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The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed, Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only.


So the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool, baby? Here, you're coming back.


All right. We've got jokes and we're going to give advice and you'll find laughter and come inside and say it's time to start. It's. Hello, everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother and me and advice show for the modern era. This is your oldest brother, Justin McElroy.


I'm your middle brother, big dog. Woof, love canine.


Can I just say you guys have been making a real meal out of the name introductions lately. And I feel like it's a bit like people just want to get to the the night and I just go through a lot of it. Well, just say your name, OK? What?


Our dog pound is me, your manges brother of Travis Bark Bark McGuire Roof.


This is Griffin McIlroy. See that took place. That was like a like a three quarters of a second.


Well see Girvan, the problem is, is in the past we've kind of let it get away from us pretty quickly. I'm trying to hold onto it at least February. You bully me like I had a whole honorific there for a while. I turn into a dog like I get it.


But I think we're grown ups now, you know, like one of us is one of us is 40.


I think that we should be more responsible and serious and less less funny.


Thanks for listening to our podcast. We hope you're making some effort to just keep it keep it between the navigational beacons.


As James would say, we're back on our regular recording schedule, which is hubris, because you almost have to fucking timecode right at this moment.




Thursday. Oh, hold on. This is at the door every. A boys, it's me from the network. Oh, no. Hi, it's me.


Where did I have name? Was it Reggie? Big shot. Reggie big shot. Let go. You haven't been here in forever.


I know your boys have been doing a good job for us here and putting up numbers. Big, big ratings. I would love it.


But now I hear you're in a little bit of a pickle. You're in need of a new theme song. And I want to hear how the search is coming along. How's it going?


So you guys maskin here? No, we have mass and we have marks on a microphones, too, just in case.


Yes. Germs don't go through some of those. And I also I have Norton Antivirus.


I know. I got a mascara. That is a Mike Myers mask. Yeah, I love it. I love strict Austin Powers.


You would think it would make your nose and mouth look like Mike Myers, his nose and mouth, but it's just his whole head on there.


Yeah. So, Griffin, I heard you on the episode.


My guy, Devon, he does all the listening for me, and he said that you did kind of a fake fake fake fake goofy song on there.


Well, it's real and so far is that I worked pretty hard on it. And is it real in the sense that you stole the music from a beloved Mark Mothersbaugh still recovering from covid get well soon, but I don't.


Did that person write the Rugrats theme song? Yeah, OK.


Yeah, I thought it was fair use like like Great Gatsby. Seventy five years old. It's been in more than seven years since Rugrats went off the air. So I don't think Klasky Supah is going to come after my my heiny. Well, I wanted to give Trav. Yeah, you're you know, you're my favorite. You're my baby.


I tell everybody. I tell them all. I tell Rogan, Carol, all my boys.


I say, boy, oh, hold on.


Wait, my baby. Wait, this is news to us.


Let's say don't get out now, baldy, you told us Robin Masters on this network. Is that true?


He is like, OK, he's a Roman vase of jugs as they dug their Jupiter and he's the Roman Mozza jugs.


He does all kinds of great stories about jugs.


Most of them I've heard, but some are new to me, which is of thrill is of course, some are like classical, almost like a Beowulf story about Juggs, but some are new creations that he is writing himself.


Yeah, he freestyles on there and some more historical cool. I love it, although it's kind of a tone poem. Yeah, a tone. It's called. It's called. It's called.


Ninety nine percent perfume's OK.


How do you spell the other one percent then there's Feroze Lissie. Of all my boys, Travis, you know, you're my favorite. Well, OK. And I wanted to you know, the little one gets a lot of the credit for his talent.


Well, I'm always, like, touching my cheeks and like, I'm a stinker, like, yeah.


Trav, I wanted to give you kind of a shot at it right now. Kind of a shot at doing an interesting. Yeah. Theme song.


I want to see what you could come up with, you know, right on the spot. What about like this is the intro song. It is a very long wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. There's no music. Well, I mean, OK, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. You don't have an instrument like near you.


My mouth is God's instrument girvin man. The sound of just eating even as a joke but bugs me in a major way.


He's out of the room. I want you to take Griffin. Do you have like an egg shaker handy or something you can give me. Yes I'm sure.


Sure, sure. Let me start with egg egg egg. This is the intro song. It is a very long egg.


So that was kind of like an Applebee's birthday remix.


Yeah, well, I figure people want to get it leaves us more time for great bits like this.


Are you open to notes? Are you locked in? I'm actually locked in. I already mailed it to myself in a sealed envelope so I could copy it. Smart cookie.


