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On today's part of my take, we have our good friends Ryan Whitney and Kirk Minahan in studio to talk some masters. What we like this weekend, just the, the pomp and circumstance of Augusta. Great time with those guys. We are going to talk about some death. We're going to talk about the masters first round. We also have a new coach at Kentucky. We have some details on the Shohei case, and then we have a fyre fest. You're not going to want to miss. You can miss it. You're not gonna want to miss it if you are someone.

Well, if we're doing power rankings of this episode, a part of my take, I've got Hank as my sleeper.

Yeah, big time sleeper. Also, if you are just someone who likes to watch Hank suffer, the new PMTV is out as well. So fire fest and new PMTV is kind of your super bowl. Either way. Let's get to the show presented by DraftKings. An action packed fight card is taking over Las Vegas for UFC 300 and DraftKings sportsbook, the official sports betting partner. UFC is giving new customers a shot to turn $5 into $150 instantly in bonus bets with any UFC bet. Let's pull up the UFC bets this weekend. UFC 300 is going to be incredible. Awesome, awesome card. Big Ev was talking to us about it. I'm going to throw out one right here. Uh, you know what? Holly Holm is back. She's a big underdog, plus 320. Oh, my guy. I. Listen, he's not, he's, he's a very, very big favorite. But you can. I'm sure you can get creative on the DraftKings sports with Bo Nicholas Electric if you don't know him. Penn State wrestler. Awesome, awesome UFC fighter. So go download the DraftKings sportsbook app and use code take. New customers can bet $5 to get $150 instantly in bonus bets.

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And then a lot of work to be done no place to hang out or washing and then I can't blame all on the sun oh no we gonna rock down to Electric Avenue and then we'll take it higher oh, we.

Gonna round down to electric it's pardon my take presented by martial sports.

Welcome to part of my take presented by DraftKings Sportsbook. Use code take right now and you can bet $5, get $150 instantly in bonus bets only at DraftKings sportsbook with code take. Today is Friday, April 12, and this is the first part of my take without OJ Simpson as a listener.

How about that?

Long time Awl OJ Simpson, big time.

Remember when we almost interviewed him? Yeah, he was getting let out of prison for the, for the memorabilia.

I think we've told this story, but PfT and I were approached and told that there was an ad deal where we would literally be in a van picking him up from prison. And we both were like, we usually.

Don'T know where the line is. That was a pretty clear line to me.

It never got to the point. It never. It was. It was just a thought started that was presented to us. So it never got to the point where we could officially say no. But we were definitely leaning like, I don't think this is the best.

That episode would be doing numbers right now.

Yeah, we might. We might have. If it had gotten official, we. We might have done it.

Yeah, because it.

Remember. No, no, I. It was presented to us, but it never got to the point where we're like, you got to give us a yes or no. If we had gotten to that point, we might have said yes.

I don't think we. I think we shut it down pretty quick, if I remember, because we were like, you know what?

Let someone else.

He is a murderer.

Yeah, let's do it.

Listen, we'll have Dan Bilzerian on.

Yeah.

He hasn't killed anyone that we know of, but OJ says OJ was a bridge too far for us. The big news is it's finally okay to donate to cancer curing charities now.

Again. Yes.

Because now there's no chance that money goes to help OJ.

OJ. Yeah.

And so, yeah, it was, it was. It's weird because OJ Simpson, there's not many deaths, especially, you know, people that are getting up there in age where you're like, oh, shit. But OJ Simpson is. Oh, shit. Like, oh, OJ died. And guess what? The best part. Well, yeah, the best part of his death.

I can't pick just one.

Okay, but here's one.

Okay.

If you tune into the fire fest today, you actually get to hear Hank's reaction. That's true to OJ's death. Cause he didn't find out for about 8 hours after.

8 hours after.

8 hours after.

You got to break the news to Hank Live. And he pulled the Donald Trump. What's this? What's this you're saying?

I haven't heard of that. It's the first I've heard of this.

It was great. It was a great moment for the show. I actually found out from Jeff D low this morning because I was doing something on my computer, I was doing some paperwork and Jeff texted me and it was like 20 minutes before the news became official. And it just said, did OJ die? And I was like, what? And he's like, look at his Twitter. I unfortunately am blocked by OJ Simpson on Twitter. So not access that.

We got to get you unblocked, speaker one.

But I get.

Yeah, you know what, now that he's dead, I'd like, I'd like his corpse to unblock me. But I guess he broke his Twitter broke the news, right?

Yeah, yeah.

His Twitter broke the news. And Jeff D. Low is our resident black and white picture, like, you know, in memoriam guy.

Yeah.

Did he have one ready to go for.

I think he had one ready to go for. I think he has one ready to go for all of us, which is pretty crazy. Somewhere in those files. Say what you will about OJ, but he was a way, way better football player than person.

Yes, yes.

Not even close.

Absolutely.

I'd say Hernandez, OJ Simpson, two guys you can definitively say that about.

Way better at football.

So much better.

So, so much better.

Yards in 14 games.

Yeah.

But you know what I realized after OJ died? The Bills haven't made the Super bowl since he committed double murder. That was the year that 1994. The Bills play in the Super Bowl.

1990.

Did you have the Super Bowls lined up? Right, like which year?

I believe it was in the year 1994.

I like this.

OJ killed his wife and Ron Goldman in 1994. Bills have not been back to the Super bowl. This might be good things for the Bills, unless.

Good thing for the Bill.

Do you think there's any chance the Bills have a helmet sticker that says OJ on it for next year?

I would say no, probably not. I would say no. That feels like that's not gonna happen.

Probably not. I wonder if cancer will get acquitted of murder in this case.

Yeah.

All right.

Yeah.

So, yeah, 19.

Yeah.

My birthday, 1994 was the bill's last Super bowl.

Mm hmm.

And then the murder was 1994. Sometime in 94.

Yes.

Summer 94.

Yeah.

Wow. Okay, so see you, OJ.

See ya.

Peace, man.

Moment of silence for OJ. Not roasted him.

Yeah.

And then. Yeah, this was a. Twitter was having a way with it.

Yeah.

June 12, 1994. Okay, so, yeah, I think.

I think the word. I think the word.

I haven't played a football season like, it was. They hadn't even played the next football right after the last time. Yeah.

The word complicated was trending on Twitter for a little bit today because everyone was struggling to figure out a word to frame. Cause you don't wanna make fun of the dead or you don't wanna insult the dead. Excuse me, if you're a reputable news source. So all these places were saying, OJ Simpson, a complicated man with a complicated legacy.

Yeah, yeah.

Just say that. Just say what we said. Way better football player than person.

He's so good at football.

Which always, we've said it before, but it is very funny whenever someone says any of that with the other way around.

Yeah.

Like the JJ Watt is a better person than he's a football player.

No, he's.

He's one of the best football players of all time.

So good at football.

He's incredible.

His brother is almost a better football player than he is a person. Yeah, he puts one. Two more seasons together.

No, the perfect will Compton is a better person than he was a football player.

Oh, 100%.

Yeah, it's the easy. Yeah, that's easy. All right. Other things we got. We got a lot. Masters. Bryson.

One more. One more thing with OJ.

Yeah.

Um.

People are asking me about it, so I'll address it right here. I got into a little tiff with Jose Canseco online, and it was because when OJ died, I said, rip to OJ Simpson. Heaven just got a great running back. Jose Canseco was like, wait a second. OJ is not in heaven?

Yeah.

Did you mean hell?

Good one, Jose. Using that brain ears.

Can't get anything by him.

No.

Smart guy. So he called me out on it, and I just roasted him. I made fun of Jose Canseco. And then he came back at me, put up a picture of me looking awesome in jinko jeans. He thought he was owning.

The other picture was awesome, too.

Yeah, the other picture was great. Had a full head of hair. It was young and spry. Richie incognito on my shoulder. And then I told him to shut the fuck up, bitch. And then he said that he would kick my ass. I reminded him that Billy football beat the fuck out of him. Facts in about 20 seconds. Excuse me, congressman. Billy football beat the fuck out of him. About 20 seconds. He wants to get in the ring with me, and I'll just. I'll give you some facts real quick about Jose Canseco. Yeah, he's not allowed to fight.

No.

By decree of the state of West.

Virginia and also by the decree of barstool sports, he's looking.

His fat ass is looking for a payday because he's out of cash right now.

He literally is. Like, he looked at his calendar, was like, oh, shit, I'm going to just try to beef with someone at barstool again and get some money.

His fat old ass is protected by the same laws that govern your ability to not hunt out of season or to, like, beat up a puppy.

Yeah.

That's in the eyes of the state of West Virginia. His health is so bad that he is a protected class of citizens. Yeah, you can't touch and is not allowed to fight.

Elder abuse.

He got cut off in West Virginia from fighting.

Yeah.

That's very, very hard to do.

Very hard.

Getting cut off at the bar in Dublin.

Yeah.

So, you know, as far as OJ go.

Excuse me.

As far as Jose goes, I saw Frank the tank get involved in a little bit.

Yeah.

Well, there are enemies.

I think Frank the tank will be my champion in this fight. If it does go to that level, I'll have Frank kick his ass.

Yeah.

Anyone could. And also, we can't, because we're never going to pay him another dollar.

Not another dime.

Fight. I'm back. All right. Masters. Bryson DeChambeau is back. Leads the Masters after one round minus seven. Although we haven't played the whole first round. Max Homer could still lead the Masters.

Mac Max shot four under in the front nine, and he got screwed by the wind. He got screwed by the wind and the sun.

Yeah.

Today, all the elements coming after Max. And he's. He's in shape. He's in good shape. He's never shot four under, I think, in his. In a round, and August on the front nine. So this. He's off to the best start of his career.

He is.

And it's. We'll get into it more with. With Whitney and Kirk, but I think we're. I'm at the point now where, like, I like seeing Bryson back in the mix because we, you know, Brooks squashed the beef, so as we have to respectfully squash the beef as well. Bryson also feels like he's, you know, maybe changed a little bit, loosened up a little bit. He did have a funny quote, though, talking about, like, everyone who's been in his corner. He said, it's been really awesome to see how I can affect a lot of people's lives. Junior golfers lives, middle aged men, even if they're coming out shouting, thanks for the content. Appreciate what you do online. Do you? There's no way someone shouted, appreciate what you do online.

I think he's got a pretty active YouTube channel.

I watch.

I watch his videos. Appreciate what you do online. I get, thanks for the content. I get. You think someone yelled, appreciate what you do online? Yeah.

Okay.

Start saying that to you guys now, as they should.

That's fine.

Yeah, yeah.

I feel like that's a lot of. That's a lot of words that you wouldn't really shout usually. You should be like, yo, thanks. A big fan.

So, as good of a golfer as Bryson is, as much as he's accomplished on the course, hearing, thanks for the content. Appreciate what you do online. Has to hit a little bit different.

Oh, yeah.

Than all that. Then like, hey, I love your game. No, thanks for the content. You're like, yeah, this guy gets me.

Yeah.

So I put Bryson in that camp of he's making. He makes people mad and he's interested an opinion about him. So it's going to make the game more interesting.

Yeah, he is.

I don't want him to win, but it would be interesting if he stuck around.

I want him in the mix. We also had Scottie Scheffler, who's always in the mix, looking incredible as always. He's minus six. Second place. The steel.

This. The.

The person who stole the show today was Jason days pants. Yeah, Jason days parachute pants. They look like they came right out of Max's closet.

You guys don't know fashion. Jason Day knows fashion.

That's fact.

I like this from him, by the way, because everyone's going one way. Everyone's getting the tight pants, the inseam, all that shit. He's going the opposite way. Throwback. He looks like he's about to be drafted in the 2003 NBA draft. I like.

Did you guys see Tigers pants from, like, 1997? Yeah, they were like that, too.

Yeah.

When he was at the peak of his power.

We're not.

We're not this baggy pants are what.

Is in right now with the young kids.

Hey. Right?

The company that he signed with, Melbourne golf, has. Has sick, sick gear.

But wait, isn't Jason day, like, our age?

He's cool, though.

36. He is cool.

But he just, like, signed the payroll deal with this company who's like the nice. The hot gear company.

Okay, so we got to get baggy pants.

Already got some.

Yeah, I already got it. Got a couple pair.

Shit.

All right. I never pants it up.

Never really got into skinny jeans that much.

Well, yeah, why would. Yeah, I think every. I'll speak for myself. I've attempted, and they never made it out of my house. I remember I've actually. I think I've done it twice where I've bought, like, black skinnyish jeans, put them on, and. And then immediately threw him out.

Yeah.

Didn't even make him out of my bedroom because I was like, what are you doing, dude? You ever have those moments where you're like, I'm gonna do something I haven't done my entire life with fashion? And then you almost immediately like, yeah, that's why I haven't done it.

Doesn't work for me.

Does not work for me. Will not work. Like, I can't win with it.

Yeah, there.

Can't do it.

I think that certain fads out there, certain trends are just set up as a joke by the industry to be like, we'll see what these suckers will pay for and start wearing. I think the entire skinny jeans movement was like, that. You can't look. In my opinion, you can't look tough wearing skinny jeans.

Yeah.

Like watching King Vaughn videos and he's wearing skinny jeans. I'm like, I could take that guy.

Yeah, you gotta have middle of the road jeans. The other one I do is the. Remember the fad with the, like, really thin fabric shirts? Like, t shirts? That one didn't work either.

What was that, Hank?

I wasn't expecting a King von reference.

He wore skinny jeans.

He wore skinny jeans, Hank.

You know, I just didn't know you were familiar with.

Oh, we know.

Yeah.

With the lore.

You think I don't know about. Oh, block we.

You don't think we know about that shit?

Let me tell you true story real quick.

Hey, it's good.

Yeah. All right, so.

Yeah, and then Tiger looked okay. Although now he's got to play 25 holes. He looked three holes.

He looked pretty good. But like a lot of the golfers that teed off later in the day, they got fucked over by the weather, because when they started, they started a little bit late. Right?

Yeah.

So the first guys that went out there, they got the nice, soft greens. The real, real.

It wasn't as windy.

Wasn't as windy. Then the wind comes in, dries out a little bit. I don't think that we're going to see minus sixes, minus sevens tomorrow.

Yeah, I think so. We need. And Brooks was. Brooks is fine. Brooks is fine.

He's good.

