Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the Sean Ryan show. The next episode. My next guest has the most traumatic childhood story that I have ever heard, not just on this show, out of anyone I have ever spoken with. And the miracle behind this story is that he was able to pull himself out of that trauma. He found the strength to do that, and now he is saving kids all over the world, saving kids from ISIS, saving kids from being trafficked. It's amazing. It is a story that brings a lot of hope and proves that no matter how much trauma you endure, you can pull yourself out of it. Ladies and gentlemen, if you get anything out of these shows, please head over to Apple podcasts and spotify, leave us a review, tell us how we're doing, like comment and subscribe to the channel. And that's right, they're back. So limited releases. If you don't get them today, there'll be more tomorrow. If you don't get them tomorrow, there'll be more the next day. We're trying to get everybody a chance to get a piece of the action, so bear with us. These things are a hot commodity.

And I just want to say thank you in advance, especially to you patrons on our patreon. It's because of you this show goes around and is even apart. Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, please welcome Victor Marks to the Sean Ryan Show. Love you all. Cheers and God bless.

Victor Marks, welcome to the show, man.

It's great to be here.

It's good to have you here. It's been a long time coming. You know, sitting at breakfast with you this morning, I had no idea that we had that many mutual friends and acquaintances in common.

Right.

That's a lot of people.

And there's more. Yeah, I know.

There's got to be. I mean, if you know these guys, then I know the possibilities are endless, but fascinating conversation at breakfast, but let me give you a quick intro here. So, Victor Marks, you're a Christian?

Husband, father, grandpa, author, founder of All.

Things Possible ministries, 7th degree black belt. You have the world's fastest gun disarm, which I'm not going to bullshit you. I was skeptical yeah, of course. Till about five minutes ago downstairs. But we've got a lot of stuff to talk about. I know from what I've gathered, you probably have the most traumatic childhood that I've ever heard of. So what I would like to do is really dive into your childhood, talk about how you overcame all that trauma, how you kind of found faith, and then what you're doing now with your All Things Possible Ministries foundation. And if there's time at the end, I would love to dive into some spiritual warfare stuff because I'm new with that. I'm new with the whole genre, and it's like drinking from a fire hose. I know you have a lot of knowledge when it comes to that, but I got a question for you. Personal question.

Yeah, go.

You're a grandpa.

Yes, I am.

And you're obviously a father if you're a grandpa. So what's more fulfilling to you? Seeing your offspring bring new lives into the world and being a grandpa or being a dad? Or is it even you can even compare that.

I used to ask that question to my friends who were older. I would say, I need to know, what's the difference? And no matter what anybody said, you can't wrap your mind around it. So this is what I can say. When you're a dad, you instantly have that provider protector role. I mean, it kicks into the highest degree. You just go and then when you're holding your first grandbaby, the thought, here's what I felt. I'm looking at this granddaughter. We have five of them now, all granddaughters. And I looked at and I just thought, she's not my child. There's not that connection as a child, and yet I die for her as much as I would my own little children. And that was the connection that I thought. It's just as strong, but it's an absolute different feel. This is my daughter's baby and her husband. But I'll die for this kid. I'll do anything for this kid. So that's how it's been for all five. And it's beautiful. To my wife and I, we've always tried to stay fit. Fitness ready, mission ready, we call it. Now we're like, wow, we got to stay grandparent ready.

Holding these babies and running with them, that's a whole different skill set, man. It's like CrossFitting.

What is it like? Another thing that I want to dive into about and we'll get more in depth as the interview develops, but generational trauma, a lot of people talk about generational trauma. It's really starting to get out there. A lot of people are talking about this. And from what I understand, you come from a long line of generational trauma between your grandpa, your father, your stepfather. You've experienced it. It sounds like that stopped when you had kids. What is it like to be the generation that changes the course of your bloodline?

What great insight, Sean. And I'll tell you, it feels like one of the greatest things you can do. Truly one of the greatest things you can do. And it's not easy, but if a person's determined to say it stops with me, it will. And the best way I know I can tell people is through God's power, because many people are fighting this, but they don't understand there's a real enemy and you can't see them and it's evil. And that's what oftentimes pushes and propels generational, both generational curses and trauma. And until that is addressed, people will really struggle. So we definitely have figured out how to make it stop.

I can't wait to dive into that. I got a guy on my team who you just met and he has experienced a lot of generational trauma. And he's always working on self improvement, and we talk a lot about these kind of things, and he never feels like he's doing enough for his son and his family. And I'm like, look, man, you got to look at where you came from and where you're at today. And I was like, you are the generation that's going to change the trajectory of your entire bloodline. And I told him, I said, what could possibly be more important than changing the entire your trajectory is completely changed now in your bloodline because of what you've done. And I know that really set in, but the reason, the only reason I'm bringing that up is because I want people to understand, like, that's the biggest impact you could have, truly, is just changing the trajectory of your own bloodline.

And while you were in the other room, me and him had a short conversation, and I just said, hey, what's the hardest thing you struggle with in your life? Because those are meaningful questions. Let's just get right down to it. He said, Anger kind of wrath. And for him, and it makes sense to me, he's broken this and he's be a great dad, good husband. But then how do you deal with and process the injustices of your past? Because anger is a secondary emotion, right? But it's a reasonable response.

What do you mean it's a secondary emotion?

Oftentimes anger, you're angry because of something. So the emotion is and like I used to tell young men in prisons, teenagers, kids who are locked up, they all have anger issues. I'm like you should what? I go, yeah, your dad left you. You were abused as a kid by your mother's boyfriends. I said, what other emotion is appropriate? You become psychotic if you're not feeling anger to the injustice. But then what we have to do, what do you do with anger? It doesn't go away. You'll either pull the grenade and swallow it, or you'll pull it and throw it on people. There's no other means for processing anger like that. And when I say secondary, oftentimes it's rejection. Rejection is the mother load of, I think, heartache and pain, which causes anger. A great example is kids who are adopted. I just spent some time with a brilliant attorney. IQ is 172. He's high on the spectrum. I'm like, and we're talking and he's some struggles and he was adopted by a great family. And he goes, no, I let you know this. And I said, you know the most profound thing I ever heard from a kid who was actually locked up, who I'm trying to help.

But he just put this insight. He goes, Mr. Marks, adoption is the only trauma a kid's supposed to be happy and thankful for.

Wow, that's deep, deep.

