The sponsor of this episode is BetterHelp.

Listen, I know you guys got a lot going on too, but just... Ever since Lucky ran away, man, I've just been hurting. There's like this giant void inside me that I can't seem to fill, and I try to fill it with anything. Food, other people, friends, my own voices, you know what I mean? I'm just sad, and I'm sweaty, and I'm lonely, and I'm itchy, and I'm scratchy, and I got a rash, and I'm just not feeling good. You're not feeling good about anything.

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Make your brain your friend with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp. Com/neds today to get 10 % off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P. Com/neds.

Exciting news. Hey, you guys. We are here to announce.

That the Neds Noodle have finally left.

No, dude. We're doing NEDS online.

Hey!

No more of this screen action. We want to.

See you in person. Two live shows, okay? Space is limited at the Region Theater in downtown Los Angeles.

Monday, November 13th. We're bringing the NEDS Declassified Podcast, Survival God, and all its insanitys, two opportunities to see us. That's two shows, Monday, November 13th, to come see us in person. All the smells.

All the nostalgia.

All the realness. Come see us. Tickets are available now. Link in the description.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

I just got to.

Make sure. What are you doing?

I just want to make sure we're.

Making something-Duckling over here. We in here. Stop. Neds, Declassified podcast. Survival. Listeners, viewers, we have a special guest today. We knew you as Jennifer Hyatt.

Hyatt.

Full name, Jennifer Hyatt, Ted Moray, who.

Played Doris Trambly.

Doris Trambly of the huge crew. The female bully on Neds.

Dude. And lover of Ned.

And.

Lover of Ned. That is the one question I get the most is like, Are you still in love with Ned?

I usually don't answer that question.

Too many feelings.

Too many feelings. Too many feelings. I don't know. Now seeing you, it's a little bit different. Maybe a little bit more than I did before.

We're all adults now.

We are adults now.

By the way, can I say the huge crew to describe you is hilarious because you're so small.

Tiny. You are so small. Small.

Not only.

That, you.

Literally come up to my neck.

Yeah. Most people tell me I look so much taller in person, and I'm like, no, I can't even touch the top shelf. It's really sad. You got that big.

Energy, though.

You've got that big energy.

You've got that big energy.

Bd for sure. Which is why I think I played Doris so well.

Right.

So.

Well. Really well, to be honest. We just got in...

Thanks, too well.

We've been doing these rewatches. First time watching these episodes in so fucking long. Then I've finally gotten to some of your main episodes in season one. Yeah, you crushed that shit.

Thanks. I tried. I can barely watch those episodes. They're very hard to watch. Although my nieces watch them now, and she rolls my eyes or her eyes at me, and I'm like, What's going on? She's like, The overacting on the show is... I'm like.

You know what? Hold on.

That's the entire show.

Okay, don't.

Get mad at her.

Don't get mad at her niece.

Don't get mad at her niece. I'm about to laugh at your fucking niece. Don't get mad at my niece. I got offended. I was.

Like, you could do better.

Hold on.

The overacting is the tone of the show. It must be overacting.

She's just hating. It's totally fine. How old is she?

She's like, 12. I'm a slapper. I'm a slapper, too.

I'm a slapper, too. I was like, you get up there and go on set and tell me you don't do anything but that when everybody else is.

Acting up. It's a scale. And also you go on Neds and act subtly.

Okay.

There's no way. It's not going to happen.

It's.

Never going to happen. All right, so I have a question. Were you a bully.

At any point in your life? I was severely bullied my entire life.

Okay, tell.

Us about that. I don't know, man. I think part of it was my ADHD is my ADHD.

I think-Wow. Wait to just be a trigger.

Fucking nerd.

Fuckingright.

In on it.

You waste time. No time. Growing up, I was always a.

Little bit different and a little bit weird. I was the kid that could never sit in her chair. People always I always struggled in social settings, and I was always on and off medication because ADHD medication at the time was a thing. Especially on my time on Neds, I was on and off. It made me socially awkward. I would just not know how to interact with people, or I'd be super quiet or I would blurt out and say uncomfortable things. I remember something I said to you back in the day. I think I was like, I know you don't like me. I remember Devon going, No, I have no problem with you. I was like, No, I just get this feeling. Remember ADHD, there's like this rejection, sensitivity.

Dysmorphia stuff. That time in our lives is an.

Insecure time. I also wasn't told that I was going to be called the huge crew when I went on. I remember you mentioning it on one of the posts earlier, and I said, I am so... Can I cuss on here? Yeah. Fuck, yeah. I'm so fucking glad that Lindsay at least acknowledged it because it fucked me up.

That's what I wanted to say because I didn't know quite the right way to lay it down. I didn't know if it was like-Because it wasn't your experience. -no, you said it perfectly. Because it wasn't my experience, but it was something that I looked back on and I was like, okay. When you found that out, did it hit you like a gut punch? Did you like...

Gut punch for sure? I think every woman has their long history of body image issues. I come from a long line of an extended family with bad relationships with food either one way or the other. You're obsessive-wise. That, in addition to being 14 or 15 years old, and at first I was told I was coming on just to be the female version of Lumer. Right. Then all of a sudden, this huge crew term started getting thrown around and I didn't understand it. Then I just got over it and moved on. But it started to hit me. I mean, I developed a pretty -It was...

I'm so sorry.

No, no, no.

Go, go, go. It was a very pointed reference.

Yeah, and I always tried to be like, well, maybe they mean like, there's so many of. I was like, no, no. There's no other meaning to the huge crew then. I had two actresses, Jeremy and Kathy, who they were grown adults, though. I think they.

Were in their 30s. Yes, they were grown people.