I could still tweak the, you know, the the Fruity Loops that I'm working with, if you have any, you know, notes on the instrumentation. Well, it's not the instrumentation so much as the legality of it, right?


Yeah, you remember when there was a period where you were kind of gingerly ripping off one of the world's most popular bands, really caught in some extreme actions, legally speaking.


I don't want to get back in those waters, though.


I know where to say what just happened there. My God, these damn zooms. Hold on.


That microphone made you turn into the movie and zoom. Zoom the connection. We're not using Zoom. And so I got an open letter to have my kids in school, you're sharing this later with your child is in school on the same computer that you're taught you're giving us?


Yeah, I'm in school. One of it. Oh, boy. Reggie Junior. What? Reggie know his name?


His name is Kathleen. He's named after his mother. Oh, a feminine junior.


Hey, listen, Traviss was bad.


And, you know, I love them. You know, I love your favorite. He's a he's your angel.


Griffin, you want to try again or you're just going to stick with your original kind of deal. And I try another one. Yeah. I love that you change your mind. OK. All right. See, you got into a problem now. Yeah. There they yeah. They are just the McElroy's. They are just the Mac.


Sorry I can't even identify what yours McElroy brothers answering questions.


Yeah. The world's most fearsome brother team.


OK, now I see what's going on here. All right.


You and Travis does scenes. You you give it up, Justin. It's cool but rude. And so they are all cool.


I guess that's cool. And Clint Magaro is the party dude. Hey and BMB MBA m.b. We have to add in and be free to work by the way and be NBA him and be MBA, MBA him and be him. Be Yeah we get it. It is time for us Adrasta Gervin.


OK you get yourself up front which I love that killer in my song. See it. OK, listen I'm sorry to derail you boys had nothing to do with you. I just made that up off the top of my head.


That your show. But you keep working on it. All right, I'll, I'll keep checking in on you, all of you.


Reggie, I don't. I think you suck shit dude. Hey he's gone. Do you think I sucks? You know, I think that by Reggie.


Let's do a question, OK? I recently discovered a can that had its label removed, none of my roommates remember its contents and none of us could tell from its shape or size, how do I deal with the situation?


Do I open the can and risk having to dispose of its contents? So I just try to forget about it as from can't conundrum in Canada.


Oh, I'll get a fixed for this open and eat. What the fuck's inside.


But what if it's like you open it and it's like cream of mushroom soup and you're like I don't want cream of mushroom soup right now.


If I were to just kind of like draw this, the punnet square of options you have, don't open the can and don't eat it is one. And that's the path you're currently following and it is the most boring path. And then you have opening the can and not eating it, which is a fucking waste. And then you have open the can and eat it, which is what a hero would do. And then you have don't open the can and eat it, which is out.


That's what a billy goat with a billy goat goat would do. A cool billy goat. Let me offer an option.


Yeah, well, this is tough now because people shouldn't be visiting here. But when people come to visit, you could offer it like a surprise prize in a game show.


Right. Like, cool, OK, I could give you a slice of pizza or I could give you what's in the mystery. Can make it can be anything in there.


I'll take the pizza. Is there enough for everybody?


Because I will think that if someone does that to you at at their house, you come and they say, here is a can and you can open it and maybe you'll eat what's inside. You know, you don't have to if you don't want to, though, what is in that exact scenario, the best thing that you can find?


I can't and don't say like a million dollars or sign picture of Harrison for Chef Boyardee. Many raviolis.


That's what you're going with. Yeah, there's a correct answer to this, by the way. And that was not it, Justin. Enchilada sauce.


And you will want some great enchilada sauce.


I mean, it's not like I want to put a spoon in there, a stronger hand.


That's what I'm talking about. You're going to put a spoon or straw in there and go to town. So I get to cook. You can heat it up if you want, but it's you got to eat it from the can.


Do they make Kanzaki. We can make Cande Yukino, Kaniuk. I could go frame Yoki, I would not say no to Yoki.


It's very interesting how the word Anokhi, you're making one letter silent and kind of adding an extra letter in there to. Yeah. You know, and also add a Y, you know, Thor's brother.


Oh, fuck. Yeah, man. I'm looking for Naoki.


Yeah, there we go. I love that. Okey dokey.


Yoki, is it pineapple rings. I love that.


Oh, you empty that out onto a plate or whatever.


And it's still in its native can shape that rules.


Man Back in April, way, way back in April, I was a lot of rajin. What's going to come out of your mouth. I was gonna make me a pineapple upside down cake.