And that's one of those deep truths learn from pain. So what I think can happen is when a person can't shake anger, wrath, bitterness. And this is what I told your colleague. I said, Young man, if you don't take care of that and get that dealt with, it will make your heart hard. And then you will not be able to give love to those who need it closest to you. And then you won't be able to receive the love that they want to give you because your heart can only take so much. And if part of it starts getting hard and bitter and I've lived that. I remember feeling, why can't I love my wife the way she needs to be loved? Because I had a limit. Part of my heart was just hardened from my past, whether it was anger or trust issues or lies that I believed. And when you believe lies long enough, it becomes a truth, and then that's when you get stuck.

Could you bring that up again later in the interview? Because I want to ask you how.

You it's all part of it.

Yeah, because I have personal interest in that as well. But before we get too heavy, I'm going to lighten it up. Everybody always gets a gift on the show.

What do we got? Gummy bears.

We switched it up. So I'm huge on brain health. So I partnered with Laird Superfoods, and they have a whole line of supplements. But there's coffee in there. There's coffee, there's a performance mushroom blend, and there's a performance mushroom creamer that goes with the functional mushroom coffee. And I'm huge on mental health.

Yeah. Neurotropics part of mental health is fueling.

Your brain the right way. And this stuff will help regenerate.

My bride has actually she drinks the mushroom.

Oh, no kidding.

Yeah, right on. And she's given it to me a few times. Hey, come over here. And I'm like, all right. Interesting. Thank you. Yeah, you're welcome. I'm looking forward to this.

You can just throw that on the floor. But yeah, most of the ingredients are from the US. The only time that they look for other ingredients is if there's something that's a higher quality that's from another country. And so it's the cleanest of ingredients.

Really cool.

Yeah.

Thank you.

But enough about that. Enough about presence. So I want your life story, Victor. I want to start with childhood. Like I said, I think that right now, I think that the most important part of this interview is going to be your childhood and how you overcame that trauma. I could be totally off here because I know there's going to be a lot of surprises. But let's start there. Let's just start where'd you grow up.

Well, and I'll say this for those watching, I will say and share some things, probably, that I never have. And we've thought this through because there's a documentary on my life story. There's a book. I've shared some things, but in the film, the psychologist who I worked with, which was 123 visits, over 923 visits yeah, over nine months. That's what you call intensives. Yeah, I've been on Depicote depotine. Prozac Zolof lithium buspar. I would go to the VA, weekly blood checks, know, psych stuff.

What are you on now? Anything?

Nothing amazing. Yeah. And I never down people for being on meds. I just say it's got to be short term. So I'm on nothing for mental health, which it's a miracle. I mean, I've got all the records. They had me as a bipolar two ultra rapid cycler, so twice a day, and I was the highest risk for suicide. And I have I mean, I've put a pistol in my mouth, ended up in the hospital. But what I want to say is, the psychologist said in the film who worked with me, victor only shares about 10% in this film. And I again thinking through this and praying until there's finally a movie done, which we've had a bunch of different offers for that. I'm going to share some things today because, one, I think you're a great steward of people's lives and stories and you reach so many people and I see God's hand on you, Sean. I mean, I really do. But in saying that, I will tell your listeners and whatnot I will say things that will probably trigger someone that you don't want to remember, things from your past or you get bothered and listen, a trigger that emotionally hits you, it's like a red light on your dash of your vehicle.

It's just telling you you need to have something checked out. So don't look at it as the worst possible thing. Look it as an indicator. Maybe. Some things you have to visit, sit down with someone and do the hard work of working through past issues. But with that said, I never thought I had a story, even when I first started telling it, many years ago, because when you're raised in dysfunction, it is the norm to you. And I've never felt sorry for myself. I've never felt like I was like a victim. I had to actually learn those things in order to get real healing. When I started counseling the first counselor, and it was in adulthood, I started really having troubles and breaks with reality and flashbacks in the middle of the day and anxiety and panic attacks. I was starting to unravel, there was no doubt. But my wife sent me to a counselor and my coping mechanisms were compartmentalization. And you just never touched it, and you always pressed, pressed, pressed. You never stop, you never look back. You push till you get through it. But things started happening in my life where I couldn't spend the plates anymore and the vault got cracked, almost like an earthquake.

And it was something that happened in my life where ooze started coming out. And mentally, I remember trying to shove it back in or it's like a beach ball. You're on the beach, you're trying to keep it submerged and you can only do it for so long, but our behavior tells on us.

Yeah, you brought up an interesting concept that you grew up in that and you thought that was normal. And personally, I've come to the conclusion there is no normal. There's only your perception of what normal is. And your perception of what normal is, is what's going on around you.

Totally agree.

And everything in this country and most of the world is compartmentalized. So if you took a white collar family who thinks that the way you grew up is completely abnormal, if they removed themselves from their bubble and put themselves into I'll just call it poverty, right. If they put themselves in poverty, everybody in that new bubble thinks that they are completely abnormal. And so it's only your perception of what's going on around you that you deem to be normal. I agree. And therefore there is no such thing as normal.

I think normal is a setting on a dryer and that's about it.

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So the first psychologist I went to, someone to help me with, I remember her saying, this is a safe place. You can share. Tell me a little bit about your childhood. And I was completely pissed that my wife made me go. It was one of those begrudging things. So I'm like, what do you want to hear? And I started saying stuff like, yeah, you want to hear? I was tortured. I was tied down, electrocuted, dunked in a tub till I passed out. And I just started laying, and I guess I get graphic within ten minutes, she's weeping. She's, like, sobbing, and I stop, and I'm like, hey, are you okay? I'll never forget I grabbed the tissue box and handed it to her, and I'm like, I think we ought to be done at this point. I'm not sure you're really equipped to handle and she literally couldn't get it together, and I left. And I remember telling my wife, I'll never go to another counselor again. And it was actually many years later before my wife lovingly said, babe, you're starting to become low functioning, and it's got nothing to do with your IQ or your intelligence.

My biological dad had an IQ of 185. And she's like, you're flashbacking your things unraveling when you chase a guy down through three cities, because he almost hit us. He was an 18 wheeler. He almost hit me and my family on a Sunday. He blew through a red light, and I had to stop, and then he flipped me off. So I chased him in three different cities going down the highway called, I think, four different law enforcement agencies. We finally pulled him over, and I remember driving by him slow. They're pulling him out. I'm like, hey, remember me? Back at you. And then we're driving home, and my wife, she just puts her hand on my arm and goes, honey, you know that's not normal, right? And I'm like, what? You almost killed us. The kids are back there reading. So it was those things where my wife said, you got to get help. And then I found the right this is what I call a soul surgeon, because not everybody who's in counseling or has a doctorate or postal digger on their name is gifted to work with people. It may be a profession for them, but we better be very careful when we let somebody start getting into our soul.