It's possible that they, I just reached out to them a week ago and it's possible that they felt differently because as an adult actor, I feel like you have the ability to separate yourself from the character that you're playing.

Especially on a kid show, you're like, Cool, the huge crew. I'm a grown person, whatever.

Now? Fucking call me fat all day. I don't care. You know what I mean? Whatever, it's a job. Like as.

A kid. How isolating, though, for those two people to have been older than you and to not be having the same.

Experience on set as you. I also feel like it might have been different if you had been told in the breakdown, if it was upfront, auditioning for The Huge Crew. You would have processed it going into the audition. You know what I mean? 100 %. I'm actually shocked that that wasn't part of your audition.

Just rewatching that was a little like, I noted it.

Yeah, The Huge Crew is a little rough of a name.

Yeah. And so you say you developed a?

Eating disorder on set. Oh, damn. Pretty gnarly one. Oh, damn. I'm sorry. Yeah, I know. It's like I really wanted to... I hear you guys talking and reminiscing on all the good times I know you guys have had. My time, unfortunately, wasn't as flowers and daisies as everybody else's. Mine was dark. That was isolating in and of itself. I feel like, I don't know, I've always struggled to fit in. I think I just made myself more of an outcast, if that makes sense. I leaned into, I was like, I'll just avoid everybody. I found myself like, I know you guys played games, and did all these parties and stuff. All I remember is hanging in my dressing room by myself. Damn. Yeah, it was really hard.

I thought you were too cool for us.

Yeah.

No way.

No truly. My only memories were just like, Jennifer was great. Jennifer was cool. She came on, executed. Jennifer was distant. Yeah, we're come crush and then was distant.

From us. I remember a distance to her. You're super talented, but I remember not knowing you very well, not feeling like there was a time at Cut that we really...

I feel like I tried, but it's very possible that I maybe just made it, I don't know, more uncomfortable.

For people. I don't think it was uncomfortable for me. I just don't think that we had that like, we're running up together at lunch.

No, and I loved working with you. My scenes with you were my favorite. You all had some good ones. Lindsay Off in between takes was my absolute favorite.

We had a good time. It was never uncomfortable on our end. It makes sense now that you were feeling some type of way. You were distant, but from your own perception.

I'm being cast as that character. Yeah, true.

Because.

I hung out with Jeremy more than I hung out with you on set. For sure. I remember me and Jeremy. But I think Jeremy spent time in Long Beach, too. I think we drove up to Long Beach sometime.

That's cool. Yeah, I think she's moving to Long Beach. I probably shouldn't be publicizing. No, everyone.

Knows her.

We're about to. Long Beach is huge. So good luck, Henry. It's a big place. But yeah, no, it was a really tough time.

The sponsor of this episode is their help. Man, I am really struggling right about now. I normally don't make these things a big deal. I just don't know where to go or who to turn to. A lot of my beliefs, they just don't... I don't know if I align with them anymore. I've been losing friends. We're getting older. I feel like my body doesn't work the same way it used to and maybe something about my brain chemistry and it just hurts. All of it. I want to feel loved. I have a lot of people around me, but I don't feel adequate. I want purpose. I don't know what that is anymore. So that's why I'm coming to you.

You're.

The only person I can talk to.

You get me feedback. Give me something.

Tired of talking to yourself? Talk to a professional. Better help makes finding a therapist convenient, affordable, and all online. Therapy is simply one of the best tools we can use to check in with ourselves, navigate our relationships, and overall enhance our quality of life. And we all know life is a lot. So start your therapy journey today with BetterHelp.

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Damn, dude.

So then when you would get called to me on an episode because there were a smattering of episodes that you did, right? So you get called to be on one. What was the feeling when you get called in? Was there an excitement mixed with a dread?

I was always excited because I love to work. I love to perform. Acting will always be my first love. And so it was just another chance to get good at what I was doing. I felt like with each episode I was learning more and more and more. But yeah, I feel like at a certain point it felt a little bit uncomfortable just because I was like, I'm going into this environment and I feel... I think you mentioned at one point, you being covered up with two jackets and stuff, and they would do that to me too. I was like, So not only are they patting clothing on me, but then they're covering up parts of my body I like. Then I just always felt instinctively closed and uncomfortable. Right, damn. I mean, it got to a point. Then I don't know why I wasn't in the third season. That's another question I get all the time. I have presumptions, but it got pretty worse after that when I wasn't back for the third season. My eating disorder took a.

Deep.

Turn, but it was necessary. I think I needed that time to... I mean, this business in Hollywood gets rough, especially with that stuff. You lose a little bit of yourself the more you're in it. You lose sight of what matters. It wasn't until I removed myself from Hollywood for a little bit that I was like, Oh!

-it takes it.

-i'm not some fat Ogre. I'm out of my freaking mind. You know what I mean?

It blows my mind. Every time I travel away from L. A, I actually get a little bit hit on then. It's a little bit like, nice guys. You probably did hit on that. I promise you I don't, but I totally understand the gage of in L. A. It's like, no, you're a beautiful person. You know what I mean?

You could be a ten anywhere else and you're two in L. A. Exactly. You're like, Jeez.

What.

Is.

This? And as a young woman in the industry, that's the hardest insecurity time anyway. In any place.

Anybody of.

That age. -yeah, those teenage years, like young girl, young guy, those are hard years and then stack the fucking away awareness of the industry on top of it?

No.

It's insane. What was the journey of your eating disorder and how did you find help for that?

My mom caught me. I don't want to disclose my method because that's how I discovered mine. I'm just not going.

To say what.

