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On today's part of my take, the long-awaited Shane Gillis episode. Shane joined us in studio when he was in Chicago. Can't thank him enough. He is the busiest man in America right now. I think he's America's podcast guest, and he was nice enough to do it. Everyone's asked him to go on the podcast, and he was like, You know what? I got to do your guys. So shout out Shane. Awesome interview with Shane. We're going to talk NFL League meetings. We got new rules that are going to be weird. We're going to talk a little college basketball, Iowa, going to the sweet 16, maybe a little preview for Thursday night, what we got on tap. We got Hot Sea Cool Throne. We have Mad Online, which also might have been part of your take. We got a little confused with that. Before we do all of that, DraftKings, the thrill and excitement of March Mania is here in DraftKings Sportsbook, one of America's top-rated sportsbook apps, is giving new customers a shot to turn five bucks into $150 instantly in bonus bets with any college basketball bet. I saw Yukon was favored by 11 on Thursday night.

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Co/beball for eligibility and deposit restrictions terms and responsible gaming resources. Okay, let's go. Now in the street, there is violence, and then a lot of work to be done. No place to hang a low washing, and then I can't lay all on the sun.

Oh, no, we're going to rock It's Part of My Take, presented by Marshall Sports.

Welcome to a part of my take presented by DraftKings Sportsbook. New users can get five bucks, turn five bucks into $150 instantly in bonus bets only at DraftKings Sportsbook with code take. Today is Wednesday Sunday, March 27th. And PFT, we've got some new rules to be mad at.

Rip, the swivel hip drop tackle.

You want to start there? Let's start there.

Let's start there because as we told you on the show, the hip drop tackle banning Getting that would be a massive, massive mistake. I think you agree, right?

Yes. It's a mistake for many reasons. The first reason in my mind is we have just added a rule that is going to be debated similar to can't land on the quarterback. There will be a big, big game decided by the hip drop. What's the penalty now? Is it 15 yards?

I actually don't know if it's 15 yards. I don't either. They kick them out? It feels like 10, 15. They did it in the name of player safety.

They said they banned it, but we don't know what the-I don't think it's an ejection. Yeah, it can't be an ejection. But either way, there will be a moment where this happens and it will end a drive and people are like, This is fucking bullshit. That was football. It's just another thing in the line of NFL tinkering with the game and making it worse.

Well, they're making it. It's such a subjective call because you have to have certain elements that are involved in the speed that the game is played at. You're going to have referees that are like, I think that was a hip drop tackle. I'm not really sure. To me, I think one of the biggest things that are not looking at with this is that it's a penalty that can be affected by the offense. So a quarterback getting landed on by a defensive player, that's all on the defensive player, at least, right? But if somebody is getting tackled and you're trying to fight through the tackle and you shift your weight and you hit the guy back, you can throw the guy's body around and put him in a position where now he's making a hip drop tackle. And that's the way that he brings him down to the ground. At that point, yes, by letter of the rule, it is a hip drop tackle. The other thing is you're going to have the most annoying people in the world screaming hip drop at the TV.

Screenshots.

Screenshots of hip drop tackles. You're going to have people, I don't want to name any names, but we sit next to a guy on Sunday's named Jerry. When the Steelers have the ball every time somebody makes a catch, he's going to say hip drop.

And not only that, but to player safety. So there were a couple of injuries this year with hip drop tackles. Fifteen.

The hip drop tackle was used 230 times last season.

Okay. Fifteen players got injured. Also, it will be a 15-yard penalty. Fifteen-yard penalty. Okay. Thank you. Potential fines as well. Okay, so that's good to know because it will decide a game at some point this year. But similar to when they changed helmet to helmet, head hunting, all that stuff, which was good. The waterfall effect, run-down effect. Is that the right word?

Waterfall effect?Unintended.

Consequences.unintended consequences. Thank you. The unintended consequences is Guys now have to go after people low and at their knees, and so you can't hit them above the shoulders. You can't hit them super low. But there's nowhere to hit guys. And now you're taking away another use for the defense, making them even more difficult. I think it's going to probably add, they're taking away injuries, and there'll be injuries because of this.

Yeah, because think about this. You're a defensive player. You tackle somebody around the waist. Sometimes you end up landing on their legs, even when you're not trying to do that. So guys are, I don't know, are they going to stop to wrap up around the waist and instead just go for a shoestring? I don't know. I don't know what's going to happen, but I think it's a big mistake to put a rule in place because the hip drop tackle, it wasn't a thing until a year and a half ago. A lot of people get injured. Yeah, when you land on somebody His legs, they probably are going to get injured. But guess what? You get injured playing football.

Yes, it is a violent game. I also think this now makes the tight-end position even more valuable because a lot of the hip drop tackles are defensive backs smaller guys getting beat a little bit and trying to slow down a bigger guy with a hip drop tackle where you try to don't ride on top of him and let him get a couple of extra yards, try to stop his momentum and bring him backwards. Now that you can't do that, tight ends are going to eat in the flat.

That's actually a good point because how are you going to tackle a tight end? Right.

It's like, now every team should have the biggest, strongest tight end that can then... You can't tackle him once he gets by you. Or even once you get parallel, you can't tackle. Yeah, you can't.

How How do you hit a guy from behind now? I don't know. The NFL doesn't want guys riding dudes from behind.

You know what might start happening? Well, actually, no, it's tripping, but it would be funny if we just accidentally made soccer. Slide tack. If people did slide tackles on tight ends.

The ref should get cards. They should get a yellow flag is 15 yards, a red flag is you're ejected.

Yeah. The other rule, which is going to be weird to look at, but I'm actually in favor of this one, is they changed the kickoff rule. Shout out our guy, Sam Schwartzstein. This is actually His Baby. He created this in the XFL. They tinkered it with it a little bit in the NFL, which is a perfect NFL thing that Sam, we know Sam well, and we've had him on the show. He spent years working on this, testing it, doing all of the data and everything. The NFL just watched one PowerPoint. We're like, All right, we're going to do that, but we're going to change it, not realizing that everything that Sam did was for a reason. They tinkered it and they took away where the ball ends up. Sam had made it to a point where it's like, this is how you can get it so that people will always return it, and you get the return back in the game. They changed a little bit of it, so that might not happen.

Well, what the NFL did was they made kickoffs so shitty for the last couple of seasons that now we're welcoming anything that involves a return.

Yeah. So the history. So people who are mad, let's start with this. It's going to look fucking weird. If you watch the XFL, it looks weird. People will be mad week one. It looks weird because you have Guys, you have both the offense and defense or the return team and the kicking team standing 10 yards away from each other down the field, and no one can move until the ball is touched or hits the ground. So it's going to look weird. Yeah.

And you have the return team. They backpedal five yards, seven yards to wherever their spot is that they're set up to block. And it doesn't look like a kickoff because there's no big collisions. And that's what we've seen over the years. I think people are going to actually like it. I do, too. The one thing that the XFL did that everybody was Yeah, great job, was hire kickers that are podcasters. The second thing they did was they had a return game that looked unusual and it offered chances for reverses. There are going to be some teams that go full steam ahead into figuring out how to optimize this kick return that will end up winning games because of the work that they did in the offseason to take advantage of the rules on the kickoff. There'll be other teams that are just like, Well, this is weird. Let's just try to run a normal kick return play.

Right. So for people who are going to be like, Oh, this is weird. I don't like it. I would just say that what the NFL has done in the last 10 years, I think 2010 was when they banned the wedge. So starting in 2010, they have essentially killed the kickoff Because they banned the wedge, they banned running starts, they moved the kick up. And then this last year, then they moved the touchback to 25. And then finally, this last year, they added the fair catch, which essentially just killed the kick. There's no reason for you to return a kick off.

That's what I'm saying. The NFL, it was a good job on their part in the long term to make kickoffs unwatchable and so shitty that now they add any element that has a return game in it. People are like, Yeah, this rocks now. I do think people like it.

The numbers are less than 20 years ago, in the 2005 season, 95% of NFL League kickoffs were returned. It has dropped basically every single year. You We can see when the rules come in, how it drops, when they move the ball up and they band the wedge. It's dropped all the way to 37.6 was last year. Kickoffs returned, and I think it even dropped more this year to 20% or something around there. I want to see kickoff returns.

Yeah, we're going to get kickoff returns. We're not going to get surprise onside kicks anymore, which sucks. Even though it only happens a few times a year, I like the idea of a surprise onside kick.

I'm okay with the surprise onside kick as well being banned because they brought back the unbalanced line.

Oh, yeah. No.

The fact that we can now have more onside kicks actually be recovered. There was only two last year. There was two surprise onside kicks in the entire season. I get it. The most memorable one of all time is the Saints in the Super Bowl, and everyone's like, We lost this moment. I understand that. But the fact that they made it so that you could never return an onside kick, it was something crazy, like less than 5%, I want there to be a chance that you can actually return an onside kick again. So if we have to give a surprise onside kick, it only happened two times a year. I think I'm okay with that trade.

No. So the imbalance line, they put that out a few weeks ago, right?

Yeah. Well, today is when they're voting on everything.

So, yeah, the imbalance line, I like that. Make onside kicks a thing again, because at the end of the game, if you try to recover when the game's over, you have no hope. I feel like it always happens where they try to do the onside kick, and either it doesn't go 10 yards or it just goes out of bounds.

Or it goes directly into someone's hands.

They should make it also illegal for the receiving team to swath the ball out of bounds on an onside kick and then recover it.

I do think the perfect answer for onside kicks is you should just have it be a fourth and 20 play for offense.

Everyone would love that. They might do that at some point. I think the Ravens were trying to do that. Yeah, they were. They put that out there.

But yeah, I'm okay with the trade-off. I'm going to miss surprise onside kicks because they are very electric. But if you tell me that there's a 15% chance now you can return onside kick, I think that's something I would take just for the fact that you still have hope at the end of the game.

I don't know if that's the trade-off they made. I think the The trade-off actually is since they changed the normal kick-off rules, they had to then change the surprise onside kick because the way the players are set up now, you can't do a surprise onside kick. Because you have to declare, Okay, we're setting up in this normal what is now the new normal position to kick it deep.

But I think they started talking, like you said, they started talking about the on-side kick thing a couple of weeks ago, and it was like, We're taking away a surprise on-side kick, but you now have to declare and you get an unbalanced lock.

Yeah. There's actually no way that you could do a surprise onside kick if this is the new normal kickoff rule.

The one thing that is going to be interesting, and I love the strategy behind all of this because I was talking to Sam earlier and congratulating him, and he's like, The only thing that I didn't plan for is these kickoff rules with Tyreek Hill speed. If teams start putting just their fastest guy back there, it's going to probably be most likely they get to the 30 or above every single time, and then will it just be, Well, we'll kick it out of bounds.Is this It just goes back to touchbacks.

Is this giving us maybe an edge? Maybe just take all the overs?

Well, the ball placement will be farther out there.

Yeah, more points.

Yeah, I'm in for it.

Yeah. Honestly, if you're the Dolphins, you absolutely do need Tyreek Hill returning kicks now.

Because think about where he's starting, and it incentivizes kicking it in bounds and also there's two returners now. So you can have two returners back there. Well, I guess you always could, but that's It's different than the XFL. Xfl only had one, which definitely is advantageous for the returning team as well.

The one rule I don't like that needs to be changed is that you can't advance a recovered punt. Why not? Why can't you? How many times does that happen where a punt hits off a dude's head, somebody picks it up, and then they run with it to the end zone, and then for a split second, you think you have a touch, and then you remember, Oh, shit, we got to bring that back.

Yeah, I always get confused with college.

Yeah, is that college that I'm thinking of?

I think that's college. Do I know ball? I'm pretty sure that's College. I think it's both. Is it both?

Yeah, someone fumbles a punt and you recover.

I think if they fumble, if they have possession, then you fumble, you can pick it up and return it. But if it's a muff, I don't know if you can.

College and NFL have to get on the same page because we're going to watch old-school kickoffs in college.

Although I do like how college has one foot in bounds. Yeah, I agree with that. Because then when a receiver gets two feet in bounds, you're like, That dude can play at the next level.

Can someone look it up for us? I know you can't return it in college. Yeah, I'm looking for something definite, but I don't want to speak without. No, speak without it. We just did. We literally just spoke without knowing it. I typed in advanced punt football, and the first thing is a Reddit thread. Why can't a team advance a Muff put in Reddit?

All right, so you can't.

You can't.

So I don't know. Type in best Muff close-ups. See what that comes up back with. I think I'll tell you, Jake.

No, I think they can't. Are you serious, Jake?

Yeah. Just have to burn his computer.

Got him.

Company computer. I think you're right. I don't think you can.

There's also a rule change in baseball that they have been discussing, I guess, in the weeks leading up to the start of baseball season.

Guys can't gamble on their own team?

They're heavily considering reinstating Pete Rose before they announced the Shoheya O'Tani situation. No, the thing they're looking at, probably for next year because we're talking about robot umps. I just heard this right now on the radio. One of the systems I'm thinking about, and I love this, they're thinking about giving teams three challenges for balls and strikes per game. Now, that's not that cool. What makes it cool is that the batter has to decide whether or not to use a challenge.

They do this in single A and double A and maybe even triple. I've seen this before. It's awesome because it's instant.

Yeah, I love the player having to decide. You don't have a manager that somebody is on the phone with him for a replay that saw it upstairs. It's like you're in the batter's box. Did that look outside?

It's great because I've watched it happen. I don't remember what league it was, but it's not slowing down the game because the batter just taps their head, ump turns around. It's like a green or red light, and then they just keep going.

Did they have a flag?

I don't know if they have a flag.

That would rock if there was a flag.

But yeah, whatever league is doing it, because I've seen this video, it's very efficient, and it adds great I'm all for these type of rules that add strategy. It was like, When are we going to burn these?

Oh, another NFL rule that's being changed is the replay assistant can correct certain types of incorrect calls for ruffing the passer and intentional grounding. If there's a hit on the passer. I'm okay with that.and it's not helmet to helmet, the replay official can instantly be like, not a penalty, pick that flag up. I like that. I like that a lot.

That's a good one. As long as it doesn't slow down the game, I think that's... Because that's one of the calls that just is very subjective and pisses everyone off every single year. Look, this is the video right now. He's showing it. Yeah, he just taps on his head. The catcher can do it, too.

Okay, so the catcher or the patter gets it.

They just wave up and then he calls it. It's maybe three seconds. Yeah, I like that. It's awesome. What are the teams playing in this? That's the Tampa Tarpins, which I believe is the Yankees single A. Okay. It's the single A he's been... Look at that. Shout out single A. Just pushing it, pushing us to a better sports world. I'm okay with this. We also had in the league meetings. Jerry Jones is just losing it. His scribble.

What did he do?

Did you see the picture of him? No, I haven't seen that. Oh, my God.

Let me look it up.

He was answering questions and I think diagramming the Cowboys being all in. Then someone zoomed in on his piece of paper, and he was just scribbling nothing.

That's relatable, though.

It is, but it also is very funny because that's his plan for the Cowboys being all in.