And three a different grocery stores I went to sold out. This is when people were clearing shelves of shit. Right. Sold out of both the rings and crushed pineapple fuck. And that to me is such a like not everything was gone. There was plenty of stuff left. But somebody I think to this day, I think it's one person who was like, well, you know what I mean? And maybe it was Griffin. It certainly is something.


Maybe it was Griffin just going around my neighborhood supermarkets, buying all of the canned pineapple rings and crushed pineapple.


I went buy a pineapple. I want the rings. I want to keep his beautiful shape. Mm. I said that was a fun game. Do you want to.


I like that. Can wait. Can I suggest one other option for the home. For the can, can you, can you make a recording of yourself opening the can and then send us the audio recording of it just so we can be there sort of virtually with you.


Yeah. For the sake of it. Yeah.


If it ain't. No you know what, just from a legal perspective, I want to go ahead and say don't eat what's in the cans. Yeah.


For from us your podcast here you could make a fun YouTube series like Oh Unboxing is old, uncharming is the new shit. There's people who do that with like Emrys. Have you ever seen any of those. Yeah.


Hey, here's a guy who was sent in by everyone. Thanks everyone. It's yeah it's anonymous. He answers you answer sister which is the only thing I'm calling this from now on. It's the answer. It's a you answer. This one was your answer. Ask by Yansi who asks How do I come clean about a crop circle. I did well some years ago I wrote a post about how to make a crop circle, so I tried it out and it worked really well.


Then let's not say where, but the answer is probably wiki how I watched a video about how to make a crop circle for sure. I've never acted on that information. Then local news reported on it and also said the farmer lost a lot of money from it, which I hadn't thought about. I felt bad, I felt bad, but I didn't say anything because I didn't have the money and don't want to go to jail. I have the money now and would like to pay him back, but I still don't want trouble.


And I know he need a lot from people coming to the site thinking it was aliens and doing tests on the soil and energy readings and stuff and buying t shirts and jewelry. So maybe he even owes me money.


Not that I know that. I don't know.


That's the whole question was about that this person was too afraid to say I did it.


I want to come clean about this crop circles did. So I can get my portion of the revenue of the fraud revenue.


OK, until you get to that last bit, which is morally questionable to me at best.


I do think that if you're trying to come clean and pay them back without getting in trouble, you just want to leave it in a little envelope that says like to farmer from aliens. Sorry, we landed our our ship here. Here's some of your earth money.


Yeah. Sorry our ship had such a bad ass. Like, did it not like tribal tattoo design. I'm sorry about the Punisher logo.


Yeah. We're just crazy about that guy up here.


We love how he doesn't get shit from anyone. Sorry about the Deadpool face. We've slept in your truck.


We even think about blowing up the moon into a Punisher skull face. Do you like this? Ask your friends.


Ask the government if we it that not the whole moon, just like part of it, so that when you look at it, you're definitely like it's not the Punisher logo that has some sweet kicks ass.


He doesn't take shit from anyone and neither do you Earth. That's why we want to give you this present. Consider this our Statue of Liberty.


Yeah, man, what if they fucking did go up and zap Punisher face onto the moon, but they misunderstood and they just put like Thomas Jane up there are Jon Bernthal, just like looking back down on us all from the sky, we would be great for him.


Even more cinematic punisher you got this was Dolph Lundgren there?


It is nice. Yes. Yes. Thank you. Yeah.


Put them all up there. Fuck it. Just a lot of different different sections of. As it turns, as the system, I guess, as the moon spins around us, doesn't see the different beautiful parts of the moon.


As is its way, you don't know how much the farmer lost, right, to be very easy to leave it fast for gate or gained, you could just leave an envelope with a note in it that says, you owe me five hundred of your earth dollars signed alien.


OK, you've said this twice now, Travis. I do not believe aliens would deliver this missive through the postal system or through an envelope or you know what I mean? Like there would be that we need a cube or something that a data cube. Do you know what I mean?


I don't know how this has this cube possesses bleep or prologues, which should be enough to reimburse you.


Yeah, you don't. Your kids are going to love bleep bleep prolia.


Bleep bleep. No, sorry if it's but it's also a noun. This is the thing about alien language. We can't expect it to. Always looks beautiful.


What if you you send a message to them on one day, be like we're going to drop off the money tomorrow for what we the aliens, you and then the next day you swing by and you just leave like eight Starburst and the farmer is going to be like, whoa, Starburst is space money. And then it turns out that it's all like a big starburst marketing scheme.


