Hi, everyone. It's Kelsey McKinnie.

And Alex Su-Jong-Lawson from Normal Gossip, the podcast where we anonymize real gossip and tell it back to you.

And I'm Caitlin pierce from Hang Up, a reality dating show with no rings attached.

We're here together now because our shows are part of Radiotopia from PRX. But the three of us.

We go way back. Oh, yeah. So Alex and I used to work together, and I actually produced the pilot of Normal Gossip when it was just a twinkle in her mother's eye. Cbt.

We love it. So it's no surprise that we ended up together in the same place making fun, silly little shows that we love. Radiotopia supports us in making the exact shows we want to make on our own terms.

And that's why we're here because we need you to support Radiotopia so we can keep making the episodes you can't wait to listen to. To do that, visit radiotopia. Fm/donate.

And when you donate, you'll get a link to a special mix tape. We put all our favorite songs together in a playlist just for you.

Again, that's radiotopia. Fm/donate. Thank you so much for your support. Hi, and welcome to Normal Gossip. I'm Kelsey McGinnie. In each episode of this podcast, we're going to bring you an anonymous morsel of gossip from the real world. I am beyond excited to have with me today, Sarah Violet, Bliss. Sarah Violet, created, directed, and showran the critically acclaimed HBO Max comedy series Search Party alongside her partner, Charles Rogers. Previously, the pair co-wrote and co-directed the feature film Fort Tilden, and Sarah Violet wrote for wet, hot American Summer First Day of Camp on Netflix and Mozart and The Jungle on Amazon. Sarah Violett.

Welcome to the show. Oh, my God. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. No, no.

No, me. Me, me, me. Let's fight.

Yeah.

A birdie told me that you may have brought a little gossip story for me. Is that true?

Well, this was so hard because it's so hard, because I don't want to share gossip of someone that I know. Yeah, obviously. I've literally been thinking about this for months. Oh, no! Okay, well, here's what I came up with, because I just, I can't... People will know that I'm talking about them. I have maybe some off-the-record stuff that I could tell you after we talked about this. Okay, we will come.

Back to that. I love that.

But like... So what I have landed on is, have you seen the original ending of Titanic?

Yes. You have. I think so because we used to have the box VHS.

No, no, no.

Oh.

Oh! I mean, have you seen... It did not air.

No.

Okay, so my little piece of gossip is that you have to go watch the thethe original ending of Titanic on YouTube. You can YouTube it. Sure. Also, just to like, in the original and the ending that was already made or whatever. The ending that.

You we all.

Know and love. That we all know in love. Rose just goes to the edge of the boat, brings out the heart of the sea. Then we have the flashback of young Rose, and it's in her pocket. And then she looks over and she tosses it into the ocean because it means nothing and...

Like.

Casually. Yeah, casual. Life is bigger than a hunk of jewelry.

Do you think we could watch it? Let's watch it now. I want to watch it right now.

Absolutely.

Okay, great. [car engine starting to start to start to start to start to start the car] Okay, so we have old lady threw it into the ocean again.

Well, she's walking towards the ledge. We've got the beautiful Titanic music.

Night sky. She looks very sad. These like, there are so many detail shots right here. Oh, no, she's climbing the railing. I'm scared. Two people are running out. She says, Don't come any closer. They're running up to her.

She's got the heart of the sea.

She's threatening. She says, I'll drop it.

Bill Paxton is trying to persuade her to delicately hand him over the heart of the sea.

He's trying to do a classic male move of, Please be logical. Yes, yes. No emotions. Emotions are illegal. Be logical. Hand me the multimillion dollar jewel.

She's teasing him with it a little bit.

She lets it touch his hand.

Only life is priceless and making everyday count, which is a quote from what, Jack said earlier. Yeah. In the movie. He reluctantly opens his hands.

Now we.

Have swelling music. I have a swelling music. And then she tosses it over.

She tosses it over with a little oop!

And.

Then the.

Other crewmates rush over and say, Christ, no! Now Bill Pullman is looking at his empty hand in disbelief, and now he begins to laugh hysterically.

Oh, my God.

And then there's an overhead Shawshank redemption shot of him. Pulling back of him, opening his arms out and laughing. Finally, he understands what he's been looking for the entire time, and it has not been the heart of the sea.

I love this gossip. I want to know when you first saw this. Do you remember?

When I.

First saw - When the Alternate Ending, I don't remember. The Alternate Ending, the Titanic entered your life? I don't remember. I don't know.

I feel like it's been around my life for so long, and I don't know why no one else has seen it. This is a.

Classic because I have long thought a good party idea would be just like, show me the YouTube video you're obsessed with. And this is a good one, right?

Yes, that's a great one. It's beautiful. I mean, I know I've had it for at least five years because I showed it to my husband.

