On today's Pardon My Take, we have comedian Jay Pharoah, awesome interview with Jay Pharoah, who can do a couple of impressions. He actually just kind of did him.
We didn't really make him.
Yeah, it was in the flow of conversation, but really cool conversation about his career, SNL, other things. We have hard knocks.
We have playoff basketball, hotseat, cool thrown guys on ChiX.
It is a Wednesday show. Before we get to all that part. My take is brought to you by the casaba. Always brought to you by the cash because we're in the Kashef studio right this second. It is the easiest place in money to your friends. It's also the safest. You don't want to be sending grubby, disgusting money, handing it over right now. Corona's still out there.
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The ASPCA today is Wednesday, August twenty sixth and hard knocks is a bummer dud.
They can't even give me a goddamn time lapse of a stadium being built. It's not that hard. Set up a camera walk away. It's not that hard. I'm dumb. I want to see a time lapse.
I have a theory. So the first episode was obviously all coronavirus and that was a bummer in its own right. And then I thought, you know what? Episodes two and three, they're going to get better. We're going to be like getting our juices flowing. Football, it feels back. Here's my theory.
Hard Knocks needs the preseason because you watch Hard Knocks on Tuesday nights and then you watch the actual games happen and you, like, see what's happening on the field. You're like, oh, there's that cornerback that we keep hearing about who's trying to make the team. He had you know, he had an interception, whatever it may be. And then it's this mind fucked. It's almost like when you look up at a Jumbotron and you see yourself and you can't understand how you're looking at yourself on the Jumbotron.
But then the camera's looking at your face, right? The time warp of watching something filmed in real time. We've lost that element. So now we're just watching like, oh, let's just check in with this training camp.
Yeah. When you see a guy on a field in a preseason game, first of all, it's on TV, so guy. So it's at thirty frames per second. Right. When we're watching Hard Knocks, that's on film, it's a little bit slower.
Was that 24 frames per second.
Sixty six or 120. Probably 240. The forty. The point is it looks a little different. They should just play some of the, some of the clips of the scrimmages in that TV format. So it looks like I'm seeing them in a different time zones, different parameter. But I always say it's like a blend of reality and then a show that you've already watch. It's like, I know that guy. I saw that. That's the guy.
Oh, I got injured. Oh, yeah. I watched that real life. Like, it's just our brains can't understand something that's being taped currently and then played for us. But now that it's not we don't get to see the other side. It kind of ruins everything.
Well, it's that. And then there's also moments in scrimmages and in preseason games where you watch it on TV and you're like, I can't wait to see that again. A hard, hard knocks from the other end. Right. How are they going to talk about this loss that I you know, I bet on? It was Sunday Night Football. They played the the Rams played. And I stupidly bet on the game. And I want to now watch and see if McVeigh actually gets as angry as I am.
Well, the field is fast. Jurgen said that I'm going to get so many overs. The field looks so fast.
I feel that green just screams points to me. Do you to go, baby? Here's my question. Do you think when will stadiums like what's the peak of new stadiums?
We have to get there some point. I think we reached in the Roman times.
No, but like stadium into a post. No, but every new stadium is like cooler than the next. I guess the Rangers kind of ruined that Texas Rangers. But like, this stadium is insane. It looks like a hotel in there. The video board, like, are we going to run out of stadium innovation? I don't know. It's just a question I ponder. What we should do is there should be a there should be a turf that is the exact same color green as a green screen so that you can watch it back and then you can edit whatever type you can make it into a snow game.
Maybe if you're watching it on repeat, by the way, speaking of stadiums, if anyone out there is like me who loves to look at empty stadiums, empty stadium porn, we are in the perfect spot for all the stadiums in Brazil that the World Cup was played in there starting to fall apart. And it's fucking sick to look at right in China right now.
Yeah, it's just dust. It might as well. Ancient period to pyramids from, what, 2008? Look it up. It's sick. Yeah, it's getting good. They're getting overgrown with vines like, holy shit, there was a World Cup game here four years ago. How is this possible? They look like the Astrodome. Yeah, but yeah, you're right.
Like four years ago there were the most happening place on earth. Might have been eight, eight years ago. I can't keep track of time.
Where's the World Cup last four years ago? Four years ago it was in France.
One United States was it was as far away from the United States. That was when I was going to drive. Oh, there was. Oh, yeah, there was. That was like 2014. I feel like. No, we had a world London two years ago.
France one, two years ago. Berp. Where did they win was Germany then.
Another one was Russia. Brazil was six. Russia. Right. You had Bob Russia. Yeah. And then. And then. So six years ago, you were prime prime World Cup, God damn it, time just escapes us. All right. Other notes from hard knocks. The toothpick guy, the toothpick guy I've been thinking about. Have you ever been a toothpick guy? Yes, I've tried being a toothpick guy. That guy's got all the answers.
Razor Ramon, there's something going on with the tube that's actually literally just a bad guy. So the guy that plays defensive back on the Rams, I still don't remember his name, but I know that there's an undrafted free agent who's a toothpick guy. He he stands out a little bit just like that for his coaches, like, oh, who's that guy? Oh, he's the toothpick guy. Yes.
We had Melvin Ingram with the rare sitting in, not sitting out. He's sitting in holding holding hands again. Yeah, I feel like I mean, it seemed like everyone loves him, but I don't know, it feels like kind of playing your hand a little bit.
What do you mean. Like if you are holding in and you're they're just going to one day they're just going to like put his pads and his helmet on his locker and watch, put that on.
He's like, yeah, you know what I'm going to put on for right now? And then all of a sudden he's going to be playing there.
They're banking on him just being close enough to the field and seeing that a guy playing better than him, that he'll just be like, you know what, I'm an extra. But he was very involved. He did get his contract done. Well, they get guaranteed money. They reworked it. Yeah. So now he is practicing and playing. So maybe it worked. Yeah, I guess it I guess I just want you thinking the whole time when he was going through drills and stuff, it's like they're just going to trick him and put it, put a helmet on him and he's going to be playing.
If you just call his number.
Yeah. Then he'll just go in. Bye. Yeah. Bye. Football guy instinct. I also liked what we have our first guy in hard knocks that the camera's falling in love with, that they hope that you fall in love with at home. Who's probably going to get cut. Johnson.
Yes, Johnny Johnson. His dad was Brett Favre his best man. Brett any time for any time. Papa Favre pops on a zoom with you.
You got to make sure that he knows that the camera's on first.
If you know I'm talking about I think that Brett Favre is officially retired now, seeing him years old. There is no dog officially, officially like the the Wranglers jeans ads that they that they probably taped seven years ago, that they keep running the what's it called the copper wire. You call that copper fit all those old ads that made him look like he's still young. This was the first time I saw him. I was like and he even said he's like, I think Clay Johnson was like, you look like a million bucks is like I feel like five is like, yeah, dude, you actually look like five.
It is the first time that we've seen without a golden retriever next to him or without him, like throwing a pass to a seventeen year old right in his arms weren't busting out and he just had gray hair.
So I'm going to call it Edwarda. You can leave Mississippi. It's over. Brett Favre has retired his bus cook.
Have any more clients or is it just Brett Favre?
I know he was Jay's agent. Yeah, but he's got a bunch that's gonna break bus or bust his heart. Yeah. Finally not get any more calls from Tyrod Taylor. The God, they brought that up. How he got he got cut by Josh Allen then got cut by Baker Mayfield. And now he's about to get cut to third time just by and streets now though.
Cooking. Yeah, yeah, it is. By the way, I'm stand up for Cook writes enough cooks. Jamie OK, it happens.
Oh, people get cooked.
Whether it's whether it's a pool boy. Justin Herbert looks like a pool boy or very personal soul cycle instructor. These things happen in real life.
OK, so back off.
Yeah, just we're not bringing that up for any reason. Just back off. Back off.
I think that there's been an overload of cock shaming going on recently. Yes. Back off, guys. Should happen. It's not a big deal.
What Billy and don't cockers shame. Yeah, right. If you're the one who's fucking. Yeah, right. Shame. Right, right. It takes two to tango. Three. Well it's not Billy's not breaking up a family.
No. He fucked himself over the weekend and a frog.
All right Hank. No he didn't. All I was going to say, I think I just kind of realize this is really totally good. Tell me to cut that later.
We're not going to.
I think part of the reasons, like, obviously the covid stuff, but I think the fact that there's so many NBA and NHL playoffs, like my dumb brain thinks it's April half right. And because I think that's so true, Len's part of like it's still not even though it is preseason, it's August. It's like gearing up for football. The fact that there's all these other sports on, like, it doesn't quite feel like it's like, yeah, it's preseason football.
This is a great point.
It is something that the NFL would do to another sports organization, though, like have their games bleed into a season that's not typically theirs just to dominate the spring.
