What's your name? Sean. Sean, you're how old sorry, 40, 47, couple of years younger than me, enjoying middle age. Yeah. Are you up for a piss in the night? A couple of times. Twice for the same prostate novel. It's called Gala to Piss. I'm not saying you're two years younger than me. I'm going to tell you this. Things have happened to me in the last two years that you've got to look forward to, and I just want to share them with the young people.

In the last two years, my nails have become four times thicker than they used to be. Just imagine that young people imagine not being able to bite through your own fucking nails. What's the evolutionary miracle about that David Attenborough case, I fancy setting up a wall like a fucking lizard. And I started behaving weirdly, I started buying folk music. No one likes folk music, not even the singers. Well, it's a singer that knows more than mainstream.

Of albums full of the shit, right, my place. And the Sunday supplement, I ordered, one of those things you put on your stomach to try and make you not fat without doing exercise, electrocution things, I mean a real low point in my life. I found myself electrocuting myself whilst listening to folk music. Nonaggressive again. You're going to get out pretty fast as well. Oh, the true. I had to stop because I was going to shit myself.

Tonight, a real wake up call, I did some warmup gigs and I had my friend support me at Gamble, who's a young, beautiful comic, and then as you talk about weird things, when you're on the road together and at much younger, prettier boy, he made very casual reference to when he got back to the hotel that night, he was going to have a tidy up downstairs.

And I went, what? He said, you know, I'm going to have a little trim downstairs. Sure, yes. Oh, yeah, which women have trimmed? You're all women, all you men and women, and it passed me by landscaping, I mean, you can have a trim downstairs, he goes, oh, come on grounds that everyone has everyone's trimming, which men here are trimming. Just give me a chair. I didn't know it was something I missed it.

I know that you women have been, you know. You want to hear another thing that's not going to make it into the show? I was going to say waxing that rat unmoveable. As it comes. It never occurred to me and I panicked and I went back to the hotel, I thought, right, I better check this out. So I took my clothes off, I went to the bathroom and I stood in front of the full-length mirror to see how bad things were.

Oh, my God, I had never noticed it before. A giant, graying 70s afro awful. It looked like John King was riding on the back of a depressed mini elephant. But you're never going to get another friends in your life, you break. There's only one person is going to be interesting to look like that and the fucking bars in hiding. All we have to do something about this, so I did I went back to my bedroom and I did something about it.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, that what has down there like the mooring ropes of the Titanic? I knew I was in trouble because I use my beard trimmer to do it on the motor, started panicking when it hit Bush RIIGI. He stuck on his fucking ankle grinding. So in 20 minutes, get the worst of it, five or six pounds of silvery bush on the floor. Good luck, but tinsel. But I went back to the full length mirror to check out my handiwork.

Very nice, very nice, the pubes I'm talking about, obviously not what was beneath them, the mini elephant was as depressing as ever, just mauling. What we're doing. I was just I was just showing you some. For now, while we're here, I suppose we can have a best. Not finished. You can go Buntine. Anyway, I went back to bed to the little spring in my step that night, I thought, yes, very nice big man rolled the clock back a few years.

Very nice.

I fell asleep feeling pretty good about myself in the morning. I had my hand down. It's over the area. And that's always painful, I'll be honest with you, because of my fucking Talon's. Didn't feel right. Something felt wrong. Felt like someone had dropped a mini pizza down there, be able to get up, go to the bathroom, and as you can see, I can't see my own genitals. So I made an extraordinary decision. I got my iPhone.

And I took this picture here. Fuck me. It is the worst thing I've ever seen. Get the shit out the elephants to be on it. And then above his head, there was just a halo of purple scabs and disgusting and as an allergic reaction to the trim, I tried to find out, for fuck's sake, there. A middle aged man accepted it and I vowed never to touch my pubes again.

I went home and a few days later I went down to my local cafe in the park. I go to a cafe in the park and I saw L.C, a woman I've got to know really well. And I went, well, since, you know, crack. And I went, Hello, I'll see you for ages. I went, No, no, I've been on TORC. Oh, lovely. I said before that I was in Spain on holiday.

I love Spain. I love it. And I mean, it's nice, isn't it? I said, listen, would you like a cup of tea? Because I'd love one, darling. I went, right. Oh, come on. She goes, OK. Yeah. Before you go, you haven't got any photos of your holiday, have you? Yes, I have. I'll stay here on my iPhone when you threw them at your leisure.

When I was in trade. Yeah, oh, these are your friends? Yeah, they're my friends, and as they put the tip on the tray, I remember. Oh, fuck. The world's greatest slowmotion. NSA on onchocerciasis was just a slight contraction, but who is she? Hey, we love ties and she was waiting for an explanation. So this is why I said, oh. I mean, it's a trifle. Who's face many more?

Why would she? Why don't you speak to a man who tried to pass his cock and balls off as is? Stream, Greg Davies, you magnificent beast only on Netflix now.