He's even through, like, ten. He's gonna be fine.

John Rahm didn't look great today, but Scottie Scheffler does just look like it's. It's a destiny. Yeah, it looks like he is locked in on all accounts.

We just want. I just want a really good ending. And also, everyone who bet on Xander Schofley, which was literally everyone in America, not the best start. He was the guy who everyone. I probably got that tip 100 times. Xander Schofley. I think he went from, like, 20 to one to, like, 14 to one.

You think Brooks was pissed off that everything got delayed so much today?

Yeah.

It's like the weather was one big.

For sure.

One big Patrick can't lay for him.

For sure. It was definitely. He wanted to get right to it. All right, before we do, the other two topics that we have, priceline quick word from Priceline. When it comes to travel, every family has a happy place. A five star resort with a kids club or an all inclusive by the beach. My happy place is, let's say, by a pool, summertime, some jams on doing maybe my baggy pants that I'm going to get looking cool. So wherever your happy place is, Priceline wants to get you and your family there more often. And thanks to Priceline's family friend options, you can save up to 60% on family friendly hotels. You can even sort by room type amenities like pools and get access to deals you can't find anywhere else. With Priceline, you never have to miss a trip. So download the Priceline app today and save up to 60% off family friendly hotels and go to your happy price. With Priceline, it's about to be vacation season, about to be summer. Priceline will get you the best family vacations, best deals. Go treat yourself. Summertime is right around the corner. If you got kids, you know that it's important that you get the right type of hotel, and Priceline can get that for you.

So go right now, download the Priceline app today, save up to 60% off family friendly hotels and go to your happy price with Priceline. Okay, other big story. We have a shocking, not shocking, but shockingly quick, seemingly resolution to the Shohei oh tani story. The forensic accountants I always trusted in those guys, they fucking did it. They did their work.

I don't think they have the whole story yet.

So you still think Shohei was betting?

I don't know what was going on. He might not have been betting, but I think there's some other wrinkles that might come out in this.

Okay, so the. The story comes out that epay is now going to be prosecuted, and it's also part of a prosecution of the gambling ring. So that's how this all kind of came to light. Shohei sat down for a couple interviews with the IR's, and maybe the FBI handed over his cell phone, went through his cell phone, didn't find any text messages with epay about betting. More stories come out that ePay. Essentially, when Shohei moved to America, he pay helped him open up his bank account, basically kept him isolated from his agent, from his financial advisor, because they, the IR's and everyone interviewed those people as well. And they're like, yeah, we never had access to a lot of this stuff because he pay said that Shohei wanted to be a private person, so he essentially isolated Shohei. What the story is saying he isolated him to a point where he could take advantage of him, changed his phone settings so he didn't get alerts when the bank, when there was transactions done. And then there's also the text messages that we get from epay and the bookie. I don't know. I happen to think that this guy's a scumbag and Shohei didn't do anything wrong.

But you can be skeptical. I understand the skeptic.

I'm definitely still skeptical. Nothing like, there's nothing that's been proven against Shohei right now. But if his, if his translator was just in charge of all of his shit, then they could do it without Shohei ever talking to this guy. Using electronic communication. Yeah, that's, that's what I'm saying. Like, Shohei, just because there's no text there and all the stuff was coming from his translators phone doesn't necessarily mean that show he. Now, if. Again, there's.

Hold on, though.

There's no evidence against Shohei right now.

So the. It came out that he lost $40 million. He was making, on average, 25 bets a day. If that was Shohey, there had to have been a text message about it.

There could have been.

But, like, there's always. All those things happen without at least one text message talking about gamble.

But go back to the first thing he said. He lost $40 million. The translator lost $40 million. The translator. I think he won a. He lost $182 million. Again, I go back to how is a translator able to bet win and lose that much money?

Because he's got a bookie.

Because he has a bookie. But his bookie is not extending credit to just a nobody.

Right.

I know.

He.

I understand that part. I mean, the text messages were in there of epay in the, in the bookie. And I want to say one thing real quick. 25 bets a day is not that crazy. I want to say that a lot of people were shaming that. Listen, during this college football Saturday. It's not that crazy. Gamble responsibly. Also, I read those text messages from ebay to the bookie. Let's just say I've seen those text messages before.

Yeah.

So there was one in particular.

Speaker zero.

I'll just leave it at that. I've seen those text messages where you just keep saying, I need a bump. I'm so bad at this. There is one more.

Responsibly.

It's legalized now.

There was one in particular where the report comes out on ESPN on March 20. And then Ipe texted the bookie and said, have you seen the reports? The book? He said yes, but that's all bullshit. Obviously you didn't steal from him. I understand the COVID job. I totally get it. What? Why does he think this is a cover job?

What do you mean? No, but then the windows. The next text was eBay. Yes, technically, I.

Yes, the next text was technically, I did steal from. It's all over for me. But the fact that the bookie was replying to EPA with, I understand it's a cover job. I totally get it. What in that report did he see as being the COVID job?

That he totally got that.

Do you think ebay was telling the bookmaker the entire time, like, Ohtani is bankrolling me?

Probably. He probably did. And because then there's the text of the. From the bookie to Epay saying, I don't know why you're not returning my calls. I'm here in Newport beach, and I see Ohtani walking his dog. I'm just gonna go up and talk to him and ask him how I can get in touch with you. Since you're not responding, please call me back immediately. Yeah, so he knows that this guy is linked to show hey. And he probably is like, I'm. He's gonna be good for. Cuz I can just be like, your show haze interpreter. I just the only, like, there are people with gambling addictions and that, like, it was kind of sad reading some of that. And I understand he got in way too deep. I just don't know the. The truth, which I think people trust, don't want to believe because it sucks for show. Hey, is that show hey is probably not the smartest and is too trusting.

He's definitely too trusting if this is the case.

Yeah.

So. So how would they. Why would the FBI and the IR's like, how would they be covering this up now if this was show hey. Oh, I know.

I don't think that the FBI and the IR's are covering it up. I think that it's more likely that there's a cover up between Shohei and his translator, ipe.

Right.

And the two of them, I just.

Don'T believe I waited on the two of them.

Know the truth. Nobody else does. This entire time. It was eBay's phone that had access to all of Shohei's accounts, and it was completely separated. And they never texted back and forth about bets, but. And that way, that part.

Oh, hey. Was able.

That made partani was able to do it.

No sense to me because there's just no way. If you're betting 20 if show hay is betting 25 times a day. There's just no way that he never texted him saying, hey, put this in for me.

Unless they were smart about it.

I. There's just no way. Because there's, like, Shohei would be sitting in his hotel being like, I want late action on this soccer game that's about to start. If he's betting that volume he had, like. Cause that's a volume that you can't stop. You can't be like, oh, I want to put a bet in, but I can't talk to him directly. So I like. But I know I shouldn't text, but.

As a translator, they're together all the time.

Yeah, but I'm saying, like, late night, they're sitting in a hotel or show hey's, you know, somewhere that he's not at that moment. 25 bets a day. That means you're betting everything.

Yeah.

That's the only part that, like, yeah, there would be. There'd be no chance if you were betting 25 bets a day that it was never put in text.

There's.

There's a 0% chance that the FBI is covering up for Shohei Otah.

Right. That's.

That's clear. Because if you're the FBI, if you're the department of justice, you want nothing more than to catch Shohei Ohtani in a gambling ring.

I also.

That's like, it. That's a career making case right there.

I also don't know how you could do 25 bets a day and still be good at baseball. That's a lot of work.

It's a ton of. Ton of work. But again, like, dude, they hit this guy gambled $320 million. That's for a guy that makes.

That's total.

Total. But for a guy that makes 200,000 a year at the most.

Yeah, I know, but if he's. If he's making payments, then nothing matters to a bookie. Like, that's the thing is, if he made the payments, they're not gonna ask questions.

And so what was Showhe's salary between this, like, four year span, still pretty span large.

I just think the, like, I understand the skepticism. I'm not gonna 100% be like, yeah, sho had no part in any of this. I just think that the reality might just be that Shohei is not the brightest and was way too trusting to a guy that he thought was family. I think it's the perfect crime in the fact that show has no one. Like, you're in a country where no one speaks your language and the one person you're supposed to trust who tells you everything is taking advantage. He's in this position where he can be taken advantage of because no one else he can converse with.

Yeah, I think that there's definitely a chance to show hey didn't have anything to do with it.

That's.

That's without a doubt, a possibility.

I'm.

I'm not convinced of it yet.

How much do you make? What does it say? 40. I can't read it. It's too small.

41.

Nine.

Five, four.

Okay.

259.

So I guess maybe.

Probably had some endorsements, too.

Maybe just doesn't check his bank account.

Yeah.

I don't know. I mean, he. What? I read that he was. For the longest time, his mom was controlling his bank account. So it's like there's. It definitely felt like, shohei, be funny.

His mom had a gambling problem, too.

It was his mom.

Yeah, it was his mom. The whole time he pays. Falling on the sword for his mom.

Yeah.

What do you think, Hank?

I think he was gambling.

You do? You think show hey.

Was gambling?

Yeah. I think a lot of people are accusing that.

I think they just want the chaos.

But I think that's.

Right.

Crazy to accuse.

Unless, like, they did a full investigation.

He's clear, right?

Yeah.

I mean, I don't always believe in invet. Like, it's not. I'm not saying 100% that he's innocent, but I'm definitely leaning towards because, like, I saw those text messages and sounded like a guy who was in way too deep and was very desperate to do anything.

Let me.

Let me put this in your head. You've been around a lot of gamblers. Yes, we work amongst them all the time. Is there any chance that Ohtani didn't know that ipe had a gambling problem? Spending all day, every day with him as epay is following his scores, you know, trying to find a bar that has.

He probably gambled. He probably thought he gambled.

Probably.

Yeah.

I mean, it would be pretty obvious that your buddy was betting on UCLA soccer, but you don't know his unit.

Like, yeah, he could just be a stressed out guy that he thinks is betting, like, thousand dollars on a game, right?

Yeah, he could be playing it off. Like, yeah, I put $10. I mean, one of the bets was for $10. I'm dying to know what that one was.

But.

Yeah, but that's. But if you're. That's why I also think that there's no way. I just. I don't understand how there could not be any text messages. Maybe you could say they have a different phone that he didn't hand over. Okay, then I believe that. But I just. There's no way Shohei was betting 25 times a day, and there was never a single text about gambling to his interpreter.

There was another funny part of that. The documents that came out today where they called. They called epay up. The bank did. Because EPA was trying to get a wire transfer saying he was going to use it to buy a Porsche.

Yeah.

And I think he was asking for a couple hundred thousand dollars. And they called him, and for whatever reason, it got flagged. It was like, no, don't authorize this transfer.

Oh.

Tani had a massive endorsement deal with Porsche at the time. He was trying to. He was saying he was using it to buy a car.

Yeah.

And there was another one that they found that he was faking to be Ohtani on the phone.

That was one of the same ones.

Yeah.

So, like, I don't know.

I.

Maybe I'm just too trusting in forensic accounting, but I shout out to forensic accountants, they did. They did at least get some good work.

They did their job.

Yeah, they did their job. And it sucks to be like. Because the. The reality is, like, if Shohei was completely innocent, it at worst is, like, the most embarrassing thing to have that happen to you and everyone be like, dude, what? How did that happen?

Also, ebay was a really bad gambler.

Really bad gambler.

It sounds like he wrote the dog.

Yeah, we don't. We don't.

Yeah.

Dan Herron did say that he was following my mortal locks. It would be funny if it comes out like they do a forensic accounting of his laptop, and he was just watching Barcelona sports advisors every week, being like, these guys. No ball. Like, these guys. These guys are sharp.

I want to know the.

I want to know the worst.

The worst beat that EPA had. I saw he had that.

That.

USC was it.

Yeah.

USC, UCLA.

Yeah.

I think they were eleven point favorites over Fresno State and lost outright.

And that was the one that sent him over the edge, right?

Yeah. Yeah.

And that's a late night game. Yeah, that's. Yep.

Yeah.

So we'll see. I mean, I.

Is it.

So, like, what's the next step? He's going to go to. You know, he's going to go to trial. He's getting prosecuted.

He's getting prosecuted.

Yeah.

So he can face. I think he's facing up to 30 years in prison.

Also, the fact that Epay, they looked into his past and he's been like, lying for a long time does make it seem like it's more realistic that he's just a big fraudster, you know, and just scamming everyone. All right, last thing. Kentucky has new head coach.

Congrats.

And it is not Dan early, and it is not Billy Donovan.

It's definitely Rick Pitino.

It's not Rick Pitino. It's not Nate Oates.

Not Scott Drew.

Scott.

Not Scott Drew. He trusts in God. God told him to stay at Baylor.

So, yeah, the exact quote, I actually saved this. He said, we truly believe God has called my family and I to continue our work here at Baylor. I just want to remind people of the last guy that said, God is commanding them to live in Waco, Texas.

Yeah.

And how that turned out.

Yeah.

Not great. So they got Mark Pope, BYU coach, national champion at Kentucky, throwing it back, captain of the 1996 Rick Pitino led Kentucky Wildcats. You got mark Pope. Got mark Pope.

And big blue nation is not happy.

I mean, mark Pope is a good coach, and he does have Kentucky ties, but big blue nation is not happy.

So, if you go back to when we interviewed Matt Jones a couple weeks ago, he was talking about all the qualities they were looking for in a head coach. He wanted a splash. He wanted a guy that was, you know, flashy. That was a big personality. Big Kentucky, big job. They need a big coach. Mark Pope seems like he is underwhelming on. On every account possible for Kentucky Wildcat fans.

But you can look at pictures of him with Rick Pitino, the 1996 Kentucky Wildcats.

Yep.

Sometimes you got to go back to move forward. Mark Pope.

It's true.

And Cal looked so weird and red.

He looked very strange and read.

He said that he.

He met with a team.

Met with the team.

The whole team.

Yep.

How many guys were there?

There is no team.

Okay.

No team that. I actually felt bad for Cal there because it was. He was trying to do a punchline, and no one bit didn't get it. He's like, I met with team. There is no team and no one fucking bit with it.

Yeah.

Now, I I would venture to say that a lot of Kentucky Wildcat players will be committing to Arkansas. Maybe a couple of them.

Yeah.

I don't see Mark Pope bringing in five star recruits left and right.