But it is true, like by by late August, usually, you know, either your baseball teams in or out, you kind of have a feeling about that. And then it's like, all right, it's football coming up. Wait a second.
Are we just have we just been had for the last ten years? Has hard knocks always been like this now? So start the Jumbotron thing I was talking about where you watch it happen in real life, you're like, oh shit, dude, how did they get that in there so quickly? That is cool. But Hank brings up a good point. It's hard knocks is a lot better when you don't have any real sports to compare it to. Yes.
All right. So we do have real sports. Let's talk about it. The Jasin Nuggets, let's give some shine. People were upset that we taped before the end of the game on Sunday night.
I have to admit fully, I think the. As in, the Nuggets are the exact same team I agree with. Thank you for saying they're from the same area. Both altitude, kind of similar colors. Like I just if you tell me jazz nuggets, nuggets, jazz, I'm just like, yeah, those are all the same guys. Like, if you just list the names, I'm like, you could tell me down. Mitchell's on the Nuggets.
Make sure I don't you know, they just blend together and remember winning the championship just on the jerseys are very similar to you're right. They are.
If the shot holds the jazz brought back the old school like John Stockton uniforms that had the like icy mountains in them and shit, they'll be cool. I could differentiate between that.
They did. But right now. Yeah, they did. She did. Yeah, I know. A couple of weeks ago.
Yeah. So they should bring them back for the playoffs because right now Bearcats. Right. It's like yeah they, each team has like a couple of talented big guys, one good guard and that's about it. Don Nelson and George Carlin might as well be coaching.
That's the only difference. The only way that you can tell the difference between the two teams is the jazz fans want to fight every player. And the Nuggets fans are kind of chill because it's Denver and they're probably high.
They're really stoned. That's really it. So when you don't have fans, it really blurs the lines. But the game was good. The Nuggets obviously survived. Jokic Did you see his first quarter. Twenty one points eight four eight five for five from three. That's how you set the tone. And then Jamal Murray's three sixty layup was fucking sick. He had forty two points. I think he's gone back to back forty point zero turnovers. Hatake I like three sixty layups but in three sixty dunks due to a sick.
It was so sick. So that actually is now kind of a series and it has been a good series. The Jags have been just like shooting the shit out of the ball. And I guess the Nuggets I mean good. I almost did that. Thanks for coming out. Nuggets tweet I wish I had because then they came back and they look like they were dead in the water. We have. So do we want to talk about the end of the Blazers, the re-emergence of playoff p the.
No, let's talk about the end of the Blazers. OK, whatever.
Yeah well because Dame Lou got her is. Yeah. Right, right.
So he's out, he's got the Lakers shooting down their throats is a series that all hinged on Dame Lillard is Hell Yes.
Yeah. Full of fully healthy blazers I think beats this Lakers team in three hundred.
I often find myself in the spot where I have a take and I'm the only one who has anything at risk because everyone else can just be like it was just a joke.
When do you what do you have risk with widely. I actually beat the Lakers to win the series. And also I said that the Lakers, there's no chance to lose this series and everyone gave me shit after game one. I just like the Blazers.
And I think that Damian Lillard places a great point guard. In fact, it's too bad that we can't see both these teams at full health.
The Lakers are so much better than the Blazers I'm sorry, Blazers derangement syndrome. It was a fun story. It was a nice story, but holy shit, the Lakers kicked the fuck out of them in game four. That was I mean, that was an ass kicking.
Yeah, well, it was Kobe night. It was Coach Kobe night with the knee. Yes. Well, team did play in that. Yeah. But he got hurt in the game right after Walkertown.
Yeah, that's right. That's right. How did he get hurt in the first quarter when they were like when they when they were down fifteen. Nothing. There may have been a preexisting injury. In fact I think his other knee was injured and that's what made the other knee get even more injured. Overcentralization. Look it up.
So how do you feel about your blazers in five predictions? I think we'll see. I think there's going to be the final judge. That's at very worst case scenario. It's better than Charles Barkley's Blazers and for true. Good point. I'm more of an expert than the Hawks during the sweep after game one. I'm listen, I'm not going to be petty, but I will absolutely be petty. I have some retreat's I have to do. After everyone tweeted me after game one and said that I was an idiot in the Blazers are better than Lakers.
I'm just glad we got that one. You know, we won the most important game.
Yes. When everybody was fresh game one. Yeah. So, yes, the Clippers are flexing their muscles right now on the Mavs. This is kind of the disappointing thing about like when you have that underdog and they have an incredible performance. And Luca was so fucking good on Sunday and you're like, oh, could the Mavs do it? And then the Clippers are like, nah, we're way, way better. We just need to focus a little bit and no pausing this and play off his back.
Yeah. Play a piece back big time. Does he have like twenty nine points right now. That was the easiest part of all time.
This is just was taking these clippers like after all the slander going up playoff up which is well deserved. Don't get me wrong. He figured out, he said you need to make more shots.
He took. Yeah, he made bad shots. Ten for sixteen tonight. He didn't make his shots last time. He said that after the game, he corrected himself, saying, if I make more shots, I have a better game fact. Sometimes a simple playoff P is back. I just want it to be I want this series to go seven so far.
I think this is my favorite series of the playoffs. If this goes seventh, then how are they doing the rest in between?
I think they're playing pretty quickly because Joe Hockey's just advancing to next, right? Yeah, I think they're going like two or three. I mean, the Celtics and Raptors play Thursday night and that ended, what, Sunday? You know, it's funny, the bucks in the magic still are going on.
That's weird. That is weird because like the magic one, game one, and then the bucks have just killed them the last three games. So that's kind of a weird. Hey, remember the. That series is still going to see Mike Greenberg's actual dumb rule today. No, I can't hit on too much because it's not that bad. But he thinks that every team in the lottery should have the exact same chance of winning the lottery. And he also thinks that if it was in the first round, you go into the lottery also.
And also they're getting rid of the lottery machine and they should bring back the envelope. That's actually not a crazy, crazy idea that's actually been talked about because it would basically take away tanking.
It's the anti tank rule because it might just be the lottery just in the last year in the playoffs.
You shouldn't get a chance at the lottery like, yeah, no, I agree with that. But I'm not I don't think that's that crazy to say. Like, no, if you if you're if you don't make the playoffs, everyone has the same odds so that no one can take. Yeah. I don't, I don't I mean, it would suck if your team really sucks and can never get good again. But I guess that kind of happens all the time in sports, let's say.
Anything else. Hockey, hockey. Hank, we got a hockey rink update. Bruins lost in overtime. Got it. Got to get the puck out.
Pulse check. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's the guy from the blues. Yeah. What big rig. I also think I'm sorry guys.
I'm just going to circle one islander's team of destiny. I'm a circle. Why say that. I don't know. Just feeling it. Barry. Trotz Yeah. And I just, I just, I don't know, just going to circle it. Just going to circle it. Frank Brothers would be very upset that I said that, but I'm going to circle it. We have also more football guy news from Joe Judge today. Judge judges a football gift that just won't stop giving.
He did two different things. Say one, he said that he wants to take Daniel Jones red jersey off, just pop his pads a little bit. Yeah, but he's playing football. I like that.
That would be it would be an all time Belichick disciple move if he did that. And then Daniel Jones, like, had an AC joint injury.
Yes, I did see that Joe Judge has a support from Bill Parcells. So mission accomplished there. Like you did a good job of getting the old school football coach that's angry all the time to say, I like how he's coaching this team. Right. If you had like a nine year old substitute teacher with George Payton's deceased heart in his chest, Bill Parcells would be like that guy. That guy knows how to do it. Yeah. Get rid of one of these wide receivers.
OK, we also this is also pretty good.
He taped tennis balls to all those defensive backs hands to encourage him not to hold.
I like that's the way they're going to learn. I like that. I fucking love children. Yes.
And and when the Giants go, like, play poorly and he gets fired after, it's going to be even funnier. Yep. All right. Let's get Hotsy Calderon going. Hotsy Calderon is brought to you by Bud Light, both on the hot seat and the Calderon. This week is our friend Gardner Minshew, Bud Light. He's on a mission to make Garnham Minshew the top pick in fantasy. If you pick him in the first round, you can win a case of Bud Light.
Tweet a screenshot of your pic with hashtag Bud Light Minshew draft and hashtag sweepstakes to enter. On top of that, if you win your league with Minshew, you can win an entire season's worth of Bud Light. Holy shit, I actually love this deal. Head to Bud Light Social to learn more. So go right now. Hashtag Bud Light Minshew Draft and hashtag sweepstakes. If you draft him in the first round and you win your league when Bud Light for an entire season, that's a lot of pressure on the government.
You it's a lot of pressure. We'll have to get him back on soon and we'll talk to him about that. Hank Hotsy Coulton go Mahatma's.
