clock, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.
And then they're like, pretty cool, right? You're like, holy fucking shit.
The potato made the thing go. And they're like, yep. And you say, how's that work?
And they say, I'll never tell. That's fucked up. They should tell us how the potato makes the Coko, I think.
And if anyone was to tell me how crystals make a radio, I've wondered about that for fucking years. Yeah. Hey, the one thing I do know understand the Secret Service commercialism and I would love if you guys would accompany me, please.
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Go to Squarespace Dotcom, slash my brother for free trial. And when you're ready to launch, you're going to use the offer code, my brother, and you're going to save 10 percent off your first purchase of a website or a domain.
Hey, Griffin, nice talk to you real quick, everybody. Hey, everybody, stop listening. This is a this part's not for you.
I couldn't help but notice, given that your stench is busted.
Oh, my God. Yeah, I don't mean to embarrass you, but I mean, look at you did look. What's that shirt?
What even is that shirt? It's an Astellas shirt. Yes.
What does that even mean? I don't know. When I bought it from that food truck, I thought, oh, fuck, you're wearing mittens is pants. Griffin. It's not right. I know it's not right, but it's been a hard year travel on all of us. It's been a hard year on all of us for sure.
Griffin, you need to fix your steaks with steaks, fix and take another run at that. No sticking with it.
The stench makes offers close hand selected by expert Silas for your unique size, style and budget. Griffin, I'm going to say your style is grown up. Thank you. Boy, growing up, boy, like a big boy, yes, a big a big boy, a big grown up boy.
Yeah. Now we get big grown up boy who's comfortable at a wedding or a funeral. Hmm. I would say that's kind of your style.
I described myself yesterday while on a call with some friends is having the body of a huge toddler so that. Yeah, yeah.
It's great that we have works mine. I like to think my style is benevolent drifter. Yes.
Like that guy who at the beginning of the movie like, oh, I don't know if I trust him, but then when the vampires attack, you're glad he's there.
You know, that's my thing. It just on here. But Justin's style is, of course, vacation. Dad, everyone knows that.
So you can try on pieces at home before you buy. Keep your favorites and send back the rest.
Sedgwicks has free shipping, easy returns and exchanges, and a prepaid return envelope is included and there's no subscription required. I would also say just real quick, my style can also sometimes be rogue wizard, but that's more when I'm feeling fancy. I want to get dressed up right most of the time. Benevolent drifter.
It's between those two and a lot of those clothes came from the stitch fix get started today. It's fixed dotcom, my brother.
And you'll get 25 percent off when you keep everything in your fix that stitch fix dotcom my brother for twenty five percent off and you keep everything in your fix one more time. Stitch fix dot com slash my brother.
Hey, I'm Janet Varney, host of the JV Club podcast. Oh High School.
Was it a time of adventure, romance and discovery fight with. Or a time of angst, disappointment and confusion. We're all tied together by four years of trauma at this place, but enjoy adulthood, I guess. The truth is it was both, so join me on the JV club podcast where I invite some great friends like Kristen Bell, Angela Kinsey, Oscar Nunez, Neil Patrick Harris and Keegan Michael Key to talk about high school, the good, the bad and everything in between.
My teenage mood swings are getting harder to manage the J.V. club, find it on maximum fun.
Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba. Jacob, I want to run squad, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle. I want a much fun jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle.
Welcome to Holiday Month Squad. It's a podcast, then a podcast profiling the latest and greatest in holiday brand eating.
I got too excited. I'm so excited about this one. Is it doughnut related? Because I really miss Count though. Now he's not in this one.
But I'll tell you who is here.
It's McDonald's, which actually does it figure in a much cost as much as she thinks they don't really get Buckwalter, but they have done it.
And this is a new press release. This just came out today, are reporting this. And this is a promotion that's kicking off December 14th.
Holiday cheer arrives at McDonald's. Fans can enjoy the favorite menu items of Santa Claus, the Grinch and more the favorite.
Oh, my God. OK, so this is how they do. Yeah, yeah, but it's like that, except for Santa Claus, the Grinch and more so this year, goodies won't just be found tucked under the tree. McDonald's is tapping its elves cross to offer delicious daily YNAB deals that feature the festive favorites of some classic holiday characters, including, well, I'm going to skip that because I don't want to mess up the game that I have.
I can't wait. Yeah, baby.
Daily deals will conclude on December 24th with a certain jolly someone's most treasured treat free soft bake chocolate chip cookies.
That's nice. You roll in on Christmas Eve to McDonald's is not sad.
You're free, Cookie. Quote from Morgan Flat flatly, the U.S. McDonald's CMO chief marketing officer.
