I meet so many people, I meet way more people than you. It's not even close. So here's the thing.

People usually say nice things to me. You know, they're like, oh, thanks for coming. I had a good time. Conversations naturally will turn.

And I'll ask somebody, what do you do? Do you know what I hear? Like, 98 percent of the time, they'll be like, it's fucking sucks.

I hate it. And then I go, oh, why don't you do something else?

And they'll go, it's too late. My life's fucked.

Good to meet you, man. And they walk away. Yeah, that sits in my head.

So I think about it. But I have advice and this is the advice that I hope you leave with. All right. This is it. You just need to learn to do one thing really well. And it's this. You need to learn to manage your expectations. It's not an innate thing you're born with. It's a skill.

If you work at it, you'll get good at it. And the more you manage your expectations, you'll feel more fulfilled, less depressed, happier.

Overall, I'll share with you my life's greatest disappointment, which in retrospect, is my fault. I didn't know it at the time. I do now. And I'm going to tell you it's going to be upsetting to some people, but hopefully we can use it as a learning tool.

So here's what it is. All right.

I think that Sixty-nine is overrated and it sucks.

Yeah, yeah, you see that some people clap as some people are like Orestis, man, the little. The story of why is more important, do you remember when you first heard about it? I do. I was in third grade and that's too young.

All right. One of the older kids told me and I was like, what? At the same time, I almost had a seizure. I don't know what he was saying. I didn't even have references so I could pretend like I understood. I was like, that's like eating a cheeseburger covered in ice cream while you're taking a shit or.

And he was like, that's exactly what I like. From that day on, I was hooked. When I tell you I was obsessed, I was obsessed.

I'm not saying it for a story. It is all I talked about, thought about, dreamt about, sung about, joked about 696, 966 every notebook in school.

I was like every sports team I was on. I was like, I'm No. 69. And they're like, this is fifth grade basketball. Why don't you chill out, buddy? Every birthday, every Christmas, my dog. What do you want, I want in 69, he goes, shut up and stop saying that. And I was like, no defiance. Now it's time. It's going to be the best, be the best, be the best, be the best we have at 69.

It's going to be like smoke and method of God's dick. I want to do it. I want to do what I want to do. And I built it up and I built it up and I built it up, and when I finally got to do it, I finally got to do it, you know what? The first thing I said was, get off me.

All right. My neck hurts. I can't get my nose out of the way. Does it feel good? It feels like I'm working all right. It feel better if you flipped over and polished me off and then I'll do you. Why is it got to be at the same time? Are we late for something? Is the youth pastor coming back in a few minutes? Let's take turns like we learned in kindergarten, what type of maniac 69 is as an adult?

I mean, if you're a guy, I hope you're at least a gentleman about it and you lay on your back and you're now one of these savage fucking pigs.

Who's like, I prefer this angle and then you can hear the fighter live underneath you. Oh. And you're like, yeah, that feels good. I bet it fucking does feel good as your throating that poor lady underneath you. I don't think there's a more horrific picture I can paint than that of a woman, a lovely woman. Like picture your mom laying on her back. In anticipation of 69 from the bottom and she's like, what the fuck?

She's got that look on her face like this is the search party going to find me here? And then a man, a disgusting man. Like me, like, well, saddle up. Here we go, and there's dingleberries and lint, and here's your mom and pop, pop, pop. And then if I do that, I hear what's on my forehead. And I'm like, that's my gut. That's Daddy's wet trash bag. Good watch.

Tom Sagara ball hog only on Netflix.