What would I think that it's time to remake E.T. and win Elliotts like here, some cities have like this tastes like shit.


Do you have any alien candy?


Because why would you assume racist pieces would be universally liked that you say racist pieces, racist, racist, racist pieces.


I like I like pieces, but my man could have had a nut allergy.


That's true. He should straighten it out and be like, do you have any sour candy playing with fire?


You got any kitty cats? Because I just watched Alf and that shit was funny and appetizing.


You can't just run up and leave some money on his doorstep because the farmer, all farmers live in areas where they can patrol their fields and they at all times and they do here is a role for meeting you.


You put it right on the the tableau with the man who sleeps with a machete under his bed is a fool every night. But one you can put this right there next to it. You can't sneak up on a farmer. Oh, this is this is proven. They have long, flat stretches of land. They're on the lookout for predators such as yourself. Yeah. Camastra Livestock.


You cannot sneak up on a predator. Impossible. Can't think about it. They can't think about a predator. Absolutely. There's heat tracking technology there, but you can't sneak up on a farmer.


There's a caveat there and you can't sneak up on a farmer in his home. That's why you got to get him at the general store. OK, you've got shelves around.


There's like tools on the wall. He is distracted by things. That's where you're going to get him.


And also your whole shit falls apart when you think about it's corn, which is the which is the hiding place crop corn is because when you plant corn, you are giving up your ability to, like, really keep tabs on your shit.


When you plant corn, you're saying like, I can't wait to get that good corn money, but there could be a living scarecrow, there could be children and children.


There could be just drivers who, like, veer off the road because they thought they saw a ghost and drive into it. That happens a lot happens every single minute. I've watched a lot of supernatural and every other episode someone's driving into a cornfield.


They crash into corn. Now, that's why I when I become a farmer, I'm only going to do little crops to me like that.


No one can. I know. But you know what? I like the idea of you put potatoes, they go under, you keep the rest of it. Love. I would like you haven't grown shit farmer.


That's that's me on my potato farm looking out of the window and there's just like a little naked green man like glowing in like a hundred feet from my house.


And I'm like, I see their taters dude. I see you. He's, he's just carefully folding tater leaves together.


Yeah. It's like that's nothing. It's nothing. That's nothing.


Bleep bleep bleep borgerson. No. OK, I know. I'm sorry. Justin Bieber is my son. Yeah.


OK, now we need to get the money so we don't have time for another question right now, but we'll come right back and do more of all the great stuff that you've been enjoying. But first, we're going to take a brief sojourn straight on over to the money zone.


It is I, Blerick, I heard you were talking about aliens. Gimme, gimme, gimme.


I've actually been thinking about how I need to do more character work.


Yeah, this is not character work. This is my life.


I've actually been thinking a lot about how we should be doing jokes this one episode after we did those very same jokes.


This is not a joke. I'm the new sponsor of my brother, my brother and me.


I'm not I don't even think that this is what you sounded like last time.


Bleep I've had work done on your voice. Yeah. You don't know about aliens yet.


It's true. It's like it's alien to me actually. There. I want to tell you about Squarespace then. Go right ahead. Bepart your humans.


Show my brother, my brother and is sponsored by Squarespace. You humans still use the Internet, correct?


Yeah, we do. You need to evolve your shit. It's bad. The Internet is. It makes you sad and it's hard to make websites. Except with Squarespace. So you know about you are you know, we already have access to Squarespace, so you know that.


Yeah, I mean, yeah, I'm reading the copy here, bro. Yeah, but it's embarrassing. Like, it's not broken. Like, you know, we have a way to do it. Yes. But they're not bringing us this.


I just tech. But Squarespace is the next thing about all your boobs again man. That's what we liked last time I got for boob stuff.


I was like, yeah, they said it. Yes. OK, now you guys talk about cyclers.


I'm too bummed out. Please, Squarespace, to make good and free space.


We're going to get through this one together with Squarespace. You can showcase your work and sell products and services of all kinds and promote your physical or online business. I got a business and it's called Embarrassing Aliens for not being funny.


You're embarrassed. Fuck off.


So they have beautiful customizable templates created by world class designers and everything's optimized for mobile right out of the box if you want to put it over your baby's crib, I guess.


And they have it to help you grow in real time. And they have free and secure hosting. So you don't have to worry about, um, you know, the thieves getting into your website.


And they also have nothing to patch or upgrade ever. Anyway, go to Squarespace dot com, slash my brother for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code my brother to save ten percent off your first purchase of a website or domain.