As a test.

Anyway. You better think this is good.

Very chaotic. I am glad that they picked the other ending. I think that was the right choice.

Yes, me too. Personally. It's a wonderful movie. It's a.

Wonderful movie that we all love and perhaps would have been less beloved had it had such a corny ending. So we respect the iterative process of creative work. Sarah Violet, would you like to hear the.

Story that I have for you? I'm dying to hear the story.

Our friend of a friend today, his name is Blake.

Blake.

Blake is about to have the best weekend of his whole life because Blake's only hobby, his only interest in the world is eating.

Okay.

He wants to go to restaurants. He wants to order whatever's on the menu, right? The sourdough bread with seaweed mixes. I've got the paste in it. The homemade pasta, roadie and a charcoal grill, whatever it is, he wants to eat it.

I don't relate to this because I've always just been the person who would prefer to not have to eat in order to live.

Like, you would prefer to drink your food?

I would prefer there not to be food. Like, that I don't have to run on food.

You and Blake are diametrically opposed. Blake is like, This is going to be the best weekend of my life because it's going to be great food this weekend. His boyfriend, Lucas, has invited him to a whole weekend ordeal. Lucas's best friend from high school, Cora, has graduated from an MBA program. So she's having this big graduation party. Think about Cora as she's a cool girl, right? Like tattoos, blue streak in her hair, always six months ahead of a trend.

Okay.

She's graduating from a low res MBA program, which is on its face not cool, except that she's doing it because she wants to start a brewery, which is cool.

Okay, very cool.

She wants this awesome brewery with lots of little food trucks and stuff in the Ozarks where they live.

They live in the Ozarks?

They live in the Ozarks. Wow.

Okay, sorry. And Cora is Blake's friend.

Cora is.

Lucas's friend. Lucas's friend. Okay.

It's complicated. Okay. Not as complicated as it gets, though, I promise. Okay. Blake is like, I love this brewery idea because I want the brewery to exist. This is good for me and my ideals and visions, which are eating snacks. Yes. So this, this celebratory weekend, the plan is, Cora has graduated. It's time to party.

Great.

And all, of course, friends party by eating. They're like chefs. They own restaurants. They own breweries. They're these people. Nice. So the plan is Saturday night there's going to be a huge dinner, basically a wedding, catered by one of Cora's friends. We're talking like tacos, margs, big bar, all sorts of stuff. And Friday night, the night before, they're going to have a small dinner for her and all of her closest friends.

Sounds really fun if you want... If that's what you're into. No, it sounds great. It sounds wonderful, yummy, yummy, and good socializing. I'm happy so far. Yeah, okay.

On Friday, Blake gets into the car with Lucas to go over to Cora's neighborhood. They start driving there and he is like, Wait, we're not going to Cora's neighborhood. This isn't where Cora lives. This is older houses. They're bigger, they're more suburban. Lucas is like, Oh, yeah, we're not going to Cora's. We're going to some house that her friend has that's big enough to host all of us.

Okay.

Lucas and Blake get there. They go inside. Immediately, they run into candy with a K.

Okay, candy with.

A K. Candy is Cora's mom. I want you to think, Cuki Lady beaded glasses chain. If Eilidh Fisher had patterns. Like the clothes you would buy an airport, but nicer, right?

Yes, I got you.

Candy lives on the Gulf Coast, which is where Lucas and Cora are from. And Candy is so excited to see these boys. She's hugging both of them. She's like, I'm so glad you're here. I'm so happy to see you. You're so strong. Can you help me?

Uh-uh.

And they're like, Yeah, of course, we can help you, candy, no problem. And she's like, Okay, okay, great, come with me. I have done a ruse.

Oh, no.

And they're like, Uh-uh. Lucas is like, Candy, what bruise? And candy is like, I brought something. Come with me to my car. They go outside, back outside. She has this big SUV. She opens the back of it, and inside are those giant white industrial-sized coolers. You know what I'm talking about? They have clips and.

Stuff on them. Sure. Yeah, like the yetis.

Yeah, basically. Exactly. Big yetis. And she's like, Can you help me carry these into the garage? And the boys are like, Oh, yeah, this is extremely simple task, we're happy to do this. But they pull the first cooler out and it is so heavy. Like, very, very heavy. They have to wattle their way to the garage. They're like, I was not expecting to do physical labor here. I'm wearing my cute outfit. They set the first one down, they're a little sweaty.

Okay.

One more. They go get it. They bring it into the garage. Now they are rather sweaty. And they're also like, These coolers smell a little weird.

Can I guess what's in them?

You may.

Is it Crawfish? Fish.

Great guess. Okay. They're like, Candy, what is in these? And she's like, Fish. Very close. She opens it and inside are these giant sea bass.

Sea bass?

Like, big fish.

Okay.