And I found an amazing my wife found an amazing gal, and that was the beginning of 123 visits, I guess, ahead.

Good for you, man. Well, let's backtrack yes, let's start at the beginning. You ready to do this?

Yeah.

All right. Where'd you grow up?

Louisiana is where I was born. Lafayette, Louisiana.

Where's that?

It's definitely in Cajun land. Cajunville, southern Louisiana. Kind of swamp country, bayou's. And my mother, she she married a man who had lived in a boy's home for a while. He was an only child, and she had four kids with him, and he had done time in the Navy, and he was a boxer. He had these pugilistic skills, then studied judo and jiu jitsu. He earned his black belt in judo and jiu jitsu in the 50s, became a bouncer for 27 years, and he was a drug dealer and a pimp at one point in his life. So they didn't make it in marriage and were actually divorced. And then they connected one night, and if there was a window in her womb, the night he got her pregnant for me, he ended up shoving rosary rebeads down her throat and put a pistol to her head, and that was it. So I was a leftover, and because of that, my mother had a hard time attaching to me because I represented him as a leftover. So there were times I'd be crying, she said, and she just couldn't pick me up. It was some type of repulsion.

And I get it. I don't hold that against her. But guess what? That messes with a kid's developmental process on attachment issues. And she ended up marrying, I think, six times.

Six times?

Yeah. Legally, six times.

Wow.

And I went to 14 different schools, 17 different houses, but the next guy she married was a known pedophile. The sad part is broken women, broken girls, perverts predators they know, and that's who they go after. And my mother had been abused incestuously by family member when she was a child, and it broke her. So her thinking was never correct. Her processes didn't work, and her value for herself was this was the best she deserved. And unfortunately, the abuse with her didn't stop, but it was transferred to her kids, too. So this man was, and again, I've never said this before, like, ever, but I'm just going to say it. There was a government funded operation called Project Bluebird. It was a different name for the name changed, and it was approaches to help change people's minds, controlling dementia and candidate. It was kind of out of that type of and my stepfather was in counterintelligence in the army, and we know he was trained in that. I would never say that I was a subject of it by government funding, but what we do know is what he did to me was textbook of what they would do to people.

Do you want to expound on what Project Bluebird was?

A little bit, yeah. It was a government funded project to change the behaviors thought processes ultimately to be able to control a person through programming, and it required a handler. And ultimately it was to break a person's mind to create splits, multiple personalities that could be controlled. So shit, I can't believe I'm talking about this. So, yeah, in order leave it. The first memory I have was being tied to a bed. I was about three and a half and by one arm to a bed post. It was in an apartment and he came in and he had a dead cat. And he walked up to me and he said, I want you to cut the head off this cat. And I had been tied to the bed all day, on the bed, off the bed. It was one arm. And I'm just like so he comes in, then fear turns into terror and he says, if you don't cut the head off this cat, it was dead. But he goes, I'll cut your head off. So I grabbed the knife and I remember being terrified. And I think that's the first time my brain split where it literally the pressure and the fear of the trauma, your brain splits in order to still function.

And me as a child went away and then I developed this personality that said, yeah, I'll do it, I don't care. And then I cut the cat's head off. And then he placed the carcass of the cat's body. The guts were out, but he placed it on. I remember blood dripping down. There was some type of ritual that he was doing. It was just the act of it. There was one other person that came in and then I just remember him cutting me loose, put me in the shower to rinse off. We later talked to a head voodoo person out of New Orleans and they explained that in the dark aspect of voodoo, a young virgin boy is the greatest deal to gain power. That's the closest thing I could think of to it. And then he did a process over. I was abused by him for about four years, from three and a half to seven. But some of the things he did, I've never talked about it because I never wanted anybody to ever do things to another kid. But I've been in this space now helping kids and there's just no secrets anymore.

It's just bad people do bad things to kids all the time. So, yeah, I've been electrocuted.

How many brothers and sisters did you grow up with?

There were six of us in our house, so four by one dad, two by another dad. So they were half sisters and it was their dad that our stepfather that did the abuse.

Did he perform the abuse on everyone.

We know? He raped my older sister at I think she was 1112 years old. And because she later spoke of it, one of my brothers through all of this, he called me one time and he's passed away since, but he goes, Victor, I suffered bad things too. And then he hung up, and he wasn't willing to revisit it. So there was abuse. I've never nobody likes to talk about it to this day. My sister, the one that was raped by him, is the only one that actually came on film to share and took a lot of courage for her to do that. So, yeah, it was very systematic. Very systematic. Where I remember being he would either use Velcro or Saran Wrap to hold you in a chair, and he put two wires underneath my legs that were connected to a battery. And then it was back when all they had was the film, they would run through a little projector, and he wanted me to watch a film of a young boy being raped in a jungle. And I'm seeing the images, and I would shut my eyes, shut my eyes, and then he would touch the battery, and it would shock me, which would open my eyes, and I'd see an image and shut it.

And then he'd do it again. And he did that long enough to where you give up your will. And that's the ultimate. You just give up your will and you either split and then after whoever they were, it wasn't him raped this kid. They cut him up with a machete. And my stepfather just said, if you ever tell anybody what I've done to you, we'll do that to you. Brought me to a morgue one time. And this is where pedophilia there are networks. It's the one club that nobody tells on anybody. And that's why the Epstein's List ain't out, because people don't want that. They keep things close. I remember being at a morgue again, wrapped to a chair and watching them dismember a corpse and then watching them burn it. And he's like, if you ever tell anybody, it's reinforcing a fear to keep you quiet. And it works because those are what I call lies based in reality. And those are the hardest ones to ever get over. When he dunked me in a tub till I passed out, and he would do it multiple times. But I remember passing out, waking up on the bathroom floor to him resuscitating me.

And he says, Boy, don't ever forget, I'm the one that gives you life. And he did. He resuscitated me or probably would have died. So as a kid, you can't process that outside of I'm bad, he's good, and it gets all convoluted. But that's the hardest thing for people to work through or when nobody else knows. So you live in silence. You live in fear, and you still suppress all of that stuff. You compartmentalize it, but it never goes away until it's dealt with.

Where was your mom during all this? Was she aware that this was happening?