I did. But I will say I was taking about 60 pills a day. I was saying I was taking like, I got up because your body builds up a tolerance. I'm probably giving some of it away. But I was taking 30 pills in the morning, 30 pills at night. My mom discovered this trash bag of all of the plastic wrappers and the pills I was taking because I didn't want to just throw them in the trash and have her discover them. I hid them in my closet. I remember coming home from an audition one day and she was like, They were out. She was like, We're getting you into therapy. Which didn't necessarily help right then in the moment, but it definitely forced me to take a serious look at what I was doing. I distinctly remember there were some nights where I think it was causing me heart issues. I remember I'd be in my bathroom at night crying, hoping, begging, pleading to just wake up the next morning because I didn't know if my heart would just give out and promising myself that if I woke up the next morning that I wouldn't do it again.

Having that nightly talk with myself and just going right back to it. You're just like, Wow, I learned absolutely nothing from that scare that I had. Cool. Awesome. Awesome.

What is it going to take?

What is.

It going to take? I'm not sure. I think when I went to college, it got better. I went back and forth and... And then I finally, I think in 2017, went on a, Okay, I'm going to do this for my health. I'm going to be whatever size I am, but I just want to be. I want to have a good diet. I want to eat. I want to just be healthy and active and strong. That's how I did it. I can't really diet like fad diets or something. I just can't do. Ozempic is not going to be a thing. I'm just not taking or doing any of this crazy madness stuff. But yeah, I think it took me not being in the industry for a couple of years to get a break and realizing I can love myself and love my body in the way that it is and not really care. I didn't show my midriff or my arms for years. It wasn't until five years ago that I was ever could be seen in a tank top. It's why I dress in the way that I dress now because I'm -You kill it.

-thank you. -your social media? -thank you. I dress as an apology to my younger self. That's sweet. I'm sure people are like, What is this chick fucking doing? But I do it all the time. I never got a chance to do it when I was younger. I would always be in oversized sweats and hiding my body at all times because I was worried. Yeah, it got to a point where I'd be doing auditions and I'd have full on mental breakdowns and be like, God bless my agent and my manager who tried to talk me through it. But it got to a point where I was like, I'm afraid I'm going to be judged and people are going to call me fat and ugly. Coming from the person who I've always been told by agents and managers at that point before I went on Neds that I was never going to be pretty enough to be a feature or lead or I had to be comfortable being the quirky, ugly girl or the fat friend. You're like, Awesome. That mixed in with this led to just me completely losing control or feeling like I was losing control.

I feel for you.

I'm sorry about that. That's okay. That's okay. Yeah, it was a little bit of a.

Hard time. That shit is so rough, especially at that age and at that time in our industry, especially you were a kid. But in terms of the industry and people's perception of you and professionals' perception of you, agents, managers, you're a type. They literally tell you this kid. I know so many girls who had this where they're like, Well, you're not a lead. So yeah, except that you are this type and you'll read the breakdown and it's fat and funny or quirky. But no guys would ever like her. It's just like, Jeez, man, to put that into a 14 year old kid's brand. Guys and girls.

And especially you said it best back then in early 2000s was when Jessica Simpson had that photo, right? And everybody was calling her a cow. And you're like, Oh, my God. Do you remember.

That scandal? Is this what a cow is? No. Do you remember that scandal of that. She was literally just wearing a belt with jeans. That's it.

That was insane. That was our time, right? That was considered not fit or thin. Like, cocaine chic was a thing. Back then, I wish I would have had some perspective. -cocaine? Yeah, I do.

That.

Would help too. I did get offered some on set of Neds one time.

-neds? -what? On NEDS? No, no, no, no, no, no. No way. I have to know. I have to know. I would love to stop her here. -what? -i would.

Love to stop her but I want to know. But I want.

To know. Tell us about the Ned's cocaine.

-cocaine.

On NEDS? Wait. Speed, is that the same? No, that's.

Not the same.

That's different. That's worse. Not's not. No, it's not.

No, it's not. No, it's not. No, it's worse. No, it's worse. No, cocaine is worse because speed is riddlein. Speed is amphetamine.

Babe, I promise you. But you.

Know, I'm not talking about the chemical. That's what my mom said. I was like, you know? I'm talking about someone offering you a.

Speed pill. Cocaine is more respectable.

No, so different. Speed pills are prescribed by doctors. -it's like Adderall? -it's like Adderall? -cocaine is.

What's.

Prescribed by doctors. I'm saying Adderall is speed.

-i didn't know. Is that true? Can we fact-check them, Dylan? Is speed riddling?

It sounds like it is. Speed is Adderall. It's amphetamine. -he looks so freezy. -my point is that...

He's like, I know.

I got something. My point is that is less scandalous than someone being like, Hey, kid, snort this powder. That's a lot of wind.

Unfortunately, there was no cocaine on Neds. It was only speed.

Sorry. I mean.

Still normal. Sorry. Cocaine would.

Have blown.

My.

Fucking mind. Who? Can I ask? No, that would have blown my mind.

It was a crew member?

It.

Was definitely a crew member. It was Reed. It was Reed.

It was Reed. It has a breed.

Don't throw Reed under the bus.

Reed.

Was a weed smoker.

No, but Reed was just so cool.

I just figured he had it. It was Kathy. Wait, wait, wait.

The other guy. No, no, no, no.

The.

Other heat.

Are you cereal?

Well, that was just an exchange amongst friends.

Yeah, you guys are all on an equal playing field to her.

What was the context?

I know, but to her is what I'm saying.

No, what was the context? Why did she say, were you.

Scrambling for a test or something? I think I said I was struggling on set and she's like, Oh, I'm tired. She's like, You want some...

Oh, my God. Did this just happen? Just like the good doctor said it.

How old are you on Nets?

15?