Blake looks at Lucas and Lucas looks at Candy and is like, Candy, what? And she's like, Yeah, these are my fish. They're inside that crushed sonic ice. You know, just packed in ice.

They're dead, right?

They're dead. They're gone, yes. I'm just.

Like, These are my fish. They're good questions. I take my fish with me wherever I go. Okay.

Those are my pets. Why do you think these fish are here?

Do you have any suspicions? I'm concerned that Candy is expecting Cor to be really thrilled by all this fish that she's then going to have to sauté for everyone. So Lucas has.

A question first, which is, Did you drive these fish here?

Oh, no.

And Candy's like, Yeah, I drove them from the Gulf. This is a more than 12-hour drive. Oh, no. And Blake is completely lost. He's completely confused. Lucas seems happy. He's like, Why is my boyfriend happy that his friend's mom brought all these fish from the Gulf Coast? This doesn't make any sense. And so he's like, I'm so sorry, but what are these fish for? And Lucas and Candy look at him like he's the silliest man alive. And they're like, Blake, Corra's favorite food is candy, sea bass, Ceviche recipe.

Okay. Okay.

And Blake's like, Uh, okay. And they're like, Yeah, these are the fish that we use for the recipe. So she has driven these fish all the way to where Cora lives so that she can make ceviche for Cora's graduation.

Party tomorrow. And they just don't have sea bass in the Ozarks.

It's a great question. My guess is that probably they do. But these fish have been hand-chosen and lovingly driven. Okay. Blake is happy about this because he's like, I love Ceviche. Like, Great. Sure. I can't wait to try your Ceviche candy. Thank you. And candy is like, You're welcome. They go inside. Cora and her partner are cooking. People are milling about having wine. There's maybe 15 people total here in this house. They're crammed around a dining room table. Before dinner, they're watching candy make the rounds, go up to people and whisper. Some of them are nodding. Some are shaking their heads. Okay. What do you think this is about?

I don't know what ingredients go in Seviche, but it's like, do you like your Seviche? I don't know. Okay, with green or red sauce or something.

I don't know. Great idea. They're watching her talk to all these people and they're like, We need her to come over here and tell us, right? This is miserable. What is she doing? Finally, she gets over there and she's like, Hey, I need people to stay after today to help me make the Ceviche. Are you two down?

Okay.

Do you want to stay and help candy with her Ceviche?

Do I? Well, just to hear the rest of the story, but I would... For real, I would be like, I so cannot.

I.

Must go. I must not. Yeah, no.

Blake is on the same page as you. He's trying to get out of this. He's like, Candy, I've had two glasses of wine. I can't cook. And candy is like, That's fine. No knife for you. We'll find you a different job. Okay. And Lucas is like, Of course, we're going to stay and help. So now you have been.

Also, I just want to say that it feels manipulative to me to be like, Could you tell the people beforehand that you have this surprise or at least be like, I'm thinking of doing this, but in order to do it, I would need a lot of help. Would you be willing to help me? And if so, great. If not, I won't bring the seabass.

Yes, yes, yes. But now the sea bass is here.

Now I'm just roping people in and they are either, I think, unlikely doing it because they're just like, Sure, I have nothing else to do. I think they're most likely doing it out of mom pressure.

Yes. And mom pressure is very strong. It's one of the world's strongest forces. They sit down for dinner. They have this long leisurely dinner, right? Like, Cora and her partner have made red sauce pasta and a big salad and chocolate cake, right? It's like a whole ordeal. Everybody's having wine. Everybody's chatting. They're doing ice-breaker questions, right? They're asking like, What amount of money would you have to be paid to let someone break your arm? And what reality show do you think you could win?

Good ice-breaker questions. Yeah.

By the time the dishes are being cleared, Amaros are being served, the kitchen is being cleaned. It's 11:00 PM.

I mean, I'm in bed at 10:30, so...

Your face looks miserable.

No, no, no. I'm done. I've stayed longer than I wanted to stay already. I don't like the setup. I already said it. I just like... Even if I were interested in helping with Fish, I would be like, I don't like how you...

Yeah.

How you approach this. Yeah, and for that reason, I'm setting my clear boundary and I'm leaving.

I love this firm boundary. I am the biggest sucker to everyone's mom.

Good for you. I'm going to go watch the original ending of Titanic and sleep well.

It's 11:00 PM. Everyone's eaten, kitchen's clean, candy is like, Cora, you have to leave. We're going to make a little surprise for you. And Cora is like, What? No.

No.

No, no, no, no. And candy is like, Goodbye, Cora. And then everyone's like, Goodbye, Cora. And so Cora and her partner leave.

Was Cora supposed to stay at this house?

