Already, Hank. All right, we got three to one up, Billy's getting his pictures in early and Billy is going to take 10 pictures in the first. All right. On today's part of my take, Billy's got to take how many pictures and during the show, just wanted to take a picture 21. OK, that's too good already. Three to one.

How many pictures will keep that? And how many pictures are you supposed to take during the show?

21, 22, 21. I have 20 more. I imagine 20 of them are going to be 18 of them are going to be in the first six minutes. Overunder was a ten and a half.

Yeah, he's I think the point is. So I can get the film developed today so I can tweet out the twenty pictures. OK, great. Billy is photographers so you can't just take pictures of the floor.

Yeah I know. I'm, I want to get good one of them. Clapping Beautiful. All right. On today's part of my take, we have Matthew McConaughey. We teased this interview. It's fucking awesome. 50 minutes with the legend. We talk about his new memoir that it's out now. It is awesome. Awesome. We got an advance copy.

We I'm not going to take full credit for reading the book, but I perused it, so that counts. I read it. I read like 50 pages out of the book. And it is a it's an easy read because you just imagine that you're hearing Matthew McConaughey say every right and it feels like you're just being narrated. The book. Very cool, very cool interview.

It was one of those interviews I walked away just smiling at how awesome it was. So get excited for that.

We have the Cowboys dumpster fire a little Monday Night Football clean up with hotsy cool thrown.

We going do some NFL power rankings after after week six is in the books.

We've got guys on chicks.

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Go download it right now. Use Code Bar so you get ten dollars for free. Ten dollars to the ASPCA. Today is Wednesday, October 21st. Matthew McConaughey on the show. Awesome interview coming up. But before we do that, the Dallas Cowboy boys are dead, DEA dead. Mike McCarthy. It's very rare that you get a new coach who's an old coach six weeks into the season and there's already a mutiny. He looks like he's given up.

So I think it was Jane Slater that tweeted out that the team was trying to keep things in-house, trying to not let things out. And they did the opposite. And they said our coaches just aren't very good. They don't know how to coach. They don't know how to make any sort of adjustments. But that's Mike McCarthy like that is the story of his his career after the game last night. It was so funny watching him in his postgame press conference because he had the look of a guy that was trying to, like, sneak in and out of an adult novelty store like a porn store.

He had this big jacket on. He had his cap pulled down like below his eyes, just hoping that he could get out of the building before he got fired that night.

And he had he had the quote, which is always there's two things that will tell you that a coach is in trouble. One is when they are, they basically give the old fashioned like my job is to coach his team. I'm going to keep coaching this team to someone told me I should coach this team anymore. And number two is you should have seen us in practice. And he had the number to the we practice great. This week. We thought our practice was awesome.

I mean, I made the joke. It's the Marc Trestman. If you had seen the Bears of 2014 bears in practice, you would have thought that they were the 85 Bears. That's when a coach tells you that the practice is so much better than what you watch on Sunday. That's usually a good sign that things aren't going so well.

The practice couldn't have been any worse than what we saw on Monday night. It was I it was bad. I felt bad.

And I went to sleep. I was like, you know what? I'm not going to waste an hour of sleep to watch this fourth quarter when the cowboys are completely dead.

Oh, so for me, that's the exact opposite of wasting an hour of my life. That is the happiest I am, especially as a member. You have to wake up early. That's right. Yeah. You have a kid, not me. I'm twenty seven, so I can stay up late if I need to. Yeah. And watching the Dallas Cowboys lose as a Washington football fan. That is my Super Bowl. Seeing them get embarrassed. There they are.

They're ridiculously bad. But Spin Zone Jerry Jones just had his birthday. They brought up. You were probably asleep already. But do you know how old Jerry Jones is? If you were to guess 75? Yeah, 78. Jerry Jones, he is he looks great for 78. If it's if we're living in the time of the Industrial Revolution, he's somehow, as a billionaire, looks 20 years older than he really is.

Well, he's it's the diminishing returns on plastic surgery. If you get plastic surgery is kind of like cocaine, like the first one is great.

And then when you keep having to go back, you're like, well, now my head hurts and puts a smile on their face. Right. And you just have to just sit there and keep doing plastic surgery to fix the other plastic surgery until you look like Meg Ryan.

Oh, yeah. It's the main effect. Absolutely. Yeah, he it's a combination of that. And also just like pickling his entire body, he's his body instead of like formaldehyde, which is used to, you know, like keep mummies looking pristine. He's just got Johnnie Walker blue coursing through his veins. It's starting to seep out. It's bad. It's bad.

So much for the Andy Dalton over on the offense as equal or if not better than Dak Prescott. That is not true. I actually it was so bad. I thought to myself, like, what? What if they just put a really good cast on Dak? And every time that he was about to get sacked, he just went down like, just let him stand there, shotgun, throw the ball. I think it might have been better than they are just dak sitting down Indian.

So like he's got a cramp, right? Like in the shotgun formation just on his ass.

I think that Dak Prescott not moving would be better than Andy Darby put like a walking boot with some wheelies underneath and he just kind of wheeling around, throwing, you know, with one leg. I think that would have been better than Andy Dalton.

Or what about just a wheelchair? Yeah. If you could play with a wheelchair would have been better than Andy.

Don't never get tackled. You never touched the ground. I have an idea, though. Binda Nucci, Nilda Gucci quarterback at a James Madison to fix the Cowboys. I think the Cowboys should trade for Ryan Fitzpatrick.

Well, it's interesting you brought that up, I've seen a couple of people suggest that I was saying the same thing, but for the Washington football team, anyone in the NFC East, anyone in the NFC East should try to get Ryan Fitzpatrick.

And the reason is pretty simple. You can maybe win the division at six and 10. Yes, seven and nine. Your luck. Yes. And all you need to do is like hope that the Fitz magic time's up perfectly at the start of the playoffs. So maybe you win two playoff games with a weird couple of Fitzpatrick games back to back. Your team's not going to get that much better in the short term where, you know, like wasting that potential high draft pick that you're not going to use on Trevor Lawrence because the Jets have a stranglehold on it.

You might as well try to make the playoffs, get a couple more games in under the belt and just kind of let the chips fall where they may.

Well, more than that, it's just the Cowboys. They have no offensive line. And besides, maybe Kirk Cousins, like the second worst guy to be behind a terrible offensive line is Andy Dalton. He's the everything has to be right guy. Ryan Fitzpatrick is the opposite. Ryan Fitzpatrick doesn't need an offensive line. Ryan Fitzpatrick is run around with his head cut off, running over linebackers and throwing picks and throwing touchdowns. He's the perfect guy. Maybe Case Keenum maybe go with Case Keenum too.

He's another guy. They just let him run around like you need someone like that, not Andy Dalton. It's it's the worst quarterback for that situation.

Yeah, I would say Russell Wilson is probably the all time, all time backup quarterback to read for having a shitty offensive line. But yes, good guys that would be available I would say. Yeah Case Keenum is not bad. Well Alex Smith. Great. Well I'll trade for Alex Smith made kind of bad offensive line. Did you see what he said in the interview that SBP yesterday. He was saying essentially what you said the other week which was like he like getting hit by Andong.

It's kind of messed up that he's warm like a backpack, but he enjoyed that sensation for a little bit.

Yeah. So the Cowboys are dumpster fire. We didn't really learn anything from the Cardinals. The other game. Now everyone is we get the other side of of being super fans of Josh Allen. Yes. He played bad. Yes. The bills looked they have not looked great in the last two weeks. It's just straight up. They have not looked great. You know, he was not going to be the MVP. Now, you had a great start to the year.

He's probably not going to be MVP now. I think that's fair to say.

There was it is bills got bills to me or a team that they're building something and they're just not there yet.

They got in there and they you know, they played the chiefs and they played the Titans on the weird covid Tuesday night game. They look bad in both those games. They got to get back. They got to get right. They got to play some. They can play the jets, get that swag back and then, you know, trying to build off of that. Yeah, I mean, you're right.

It was two very good teams that they've had to play in that they haven't looked good against. But if you're a really good team, you have to be able to you've got to be competitive in one of those two games. And they were they were kind of competitive against the chiefs at the end. They, like, brought it back, but it never felt like it was close.

So that was not a call that was going to cause not indicative of how the game I'm going to chalk this performance by Josh owned up to the rain.

It was it was a blustery day and the participation was not conducive to Rocket being launched. So I'm Hank.

Don't don't don't ask, don't. I won't challenge.

You say it was like, OK, bills, bills are still like they're going to be Friskies, they're going to be around, they're probably going to win the AFC East, but they need to figure out some stuff, especially on defense if they want to be able to win some place.

OK, so that actually is a good Segway because I. Well, the Chiefs, by the way. Well, let's do this. So I jotted down some power rankings. There's seven power rankings, and I want you to critique and move around. I'll let you have final say on where the teams go.

So I have contenders, contenders with a pause, which is really just fraudulent contenders.

But I don't want people to get mad at me for saying fraudulent.

Can we do the instead of contenders with the pause? Can we rebrand that as how Chris Berman used to always refer to the Jags? The Yeah but yeah.

But supports the. Yeah but it's good. Not great teams. Bad good team. I know I got those in like good bad teams. Yeah. Just straight up bad and then the NFC East.

OK, so the NFC East is the seventh, that's just the NFC East teams and the Jets. That's like the Circle of Hell and Dante's Inferno. That's just Satan's dish. Yes. So contenders, I only have the chiefs, I only have the chiefs because I only feel like really, really confident that the chiefs if we're doing. Yeah, but I don't see a but with the chiefs, especially when they just decided they were going to run the ball better than any team has ever run the ball against the bills and be like, hey, we have Patrick Mahomes, but instead we'll just do this.

And oh yeah, we have Le'Veon Bell coming soon as well. So I don't know what the chiefs like. Yeah, maybe you could say their defense, but they picked it up last year, you know, when they needed to, because my my only panic attack.

My only problem with that is to be a contender. Don't you have to have something that you're contending against? The only team that can beat the Chiefs is themselves. Correct. Like when they read when they overlooked the Raiders, when Andy Reid didn't use any timeouts, it was like, what's going on?

So it's the chiefs against the chiefs, right, as the contenders there, the contender. Did you see this is probably my favorite take of the year. This lady on Twitter said Andy Reid is the type of man that will make your thighs quick.

Oh, yeah, OK. I love Andy Reid's wife. It was not Andy Reid's wife, was it?

Was it like a chef at a steak house in Kansas City?

No. In fact, it's funny you brought that up because the only person or the only account that could tweet that out where it would make sense would be like a chicken restaurant. Yes. Like, oh, no, here comes Daddy. He's about to demolish all this dark meat. Yes. No, it was it was just kind of perking about Andy Reid's dick game.

Well, we did have wet walrus Andy Reid, which is a he's a sex symbol. Let's just call it like it is. He's a sex symbol. All right. So the next one is the Abbotts for my boss. I have Ravens Packers. Now, these are all really good teams. But you can say, like, OK, who the Ravens beat, like, they they they played the contenders on Monday Night Football and they got killed by the Chiefs.