Now in the space between adds bldg if you have big shot.


Yes, this is bleep boy shit. Yes, I tried to help them out, just like you said. They were real assholes. She didn't care about it. I didn't know Reggie liked him. You should cancel their show. Oh, no. Yes. Give Doug Jupiter more time to talk about my bazooms.


He only likes to talk to her because he talks about his miraculous four of them. Fuck, yes. Yes. Hello, Rafaelle. Leonardo.


And I'm after the damn Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.


I was like half a callback bleep. You are comedy poison.


OK, I love you too. Bye. Hey guys. Beep lurches left. He looked really hurt. Travis, will you do this for me. Wait, wait.


This is important.


Hurt like physically. Well he was crying and it look like blood, but it might just have been alien tears. Yeah. No, no, listen, I have perfect eyes and I should have.


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It's me just as the clown. I'll is jazz. Where'd you come from?


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My brother, do you think that that was enough for just the clown to get his own Wikipedia entry? Probably. OK. Welcome back, fireside chat on KMOX with me in studio to take your calls, as the dope is doing on the West Coast.


Oliver Wang and Morgan Rhodes. Go ahead, caller.


Hey, I'm looking for a music podcast that's insightful and thoughtful. Like also help me discover art and find out that I've never heard of em.


It sounds like you need to listen to heat rocks every week myself. And I'm Morgan Road and my co-host here, Oliver Wang, talked to influential guests about a canonical album that has changed their lives.


Yes, like Moby Open Mike Egle, talk about albums by Prince Joni Mitchell and so much more.


What's special show called Again, he rocks deep dives into hot records every Thursday on Maximum Fun. That you left us hanging there for a while, I was scared. Can I ask you guys a question? I feel like I'm honestly leave this in the show, but do you feel like I have overextended myself? I don't want to like. Capitalize too much of the show, and I know I did my stupid big shot guy bit and I don't know how good is this month's Kardashian?


Is it better than Reggie? Because I bet. Look within yourself. How did you feel like Reggie big shot, buddy? Yeah, I thought I thought I was OK. I just hope I find this to be key to a travesty that sometimes so I think you are owed and then maybe I'll just talk for the last 15 minutes or so. Yeah.


Griffin, if you want to do just like a monologue about, I don't know, whatever you want, I mean, you could do some of your audition monologues. You have that one from Cat on a Hot Tin Roof that I love. Yeah.


It's like, wow. Ouch. Yeah. That one. Ouch. Oh, my party's now that's your mouth audition monologue.


It's the same monologue trap. This one has an audio component. It is one minute long Hellboy and this is a Taco Bell tweet. And I'm going to fill in some of the blanks up to this.


But Taco Bell put out a video, it said, and now an announcer from our CEO. Here are the things you need to know about this. It is being spoken by an animated potato boy. And now we take you live. Do not react or the audio will be ruined. Hi, everyone, I'm Mark King, CEO of Taco Bell, and we have some big news today, as you might have guessed, it has to do with potatoes.


But let's start from the beginning last year with a shift entirely to drive through, which created longer lines for our customers and we more demand on our team members. So in order to create a better experience for both you and our teams, we to simplify our menu. And unfortunately, removing potatoes was part of that. But it's a new year with new possibilities. And you know what? We're bringing them back. That's right. As of March 11th, potatoes are officially back at Taco Bell.


Give us a minute to get them back to most restaurants, but know that we're working hard to make things right. And since you're still watching this potato speak, I'll let you in on a little secret. This year, we're going big on our vegetarian menu. We're going above and beyond. Anyways, that's all I got. Later, Tater's.


Right, myself, just in the summer sun, but when you do that and we're not allowed to react to, you know, how I know it pains you, I know there's so very much stuff you travel.


What do you want to what do you want to touch down for? OK, just in a couple of things.


One. That it's going to take them three months to get some potatoes to talk about. That's that's not what's happening in this, he said give us some time to give us short stories. He doesn't need the time to get the potatoes to the stores. He's saying that even at March 11th, you may not see the potatoes. What is March 11th? OK, I'm going to walk you in on this because I literally need everyone to understand the context of this.


OK, we've just heard. OK. covid-19 top potatoes out of Taco Bell, right?


What this potato is saying is that hopefully with a speedy vaccination rates, we will be able to expedite our processes within Taco Bell in order to reintroduce potatoes to the meat.


Thank you, Dr. Falchi, for bringing back.


That was a quote from Dr. Fauci. We're doing the best we can. We're trying to get potatoes back.