No, but they are just kicking her out because it is now Ceviche time. There are 10 people here. Somebody puts on a playlist, right? It's Spice Girls, Lil Wayne, party music. Blake has stopped drinking. He's like, All these people are cool. I'm having fun. I'm feeling good. He helps Lucas bring the huge containers of fish into the kitchen. Everyone is in a great mood. Do you have any idea how to make Ceviche?

I don't even eat fish because I just don't like it.

Okay, so there are many things you need to make Ceviche, lots of little things. So candy divides them up into stations. So there's like, one man who is a real chef at a real restaurant who is scaling and deboning.

The fish. Oh, my God.

Very messy.

Thank God he agreed.

Yes.

This.

Is also very loud because that man is just yelling the whole time. Okay.

What is he yelling about?

I was not giving that information. He's just yelling. All I was told is he is just yelling. His friend, who's also a chef, is over there chopping the fish filets into cubes so that it can go into the ceviche. He's doing this so fast that everyone is a little scared. Right. And so they position everyone else away from the fishmen.

Okay.

Everyone else has a job. Lucas' job is avocados. So he's cutting them in half, taking out the pit out, scooping out the junk, chopping them up, putting it in a bowl. There are several girls. One of them is chopping onions. One's chopping cucumber. One's chopping tomatoes. One's chopping coriander. Blake, because he is not allowed to have a knife because he said that he had a couple of glasses of wine earlier, is put on lime duty. Okay. His job is just to juice the limes. How many limes? Like, five million limes.

Oh, my God. Okay. I think juicing one lime is stressful enough.

To make it more stressful, this kitchen does not have a juicer. No. So the chef guy comes over and teaches him this way to juice limes that they use in kitchen sometimes where you use a fork and a spoon. But what this means is that you get lime juice everywhere. If you have a little cut on your hand, you're going to feel it for the rest of your life. At midnight, everyone's having fun. We're still in the early phases. Somebody's like, Candy, can we have a beer? What's your stance on the beer? Do you think you should have a beer? Yeah. Candy is like, Of course, you can have a beer. You can have a High Life. It's a kitchen beer. What's a kitchen beer? Low ABV, high fun. So she hands out the High Lives. Everybody's having a High Lives except for Blake because he's so busy trying to hold these limes with a fork and a spoon.

Yeah, he doesn't have hands for a beer.

He doesn't have hands for a beer. Exactly. Nelly comes on the playlist. Nice. The onion chopper is like grinding on the cucumber chopper. Like, meaning like - People are getting out of control, right? They're getting a little rowdy. Okay.

Yeah, no, it's getting hot in here.

It's getting hot in here. Exactly. Lucas keeps leaving his avocad to station to come chat with Blake. The Fish Scaler is picking up scales off the ground and reigning them down like confetti. Everyone is partying now. The dougie comes on and it is like chaos. The person chopping the coriander starts doing the dougie and then trying to teach everyone else to do the dougie. Okay. So at this point, candy comes in and is like, No more beers. Okay. You're getting too rowdy.

We need to finish the Ceviche.

We need to finish the Ceviche. At 1:00 a. M, the fish scalar is done scaling and deboning the fish.

This is actually like, I'm like, Why do they need so much Cevichac?

Yes. Why?

I have a gift for her. I'm going to make her Cevichac. Can't you just do that with one sea bass?

Okay, anyway. You would think that, but that's not what we're doing. Go on. The Fish Scaler and Deep Owner is like, I'm done. I'm sleepy. I'm going home. But the problem is that he is the ride of the guy chopping the fish into cubes. So he's taking the cube guy away. So now there's no one to chop the fish. And candy is like, Can anyone else chop the fish? Who do you think should chop the fish?

I mean, I guess, Blake is doing the limes, right?

I.

Guess, enough of the limes. Blake hasn't had a drink in a while because he hasn't had hands. He's probably sobered up. I think he's ready to wield a knife.

Exactly. Blake is like, I'm the only one who didn't drink my high life, right? My high life is full. So I think I'm the one that should hold the knife. And he's like, I'm an accountant. I have good attention to detail. I've read Michael Paulin's book five times. And Lucas is like, Babe, that's not how it works. And Blake is like, My fingers hurt. You're just seeing Lymes like, Please let me do the fish.

To go from one job, or, Please let me chop the fish, tells you how bad the first.

Job was. Yeah, that's not a good... That's a bad thing to want. He's like, I want to be the fish captain.

It's like, I'm getting carpal tunnel.

Yeah. He's like, My cuticles are going to fall out. He chops one fish filet into perfectly nice cubes. And he is like, I'm an icon. I'm the best at this. He puts it in the bowl. He does a couple more. He's getting confident. This is a huge mistake. Okay, oh-oh. He gets confident. Chop, chop, chop. Wish. He chops his little finger a.

Little bit. Oh, okay. I really thought you were saying off.