A few hot seats all within this podcast. You know, I actually have I'm just going to do a Hotsy for each of you. Pfft. Petey's in the hot seat because Dan Snyder joined Twitter.
Yep. So I know that's his account. He's got a private account so everyone can roast them.
Yeah, but he's going to be lurking, like if you're looking at me as a pretend to potential jobs.
Come on, Henshall Biase Hank, future owner of the team, he's got some cleaning up to do.
I have a lot of cleaning up like my entire account basically. OK, they catch on the hotstix. These things that fall guys. Yeah. Stinks is like over 95.
Everyone sinks eighty nine. Eighty nine.
And Bill is on the Hotsy because he's meeting his hero tomorrow and he's like nervous beyond belief and is not going to know what to say. Jim Florentine.
Yeah. Oh here is your hero. You have heroes. You have. Because we just interviewed Jimmy Tatro today and he was legit. Your hero, Bill, is a massive, massive Crank Yankers fan.
He was like shaking earlier. Yeah. No idea who this guy is. Oh, yeah. That's bullshit. You know exactly where to play. Cool. Smart. Yeah.
No, no, that's actually you blew it today with Jimmy Jimmy TasRail. He actually said on the way out he's like, who was that kid and what's his problem.
So no I'm just kidding dude. He thought he couldn't tell you.
He thought you're sweet. Yeah. All right, cool. Throw all my cool thrown is alive. Tell the to man Taylor Tomalin. Yo, he actually did say you're sweet to Jimmy Tate.
You know, he just said he's like, dude, I know he did say I'm not joking.
He said, you're sweet to Allen and the dude from the show. And I said, No Rokan are jawing doing a History Channel show together now.
Boehland Al Boyland. Yeah. I'm sure is it going to be about the history of cocaine and Allen selling it knew I would that I would watch gangland home improvement snitch in just a blacked out face. Tim Allen, talk about how you just go backstage and blast off rails in between takes home workshop competition show.
Cool. The mother is only fans. Yes. It's really just blown up into the mainstream these days. Plaxico Burress joined today. God knows what he's posting on there. Came out that Blackhorn, the child actor, we all should. We owed one million and one day, should we all sign up for a couple just as a joke, just for fun?
Well, I told Billy to sign up for Plaxico Burress is only just get billions.
Yes, he is counting on it. Oh, believe that's a good joke. That's a good joke. Louder. He's shooting his third leg now.
I guess you could say, is that a gun in your sweatpants or are you just happy to see me? Nice.
Oh, please feel good about that. I only fans. I feel so stupid every single time there's a swipe up on Instagram, like check out this hot picture of me and I swipe up and it's fucking only fans.
I hit that roadblock four times a day.
Fucking says call a lot of porn stars. I do. Are you a porn star? If you do. I wouldn't know. I mean, what's what's the point of Instagram? That's. It's a big dumpers. Yeah. I actually have a confession to make.
Yeah. I have only friends. You do. Yeah. And well, ever since I wore my toe shoes, people actually started doing me asking me for feet picks, OK.
And they started offering money and I actually set one up.
It's really people and very entrepreneurial.
Yeah. No I'm serious. Yeah I like. Yeah. Yeah I actually like I've been actually making things. Good job. How much are you making. A good amount here.
And there's no. Tell us how much you mean.
I've been around under a thousand dollars but several hundred.
You made like seven hundred weird like shit like the one time that like we were on the live feed and I was where my feet used up three notes, stop wearing those weights.
So that's only for. Yes, I definitely do. I'm seriously. You look it up. Wait, hold on.
So you've made eight hundred dollars around there.
And so we're selling picks. They do some pixilate people feet. They're just foot picks. Turns out. Can I see can I see like one of the requests.
Let me see your feet. Belic, where's my phone. Oh my God.
This is incredible. Good job Billy. People, you're going to get a lot of the curve.
Yeah I know. Here. Yeah.
Only fans, they are people like hey man can you they make you put stuff on it. No. Just legitimately pictures and I feel like. Do they have also. It's on the toes. Yeah. Just I just like make sure the lighting's good.
So you just pop off a pick like that out of the shower. Boom pig.
Well since you set up like two to like like thousand dollars for the full few, like it's xtravaganza like look three feet a foot fuck.
OK, this is. Oh my God, this is so weird. I'm like, you know, I'm not hating dude, you're making money.
Dude, if one of these guys are going to track me to make money somehow, do you do like Cunard's?
No, I just take pictures of my how often do you have to opt legitimately?
Like every night, like before I go to bed and take my socks off, I just take a snap of my fucking feet and that's the private pick for the night for these people.
Are you dealing with like any any subscribers who are getting upset? I can ask you to do more like, hey, where's tonight's update?
You know, size fourteen wide feet. Yes. Listo. That's what they're down for.
I'll give a fuck. It's my fucking feet. Oh, shit.
I just closed out. What I see. Let me see it. I closed out. That's incredible, Billy. It's there's no messages or anything. It just says Billy football size fourteen wide feet. I get subscription. Yeah. You can't get that for free.
Yeah. All right. Fifty. What's your heart's equal throat. My heart sees my eyes because I'm looking at Billy. Oh my God. Yeah. Oh OK. I've seen enough. There you go Billy.
My heart's not Billy.
My hot seat is dogs. Dogs bruh. Because Bryson DeChambeau got him big time in a massive, massive Internet controversy. He I guess they're playing this week at the same golf course that he played at back in 2015 when he won the US amateur competition. And so he took a picture with their golden retriever. Trigger is the name of this dog. And he said this dog Trigger was here and helped me win the amateur open back in twenty fifteen. Well, record scratch it turns out the trigger.
The sweet boy was born in twenty seventeen.
So either Ryan Lochte owns his golf course and the dog has been one year old for the last five years. Or Bryson got him up trying to chase some internet clout like a dog chasing his tail. Got caught big time and did some research on the.
Stock trigger exit, I was like, maybe it's one of those like maybe it's an ugly situation where there was a trigger, one trigger to trigger three. No, no, no, no, no. The dog that was before Trigger are the triggers. Dad is named Devitt and Devitt works at a neighboring golf course. OK, so regardless of what happened and he's never been Devitt, to my knowledge, has never been on this golf.
So he's just lying. So he's just lying. Clown got caught big time dog out for dog clout. Fuck that guy. Bryson DeChambeau, jizya trigger gate.
The worst. The worst. My co throne is Earth because you remember that asteroid that we talked about. Turns out it's tininess. Which one asteroid that's going to hit on Election Day, there's like a million. It's tiny and it's not going to hit.
So that's why we got so freaked out about that. Yeah, big time freaked out about scare tactic to survive mini mike.
They should call the asteroid Mini Mike Bloomberg. I'll be very funny. Yeah, it's small and it won't hit on Election Day. There we go. That was like one point.
That was good balls. I don't know, top of my head balls and Peng's.
I, you know, Pacci. He's lucky to wait. It's cool throwing things out.
He's a no no cool thrown. Hank, I'll inform you because he's that Chinese guy that does a tornado chug. Oh yeah. Drinking guy friend Donny. Donny does world. He is like good friends, EPOXI punks. I uploaded a video last night to the Internet saying that he was going to probably be arrested. He's in big trouble. He was crying and he did one last chug and then he went offline after that.
And he's getting arrested like for chugging basically like the Chinese government doesn't support just far. He was too much of a bro. Yeah.
Too many beers. Yeah. So he plugs big time. Chinese government does not like that. Well, as of two hours ago, Punggye posted again to Twitter saying he's fine, don't worry about me, I'm back. I'm good. Totally wasn't arrested and brainwashed by the Chinese police. Go back online and say that he's wearing LeBron James jersey. He was very excited saying how great China was. He actually wasn't. But I'm saying, like, this could be like Pong.
I might be brainwashed now and now, like sent back with the green light to create content that is more China friendly.
So just keep in. Can't imagine it's hard to brainwash a dude who just chugs for a living. He's just drunker and drunker. He can eat a lot, too. He's just got that. We should give him a different shirt. We should be very funny. Yeah.
OK, is that. That's it. My hot seat is Chris Webber. Chris Webber is on the hot seat. Chris Webber is getting roasted. Chris Webber is out on an island.
Chris Webber is a terrible announcer and he's getting what they say as exposed because he's I think it's just because there's so many games going on and he's been calling it feels like the important game every single night.
And holy shit, does he suck? Chris Webber is the Michael Scott. Sometimes I start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope along the way I find it like if I'm my way, that's it. He just starts talking. So tonight he had to there were incredible. He had he said he knew that Montrezl Harrell was going to have a good game. Why you ask? Because he was sitting on the bench without pants on.
OK, and then the the real Chris Webber, he I don't understand how his brain works. It really is like he's a dude. You just meet at a party and and he just starts talking and you immediately you're like, how do I get out of this conversation?
