Transcribe your podcast

The McElroy brothers are not experts, and their advice should never be followed, Travis insists he's a sexpert, but if there's a degree on his wall, I haven't seen it. Also, this show isn't for kids, which I mention only.


So the babies out there will know how cool they are for listening. What's up, you cool, baby? You're coming back.


All right. We've got those and we're going to give advice and your. Laughter It is a common sight and say it's time to start, it's. I have I have a thing for you. It's really silly and light, all right. I don't think we need I think we should just talk about what's been going on now.


That is bum everyone out.


Let's say I like the tension between Travis's instinct and Justin's instinct. Let's see what happens, OK? Hello, everybody, and welcome to my brother, my brother and me, an advice show for the modern era, me, I'm your oldest brother, Justin McElroy. I am Wolf Wolf, Travis Mack, our dog, still still doing it. This is Griffin still doing it.


Well, I tried to make it go up at the end because I had a question I wanted to ask you something that's really been kind of, you know, just stuck in my old craw.


It's just an age old question. I've been trying a riddle even.


No, not quite a riddle, but it's more like when you wear a shirt, right? You go out into the world wearing a shirt.


Right, right. Right. Which side of the shirt is the side that's getting dirtier? The outside that's out facing the world or the inside a rubbing up against your body?


Well, this is challenging. This is tough. There's parts of my body that are fucking filthy, right, and there is and I and we take great strides to mitigate that.


Right. But the armpits, the are we limiting this to just the shirt or are we talking pants to you? You ask that of because you know the answer of pants. And which side's the Gudger on. Well, yes, because the extension of this question is if you wear two shirts, right.




And you if you have an undershirt and an overture and you're very prominent nipples, Justin Scott's got to get two shirts in there in those bad boys in if you get home.


Right. Right. Which is like the dirty, dirty shirt. You wear the under shirt again. Can you like can you turn the shirt inside out and you're good. Like where are we at with this. Well OK.


Where are you spending your days. Are you spending it in, you know, sort of clean office or you stink. You spend in a stinky fungus for us.


Let's say I am walking around OK, I'm walking around Columbus, Ohio. Oh yes. Seventy two degree day.


Oh perfect.


Columbus really comes to life in the springtime.


Yeah, but it's not so hot.


Finches and the finches are flitting down the old Ohio, which is when they return from Capistrano to Columbus.


Oh, that's good. Clean air. That's good. Clean air, clean air. Good clean air. But a recognizable city. Now, I could have gone with Cincinnati, but I already live here and I don't want to have a back alley. Baggett There's a lot of emotion tied to that city.


And during a game during a game day, you get that shirt, that shirts in solidarity. So it's got seventy two degrees.


Oh I just and I are just spending time in our memories thinking about all of our great Columbus Spring.


I understand we can, I can emerge from the doors of the citizen science and industry. Course, of course. And I'm headed to Cossy the same place. All right. OK, right.


Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's feeling cozy in this great seventy four degree. Yeah.


Here's this question's bad. A bad question. Why I can't.


Well I can't answer it with a single word and that word is jackets. OK, you wear a jet, you wear a shirt and a jacket outside and a beautiful seventy two degree, and maybe it's like a light, a light jacket and you come back in and end of the day you put on your nightclothes and you take off your work gear.


Sure. Nice clothes. My long night shirt.


Right. And your cap with your single, your single candle and you retired the shirt that has been rubbed against your your huge prominent nipples and your stinky arm like your arm boogers and that that goes in the hamper. But the next day, new shirt. Same jacket.


Yeah. But just because we've always done that Girvan doesn't mean it's right.


I listen, this is all good stuff. But Griffin, our talk about nightcaps and I was thinking, you know, the cap and they got the fuzzy ball at the end. We love we love that.


What's that about?


And so you can find the end of it easier. Yeah, I just think that I would be casually stroking up the top of the hat and I would get to a place where I was sure if I.


Yeah, you only have the one candle. So you're like one candle. How high is this hat going? And then you worry that maybe you've moved on to a like now you've reached the chandelier, right? You miss the end completely and you just keep going.


You need a sort of anchor when you're working in the dark and old Victorian times where you just have the one candle, you need something to sort of establish a depth perception like Target. And that's what the ball is for. And it can also be a fun game for when you get bored or you're very, very sick with an old Victorian disease laying in bed, you sort of swat at it like a kitty cat does.


Oh, yeah. Or when you're snoring and you're going, honk me, me, me, me, me. You're like, like glowing that little ball up, bopping you back in the nose, you know what I mean. It's funny.


It's so funny and cute. But to ask which side of the nightcap is getting dirtier. The ball inside my body makes more filth than the room or area I'm in, I can pretty much guarantee that it's terrible. My my body consumes things and turns it into, I guess, more bones and meat and flesh that makes me up. And then everything that doesn't make the cut just gets impressed into my into my clothing. It's a it's a real it's a real horror show.


Isn't it wild to think that we spend our lives eating food to our bones can get thicker and thicker until one day we die and it's just skin on bone.


Yeah, that makes all doesn't make me proud. This is a comedy show.


Oh, you said you had something fun and light for the opener. I'm so despite. Right.


I am officially revoking your ability to initiate the program.


Hey. Hey, Justin. I just killed about six and a half minutes now, but that's not about this. I, I've been away from art for so long. It's been a while. It's been a while since I've made any art.


Your friend Art Garfunkel. No, see, that's exactly what you guys do. No more fucking duds. That was a long, hard life. And it's like, hey, you record all these guys.


It sounded like a name. And that name is Art Garfunkel that you are right now pointing at the basketball underneath the hoop.