I said a little bit. I said a little bit. Itried a little. Now there is blood. You know how fingers bleed?

Yeah.

A lot of blood. Our guy, he hates blood. He's feeling woozy. He's looking at the little fish filet. It has blood on it. He's like, I don't like this. He sits down on the floor holding his pinky finger. Candy comes over and is like, What happened to the fish? Why does it have blood all over it? And Blake is like, Oh, I just got a little cut on my finger. Do you think I should go to the ER? Do you think this man should go to the ER?

I mean, I would need to see the cut, but at the very least, he should be like, I've got to go. I'm done. This is at the very least, an excuse to end the evening at 1:00 a. M. Or whatever it is at this point.

A great excuse to go home. A bunch of the people in the kitchen are like, Well, how bad is the cut? How bad is the cut is the answer of whether you should go to the ER or not. Yes. So the cucumber, onion, tomato, cylinder, all these girls take one look at this cut on his finger and are like, Do not go to the ER.

We.

Have those butterfly band-aids. Stop being a baby. You're fine. Lucas is like, Let me.

See it. Or maybe it's like, Is this like you should go to the ER because you've been around fish and you shouldn't get fish in your cut or something? Is that like a-.

That's a great idea. Lucas is like, Let me see it. And he looks at it and he's like, Honey, I think you need to go to the ER. I don't like this. You've been around a raw fish. You should go. And now, Blake is like, No. Okay. Everyone will think that I'm being a baby. I'm fine.

Oh, gosh. Just everything about this story is like, you all are in your 20s. Who gives a fuck what they think?

Go to the ER. Go home. Go to the ER. Or say you're going to go to the ER and go home.

Yeah. Ewy.

At this point, he has washed his hand off, thank God. But he shoves his little pinky finger into his mouth and he's like, It's fine. I'm fine. No. Lucas is like, Will you please let me look at your finger again? And Blake is like, No, it will be in my mouth until it falls off like, I am staying here.

Oh, my God.

Candy is like, Well, you can't chop fish anymore, clearly. That's not allowed. So I'm going to give you an easier job. His job is just to tidy up some things that are around, like peels and rines and extra stuff. And then to go get the buckets of things that people are done chopping and combine them in bowls. They have been here for a long time already, right? The avocados are starting to go brown. This is the whole thing. He's picking up things from the station. He's putting the tomatoes and the onions and the cucumber in the bowl. At this point, Lucas comes over and he's like, Oh, it's really coming together. And he takes a bite. And he's like, Huh. And Blake's like, Uh-oh, why? Huh? And Lucas is like, One sec. Oh, no. And he goes over to where the vegetable girls are and he takes off a piece of the coriander and he eats it. And then he comes back and is like, Can you taste this? Is this cylinder?

Oh, no.

Blake tastes it and he's like, I don't think that's cylinder. But he's like, What do you do? If you're not a hundred % certain that it's not coriander, what do you do?

I would absolutely not say anything. I'm just like, Whatever, who cares? I mean, What? We're going to do this all over again? I mean, I don't know. Honestly, I would gossip with other people about it. I would be like, You'd be like, Uh-oh. Oh, I think this isn't coriander.

That's basically what Blake does. He's like, Cucumber girl, come over here. She comes over and he's like, Cucumber, try this. And she's like, Oh, shit, this is Parsley. 100 % this is Parsley.

I'm Gideon Nathan. And I'm Sam Rikalof. We're here to tell you about another Defecter podcast called Name Droping. Name Droping is a show about how our names affect our daily lives. It's also about a stranger guessing your name right, a nickname that's a racist slur, and how to give your kids the coolest last name possible. We went deep into the moniker minds for this one to bring you a bunch of new stories. I'd say there's.

Some people who are immediately like, is that your real name? Which like, yes, it is. I had this moment of, should I just go by my middle name? Should I just make up a stage name altogether? But this is who I am.

Why would I come up with something that is supposed to be me and I limit it to this one realm in my life, which isn't the total me, right? I'm renaming myself.

I'm.

Not about.

To enact.

Colonial violence by giving.

Myself a white.

Anglo name.

We learned a lot while making this season, and we can't wait for you to hear it. We'll have new episodes every Tuesday until Thanksgiving. Find us wherever you.

Listen to podcasts.

Blake is going straight to candy. He's like, Candy, I have terrible news. All of the cylinder that we have put into the ceviche is actually Parsley. And candy is like, Oh, shit, that's no good. I'll start getting it out. She gives him a $20 bill and her keys and is like, Go get some.

At 2:00 a. M. In the Ozarks?

It is like 1-ish a. M, you're the Ozarks. You need Cilandra. Where do you think you should go?