Yeah.

Cal also had this. He said, we got to get a roster together, and some of it is a little bit of everything.

Mm hmm. Yeah, that's.

That's. That's a quote. He said, kentucky is the bluest of blue. There's only a few schools like that, and I hate to tell you, Arkansas is one of them.

Yep. Okay.

Okay. He also said I didn't want anything out until after the national championship game, that we were even talking because I didn't think that was fair. It literally all came out.

Yeah.

It was the night before.

Yeah.

So, yeah. He says that Arkansas is a blue blood.

Yes. He is one of. They are one of them.

You know what? Cal might be a blue blood.

He could be.

I think anywhere he goes, he just brings the blood with him.

The.

The more that comes out of the Cal exit is very funny, because Cal, it seems like he was doing, like he was taking one last shot at a power play that almost worked. So there's like, I read a couple stories also, Chili Donovan, who's a inside basketball guy, who. I think he has a. Maybe it's a telegram where he sends. He's right about a lot of stuff. And he basically was spelling it out before any of it came out in public. He was like, Cal's making a power play with the dePaul, the former dePaul ad, his good friend, to get an offer from Arkansas, then come back to Kentucky and be like, match it or give me a new deal and have the fans revolt and get Barnhart out. Okay.

So it's like.

And then he'd get his friend in as the ad.

He got caught. He got caught in, like, a game of chicken.

Right, right.

Like when George lied to Susan's parents.

Right.

The house at the Hamptons. He ends up driving all the way out there. Now he's down Arkansas.

I respect the move because it was clear that he and Barnhart were not good friends. So he was trying a last ditch effort to be like, let's get him out so I can stay. And then as soon as it was clear he wasn't going to get out, he's like, all right, I'll go to Arkansas.

Well, now people want Barnhart out now for hiring pope or Pope.

Yeah.

He's maybe Cal to Kentucky.

Yes. I do think Cal is going to win at Arkansas.

He's going to be a good coach in Arkansas. It's a good basketball school. I also think at the same time, Kentucky, they will be fine long term.

Yeah.

And we don't know shit about ball. This guy might end up being a great coach, a great fit at Kentucky. We don't know. But it's not. It's not like the splash higher that they wanted.

Here's the thing.

It's.

It's kind of.

It's. It's.

It's not going to be immediate. Like, if you got Danny Hurley, it'd probably be immediate. If you got NATO, probably be immediate. Even Scott Drew. So it might be a little bit more of a build. But one of the complaints that Kentucky fans have had for the last four or five years is like, we get the recruits, but we don't have coaching. Mark Pope can coach. So you get the coaching.

Now.

Kenny crew.

Kenny Crew.

We don't know that.

So Cal can crew.

He can crude.

He can crew.

He's a cruder. They said that, that Danny Hurley turned down $20 million.

Shout out, Danny. That's what.

That's what people in Kentucky are saying. I don't know if that's the right number that would make him. I think Bill self is the highest paid coach.

Yeah.

And he makes 9 million. Yeah, 9.5. I think. So this would more than double.

Yeah.

I don't know if that number is right, but if it's. If it's above 15, that's still a crazy amount of money for him to turn down. UConn should be very happy.

What did you, Max, you had, you had the inside source.

What was it?

It was 15 plus incentives to get to 20.

Well, that's what Jeff.

That's what Jeff was saying.

Oh, 15 plus incentives for, like, I think eight years. It was over 100 mil total was the number.

I asked Jeff about that, too. You said, where are you getting this from? He's just like, the guys are saying.

Yeah, but Yukon's gonna give him a huge deal.

Yes. Yeah.

He's going to get a massive pay raise.

A massive, massive pay raise. And I actually, as, as much as the money would obviously be nice if you're Danny Hurley, I do believe that, like, there's something about if you go to Kentucky and you don't win, if you don't go to a final four in five years, you're out.

Yeah.

He can coach at UConn for the next ten years and not go to a final four and still be okay. That's what Cal did. Cal literally went to. His last final four was 2015 and the last. Whatever. Nine years have not been great, especially last four. And he kept his job because he had won before and he had that, like, leeway with the fan base.

Yeah.

In Arkansas. They'll get to final four at some point.

I do, too. I think they'll be in a final four within, like, four years.

He might actually be a better coach now than he was at Kentucky. Well, he might be nice.

I think it's. I think he's got. It's got to be a little bit of an ego bruise. Yeah, people. That the fan base kind of turned on you so much. So he's going to maybe feel like he's got to prove it again and get. And climb back up the mountain, because that was Cal for the long, you know, Cal at the start of his Kentucky, couldn't have gone better. I think he went to four out of five final fours, won a national title, could not have gone better. And then it faded because he had been on top of the mountains. So maybe now he's got to climb back up.

I want to see John Daley get involved with Arkansas basketball again. Seem like the sister gene of Arkansas. I was just wheel them out there.

I think the sister jeans already, already decided. Tyson chicken guy, you got a standing ovation.

Oh, they love that.

It was incredible. That that is like, if you want. If you want a sign of, like, the changing college basketball and nil and all that stuff is entire arena giving the Tyson chicken guy a standing ovation.

Now.

I want, I want John Daley in a wheelchair with an iv drip of vodka into his arm.

Yeah.

Just being wheeled out to the balcony in the upper row for the final four. He's given, like, thumbs ups, pregame speeches to everybody drunk off his ass. I want to see, I want to see Arkansas get real weird with it.

Yeah.

What are you gonna say, max?

I'm just thinking about, like, this from a Kentucky fans perspective. If you're willing to give, what if they're recruiting status like, play is to. I don't know if Mark Pope is a good recruiter, but we're just going to five x every single nil.

True.

In truth, if they're willing to give Danny Hurley 20 million a year.

Yeah.

And they just brought in Pope for what?

Probably four.

Yeah.

That, that the ni, the, like $16 million to work with there.

It's good.

So what if you're like, I'm just gonna give multi million dollar deals to every single person that I want.

I don't think you're wrong about that, but I do think that they're probably not gonna have, they're not gonna look at the remaining $16 million as being like, well, we gotta spend this anyways, because probably some of the guys that deep pockets don't have enough faith in Mark Pope to be like, we trust giving him this guy, but if you.

Think he's a good coach, then it would make even more sense that. That you're like, all right, if you're. If your worry is recruiting. We'll take care of the recruiting. All you have to take care of is coaching basketball.

Cause recruiting is different now. It's so easy to recruit if you.

Have a shit ton of money.

Yeah, I think. I hope he works out. I think it'd be a great story.

If I just think that. I think that's like a spin zone for Kentucky fans that, like, if this is the thing that you're worried about, this is a different world of going and getting guys. So the personality of the coach may not matter as much as the. The pocketbooks of the guys who are making the deals.

And I think the, the problem is Kentucky fans, and I understand it. They're like, Mark Pope has not done anything because he hasn't. Like, he's, he. I don't even know if he's won a tournament game.

No, he hasn't.

He's not one of tournament.

Two tournaments, three CBI's and one nit.

So the one thing you could say, though, in I do believe, believe this, is that Mark Pope, you know, BYU going to the big twelve, like, you see all the time. Teams step up in class and they immediately fall down like they have a terrible year. BYU had a good year. They were fifth in the big 1260.

And lost to can.

Yeah, they competed hard all year. So it's like, that's, I think, what you have to sell yourself on and.

The whole, just look at a bunch.

Of pictures of the 96 Wildcats. I think that's really what it is. So now there's gotta just keep looking at 96 Wildcats pictures.

Now there's an opening at BYU.

Yeah.

Rick Pitino be good.

Fit.

Reportedly no contact with Pitino, and they did not aggressively pursue Billy D. Yeah.

Billy D. Said he wasn't going to go because I think he just realized, like, I don't. Jerry Reinzorf will never fire me and I don't have to go recruit.

Yeah.

The recruiting thing is big. I would like a professional job to a college job. One is so much easier.

Right.

But did they go after Bruce Pearl? They talked to him.

That one didn't see, I think. I think said they did not interview.

Pearl, beard and Miller. They did talk to at least two other people besides pope. He thinks one was shocked. He doesn't know who the other was.

I don't think they, like Kentucky is a blue blood, and I think they. I think they would not go after Bruce Pearl because of, like, things in his past.

But the thing in his past is a cookout.

I know it's a barb. I agree. And also being a snitch.

Being a snitch, yeah. But I know his positions on the Middle east. He loves big blue nation.

Yeah.

I just. I. They have a weird thing about it where they would. I think they would be like, oh, we're Bruce Pearl. Like, we can't touch that. Maybe he's a great coach too.

Maybe.

I just can't believe they didn't. They didn't offer 100 million to Nate Oates. That's the crazy part to me. Cause I don't know if he would turn that down.

Yeah.

There was also a tweet that Scott drew put out yesterday where he was in a cafeteria in a cafe in Waco with, like, one of the biggest boosters at Baylor. But then there was a report that Scott Drew's family flew to Lexington yesterday in the afternoon. Scott Drew didn't go, according to this report, but his family did. Like, his wife and kids went out there. So maybe his wife and kids went to Lexington. They were like, no, thanks. Not for us.

No, thanks. Yeah, that might have been it. What?

Lexington's nicer than Waco?

Lex. I love Lexington.

Lexington is.

Is a good place to Keeneland October and April.

Waco is. Waco is fun. If you like three strip malls and a biker shootout and.

God.

Yeah. Yeah.

I like the chip Gaines.

The.

It was he like a house flipper guy. Yeah, he got involved.

Oh, yeah.

No, it's. Waco is Chip and Joanna Gaines. Probably some of RG three's family still lives in the area. And then you have like two ruby Tuesdays, I think.

Okay.

And one Twin Peaks.

I'm getting there.

One, I think. No, you don't have a tilted kill. You might have a hooters and a Twin Peaks.

Okay, that works.

Yeah.

So you can change it up.

Yeah, you can switch it up every now. Again, the twin Peaks has like 5000 bullet holes.

Switch back and forth.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right.

Anything else before we get to Kirkman hand and Ryan Whitney talking? More masters, Hank. Get excited, everyone. The fire fest is a great one. You don't want to miss it. It's a great fire fest.

Set your alarm for the fire fest.

Yeah.

Don't sleep in for the fire fest, right?

Right.

Yeah.

All right, let's kick it to ourselves. Then we'll do an interview and then do not miss the fire fest.

Okay.

Before we get to Ryan Whitney and Kirk Minahan talking masters, our friends at Uber Eats. When tuning into the masters all weekend long, turn to Uber Eats for all your delivery needs. Uber Eats is more than just food from your favorite restaurant. I'm talking groceries, convenience items, alcohol, whether you need dog treats, chips and dip, paper towels or beer, or maybe all four Uber eats can deliver almost, almost anything. This is the best couch weekend there is. You have that nap, you wake up, you hit Uber eats, you get yourself, I'm going to go maybe some chips and queso from uber eats. Also maybe get some candy, because I like candy. So some swedish fish all on uber eats. But you sit on your couch Saturday and Sunday watching the masters ordering from Uber eats. Never have to leave that couch. So get grocery, alcohol and everyday essentials in addition to the restaurant food you love. So in other words, get almost, almost anything with uber eats. Order now for alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region C app for details. Okay, here they are. Kirk Minahan and Ryan Whitney.

Okay, we now welcome on two of our very good friends. It is Kirk Minahan from the Kirk Minahan show and the unnamed show. And Ryan Whitney from spit and chiclets. And also the unnamed show. Want to talk some masters?

Both.

Kirk is a historian of Augusta. Whitney is just junkie.

You're.

You golf more than you work?

No, I don't anymore.

That is.

That is a fake. What is the word? Narrative. That narrative.

That's actually the right word.

That narrative was. Was true for a long time, and it's not.

So you don't golf a lot anymore?

No, but it's actually not because of work.

Oh. What?

Oh, cuz.

Kids. Kids. Yeah.

Coach and coaching and another kid coming, so. Yeah, like, I used to play a ton of golf, and I don't anymore. And I don't even really want to talk about it.

It.

So. You're very good at putt putt.

Yeah.

Congratulations, by the way.

I'm not taking a congratulations. I'm not taking graduation. I know what you guys are doing.

Congratulations.

I find it odd that as long as we've been friends, all three of us, really? That you guys aren't rooting for me. So. I don't believe you.

I'm rude.

I congratulated you yesterday at 05:00 p.m.

I was the first person I don't know.

But you're saying congratulations before the end of a tournament. That's blatantly trying to. Trying to mush it, trying to ruin it. You think I'm trying to make it.

Steven Che over you?

No, but there's a million others.

Who do you think I would rather see win than my good friend Ryan.

Whitney, Frank the tank.

Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, he's right.

It's fair. It's fair in the hunt.

He's ahead of me, actually.

All right. So, masters. Well, first, I have a question for you, Kirk. We had this problem. You would have been very embarrassed for us. They had the green jacket dinner. We're looking at the guys.

Champions dinner.

Champions dinner. Sorry.

It's okay.

That's fine.

If I say the name Wilford Brimley won a masters, who would I be talking about?

I'd say Craig Stadler.

Yeah, that was it. So.

I knew you'd nail it. I knew you'd nail it. We literally stared at him for, like, ten minutes. Had to google him. Everything.

He was in a bunch of.

Yeah.

We're like, who the hell is Wilford Brimley?

Or Craig Statler?

No, I know Wilford Brimley is. I didn't know Craig Stadler, I think.

Was in one of the guys in Tin Cup.

I think he was.

He was the guy.

He was the guy who gave him the club to give.

That's right.

When mcAvoy then.

Right.

Fired him.

Where do we feel about that movie, though?

I've heard.

I love it, too, but I've heard a lot of people say it's, like, the worst sports movie ever. Like, I will say the lover, you.

The horse.

I love it.

The court, you're. If you look at the course, it's awful. Yeah, it's fine. It's okay.

But for just, like, a driving rage hustler pro. And when the guy hits it down the road to get all his money.

Don Johnson.

Don Johnson.

That's right.

I sick like Dave Sims still going?

Yep. What?

Kirk, if you could rank your top three masters of all time.

92. Fred couples wins.

That's your guy.

I love that. 98 was a great masters. Freddie lost to Amir, but that's where Nicholas finished 6th at 58. Tiger was in the mix. Tiger Nicholas from the leaderboard at the same time. That's the beauty of the masters. Time stands still.