14, 15.

Yeah.

Lindsay. Oh, yeah, you guys are the same.

If you guys keep making such a huge deal about this one year and ten months and two years and.

One week.

It's two years. Oh, in the age to.

Ten months? . One year to ten months, for you and I. You're up to two.

No, and we don't make a big deal about it. It's just the facts. At that time.

They literally go, Oh.

Yeah, your age.

Your're 32. I'm 34, your age.

At that.

Time, no. What? No, what I'm saying is at that time, 15 and 13, it's just different.

I felt like you were untouchable. I felt like you... Well, I mean, you two, but I was with you all the time. But because you guys have a little edge on us. I was like, they have different interest. Especially for ladies, they're just way cooler. There's no way you could- I.

Would have gotten on the halo match for sure.

I see.

How short you are.

Dude, that's what I'm saying. In Computer.

Labs, when I really saw it, I was like, What did you?

I was like, What did you? I was like, to your shoulder in the first season.

Did I think that I could just pick you up in a little basket like, little baby?

I think that was part of the attraction for you. I think so too. I could be.

A little baby.

I could control you. But then I.

Caught up. You caught up.

It all makes sense now.

What was life after, I mean, coming out of the dark cloud a little bit of the eating disorder. Sorry, we took.

A really.

Dark look. Please, we love that. We were real, dude. We want to know. I know that took a long time, but when did life start to take an upswing for you again, or you got new perspective?

When I went to law school. She's a lawyer. I'm a lawyer. Claire Soyer. I'm a lawyer. She took the reins.

Okay.

Bring it. What is that shit? -yeah, no, I had, I mean.

I did-Can you get us residuals?

-probably. -do some law for us, Liz.

I probably could. Get on it.

There's got to be some fucking laws.

I've definitely thought about how you could try and get your reboot back, but we'll talk about that later.

I just.

Want the money.

I did. I hit this crossroads in my life where I either could have kept pursuing acting and kept driving myself crazy, or I could have just kept going. College was never out. It wasn't an option for me. My parents were like, College is a must. I went to Cal State-Long Beach. It's a great school.

No, What's the mascot?

We just changed it.

You're like the sombranos or something? It was not.

The Niners anymore. We were the Niners, but now we're like the sharks. I like.

The sharks. They have this whole boat.

They have this whole boat.

They have this whole boat. They selected the Sharks.

Sharks is cooler than the Niners. When we went and filmed that thing there, there's like.

Hats around for like.

Cold gold rush hats.

It makes no sense. I don't.

Get why I'm on the beach. No.

Because we don't have a football team.

Sharks is cooler. Sharks is cooler. You went to Cal State, Long Beach for underground?

Yeah, I hit a crossroads where I was like, Well, I can keep torturing myself with auditions that I keep crying about. But I think this is indicative of maybe take a little breather. My sister had gone to law school. My parents did not go to law school, so there's no legal background other than my sister is my role model. I was like, I can totally go to law school. I low key I also wanted to model for... I was a bad boy back in the day. My mom said, If you go to law school, you can do whatever you want. I was like, Well, everybody said I'm not going to law school. What? It's hard. I'm just kidding. Never. Yeah, I decided to go to law school, and it was probably the best thing I could have done for my mental health. Best and worst thing I could have done for my mental health in terms of loving myself, knowing my capabilities, finding my self-confidence again, law school completely changed my brain and my outlook on life because I became so confident internally and in my head that I was like, I don't care what I look like anymore.

None of this matters, right? I'm smart and I'm capable. I also, because of my ADHD, a lot of people told me I wasn't good at school because I couldn't sit still and I probably wasn't going to make it very far in life. I remember, I think in preschool, one of my teachers had told my mom she has a serious problem. She's going to need a lot of help one day. Stuff like that I always got.

Projecting. Yeah.

I know what people label.

Jesus. On a child?

On a child, dude. Let a child.

Be.

Man. I tell my mom, she's like, I don't remember that. I was like, funny, you're the one that told me. Isn't it funny how parents are like, I don't remember it that way? I don't.

Remember fucking you up.

Yeah, okay, cool. But yeah, no, I went to law school, which was three years, and then I worked for a Major League baseball team for six years, six or seven years. Now I'm still in sports and entertainment.

Dude.

Why did you say it was one of the worst things for your mental health?

It's really stressful. It's a really taxing career and profession that I don't think people talk about as much because people assume lawyers just make a lot of money. But it's really taxing on people's mental health. You have to be the confidant and somebody's advocate. If you fuck up in the slightest, like somebody's life or money or liability could be on the line. So it's just really high stress.

What law?

I do a lot of corporate law, so I do a lot of contracts and IP. I wanted to go because I wanted to represent musicians because I'm a huge music buff. And so I was like, I would love to represent. Then I realized how flawed the record industry is. I said, I'm not working for one of the big four. Is it the big three now? I'm not going to... I did royalty accounting for a little bit, and I was like, Oh, my God. These musicians make absolutely nothing and are being absolutely fucked, and there's nothing they can do about it. I realized I did royalty accounting, one of the... One of the artists was Belbiv DeVo. I don't know who he was. Oh, yeah, absolutely. -that girl is. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. What? Poison. To see the pennies on the dollars that they were making for streaming was insane. It's also discouraging because I could either go out on my own and maybe represent these artists, but it's a small guy going up against monsters in the music industry. Until that systemically changes, it's virtually impossible to change it.

Yeah, you're going to throw rocks at a mountain? Dude. Hey,.

Take it to the rear. With AI now, too, where these companies can literally just take your voice and then just modulate it however, and make the best song you've ever recorded without to even have to record anything, why pay an artist now? I know that's going to get really messy. It's going to be very hard to be a lawyer for the little guys in the music industry.