It's going nowhere. All like at the same time he's just putting words together, run on sentences and nothing makes sense. Please let me go. But then we get trapped with him for three hours a night. So his other one was Chris Webber said the difference between Raptor Kawhi and Clipper Kawhi.
I'll give you a guess. What do you think time zones know? Hank guess new operating raptor. Quien Clipper? Kwei.
Different uniform colors. So now he's much more of a veteran, hmm?
He's got that championship pedigree another year. That's what he already has a title, but he had another time. It's just another year. He's a conference title. Yes, that's true. A huge difference.
Chris Webber stinks, man. It's tough to listen to. It's crazy, too, because Reggie Miller is like I was actually worse like he is.
He's living in the bubble like. So no, he's no, he's been he's bubbling at Wendy's. Haven't seen the commercial. Yeah. Yeah. So he's just been dodging a bullet, watching Chris Webber Mosaica. He's a compartmentalizes said car car part ventilates.
Last night I was like, what is going on.
I like sometimes I get the thought that maybe being a color guy on TV is a lot harder than we think that it is. But then you see other guys step in so seamlessly. Right. It's just shouldn't we be blaming that play by play guy? He's he actually is trending right now for the second time, like two nights in a row. He's trending not good. Not good. And it's hard to trend. It's hard to be an announcer and trend two nights in a row without saying anything actually controversial like this isn't Thom Brennaman.
This isn't Mike Milbury. He's just trending because he's back. It's trending for thinking. Yeah.
Like generally just everyone's tweeting about Chris. What would you say, Jake?
Yeah, the job of the play by play is to steer the boat. And then you're teeing up the call the analyst to make.
Chris Webber sits down every single night and looks at the play by play guy. He says, I'm the captain now and then just starts talking for two and a half hours. Right. Chemistry has a lot to do with, you know, who's this?
Who's this guy? I'm looking and what's he doing?
He's doing every game, it seems like every right now.
There's Brian Anderson in spirit Adidas, OK. And Kevin Harlan, do you have, like, playing cards, these guys? You know, I've just followed over.
OK, all right. My cool throne is the Pittsburgh Pirates because the Pittsburgh Pirates got no hit tonight, Lucija.
Julito had a thirteen strikeout. One hundred and one pitch, no hitter, only one walk. The pirates are seven and eighteen. They're the worst record in baseball. But guess what? Pirates fans are going to help you out. Nothing. Nothing counts this year. Yeah, you're good. You are so bad. You're good. Would it would it count as a no hitter if you threw in a seven and a game?
I don't know if there's rules for that. That would be said. What if you had a pitcher that could go out there and throw, like, I know, 150 pitches, like a Max Scherzer or something like that. And you hit you pitch in both games of double header eight to double no hitter back to that would be. And then it'd be like, this is this is only the fifteenth time this has ever happened or the first 14 times or Satchel Paige.
Yeah, every single time. One hundred one pitches though. No hitter. Thirteen strikeouts. That's fucking impressive. That's pretty good. Yeah, that's really good. I don't think I can name a couple of pirates. Can you name any pirates. Andrew McCutchen.
Yeah, it's they might be the least nameable team. I, i all I got is Josh Bell and Gregory Palanca.
Chris Archer. There we go. But it's, it's, it's tough when you just start listing pirates, you're like, wait, Barry Bonds. No. Yeah, no, there's no no one on the pirates.
How many years do you think the pirates could go drawing like forty percent attendance, never making the playoffs, obviously, and still be a functional team and not like have their owner have to sell. Because I feel like in Pittsburgh you can get away with lot. In Pittsburgh, you're giving you're giving the citizens of Pittsburgh a reason to drink during the daytime, in the summer. That's what the pirates are there for.
But the Pittsburgh has long, long, long, long ago figured it out. If you have every single team have the exact same colors, fans will show up, watch the pirates suck and just be like Steelers. Yeah. And they'll just look at the uniforms like Steelers. If they happen to be good, then most of the people in town are already wearing those colors like.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. So they should I feel bad for Pirates fans, but at least you have the coronavirus pandemic in this season being weird. It doesn't count.
The Pirates are just so Steelers jerseys. Yes. So their players names. Yeah. So more. Yes. Billy, take us home. My hot seat.
The spicy seat literally. Whoa is chicken nuggets.
McDonald's is coming out with spicy chicken nuggets and I think that's really cool.
So why is that your hot though? That is cool because they're hot. Oh, your butthole. The McDow. Yeah. Yeah. They give you a hot seat. Exactly.
OK, and that is cool. That's awesome. I spicy nuggets cell all the time.
My cool throne is milk chase. Voinovich went off on a total rant about how much he loves milk and how much cows are beautiful.
He played for Jim Harbaugh. Exactly.
So he just went off on a press conference today about how she loves milk and how his like cousins dairy farmer. And I thought that was really cool.
All right, Bill, you're going to get a cow soon. You maybe chase one of us. Pretty sweet dude. Yeah, he's pretty cool.
I actually have a theory about it. It's like all the things plays football, sweet hair named.
Cool, I have a theory about Billy came up with this song with Corruptibility, yeah, yeah, he's got abilities here, though. My my theory, though, is that Billy might be related to Kirk Cousins because Billy tweeted out earlier today, what was it, Creed's greatest hits now, would you say about it?
I said, definitely. I like toe toe. Oh yeah. Oh he is.
Oh yeah. Plus you get only fans account. You won't. Kirk, would you say about Creed? I like Creed. You tweet you tweeted something. I said, Alexa, play crazy. Yeah.
So this is like four years ago, Kirk Cousins tweeted out famously, like nothing hits like being in the weight room when Creed's greatest hits comes on, Creed's good.
So is Nickelback. Yeah, I'm just saying, you got you guys both cook your meat like assholes. I think I think you might have said in blood.
Hey, have you I've I've said before you look like if Kirk Cousins was like a Paul brother, Jake, the long you're the long lost Paul brother. If Kirk Cousins dad cooked their mom.
Well, you don't cook. Same here.
That's what I'm not. I'm just saying you might be related. Kirk Cousins. Well, I'll have to look into that. Look into it. I actually kind of buy that like that.
I think that's racist. No.
Saying to people who look like it's incestuous of no, no, it's not because you're white. It's everything else, OK? It's the creed, it's the steak, it's the toe shoes. Not being a very good quarterback.
Yeah, well, the facial structure. Well, yeah, all these things, when you add them up, you know, that was a lot.
All right. You're wearing you're wearing a fucking shirt of the state of Minnesota right now. Billy, you're Kirk Cousins. You're Kirk Cousins.
You are Kirk Cousins. All right. Let's get to our interview with Jay Pharoah. Awesome interview. Awesome, awesome interview. Before we do that, a word from our friends across country mortgage cross country Mortgage, America's crazy good mortgage company. They've been doing it since 2003. You're probably sitting here right now. You're saying mortgage. I can't afford a mortgage. That's a scary word. Well, guess what? It's not when you use crosscountry mortgage because they're here to help you.
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OK, we now welcome on very special guest. It is comedian, actor, former SNL cast member Jay Pharoah.
He's got a bunch of stuff coming out or out. You're a busy, busy man. You have two minutes of fame which is out right now. Video on demand. You have how to fake a war out right now, video on demand and then bad hair that will be coming out October. Twenty third. How? I guess the first question is, how are you, like the busiest guy in the world right now when it feels like there's no movies coming out?
You got three of them.
I mean, to I mean, I've seen weirder stuff in 2020. We just saw we just saw Meg, the stallion who is five foot ten. Get shot at by a man who has not finished puberty, who was five foot one, and people think she's lying about it. So there have been more crazy things that happened 20, 20. I personally just feel like the blessings as far as I go are just showering down because I'm so appreciative of everything that has gone on, this whole covid whole pandemic.
I've gotten a chance to sit down and really evaluate some things, really be thankful. And that's why I think to answer your question, there's so many movies happening right now just because just because I'm thankful, if I was pissed off, there wouldn't be any more karma. So Karma got you all these movies.
Karma got me to movies. I mean, I didn't film them with me, but, you know, I filmed them back then. So, you know, in what order should people watch them?
Because you just gave us three good things to watch. So is there like is there a preferred order that we should go in?
Oh, what makes you the most money if we watch it? Yeah, I have.
Look, man, I got I got moments I got fun moments in all of these movies that are coming out. But if you want to if you want to take it and watch me in a different like a different, different role, I would say watch how to fake a war first. I would say two minutes of fame second and then bad hair. When it finally comes out, you should check that out. So we're not sober. And yeah, I think you should check them out just like that.
So two minutes of fame.
It seems like it's semiautobiographical, maybe not all the way, but it's you know, you're you're a comedian who's found doing an impression. You know, obviously people know you from your impressions early, got introduced to you with your impressions is they're an annoyance factor of people always being like, hey, there's Jay Pharoah. Do Denzel, hey, there's Jay Pharoah. Do Barack Obama, do Jay-Z, does it do you sometimes feel like a Tickle Me Elmo?