So the Ravens, the Packers, the Seahawks, the Bucs and the Steelers. I would yeah. But I would bump the Steelers up to maybe contenders. OK, I thought about this.

Tinder's asked, and I love the Steelers and I have a future on the Steelers to win the Super Bowl. I think that this they will get pumped up if they if they handle the Titans on Sunday, because they if you look at who the Steelers have played, it's not a great it's the Giants. It's the Texans. It's someone to pull that up for me.

Giants Texans know they're playing the Titans and the Broncos with Jeff Driscoll as quarterback. And so, you know, Browns, the Browns like I think I believe in the Steelers personally, but I think that it's until you become a contender, you have to have like a signature win. That's why even the Bucs are down in the. Yeah, but because they have a signature win. But they also have two losses.

I don't like Mike Tomlin's quarterback. Like, I can't look past, can't look past is the most relatable to the Titans that Ravens.

So then we're going to find a Steelers could easily be in contender phase after these two weeks. I think that that's fair. But that to be like, hey, this is this team's very, very good. Let's see and be a really good team without their schedule.

SOF, Cowboys, Bengals, Jags, Ravens again, then Washington.

OK, OK. But I'll put them in the contenders if they go to win over here. And again, I mean I have a future on them. I think the Steelers are very, very good. All right. So that's the. Yeah but good. Not great is where it gets tricky.

Patriots, bills, browns, bears, titans, raiders, cardinals, rams, saints.

You've got too many teams in that. That's that's kind of the way to me, although there's a logjam in your good, not great division, but that's kind of the whole the whole NFL is that there are a lot of teams that certainly fall into that.

I would bump a few of those down into the into the best bad teams or the bad, good, good, bad, good teams. Yeah.

So in my bad, good teams, I would have the Saints, I would have the Rams, I would have the Patriots, the Browns and the Colts. OK, the Bears.

I know I'm put up, I'm bumping Bears up to the.

Yeah but don't do that.

The bears are. Yeah but team they're big cat they're five and one. So in my bad good teams I had Colts, Dolphins, Panthers, forty Niners. I think the Dolphins are more of a good bad team. No they're three and three.

Yeah they're good. Bad and two. All they do is going to be incredible. Who they beat. The San Fran. They beat signature. They did smoked with the hurt. Jimmy G smoked him. Smoked them good, bad team. All right, see the good bad teams and the Texans, the Lions, the Vikings, the Chargers, the Falcons and Broncos, you left out the Panthers.

I think the Panthers are good. I think they're bad. Good team. I think Teddy Bridgewater, we don't respect him enough. No, they're a good, bad team. The Raiders are definitely a good, bad team. Houston is the best good, bad team because they're the worst of those teams, but they're also the best potentially.

And the bad teams are Jaguars and Bengals. And then the NFC East is seventh with Giants, Cowboys, Eagles, Washington football team in Jets. Are they all just so bad? I put them in there. An honorary NFC East. Yeah, they should be in the NFC. I agree.

Well, I think the Jets are almost in division all to themselves. They're at the bottom of the NFC East. Yeah. Which is actually the worst place you could be. I have a hypothetical for you.

Yeah. Do you think that Alabama football could beat the Jets if everybody on the Jets had mono?

Would they be able to play? Yeah, yeah, they're allowed to play and, well, the spleen and the spleen, yeah. So, you know, so there are some players that could die of a ruptured spleen? No, I think they would. I don't think they would.

I think that I think that a healthy no. Nick Saban.

Clemson's better than Alabama. OK, so do Clemson. Let's switch it up.

Do you think that Clemson. Yes. Could beat the Jets if they all now? Yes. Yeah, I guess not. Bama, I agree with that. But what if.

OK, what if Bama Lawrences both Cubby's All-Time QB. Yeah, jets win. OK, Trevor Lawrence has mono. And just straight up against Alabama. Alabama. OK, everyone on Alabama is taking steroids except for the quarterback and half the players in the Jets, the defense has mono. How many cycles they've had? Three months, Billy.

I think the whole college NFL thing is one hundred percent. Just blocking. Tackling. What do you mean? Will they invest so much more money in their bodies in the NFL that you have a lot of guys who are just so much more stronger, so much more faster?

Well, and also they're like a roster. A college roster. Like what? How many pros on it? A pro roster has all pros. Exactly. Right.

So it's also that that's OK for fully healthy New York Jets team versus Clemson. And Clemson's defense is taking steroids, but they're not getting caught for it this time. I think I think the most balanced way to play the provost college would be pro only can run like Army's offense and college can do whatever then. I still would take the pros. Joe Flacco running the the Army offense. Yes.

Still take the pros. I think that's more fair. That would that's why be very funny.

No forward passes army so past like three a game three game and you have to throw left handed and two of them have to be interceptions.

I would love to see this.

I would love to see the Jets versus the best college team just to like prove everyone who's ever had that debate for real. So, so wrong because it's a hilarious debate.

They just run power every time. They're just way bigger and stronger and better at every position, just gache them.

Can you imagine how slow Joe Flacco would be if he had mono, though?

Yeah, he would be like my speed, maybe, you know, but maybe sometimes, you know, when you get sick and you have that little you're starting to feel a little better and you feel like Superman. Like maybe he's got that right after you hit the Theraflu. Yeah, man, I could run through a wall right now and it just kind of expires.

Well, if Clemson, like, take a picture yourself talking. If Clemson kills both all the quarterbacks that are listen to the game, then they have a chance.

First, all that we're talking murder. Well, great things just showing weakness. We do have Thursday Night Football to look forward to this week. And it's NFC East special edition, NFC Beast, Thursday, NFL, its Giants and Eagles. I just think that Thursday night should be only NFC East games. Play two of them. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, the double football games, like when we go back to one Monday night game, it's really going to suck.

It really is going to suck. We we need to keep the double Monday night games, by the way. We should at least mention, like, do you like the two a move? I like them going into it. Yeah, I like it because you might as well. Well, not only that, but you thought you were going to suck. You don't suck now. You get to have to play meaningful football, which is the best like that's the best case scenario for a rookie quarterback being in games that matter.

And you get to put Ryan Fitzpatrick on the trading block. Right. I bet you that in the back of Brian Flores's mind, he was like, you know what? We might get some offers. I, I have a take that's going to hurt my myself. But I think the Colts would be better with Ryan Fitzpatrick.

That would be wild, wouldn't it? That would be wild now, now that you're saying it, it kind of makes sense. Yeah, it kind of makes sense.

It's great. It's actually great for Fitzpatrick because he wasn't able to have the balloon burst like usual. Yeah. So now we all are just left being like Fitzsimon.

We're left with a good taste in her mouth.

Yeah. Fitzpatrick, let's go. That's what yeah. He should just he should mandate that any time that he gets to start, he gets to play against the Jets and then that'll be his last start of the season. Then boom, another two year deal comes after. Exactly.

We should respect the Cardinals a little bit. Carla Murray played well.

Yeah, he's getting shorter. Yeah. But he's no, he's definitely getting he's getting shorter, but he's getting better. Ezekiel Elliott, is he fat? I think is like he all might be fat now.

Well, yeah. When he starts fumbling he is. Yeah. And also the nose rings. Got to go. When you fumble you've got to take it out.

Well you have to scientifically you're getting less oxygen into your brain if you have holes in your nose, not to mention you're spending a fortune more on cocaine if you're Ezekiel Elliott because you're just leaking like a sieve. Yeah.

He, I, I almost feel like he might have just fumbled on purpose because he's like, I don't want to run behind this line. Like, just pinch me.

Yeah. Benjamin. Well it was funny because they did I think. Was it Michelle Tafoya. They interviewed him before the game and he said, Lisa softly Thank you, Jake.

Jake, Jake moved faster than DKA back when he heard me misidentify the reporter for ESPN. But Lisa Salters interviewed him and he said, yeah, I've had a couple of fumbles, but I guarantee you I'm not fumbling again for the rest of the season. And then, boom, two quick fumbles in the first quarter.

Whoops, whoops. All right. So let's do let's do Hodzic run.

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Hotsy throne. Hank, why don't you get us going. My Hosteen. I don't, I don't think he's on the hot seat personally, but our good friend, current guest Joe Buck, I don't know if you guys saw this, but some some rat from the Fox Sports production crew leaked audio of Joe Buck and Troy Aikman talking like in between when they're on commercial break, talking about the flyover and how it's like a waste of jet fuel. And you know that Joe Buck said that your hard earned tax money and tax dollars at work.

And so it's one of the it's more that he's on the hot seat because this is the time of year when Joe Buck does a game every single night for like three weeks straight. So that's, you know, enough to deal with on its own. And now he has to deal with, like all the backlash. It's going to come from this.

I'm sorry, probably. But he didn't say anything wrong. Right. But you know what I'm saying? Like he has to do every single night. It's not like he it's not like a regular schedule where he has, you know, two games a week. He has a game every single night. And then also it's one of those things where he didn't say anything wrong.

But he's going to have to I know there's going to have to deal with an. And it's just like I don't get why someone would do that. Joe Buck, I'd like you to apologize to airplanes on behalf of America. Come on.

There's some things that are just objectively people like you don't care about the troops type deal, but it's not right. And it's also not like it is right that it is a waste. I mean, it's cool. Yes, it's kind of cool. But if you actually look at it, it's like, yeah, we probably would anyone notice if you didn't know.

But no, I've also do it for and games like Army, Navy. The fire was awesome.

This is when you get down to the weeds, because some people are saying that, like the the pilots have to have a certain amount of training hours behind the wheel of a plane or the joystick or whatever it is. So you might as well just have them fly over. So, OK, that makes sense. And if that's two birds with one stone, yeah, I'm cool. So I think that people would care less about it being a waste of taxpayer money if I got to know personally which fly over my money was paying for, you know, like if it was like, oh, this is the committer fly over using his tax dollars.

Yeah. At that point I'd be like, oh yeah, totally good use of my tax money making, you know, making my balls shake with a mock three fly over and then it's just hanks' tax money and it's just like a watered up piece of paper.

It's tossed over 300 level. Yeah.

Billy, I bet the pilots think it's really fun to fly. Yeah, I would say so. I mean, like probably why they got into flying.

Well, more than like a desert. Oh yeah.

No, they fly over a stadium. They don't, they don't see it. They're like, oh they look down, there's Joe Buck and Troy Aikman.

I think they look I would be so high.

The Army Navy flyover is incredible because they have like helicopters going right over like low. It's like the cargo planes. That shit's off, you know, be sick.

If before a game when they did the flyovers, if it wasn't a bomber plane and they just released a football like like they were dropping a bomb and tried to land the football as close to midfield, I mean, that will probably be the future when when when Jeff Bezos owns the entire NFL and it's just Amazon drones dropping your packages right before the game.

Uh, that will happen. All right. Good hotseat, Hank.

Thanks than my cool throwing in.

Cool, cool, cool. Throw in is retro jerseys. Yeah. NHL is bringing back retro jerseys for every team in the league this year. So they're just, you know, jumping on the nostalgia train. Love it. But if you love retro jerseys, you're on the cool throne. Yeah.