I had two of my best friends from law school. One works in the video game industry, the other works for the biggest social media company ever. But I asked them both. I posed the question. I was like, has anybody talked about what we're doing copyright-wise with all this AI stuff? If AI is generating a derivative work from something that's originally not theirs, how are we? Everybody looked at me like, so we're just not going to ask the question then? Wild Wild West.

Cool. It's going to get played out over the next few years. There already is, I think, a few lawsuits on copyright from writers, from novel writers who OpenAI trained on their books to write. It's going to play out. But ultimately, I think all the creators- Can you send me those articles? Yeah. Okay. I was just hearing about it on the radio. But ultimately, I think all creators are going to lose out. Even if, say, those writers happen to win their case on their copyright, overall, it just seems like the AI is just going to... You're not going to be able to stop it.

It's going to be hard. And then also just considering ownership in general for IPs, it's messy on the internet because everyone's doing these stitches on TikTok and yanking this. I made it like a derivative work, but I adjusted it just enough. I forget what you call that. Fair use, because I have made commentary on top of it. So I'm not justit's going to get really weird, and we're going to have to figure out what ownership really means, and can it be bought and sold? Because I feel like some people's lives have been ruined. These artists have just reached a certain pinnacle, but not been paid for it. The producers are just running away with the money and there's nothing.

They can do about it. Yeah, it happens all the time.

You'd be shocked.

I mean, you probably know. You probably know the amount of money that some of the biggest artists make on streaming, and it's sad. It's really sad because you're like, people assume that these people make a lot of money, and they in fact don't, and they have to keep up.

Appearances too. Yeah, the industry changed a while ago where it's not about your street. You have to find other ways to make money in music. It's not plays. It used to be. You would sell CDs and you would get on the radio and those royalties were actually good. Now it's like, Nope.

Are you a musician or musical?

No, I grew up in musical theater, but I sing just for fun. I don't really. I had a bad stint of not ever singing in front of anybody because I had serious performance anxiety. In the last two years, I think since COVID, I've been undoing all of these fun, deep-seated wounds that I have. One of them, my therapist was like, I have a voice coach. I want you to meet. I cried through the entire first meeting with her. But then I came back and we were able to work through getting over that little thing.

And.

When you get on the back end of it, you're like, Oh, this is so silly. I was freaking out over absolutely nothing.

How liberating, too. I find like, look, yeah, I make music that I put out, but that's like a different track. All of us, as humans, I think, have a capacity to sing and should feel free to sing. It's part of our humanity. You can't judge yourself against fucking Adele. You know what I mean? You can't hold it against Whitney Huston, but like -Sing. It feels good, and it's part of our -Exploring your body. -yeah. It's part of our instrument.

-you're an animal. The sound therapy that comes from the vibration internally of your body, like Kundalini really brought me back into the sound and just how healing those vibrations can be.

That's so healing.

And comfortability in your own person. Your voice is such a representation of you. I find it so sad even when children don't want to get up and speak in front of people because their whole life is like, Oh, quiet down. Use your inside voice. When I teach these acting courses, it's like, Why is projection such a hard thing? These kids think that whenever I am loud, someone's going to tell me to shut up. My voice is not beautiful.

I grew up in musical theater, so I was always taught to project so the person in the very back of the theater could hear you. But that transcended into the loud voice that I have. I'm sure people are taken off guard, but like...

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Oh, my gosh. I just love all of this. Me too. You're a lawyer. You work.

You're a lawyer. Now I'm actually because the pandemic hit and I left my ten and a half year relationship and I left my job. Whoof. Yeah. What? Give me about that.

I want to know what the ten year thing. Give me that.

Some good life changes from the.

Pandemic lockdown. So the ten and a half year relationship, I tried leaving a year prior to the date that I actually left. And he, former addict of 14 years, and there's nothing to say against him at all. But there were some fundamental behavioral things that I just couldn't get through with him on. It was exhausting. I was like, if you're not willing to actually seek therapy on your own, not just have me go with you and this being a couple thing because I have my own, I need space. Then he wouldn't respect my space. Then he turned into this whole diabolical. Every time I tried to, like I packed my stuff up and left. Then it was, I'm going to kill myself. Which then I felt super guilty about because I was afraid he was going to either, A, relapse from his 14 years of sobriety or do that alternative. That's his problem. I realized after a long time, it was.

His problem. But I mean, holy crap, 10 years in with somebody to like- I think I.

Do want to emphasize this. I think a lot of people at home can relate to this, and I think a lot of people have been in these relationships. I know you know it now, but I want to say to the people at home, dude, if someone holds you hostage in your relationship and threatens to end their life if you leave.

Them- Oh, it's unstable.

Leave them. You have to. You have to. You have to. That's not love. That's not a relationship. They're holding you hostage. They're making you in charge of whether... No, dude, that's not boundaries. That's not respect. That's not love. It's heartbreaking and it's scary. Try and whatever, but get the fuck out. When it gets to that point, that's no longer a loving relationship. It's turned into something else. You can't stay, even though, of course, people do, and I get fucking why. It took you a year to get through that and finally go live.

It was like a daily fight, and then we shut down.

I'm leaving. Dude, I experienced that with my boyfriend. I was in this crazy way. I had just been taking all the Adderall, and I couldn't stop, but he was going to leave. He was moving out, and I was begging him, Please, crying, doing every trip in the book I could to get him to stay. He goes, All you have to do is just give me the rest of the Adderall. I was like.

Not that much.

Not.

That trip. I can do everything but that. Then he left, and I remember just being in a fucking ball on my bed, so distraught, but so glad that I had the Adderall.