So because of my mother's abuse and my mother's still alive, and I always. Want to show her honor. I would say that I can't hold her accountable for what she did or didn't know. And it's affected all of us. And I just visited with her the other day and she's still immense. She says, I wish I'd have known. But at one point she did know and some bad things that were happening. And she told me literally like two days ago, she said, you know, I couldn't leave because he threatened to keep the youngest kids, his daughters. And he said, if. She said, if, if I was going to leave, take your kids, but mine stay here. And he said he would abuse them. There's no way she could protect him. So in her flawed thinking and this was before Child Protective Services. So again, I think she would do it different because we all suffered. And the hardest part I remember is when my psychologist asked me, when did it stop? And I remember I just freaked out in that session because I thought we were know, I was doing so much better. And she just goes, Victor, when did it stop?

And it was after he put me in a vehicle, made me lay in the floorboard and drove me to an abandoned house. There was electricity to it because there was a light hanging down. And when we walked in, there was another fella in this little wooden house out in the country, and it was actually in Mississippi and there was a hole cut through the wood floor and then a dirt hole, and it was decently deep. And I hear him talking. I was seven years old. I got a few years of horrible abuse and people who don't understand it. You don't run, you don't tell, because there's no way out. You don't have any control over your life, so you just do. And I hear them discussing. And this guy says, I don't want to do this anymore. And I'm looking at the hole and trust me, enough stuff had happened where I thought, this is the day he's just going to kill me and bury me. And I heard my stepfather tell him, oh, it's okay. No, it's okay. You don't have to do anything. And he had a real smooth, relaxing voice. And when the guy kind of relaxed, my stepfather punched him.

Bam. Knocked him unconscious, drug him to the hole in the floor, sat him up on his knees, handcuffed him, and then he pulled out a pistol. It was a revolver. And he said, come here, boy. You're going to shoot this man. And I remember standing behind him and he placed a pistol in my hand and he raised it to the back of this guy's head and this high. Now this guy's conscious and he's begging me, please don't shoot me. Please don't shoot me. Please don't and I remember I started squeezing the trigger. And I don't know if it was the pounds of pressure and at seven, I couldn't pull the trigger, or this was just so final, and my mind was just like, whichever one it was. My stepfather, he put one hand on my wrist and he put his finger over my trigger finger. And then he pushed and I pulled and I shot the guy in his head and it killed him. He slumped over. He's bleeding out. You know that gurgle sounds when somebody's dying. And he wiped his hand on the blood on the wood floor, and he slapped it in my face and mouth like they do when you kill your first deer.

And he says, Boy, that's your first kill of a man. And he shoved him in the hole and he buried him. And he wrapped the pistol with a handkerchief. And he said, if you ever tell anybody what I've done, he said, I know where this body is. And he said, I'll tell the police. It's your fingerprints on this pistol. And he says, they'll arrest you. They'll put you in prison. And he reminded me of the times he electrocuted me. And he said, they'll electrocute you to death, so don't ever tell anybody. That was the last time he abused me.

That was the last time. How old were you?

Seven. We were with him.

What happened after that?

It was still dark. He made me lay in the back of the vehicle and we drove back to my grandmother's house in the middle of nowhere.

Was there any conversation?

Zero. We never had conversation. That's fear.

When was the next time he spoke to you?

It's probably more directives, like, do this, go over there, that all of us lived in fear. I mean, just sheer terror. He's here, he's pulling up, clean everything up. The only thing I remember, like, conversation was you'd sit in his chair and say, Go get me a beer. You go get him a beer. I know. The night we left him.

Before we get there, who was the man.

In the house? We never found out who he was. My guess, he was maybe a homeless guy. By the way he looked. He looked really disheveled. And knowing my stepfather, he probably paid him and told him, hey, I've got a kid you can use, and then we'll get rid of them.

So he wasn't selected for any particular reason? He was selected because he was an easy target.

I think so.

And the real motive was you?

Yes. The real motive was he was going to die and my stepfather would have me shoot them.

Did law enforcement ever recover the body?

No. It'd be years later before I was willing to even bring it up and talk about it, because, I mean, a lot of crazy stuff happened. It was just stacked.

When is the first time you talked about it? After the incident. How old were you?

I was in my honestly, I was terrified and he was dead. And I was still terrified. And I would have rather been crazy than it to be true. And I tried everything to get away from the truth. We hired a forensic polygraph examiner who came down. I said, I need you to tell me if this stuff is made up. Like maybe somewhere I'm just crazy. And he ran me. He did it three different times, then did a report I never forget. He called me, said, I'm sorry.

Wow.

He'S an officer out of La. Then I talked to the FBI. Then I called. I remember calling the town. It's a little country town, Mendenhall, Mississippi. And I talked to the sheriff, and I said, I know this is going to sound odd, but, man, for my conscious sake, I've got to just tell you what happened. And he's like, sir, it's such a cold case. And same with my friend in the FBI. He goes, Victor, there's so many murders past that nondescript don't know where the house is. He buried them underneath the house. He said, Your stepfather knew what he was doing. Like, yeah. And at least it made me feel better that I told somebody, because I always lived with this guilt. I was always fearful of the cops, always fearful. But there's a lot of people who out there. Bad things have happened to them, and it was done in a way where no one there's no evidence. And that's what keeps a person in such shame and guilt and fear. And I just encourage people when injustices happen, whether they're abuse or the shame is not theirs. The guilt is not theirs. It's the perpetrator.

And that's one of the hardest things people have to learn, because they still carry that. Especially when you're a kid. You can't process it. It gets loaded wrong in the brain of who's really at fault. So it took me becoming an adult to go, oh, my gosh, how messed up was that? And my stepfather used to hold my mom at gunpoint with that pistol. She just told me that a couple of days ago. She goes, there's more than one time. He would just for hours, he'd just sit in a chair and he'd hold a pistol at her and get her to say things that weren't true, get her to denounce God, all evil. Just all evil. And I never forget the first time someone asked me after doing the gun disarm. I had been doing it for years. Somebody asked me to go, what motivated you to get that fast? And I was like, wow, there's a truth seeker right there. I thought I said, I'll tell you. My stepfather sat me in a chair when I was a kid and pulled out that gun, pulled the hammer back, put his finger on the trigger.

I could see the rounds, and he would tap me to the side of my head and he would say, if you ever tell anybody what I've done, I'm going to blow your brains out. I'll put the gun next to you, call the police and say you shot yourself. Playing with my gun. And I remember as a kid, I was seven at the time, so it was before the final incident. But I'll never forget my brain saying, One day, one day I will be so fast, no one will ever be able to hold a gun to me. One day, it sure enough happened.