Try people trying to poke you to get the impression out?
I feel like that. I feel like that in on Instagram when I do my Instagram people, people in the street, they don't really they don't really do they don't really do that a lot anymore. It doesn't really annoy me any more. It did for a moment. But I had to like, recollect and think about think about why people were coming to see me anyway. Like you, you're coming to see somebody. I bought a ticket to come see you because you've done something that I enjoy.
So as an artist, it is your job to be able to deliver that happiness to a person. So if somebody came to my show and I did do Denzel Washington, they'll probably be pissed off. So of course I'd have to do that. But that's not the bulk of the act. So I've learned how to use and permissions that. Just bring people in to what I'm really trying to talk about and really trying to do because because of the material, you can see who I really am.
It may be before you couldn't see it because it was more character driven or whatever, but now it's just like me talking about life and just sprinkling in the oppression. So I don't take it for granted at all that I don't get I don't get pissed off. I just I just accept it. I'm like, hey man, you want to see it? It's fine. You're going to get this. I give you some Eddie Murphy at the end, he will get these jokes, you know what I'm saying?
It's a Jay Ferrell gateway drug. You get your take on Jay Pharoah and then and then you give everyone the you know, you get hooked on the impression, which is probably like cigarettes or weed, and then you give them the hard stuff. Then you get Coke up and then I'll give you that. I give you some false target sets.
Molly, whatever I have that day before, you know, you're like robbing your parents. You're taking money out of their purse to go buy tickets. Huge family. Yeah.
Oh, I did see a Jay Leno show. Now I'm addicted to everything. Yeah. It's like, is that different?
I imagine it's almost got to be harder. I would think maybe you can correct me, but if you're doing a show where you're sprinkling in the impressions, you can't have the impressions end up being the punchline. You have to actually work on, you know what what the clothes of a joke might be. Whereas before if you just, like, knock a Will Smith out of the park, then that's that's the laugh, right?
People are laughing at point. You don't actually have to worry about, you know, making your point or bringing the audience back into the joke that you're writing.
Right. Because it does it at that because it doesn't matter is what it doesn't matter if you're just doing an impression show like and I respect artists that do that. Like, there's a few there's a few people that just go out there and they just do they do an hour of impressive. I don't know how to help. I don't know how the hell you can consistently do that, because earlier when I first when I was first starting, that's what it was like.
I would that's what I would do. I would have voices and I would have them talking about current events. That's what I. I would have liked Bernie Mac talk about Justin Timberlake whipping out Janet Jackson's titty or get out of me some some shit like that, it was just whatever was happening at that time, that's what it used to be. And it was it is like it is it's different now. I don't say it's harder, bro. And the reason I won't I'll say it's not harder is because it's what I've been doing.
I've been I've been on the road for damn near 13 years now, you know what I'm saying? So I'm used to I'm used to this stage or whatever, but. It's hard getting through your act when you have somebody who constantly yells out something for you to do.
And it can throw you off if you do not have the skill set to deal with it.
So what is that skill set do you do then just in turn start making fun of that person directly? Yeah, you got it.
Yeah, you got to yeah. Call them out, say whatever, like a dressel and get back to regularly scheduled program of the coming. Like if you're on the stage, somebody is heckling you like nobody wants to get help, much like you wouldn't want to, you wouldn't want to be in a frickin zoo and you shoveling elephant shit and somebody and somebody coming and you and be like, hey man. Hey, hey, hey, hey. You got some shit on your pants, bitch.
I'm shoveling shit, OK? Yes, I'm a shovel. That's what I'm doing. So nobody wants to be heckel no matter what. But I will tell you that if you heckle me, be prepared because I will I, I don't have jokes. I have disrespectful statements. And that's what I say. Yeah. I love it. I respectfully say shit.
I want to go back to the beginning real quick with you, because you're from you're from Chesapeake, Virginia. Right. The Tidewater area, Chesapeake, Virginia, up seven percent.
OK, so I want you to tell me who you think is the best athlete to come out of southeastern Virginia, because there's one correct answer and then there are two very good answers.
OK, the best athlete you know is like mad athletes. They came from, like, my area. Yep. You got B.J. up there. You have Plaxico Burress, you have Michael Vick Johnston, Austin boy, Justin Upton.
Because to be Justin. Yeah.
Justin off the market. Yeah. Yeah. You have Alonzo Mourning. You've got is a lot of there's a lot of people. So to be safe I must say that's the right answer.
I'm glad that you said a good answer. And then Mike Vick and. Yeah, no, it's Mike Vick and then Bruce Smith would be another good answer to there. But yeah.
Smith yeah. Lawrence Taylor came out of my area, so I didn't know that I forgot about him above. Yes.
Probably the correct people don't talk about how good Allen Iverson was at football too in high school. He's like a legend down there, right?
Yeah. I didn't. Well, shoot, shoot. I didn't even know that Allen Iverson played football. Look, the that's the difference between Chesapeake people in Newport News, people we call Newport News bad news. That's what they call that you stay away from bad news. So I was in Greenbrier with all that, with all the Greenbrier, with all the nice with the rich white folks. So it wasn't none of that. I was really I wasn't really thinking about what else Allen Iverson was doing.
But I will tell you, he's one of the greatest basketball players that we have ever witnessed with some of the quickest handles and some of the best, most precise private moments ever.
Yeah, I feel like Ehi is one of those guys that if he became a long ten years later and Twitter and like highlights were more widespread, we'd appreciate him even more. Not that we didn't appreciate him then. But like, you know, when James Harden does something and it's slow mo and puts on Twitter, you're like, holy shit, that needs to be more. Oh yeah.
They definitely they definitely need to do that, man. Just a quick Demandware. He's so, he's so quick. He was he was so freakin quick and I look.
Good, do good to give back to the community. You don't hear a lot, you don't hear nothing here. No negative stuff about A.I. is that A.I. is good. He's a he's a good face for he's a good face for the Tidewater area. I would definitely say so for sure.
So you had I mean, I guess it was kind of public breakup with SNL afterwards. You said that, you know, you weren't so happy with how it all ended. Have you repaired that at all or you just did I say I wasn't happy with how it all ended?
I saw an article says Jay disses Saturday Night Live after firing. Yeah. And that's where I'm going.
And that's where I'm going to correct you right now, because those people that put out that article. OK, which which is click bait. The headline is Click Bait. I didn't say anything in that anything in that thing like, oh, you know, it was. It was it was it was, you know, I just I didn't dis I did not diss anybody what I said.
And I will say it again, I'll reiterate what I said. At a certain point. You can be put in a box for doing one thing when you when you might be multitalented and you might not get a chance to show those other talents just because you've already been typecast or put in Hollywood does that. Everybody does.
And that's they take they take what they think you are and they try to perpetuate that which you might not be, that they might be so much more to you. And you're not getting a chance to show those skills. That's all I would say. That's not enough.
What is coatis? Yeah, that's not even close to this. So we're going to fix that headline because that happens to everyone at SNL to earn a lot of people at SNL. You see the same characters over and over. You're this guy. You're that guy. All right. So we're going to fix that headline fuck variety for saying that you were wrong. Diss.
You do understand we have to get our clicks in, too. So, Jake, when you write up this interview for the blog, put Jay Pharoah, this is SNL on part of my take and then in the body will correct it will make sure that people listen.
The real reason I ask is because I was hoping that you were like, yeah, it didn't end great. And then you could get to be such a big star that you then go back to host and then you intentionally bomb just to fuck them over.
I would be kind of that would be cool. Why would I do that?
Just to be like, fuck you guys if you are in of.
I'm sorry. Oh, we go on like every thought. I can't see that. I can't see the sketch is all. I missed another joke.
All right. So we we can be all pissed. Yes. Yes. So all right. So that dream is dead. So we corrected it. What what was your who's your favorite person to work with at SNL cast wise or host was once you both.
All right. Cast wise. You know, it was me, Bobby Moynihan. Love him, Terry them. Vanessa, me and Pete worked with each other sometimes. Loved working with Cheen and a lot of the other players, you know, I mean, everybody was dope to work with, but the people I was closest to on that show had to be Bobby Darin and Vanessa because I came in with that class. Yeah, everybody else was everybody else was newer.
As far as the host, I would say drak, but he's not my number one. Kerry Washington is my number one host to work with. OK, I believe that episode that we did, you know, there was definite we broke some some barriers and broke some records that episode. And what does my girl say? I wrote that one, that episode. And it was it was just she was and she was good. She knew she her timing was great, I would say.
Kerry Washington and then Drake, the Drake episodes where were fun.
And then Josh Groban was fun, too, for me to work with when he came on the show was I was just because it was a weird when you when you started working there and you immediately obviously took over doing the Obama impressions from Fred Armisen, was that weird being like, hey, why why have you been doing Obama?