Yeah. Philly's hedgehog is on the cool Knux. I don't know if I just took that from you. If I did you, I'll see if I wait. But what is this hedgehog do. He's hot hot shit on 891.

Yeah my hedgehog's going off eight and one that's the one bad. His one bad take was when he took the Packers to cover.

So he's pretty hot. What's his name. Nostradamus. Oh wow.

It must be good. Did he also take, do you take the afternoon game of Jets and Dolphins. No he didn't take. So you can just say like he's eight. No. Right. Besides the afternoon games, like not in only the early games in primetime, he picked his games switching to Leroy's five and zero in Monday Night Football games that start before eight thirty.

Right. Which is pretty good. So he's on the cool throne for himself.

Nice. Good job. Good. Did he pay for himself? Yeah. OK, now he did pick Henry.

Thank you, Hank. Henry, my hotseat is Etoile. I'm going to save this one hotseat for Big Cat because I know that you want to dive into this one but my hotseat is BVO Pivo the mascot for the University of Texas is getting sued. Oh so you remember a couple of years ago when it was it was Texas, Georgia, the Sugar Bowl I believe, and people went Buckwild before the game and try to get at Bevo. He ran into a photographer, the photographer like tweet out pictures of having scrapes and marks on his back.

Oh, poor guy. And then a couple of years later, the photographer is suing Bevo.

He's suing Bieber's handlers. I think he's suing the University of Texas. He's suing a lot of people. But this is the storyline that you would expect.

And like a rejected season of Blue Mountain State, like suing a college football team's mascot. Right. But I'm very excited to see how it shakes out in court.

I feel like he's I feel like he was the type of type of kouta to settle. He's. I think so, yeah. They're going to settle.

They should have Matthew McConaughey revise his role in Time to Kill as like the Lincoln Lawyer or whatever and represent Bevo in court. There's no chance that a jury in Texas report a sent to that photographer.

He's. Yeah, no, Bevo is going to settle, I think would was going to get an NDA signed all that shit.

Yeah. I just hope that they depose Bevo. I wouldn't be shocked if people's got a whole list of vendors. Yeah. You know, people who just get roughed up by VEVO.

I think that that's like an asset to have have a college football mascot that's liable to. Yes. Fuck some shit up any given time. Absolutely.

My cool throne is going to be Tom Brady, Tom Brady and just really the city of Tampa, because Tom Brady is bringing championships left and right to Tampa, Earley's. Participation in championships to Tampa, Florida. Tom Brady is a good sports town. Tom Brady is here. You actually got that stolen from you? You tweeted? No, I said that to you. And then it made it like people were running.

Like Digby's stole it. Hmm.

They were running like a promo for I think there was a blog. Need to get that out earlier. Scott, you're the first person I heard say. Yeah.

I mean, Final ran with the two. That's kind of like a parallel line situations. We were kind of in the same same headspace. So he's a blogger. So I was I had no qualms with that. Yeah.

My alternate theories that maybe Jazelle is just a good sports town also because she's she's Brazilian.

They want a bunch of Republicans to live in Tampa Bay. They want jobs. And then for the first time in Boston, Boston, Boston won those like 2002, 2004.

Where was she in 2002, 2004. Not in Boston. Not with Tom. Was she in Afghanistan while we were kicking the Taliban's ass? You don't know that. Was she in Germany when Germany was winning World Cups?

You don't know that she might have been. I don't think so. I'm guessing she was in Brazil.

I'm just thinking that that Jazelle might be a good sport, Santu.

All right. My hotseat is Zoome and people masturbating on Zoome. Jeffrey Toobin Tupman tupe too man to be Maistre the two Maistre, New Yorker and CNN legal analyst. Our legal analysts would never masturbate on Zoome. He will pee on himself but he will never masturbate on correct.

So what do we have a like a definitive. He was 100 percent jerking off or was it. He just flashed and didn't realize it.

Was he hanging brain or was he. Well, it's a fine line between touching your penis and masturbating. Where does that where's that line even begin? Right. But do we have details? Was he just sitting there cranking it or was he, like, changing?

All right. So I did a little bit of research on this. And allegedly what happened was they were the people at The New Yorker were doing a simulated election where all the different writers and personalities at The New Yorker were taking different sides of the electoral process and doing like a model U.N. type thing, which, let's be fair, that's more masturbatory, then cranking your penis off until you ejaculate. Yeah, but they broke out into like a little side session where the Democrats would strategize or Republicans would.

And then he was representing the courts during the breakout session. He allegedly was touching himself. And then when they came back, his campaign was on and he was just holding his hog guy. And then some people thought he was jacking off. Who knows? He might have been he might have had an itch. So the only to take care of the bottom line is if I I think that if you work for The New Yorker in general and you're participating in one of these sessions, you got to assume that, like, this is boring enough where if someone's cranking off, who cares?

Well, the thing I don't really understand is he he sounds like a little bit of a pervert, big, big pervert, alert little sex addict, little do you get a sex addiction, addiction to sex.

But sex addicts, perverts, for the most part, they always you can always spot them because on their laptops, they have that little sliding thing that goes over the camera because they just assume that every time they jerk off, which is like seven times a day, they're being videotaped.

So it doesn't the whole thing just smells suspect to me. I feel like if he was a full blown pervert, he would have already had the means to to close out, you know, the camera. So at Edward Snowden, big time. Jack off. Right. Right. He, like, lives on. Gerard Cruddas. He's got one. Yeah. Huge jerk off guy. Yeah, I, I think just a good rule of thumb is never jack off at a computer.

Ever, ever, ever, ever just use your imagination or just put it to the side. Back in my day, it's all you got to just go back to buying magazines. Yeah. No one's ever been busted jacking off to a penthouse.

Put it slightly to the side and you'll be set. Hilarious story, though. I mean, ridiculous that like that was a real story, especially someone who I'm assuming considers themselves like very, very important and very.

Yes. If you're Avatar on Twitter is a cartoon that was drawn for you by The New Yorker. Yeah. Then you're either you're either a sportswriter that has an updated their avatar like the my favorite is the sportswriter that's 60 years old. And they have the drawn picture of themselves when they were like 35. I'm like, yeah, this is me. No, not really.

OK, benzoin people know what The New Yorker is again. Yeah, yeah. My Cutrona is Clayton Kershaw Playoff Kershaw. So we're taping this before the game one he's pitching tonight.

I'm sure assume he shoves because he's awesome and nothing ever goes wrong from the playoffs. But a little stat for everyone out there in the last twenty five years, the only starters who have more wins than Clayton Kershaw are Andy Pettitte, Pettitte steroids and Justin Verlander Astros cheating. So Clayton Kershaw has the most wins in my book of any starter in the last twenty five years since the wildcard came around. So, yeah, he's he might be the best postseason pitcher of all time.

Yeah. What about the back spasms? He's been having some back spasms. You do those bad do those only flare up for him in the playoffs.

I know he's he's dealt with him for a long time. Back spasms are one of those things I don't really understand, but they sound like they're the most painful thing of all time.

Yeah, I have them. They suck. They're the worst. And yeah, he's he he's been he's been having these for a couple of years now. It sucks. I hope he does. Well, if you're rooting against Clayton Kershaw at this point, like we've kicked him enough, he's been down enough. Let's just let's just hope he does.

Well, I'm agreeing with that. I'm rooting for the Dodgers.

Yes. And Tommy Lasorda, did you see the clip four years ago? He said if the Dodgers don't win the World Series, I'll kill myself. So I think that just still stands.

And then also Mookie and Mookie is doing well.

But Spin Zone, the Red Sox have enormous flexibility when it comes to big time salary. Spend big time.

All right, Billy, my hotseat is Halloween. Oh, because, you know, as Trudi's to the hotseat, like it could go either way. Halloween could be awesome or it could suck and it's on hotseat could suck.

There won't be like good parties or something will like trick or treating like you can't touch stuff.

This is a classic. Billy had his hotseat stolen by somebody. No. So he's going in. We'll have another hotseat, a busted toilet.

Who listening to this right now, do you think, trick or treats. I don't know. Party anyway, doorbell's are going to be dirty. Maybe a lot of people who are doing the on the giving end of the trick or treating.

Yes, there we go.

I bought thrown because you want to deal with then you get all the candy for yourself. Please take one. Oh yes. My son is going to be ultimate warrior for Halloween. It's fucking awesome. I bought the costume. It's going to be sick. Actual mini belt. I need to figure something out for myself. I don't I don't know where I'm going to like areas like a family Halloween party.

OK, go as a clown. Yes. Go is a guy on vacation treat recommendations to us. No, that was me.

Wherever choose in my cool throne is Titans Mike Vrabel for using a very crafty loophole in the book.

Interesting. I wish I had thought of this to tell you, but on Sunday you listen to us talking about this exact same thing on Sunday.

Talk about it anyway. Do you know this hedgehog you're on Sunday night? I did listen on Sunday for Monday.

Like he said, the like the last week, the show has lazier eggs.

You just fast forward to the very end to see what a funny animal factor was. All you want to know is theory of mind.

He's like, well, if I'm not in the office, they probably don't do it. No, I listen. I listen to as much as I could.

Billy, you are you are like a Mike Vrabel yourself because you figured out a way to bend time and do exactly what we did on Sunday, on Tuesday heels here when like everyone taking my cool throne, like, who knew that it's good to have it out my head shop.

Did you hear us making fun of you because you sitting in your seat?

Yeah. And you can think of an animal fact. That's true.

That's true. Now back on. I love it. What about I'll give you a cool throne coaching search firms on the cool throne because they make a lot of money for stuff that we could do.

It's the best racket of all time. Good. Yes, exactly. Coaching search firms are the best. And you're hearing like the various NFL teams talking about using them. And there's a formula. That's Ernie Accorsi. Yeah, Bob and I were just talking before the show. And we're like, there's it's a very specific formula you have to have, like the son of a former head coach. You have to have a head coach that's been out of the league for a couple of years who made a super.

All you have to have, LGM, Bill Polian. Yeah, you got to have an old gym. Yeah, well, I'm talking about for the candidates that they'll pull up, but yeah, Bill Polian is on the search firm. Right. He's like the guy that directs the search for. But these are the names that you got. Yeah. It would be like the son of the head coach, former head coach that made a Super Bowl, a secretary of state, if you want to, adding Condoleezza Rice or Henry Kissinger, you're feeling spicy.

And then like one college coach who had never in a million years say yes. And then a wild card that you end up hiring because he wowed you in the interview. Yes. Would you be Joe Brady out of the box? Joe Brady is my guy who's going to wow somebody during an interview. Yes. Yes. The cool thing probably is rough and rowdy.

Rowdy this Friday. Yeah. Use the play barstool app to make your. It's going to be awesome for. Yeah. The event. Yeah.

You win twenty five thousand dollars. Why would you not take less than 60 seconds. How many. How many.

How many flights you have to get. Right. Firefights.

Five flights. You got to get five, ten questions. Awesome. Bobby Lang is probably the best fighter you ever had. Yes.