Yep.

Third.

I mean.

I mean, Tiger winning. I'm a huge Tiger fan, but Tiger winning in 19 was, and I'd say 86 was my first one. I really remember with my dad. Nicholas winning in 86.

Yeah.

You really old then, too, wasn't he 46?

Yeah. Wow.

You love Freddy couples.

Yeah, he's a friend.

Love him. How did you start? I'm always curious about that, whether it's, like, a golfer or a NASCAR driver or just, like, an individual player in a sport. How do you like, fall in love, and you're like, I'm gonna root for that guy.

It was weird for me, too. Cause, like, Larry Bird. I was, like, six years old. Fred couples. I was, like, 17. I just watched him on tv. I thought his swing was great.

It's beautiful.

I liked his attitude. I like the whole thing. That's cool. Yeah, I just can. You know, I was. Yeah, he kind of.

Boom, boom.

He was my guy.

Yeah.

It's kind of.

It's.

It's hard to define.

Do you.

Do you like that? He does like the green ball.

Yellow ball. I play with that now.

You do?

Yeah.

Is he playing this year?

He's playing right now, yeah, yeah.

He's, like, wounded, too. He's backing around. He's 64.

When your favorite player is 64 and you're. And everyone there is, like, rooting, like watching the leaderboard. I'm on film watching Fred couples at 64.

Yeah.

It's two different things.

Is he still wearing those big khakis all the time? Like the Tracy McGrady suits?

No, usually.

Yeah. And he's got.

He's not wearing the echoes anymore.

Yeah.

The skater shoes. Yeah, he is cool. So what. How long do you think he's gonna play for? Cause, like, if I were. If I were a masters champion, I'd play till they 100 made me.

They can't kick you out.

Yeah. Right.

But they do tell you to stop playing.

They can't.

They send you a letter when you really.

Yeah.

The first hole there has a hill. How much is to clear that hill.

To get to the top? Probably 300. No, 90.

Yeah.

Some of these guys.

60, I think.

Some of these guys now, like, once you can't even get to the beginning of the hill, they write you a letter, like.

Yeah, like, I didn't know they wrote.

A letter as far as, like, I. Arnold got the letter one year.

Really? And what does the letter say?

You're done, basically, in their way. Like, hey, you're a great champion.

You've been.

You've meant so much to the community. It's like when your boy used to knock on the door of the hall of fame guy.

Yeah. Yeah.

He'd be like, thank you so much for what you've done to the game.

Yeah, they get.

And then, like, you can't play here.

The best story about that is Billy Casper won, and then he kept playing and playing and playing, and then one year he shot 105.

He didn't.

105. He didn't post the score. He's never turned in his card, and that was it.

Oh, that's great.

105.

The problem with that is, I will say, like, if you were a competitive tour player and you get paired with Billy Casper.

Right.

And the guy shot.

It's like when I was playing Frank the other day.

Yeah.

Obviously it took me a while to react to it, like about a day. But it does break you.

Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense.

I think some of the guys to want to make sure they don't get the letter. Like I gotta go over for, I guess.

Yeah, right. Cuz that has to be a blow.

To your most guys.

Most.

You don't really see that anymore.

No. So they all smash it now. Everyone continue, like now the distance. Everyone hits it. So even the old guys smash the ball.

So do you think Freddie cobbles will get the letter?

No, I think he's too smart. Next year, it'll be his 40th Masters. He'll be 65. I think that's gonna.

That's me.

It's gonna be one of the six or seven worst days.

And he's made the cut a bunch of time.

Cut last year.

Yeah.

Oldest guy ever to make the cut.

You?

63 years, five months, and like 14 or 15 days.

Especially cuz Tiger think Tiger can't make the cut.

Tigers.

I'm making a cut this year.

You don't think so?

No.

I bet on him, too.

I bet I'm.

He might.

I mean, think about the Masters is, though, if you're doing cuts and miscut, bet like the field smaller and they're a bunch of old guys and a bunch of amateurs.

Right?

Easy.

It is the easiest cut, oddly, to make in golf.

Yeah. I didn't realize.

Hardest tournament, easiest cut.

Not even.

Yeah. I don't think it's.

It's.

Well, the best open.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Tough.

Us Open. Even the open championship is tougher, I think in PGA is tougher now, I think.

Yeah.

The fields harder. So this is the. I think it's the best tournament, but it's the oddly, the easiest cut to make if you're a good pro. So I think Tiger, like, honestly done in my head, I think Tiger probably 50 50, right?

I think it's 50 50 if you, like, finishes.

It's the other.

When he plays golf, you can't walk.

Yeah.

Weather's good, though. It seems like right now.

So Kirk and I have been lucky enough to go there. Have you guys been there?

No.

So I kind of like the fact.

That we'll probably never go.

I was just.

You could go.

Yeah, I want to go.

I was saying to Dave, like, I thought even if you don't like golf. You just get there. It is insane. The hills and the unrelation.

Yeah.

You on tv, like, oh, it's like, you get out there, you're like, the 10th hole. It's got to be 200 yards downhill.

18 is right next to it. Same way.

So the walk for Tiger, like, the guy can't walk on the range.

I know.

Yeah.

We asked Max about that, and he was like, yeah, it's actually. It's more daunting than you realize when you're. Because I look at that, like, that's.

Probably even crazier in person.

Yeah.

You guys got Max home to go on the podcast.

Yeah. Crazy.

Like, are you turning the JD Salinger? The problem is I do like him, but, yeah, I think he has that is that Rory disease that a lot of people. A lot of people have this. He wants to be liked too much. He's a very nice guy.

Yeah.

I'm glad he's friends with you guys, but I want him to be more of an asshole, because I think assholes win these things.

Yeah.

So are you speaking of an asshole who we also like? And Whitney has actually turned the corner on him. Are you on teams, team Brooks now?

Well, I have to. Well, unfortunately, I have to be. He was part of. He took my side in the Ryder cup.

Right.

So I. Oh, he did, yeah, yeah.

Which was five.

I was right.

I mean, but I didn't know that.

The Writer Ryder cup. The Writer Writer cup.

Yeah, writer cup.

Yes.

Like, OJ Simpson was a writer. Like, if I did it.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Great book. Yeah, he took my side on that. He did something else. He had my back on something else, too. I forget what it was with him on something.

I also think you. You like that he was still competing in the Ryder cup.

Yes.

When they were. When the US was very much out and that Max as well. They both were like, no, we're going out with a fight.

He beat Ludwig.

Yeah.

We're not going to let them walk over us.

He did lose nine eight to him, the four ball.

But.

So I don't know. I keep doing this with Bryce, and I was telling. Talking to Whitney about it. Like, I remember Tom's gonna get fooled by bright, by Brooks playing bad in some live event.

Who cares, right?

But he was terrible last week. I think he was 78. 78 or something.

Yeah.

In the second two rounds.

Yeah, yeah.

Which, like, should matter, but for him, I don't think it matters. We'll find out today. But he's playing terrible, but he's always playing terrible. Before majors, right?

He's got such a crazy resume. I think, actually, the worse that he plays going to the masters, the better.

And you might be right.

Cause he's, like, just thinking about the Masters.

Yeah.

He's probably hitting shots. Doral. Like, thinking of the 13th of the guy.

Yeah.

I'm gonna try pay 200 million to do. I saw a piece he did with golf.com or something, and the guy's, like, basically on the range with them, and he's like, what are you thinking right now? He's like, nothing.

Yeah, nothing.

And.

And it's like, golf's like, it just. It's a fucked up sport. The more you think, the worse you are, and the guy just steps up and smashes it and loves being the bad guy. That's like, when I met him, I was like, oh, this could be kind of awkward.

I gotta.

I gotta tell him. Like, I've chirped you 5 million times, right? And he's like, I love that dude. I love the kind of love being the bad guy. Like, he was just.

He doesn't give a shit. Yeah, he does.

Who do you like?

Who do I like?

Yeah. Who are you?

Who your, like, favorite?

I like Zal Taurus a lot.

I.

This Ludwig guy from Sweden's, like, my new favorite golfer.

Great.

Great.

He's just. He's, like, built in a lab. Perfect swing. Stallion six three. Like, I think he's gonna end up being a true superstar.

Oh, there's Freddy.

I like him.

Freddie's right there, so.

All right. How's he looking?

I got a question about this field. Scottie Scheffler is obviously the favorite by a large, large margin. What is it about Scotty Scheffler that has him that much ahead of everyone?

His stats, like, pure golf stats, t to green, are as good as. Better than anybody. Since Tiger in his prime talk, I'm talking.

I think Matt matching him. It's right.

I'm talking, like, 2000 Tiger prime.

Right.

He's put.

If he putts well, he's gonna be in the top two or three. He may not win, but, you know, if he doesn't put well, he's gonna finish, like, 8th.

Not to disagree. I think it's if he puts average.

Right, right.

That's what I mean. For hit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So just putter is the only thing that stops.

Yeah.

And then Rory, which is kind of crazy. I mean, this is what Kirk saying, liking an asshole. Like, in golf, I would never give anyone a tip or a pointer, right? And Rory was on the broadcasting. And he's like, I think Scotty should go to a mallet putter.

Yeah. Yeah.

And he did. And now he's putting good. It's like Rory Michael Jordan saying, yeah, no, that's crazy.

It's crazy.

It's a game of honor.

And I guess.

But Michael Jordan would buy Scottie Scheffler a new blade putter. This will fix everything.

Yeah.

There are weeks where Scheffler is first tee, the green, first around the greens, and like 118th and putting.

And he's that. So he's that good. That even with that bad a putting, he's still.

He'll put bad and finish, like, horrible and finish 8th.

Right.

Crazy.

What's up with his footwork? At some point, you would think that somebody would beat that out of.

I think.

I think it tried to. Yeah, maybe.

And he.

And he's probably like. And then I bet you there was a coach. It's like, hey, don't fuck with it.

Like, I think the better question is that, like, why isn't somebody else doing it?

Yeah. Yeah.

Like, he does it and like, he's.

Big, someone's copper, anybody.

But he does it different every stroke.

That's true. Yeah.

It's not like he exact same thing. He finds a new way to. To fuck his feet up.

It's like shooter McGavin, like trying the happy Gilmore in the woods.

Yeah.

Guys have probably been on the range, like, trying it. They just don't want to ever have it be on camera.

Yeah.

What? So, Kirk. Cause you. You obviously are.

I like him a lot of. Sorry.

Not playing well this year.

Yeah, I like him a lot.

It was awesome at the end of last year. So you're a historian of the Masters.

What?

How many times do you think a guy has to play it? Till they get that, like, advantage of. I know this course. Cause, like, even when we're talking about Tiger missing the cut or making the cut, you have to think Tiger has a couple strokes just on familiar knows the way around. Right.

I say when you get to, like, year ten.

Oh, it takes that long.

I think I'm winners.

Fuzzy Zeller, other than the first year of it, like, first. He's the only.

Yes.

79.

He's the only one he beat Ed.

Sneed in the playoff, I think. Yeah, he's the easy only one.

Then he had a tough quarter.

Yeah, still alive.

Social media today that would.

We learned.

Oh, he'll be a moment.

Yeah.

He's selling vodka now.

Is he?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

He's doing don't put me in that boat.

A lot in common.

Don't put me in that boat.

Yeah.

So you think 10th time. It's that. It's that, like, there's that many quirks and weird things.

Yeah. It's just. It's. Yes. Yeah.

To become, like, an established veteran. Yeah.

Yeah.

Everyone says it's all about where. Where to miss. And, like, you just, like, if you miss in one spot, you're fine. You miss another spot, you're dead. And not knowing the course, just like, I don't know where to miss.

Yeah.

Next change you're doing at Augusta because they. They tiger proofed it. They made it long.

They still.

But they're still doing trees.

Are they.

Do they have any plans to, like, redo different holes?

Are they pushed to back this year? They pushed 13 back last year. Way back. And so there's. I mean, there.

There's.

They just buy. So if you've never been there. So if you drive up to Augusta, like, the street behind it is like, you get. You see Augusta, you think, oh, my God. Behind it there's like Applebee's, chili, strip clubs.

It sounds awesome. It's a shithole.

Group one in Saugus, and then all of a sudden you take a right and you're Augusta. So they're buying land. Like they're trying to buy the. Eventually it's gonna be like just the whole area. Yeah. It'll be the masters exit. It'll just be all, I think all.

They said they'll have an exit at some point.

Yeah.

There's some underground parking there now.

Oh, yeah, I saw that.

So I think they're thinking more like the course is what? 76, 50? I mean, how much more they can do right now.

If I said yesterday, the chairman, he does like a yearly Fred Ridley, like.

I want your opinion about some with him in a second, but go ahead.

The Tuesday press conference where he just like, addresses everything and. And he. And he said, yeah, we'll never make it longer than 8000. So it's like 8000. Like, that's just thinking of that. That's like the whole distance debate in golf.

Yeah. Yeah.

Which is. I mean, I don't really understand it. I get like the equivalent of the.

Balls now is just crazy what they ended up doing.

I like your opinion. In PFT European, they ended up. There was discussion of making the pro game different than. Than us, where everything's the same for us, but the pros hit a different ball that goes shorter. They ended up doing it where they didn't change where it was all the same. And they're just making everyone hit it shorter in, like, five years. So it kind of sucks for.

Oh, so everyone's gonna have shorter balls.

Yeah.

So for distance being an issue with 99.9% of golfers, it's, like, kind of sucks that now we're hitting it short.

Wait, so is that gonna be a thing where 120 kirk's hitting hybrid from third? Is that gonna be a thing where, like, people hoard balls from right now?

That's what people brought up, but I think they go, like, bad.

Yeah, that's gonna be, like, premium, though. They gonna freeze them? They'll figure something.

Yeah, that's actually.

That's actually.

I. I might have to buy, like.

Yeah, sounds like.

Yeah, just selling them on eBay.

COVID.

Yeah.

So Fred Ridley, the chairman of Augusta, they had the champions dinner, like you were talking about earlier. So it's all champions in the picture. You see the picture every year.

Yep.

Fred Ridley's in the picture.

Oh, that's.

It sounds like the Fred.

But they all.

Yes, correct.

All of them are like, every chairman's been in that.

I know, but I don't like that.

I don't like that either.

He's not a champion.