Hey, priorities, baby.

Lindsay, I love you so much. Me too. Oh, my God.

It was so sad, dude.

Oh.

My God. It's so tragic. I'm so.

Glad I had.

The Adderall. The mindset that you have to be in, I get it. And it sucks. That person on the other ends and just trying to like...

And it's manipulation because you feel responsible. It's awful. What an awful thing to put on your supposed person.

Jokes. And then he dropped on me a month before I left. Did anybody tell you that as a child, I was diagnosed with BPD with narcissistic tendencies. I went, No, you never told me that. He's like, Yeah, I did. I was like, I think I would remember-You would remember.

That information. -because all of.

This makes sense now. I am. But the fact that you never even told me this is a problem. Because the way we communicate, the way we fought, I rarely got apologies. I would normally just try to make stuff better just to make stuff better. Every fight was never an open discussion of like, here, I'm a communicator. I'm somebody that loves to talk. Let's talk it out. But it turned and everything was always... Not always, I don't want to say always, but when it got bad. During the pandemic, he had like, I'm staying at my parents. He wrote me back in. I found myself drinking every night. I'd come home and I'd cry myself to sleep. It just became this day in, day out of exhaustion. I woke up one day and I just called my mom and I said, I need to get out. She said, Okay. She helped me find a place and I moved out and I lost my job three weeks later. I was like, This is freaking awesome.

We're just.

Getting it done. We're just.

Getting it done. Get all of the pain.

Get all of it done. Get all of it done. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I feel like I... Because I was just trying to get another job and stay in sports and do all of this stuff. I was fighting. I was fighting against the current when I was not acknowledging that I had just gone through a buttload of trauma, and I wasn't even trying to fix it. It kept getting worse. Then I got, my uncle is a brain doctor, and so I got a brain scan. I've had my brain scan my entire life. What the fuck. I don't know why you're so good. -yeah. He looked at my brain, I think, like six or nine months later when I was really struggling. It was actually 2021. I had signs of serious brain damage. That's not physical damage, but it's brain from trauma.

Yeah, it.

Changes your brain. He called me and was like, Your brain shows serious signs of PTSD. What have you? Everybody assumed, What did you go through that you're not telling us? I was like, I left my 10-year relationship and I lost my job. What did you do?

That's.

Enough for me. They were like, we... And so I got a therapist and have just been... The last two years was just fixing my brain and undoing all of these subconscious, deeply rooted patterns and beliefs that I had and just pulling them out.

So often people think PTSD has to come from war. You know what I mean? That a major relationship that you put everything into and then had to leave traumatically, isn't something major that takes time to process.

It really does. Then your other safe, stronghold security.

Yeah, job.

God, dang. Then I was like, Money. I just need money. I just need to find. Then I found this nice little medium of finding a way to support myself financially, but then also getting to do the things that I love because I realized that being behind a desk every day is my worst nightmare.

Which is what? What was the balance?

What did you get more time to do? I work for myself now, and I help a lot of content creators, but I also do some sports. I do help some entertainment venues in the L. A. Area. Nice. It's cool. I can make my own hours. I do what I want. I can post on TikTok if I want to post on TikTok and not have to worry about- A corporate policy. -i'm sure people judge me more, but I really don't. Dude, live your.

Best life. I was cannot wait to get to your TikTok.

Please, I'm so excited. I stopped for a minute and I need to start again. But that was a great place of solace for me during the quarantine was like.

That's why I got on TikTok. I know. I was alone.

During the pandemic. You've blown up and.

It's amazing. Yeah, I love it.

It's just lovely. Can I ask you a question? I'll ask you all-I'll ask you all a question. How do you deal with, if you guys ever get hate or negative energy on your posts? Do you ignore it? Do you not read your comments?

Do you -I try not to read my comments that much. Smart girl. When I do scroll through them, sometimes it's on vulnerable posts, like if I'm talking about drug problems or mental health. And so the comments on there really do get to me, so I try not to do it. But then I get this surge of energy. Sometimes I respond to them and then I have to delete it. But it's not great for me, and it sits in my body the whole day. So I just try not to be a part of it. Good for you. I can't help but let it sink in deep.

Yeah, you've reached out to us on the group chat a few times when it gets really bad, and I totally get it because I've learned over time to not respond to any of the fucking hate. Even though they'll say things that hit me in my deepest wounds. They hit me in the little voice that I talk shit to myself. They'll say the thing, and I'm like... And then, of course, sometimes you might get the reaction of wanting to respond. I've just learned over time, fuck that reaction. The online, that gets no energy. Only support gets energy. That's it, because it grows. But it does get in there sometimes. I do read the comments a decent amount. Not all of them are not on every post, but I do read them. And sometimes, man, that little fucking, they say like a thousand comments, but one bad one. One. It'll fucking hit, man. I just have to do the work to process. But I'm glad when it's hitting you hard, you reach out to us because.

I.

Get it. That's really smart. I just have to tell you, dude, I love you. Ignore it. Do not respond to these assholes. Because also people who are spending their fucking time watching your video and commenting bullshit.

What? I'm not even following you. How the hell did you find this? I know. Ariana, how did you get it?

But you're probably watching all of.

Your stories.

What a lame.

Thing to be doing in your life. When I actually sit and when someone commented on older Ned's fucking TikTok, telling him he's a has been or whatever. Oh, no, really? Yeah, but it's.

Like- Really? Come on.

Of course. But it's like you're lame as.

Fuck, man. What are you doing with your time?

Do something better with your time. Do something better. -do something better. -do something better. -do something better. -does it hit you when you read the bullshit?