I'm thinking Walmart because... Although I don't know if Walmart has a food section. But the reason I say that is because, when I drove from New York to L. A, I got a flat tire on July fourth. Oh, no. And we were like, Oh, no. And then we're like, Walmart saved us because apparently Walmart has tires. They should do. They have everything. So they have food, right? , they do. Okay, good. They have tires, they have foods. They have guns.

They have it all, bikes. You can buy whatever you want. Bikes, yeah. He gets in candy, his car, it reaks of fish. So he rolls down the windows. Blake's first thought is like, What's open? Gas stations are open. He goes to the gas station. The gas station does not have.

So much. No, of course not.

They have jerkeys. They have sour candies. The only fresh produce that's in the entire gas station are those oranges that look like they've been there for too long and are really hard. Yeah. So, Blake's like, Okay, I'll just get myself a coffee and that will boy me through this adventure.

Right.

He goes to the nearest grocery store. It is closed.

Yeah.

He drives to, you called it, the 24-hour Super Walmart. It is 30 minutes away. He gets there. He's now in the biggest city nearby. He goes in, they have coriander, but it's in those tiny plastic things.

Yes, he needs lots of coriander.

Yes. And they are like, all the cilantras in there look like a little sad and wilty. And also they are priced at four dollars a container. No. He's looking at these and he's like, I would need a dozen of these. At least. And candy only gave me $20. He's like, I'm stuck under these fluorescent lights, under the eyes of God and drunken college kids. What do I do?

I would text a picture to candy of what we're working with here and be like, And this is the only place that's open. What do you think?

I love this. I think that that's a great idea to defer the judgment of this cementro. That is not what Blake does. Okay. Blake is like, This is a failure. I cannot bring these home. He's like, Everybody is going to be so upset with me. He's like, a foodie. So he's like, I can't let them put this cylinder in the ceviche. It's going to make it bad. He's like, No. He's driving back.

His little finger hurts. He really cares way too much about what other people think.

He cares so much about what other people think. He's following Google Maps, so it's taking him a route he doesn't know back to the house. When he passes a community garden.

And.

He has a thought, which I now pose to you, which is, should he rob the community garden? I.

Mean, he's made so many decisions that I would not make so far. And so at this point, I'm like, No, don't do that because you don't have to do this for anyone. Like, just candy put you in a really unfair position multiple times over the night. Like, so many times. Step up your self-worth and just say, No, it didn't work out because this was a terrible plan from the get-go. And you brought Parsley, not cylinder.

Yes. Bitch.

So I would not rob the community garden, but I have a feeling that he will. Or how about this? How about take the coriander from the community garden, leave the 20 and a note?

Oh, okay, I like this. He pulls over. The community garden has a lock. But it's like the fence isn't very high and he looks around and there are no cameras. So he is like, Over I go. He scales this little fence with his one good hand. He's wandering around the community garden. He's like, I don't want to take herbs from someone's personal plot. That feels bad. But at the back, there's like a communal herb garden section. Okay. There are two green plants. They look the same.

Oh.

No. They smell a little different.

No.

You're not certain which one is Celantro. Okay. What do you do?

Take both. You take one of each.

Yeah, he takes both. He grabs a bunch of them. He throws it over the fence. Okay. Upon doing this, he is filled with a sudden guilt where he's like, I feel really guilty for robbing this community garden. And so he actually does exactly what your idea was, which is he finds a little receipt in his pocket and writes thank you for the herbs, tucks, candies 20 inside it, and places it inside the plant. Good. He's like, Great. He gets back in his car. This man is filled with adrenaline. He could run through three brick walls. Do you take both plants inside? When you arrive back at the house?

I mean, I would. I have no shame about being like, I wasn't sure which one it was. So I got both and I stole it from a community garden. I would tell everyone, but imagining that maybe he'll be like, Lucas, which one is cylinder?

That's a great idea. What Blake does is he bets. He's like, I think this one is cylinder. Oh, no.

Oh, my God. He walks in- He walks in. He has way too much shame.

Yes. He walks in, everyone cheers for him. The kitchen at this point is so clean. Like, candy subbedon is a fish shopper and knocked that shit out. The vibes have returned. He presents what he thinks is the cylinder to candy.

Oh, no.

Candy takes a little leaf off. She bites it. She chews it. She's like, Blake, this is the best cylinder I've ever tried it. And he's like, Everyone is clapping.

This entire night of me not holding my boundaries has only entrenched me more in.

My- In.

My choice. In my pathology.

Lucas washes and chops the coriander for him. It goes in, it gets mixed into the Ceviche. Everyone's trying it with chips. Everyone's like, This tastes so good. We've done a great job. It is unclear what hour it is. It is sometime after 2:00 and before the sun comes up. It's past the point of no return, right? Everyone is sobering up and also extremely tired. Blake is coming off his adrenaline crash and also his pinky hurts. He's writing a very serene and dangerous edge. People are pouring little nightcaps. Do you think that he should stay and have a nightcap or do you think you should go home?