It looks like he tried to draw a clock seven times.

It is very relatable in that who hasn't had a piece of paper and a pen in front of them and just start making scribbles everywhere?

I mean, this is great for anyone who's really talented at Photoshop. Put this one in the memes department for next season.

Yeah, he's just scribbling. Would it have killed him to do little 3D box or the Superman S? Come on, man.

Oh, the Super S. Yeah, the Power S.

Yeah, the Superman S is the best. What if he just accidentally did a swastika?

What if he's like, What?

It's a cool design.

Wait, I'm zooming in. Oh, there is some writing on there. I'm getting there when you think of me. You just sit back like a boss.

But yeah, we have the league meetings, which I love. Just a bunch of football guys walking around in a hotel in Orlando.

Somewhere in Florida, yeah.

Somewhere in Florida. Somewhere in Florida, just deciding the fate of the league. The vote for the new kickoff, I think there were three teams that didn't vote for it. So packers, whatever. I mean, they probably did a fan vote on Twitter, losers. Then the Raiders voted against it. So immediately, I was like, This is a good rule. Mark Davis is like, I don't like this.

Well, I think Mark Davis just votes against anything because that's what his dad used to do.

Who are the abstained? I know it was Raiders, Packers. I don't know who the third team was. But you can tell once I saw Raiders like, yeah. Niners. Niners. That's interesting. They are smart. Niners are smart. That throws off my theory.

They also moved back to Trade Deadline. I'm not sure why they did that. To when? I think it's week nine.

Okay.

Yeah, sure.

There won't be a lot of trades. It's so arbitrary. And they're also just the NFL just doesn't have a lot of trades.

No.

But it's actually nice that we can talk about. You can convince yourself that your team will do a trade.

Yeah, well, it's bad for shitty teams because shitty teams, then you have another week of being like, Can we do this? Another week of false hope.

Winning right before the trade deadline. Death. Okay, let's talk some other sports. Before we do that, Uber Eats. Uber Eats, you can get almost anything at Uber Uber Eats. No, I'm not just talking about food from your favorite restaurant. Uber Eats has a full range of delivery capabilities beyond just restaurant food like groceries, convenience, and alcohol. Whether you need ice cream, batteries, highlighters, or paper towels, or maybe all four, Uber Eats can deliver almost, almost anything. Get grocery, alcohol, and everyday essentials in addition to the restaurant food you love. In other words, get almost, almost anything with Uber Eats. Order now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See app for details. Hank, one, two, or three topics.

Two.

Two. Kaitlyn Clarke wins her last game. Her. At Iowa, down to the... They're going to the Sweet 16 in Albany. I actually watched that entire game. It was electric. I loved West Virginia just being like, We're going to be the bad boy Pistons and just muscle you. But yeah, congrats to her. That would have been a hilarious, hilarious ending if they had lost that game.

It was actually a really, really good game. It also gave some ammo to people that think that this is scripted to get the rematch of Iowa versus LSU. Would that be in the Elite 8? Elite 8. When they play each other? There were a lot of fouls called at the end of the game. A lot of fouls.

A lot of them intentional.

Some of them intentional.

I saw some people posting In the last three minutes, West Virginia got called for seven fouls, Iowa got called for zero. They were intentionally fouling in the last minute.

They were fouling. I don't think Iowa got called for a single foul, though, right? In the last maybe two minutes of the game? Yeah. There There were a couple that could have been a foul, but Kaitlyn Clarke, not only did she win, she also got the all-time points record with those final two free throws on a hilarious foul by West Virginia. That meant nothing but meant everything to some of us.

And hit the over for her points. Shout out Kaitlyn Clarke, her. But yeah, imagine if they had gotten bounced.

Did you see where she told her home stadium to shut the fuck up?

I love how much Kaitlyn Clarke is Let's just admit it. She's an incredible player. When things aren't going well, she has a little bit of baby in her, and I like it.

Yeah, there was- I like it. There was a great take. I forget. I don't have it in front of me, but the person wrote an article about this, and they said, Why do we vilify Kaitlyn Clarke for making big gestures like this? We talk about her, and we have all these judgments about her, but we wouldn't do the same in a million years for players like Dennis Rodman or Pat Beverly.

Yeah, you missed on that one.

We definitely do the same. I mean, if you were alive in the 1990s, half of the sports ecosystem was talking about Dennis Rodman.

Every single night. Yeah, I hope Iowa fans, because Iowa fans are very protective of Kaitlyn Clarke. I completely understand. She gets attacked a lot, so They have to always be guards up. I even started a little, should we have the debate, Pajie Buckets versus Kaitlyn Clarke? People were not happy with that, me just throwing out the debate.

Oh, no, but you're not alone. No, I know. Gino ARIMA If we're going to live in an age of advanced analysis and statistics, well, then we have the best player because all the numbers say she's the best.

And Paige Buker did have some very bad injury luck in her career. But so Iowa fans are very protective, completely understand. I just hope that they can have a little sense of stepping out and being like, Yeah, maybe she does have a little bit of baby in her, which I like. Again, she's a competitor. She wants to win so badly. But yeah, it It was a great game.

She threw the basketball into the stands after the game was over. It was Nancy Liebern, a former... Was she a coach or a player? She's a player. But she said, If a guy does that- Cooper. If a guy does that, nobody says anything. If Pat Beverly does it, or Russell Westbrook, or Dennis Rodman does it. Nobody gives a shit. No. No, I would give a shit.

We analyze literally everything that LeBron has ever done in his entire life.

If LeBron did that, it would lead first take undisputed for three months. Yeah.

Shout out to Kiddles were there, too.

Also, LeBron- George, he He really got into a tight jersey. It was his wife's former jersey. But yeah, if LeBron did that and I was in the stands and got hit, I would check myself into a hospital.

I'd be in a neck brace tomorrow. Hank, did you watch the game? No. Oh, he don't like women.

That's not true.

Well, why didn't you watch the game then?

Name one woman.

Kaitlyn Clarke. Oh, nice. Name one woman not named Kaitlyn Clarke.

My mom. That's a good answer. Good answer.

Good answer. Good All right, so other stories. Should we talk a little about Thursday night? Because we're going to obviously record after Thursday night, after we watch the games. Very, very excited for this Sweet 16. The dust has settled a little bit, and I just couldn't be more excited for the eight games we have on Thursday and Friday.

I'm most excited for UNC Alabama.

Unc Alabama is going to be incredible. Yukon San Diego State being the rematch from last year's Championship game, and Danny Hurley finding a way. He is a master motivator, being like, We got screwed with the time of this game.

Yeah, he says that the committee has done everything that they could possibly do to not let them repeat. Yes.

But their game is at 6:39 Central Time, 7:39.

That's a bad time. They knew what they were doing.

Also, just going to say it, they're on TBS Tru TV. Arizona Clemson is on CBS. Isn't that weird?

That is weird.

That's a little weird.

They're going to try to get away with something.

They're just anti-Italian discrimination again.

Tru TV. Nobody knows what channel Tru TV is.

No one knows. I am rooting for Illinois, no offense to Iowa State, but an Illinois-Ucon elite 8 would be an incredible game.

That'd be a good match up.

Because I think Illinois has that one... The fact that they have three studs that could go off at any time, I still think Yukon is the best team, and they can... Any Any problem you throw at them, they have a solution for. But that would be a game that I'd be like, This is going to be a war. Who knows if Terrence Shannon or Demask or Coleman go off? I'm excited for that game. But yeah, Alabama North Carolina is going to be great.

Who do you think is most likely to win amongst the underdogs on Thursday, Clemson or San Diego State? Because I'm not- Illinois. I'm not going to say Illinois, and I'm not going to say Alabama, but the real surprising ones would be Clemson or San Diego State. San Diego State.

You'd think would be most likely? That's my prediction. Revenge. I think Clemson is most likely because Clemson has been ignored by this podcast. If we know anything about this podcast, we are the dumbest people in the world. When we say we put out that graphic listing every team but Clemson has teams that could win the national title. They have that bookmark. That will be the perfect ending to March Madness if Clemson wins it all, and we just have that sitting there. What do you think the numbers would get on that graphic? There'd be tens of thousands of retweets and quote tweets.

Yeah, it'd be pretty big. It'd be pretty big.

I might be rooting for it.

But we could also give ourselves credit for spurning them on to the national championship.

Yeah, we do the Long Beach State. Yeah, it was us. Yeah, it was us. We One of the ones who got them.

Yeah, listen, I'm not going to sit here and say that I did that on purpose, but it worked out the way I wanted.

I will say the number one overall seat has lost in the sweet 16 in the last two years. Bless you. He's just sneezing. God bless you. Gonzaga lost to Must in Arkansas two years ago in the sweet 16. Last year, Alabama lost to San Diego State. San Diego State.

It would be something if you can just roll through this tournament, covered every spread. Well, do you see Dan Just like the guy last week.

We're going to keep blowing these teams out of the tournament.I love it.Good. Hank, are you okay? Yeah.

Maybe allergies? I don't know.

That's not allergies. You're sick. I hope not. I hate allergies for that reason.

What are you allergic to?

I don't know. I just sneezed three times. That's not common.

Cocaine? No.

People should have to wear pins on their shirt.

Wait, Hank, how do you know that you're allergic to cocaine?

Maybe I'm not. I don't know.

It is the changing of the seasons is when I understand, but do you not agree that people love to do the... Are you sick? No, I have allergies. They should have to wear pins that say, I'm an allergy person. So you know, all right, if they sneeze, it's probably allergies. I can just tell you guys in the beginning, and you know I'm an allergy person. Can you tell the difference in a sneeze between allergy and sick? Yes, because you sound differently. Oh, what did that sound like? Hank sounds fine. No, like talking. You sound sick. Do you have allergies? Why? Well, allergies to the seasons, like pollen and show. You aren't allergic. Allergy season. Everyone's allergic. If you have allergies, season is not a thing.

You're just saying you're allergic to being alive.

Hank doesn't have allergies. He just said allergies.

Well, yeah, pollen and...

No, you're not allergic to those things.

Hank, you're not an allergy guy. Yeah, you're not. You're a strong man. I can smell allergy guy. Jake. Jake's an allergy guy.

Max's a sneaky guy.

Big time. We were talking about cologne the other day, and Jake was like, I think I'm allergic to cologne.

I don't care.

No, I don't feel so. I read That checks out with me.

No, I don't care if you're sick or not. It's been a take for a long time that I just... I think people use allergies as a crutch, which you just literally proved it.

No, and it takes away from people who actually have allergies.

Yeah, right. You just took their culture and tried to fawn it off.

I apologize. It's like real allergy people are like, T. J. What?

Are you guys so far into allergies that you... What, Max? You're an allergy. This is a great podcast. No, it is. If you're here for Shane Gillis, we'll be done with allergies in a second. Do you guys check the pollen report? Like, oh, surfer would check big waves? No, I just know I have bad allergies. So you're not like, oh, shit, pollen's high today. Got to stay inside? No. I like those. Those allergy people are freaks.

Are you believer in the people that say that everyone's allergic to everything, but just some people are more mentally tough?

Yes, because I'm not allergic to anything. People who say it's mental, I have an issue with it.

No, I think it's mental. No, it's not. I'm It's a little different. My brain's a little different.

I went to a museum the other day. It's a color factory in downtown Chicago with the kids. My mom was with us, and she's allergic to shellfish. They said in the front, because there's snacks, and the person was like, Is anyone allergic to anything? She's like, Shellfish. The person responded, You should be okay. That shouldn't be the answer.

That's good.

You should be okay shouldn't be an answer to that question.

Yeah, shellfish is one. It was the color factory? Yeah. You should know if you That's cool. You should know if you have crab. If there's like, Oh, yeah, we'll skip the sea life exhibit.

You should be okay is not an okay answer, though.

I was roommates with a guy in college that had a severe shrimp, crab, allergy, but he loved shrimp and crab so much. So once a year, he would just eat shrimp and then just shoot himself up with all the shots. He's just like, Fuck it. Tonight's the night.

I think there was a bear. I can't remember which bear it was who didn't want to do the conditioning test, and he just ate a bunch of shellfish before the conditioning test because he was allergic.

That's awesome. Yeah.

But Then there was a little girl who said penicillin. I was like, What the fuck? How are you alive? Also, isn't penicillin something they treated polio with?

I would feel like the genetics that would get passed down to the generation with penicillin, if you were allergic to penicillin in the 1800s, probably 1800s when they discovered it, you probably would have died.

That's just not an answer, though, too, a five-year-old, you'd say, penicillin. You're probably scared of everything now. They're like, The One thing that's supposed to save you, you can't have.

You're scared of medicine. Yeah.

Okay, so that was allergy talk. That was number three on my topics. Shohe. I believe him.

Okay.

I don't know why.

The way that he's presented it, I actually think it's genius because there's not going to be any chance that they can prove that he's lying. I think they can.

What exactly did he say? He stole from me.

He said that this guy stole all the money from me. Without my knowledge. If he says that, and the interpreter also says that, and it turns out that maybe they are lying about it, maybe Shoheyd knew about it, but as long as they stick to those stories, you can't prove it otherwise.

I think you can, though.

How?

Forensic accounting.

You can say that Ipé logged in.

No, I'm saying Shohey is now going down this path where he's like, This guy stole from me. They're going to get a forensic accounting, and they're going to show this is how this guy stole from me. If they do that and it's like, Dude, no one stole from you, I think he'll be in deep shit. But I think they're going to take that path. Also, I just love the idea of forensic accounting. Don't understand it at all, but it sounds cool. That was my question.

You kept saying that I saw the word. I had no idea.

I saw the word. I saw someone tweaked the word, and I was like, Of course, forensic accounting. They do forensic accounting.

I'm pretty sure law and order does forensic accounting sometimes.

But it will solve every problem here, forensic accounting.

But even if it shows his computer was used to send the transfers, he can always just say, Ipé logged in on my computer.

But I think if that is the case, there will be a lot of questions. I think the forensic accounting will come back and be like, Look, he stole from me.

He did it from his own device?

Yeah, he siphoned it Now, think about it.

When you do a money transfer, if it's a big money transfer, your bank sends you a text message and says, Verify this big money transfer using this code that we just gave you. I don't know if he also had access to Shohe's phone.

That was the other part of it. Reading more about this guy, there was a quote from a couple of years ago where someone interviewed him and he said, Translating is only 10% of my job with Shohe. He was like his best friend. He was doing everything with him. Remember, was Shohe in the Home run Derby? I think he was. He caught for Shohe in the Home run Derby. That route. He would do long toss with Shohe. He would go out to dinner with Shohe. I think he was so deeply embedded that it was almost a brother relationship. Then it would make sense that he was able to do it. Also, people were able to figure out that Shohe for the longest time had his mom do his accounting. It's not like Shohe has been maybe the most He's maybe been a little too trusting of people in his life and not had someone else do all this stuff. It leads me to believe this potentially could happen.

Ipé also has another discrepancy on his resume. In the Angels Media Guide, Ipé said that he graduated from UC Riverside in 2007. The school has no record that that happened. So this guy just might be a liar. But is it baseball has his hands full?