And it's like, well, I thought I threw it high enough to get it in the hole, but I just threw it in the slush.


OK, you're happy with that. But you're right. You're right. We go fart. Garfunkel Thank you, Ernest. Just a note. Just adjusted net. Jackson just lost you. He got there. I'm going to revoke Traviss privileges from now, OK?


We haven't been able to make art for two weeks.


I've been able to make fart because of the weather and stuff and because of that because of that Borat to beat Hamilton for the Golden Globe.


And we let that happen on our watch because we didn't make any art yet and America forgot, you know what I mean? Erica forgot. Has anyone checked? Willing.


I talked to Lynn last night after Borat beat him so soundly and I promised him I'm on my mother's grave, that if Borat beat him for the Golden Globe, it would be discussed in the introduction of this program. OK, so now I have cash that in. There it is.


Thanks for checking in. Borat.


Borat. Is there anyone you'd like to thank? All the while, he like his reggae and then he travels that all right. That was a real bump set, just Dukey.


That's a nice setup and a failure to deliver.


We love Borat. Can we or not? We do love Borat here and saying, here's what I'm saying. Everybody wins the Golden Globes because everybody had a great time.


Yeah, I started in the studio to play. Yeah. And did you guys actually, you guys didn't watch as you said, he likes award shows. So we we checked in.


It was all wild. It was a tough watch. It was a tough watch. But Trav, this is going to be like making it up. But in the interstitial, like before and after commercials, they would point the celebs that were about to be up for awards were all like logged in to zoom, right? Sure. And and they would point basically point their screens at one another and encourage them to make fun smalltalk.


So I got to watch Bob Odenkirk trying to lure Al Pacino out of his trance and lure him into some light conversation, as the announcer was like, next up, we've got another award.


And it was all I mean, really, it was it was really, really difficult.


Jason Bateman was there with his kids. And I was like, he shouldn't be exposed to this environment.


None of them should work with any of them, like playing for at night while receiving their awards and telling people to smash that like this, eventually doing that.


Yeah, it was basically like mid kill straight guy. Nice. Yeah.


Anyway, can we I just want to say Seares and a serious it's been like a while since we've were on record one because of Earth. And I just want to say it's it's a genuine pleasure and I'm thrilled to be here with you and I won't let Travis post up any more. Dick.


All go, right, five fifty, yes, it's a big special one. We've got a lot of plans.


I'm a big fan of Formula One and a lot of the teams are doing raffles during the pre-season period this spring. The prizes are mostly things like merch and invites to a virtual car launch events, and some are offering virtual meet and greets with the drivers. The issue is that while I love a signed team hat, the idea of winning a video call with a Formula One driver fills me with terror. I'm trying to mentally prepare just in case, but I'm drawing a blank.


What are some cool things to say when you're talking to a race car driver? A resume that's from inane in the pit lane.


I tell you, the name got that late date that the best sort of telecommuting telework solution for a Formula One driver is Zoome. Do you think they feel very comfortable?


Oh, I like oh this sound my good fast car. Go zoom, zoom, zoom.


It's very comfortable.


I can tell you, I can tell you're uncomfortable talking to me chat champs and talking to me over Zoom. But let me tell you, I feel very comfortable because the name of this application is the sound of my car. Go zoom zoom.


Thank you.


I think we'd all agree. The first question is, of course, how fast have you gone right to you get?


That's it. Because I think that they'll be excited. One, have a nice softball, but if they're not excited to talk about how fast they've gone, why are they in Formula One?


Can you can you get the fake back of a car like rear windshield driving back around that they used to use for like Tunis's, the driving cat? Yeah, as your rear zoom. Can you make that happen just to make the race car driver feel comfortable and then have them be like your driver. So like you're sitting in the back seat and just turning the conversation where you're like, hey, could you slow down a little bit?


You're going very, very fast. I'll use that term pretty quick. And I asked you to go to Whole Foods. No, I said take a right now. Only left here.


Actually, I think Formula One course is they zigzag all over. They don't do just a big circle.


Really? That's exciting for me. I think so, yeah. I think that the how fast you go question doesn't really have legs or wheels in this case, if you want, try bouncing that off me.


I'll be champs in Formula One racer.


So how fast you gone?


Two hundred. Miles per hour. Yeah, well, we do kilometers, don't we, per European Formula One? Oh, what's that translate to? And in Miles no one knows, OK.


Oh sorry. My dog just came in the. Hey buddy. What's up. Let me see those precious Toby, these are televisions oh, his honey, his name is Chet Shamsuddin, the dog.


I named him after you. I hate that.


Hey, can I say that actually felt a lot more than I was going to try to illustrate. Like, that's a bad topic of conversation because it doesn't really go anywhere from there.


But, Travis, you are a fucking born in conversation. Thank you. You made me even when I was trying to fucking stump you, you made me feel so comfortable.


How did you feel when the dog came in?


I loved that I it's not real, but I could yeah, I could envision the precious puppies.


Toby, I actually if I can admit this, when Travis's dog came in, I thought that his dog came in. He was, like, so deeply inhabiting the role.


Well, I've actually been training my dogs to come over when I'm on some calls because it makes everybody so happy. I give him a little pieces of bacon and they come over and everybody's like, oh, a dog, go.


And they get really excited. And I didn't even have dogs before the pandemic.


I bought them specifically for Zoome calls to make people happy. And you know what?


When the pandemic is gone, I'm going to sell them. So these dogs, yeah, and you get a little bit of sweat equity there, the dogs have gotten bigger. Yeah, they got bigger and I trained them right. I think that if you get on a call with this stranger and you say, hey, thanks for taking the time to talk to me today, but I really just want a hat. Can you give me a hat? And we don't have to talk in.