He is a monster. An absolute monster. He beat Travis Sherman. All right. Let's get to our interview. Awesome interview. Coming up, Matthew McConaughey.

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Do it, do it, do it. OK, here he is.

Matthew McConaughey movie. OK, we now welcome on a very, very, very special guest. It is actor and now author Matthew McConaughey. He's got his memoir is out October 20th. It's called Green Lights. It is. I'll say it right now, the coolest memoir of all time because it is his life experience teaching you about how to live life, how to be cool. But more than anything, you wrote it. You had a journal for 35 years.

And then I read that you wrote it by going to the desert for 52 days without electricity.

Is that true?

The first twelve days without electricity. So I had a generator on me and I pack up these thirty six years worth of diaries and put them in the navigator. I buy twenty one and five eight inch ribis. I zip lock them, I get my, my long branch, I get three five gallon jugs of water and a generator and my laptop and a printer and I headed out to this cabin in the desert. So for the first twelve days where that was me and then the other, the other places I went after that were in the desert.

But I did leave the generator and got some AC power hookup, so I had a little electricity.

What was that like going back over the course of your life, which you had? I mean, most people don't keep a diary since the day that they're fifteen years old or however young you were like going back and reading that stuff. Was that the first time that you'd sat down and read your thoughts? Yeah.

Yeah, it was. I mean, I remember this in the book. I always write things down not to remember. I write things down so I can forget them, you know, so I can go, oh, jotted that down, cool. And I can forget it. And that's what I've been doing since I was 14. But I mind you, the early stuff at fourteen. I'm, I'm a fourteen. Kid, right, going to be for this reason that most people go to their diary to write about the shitty stuff to write about, oh, you know, Gretchen broke up with me or, you know, Kathy Cook won't go out near this worked out or I got to second base last night or some kind of thing like that.

And then in my early 20s, I had a time where I was kind of Rollan catching a lot of greenlights. I was in college. My relationships were good, man. I would think I was making a little money, had a little money in my pocket. And I said, you know what? I kind of had go write in your diary. Now while you're Rolet, go dissect this success you're having right now because you may get in a rut again, which I did, which we all do.

And you can go back and look at what was I doing when I was rolling? Who was I hanging out with? Where was I going? What was I was drinking Lao's I see in the world. So that was something that I was happy I've done through my life, has tried to write things down when things are going well, because another Rut's always comment. And when you if you if you keep track and make a little bit of it, there's a science to some satisfaction.

There's some habits that I found that I've had that have helped me be more satisfied and they help me get out of some of those ruts.

What so I'm I'm very jealous that you've kept a diary for that long and you could go back and kind of read your own thoughts from each phase of your life. What phase of your life or what age did you look back on?

You're like kind of a loser or I'm embarrassed by that because I always think, like, yeah, at myself is 23.

I'm like, you did not know anything and you thought you knew everything.

Yeah, well, there was that was part of the to answer your question. Exactly. That was part of the the fear of going back and looking at these diaries. I was like, man, I'm going to be embarrassed, I'm going to be ashamed of this. I'm going to be see where I was an arrogant prick and thought I was a know it all, but actually, you know, was silly as could be or was was a foolish was foolish about it.

And look what happened. And sitting down with the guys write the book. A lot of the shit that I thought was going to be embarrassed about actually just laughed at myself. A lot of the stuff I thought I was going be ashamed about actually forgave myself or found that, oh, I had already made amends for that. And a lot of the stuff that I thought I was arrogant about, I was and I was like, well, good for you.

At that age of thinking, you were a know it all and you ended up stepping in shit because you thought you were a know it all. But look, you know what? You stepped in shit again, and that was OK. So I'm glad you had the courage to think you know it all at that time because look at you, you shit, because you thought you knew it and that was good. You know, it.

Was there a specific thing that looking back over your diaries, you were like, man, I was I was really wrong about that. And it actually ended up working out, but not for the reasons that I thought it would make me think, man.

I mean, do you guys read that Scorpion Springs story where where where I go?

I get this. I get offered this.

I was I was in Hollywood. I had already done days confused. And I was about a year where I wasn't getting work. I was getting the first callback, second callback, third callback, but I wasn't getting one getting the job. And it's because I was tight.

I was little. I was I wouldn't take enough chances. Well, I get this blind offer to do this role.

It's a one day role of this guy who's a drug runner up or down on the south border, and the coyotes are going to bring over his drugs. And instead of pay for him, he's going to steal the drugs, kill them all and move on. Well, I get this bright idea in my head at the time that I'm not going to read the script. I'm not even going to read the scene. I'm going to go back to how I first learned to acting dazed, confused.

Man, there were only three lines. They were just throwing me in the middle of scenes. I improvised and worked for three weeks. That's back when I was a natural, you know. And this time in my life when this happened, I was like trying to really study acting. I was like, forget this study. I'm going back. I'm not even reading the script. And I read the scene. So I show up on the set, having not read the scene.

And I said, I'm just going to be my man. I'm going to do what my man would do. All right. And right before we about to say action, this comes back, I want to see the sides, Mr. McConnell, on the side of the scene that day. And I decide I want to see him looking back, probably because I was getting a little insecure about this grand plan I had. Right. When I open up sides, I look at him.

There's one page, two page, three page, four pages of a monologue in Spanish. And I'm like, oh, shit, man. And I felt this would be the sweat come up on the back of my neck. And I'm like. Can I get 12 minutes and I don't know why the 12 minutes I remember in my mind, Tom, I thought 12 minutes would be like not enough time to inconvenience the crew, but enough time for me to go learn four pages of a monologue in Spanish because, hey, I took Spanish one semester in the 11th grade.

Yeah, great. Well, guess what, I didn't I was not enough time to learn Spanish. I've never seen that movie. I went back and did the tape and was embarrassed about that man. It was uncomfortable. I was stressed. I felt horrible about it. And that actually that moment is when I said, OK, bullshit, from now I'm going to overprepare, I'm going to out prepare people. I'm going to come in. So prepared for scenes that you can call an audible, put a blindfold on me wherever you want to drop me off in the world press record, I'll be my man.

And that that that embarrassing moment is what made me really understand that. Hey, you got to prepare to be free. You got to do the early work so you can do the early work so you can play on the day. Yeah. It's interesting you put that in there. Yeah. You said you said be conservative early so that you can be liberal later, which I took to me and like put yourself in a situation where you have structure, you have boundaries as you're preparing to do something.

And then when you're in the moment, you've got all the background already prepared for, you've got the the guide rails that allow you to really do it.

You know, if you want to take the guardrails off later, you can. But it's better to have those in place than to just freewheel everything, figure out the general set of rules up front, you know what I mean?

If you want to if you if you want to do back flips in your sandbox, we'll go break it and check for glass and stuff first and then blow in the wind. You know, you want to we look at it in sports, man. I mean, you know, you get a new defensive coordinator come into a situation and he's got it. He's got all these complicated schemes. He's got great athletes. But if he's only there in year one, you see those players hesitating on the field because they're thinking you don't want to be thinking when it's game time now.

So have the time to have to take the time to really understand the rules and sort of what the general boundaries are. You spend enough time doing that, then you're then you're free to play. Yeah. And you can do your back. Flip got naked in your sandbox, then you can call an audible, then you can have your instincts. You don't want to be thinking when you're when you're in the game, whatever that game is.

It's absolutely true. Do you see it all the time in sports where the best players, they're not thinking, they're just reacting and they're just doing it. Second nature. How many times I didn't see this in the memoir, how many times you somehow admitted this, but how many times during your diary going back were you like, I think this is the year Texas is back. Like, I'm really feeling it this year.

You left that out. I didn't see that.

Nice, nice lead into these current times, too. Yes, well, they were back quite a few times. They weren't there. They were present along my writing. I was I've always been a Longhorn fan, even since I was 14, started writing. And, you know, I was keeping diaries when we won national championship. I was keeping diaries all the way through. And we got to the national championship against against Bama as well. And I still keep them.

So we got work to do as a team. Yeah. To get back where we need to be. Yeah.

Do you ever when you give a pump up speech, when they ask you to give a pump speech, you know the the let it fucking rip man which was maybe the coolest speech ever. And you guys beat Notre Dame, do you feel extra pressure? Because if you give a great speech and you give like to Matthew McConaughey, let it fucking rip, man, and then they suck, you're like, well, what the hell happened here, guys?

Yeah, well, look, me giving him a speech is not a magic bullet. I mean, it's. No, it's not. It's not I'm not a magician.

I don't know that. Let it fucking speech. That was a magic bullet.

But in rip man, let it fucking rip. And then we scored ten points and got off. Yeah. We looked like we were off the job. We were about to roll for the season. Yeah. Yeah. Here's the deal. Here's the thing about talking to the team's manager. You got to for me, there's two things I want to know. I like to talk to the coach first because I don't want to go in there, talk about conservative or liberal lite and getting players confused.

You don't I don't want to go in there with a completely different message than a coach has been thrown at the baseline as a baseline, a message to the team. I don't want to think. I'm like, whoa, wait, just a new plan as a new way to go about things. So I want to get generally what being sort of synonymous with the coaches are going for. I also try to get rid of the team. Look, man, the the the speech I'll give to the team.

After a forty five to six loss. Is different than what I'll say to the team going into the Big 12 championship. You know, you get to a big 12 championship teams confident they don't need the rah rah, let's get up. They're going to be. And you know what I mean? Let's just let this one be about, hey, take maybe take everyone make sure and take 15 minutes tonight to think about how you got here, to think about your brothers, sisters, mom and dad, grandmothers who watched you play, why you love the game of football.

Think about it for a minute and think about this, you know, so maybe it's a calming thing that is still challenging them. But after forty five to three losses, I remember this. I went went talked to a team early, Mack Brown's career, and we just got waxed by UCLA. And I remember being at practice and the team's confidence was so low. Man And in practice the team was applauding clean handoffs. And I was like applauding and clean hand up.

And I remember Maxin and the team's morale and confidence is so low right now, you know what I mean? A a completion for two yards. We're going a good job, a built amount of that. Now, that's very different than talking to the national championship team about to go play USC. That team's Roland man, highly confident. So what is your game plan? Know that, you know, finished, finished every single play to, you know, until that things like that.

So the speeches are different for each time. Yeah.

How do you where the team how do you time that out? Because if you're not familiar with the city of Boston, their practice field is right underneath the thirty five overpass. So it's not exactly the quietest part of town. It's pretty noisy. Do you have to wait and say to yourself, like, we have to do this after rush hour? Are you just out there, like, screaming over cars?

It's whatever our man when we're in that, it doesn't matter if it's if there's ten thousand 18 wheelers coming down. Thirty five. It all the focus is right there on the field in and I'll speak over it.

Yeah. I have one facture to pull on your book. I don't know how much fact checking went into it, but you said towards the start of the book, I have a lot of proof that the universe is conspiring to make me happy. How can you possibly sit there and write that?