Yeah, I think, and I know this might be a cop-out, but I just think I'm going to believe him until they do the forensic accounting. I'm waiting for the forensic accounting to come out. So Shohe. I'm a big believer in it.

Shohe also is going to have some trust issues with his next interpreter. I would say so. Because this interpreter played the interpreter game very, very well if you're trying to be sneaky. Just like, he exploited a weakness in the interpreter system, which is you have one client, you can lie to that one client about what everybody else in the world is saying. Yeah. And you keep that person. At some point, maybe the power went to his head, and Ippei thought, I'm Shohe.

He also said he was Hideki Okajima's translator for the Red Sox in '07, and that just wasn't true.

No one from the Red Sox remembers him. He's not in any of the media guides.

These are just verifiable facts.media guides.

He had a different translator that was in the media guides.

The more I was reading about it, too, again, I know I might be naive, believing Shohe, but the situation that Shohe is in, being in a country where he does not speak the language and he has one guy in the clubhouse who he can converse with, you would end up becoming very close with that one person.

That's the only person you can talk to. Right.

That's a crazy thought experiment to be like, I only have one guy in this entire world, obviously his family and stuff, but one guy day to day when I go to work that I can speak with, that person would just become your best friend.

Yeah. I think Shohe needs two translators now at all times. I was just hoping. They can be standing next to each other. Then you tell me what this guy just said to me, and you both have to say it at the same time.

I was hoping so bad that Shohe sat down and just spoke perfect English. Would have been fucking awesome. Kaiser Soze.

That would have been good. It would have been great.

But yeah, I think his new translator is... It was Kente Maeda's translator who then worked for the Dodgers front office, so he'll possibly more trustworthy.

Just the idea of four and a half million dollars, multiple wire transfers going through, and him not knowing about it, him never getting a verification thing sent to his phone, to his email, getting a phone call from somebody at the bank. It's weird. It's very weird. It is weird. If you're the translator, you probably found yourself in a situation where you were saying that Shohe is backing you up on all this to your bookie. Then your bookie, again, giving you that four and a half million dollars of credit or using your position as a translator to get inside information on the games. Right.

Just think about it. If they're that close, and he probably did have at least a credit card or some type of way to get money, it's no different. I'm in memes, I'll lend him my credit card, and I won't see it for two weeks. He's my Epe. It's like that will happen, right, Memes? Yep. See? It could happen to anyone. It could happen to anyone. I had a very dumb thought. I want to just be open with everyone. Very dumb thought. Probably sleep deprivation. Yesterday when he was doing his press conference, I was like, Man, it would fucking rock if I was a translator. If I went overseas and translated for an American baseball star, and Then I sat with that thought for a couple of minutes. I was like, I don't speak any other languages. Yeah, but you speak English. Basically, my thought was just that I would go overseas and just be friends with someone and never actually do the job.

It would be It's very funny, though, if you just made up what they were saying. Has there been a case of a translator that doesn't speak the language that goes over there and it's just like, Hey, this guy says this reporter wants to know what your favorite cereal is? Yeah. Then you just lie.

There's sign language people that have made up their job. Yeah. Gone up and done the fake signs.

I love those people.

Huge flaw in my whole plan to become a translator for a star athlete overseas.

You know what else I was thinking about? Interesting timing with the wife reveal of Shohe. He was If you're a private guy, we do nothing about his personal life. We didn't even know his dog's name until three months ago. Then all of a sudden, it's like, Oh, wife reveal. Four days later, five days later, biggest scandal in baseball breaks about Epe.

You think maybe it was he got married and his wife started being like, Hey, where's all this money going?

His wife might have found it out because they were under investigation at the time. It's like, Dude, you need to clean up your finances.

Yeah, this guy's just taking money. He keeps losing parlays.

Yeah, like, Hey, Shohe, where does four and a half million dollars go? We're buy seven houses. Yeah. He's like, That's a good question.

Just like $2 million gone right after the Super Bowl? Yeah.

It's just it's weird. My thought was that Shohe found out about the investigation, hired a crisis team, and then part of their crisis team was like, We need to get ahead of the negative publicity. Let's show everybody your superstar wife.

Yeah. I wish we could get Ipé's pics because he sucks.

If he's down-It'd be great to fade Ipé. Fade Ipé? Yeah.

Imagine we just get I wouldn't be shocked if Ipé just ends up being a Twitter tout.

Yeah, he's actually one of those people that we think are bots in all the replies. Yeah. 100% fixed on Telegram. Follow. That's Epe. God, I just block all those all day.

It just never goes away.

Epe is a pussy in bio.

Yeah, pussy in link in bio.

I don't block those.

No, those ones you got to keep because they might have the pussy in bio.

Yeah, maybe a close-up month.

You never know. Okay, let's get to Hot Seat Cool Throne. It is presented by Coors Light. Pft, you know what to do? The Chill calendar.Let's see what we got today.Okay.

What day? Number 7.7..

Open it up. Open it up.

Inside the Chill Islander, we've got holographic foil eye masks.

Oh, I need that.

Yeah, get rid of the puffiness.

My eyes have been like beet red just from lack of sleep. I have been looking extra puffy recently. All right. Hot Seed Cool Throne is brought to you by our friends at Coors Light. We got the chill calendar. From day to day annoyances to the big stuff life throws your way. It's easy to get worked up, but there's a better way, a chiller way. Turn that canceled concert into a parking lot dance party. Too cold for an ocean swim, play volleyball, light a bonfire instead. That's choosing chill. When you choose chill, reach for a Coors Light. Let me see.

There we go. I'm like Nelly. Just put one on.

When the mountains turn blue, it's as cold as the Rockies. When you choose to rise above it all, choose chill, choose Coors light, get Coors light delivered straight to your door with Instacart by going to corpslite. Com/take. Celebrate responsibly. Coors Brewing Company, Golden Colorado, the greatest beer ever created, Coors Light. Henry, Hot Seat, Cool Throne. My hot seat is Jontay Porter.

Why? What happened? Raptor Center is under an NBA investigation into...

Yeah, that's a big word. That's a tough one. Irrig. Slow down. Irrig, you layer it. There it is.

Got it. Irrigation. He's too What?

On his prop betting involving him. There was a couple of times where he basically started a game, took himself out because of an eye injury. On those games, there was a bunch of action on his prop bets. Unders. Unders.

Bad. Bad. Very bad.

I saw the report. It said that it was the number one paid-out prop of the night, both times that he did it, right?

Both times he started the game and then came out with an injury.

He's not a guy that We're not talking about a Jokić or an Embiid or a Tatum where people are betting these star players. He probably doesn't get a lot of prop bet action night to night. Then the two nights that he comes out of a game, it ends up being A lot of action on it.

Was he a Steven Chey data play? I don't know. We got to look into that. I'm actually looking forward to all the revisionist history that's going to go on where people do deep dives into every single play that he's ever had in the NBA and been like, Look how bad this shot is. Had the under. Yeah.

Well, I think he was just not even shooting.

There was one game where he didn't shoot any threes. He banked in a three and then his face after, you could tell he was like, Fuck.

Then the time he came out with a face injury, people were already breaking that down. He didn't really get hit in the face. He got hit in the neck. This is bad.

It's bad. Yeah, the NBA is in a very tough spot right now. Yeah.

I don't know how... I mean, they'll have to find the evidence and see if he actually bet it himself, because I would assume it was him betting it himself or one of his friends betting it himself, not him telling everyone, because then that's something that would never be a secret for more than two seconds in today's media.

Or he It was like we're speculating with Ipé, in debt to a bookie, gave the bookie info, I'm going to sit this one out.

But this one was all public, though. Ipé was a private bookie. This one is, they have the Irrigation. Irrigation. Irrigation. Irregularities on a legal sportsbook. Yeah. Yeah, it's bad.

He's also active about crypto trading like he talks about it.

Uh-oh.

Which is just a red flag in itself.

Yeah. How many apes did he have on the-He's active in social media about his options crypto trading, and he's talked about, I took 5K and turned it into 100K. Is crypto back?

Bitcoin is.

I've been seeing a lot of... You remember the shitcoin Coin craze of 2021 when everyone was into... What were those weird coins? Like, shitcoin, come rocket, mooncoin, all that stuff. I've been seeing more new shitcoins recently.

Well, I think it just goes hand in hand. Anytime Bitcoin pops, everyone who has not invested in Bitcoin years and years ago is like, Fuck, I want my Bitcoin. Let me just invest in Fart Rocket or Fart Bucks.

Just let me know until we're on the moon. Yeah. Okay. I need to know when we're at the moon.

He's also Michael Porter Jr.'s brother. That's true. Which is- Are we buying him, too? Yeah, what?

That's just a fun fact.

That is a fun fact. I don't know if that means anything.

I guess it could be a fun fact, but maybe he's involved, too.

I don't want to go and just implicate his brother just yet. Why not?

Well, his brother-You wouldn't tell your brother if you were- No, I probably wouldn't because I would be trying to do it without telling anyone. Yeah, I definitely wouldn't. There'd be a nine-page article about it.

Also, your brother would probably Hey, dude, don't do this.

Also, his brother's making stupid NBA money.Jante Port is just making.That's true.

That's a fair point.

Also, his brother is really good, and he's been playing really well.

Okay.

Then my cool throne is JJ McCarthy.

Yeah. Why is that?

Congrats, PFT. Okay. Speaking of odds, JJ McCarthy had a best... Harbaugh called it the best pro day he's ever seen, ever.

He's the best quarterback that's ever played at Michigan.

His His odds, that's not true.

That's what Harbaugh said.

Okay. His odds from being the second overall pick went from 2,500 to plus 400.

Yeah, he's getting a lot of talk. He is our late riser. Harbaugh was so funny. I just love watching him talk football. He did a whole two minutes on how the offensive line is the greatest football unit because it's the only football unit that doesn't rely on any other units. He's like, Every single positional unit, offense and defense relies on the offensive line.

Rugged individualism. Yeah. Collective individualism.

It's like everyone else needs the offensive line. The offensive line just needs each other. It was great. But Hank, JJ McCarthy, I want to just throw just a random trade out there. You tell me if you'd be down for it. Patriots receive QB Justin Herbert, fifth overall pick 2024, 2025, first-round pick. Chargers receive the third pick to draft JJ McCarthy and also Juju Smith-Schuster. I was with you. So you get Justin Herbert, the fifth pick, and next year's first. I was with you.

You can't get rid of Juju.

Because our colleague, nick Fisoli said, I think I'm in.

Yeah, I'd be into that. I'd be into that trade if I was the Patriots.

The The best part was when I was just like, Fisoli, what are you talking about, dude? He's like, I got got. I was like, No, that wasn't a got. You just said that was a good trade.

I concur. I think that's a fleece.

Actually, his exact phrase was, I actually don't hate Yeah, I don't hate it either.

Who would hate that? To your point, though, Hank, on JJ McCarthy being drafted second overall, I think one of a couple of things are happening here. One, it's smokescreen season. There might be a team out there that would be hoping that the Vikings might package a lot of picks to move up and take JJ McCarthy earlier in the draft.

Vikings are up to something, remember. Yes. Windhorse, they're up to something.

That's what I'm saying. There might be a team, maybe even a team inside the division like the Chicago Bears, that might be hoping that the Vikings trade up way too many picks to take JJ. The other thing that might be happening, we have a new GM in DC, Adam Peters, right? One thing new GMs love to do is smoke out a rat. So they like to give little kernels of information that might not be true to one person, hoping that one person leaks it to the media.

This is all facts.

How does that affect JJ McCarthy?

I'm saying-Oh, I think he's actually going to get drafted very high.

He will, but I don't think he's going second.

He's our late riser. There's always one of these guys. I remember when Baker, when he drafted 1-1, going a month before, no one thought that was going to happen.

Yeah, there are people that climb up. Anthony Richardson was that way, too. Yeah.

I think you can also just... Jj McCarthy is a perfect quarterback where you can look at it, and if you want to look at it glass half full, he could be the greatest quarterback of all time because you can essentially say he played winning football, he made the throws he needed to make, and they also asked him not to do anything. So there's so much more. There's upside. You can tell yourself that JJ McCarthy is the guy.

But let's rewind about 12 months ago, exactly to this date. Everybody was talking about Will Levis going off the board in the top 10, too. So there's a lot of misinformation that gets put out there this time of year. Stay Woke, Hank.

Yeah, stay Woke. Okay, PFT?

My hot seat is whoever produced the Patriots documentary. Because Robert Kraft is not happy with that individual. They asked him about it at the league meeting yesterday, and he said, I felt bad there was so much emphasis on the more controversial and, let's say, challenging situations over the last 20 years. I wish they had focused more on our Super Bowl wins, our '21 game win streak. I felt bad. There were players who gave hours and hours of interviews, and they only felt the negativity. So a little disappointed that there wasn't more of a real positive approach, especially for Patriots fans who have lived the experience with us.

We're all trying to find the guy who did this.

Whoever made that documentary, Robert Kraft is not happy with you. Not happy at all.

And the most controversial comments used in the documentary from Robert Kraft.

Yes. They threw Robert Kraft onto the bus.

I don't think Robert Kraft was actually physically editing the documentary, but I would bet that he got to watch the final cut before it was made, and he was like, We nailed it. Belichex is a scumbag.

I would bet that whoever produced it watched each episode one by one and said, Okay, yeah, this one looks good for episode one. This looks good for episode two. Then they kept all that information from Robert Kraft until-Enraft LLLC.Enraft LLLC until it came out. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm sure if you wanted to highlight the '21 game week.

He could have probably made that happen.

He probably could have made that happen. Whoever made the documentary could have, yes.

Yeah, a lot of the players coming out being like, I think Rodney Harrison was like, I talked for five hours, and all they used was one clip. Yeah.

Tough. One of them, McCordy's. I forget which one. They share a Twitter account, so they're one person. Yeah.

We're all trying to find the guy who did this.

We'll never know.

Yeah, it's a shame. They should take those interviews and make another documentary.

I wish he had just doubled down. You know what? He should have just gotten in front of the media and been like, No, that actually rocked. Bill Belchick, schmuck.

You know what they should have done? They should have released two documentaries, one for Patriots' haters and one for Patriots' fans. Something for everybody.

You need an extra cut.

Well, that's coming. That is the takeaway, though, because there is a lot of players and Belichick. It's like, NFL Films is going to come out with a documentary, and that's going to be the one.

Okay, your Cool Throne. My Cool Throne is It was birds in New York City. Uh-oh. They just released the autopsy from Flacko the Owl. You remember Flacko, our beloved Central Park owl, the Spanish owl that escaped from the zoo? Who could forget. Flew into the side of a building.

Yeah, it felt like I flew in that building that day.

Yeah. Bills would like to sign you. They did the autopsy on him, and they said that he had rat poison and pigeon herpes in his system. Oh, he fucked. The pigeon herpes infected his brain and made a little bit crazy, which made him hit the side of the building. Oh, damn. Flack of the Owl was fucking pigeons. He was promiscuous. He was promiscuous. I don't know. Is that bestiality?