No, he should have been in the hospital hours ago. But I imagine that he'll be like, I have to have a nightcap with everyone.

Yes, you're clocking in closer and closer. He's like, I have to have a nightcap with everyone. There's so much Cevice. They're having their little nightcaps as they put the Ceviche into containers. There's one big cooler filled with tumberware, filled with Cevice. There are stacks of Cevice in Tumberware's in the beer fridge, in the garage. Candy's like, Thank you all so much. This all looks so good. I love it. I'm so happy. Everyone's like, No problem, Candy. Anything for you? Finally, they go home and go to sleep.

I'm feeling like we're going to wake up and this finger is going to be smelling of gangrene and like... But they won't be able to tell because they just have Cevice in their noses. They don't, anyway.

Everything smells like fish anyway. That's a good hypothesis. Luckily, that is not what happens. They wake up the next morning, they wash out this finger really well to get it all bundled up.

Okay. Also, I'm concerned thatlike, The fridge doesn't work or something, but okay, go on.

They get all dressed up. They go to this graduation party the next evening. The lore of this Ceviche making party has preceded them. So upon arriving, everyone is so happy to see them, right? Like, Cora is hugging everyone. She's like, Thank you so much. This is so great. This party is buffet-style catered, and in the middle of it is an enormous bowl.

Of Ceviche. I'm also now concerned that everyone's going to get sick.

The biggest bowl Blake has ever seen. He's like, I don't even know they made bowls this big.

Everyone.

Is eating the Ceviche. You have now made the Ceviche your whole life for seven hours. Could you eat it?

I mean, if it were a bowl of kicks, yeah, I can eat a bowl of kicks anytime, anywhere. If that's what Ceviche means to some people, then sure.

Blake is like, I don't think I can eat the Ceviche. He's thinking about all the steps.

Finally standing up for himself for once, maybe. He's, yes. Or at least considering it.

He's considering, What do I, Blake, want for the first.

Time in his life? What does my body need?

He's like, I can't really look at this Ceviche. I can't smell it. He's like, I don't want to be near it. Whenever someone has it on their plate, he's like, I don't want to be near this. I'm sick of this. But people keep coming up to him and being like, Thank you so much. We heard that you sacrificed. He's telling them this tale of his finger, which is like, wrapped in gauze, right? He's holding it up. He's like, These are my battle wounds. Do you tell all these people that you stole cylinder from the community garden?

Yeah.

Of course you do. It's like, Fuck it. He tells this whole tale, this whole drama of stealing the cylinder.

Also, he stole it, but he also left a 20, which was probably way more than it would have cost.

Exactly. And yet again, everyone is like, Blake, you're such a hero. You did it. You alone saved the ceviche. By the end of the night, the bowl is empty. People have eaten the ceviche. Thank God.

So this is why they needed so much ceviche. It was for the graduation party.

Huge party. Yes. They're cleaning up. The caterers are taking all of their stuff with them. So they take the tablecloth off. And when they do that, they notice a giant cooler underneath one of the tables. They pull it out and there is a gallon of Ceviche in there. And Candy is like, No, no, no, no, no, it's going to go bad. I don't want to throw it out. People have to eat it. She's spooning it into solo cups and handing it off to caterers. And a lot of them are like, Oh, yeah, thanks. I love this red solo cup full of Ceviche. Delicious. But she's trying to hand it out to the people who made the Ceviche, and they're all like, Oh.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no. They're like, I don't want to be pulled over with an open container. It's a dry county. They're like, There's no more forks. I don't want it. Candy is like, You could just slurp it down. Take some triscus.

Stop it. Oh, you're such a pusher.

She's such a pusher. Candy is so happy. She's so proud of her daughter. She's so happy that all the ceviche is gone. We are almost at the end. How are you feeling?

I'm waiting for the asses to explode. Something horrible is about to happen.

Cucumber girl is like, Do you guys want to come back to my house? Like, last night and we'll just all have another little drink again because the bars in our tiny town are closed. And Blake and Lucas are like, Hell, yeah. They go with Kora and her partner and all the Ceviche makers back to this house. Blake's like, I'm going to go get some beers. Does anybody else want beers out of the fridge? And people are like, Yeah, get us some beers. So he goes to the fridge, he opens it, the garage fridge, and there are so many containers of Ceviche that did not make it to the party left inside this fridge.

Oh, my God.

He's like, These can't be here. Yeah. Because he's like, I know what's going to happen, and it's that candy is going to come home. She's going to see these and then she's going to make us take them.

Yeah.

What do you do?

Flush it down the toilet. Blake goes.

Back into the living room and he's like, Guys, there's more Ceviche. And everyone's like, What? They come out into the garage. They're like.