This stranger goes Absolutely. And then you can hang up the phone.


I will say this. I can think of almost no Zoom's I've been on in the last year where someone said, just you can hang up right now if you promise to send me some kind of half, right? Absolutely done. I'm already closing the screen.


Hey, Chet Sampson, in all your 50 years of racing, what was the best fan interaction you ever had? Oh, man. Let me tell you, one time this guy let me get off a zoom called super quick. It was amazing. I named my son after him and I just I didn't know his name, though, so I just called him a hang up guy. And this is my son, Hang guy. Jansen's happiest I ever been.


Better than any race I've ever won was that time. It was the fastest Zoome call I've ever been on.


And you know me, I love speed. I crave it. I was in the middle of watching the season finale, Ozark. I was like, hell, yeah, get right back into Ozark. Jason and the kids are going to get out of this one.


Zoom, zoom.


That's the way I went ahead and knocked over a little so I could have more get out of call free tickets.


And now I'm in prison and it was worth it. It's worth it to get off that call.


No question that I've knocked over the lids. They fucking caught me while I was driving away. Can you believe that? Said Sampson.


Do y'all want to Yahoo! Yeah, love that. This one is sent in by Casey. Thanks, Casey. It's a Yahoo! Answers user.


Bush who asks my grandkids want to start a detective agency. Yes. Should I start I should I start staging crimes for them to solve them?


I'm worried about them actually solving it and figuring out it was me.


Well, yeah, um. I mean, the latter worry is a strange worry.


Unless the crimes you were attempting to do was like manslaughter.


No, but here's the thing. Even if it's like, oh, you know, Bugsy stole the book and, you know, class pet or whatever, if you figure out that's your grandpa, I mean, after two of those, even if it's just it's pretty money, you're like Grandpa.


You're like, fuck grandpa like Kamiar. Are you okay, dude? Like, you stole the pet and then you stole that little kids like prized marble shooter or whatever, like what are you doing Grandpa Trav Chiva watch the Sherlock show with been in elementary.




The other one, that one had the one where Sherlock Holmes woke up and it was like Modern Day A San Francisco and now that's still elementary.


This one had been in The Hobbit, The Hobbit and they, it was just, it was just Sherlock.


It was just right down the middle. Sherlock there wasn't like a special thing about it. It was just the it just straight over the plate. Sherlock, do you remember that one and that one? Every every case they'd be like, oh, the mummy did come back from the dead. It's killing all the people at the museum or the people at the circus have been also killing people. But at the end of each one, it turns out it was it was Moriarity.


And then at the end of the first season, Moriarty dies. Whoa. And you say, whoa, hold on a minute.


Now, who's going to do the crimes? And sure enough, the next season there's a big crime that happens where one of the guys is his wife does it and.


Oh, what?


But then you're like you find out later it was still Moriarty.


OK, you see where I'm going with this is is the Grandpa Moriarty in this?


Well, yeah, that's what I'm saying, is that you steal the lunch money and they find out, oh, is grandpa and Grandpa said I did that as a test for you. And then the next thing is the class pet goes missing and everybody thinks it's Bugsy, but it turns out it's the grandpa, OK? And they say, well, now we know that Grandpa is doing all the crimes.


So Grandpa fakes his own murder, OK? And but it turns out it was a plot by grandpa.


At that point, Grandpa is no longer with us. And then another crime happens and the kids go, well, it can't possibly be grandpa. He's dead as hell. But it but somehow it's still Grandpa.


Still Grandpa. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Heck, the only way to get the to get the kids off your case is to be dead. Well, yes. I mean obviously Girvin that's one. No one.


Can I just say that my favorite part about this question is if you read between the lines a little bit, that grandpa is worried that the kids will solve it, but not sure they will. So the grandpa does think one of two things.


One, that that these kids are wicked stupid or that grandma. Might secretly turn out to be a master criminal related the mystery, right? Yeah, yeah. You know, we're talking about Sherlock. There's something wild about that is elementary.


That show elementary. Yeah. Yeah.


Like, you know, everyone just as you were talking about elementary. But Golab don't want to talk more about elementary. Never watched a single episode of it. Ran for seven years. Yeah. Ended in twenty nineteen. Which explains why I haven't heard a lot about it lately. Yeah but this is the thing I wanted to say. There is one hundred fifty four episodes this show in syndication right there baby.


It makes it. Yeah. Johnny Lee Miller is of course is now the actor who's played Chuck Holmes most times. OK, how many episodes of it. Right.


There's one hundred fifty four episodes so there's got to be one.


That centers on pro gamers, right? OK, got to be one episode where Sherlocks like this is the game as the game has evolved.


OK, it's going to be his mouse code that did the Moedas, right.


There's got to be one element, said the Senate on pro game. Right.


So there's a there's a bit where Lucy Liu has like a Google Cardboard headset strapped to her face and she looks up at at Sherlock, but she's obviously still seeing the game world in her headset. And she says, so if you die in the game and he says die will not love.


Hey, real quick, can you help us build this incredible. No, no, no, I understand. I just want to read a paragraph here from The Return of Sherlock Holmes, the 1997 television movie. OK, following those instructions, Jane Watson finds a hidden basement containing a primitive cryogenic capsule with a man lying inside whom she thought was the man inside the capsule turns out to be her ancestors friend and partner, the legendary Sherlock Holmes himself. Cool, cool man.