What was every day like? What was like your daily routine growing up?

Normal. And I use that term in. You get up and go to school. You play with your friends. You make a bike ramp, try to jump it. You go play in the woods. You go hunting. You watch cartoons on Saturday morning and eat cereal, get in, fight with friends. It was normal in the sense of outwardly. You kind of wouldn't know now would weird things happen? Yeah. I mean, playing with a friend. We're going to chase our brothers across the street, and they run first, and me and my friend go to chase them. And I heard a voice say, Stop. So loud, I stopped. He didn't. And a car hit him, broke both of his legs and one of his arms threw him. For would just there would always be something tragic that happened, and it would be consistent enough to where sean I believed for years it was a curse on my life that I would meet people and they would die and it was my fault or people would get hurt, right? I mean, right around it got so bad. It wasn't until I started being worked through. I remember I sat out with a man counselor, and I said, hey, man, bad things happen around me all the time.

It's just weird. I don't know. And he's like, well, do you think are you exaggerating? I said no. You want me to start telling you? It's unbelievable. It's all factual. And I remember we finished that session. I walked out of his office, and right in front of his office, a man and a woman start fighting. And this guy's starting to beat on this woman, screaming. He's like, what? So I have to go over there and smart the guy up. And I never forget after it's done, I'm looking at him as he's looking through the window, and I go, and car accidents, it just always was something. And finally we believe that because, as a friend of mine said in India I was in India helping him super poverty level. He wanted to start an orphanage, and he started in his house, little like 20 x 20 place. And I remember asking him about a kid who had just become an orphan. And I said, what do you tell him? He goes, Victor. Brother, Victor. He goes, Kids who are born in the fire won't be burned by the heat of life. I was like, whoa.

So later in life doesn't matter what happens. I would never get shook, upset. As a matter of fact. The crazier, the incident, the calmer I always became where applying pressure, shooting at someone, moving off an ex, somebody running across a parking lot that just attacked a woman. Everything's slow to me and I'm just like so my wife would say, well, honey, actually, it's kind of a gift now, because if there's chaos, you bring order to it really quick. You're comfortable running toward chaos to bring order? I said, yeah, but sometimes I get tired of it. She goes, Well, I think that's how God redeemed your childhood so you can help people.

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Thank you for listening to the Sean Ryan show. If you haven't already, please take a minute, head over to itunes, and leave The Sean Ryan Show a review. We read every review that comes through, and we really appreciate the support. Thank you. Let's get back to the show. We had a conversation. My reference of time is not the best, so I can't remember if we spoke about this 20 minutes ago, or if that was downstairs when we were prepping for the interview, or if it was at breakfast, but we had a conversation about it was here. It was in the interview. We had a conversation about women who are abused.

Yes.

And abusers. They're attracted to this. It becomes generational.

Yes.

And it happens over and over and over and over. And it's no secret. I have some of this in parts of my family. A lot of friends have been through abuse and a lot of people on the show that have been through abuse. But you were also abused, I believe, by a neighbor, if I remember correctly.

Yeah.

Can you go into that as well?

Well, I do believe that when a kid is compromised, just on a psychological level, predators can tell. They see the signs. Absent father, insecure. And for me, I was playing again, it was in Mississippi. I was playing by myself, running around the woods. And then I got by the chicken houses, and this neighbor guy comes up and he sees me, and I was making country boys. I get it. Corn cob. You stick feathers, chicken feathers in it, and you throw it and early birds down. It's a poor kids toy, and it never runs out of batteries, though. And he called me there. And he said, Come here. I want to show you something in this building. And it was a small building where they had a cooler and where they'd put chicken stuff. And he pulls me in there. So he goes to abuse me. And I never forget, he goes, this is what you're going to do. And I just remember, like, I can't do this anymore. I'd rather die today. I don't want to be abused anymore. And he wasn't right in the head. You could tell he was like, inbred he was because he was an adult child, adult man living with his parents.

And he said, I'll kill you. And I was like, I just don't care at this point. So he actually how old are you? I was five.

Five years old?

Yeah. So he shoves me in this cooler, and I think his thinking was he'll freeze to death.

Like a freezer.

Well, it was a commercial cooler, but I'm in shorts and like a little tank top. Okay, it's middle of the summer, but it's early morning. But again, his mind it's a cooler. Let him die in there. So he shows me in there. I'm fighting him. He shows me in there and locks it. And I stayed in there all day, all day to near the end of the day, and I passed out. And I remember thinking and I really don't say this much, but I do remember there was a figure left of me because I was sitting on these crates, these pallets, a couple of pallets stacked up. And I remember rocking back and forth. I could hear the cooler blowing in, just blowing cold. And it was pitch black. But I'll never forget this very felt presence, and it made me calm. And I remember thinking, I guess I'm going to die today. And I passed out. And I think it was an angel, because I do believe angels can manifest themselves who they're called to protect. But I'll never forget, I felt peace. Felt peace, anger, terror, all that. But the last stage was just like, wow, okay.

And then I woke up to being carried back. They were running to the house, and they were shaking me, and they actually were screaming at me, saying, why did you get in there? You're never supposed to go in there. Why would you? And they looked for me when I didn't come home in the woods, they checked the pond up. They thought maybe I was bit by snake. And then they found that little toy, and then they went into the thing, and thank God they opened up the cooler because they saw somebody had locked it. And thank God they did. So they ran me up and wrapped me in a towel. It took me a while to become lucid. And I'm trying to talk, and then I'm shaking because I have hypothermia. And to this day, I can't get any type of cold air on the tips of my ears, man. I'm like, I don't care. But I remember them yelling at me, going, what are you doing? I told him. I told him and my family, and this is what's bizarre. Just a handful of guys went to his house. It was right there. Kicked in the screen door.

The dad was real skinny. The mother was super heavy, like a bad movie. And they beat him in his house. They beat the fire out of him, drug him outside. The dad never tried to stop him. Then they hog tied him and hooked him behind a tractor and drug him. They drugged him behind my mama's house. And then they threw a rope over a pecan tree limb and hung him. They tied a noose around his neck, hung him until he passed out and they cut him down. They left him there. And he didn't die then, but he later did die from that. They didn't say it was from that. They said it was from a bad heart. So it was interesting. And again, there's some very strange stuff in my story, but in that little group of guys, the oldest was 13, and later in life in my called him because he's a country cousin. We're not blood related. I called him. I hadn't talked to him in decades. And I said, hey, and he's a prominent attorney, and he's a good Christian man, but prominent attorney. I said, hey, do you remember when I had to explain?