No, it's worse.

Is he was, like, a failed kind of play.

At least he. But if you want. If you want that picture, take that picture and then take another picture without you in it. And that when they send out.

If you look at the picture.

Yes.

Dead in the middle.

Oh, that's.

Oh, yeah.

Nicholas is, like, on the side.

Because it becomes a Fred Ridley dinner. It's not the champions dinner.

And.

Yeah, like.

Oh, yeah.

Favorite day of the year.

Like, Jack Nichols was in the seas. I get up.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm tiger.

Get the fuck.

Get out.

Kirk and Ryan are being brought to you by proper twelve. True playmakers know that game time calls for proper shots. Or a round of proper whiskey and gingers. Pour some proper twelve with ginger ale. Top it off with lime, and you're golden. Proper number twelve. An irish apple. Two ways to pour the roar. Because anything else just wouldn't be proper. Pick up a bottle, try it for yourself. Original, rich and smooth. Proper twelve irish whiskey. Or try crisp and fresh irish apple. It's smooth to the core. The proper twelve with ginger ale is my favorite. Put a lime on there. That's the best way to do it. Okay, now back to Ryan Whitney and Kirk Minahan. What would you guys do for your champions dinner? If you set the menu?

I think I'd be a big time disappointment. It would be like if you went to a nice steakhouse.

They're all medium. That's what they usually are.

Faldo.

If you look at them, everybody's got, like, a rib eye as one of the courses.

Faldo was killing Bubba Watson earlier this week because Bubba Watson's champions dinner was chucky. Grilled chicken breast, Mac and cheese, and confetti cake for. I'm like, that sounds great.

Yeah. Ready?

Cake is awesome.

Rom's menu, I'm like, I don't.

I'm.

I'm picky. I wouldn't eat any of it.

Confetti cake is also one of those cakes that you never go out and try to find, but when you ever, you're at a party, hammer there, you're like, this is awesome. I should eat it more, right?

Birthday cake in general should be on more menus. Absolutely celebrated just for a birthday.

Are you.

Are you getting birthday cake ice cream flavors?

Oh, yeah.

All the time.

If you.

Birthday cake ice cream is very good. Yes.

Oh, my God.

Bryson might just make a whole one.

Here, 600 here, so.

All right, so who besides Scotty, who. Who else do you guys think can win it this week? I know that we're going to be tape. We're taping this during the first round.

So I know he's off to under, but he's probably going to be in the mix. We were just saying before the show began, I I've never been the biggest Bryson fan. He's just so weird and bizarre. But if he was in the hunt, just the drama, it would create a bizarre human.

Right.

We've kind of not had him for the last couple of years.

Yeah.

We'll be back in our lives for a couple of days.

And he gained, like, 50 pounds of muscle. But now it's. He's lost some of it.

Lost it all. Yeah.

Jacked. He's just a weird cat.

He has one of my favorite qualities, that he's. He's stupid, but he thinks he's smart. Yeah, my favorite. He feels like that, too. He's so smart.

He's got all this equipment that he comes with.

He talks down.

If you ask him a question, it's like 50,000 words of nothing.

Yeah.

Remember that video where it was like, it was. And his, like, five buddies, his five rowdy boys that just worked down in his garage?

Right.

Oh, yeah.

They were yelling as they were benching. Well, Bryson made a famous quote that he considered a par 68 for himself.

Yeah.

And then that just bit him, right?

Yeah, I was on with foreplay a.

Couple of days ago.

We were talking about that that year. He said it. He was paired in the final round with longer, who was 62 at the time.

He dusted.

He was out driving longer by 150 yards from holes. Longer beat him 77. Yeah. So, I mean, I like Schofley. He's off to a terrible start. And I liked Matsuyama. I don't know where he is right now, but I mean, there's, what do you think? 1214 guys who can win?

Yeah, maybe not even.

Yeah, I mean, the pro, like, you know, the scheffler of it all just looms. And he's such a boar. I understand he's a wonderful player, but he's so bored.

He doesn't really have much personal.

My thing is with, so we had very, then we had Scheffler. And who had, in 2021, who won the Masters?

Matsuyama.

Johnson, the 20, and then Johnson.

So four in a row. Bad Sundays. They've just been. I think Matsuyama had also kind of a little bit of a runaway. I don't care who wins, just back nine Sunday. Give me three guys.

Yeah, I just want a good Maziyama Shaw fly were kinda, but it was not great. Cause he's been the water on 16 shaft, I remember.

So that was decently, but it wasn't great. That was decent. I just want, if you could get like three or four guys in the mix, back nine, that's all you want.

And Rory should be around.

Yeah.

You wanna see a good leaderboard? You wanna wake up Sunday morning, be like, look at this fucking leaderboard.

But even in this tournament, if it was not a great course, big names, the back nine. If there was four guys, and it's the drama.

Second then.

Sorry, second then.

So, like, without the drama, when Tiger was winning and he was winning by as much, what was the most he's won the masters by?

Well, in 97 he won by 15, right? No. What do you win in 97 by twelve.

That was still incredible because you're like.

This guy, you never seen that.

Yeah, right. And he, would you say he's the best golfer of all time?

Yeah, I think yes.

Okay.

I mean, sorry. Yeah, I'm thinking, I mean, Nicholas still has more, Mister Nicholas still has more majors. But what's crazy, we were talking about before, like, Nicholas might be different, so old now, but like, if Tiger woods wants to play the gusta, like, he just can't roll in there and play. Yeah, like what?

So some winners get, are given a membership Jack was. And then, like, Patrick Reed isn't getting a member.

But I. But I think.

I think tigers.

They need to make.

Tigers making a call.

Yeah, yeah.

But.

Oh, just the fact that he couldn't.

They had to play with Ridley, actually, the other two.

Grape.

Read these greats.

Yeah.

I'm away.

Do you guys think you'll ever get to play?

No, we were talking about that before.

I. It's.

It's 0.0.

I won't. I would never say 0.0, but I'd say, like, 0.2.

All right, Whitney, you're. You're hobnobbing. That's Michael Jordan.

I played golf with Michael Jordan. He spoke two words to me. Called me a bitch when he beat me. I'm not playing golf.

No.

We have, like, his best friend, then.

Yeah.

We're boys.

You also.

There's, like, no members.

Yeah.

How many members are there?

You're friends with Condoleezza, aren't you?

Yeah.

Well, yeah.

Condi.

Wait.

Or Condi.

We interviewed her for the Brown show. Still the craziest tweet of all time.

Ever.

It's the best.

What is it?

Schefter. Send it out. And we're pretty sure what happened was somebody in the Browns, they were having, like, a new ownership takeover. I think somebody in the front office told someone they didn't really trust. We're going to bring in Condoleezza Rice. It's serious. We're turning over every rock that we can find for the head coaching job. Coaching job.

She'll remember that.

And then somebody know that somebody in.

The front office that wasn't supposed to be, you know, talking out the corner of their mouth told that to Schefter as, like, a smoke out thing.

Big cat, that's, like, how we were.

Shouldn't he have known that, though?

Yeah.

It also chef to probably should have.

Been like, yeah, smoked out, bro. Yeah.

Big cat. That's how you said, you want to find the rat in this office?

Yeah.

Oh, it's a great.

Yeah.

Move.

It's just how, like, a couple different people.

Just little things.

We're hiring Condoleezza, right?

Yeah.

Parcel sports.

Yeah, she'd be good in the show.

We do a preemptive strike on Bleacher report.

There's 300 members of Augusta.

300 members.

That's actually more than I thought.

But there's also, like, how many guys he had. Like, Warren Buffett's a member. How many times he played it?

He.

I bet you he's gone ten years without even going.

Right.

What's interesting that a chaps didn't know. Maybe a lot of people don't know is after the tournament ends, the course is closed.

Done for the year.

It's the year.

It's a winter course.

It's open September, October ish to now, and then it's shut.

I had no idea.

I know that.

Which, by the way, you can get some lousy weather. There's.

Oh, yeah.

Member December.

So they just. No one can play on Augusta in the summer.

They closer for this. That's crazy because they're always doing stuff.

Yeah.

Wow.

Well, the other best thing about the masters for the media members is Monday.

Four people.

Yeah.

That every person that's given a media credential is put into a lottery, and then four people are picked, and they play it Monday.

Well, not every media person this year that even they said, we're not gonna let rapid poor win.

Yeah.

I was gonna say how mad I was. Rappaport got it.

Oh, that'd be what with that haircut. I don't need this to see that Twitter with all the cuts, the video. And I will say for it, I will say I'm still not emotionally over dude perfect being involved.

Yeah, me too. Yeah.

I think they regret that, the fact.

That it was a combination of dude perfect and Bryson to me.

Oh. That. That.

It felt personal.

They were hitting, like I said, like, baseball bats out there and, like, big.

Swinging over the twelve. Oh, my God.

Is that the number one course you guys would want to play any course in the world.

That's everything.

I don't even think it was. I mean, number two would be.

Yeah. What about this?

What about, like, I don't know, maybe talk to chaps, organize a military operation. You go, you parachute into Augusta at night, and you just sneak onto the.

Course, probably shot, and probably get, like.

Three holes done before they catch you, right?

True.

I don't.

I don't think. I think there's. I think there's guards 24/7 around.

Probably have all the fairways sensitive in the trees. They're crazy.

Like I was saying, my brother and I went the first year we went.

We.

I got him through Stubhub. They had this little Stubhub place, like, a temporary one set up. Next is Publix, like, a half mile away from the course. So people were sneaking in to get them and go back after you turn them at night. The next year, Augusta bought that whole lot, but it just bulldozed it out. It just insane because, I mean, they have a one year deal every year with CB's. To every year. Yeah, your deal.

And they CB's could just lose it any other moment.

I think it's only IBM.

Yep.

What's the umbrella?

One hundred and eighty s. One other Rolex probably.

Yeah.

So I'm like, I don't even know if that's one.

Even the Martha Burke here. That's that crazy. Or 20 years ago that the start of the Internet. CB's is like, because about the female membership there. CB's is like, we're a little uncomfortable with this. The match said, no problem, we're gonna pull it. We're gonna put on our website. CB's like, no, it's okay. We'll figure it.

Yeah, they have all the power after going, though. You could say if whoever's running the masters, like the entire tournament, if they just like, took over the government, we'd probably be buzzing as a. I said.

If they took COVID would lasted four days.

Like, they're like, they're perfect at what they do.

Chick fil a. Disney and the Masters.

Yeah.

Run it.

Perfect.

That tree disappearing in a matter of minutes.

I was there that day.

Did you see the tree?

No, we just.

There was.

The storms were awful. And then when that happened, they shut it down. We all to leave.

They got a break, but then all.

Of a sudden the next day it was gone.

I thought they called MBS from Saudi Arabia. Came out there with hacksaws, took care.

Of the tree real quick.

Got the fuck out. Actually, one of the one. The hardest I've ever laughed at. Another barstool podcast was the spit and Chicklets podcast. When you guys had JT on Biz and Biz, when JT was talking about how he's never seen a squirrel at Augusta. Never seen one. And then Biz just goes, they kill all the squirrels. Like, the childlike wonderment in his voice.

When he wasn't joking at all.

No, he was joking, and I actually wouldn't be shocked.

Yeah.

And then he also, like, Justin Thomas was mentioning that he's very close with Freddie Couples, who's an assistant captain on all the Ryder cup teams and business. Like, he loves rubbing tugs. I heard.

Not true.

And he's like, oh, man, I don't think. Think so. No, dude, I heard that.

I heard.

You could tell he was like, what the. What podcast is this?

Fake news?

What's. All right, so favorite hole?

My.

I said just came out 15.

I actually.

Why?

Probably agree.

It's.

It's just. It's a par five where they hit it over the water. If they're going for it. And water, short water real long. It's like the make or break hole.

A lot of the shelf and if you lay up it's still a pain in the ass.

It was the hole that actually Sergio, he hit the pin when he. The year he won against Justin Rose.

And made Nicholas Eagle did with that year. He won too.

Yeah.

It's. Twelve's a great hole too. I don't, I don't love 16 anyway. 16 is too easy now.

Yeah.

Sixteen's the one. The tiger shot.

Right.

That is probably coolest shot.

Yeah. Yeah.

And it's also Vern Lundquist just makes it.

I actually was told that Vern's getting old. I think this is his last year on in 16 tower.

You think he's getting old? Yeah.

I heard from be old. I heard from a reliable source that's. I love the idea of Whitney.

Someone after two.

Yeah.

Someone tells he's my age.

He's getting up there.

Yeah.

52 now.

Someone whispers to a wit, oh yeah. Fern's getting old.

What?

No shit.

It's a hell of a scoop.

Hubie Brown's gonna be 50.

But apparently, apparently he fell asleep like twice in the tower.

Vern. Vern.

Last year.

Nickelodeon.

Wake him up.

Vern. Struggle.

We need a Vern cam because if I was just watching Verne.

Unbelievable.

Slowly nod off. Oh my God. That's one of the smart for my eyes.

I think the yak.

Richard Vernon.

The other thing with, with the Masters, announcers are even on CB's. They're different than the CB's. Like Verne doesn't do golf for CB's.

Right.

The masters with Gary McCord. Famously they kicked him out. Cause Gary McCord said in 90, last masters it was 94. Maybe.

I don't know the year, but I.

Know he said they were. The greens look bikini waxed.

Whoa.

And the Masters said the CB's. This guy is never gonna be on here. That's never on again.

Another announcer who got kicked, kicked off too before Jack Whitaker.

He called.

Yep.

He didn't use the word patrons or patrons.

The.

Yeah, he called the patrons. He said there's a mob heading down to the green. Augusta.

Boom.

Done that shit.

That's crazy.

The bricks actually. I know I've done this on Kirk show, but Larry David played Augusta and. Well, he's probably played it a bunch of times and he. He's friends. He sent this text to. Who's the Mike Lupica?

Yeah. Okay.

So sports reporters. It ended up getting.

It ended up.

It ended up legendary. Just like curmudgeon.

Biggest assholes ever met.

Yeah.

It ended up getting sent around. The text, Larry describing his round.

It's.