That sounds very good. Hey, I have an exciting new segment, OK? Oh, and a sneak preview. This is Travis, but I am so excited to get started here. I was cruising the web recently like you do, and I was so excited to find out that there is a company that makes these decks of cards that you can use for podcasting and it's to help you do a good podcast. Thank you. Finally. Yeah, I know, but and I was like, finally, it's time to step up our game.


You know, we're pros. We wrote the book on podcasting. It could always be better.


I mean, that's what we should have called our book.


I could always be better. I'm going to each of you is going to get a card and I'm going to let you I have five different decks of these fuckers here, but we're going to talk about the you're each going to get to pick one. Travis, would you like a card from the interview deck? The would you rather deck or the what the heck deck would you rather.


Don't you dare take what the heck. I have called dibs.


I have one card at random from the. Would you rather deck finally this podcast's going place.




We don't we don't even have to think with our free for brains or we could just slip. Slide. It's all instinct now, right.


It's just instinct. All right, Travis. Yeah.


Would you rather. God, I hope it's dirty. Would you rather have to grow, hunt and kill your own food or eat only Taco Bell for a year?


This is terrible. That is fucking terrible. I mean, no, really.


Think about it. Trav, you are an impulsive person.


I need you to really go through it, grow, hunt and kill. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean, you could put a chicken in, then eat it while it's still alive, that seems a little or eat Taco Bell for you.


What wildly different options. Yeah, that's kind of what makes it fun, you putz.


Well, no, just it typically, you know, would you rather they don't pair up a really, really rough option with an incredible windfall, with an incredible blessing?


Yeah, I have never I think maybe once in my life, no. I've never eaten Taco Bell for two successive meals. Yeah.


But if I worked it out, I if I eat Taco Bell every day for a year, you know what?


Oh no, no, no, no, no, no. Every month. Every meal. Yeah. Sorry. Sure, sure. Sure.


But what I'm saying is, you know what? I am now just in fucking Internet famous. I've made a documentary that's called Live Mosse and like I'm LaMotte's You live Mosse. You were dying. You live Mos E minus, you know, and it's like, OK, now I who knows. Now maybe I'm rich. I'm getting an endorsement deal from Taco Bell. I'm I or the other option. Do a lot of fucking work. Yeah.


Yeah there's a lot, I mean there's a lot on the Taco Bell menu and we make a lot of talk about is delicious.


You could rotate through the menu in a way that you could sustain your body and keep it alive, especially now that pop Fritzes back. Yeah.


All right, griffeth, so did you want something from. I want some from what the heck? What the heck? Just say what the fuck. Now that's you don't get it, man, OK?


You don't get it, man. It's a what the heck d'arc.


It sounds better, but the tactic.


Griffin what slogan or jingle got stuck in your head forever or never. There's a lawyer in town and I don't, I am not familiar with the type of work that that he and his firm does. But I do know that he spent several hundred thousand dollars commissioning a song for his his little firm and the song it goes If I may sing a few bars because funkin associates, funkin associates funkin associates, call funkin associates, funkin associates and yes, it's good.


And that's what I love about it is Dr. Funk or whatever his name is. The lawyer probably as funk. Dr. Funk Esq..


The lawyer doctor had.


A really easy bridge to cross there, to have a funky song, but he didn't go that way with it, he he went in a much more earnest funk and as I say, it could have gone.


We want the funk or it could have just been like born out loud.


Call me like literally it didn't have to be this song that goes as hard. And it's a it's a good I you know, I lose track of time when I'm hearing it because I'm having such a good time. I could swear it's like a five minute long commercial.


That's great. Guffin, just if you want to do one for yourself, I'll ask myself something from the interview.


OK. OK, so other when I have opened here, that would be a fun podcast.


By the way, if anyone wants to steal this, we just interview yourself every week.


Yeah. Let's see how this one goes. I picked a card at random. I'm not even going to look at it. I'm going to read it blind.


It just says, how big is it? How big is it that ding dong, though?


How much would someone have to pay for your little toe? I don't want to answer that.


No, tell me now. Because they'll start getting fucking Venmo requests. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I don't need that. What something I would never guess about you, Justin.


I'll just. Nobody knows me better than you. I think that that would be a pretty tough one to answer, because you know me better than I know myself. Right. What is something that people are obsessed with, but you just don't get the point of, oh, nice hot takes.


Do something about like Sports Ball or like Game of Thrones. Is that still wildly popular? That could be good to have any opinions on the loss.


Do you want to share, Justin, if you were stranded on a desert island and you could choose one person to keep you company who would just draw from the what the heck?


Yeah, I'm Cloudera myself.


I mean, just get into the what the heck deck. Here we go.


What the heck was this one? It's this one is I haven't got it out yet, but I bet this one's going to be something else.


If you could bring one famous person back from the dead who wants it back.


What, the Princess Diana maybe. Or Travis. You're not sorry. Sorry. I know it's not Mike.


Sorry, this is my. But now, Travis, do not realize what you just did. If Justin says anyone other than Princess Diana, he's going to seem like a real jagoff.


OK, well, if I could think of somebody who died before their time. Yes. Super beloved. Yeah.


He could see he's going to say anyone before anybody else and people will be like me. I guess Justin really doesn't like Princess Diana. Good job. Travel. Oh, I don't know.


I guess I was thinking of Martin Luther King. Oh, OK. Maybe that's a little bit better than that is it is the classic.


Would you rather bring back Princess Diana or Martin Luther King or Taco Bell or every meal for you or what you would do Taco Bell with Princess Diana.


Hmm. Or go hunting with Martin Luther King. I'd bring back I'd bring back Abraham Lincoln so I could beat him. Xbox so tall, so cool, but he's like freaking out over airplanes. I'm going to steal his wallet.