After a year like twenty twenty, I think we could all use some extra cheer this season. Go on, Morgan, do tell.
What better way to celebrate and get into the holiday spirit with free McDonald's menu favorites for everyone, including Rudolph the Abominable Snow Monster Bambo please, please, Bumble and even. Yes, even Scrooge, huh?
Pre or post Scrooge. Looking at this, probably pray so you can get it at the in the in the thing, so you guys are about to do the hardest thing you've ever done in your entire life.
I there are 10 days of meals here and I say meals, but it's really like a free item that you get to celebrate a Christmas personality.
Hey, just might just do it from downtown. Yeah, but the Abominable Snowman is a flurry now.
Fuck you, asshole. If really you thought you were at me, try again.
I'll make Florie try again. Try try again. Is that Frosty the Snowman? There you go, bud. There you go. But you got in two.
That's very respectful to fuck a lot better than you guys are going to do the rest of these. December 14th, come on down to McDonald's for a free double cheeseburger.
Huh? A double cheeseburger. Wait, this is associated with a holiday figure, a beloved holiday figure, a double cheeseburger. Is it? Is it I mean, is it Santa Claus? I feel like it's the it's Santa Claus is December 24th. Give that to you right now, OK, he gets a free chocolate chip cookie, say the French. No, but it's the Griswold's you know, the Griswold's from National Lampoon's Christmas Beloved Icons. Yeah, they love the free double cheeseburger at McDonald's and that's what they're going game.
Remember that scene when he's he's being horny for the other woman and they split four ways, a double cheeseburger.
On the next day, you come back in, you're going to get a free Big Mac.
Is that the is that the bumble? That's got to be the bumble, right?
That's the bumble. Good job, guys.
That when you guys this big, just like the Bumbo the next day, come on in for a free Egg McMuffin.
How no voice makes me think Grynch. I bet it's the Grinch. That's a Grinch. Shit. He's in there all day. Every day. Give me a Mac.
Mac. What is that. Got that flat ham I love.
Okay, I give that part to my dog, Max. OK, you can see that fuckin musical, by the way, I know that NBC staged a live staged reading of now a stage version of the Grinch musical fucking.
How did you turn that into two hours? I'll give you a hint. They turned the dog into two separate speaking roles. Yes, an older dog and a younger dog, both both of which had solos.
Anyway, sorry, it's a free double the next day, December 17th, free McDonald's MC double.
Is that just a two patty burger?
It's just too bad burger maybe, uh, double, huh?
I, I very much Bailey. I've no listen. It's a free mic doublethink.
Travis, use your fucking brain for once.
Rudolph I don't know man. If I say Rudolph for all of these, eventually I'll get a head double. Well, it's it's John McClane because it's Mick Double McLaine. Is that any.
There's a lot of things, though, because McMuffin was the last one. Yeah.
That is a wild it's a wild pick, free medium, world famous fries with, according to this picture, two packets of ketchup. George Bailey, Rudolf. That would trade off John McCain, but sidestepped unless daughter and Blitzen are the next.
I literally can't think of too many other Christmas time characters.
There is a beloved Christmas icon that's going to slide you over on a free six piece big nugget on December nine. That Scrooge, he loves them. Dugs elf.
No, that's incorrect. At eight p.m.. But on that day, you could be enjoying the eight p.m. You could be enjoying the McElroy family Kanal Night Spectacular.
And you could be eating a six piece nugget provided to you by Beloved Christmas, a Christmas icon gismo from Graveling House 10 of these.
And one of them's gismo.
Next, one of them, Claudia Gismo, gets the on the freebie list and Jesus Christ does not thank you.
I feel like the every McDonald's is going to be burnt to the ground by a certain type of, let's say, Chick fil A fan.
Free hot cakes, December 20th, who's bringing you free hot cakes? Is that one elf? That one's self congratulation makes sense, that that's one of the strikes he loves Sarah. They came up with that that one first. Yeah, maybe they were like, this is a great idea from a promotion. Let's commit to it now.
The next day, one hot coffee, please, scritch. That's good relations.
We did for us this summer on the 22nd. That's a frequent flyer. Twenty third, this is our last one because obviously 24 Santa. Twenty third is a free bakery item. That's could be of course, we all know that there's a new life because there's a delightful apple.
There's a delightful marquee outside of my local McDonald's that says new bakery items. And then another line tastes good.
I'm going to say George Bailey from It's a Wonderful Life. Oh, that would be good.
Can I also say George Bailey? No.
OK, I'll bet you really you're actually weirdly close with the first George Clinton, but the Parliament Funkadelic isn't George George from Seinfeld.