He goes, yeah, have you told anybody about that? I'm like, yeah, it's in a book. I'm coming out or whatever. I said, yeah, I'm trying to work through telling my story. He's like, Just please don't put my name I said, but was I correct? It was just you all because I wasn't coherent and this is what you all did? He goes, yeah, it's exactly what happened. I said good night. Yeah. They call that country justice. And later and I put it in my documentary, I went back to the little cooler building, wasn't there, but the concrete slab was. And I stood on it. I had never gone back since I was a kid. And then I found the tree. The pecan tree was still there. And I remember it had a distinct we call it a hanging limb. It was still there. I couldn't believe it. They filmed it. I was like, Holy smokes, man.

What did that feel like?

It was terrifying and then freeing. It was terrifying because you remember all the bad things that happen out there, and you still think a monster is going to come out from under a rock or dang. But then it was freeing. Then you're just grateful. You're grateful that God can redeem the worst types of evil. And I say it. I mean, at my age right now, you know.

That'S an interesting thought to have after all you had experienced. Was there sexual abuse as well? Before that happened, with the cooler.

With that particular fella?

Yes.

No. There were sexual things going on. It would be considered molestation, but there wasn't. Stop at that.

But not with that individual. You had mentioned that you felt it's amazing that God can redeem the worst of people. Did he redeem that man? Did he redeem your father or who are you speaking about?

He redeemed my life.

Well, I don't consider you the worst of people. I don't know anything other than call what you've been through than the victim.

Yes, I'm speaking of God can redeem in a person's life what evil has done to you.

Okay.

That'S miraculous, because you can't stop evil. It's going to happen. But he can redeem the worst things that happen to people. That's what actually just sometimes blows me away. I'm like, how are you going to redeem this girl who I just rescued? Our team recovered, and now we're giving surgery to her because the guy cut her hand off and he threw battery acid in her, and we've got guns protecting her in a hospital in Southeast Asia. How do you redeem this? And he does where she survives. She comes to faith out of being loved and protected and learning the truth of God's word. And now she's on staff with us helping girls who've been raped. Our last one was four years old, being sold to foreigners, and with one hand missing, which we got our prosthesis, she's taking girls in and she's showing them love. And I just go, wow. And she actually said this. She said I was dead before that even happened. I didn't ever become alive till after I come to faith. Because people who do get healed of stuff, you still need the hope of eternity. You still need the hope that justice will be served for evil people, or else you just live with this bitterness or this being driven to get revenge.

Were you able to compartmentalize any of this as a child, the abuse from the rest of your life?

Yes.

How did you do that?

It's not hard.

Drugs, alcohol.

I think if your mind splits, then each split compartmentalizes certain aspects of the abuse, and you don't access that. It just stays over here. So you forget, and then you put it in a vault, and then you stay away from things that might trigger it. So you don't ever watch things about abuse or certain things you just stay away from. But when the teenage years hit, then you start realizing in a different way what you do know that happened to you, how wrong it was. So you do now you start working with coping mechanisms, alcohol, drugs. I started using drugs in the 6th grade, and I remember thinking, I'm not trying to be cool. I love this because, man, it makes all that stuff go further and further away and even helps me with the stressors right now as a teenager, what kind of drugs? Of course, it start out with pot, then moved into mushrooms, the cannon fields. So psychedelics, acid, cocaine. Alcohol was actually really alcohol kind of got a hold of me because it was an acceptable form of coping within the family. And it was just then it was fighting anger because you'd explode.

And I wasn't a good fighter. I just was crazy. I mean, the crazy side would come out. I remember one time, this dude, he gets up at my crawl. He start telling what he's going to do to me. He's a big guy. Everybody's looking. I just said, really? Well, you ever been locked in a cooler as a kid? I have. So tell me when I'm supposed to get scared because my fear meter is broken. People like you, I ain't got no fear, and you will have to kill me. I remember I was on acid too. And he started backpedaling real quick. He was like, hey, man, I just wanted to fight. I didn't want to get you going to fight Mr. Crazy with a K, not a Civic. You pivot toward excellence. Some people do. Some people don't get past the Depression. And so excellence was important to me, and that's why I joined the Marine Corps. And it was like, okay, Marine Corps, this will be good. And my era was my guys and mentors were out of Vietnam.

Well, before we get into the Marine Corps before we get into the Marine Corps, what was the conversation between you, your mother and your anybody? Did you guys talk about what?

Never.

Nothing?

No.

Were you aware of what was happening to your siblings and your mother or did all this.

You knew some things. Like, as kids, he'd make us sit on the couch and he'd take one kid in the bedroom and beat them, beat them with a belt until you just hear him screaming. Screaming. And there were long, horrible beatings. And he would say, Anybody else want to lie? Anybody? And you're just my mother never stood up for us. She's petrified because she had horrible things happen under her behind closed doors. So to this day, we don't talk about it. If some family members get high or something or drunk or maybe there'll be a moment my brother, who was one of my best friends before he passed away, we would talk about it. We would talk about it. And he would just you know, so we would feel sane. And that felt good. But you bring up with my mom, she starts to collapse emotionally, literally. Just I can't. I can't. And yeah, it's just all taboo.

When did you discover that your stepfather was involved in Project Bluebird?

I was speaking at an event, and it was early on when I started sharing my story.

40S earlier 30s?

Yeah, it was in my 30s, late 30s, because I share it. And then after that, I kind of backed off there was one time I shared a few things, and then I get a phone call from a lady retired, of the NSA, and she said, hey, you said a few things tonight that I think you should be aware of. And I'm like, yeah. She explained who she was, and I found out who she was, and she goes, I think you should research a thing called project bluebird for your own personal mental health to understand maybe there were some things that happened to you that fell in line with kind of this approach. I was like, okay, what's it called? She told me. Then I researched it. I'll never forget reading some of the techniques and approaches and outcomes. I remember just my eyes were leaking. Just my insides were just being twisted. I'm like, oh, my gosh. And it was in a time period. It fit the time period. And I remember thinking, a visit with her after this. I said, what do I do with this information? She goes, nothing. She goes, be very careful who you talk to about it.