Can I just say to jump back to the Taco Bell conundrum, I didn't think about the implications of eating Taco Bell for breakfast and the effect that that do they have breakfast food at Taco Bell?


Because otherwise you want to elementalist the entire menu for you. I'd be just saying if they don't have tacos is going to severely impacted my ability to get things done. Yeah.


You know, it's awesome as I am looking at the Taco Bell menu website and they do have categories like combo's tacos, burritos, nachos, Castillos, etc. That's sort of the, you know, the major food groups. But then they also have a little section below that says, can't decide. Perhaps you're craving something. And then there's three options and says meaty, cheesy, spicy.


So it's like, damn, I don't know what form I want the food to take, but I do know what I want it to do to my mouth and taste receptors.


Can I ask you something? If Taco Bell introduced a surprise me option, would you take it every day? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.


I think so. If I was going through the I think most like drive thru places, if I just saw an option that said, surprise me, I think I just take that one fill.


If there's an option that says fill a bag of it. Yes. Yeah. And that's only with Derek because he's got a special promotion to fill a bag of it. Give me twenty dollars worth.


Derek, you got your D-Box. Come on over. Anything you can get what you want. Derek, I was going to Klatt on these products, but the name of the people make a products. Thanks. That talk about conversation fruitful.


Yep. Sure. We got there.


Now I'm just think about Derek throwing a bunch of fucking fire socks into a bag.


If it's twenty dollars worth of fire sauce, that's a good deal.


That's a great deal. You can resell that for sure.


I hate when they asked me if I want sausage there and I there's no chef to consult.


Yeah. You know what everybody. Yeah, exactly. What would you suggest. What do I want to drink. I don't know. Does Dr. Pepper go with the chalupa?


We're going to take a quick break. And the the ad guys are going to come and do their ads. They'll be back as fun. Boys, we'll be back. Right.


Hey, guys, it's time for me. Not yet, OK? Now it's time for you to hold on, I got to do a bunch of cocaine first. OK, sorry, who is this character ad man?


It's just that Sam let him do it. Oh, God, he inhaled it. There was a house that's not normally how one does the cocaine.


I know one never taught me they don't teach this stuff in school.


You know, Joe, Squarespace, Squarespace, once you make a beautiful website that showcases your work, sell products and services of all kinds and promotes your physical or online business and more, I don't actually know that Squarespace would love now.


I don't think so. I was just thinking the same thing.


Graffin OK this is normal Griffin on OK and Griffin. I have not done any drugs. This is high on life. Walking with my own life, walking around Jesus.


I mean I smoked a bunch of pot last night and I drank coffee this morning and I took my sort of brain regulates.


This would be OK with all of those. Jesus is cool with all that stuff and so would Squarespace because they have beautiful customizable templates created by world class designers.


They got everything optimized for mobile right out of the box and analytics to help you grow in real time, free and secure hosting and nothing to patcher upgrader.


Hey, folks, here's a call to action. Go to Squarespace dot com slash my brother for free travel. When you're ready to launch, you use the offer code my brother to save ten percent off your first purchase of a website or domain.


Now here's the here's the Griffin McIlroy call to action.


Squarespace has allowed us to get away with so much true you if you need to make a website at this point for the principle of the thing, go to Squarespace dot com slash my brother.


Even if you don't think if you've ever thought to yourself, I wonder what happened to websites like Go to the grocery store, I'm my brother and use the free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the Africa my brother to save ten percent of your first purchase of a website or domain for your boys who have good thinking to yourself.


My idea for a website is to rally for Squarespace online and they will not endorse it. I can guarantee you from life experience this is not the case.


I don't know if Squarespace has a front page like Twitch or Reddit or something, but if they do, I'm thinking the Routier the better to get up to that point.


Squarespace is the cool parent who's like, my kids are going to fuck up. I would rather they do it at the house. Yeah, yeah. We are safe in this. Like, Squarespace is going to get us through this, this bad trip and they're going to still pay us at the end of the day. And that's radical and powerful for us.


So Squarespace, dot com slash my brother for a free trial when you're ready to launch you the offer of my brother to save ten percent off your first purchase of a website or domain. Holy shit.


Hey, you know what longueurs doling out accolades to you, Yeah. Yeah. Here in the reaction I thought Sadr, if you guys want to talk about butts or whatever, go for world.


We know we can't stop you at this point. We we lost the email that lets us cancel. Right.


There's a two factor sort of code that we have to punch in, but we reset our phone and we can't stop the machine at this point. But taken trips to the post office isn't how you want to spend your time unless you want to spend your time.


Griffin reading this incredible ad copy because they allow you to mail and ship anytime, anywhere, right from your computer.


You can send leadership packages and pay a lot less with discounted rates from USPSTF and more.


I was trying to set it up there. We could say something ribald or blue there. Well, we I do still want to promote the business because if you're a small office, it's sending out invoices or an online seller, shipping out orders or even a giant warehouse, sending thousands of packages a day.

[00:35:57] can't handle it all with ease.


You get forty photocopying my butt and mailing that to people. There it is. They love that. They love it. While you can get discounts up to 40 percent off post office rates and up to sixty two percent off shipping rates.


Oh man. Forty percent off my butt is a great deal. It's like in cheek and a fifth. So stop wasting time going to the post office and go to instead. There's no risk with our promo code. My brother, you get a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage and a digital scale. And there's no long term commitments or contracts. Just go to, click on the mike from the top of the homepage.


Type in my brother. That promo code. My brother never go to that post office again.