As a fan of the Washington football team, basketball doesn't add up. Oh, right. Hey, we got time is one hundred year war, thousand year war. We got ten thousand your football team. You know, I've been a fan of the now called Washington football team up until recently. It was called the Washington Redskins team. You know, I grew up outside of Dallas. I was the only at that time Redskin fan in Texas, and I mean, I would go to I went to Texas Stadium.

In a Shammy Shamis, you drive a car with him, you. I went in with a shamy wrapped around my waist with nothing but my underwear on and a rope wrapped around my waist, painted burgundy head to toe with a headdress on and was on the 50 yard line in Texas Stadium when the Redskins played the Cowboys was a four years ago.

I would sneak out to church and yet actually I was about I was in nineteen seventy eight, seventy nine. I was at the last game at R.K. I have a Mason jar with burgundy soil grass from the soil, from the end zone. Last Kimbark first game at Jack can't cook. First game at FedEx Field. I've you know, I grew up wanting to be John Riggins man, you know, three point four yards to carry the diesel named desire.

Mr. October man in the back yard. You couldn't get me down because I was John Riggo Riggins man. I grew up with a fun bunch. I hung out with Chase down as a kid. Darrell Green, you know, look at what the Redskins have done. Look what they did with quarterbacks. Joe Gibbs did with quarterback Jay Schrader rip into Doug Williams, not journeymen that came in and were the right man for the job at that time. Yeah, and along with the forty Niners, I mean, what was it, the 90s or the 80s that we basically sort of owned with the 49ers?

Yeah. Hey, we're here we go rebuilding again. Let's see, man. We've got to get the culture right over there. Now with the now called Washington football team, what's the name going to be? What's the consensus out there?

I'm pushing for I'm pushing for the Washington red wolves. I think I just think it'd be cool that you have the teeth, you got all the fans in the stands just making big howling noises. If they play a game when there's a full moon that be incredible, you can't bet against them.

Then we go. I'd like that.

I just think that there are there are no professional football teams named after dogs. And everybody loves dogs. Right?

Yeah, but you got to walk. I mean, Red Bull is pretty aggressive. I mean, you can't have the poodles, you know what I mean? So, I mean, you still got to be have some you still got to go out there and have a pretty intimidating name. Yeah. Because wolves were called the Wolf Pack.

Yeah. We were actually talking to the president, the Washington football team, because I was born and raised in Northern Virginia. So I grew up, you know, watching those teams.

And you're right, Joe Gibbs does not get enough credit because I think he's the only head coach probably ever, probably from now even into the history of the NFL is written that took three separate quarterbacks to three separate Super Bowl titles. That's pretty much impossible to do, especially now.

And those quarterbacks didn't go on and be you know, they weren't like first ballot Hall of Famers. They weren't like guys like they weren't Brady's and Peyton Manning's. You know, they were guys at the right time. Second, stringers that took took a took the opportunity and ran with it, you know.

Yeah. This might be a weird question. I'm sure you've been asked it before, but when did you find out, like, you were just cool, like when was that moment? Did you know early on, like, I'm just cooler than people. I like that. Laughs Oh, man, I mean, look, I looked up to my I looked up to my big brother Pat and he was the coolest man. I mean, I write about it in the book.

He was my inspiration for Wooderson days. Confused not to this day. Was he that guy? And he's like, you know, comes to me. Thanks a lot, man. I'm like, no, dude, here it was you. I remember Mom and I went to go pick you up at school because you're twenty eight, which is super fucking cool, was broke down and we were picking you up from school and we couldn't find you because you weren't where you were supposed to meet us.

And I'm in the back of the station wagon and I'm looking out and I see the silhouette of this to lean against the wall brick wall, the shadow section of the smoking section at school. He's got his left leg up boot heel against the wall, hanging a cigarette and a lazy right hand.

Bring it up, Tolkan it and I go, There's Pat. And I had to stop because I knew he'd get in trouble for smoking. But it was my brother and man in that image of my eyes outside the back of that station wagon. He was cooler than James Dean. He was ten feet tall, man. He was the stud. And so that to sort of Wooderson, based on what we've been taught. Look, I think what's cool, here's what's cool.

Being yourself and being being cool with yourself and just not trying to be everything to everybody or try and, you know, I got no problem with nerds. I just don't like dorks. Don't try to be everything to everybody. You can't really trust them. Yeah, I know some nerds that are real cool. I know some very cool nerd, but I'm not a fan of dork. Give me an asshole before you give me a dork. At least I know what the assholes.

Dan Yeah, I know what I mean. That's all I can. So I like that. By the way, you told a great story in your memoir about your brother Pat, who was adopted in your parents said every year, like, let's, you know, go see your adopted your your birth parents. And he said, no, no, no. And then when he was nineteen, he's like, all right, let's go do it. He shows up, he goes inside, meets him, comes back out in two minutes.

And your parents like, what's going on, Pat? He's like, I just wanted to make sure my dad wasn't going bald because I'm starting to my ears and I'm starting to lose.

And that was it. That was the only time he saw his birth parents. That's when I see him again.

All right. That's that's cool. That's cool.

That's that's really one of the coolest things that you wrote in this book was a story about when you when you traded in your truck, you thought you had all the answers. At that point, you realized very quickly that you didn't. I actually think that story it's a it's a nice allegory, not just in sports, but in life. But if you want to, like, kind of give the background of what you learn from that, I think that's really interesting.

Yeah. So let's this this is a good topic. I'm cool, too, and what's cool and what's not cool. So I got a truck in high school. I'm the guy who parks in the first parking lot. I got a speaker down in the grill in the front of the truck in the morning when all the students are going up to the come to class to the first parking lot. I'm the guy that's down there going, oh, look at Kathy Cook's jeans, this one and looking, you know, and everyone turns triangle, where's that coming from?

And Kathy gets embarrassed and we all laugh. Then I pop up and then know it's me and we're all having fun. I'm the guy that dance to the party. I'm the guy that no matter what time we got to the concert, I'm going to work my way and take my date. We're going to work our ass up to the front row and go rock.

Well, I'm driving down the road one day in my truck and I go by the Nissan dealership and I see this candy red three hundred sports car. I just got pull in there, man, and have a look at that. Well, it was hot shit. And then the guy was really motivated to sell it and I never had a sports car. And on the spot I traded him in my truck for that red 306 cut the next day. I'm not parked in the first parking lot.

I parked in the third parking lot.

So, you know, nobody opened the doors and didn't. My candy and man, I'm also noticing that I think my car such hot shit that I'm just going to get out and lean against that son of a bitch and just be cool and go look at me and my new red 300 306 with tee tops. How cool, man. You became a dork. Well, the girls got just interested, huh? You became kind of a dork when you got the cool car.

Became kind of a dork relying on my car. Yeah. You know, looking in the proverbial mirror at myself, letting wanting my car to do the work for me. Yeah, well, the girls got pretty interested pretty quickly. And when I'm saying and after school, you want to go ride around with me and my red three hundred from the top down, they're like, no, no we're going to go Mudan with Trey Higman like we used to do with you.

Well after about a month and a half things dry up for me man.

The chicks are not dig in me and my red sports car that I'm leaning against in the third parking lot and I realized dude you, you, you, you categorize yourself, you outfoxed yourself. This fucking red sports car is just talk about it's blue on you man.

You got to get rid of this son of a bitch.

So I went down and traded it in back in for. My truck drove my truck back to school the next day, point in that first parking lot, got on my megaphone, started chasing and being the fun guy again engaged. And I was back in with the girls at fucking red sports car. Almost screwed me for a while. I love it. That was one of those deals. I was trying too hard and I wasn't working. I wasn't hustling.

I quit hustling. Yeah, I got the red sports car. I thought I could do the work.

I think it's a great story. Reminds me of what we talk about on this show with Ryan Fitzpatrick and the Dolphins. You can put two in right now. He's your sports car. But Ryan, Fitzpatricks fun. He's a truck. He's good. You never know what you're going to get with him. Don't take Ryan Fitzpatrick away from us just yet. Run him until he's got 300000 miles on him. Then go get that sports car.

Right, right. Her yard.

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Let's get Roman dotcom take and now more Matthew McConaughey I.

Have you done a million movies. They're all I mean you've done some unbelievable movies. You won an Oscar, you had your rom com stretched. Did you have a moment where you're like, I'm just going to start making I've done the rom com thing and now I'm just going to make kickass movies that everyone's like, these are incredible and I'm an incredible actor. Did you have that moment in your head where you flip the switch?

No, here's what happened. Here's what happened. So I'm rolling the rom coms. They're very successful. I'm the rom com guy. I took the baton from Hugh Grant years before and ran with it, right? Yup. They're fun. They're easy. I like doing them. They're paying well, they're paying for the rent of my house on the beach that I'm running around surfing shirtless on. I'm not going hell.

Yeah, but around that time I've met Camilla, my now wife, and we made a baby and had Levi. So I've got a newborn. All of a sudden my life is more full it's ever been. My life is vital, man. I've had a newborn. I'm finally a father. I met the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. I get you know, I laugh louder. I love harder. I get to have more rage.

I have more joy. Life is just full. And the ceiling in the basement of how I'm feeling, life is alive.

But in my work I'm feeling kind of like I could get another rom com. I could do that tomorrow morning. I didn't I won't feel the vitality I need. I wouldn't feeling challenged by it. So I said, I wonder if I can find some work that can challenge the vitality of my life that I'm living in right now. And the man I am in it.

Well, the work that I want to do to challenge that was not getting offered to me. Those movies I wanted to do, they were like, no, not with you, Makana. You're the rom com shirtless guy. You're not we're not gonna let you do this movie. OK, so if I can't do what I want to do, I'm to quit doing what I've been doing. And I remember talking with my money man said, hey, I'm about to stop doing rom com and those things that are often offered to me how my how to handle my money.

Because you handled your money well, you can take off work for a while. I check with my agent, I check with Carmilla, man, drop many a tear on her shoulder going I'm about to stop doing what I've been doing and I don't know how long I'm going to go with that work.

This could go on for a while.

I'm going to get wobbly, you know what I mean? Jeez, am I going to you know, with no work and no significance to pursue every day, am I going to you know, am I going to start you want to have a drink earlier in the day? You know what I mean? What's going to what's good? I'm going to need to I'm going to need to keep my stay on the rails here. I'm going to need your need, your help with just not being able to work.

You're not going in, man. Get Sigmund's get significant from his work. Yeah. And I'm choosing to say no more work.

Well, for six months, nothing came home at rom com offers. And I got you a funny story about this. So like, how puritanical was I about not doing this? This one comes in for eight million dollar offer. I read it's pretty good, but it's a rom com. I say now. Comes back, the ten million dollar offer, I say now comes back to twelve point five dollars billion offer again no comes back at a fourteen point five dollars million offer.

Or I say, let me read that somebody again, I read and I read it. And it was the exact same words as the original one. Right.

But, man, it was better written on air, more dramatic. I had more angles on this thing. I could make this work.

It was the same words as the original offer, but much more well written at that offer.

Anyway, I asked when I passed on that Hollywood sort of got the signal, OK, Makana is not bullshitting. He's not doing the rom coms or the action comedies anymore. So another year goes by, nothing comes in, nothing comes in. I talk to my agent every couple of weeks and it's just like nothing, nothing. A total of twenty months went by.