The general public's not ready to believe some of this, even though it's all declassified. And there's ample I mean, it was congressional hearings. And she goes, but she goes, I'm only letting you know because for your own mental health, because I don't want you to struggle. You can reach a lot of people. So she said, be careful who you tell. And it's been years now, a couple of decades, and we live in a different culture and environment now. Things have changed so much. Like, back then, we could never imagine a teenager cutting their breast off to become a guy. We couldn't imagine a doctor wanting to prescribe hormone blockers because someone says, I'm not who I feel. Everything's extreme now. And I'm like, it's declassified. There's people being abused, and I see it all over the world. I'm like and I never have I've never thought I've had the most extreme case of child abuse. Never. Because everybody's pain is relative, and that's what I do know. A person can be so wounded by just a father telling them, you'll never amount to anything, or you are a mistake, or just one word can create a wound so deep in a young person's heart that it's the same pain I feel.

It's the same pain I feel at the same level of my years of abuse. What I tell people the consequences are different, though. That's the difference. Pain is the same. The consequences are different.

Going back, knowing what you know now, is there anything the reason I'm asking this is not to we've already revisited it. Reason I'm asking is because you're not the only one that this has happened to, and you're not going to be the last, right? For people that are watching this, who have been through that or are going to go through that, or are going through that, is there anything that. You think you could have done as a child that would have changed the course?

That's a great question. During that time period, the early 70s? No. The situation we were in, the inability for my mother to provide protector. No. I think today, if somebody's in it, if there's a young person who's being abused in any way, I think they have a much better chance at help because of where our culture has come to fight against it by calling the police, telling a teacher, tell someone, and there's far more greater resources. I mean, no one talked about trafficking back then or abuse. And, you know, my stepfather brought me to a doctor's office one night, and other people abused me. So as a kid, am I going to tell a doctor? I don't trust anybody. I remember me and a girl being in a house where it looked like they were having a party, but it was dark, it was weird. And us being put in a coffin in the living room, them closing it, them being brought to a bedroom. And as a kid, you just remember this. It was a cloth, and it didn't smell. He put it on you, and then you're out. And I remember seeing the girl being abused by people coming in and thinking, the one thing I'll never forget is her eyes.

I remember her looking at me. Man, she was just gone. Her soul left her body. That's the one image I've never been able to get out of my mind. Man, we were young, six. She had dark hair. She's just a little girl, but people were using her. So pedophilia and these are networks, they've always been around. Perverts have been around since the beginning. But I would tell people, and I tell kids, tell someone, keep telling people, because the biggest thing you take a survey of victims, the biggest thing is they don't believe. Anybody will believe them, because fear is always reinforced with abuse. It is part of the methodology to keep a victim quiet, and they'll kill you, they'll kill your family. And one out of three girls will be abused before she's 18. One out of five boys. This is the epidemic that's quiet, and it's so pervasive. And I've said this, and I'll say it right here. What the United States with the culture, what people don't really realize, is the big play for the perversion people in that world is to legalize pedophilia. That's the goal, and it's coming. It's not the LGBTQ trans.

That's all preparatory. It's almost like just drop an ordinance to soften everything up, to make people not shocked anymore. Legally, legislatively, culturally. They want pedophilia to be accepted. That's the play.

I know, you're right. We've covered it several times on this show and given multiple examples of some of the legislation that's being passed and brushed over, and it's spreading. It's in multiple states now, but yeah, I know, you're right.

Yeah, the other thing I would tell adult survivors is, don't lose hope. And again, the shame isn't yours, the guilt's not yours. And even siblings who would hear someone they love being abused and they couldn't do anything. I've worked with so many men who are just like, I couldn't stop it. I couldn't stop it. And they joined the military and want to go kill people. They're transferring their anger and like man. So to make sense of it all, that's why we have to talk about the spiritual realm. But also, and this is the hardest thing I've ever done, this, and it's probably been the most important. Sean I tell people I love weapons from wanting to be one, to use them. The best weapon I've ever used for my soul is forgiveness. And we have to define it. We as a culture don't really know what forgiveness is. The best definition I can give is forgiveness is giving up your right to hurt someone back for hurting you.

I've never heard of it put like that.

We're not minimizing the offense. We're not giving people a pass. We're not saying, oh, it's okay. No, that person is guilty, dead to rights. We're not navigating around justice because there are some people I've forgiven, and even for abuse for someone else. But there's a justice piece. There's consequences for your actions. There are people that I can forgive, but they wouldn't be allowed on my property because there's zero trust. Forgiveness doesn't mean reconciliation sometimes. But forgiveness has given up our right to hurt someone back for hurting us.

I struggle a lot with forgiveness, of course, and, you know, I don't it's it's hard to let things go. But what I am realizing is that forgiveness is for you. Because the person you're forgiving probably doesn't really give a shit if you forgive them or not. It's the internal rage that goes away when you do learn how to forgive. And I don't know what the recipe is other than time.

Well, there's different. Can I share my absolutely hardest person I ever had to forgive?

Yes, please do.

My stepfather. It was later in life, and I was traveling, speaking. I used to work for a Dr. James Dobson, who he is an OG legend on family psychology. I mean, there's no one out there that has been better than him. He was the early Peterson. Seventy s. Eighty s. But I worked with him. He was a boss, then he became a mentor, then he became a friend. And he's actually still alive. He's in his 80s. I'm speaking next month for an event with him. But I was traveling for him, and I passed through this little town in Mississippi, and I was like, this is how compartmentalization works. I'm driving through this little town called Hattiesburg, Mississippi, and I went, oh, my gosh. This is where we lived. This is where we escaped from him. And I was like, oh, my gosh. And then I felt God's spirit bring me peace and say, you need to find him and just visit with like and I know he was still alive. He went to prison, and he escaped a federal penitentiary in the state of Alabama, fled the country. He was never caught. They end up years later, he turned himself back in, did his time.

So I called my half sister and I said, hey, is your dad in the Sarah? She goes, yeah. She's like, you going to see him? I said, I feel like God wants me to. So got his information. He was living in a little trailer on a river, poor as everything. This is a guy who had wealth before, was in the he was in the oil and gas business. And then his brother was a prominent attorney in Jackson, Mississippi. So he wasn't I mean, to give people a visual, he was a learned, educated man, degreed, did counterintelligence. His favorite read was Hemingway, and he was the pedophile. So I went and found him. I knocked on his door. He opened this little trailer door. He was shocked because I wasn't this kid anymore. I was a full grown man. How old were you that time? I was in my 30s, like late thirty s and I mean dialed in.

How much time had lapsed since you'd seen him last?