Maximum fun is a network by and for cool popular people, but did you know it also has an offering designed to appeal to nerds, a show for nerds on maximum fun. The devil you say it's true. It's called The Greatest Generation and the preview episodes of a television program for nerds called Star Trek. They reviewed TNG D9 and are now reviewing Voyager, a Star Trek. My daughter enjoys their program. Well, if she enjoys it and she enjoys humor of the flash one variety, might I recommend she subscribe to The Greatest Generation?


Hey, you can make it a nerd way to. Got to go. Become a friend of DeSoto by subscribing to the greatest generation on maximum. But not today. All right. Yeah, big, big, big, big, big, big.


I want a more broad squad. Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba. I want to mine was already talked about Taco Bell so much and almost cats. We're not going to talk about Taco Bell ringing to talk about Duncan.


OK, real quick note about Taco Bell, though.


They are testing a crispy chicken sandwich taco, which is going to be a chocolate crispy chicken in it.


There's only one thing I wanted to point out here, because we it's got a premium.


All white meat, crispy chicken marinated in helping the buttermilk bean season with bold Mexican spices and rolnick crunchy. Very good and kind of extremely hungry. I'm just not realizing I beat him fifty.


Yeah, I, I, I just wanted to read this paragraph. Taco Bell is offering both a regular and spicy sidekick. Each sandwich is served in a puffy bread. Hey, thank you, Taco Bell. Thank you, Farley. This is a huge moment where Taco Bell has finally let go of any illusions that they are serving anything that in any way approximates Mexican cuisine. They are saying this here's what this is, then it's puffy bread.


We don't have anything to add.


It's just puffy bread. Can I tell you what I love here? This is like if don't get hung up on this because I know. I know, I know. But we talk about the chicken wars a lot. And this is like if like in World War Two, like some other like, let's say what's a country I can pull out of my head?


I'm going to sit here if like if like Brazil, not Brazil, I think was in it.


Who is someone to go on Antarctica? Yes.


If someone in Antarctica at a science research facility said, you know what, now Antarctica is and the World War Two is well aware, a major slide, we don't know yet.


Nobody somebody wants caught us out. I'm I I'm sorry.


I'm looking at picture one of these fucking bad points. I would do some.


I would I would I would do terrible things to get one of these in my mouth right now. Terrible thing.


I need to learn which countries are all involved in World War Two.


Very much like I can tell you some that definitely were don't get me wrong. It's just that I don't know any worse than the definitely war. And then there's like a whole kind of mushy gray area. Or maybe they got into it. Maybe you're right.


Yeah. And I don't want to take a swing at those. Right. Because that's what I want to hear back.


Like, oh, no, I did terrible things, probably some that were on the bad guys side that aren't exactly crowing about it. Right? Yeah, right. Yeah.


They may maybe you could ask them to their face back and it was you I'd have to check up on that. The same things happening in the chicken wars, by the way. We're going to find out what we understand. We'd know exactly where you were going with that.


OK, Burger King, by the way, get in. The chicken will do it there. They got a new sandwich they've been working on since tonight. He's got chicken on it. Come back by now.


Duncan has added avocado toast to the menu phone.


All right. Yeah.


Wonder what Kevin, I want to ask Kevin Sorbo thinks about that. So I get Kevin Sorbo on the phone to ask him about the Dunkin avocado toast.


What is it? Dunkin Avocado to? You know what it is? It's a popular pick for breakfast or brunch. Now it's available for everyone to enjoy quickly and conveniently as part of a busy day. Duncan's avocado toast features creamy avocado spray made with four simple ingredients.


Avocado. Yeah, black pepper and lemon juice, this smooth combination is they really do have eight paragraphs here about what avocados have to be.


This smooth combination is spread out edge to edge on Duncan's authentic toasted salad. Obrad, this is my favorite part. Duncan's authentic, toasted sourdough bread made from a recipe created especially by Duncan.


OK, wait, wait, hold on. I thought you were going to say anything else. Yes, that is the least surprising thing.


Let me also just throw this out to someone who's been making a lot of solid obrad over the last year. There's only like four ingredients in there.


Dunkleman wildly impressive, but it's a recipe created especially by Duncan using a true sourdough starter for a tangy twist that elevates the avocado.


OK, you put some old flour water in it. We get. Yeah, that's not necessary for this one. We have salt. Yeah. Yes.


Then for an extra dash of flavor, the avocado is topped with everything. Bagel seasoning, which includes sesame seeds, poppy seeds and got everything right. Everything bagel seasoning. Duncan's avocado toast is available for two ninety nine, and it's served in a special portable box which replaces our air, replaces our previous option of a knob former boss. You have to sit here and eat it. We're going to watch you're going to watch it.


It's chained to the table like a three DSB three. That's the shape of the box is nine Euclidian. Your hand will pass. It's going through the bread.


You might not even know it's the box when you see it. Duncan This is from Joel Nelson, the VP of Marketing and Culinary are Marcoule, as I call it, at Duncan. Jim'll says Duncan's new avocado toast is the definition of quality. Oh, delivered at the speed of Dunkin. We've taken a popular brunch staple and made it accessible for anyone looking for something easy and delicious on the go.


This is so this avocado test is for people that have been hearing a lot about avocados and just thinking like, how can I get me some of that?


Because I cannot visit together on my own.


I do like, hey, avocado toast now for everyone. Yeah.


Now you don't have to be some snooty hipster. Yeah. Now even your racist uncle. Can I have a contest?


Do you think that this marks the end of avocado tests?


And I here's what I mean.


Not that I think Duncan's going to ruin it, but now that it's for everyone, I a snooty hipster and less interested in it right now, that it's not fun anymore to blame the collapse of the housing market and diamond exchange and stop travel and stocks on this mushed up vegetable.