And all of a sudden. Killer Joe comes my way.

Mud comes my way, my cousin, my paper boy, true detective, I can get Dallas Buyers Club mate all of a sudden these movies in this run that I that I that I went on come to me. So why? Well, I unbranded in that 20 months. You didn't see me. The industry didn't see me. Rom com guy. You didn't see me in the tabloids shirtless on the beach. So all of a sudden Matthew McConaughey for this dramatic role is now a new novel.

Good idea. And another good idea that I wouldn't have been 20 months prior. Yeah, so I unbranded to rebrand basically. Did you have to know how long it's going to get? Yeah.

I mean, that takes a lot of guts and it takes a lot of like 14 and a half million dollars. I will say you still have a little bit of the brand because I was looking up your IMDB and the third thing you're most known for is habitually taking off his shirt.

Yes. Guilty, your shirt off guy, your shirt and. Yeah, yeah. YouTube, I mean, and I was a shirt off guy since I was since I was born. I never wore a shirt as a kid. I mean ever. I remember I used to play in the front play in the front yard in Uvalda on getting street is a busy street in town and I'd be out front and being in, you know, diapers, no shirt, no shoes.

And I was a kind of a kind of a chubby little kid. Right. And my oldest brother, Rooster, and his friends knew at this time of the day I would be playing out front. And I'm like four years old. And he had this Chrysler and him and his buddies would get in it and they drive and they knew and they knew I'd be out in the front yard.

So about a half a mile down driving by, they start going, na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na.

Until they got right in front of me, you know. Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na fat man and jump rocks out there across the street and they drive by calling me Fat Man to the Batman theme in every damn day.

Yes I was. If I can go to whether where I'll have to wear a shirt. Yes you damn right.

So did you have to consciously make an effort to like when you leave the house. You got to put pressure on today Matthew, because you might get your picture taken and then, boom, you're the rom com guy again.

Well, I mean, you know, shit, I became you know, I became conscious that at that time that became a thing. All right. I didn't I don't regret doing it. And I was going, you damn right those rom coms I'm doing. I said, pay for the rent that. Let me live on this in the house. It's on this beach where I can go shirtless. Now, I don't know about you and you're on the beach.

Don't you like going shirtless? Yeah, so do I. So that's what I was doing. Now, I noticed that they became a thing though, and when it became a thing that that the industry and maybe even the most of the public excluded me from thinking I would could be right for those other roles. That's when I was like, OK, well, hang on, I'm going to be aware enough to go. Maybe I need to recalibrate here and play this game differently.

Like I said, I didn't know what I can do, what I wanted to do, but I said, OK, I'm going to quit giving them that, because that's feeding into that pigeonhole that they're putting me in.

So I consciously said, all right, I'm play this joke. God, I'm going to play a different hand here. Yeah.

As far as the movies that you've been in, do you go do you watch them in theaters? No, I haven't seen all my movies, man, I love making them more than watching them. What this movie you probably don't get asked about often, but I have to ask two for two for the money. Do the money. Yeah, did you do any research? Yeah, so we actually work with the guy who it's about Stu Feiner, who is Al Pacino.

We we do. The sports advisors show it's actually a parody now of the original sports advisors where we're terrible gamblers, but we give our picks every week and it's ridiculous and it's stupid. And Stu, we basically brought Stu back from the dead. Did you watch any of the original sports advisors to get like a feel of what they were doing back in the day?

Yeah. Yeah, I did. I watch a lot. I interviewed a lot. I talked to my brother. I got a story in the book about it. I'm Pat, my brother, middle brother, and Pat, he had it. He had this one guy that he went on in 2007 to run. A muck about it hot and I saw him and I remember, you know, when someone in the middle of that run, you don't want to you don't want to find that their pigs, when they're 2072, you want to find out their pics when they're like six and out and then ride it.

Well, we were all going to Pat Goldhaber, but what a pigs man. And he was rolling. And he obviously, when you roll, he a bit more and I think it was that 30th game after twenty seven.

Add to that that he loaded up on an absolute dime and picked an absolute time and lock bet the house that the house and the team got it was like a seventeen point five and they got waxed by twenty oh oh well Stu still doing his thing, he's still giving out mortal locks and they're not doing well, but he's still doing this thing.

You got well said.

We'll get it to you. It's it's a it's a trip to watch him like because it really is kind of a parody of what he used to do, but he used to do it for real. And what the whole movie's about of guys trying to get other people to buy their pecs and to be like, I got the lock of the century, don't worry. Like I've done all the research when really it's just kind of making shit up as you go along.

Well, I've heard things of that story about which team and let's, you know, put two balls of dog food to it from the dog goes to after the line. I mean, after Vegas makes that line. And there are you I talk about it, but I love the intangibles. Yes. No, yeah.

I don't like want to outsource because I just want to sit there. I like the fun of when I think and believe that, you know, my aim is going to be jet lagged against San Fran and they come out slow in the first half and end up in San Fran. Ends up covering them like I can do it. Yeah, no shit, man. Jet lag. And they're constipated. They can't run around. And they flew it. They flew in on Saturday instead of last Wednesday of about or Brett Favre.

Dad just passed away. Oh, he's playing for more than a game. He's going to be unconscious tonight. Boom. Well, you know, I love going to know it. Yeah. Yeah. Me dirt.

One of the best one of the best bets I've ever made in my life was after Bevo passed, whichever the last one was. And you had to bet on Texas when Bevo passes away and they won, that's it.

Revo pass away. Good reason to win. Sylvester Stallone opens up Lincoln Stadium for the Philadelphia Eagles. Yes. The Do not bet on Philadelphia on Monday night because all the attention is on what and Rocky Balboa and well in this stadium. Cool. And none of that shit has to do with the game on the field.

But you I actually have a tweet. I went and looked like I Google search. How many times have I met you? I have a tweet. You fucked me when you wore your orange tuxedo against Kansas State. And I have a tweet being like, could someone have told me McConaughey was sitting on the fucking bench in his orange tuxedo? My bet is fucked. Like you were the board of the minister. What is Mr. Brown? Yeah, you cover.

I was fart. You fucked me on that one. Yeah, I was bringing about a four and a half point advantage there. Yes, yes, yes, absolutely.

There's a part of the book that it says that you bet on the Buffalo Bills in the Super Bowl. Oh, shit.

Fired. Yes. Missed.

What went into that. What intangibles did you crunchiness. You were just like you do. Right. They can't lose again. Yeah.

I mean to the charm. Jim Kelly, Andre Reid, Thurman Thomas, they got waxed last year. They made it back this year. The Cowboys, I mean, they're calling the cowboys like this dynasty. And I mean and the night before, my brother and I had rolled on the on the blackjack table.

So our pockets were full, relatively speaking, for us. And we were going to let it all hang out on this day. So the line was huge. And while we were there in Vegas, the line jumped up, even like we found this one place. The line was two and a half points more than anywhere else and got up like twelve or maybe even fourteen. I remember what it was.

So we load up on everything. The Buffalo billionaires, you could I mean, eight to one. Thurman Thomas. We have more than met Andre. You have more than Irving.

Six six to one. Jim Kallio Reichmann twelve. The one I mean everything.

Bruce Smith, the MVP and the bills come out looking good. I think they were up, right? Yeah. And word or dance band doubles, man. Not just for us, for the whole damn bar lock. Well, as you know, the second half Callaways came out, waxed him and and covered.

And I remember I remember walking out of there, you know, that numb feeling because we got so high with the we've done it. We knew it. We figured that we were going to win. We're going to dance our way back. We may not even upgrade to first class to fly home.

And then I was at warp in two quarters gone. I remember. We get out, get out, and we're now catching a cab back to the harbor and where we're staying and it's dirty, dusty as cab pulls up and we get in the back. I'm looking out the back left when my brother passed, looking at the back window, just kind of licking their wounds. And now the the buzz is turning to hang over. And I'm getting really tired, starting to sweat, kind of I'm not even hungrier to our stomachs are to turn to eat and eat.

And they're like, got it. Dry mouth, this sucks. And all of a sudden we hear this voice.

This guy goes, I bet on the bills that we look up this Abby, the bearded look in the rearview mirror. He goes, yeah, fucking losers' could have told you that anybody betting on the bills gets a gambusia fuck and losers always wear a lock up.

My brother Pat just goes.

Oh, yeah, motherfucker, if you fucking knew it. What are you doing driving a fucking cab? Yes, yes. Like, oh man, it was it was it was such a move. My brother was so hot, but it was really an opportune time.

You can't say that to somebody if you can tell that they just lost. Be like, yeah, it was a lock in retrospect.

You just described basically every day for me on Twitter because every day after a game kicks off, everyone's like, you bet that you fucking idiot like this was guaranteed to go the other way. Well, thanks, man. It's already the third quarter.

Well, after the fact, we all knew it. Yeah. You know, that's what's fun about game. You know, actors, Don. Sure you knew it. Yeah. Yeah.

So you don't put any stock at all in animals betting because my dog is three. And so on Monday Night Football team won three no. In games that start before eight thirty on Monday Night Football.

So if you watch if you're looking for somebody to tail right now, I feel like my mastiff is off to a hot start.

He might go twenty seven and two, I trust, and give me some tips.

I trust the animal instinct to a certain point. We had a goldfish at one sixty percent a couple of years ago. Over the course of a whole season, all season.

You can make a living. You can make a living on that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely.

There was there was one quote that you put in your book that you did not expand on. And I'm curious to hear the entire backstory behind this. You just of this is like a throwaway line. If you're Matthew McConaughey, this is how cool you are. You just toss this out here and forget that you even said it. You said, I've done peyote in real dictators in Mexico in a cage with a mountain lion. Yeah, and you just moved on from that.

What's what's the what's the story? How did that go down? Well, in really to say and I'd gone off on a sunrise walk with the shaman, and he was very in a very cool way that a shaman can do slowly disseminating the peyote as we hiked up this huge mountain that took hours to hike up. And it was an awesome walk and it was an awesome return. And when I got back down on the property, there was this he had this mountain lion in his cage.

And I get up next, the cage and under so set it influences of such peyote. I'm getting on the same frequency of the mountain lion and the mountain lions getting on the same frequency as McConaughey. And so now this mountain lions up next to the gate. And come on, just stick whiskers through. And I'm I'm I'm scratchiness unavailing. And so I get confident that I mean, this mountain lion are on the same frequency. So I move over to the gate and entered.

So said Cage. Mountain lion jumps around. I move very slowly, making sure to stay on the same frequency as so said Mountain Lion. I'm a to the corner. Slowly sit down for about an hour. This mountain lion Perry's back and forth and slowly starts getting a little bit closer and a little bit closer and a little bit closer until he comes up next to me and gets very close to my hand, wanting to get some more inches under his chin like he did when I was outside of the cage.

I slowly give him a little scratch. I don't intrude his space. I lean back now after that, that's just sitting in my lap purring. And I sat there for another hour and a half and spent about four hours total on the cage, then slowly got up and went my way. And it was a really incredible experience.