It's a pretty funny, like, knowing Larry date. I don't know him, but his show, so he write. So you don't see what he was asked. But this is his response. Not quite 96. Have you played? It wasn't really that hard. Only lost one ball. Fairways are wide, but I hated the waspy privilege exclusivity of it all. Members in their green jackets. The talking hardly gets above a whisper in the dining room. Didn't hear one laugh. It's like a fascist country in the dictators. Billy Payne, who's actually referred to as mister chairman. That's what he's called.

Like he's fucking Mao.

And then the second text is, better keep that. He must have said with, oh, no.

He'S never going back.

I don't think he gives a shit.

Yeah, no, definitely not. Definitely not. Oh, man. All right, so who else. Who else are we looking for? This maybe long shots. I know that we're. Again, we're recording.

I mentioned I'm always at now, I mentioned earlier the thing I do, the rigs.

Corey Connors always plays well here and he's analyzed. I saw a tweet that was basically like, these are the only guys that could win it based on their analytics coming into the tournament. He was one of the guys.

Raven Shay.

I mean, listen, you don't.

You.

When you. When you're scrolling Twitter and you see someone's like, oh, this is a formula. You don't look. You don't fucking screenshot it.

Here we go.

It was. I mean, it was. It literally was just like these guys. Corey Connors. It was obviously. It was obviously. Scheffler, you can tell me how stupid it is. Ludwig on there, based on who's on it.

Go ahead.

All right. It is Scotty Scheffler. Matsuyama. Schofley Lowry. Corey Connors. See Wu Kim. Rory McElroy. Cameron Young. Ludwig.

Cameron Young, I like a lot, too.

Those are the.

Those are the nine guys that it's tee to green and four events leading into masters.

It's just ball strikers.

Yes. Yeah.

Corey Connors, I got to play with him twice down in Florida.

Once.

And it's just one of those things, I think playing with all these guys the same, but he's just. Every single fucking shot, it's his home course, too. So it's just. It was 65. 65 two days in a row. Like, he doesn't miss the center of the club face, and then you're just like, wow, this guy doesn't even win that often on.

Basically never. Yeah, but that's the thing about, like, Dave made this huge bet with Scheffler this week. That's what we were talking to him earlier. It's not the same as betting UConn to win, like.

Right.

I mean, Scheffler, statistically is going to lose.

Right?

He's won, what, twice in the last year?

Yeah, whatever.

Three times, last 30 events. So it's like, you know, and you.

Got to beat all, like, if some one guy has a crazy end of his life winner so hard, the. I mean, that is crazy looking back, too, because Scheffler, I think, was the best or the lowest odds since Tiger in his heyday. Correct. And there was times when Tiger was like, plus 125 to win the master.

I think there was often tournaments where it was Tiger and then the feet.

Yeah.

Right, right. And you, smart bet to take Tiger.

I think it was like -110 right?

Yeah.

And he's.

I don't think we'll ever see golfer that good again, because what Tiger did.

Was, he got me neither.

There were.

It was such, like, an exclusive sport when Tiger started playing. Right. Where most people didn't grow up playing golf. And then Tiger started, and then a lot of kids across America, Tiger probably get up now. We're watching the products of the Tiger woods youth generation.

Right.

Also just grown.

So it's just the talent pool is too big now.

Also the perfect marriage of everything. He drove it the longest. He had the best short game, is the best putter. And he's mentally like.

Yeah, he was five.

Psycho. The killer instinct.

His dad just beat it into him.

Yeah.

Think about him. If he hadn't gone and tried to be a Navy SEal, right. Where he, like, broke his leg, it's like. And he changed his swing three times. Yeah. But when.

When I was growing.

When I was growing up, I didn't play golf. It wasn't, like, cool to play golf. Now it's cool to play golf.

Yeah.

I didn't till I was a senior in high school. First time I ever played it since.

I now and now loving golf as much as I do. I wish I played because he playing growing up, then you groove the swing.

You can always see a guy who played. Exactly. If you know how to do it, and I will never learn how to do it.

And they're usually an asshole.

Yeah.

I mean, we're usually a rich kid.

Yeah.

I had this business idea last week when we were at the. At the final four. It's like an amusement park, but it's for sports. Or like a water park, but it's for sports. The main attraction of this amusement park would be. We'd pour millions of dollars into this one hole and perfectly replicate, like, number 16 at Augusta. How much do you think people would pay to play like, a perfect replica of that hole?

Just.

Just that hole.

Just that hole.

Is it.

But it's part of it, I'm sure. Make a replica.

There's a course that actually has. I think they have famous.

I heard about.

This is in Texas.

Yeah.

They're like a famous from every.

It's where the PGA of America.

The.

Where the hell is it now?

I don't even.

I know you're talking.

Yeah, Briscoe. I think it's right outside Houston. But the thing is, like, if you're in Texas, you can't make a real replica of, like, a link style St. Andrews Hole.

And, like, a snake bite you. You're like Scotland anymore.

Yeah.

200 degrees.

You could buy. You could honestly buy a place on that street by Augusta and replicate that.

That's what I want to do.

During masters week, people just flow in and play.

Yeah. Yeah.

I think if you go to course.

You get shot by that.

They're just gonna buy it.

Yeah, it's a good point, too. But then you'll make money off.

Are you allowed to trademark a hole? Do they have, like, a patent on their holes?

If anyone does, it's them.

Yeah. You see courses try and do it, though. You'll see that.

So the other thing about Augusta that I forgot to bring up going there. So they have this.

The.

The merch tent.

Crazy. It's. It's.

It's the size of this office. And then you go up there, and then just after, you can send it all home.

Ship at home.

And then you get back and it's already your house.

That's amazing.

You don't have to carry it around. It's like.

And obviously we all. And everyone knows what the food. Obviously, you go get. You buy four lunches and it's $11.

Is it good, though?

Yeah, yeah, it's fine.

Barbecue pork sandwich.

It's good.

Okay.

You're not like, holy fuck.

But for $2, I wouldn't do that.

Thing they're doing where you, like, order it to your house, though. Have you seen that?

That's weird.

No, it's.

No, that's stupid.

I actually hate pimento.

So do I. Yeah, I think it's overrated.

The chicken sandwich is good. Yeah, it's good.

What a place to catch a buzz, though. I mean, yeah, if ten beers for $30.

Dude, that's crazy.

Have a cigar, walk around, take it all.

No phone. Yeah, I I.

The.

No phone would freak me out.

The first four minutes, you're just like.

Yeah, where's my phone?

And then by the end, you're like, I don't want to go get it.

Yeah, I don't want to go back to reality.

Uh.

All right, so final answer of who? I know. Again, first round. But you. Who'd you pick? Who'd you bet? Will easy.

I bet will easy in. And then last night, I bet Matsuyama. I took big bets. Top ten, both of them, and then probably a quarter that both them to win.

Do you guys like anything, like, on a Saturday when you're looking at the board being like, all right, this is what I need to see to maybe take a long shot. Like, someone coming back.

How many shots out?

Yeah. Like.

Or someone coming back from, like.

Yeah.

Like, they're in 10th place, and you're like, they can make a run.

Yeah, yeah. If you find the right guy and he's playing well. And also, you have to look who's leading. Like, if it's sort of guy. You know, it's Scheffler.

It's like, it's over.

Yeah. Right. If.

But if it's, you know, Ryan Fox.

Right.

Or Danny Willacher shot 68 today. Danny will is not winning the Masters.

Right.

You look at it like that. I mean, there's. There's no chance.

I like betting daily matchups.

Yeah. Right.

One on one, and then you just fall on both. What sucks is this tournament. Well, at least with draftkings right now, they're. They're daily matchups. They're not in the same group. So you like it when they're, like, actually on the same hole.

I like betting just the. The, like, score daily. Like, I have Scotty today on 71.

And a half .5 or something.

Scotty's.

Or I think he was 70 and a half.

What?

He was either 71 and a half because I think people were scared less. Win my window.

Scotty Scheffler's -70 and a half today.

Yeah.

I'll tell you what it was.

But then you could just, like, buy the whole bets, too, when you're just fair tv. Yeah.

Yeah.

Is he gonna hit the fairway on this hole?

That's how you get smoked.

Yes. Yes.

I've never won one, but I ain't missing this fairway.

Yeah.

I think they missed the win today, though. You're right, because these guys are tearing it up.

Yeah.

Oh, I didn't bet Scotty. Nevermind. He was probably 70 and a half. I bet will. Easy. Under 72 and a half.

Really?

That was.

Yeah.

Two and a half.

I think people were scared of the win.

Hank, you're a golfer. What do you think about Augusta?

Love to go.

It looks great.

You'd love to.

What'd you do last night?

I went out.

I had a couple drinks.

Nice. Yeah. Yeah. How many?

How'd it go?

Uh, I had a lot. I, uh. My phone died.

Oh, that sucks.

Turned it on the charger. Went to sleep, didn't turn on. Alarm didn't go off.

What time did you wake up? Eleven.

I would stab someone to be able to sleep till eleven.

But it's not like we had work.

Yeah, no, I'm pretty. Yeah, no, I was supposed to be here.

Explain something.

I missed. A recording.

Stuff.

You'll hear us on the on fire fest in a second.

But I'm alive.

Yeah, we were scared for a second.

We had an RA like that once. He just didn't show up to a pod. Yeah, I don't always.

Is it like how serious of the show? If Hank dies like that first episode.

I'd be in time.

Do the Fox injury music for football.

You and cry, though.

Mmm.

Yeah, I'd cry.

Yeah, you gotta cry.

So Hank doesn't know this part. I called his building because I was like, it was 1130 in the morning. I actually. I'm actually a little nervous.

The differences, like with Hank, our first thought was he probably just slept in. But what if it's serious with you in Ra, he's not there, you're like, dead.

Yeah.

So I called this building and I said. I was like, you know, we work with Henry Lockwood. We think he slept in and his phone's not charged. Can someone go knock on his door? And the one was like, sure, no problem, we'll do that. And 25 minutes go by, and I'm trying to call Hank cuz I'm like, someone went knocked on. Are you on hold the entire. No, no, I hung up, but I was like, someone's gonna knock on his door, he's gonna plug in his phone, he'll call me right away. 25 minutes go by, he doesn't call me. I call back to the front desk. I'm like, hey, I just called and she's like, oh, yes, of course. We got in contact with Ron Lockman's wife and she's trying to find her husband. I was like, no. I was like, no.

Lock. Wood.

Henry Lockwood. So this woman is like running around.

Hey, Ron's like, I didn't do anything, honey.

Fine, Ron.

Yeah, so that was bad.

Promise.

That was bad.

I didn't do anything.

Yeah, but then he's alive. He's good. You feel good, Hank?

No, I feel terrible.

We'll talk about it.

If I fell asleep at eight, if.

I stay up all night.

Fell asleep at 830 in the morning. I don't think I could sleep till eleven at this point in my life.

No.

Oh yeah. I set my alarm today for 730.

I freak out. Yeah, I freak out. If I sleep past 745, I freak out.

I woke up and fell.

Rested and was like just waking up.

No worse. Sleeping through something or just being late in general is the worst feeling in the world. I just missed one bus once in the NHL and just like you did. Yeah, it was to practice and I got an Uber and wasn't that late.

But you get reamed out.

Oh yeah, reamed.

Our strategy is just. Just stare at Hank and let him do all the guilt tripping on himself.

Yeah.

The good thing is, you know, he genuinely feels.

Oh yeah, cuz he's hungover.

Yeah, yeah.

There's nothing worse that.

Yeah, he did. We did.

Early part of my take days when we were doing before we moved to New York and we're doing it all on Skype. There was one night on a Sunday night, late that Hank fell asleep. We had to call his house and I had to talk to his mom. Be like, can you wake him up? All right, so last question. Rowback question. Rhoback.com promo code take cues, joggers, polos, hoodies, everything. Rowback.com comma, promo code take. So what is the bet that you guys had for the mini golf bucks? Congratulations again.

Yeah, we had a bet where he guaranteed victory. And I said, you're not winning. I said, if you win, I'll give you five.

Not really. I framed it, but yeah, I should.

I should be fair. I don't remember exactly how it came about.

It's fine.

Good.

So it was ten to one odd. So I got. If I won, he was gonna be 5000. If anybody else won, I was getting 500.

Okay, so you're that confident?

Yeah.

And then looking back, I was like, that was the worst bet because I said, would you have taken 2000? He's a yes.

Yeah.

So I was. I was on the hook and. And I. Even before his meltdown. I was like. He's like. I was just worried about him, you know, you. It would be like if tigers coming. It's like, yeah, champs coming. I don't know what to do.

Yeah.

Very strange moment for me.

Very strange.

What was going through the old head.

I mean, on the unnamed show.

28 officially, by the way.

You got a 28 on that?

28.

Oh, no.

I mean, do I have to play this last round, man? I know others.

So you.

So you're with Frank?

Yeah.

You and Frank.

I know others have bailed on this tournament, but you keep in mind, I'm gonna. Despite this, I'm gonna play.

Hey, this guy, Jason day, actually, he's always playing well here. I don't know how he's playing coming in, but, yeah, he's been okay.

Well, it's. It's just like a portrait of mental illness, honestly. Like, I just. I can't. I was. I wasn't mad at the. Whitney was ahead. I was mad at how I played the hole before.

Yeah.

Missed the short one when I hit that shot. Then the effect. And when it went over at seven, my mind literally just went blank. Like, I just went red, and then that was. I don't really remember much about it.

Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, you did have the perfect.

I could have killed somebody. Honestly, I could kill Ron Lockman.

Yeah, you had the perfect reply. Because people came up to you just like, what happened? You're like, mental illness is funny to you?

Yeah, I'm here to be a clown.

Fine.

But, you know, I battled every day, but. But, yeah, that was not. Not a good moment.

Like.

And it's just stupid now I got to play in the first group with these losers, and it's called the respect. And it's just gonna be like. It's just gonna be like, you know, it feels beneath me, but it's my own fault. Like, I put myself. That's why I'll yell at Hank at some point, but it's not Hank's fault. I did something stupid. They're following the rules. I don't have a problem with that.

So what's gonna happen for the next one? Because we're gonna do this every year now, right?

Well, I presume if I'm invited.

Yeah.

No, you're invited, presumably. I will make sure you're a former champion.

I would think I have, yes. The big thing now, though, I will say, is Jeff D. Low one in the Hamptons. I won last year. If Whitney wins, he does get to choose the champions. Dinner the night before.

Medium steak, medium steak.