No, because he's a beast.

He's a bird, and he fucked another bird. Yeah, that's fine. He was just getting dick wet. Yeah, that's fine.

Yeah, no, he just was very promiscuous. Kind of a slut.

Well, we don't slut shame.

But he was. If you were to slut shame, you'd be like, Flacko the Owl, confirmed slut.

He was a whore. Yeah. He was a man whore.

You got to ask, though. He was good-looking, too. Was it a girl or boy?

I think Flacko was a boy.

Okay, yeah. I mean, he was hot. He was fucking-He was fucking say that.

A smoke show. Yeah.

The reason why he became such a viral sensation was he was good-looking, and then it went to his head.

There was a bunch of just really horny pigeons. Bunch of really lucky pigeons in New York that got to be fucked by Flacko. Yeah. But apparently, if you fuck too much and you're an owl, it gets into your brain, disorients you, and then you just crash yourself into a window and die. Yeah.

Okay, so Flacko, a Okay, my hot seat is me. I slept for the first time more than five hours on Monday night, and I've come to the realization, I'd like to apologize, I was a bitch all weekend. So I want to say I was a bitch. No real excuse. I texted all the people. I said, Don't text me. I said, You did nothing wrong. You can text me anytime you want when my teams suck. I was thinking about it. I think it's because I've been so out of practice with my teams playing in meaningful games. It's been a very long time since they played in meaningful games. In the past, I've done all the things that I've done to other people, like the World Series when Dave dressed up in Indian's attire, the 2015 Wisconsin National Championship when we did an emergency rundown directly after. When Florida hit the buzzer beater, we did an emergency pod right after. I just had been out of practice of, I got to be able to eat the shit if I give the shit. So I was a bitch, and I want to apologize.

Is that directed to Hank?

No, it's directed to to the listeners. I mean, there's some people who probably hate me for life, but that's fine. I was a bitch.

What did Khan say when you texted him and apologized?

He was like, Yeah, no big deal. You don't have to apologize.

That's nice.

Yeah. Anyone can text. I also got a little... I get a little confused because I eat so much shit on Twitter all the time that I'm like... Obviously, other people don't see that. I'm like, I take a lot of shit, but people can talk shit all they want. Yeah. My team suck, and I got to do a better job not being a bitch about it. I really just wanted... I just haven't had any happiness in sports in a long time, and I just wanted so bad to have a little bit of happiness that it clouded my judgment. I took things personally. You're allowed to be a bitch when your team's lose.

Yeah, but like we said, 24 hours, I think that's an appropriate amount of time.

But you can't take it personally. I took it personally. When Hank showed up in a purple jumpsuit, I took it personally. It wasn't personal. I shouldn't have taken that personally.

Hank was trying to be a good employee and support the Dave and Busters hashtag.

Yeah, he was using the Dave and Busters hashtag. Yeah, so I took it personally. I was a bitch. No excuses. Bitch made. Baby back bitch. So going forward, I don't want to be... I don't want to ever be accused of being a hypocrite, so I apologize, and I will eat any shit that I can eat whenever my teams are in the spotlight, and I won't complain about it, and we will do that going forward.

When's the next opportunity that you have to get your hopes up? Never. Or maybe in the draft, Caleb Williams?

Yeah, we're going to draft Caleb Williams. But yeah, whenever people control me, go I mean, I get trolled all day, but again, troll away. I deserve it. I deserve to eat shit. My cool throne is, I got two. Speaking of Caleb Williams, he's got a cool pink phone.

Oh, that's nice. Probably the coolest thing ever.

You guys probably were dying to have a quarterback with a pink phone. I honestly- Guess what?

He's mine. I haven't seen that. Is that part of the Caleb Williams news cycle?

He was at the USC game last night. He has a pink phone, got people really upset. I say maybe think differently. He's so advanced. He knows that pink phones are cool.

Is he supporting breast cancer awareness? Guess what?

You probably won't lose a pink phone.

Yeah.

It sticks out.

I had a red phone. It was sick. Yeah. I only had a red phone because I wasn't secure enough in my sexuality to have a pink phone.

This is going to It's going to really suck if the bears don't take Caleb Williams because I've just gone all in on defending him. As everyone knows on this podcast, I've always said pink phones are the most masculine thing you can do.

Yeah. No, I think it's a pretty much set thing that you guys are going to take Caleb Williams.

Max, what do you What do you think about the pink phone? I saw your face there. You loved it, right? No, I just wanted you to talk about it. Yeah, I loved it. I loved it. I thought it was so cool. I never even thought you could have a pink phone. It had the pink wallet attached to it. He might even have pink fingernails, which also so cool. Who doesn't match their fingernails to their phone? I also think that may not have been his phone. It could have also not been his phone. But if it was, whoever's phone that was- I'm looking at it right now.

I think he's got a pink sparkly wallet, too. Yeah, it's a sparkly wallet.

That's cool as fuck. That's cool as fuck.

Jerry McCain paints his nails.

That's fucking cool.

Might be the best player in the league.

Yeah.

In the tournament. Also great dance moves in this video. There was a guy on Duke that had painted nails, too. Jeremy McCain. Yeah, he's good. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, McCain. Yeah. He dropped like 40. He couldn't miss. Yeah. He's a TikTok star.

He is a TikTok star. My other cool thrown is Andrew Huberman, who had a hit piece out against him from the New Yorker, which- Who is he? All right, so he's a podcaster, scientist, like bro scientist.

He's the world's preeminent bro scientist geared towards Will and Billy football.

Yeah, he's like- Ben Shapiro for science.

I don't know about that.

I don't think he's too political.

Andrew Tate for science. No, I'm saying, but like, Bro.

Yeah. Well, he's Joe. Yes, Joe Rogan is the Venn diagram, like a big circle. He's cold tubs, healthy living, no alcohol, that stuff. The New Yorker wrote a hit piece about him, which is very funny because I would say the amount of people that listen to Andrew Huberman and subscribe to the New Yorker is zero. But either way, the big got you moment was that he has six or seven girlfriends, which I don't know. I feel like that's a ringing endorsement for his lifestyle because he's 48 years old, and to have the energy to have six or seven girlfriends means that he's doing something right with his healthy living.

Yeah, this guy gets laid too much.

Yeah. Real problem with these things. I mean, it's come back behavior to cheat on a senior for another. But again, he, 48 years old, and be Yeah, I have the time for seven girlfriends.

Wait, do the girlfriends know about each other?

The article revealed it and how it all unfolded. Also very funny because people were going back and he had a life hack. One of his life hacks was to have a second phone just for working out that only has music on it. I feel like that second phone might have been for other-Yeah, that was his pink phone, if you know what I'm saying.

Was he married?

Did he preach? No. He probably is a little bit of a hypocrite in that respect, but Again, he's 48 years old and has energy for seven girlfriends. I don't know. Maybe cold tubs work.

Okay, so this is pretty funny. He was dating a woman named Sarah. Not a real name, but that was the name they used in this report. Also, what they're classifying as girlfriend. They asked her a question. She said she would return, and the answer would be on an old phone. She stood up, left for only a moment, and returned with a box labeled Old Phones. It sounds like his girlfriends had multiple phones, too. Yeah.

The hit piece was essentially like he's not a great guy, which I I don't know if anyone… If you told me, Andrew Hubin is not a great guy, I'd be like, Okay, sure. Don't make a hero out of a podcaster. The one part that I thought was like, Oh, this guy's a scumbag, was I think Sarah, his girlfriend, was going through IVF to try to have a child while he was cheating on her. That sucks. That's a shitty move. Yeah, that's bad. But again, it wasn't… I only skimmed it, so I might have missed something. Either way, I just saw the fact that he had seven girlfriends in his 48, and it's like, How How did you have the time to do that?

It's insane. I've been watching some of his videos and listening to his podcast just in the past couple of weeks because he came across my desk via Billy football. He's a big cold tub guy, to the point where now I want to get a cold tub. I'm going to go back and forth, back and forth between sauna, cold tub, sauna, cold tub, and then all my problems will go away. Then it just gives you a natural high. But I'm in.

I don't want to have seven girlfriends, but I'm in on everything Seven girlfriends would be exhausting. That's what I'm saying. It would be exhausting. He's proving that his method works because I don't know anyone who's above the age of... Actually, I don't know anyone who could handle seven girlfriends.

Honestly, now I'm backtracking on Huberman because it led you to a point where you think that having seven girlfriends is a good idea. Yeah.

It sounds like he's got a messy personal life and okay.

Yeah.

He's got a sex addiction. Addicted to sex.

Come on the pod. He's addicted to sex. We would have him on the pod, right? Yeah.

Oh, by the way, can everyone please follow, if you're listening to this right now, can you follow us on Spotify? I guess they make those numbers public, so let's get those numbers up. Follow us on Spotify if you listen on Spotify. Do it.

Do it. Do it.

Okay, Jake, your Hot Seat Cool Throne. My Hot Seat is the Arizona Diamondbacks. They play at Chase Field. They had their penultimate spring training game last night, and it was called due to Rain. The crazy part about that is they have a retractable roof, and they just never closed it. Oh, they forgot. That That one guy rules that he just woke up. It's basically Max pressing the button. He just woke up. He's like, Wait, did I fucking forget to close the roof? Yeah, apparently, they can't close it mid-game, but they probably should have seen the forecast before.

That poor guy. The biggest roof close failures, Arizona Diamondbacks number one, JFK number two.

Yep, that's it right there. Yeah, so that was interesting. My cool thrown is Christmas Day. Yeah. Football is taking over once again.

We have another Christmas Day game.

It's even on a Wednesday this year, so they're willing to go the distance. Yeah, they rule. We rule. They're going to take over the NBA. We do rule. I feel like it is a win for us.

It's a big win for us.

We did it. I'm not a ratings guy, but I do in these moments, I'm just like, Suck it, NBA. We're watching football.

The NFL said, I think in the last year, that they would not do a game on Christmas Day this year because it was going to be on a Wednesday. Yeah. Then they're like, Yeah, you know what, though? The ratings were Very good.

They said everything because the rule is that they never do Friday nights because of high school football, and then they broke. It was obviously Friday during the day, the Black Friday game last year. I like it. They're just cocky. They're like, We'll play football anytime, and everyone will watch.

At this point, the NFL could invent a day of the week in between Saturday and Sunday and just be like, Yeah, we're doing Satunde now, and that's when we play football. We're going to do three games on Satunde. We'd be like, Yeah, I guess there's eight days in the week, and I'm going to watch football on the eighth one.

I So the teams that play on Wednesday are going to play on Saturday, the week before. So it'll be exactly like a Sunday, Thursday. You get a pretty big break after that, an extra buy. Because you go Wednesday, then all the way to the following Sunday. So I feel like if your team is good and you want to have that extra buy right at the end of the season.

Yeah, I'm in. I'd be in on that. How do you think the NBA is going to counteract this? Because Adam Silver is cooking something up in his lab right now. A one-day tournament?

Either do the breakaway baskets.

A breakaway basket or a one-day tournament, the NBA Christmas Cup, where every team plays multiple games that day, and there's only one winner at the end. It's like an AAU game? Yeah, AAU day. 8:00 AM starts? 8:00 AM starts, and then there's one winner. The Cup game tips off at 11:00 PM.

You know what they could do is the NBA could just make it Jontay Porter Day, and everyone wins their bets.

That'd be nice.

People would tune in?

Yeah.

They make Wednesday, Porter plays in every game.

They make the rims a little bit bigger, so every over hits. That would be smart.

We would have Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, NFL, and then the next two days are college football playoff quarterfinals.Beautiful..

It's great. Love it. It's great. God bless America.

Can't wait. Okay, let's get to our interview. We have Shane Gillis on the show. Long time coming. Shane's the man. He has probably the busiest schedule out of anyone, and he made time for us, came by when he was in Chicago. Before Before we do that, PFT, you got a quick word from one of our sponsors.

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Okay, we now welcome on a very special guest, long Long, long overdue. I was going to say the number one comedian, but I know that would bother you.

Don't say that.

I'm not going to say that. It's Shane Gillis, the dog.

You've transcended comedy. It's an all-around entertainment superstar.

You've changed the art. Shane, are you Aylis?

Do you want to leave? Do you want to not do it again?

That'd be great if you were just like, I'm out. No, Shane's here. Awesome to have you. Thank you very much for coming by. You did fuck with me last night because you had a show. You're in Chicago for Chicago Theater shows. Made me do the voice of God, and I just fucking- You blew it.

I blew it. I thought you were going to be all energy.

I blew it.

How did you do the voice of God?

Being like, Ladies and gentlemen, please no flash photography, and I just blew it.

Yeah, there's a microphone next to the curtain where you make the announcement. I was like, Here's all you got to say. If you're going to take a picture, don't use a flash, don't film anything, and then introduce Nate Marshall. I was like, And then say whatever, add whatever you want.

Be like, Chicago, what's up?

He literally was like, Hey, everybody, if you're going to take a picture, don't use a flash, don't film anything, give it up for Nate Marshall.

Right away, I was like, Motherfucker.

That was one of the worst ones. Ever. That was a bad one.

I said to Nate after, I was like, I'm so sorry because I feel like I fucked you. He's like, No, dude, actually, it was good because you were so bad. It made me laugh and put me at ease going out there.

Yeah, it was funny.

Do most places have their own voice of God, or do you just deputize somebody?

No, you have to do it. Usually, if somebody's with me, I'm like, You want to do it? Or I have to do it, which is terrible. I'm so bad at it.

Maybe I'll show up tonight and give it a second chance.

Yeah, get punked.

Next time you're in New York, it should be Frank the Tank.

Oh, that'd be incredible.

But he would just be like, The New Jersey transit is delayed.

It'd be incredible to get him going while he's doing it. He'd be like, Yeah, the Phillies rule the med to suck. Well, the Met, fuck. Over the voice of God. Ten minutes of it.

He does it. He comes to Ruff and Routy for every Ruff and Routy just to get in the ring right before and just say, Is everyone ready to get Ruff and Routy?

Well, that's That's not it. That's not it at all. It's are you ready to get? Who's ready to get rough? Who's ready to get rowdy? Are you ready to get rough and rowdy?

Yeah, that's pretty good. It's pretty good. Yeah, he did better than what I did. Yeah, he's Bruce Buffer. He's your Buffer.

Yeah. All right, so you're here. Thank you for coming on. Dude, I don't want to... Because I know you were friends, and I know the thing about Shane is he is just a regular dude, and it's like this last whatever stretch for you has been probably mind-blowing. I don't want to suck your dick because it makes you uncomfortable, but Shit, man, you're killing it.

Thanks, man. You guys are, too. This place is beautiful. Yeah, let's just suck each other's dick the whole time. You guys are awesome.

I hear that's what you do to get famous in comedy, right? You have to suck two dicks at once. Basically, yeah.

I will start with something easy. All-time favorite Notre Dame player. Shane is a diehard Notre Dame fan. Diehard.

I'm going to forget. That's a tough one.

It doesn't have to be the best.