Not as much, man. I've tried to just tell myself, okay, when you post, you're posting for you. You felt like this was a good idea. It's your own approach. Push, put it out there in the universe and let people provide the commentary. I think all the commentary is positive when you're trying to catalyze people to engage with your product. I try to just look at it like that. I'm not going to let the hate do anything to distract me from my goal, which is to entertain and hopefully uplift.

Dude, that has been a huge shift for me. When I wasn't just posting just to post, now that we're growing this podcast and my podcast growing up with Devon and spreading my music, now that I'm posting for a direction, I try and remind myself that any comment is good. Honestly, the fact that there's some haters, I have to remind myself that's good. I'm entering the online fucking cesspool. If I'm getting some hate, it means I'm out there in it. I'm like, I know who the fuck I am now. I have to remind myself that any time an ignorant comment gets to me Wait, I know who the fuck I am. They would never say this shit in.

Real life. The pressure, that human impulse or that human desire to be understood, it's so hard to quell that and say, Hey, you're not going to be understood all the time or by everybody.

That, because you go, No, no, no. You don't understand me.

Then they're just going to pick at that.

Then you go, Wait, fuck you. I don't care if you understand me. You don't know me.

I posted because I'm trying to get my YouTube dusted off. I posted a video and I was talking about it. It literally was repurposing a TikTok that I made. Honestly, it was the one that blew up the most, which was shocking. But it's the five regrets of the dying. So this Australian nurse interviewed all of her dying patients and asked them what their biggest regrets in life were. And all it was was here were the five, five, four, three, two, one. I got a comment that was like, You might want to delete this. It's really bad form. I was like, Fuck me. I can't even say anything to be inspiring. Jesus H.

That's.

Insane. You might want to delete this? I was trying to have like me. It blew up on.

Tiktok because I think it blew up.

With a lot of the elderly community because they were like, Oh, my God. Thank you for your reminder. It was like, I wish I let myself be happier. I wish I'd stayed in touch with my friends. I wish I lived a life true to myself. I was like, Yo, you are- To hate on something.

To hate on something.

Right now. Yeah, they're going to hate.

On anything. But that's the fact of the internet. That's the fact of us being out there that we have to know when we're feeling some type of way about it. Is like, someone will hate on you for that. Whatever. The most positive.

Yeah, MrBeast gives a million dollars to every homeless person he sees. They're like, Oh, what a jerk. This bitch.

I was like, F that you're getting villain, Jen, from now on. Forget it. That was a week ago. I literally was like, we're taking a turn. Never mind. Not getting nice, Jen, anymore.

I literally, I looked at her. I was like, Oh, how could you have a.

Problem with that? I said nothing problematic.

Because fuck them. I can't give these fucks. I can't adjust my creativity because of these sad little trolls in their little fucking basement being like, You're a fucking me.

I didn't think anybody was going to see it. I was like, Wow, all right.

That's-not only did they see it, they were offended. I was deeply offended.

I posted this little fucking vibe-y, like Fish Eye video for one of my new songs, and I have my shirt off and this motherfucker. I hate that I'm even giving them attention. But this motherfucker wrote, Dude can't sing to save his life, but I'm here for the skin, though. My shirt was off in it. I was just like, No way.

I was like, What.

A complex feeling that I'm having from this comment. I want to kill this person.

But thanks. But thanks. But also get off my page, you bitch. Here's the other thing, the public forum, people want their comment to be laughed at by other people. It's almost like you've given yourself to the public and allowed yourself to be critiqued. Sometimes people are just in there to get their own rides out of people. They'll say whatever to get the attention on them for that moment. That's a beautiful thing you're doing for someone who's in a dark place because hurt people hurt people. You got to help them from going out and stabbing somebody because they were able to talk crap on you.

Don't stab anyone. Don't stab anyone. But fucking heal yourself, you bitch. I can't believe.

Somebody said that. I have saved many lives.

Stabbing have gone down since.

I've been on the internet. Way down. But it.

Is also rough because there is a part of human nature. We know it's where gossip comes from, which is that humans, there is a part of us that likes that easy arousal from hating on someone or something.

-the herd mentality. Yeah, the herd thing.

It's easy to bond around something negative, like shitting on someone. That is a part of our humanity that we have to work against because it's ugly.

It is. Dang. Jennifer, the time has gone too quickly. I absolutely love you. I missed.

Seeing you guys.

This was amazing. Thanks for bringing the real real, too. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's so interesting and touches my heart.

I had a panic attack over the last week about it. I was like, What do I say?

I don't know what to say. I hope I didn't stress you when I hit you up. I was like, Hey, you want to go to- Honestly, I.

Really thought...

Okay, what were you going to say before I go on?

Go on.

No, tell us. I was just going to say it was left an open ended question for me. I had no idea what happened or why I wasn't written to the third season and people asked me all the time. That's the one question I got.

I didn't even remember that, to be honest. I have no idea.

Why it happened. I don't know what to say, so I never respond. But that was the best thing you could have done, was to reach out to me because it was a nice, really big, full circle moment.

You're a pivotal character. You're in the title sequence.

You're a huge part. I actually forgot that you guys weren't in the third season. I truly think it was they added Evelyn. They added a female bully, antagonist who became love interest for him. My guess is like, they just like...

Your story arc because you're.

Love for her. And then my love was her, Susie. -it was Susie, too convoluted. I feel like they just evolved.

Lumer evolved from the bully.

I feel like they just lost the place for you guys and didn't have enough space to arc, give you an arc. But that would be my guess.

That's soul-shattering at the time. That's also what happened to me on 9.0.2.0. They brought somebody else in. At a time when somebody did this bit on 9.0.2.0 and how skinny the stars were and that people were getting fired for being too fat.