Is that one that you look back on in the diary and you're like, you're scared for yourself in the past reading it sober?

No, no, no. I mean, no, I was I was you know, if you I don't know if you've ever done peyote trip with this peyote and water. And if you do it the right way with the shaman, I would say I was incredibly sober. I wasn't out of my mind at all. If anything, I was more in tune than than than than normal. That's a great thing about peyote done the right way. No, I don't look back on that at all.

I look back on that and go if anything, if you look through the book, there's times I've taken what would be considered risk that absolutely paid off. I would have regretted my instincts that I could make that work if I wouldn't have gone it. And you're like that wrestling match in Africa, if I wouldn't have said yes to that challenge, I'd regret that to this day. Yeah, and by saying yes to that challenge you gave me is giving me gifts since because of the people I met, the lessons I learned, all kinds of stuff.

It's also you kind of have like an out there where if things go wrong and Matthew McConaughey dies tripping on peyote by a mountain lion like that's pretty much the coolest way to die. You're a legend forever right there. So there's nothing but upside.

Yeah. I mean, you know, and to be part of the food chain is if I can if I can go, I hope that's how it is. I hope it's not by a random drive by. Right. You ready for a move on his part, Liefooghe.

Yeah. You live forever in that respect.

There's probably also an element of the mountain lion. Just understanding that he was this was Matthew McConaughey is pretty cool.

They call this guy. This is the dude from the Lincoln commercials.

Yeah. Yeah. This guy sits in his car and looks at Longhorn bulls in the middle of the road and doesn't go around and he decides to let them have the ride away, turned around and goes his own way. Yeah.

Plays pool while everyone's sitting at a dinner party and he's just cool about it.

Says it's six trick shot in the other room while the rest of the people are in there having a dinner party.

Do you. Right. Do you have anything to do with the creators of those? Because it's very mccarney to do an ad where you'll see guys do ads and you'll be like, oh, they're selling out. You somehow do ads that are like, oh, that's just McConaughey being cool. I didn't even realize it was an ad.

Well, that was the goal. I mean, look, we got together. I do work on those ads with them. I mean, we got together early on and said, look, I'm not going to I'm going to I'm going to play. A cool look ahead, I'm going to move deliberately, I'm going to move slowly, me like the Lincoln, me, Ejeta, I need to move deliberately. I need to move with identity and confidence to always take my time.

And so then that led to, well, let's not be really loud in the commercial. Let's not make it really packed. We actually looked at look, the market said all the ads out there so damn loud can we make something that actually cut through all that with the silence?

And I remember the first ad we came out with, you know, playing them on Sundays during NFL football and Ingi then all of a sudden drop down.

And I remember at a bar and I remember people turning around on the TV like they were interrupted by the silence of the ad and then all of a sudden were drawn to it.

And so we got fortunate that they stuck. And now, you know, they can come on. And in about three seconds, you kind of know even before I show up, oh, this is going to be some kind of Lincoln ad. Yeah. You know, just by the sound on and quiet, how quiet is the tone, the pace, the shots, you know?

Well, I want to thank you personally because I have a running joke that I'm trying to get Jeff Fisher another job coach. And it's been going on for probably about four years now. And I use the sometimes you got to go back to actually move forward for every single one. It's always the same. So that has if Jeff Fisher ever gets a job, you're part partially to thank for that value very well via you. OK, we'll be yeah, OK with us.

Yes, it's perfect. I don't know, I actually got the idea because someone it got taken down, but someone made that with Harbaugh when he went back to Michigan because it was like the perfect after he got hired, they made the hype video. Sometimes you got to go back to actually move forward. And I was like, oh, my God, this is like I have chills up and down my spine. And so then I was like, let me just do this for Jeff Fisher.

Even though he has no relation to any of these teams, I just fucking threw it in there being like, yeah, just because there's something about the glory days when you're trying to recapture like a team, you know, it could work for Texas. You're trying to go back to move forward, to trying to get those glory days back go.

But like I was saying earlier, man, about right in diaries about not only when you're losing, write them down. Right, right. Step down and dissect the dissect the success write.

Go write in your journal when things are going well so you can look back and go, oh yeah, I see what I was oh I'm not doing that anymore. I took that for granted. Oh I am complacent in that area. Oh I see. It can be a good map for going. How do I get back on track and have more success or satisfaction.

Yeah I always I've tried to journal in previous careers. It was like highly recommended to me to keep a diary, keep a journal every day, write down what worked, what didn't work. But there's nothing more daunting than just sitting down and looking at an empty page. And then it's like, where do you start describing your day? So when you start describing your day in your journal, are you are you just like listing out the things that happen or how much writing does it take for you to get into the real introspective parts?

No, I mean, sometimes it's just a word is something I'll hear somebody say. It's something I'll say that off the cuff and someone to go, oh, and I'll go, what do I just say? And I'll go when I'm gonna write that down. I didn't even think about saying it and I said that. And it's a it's a phrase that capture something I love. When I talk about bumper stickers, bumper stickers don't they're kind of informal, cool ways to let you know who the hell's behind them behind the wheel, man.

They tell you their politics. If they got a family, they tell you what denomination they are. They tell you if they are pro guns or not. They tell you if their kids are an honor roll student or a bad ass, they can learn so much from them.

Bumper sticker doesn't tell you what to do. And it's very informal way of learning a lot through a certain sort of bumper sticker stereotype situation and then pull up and have a look at the people in the car and see if they match with that bumper sticker. Looks like how much did they match? What was in your mind about how you thought you thought they were going to look or you see people next to you at the red light and you look at them and you get an idea of who they are and then they pull forward and then you look at their bumper sticker, does it match what their bumper sticker is?

You know, I mean, so I'll have ideas, you know, on and work off of. That's what I call bumper stickers in the book. I have a one liner that I'm like, oh, that applies to a lot. Let me take that out into my life until I can apply that aphorism. Once you know it's black, it's not near as dark. Well, that's basically a bumper sticker for saying, hey, covid socks. Let's admit it sucks.

It's here for a while, so let's get on with it, because I know it's black now admitting it's black and your dark. So going to start to many things. Yeah, blew my mind, how many times did you say things and then have other people tell you what you just said should be a bumper sticker? Because I've just picked out like four or five, I'm told I'm good at.

Yeah. I mean, I told them I'm pretty good at slogans. I know I'm good. I've always been told I'm good at nicknames after I get to know somebody I don't know.

I love boiling things down. I'll read a story, I'll read, you know, an article. And then I love deconstructing down like what is three words or a one liner or a cool way to phrase that entire article in a way that is affirmative, that feels like a verb, that feels like a bumper sticker. I love to boil things down and deconstruct things down to a one line, a one word, you know.

Do you read that sound musical. I like lyrics. I love music.

So like I think of them as like lyrics, you know, are you book my what? Got a book. Do you read books? No, not really.

Mostly like I'm very, very slow reader and I haven't read many books actually in my life. You know, we weren't really pressed to read by my parents.

My mom was very much a you know, we couldn't watch TV. You really couldn't read a lot. But she was always like, why read about or watch somebody do something that you can just get your ass out there, go do yourself. She was always real active. Go out and go do it, go experience it, get into life. So we weren't raised to read much. And then as I got older, I tried to read and I still do read, but I'm very, very slow reader.

And the reason is I think say, if I'm reading, you know, philosophy or some motivation or something, I'll I'll read again. You ever read Emersons essay on self-reliance?

Yeah, I did in college. Dude, it's wicked bad ass.

It's so it's so damn good. Well, I've read that twice, but it's taken me. Twenty years to read it twice, even though it's only like 15 pages. The reason is I read one paragraph and go, Whoa, oh, that's heavy, dude, I'm going to take that paragraph into life every day and see if I can apply it and see what the reverb is. See if it pays me back, save my life, change a little bit.

My interactions change the way I see the world change a little bit and I'll work on that damn thing for a month.

That one paragraph before I can move on to the next one. So I'm very slow reader in that respect.

So I would assume, though, greenlights your your memoir, which is out October 20th, there's going to be an audio book which will be the greatest audio book of all time if you narrate.

Correct. I performed it, yeah.

I mean, that's just the other day. I just the other day.

I don't know how that does not like the best audio book of all time already. Just with your voice telling your stories. I would imagine that's I mean, that's how do you not get that? How do you not get that?

It was fun and it was fun. And I get to play, you know, like all do these stories in the most of these stories in the book, I perform them. I tell them at dinner parties, I tell them around the campfire. I've told them I perform them.

So you're getting my innuendo and my voice goes up and you get my voice when I do the Australians, etc.. But then I had to go to the written word. You don't get all that right.

So I thought right in the book that I could record myself telling the best version of the story and just transcribe that to the page. And that would be the best version of the page. It was not. It was 30 percent too long, the written word written stories are 30 percent shorter than the performed vocal stories. So when I did the audio book. So I got to play the voices, play the characters, give you the little pauses, the nonverbal cues.

Mm hmm. Whatever that is. Yes, we have it stories was was a whole lot of fun. It was probably my favorite read of the book for me. When I got to read it out loud, yeah, and read that those times and perform all in sequence throughout the entire book, I'd imagine. All right. So I had one last question. I found this. I love the scene in Wolf of Wall Street when you do the chest bumping.

And then I read a story that you that actually you do that before you go and act every single time to pump yourself up. Yeah.

So can we do that once? Can we just do it?

You going to do the wolf of Wall Street one. No. Or the one on the Matthew McConaughey, whatever you're feeling right now, because you said you do it a different like tune or whatever you're feeling.

Oh, me and the movie.

And I'm like, oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh yeah.

We do that all day. That part of the word. Yeah. That's fucking sick. It's I'll do that before you know for I'm going to go give a speech. I get you get nervous or something, try it, it'll get you out of your head and it'll sort of also doing that on your chest to lower your voice and relax you. And it makes people go what the fuck is he doing? Which is also a good tool because they think you're you're out of your mind, which is usually somewhat true, which gives you an advantage when you go do what you do because you feel like you're on an island.

Also, just the human body craves contact.

So you start slapping yourself around a little bit like, OK, now I'm living.

Yeah, this is like blood flowing. Oh, I love it. I love it. Well, this has been awesome, Matthew. Everything we wanted and more everyone go by green lights out October 20th. Your memoir. Great read. Great. Listen, when the audio book comes out and thank you so much. We really appreciate it man.

I enjoyed it. Man of a great one. Let me know those picks wherever your dog picks from Monday Night Football right on the fish that comes around.

You know, I'll tweeted out to you and good luck trying to get Texas back. I don't know if that ever happened, but we'll see and we'll make the red wolves happen to.

Yeah, yeah.

We'll be in process. We be in process. All right.

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OK, let's wrap up the show guys on chicks. Henry. Away you go. Sucks is The Bachelorette is on Tuesday nights now. Yeah, I'm going to watch The Bachelorette tonight. You know what I might do. Fuck you, boy. Might fuck around and write a bachelorette blog.

Oh, wow. You're going in on Friendster. Going back in it.