Samarja was up there. That team was That was a big team for me. Zypokowski, Quinn, Samarja. Yeah.

Brandy Quinn. We've had him on this show.

Darius Walker.

The best spiral of all time.

Yeah, he was- That spiral was so sick.

Yeah, that team was good.

The safety was Zypokowski, right? Zybukowski. Every time he'd be on TV, there'd be like, he's a Golden Gloves boxer. He's a boxer, man. He's so tough. Then Smarja was a really good receiver, and then he goes pro as a baseball player. That rocks.

That was awesome. He played forever.

Yeah, he was on the Cups.

Throw the ball.

Okay, How are you a Notre Dame fan? How did that start?

My grandpa played for him and my cousin played for him.Okay.

That makes sense.Yeah..

So you go way back. So my whole family's obsessed.

Do you like the tradition? The whole Notre Dame-ness of it? I do. You get really into that?

But there's also a part I didn't go to the fucking school. So the academic standards, I don't care. It's like, who cares? Just fucking win. What's up, Sam? What's up, man? He does here.

He's going to be on in a minute, too. Sorry, I just wanted to pop in. No, yeah, sit down. No. No.

All right, he's going to go shoot hoops.

Yes, you've been a Notre Dame fan your whole life. You know people hate Notre Dame. Like hate, hate, hate Notre Dame.

Not as much as they should. They used to... Growing up, they hated them.

Yeah, because they haven't been as good.

They were so good. Now people are starting to be like, I was cheering for Notre Dame. It's like, damn, we suck.

You have the people, and I count myself as one of them, being like, I don't like Notre Dame, but they're good for college football, which probably is like a pat on their head. It's like, I wish they were in the mix. Yeah. But...

They've been in the mix a little.

Yeah. They're all right. Are they going to join the Big Ten?

I don't know. I think they might have to eventually.

I think they should.

I would like it. That'd be fun. It would be sick. Usc being in there helps now.

Yeah. Then bring back the Michigan- I would love to bring back the Michigan rivalry.

I know. Fucking hate Michigan. I know.

That would be a great one. I think actually, Wisconsin plays Notre Dame in a couple of years at I want to say.

They were supposed to do that.

Yeah, and then COVID. Yeah. I went to the game at Soulja Field and Notre Dame got shit out of... That was nice. Yeah.

It was like a pie game. It was just like, Oh, well. Drew Pine came out of nowhere. Started dealing, dude.

Drew Pine, all 5, 10 of them.

Yeah, he's hitting the McGregor strut and shit after throwing.

So wait, would you rather have a Notre Dame national title than an Eagles Super Bowl?

Yes.

Without a doubt.

No doubt. No doubt. Yeah.

Okay. I mean, everyone has that They rank where it is.

It's Notre Dame. Yeah. The Philly's... I'm not going to say it. Never mind. What? No, say it. I was going to say if they died, I'd be for a national title. If the Philly's died? If the Philly's program... It's our team died. The whole team died.

He traded Bryce Harper for a ring for a knockoff for it.

No offense to the Philly's. No offense to the Philly's. I love the Philly's.

It goes Notre Dame, Eagles's, Sixers. Are you a Sixers guy?

I would probably say Philly's over the Sixers. Yeah. But yeah, the Sixers. Flyers, whenever they're good, that's fun. They've been bad forever, so I stopped in hockey. Yeah.

Speaking of the NBA, you met Steph Curry the other day, and he was like, I know who you are.

Yeah, that was crazy. That has to be one of those moments.

Because like I said at the start, you are a regular dude. You have not changed much, even though everything's happened to you. Does that happen? You're just like, How does Steph Curry know who I am?

Yeah, that was wild. It was like, you've sat in those seats. There's courtside. I couldn't move. I was uncomfortable the entire game. I didn't move because I'm too big. I'm sitting on people's laps, just uncomfortable the entire game. At the end of the game, I walk over and I'm like, Hi, I'm Shane Gillis. You guys nailed it. Whoever did the lip reading got it perfectly. I was like, Hi, I'm Shane. He was like, I know who you are, dude. I was like, sick. What's up? Then he said he was a fan. I was like, Damn, that's crazy.

That is nuts. The courtside seats are weird because to me, the biggest problem is you don't have any place to put your You put it down by your feet and you know you're going to kick it over.

I'm going to spill it onto the fucking warrior's bench.

The game's going to stop and they're going to bring a guy with a towel and the camera's going to zoom in and be like, Look at this alcohol spilling his drink everywhere.

Yeah, that's a nightmare. That's the worst case.

Absolute nightmare. When you were in New York, the only question I have about SNL is, was there any part of you that was like, I'm not going to host it when they offered it to you? Because it would have-Yeah. You were contemplating it because you were like, No, fuck you guys. I'm bigger than you guys. You're coming back to me now.

It was more of it's the funniest thing possible to say no. But then I realized I would have to publicly say, They offered me and I said no. No one would know. It's not like they publicly offered it. That makes it corny to be like, They actually asked me and I said no. Yeah.

You need that to be leaked somehow. Yeah.

We would have leaked it for you. Yeah.

That happens again.

But I don't know. I was joking about it. We'd be hanging out. I'd be like, It'd be so cool if I didn't do it. I might not do it. Then back of my head, I was like, I'm definitely doing it. I'm absolutely going to do that.

Did Lauren call you directly?

No.

So what? They just reach out to your agent? Yeah. Were you like, This is a prank at first?

No, because I'd heard rumblings of it for a while, like a year. They might ask you to host.

When you walked in the room, was it awkward at all? Or were you just like, Hey, guys.

Remember? Yeah, day one was awkward. Day one was very uncomfortable because it was offices that I hadn't been in since since then.

Yeah. Wait, I didn't realize you would actually... Did you do a full day of work there?

I did. No, I didn't do any work. It was just damage control in different offices. But yeah, I was in there a lot. You were in there, yeah. I was just sitting in offices where the worst thing happened. The worst thing possible. Yeah, in the back like, Hey, this is it.

Yeah. Did you think about doing the Norm McDonald joke in your monolog?

Yes, a lot. But then, I don't know, I think the best way to handle it to just do comedy for me. Norm got fired for making fun of OJ. His was a lot different.

We could say Norm was right.

Norm was right, yeah. Dead right. We can publicly say Norm was right. Yes. He was on the show and the fans there liked him. If I got out there and I was like, Yeah, fuck this show, it would look crazy. Then I'd still have to do the show.

You'd be like, Fuck this show.

In the monolog, if I was like, Yeah, whatever. This show sucks. I'm crazy. Then have to do sketches where I'm like...

Yeah. That sucks. How involved in the writing process did they let you be? Because I know that you write sketch comedy.

I brought McKeever. He's the one who does a majority of the writing.

Did you guys actually bring your own shit to them or were we like, Hey, we're going to do this?

We brought a couple of sketches, but day one was when we had to pitch them, and it was a very uncomfortable day. Then we got in a room with a bunch of the writers and we're like, Here's some ideas we have. We would tell the jokes, and they would be like,. We were immediately like, All right, we're not pitching anything else ever again. We suck. You guys are right.

Also, just use the good shit for yourself.

Yeah, there's also that. Yeah.

There was a tweet. One Barstool employee, after your monolog, tweeted this. Rob, Shane Gillis on SNL saying, gay, retarded, and cracker is exactly what we needed. Do you think is that tweet-We saved America.

That felt good, honestly.

Would you say that tweet's more gay or retarded?

I would say that's. You know who tweeted that? Who?

Will. Yeah, Will Compton. We're like, Dude, it was- It was Will, it was retarded. Will was just like, Shane Gillis just saved America.

Yeah, there was a lot of pressure on that fucking monolog.

Did So the big question, though, is- Hold on.

There's one here. This one's my favorite. It's like, Shane Gill is bringing back, Calling things gay and retarded on SNL like we used to in middle school. Oh, shit. I'm airplane mode. It's this Michigan fan that's like, That should mean something to me, man. I got to cry. It means something to me.

The big question is, though, was there ever even a small part of you that was like, Maybe I should do the bud wire? Because you said you were going to do the bud wire.

Yeah, I said I was going to kill me. If I ever got back, I would say, Live from my mouth, this fucking gun. Kill myself.

Obviously, I don't want you to die.

Yeah, that would have been the coolest.

But was there a small part of you that was like, What if I did? It's almost like getting on the top a tall building, you're like, What if I jumped?

Yeah. Obviously, I understand I would be the coolest guy of all time. But if I got back on SNL and blew my head off on live television.

That might be the biggest entertainment story of all time.

It'd be up there. Bud Dwier was huge, and that was just some fucking guy, whatever he was.

There was a small part of me watching it being like, What if he did?

I actually think it would have had to cancel. They I would have canceled SNL.

Yeah.

Yeah, no shit. I've canceled the MBC.

I got a gun in the air. Especially because you said you were going to do it, too. You telegraphed it. They're like, Why would they let them on?

Just no live television ever again for anyone.

The gambling sketch you did felt very pointed.

That had nothing to do with me. I didn't write that.

Because I was watching it live with my wife, and she literally was just staring at me the entire time that sketch was going. She was like, Huh? I was just like, What? What?

Yeah, that was a good one. I liked that.

Yeah. The stuff you guys do with McKeever is incredible. You have a new show coming on Netflix.

On Netflix, yeah. Tired.

That you paid for yourself. Yes. Which It was awesome. Yeah. You were just like, Fuck it. I'm going to do this show, and I don't want my friends to be in it. Was there ever a doubt you would get to this point where it's like, I can now bring all my friends along and pay for this shit?

Well, the reason I'm friends with is like, they're good. All right. I have a bunch of friends that I didn't bring along.

Oh, shit. Sass is listening to this right now. Francis.

Oh, Nate. Fuck you, Nate. He made the cut.

No, Francis is in it.

Francis is actually in it. He made the cut, okay. No, it wasn't like that. I mean, these guys, it's not like I'm bringing that. They're great. Mckeever and the guy that's in it who's actually the main character is Steve Gurban, and people are going to love him. He's as funny as it gets. Yeah. It's easy to work I was going to say.

Were you feeling like this is a big risk to fund it myself? Or you're like, I know it's going to be funny.

No, because we did it with Gillian Keves. I funded that, and it was like, we can just put it behind a paywall, and I'll at least make it back or close to make it back. Then With me, it's easy because if we put all these sketches out, even if I didn't make the money back, it'll result in ticket sales, and I'll make the money back that way.

It's also nice to just run it yourself so nobody has any chance of telling you, Hey, take this out. Don't do this. Or get embarrassed if somebody doesn't like one of the sketches that you do. That's a nice bit of freedom. That's hard.

That was hard about SNL, it's having zero creative control, really. Because I never work with other people. It's always me and my friends or standup.

Yeah. I really am not trying to be this guy being like, You beat the system, but have you had that thought, I beat the system? Because now it's like Netflix is like, Oh, yeah, we want to put your show on SNLs, inviting you back, all this stuff. I think that's a lot of your story arc where people are drawn to you because you beat the system. You did it your way, and people ride for an underdog like that.

For sure. I think, though, now that is the system. Yeah, you're right. Now, that just is the system now. If you want to do comedy, it's like you got to make it yourself.

Yeah. We're talking to Stavi about that.

Yeah, Stavi is another guy.

Doing your own thing and having all that control. It's really the way to go. Stavi also, I I don't know if you heard the episode he did with us, but he's obviously a big Baltimore Ravensman.

He's in tires. Yeah. A lot, yeah.

He had his brain set on the Ravens winning the Super Bowl on his birthday this year, and then it took him a week to process the loss. He was just locked up in his apartment or his house in Baltimore, just eating ice cream all day, just in the dark thinking about-He didn't need that fucking Raven's loss to eat all that ice cream.

I'm so depressed. I think we were the first people to talk to him. We had him on on the Thursday after they lost.

Yeah, he was having fun this season. Yeah. He was like the face of the Raven. I know.

It became that.

It built up to this point where he was dead certain that his birthday, they were going to win the Super Bowl. Then he was going to party with the team and become best friends with everyone. Then when they lost, just He crushed him. If you're anything like Max, who's also an Eagles fan-How's that?

No.

They're actually coming back. We're cooking. We're cooking right now. Dude, I told you.

Yeah, we're good. Out of game. We're good. Out of game. Max was not that same way when the Eagles lost. He saw that coming like a mile away. As an Eagles fan, did you have any hope this season?

This year, no. When they were 10-1, I was like, Fuck. We're doing it again. Ten-1. It was way different than last year. The year before, they were fucking people up. It was magical. This year was very struggling a lot. Yeah, that was obvious. But then, they get in the playoffs, you're like, Hey, maybe they're...

Magic. Maybe they got a chance. I think I bet on them because Bucks was like, They've been there.

It's so fucking It's stupid. The writing was on the wall with that. They were falling apart the entire... The second half of the season was crazy.

As soon as they lost Big Dom, it was over. Big Dom was what kept it all together. He's the man. Yeah. All right, so eagles. The one thing that I feel like you have a cheat code to, most comedians, maybe I'm wrong, but a lot of comedians aren't huge sports fans. I feel like that's fair. Yeah, for sure. Bill Burr is a huge sports fan. When we have him on, he just rants about sports. We're like, Great. Nice. Didn't you have something to plug? I feel like all the athletes are drawn to you because you're like, I'm a huge sports fan. I talk about sports on my set. All these guys can relate to me.

Yeah, it's nice. No other comics really talk about playing football. Everybody played high school football.

And you get to just eat it all up.

Yeah, it's nice. It's fucking sick. It's easy.

Every city you go to, it's like, Oh, there's the entire offensive line of it.

Yeah, it's always the That feels good, dude. The O-line is always out for it. Loving seeing the big dudes. Yeah.

Was it Elon? Yeah. You played at Elon?

Played one year. I sucked.

What was that like playing there?

It was awesome, other than getting my fucking ass kicked every day. It was a cool school.

I've heard a good thing. I had a bunch of friends that went there because I grew up in Virginia. The good athletes, if they don't get into... Virginia Tech doesn't hit them. Elon is a good place to go. But did you start there?

No, I went pretty much, yeah. I went to Army for three weeks.

Okay.

Which is hilarious because- Went to West Point for three weeks.

Which is hilarious because your story about quitting Army is the most relatable story ever because if you put me in West Point for a week, I'd be like, I want to go home right now.

Dude, I quit. Did I ever tell you that was a parade? No. All right. So day one, when you get to West Point, your parents drop you off at five in the morning. You go through, it's called our day, I think. So that's where they shave your head, give you fucking uniform, teach you how to march. And then at the end of the day, all the parents line the road, and all the new cadets march past them. So they see their kids becoming soldiers. My mom was waving a little American flag, and I was marching past them, and I was like, I'm leaving, I'm quitting. Right when I got past them, I was like, I'm fucking quitting. I'm out of here. I I ate it. My mom was like, I just watched her lower her flag.

Was it day one you got there and you were like, I knew I was fucked three months before I got there.

I was like, damn, I'm fucked on this. They gave you any football program gives you a workout program for the summer. Didn't touch it. Gained fucking 40 pounds.