Everybody we know this was also just say beyond me at that point. You've already said it all. Yeah. So did I get.


Yes, Justin, I picked up on that because it was the classic wink sound effect.


Now, tell me more about this animated potato. Are we talking about pure veggie tales, energy, or are we talking about. Yeah.


How flexible is this potato? It's like a zoom filter. So Instagram, Snapchat filter levels. Yeah, you know what I mean. Where it's like it's got weird eyes and so just a very forkball.


I mean, there's holes that would work. So Taco Bell is bringing back potatoes, bringing back those back.


Are you ready now? Now, here's one question for you. Why did they feel the need to give us two months heads up?


I don't know what I was going to leave the country, but now I'll stay in the country for like that.


Even within the video, they acknowledge, like, we are surprised you're still watching this. Like they even said, like, well, I guess because they're still here. We should tell you something else as a reward for watching this bonkers video.


I love that it's not even a menu item. The object potato. We have brought back potatoes.


It will be present in our buildings again and we will be cooking them. You have my guarantee on that. Miss me, Mr. King.


We need some time to get potatoes back into the stores. Hey, bud, I can't think of a Taco Bell on the Earth. You can't spit on a Walmart from the parking lot. I am pretty sure that they could just go get some potatoes, just go get some Skorka and make the stuff. OK, here's the press release.


The brand is taking the year off with the return of potatoes and exploring a new plant based protein with beyond me.


It's OK there it is meant to be. Their prayers have been answered after a brief hiatus from menus due to Taco Bell's menu simplification efforts last year.


Cheesy fiesta potatoes and the spicy potato soft taco will be back starting March 11th.


Taco Bell is also teaming up with Beyond Me to create an innovative new plant based protein that will be tested in the next year. Taco Bell chose to team up with the Army as a category leader. Bob, the return of our beloved potatoes is just the first step in showing our. Oh, you love potato so much. Hi, Mark. Hi, Mark.


Well, it seems like you're talking about global chief food innovation officer Dommy. You couldn't tell that just from the word choice.


OK, this is classical is return of our beloved potatoes is just the first step in showing our fans the strong continued commitment to vegetarian we're making this year, says Liz Mathews, Taco Bell's global chief information officer.


Hey, Liz, we're to talk about your commitment to that. When you were like, well, let's just not do it for the rest of twenty twenty.


We have they Travis. It was covered. We have long been a leader in the vegetarian space, but this year we'll have more meatless options in the store. The vegetarians, vegetarians.


So love. Tell me more about this veggie. Oh, I've heard about this vegetable.


You say this is a pepper is like it's like a crispy green chicken. I love it.


I love that you call it cabbage. It's like it's kind of like when I slice up frozen beef. Really, I have the asparagus.


Two, I've been curious about this. I believe it's pronounced Tomatis, Tomatis Camonte, previous of Thunder or the asparagus in the traditional style, I guess.


Excuse me, my hamburger is not done. What's that? This is coleslaw. Hmm.


OK, there's egg on my face. Do you have eggs, by the way? OK.


Hey, what's that shit. Vegetarian isn't just a trend for Taco Bell, yeah, except for that one time that you fucking blinked in the face and Derrick and got rid of potatoes, you are barely doing it already with potatoes. The brand has had meatless menu items like the bean burrito for many years. Fuck off McDonald's French fries, what are you doing?


And it was the first quick service restaurant chain to partner with the American Vegetarian Association and currently has over 30 vegetarian ingredients on the U.S. menu.


That's a weird way.


There's a lot of vegetarian ingredients, a non-statutory and meals.


What if Mr. King only wants to be the potato man from now on?


What if his he stops doing public facing here, say, when we get like, well, quarterly profits are down for much worse than we thought and we're going to have to lay off a lot of. Oh, no, I'm always the I'm always I'm I'm always the potato.


Because I would have said and wondered if perhaps he has always been the potato and this is the first time it was appropriate for him to show his face. Because just you've never brought to us a video clip from Mr. King before, is that correct?


Well, he did take over C I'm looking at his LinkedIn page, which is wild. And he was he was at Adidas until August twenty nineteen. So he jumped. Wow. He joined Taco Bell and he got the taste, the potatoes and the and then covid took them fucking all.


He joined there like this and work. This is going to be the craziest gig ever. We just opened up the potato. People are losing their fucking minds over here and as soon as he pulls into the parking lot, they're like bad news for the Chicago potatoes.


Also, you got to wear masks now, if you can believe that is sitting on this character.