Well, I'm going to do it differently. Interent. OK, I'll let you out first. No, I'm just going to do it. I'm going to approach you a little differently, OK? I could never I could never touch luggage.

Guys blog. Go, Hank. Why, I guess I'm not going to blog anymore, since Big Cat made me feel like shit about it. Well, no, I usually blog it. No, I don't want to be.

There are I don't want to put this office that there, like, I don't want to. That's their life.

I don't want to I don't want to encroach on trips. I just thought it would be good to plug my blog. You know what? Blogging on Thursday. Yeah, I'll do the DVR. Yeah, do it recaps later. That will be perfect. Yes.

There maybe I'll review trends blog. That would be good too. OK then. Boom. And then it's just a bunch of hyperlinks back to their ego ecosystem feeds on it. This comment by Trent was really spot on. Yeah. Hyperlinked. Yeah.

My countdown of the ten best parts of Tranced blog about The Bachelorette.

Why when my husband goes to grab Flash Slap my butt he's always tries to slip a finger somewhere. I feel like a little grab and go would suffice.

Hmm. He's a little credit card swipe with a finger. The thing is different than digger type. Yeah. Yeah. Dingleberries. He's just checking checking the oil. Well, take a look at the dipstick.

Nothing's nothing's more romantic than checking your wife's.

But for dingleberries, I honestly think that he's this is him trying to just like slowly push the boundary. Yeah. Until you accept the yellow line step. I think you've got it. If you're not into it, you got to shut him down earlier or else I'll never learn, you know.

Should I tell my boyfriend. Yes. To having a threesome? Yes. But then say you met with two guys, right? Don makes a difference, just flip it on and be like, oh, that's not the type of threesome you wanted.

OK. But yes, sepoys, just be cool about it, just do it. Why not? It's such a weird question to ask your wife. Yeah, it's it's just a weird question in general.

You got to ask that we have a threesome. I think I'm calling bullshit on what's different now. Wife. Yeah.

But it's also like a threesome is I think you either know, you don't like I don't think you have the conversation like, hey, let's have it. Like it's either like, hey, this is something that will be in the cards or is in the cards or it's not.

But, you know, it's the perfect excuse to get out of relationship. Right. Because if you say yes, you want a threesome and then you have the threesome, then you'd be like, you know what, I'm I'm not cut out for the single life right now. Right. So if you're looking to get out, then. Yeah, maybe get laid one like go out in a blaze of glory, have great sex and be like, see, I like it sepoys especially Jeep Wrangler hating Hank.

Is that true.

Yeah. Remember Mount Rushmore. Oh yeah. I'm single for my birthday call back.

I'm single for my birthday this year and I'm turning twenty six and about two weeks which any tips on how I can finesse a guy into sending me flowers food since to yourself.

Yeah. It's a power move. Send it to your own office and yeah. In the office setting.

Yeah. Let everyone know. Send multiple. Yeah.

Yeah I'm dating around but you can have some to send yourself like an order of cookies or cake. Yeah. And then share that with everybody.

Yep. Send yourself a card with like a thousand dollars cash in it. I'm like wow this is awesome. What a birthday. How big is that.

Lonely at all. No yourself money. Go to the ATM. Payoff for dollar withdrawal fees yourself. Five hundred dollars cash.

Hey big cat playoff. Pfft and frog lover Billy. My boyfriend and I play together in a coed softball league. He's a really great loving guy, but he gets way too competitive at these games. Oh, you think he's also blowing our budget, buying arm sleeves.

I black batting gloves, sunglasses and his mullet haircut so he can look like Chris Bryant.

The problem is that he's one of the worst players in the entire.

Oh, no, he always makes mistakes in the infield, but he refuses to give up position. Oh, he gets on base. He points and blows kisses to the sky like he's Big Papi. Oh, yesterday he struck out and I saw people laughing at him. I have not play competitive softball at any level, and yet I have not struck out at all the season.

Last week, he almost caused us to forfeit when a batter hit the ball too hard back at him and he refused to keep pitching until the guy apologized.

He's been thrown out of two games this season and it's really embarrassing having to leave with him while he's still young at the umpire from the parking lot.

I feel like I should say something, but I don't want to crush him. What should I do? How do I fix this? Please help.

At this point. I actually think what you just described, he might be it might be a cry for help. He might be like, I'm I want to stop playing. I keep trying to get kicked out of games, striking out like someone say something.

This guy actually seems like the coolest guy ever. He's like Kenny Powers. Yeah, exactly. He's been watching too much eastbound down. He's he's also delusional. I would actually I'd recommend dosing him with either some sort of sedative or maybe three, maybe just like weed before the game. Try to help them out a little bit.

Yeah, just get them in a video game. So at least when he's, you know, spazzing out, it happens within your own house.

Yeah, the worst the worst guys in intramural sports are batting glove guy socks and mouth guard guy who sucks in basketball.

Like, if you're one of those guys, it's just you can't do it. You can't do it. You got to you got to pick something else because everyone's laughing.

Oh, I've got another guy that really stinks. The high sock guy in kickball.

Yes. Yes, big time. Big time. Hey, guys, how do I should I even bring up to my boyfriend that I don't like a girlfriend of his because I'm convinced she's in love with him?

I've never had an issue with you, knows with any of my boyfriends, other friends. But I have felt the same way since I met her a year ago.

She had a boyfriend for a sec, but doesn't anymore.

Now she sees my boyfriend more than I do because we are a long distance and. Oh, but they live and work in the same area. And also can I unfollow her on Instagram things.

Yeah. So you're not as sneaky as you think you are because the guy absolutely already knows that you hate this girl.

It's so easy to tell when a girl is talking about one of your friends that she does not care for because she will have the smile on her face that makes her look like a serial killer from a movie like, oh, that's so cute that she's coming over and just he knows.

He knows. I think the only solution here is that you got to have a threesome with them and then afterwards be like she kind of sucked at sex.

That's the only way. Hmm.

I need some input from pfft. My boyfriend has been, in our words, WUFT team his whole life. And every week he tells himself he won't get upset at their games, but still does. We recently moved to Baltimore and he always jokingly says he will switch to a Ravens fan, but hasn't yet. I think he should switch teams now the fourth in franchise, but he tells me he can't. Any advice?

P.S. Go, Duke. OK, would you rather have a Washington football team fan that like kind of gets a little bit upset but is used to losing for three hours a week on Sundays or a guy who's. Entire lifestyle becomes wearing purple, gray and black camo cargo shorts like six days with me online, you're fighting with big cat online and just getting pissed off and just smelling like crab chips all day and mispronouncing his LS. Because if you switch to becoming a Ravens fan, that is it's a much it's a much heavier commitment, don't forget, than casual hating Dresden's Ray Lewis.

Oh yeah.

Then you have to you have to have all these counter arguments ready for when people bring up Ray Lewis or Ray Rice, it just becomes exhausting.

It's a lot that's a lot of work. Yeah. He's going to have to get a Joe Flacco poster. Yeah, it's a lot of work. I would I would much rather just deal with having a football team fan that has false hope every Sunday. Hmm. My boyfriend is partially deaf.

How do I get his attention when he's watching football without screaming and pissing off our neighbors? I feel like that's something he should have figured out how to get a laser pointer and just shine in his eyes occasionally. Yeah, pots and pans are just laser and shine it onto your nipples.

And that's good for just turn off the TV sepoys especially. Have you heard about this new CIA device? I read about this last night. It's crazy to blow your mind. The CIA and the Russian version of the CIA, the KGB has this new weapon where they can fire at somebody and it gives you like pounding headache and makes you throw up. But you can't hear you can't feel it. They can hit you from like outside of a building. Jesus Christ.

So, yeah, you should get one of those to hang over a period. Yeah, it gives you RPM's. It gives guys RPM's when you hit them with it. Get one of those.

He's got a question. Why weren't they doing that in Cuba. Allegedly there are some like sound type stuff that they were using, but yeah, it seems pretty bad ass China too.

I found a drawer full of bottles of piss in my boyfriend's dresser. I'm too afraid to ask him about it soon. He's too lazy to go. Yes, I'm late at night. So what sort of half of them. Yeah. Okay. The only getting rid of them. Well the only question you should ask is do you need me to throw out your PC for you?

That's really the only question. There is no other question. Every guy has a drawer filled with piss bottle and a rug that they jack off.

I actually have a briefcase. I have a briefcase full of piss. I mean, I find a way around. I had a piss bottle or two that kind of fell down between the bed and the wall back when I was in college. And that's what I like college.

I remember because it was like the bathroom was really far away. It really the colleges discussed. It really depends how far away your bath Kilbane rolls like.

Yeah, Kilbane, Ronja, these the concussion protocol videos and like they're on campuses and they'll have Berel of these college apartments. And I just like Schutter and I remember like how disgusting my college apartment was. That's just you just don't realize it at the time. You don't care. Why would you care. So just let them women progress in life a little bit faster than men. Let him have his picture.

Hey, boys, mainly handsome Hank, my boyfriend is pretty out of shape. I don't know why you mainly attacked me, but not a fan, not fat.

But he has love handles a small gut and pretty skinny, undefined arms. He couldn't be me. Whenever I suggest he works out, he claims that he has functional athleticism.

It doesn't need to work out because he's good at sports. Yes, none of this could not be me. He says that guys who are jacked are bad at sports and that's the reason they work out. Is there any truth? Yes. Yeah, yeah. Well, guys who work out too much suck at sports again.

Shoot a basketball game or ball musclebound. Absolutely true.

The problem with your boyfriend here is his functional athleticism. What was in high school? Well, yeah, exactly. It's like he thinks he has it, but he might not. You need. So really. Yes, he is right. But you need to basically give him a test like an aptitude test once a year to make sure he still has his functional athleticism, because if he doesn't, he will then go to the gym. But if you didn't have him, if you throw a ball to him and he doesn't catch it, he'll be like, oh, fuck, you need to put him through a combined boyfriend combined.

So here's what you do. You just test him once a year. Maybe when you're on one of your vacations and you have him play beer dye and spike ball, as long as he doesn't injure himself doing either one of those two things, then you could go. Will let us as well.

Can you ask this person that like 18 year old how long it's been since he won a regional Wiffle ball tournament? Because if it's been longer than a couple of days, it was Korona. The summer didn't happen.

How many 16 year olds did you beat to win that? We actually beat guys old enough us, but we ran through a few.

I've rather a few like twelve year old to get to get to the championship. Was there ever a moment like we were playing twelve year old Khaled. No, absolutely. Win at all costs.

All right. Is that it. That's all right. Let's do a no to end the show. Great show. We're sticking with eight by the way. We did a hand shuffle so you can see if it makes a difference. OK, et we'll show the the lower numbers went up to the top. Oh, wombats.

Poop cube shaped poop. Can you hit this, can you hit this. A six on the wrong side by the way. Can you hit it. Eight I'll go.

Forty four. How the button. Hit one forty four by four. I've got 49. Will we ever get it? Oh, Tsubaki nine, thirty eight, thirty eight.

OK Fok all right, live to see another day. I see everyone on Friday.

Love you guys. Today is another day to shine in. The key they got.