Did you get your head shaved?

Yeah. I still had to get my head shaved.

You had to get your head shaved.

I got sworn into the military. You got to swear in.

You were sitting, you were like, flash forward three weeks, and you're sitting in your parents' basement with your head shaved being like, That happened.

No, I had to go straight to Elon. Oh, okay. Because I quit. It was early enough at West Point. Boot camp starts early before preseason football. So I got to leave boot camp to go to fucking preseason.

Oh, okay.

So that's at least better. No, that blew. That was way harder than fucking West Point, dude.

When you watch the Army-Navy game, do you find yourself rooting for Army?

No, I don't give a fuck. A little bit, yeah. At first, there was still a part of me that I was like, yeah. Yeah, that's part of the program.

Did you make a friend?

No. No, I didn't.

You have one connection? No. Everyone in college, your first week, you meet that one guy. You're like, We're going to be best friends forever.

Well, there were a couple of guys. We took official visits together and recruited together. But I was like, Yeah, that's going to be my guy. Then I remember when I was quitting, I saw him. He was standing at attention, watching me walk by, and he was like...

Wait, you had to walk by a whole group of-Yeah, when you quit, you have to be in a platoon of fucking quitters.

No. They still keep you there for an extra week.

How many quitters were there?

There's a couple of quitters, dude. There's probably Not that many. Out of a thousand, there was 20 of us.

Dude, I would have quit before I even signed up.

No, you can't.

I wouldn't have even signed up.

I don't know what I was thinking. I, for real, don't know what I was thinking.

But that's a very relatable thing. Everyone has that where they're like, I'm going to be great.

Yeah, I was like, I could be the fucking President. But they get your parents. They do a really good job of getting your parents. My parents were locked in. They were like, This is awesome. Our son's going to be a hero. I remember telling my dad once, I was like, Fuck it, I got to go to war? What if I fucking die? He's like, Is that so bad? Dying for your country? I was like, You didn't do anything. Why are you fucking saying that to me? Dude, big Phil rocks. He does rock.

Shades dad is in a lot of his comedy. I was laughing so hard when you... Because I know you were hard on your sofa your monolog for parts, but when you just were like, Yeah, I brought him just to roast him up.

That rules. No, that was the other thing about the monolog. That's You've seen me do stand-up. That's how I do stand-up. The whole time I'm in the room, I'm like, You didn't laugh at that. Whatever. Fuck you. It's so natural. If you do that in a... An SNL monolog usually isn't somebody in the room fucking around like, Oh, the lights are bright. This is crazy. I can see all you not laughing. They were laughing. You can hear it's very loud. It's laughter.

Yeah, but that's natural.

One of the jokes was about people not laughing was me being like, My niece has down syndrome. I thought that would get a bigger laugh. Oh, he's bombing. It's like, No, that's the joke. That's an insane thing to expect to laugh for.

It was a great little stretch we had with you doing the monolog and then Sydney Sweeney. Yeah. Did you meet her? America's so back.

No, I did not meet Sydney Sweeney. But cool story. I was doing Radio City the next week while Sydney was doing Sydney. You know me and Sydney talk? That's crazy. There was people, me and... It wasn't you, was it? It was James. We're standing on the corner by Radio City, and these two people behind us are talking about it because my name was on there. They're like, Oh, that's the guy that got canceled. He was on SNL. Then I turned around. I was like, I hear that guy's a fucking asshole. Then they were like, Oh, our daughter's hosting this weekend. I was like, Oh, you're Sydney Sweeney's mom? Holy shit. This is crazy. Then they were like, Yeah, we're here all week for it. I was like, Do you guys want to come to a show? They were like, Yeah. I think Sydney Sweeney's mom came to my show.

Do you think Sydney came?

No. She was working, but otherwise, she definitely would have. She would have 100% done. God, I can't believe me and her are an item now.

Dude, I actually do think that that's your last step in superstardum.

Sydney Sweeney?

No, not Sydney Sweeni, but I'm going to predict it. I do think you're going to date a Hollywood A-lister, and everyone's going to be like, That's our hero, Shane.

Bro, no chance. Any of these girls would put up with what I do. That's not true.

You're funny.

Funny means everything. No. If a girl's with me, she watches me play Xbox for seven hours, they don't stick around, dude. What's your game? I can't change. It fluctuates, but usually FIFA.

How pumped are you for college football I'm dead when that comes out.

I'm shutting it down.

My whole life is going to be over. I did that for all of COVID.

We were talking about it. Yeah, me too. I had an online dynasty over COVID. It was the best.

When I started doing it because there was no sports, I was doing it on Twitch.

I remember you guys were I had like 100,000 people watching me lose the national title to the Virginia Tech.

There was no sports on. We were so star for sports. We were like, I would watch Big Cat play a video because I get to see the green grass and I could see a ball, and it looks like the scores on the TV, and I feel like I'm actually watching the sports.

It was great. It was fucked up in my house, too, because my wife would just be like, Why are you down? I'm like, We had a fucking tough game against Baylor this week.

Baylor, they were tough. Me and my friends had... Well, they're They are my friends now. When I left Elon, I got an underage drinking and just left Elon. I never went back to handle that issue.

It's a theme now, yeah. Yeah.

Then a year later, I got a warrant for my arrest in North Carolina. Yes. And so my dad had to drive me back. This is ultimate rock bottom. I'm going to Harrisburg Community College a year after I was supposed to be at West Point. And my dad had to drive me from Pennsylvania, North Carolina, to go to court. And so I had to get community service. So I just coached a Peewee football team. It was all my friends, little brothers. It was the best. I actually loved it. But then me and those kids had an online dynasty together. I was 23. They were all fifth-graders. I was fucking running the score up on them. So then those same kids, when COVID happened, are adults now, and we got the dynasty back together. It was wonderful. Oh, that's fucking roles. Yeah, it was great.

And you're the coach. That's hilarious.

Yeah, it was great.

Were you Notre Dame? Do you play as Notre Dame?

I usually don't. Yeah, you can't do that. You got to build it up. Yeah, we got to get a conference, too. If it's an online dynasty, you got to pick a conference.

Arch Manning is not going to be in the new video game, though. I saw that. He said he's bowing out or he wants to focus on football. So I don't know how that would distract him from playing football.

Yeah, I don't understand why they did that.

I think it's because that if you're a Texas fan, every Texas fan that plays as the Longhorns, if you have the opportunity to start Eli Manning or Quin Ewers, who's a starter quarterback, you're going to start Arch Manning. You're going to put Arch Manning as a quarterback, and then everyone's going to be like, Yo, fuck Quin Ewers. Why is he playing in real life? Because everyone's playing as Arch in the video game. I think Arch was trying to be a good teammate to be like, I don't want all this pressure on my teammate, Quinn. Oh, that's nice. Because everyone's going to play as me.

That's my theory.

I think he- Quinn's a fucking man. Yeah.

I honestly think that if I was in a video game, I'd just play as myself the whole time. So when he says I want to focus on football, I actually think he's being honest. Oh, yeah. I would just spend so much time playing as myself. Because that's what I would do.

Of course. Yeah. If you're in the game- I'd play as the left guard the entire game.

Shane is being brought to you by Dave and Busters. The chance of getting a perfect bracket is one in 120.2 billion. Best of luck. For the rest of us, instead of not watching after a bracket's busted, why not be rewarded for it? So this March, when you lose, you can win at Dave and Busters. Throughout the tournament, we're washing away your sorrows with $2 beers, terms Terms and conditions apply, and anyone whose bracket has been busted can DM Dave & Busters with a picture of their bracket across social media handles. In reward, Dave & Busters will be giving away a million chips of free gameplay while supplies last. Terms and Conditions apply, but hurry, all chips will be given away. Must be redeemed at your local Dave and Busters before the tournament ends. Come to Dave and Busters for $2 beers all tournament long. Dm your Busted Bracket to Dave and Busters for free gameplay while supplies last. Terms and Conditions apply. And now back to Shane.

What was a lame question. What was the moment that you were like, I can do this for a living?

I have no idea. Probably when I won Philly's Funiest, there's a tournament or a competition in Philly every year. That was a big deal. Philly's crushing right now. Philly's doing well right now, yeah. Yeah.

I feel like all these funny shit little- Yeah, are you Garbage Guys came out of there.

Yeah. Mccusker, McKeever, Tommy Pope, O'Connor. Yeah. It's a good group. 8 Marshall. Lamar Lee, Sean Gardini.

Get them all in there. Yeah.

Philly's so funny because it's like- Roon. Roon, obviously. Roon, everyone. I feel like people from Philly have a little bit of sleeziness to them, but they love that part. They are very open about how sleezy they are, whereas some other cities aren't that.

Yeah, that's why Boston was so good.

Yeah.

Boston is the best comedy city ever.

Is there a bad comedy town? Maybe not from people from that town, but to play.

To do stand-up? Yeah, there's New Orleans and Miami.

I've heard that. I've heard that about stand up and also music. It's tough to play shows in New Orleans because you're competing against everything.

Yeah, everything. It's a parade of drunk people.

When we had Jay O'Kersten on, we were like, What's the best? He's like, Just pick anywhere in the middle of Ohio.

Ohio is good. Yeah, he's like, It's just the most average people. I think Boston and Philly are the... Those are my favorite. Boston is always good. That was the first place I sold out a club. It was Madison.

Now you're doing an arena.

You're doing one in L. R. Doing some arenas? Yeah, we'll see how that goes. I don't know how comedy fits in an arena, but whatever.

We'll see. That's good.Swash forward Madison Square Garden?

Yeah.

Probably. That's going to be wild going out and not being able to see the back of the club, not being able to see all the people that are there.

Theaters, like last night, you can only see the front three rows. I'll go out at the end of the show and be like, Oh, this is what it looked like. This place is nice.

What's next besides arena tours? What's the next thing you want to accomplish?

College football. I mean, arena tour is crazy. I don't know how long I'll do that. I'm going to see what it's like. I would say making some movies with McKeever and my friends. Yeah. Probably do that this year, hopefully.

Be like the new Adam Sandler.

Yeah, that would be perfect.

That's got to be the most rewarding part. It's just like all your boys are coming along for the ride.

Yeah, and they're coming down to Austin, too. Yeah, that's what rough House did with McBride. He has all his crew down in South Carolina. That's awesome.

That's so sick. My favorite thing Sandler did was he just started filming movies in Hawaii.

Yeah, every movie. We're going to have my boys. By the way, that's our movie idea. It's in Florida. I love it. Yeah, go on a vacation. I'm on vacation. I just spent three months in Key West. Fuck it.

Austin is a cool town. I've heard good and bad things about it as a comit town. I lived there for about 10 years, but it was before the Rogan, that whole, the Comedy mothership or whatever went there. Have Has it changed since you've been down there?

I've only been down there since November, but I was going there the last two years. Yeah, there's a ton of comics there now, and it is like a comedy town. People go there now to just go to the comedy clubs. That's cool.

It's just so fucking hot down here.

It is fucking hot as hell.

You haven't even done a summer.

I feel like you don't do well in the heat.

Fuck no. Dude, it's going to be-It's going to be inside for three months. A 110 degrees between June and August.

Thank God for the college football game coming back. Yeah. That's a godsend in the summer. It is.

Austin's, I don't know. I still, obviously, New York is still the best at comedy. The Comedy Cellar, I think is... Yeah.

Yeah, because don't you have to get passed there, too, and everything?

That's how Rogan's Club is, though. Oh, really? Rogan's Club, yeah. They adopted a lot of the stuff they were doing at the Comedy Store, which is like, there's door guys. That's a cool thing. That is cool. At the Comedy Store, you can get hired as a door guy and then work your way up to actually being a comedian there.

Who passed you at the there when you first started in New York?

Wait, which club you mean? Yeah, or like, how did that come about? The Stand Comedy Club booked me pretty early. Yeah. And then The Seller. The Seller I auditioned, I took an Adderall that day. I didn't know it was an audition. So three years ago, I auditioned for a Comedy Central show. It was Comedy Central Live at the Seller. I was hung over. I took an Adderall during the day, I can't perform. If you take an Adderall, I can't do stand-up. I don't know what it is. I just get too focused. Nothing's funny. I'll say something, be like, Why would I say that? It doesn't even make sense. But I just bombed my audition, and Then two years later, they were just like, Do you want to work here? I was like, Yes. Yeah. Please. That rock. That was a great story.

At the Super Bowl?

No, that was- No, I suck. Whatever.

Did you take an Adderall?

I wish. I'd be flying.

You remember at the Was it last year when you were staying with Bert? Yeah. We showed up, and then Max was texting. Who were you texting with? Dallas Goddard. Yeah, Dallas Goddard.

It was like a different Dallas Goddard or something.

It was Dallas Goddard's friend that was also named Dallas.

Yeah.

Who also knew my mutual...

I mean, I got fucked there. That was bullshit.

Anyone would have thought that was Dallas Goddard. Yeah, but except for the fact that he was asking what you were doing the night before the Super. Yeah.

I Dallas Goddard wants to come hang out.

That was a pretty good... Yeah, but Shane took your phone and texted him, What's up, player?

What's up, big time player. It was like, sup. It was sup.

It was sup player and then sup player player. And then he said, What's up with you and you said you wrote back Cooling. It was sup, no answer, and then sup, big player. Is it exhausting hanging out with Bert? Because I feel like that dude doesn't stop.

I think when you went into I was like, Yeah.

That Super Bowl, I was like...

Yeah, because it films everything.

It's like Barstool. Yeah, obviously, I don't like being on camera. Yeah, it's a lot. But he's cool with it. Bert will be like, Hey, everybody, we're doing this activity. I'm just not doing that. Don't leave me alone.

That morning, you were hung over, you were sleeping in, and then Bert just opened up your bedroom door just completely naked and shook his face. Morning.

That week was hell.

That was a long week.

That was a long week.

We've Day one. On Monday, you texted me and you're like, I'm going to take it easy this week, and then flash forward to 1 AM, and Shane and I were not taking it easy. It was like, This is Monday night.

We did not take it easy. We did the opposite of taking it easy.

When as hard as you can, when you're supposed to be taking it easy, that was a mistake.

Yeah, that was a mistake. I set the tone for the week. The rest of the week, I was trying to catch up from Monday.

Why don't you do what we're doing Monday? Yeah, it doesn't really get easier.

Then spending that whole week in the house with Bert and five other comics just constantly like, Come on, we're doing a podcast. We're filming something. I'm like, I'm not doing a fucking podcast. There's a podcast he did. It's crazy how shitty I looked. It was Busting with the Boys on Bert's cooking show, and I was just walking around and they were like, Chink, get on. I was like, Dude, no. I didn't talk. I didn't say a word the entire time. I did one with Barstool, too, where I didn't talk.

Oh, yeah, with Kevin in flights.

You can do a word count on that. I did not speak for two straight hours.

I do feel bad because I was begging.

It was in the fucking sun. Sitting there getting sunburn.

You do do a lot of podcasts.

Yeah, and I don't think it's good for me.

Why?

I don't want to get over exposed.

You're the Taylor Swift for White Man.