Oh, yeah. Potato Mark. I think a potato in Spanish could be pupper, so we could just call him Papa King. Papa King is here. Papa King is here to save the day.


He's the new beloved Mr. Peanut Farmer. Children eat with me, children. I'm the Papa King.


So you can this happen in March, I guess. Put it on your calendars right now there.


I do appreciate how everybody I mean, literally, this potato head was out there for thirty seconds before people are like alert, alert, alert. If you go this tweet, the first like ten responses are like, Justin, quick.


OK, can I do a Yahoo, please? Yes, please. OK, here is one that was sent in by also several people. Thank you. It's from Yahoo! Answers user Bush who asks. Is there a way to revive stale cheese? It's I need to fix them to bring to a dinner party tonight update.


No, no bad taste or nothing. Just soft like white bread from the staleness.


Soft like white bread from the staleness. Feels like a Macklemore lyric to.


Yeah, yeah.


I need to fix the fix fix in the sense of not to like fix you up some food but to repair these old cheese. It's really does it for me.


Really, really does it for me. Is there any way to visit.


Can I fix or revive these here stale cheeses.


Well you could start with a pep talk.


Interesting inspire that she might not do nothing, but it also won't hurt. You know what I mean? Start there. I would say what you don't want to do is start with something that might potentially ruin the cheese. It's more. Yeah. I think you want to work up to that, right?


Yeah. Like, there's probably a lot of jokesters in the audience who like to talk back to our show like they're a fourth member of the show who are like dip it in water. But that's going to make it. That's going to get it really slow, like a sloppy, mushy mess.


I think my first step would be pep talk and then my second step would be like two hundred degrees Fahrenheit 9/11 for ten minutes.


Oh, so you would just take them into twice being blown like you're making cheese. It brittle at that point.


Well, I would lay I would lay them out in a single layer as close together as I can and trying to get I mean, their squares shouldn't be.


This is how you make this is like cheese biscotti. Yes, exactly.


OK, that probably wouldn't work either. You could make I love a cheese casserole. I'm thinking now.


I mean, you could do I mean, the crumbling of the cheese it's and using it as a coating for I don't know, tilapia.


Oh OK. I was thinking more of like using a like one might use lasagna noodles. Oh, no, you OK? Well, that's that's that's malarkey, Trav, you can't just be like layering. So it would be like sauce, cheese, cheese, that sauce.


So it can be like a hat on a green bean casserole. But it can't be it can't be load-Bearing cheese. It's Jesus Christ.


I've seen on some live hacked videos that if you put a piece of bread in with your cookies, it'll keep them soft.


And I'm just not realizing we're trying to. Yeah, we have to do the obvious. What's the opposite of bread? Mellgren milk is milk the opposite of bread.


People don't talk about the opposite of things that don't have opposites because what is the opposite of bread? Orange.


OK, so it can't be milk because milk is like consuming. Bread is consumable. They're both white. Bread is flat and square.


Orange is round and three d consumable by baseball then sponge, sponge, sponge, same shape.


So you want the opposite.


Well then the opposite of bread is the opposite of bread. Is creation the opposite of bread.


Is it milk.


It's creation is my Bomberman.


Right, so Brad is I'm just going to start listing things that Brad is OK. OK, this is a three part process. OK, I'm going to list the things that Brad is Travis. You're going to tell me the opposite of that thing. Griffin, you're going to keep track of the different descriptor that we have on Christmas.


That was yours. Sorry, guys. Sorry, dude. That was a pre yone for how boring this is going to be. All right.


Well, fucking well, you know what, then? I'm not doing it now. So sorry, listeners. We were trying to have some fun and do Sydes at the same time.


Let your kids learn something like what the opposite of bread is. Yeah.


You tell me what's the opposite of bread? Because you've struck out so many times.


The sun. Yeah, hot. Oh, you want it to be called? White bread can be cold. Brett, I will say Brett has to be colder. That's true, yeah, cold, different shade.


This is a guy sliding doors. We're getting a glimpse into the alternate reality where Justin did get to do his what's the opposite of Bradgate?


And it's got me fucking busting up and my sides are splitting.


I think it's the sun. So just with the sun and with your cheeses better being better color wise, I don't agree with you.


What kind of dinner party can you bring, Second-Hand Cheese.


I think Rezvan, at this point, if you're going to a dinner party in January of twenty twenty one. Yeah. Anything like at this point we don't remember what dinner party is. Right.


That would be a good if you get a load of me like a snack mix that you bring to the first party you attend, once everybody is vaccinated, that would be great because it's like who even cares. These are OK. I do it. These are actually very chewy.