Yeah, he loves a. Jesus, wait, no, wait, no, let's. You are so close.
Is it safe? Why would it be so fucking close, please? You're so close. Just try a little bit harder. Think for a second. You can do this all. It's the Festivus I didn't want you to fucking Seinfeld, I know they had their own, but not George Costanza, dad, George's dad, Costanza, Frank Costanza and the rest of us were celebrating Festivus.
How all occurred with the line item.
You know, twenty, twenty has been hard. So the Grinch is giving you a McMuffin. That is absolutely bonkers. It's an inapt deal only though. Yol So OK, just kind of keep that.
Keep that in mind, I also have to read here that Seinfeld, in all related characters and elements, RTM, Castle Rock, Entertainment, Chalfin, all right, now it's a business thing again.
Oh, a commercial. But I thought this was just a fun thing our friend McDonald's was doing.
Yeah, they with our other friends, George's dad, whose name I already forgot. Frank Ocean.
Yeah, I'm a college student and I really like giving gifts. My roommate is really into fantasy Lord of the Rings type stuff. So I recently bought him a map of his home state and drawn in a fantasy style to give him for Christmas. A couple of days after I arrived, he mentioned how he saw a Facebook ad for the same thing and how stupid he thought it was. Get a fantasy map of your home state right now.
The map is like dust in my closet. Brothers, what do I do with this gift? That's from sheep.
A shlep in Chicago, a Chicago giganto boarded for at the World AIDS Day.
My deep dish pizza.
It is me, Chicago Cubs, but it's my club ball splash the the map, whatever I want.
I mean, is it possible when your roommate said it was dumb, what they meant is it's really cool and they're embarrassed how cool they think it is when they're trying to seem cool, but it's like, oh yeah, it's dumb. I'd hate to get that because it popped up in their Facebook ads. So that must mean they really want it.
Right. Listen to Facebook, OK? Facebook's never wrong.
Oh, I took a screenshot of a pretty bodacious shirt that it recommended to me that I'm going to try and find while I continue talking.
I think you got to give your roommate the fucking map anyway. And then you can be like, I'm being ironic, obviously.
Get it. Get it. How silly it is. Can you imagine? I would say give it to your roommate. I never said anything, I don't like that.
I don't love it because that both gives them a gift they don't like and also says, I don't listen to you. Well, the other option is you have it in your closet until you forget about it and move out and don't take it with you.
I would know I would lean into it. I like the ironic thing, like I thought this is such a crack up when you mention it being bad.
Also, my friend Justin is a pot caster, and he wanted me to ask you, where the fuck do you get off being hugely into fantasy, but being snide about fantasy maps of homes because it actually sounds really cool to me.
Sounds so cool. I'm just saying, if somebody wants to tell me where to get one of these of West Virginia, I would take the hell out of that.
Oh, batten down the hatches, people. Not good point. Where can I get one of the hey, I where can I commission something like that. But done in fallout seventy six but also in a universe five. Seventy six was actually really a good game. Yeah. I mean we're going to had also fallout boys in it.
Oh yeah. Fall out boy. Draw me that poster and I mean all four of them at the same time holding just an exquisite style and they're all kissing.
That's also. So I found the image of the screenshot I took from a company is a sponsored suggested advertisement on my feed, which I will admit is largely dormant.
So I'm not giving them a lot of cookie, I'm not giving them any cookies to deal with. This is get the perfect gift for loved ones. Order here and then it's a shirt that's a white t shirt and big black letters in like 14 different fonts. It says, Sorry, I am already taken by a freaking awesome husband. He has anger issues and a serious dislike for stupid people. He's a perfect, perfect mixture of Prince Charming and warrior.
He is my whole world. I love him forever and always mess with me. And they'll never find your body.
Yes, he bought me this fucking not about buying that for Rachel. I did do that and it's her. She'll love it. Yeah, it's I we both call it her outside shirt because it's shirt she wears each time we go.
If you see the absolutely Lovecraftian sort of dome of different fonts that is on this one fucking T-shirt shirt, it would completely boggle your mind.
I must yeah. I loved targeted T-shirts like that.
I think it could be more generic, like if the DNA was like, yeah, I'm connected to another person. Yeah, I see a lot. And they're a mixture of carbon and other stuff.
And if you just carbon, it doesn't mean that dreams are made and dreams without doubt. I do wish I could just get a shirt that just said Prince Charming and Warrior on it. He is mine.
What do you think now. Are you fifty fifty. Prince Charming Warrior Griffin. Do you think it's like 60-40 or where you at.