No, dude. Shut up. Yeah.

There's only so many jokes that you can say or so many hours where you can be on.

Well, you have your own podcast.

And I have my own I like this, though. This is nice. Yeah, I was trying to make it-I wanted to do this. I wanted to do this. I know how much you were trying to make it really... I went pick you up. I was like, Dude, I'll do it. I promise I'll do it.

We send the big guns. We had Hank get drunk with you.

Hank got real drunk.

Yeah, Hank's mission last night was like-How was Hank doing? I don't know. He's still young enough.

Yeah, he seemed to be handling it well because when we were leaving, he was banged up. I was like, This guy's going to be... He's not going to make it tomorrow.

He's on a hot street. He lost his phone last weekend hanging out booking guests on the podcast this weekend.

He got fucked up last Last night. Did he really? Yeah, he got fucked up, but so did we. Nate, you were terrible. You embarrassed him. Nate's actually... That's my friend Nate. He's a black pedophile.

What's the origin of that? Because I think you said that last week.

I said in front of Jerry Rice. Jerry Rice laughed at it. Yeah, you were doing a show at the Super Bowl in front of like an NFL legend. Nightmare. Literally, Comedy Nightmare Show.

At a dinner table, right?

Yeah, It was this guy who's a very rich guy, and he was like, Do you want to come to this dinner? Here's the list of the people that are going to be at the dinner. It was for real. It was Dan Marino, Steve Young, Jerry Rice, Michael Vick, Ed Reid, Shannon Sharp, Tony Gonzalez, Jim Kelly, Thurman Thomas. It was the coolest fucking McNab. Then he was like, Can you do stand-up? I was like, Do you want to do stand-up? I was like, Dude, I can't. That's There's no stage or mic. It's literally in his steakhouse. He's like, Yeah, just stand up and do. Make us laugh. I did say no, and he was cool with it at first. Then I realized how much he wanted me to do it. I was like, All right, I'll do it. I just had to stand up. I was sitting next to Jerry Rice. I stood up at the table, started doing stand up, and I saw Jerry Rice at the beginning laughing and then just… Look at his phone. Literally, this is a five-minute set, and he's already like this, standing next to me. Then I ended it.

I was like, Whatever. That's fucking Shane of Sharp. Don't tell Cat Williams I suck. This is my friend Nate. He's a Black pedophile. I watched Jerry Rice go, Ha ha. I was like, Nice. That's a good close.

Made him laugh. That's… He basically Did the like, Oh, you do stand-up? Tell me a joke.

Yes. But he was a big stand-up fan. Yeah, he wasn't that type of guy. That's brutal.

I'm sure you get that a lot.

And he let me go, though. He gave a speech at first, and then he was like, And now And then I was sitting next to him. I was like, No, I'm not going on. And he was like, All right, that's fine. He was being nice.

Did Lil Shane want to grow up to be a comedian or a football player?

Definitely football. Or United States soldier. I wanted to be a fucking US Army soldier I'm going to protect this country. I wanted to protect quarterbacks in the country. Not a big deal. But then, I would say junior or senior year of high school, I was like... It was when Old School came out, the movie Old School. And I remember watching my dad I love it. I'll be like, damn, I wish I was Will Farrell. That's when that started.

Will Farrell, yeah. We're about the same age. That string of movies was even old school, Wedding Crashers, all those. Fuck, this It was awesome. These guys rock.

Yeah, that was the best. I did always fuck around. I was always trying to be funny.

That was the golden age, for us, at least, growing up a comedy. It was mid 2000s. I was talking to my buddy, Big T, two days ago, and he was like, They haven't made a good comedy since 2015. Or do you think that there's not as good comedy movies coming out?

No, they haven't really. Hangover was probably one of the last great ones. Yeah, they don't really make- Everyone talked about.

I guess Trainwreck got a lot of... I mean, that was pretty funny, but still. Trainwreck, the lady, the girl one. Yeah, oh, yeah, Brian James is funny.

The lady comedy?

The girl comedy. Ghostbusters? Yeah. Like, oh, yeah, girls can be funny.

Girls are, yeah. They're very funny.

Yeah, very funny. That one, I love Melissa McCarthy. It is crazy, though, because it feels like every comedy now has to be a sad story, too. Where it's like, even I love that movie that Pete Davidson did, the one-Staten Island?

Yeah.

Yeah, that was great, and it was funny. Or even Silver Lining's Playbook, which has funny moments.

God, I love Silver Lining's Playbook, dude.

But it's also very serious. You got to save comedy. I'm not trying to put pressure on you.

No, but you're going to make movies Comedy movie set in Florida, and it's going to bring this country back.

Yeah, true.

As long as you say a couple slurs-I can say Cracker. Yeah, Will Compton, and be like, This fucking rock.

Will Compton. Comedy's back, dude. He said Cracker on that.

This guy said gay. Yeah. Thank you for your surface.

That was big, dude. It was a crazy run.

Did they say it?

I got bitch, whack off, gay, retarded. I got some wild shit on there.

Did they try to stop you with any of that?

No, Lauren was awesome with that. There was one moment where In between rehearsal where I ran the monolog and I forgot all those, I'd left all those out. Then in between rehearsal and the actual show, you have a half hour. I was sitting with him and I was like, I didn't do everything I was going to do. Here's some of the words I'm going to say. A lady was in the office with us and she got up to be like, I'll go check and see if we can say those. And he was like, Don't check. I was like, Just go do it. That's cool. Yeah, Lauren's awesome.

Did he have a moment where he's like, I fucked up?

He had been like that. Yeah, he had your back. From day one, he was like, I wanted you on the show.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We were talking in the car, not that it's the same, because yours is very different that it happened like that. But we had the similar thing with Marcel Vantox, where it's like, get the show, lose the show. Everyone's like, Congrats.

Everyone's like, You guys suck. Congrats? Yeah, that was tough. The amount of when they announced me on SNL was just a million congrats, dude. You did it. Then I didn't have time to respond to any of them. Then Then five hours later, whenever I started getting canceled, people were like, It's okay, dude. You're going to be okay. Then three days later, four days later, when I got fired, it was like, Fuck them anyway, dude. Fuck that job. I didn't reply to any of them. You get to see someone be like, Congrats, SNL is amazing. You're going to be all right. Don't worry about it. Fuck SNL, dude. Who gives a shit? Then I'd be like, Yeah, dude.

Just reply to just the congrats ones, be like, Thanks. After you already got fired. But in a way, and for us, at least it felt this way, it might feel this way for you, too. Getting fired after one show is way better than getting fired if it was a month or two months later.

Yeah, I think so, too.

Because then you put all that work in, and then some people could be like, Oh, you couldn't cut it. If you were funnier, you would have made it. But the fact that it happened so quickly, it's like, Okay, it's not us, it's them that are firing us.

Right. Yeah. Everyone spins it a different way where they're like, Okay, it was powers above them that made this decision, not because they sucked, which we probably would have sucked eventually. We did one episode and we were like, We never would have been able to sustain that. So we got lucky. The first episode almost killed us. Yeah.

Mcafee is doing well. Yeah. He's got that. That's what's so good about it. It's just a fucking podcast. It's just fucking around.

The pendulum swung all the way back.

The pendulum swung. It has.

There was a time and place where everyone was like, This is the new order. People can't take risks anymore. And then it's come all the way back. It's like, What the fuck we're talking?

We'll see, though.

You think it's going to come back on us?

I think this election is going to swing it back. Oh, yeah. It'll go back to being... Yeah.

It's going to get hot on the streets. You're probably right. How many times have people asked you to do the Trump? Just on the street.

A lot, yeah. I mean, it's better than people ask me to take a picture, and they'll be like, Can you do Trump real quick? And it's like, No, just take a picture, man. This is nice. Why do we have to? But it's better. The worst is like, Let's take a picture. Can you do retard face? Dude, don't say it like that.

Do you do Trump face? Could you do a Trump face in a picture?

No, what he does...

Yeah, that was pretty good. I saw it there for a second.

You do the suck in that's so perfect. Yeah, that. The guy they have on SNL is incredible.

It's fucking wild. He's really good at talking. He can speak exactly how Trump talks. We filmed the sketch and he just would rant and be like, I'm trying to think. We did He's got a sketch about getting sneakers, and he's like, And they're not even giving sneakers to young men anymore. What's happening in this sketch? When I was here, that wasn't the... He just goes. It was really good. I'm not doing it properly, but whatever.

No, that was good. Do you know Alex Jones?

No. Have you ever met him? I have not. I do know of him. Obviously, shit rocks.

I used to listen to him every day in my car at lunch in Austin. This is what I don't like about what Alex has become now is he used to be so much crazier back in the day. He used to get on the air and be like, Hillary Clinton, she's actually a reptilian, and she smells like sulfur because she's the devil. And so I'd listen to that on my lunch break in Austin in my pickup truck. Every day, I get up there, I get my sandwich, I turn on Alex Jones, And now it's like, I almost want to say he's becoming too mainstream where he's nerfing some of his takes. True. And I miss the old-school uncut Alex.

That happens to all of us. I know. In the end, that happens to all of us.

Alex Jones went woke.

He did go woke. He got sued for $1 billion. So he's just fucked forever.

It's also very funny to think that Alex Jones has a billion dollars.

Yeah. He might get it.

I would love to be sued. Somebody sued me and they're like, Yeah, I think you have a billion dollars to give me. I'll be like, Thank you.

For $1 billion.

When he was on trial, the chili thing was like... You remember that? Where he was like, he answered a question.

They asked him the names or to remember something in his past. He's like, I don't know. I had a big bowl of chili that day, and so my mind wasn't really working.

But it's like, that's the truth. If you eat a big bowl of chili, it will fuck you up.

He only can tell the truth.

You eat a big bowl of chili, you're like, I need to lay down somewhere. I can't answer questions.

That's awesome.

I'm in toxic.

That's what people are responsible for. When he fucking answered.

Anyone who's not in tip top shape, you eat any- You eat a bowl of chili.

You eat a bowl of chili, pizza. I crush those palms up. I'm struggling.

It just sits in your belly and you're just like, I don't want to do anything right now.

What was the answer he had? Someone So you think the government covered up a pedophile ring or something? He's like, Jeffrey Epstein? It was just like, Oh, shit. Yeah, maybe.

Fair point.

Yeah, that one you got us on. All right, we got a couple of last questions. It's been awesome, Shane. We'll have you back on anytime you're in town. How tired are you? Your schedule is insane.

No, it's not. That's the thing. That's one thing that's... It's just as hard as it was. It was harder when I was... I would have to do six shows every fucking weekend at clubs in the middle of fucking Ohio. You'd have to go to the Albany, Funny Bone, and it's a blizzard, and you have to perform six shows. Usually, it was Thursday to Sunday every fucking week. That's a lot. Now, it's easier.

You guys going every single weekend as hard as you guys do. It's crazy.

Yeah, that's why most comedians are sober. Yeah. I'm not there yet.

Yeah. Are you going to get...

No. You can't.

Dude, what if you got cleaned up and you got jacked? It became like a fight.

That would suck. I would turn on you. I would turn on you.

I see you now. People are funny when they're fat.

Trying to hide this fucking watch, dude. I don't want to change.

You haven't. That's the thing, though. I say that with respect. It's crazy because you see people who have success, and it's like, Oh, they're a different person now. It's like...

Yeah, I'm older, though. I got it when This age. Right. 35, 36 is when it started. That does change. If I got famous when I was 19, like some of these people, that's crazy. That would make me an insane person. A little sass is going to change. Sass is going to be a fucking dumb ass. He's going to OD or something.

Yeah, no, it's true, though. I think that actually helps. I know for myself, personally, when people are like, What is your dream? Retirement is like, Have enough money to lose it gambling. That's all I want to do is just watch sports and hang out. It's like, if you change, then everything else, your show changes and your comedy changes and everything like that.

For sure. It's also like when people talk about retirement, what does retirement look like for me? I'm going to stop watching sports with my friends and then talking about sports right after the game is over. That's my job. I don't know why would I want to retire?

Same. Yeah, me too. It's like, what do you want to do? It's like, I like stand-up. I keep doing that.

I'll sit and talk with my friends and it'll be a podcast.

Once I get back down to small clubs and the clubs are empty, that'll still be fun. Yeah. It's a bit depressing. No. That's when it might be live from my mouth this fucking time, honestly. But yeah.

Yeah. You got to just do one night show only like Madison Square Garden. It's going to be the Bud Dwier show.

Do you think that show would sell out? If you advertise like, I will kill myself on stage tonight at the end of the show.

Yes.

People would buy tickets for that.

I think people would be pissed if I didn't do it. So mad.

They'd be like, I'll kill yourself.

They'd be like, I'll kill yourself.

You promised us.

They'd call you out for Encore? Encore, yeah. Encore, do it. Come on.

If that was a good... Yeah, might string up a news for that. That'd be fucking sick. Hang yourself in Madison Square Garden for the Raffles.

They'd be like, Sting coming down?

They'd just keep your body up there next to Billy Joel banner. Shane Hills kill.

Don't get me.

All right, well, last question. Roback question. Robackkwestion. R-h-o-b-a-c-k. Com. Promo code take. Roback has Q-zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts, everything. Roback. Com. Promo code take, 20% off your first purchase. All right, give me the Notre Dame, what do you think, this year, record. How many games are you going to go to?

There's a knock on Notre Dame every year that they have a week schedule. They never do.

No, they never do.

It's always top fucking 15, at least.

They do every five years, where you get a down USA, a down, like- That's not their fault. That's not their fault.

This year, the schedule is week.

Oh, you get ahead of it.

On paper. Okay, so it's AMM, week one. I'll be there. Where's that? That's in It's in College Station. That'll be fun.

Northern Illinois win at Purdue. They're good for one of those weird games.

Yeah, Purdue's sneaky. I don't know if writing off A&M at the beginning is a win. That's a tough- Yeah. That's a very talented- New Coach.

The classic Notre Dame loss is usually at home to a team that they lose to Georgia Tech or Navy. Remember when they lost to Yukon? Those weird ones that sneak up on you.

For sure. Florida State in South Bend.

That's going to be a good game. That'll be fun.

Yeah, I think they'll be good this year in the playoff.

The team's good. The schedule is easy.

Wait, who's your quarterback?

They got that kid from Duke, Riley Leonard.Oh, he's good.Oh, yeah, he's good. He's very good.

He can run.

They got better wideouts this year. The O-line, they lost a lot.

Yeah, but Notre Dame feels like at least- They'll be all right. The last 10 years, they've been an O-line factory. Yeah. Wait, how many games you can go to?

I'm going to definitely go to A&M. I'm going to try to go to Florida State. I'll probably get to two or three.

I love it. I love that, Riley Lunner. He's going from Duke to Notre Dame. He's just trying to make everybody hate him. I respect that.

Yeah, that is a very hateful- But you see the schedule.

They're probably- Yeah, no, there's not- 11:1?

Yeah.

And then get fucking smoked in the playoffs against somebody?