Well, can you say is weird? Can you say it's weird? When I was on the cast for two years and I didn't I didn't even get to play Obama until 2012. It's Fred Armisen was still playing them in 2010.
Oh, this is the juicy headline. OK, cool.
Jay Pharoah was mad that he didn't get to play Obama for two years right now.
It wasn't like I said, it wasn't a it wasn't weird because they took their time with it. They didn't do it to me. You know, the show and rightfully so, like like Fred Armisen is a super talented and, you know, it could have been anything for their apprehension. It could have been. It could have been. Oh, he hasn't been he hasn't been in front of the camera that much. You could have been anything. Right, but.
I think I think things happened when they were supposed to happen now I tell you, I wish I was able to have more freedom with the Obama character when I was on the show, because I just that that that impression was something that they that they kind of locked down.
And, you know, there was no there was no room for room for kind of taking it and characterizing it, you know, because I had to call Obama back in 2010 before Jordan Pew and Michael Key came out with the anger translator. And I had brought it to SNL and they didn't want to. They they were like, well, how is that different from the rock Obama? And I said, Is mad different from the rock Obama? First of all, the rock's not playing Obama.
Second of all, it would be just like it's his subconscious. It's Barack's subconscious. Everything he can't say the rock. Obama is just throwing people around. It's totally different. It's not the same.
And we never we never got a chance to put that on the show. And Kim came out with the anger translator and they got me off. So I wish I was able to have more freedom with that character from the beginning to take it to where I wanted to take it. And, you know, and maybe I couldn't articulate, articulate it well enough. I don't know. I was twenty two, man.
Come on. You know what I mean. I got that show when I was twenty two. Right.
How does that work. Are there like speaking outside of the SNL environment, are there turf wars over like which impressions you can do. And then like if somebody else starts doing an impression that you're known for, you got beef with that guy.
You mean you're talking about on the show, right?
No, no. Outside of SNL, just like comedy in general. Look, I know there are a few people I wouldn't even say a few people. There are some folks out there who view being an impression as a competition type thing, like, oh, I got a oh, I got her. I got to compete with Yo man, I do this. Why you do it? I'm not that person.
I don't give two shits if you do what Denzel Washington impression or if you do a cataclysmic pressure or if you do a Jazy impression, because first of all, I know that I know that my skill set is so it's it's so elevated that you're not going to be able to touch you.
Second of all, even if you do one better than me, I still have like 200 other words. So it's not that I don't feel ownership to any of my impressions because I'm more than that. I'm an actor, a comedian and a rapper who can do impressions. And from that narrative and from that aspect in that regard, you as an artist will not take any money away from me. If you do the same thing, because I have my fan base and I know my skill set, I'm confident of myself.
And and there's no point for me to go back and forth with you unless we're unless we're on Instagram live and I'm with my friends, that we just have fun and we're going back and forth for depression because I've done that. We've done that. But there's no there's no animosity with it. There's not like you you do get mad. You do do you do none of that shit. And for people who think like that, those people have probably still been in the same position for years.
Yeah, yeah. What about if someone comes along and does a Jay Pharoah impression doing a Barack Obama impression?
Now we've got a problem. I mean, that's called impression. It sets in and also can be called a long time to it. But either way, I hope that happens one day. I hope there's somebody who's able to do an impression of me. Not a fact. No, there's already that. Yeah. Yeah. Already people who do impressions of me doing impressions and they have literally told me this, you you can watch the video like Denzel Washington.
Does it say, all right, OK, two million tops. That is something that I took an exaggerated and now everybody for Denzel template is all right, OK, my man, my N-word and do the face.
I wrote the book. We wrote the blueprint. I think when I do Denzel, I think I am doing an impression of you now that I think about it. I just say, come on, Jake, come on.
Jake, I just what? I just over and over again.
But I'm pretty sure that's based on your impression of them.
It's definitely man is spot on to spot everything. Spot on from the left. Everything. Yeah.
I just came up with a billion dollar idea, by the way, where you're talking a second ago, you should do a rap album, but every song is you doing a different celebrity's voice.
Rapping That song already happening. OK, all right. Wait, so you did you get. Have you ever been called out by someone who you met, didn't wanna call you out at his own wedding about impressions?
He called me Kanye called me on the phone personally. But when he did the Made of America Festival back in 2014 and I had just done the MTV Awards, he got on stage and said, I can't shake Pharrell.
It told him about his depression.
He didn't do that. He called me up and he talked to me.
He literally had a conversation about himself to himself. And I sat there the whole time.
Did you do the Kanye voice back to him? Because that would have been incredible. Hell, no. I knew it was back to him, as they should if people got. I know.
Hell, no, I know it. Yeah, I'll probably go. Look, I am not a person unless the person asked me to do the impression I'm not going to do it like, yo, man. Hey, Jay, I got a sick impression of you. Not right now, no. So Kanye called me and he talked about himself fifteen minutes and he went off and that was it. And then I saw him again at the SNL forty you.
And he said, I remember him, he was with Kim Kardashian and it was me, Michael Che, and it was my agent Adam. June of this year and we were sitting and conversing with Kanye and all. And two minutes into the conversation, he breaks off and just goes, OK, Kim are going to go fuck, good bye.
Oh, all right.
I was like, well, well, you know, I well, you know, Kim, I've seen her foot, but, you know, it was just so it was so weird and obscure.
But people like that man, you know, you know, she's got Kanye has got a couple of of mental disorders. He spoke about this. I'm not joking about this. I'm just saying you just have to be careful with how what how you talk to folks who are not stable. Sometimes I didn't know what state of mind he was in. Yeah, I was listening. So I wasn't I wasn't in. No. Oh, let me do an impression.
Let me let me make jokes. That wasn't even that because I was surprised he was calling me in the first place. I don't even know how he got my number and found out I did it. And then the producers, SNL told me they gave him my number. I was like, oh, OK. All right. Well, I know I know not to give certain people my address.
Yes, yes, yes. I had one last SNL question. It was maybe the most relatable moment of your SNL career. And it wasn't a sketch. It was at the end of the show when Scarlett Johansson ruined the Mayweather Pacquiao fight for you and you visibly, I assume you had it on DVR and you were like, what the fuck? Like, I was saving that for after this. Is that what it was? You were saving it. What happened during that time?
What was it? Yeah, she I think I did I not know who won.
Well, she goes she goes up and she's at the end. She's like, all right, thank you, everyone. And she's like, and congratulations to Floyd Mayweather, who apparently won. And you're just like, oh, fuck, are you serious? And you like this?
I believe I remember I remember that moment and I remember seeing it back. And I remember Wiz Khalifa putting both hands on his face like Macaulay Culkin home alone. So, yeah, I remember being frustrated. I don't know if I was frustrated because I put money on it and I lost. I was frustrated that that now I knew the outcome of what I was going to watch afterwards. But either way, Scarlett Johansson, it ruined the moment and I didn't want to know it.
And I think that's why I was pissed off. I think I think I didn't want to know if she said it. And I was just like, God damn it. Yeah. And the money probably to somebody that's a messed up thing for her to do, though. Like just minutes after the fight in. Yes. She's on live TV.
You got to have more self awareness than that.
Yeah, but for somebody who doesn't watch somebody who doesn't watch sports, it probably isn't in that world. It doesn't matter. Yeah. I mean, you if somebody told me the results of the Tyson fight with Roy Jones Junior, who fought like, oh, all right, don't got knocked up, I'd be pissed off. Yeah. If I didn't watch it. You know, I'm. Yeah. Absolon, I could not put somebody who probably watches.
I don't know what Scarlett Johansson watches, but she doesn't look she looks like she watches you on Netflix.
Yes. Yes, she loses.
I want to know I can't get mad at somebody who don't know who's not a fan and just innocently said some shit that's like a little kid passing gas in front of you. You can't hold it butt cheeks together. Yeah, it almost like your grandfather shitting on. So he's got a weak ass cheek. He can do anything. You need to just yell at you to yelling at everyone. That's my dad is obsessed with not watching commercials. So like if I call him, he'll pick up the phone and be like, don't tell me what happened in this game or that that game.
Like, he'll say that before I could say anything because he's got shit devoured for weeks at an event like, you know, like he's watching shit a week ago because he doesn't want to watch commercials. So you need to start doing that just walking around being like, don't tell me what happened. By the way, the Tyson the Tyson fight, I can tell you right now I'm going to spoil it for you. It's going to suck. And we're all going to pay way too much money to watch two old dudes go around the ring and throw jabs at each other.
Hey, as long as somebody gets as long as somebody gets knocked down and I'm not as pissed off as I was when I was watching Conor McGregor versus Mayweather, I'm be freaking fine. Yeah, that to me was like it would have been more interesting watching Floyd Mayweather fight a dictionary and fight and fight and Carnamah. Great.