Well I'm Prince Charming and warrior in the streets and sheets. Yeah. Respectively. There's got to be got to be a better way to say that I can be, but sometimes I'm a warrior on the streets and a Prince Charming in the streets. I figure if I were to choose, I would want Prince Charming in the shade, say, Morea on the streets.
Well, sometimes. Did you get the one that you ask for? I fucked up recently with my Facebook algorithm, and then I mentioned on there that Cindy and I had watched some Schitt's Creek and then the moment I posted it, the the fuckin T-shirt manufacturers were like, he's done it. Justin's finally done it.
He did it. Open the gate. Here it comes. Here comes all the hot, bad holiday sweaters. Here's everything. Why do I have it all? Fancy Massachusetts great toys for Schitt's Creek. Schitt's Creek toilet paper.
Open the gates. Let it all fly. That scared me.
If anybody wants to start a business doing Lord of the Rings style maps of Schitt's Creek, I would take that. I would take one place fucking guarantee.
I'm going to type in. I'm going to fuck my algorithm deeply.
I'm going to ruin my Google for the rest of my life and type in.
I will never dig out of this algorithmic hard about today myself. I hesitate to even type it, but I am going to type fantasy map of Schitt's Creek and see what I get.
And there is a lot of my computer is now giving itself away.
Brutal, brutal, brutal stuff. Well, you can take us to the bridge, Justin. Yeah, but thanks so much for listening to our podcast, we hope you've enjoyed it if you enjoyed it one third as much as we enjoyed making it.
And that's not a very good return on investment. No, it isn't. But still, we hope you had fun.
Thank you so much for for joining us. And we have so much to tell you about.
I'm just going to go through some real quick. I made a YouTube series with my friend Dwight. It's called Taste of Luxury. It's on YouTube, on the microfilming channel. There's five parts of it, if you like them of the damn TV show, you will like this.
It's called Taste for Luxury. Please watch it.
We made it in twenty seventeen and we've been working on bringing it to you ever since then. December 19th already mentioned it, but Carmelites special, 8:00 p.m. it is a pretaped candlelight spectacular with segments from never before seen segments from Bambam Sawbones.
It's wonderful. Still, Bufferin need special guests, celebrities. It's amazing. It's going to be a really fantastic show.
Tickets are pay what you want with a six twenty five minimum.
And all of the proceeds are going to Harmonie House, which is a shelter in our area for people experiencing homelessness bit.
Donna Ford slash Carmelites 20-20 is the Web address. Please don't hesitate.
We need to make enough eggnog and latkes for everybody, so we need to know ahead of time.
Yeah, we need to know ahead of time. Please RSVP. Can I pick it up to the gathering.
Why pick it up from here, please do. We've got a How-To podcast book coming out called Everybody Has a Podcast Except You, and we're doing a book launch event on January 26 at 9:00 p.m. Eastern Time. It's a free virtual event. We partnered with six independent bookstores. You preordered from them. You'll get an exclusively designed book plate signed by one of us with your copy. While supplies last go to Bitauto by McQuoid podcast book event for bookstore links and more event info.
Griffin and Rachel are doing a wonderful live fundraiser for the Austin Batcave. That is December 28th at 9:00 p.m. Eastern Time.
Tickets are five p.m. All proceeds, tickets are five dollars. Tickets are five dollars. They're not five p.m.. Thank you. Tickets are five dollars. All proceeds will go to the Austin Batcave, a non-profit organization which empowers students to find their voices and to tell their stories. More info and tickets available at Bitauto.
A wonderful ABC.
We've got all of our wonderful merch at Macquarie Match.com. The festival PIN of the month is still out there that benefits the Transgender Law Center. We've got the adventuresome graphic novel Crystal Kingdome coming out in preorder that now at The Adventures of Comic Dotcom. You can also get the sawbones book out in paperback on December twenty ninth, newly revised and updated for twenty twenty. That's a bit like sawbones paperback. And my brother, my brother, Me Angels is back.
You can go to Mbembe am angels dot com to claim some stocking's.
Is that it. Yes, I think that's all. Well, here's that final Yahoo! First of all, saying thank you to John. Roger, your said he on the bed and thanks so much fun. And thanks to maximum fun, and here's the final yeah, this one was sent in by Elliana. Thank you. It's Yahoo! Answers user.
They're anonymous, so I'm going to call them. Ritt Shorrosh Crushin asks. Is it true that if you shave your beard, your pubes grow faster? My name is just as I am Griffin McIlroy. He's been my brother. My brother may kiss your dad on the lips. Maximum fun dog comedy and culture, artist owned, audience supported.