Yeah, how bad? I have a buddy who's a diehard Notre Dame fan, and I remember getting updates from the national title game against Bama, and it just went dark. After the second quarter, it was just like, whew.

I mean, that was over quick. Yeah.

Oh, so 2026, we're playing at Lambo.

We got to go. Hell, yeah.

The first week of the season.

Oh, yeah. That's going to be awesome. Actually, me and Soda, this is something we could do. Me and Soda, we're talking about when NCAA comes out, getting a house, getting a bunch of dudes, and getting a dynasty going.

Just doing a full weekend dynasty?

Yeah.

I'm in.

You're in? Yeah. Fuck, yes. That'd be fun.

Dude. Although, let me ask you this, because when I did my whole Twitch thing during COVID, I was always a good 9, 10 wins, and then I realized just running the ball wins championships. But that's annoying to play against. No, dude.

That's how we're playing.

You don't care? All right. So you don't like in like, kneeling. I'm kneeling the ball. Okay, all right. Good. Because that's a touchy subject with online playing. Do you want to play for fun or do you want to play like- No, we're playing to win.

Yeah.

Because then it's like, I run the ball like I run the ball 35 times.

We're managing the clock. We're going to manage the clock. I run this, I spam the same- Oh, I punt. It's basically the same run up the middle and then a slant that's unguardable.

And then just do that over and over.

You can find glitch plays like that.

Notre Dame is playing Army next year, too. House Dividing.

Oh, shit.

Are you going to change jerseys at halftime?

That would rock if Big Phil wore a Gillis Army jersey.

My dad still wears army gear. He He still prepped. He loves Westwood. I mean, he did. He just loves Westwood. He's ashamed of me. He's like, You could never be a cadet.

All right, well, Shane, thank you. Everyone, I mean, you have a tour. You're sold out.

Yeah.

But everyone watch Tires when it comes out on Netflix.

Tires is coming out in May.

Yeah, and he's going to be everywhere. I'm proud of that. I will say I went and saw him last night. If Shane's in your city, you have to go see him.

It's so funny. He was at the late show for the There's a bunch of people that were at the early show going, That sucked.

No, but dude, and that's what you're saying. I was saying in the car, the fact that you went from an incredible special, Beautiful Dogs on Netflix, to almost instantly, you have a whole new hour. It's like, How the fuck?

I'm trying. Yeah.

Do people travel around and see you at different shows like you're dead? For sure. Are they expecting new jokes at every stop?

I don't know, but they seem happy to do it.

Yeah. To me, it would never occur to me to follow a comedian around.

I think the The second show would be like, Oh, fuck, he's doing the same act.Not going to go see this.Right..

I know where this joke is going.

They probably just make friends with people. They know their type. It's like, I like Shane Gillis fans, so I'm just going to travel around and hang out with them.

Who the fuck likes that? It's It's a rowdy group. It is fun. It is a fun group.

Yeah, we had that in Arizona when we were playing. Shane and I were playing Shuffle Board on the same side of the table, and a guy comes up and I was like, I'm going to have to take a picture. Shane's like, No, that's one of my mutants. That's one of And two minutes later, the guy comes up. He's like, Hey, Shane.

They're not all mutants now. That was back then. They were mutants. That was the original podcast Mutants. You could see them coming. You're like, Oh, I know. Yeah, you could see those guys. They just looked It's like me. I can see me walking over like, Oh. Yeah, that's me.

You walk into a room before they even see you. You're like, That guy's going to say hi.

A hundred %. A little bit, yeah. If they look like me, I go, That guy's excited about it.

All right.

Well, thank you, Shane. No, thank you guys. I appreciate it, man.

You're the best. Yeah, whenever you're back in Chicago, or maybe we'll come down to Austin. Hell, yeah. Yeah, we'll do it again. Maybe we get on Matt and Shane.

Maybe the dynasty house. Yeah, come down to Matt and Shane.

Where's the dynasty house? Sass and Ron have done it. Oh, have you had Frank the Tank on yet?

No. Bring Frank. We got it. Come down to Austin and bring Frank.

Frank on Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast would be-pleased.

I would love to see Matt and him.

They would get along.

That would be perfect.

Matt's so fucking That's funny.

Matt's incredible. Yeah, go see Matt, by the way. That's another thing. Matt's standup is-He's actually going to be in Schaumbert in a couple of weeks. He's so good, dude. Yes.

Frank and you guys. All right, we're good. I don't even want to be on it. I just want to watch it.

Please. Like a live watch of you. Please bring us Frank.

Then just let you guys keep going. We're not even recording anymore.

Please. It's just it. Yeah, for real.

I remember the first time you met Frank, and you were like, awesome.

Because I'd seen him, obviously, online, and I didn't know it was as I think it was... I just walked by him and I was like, Yeah, the Mets suck. Instantly, it was like, I felt terrible. I was like, My bad, dude.

No, that's the thing with Frank is sometimes it's a little bit quiet in the New York office, and you want to mix things up a little bit. You just be like, Hey, what happened in the devil's game last night? You got to rattle his game. Then you keep walking, and then you let everybody else around him deal with the fallout.

But he appreciates it.

Sass's setup was my favorite. Lil Sass was between him and another unit, dude. There's a big guy. Was it Dugs? Dugs, yeah. Sass and Lil Sass's desk was between them? Yeah. He said they were ordering more GrubHub while eating GrubHub. He said Sass just sat between two giant dudes that just munched all day.

Frank is the best. Yeah. He's the best. All right. Well, thank you, Shane.

Thank you, guys.

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Okay, let's wrap up with Matt online.

Hank. College football playoff should be played on Saturday and the Monday after Super Bowl and should be a national holiday.

Wait, Monday after Super Bowl?

Saturday before Super Bowl and Monday after Super Bowl.

That'd be the longest season ever.

Very long break.

I would rule, though. You get players in the transfer portal playing on the team then?

Yeah. You get some new blood.

You just get to add some roster guys.

If you do that, the semifinal should be one per week. Yeah.

I don't agree with this. I I do not agree with this. That is, does the person realize we already moved the Super Bowl back? Let's just focus on trying to get the Super Bowl to President's Day weekend, so we get a Monday after that. Also, we can get the Super Bowl to the end of February. When you finish the Super Bowl, you're like, Oh, it's spring.

Yeah, that'd be nice.

That's all we got to focus on.

That's too much of a break because you already have a massive break in December for college football, and then doing it, obviously, bowl season, but for the teams that are in the payoff. Yeah.

Big Ten Ocho says, The NIL should be capped. They can have different rates for five stars, four stars, etc. And then bonuses for Heisman, all conference, etc. Then players can sign unlimited endorsement deals so the best players, Manzel, Kaitlyn Clarke, can still make more money off their popularity.

Wait, is this Matt online or part in your take?

I feel like these are part in your take. It sounds like part in your take. Yeah, part in your take. Matt online. Wait, are they saying... How are they saying the most popular players can get more money?

They can sign unlimited endorsement deals, which I don't understand.

That sounds like NIL is unlimited Unlimited on not capped.

Yeah, that's a bad one. I do think the college sports should get to a point where it's an actual salary cap. That would be cool.

I tend to agree with Jay Billis' take that it should just be multi-year contracts for players. Because the big thing is if you get one year of a player, then they leave. That stinks. I think it's bad for the sport overall, and it's bad for ratings.

Yeah, the transfer... I know they're like chicken and egg, but the transfer portal bothers me. The NIL never has bothered me.

Yeah, players should get paid.

But it's obviously because the NIL causes the transfer portal.

Yeah, they should get paid whatever the market tells them they should get paid. They're adults, they're working, they should get money for it. But also in the interest of the good of the sport, doing multi-year contracts would keep players around. Then obviously, the fan base would grow, custom these players. It'd be good for ratings, good for ticket revenue, good for future players going to the schools, too.

Dolph says, A Matt Online take for someone getting older. Why do these sports leads cater so much to the West with game times after 9:00 PM. Seventy-five % of the population has to be either East Coast or Midwest. Why does it matter if a game starts at 4:00 PM West Coast?

Matt Online. Wait, what games start at 9:00 PM?

Nba games. But those are less I think they're talking about the college games on Thursday and Friday this week. Oh, but that's starting late.

But that's starting late because it's back-to-back games at the same location.

No, it's starting later on just to screw Danny Hurley for some reason.

Got it. Yeah, that is true. I I do agree in principle that Monday Night Football, when we lived in New York, starting at 8:15, sucks. I do also agree in principle that if you live in California, suck it up because you live in California because you get to tell everyone you don't have winter and you live by the beach, so you don't also get sports times. But other than moving Monday night football and Sunday night football up a half hour, I don't really know.

There's not a lot that you can do. There's not anything that's glaringly like, Man, this is starting way too late. No. Also, if it's starting late, you can just say, Well, I'm a real sports fan. I'm going to stay up and watch it.

The thing that they should focus on instead of the start time is just getting the start time correct. I agree. That's the thing we need to put all our effort in. When you say a game is going to start at 8:00, start it at 8:00. Don't start it at 8:20.

It's always what do they use, like 8:07? When they get down to the minute?

It's the one thing that I will say positive about the sport of soccer is they do a very good job of starting Exactly when they're going to start, and you know that you only have two hours that you have to watch it.

Well, unless there's added time. Added time.

It's usually never- And then PKs. Yeah. Well, I'm talking about regular season. No English Premier League game is going to go more than two and a half hours at most.

Yeah, they got that right. Honestly, I like waking up and watching EPL on TV. I feel like I'm in California.

You know the time is going to start. You know exactly when it's going to start.

It would be funny if EPL started to adjust their start times for American audiences, though. Yeah. They should do that, actually.

They do. They've added the afternoon games or like that.

There should be a midnight game just for us Americans. We won the Revolutionary War. We should get your soccer.

All right, last one. K Nasty is mad in line about master's TV coverage.

This is a good one.

Best golf tournament of the year, and we cannot watch all of it live in 2024. It's a joke. Put it all on TV or online. I don't care, but I want to watch it Thursday morning. Also Keegan Bradley, plus 10,000.

Okay, so- Wait, he said that or you did?

He said that.

Just a public service reminder, redownload the Masters app. The Master's app is beautiful.

But it doesn't have every- Yeah, it's got featured holes and featured groups. I completely agree with this take. It's absolutely insane, but it also is- It's gotten better, though. It has gotten better, but Augusta just loves being able to flex and be like, We get to do whatever the fuck we want. It actually pisses me off. Thursday and Friday, it is what it is because it's during work and I want to check in here and there. It pisses me off on Saturday and Sunday when you can't watch any live coverage on TV until 2:00.

Why is there no way for every major PGA tournament to watch every player at every hole? It's crazy. Like on an act. A lot of coverage. No, we've got the technology for it, Hank. Cameras.

We're going to do that for mini golf. You won't miss a player, right, Hank?

Yeah. Well, that's 36 people, not 150.

One good way to shut up anyone that would be upset about the live PGA merger would be to just have Saudi Arabia buy infinity cameras. This is what Liv is bringing to the table. We're buying, let's say, 20,000 cameras, so we'll have every hole covered, and then we'll build an app where you can just click on each individual golfer and get to see every shot they take.

Here's an idea because the PGA needs money. Why doesn't every player have their own personal app? You have to download that player's app and you can watch everything they do forever. Then it also would add the added bonus of being like, Oh, this guy has literally no No one watching him.

Yeah, you get to... Or every hole has its own app.

That would work, too. Every hole in America. Yeah, every hole.

I like that. Which hole would you download first?

Probably the Amen's Corner, whatever the fuck it's called. Yeah.

Or 16. 16 at August would be a good one.

With Verne Lundquist, just there forever.

I download 17 at Sawgrass first. We got some ideas. Got a two. I shot two. That's right, Max. Thanks.

Yeah, the Masters coverage those sucks. It does piss me off very much every year. I just want to be able to wake up on Saturday and Sunday and put it on my TV. That's all I want. I think maybe does Golf channel maybe have some stuff, but it's just-ESPN Plus. You just fight it, and then you see it, and you're like, You got your TV on CBS, and now you're just watching Jim Nance interview Arnie Palmer for the 7,000-th time. Just give it to us. Yeah, shout out PGA Tour Live. When we go live, the main feed starts at 6:00 AM, and they bounce around for all those tournaments.

I think maybe big trackers behind this, all the online golf trackers, they don't want you to see every hole because then you have to follow the Max Homa tracker, the Brooks Kepka tracker. Who's the other guy? Siwukim tracker. Siwukim tracker, yeah.

Yeah. That was... Wait, no. Who was... Oh, Tony Fina was our friend Kobe. He would do that. He would become Tony Fina tracker on the weekends. The tracker world, I would love... We should actually have some of these trackers show up and just interview them.

I would like to do that with trackers, and I would like to do that with all the aggregator accounts in the NFL. Just get them in a room together. It's probably just dove. At one point, the SeeWoo Kim tracker just started bashing me from the tracker account.

Yeah. I was like, What the hell is going on here? I've been supporting you for years.

He's like, I just hate Philly sports.

Remember? I love that. I got into it with the Brooks tracker. We had a jinks off about Brooks. Who do you think is-It was like right before the Masters on Saturday, and we just were fucking in the gutter war about jinksing I would love to...

Who do you think is the golfer that has the least amount of followers on their tracker?

I don't know. There's a couple of tough ones. It's probably a rookie who just someone just started.

Yeah.

Thagala? No, that guy's been there.

He's definitely got a tracker.

He's got a tracker for sure. That's just Blutman. Blutman's Thagala? He's just all up in Thagala shit. Yeah, we should get some trackers. A rookie, Jake Knapp. He just won a tournament. He has seven followers. Okay.

The tracker.

Okay, let's get in early.A.

Nap tracker.

He's great. He used to be a nightclub bouncer, and he won a few weeks ago. He was in our feature group for our Barcelo Corn Ferry event, but Jake Nap tracker has seven followers. Get in on it. Yeah. Then the tracker is like when a tracker takes a day off of a tournament, that's illegal. You should be You should be banned from tracking. There was one tracker who was like, I'm going to play 18 this morning, so I won't be able to track. Shut the fuck up. That's your only job. You track. Wait, this dude- That's what you do. You track.

This dude, Jake Nap, was a nightclub bouncer? Yeah. He looks skinny to be a nightclub bouncer, Well, he's Jack.

Body him.

He's got a great swim. Yeah, he's awesome.

You think he had a golf club when he was bouncing? Yeah. He just fucking smashed people. All right, good show. Thanks again to Shane Gillis. Numbers. 40, 8, 20, 77, 3, 18. Where's Pugben? At the vet. At the vet again? At the vet. He really is at the vet again? Yeah. This fucking guy. 65. 65?

65. 65. 65.

65. 65.

Love you guys. All for the grand. It's just love the grand.

Oh, wait, shit.

I don't need no breaks.

I'm talking away.

I don't know what to say, I'll say it anyway. Today's my day to find you shying away.

I'll be coming for your love of cake.

Take on me. Take on me. Take me. Take on me. I'll be good. And I'll take on you. So needless to say.

I've all said it, so found me stumbling away. Sloughly learning the way that I'm.