Well, so the good news about that fight for us personally is we both were there. And when we walked into the stadium, being fucking idiots, we were walking in and the beer guy outside who was clearly like trying to just get idiots like us to buy more beer, started saying last call as we were walking in. So we just started chugging and got so fucking drunk that the fight was awesome for us. And then the next day we're like, wait, we're in Vegas.
There is no fucking like it was seven p.m. in Las Vegas on a Saturday night. We better stock up before you drink up so much before the fight, we thought it was the greatest fight ever.
And the next day I was like, that fight sucked. Like nothing really happened. Like we we thought it was sick.
Dude, I was there too. Oh, OK. I was there. It was a moment that happened there, I would say made me immortal to my father. I was sitting about six rows from about six rows from the rain. Right. Six rows from the rain. LeBron James walks in. LeBron James is big as fuck you, six, eight. You can't miss him, right? Literally, if you don't if you throw a ball that LeBron James, you missed it.
You have something wrong with you. You know, I'm saying he's a big deal. He walks down the aisle.
He comes to me, he says, hey, he goes, What's up, J. He walks away. My dad was like this.
And he was like, LeBron James, just talk to you.
I was like, Yeah, man, I know. It was like I was like, you're so cute.
That's awesome. We had the same thing happen to us. We were sitting next to Barry Pepper in front of Barry in front of Barry Pepper. We couldn't remember his name. So we both turned around, were like, dude, remember when you killed all the Nazis? And he's like, Yeah, yeah.
And they're like, OK, cool. That was great, Big Mama. Yeah, it's the same thing.
And you tell you bronze and you bronze, you bronze. Just snap back Kat from that day and also your whole outfit and all of that. And the ticket that was like the ticket I think was like a hundred dollars itself. It had holograms and sit on it and. Yeah, but that was that's one that was a fun night.
I saw on your Wikipedia page that, well, it looks like all the impressions and shit that you do, but there was one that stood out because I don't think I've ever heard it. You do a stone cold Steve Austin impression. Oh, yeah.
That seems like it'd be a very fun impression to do, just like randomly, not even like four people, but just like four friends just to get a crowd go just get a room, like, amped up and energized.
Give me a I'll get what I want me a hell. Yeah. You set up a bench, right. Some better take your ass stone coats down. You know what? That's pretty darn good.
I was such a wrestling fan when I was a kid. I used to three of them. It was stone cold. It was the rock that was the rock was the one who stole the rock and Triple H. When I tell you the amount of trash, I talked to the wrong people. It was it was it will blow you. I told my deacon in church to know his role is shut his mouth, and I was going to take the Bible, turn this sideways and shove it up his candy yams.
He thought he told my parents. I said as well. I said, I guess the same thing. You talk about taking the Bible, turn it sideways and shove it up somebody's candy. Yams. Oh, I guess watch it smack down for the rest of the year was a good punishment. That's what I had to go through. My mother took my television out of my room and I couldn't watch Smackdown for a year. And mind you, we didn't have cable at the time, so that was holy shit.
OK, you watch it. My mom took that from me. Yeah.
OK, so that's your most relatable moment, because we're around the same age and I've conservatively estimated that there was a stretch there, probably from like ninety seven to ninety nine that I stone-Cold stunned, like every single person that I encountered straight like think it was like an issue like you just keep stoning people for no reason. They're like 90 percent of my friends have been suspended for discussing a print.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. We're in like seventh and eighth grade. You're just like no idea what was. I mean. I mean, suck it when it's sucking me. I'm Dexatrim like you don't you don't think that far in advance.
But yeah, principals principles did not like it's I actually is probably though like our generation there should to be a study about like the attitude era on like nine to 13 year olds in that time frame and how we probably all have a great sense of humor because we go around telling each other to suck each other's cock.
Do you know how many times I three D or three D people, you know, it kind of got bad with three D the wrong person.
They went, they went to class. We made so we know but we pretty some prolific folks. And when I tell you what I what I tell you every day, we did it on hard surfaces like we I we three people on the on the exam for example. Yeah. It's hard, it's hard to do anything, you know. So I'm surprised I didn't get in more fights when I was a kid. Yeah. Because reading the shit out of people we can yell, oh yeah.
There's a mistake or a mistake to come here.
I did a Bronco buster on somebody my freshman year of football. It was like during two days my coaches had some questions because they didn't watch WWE. They didn't know what it looked like. I was just wiping my ass on a. Oh, shit. So good. It's so good. God damn it. It's so good.
Jay, I had. So everyone's got to go watch. Jay's got a million move. He's the only one who's making movies right now. Two minutes of fame out. All right. Now how to figure out right now. Bad hair coming out October. Twenty third. I had one last question. It's zip recruiter question. Go right now. Zip recruiter takes care of your zip recruiting or recruiting. Right now you can try zip recruiter for free at zip recruiter outcome take.
All right. So we've had Kevin Hart on the show and I have a I brought up something to him that he denies, but I know it's real because I think I saw a clip. There was a deleted scene in one of his movies where he had the line. I just found it out of my heart, OK? I remember it because I remember watching it being like, this is the fucking dumbest, but funniest line ever. Can you just please for me, just do the Kevin Hart impression and say, I just started out of my heart.
He screamed it at.
Listen, I got to tell you, first of all, first of all, I just wanted out of that's all I needed. That's all I needed. Because now I could just be like, no, it's here. Here we go. Just play it. I might make that my ringtone. I don't even know if they have ringtones anymore. Do Eikon. Yeah, that's true.
I had one last thing because one of the funniest things to watch and you talked about growing up in a certain part of southeastern Virginia with all the rich white guys. Right. So everybody watching, watching Dave Chappelle, Richard Pryor, and I'll say probably Eddie Murphy, those were the three guys I think do the very funniest, corny white dude voice impressions between those three. Who do you think is number one?
She's man, I would say. I would say now, just because he just because he's still doing it, I would say it's between Eddie Murphy and Dave Chappelle, but Dave Chappelle, he wears because he's active. Eddie Murphy was actively doing standup right now.
I would say his, you know, sort of a little bit. But to answer your question, the person who has the best white guy voice is me, motherfucker. I have too many voices I can do, John Mulaney.
I'm loving it. Like, listen, I have the best white guy voice and I'm going to take the crown at my expense. I kid you not.
I love it. It's such an easy way to make me laugh every time I hear that. It's just so fucking funny. Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. Well, Jay, there's been awesome and we really appreciate it. Everyone go watch these new movies. Like I said, you're the only one who's making movies. So you got to you're going to just get everyone to watch it, which is going to be great. I'm actually this is now perfect for me because I've been looking for something to watch.
So I'm definitely going to check out two minutes of fame this weekend. But thank you, man. We really appreciate it. Thanks for having me on, guys.
And also, we'll cut the part where you said you hate SNL and Lorne Michaels can go fuck himself, right?
Exactly what I said.
All right, man, thanks so much for that interview, which was brought to you by three by three.
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All right, let's finish up the show. We have a little talking soccer. Messi is requesting a transfer and it looks like Man United is going to be the place.
We talked about that last week. I think, you know, he was saying menu or. Yeah, he said he officially requested the transfer today. The transfer request has been put in. Yeah. Messy breakup.
Yes, I, I guess I'm gonna have to be a menu fan. Well, we're going to follow Messi wherever he goes. It sucks.
I don't want to be, but I, I am a messy guy.
Marouane If you're Ronaldo fan, Ronaldo can never pull off a song like a loser. Imagine Ronaldo trying to leave in a contract.
Cristiano won a Champion's League with Real Madrid and then left just saying so.
Messi won a Champions League with Barca. I just saw questioning.
Ronaldo is trending trending and I was the first tweet I saw that he wanted. He won a championship and then bounced. Was that good or bad? I don't know. I see a lot of memes like this guy said how Cristiana left Real Madrid and it's him, you know, going out on top says how Messi really can't do everything.
Listen, Bayern Cristiano Ronaldo, Real Madrid, repeat champion with a little Cristiano Ronaldo shrug.
Yeah, he probably they probably were all pikas that he kicked PKC like headers from the six. Yeah. Why can't you find out how many putts mess? He's probably got like a billion.
He's got a bunch of everything except for cups.
Yeah. He's got a billion of those of those champions leagues.
Right. How fast do you think MLS team could win the MLS? What is it, the MLS Cup if Messi was on their team just adding Messi on two days.
Yeah. To the long season last year. The MLS back now and then they're starting again in September, a week tops.
He's got four Champions League titles. Suck on that. I don't know how many Messara Ronaldo has. I probably walked into it there, but I don't care.
But probably half those are Gareth Bale's. Yeah, true. Exactly.
So four and then he's got six Copa del Rays. Does Ronaldo have any of those. I don't think so. Ten La Liga titles.