I am not well, but OK, not thinking about it. I can't think of a thing that is more likely to get grubby hands all over it. Then a bunch of the cheese it.


Yeah. If you put it out though in a party setting. You are like, OK, if I eat something at a party and it's like stale or cold or too chewy, I just assumed, like, this has been a little long, I should hit this up. Oh, so you know what I mean?


Like, I don't know. They're crispy when I put them in the bowl. What's wrong with the bowl? Oh, so you're saying you can sort of launder the cheese? It's.


Hey, did you feel when I was exactly Yalon to the cheese that you put one sandwich bag, you full of cheese is in everybody's pockets after they leave their coats on the bed bowl has some kind of time weirdness.


It made my cheeses get old. I think we can all agree this is one of those weird time bulls scenario.


Someone else brings a box of cheeses and after they've done theirs in a bowl, you dump yours in a bowl and mix them together.


So at that point we were like, I think something's wrong with these cheeses. But I also think something is not wrong with these Jesus.


I think something is wrong with some of these quality cheese. It's because sour taste. Is it possible for half of a box of cheese to go see the other half stays?


Raimo, is that any is that anything? You try these and you tell me I'm being silly, Derek.


I don't want to have this fight again with moisture, redistribute, make all of the cheese. It's kind of stale. It would that wouldn't work that way maybe.


Oh, they didn't turn their box.


You gotta turn your God halfway through the house.


What's wrong with my cheese? It's how long did you leave them in the sun for? I didn't. Well, you got a lot of sun dried your cheeses. Hey, guys. Yeah. I would fucking ruin some cheese. It's right now. It's all right.


I'm so hungry for cheese. Cheddar cheese. It's for the past like three minutes. And I actually have noticed that I am shaking.


I am. I feel like my body is noticeably shaking, folks.


That is what I would call it. Quivering. That is how badly I want these white cheddar cheese.


It's that is our cue to stop doing podcasts and to release you back into the wild. We have tagged you. Now we're opening the door and you may once again roam free with the rest of your kind. Thank you so much for joining us. We very much appreciate you.


Hey, if I could ask you, we are writing a podcast book.


It's called Everybody Has a Podcast Except you. You can find it big. I forgot what McClary podcast book. Yeah, that's right.


If you go preorder that, it would really help us out and and we you could get it. There's a lot of different ways you can get it.


I recommend it if I may. Justin Big Elsewise McQuoid podcast book event. You can find links to six independent bookstores and event info for our free virtual event that is happening next week on January twenty six at nine p.m.. It is completely free. The event is and if you preorder from one of those independent bookstores, you get a signed copy from one of us to get a book plate that's signed by one of us that you can put in your book.


It's pretty cool, cool. We've got a new pen in the month, it's a Cerberus pin of the month and it's a doggie with all of our faces on it, a reference to maybe our deepest cut reference of a live episode of The Adventures of an Amnesty, which is a very good episode, if you haven't heard it.


But also all the proceeds are going to benefit, not Norell, which fights for access to abortion, care, birth control, paid parental leaves and protections from pregnancy discrimination.


So designed by Zachary Sterling. Yes, we also have our Knights Templar to stickered designed by Tyler right up there in a bunch of other stuff back


And also preorder the next test book. Crystal Kingdome, go to The Adventures on Comic-Con comes out July 13th. Twenty twenty one. But don't wait.


Get on it now also. And this is just a personal one for me, go check out the best. It's available on like every pod we don't make money on anymore.


So we don't actually we are, you know.


But I want you to read it isn't exclusive to Spotify. I want everyone to know I love it.


But actually, also this latest episode we talk about Cyberpunk with Ron Funchess. And it's a fucking Bangor, Maine.


Really? Yeah, it's a good episode. Oh, boy.


I'm excited that thanks to maximum fun crabbiness on network, go to maximum flag. Check out all the great shows. They're tune in, drop out.


You know, baby, do you want to find a Yahoo! It's fine. Yahoo! It was sent in by Graham Roebuck.


Thank you, Graham. Yahoo! Answers user. They're anonymous, so I'm going to call them also.


Barbequing asks.


What can the answer if he spend too fast, create the tornado? My name is just the record. I'm Travis MacRay, I'm Griffin McElroy. It's been my brother. My brother may kiss your dad square on the lips.


OK, that was the show. You had some fun talking for an hour and. All the cuss words he said. Maximum fun dog comedy and culture, artist owned, audience supported.