I had your back. That not. I don't like medium steak, but people should get to enjoy however they want.

And if you order your steak medium at very nice steak houses, it ends up coming out medium.

That's why. Medium rare plus.

Yeah, that's true.

That's what I do.

Next year. We were talking about this this morning. Next year should be.

It needs to be a legit course.

So next year, I think we're going.

To do limited field, maybe.

Yeah.

It's going to be a smaller field. No cut. And we're going to also change. Would like to change, like, the obstacles, the holes during, like, after round one. So that way people can't figure it out.

I think the biggest thing is getting break. And I don't know how hard that is, but when it's just dead flat, every time, mini golf all about hitting up the hill, it comes back to your foot. Like, if it's just flat.

Yeah.

I don't think the excitement will ever be that nuts.

Well, they did a good job, though.

It's a good.

Yeah, it was all.

It's awesome.

I'm just, like, chirping it. I make it, like, harder and maybe. I know Taylor made. Gave us these awesome putters, but it's more about the plastic mini golf putter.

Yeah. Yeah. How do you feel about the.

The Mickey mouse stuff? Like the windmills?

I think that's what.

I'll have one or two in there. Just because mini golf, like something.

That's where you can make a ten.

Yeah. Yep.

Or a one.

Yeah.

Like, even the best player could absolutely fuck up. And it's not their fault.

Yeah.

That's mini golf.

Yeah.

All right, boys. Thank you so much. Bryson's minus seven right now.

Shit.

Yeah. Yeah.

You know what? Him and the hunt's great.

It is.

I agree with you.

His quotes, just how he goes about things. It'll be a story.

His first answer to Prescott is so dumb.

Yeah.

Champions dinner would suck ass.

It is true.

It would be like molecular shit, like.

Way protein the astronauts eat.

Yeah. Yeah.

Just.

There is nothing funnier, though, than, like, someone who has a lot of money, a lot of time, and is very dumb, then races themselves that. There's this person.

YouTube channel.

Yeah. Right.

Yes. And they just lit and they just consume all kinds of weird shit. And then all of a sudden, they're an expert. So that is. That is Bryson. I. We hated on Bryson when the Brooks Bryson rivalry was going, but they've squashed the beef, so we have to squash beef. No, I think that's only.

But it's still in the back of my head.

Yeah, no, I'm ready to go like this. Like, yeah, yeah.

I'm all over it.

But he is good for storylines. All right, thank you both. Appreciate it. Oh, wait, Stanley cup pick. We're going to have you back on.

In a couple of weeks, so I'm all Oilers, but. But if anyone else is going to get it done, I think Dallas is the only thing I told. I've told everyone in this office, if you want to make a future bet, Dallas, if they play Vegas in the first round, I don't hold responsibility on it because even if they beat him, they're going to kick the shit out of each other. But Dallas is the best team in the league.

Okay. All right.

You have anything to say about the NBA?

Me?

No.

Oh, Ryan, I saw. Yeah, Ryan likes.

Ryan hates. Yeah. I haven't.

I haven't done, but I saw a guy missed a game the other night for a headache.

Mm hmm.

That's headache stank, though.

That's fucking you.

You would have liked. Deandre Ayton, who was on the sun's top draft pick, got traded to the Blazers this past year, and, like, two months into the season, he complained because he was sleeping on an air mattress and he's made, like, hundreds of million dollars. And he was just like, yeah, I'm sleeping on air mattress. People don't know what I'm going through. Like, you just didn't buy a real mattress. He also missed a game because the roads were too icy.

That's the worst. And once again, I like the game of basketball. I cannot stand the NBA.

I'm old.

I'm all.

I.

You know, I loved it growing up, but it does bother me that they just, the other night was flipping around. They shot twelve straight possessions. They shot a three. I know, I know.

I agree with you, but I'm just.

Like, this is not what I like. Yeah, I like, but I get it's.

Will you be more into the NBA Finals than the cup finals?

Mmm.

In terms of enter, depends on who's.

It probably, because it's most likely gonna be nugget Celtics.

Yeah.

That's a good matchup.

What if it was like, oilers leafs?

Yeah, those were both.

That would be.

I love all sports, so, yeah, I would.

Okay.

If it was like, if Canada had a chance to win Stanley cup, that would be an awesome story. But if you get, like, gold knights again, I'm gonna. Although the NBA Finals last year sucked. I mean, the Nuggets were just so much better than the Heat. It wasn't. But I love whenever there's a good fight, you know, when a finals goes to six, seven and you're like, do.

You agree that the first round of the Stanley cup plays is the best chaos?

Yes.

Because it's, it's, it's kind of like the first round of March madness where it's like you don't know what's going to happen and it can't.

It's just two weeks of four games.

Yeah.

No, the first round. The NBA playoffs suck because you just know you can just pencil in the, the one, twos and threes and then, you know, maybe you'll get a good series out of four and five.

I get anxious just watching playoff overtime. Hockey. If I don't have a dog in the fight, if you're a player, if you're out there on the ice during overtime, in the playoffs, do you feel as nervous as.

No. Watching.

It's way even now watching, I'm just like, yeah, it's like a panic. The time playing. No, no. Just how we were in double overtime in the cup finals and we were just, I just remember not even like thinking about it. But you're not thinking like how a fan would be sitting there on the edge of their seat the whole time.

Yeah, it's crazy. Watching it is the best. All right, thank you, boys.

Guys, God bless.

Welcome back to another Fyre fest. You of the week, brought to you by our friends over at Morgan and Morgan. You know what really sucks? Sleeping in, missing a podcast. You know what else really sucks? Getting injured. But you know what doesn't suck? Calling Morgan and Morgan so they can help you get what you deserve. While they can't help you wake up on time, they can help fight to get you full and fair compensation when injured. If you're ever injured, you can check out Morgan and Morgan. Their fee is free unless they win. For more information, go to forthepeople.com PMT or dial pound law 529 from your cell phone. That's f o r the people.com PMT or dial pound law. Pound law 529 from your cell. This is a paid advertisement.

Okay, fyre fest the week. Let's set the table real quick. If you can put the camera on the couch. There is no Henry Lockwood here right now. So we have an idea that Hank has possibly slept in. His phone maybe wasn't charged because we've all texted him. I texted him something unrelated. At 930 in the morning.

No, it is pretty early right now.

Big cat oh, yeah. It's 1120 on a Thursday. Let's just give him one last chance.

Yep.

So he did play three rounds of golf.

Yes, played three rounds of golf. So we're going to tape our fire fests. Hank hopefully is fine, and he will be here later at some point, but we will get his take after we do our firefest. Whenever he does show up, as we're taping this. So how it works is we sometimes will have, like, different stuff going on during the day. So we tape in different portions. So I texted last night, I was like, hey, let's do end of the show at around 11:00 a.m. We'll have Kirk and Whitney on, and then we'll wait till the masters first round is over so that we have updated to start the show. So everyone knew the plan. Hank is sleeping as of right this 2nd 1121 on a Thursday morning. When he wakes up, he is going to be in the worst mood of all time. I mean, he's not a good wake up or anyway. Yeah, but when he realizes that it's I. How late you think he can sleep?

It's Sunday.

It's Sunday. Scary is in turbo mode. When you do this on a weekday, like, if you're supposed to be at work, if you've ever overslept, missed, missed a class, missed a meeting, he's going to come in, he's going to react one or two ways. Choose your own adventure with Hank. Is Hank going to be like, I'm sorry I fucked this up. Hand up. It's on me. Or Hank could come in and just be mad at everyone because he knows that we made fun of him before he got here.

I think it's gonna be the latter.

You think he's gonna go be pre mad?

I think it's gonna be like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna make a joke when he walks in, and he's gonna just be like, give me that death stare. Like, okay, I see.

I think he's gonna take accountability. It'd be like, I screwed up.

You guys can make fun of me.

No, no chance. He will take accountability in the fact that you can't really say anything when you're a 30 year old man who sleeps till noon on a Thursday.

I think it's.

He's not gonna be happy that we're making fun of him.

Do you think it was a I forgot to plug in my phone or he had some power issues his apartment?

I think. I think he forgot to plug in his phone and he was overtired because we have been going all over the place. So that I will back Hank up on. We have been working a lot, and mini golf takes a lot out of you.

Yeah, I forgot to specify that. Three rounds of golf or mini golf.

Yeah, mini golf, but, yeah, I think. Listen, I also. We're going to. We have a job to do. He's got a job to do.

Yep.

Our job is to make fun of him. His job is going to be to get mad at us, because I don't think that this is so beyond scaries when you.

When.

When he wakes up, he is going to have the worst 1520 minutes ever. Ever. Max, what are you gonna say?

I'm just thinking, like, I was gonna ask him to do an ad read, and. Pft, I may be asking you to do that ad read now because.

Because of Hank?

Yeah.

Oh, now he's affecting my day. Actually, you know what's gonna be very funny is the, like, five minutes after he wakes up when he looks at his phone and it's dead, and then he has to plug it in and wait.

Yeah.

And he's just gonna be staring at his phone. Imagine imagining the text, like a jack in the box from hell that are going to pop out of that thing in his face. And, oh, my God.

Sometimes when you, like, first plug it in and it, like, takes way longer than it should for it to actually turn on. I hope it. I hope it's ten minutes.

And he.

It's probably says something, maybe about my relationship with Hank, because I've known him for so long. But when. When this happened to pft a few years ago and his phone was unplugged and he slept in, I was, like, calling everyone, thinking he had died. And I was like, it's very, very concerned with Hank. It's like, all right, well, we got to record and make fun of him.

Yeah.

That time, I don't think I even had anything.

No, we did.

We had the interview. We had an interview because you came into the interview late.

Yeah.

And you're like, I slept in legit was like, is he okay?

The worst thing ever about that day was coming into work, and I think I came in at, like, noon, and everybody in the office was like, are you all right?

Yeah.

And they thought that I had, like, a problem.

Yeah.

And I thought you would die.

Yeah.

People, I got. I got texts from everybody, like, are you alive? Are you okay? And then I had to just come and be like, I was just tired. I'm sorry. Like, I slept in. But, yeah, this is if something happens.

We'Re never gonna hear this.

No.

Yeah, I guess I am a little nervous now that I just said that out loud. Who would we. Oh, Hank sleeps in, though.

Yeah, he does.

He's a sleeper, so that. That makes me a little. But what point do I do? We start sounding alarms. We're like, should we do a wellness check?

I think one. I was thinking 1231 meme says after lunch.

Okay. After lunch, I will call his. His residence and see if maybe the doorman can do a wellness check. Well, now that. Now this just kind of put a shiver down my spine. Yeah, but we will never. He's just tired. Yeah, he's fine. He's fine. He's fine.

He's just tired, and he's grumpy.

He's absolutely fine. Okay. Fire fest.

Pft.

My fyre fest.

The week is.

I have to do an ad read because Hank, that's tough.

That's tough.

I was.

I thought I was free and clear today. I didn't get any text from memes this morning. He hasn't sauntered up behind me like the undertaker and just been like, hey, apft. I got a camera.

Can do that read.

To be completely fair, I also hadn't brought it up to Hank that I needed him to do the ad read either.

So then you should save that. Yeah, you should save that and bring it up to him. Also, one thing we forgot to say is the good news for Hank is it's not like the entire company's here this today.

Yeah.

It's not like Dave's in the office.

That adds so much to it, because if it was just us, he would just have to deal with us giving him shit. Like, if Dave needs him for some reason in the next 3 hours and can't find him. Oh, my God.

And if whitney catches wind of this.

Oh, it would be a shame it's over. Told him it'd be a real shame.

If someone were to let Kirk Minahan know.

Oh, no.

Uh, but my real fire fest of the week is, uh, I've had. I've had dog trouble this week. Dog trouble. Starting last week with Blake, he's been limping a lot. Took him into the vet. Was very scared because there's all sorts of shoulder injuries that they said he could have. And, uh, they're all, like, a six month to a year recovery. And Blake's very much a puppy, and so he's obviously, like, super, super active. Turns out it's growing pains, but it's bad growing pains. The worst part about this whole experience has been, I've had Blake doped up to hell all week. So he's drooling, he's sleeping, trying to keep his energy down so he doesn't walk around at all. But every time he starts to sober up, he just starts to sprint, sprint around the house because he's like, holy shit, I can play again. And then he re injured his shoulder. So it's like hurt or injured. I think he's just hurt. Um, but when he wakes up, he's now waking up super early in the morning because he sleeps all day. So he wakes up at like 05:00 a.m. And he just comes up to me and just claws my chest, paused me to roll me over or wake me up.

And he's been, it's been tough trying to try to just get any sort of exercise into him without him re injuring himself. And so now today, I'm out of all the, like, sedatives that I had for him. So now he's just going to be re injuring himself left and right, left and right, running around. So, yeah, this is going to be an interesting masters weekend because I, like you said, best couch weekend of the year. Blake's not going to want. He's going to be like, let's go out and play.

You get more.

Get off the couch.

Get.

Can you get more prescription? Could we get pug could go get some pug?

Yeah, pug could get some.

Go to the bat.

Yeah, hook it up.

Get some.

Trace it on pug.

Yeah, he'll get it.

Get him on a drip, but that's bad. And then also my house is the joys of a homeowner. You forget, like, all the stuff that you're super used to take care of. I've had, like, three things fall apart in my house this war time. And now because it's out of the wintertime, I have to fix those things, like the garage door. Remember when I told you the garage got frozen to the bottom so it bent the door. Now I have to get my garage door fixed. My outside door got jammed and I tried to yank it open and pulled it off the hinges and broke a hinge. And now I have to get that fixed. And, yeah, just stuff falling apart around the house, it's, it's tough.

It's crazy because, you know, as everyone knows from, from Billy's campaign, dudes can't buy houses anymore. So I became a homeowner, whatever, a year ago. First time in my life. And it is. It's awesome. Owning a house. But, man, you forget how much shit. You could just call someone and be like, hey, come fix this.

Yeah.

Now you're like, it's. It's my house. I gotta fix it myself.

There's tons of stuff. And especially since I bought Michael Jordan's old house, having somebody come out and redo, like, the custom 23 garage door. Yeah, that's gonna take a long time.

Wood floors, buckling a little on your basketball court.

The blackjack table. Felt on the third blackjack table. Not the primary two coming up a little bit. And now I got to get a felt guy.