Should I keep going. Keep going. I want a club record. Thirty three trophies. He's got six European golden shoes. How many.
How many islands. He's only he's only on his taxes, his taxes more than Ronaldo. He's better at cheating.
He got away with cheating on taxes for longer than Ronaldo did. Hmm. All right.
So Renaldo has won two, three, four golden booties and Messi has won two, three, four, five, six accountabilities.
Fuck, yeah. His bitch suck our dicks, Renaldo, you bitch. You might get killed for this.
Oh, no. Soccer fans are crazy, man. Can you imagine how many golden boots that Messi would have if he was?
Ronaldo says Ronaldo probably wouldn't even have won if you wouldn't have soccer anymore.
Definitely it would have been like UConn women's basketball. It would just be as messy, bad for football, just ruined the whole thing. All right.
I was talking soccer, Billy.
Anything that we missed on your sheet before we get to guys on chicks, Krispy Kreme worker runs donut through Glazer 25 times, creates monstrous woman accidentally dies cat yellow eye.
That wasn't an accident. Don't you think that that's a fetish? You just want a yellow cat.
You want to you want to eat your cat like a peep show judge.
Mystery radio, radio signal from space. That's one hundred fifty seven day cycle. Just woke up right on schedule. It's the same thing keeps happening.
Yeah. No fancy half the. She's just no fans. That's a bummer.
All right. Yeah. Cool, good. She's all right guys on chicks. Let's finish up the show. Some big cat. Pfft.
Honkin your intern who definitely doesn't use steroids. My boyfriend's sister at the start of Cornton got bored and decided to get to baby ducks to take care of the first few weeks. They're really small and cute, but now they're fully grown adult ducks. My boyfriend got them a big swimming pool so they can swim around and it's pretty nice. We've determined one is a male and one is a female because of their different sounding quack's and their size. When we toss them in the pool, the big duck will try to get one.
We'll try to get on the back of the small duck and try to meet. But at the same time, the male will hold the females head underwater to try and drown it. Yeah, when we first saw this, my boyfriend said to me, this is what I'm going to do to you if you like it like that. At first I thought he was kidding, but then he sent me a few pictures of large bathtubs and a questionmark and he keeps trying to see if I want to come with him in the neighborhood pool.
Do you think he's being serious? Should I be concerned?
Yeah, run away. I'd say run far away and quickly. Our resident, Steve Irwin, do you have anything to say, paltry or tricky?
I recently got some chicks and they do grow out of their chicks stage and just don't think shame. I don't know if this is a crying shame situation, ducks are very rapee animals, are they? Yeah. Oh yeah, of course. Drew penises. Yeah, that's how they got their genitalia and an arms race against each other in evolution.
Oh, wow. The males have, of course, your opinions. It sounds like it's an arms race against itself, though, because as soon as your dick gets to corkscrew, you can't fuck anymore. That's probably why the male ducks are so pissed off.
Well, they have to deal with the crooked ass Weiner duck vaginas are like Mays's because they're trying to like it's an arms race literally between male vaginas and stuff.
All right. You know, you know a lot about animal vaginas, Billy. I'll give Billy cool. Really, really cool with evolution.
There should be and you should be an option for animals. Exactly. Mm hmm. Hey, boys. Especially Cake and Henry, so. Oh, up cake and donuts. Cake.
I had enough till I've seen some guys cross her legs and some guys don't. So I've always presumed guys who cross the legs have smaller packages. Am I just reading way too far into this or does that play a factor in it. Some guys just find it comforting and some not enjoy it. Thanks.
Well, I have a small dick and I do cross my legs, so I guess guilty as charged over here.
I think sometimes it can. It's just awesome to cross your legs. Sometimes if I'm wearing shorts, I'll try to cross my legs sometimes because I want to put on a show.
I also think it's it's a fat thing. Like if I'm sitting, I'm sitting like this. It's just the fat. It's like the fat show. Where is this? It's like, who knows? He's got his knee in front of his fat. Yeah. You know what, like half of being a guy is just learning to deal with the fact that your balls are always uncomfortable no matter what. I've never no one ever has a good balls day.
Oh, I disagree on that. No, I would much rather my balls the internal I've had balls, good balls days. They just get in the way. No, but you'll like it. Like if you're like in a pair of basketball shorts and it's like, you know, 85 degrees, maybe a free ball and good ball day. The only time can have a good one. A good balls showing for me is just if my balls make my dick look big at that particular time.
But like when you're, when you're when it's like nice and warm out and your balls have a nice size to them and they're just kind of hanging out. You don't. You're in the basketball shorts, maybe a breeze. There's definitely good balls days. It's tough at work, but there's good balls.
This hit flexibility, hip flexibility is what I think the reason why some people cross like some don't.
So is it bad or. I have bad hip flexibility. I don't cross my legs. I also have good hip flexibility. Exactly. Nice.
I have recently contracted covid-19 and one of my symptoms I can't taste or smell at all drinking coffee and tequila and I can't taste or smell it at all. Would you say that is a good time for me to start eating a lot of ass? I have never eaten, but I feel like it's the perfect time.
Oh, did you have the CDC said don't eat as if you have Corona. I can't remember what the guidelines were. I don't think they said do eat us. I don't recall that being distributed.
It would be the time to like I would imagine if you can't taste or smell anything, if your partner likes it, then once your stock was back, you fucked.
Just start making sure nice videos eat like a shitload of glue.
Yeah, you can drink the nastiest stuff. Do people don't talk about you nice enough that dude take presenter. How does he do that. And is his eyes are beautiful.
You know she NICE's Billy you know who you know. Steve will do it as I know she's nice once like ADA holding a toilet paper, he eats everything.
He's it's incredible. That kid. That kid. Yeah. No I think yeah. He presented to take your word. Yeah. But he's also one of those guys that like if he dies, who cares. Because he's been eating just random shit for like it's not not who cares. I didn't mean to Stanley. I'm their child. Like for instance. I meant if Chewiness dies, no one's going to be like wonder how he died. It'd be really disappointing to find out that she's nice guy at like 97 years old.
He's fallen asleep.
No, he just eat. No, he died at ninety seven years old, choking on a tortilla chip. He like the ultimate irony.
I ate like seventy five quarters once. I don't think that's how he'd want to go anyways. God sho nice.
We should do a deep dive on Shuni sometime. We should have him on.
You must have been like the most popular kid at his elementary school lunch tables. I just googled shoe size shoe.
Nice to Elmir glutes. Yes. Those are, those are, those are the ones that always stuck out to me.
We should get them on. Should we get you guys on. Yeah sure. Nice is too nice. I'm going to read the most recent Shuni seats. Three lit cigarettes shenise drinks rubbing alcohol. Yeah. This guy is what she likes. Eats a stuffed bunny ears. Should I eat a bar of soap. Elmer's glue isn't that dangerous.
It says non-toxic, legis, non-toxic like I swallow's his ear buds.
Oh you'll be sick if you swallow it. But then he just left the sound on so you could hear it digested. Yeah. Bluetooth. Yeah. You make the call and then you have to hear him shitting it out. Oh my God.
Sure. Nice way to go, dude. Good to see you out there doing all right.
Last one. Try to get my boyfriend to dress up as you. Guys for Halloween, but he refuses to be big cat on our dog is the great week, then why? Why is this?
He and I love the show and he has never spoken poorly of anyone except Billy, sometimes named Tony to dress up as Billy, a Kirk Cousins jersey dressed up as me. I know that. Maybe put a pillow underneath and slap on a mustache. Yeah, just do it.
Your boyfriend sucks. Wow. But I don't think he sucks. I think. I think she picked it, said Billy. Sometimes I maybe.
Oh, maybe, maybe he doesn't want to dress up like me because he knows that if he dresses up like me and then he fucks pfft. That will ruin the podcast forever.
I disagree. I would fuck me. Yeah.
If you guys listen. Do you think the podcast better this way to go. Buffalo Bill. Would you fuck me. Fuck me. These people if you would like, you can sign up for our main parties only fans and we'll make it not weird for you.
I love you guys. Billy, you have any closing thoughts for us?
Someone asked for a poll the other day of, like, how many people turn this off, turn off Billy's closing thoughts because he said he was like because I absolutely do out of principle.
I really think we should start doing this.
It's the easiest thing in the world. Just happened. Like one thing to talk about. Could you imagine being like, hey, twenty one year old, you have the ability to talk on the biggest sports podcast out there. And then he's like, it's a lot of pressure. I don't feel like it.
What are you going to say to Jim Florentin today? I just thought, you know, again, just the jackpot. Fifteen hundred dollars. Download the Playboy slot. Wow.
Good job. I love you guys when you get Jake. Mike. We talk. Don't know what to say. Today's modern day. It seems to me to be safe than sorry. It's hard of my team for school sports.