Then it's not who cares. Like who cares anymore. Do you think that when avocados came along, the person who had named eggplant before it was like, oh fuck, fuck me, I should've waited.


I should've waited. That would have been a fucking great name for this thing. This is way better.


This is way more like an egg. Fuck. I'm going to call this. I'm changing this one. These guys, these are called sick pumpkin's now and eggplants is avocados.


Here's a question. I live on the edge of a forest and there have been cougar sightings in the area recently.


Ask them out on a date.


Oh, that's yeah, that's why we that's the that's the stuff with the intros again. Oh, OK. Yeah, but we got to think about that. I got I've got to say, I was thinking of Cougar is a sexy older lady. Yeah.


And your and your response to that was they live in the forest and you should go ask them out on a dinner date. Well why else would I call them cougars if they don't live in the forest?


I'm I'm sorry, Mr. Umpire. I thought the ball would be lower and lower, and I just missed it entirely. That was the situation.


So this is football. I clearly was misdirected by the goalie.


Yeah, the pitcher tricked me because he did his body in a different way than I thought I would hit it pretty hard, actually. So I'm going to you know what? Let me take the double and we'll just run.


I'm not making it to third.


Yeah. So there's cougars in the four. You've you've ruined me. I want to make sure there are no cougars nearby. Before I let my dog out in the backyard. I have been told the best way to scare them off is to speak loudly as they will not approach humans if they know where nearby. My question is, what exactly should I say that will deter cougars but won't make my neighbors think I've lost my mind when I say it loudly alone in my backyard?


That's from Vancouver. He him. OK, Matt, um. Any cougars out here?


Cougars get out. I can't of those. This is this question is going to be a no from me on a couple, just holistically, holistically for a couple reasons.


One, there is nothing you can shout out of your windows that your neighbors will hear and say, oh, it's OK.


There's you can shout, I'm yelling to scare Cougar's away.


And even that will your neighbors will hear like, oh, that's heat wave is just like soupçon Hezekiah coming into the field.


But then they're going to know that one. No fields too has the khaya. Yeah, that's a good flip side.


What if one of the cougar's names has a guy and they hear that they say a good dog treat for me. Can't wait. What if he yelled out the window? Does anyone want to talk about the latest episode of one division?


And then people are going to be like, oh, this is nice and virtual age. Someone still wants to talk face to face.


But then what if a cougar is watching one Division one and they got to be an important neighborhood announcement, something like how were we so eliminate tomorrow?


If wants to get some, I'll have it outside my house. Your coat is ready.


You might have to follow through. Oh, that's a problem. Does it does it have to be talking or will singing also scare the cougars?


Because this singing would be even more scary. Yeah, I would think so, too. I mean, and maybe this is why I like barbershop quartet. Sorry, no, OK.


There's no way a barbershop quartet is going to scare away a CUCA. I mean, I was thinking maybe like metal or light, but if it's a soothing thing that cougars have to be like, well, now hold on. Well, no, I'm sorry, Travis.


It's going to be a shitty barbershop. Oh, OK. It's going to be a daily auditions for a barbershop quartet.


It's going to sound like complete shit.


Oh, like it's going to be like four tenors, you know, and it's going to be like four tenors who are all coming over Parma and everyone's like, no, I'm going to do that one. And it's so discordant. Yeah, sorry. The other. I had two reasons.


This was the first one. And the second one is that there will be no deterring these cougars from eating whatever they damn well feel like.


We live close to nature and we have coyotes and that's not a joke.


You hear them every night howling apparently over jubilation, over some poor animal that they have turned into meal.


And you hear that enough times and you think, I hope these guys don't know how to pick locks, because if that's all, there is nothing but a couple skinny locks keeping me from turning into odd power.


This is fair because if if a cougar moved into my neighborhood and then left on my porch like a bag of Lindis, right, I wouldn't be like, I don't think this Wendys is for me. And so you moved to the cruiser's neighborhood and you left a bag of dog on the front porch.


Your dog is named Wendy and the kid is going to assume that dog was brought. There is some kind of peace offering from you who moved into their neighborhood.


If you want to help protect your dog, Wendy, there is only one thing really that would be useful to yell.


And it's, hey, Wendy, you better get jacked or you're going to get hit by a car. Wendy, you need to get swoll. Yeah. Do some exercises. I can't help you. Here's your magic knife. This poison, the cougar's. Wendy, take outside in your teeth.


Just go. Wendy, please don't kill another cougar. Yeah, be careful that way. It's double poison to dogs, which is a design flaw. Admittedly, I'm sorry about the knife.


Got cougars are so big they forget about only you suck.


We've almost never at least it's been a few hundred episodes since we talked about how big cougars you see lions on TV or whatever. You're like, God, I'm so glad I never have to fuck around with one of those bad boys. But cougars are in our just our our backyard like a deer is always we're always within screaming distance of a cougar. Well, this is unless you live in the big city. It's it it's a mountain lion. Right.


And it's like somebody named a mountain lion. And so it's that that's scary. I call it a cougar and it's like, OK, but it's still a lion, right. That's a lot like no, no, no, it's not a lion.


Yeah, a cougar. Can I do another question?


Yeah, I love that. Here's a quick Yahoo!


That was sent in by Amy. Thanks, Amy. It's an anonymous Yahoo! Answers user who I'm going to name. Bianca asks, Why did it take so long to invent vape pens? Come on. I can imagine them being invented at least in the late eighties, huh? There's some Monday morning vape inventing going on here.


No, but I like this idea because there are many things that I could imagine being invented way earlier than they were. Right. You know.