Oh, I would say 20 years. Yeah, 20 years since I'd seen him, I believe. And so he's like, hey, what are you doing here? I just felt like I was supposed to come visit you. And instantly poured a drink. And he had done his time. He had actually had open heart surgery. I could see a scar. Fresh. Like really fresh. And you know what he tried to do right away? He tried to intimidate me.

Really?

This man's like 70 now. And he goes, you know how easy it is to kill a man with a wire, Victor? Because remember the cadaver he's like, cutting the Cadaver's head off. So I know he's trying to trigger me, and I'm like and he tries to say a couple of things, and then I'm standing in his house by a wall. He has, like, a basketball. He grabs it and he fires it at my head. I never forget, he's just foaming, and he goes, boom. I'm like, look here, I ain't no kid anymore. I don't know what you're trying I'm a full grown ass man, marine, master, martial arts. I'm like, Man, I could make you go away, so stop with all the head trips. And that doesn't work for me anymore. I was thinking I'll unzip you, push you in that river, and I guarantee you, no one with our history, no one would have blamed me, especially in that area. They probably never would have pressed charges. But again, I could feel like God's spirit on me. That's what's supernatural about all this. Because there are some people you can't forgive. Emotionally, rationally, it's impossible.

He's one of them. But that's a supernatural when you know how much you've been forgiven by God, and he's just like, just be willing to give up your right to hurt him back for hurting you. Just be willing, and I'll give you the power. I'll give you the supernatural strength. So the conversation didn't go great. I ended up this I ended up giving him $100 because I felt like God's spirit told me, give him money. I'm like, I got a young family. This $100 in my pocket I literally need for diapers and milk. And again. Now I'm resisting God's spirit. What I believe is God's spirit to obey. I'm like, oh, my gosh. I took out the mindset. It's for you. He goes, Boy, you don't owe me nothing. And I mean, I was already, like, ready to explode. I'm like, I never said I owed you anything. God told me to give this to you. So here. And then this little moment happened. He goes, Boy, I didn't know I was going to eat tonight. I'll be honest with you. I ain't got no money, and I'm still mad. I'm like, well, apparently God loves you enough where he sends me someone you've done bad things to, and I don't even like you.

He sends me to make sure you get fed. And he was just quiet. And then I left. I literally am just done a few months pass, and one of my sisters calls me and says, hey, Dad's dying. I called him dad. He wasn't my biological dad, but I thought he was. My mom didn't tell me he wasn't my real dad till I was, like, six or seven. And she goes, if you want to see him, it'd probably be important. So I drove to her house. He was on the floor in the bathroom, sean on the floor in his boxers. He couldn't get up. He had been sick, but he'd never gone to the doctor. His health was failing. And I walk in. I look at him. I'm like he looked up at me, and he goes, Go ahead, boy. Do what you got to do. He knew anything I wanted to do to him, I could, and he deserved it. I said, I'm not going to waste my time up in your ass, old man. I'm just looking like, you're pathetic. This is what your life has come to, this. And my sister know he's got an appointment at the VA for me to check him in.

So we end up rolling him into a blanket. He couldn't get up. He couldn't crawl. Put him in the van, drove him there. And I was next to him when the doctor came in from the test results, and he's like, Your body's riddled with cancer. He goes, you might have two weeks left. I'll never forget the only time I've seen him, like, cry. He had tear come out, and he never was sick his entire life. Nothing ever affected him. He had a broken wrist one time from punching a dude. That was it. And God spirit told me, you need to read scripture to him. I'm like, wow. I told my bride, I said, Babe, what do you think? She goes, It's God Almighty. If his spirit is speaking to you, obey him. Victor. So I went to the hospital next day and said, hey, dad. And I'm still mad. And again, there's nothing wrong with being mad. It's a secondary emotion, this anger. It's like I should be mad. You're an absolute pedophile that abused and tortured me. And I said, hey, you're dying. And according to Scripture, you're going to hell. No ifs, ands or buts.

You're dying. You have rejected Christ, you know about him, but you're going to go to hell. And I said, do you mind if I read scripture to you about the cross? And like your only hope out. He goes, Go ahead, boy, I don't care. Whatever you want to do. So I sat on the chair, I started reading Scriptures, which is the only truth for everything life and living, in my opinion. And I'd come in every day, read scriptures. And then one night I woke up about four in the morning. Unbelievable feeling inside of me. Unbelievable where I get out of the bed, kneel down, and I start praying for him to come to faith, for him to be forgiven by God, because I really realize how real hell is. And that's when I knew my forgiveness for him was real. I didn't want him to go to hell. And I mean, again, doesn't mean that I have to like him or invite him over if he ever lived. But my wife got out of the bed, she kneeled next to me. We prayed and I actually wept for him. And I went in the next day, I walked in the room and he has a new nurse.

And he's laying there and he doesn't have long. He said, hey, nurse, this is my son. He said, I'm proud of him. He said, he became kind of like a preacher. He goes, he's been worried about me in my eternity, but he doesn't have to worry anymore. I made it right with God last night. And it was such a holy moment. This nurse actually backed out of the room, didn't even turn her back. She just slowly backed out. And then I went, I can't believe I'm hearing this. And I said, God, now I know why you brought me back into his life. Because he knew you could forgive people. He just didn't believe you could forgive him. So you brought back into his life someone that he had hurt so bad and he had been so evil to. And now your love through me is showing him you can be forgiven. And then I knew I was done right then. I knew I was done. I just said, Lord, what do you want me to tell him? What do you want my last words to be? Because now I'm released. I'm done. And I felt like God's spirit said, Tell him you love him.

I walked over to him, I said, dad, I love you. And he turned, and he looked at me the first time I ever heard this in my life. He said, Boy, I love you too. Not a touch, not a hug, not another word. I turned and walked out. And then he died. And you know what? Like you said earlier, yes, he got set free. But I'm the one that got set free. No longer did I have to give a piece of my heart for hating this man. That part of my heart that had been hard for years. Now I had real estate in my heart to give to my wife, to give to my kids, to both give love and receive love. And that's the power of forgiveness.

That is maybe the most powerful thing I've heard in this room. Thank you for sharing that. Let's take a quick break. Next on The Sean Ryan Show.

The night we left was a night that he came home drunk. My mother grabs us and the kids who were there. We ran into the back room and then ran into a closet like we're hiding. And our doors cracked so we can see and just intense. Gosh, it was intense. And he started saying, Where are you all? Where are you? You better come out.

It sounds like everybody around you in your childhood had some type of generational trauma.

I know this. God made us to heal. He made the mind to heal. The name of our organization is with God, all things are possible.