Oh, my God.

I can't win, man. I can't win.

The thing is I wasn't.

It's probably not true, but in my head. You had multiple love interests then. Do you remember? Do you remember we had a kiss on set? You don't remember.

I don't.

Which episode was that?

I rememberremember? I don't.

Remember so much of Neds. So much of Neds is just like a blurb.

I remember because I was like, Oh, man, this is my... You were my first kiss, by the way. Oh, we've had so.

Many first kisses. It's happened again. It's happened again?

No. I'd shoot so much cinnamon gum that day, and I don't even know why. I tried to be different. I was like, Who wants wintergreen?

You.

Brought the red.

Hot, spice. I was tricking you to kiss me. It was some gag. It was like something with the locker, and then I put lemon juice in your mouth.

Oh, it's a makeup pucker. I can't remember this.

I can't remember this. I do remember this. I was like, I remember the season premiere of the second season. Second season?

Wow.

Can't wait to watch this. All day I was panicked. I was like, Oh, my God. This is not... No, it.

Was fine. I can't wait to watch this. We did.

It fine. No, it was amazing.

Wow. Dude, it's so good to see you. Thank you. Honestly, don't have any noise about... Literally, we love catching up with everyone from the show and hearing the real, man. We all.

Lived real life.

It's been amazing.

That's all we wanted.

It's been amazing to watch you guys and your pod. I've been watching it. It's really well done. And to watch how many people watch you guys on a weekly basis. It's cool.

That many years later is.

Absolutely insane. It's so cool to watch and it's so cool to see all of you guys talking about your journey. Thank you so much.

Thank you so much. I think the audience is already going to get a lot from what you've shared truly. But we do like to leave everyone with a tip at the end of the episode. So do you have a tip for our listeners?

My legal tip would be shut the fuck up.

Hard to do on a podcast.

Say less. We're fucked, guys.

We're.

Fucked. I'm sorry. I keep cussing.

No is a full sentence would be my personal tip. Damn. You owe nobody any explanation. Go, girl.

Go. My tip would be to check out Jennifer on.

Instagram, TikTok, YouTube. If you type in Jennifer Ted Morie, it'll pop up or Miss Rochdahl on all my social media. Miss Rochdahl. It was my life space name, and I just refused to give it up. I don't know, it's the stupidest thing ever. I need to just rebrand it.

That's what I was going to say. Go watch Jennifer's podcast. You have a podcast.

I just.

Started it. She just did Hot Ones, too.

I did the Hot Ones challenge three times. What's the podcast? I haven't decided the title.

Right now. Oh, you're literally birthing it right now. I'm birthing it.

Right now.

She's been.

Posting snippets though online. I've been posting. It looks really cool. I'm super excited.

The lighting is amazing. What's the theme? What are you doing?

I think at the basis of it, mental health seems to be very prominent in all of these. But because I wear many different hats, sports, actors, musicians, lawyers, they're all going to be. I had one former Major League baseball agent and now a criminal law attorney to some of the best rappers in the game. We had a three-hour-long conversation. He gave some great tips for how to not get a DUI or things that you don't say when you're getting a date.

Too late. Amazing. Let us know when you have a name for it, and.

We'll-for sure. I would love that. Totally.

I love that. You got a tip, Dandie?

Oh, a tip? The tip would be don't listen to the noise, okay? Present yourself in the public forum, how you'd like to. Don't try not to offend people, but say your truth. And people should not be shamed for telling their truth. There we go.

Cool. My tip is wherever you are in your journey, we're all here and now, and you can't really help what maybe insecurities and fucking hangups and bullshit you pick up from when you were a kid and from the shit your parents said to you and from the shit teacher said to you. We all arrive to our more individual adulthood with some of this fucking shit, body image shit. I'm not smart enough. I'm not this. I'm not that. But you're here now and the journey of your adulthood is however you got here, you can't change that shit. But start to love yourself. Whatever work that takes, whatever therapy, whatever fucking classes, whatever sitting alone in a room by yourself, just letting yourself feel all the things you need to feel. We all deserve as adults to let go of those fucking hangups and just be you, man. Just get here with us so that you can live your life because there's a lot of good shit out there.

Yeah, and we all deserve a narrative that is not solely based on trauma.

Yes, even the healing of the trauma that your whole thing is the healing of. You deserve to move beyond that phase as well. So we love you, listeners. Thank you for loving our pod. Thanks for helping us stay in the top 10 of TV and film podcast on Spotify. Sometimes number one. Pretty consistent. There we go. Yeah, we love you. Follow, subscribe, check out Jennifer and all the things.

-thank you. -thanks for coming.

Thank you.

What a blessing.

See you next week. Thank you for watching this week's episode, and thank you to our Patreons. Our Patreons. Yeah. Patreon. Com/nedspod. We love you. We do bonus content live streams and you guys help keep this show going. If you want to join, check us out and big shout out to our.

Super Doop of friends. Super Doop of friends.

Super Doop of friends. And a big shout out to our Super Doop of friends.

Super Doop of friends. Super Doop of friends. Okay, we starting out with Legendary X AK.

And we got Rebecca Saletti.

Let's go, Rebecca.

And Eve.

Thank.

You, guys. We love you.

Super friends, dad.

Super friends. We'll see you on.

The live stream.

Super.

Friends. Thank you, Super friends. Thank you.

Super.

Friends.

Hey, thanks so much for watching this episode of Ned's Declassified Podcast, Survival Guide. If you can't get enough of us in your life, go over to the Ned's Podcast YouTube for shorter content. And if you really can't get enough of us, go join our patron now for exclusive bonus weekly content, live streams, all that. We'll put the link in the description. See you next week.