Oh, man.

Sucks.

Yeah, the. Those, like, the uber, uber rich who just have, like, house managers.

Yeah, that's it. Like, a guy that is the boss.

Yeah.

Who just is around the house, and he's just like, yeah, I'll take care of this. I'll take care of that.

You have a company that works inside your house because you have the manager, and then you have, like, the landscapers.

Yeah.

And all the handymen. It'd be nice to be that rich.

Really nice. Okay. My fyre fest is. I tweeted this on Saturday when we were at the final four. But after 39, maybe not 39 years, because probably when I was a baby, this happened probably 34 years. I had a great run as a guy who didn't spill on himself, and that run has come to an end. I am now a spill guy. Happens probably once a week. Chips and queso have become the devil. I just end up with a spill no matter what. I think its reflexes have gotten slower and just maybe not paying as much attention because I was. I did pride myself as being a guy who very rarely spilled anything.

I think I know what it is.

What?

I think I know the difference.

This. This.

Ive noticed this about myself, and I think, as a dad, this applies more directly to you. You probably do more eating while standing.

Yes.

Than you did at any other point.

Very true. Well, I. I am a big stand and eat guy because I am convinced that if youre standing while eating it, the calories are basically halved because it's like you never sat down and had a real meal. But, yeah, it's. It's tough to come to grips with being like, okay, I'm the guy who will just have a huge mark right in the middle of his sweatshirt or t shirt once a week, and there's nothing I can do about it. I've just. I've become. I actually appreciate everyone, because when I did tweet it, there was a lot of people who like welcome to the club.

Mmm.

Like, it's. It's okay once you admit it, because I think that would probably be worse if I. If somehow denied the fact that I was a spill guy. If I was a spill guy in denial, I think that would be worse because I would basically just be living like, oh, no, I'm fine. I don't spill. I'm a spill guy.

Yeah.

Spill on myself.

I've noticed I've started to spill way more when I drink.

Yeah.

It's like, out the side of my mouth. Doesn't work.

Your mouth doesn't work?

Yeah.

Your mouth doesn't work. Your hands don't work.

It's just.

Yeah, reflexes are just different. Like, I'll have moments where I will. I will spill. And old me would. Would do the thing where, you know, you almost step back. Like in the matrix.

Yeah.

Dodge the thing that's coming down on your shirt.

You might have to be.

That doesn't even happen.

Might become a bib guy.

I should become a rock.

How come bibs are only for. For guys that are eating lobster and babies. We should have more bibs.

Yeah, bibs are fine. Or you could be.

We could just design shirts that have, like, pre designed spills on them.

Yeah, that would be good, too.

But it's. It's. It's.

It's getting to a point, too, where I think when you have to fully admit that you're a spill guy is. I've had multiple times in the last couple of months where I spill and don't realize I spilled for a solid, like, 510 minutes. Yeah, that's worse, because you didn't even come into my head that, like, oh, you might have spilled on yourself. And then I looked down, ten minutes later, I'm like, there's just a fucking huge splotch of salsa on my shirt.

So.

My dad used to always be shirtless around the house.

He.

If it wasn't, like, if there wasn't company over, he would just be like, I'm in my own house.

Let me stop you. I can't take my shirt off. Well, okay.

Well, that.

Yeah, maybe let me copy.

Right. That might.

That might be the next.

Nodding his head right now. There's got their shirt guys and non.

Yeah, but no, there's a lot of dudes. They get older. They don't. They don't care. It's like, my house. I'm gonna take my shirt off and hang out. No, you can't spill on your shirt if you're not wearing one.

You don't have enough shame if you're one of those.

Yeah.

And, and just to be clear, like, I would love to be a shirtless guy. You just have to. I'd have to be 40 pounds lighter because I always was jealous of the guy who would, you know, it's 60 degrees out, first nice day in spring, and they're just walking around with their top off because they have something to flaunt. I have to keep my shirt on at all times.

And I make fun of those guys.

I'm like, oh, this guy coming around.

With a shirt all. Just wants to show everyone he has. But, like, realistically, I'd love to.

Speaker two.

Oh, yeah, of course. Of course, Max, you can back me up. I probably have no shirt on for. Not counting shower time, 15 seconds a day. It's as I quick change, even in my bathroom, in my closet, I'll quick change. Hate it. So, yeah, that one's out.

Good.

Good idea. But it's out.

You just gotta transition to not giving a fuck.

Nah, it's, it's still. Because you just know what you look like without your shirt on, and it's such a bad scene that you. It's actually. We're actually being gracious to everyone around us.

Yes.

No one wants to see that.

Also, spill guy. Spill guy has to do it. Like, that's also a fat guy move.

Yeah, but I don't know.

No, no, Max, you're, you're very wrong about that. Spill guy affects all body types.

Bill guy, I think is yet more reflexes. Like, cuz I was not a spill guy. I know people won't believe me, but for the longest time I was, you know, even like, I proud. I prided myself on being an incredible ice cream cone guy. Like, I was. I didn't have that shit flying around. I was. I knew when the bottom was starting to give. Get that, get that napkin under there. It just, it just went on me. So reflexes are gone. I'm a spill guy now.

I think you got it.

So you should either wear a bib or you should sit down more while you eat.

Yeah.

Those are the only two options here. But I don't think that sitting down while you eat it is really an option at all. Because when we're on the road, we. We graze. Yeah, there's like food that's around.

Exactly.

Sometimes we don't have dinner time. Sometimes we don't have lunch. We have like a little spread that set out while we're working. You have to stand while you eat that.

I ate. I was very hungry this morning. I ordered breakfast at our lunch at 930, which was crazy, but whatever, just follow me here. I got a burrito. I ate the whole burrito over a trash can because I was like, I know this is going to be a problem. So I was just standing over a trash can being like, I can't let a spill happen at 930 in the morning when I'm eating lunch and people are like, why do you have burrito on your fucking sweatshirt at 930 in the morning? So, yeah, I'm a spill guy. I brace it. Welcome all the spill guys who have welcomed me to the party. I appreciate it. We will stand together. No shaming spills. It just happens some. Sometime in life. You just become a spill guy.

Should make a car wash for dudes.

I think it's just shower.

No, but just walk through it.

Just walk through it real fast.

All right.

Jake finishes off and then we'll actually, we'll add on Hank. So finishes off and then we'll do Hank.

Alright, so Saturday night after the final.

Four, it took me an hour and a half to get an Uber. I was stranded at State Farm Stadium.

I would have just given up and.

The prices kept going up. Yeah, it was like $200.

Get home, they surge you.

It's crazy.

Yeah, that's.

It's such a frustrating thing when the. The app is like, still loading, loading, loading. Your driver details. Soon after about 45 minutes, I just. I just would have held my breath. I walked like, okay, that's it for me.

I asked for a cab company and I called them and no one answered.

And it was just a disaster.

I should have sat on the curb and cried. I was that point.

Yeah.

Hitchhike. Bring back hitchhiking.

Bring back hitchhiking.

Hitchhiking was safe. I feel like hitchhiking got a bad rap because there are a couple serial killers out there.

Murders. Who cares? Who cares?

I'd say. I'd say almost 100% of serial killers. Excuse me. Almost 100% of hitchhikers ended without a serial killer encounter. And that's how everyone got around in the sixties.

Yeah, that's true. Talk to your people, guys. Ruined it.

Yeah.

Okay, so should we just stop right here and then we'll do Hank.

Yep.

So we're gonna have. The next thing you'll hear is Henry Lockwood sitting on this couch with the biggest fire festival.

Mm hmm.

Okay, so, Hank.

Hey, guys.

Good to see that you're alive.

We're just now doing Fyre fest of.

The week, so we actually taped a whole fyre fest without you. And we said during it that, like, we may just have to delete this if you're dead, but you're not.

I'm not excited to hear that. I am excited that I'm alive, and that's not, uh. You guys want to do that?

Yeah.

We were worried sick about you, Hank.

Yeah.

Worried sick.

Yeah.

I mean, that's fair. That's a. It's a fair concern. It was. It was a very reasonable hour to be awake, and I wasn't, so.

Yeah.

Walk us through what, uh, what happened and how bad your scaries were when you realized what had happened.

My anxiety is still crawling out of my skin. No excuses, really. Just really. Just embarrassing, honestly. But if I was giving excuses, which I'm not, there are none. Right. More just why it happened. Was up. Was up early yesterday, was here early for mini golf. Only had a couple hours of sleep. Long day. And then Caleb, our friend, was in town. He's like, oh, I'm gonna come, you know, check out your apartment. That turned into a long night. That turned into a long night. We went out late, few bars, club, late night on little sleep. Got home, put my phone in the charger, turned my fan app on, but it was on the charger where? It's on the back, not plugged in.

Oh, the magnetic chargers.

One of those magnetic chargers. You just put it on and assume it charges. And then I opened my eyes, and I was like, it's really bright outside, and I'm rested. And I was like, this is bad. I could just tell by how much, you know, I knew what time I went to bed, and I was like, I could tell by how rested I was that this. Yeah, this is very bad. And I was like, my phone was dead. I was like, oh, fuck. This is disaster. Couldn't even figure out how to get the time. I was like, I know. I know this is bad, but what time is it?

We said that.

We're like, I don't think he has a clock.

I have a clock in my. I have a clock in my microwave. I found.

And I was praying in your microwave?

On my microwave, praying that it was, like, the time difference. It was an hour ahead somehow, that it was, like, 1140 and. Or that was 1040, not 1140. And then I turned on my tv. I figured out if I turned on my tv and looked at the guide, it would tell me, yeah. And it was 1140.

Do you remember there was a number growing up, there's gonna date us, that you could call and get the time? Yeah, it would just tell you what time it was.

I wouldn't have had a phone to call.

Yeah, so, all right, so the worst part had to have been the moment you woke up to the moment your phone was fully charged to turn on.

Yeah.

Cuz I also left my laptop here, so I was like, I couldn't even, I couldn't even get on. The anxiety about what I missed and texting calls and stuff was, was just absolutely ripping. And it took, it felt like it took an hour for my phone to turn on.

Yeah, you actually. You missed OJ's death.

Yeah.

Oh, J died. Did you know that?

What?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, nice.

We get to break the news. Egg Simpson.

J. Simpson.

Dead.

How dead? Died by death. Dead.

That's confirmed.

Yeah.

Firm dead. Everyone's been talking about it.

That's insane.

He ain't coming back.

That is.

I wish we hadn't told him.

Yeah.

See, how long could he go without knowing?

Back of the week on.

Wow.

So Hank, you didn't know OJ?

No.

What are your thoughts on OJ?

Bad guy.

Yeah.

Good riddance.

Yeah.

Only the good die young. He was 78.

That's older than I thought.

So what are we, what are we gonna reassess the protocol here? We're gonna have a meeting about, you know, how we internally, how we fix this so it doesn't happen again.

Probably. If he does it again, he has.

To get a soul patch for two years.

Yep.

Who was the first call? Was I the first call?

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

I mean, the fact that I called your, your apartment, cuz I was, I was like, we did the whole fire fest.

Well, it's also Wednesday.

I never go, I would never.

I thought you'd gone home, cuz you were about.

I did go home.

I was home.

And Kay was like, I was gonna come check your apartment. I'm gonna like have a couple drinks and hang out.

So it's Caleb.

No, no, it's my fault.

Hank, I have a serious question for you. Have you become a club guy?

Always kind of been a club guy.

But like, I think you're really into clubs now.

No, not necessarily.

I. It's.

It's fun. It's fun in the right. Right circumstance, I think, like, I wouldn't go to a club on a regular weekend. Yeah, on a Friday. Like I, you know, if I was going out this week, I won't go to a club.

Is it okay, fact of fiction is Wednesday a weeknight?

Wednesday is a weeknight.

Okay. Okay.

I think Hank is in the category. Caleb had a famous line. Maybe five years ago, where he just was like, I'm done apologizing for partying. He was like, I'm just not. I'm gonna party. And I don't care what anyone says about it. I think Hank might be in that spot.

Yeah.

I apologize for partying last night. I mean, my. My actions are bad. I'm trying to figure out a way to.

You're not in trouble.

No, I know, but I just. I just. I just feel bad.

I'm gonna.

I think I'm gonna. I'm gonna get a bar tab for the crew. Crew members of mini golf. I've had a busy days. Try and.

Try to go back to the bar tonight.

I don't know if I'm gonna go.

But I'm gonna wait.

Will pay it forward.

I actually turn into the exact same thing tomorrow.

I just remembered something, Hank. Sunday, you told me that you were done drinking for six weeks.

Oh, no, I was.

We were getting a beer before the.

Game, and he was like, yeah, this. This will probably be my last day. I'm gonna go six weeks, no drinking.

I mean, I did. That was the plan.

And then I went home, and I was like, oh, you know.

Wait, you did what? I went two days without drinking?

Yeah, no, I have. I have. I have no excuse.

Quit drinking for six weeks for two days.

I am quitting drinking now until May. I have a wedding.

What?

Friends wedding in May 18.

Okay.

What about tonight?

Well, this is like, you got a, you know, hair of the dog.

Yeah, you got.

If, you know, I don't know if I'll go, but I'm gonna. I'm gonna get the tab, and if I go, I might have, you know, one beer.

Just one. I'm happy you're okay. Because there was. We joked about it, and then the fear started to creep in my head where I was like, wait, are we joking about something that could be an actual problem?

No.

No.

Just.

I'm a fucking idiot.

What you said was very, very relatable, though, where you wake up and you immediately feel so good that you feel bad.

Yeah.

You feel like I'm way too rested.

Yeah.

Okay, well, numbers. Let's do numbers. Good show. Scott Van Pelt on Monday, as is.

Tradition, take 20 for the amount of hours Hank slept last night.

I'll take 17.

Three. I was gonna do that.

Fuck. Three. All right, I'll take.

What's Max's usual number? 20.

I took that.

Oh, you did? Okay, 18. Give me 56.

Tiger hitting lefty.

Why?

Lefty, why did you pick 56?

Why?

That's the only number I've ever won on at the old office.

Oh, I just happen to pick it.

Wait, look. Yeah, no, I'm not.

Shane.

21.

57.

Oh.

Love you guys.

I say. Anyway, today's a map day to find you shine away I'll be coming for your lover

take on me take me out I'll be gone.