Oh, no.

The cucumber shopping lady is like, Candie is coming over. I told her to come over here. And everyone's like, Shit, because now you have a limited window to get rid of the Ceviche. You want to flush it down the toilet. They decide that it has to be taken out back and hidden. They're like, We'll just pour it into a bowl, we'll take it outside, we'll dump it somewhere. And then someone's like, You can't just dump a pile of Ceviche in the woods. There are bears. So as candy enters this kitchen, Blake and Lucas dart out the side door with this giant bowl of Ceviche. They're side-stepping with it. Oh, my God. It's slashing around. It's starting.

To get to the point where it's like, You don't want to eat that. Also, the power this woman yields that people just cannot be like, I don't want this I had enough. We have to hide it from her. We can't... There's something about candy that is, I think, darker than we're allowed to... Let whoever telling this story even maybe understands. But people fear candy. So, okay.

I mean, maybe they fear her, but I think some of it is just like a fear of confrontation, right? Of not standing up for yourself. Yes, of course. Where it's like, I'm so afraid to tell this woman no that I will sidestep with a bowl of Ceviche all the way out into the woods before I talk to her.

And by the way, this doesn't have to be a confrontation. This just has to be a, No, thank you, ma'am. That's a confrontation. See you later.

Anyway. To some people, it is. And you have to be very great. They bury the Ceviche in the woods. That's where this is going. Oh, my God. They dig a hole to bury the Ceviche. That's yucky.

Okay. Yucky.

Very yucky. They come back inside, everyone... They're a little miserable. They're trying to clean the dirt off of themselves from burying Ceviche in the woods. They come into the living room and everyone sitting there looks absolutely miserable. And on the table in the middle is another bowl of Ceviche. And candy is like, I saved a bowl for all of you who worked so hard. No. Could have a little. No.

This is just a story about people who learned who need to learn to say no.

Yes.

And the power of no.

Yes. And because they don't know how to say no, that is how our story ends up, which is with Blake in the passenger seat of Lucas' car on his way home holding a bowl of Ceviche trapped in Ceviche Hill.

No. This is the end of our story. How do you feel? Whose side are you on? What are your takeaways?

I mean, my takeaways are... Like I said, this is a story about people who need to learn how to say no.

Yes.

I mean, but there's fun... They're different people than me. So they're into making ceviche all night long. I would not... Like, if I were stuck here, gosh, I would be very miserable. You would die.

Yeah. Yeah, I would die. But I'm very annoyed with candy. I don't ever want to encounter her and her powers of persuasion among youth. And what happened to Blake's finger? Is it okay?

It's okay. He lived. No one got super sick from the Cevice. Okay. Though I can't promise that no one got sick at all.

Yeah.

It's not my business.

I do feel like this is something everyone's going to need to unpack one day and be like, I should have said no, and now I need to learn how to say no. This is an example. Anyway.

That is the, like James Cameron revisionist ending of this, right? It's like, Blake in the car being like, If only I had learned to say no, I wouldn't have ended up here.

Yes.

Sarah pilot, thank you so much for coming on the show. It was a delight to have you.

Thank you so much for having me. This was so fun and fish-filled.

Make sure to stay all the way through the credits for a very special treat.

Thank you for listening to normal gossip. If you have a gossip story to share with us, email us at normalgossip@defector. Com, or you can leave us a voicemail at 2-6-7-9-gossip. If you love this podcast and want us to keep making it, become a friend or a friend of a friend at supportnormalgossip. Com. You can follow the show on Instagram and TikTok @normalgossip. You can follow Kelsey on all social media @mkehniekelsey. This podcast was produced by Alex Su-Jong-Lovlin. Justin Ellis is a defector's projects editor. Jasmine Wang and Sean Kuhne are defector's business guys. Tom Lay is our editor-in-chief. Jay Toll Fiera is our associate producer. Abigail Segel is our intern. Dan McWade runs our merch store, which you can find at normalgossip. Store. Tara Jacobi designed our show art. Thank you to Chris Thompson for your help on this episode. Thanks to the rest of the Defecter staff, Defecter Media is a collectively owned, subscriber based media company. Normal Gossip is a proud member of Radiotopia. Normal Gossip is hosted by Kelsey McKenney. I'm Thank Fom, and remember, you did not hear this from me.

I posted on Instagram asking people to send in audio of themselves playing Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On for this story. And so many more of you delivered than I could actually use in the episode. So first of all, thank you. Second, as a treat, I've decided to compile all of your great work into a very special normal gossip orchestra performance. Thank you to Jenna Bull, Ellen and Spence, Laura Cannon, Ian Dehaven, Natasha Perine, Robert Beard, Bene Cordaro, and Sasha Stone. Radiotopia.

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