Yeah, like cars. Why did it take so long to figure this out? I could imagine those being invented in like fifteen hundred.


Yeah we yeah we have wheels and boxes so. So can't believe it took us that long to sort of squish those two concepts together now.


OK, ok. Wait wait to beyond this point, the eighties, what do we know about the eighties. They were wild. I love them. Well I love the eighties. Vaporwave was the thing. It's right there.


I don't necessarily know that the vaporwave aesthetic really peaked in the in the eighties or even existed in the 80s. OK, I know, I know what you're saying.


If, you know, if they could have figured out a way to vaped cocaine, I think it probably would have happened and they probably would have gotten that done.


I think we we were clearly smoking and we and there was lots of digital technology at that time. Yeah.


Cell phones, pagers, car phones, car phones. And I can't believe somebody didn't wasn't like smoking while using their car phone and thinking, like, what if the car phone was the smoking, you know what I mean?


Which is basically what a lot of people imagine. If we could have watched Zack Morris vape in Saved by the Bell, if they had invented it in the 80s, we would have had it. By the 90s, there would have been Ninja Turtle. So it's about how bad or cool it was. I'm not sure yeah, these new truth ads where they show the children and they're battling big dragons made out of scrap metal and it's like this is vaping.


Hey, guys, could you have made it look a little less radical? Yeah, like there's some part there's got to be some kids out there who are like, I would love to go on an adventure fighting a big metal dragon.


I mean, I've got a new pitch for new truth, and it's going to be some fortnight characters vaping. But who's that? It's a cool youth pastor who shows up and tells them that wavings bad and then they all eat some apples together.




They go and play laser tag with Spiderman and it's like everything are not good.


And it's like, but be careful because vaping makes you lose.


OK, but it still seems like we had a lot of fun. We have another vaping corn dogs.


Wait, what what do you know the truth?


Vaping was the laser tag we played along the way with spider red remover. Kids only cool kids vape, but then they do maybe later regret it. All right, spider man out. Hey, maybe they just don't know the science, is it? Goodbye. Red wine is good for your heart. Or maybe it's not. But wait.


Hey, the Spider-Man message is getting a little muddy with the red wine stuff. Can we cut that like. No, that was in Spiderman's contract.


This feels very passionately about the red wine thing when we went on a great adventure to battle the space monster fano. That's a lot like vaping now.


We won, but maybe you won't.


But you're going to have a lot of stories to tell, won't you? Science is outfalls.


Listen, I got to go. Don't call me again. I'm really busy. Is it better than smoking prophethood now? Who the fuck isn't smoking?


Probably is better than breathing. Absolutely.


You know, when my friend the Hulk wants to chill out, he vapes. That is how I vape. We all vape.


But we are metahumans. Yes. Would it affect you the same way? I don't know. The science isn't in yet. Read is working on it. Yes.


Dr. Reed Richards is working on the effects of. Are there more important things he could be working on. We don't know. We don't actually know because it could be so bad. But also what a lot of people won't tell you and your mom won't tell you. It's like it could be good. Science is the name of my new character, Rip, and he waved a radioactive vape and now he has super vape powers. And we don't know if this is is a villain.


See a good guy. We don't know yet.


All I know is that when I got bit by that big magic spider, it made all the damage to my lungs instantly. Go away in a second.


So there's a way out. There's a way out of this. Don't let the doctors tell you there's no cure. There is. There is a tarantula.


Hey, folks, thank you so much for listening to our our program. We very much appreciate you. And we love you.


We're so happy that you have us here with you.


We have a lot of stuff going on. We had to postpone the Adventure Zone Live show. That will be an interactive installment in our Our Money Heist series that so far has only been one episode. But it's going to be we're don't choose your own adventure stuff with Galaxy that's going to be on it with us. And we had to postpone that. Now, it's March 5th, this Friday at 9:00 p.m. Eastern Time, and you can still get tickets for ten bucks at live dot, the McElroy family, or if if you already purchased tickets, obviously those are still good.


And if you can't make the show and need a refund for whatever reason, that's at Bittle.


Why tax refund?


It will be a very available video on demand. Well, of course, you'll miss out on the interactive part, but it'll still be there. Speaking of interactive ice, real quick one, you mentioned I started Twitch Channel.


I'm trying to do it. Oh, my God. I'm trying to do it regularly. Twitch Dot TV's the Travis McElroy.


You've got to tune into that. See if you got see if you got what it takes. I think I do. I've been playing some fun game. We got a new pin of the month.


It's sausage to me, which is a fun German phrase and we talked about it on sweetners and that benefits feeding Texas, which is the largest hunger relief organization in Texas. Currently, the network is supporting warming shelters for the young housed as well as those without power and water. In addition to replacing parish food and feeding Texans, they need to go check that out. We got an empty bullpen designed by Samuel Reardon and a twenty big down run Penn designed by Mel Westfall.


Check those out and everything else that MacRay Don't forget to preorder the adventure zone. Crystal Kingdom, the latest in our graphic. Novel series. You can preorder that at The Adventures of Comic-Con that comes out July 13th, 2021. That's it. That's like literally everything. Thank you to maximum fun for having us on our going to maximum fun dog. Check out all the great shows there and let's wrap up. You all want the final. Yes, please.


OK, well, this final one was sent in by Amy. Thank you, Amy. It's by Yahoo! Answers user Pandora X who asks. Alcohol can go on a pizza. Why is just Zacharie on Travis Magariaf? I'm Griffin McElroy. It's been my brother. My brother may kiss your dad square on the lips.


OK, that was the show. All the cuss words he said. Maximum fun dog comedy and culture, artist owned, audience supported.